Chapter Text
It was always the same dream- always the same nightmare: screams, blood on the floor, corpses impossible to identify in the darkness, and a deep sorrow slowly making it hard to breathe… He could feel his heart going to break into pieces, and then…
Then light always came to save him. Most of the time followed by a voice calling him back.
“Alex?” the worry faded slowly from Father Louis’s face, and he breathed out in relief staring down at him.
Hearing his own heart hammering in his ears, Alex stared back while connecting to reality. “Did I wake you?”
“No, I was already awake.” The man smiled reassuringly. “Better or worst this time?”
“I don’t know…” Alex sighed, dropping the head on the pillow. “It’s getting hard to tell.”
Father Louis stared in silence for a moment, then said, “I’m sorry. I knew that going back on the road wasn’t the best idea.”
“It’s not your fault- or because of the trip,” Alex said sitting up, feeling the shirt slightly sticky on his back.
“I should've insisted and let you stay in Maine...”
“I hated that place, anyway.”
“No, you don’t.” He sighed patiently, “You got some friend there. You were thinking about college-“
“And we both know I wasn’t going to take it seriously.”
“But we both know you would like to. Alex, you’re young, no one is forcing you to follow me around.”
“I know, but it’s something I want to do,” he said looking down, “I owe you this much.”
“You don’t owe anything, and you know that. School is also important. It’s your life, you should take some time for yourself, to think and-“
“Can we continue this conversation after I got my coffee?”
Father Louis nodded slowly. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Don't be. I’m fine,” Alex said standing and closing himself in the bathroom, leaning against the door, perfectly aware that both of them knew he wasn’t fine at all.
.-.-.-.
October was already cold in Pennsylvania, and dark clouds seemed following them, covering the sun since they jumped into the car to continue their journey. Last time Alex saw the sun, they were in Haven, Maine, while saying goodbye to Audrey, Duke and the others… Hard to admit, but he missed them so damn much.
He knew Father Louis wasn’t going to stay there forever, they never stopped somewhere for more than few weeks, but Haven turned into their home for almost five months, so he made the mistake to think that he could actually start talking to someone. Stupid, gigantic mistake.
He rarely made friends during the journey the two of them started almost a year before, moving from a State to another, and Alex was fine with that. After what happened to him, it would be weird start any kind of conversation anyway, but not in Haven. That place seemed to fit for any kind of troubled person. Audrey and the others were the proof of that: they never judged him, they never thought he or his situation was weird, they simply accepted it and later on told him about some weirder shit they saw in the past, in their little town.
Leaving them had been hard, but apparently, he cared about the promise he made to Louis more than he thought.
Father Louis himself knew he wasn’t happy to leave Haven, but he also knew how stubborn the young man was, and he sure couldn’t force him to leave him… so they were back on the road, stopping in the first town they met entering in Pennsylvania.
“Your funny feeling again?” Alex had asked, looking out the car's window.
“You say that as if you don’t feel it as well,” Father Louis commented with a little grin while parking in front of a diner for their first meal in the new town.
Alex felt it, indeed. It was a feeling they discovered to share while moving around the country, some kind of sixth sense suggesting to stop, that that was the place. Most of the time it turned out it was right because of the most different reasons, from desperate people in need of help to just that simple, insisting feeling telling them to stop.
The first times that happened, Alex didn’t say anything about it, but after ten towns visited, he confessed that every time he had felt that feeling as well, the sensation- the need to wait, even just to look around.
“It’s different this time…” He admitted.
Father Louis killed the engine and looked at him, “Different how?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, we’ll see. Take a table for us, would you? I have to meet Father Jamie first.”
“Jamie… Was an old friend of yours? Red hair?”
He smiled a bit more, “You remember.”
Alex blushed a bit. “Was it before the accident?” he asked and saw him nodding. “Are you sure we’re here because of the funny feeling and not because you wanted to test me?”
“As long we make progress, you’re not allowed to complain,” he stated. “Table close to the window," he added before giving him the car’s key and moving out the car.
Alex sighed and did the same, stretching his back before grabbing the blue jacket from the back seat and heading to the entrance of the diner: a strong smell of lemon hit him like a slap in the face and he coughed a bit.
“Oh, come on, Arika, is not that bad,” a woman huffed from the other side of the counter, her back at the entrance. “I was just trying to-“ turning around, she stopped, mouth partly open while her nervous glare changed to one of surprise and then embarrassment. “Oh, I- I thought it was someone else.”
“Sorry...?” Alex said, trying to be ironic while staring at her: she was a beautiful woman, maybe around her thirty, big green eyes and long, slightly curly brown hair falling over her chest.
She laughed a bit and shook her head. “No need. Come on in.”
Alex smiled back and looked around before sitting at one of the tables on the left. From the windows on the right, he could see Father Louis’ pickup and the roof of the Church through the trees not too far, on the other side on the street. The diner was elegant but not too fancy, and not too much American-ish either; there were pictures and frames on the walls, some drawings showing the ruins of a dark city with high buildings- they looked kind of wreaked, like in a post-apocalyptic scenario…
“Alright, let’s try again: welcome to Vega.” The woman said reappearing next to the table, making him jump a little, “And sorry for the smell.”
