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Jim rode the high of successfully fooling the Romulans for at least half an hour. It would usually last longer, but the events of the day were catching up with him. Fast. He looked towards the door to the bridge where McCoy and Spock had disappeared through twenty minutes prior, and sighed to himself. They should be finished by now. Looking back to Spock’s usual position, he saw Chekov at the scanner.
“Mr Chekov, any sign of the Romulans?” he asked, knowing the answer.
“Negative, sir. We seem to be well in the clear.” Jim nodded to himself.
“Very well. Mr Sulu, take the helm,” he instructed. He barely waited for Sulu to acknowledge the order, before he was heading off the bridge and towards medbay. He would check there first, and if Spock had gone to his own quarters Jim would follow him there. It may seem like he was rushing the issue, but Jim knew very well that he’d better address it soon. If he waited too long, Spock would have time to meditate and declare himself well above the whole thing.
Jim wondered briefly if he was being selfish in not allowing his friend that comfort, but dismissed the thought. As much as he was willing to play along with Spock about his not having any emotions, he didn’t truly believe it. And the way he’d averted his eyes when Jim called him a traitor keept replaying itself for Jim, and he just knew he had to make it right.
When he entered medbay Bones greeted him, grinning darkly from where he was seated, reading something off a padd.
“Jim!” he exclaimed, getting to his feet. “I trust you’re feeling alright?”
“Yes, yes.. “ Jim said dismissively. “How did it go with Spock?” McCoy almost rolled his eyes at his Captain’s obvious concern, but seemed to contain himself at the last moment, making for half a gesture.
“I am adequate,” Spock stated as he entered from one of the side rooms. Jim’s head whipped about to stare at his First Officer. Jim had known Spock long enough to know from the rigid look he gave him, that the Vulcan was physically fighting not to avert his eyes. Kirk softened his own features, trying to convey without words that he didn’t stand by what he had said earlier. Then his brow furrowed as he got a proper look at Spock. There were still visible grey streaks in his hair, and while the wrinkles seemed to have lessened, they were not gone.
“What’s happening?” Jim asked, turning to McCoy with an almost accusatory glare. “Why isn’t he back to normal?” Bones held up his hands in a defensive gesture.
“Beats me, Jim! With that human-vulcan physiology your guess might be as good as mine, but I can tell you that the process is reversing, it’s just moving at a slower pace than it did for the rest of us.”
“I can assure you, there is no cause for concern, Captain,” Spock stated matter-of-factly. “There is no indication that the process ISN’T reversing, indeed, I appear to be experiencing the same recovery as you and the others, merely at a slower pace.”
Jim nodded slowly, taking in their words, and trying to quell the flames of unease that were burning in his stomach at the sight of Spock. Now that he himself was back to normal, it was somehow jarring to see his First Officer looking so.. frail. Jim was about to say something more, when Spock shivered in front of him. Jim blinked in surprise, but Spock seemed content to ignore it.
“Requesting permission to return to my quarters,” Spock said, and there was something urgent in his tone, that made Jim look expectantly at McCoy, all but saying “Well, you heard the man!”
“Now, Spock, you know I can’t do that before we’re certain the effect of the radiation continues to reverse..” McCoy said, sounding genuinely sorry.
Jim looked between the two of them, wondering for the first time why exactly he went here in the first place. He wanted to talk to Spock, yes, but with McCoy present, it didn’t seem right to bring up the things he had said earlier. No, scrap that. Jim wasn’t proud of his words, and he didn’t particularly care to hear Bones’ opinion on top of his own guilt.
“I can assure you –“ Spock started to say, but was cut off by Bones. “Now, don’t be silly, Mr. Spock. I am not going to see you out of here before I am perfectly satisfied that you are healthy!” Spock’s posture slumped a little, it was barely visible, but Jim winced inwardly at the sight. McCoy’s expression softened.
“I’ll turn up the heat in one of the rooms, and get you some thermal blankets,” he stated. Jim looked towards Spock.
“You feel cold, Spock?” he asked, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.
