Chapter Text
It was Guanlin who mentioned it first.
They were talking about random stuffs about their fellow friends at CUBE when the Taiwanese suddenly asked. “Hey,” The digital letters were wrapped in short bubble chat, followed by a longer one beneath: “Sorry for being nosy but--”
Five seconds passed by and the notification stated that his older were still typing something, so Seonho typed his own reply, asking for the continuation: “But?”
“It's just,” The two words were sent, then followed with the chopped continuation, “You never ask about him anymore these days.”
Guanlin's text hit something inside him with a loud BAM! and Seonho knew immediately who was this “him” that they were talking about. Still, the self-proclaimed chick trainee typed his reply with slightly trembling hands.
“I don't know who are you talking about.”
He wanted to type another excuse, maybe bragged his new title for being a hyung collector: Hey I got so many hyung these days so which one we're talking about? But Guanlin texted him the next reply way too quickly.
“You know exactly who is he.”
The digital sentence felt like an accusation, and there was these annoying sinking feeling on the pit of his stomach as Guanlin's next text appeared: “Hwang Minhyun Hyung.”
Ah, Seonho sighed. Why my heart still flutters whenever he was mentioned. Just seeing his name made me felt so giddy like this. There was that familiar pang on his chest, the one which never failed to make him winced.
“Well...” His thumbs tapped his phone screen, typed the letters. Chewed his own lower lip, Seonho tried his best to arrange his words—typing and erasing quickly in a back and forth gesture. His heartbeats went wary, filled with the heaviness of sudden anxiety.
He was there during the music event.
WANNA ONE and Nuest W both attended the event, so Seonho went there to visit his favourite hyungs from the second season of Produce 101. He slipped backstage and the staff there allowed him to be there, even informed him the location of the waiting room when he asked about Hwang Minhyun.
It was on the last room in the corridor, the noona with the clipped board and black earpiece pointed to the one particular door, He was with another member of Nuest W though.
Bright-eyed and bursting with the awfully longing feeling from missing Minhyun after all these times, Seonho smiled widely as he thanked the staff. He tip-toed in front of the door, wanted to surprise his beloved Hyung. Hands on the doorknob, he pushed in slowly—wanted to steal a peek instead of barged in immediately.
Then he saw it.
Inside, he saw his Minhyun hyung with another male. He couldn't see the latter's face, but Seonho recognized that particular back: the leader of Nuest and Nuest W; the so called Nation Leader: JR a.k.a Kim Jonghyun. The byeongari trainee wanted to call both of his hyungs in glee when the epiphany hit him. Words died inside his throat as he realized the way Minhyun stared at the latter. Sweet, filled with adoration—smile was gentle and heartfelt; those fingers trailed on Jonghyun's cheeks as Minhyun leaned in. “I missed you so much.”
Jonghyun replied with a soft, “Me too.” and Minhyun cupped the latter's cheeks, pulled the other male closer before sealed their lips together. The kiss was tender and passionate—Jonghyun circled his arms around Minhyun's shoulders and tried his best to prolonged the kiss with small pecks before the taller male crushed their lips together once more.
“Wait for me, I'll be back soon,” Minhyun murmured between kisses, but loud enough for Seonho to finally get the phrase 'The world crumbled beneath your feet' meant. He closed the door silently, steps by steps away from the room while thinking Ah, so it's how heartbreak felt like.
He met Dongho and Minki on the next hallway, they were stood there with another member of Nuest that he haven't met yet: Aron—whom they introduced to him. “You're here!” Minki said, smiled as he pat Seonho's back, “Have you seen Minhyun yet?” Much to their dismay, Seonho just shook his head and laughed, “Ah, but I need to leave soon to my next schedule. My manager was waiting for me.”
Minki's beautiful brow arched in confusion, “Are you sure you don't want to meet him—?”
“Maybe next time,” Seonho shrugged his shoulder, “He still haven't fulfilled his promise to treat me the Korean BBQ after all.”
He waved them goodbye, make sure the Nuest W's member entered their own waiting room and went to the restroom as soon as he saw one. Seonho slipped to the corner cubicle and locked the door; tears streamed down from his eyes—drops by drops fell like bullets and he was weeping softly, tried his best not to be heard.
The ping! sound brought him back to reality.
There was another chat bubble from Guanlin, consisted of one word followed by a question mark: “Well?”
Seonho bit his lips. “Well,” he typed, “I just moved on.”
No, you don't. You little liar, the sinister voice inside him mocked him the cruel jeer, but Seonho tapped his fingers on the screen furiously. “I mean,” He pressed the enter button, “He's busy.”
“So?” Guanlin seemed confused, “You still asked about him and our schedule everyday before.”
“I just,” He tapped the send button, “Tired?”
Guanlin haven't replied yet, so Seonho texted more, “I mean it's obvious that I'm the one who miss and fawning over him. For him I just another brat. An annoying one to boot.”
“He does care about you,” Guanlin offered, and Seonho wanted to laugh, “He hate all the skinships we had though?” The sinister voice whispered more: yet he was doing all those sweet and lovey dovey skinships with others: all those hugs, gentle pats on the head, all those kissy faces... those things he never done with you, and never will.
“Let me ask you something,” Seonho bitterly typed, “During all these times I keep asking about him... did he ask for me instead, for once?”
“...” Guanlin seemed taken aback from Seonho's words. The Taiwanese immediately posted another word in reply: “Sorry.”
“Nah, I'm okay,” Seonho sighed. The voice whispered again: Liar. The CUBE trainee ignored it, and texted another chat, “That's why I need to move on.”
“As long as you're okay.”
As long as you're okay. Guanlin's sentences felt like another mockery, something that Seonho tried hard to convince himself eventhough he still felt the misery of broken heart everytime he remembered the incident.
Seonho closed his eyes.
“Seonho-ya,” Those eyes crinckled into a cresent shape, lips curled upwards into a grin. Seonho circled his arms tight around the latter's body, satisfied as Minhyun didn't push him away. He jumped into the taller male's back, burried his nose on the latter's neck—Minhyun's W Dressing perfume smelled sweet and fruity, somehow peach-like. His hyung piggybacked him, holding his legs. “Aigoo, this kid.”
A kid.
He might be young, but he wasn't stupid. He realized that he won't be Minhyun's number one—before, now or even later. It was reserved for Jonghyun Hyung. And he need to let go. Or at least, learn and try to let go.
“I'm okay.” He typed back, and Guanlin shoot a text back, “OK.”
Seonho said his bye as it was passed midnight. Guanlin replied with his usual, “Okay, good night. Sweet dream.” and Seonho close the chat. He wasn't sure if it was a lie or not, but he wanted to be okay.
I'll be okay.
Even without you by my side.
I'll learn how to.
Even if it will take a while.