Alex blinked. “Vega?”
“Yeah. The name of the diner…?” she said, pointing a finger at the menu she placed in front of him: Vega was actually written on top of it.
“Right…” Alex nodded, then looked up at her again. After few seconds of awkward silence, he looked away. “Sorry, I- maybe I’m confusing you with someone else.”
“It’s ok. You know, I had the same feeling for a second.”
Lots of strange feelings here, Alex thought.
“Can I ask you something?” She said staring intently at him.
“Y-yeah. Sure.”
“The smell was really that bad?”
Alex blinked before laughing a bit. “No, it was just- very intense.”
“It was a lemon cake if you’re interested.”
“I actually might be.”
“Good. You want to order something else first?” She said grabbing note and pen from the pocket of her black skirt.
“I’m waiting for someone, actually…” he said looking outside for a moment and sighed noticing Father Louis talking to another man in the parking, “but I fear it’s gonna take a while.”
“You know Father Jamie?” She asked, following his gaze.
“No, the other man- Father Louis knows him,” Alex said and looked at her that was nodding, clearly waiting for him to continue. “We… we’re kind on a road trip- or pilgrimage, as he likes to call it.”
“Oh, so you- you’re a priest as well?”
“What? No, no that’s- that’s really not my thing,” Alex laughed out. “He knew my family and after my parents died, I... I decided to join him.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I really talk too much-”
“It’s ok. People look at us in strange ways pretty often, so every time I need to explain he didn’t kidnap me.”
“Lots of people think that?”
“Enough to get used to it,” Alex sighed patiently.
She looked at the men outside, then back at him with a timid smile. “Alright, then I’ll prepare dinner for both of you. The first meal’s free.”
“Really?”
“No, but I make the rules here, in Vega.”
“I can only accept, then.” He smiled again, then offered a hand, “I’m Alex Lannon.”
She grabbed it after just a second, “Claire Riesen.”
.-.-.-.
Alex jumped awake over the back seats of the pickup when someone knocked on the window above his head.
“I know sleeping in a Church isn’t that great, but the back of the car is really so much better?” Father Louis asked.
“What? Ugh-” Alex’s head fell down when the door opened and he stared at the world upside down for a long, sad moment.
“Jamie saw you. He was worried you were feeling uncomfortable sleeping inside.”
“I travel around with a priest. I don’t know what uncomfortable means anymore,” Alex commented and saw him staring in cold silence. He sighed and sat up, legs falling outside. “It’s not because of the Church. I just couldn’t sleep so I moved in here.”
Father Louis dropped his cold face at that. “Nightmares again?”
“Last thing I wanted was to wake everyone with my screams.”
“You screamed?”
“No, but I could have.”
“Alex…”
“No. I know what you’re going to say and the answer is no.”
“The hospital is just three kilometers from here.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Who’s having nightmares every night?”
“That’s not- the nightmares have nothing to do with the accident.”
“How can you tell?”
“Maybe because the bodies I see aren’t my parent’s!” Alex shouted angrily, regretting immediately what he just said. He stood up and walked away.
The air seemed to be even colder that day, the sky still covered with clouds, so Alex wasn’t surprised to find himself shivering, with only a hoodie and sweatpants protecting his body from the wind.
He never talked about his parent’s like that before… he rarely talked about them at all, but the nightmares were getting worse since they arrived there, three days before, and with only a few hours of sleep per night his nerves were at their limit.
Hearing a different, strange smell, Alex looked on the right and found a flower’s shop next to the entrance of the cemetery- or more like a little cabin turned into a flower shop, with an old woman sitting on a bench next to it- and she staring intently at him. He swallowed, feeling strangely intimidated.
“You. I know you?” the lady asked.
“I don’t think so…” he said, both staring at each other for a moment.
“Come here.” She said then. Her voice cold and strong enough to make her sound more like a general of the army.
“Huh- what?”
“I asked you to come here, young man.” She repeated and stood only when he started to walk closer.
Alex saw her enter the cabin and came out with a bouquet of pink roses that she forced him to take, smashing them against his chest.
“There’s a beautiful woman inside the cemetery. Give her the flowers.”
Alex blinked, taken aback. “Uh... sorry, but I don't think that's how it works...” he said, and the tension lessened when he saw her grinning ironically.
“I’m hiring you for the task. The beautiful woman paid for those, so find her and give her the flowers.”
“You’re hiring me?”
The old lady snorted and looked around before taking a yellow flower, putting half of it inside the collar of his shirt, leaving the petals out. “That’s your payment. Daffodils are rare in this time of the year. Now go.”
Alex was so surprised and confused by the situation, in the end he found himself actually searching for the beautiful woman inside the cemetery, the bouquet of roses in his hands.
He slowly wandered around, staring at the various religious statues and stopped for a second at one showing an angel sitting next to a grave, both hands on it, the eyes sadly pointed down with her wings elegantly placed on the back.
“Alex?”
He looked away and found Claire sitting on a bench under a big tree, with an empty vase next to her. “The beautiful woman, I presume,” he said and laughed at the confusion on Claire’s face.
