Work Text:
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Breathe, Michael.
"Jeremy," I start, "I'm not sure if we can still be best friends."
Oh God, I'm actually doing this.
"We can still be friends, but not best friends. Look, I forgive you and all but I'm still kind of stressed about... stuff"
I try to explain. This was is a horrible decision.
"I'm feeling stressed out about, God, everything."
Here we go.
"When I was younger, way younger, I was bullied. Still am. I have social anxiety. Then, I met you."
It's getting harder to breathe. Shit
"You were my best friend, my only friend. Thank you. Fast forward a few years, I started cutting. Everything became too much for me. I realized I was- well, gay."
Don't cry.
"Jeremy, really like you. I don't lo- I mean like as a best friend. Well, I do, but I have a really big crush on you and I think I love you."
Damn it, Michael, you're such an idiot! You're crying over nothing like the loser you are.
Silence.
"A-and then you pulled some shit on me, and I really want to hate you. Especially since you called me a l-loser (you can't even say a single fucking word correctly. No wonder people bully you) and you left me in the bathroom, but I can't. Hate you-that is.
I'm shaking I'm shaking I'm shaking
"S-so um (um? Who says 'um'?) I understand why you would do that to me. It was probably the S.Q.U.I.P. and if it wasn't, I get why you would say that to me."
I'm useless, I'm worthless. That's why he left me. I'm a horrible friend, he hates me. I can't breathe. I'm all alone. I can't do this. I can't breathe.
"It's just-"
Why is everything so loud
It hurts
Everything hurts
I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T
Knock
Knock
Knock
"Michael? You've been in there for a while now. You okay?"
I take a shuddering breath.
"Yeah! Hold on, I'm heading out now."
Footsteps. He's walking away.
I get up, look in the mirror, splash some water on my face and smile.
I open the door and walk away.
I smile for Jeremy.
All of this is for Jeremy.