“The ability to self-regulate my internal temperature is momentarily inhibited, Captain,” Spock stated, and met Jim’s eyes. “I can assure you that I do not feel anything concerning the matter.”
“No, no of course..” Jim conceded, not in the mood for their usual banter. McCoy looked like he wanted to comment, but thought better of it, and turned around and disappeared into one of the rooms. A moment later he emerged.
“Go sit down in there,” he instructed Spock, and nodded towards the room he’d just come out of. Spock did as he was told, and Jim stood still where he was and watched him go. He looked towards Bones.
“Has he been cold this whole time?” Jim asked, this time not doing anything to hide his concern. McCoy crossed his arms. “Well. Yeah. It seems to have been an effect of the radiation, possibly linked to the breaking down of mental faculties. Vulcan is a very warm place, Jim. All things considered, Vulcans tolerate a pretty wide range of temperature, but they do this by … well I don’t know exactly, but it’s certainly more conscious than what you or I do.” He finished, and Jim took a step forward.
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” he asked. McCoy looked a little confused, then defensive. “Well, there were more pressing concerns, as you might recall!” Jim deflated. The doctor was right, of course.
“Right. Of course,” Jim spoke his thoughts out loud.
“Damn straight,” Bones said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a patient to see to. What are you doing down here anyway?” Jim fought the urge to shuffle his feet, feeling like he’d been caught in the act of something terrible. But that wasn’t right. He was here to set things right.
“Well.. It was my intention to speak to Spock,” he admitted. “But perhaps I’d better wait until he’s back to normal.”
McCoy shrugged. “Might as well go talk to him now, if you can deal with the heat of that room. I’m sure he’d appreciate the distraction.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Jim said, feeling uncharacteristically unsure of himself. McCoy’s eyebrows rose.
“I find that very hard to believe, Jim,” he said. “Now go make up, it’s hardly fitting for two senior officers to be beating around the bush like this,” he added perceptively.
Jim nodded. Bones had hit the nail on the head. He went past the doctor, and into the room that Spock had disappeared into. Jim regretted his decision almost immediately, when he was greeted by the heat. It felt like being surrounded by a wall.
Spock was sitting cross-legged on a biobed, but he looked up when Jim entered. Jim wondered if he’d been trying to meditate.
“Spock,” Jim said softly.
“Captain,” Spock acknowledged. Jim told himself it was merely the pressure of the heat that made it suddenly hard to speak.
“Earlier today…” Jim started, pausing to think of how he should phrase it in a way that Spock wouldn’t dismiss.
“I apologize for my conduct earlier today,” Spock said, before Jim had a chance to continue. “I now believe that my judgement was mistaken in allowing Commodore Stocker to obtain command, yet at the same time, regulations dictate..” he didn’t get any further, before Jim interrupted him with an empathetic “I won’t hear a word of it!”
Spock cocked his head to the side. “Sir?”
“Spock..” Jim said, feeling a little lost. It wasn’t a nice feeling. “I believe you did what you had to do. But I must admit I’d have felt safer with you at the helm than Commodore Stocker.”
“Captain, may I remind you that I, too, had been afflicted with the ailment that caused you to be deemed unfit for command?” Spock asked, a grim look on his face.
“Well, that’s exactly what I’m trying to say!” Jim said. “There was no right course of action. I was clearly behaving .. erratically,” he admitted. “When I look back at my own actions I recognize that I was being irrational. Even paranoid.”
Spock said nothing for a while, staring back evenly. Jim took the opportunity to study his First Officer. A good part of his hair was still grey, and his shoulders were slumped more than usual. Overall he looked.. tired. Old and tired. It made Jim’s heart ache. As he was looking, Spock very rapidly shook his head in a tiny motion, while blinking. It was so quick Jim had almost missed it, except Jim rarely missed anything where Spock was concerned. He’d twitched.
Jim took a step forward in concern. It’d looked alarmingly similar to the small twitches Spock had been doing back when he’d been infected by the parasite on Deneva.
