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He always acknowledges her. It's not much but it's something around here.
She's always been good. She's always been the good girl. But she's a damn good cop too.
She likes to think that she's smart. But most of the time she's just playing it safe.
She's a good cop, but she's not one to take risks unless it's necessary or she knows there's a guaranteed benefit.
And he's far from being a safe bet.
---
It was a long day, they'd found a missing kid. It's a good day, though. She held the kid in her arms, she got to tell his parents that he was going to be ok. And she could see Ruzek, smiling at her from the stairs of the house.
That night they go to Molly's. Halstead's buying everyone another round when Ruzek slides up next to her. "You did real good today." He raises his glass to hers and she can't help but notice how good he looks when he smiles.
They have a few too many, and she has to keep reminding herself that he's about to be married.
She's always been a good girl.
But that doesn't stop them from standing a little too close, smiling a little too much. Shay walks by her and whispers "Maybe you should slow down, girl." with a knowing smile. Alvin's silently judging them from across the room.
One more drink in and everyone starts leaving, he stays behind. She should go home.
So she does. Staying provides an unnecessary risk. The next morning he greets her with that smile and says "You should've stayed a little longer." Olinsky is still silently judging from afar.
---
It continues like this for months, the flirting, the little favors, late nights at the bar.
At first she tells herself it's a stupid crush. He's engaged. He's just nice for God's sake. It's not like that.
Not worth the risk. Not worth the consequence.
She walks through the door at the beginning of her shift.
"Burgess, over here." Platt barks.
"Using the bathroom first" she mumbles as she walks by the desk.
"Burgess." The sergeants voice is softer this time, solemn almost. She backtracks, something's wrong. Platt swallows hard. "There was a shooting by the warehouses. Officer shot. Dawson said see him right away."
All she could think was what if it's him, what if he's hurt, what if he's gone.
"Who?" she's shaking and the words came out in a whisper.
"Olinsky. He's in surgery. Shot in the stomach." Platt tells her.
She feels guilty for being relieved.
She walks toward Antonio's office. "Don't worry Burgess, your pretty boy's ok. Olinsky saved his ass!" Platt shouts after her.
She must be more obvious than she thought.
----
Antonio sends her to the hospital to get Ruzek's statement, he's the only one who saw what happened. "You're good with him." he says.
For a second she thinks he says "good for him." but it's probably wishful thinking.
He's pacing back and forth in the hallway. His eye's bruised, his lip's bloody, his face is completely drained of color. His smile's gone.
She doesn't say anything about a statement, it's the last thing on her mind.
He doesn't even see her coming down the hall, when she touches his shoulder he flinches.
"How is he?" She asks as they both take a seat. He tips his head back against the wall and closes his eyes.
"Alive. He'll be okay. Not that I was any help." He takes a deep breath and doesn't look at her.
"It's not your fault."
"You don't even know what happened, Burgess. I'm guessing the good little cop came down to take my fucking statement." He finally looks at her. His mouth is flattened into a line, his eyes are dark.
She's hurt. She gets it, she knows he's shaken. He blames himself. But her heart plunges down to her stomach when he looks at her like that. She feels sick.
"I wanted to see if you were okay. If he was okay." she tries to sound normal but it comes out like a pathetic squeak.
Alvin's daughter comes over and tells them he's out of surgery. Ruzek lets out a ragged sigh.
It's silent for a few minutes. A few painfully long minutes.
"I'm sorry." He puts his hand on her shoulder.
It's almost instinctual, the way her hand reaches up and threads through his. "We don't have to talk about it yet."
They spend the next half an hour talking about pointless things; complaining about Platt, Voight, how completely shitfaced Otis from 51 was at Molly's last night.
And then he pauses, "He saved my life. They took my gun. They had me cornered. He jumped in front of the bullet, and they fucking ran. We couldn't find them."
He gives her a more detailed statement to take back to the district and tells her to go. But she doesn't. She tells Antonio she'll be another hour and she stays until he's ready to leave.
---
It almost happens a few weeks later.
It's definitely a high risk situation. She got her gun stolen while chasing down a suspect. It's ridiculous, it's embarrassing. She feels pathetic. She feels sick. She wants to stay inside and never leave her apartment. But Atwater comes over with a two six packs to cheer her up.
She probably shouldn't have drank most of both.
