Work Text:
Jimin would admit he is madly deeply in love with Yoongi.
Though too denial when he's around or the other members he can't resist himself falling deeper for Yoongi with even the slightest things he'll do. His words became contradictory to what he does, and an eye have caught him too well to even deny the obvious fact of gazing at the elder during dance practices and he thought his eyes depicted a lovesick heart shaped eyes right there and then.
"You like Yoongi-hyung, Chim?" Taehyung confronted him after everyone left the studio that day.
Caught red-handed, his flustered cheeks can't avoid the accusation nor deny it. Instead, he slowly nods, head hang low as too afraid at his best friend's reaction. He heard him chuckle, his voice deep and ruffled his hair to an absolute mess, though his smile never reached his ears and his eyes tells otherwise of what his lips have muttered.
"I'm happy for you."
Today, Jimin have found some spare time between practices and recording to put all dedication and effort to his first lunch box made just for Yoongi. The elder was quite busy producing song for Suran noona, a colleague of Yoongi– the singer who have sang one of the elder's song in his mixtape. He have also spent all his vacation helping out the singer, choosing his passion than going home to Daegu.
It left Jimin a tiny prick to his heart, an unwanted feeling arose deep within him but he thought, just be happy that Yoongi have once again proved himself talented and now proclaimed not just an idol but a producer.
So to express himself through actions, he left the dance studio early and barged into their dorm to prepare a lunch box for Yoongi, cooking it with all his heart and maybe, the elder can feel his sincerity in it.
Before he packed it safely on his bag, he realized he haven't told the elder beforehand that he was going to his studio. With his utmost enthusiasm, he fiddled with his phone and called Yoongi without hesitation.
Few rings have passed and the elder finally answered the call. "Hyung," Jimin muses, voice contoured with control as if to hide his happiness.
"Why'd you call, Jiminie? Is there any problem?" Yoongi replies, voice trailed with concern. The background noise was too obvious of hardwork in music, the hard press of keys and the faint voice of Suran barely audible.
"No, not at all, hyung. I'm just wondering if I can come to your studio right now? I bought some food." Jimin with his fingers crossed waited for the elder's reply, and he just wished he didn't expect too much for the answer he wanted.
"I'm sorry, Jimin. Suran noona and I are still busy producing the song– Yoongi-ah, let's eat the foods that I've brought!"
And Jimin tries his best not to grip his phone hard before its crumpled in his hands as his eyes started to sting. With the tiny bit courage and an effort to talk without stammering, he forced himself to smile and retorts.
"I guess maybe next time, hyung. I'm hanging up now, dance practice is about to start again." without waiting for any reply, Jimin ended the call as a warm tear just fell off his cheek.
He doesn't want your company, that was indeed the obvious indication of Yoongi rejecting Jimin. He'll be more happy to eat with Suran's food than his.
"I'm home," a deep calming voice greets him, his streaming tears still won't stop falling. Jimin angrily wiped the tears away before Taehyung could see but it was useless when his friend looked at him with concern.
"Is practice already over?" Jimin spoke diverting Taehyung's worried face off him. Tae seemed to get what Jimin was forcedly implying as he just nod and spared his questions all to himself.
"Hoseok-hyung called it a day since he'll begin to prepare for Festa." Jimin nods at the response, the tears have already dissipated.
The younger trudges to the kitchen and sat on the counter, the lunch box in front of him, cold and untouched. His expression doesn't seem to emit any sign of curiosity or urge to question Jimin at all. Instead he grabbed some chopsticks and started to eat the intended lunch for the elder. Jimin just stood still looking at Taehyung, not a single cell moved to stop his friend from eating, because he knew his friend knows everything and again his tears rolled down. The thought of Taehyung saving him eases the growing pain at least.
"Jimin." Taehyung calls out. The tears in Jimin's eyes may blur his sight but the sight of his best friend's eyes, mirroring his hurt and the look of worrying made it harder for him to hold his tears back. "Come here,"
He complied soon as Taehyung have blurted out the words. His voice a deep call for home, his eyes never left Jimin's and he himself was what Jimin needed. When he was near of reach, Taehyung have held his chopsticks up and made Jimin eat his own cooking before he could hug his friend for comfort.
Jimin halted as to chew the food he have made and Taehyung just smiled at him, his box smile felt like a spell to stop him from crying. And he felt he mirrored it as a smile just creep into his lips.