After a quick explanation, Claire was laughing as well. “You just had the pleasure to meet Judith, our lovely flower lady. She’s a bit weird, but in a good way.”
“She said these are yours,” Alex said handing her the bouquet.
“Oh- I have my hands pretty busy with this…” she looked at the vase next to her, filled with water. “That’s why I haven't taken the roses, before. You- would mind to help me?”
“Sure.” Alex left the bouquet and took the vase, surprised to find it actually very heavy. “You were going to take this with you all the way?”
“I made it so far just by myself, you know? Come on, it's not too far,” she huffed with a grin, leading the way with the flowers into her arms. The place seemed to be empty and completely silent aside the wind moving the treetops.
Alex stared at the Church on the right, on the other side of the wall surronding the cemetery. The whole graveyard looked old; some of the tombstones were broken or the names on it had blended completely with it, storm after storm. Only the colors of nature were bright in all that gray: trees and flowers were so alive it would be almost painful to look at them if the colors hadn't felt also so comforting.
Reaching a zone situated behind the Church, Claire stopped. “Here we are,” she said and they both stopped in front of a little chapel with the name Riesen above the door, golden, metal letters shining over the gray stone. “You can leave it outside. I’ll take care of it,” she added.
“I can stay to help. If you want.”
Claire nodded slowly, “Ok,” and entered the chapel.
Alex watcher her split the bouquet in two, putting half of the roses in an empty little vase already there, and the other half in the one he put down, moving them both in front of the same grave: Edward and Clementine Riesen.
Claire stood, patting her hands clean on her jeans and looked briefly at him, “My mom loved pink roses.”
Alex was staring at the dates. “I’m sorry for your father,” he said uncertainly, and added quickly, “It happened recently.”
Claire nodded, taking a deep breath. “He never get over my mom’s death…” she said quietly. “She was very ill. There was nothing we could do for her.” That said, she looked away from the tomb and left the chapel.
After one last look at the Riesen’s pictures, Alex followed her outside, closing the glass-door behind him. “I’m sorry Claire. Maybe I shouldn’t have come along.”
“No, it’s ok. It’s nice not coming here alone, for once.”
“You don’t have anyone in town?”
“No. Just me and Vega.” She smiled sadly. “My father bought it for me years ago. I’m trying to keep it working as long as I can.”
“You can be proud of yourself. That lemon cake was amazing.”
Claire stared at him before laughing, a soft, incredibly sweet sound in a place so cold. She then pointed at the daffodil in his shirt, “You’re here for someone too?”
“Uh? Oh- no… no, it’s Judith’s payment for my delivery work.”
“Oh. I guess she would do something like that...”
"She also said this one is special...?"
"Well, kind of. That's a daffodil. It's full of them around the Church in spring, so I wonder how Judith still have them." She explained, slowly heading back to the exit of the cemetery, "They also stand for rebirth and forgiveness in the flower's language."
"You're an expert?"
"I'm full of surprises," she said with a grin, laughing right after.
When they spotted the gate, Alex was still looking around. “There are a lot of statues here…” he murmured, staring at different angels made of stone placed all over the place.
“More than usual, you mean?”
“Well, I’ve seen worst...”
“You visited a lot of cemeteries?”
“Huh- no,” Alex blushed a bit. “No, my- my mother was the religious one. She liked to walk around in these places after visiting our family’s members,” he rolled the daffodil between his fingers, staring at it in surprise, “leaving flowers to the statues.” he murmured, unsure.
Claire blinked. “That’s…”
“Weird?”
“No, it’s- I think it’s something very kind to do.”
Alex slowed down. “She never told me why she-“ he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before pass out.
“-hear me? Alex?” Father Louis looked terrified while looking down at him, grasping his shoulder.
Alex blinked slowly, noticing Claire’s worried face right behind the priest. “Yeah… I’m fine.”
Both of them sighed in relief. “I told you not to overdo it! What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t doing anything…”
“I told him you were helping me,” Claire said, looking guilty. “I had no idea-“
“Not your fault,” Alex said, slowly sitting up on a bench.
“Alex, I’m serious, you can’t-“
“Can you bring me some water?” he interrupted him, looking tired, “Please.”
Father Louis breathed out nervously before standing and leave.
Claire watched him walking away, then sit next to Alex. “I’m really sorry…”
“I told you, it’s not your fault.”
“He said you should be taken to the hospital-“
“He's just overreacting, as usual,” Alex said more angry that he intended. He took a deep breath, leaning his back against the bench. “I’m not sick. I’m just… weak. I'd been stuck in a hospital bed for a long time.”
“May I ask you why?”
“Five years in a coma.”
Claire blinked in surprise, “Oh God… Alex, I’m sorry-”
He huffed, smiling a bit, “That wasn't your fault either.”
“I know, but- five years…”
Alex looked down. “That’s how a lost my parents... car accident. When I woke up, Louis was there, he told me what happened. My memory has some problems since then. I remember the basics… also things about my parents. I remembered Father Louis as well. Not too bad, all considered.”
“Don't take that granted. Recovering from something like that, being able to remember... Someone would consider it almost a miracle.”
“You think?”
“Yes, definitely.”
