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Yuki meets with Kakeru after class often. Being on the student council, they find themselves together often. Some afternoons Yuki tries to get work done while Kakeru goes on about how they’re the superheroes of the school, sometimes they sit silently.
Oddly enough, the silence is never uncomfortable with Kakeru. Yuki never feels like he has to put up the front he puts up with others. He allows himself the quiet comfort of being totally himself, as small and weak as it makes him feel. And Kakeru doesn’t seem to mind, he’s supportive and sweet and always a little annoying (and Yuki finds himself making more and more excuses for student council meetings).
It takes some time for them to move past the silence completely. But when they do, the secrets come pouring out of Yuki. He shares the truth of a sad childhood, of neglectful parents, of pain and heartache and unbearable loneliness. And when he’s done, he’s almost concerned that he’s told Kakeru about the curse. Because something about Kakeru makes Yuki want to rest his heavy heart in the other boy’s hands. And something about Kakeru makes it easier to breathe.
Kakeru listens to him patiently, which is surprising to Yuki considering how impatient he is when it comes to anything else. He lets Yuki talk for as long as he needs to, he doesn’t interrupt. And Yuki feels lighter at the end of it all. Kakeru doesn’t look at him any differently, he doesn’t act with any disgust, just the same unrelenting optimism he faces most things with. Kakeru acts as though Yuki hasn’t coughed up all the sad and ugly bits of himself. Instead, he makes Yuki smile in the way only he can get him to smile. Well, in the way only Kakeru and Tohru can get him to smile. And in moments like this, he reminds Yuki of Tohru.
They talk about Tohru too, and the way Yuki feels selfish for seeking maternal love in her. But Yuki can only be grateful to her, because she’s given him what he really needed. A mother, a friend, and he tells Kakeru this too. They spend a whole afternoon taking about how clearly Kyo and Tohru love each other, although neither of them have realized it yet. And although Kakeru suggests the idea, Yuki feels no jealousy. At least not in the way people expect him to.
Yuki doesn't wish he were in Kyo’s place and he doesn’t wish Tohru were in love with him the way she so very obviously loves Kyo. Yuki feels jealous that maybe the bond between him and Tohru isn’t as special as hers and Kyo’s. And Yuki needs her to know that it is as special, just in a different way. But he’s not ready to have that conversation with her, although he’s hopeful one day he will. And maybe one day, he’ll tell Kyo that he admires things about him too. Although he’s less hopeful about a day like that.
Kakeru listens to him in their place. Kakeru helps him practice the conversations he’s not ready to have with them.
One afternoon, after Yuki has bared all of his heart, he finds himself crying. He panics momentarily, expecting to scare away Kakeru forever. But even when he looks up at him through red and teary-eyes, Kakeru is sitting there. He’s sitting there, sporting one of his trademark idiot-smiles and Yuki feels as though all the hardships in his life have been worth it, if only for that smile.
“Yun-Yun, don’t cry,” Kakeru laughs and throws the ball he’s been playing around with at him.
Yuki rolls his eyes and pretends to be angry. But he’s not and Kakeru knows this too.
And alone, in a moment that belongs to the two of them and no one else, Kakeru kisses him. Yuki feels the tears start to roll down his cheeks again as he kisses back. Tears full of a joy he’s never been able to claim for himself before.
Kakeru pulls away and for a moment, Yuki worries that maybe he’s done something wrong.
But Kakeru says, “Jeez, Yun-Yun, that was supposed the cheer you up,” and again, Yuki feels so full and light.
“You really are such an idiot,” he laughs softly, genuinely and Kakeru laughs too.
Nothing else matters in that moment, not Yuki’s parents, not the Sohma curse, not Tohru. It’s just Yuki and Kakeru, and the easiness of being in each other’s company.