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Namjoon thinks it's a combination of him being a broke graduate student and being absolutely horrible with anything related to fire that things end up turning out this way: he's at the front of the check out line, watching as his cashier makes a show of aggressively scanning his items through the system before throwing them into a pile to be bagged up later.
Namjoon's goal is just to make sure he's able to get his weekly supply of what probably seems to be a combination of the most unhealthy groceries anyone can imagine. That's really all he's asking for here.
He's definitely not looking to be judged by his cashier as he goes to check out. To be fair, though, he's been consistently going to this grocery store once a week for a full month now, and it looks like the cashier has caught on to Namjoon's unhealthy diet. Namjoon gives him a wary look.
"You're right, I'm judging you," the cashier says flatly, who apparently based on his name tag goes by the name Jin. Jin, who happens to also be unfairly attractive for someone who's stuck behind a counter all day checking things out. "These groceries look like the groceries of someone whose goal is to dig themselves an early grave."
Namjoon surveys the items Jin is currently checking out for him carefully. "They aren't all bad," he tries saying, to which the other pins him down with the most severe, unimpressed stare. "Cheez-its are made out of wheat flour."
Jin's stare has evolved into more of a glare at this point. "I understand this is the closest grocery store to the university, which I'm presuming you attend." He proceeds to take a deep breath as he starts bagging up Namjoon's items, as if he's bracing himself for what's to come. "Please tell me you at least make an unreasonable, out-of-the-way trip to another grocery store in the city to get normal food. These can't be the only things you survive on during the week."
The reality is Namjoon's probably going to have to find another grocery store at the rate they're going. "I'm just going to say that yes, I do." With an outstretched hand, he hands Jin his card.
Jin proceeds to make a strangled noise of despair as he swipes Namjoon's card and hands it back to him. "What about ramyun? Do you really just eat chips and cereal all day?"
Namjoon thinks Jin's taking it a bit too far at this point. His groceries, after all, are already bagged up and ready to go, but Jin just continues to interrogate him. "I don't trust myself to boil water on the stove," he takes to mumbling, to which Jin raises a skeptical eyebrow at him.
"You don't even need to turn on the stove if you're making the bowl kind. Don't you own a kettle?"
Namjoon winces at this, being taken back to a time where Hoseok had put the kettle on the floor and Namjoon managed to trip over it, the momentum causing the kettle to fly into the wall. "I broke ours last month," Namjoon eventually lets out. "Haven't saved up for a new one yet, but I probably will break the new one too if we manage to get it."
Jin makes a strangled noise of protest, but before he can open his mouth to continue Namjoon quickly grabs his bags. "Thanks for everything, have a nice day," he hurriedly says before practically launching himself out the store; he briefly sends a prayer of thanks to whoever invented automatic doors.
Namjoon decides from this day forward, he's going to check out with another cashier.
--
The universe, Namjoon quickly realizes, just fucking hates him.
A week later he's back at the same store that's conveniently located near his university, and instead of going to Jin's line he stands at what looks to be Taehyung's check out line. In his basket are a different array of snacks and, of course, cereal. He's even managed to throw in a couple of granola bars this time around, which he tells himself is slightly healthier. He's making good progress.
Taehyung takes one look at his basket and then claps his hands in excitement. Namjoon stares at him, because he doesn't quite understand what's so exciting about his collection of items. "Jin-hyung!" he calls out in a frenzy, waving to the other cashier who turns around expectantly, and Namjoon's heart sinks. "I think I found the potato chip guy you were talking about!"
All Namjoon can really do at this point is to pin Jin down with a blank stare. "Dude, what the fuck? You've been talking shit about me?"
"Not talking shit, no," Jin proceeds to say as he marches over and grabs his basket, throwing it onto his check out belt instead. "I just asked him to be on the lookout, because I had a feeling this was going to happen."
"What, that I'd come back here a week later to buy more chips?"
"No, that you'd come back here and start avoiding me." Jin momentarily stops bagging his items to cross his arms. "How have you not gotten scurvy yet? Look, okay, listen," Jin says, holding up a hand when Namjoon opens his mouth to protest. "I don't think I'm asking for much here, can you just please run to the produce section and get a bag of oranges before you leave?"
