Work Text:
It was not a secret that Stanley Uris was not like other boys.
What was a secret was that no one actually understood why.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 13 years old, he had passed out in health class from hyperventilating because of a panic attack- everyone laughed at him and everyone in the school knew by the end of the day.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris didn’t know that his persistent daydreams about kissing should’ve only been about kissing girls, not boys like Bill Denbrough- not boys, period.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 14 years old, he was scolded by his teacher for spending 15 minutes in the bathroom, 10 minutes more than the given five- his classmates were silent while they listened and snickered at their peer being shouted at.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris had been doubled over the sink, rubbing his hands raw under scorching water and his own flowing tears, not being able to get rid of the feeling of Bill Denbrough’s fingers linked with his underneath the lunch table.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 15 years old, he had to cancel his plans with Bill Denbrough last minute without giving a reason- Bill went over to hang out with Richie Tozier and explained to him that Stanley had canceled and how upset he was.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris had heard Eddie Kaspbrak ask Bill when he and Stanley would have their first kiss, and when Stanley had thought about it while he was getting dressed, he had a panic attack.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 16 years old, he finally had his first kiss with Bill Denbrough at the park- someone from their school saw and it was the topic of gossip for the week.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris had walked home crying, picking at the skin on his lips and his parents had thought he had gotten beat up from how bad the bleeding was, and he had sat in his bathroom contemplating whether or not drinking mouthwash would get rid of the bad feeling.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 17 years old, he had thrown up in front of the whole cafeteria when Bill Denbrough presented his prom-posal he had put together- everyone and their dogs knew, and Stanley and Bill were once again the talk of the hallways.
What was a secret was that Richie Tozier had previously joked that Stanley and Bill should hook up at prom or else they were “never going to get another chance to do so”, and the thought of doing that made Stanley want to sit under the freezing cold water from his shower head until his entire body was numb.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 18 years old, he got to move out of his parents house long after the rest of his friends had- all of the losers wanted to move into a house together as soon as they could.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris had no choice- he had come out to his parents and they didn’t approve of him dating a boy in the slightest, and he had been kicked out with nothing but a duffel bag full of clothes and a few books.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 19 years old, he didn’t get to start his first year of college after being found unconscious next to an empty pill bottle- Bill Denbrough had found him on the floor of their bathroom, screaming until his voice was cracking.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris’ head had gotten worse than ever before. He was terrified of starting college despite being accepted into every one he applied for, terrified of being in a gay relationship, not wanting to carry his parents’ disappointment on his back any longer.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 20 years old, he and Bill Denbrough fought for the first time- the rest of the house heard Stanley yelling upstairs, and then Bill when he couldn’t keep his cool any longer.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris drove off in the middle of the night and sat at the edge of the quarry, wishing it were higher so that he could succeed at another suicide attempt without worrying about being found and put into that god awful mental institute again.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 21 years old, he and Bill Denbrough had slept with each other for the first time- Richie Tozier brought it up at breakfast with a smirk, and Stanley nearly choked on his food while Bill only nervously chuckled in response.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris had actually been the one to initiate it, much to Bill’s surprise, and they both had giggled through the whole thing, and they cuddled for the rest of the night while pressing light kisses to each other’s skin, feeling so much more in love than they had been before.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 22 years old, his mental state had gotten so much better- everyone in the house saw the light in his eyes that they hadn’t seen for years, and he had gotten a job at one of the nearby florist’s.
What was a secret was that Stanley Uris owed it all not to the therapy and medication, but to Bill Denbrough, who sat with Stanley at 2 AM while he sobbed, when he was getting suicidal again, when he felt like everything was going to shit, and Bill sat through it all, running his fingers through Stanley’s hair and whispering reassurances.
It was not a secret that when Stanley Uris was 23 years old, he and Bill Denbrough were going to get married- Eddie Kaspbrak was the first to notice, loudly gasping and asking what the silver ring on his left hand was for, while Stanley tried to hide his grin with a shrug when everyone started asking questions.
What was a secret was that Stanley was actually the one who proposed, while they were sat underneath a tree in the late afternoon, munching on sandwiches that Bill had made, and Stanley had given him an improvised speech that he didn’t mean to come out so cheesy, and then took out the blue velvet box from his pocket.
It was not a secret that Stanley Uris and Bill Denbrough loved each other with their whole hearts.
And there were no secrets to it.