It's only a few minutes after he leaves when there's another knock at the door. She thinks it's just Atwater, probably forgot something.
Adam's standing there, beers in hand, smiling. "I was going to offer you a beer. But it seems like you've had enough."
She rolls her eyes and leaves the door open. He follows her back to the couch.
It's quiet for a few minutes and she lets out a loud, exaggerated sigh. "I suck. I'm the worst. I'm literally terrible."
He laughs and shakes his head. "It could've been anyone. You're far from terrible, Kim."
She makes a face and a childish, drunken giggle escapes her. "That's weird. I don't think you call me that every which is weird because I call you Adam, sometimes. But I don't think you ever call me Kim. It's weird how first names and last names are like interchangeable."
Shit. She's drunk. Full on, rambling, embarrassing, drunk.
He moves closer, puts his arm around her shoulders and squeezes tight. "Seriously, you're an amazing cop. You're an amazing person. Don't blame yourself. It could've been anyone."
He's looking down at her and all she can think about is how absolutely easy it would be to close the distance.
She doesn't know why she does it. She rarely ever does things she knows she shouldn't but the alcohol has drowned out almost all of the sensibility she has left. She's completely unaware it's a risk.
So she leans up and moves her face closer to his. They're lips almost touch. He doesn't move forward. But he doesn't move away.
She pauses. She backs away and he's looking at her wide eyed.
"See, I'm terrible." She slides herself to the other end of the couch. "And I should probably get some sleep."
She stands up to lead him to the door. He stands too, but he moves toward her instead of away.
He wraps her in his arms and now she regrets everything. Now she wants to run away. She's thinking about the risk now. It was stupid. He was three months away from marrying someone else. They worked together. She could count on him.
She'd been thinking about a moment like this for months but now she was praying that he didn't make a move. That he just said goodbye and left.
It's almost what happened.
He holds her for a minute. She's shaking. He leans down and kisses her head, but when he moves away his eyes scan down to her lips and she thinks she sees regret.But want and should are completely different things.
"I'll talk to you in the morning." he breathes as he turns to the door.
She doesn't say anything , just watches him leave.
---
She's in pretty deep now and it's kind of pathetic.
They don't talk about what happened.
What didn't happen. What almost happened. What could've happened.
She's kind of thankful. He acts totally normal. They talk after work, he says hello in the morning. They're friends.She's some type of happy.
But Adam's getting married in two months and sometimes she wishes things were awkward now. Because then she'd know she had some effect on him.
She was never like this before. She was always sensible, she was safe. She usually knew the different between the difference between a well-calculated risk and a foolish impulse.
But now the lines blurred and she wasn't sure anymore.
---
She goes back to the district later because she forgot her phone. She's not expecting him to be there still.
She's definitely not expecting him to be drunk on Voight's couch, covered by a blanket with what looks to be a change of clothes in a bag at his feet.
It's almost like he's staring at her for a few minutes before he fully registers that she's actually there. "Shit." He sits up and kicks the bag under the couch.
"Are you sleeping here, Ruzek.?"
He laughs. "I guess you could call me Alvin Olinsky number two."
He shrugs. "Except with an ex-fiancé instead of an ex-wife."
She sits down next to him and tries incredibly hard not to be happy. But when he looks at her like that, she can't help it.
"What happened?" she doesn't even really want to know. Honestly doesn't really care. But it's polite, and she's not sure when she turned into this person who feigns politeness and pretends to be genuine.
"I called it off. I just, I couldn't marry her." he laughs again.
" Well, I guess it's better now than later..." It's really a pathetic thing to say, but she's at a loss.
He slides over so their legs are grazing side by side. "I couldn't pretend I was in love anymore. She didn't understand. She didn't understand the job. She didn't understand my life anymore. And I don't even think I wanted her too."
She laughs nervously and he breaks the awkward silence with a hand in her hair and his mouth on her lips.
She pulls away. There's no denying the fact that she wants this. But she hasn't completely lost her brain. It's dangerous territory. A huge risk. He's drunk. He's been through a lot. Maybe he's single now, but a week ago he was engaged.
"Kim." His eyes are wide and he's reaching for her again.
She leans over, gently kissing the corner of his mouth. And for some reason, a sudden burst of confidence fills her.
She gets up to leave.
"Let's give ourselves something to look forward to."
She's turning an unnecessary risk into a safe bet.