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Michael frow ned as he looked at the pair across the restaurant from him. For a moment he wished he was seeing things, a considerable part of him wanted it that he was not. He saw the pair talking intimately, though not in a manner that would suggest their being intimate, and laughing as though they were the only two people in the whole world. He knew the moment the man’s eyes met his and part of the joy and humour in them faded that it was exactly who he thought it was and also that he felt some modicum of guilt for the company he was keeping or the joy he felt in it at the very least.
Having finished his meal, Michael put down his napkin and rose from his seat, not wanting to bear witness to anything else that may occur at the table across from him. He put a fifty dollar bill on the table and turned and left the restaurant, thanking the waitress who was readying to clear his plates and left.
He had not made it the length of the restaurant down the sidewalk when his name was called, turning, he looked to the man behind him. ‘It is not what you think.’
‘A man who has to start a conversation with those words is a man that is trying to get a story straight, be it to himself or to others.’ Michael commented in return.
‘Look, Lydia is a good friend of mine from years ago, we met when I came here for work and we are catching up, that is it, I swear.’
‘Why are you so adamant you tell me this?’
‘Julie…’
‘Oh, yes, your wife, Julie, yes, what about her?’ Michael folded his arms and looked at the other man with overdramatic keen interest. ‘Please tell me about your wife, who I know for a fact because of a group text she sent out to all of us is under the impression that you are on your way back across the country right now to her.’
‘I was just catching lunch with Lyddie before I went, nothing sinister.’
‘“Nothing”...she thinks you are in the air since that is what you told her, she is planning a nice dinner and everything, but I think it is clear you are having your fill elsewhere.’
‘I am not cheating on Julie.’ Chris stated firmly.
Michael’s eyebrows rose to show his lack of belief in such words before he noticed something. ‘Where is your wedding ring?’
‘Not that it is your concern, but I forgot it, Julie has it safe back home.’ Chris stated factually.
‘No, it is not my concern, it is, however, something the press would notice and something that when you are with a woman that is not your wife in public, can be very easily construed and something else.’ Michael turned to leave. ‘I hope that whatever this is, you talk to Jules about it because she will be gutted if something gets back to her and she is made feel like a fool, you know that’s her big fear.’
‘It is nothing, Lydia and I were over long before Julie.’
Michael paused, ‘You said you were just friends.’
‘We are.’
‘But you weren’t?’
‘Lydia was my first.’
‘Which first?’
‘Every first, first real girlfriend, first time, first love, everything.’ Though he did not intend to, Chris smiled as he spoke.
‘You still like her.’ Michael realised.
‘Not like that no.’ Chris stated. ‘It’s just...Lydia...I loved her so much, nothing has ever come close to it since.’
Michael had been quelling the concerns in his mind regarding Chris and the woman, until that statement. ‘Excuse you? “Nothing has ever come close to it since” not even your wife, the woman you married, she does not come close to it?’
‘I love Julie.’
‘Just not as much as you do some other woman, the one you happen to be meeting for lunch instead of going home to your loving wife who is waiting anxiously for you? Who loves you with all her heart. Who said yes to you, yes to marrying you?’ Michael snapped angrily.
‘No, I mean….it’s not like that, I do love Julie, she means a lot to me, we love everyone differently though, she was everything I need in someone.’
You selfish bastard.’ Michael looked him up and down in disbelief, ‘What you need? You “need”, not what you want, not what you think makes her happy?’ He stepped back. ‘I can’t listen to any more of this. You don’t deserve her, you don’t even realise how lucky you are, you don’t appreciate that at the end of the day, you have someone who loves you enough to move across the world for you, who gave up the dream job to support you and you only see her to fulfil your needs, I...I am leaving now before I do something stupid.’ He looked at Chris one last time, ‘You need to be honest with yourself, and your wife.’ He stated with one last point of his index finger before turning and leaving.
*
Michael sat in his hotel room, staring at the far wall, thinking of Chris’s words and of Julie. She swallowed as he thought about her.
If he was honest, he fell in love with her the day he met her. He was introduced to her by Benedict Cumberbatch who said something regarding Irish blood or something like that, he could not remember, what he did know what that her father was from only an hour away from his childhood home Fossa, and she did nothing but smile and talk fondly of her holidays in the area as the two of them discussing it at length more than once.