Alex stared at her for a moment before looking down. “Maybe you’re right… but every day I feel like I’m losing something and- and the nightmares, it’s- it’s horrible.”
“There’s no way you can have all your memories back?”
“Doctors said it could happen, but no one knows when or how.” He let out a deep breath, “I don’t know why I’m telling you about this. Sorry, you don’t even know me.”
“I do know you,” she said and smiled at the uncertain expression on his face. “Well, I’m starting to know you better, and I’d like to continue this way.”
Alex smiled a bit, wondering how they end up so comfortable with each other so easily. “Me too.”
“Glad to hear it. You think you can walk? It’ getting colder and I want to offer you and Father Louis a warm coffee.”
“That sounds amazing.” Alex stood and moved to follow her, noticing the daffodil on the ground. He stared at it for a second before leaving the cemetery.
.-.-.-.-.
“My mom ever told you why she used to left flowers to the angel statues?”
Father Louis looked up from his book and turned to the young man suddenly sitting next to him at the table, in the library of the Church. “You remember that?”
“Since yesterday.”
He put down the book, “And why you haven't told me?”
“It wasn’t so important,” Alex said as a thunder rumbled outside. He saw him staring in silence, so asked again, “She told you about it?”
Father Louis nodded slowly. “She said it became some sort of a habit since she saw an angel statue when she was a child- one with an arm stretched forward, as to give something- or take, and she put a flower in that hand. A way to thank the angels guarding the souls stuck on Earth, as she told me once.”
Alex was staring intently at him, “You could’ve said something about this story.”
“Doctors said not to accelerate your recovery. The memories should come back to you naturally like this one did.”
“That’s just a stupid excuse to keep secrets with me.”
“Just because it’s too soon.”
“It’s almost a year, Louis.”
“Almost. And it’s Father Louis for you.”
Alex groaned and left the table.
“Alex, I’m serious,” he said, making him stop and turn around. “Next time you pass out, we go straight back to the hospital for a checkup.” His voice was serious, no negotiations allowed, and the other left without saying anything else.
Alex kept marching nervously around the Church until he heard a familiar voice.
“You.”
He turned and saw Judith with her little cabin next to the metal fences protecting the Church’s area. “You have another delivery for me?” he sighed.
The old lady smiled again that ironic grin of hers. “Come here.” She said and again moved only when he approached.
Once there, looking at the different types of flowers, Alex saw her grabbing another daffodil and hand it to him. “What is this for?”
“You lost your payment yesterday, have you?”
“I- how you know?”
“Don’t lose it again. Are we clear?”
Confused, he nodded and took the flower, as Judith moved to sit back on the bench. Alex just sighed and walked away. He stopped at the entrance of the cemetery, studying the flower for a moment and decided to enter the place once again.
He knew Claire was at the diner that afternoon, he and Father Louis were regulars there by now, so he suspected to be completely alone there that day. He walked slowly, staring at the statues, wondering how his mother used to decide where to leave the flowers.
He simply kept walking without a specific direction until found himself in front of an old, little, round pond: the water wasn’t very clean, with dead leaves on the surface and in all the corners. The statue in the middle was placed over a higher base to keep it safe from the water, but it was all covered by ivy's branches. It was probably an angel, because a wing was barely visible, stretched behind.
Alex stared at it for a long moment, then looked around to see where to leave the flower… he wanted to leave it there. For some reason, it felt like the right place. Sadly, the statue wasn’t offering hands and there was nothing around it where to put a flower. Maybe he could just drop it into the water…
“What are you doing?”
He jumped and turned around, finding a man few steps away: a very tall man, and also very skinny; his skin looking so pale in contrast with dark, short hair and the black long jacket he was wearing.
Alex tried to say something, stopped and tried again all he could do was staring.
“It’s going to rain soon. You should leave.” The man said, voice flat, face unreadable.
“Y-yeah…” Alex finally managed to look away, down at the flower, and then around the statue.
“What you’re trying to do?” The man asked again.
“I just...” Alex shook his head. “I don’t know,” he murmured, flinching back when he found the man one step from him.
“A flower for the angel?” the man asked, looking at the yellow flower in his hand.
“Some kind of stupid family tradition,” Alex sighed, meeting his eyes when he looked up. He swallowed and felt the strong need to touch him. He forced himself not to.
“Not all the angels want flowers,” the man said, sending his gray eyes to the statue. “Some don’t deserve them.”
Alex followed his gaze, “What about this one?”
A thunder made the entire cemetery tremble.
Alex shivered looking at the sky, “Damn, that was close…” he commented and, looking back down, the man was gone. He looked around for a moment, then the rain started to fall and he ran to the exit.
He stopped only once, in front of the statue shaped as a feminine angel sitting on the ground, the one he saw the first time. Alex stared at it before placing the flower in front of her and- her face… was she slightly smiling last time he saw it? “I’m going crazy,” he groaned, running to take cover.
“I swear, you enjoy making me worry.”
“Nah.”
Father Louis slapped the towel on his face, “You say that, but then it’s me who's going to take care of you if you catch a cold.”
