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Ford was the one to pull away from the hug. It made sense- the guy probably hadn’t had any physical contact with people in weeks besides you, so there was only so long he’d be able to stand it.
He coughs into his hand, cheeks flushed. “Well. I… thank you. I needed that.”
A hand raises to the back of your neck, and your gaze drops. Somehow, you feel that if he saw your eyes he’d know exactly how you felt.
“So.” Drumming his fingers against his thighs, he swishes saliva around in his mouth, clearly as uncomfortable as you are. “Um. Hmm. Just out of… out of curiosity, what did Bill offer you?”
“What do you mean?” Your hands curl up on the bottom of your sweater. “I already said-”
“No, I know you declined his offer, but I don’t have many other examples of people he’s offered his… services.”
“What did he give you?” Your attempt to redirect the conversation is incredibly obvious, but he sighs and answers anyways.
“Knowledge, like I said. He’s a being who’s lived billions of years, and by a partnership with him, I could create something that could explain the mysteries of the universe. In return he’d get to use my body, although he spun it so he’d mostly use it to help me.” He lifted his hand , and you could see white burn patches on the pads of his fingertips. “Needless to say, it was a lie.” Ford turned to you. “Any information about how Bill works outside of how he interacted with me would be immensely useful.”
His eyes are still tired, but there’s a spark in them now.
“Well… well, he… no, it’s dumb.” You shake your head. You’re not going to let it spill when the guy just let you close, it could ruin things.
“I really do want to know!” He leans forward, and one of his hands rests on your leg.
“He…” You swallow. Maybe if you’re vague enough he’ll lay off. Even so, though, your voice pitches up. “He offered me a person.”
Ford blinked at that. “A person? Like a sacrifice? ”
“No, a… someone that I wanted to get to know better. If I helped him, he’d make my relationship with them better.” For a moment, you were terrified he’d figure it out, but he just cracked a nervous grin.
“I’d imagine I’m the exception, then. That’s the normal thing people want, right?” Something cracked in his voice. “People want to be closer to others, but I just wanted to elevate myself, make-”
“No, no, you’re not doing this right now.” You grabbed his arms, focusing your eyes on his. “Bill is a jerk who’s good at tricking people. Lots of people want knowledge or power or whatever. Half of history is people doing terrible things for knowledge of power. It’s not a unique problem. You’re twenty-seven, right? You’re allowed to screw up.”
“Not on this scale-”
“Nope. Seal that thought up and toss it in the lake so the gobblewonker can eat it. You fucked up, you’re going to fix it, you’ll worry about freaking out later, and I am going to help you.”
The side of his mouth quirked up, pushing what was left of his cheek fat up and squinting his eye. “They must be lucky.”
“What?” Your grip on his arms loosens. “Who must be lucky?”
“Whoever it is Bill wanted to help you fix things up with. You’re pretty good at this.” He gently pulled himself away from you. “Was it someone you liked, or a… a relative?”
“It was… it was someone I liked.”
“Oh.” It’s hard to tell if he’s relieved or more intrigued by that. “I would offer advice, but I don’t have much experience, that was usually my br-” He cut himself off, and there was a pause. “Just once, really. Something short with- no, that doesn’t matter.”
“Did the elusive Ford just admit something about his past?”
“I did not.” Ford turns his head, but his ears are tipped red.
“Something short- did you have a fling with someone?”
“I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“Come on, I told you something. Promise I won’t judge.”
His fingers grip the fabric of his coat. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Well, it’s interesting to me.” You shrug. “Was it a guy or something? Because honestly I wouldn’t mind if that was-”
“It was my roommate.” Ford blurted out, then slapped a hand to his mouth. His eyes were wide. You reach up, and set your smaller palm on top of his hand.
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. I… I kind of like girls sometimes, too. Never got a chance to do anything, but-”
“It was a little longer than just a fling. We dated for a year before he met his wife. They’re… they had a child, and now he won’t even talk to me, and she’s called me more than once, asking for him. I might have ruined his life.”
Something clicks. “Wait are you talking about- Fiddleford?”
Ford’s head drops, which is all the answer you need. “Oh, I’m so sorry. He seems like such a nice guy, I can see why you liked him.”
A weak smile spreads across his face. “Yes, he was… quite interesting. A genius in his own right. I didn’t deserve him, he put up with a lot to be my assistant.”
You decided not to mention the last time you saw him he’d torn some of his hair out. It probably wouldn’t help Ford’s guilt complex.
“Well, I’m glad you had someone.” Biting you lip, you scoot a little closer. “And… and now you have me.”
He turns to you, and the smile actually reaches his eyes. “I suppose I do.” You barely have a few seconds to enjoy it before it drops. “But… I’m still putting you in danger by being around you. All that needs to happen is I get too tired, and then he could hurt you.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re being reckless.” He tries to pull away, but you grab his wrist. You were settling this once and for all.
“I repeat- I don’t care. If I cared I would have moved out of this place years ago. I said I wanted to help and I’m sticking by it.”
“But why? It’s my mess, and I need to fix it alone. Bill is my problem, he must not think you’re that big a threat if all he offered you was a crush-”
“He offered me you!” Your heart skips a beat, and you can feel Ford’s thudding in his wrist, the pace picking up.
“M-me?”
Slowly, you let him go, mumbling numbly, “Yeah. Yeah, you.” Whoops.
“I- I don’t understand…”
“You think I do?” Raking a hand over the top of your head and through your hair, you press your legs together, wishing very much you could just shrink into nonexistance.
“You like me. You like me.” Ford says it in the same awestuck way you’d heard him talking about aliens. He’s staring at you like you’re a specimen in a lab, and you pull in on yourself further. “You- even with all of this?” He waves a hand around to the general chaos that is his house.
“Even with all of this.” You draw in a deep breath. “I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe it’s just wanting to help you. Maybe it’s because you’re new and interesting and I guess kind of dangerous. Maybe it’s just your eyes or your hair or anything else that makes up your body. It’s something I can’t quite figure out.” The only reason you’re not flushing is that the heater had already reddened your cheeks and neck. “But I don’t care about this whole godforsaken mess you’re in, because I’m not leaving until I can help you get out of it.”
There’s silence, and you’re afraid to look up and meet his gaze- at least until he sets a finger under your chin and pushes your face up to see a lopsided smile.
“Do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
“…No.”
“I’m thinking, ‘if my fifteen year old self saw this, he’d be going nuts.’ ” You can’t help but stare, and a giggle bubbles out of your throat.
“That’s all you’re going to say? That as a nerdy kid you never thought a girl could like you?” Your laugh is echoed by one of his own, and even as his hand raises up to cover his mouth, shoulders hunched, the sound is new and inviting.
“It’s true! I never- and look at me now!” He waved his arm around again like it was a windsock. “My house is a disaster, I’m sharing my body with a demon, I haven’t slept in four days, and this is when the girl comes knocking at my door!” He starts snickering."If this is a trick or dramatic irony..."
"It's not, I promise." You can't stop laughing long enough for it to sound sincere, but neither of you really care.
For a good two minutes, there’s the tick of the clock, the sounds of half-coherent laughter, and the warmth of two bodies and one space heater humming away.
Some part of you is afraid to ask what he thinks of you now, but the rest is focusing on him looking lighter than he has since you’d met.
No matter what happens now, you’ll be there all the way.