"See, your lunch wasn't that bad."
The mood was lighten in an instant, giggle soon bloom out from Jimin's lips. He wouldn't know what to do if Taehyung didn't come.
"Thank you, Tae." Jimin wrapped his arms around Tae's neck, the warmth from his best friend comforting at the same time he felt he's safe when he's around.
"For as long as I see you cry, I'll be the source of your happiness," Tae whispers, lacing his arms around Jimin's waist holding him tight. Jimin halted, his best friend's words carries a feeling he can't decipher, words weigh much to what was actually have spoken.
His thoughts suddenly flew away when the younger chuckled, pulled away from the hug and tousled his hair like he always does. "at least."
The following days went as terrible as Jimin's unwanted jealously growing over nothing. Everyday Yoongi would leave early to help out with the production for Suran and he guess it'll be until the release. Jimin should feel happy like everyone else but can't do himself a favor to cover up his smug and tightness of his jaw when the slightest mention of those two were brought into a topic.
Just when the song have publicly released, it intensified the boiling feeling inside of Jimin. The news were from left to right, and whenever Jimin will go, he can't escape the fact that Suran and Yoongi are now making a hit, a headline to every news and a fanbase of their shipper. Endearment were made as Sugar (seoltang) and Poached egg (suran) by fans and Jimin swear he's keeping his sanity with his best as his tolerance already on thin line.
Jimin was too tired to cry over and over as the two soar high with their achievement. He's guilty that he can't come to be proud of what Yoongi have done, his childish feeling just kept getting bigger as the time passes by.
"Jimin there's a space between you and Yoongi-hyung. Have you forgot about the routine already?"
And for the fifth time this day, Hoseok scolded him again, he's the reason why Spring Day was played on repeat and practiced five times when it was supposed to be a review dance for their last performance in Inkigayo.
"Sorry, hyung, I keep on spacing out." he then again apologized, the thoughts kept running at times when he needed to concentrate and get this over with. His agony prolonged when all he wanted to do is end this emotional torture so he can already release his tears that threatened to spill minutes ago when he met Yoongi's gaze.
The practice began again and this time Jimin swears this is the last try, all attention focused on his dancing. He seemed emotionless about it and never bothered to look at Yoongi in the eye, though he have seen the elder glance at him through the mirror and his strong built facade soon destroyed when the song was already at end chorus for the first verse.
Jimin leaned against Yoongi's back like before, lip synching his lines as he wishes he could pull it off til this part ends. He was near successful on his self restraint but Yoongi muttered quietly akin to a whisper, words that should've been his rap lines instead of words Jimin have feared to listen.
"Let's talk after this."
And he just wished the practice have never ended.
But that'll never happened.
Once the practice was over Yoongi repeated what he said a while ago to Jimin. Before he could even protest, the serious underlying tone in his voice that was sharp enough to make Jimin stand up from where he seat and just looked at the others with a pleading gaze to help him and he wouldn't forget the gaze Taehyung gave to Yoongi rather than to him. His face frowning, eyebrows nearly knitted. His jaw clenched tight as his stare, deep and unthreaten to falter.
They left the practice room without any word from the members. Yoongi guided the way out as to where they are about to converse. Jimin on the other hand didn't think it was necessary to go farther when all they need to do is talk.
"We can just talk right here right now, hyung." Jimin finally said between hesitations and Yoongi glances at him, his expression unreadable. He deeply sighed and his face already soften, "Are you still mad at me, Jimin?"
I am, definitely. "Why would I, hyung?" and Jimin didn't know where he have mustered the courage to face Yoongi with a smile on his face even in the brick of crying and the will to lie even though all he wanted was to rant his feeling right now, to ease his pain and to never suffer of his bottled feeling for him.
"Because of the phone–" Jimin already cut him off before the memory of it flash again and pull him to his breakdown right in front of the man he love.
"It's okay, Yoongi-hyung. The foods I brought didn't go to waste anyway, so it's fine, really." Liar.
And though Yoongi was hesitant about it, he nodded. "But still, I'm sorry, Jiminie."
And all Jimin replied was a smile, with his utmost effort to appear genuine and his utmost strength to not crumbled down in tears.