“It’s just water, relax.” Alex tried to drain his hair and he sneezed. Carefully looking up, he found the cold glare of the priest. “I didn’t pass out. That’s a good thing.”
Father Louis just shook his head and moved a steaming cup of tea to him on the table. “Why you were back in the cemetery?”
Alex almost told him, but then just shrugged. “No reason.”
The cleric sighed and sat in front of him. “Look, I’m sorry I’m being so uptight these days, but I really don’t want you to risk your health like this… So I decided we’ll go back home soon as I'm done here.”
Alex looked up, surprised. “Home... where?”
“In Nevada. Where your house is.”
“But- why? Why you want to stop? I’m fine- we can still finish this journey.”
“I think it would be better for you to go home. It might help your memory as well. Getting fragments of it like this it’s- it’s too stressful for you. You need a place where you can relax and heal.”
“No, you just want to drop me somewhere.”
“I never thought anything like that.”
“Then let’s keep this pilgrimage going.”
“Why?” Father Louis asked, “Tell me why you still want to follow me around. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate your help and company, but I’m worried about you. I don’t want to see you back in a hospital bed more than you do, but this life... You shouldn’t push yourself so much.”
“You think going back to an empty house is going to make me feel better?”
“Maybe not. But I think you might need it.”
“There’s nothing there for me and you know it.”
“Why, you have something here worth to stay?”
Alex swallowed and huffed a cold laugh, “I thought I did. My mistake,” he said leaving the kitchen.
“Alex, I didn’t mean-“ Father Louis tried to say, but he was already gone.
He hated that Louis was right. He hated that there was nothing there for him, but there was nothing in Nevada either… there was nothing for him anywhere in the whole world, probably, and if there was something, somewhere, he wasn’t sure to be able to find it.
After waking up from the coma he always felt like he missed so much more than just five years and the memories of the past… It was something he couldn’t remember- and it felt important.
Alex took a deep breath watching the storm raging outside from under the entrance of the Church, the cemetery looking like a war zone in the gray mist.
.-.-.-.-.-.
There was fire somewhere, Alex could smell the smoke, feel the heat in the air… and blood on the ground, the bodies unmoving on the floor around him- one was closer, almost resting on his lap…
“Alex!”
A voice called him before he could look down, but raising his eyes he was blinded by white light and then… and then…
.-.-.-.-.
Alex startled awake, laying on his side on something way too hard and cold to be his bed.
He sat up and looked around, his heart racing: he was in the cemetery, waking up on the well-known bench with the big tree behind it. Recognizing the place, he tried to calm down- until Alex turned around and found the man in dark clothes from the day before crouched next to him. He gasped and flinched away so fast he fell down on the ground, standing as quickly as possible, taking some distance. “Dammit- dude, what the hell!” he yelled in the process.
“I was trying to wake you up,” the man said standing as well, calm as nothing happened.
“No need to creep on me for that!”
The man narrowed his eyes a bit. “You were asleep. How can you tell I was creeping on you?”
“You weren’t very subtle about it,” Alex shot back, but then just shook his head and looked around again. The rain had stopped, at least. “What time is it?”
“Almost dawn.”
“Great…”
“Why you were sleeping here?”
“I wasn’t. I was in my room, in my damn bed and then-“ Alex shivered in the cold early morning, his old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants clearly not enough to keep him warm.
“You sleepwalked?”
“You tell me,” Alex snorted studying him, “Since when you were here?”
“Not long. I just find you.”
“Right...” he murmured staring suspiciously at him, but then sighed and walked away. “Whatever. Not the strangest thing happened to me, anyway.
“Where are you going?”
“What you think? The exit.”
“The gate is still closed.”
Alex didn’t bother to answer, but once there, he found a big chain keeping the metal gates closed together. “Damn it…” he murmured grabbing the bars, looking sadly outside. Turning around, he jumped again, finding the man next to him.
“Sorry,” he said before the young man could yell at him. “I’m not scaring you on purpose. I mean no harm.”
Alex stared intently at him, but the other just kept his glare on the other side of the gate. “Who the hell are you? And why are you in the cemetery?”
The man didn’t answer right away, then slowly said, “There's someone that I don’t want to leave.”
Alex took a deep breath, trying to sound less like an asshole. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize.”
“So... you live around here?”
The man nodded in silence.
“And... you have a name, by any chance?” Alex could swear he saw a flash of pure agony on the man's face for a second, but it was gone so quickly he couldn’t be sure. “Alright, then. I’ll mind my own business.” He said starting to climb the gate.
“Were you having a nightmare?” The man asked, watching him stop on the fence to look down at him. “I heard you. That’s how I found you.”
“Sleeping in a cemetery sure won’t help me get rid of bad dreams,” Alex said and kept climbing the gate that was easy to cross, luckily.
“What did you dream about?”
“You’re a psychologist or something?”
“No, but I have nightmares too.”
Alex stopped again, sitting on top of the gate and looked at him, this time almost curiously. “Really?”
“I can barely sleep. That’s also why I was here.”
“Then you don’t need to hear about what keeps me awake,” he said jumping down on the other side.
“It could help both of us… maybe our nightmares are more similar than you think.”