There was a decade between them, that had been the reason he was slow to ask her out. She was twenty-five and he was thirty-five, he felt it was too much, that he was too old for the beautiful woman that spoke so animatedly and passionately about most everything. He regretted saying nothing, he had lost sleep over the times he had a chance to speak with her about it but did not, leading him to watch as she turned up to ComiCon on Chris’s arm and not his. He watched as their romance became one of “Aw’s” from the magazines, Captain America’s real-life Peggy Carter, she even had the brunette hair and was a huge fan of the Marvel movies. He remembered the day he told her about Magneto, she was even more animated than usual for that, if anything, she and Ian McKellan were the two to help him most with the character. As he downed a half tumbler of whiskey, his third so far, he recalled her wedding, watching her, on her stepfather’s arm, walking down the aisle of the flamboyant church he knew she had not wanted but had given into to please Chris’s mother, towards the other man. He had always wished it was him instead. For two and a half years, he feared the pregnancy announcement, but thus far he had not received it.
He picked up his phone and brought up her number, unsure of what he was even doing, he pressed the call button and brought it to his ear. ‘Mike, hey.’ Her tone as light and outgoing as usual.
Michael’s throat tightened as he heard her voice. ‘Hey, Jules.’
‘Hey, are you alright?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Liar, I can hear it in your voice, something is up.’
‘I could never get it past you.’ he stated sadly.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Seriously Mike, you can tell me.’
‘I just need to talk about something normal for a minute, okay?’
‘Sure, what do you want to talk about?’
‘Tell me about your day.’
‘Seriously? Do you need to fall asleep or something?’ She laughed. ‘Well, my day is boring, I cleaned the house, walked the dog and got shopping in because, as you know, Chris is home soon, so I have dinner just about ready.’
‘What time is he due?’
‘In about an hour he said, I will contact him soon, I am on the way to the airport to collect him, I am using the headset so don’t worry.’
He felt almost nauseous when she said that. ‘Jules, can I ask you something?’
‘Sure.’
‘Do you know a girl called Lydia?’ There was silence on the phone. ‘Jules.’
‘No, I don’t know anyone by that name.’ there was a coldness to her voice when she answered.
‘Jules…’
‘Why would you ask me something like that?’
‘Jules…’
‘Michael!’
Julie never called him Michael unless she was introducing him to someone, in the five years they had known each other, it was something she never did. ‘You don’t know one, but you know of one?’ He realised.
‘Yes.’ The way she whispered the answer told him it felt like she was being stabbed in the heart.
‘Jules?’ Michael felt his heartbreak, ‘Have you pulled in?’
‘Yes.’
‘Talk to me, Julie.’
‘Why did you ask me that?’
‘How do you know one?’
She hesitated for a moment. ‘I just do. Why do you ask?’
‘Jules, please.’
‘Em, if Chris gets really drunk or sometimes in his sleep, he rambles about her.’ Michael felt himself swallow. ‘She...she is the one he really loved, apparently.’
‘Julie…’
‘Why would you ask me that? Wait, what do you know?’
‘I…’
‘Tell me, Michael!’ she screeched.
‘I…’ He heard the phone beeping. ‘Jules?’
‘It’s Chris. Michael, do not hang up.’ He waited as he was put on hold for what he thought would be a few minutes so he fixed himself another drink, trying to process that Julie knew of the existence of Lydia, and her meaning to Chris. He was startled when they call seemed to take all of thirty seconds. ‘Mike?’
‘Hey.’
‘Where are you?’
‘New York.’ There was silence. ‘Julie?’
‘You saw him, didn’t you?’ She did not seem angry.
‘Yes.’ He admitted.
‘With her?’
He exhaled. ‘Yes.’
‘Were they…?’
‘No, it was not like that, they were talking and having lunch, nothing more.’
‘So you knew I was going for a flight he was not on.’ She sounded hurt.
‘I suspected it, yes.’
‘I wish you told me.’ she was clearly crying.
‘Jules, I’m sorry. I am sure when he gets back you will talk it over more and he will tell you himself that there was nothing to it, I am glad he at least was honest with you.’
‘Chris didn’t mention her.’ Julie informed him.
‘What?’
‘He said his flight is delayed, that he has been at the airport for the past four hours.’
Michael cursed himself for realising he blew open Chris’s lie. ‘I’m sorry Julie. I don’t think he is doing anything…’
‘He doesn’t need to fuck her to be doing something, he is lying to me about coming home, about where he is, I don’t care if he meets people but he told me he was coming home and he lied to meet a woman.’ she yelled angrily.
Michael said nothing but kept the phone away from his ear, knowing she was not angry with him but that she needed to vent.
‘I am such an idiot, I...I thought it was just some childhood thing, I...my marriage…’
‘Julie?’
‘Thank you, Michael.’