They both went back to the dance studio like nothing happened, Tae had his eyes all worried as he stands up and walked towards his direction. The members were all in their own business to notice they're back.
The younger grabbed his hand and walked out of the dance practice, "We're on our way to the music show for recording." Taehyung answers the question kept silent in Jimin's mouth. He nods, and let his best friend take him to where he wants. "And at least hold your tears til we're finished, you don't want Armys to be worried."
And Taehyung's smile have made the urge to cry at halt again, as it reflects on Jimin's, his lips grace into smile but never reached to his ear.
And like Taehyung have said he held his tears til the promotion ended and until they went back home. Jimin didn't cry though, as he fell asleep too fast from exhaustion. Thankful enough for the mishap that he wasn't able to meet any members' attention or a time he'll listen to Yoongi being the topic of any conversation.
Not long before he have energized back to life, the exhaustion gone and suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, maybe early morning he assumes. Everyone was already asleep as he peeked through every room his hyungs and Jungkook resides. When he went to Taehyung's room, the room was empty, his friend never left a trace when his bed was still cold bare of any warmth from the younger.
It was already quarter to four in the morning and Taehyung wouldn't be out in this hour, unless the younger just decided to go for a walk in such early day. Before Jimin left the dorm, he made sure to wear that could make him feel warm from the cool breeze of the morning.
In the hopes of finding Taehyung in wherever Jimin's feet will lead him, he didn't expect himself to find the younger easily when he have just started his search.
Taehyung was seating on one bench at the park few blocks away from their home. His brunette locks sways with the morning air, his skin flicker with the glow of the moon, slowly setting. His eyes were looking at the sky with awe, few stars have stayed to dust the sky brightly. It was for the long time Jimin have comprehend how ethereal Taehyung really looks like and how stupid he is for only appreciating it just now.
His looks were just not admirable but also his kind heart and his soul of passion and perseverance. He is lucky to have a man like him in his life, a savior to help you in need, an ear open to listen and shoulder to cry on. And as if the mention of cry in his mind have triggered his tears to finally pour after keeping it at bay.
The younger left his gaze off the sky and now met Jimin's tearing gaze. He immediately stands up from his seat and cradle him in his arm. "You really found me just to cry on my shoulder, do you?" Taehyung chortled drawing soft circles on Jimin's back. "I can cry after everything's done, you said."
At Jimin's remark made Taehyung laugh with his heart, the sound more comforting than offending. Jimin have stopped his tears now just staring at the younger, his visuals popping out good genes from his eyes down to his chin and he have never expect freckles could be this attractive on someone's face. Jimin met Taehyung's eyes, dark, piercing but he finds solace in it.
Jimin closed his eyes and feels the breeze touching his face, the moment so calm he'll do anything to make it last a little longer. With his hand placed safely on Tae's chest as the younger wrapped his arms around him, he suddenly wondered. "Would you still be the source of my happiness if I stopped crying?" He suddenly chimed breaking the silence. The younger smiled, his eyes never left Jimin's.
"I will if you allow me to," Jimin's smile grew wide, his heart flutters all of a sudden. He just giggled ignoring the sudden feeling.
"Then you'll be the light to my darkness, the sun and the moon, the stars that made me shine brighter and my happiness rune."
-
Preparation for Festa was starting to get them busy. Namjoon had called for a meeting between the members first before telling the management of the things they'll show for the fans. They all gathered up during breakfast, though most of them are still half asleep, Namjoon didn't waste the opportunity of them finally all together to already started up the meeting.
They have divided themselves into three groups, composed of Namjoon and Taehyung as group R&V. Jin roommates with Yoongi teamed up as Sin and the dance line Hoseok, Jungkook and himself as 3J.
"Like old tradition, we have to prepare something from June 1st til June 13th. Tae and I already collaborated for a song." Namjoon announced as he lace his arm on Tae's shoulder, smiling.
"PD-nim have suggested to make So Far Away cover and perhaps I can finally correct few mistakes on the lyrics." Yoongi stated while slurping up cereal on his bowl, eyes still half closed. The cute morning face of the elder fluttering Jimin's heart but mostly hurting it add up the song choice he have said.
"Jimin have recorded the demo of it, I think his voice fits the whole song vibe." Yoongi then added, a sudden rush of panic rises when his name have mentioned. "I beg to differ." and all heads turned to him all became awake with his retort.