“Are you in pain?”
Spock shook his head slowly. “No sir. It is merely the convulsive effect of the serum that is bothering me.”
“Well, then you must be in pain!” Jim stated, forgetting for a moment the reason he’d come there in the first place. “I assumed the effect was just overall different for you, but that transformation was painful for sure!” He took another step forward.
“Captain,” Spock said, and his tone was just south of showing exasperation. “As the process is taking much longer, it stands to reason that the adverse effects are also much lessened.” His tone was dismissive. “Besides, as you are well aware, Vulcans are quite capable of controlling pain.”
“Right, the same way you control your temperature, I presume,” Jim said, gesturing at nothing in particular, to indicate the heat of the room. As if on cue, the doors slid open, and McCoy entered with a blanket in his arms.
“Now, that is hardly necessary..” Spock said, but McCoy ignored him, and walked straight past Jim, and spread the blanket out over Spock’s shoulders.
“You’re still my patient,” Bones stated, as he stepped back. “And I won’t have you be cold.” He picked up a medical tricorder, and started to take readings off Spock.
“Why, Mr. Spock, you’re getting younger by the minute!” he said pleasantly. “Keep it up, and you’ll be back in your own quarters in no time.”
“That would be preferable,” Spock acknowledged. “Thank you doctor.” It seemed he was done being a difficult patient. McCoy scoffed, likely not knowing what to say in the face of honest gratitude, and turned on his heel and left the room.
The moment he was gone, Spock pulled at the blanket so it was arranged snugly around him. Jim wasn’t exactly sure what to make of the emotions this action inspired in him. It was as if.. he was watching something very precious.. Like a fierce surge of protective emotion in the face of something.. dare he say, cute? Clearly, the heat was getting to him. His face felt hot.
“As a matter of fact I came here to apologize,” he said, before he could get cold feet. Spock lifted an eyebrow.
“Apologize, Captain?”
“Yes, Spock. Apologize. You must realize that I was out of line earlier when I called you traitorous and disloyal and.. told you that I never wanted to see you again…” it took all of Jim’s willpower not to lower his voice as he restated the words.
“Ah. Well, an apology assumes that the apologee has somehow hurt the feelings of the recipient of the apology, but as you know, I am incapable of such human sentiment, so your apology is quite redundant. Besides, since the time of this exchange, you have clearly demonstrated that you had no intention of never seeing me again. I had briefly considered that this could prove problematic if I were to remain on the Enterprise, but the issue seems to have solved itself.”
“You… you thought I would have had you .. transferred?” Jim asked, incredulous.
“At the time I wasn’t yet aware that we would be able to reverse the ageing, so a possible reassignment was not a priority concern,” Spock said, somewhat evading the question.
“Spock!” Jim said, and took a step forward, now standing so close he could reach out and settle a hand on top of the blanket on his friend’s shoulder. But he didn’t.
“Jim?” Spock asked, leaning back somewhat, to look up at him.
“You have proven your loyalty to me time and again,” Jim said. “I can imagine no other as my second in command.”
Spock twitched again, and Jim fought the urge to wrap him up in his arms. Where were these urges coming from, anyway?
“Thank you, sir.” Spock said, lowering his gaze.
Jim stood there for a while longer, clenching and unclenching his hand. There was something he was missing. Some piece to fit everything together again, the way it was supposed to be. But it would have to wait.
Jim took a step back, and when he caught Spock’s eyes again, his friend looked a lot more healthy than he had a moment ago. Maybe it was just that time had passed and he was getting younger. Or maybe Jim’s words had had an effect after all.
“Care for a game of chess?” Jim opted for asking.
“At this moment?” Spock asked, cocking his head to the side questioningly.
“Well, now that you mention it, it’s hardly fair since your mental faculties are..” Jim made a dismissive motion.
“I can assure you, I am not so incapacitated that I do not stand a chance against you in a game of chess,” Spock said, and Jim could swear he heard indignation in his tone.
“Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we,” Jim grinned.
Everything was… probably going to be okay.