Alex landed on his feet and turned around to answer, but the man was gone once again.
That morning, when Claire arrived to open the diner, she blinked at the young man sitting on the stairs of the entrance, barefoot.
Alex sighed, “It’s not weird as it may look.”
“What’s weird is that this is not surprising me as much as it should,” she commented. “Come on in, or you’ll catch a cold.”
After some explanation, Claire was staring worriedly at the young man sitting in front of her, on the other side of the counter. “I think you should tell Father Louis about this. Sleepwalking can be dangerous.”
“He’ll send me to the hospital. Last thing I want is going back there.”
“I know, but what if it gets worse? You could wake up in a place you don’t know- or get hurt.”
Alex took a sip of the coffee, “I never sleepwalked before. I don’t know why is happening now.”
“Don’t you think that’s one more reason to do something about it?”
“I just don’t want to make Louis worry again. He’s ready to give up on this pilgrimage because of me if I don’t get better, and now the sleepwalking…”
“He cares about you, Alex. If you don’t want to make him worry, tell him the truth. I’m sure you two will figure this out, together.”
Alex nodded, then looked up from the coffee and asked, “About the cemetery… you ever saw a strange man there? Tall, black short hair, dark clothes…?”
Claire thought for a moment, “Not that I remember… why?”
“I saw him there this morning… he lost someone recently, maybe? He didn’t tell me much- not even his name.”
“There wasn’t any funeral lately. I would see it from here,” she said, tilting her head outside: the road in front of the diner was the only one to reach the Church and the cemetery.
Alex just shrugged. “’Guess I’ll ask him next time… now I better go get dress, before scaring your customers.” He grabbed the little paper bag, “I’ll pay for this soon as I get my wallet.”
Claire waved a hand watching him leaving, feeling a pang of worry for the boy.
Father Louis left his little room and stopped in the kitchen, staring at the breakfast waiting for him on the table. He then looked at Alex staring out the window, already dressed. “What have you done?”
Alex turned around, arms crossed over his chest, “Uh?”
“Breakfast on the table and you ready to- to do something I sure won’t approve… What’s going on?”
Alex almost confessed about the sleepwalking, he honestly almost did. “Nothing. It's more than a week since we got here, so I thought to take a look around the town today.”
The other took a sip of coffee and reached him at the window. “That’s good. You’re sure there’s nothing else?”
“Your faith is for religious purposes only? Would it be so hard have some of it in me, as well?” Alex snorted, walking away, grabbing the jacket from a chair.
“I guess my faith is not that strong,” he said, watching the other staring blankly at him before leaving without even commenting.
The town wasn’t very big, but it took some time to look around the whole place, entering some of the shops, listening people talking… Keeping his distance as usual. He knew he wasn’t going to last long in any discussion anyway: between the nightmares and the sleepwalking, he felt weak for the rest of the morning.
He couldn’t go back to the diner every time, either. Claire was clearly worried about him, but- this situation was so complex that not even Alex himself knew what to do anymore.
Louis knew about his nightmares, he always had, but Alex refused to tell him about the last one: the body of someone into his lap, and that voice calling him… Did he know that voice? He wasn’t sure…
“You.”
Alex jumped, finding Judith sitting in front of a bakery. “Are you stalking me or something?”
She grinned again and stood, handing him three daffodils.
“Look, thanks, but I don’t need any more flowers.”
“Are you going to refuse my flowers?” she asked in a suddenly cold voice.
“No, ma’am,” Alex sighed, taking them. “I just don’t know what to do with them.”
“I’m sure you do.” She smiled again and walked away.
Alex stared at her, then at the flowers. “I wonder if she let these grow in her pockets or something,” he murmured to himself, deciding to head back to the Church for lunch.
Walking in front of the cemetery, it took him just a moment to let his curiosity win: he entered the place wondering if the mysterious man was still there.
He silently left a flower on two of the multiple statues he met along the way, once again without really thinking about what he was doing, or why, just leaving daffodils around.
When he reached the part of the cemetery behind the Church, he saw the Reisen’s chapel and noticed the statue of an angel next to it. Alex stared at it, wondering how he didn’t notice it the first time, but he felt something strange about that one, so he slowly walked away, the last daffodil spinning slowly between his fingertips.
He stopped when he reached the statue of the angel placed in the little pond, covered with ivy. A shiver ran along his spine and he grabbed the small fence, staring at the water, considering crossing over to place the flower at the base of the statue. The pond couldn’t be that deep, after all.
“Again?”
Alex huffed, turning around to face the man he was expecting to see. “Do you have something against flowers? This is a cemetery, you know?”
The man in dark clothes was standing next to the pond, hands in the pockets of his long jacket. “I just don’t want them here.”
“And why you care about where I-“ Alex blinked at the realization, looking back at the pond for a second. “You know who’s buried here?” He asked and saw him looking down. “Sorry, I- I haven't thought about it.”
“No need to apologize.”
Alex sighed, and then asked, “He wasn’t a good person?” without really realizing he asked that aloud. Blushing under the blank look of the other man, he quickly added, “I mean, if you don’t want flowers on the grave... Or maybe it’s for other reasons? But that's none of my business... Sorry.” That said, he was ready to leave in pure mortification.