"Already one step ahead of you, hyung," Taehyung says cheerfully, reaching down and producing said bag of oranges. He tosses the pack to Jin, who manages to catch it and then scans the item in.
"What the fuck," Namjoon mutters under his breath, bewildered that the only two cashiers of this store are apparently tag teaming him. Nonetheless he pays, handing Jin his card for him to swipe through the system.
"Have a nice day," Jin calls out to him cheerfully, waving after him as Namjoon trudges out of the store, grocery bags in hand.
--
Like a true, normal, mature adult, Namjoon decides that the next week he's going to walk the very long one and a half mile walk to the other grocery store in town so that he can buy his groceries without getting shit for it.
Like he's said before, he thinks the universe just hates him at this point.
He's in this guy's check out line, who's name is apparently Jeongguk, waiting to check out. Jeongguk is halfway through checking out his items before he peers at the rest of the items waiting on the belt curiously, and then at Namjoon himself. He grabs his phone out of his pocket to check something and it's a few moments later when he nods to himself before putting it away. He reaches underneath and pulls out a bag of apples, scanning the item in.
Namjoon drops his wallet. "What are you doing," he manages to get out, because this is a bizarre turn of events to say the least.
"You're the guy that keeps living off of unhealthy shit," Jeongguk says cheerfully, bagging up the rest of his items and holding out an expectant hand to receive his card. "Jin-hyung's told me about you. Taehyung wants to know if you finished the bag of oranges yet."
Namjoon hands him his card in a daze. "How the fuck do you know Jin."
Jeongguk shoots him a dry look before pointing at the store sign. "We work for the same chain dude," he says as he hands him his card back before pushing his bags closer towards him. "By the way, Jimin also knows who you are, so don't bother trying to go into his line next time." The man in question perks up and turns around before giving Namjoon a bright smile and waving at him.
"Did you finish the oranges yet?" Jimin asks cheerfully. "Taehyung gave you a 75% discount on them last time, so you better enjoy them."
"Generous," Jeongguk says to Jimin, smirking. "I only gave him a 60% discount on the apples."
"How'd you know for sure it was me?" Namjoon asks him, because this shit just doesn't make any sense. He can't be the only student that buys an obscene amount of snacks on a weekly basis.
"Jin-hyung sent in a photo of you in our group chat," Jeongguk answers easily, as if this is typical behavior for cashiers that work at grocery store chains.
Namjoon takes the bags calmly and walks out of the store with his head held high. He barely makes it back to the apartment he shares with Hoseok and Yoongi before he drops the bags onto the floor and lets out a manly scream of frustration.
Yoongi pops his head out of his room. "What the fuck did you break this time?"
"My fucking pride," Namjoon grumbles.
"Old news then."
Namjoon takes out an apple and tosses it at Yoongi's head.
--
"I finished the oranges," Namjoon says solemnly the next time he's faced with Jin and his judgmental face. He's resigned himself to the fact that wherever he goes, Jin will somehow always have a hand in his grocery list of choice for the week, so he's taken to relieving himself of some of his agony by going back the store closest to his apartment, which requires less intensive walking. "It was difficult."
Jin wordlessly takes out a pack of strawberries from underneath the counter and scans the item in. "How difficult can eating oranges be?"
"Apparently I was using the wrong side of the knife," Namjoon says dully, handing over his card after Jin's finished bagging his items.
Jin drops his card. "You could've just peeled them." The next question, he looks like he's almost afraid to ask. "What the hell kind of knife were you using?"
"Uh, not really sure on the knife terminology here," Namjoon starts to say, then proceeds to think for a moment. "It was square?"
Jin gives him a long, blank stare as he hands his card back to him. The judgment, it seems, will never go away. "You were using a cleaver," he says flatly.
Namjoon pulls out his phone and searches up the word. A familiar image pops up. "Huh, you're pretty good with your knives."
