Chapter Text
Why hello there, welcome to the interdimensional plane of nonexistent existence, or Purgatory as you mortals know! I know, pretty bland, but how did you expect the afterlife to look like? Anyways, you've been sent here due to your sins upon the surface world! Oh boy, what did you do? I've had lawyers, US presidents, network executives. What you have done? Not pay your taxes? Started a genocide that killed millions of innocent people (I've had plenty of those)? Made a horrible pun?
You know what, that doesn't even matter. All that matters is that you proceed straight through Door B, and only Door B, straight on your way to Hell. That's not a figure of speech either, the devil is waiting for you. My, you must be some honored guest if the devil personal asked for you.
Hell isn't such a bad place as you mortals make up to be, it's loads of fun! We have Stalin, Nixon, and even Betty White! Oh, she isn't dead yet? She will be soon, don't you worry. Isn't she like 90? The point is, it's not that bad, minus the unearthly fire and gut wrenching tortures.
You could say that that is a make or break, but you're not allowed to bitch and complain in hell so just shut up and take it like a champ. Like Nelson Mandela! He isn't in hell, but boy that would be a shit load of fun hanging with that dude. All we have is Hitler and we can't listen to his little annoying, funny rants anymore. They stapled his mouth shut because it got more annoying than funny.
Now we're just getting off track here, head through Door B into your perilous doom! C’mon it's not like you have much of a choice here. Oh that door, Door A? Yeah it's a load of shit, don't even go in there. Why do we still have that door, it doesn't even do anything…