“He wasn’t a bad person,” the man said so quietly that the other almost miss it, “but he made lots of mistakes, some hard to forget… and harder to forgive.”
Alex studied that pale, melancholic face for a long moment until their eyes met again and he quickly looked away. “Still, there’s an angel protecting him,” he said and saw him frowning. “That’s what my mother thought about these statues: guardian of the souls. She used to leave flowers as thanks…” he shrugged, embarrassed, “It sounds even weirder saying it out loud.”
Despite his worries, the man wasn’t laughing. “That’s the family tradition you mentioned before?” he asked, instead.
“Yeah… I was trying to keep it going, seeing that’s one of the few things I can remember.”
“What you mean?”
“Well, I- me and my parents had an accident some year ago. I woke up from a coma with my memory damaged, so...”
“But your parents-“
“They didn’t make it,” Alex said quickly, eyes on the water. Looking up, he saw him looking so sad he almost wanted to hug him. “Hey, it’s ok… I mean, it’s not, but- There’s nothing I can do about it.” And then he felt like he needed a hug himself- or just someone supporting him because he closed his eyes and had time only to take a deep breath before his body shut down again.
When he opened his eyes, laying next to the fence of the pond, the mysterious man close by with a worried expression on his usually blank face. “Did I pass out?”
“For a few minutes. How’re you feeling?”
“Tired…” Alex groaned passing a hand over his face. “Sorry you had to see that… it never happened so often.”
“It’s because of your conditions?”
“Kind of. When I’m stressed- or if I suddenly remember something, I can pass out. Most of the time was just headache, but since we came here...” Alex shook his head, “Louis will drag me to the hospital if I tell him I pass out again…”
“Louis…?”
“Father Louis. A family’s friend. We started this trip around the states after I woke up. Risky, but I... I needed to move.” He said, then looked up at him that was still staring with a worried expression. “It’s ok. I’m fine now. really.”
“Are you sure you don’t need help?”
"Yeah, don’t worry.” Slowly they both stood up and he looked at the statue in the pond, “It was probably because I was thinking about my mom…”
“And her tradition to leave flowers to the angels' statues?”
Alex huffed a laugh, “Yeah. We moved a lot when I was a kid, from state to state, and- I think I can remember her doing it even then. Father Louis told me she started when she was little...” He shrugged, “Weird family, but it’s my family.”
“It's not weird,” the man commented. “Her faith must have been strong.”
“I guess.” Alex looked around, “But I lost the flower anyway… or you just throw it away?”
“I didn’t.”
Alex’s shoulders dropped tiredly. After a moment of hesitation, he said, “Look, I don’t know what your friend did, but everyone makes mistakes. Keep hating on someone it’s not gonna change anything- or make you feel better.”
The man stared back at him again with a blank expression. “He knows what he has done, but never asked for forgiveness. His last desire was to be left alone with his guilt. That’s probably the only way he'll be able to make amends.”
“What has he done to deserve such a punishment?” he asked quietly, feeling kind of bad for the stranger.
“He…” The man stopped, staring down at him, eyes sad again. “He couldn’t keep a promise... and he lost a dear friend because of that.”
Alex said nothing- tried not to, because what he wanted to ask was probably too much personal.
“Just let him be. He doesn’t deserve any sympathy from you, or anyone else,” the man added and then looked away, leaving without waiting for an answer.
That evening, when Father Louis came back, he stopped straight to the Vegas’ diner and once at the door, he stopped and stared at Alex and Claire talking, sitting at one of the tables in the empty local. He took a deep breath before moving forward.
Alex turned a bit and smiled, “Hey. You’re late.”
“You mean you already ate my hamburger?”
“Well, it was getting cold.”
Claire smiled and stood. “I’ll get your dinner, Father,” she said, walking to the kitchen.
“Thank you,” he nodded and sat down in front of him, watching her for another long moment.
“You want to ask her out?” Alex whispered, sipping his coke.
The other blinked and turned to him. “Uhm? What? No. Of course not.”
“Just wondering.”
“I think she’s more your type.”
Alex huffed a weak laugh. “I do like mature women…” he said looking down, the smile fading a bit. “You know, this place is weird.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It feels like people already know me. Claire, the man in black, the old flower lady. It’s kind of-“
“Man in black?”
“Yeah, I met him in the cemetery these days. A bit creepy, but-“
“Can you describe him?”
Alex frowned. “Huh, black short hair, long jacket, pale…? Oh, and tall-“ he almost jumped when the man stood and ran away. “Hey, your dinner!” he yelled behind him, staring in pure confusion.
“What happened?” Claire said coming out from the kitchen.
“I have no idea,” Alex murmured grabbing his jacket to follow his friend.
The gate of the cemetery was still open and there was no sight of Father Louis, so Alex entered and looked for him. He found the man not too far from the place where he woke up after sleepwalking. “Care to explain?”
“Where did you see him?” Father Louis asked looking back at him, eyes shining in the dim light coming from the few, weak street lamp.
“There isn't a place. Usually, he just shows up. You know him?”
“You talked to each other?”
“Not much.”
“What did he say?”