"I feel like you put yourself through a lot of unnecessary danger for the sake of those oranges."
"I felt like it was my duty to finish those oranges," Namjoon says solemnly, picking up his bags. "I already have my face plastered all over your group chat for being labelled as unhealthy, I didn't want to add wasteful into the mix."
Jin blinks at this, but before he can answer Namjoon picks up his bags and thanks him for his time.
--
When Namjoon makes his weekly trip out to the grocery store next time, he's surprised to see Jeongguk working in what is usually Taehyung's lane. Jeongguk waves at him when Namjoon goes up to Jin's register to pay. "Hey, it's potato chip ahjussi!"
"I have a name," Namjoon grumbles, reaching into his pocket to fish out his card. "What the hell are you doing working here today?"
"Taehyung wanted to hang out with Jimin," Jeongguk answers, shrugging. "Jin-hyung let us switch shifts."
Namjoon splutters at this. Not only has a cashier been overly-invested in his weekly grocery trips, but it's actually the fucking manager of the store. Before he can say a word though, Jin reaches under the counter and scans a pound of pork belly and a jar of kimchi into the system before throwing the items into the pile, all the while giving him a flat look. "90% discount."
Namjoon's thankful for the discount, but he's really out of his depth here. "I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do with that. Is it okay to just cook it in the microwave?"
"Potato chip ahjussi, I don't think that's very safe," Jeongguk says seriously from behind him. Namjoon turns around and half flips him off.
Jin raises an eyebrow at this as Namjoon hands him his card. "I'm cooking for you today, you can come over to my apartment later."
Namjoon blinks. "Why are you offering to cook for me? You er, you really don't have to."
Jin gives a careless shrug. "Just think of it as an apology for sharing your photo with my employees over group text. I admit I might've taken it a bit too far."
He takes his bags after Jin's finished with his transaction, heading towards the exit in a daze.
"Potato chip ahjussi, don't choke from all the meat Jin-hyung's going to put in your mouth, okay?" Jeongguk calls out cheerfully as Namjoon makes his way out.
Namjoon instead violently chokes on his own spit, turns and flips him off for real this time.
--
"Look," Jin says as he's dropping the bags onto his kitchen counter. "I can cook for you, and then we can go sit on the couch and watch, what's that new hit drama called again? Gremlin? Like normal people do."
"Gremlin," Namjoon repeats dryly. "I think you mean Goblin."
Jin impatiently waves him off. "Whatever. Do you like shrimp?
"Er, I'm allergic," Namjoon answers, looking at the bag of shrimp Jin's currently holding, having fished it out of his fridge.
"Definitely a solid no on the shrimp then," Jin mutters, throwing it back into the fridge.
Jin ends up cooking a huge pot of kimchi jigae, which Namjoon takes to scarfing down. Potato chips get tiring real fast, and Namjoon hasn't had a home cooked meal ever since he went back to his parent's home for new years.
Halfway through the first episode of Goblin, Jin's doorbell rings. Jin sets his bowl down on the coffee table and makes his way to the front door.
Once the front door's open, a familiar voice trickles into the apartment. "Hyung, are you okay with me borrowing your water boiler for a while? I swear my motherfucker of a roommate is going to fucking die from malnutrition before he's even halfway through his shitty thesis-" Namjoon is greeted by the sight of Yoongi, who stops dead in his tracks, casting a curious sort of glance in his direction. "Did you fucking cook for him?" Yoongi asks, turning toward Jin.
Namjoon just sort of stares at Yoongi for a few seconds, pointing an accusing finger at Yoongi before dropping his arm and going back to his soup. He's seen stranger days.
Jin makes a vague gesture with his hands. "Intervention on the whole malnutrition thing."
Yoongi stares back at Namjoon before shrugging. "Never mind on the water boiler, looks like you're trying to woo him with your cooking."
Namjoon inhales swiftly and then promptly starts to choke on a piece of pork.
--
Two months later Jin tells Namjoon he's not allowed to pick up groceries anymore as he's furiously stirring up some sort of fried rice in a pan.
Honestly, Namjoon's not really complaining.