‘What?’
‘I need to go home. I will call you soon, okay? Bye Mike.’
Before he could say any more she hung up, leaving him to stare at the phone in shock. He tried ringing her back but it went straight to her answering machine. Terrified, he looked around before deciding to drink his whiskey and think of a plan.
*
He was standing in LAX when his phone rang, he looked at the caller ID, shocked to see Julie’s name. ‘Julie?’
‘Hey.’ She sounded exhausted. ‘Mike?’
‘Yes?’
‘When are you next going back to Ireland?’
‘Christmas, I’m going to spend it when Mam and Dad, why?’
‘I’m hoping to go there, I remember there are a few hotels your way that are open over the Christmas holidays, I am trying to convince Mum to come with me, her and Roger.’ She sounded very happy at that thought but exhausted.
‘Julie, are you okay?’ He did not want to know the answer if he was honest, terrified of what she would say. There was something in the background, a voice over a tannoy, but he could not hear it as there was one speaking close to him… ‘Wait, Jules, are you at LAX?’
‘’Yeah, departures lounge.’
‘What flight are you getting?’
‘Eh...New York.’
Michael looked up at the screens telling of the departures and arrivals, the flight he came on was clearly doing a refuel and back again. ‘Give me two minutes.’ He hung up and ran out of departures, around to the ticket desk, his credit card in hand.
It was almost boarding time by the time he came through the departure lounge, but he saw her immediately, rushing over, he stood in front of her, causing her to stare at him in shock. ‘Mike? What…?’
‘I didn’t know what else to do.’ He admitted. ‘I thought you might want a friend here.’
‘I was going there to find one.’ She laughed sadly.
‘Well, we’ll just go there again so.’ He sat beside her and immediately she curled in against him, his arm going straight around her. ‘What happened?’
‘He came back, acting as though nothing was wrong, I asked him again, why was he late and he gave the same answer. I asked why he didn’t call and all he did was try to kiss me.’ she stated sadly.
‘“Tried”?’
‘I couldn’t let him touch me.’ She explained. ‘He lied to my face about his whereabouts Mike, what’s to say he wouldn’t lie about what they were doing? He obliterated my trust when he gave me a small shrug and a smile when I asked. He looked me dead in the eye and lied.’ she shook her head. ‘I told him I couldn’t be with a liar, I asked him did he leave his wedding ring behind on purpose and he went off about how you had no right to say anything.’ she gave a cold laugh. ‘He did wrong but because you had the decency to mention it to me, he was angry.’
‘I’m so sorry Jules, I had no right.’
‘No...No, Mike, I should be down on bended knees thanking you.’ He looked at her and frowned. ‘I was oblivious to the obvious, I was making a fool of myself. You did the right thing, you made me realise what was going on. I cannot thank you enough.’
‘So it’s over?’
She looked down at her left hand, the rings that had been there faithfully since the day she got engaged and then married were gone and in their place a tan line that stood as a testament to their being there once. ‘I cannot be married to a man I cannot trust and who will not give me what I gave him. Why would I want to be a consolation prize? He swears nothing happened, that she is not interested in a relationship with him…’ Michael’s face said everything. ‘Yes, SHE is not interested, not “I’m married so I am not interested”.’ She gave a bitter laugh. ‘God, I just wasted four years of my life.’
Michael pulled her closer. ‘No you haven’t.’
‘I am thirty years old and about to get divorced, yes, I have.’ She shook her head. ‘I never should have said yes, I only have myself to blame.’ She sighed, leaning back. ‘I knew, when he came back from the Winter Soldier premiere drunk and said that name, I knew it wasn’t right and I stayed, the bigger fool me.’ she rubbed her hands over her tired face. ‘I just want to bury my head in the sand for a few weeks.’
‘That is possible.’ He kissed the side of her head.
They heard their flight being called and made their way to the plane, the flight was quiet and both of them were in first class so they sat together, her curled in against him. ‘I made a huge mistake.’
‘No, you just made a boo-boo.’
‘Marriage is not a boo--boo. Forgetting to defrost dinner is a boo-boo.’ she argued.
‘Jules, you’ll be fine.’ he promised, he watched as she slowly drifted off beside him, emotionally exhausted from her day. ‘I’m here, I’ll help look after you.’ he promised, kissing her forehead. Part of him wanted to tell her his feelings, he wanted her to want him too, but he knew if she did harbour any feelings, she needed to recover from the downfall of her marriage first, a rebound would not end well and it would add to her hurt, he rather wait thirty years than push her too soon. He could wait, for her.