“So you know him.”
“Just tell me what he said.”
He crossed his arms, tired of being ignored. “That he has someone buried here, as the rest of the damn town because, you know, it's a damn cemetery!”
“What else?”
“Louis, what the hell? What's the matter with that guy? And don’t you dare say nothing. I swear I'm gonna punch you in the face.” At his silence, he shook his head in exasperation, “You ran away from the diner as a madman because of him!”
The priest sighed, looking away, “Maybe it was another person.”
“Oh please. You perfectly know who am I talking about, and you know him. Why you can’t just tell me?”
“Because-“ Louis started nervously, but then simply stopped. “There’s nothing to say. Your description just reminded me of an old friend.”
“Well, next time come with me leaving flowers all over the place so you'll meet him,” he snorted and saw the spark of surprise on the man’s face.
“That’s why you came here, lately?”
“That’s a problem too, now?”
“When you started doing it?” Father Louis stepped closer.
“Just- just recently.”
“Since when, Alex?” he asked again, grabbing his shoulder.
Alex looked angrily at him and get free from the grasp. “Why what I do is such a big deal to everyone?”
“Because it is important, don’t you get it?” Louis yelled, watching him flinch back slightly. He took a deep breath to calm down. “I don’t- I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
Alex kept staring at him, “What you’re not telling me?” and at his silence, he shook his head in disbelief. “More secrets?”
“it's for your own good.”
“That’s something I can decide for myself!” Alex yelled, “How many things you’re hiding from me? Something about my memories too? Something important I forgot?”
“Alex-“
“That’s why I keep dreaming about dead people every single night?” he continued, angrily, “Because that seems to be the only thing I deserve to dream about: death and blood and- and someone dying in my arms and I have no idea who is it! I woke up every day so overwhelmed with grief and- and guilt and sadness, I can hardly breathe, and I don’t even know why I should feel like this!”
Louis blinked in surprise. “Why you haven't told me about-?”
“I don’t know! Because it was my problem, because it wasn’t real, but now… Now you have secrets and I can’t stop thinking that everything is connected.” Alex sniffed, looking so heartbroken. “What did I forgot? Something about the accident?” and then it hit him, a question so terrible, so scary that his voice almost refused to ask. “You never told me what caused it… Was it me? Mom and dad died because of me?”
Louis said nothing, but his eyes were watery too.
“I’m responsible for everything…? I’m-“ Alex stopped when he moved closer, keeping him in a tight embrace.
“Alex, what happened it’s not your fault. None of this is.”
“Then why you’re crying?”
Louis blinked the tears away while placing his cheek against his short, blond hair. “Because seems like the more we try to change, more things stay the same,” he whispered sadly.
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore…”
Louis took a deep breath, “I can’t promise the truth will make you feel better.”
“I doubt anything would,” Alex cried, holding on him.
Louis stared down at the graves around them for a moment, then said, “That man you met here… You don’t remember about him?”
Alex frowned, "Why should I...?" then he stopped, the shadow of a memory crossing his mind, but he couldn't catch it… He saw that man somewhere else before?
When Louis moved away to look at him, he supported him just in time, keeping him in his arms, uncounscious.
.-.-.-.-.
“I had no other choice”
“Yes, you did. Louis, he doesn’t need to-“
“Then why you talked with him in the first place?”
A moment of silence. “When I saw him here- I couldn’t believe it was real. Then, I realized what has happened.”
“And you couldn’t accept it.”
“I do. I have to.”
“Then why you keep torturing him like this?”
“…I thought he was dead, Louis.”
“Then why you just haven't told him the truth? Why playing with him like this?”
“You’re not in the position to accuse me of playing with him.”
“I did what his parents asked me to. I kept him safe. I helped him get his life back- his world back. He deserved it.”
“Then why you brought him here?”
“You think it was my idea? We moved all over the State before arriving here. He, his family, they kept moving around all their life, and now you know why. They got a second chance, and still, his mother decided to do something for us. Despite she remembered everything.”
“But it can’t be-“
“They both remembered, but Alex doesn’t. Before the accident, only me and his parents knew the truth… aside our brothers and sisters.”
“Why she kept helping us?”
“Because she thought it was right… That some of us deserved her help.” A long sigh. “Alex is doing the same thing, now. He started here, in a little town with a woman named Claire, owners of a diner called Vega. And I haven’t told him to search for you. He found you on his own.”
There was a long moment of silence. “That change nothing.”
“But it means something!” Louis shot back. “You heard him, he- he’s falling apart. Alex’s mind and soul are splitting in two.”
“And you think it’s my fault?”
“No, I think it was the accident's fault, but I also think that you should be one helping him cope with the truth.”
“Are you insane? After what we've been through-“
“He doesn’t want to forget. Why do you think we’re here? He was searching for you- waiting for you. He still needs your guide.”
“But if he remembers…”
“You know what his mother- what he is trying to do here. He knows it’s right, he just can’t understand how you know it. You can spend the rest of your life trying to stop him, or you can help him get better.”
“I don’t want to lose him again...”
“I don't want that either, but if it's for Alex's sake, I'm willing to take the risk. The question is if you are."