Chapter Text
Jamie struggled to take a breath that would not bring a wave of pain. He was dimly aware of Claire’s presence by his side, holding his hand in one of her own. Her unruly hair, any traces of brown long since gone, framed a face lined with worry and care, and mottled with the stains of many tears shed. For some sixty years, she had used her skills to help the sick, on either side of two centuries. Sometimes, she had been able to save lives. Other times, she could only watch helplessly as disease or injury beyond her expertise claimed them.
When the pain began, a year ago, she had examined him and ended by looking away, saying nothing. He knew then there was nothing to be done, for never had Claire ever been at a loss for words, in all the years he’d known her. More and more of her days were spent by Jamie’s side as he became more ill and, in these last few weeks, confined to bed. Family and friends from all over the Ridge had gathered for last farewells from Himself, but at this hour, Jamie and Claire were alone.
“Sassenach,” he breathed, too close to the edge to take the care to hide the signs of discomfort she would hear.
“I’m here,” she replied softly. Gently, she caressed his face with her free hand.
“I dinna want to leave ye, but I think I must, and soon.” He grunted and shifted his position.
“It’s alright, Jamie.” Her voice held steady with the years of experience in difficult situations, but belied by the tears escaping her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t heal you.” She broke and bent her head sobbing to his chest, still murmuring apologies, till he nudged her slightly.
“Sit up so I can see your face, Sorcha.” She complied, and with an effort, he focused on her and laid a hand on her cheek.
“Listen to me. I ken how it was before - when ye thought I had drowned. I want ye to swear that ye will live, and not let grief o’ertake ye. And if I can, I will be with ye every day. God will call my body home to its rest, but I swear, my spirit will walk with ye and the bairns, until we can find each other again. Now and always. There is no heaven without you, Claire.”
“I love you. I love you, James Fraser.” She shook him slightly. “Do you hear me?”
I love you. I love you.
Claire bowed her head again, sobbing as though her soul was being torn from her. Jamie put his arms around her, then climbed out of bed to hold her in a full embrace. It seemed both hours and yet minutes he stood that way, until the sun came up, shining as brightly as he had never seen it. He did not stir until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Da, come. It’s time to go.” He looked up and saw a young woman, one he had never seen in life, but appearing just as he had thought she must. As lovely as her sister, almost as beautiful as their mother. She smiled and kissed his cheek.
“Faith.” He rose and wrapped his arms around her.
“Shall we? Everyone is waiting.” She stepped forward, pulling his hand.
“No, not yet. I have promised to wait, until your mother can come as well,” he said, looking back at Claire.
“Aye, then. We’ll wait with you,” she said, nodding her head toward the door. She bent and dropped a kiss on her mother’s head, and squeezed her father’s arm, and left the room.
Jamie sat on the bed again, one arm around Claire, the other holding her hand. He whispered to her in Gaelic, and again lost the sense of time. He stayed until the room grew dark, and then somehow seemed to fade from sight.
A different room came into view, Roger and Brianna’s cabin. He saw Brianna crying, taking solace in Roger’s arms.
A different room. Jem and Fanny, lying in bed, late at night. Laughing and crying, sharing their memories of him.
Marsali and her youngest, Claude. Joan and Felicité hugging Mandy, and Germaine’s with his hand on her back.
Young Ian, sitting alone in the woods, grieving.
Then the darkness came again. He rose, and went through the door. He came out in a sunny courtyard, the Lallybroch of his youth. The yapping of dogs accompanied the shouts of joy coming from his brother, Willie, who was playing with the hounds of their childhood. On the steps of the house, sat his mother, Ellen, nursing the baby Robert. His father, Brian, looked over them, and he and his mother looked up and smiled at Jamie at his arrival.
He roamed the grounds, and by the stable met Ian, healthy and whole as he was in his youth. With him was young Jamie, leading a horse. From the high meadow, where the tower lay, he saw Jenny walking, with her bairn Caitlyn. She approached and he embraced her.
“Home at last, are you, brother?” She asked, rocking and cooing to the baby.
“No, not yet. Not until I can bring Claire.” She looked knowingly at him, and patted his arm. He looked around once more, and continued on.
The darkness came and went again, and he was in front of a great house. As he watched, a somber man in fine black clothing left by the front door, and climbed into a carriage waiting nearby. Jamie walked nearer to see his face. William. As he stared at his son, he heard hoofbeats, and turned to see who approached. Lord John Grey drew up on a large black horse, a fine figure in his army uniform. He dismounted and shook his hand.
“It’s good to see you again, Jamie,” John said. “Of course I look out for him,” indicating William with a gesture of his head, “as I long ago promised I always would.” They stood watching until the carriage got underway, and John remounted to follow. They shook hands again, and Jamie noticed the horse for the first time.
“Is that-?” He said in surprise.
“Donas?” said John. “Yes, it is. He’s a fine mount, my compliments to you.”
Jamie stroked the horse’s nose and chuckled when he nickered back at him. He looked up at John, who nodded and doffed his hat, and turned and cantered after the carriage. Jamie looked after him until the darkness came again.
When it cleared, he was home again, at the Ridge. He walked through the woods, making his way to the little cemetery. When he neared, he saw that all the community was gathered. Roger, Jem, Ian, and Germaine were hoisting a coffin. His funeral. Two figures in the group detached and came towards him.
“Grandpère!” Little Henri-Christian ran to Jamie, who scooped him up in his arms. “I have so much to tell you! Papa took me to see where he grew up, in Paris! And he showed me where he lived with you and Grandmère!” Fergus caught up with the pair, and took Henri-Christian from Jamie, to carry himself.
“Let us tell Grandpère about that later, shall we?” Fergus said. Henri-Christian made a face, and wiggled out of his father’s arms and ran back to the group, to stand by Marsali. Jamie and Fergus embraced. “I have missed you, milord.” They turned and walked to join the crowd.
A dog - Rollo - trotted up happily to greet Jamie, by licking his hand, then returned to his place by Ian’s side. Jamie stood just behind Claire, and looked down to see Adso winding around her ankles.
The service, conducted by Roger, began serenely enough, but he was overcome by emotion after a few minutes. Several people began to weep, including Claire, who was flanked by Brianna and Mandy. As they tried to comfort her, Jamie leaned into her, with a hand on her shoulder and a cheek against hers. Mandy frowned for a moment, and abruptly turned and looked at where Jamie was standing. She did not seem to see him, but seemed to know something was there.
“She has the sight, doesn’t she, Da?” Faith said at Jamie’s side, while looking at Mandy.
“Aye, or something like it,” replied Jamie, thinking of all the unusual occurrences over the years.
The service and the gathering at the big house passed in a blur, until it was late at night, and Claire was in bed. She wept as she called Jamie’s name and touched his pillow. Jamie lay down beside her, and touched her face.
“I’m here, mo nighean donn. Now and always.”