Chapter Text
It was just a day like any other day in July, Daniel met Jihoon for the first time.
This year, summer got off to a slow start in Busan but it was quite a beautiful Saturday, there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. It was a day in which the sky looked so unbelievably and sharply blue, as if it wasn’t real. If Daniel could make a correct comparison, then that tone of blue somewhat resembles the shade of the suit on the young man in one of Jinwoo’s drawings, the guy standing in a wrecked room: shattered glass and bottles on the dressing table, the red liquor oozing down off the bedroom walls and running over the floor but all of those could not overlap the enthralling hue of blue he was wearing; Jinwoo named it “Blue Ruin” and the first time Daniel saw the painting, he thought that was such a bizarre shade of blue, it’s like the sky and the sea collapse in a strange motion to form a sinister veil embracing said young man. As strikingly clear-cut and somber as it was, Daniel never liked it. And Daniel used to like every single one of Jinwoo’s artworks.
Today should be pleasant, Daniel thought as he opened the window to get some air into his dark room. A faint breeze whispered temperately through the tops of the huge maple trees on the sidewalk, Daniel looked out to see Woojin carrying a large package from the truck to inside of the Park family’s dry-goods store. Poor kid, Daniel knew how much Woojin hated working at the store and getting nagged by his mom because he was never quick and clever enough to handle the customers while arranging the goods. But again, it’s summer and every kid in this neighborhood either runs down the small river near the crossroads in the south side of the town to the PC rooms quarter or does all the scutwork to help their parents with home business. Unfortunately, Woojin did not have the first option.
Daniel went back to bed after putting a CD into the player; Alex Turner’s moody and everything-and-nothing-all-at-one voice started echoing in the room, played with the chunky baselines to specifically sing about his penis in the opening track “My Propeller”. Daniel hummed along till the seventh, his favorite: “Cornerstone”, a song in which Alex sang about how he kept approaching women who look like his ex-girlfriend, only to ask if he could call them by her name. Daniel listened carefully, in between the sounds of uncertainty and acrimonious induction of a lost love, he could hear a familiar sound of the rolling pin working on kneaded dough and get a whiff of a riotous scent of honey and apricot coming from the kitchen downstairs. He came to a conclusion, his mom was making sultteok, the summer type of rice cakes that both him and his brother like the most.
Daniel didn’t expect to see his mom walk into his room, she turned down the volume and told him to dress properly then come down to the living room because they have guests. The family moved to the house next to theirs just came by.
The woman must be in her late forty if Daniel guessed correctly. She dressed casually but neatly, she was sitting on the other side of the sofa, opposite to Daniel’s mom. Daniel bowed respectfully towards the woman then strengthened his back and casually said hello to a boy sitting next to his mother. The boy had a boring haircut, with a side-swept fringe covering his eyebrows; he immediately bowed in a 90-degree angle to Daniel, muttered a formal greeting and introduced himself: Park Jihoon, 16 years old.
The first thing Daniel noticed about the boy is his eyes. Jihoon’s eyes were piercing through his, no manners, Daniel thought, but those eyes were far too beautiful to be real, a graceful mix of gray and brown. Suddenly, in the back of his mind, it’s Alex making an unexpected appearance and swooning a dreamy tune.
“You have got that face that just says,
Baby I was made to break your heart.” (*)
*
It was a day like any other day in July, Jihoon’s family moved into the house next to Daniel’s. That house had been abandoned for a while, the previous owner was an old man that developed dementia when he reached the age of 82, so his only son came to take him to the senior care facility in Seoul and put the house on sale. Jihoon’s family was also from Seoul, his mom said something about job relocation but Daniel didn’t pay much attention to that side of the story. He was busy observing Jihoon; the boy was wearing an over-sized shirt with a lot of white and pink patches all over, which barely hid his bony shoulders that slightly dropped in an endearing way; a sign of boredom, Daniel thought, their mothers had been chatting for half an hour and there’s no guarantee they will stop any time soon. It was all the typical things, how this neighborhood is nice and all the kids go to the local high school, it’s good and they are launching a gifted program for students who are capable of high performance.
Daniel had to suppress a laugh when he heard that part. Last summer, when he was working part-time at the store Woojin’s parents own, he witnessed how their second son, Daehwi, spent all his summer time either at school or being locked in his room studying only God and maybe the principle of the school knows why it’s important for a first-year high school kids, in order to get into the gifted class. Daehwi was miserable and often begged Woojin to lend him his phone behind their mom’s back so he could get at least 15 minutes of being a normal teenager, watching all other teenagers watch on YouTube these days. Daniel had to cover for both of them in the front, doing all the work that was supposed to be done by Woojin but the boy was busy being a good sibling, guarding Daehwi’s room to notify the younger when their mom came to check on the second child’s studying.