"Jin-hyung and Jungkook are more suitable for the cover." Yoongi frown at his suggestion and a realization that this was the first time Jimin rejected Yoongi's offer which he have always agreed immediately before.
"I always hear Kookie singing So Far Away, I think he'll do good." Taehyung chimed in sparing him his life, saving him yet again. "And I think I pressured Jimin-hyung too much on covering We Don't Talk Anymore." Jungkook says saving him once again. Like Taehyung just sent Jungkook a stare to stir the topic away. True though, learn and memorizing the English lyrics was exhausting.
"Wow our Jk is doing his own project for Festa. I can't wait!" Jin-hyung bawled, surprised of the sudden participating of the maknae on the Festa on his lead.
While everything have settled for the Festa, Jungkook and Jin being the one who'll cover the song instead of him– everyone have casually talk with whatever topic that has brought to the table. And the one he wished that wouldn't be brought up was immediately been the topic. Suran and Yoongi getting along with each other, slowly getting close to each other. Jimin isn't jealous, he wished.
"I'm enjoying her company if that's what you're all asking." and Jimin never thought a single phrase could hurt him so much.
With the teasing remarks and cheer from the others, one was also left in silence, Taehyung staring at him across the table worried and concern evident on his face but he just force a smiled and shook his head.
I'm okay.
That night Jimin burned himself to an intense practice. Time already forgotten, his exhaustion never surfaced, and emotions swallowing him bit by bit. His tears blended with his sweat, his feelings expressed through his dancing. It was already early morning and no one is awake in this hour. He's free to release all frustrations all the unwanted feelings and the guilt that creeps into him. The cry he wanted to scream since he had this emotions. It was slowly turning unbearable and slowly consuming him and his sanity.
He fell flat on the floor when he felt he was at his breaking point. Tears seemed to be endless as it falls quietly, his panting races with the beating of his heart and his body now resonates all the pained he have made.
The lights from the dance studio flickered open and he knew who would save him and cradle him into comfort at times like this. Like he's tired of himself crying over and over, it also must be tiring for Taehyung to keep up his childish cry and bullshit feelings.
"I hate this feeling, Tae. I fucking hate this."
-
At the middle of preparations for Festa, Jimin found himself at the building's rooftop seating a bench as he drown himself in the cool chilly breeze of Seoul in the middle of the night. His face slowly glistened with drops of tears, countless have damped his cheeks, for the same reason, with the same pain slowly weakening him but he stilled his eyes mesmerizing the starry night once casted on the painting that Taehyung have always admired.
"Van Gogh didn't paint the starry night just to make the people cry at it in pain." Tae mumbled making him turned around to see the younger walked towards him a smiled plastered on his face lively but his eyes tells otherwise.
"How can you unfeel things, Tae?" he muttered as he stops himself from crying, chewing down his bottom lip as he held his gaze down far from the worried eyes of his best friend.
"You can't unfeel it, you just have to bear it. That's how life goes, Jiminie." he stayed his glance at Taehyung, looking at him astound. It wasn't as if the younger have never been serious over a matter but for the fact that his presence and his words were his strength that kept him upright.
"I wish I have never manifested such feeling when I knew from the start that this would happen." Tae sighed, glancing at Jimin with his fringe slightly blocking off his sight by the cold wind but that didn't hide how the look of Tae's eyes change into something intriguingly unreadable. A mix of pain and regret, that confused Jimin more.
"I wish you could, as to keep you eyes unshed of tears and heart still whole. Only knew how to love than to behold such feelings that have now swallowed you to your soul."
And that very day was the day he heard about the song Taehyung have wrote. He's the inspiration that made Taehyung remember that night, around 4 o'clock when looked for him and cried again.
At a dusky park
A nameless bird that sings
Where are you
Why are you crying
You and I are the only ones here
Me and you
Oh you
Like a lightning that have strike him, the words and saving were not for pure kindness. He was too blind to see the love Taehyung have been showing. His eyes speaking thousands words than his mouth couldn't tell and this song is another way to show his love for him. That in all Taehyung do reminds him of Jimin.
The regret surfaced as he walked past the other member, the sight of Taehyung waving at him, smiling. A tear have fallen again now with different reason and a different pain that have settled.
"If I loved you first, we wouldn't be hurting right now." he whispers.