Daniel lifted his head absent-mindedly and met Jihoon’s gaze, he wondered if the boy in front of him is one of those kids with “superior intellectual development”. He looks normal to Daniel, pretty and normal but then, normalcy is just a misconception of perfection. Daniel would prefer reality, the world in between the shade of black and white, it’s brutal and it had caused Daniel several pains but he still chooses to live with it.
Jihoon’s mom brought a box of fresh homemade baked goods and Daniel’s mom thanked her repeatedly, saying she would visit tomorrow. Daniel silently wished his mom wouldn’t drag him with her by this time tomorrow while walking their guests through the hallway. The boy was behind him and mumbled a goodbye, their hands slightly brushed when the boy hurried to stand by his mom. Daniel studied his face for the last time before the mother and son walked out. Pretty, pretty, indeed.
*
It was around January when Daniel and Seongwoo broke up. They were arguing on the phone, Seongwoo let out a frustrated shout on the other side and Daniel took it as the end of what had been going on between them. “I’m fucking tired, Daniel. Let’s not meet ever again.” Time stopped then so did everything else. Conversations died out. No more talking. No more communications. Daniel compromised because what else he could do after he tried to put a lot of effort just to show that he cared. He could tell Seongwoo had been trying too but maybe, things had changed and it’d be probably better to let go. It’s a pattern and Daniel learnt it the hardest way, things don’t work out and people come then go, even the ones you thought you’d never lose.
Twenty days later, when Daniel was at the supermarket, confused by the long grocery list his mom handed him earlier and looking around to find a staff, he got a call from Seongwoo. It was short, the latter told Daniel he was going to Seoul for an audition at a model agency and then he said sorry in a hushed whisper. Daniel felt his vision became blurred; his throat was beginning to burn. He looked into the shopping cart, so far had only filled with three cartons of milk and a bag of dried seaweed, trying to call out Seongwoo’s name but it was whipped from his mouth, disappeared into the thick, unscented air in the milk aisle. “Be safe, hyung.” was the only thing Daniel could say back. Words he desperately wanted to say, they didn’t come out. Daniel didn’t understand, why his heart could still get hurt by something he’s seen coming.
Another Sunday in July came, Daniel opened the front door to let Jihoon in; the boy carried a bag of oranges and a few textbooks in his other arm. Something was wrong with the electricity in the house and Daniel’s mom told Mrs. Park to let Jihoon stay at their house till his mom could get in contact with the electric guy. Oranges were from Jihoon’s mom, obviously, and the textbooks were solely because his mom asked him to prepare for the placement test next month. Daniel smirked, watching Jihoon stumble in his room and undoubtedly forgot what his mom said before as the boy flopped down onto the floor and looked up to Daniel’s large collection of CDs displayed on the shelf.
“You have so many CDs, hyung.”
“Good observation,” Daniel replied, continued with boxes and papers he was busy sorting out before Jihoon came.
“Does this thing work, hyung?” The question drew Daniel’s attention and he realized Jihoon was pointing at his ancient Toshiba CD player. It was a gift from his elder brother on his fourteenth birthday. Daniel didn’t know how and where Jisung got it from and at that time, he didn’t care either. A few years later, he learnt it was one of the best models in the late 80s and Jisung spent three months working part time to buy it.
“Why don’t you test it yourself? Be careful with the shelf.”
Daniel stopped going through his stuff to watch Jihoon scan his collection. The boy stopped at Duran Duran and Slowdive then his eyes went over the top shelf, his knitted eyebrows and slightly twisted lips indicated unfamiliarity with Daniel’s taste in music. Daniel didn’t expect Jihoon would pull out "Alive 2007' by Daft Punk, but what shocked him was a thin stack of photos falling out.
Those were photos of him, Seongwoo, Jinwoo and Jisung when they went hiking a couple years ago, mostly taken by Jisung since he was the one with a film camera and the group was too familiar with Jisung’s hobby of taking pictures everywhere he went. The first one had Jinwoo making a goofy face while holding out a bag of gummy bears, the second one was three of them eating then a photo of Daniel and Seongwoo with their backs turning to the camera, walking down the track and holding hands. The last one of the two again, in the backseat of Jinwoo’s car and this time, Daniel kissed Seongwoo’s cheek.
Jihoon stared at the photos for a second before bending down to collect them and handing over to Daniel.
“Is this mountain near, hyung?”
“Not too far.” Daniel took the photos and threw them in the box of used worksheets and drafts. They were memories that should have been burned to ashes, no need to keep them around. He knew Jihoon was quietly watching him but Daniel didn’t care even if he was judging him, what does a pretty kid know? Nothing.
The enraptured robotic breakbeats of "Touch It/Technology" (**) kicked in and Jihoon started a strutting move, Daniel tapped his fingers on the side of his bed. So the boy next door knew popping, pretty cool and enthusiastic with his movement.
“The beat is fantastic, hyung,” Jihoon plastered on a wide grin, “I was on a dance team in my old school.”
“I don’t know much about this dance stuff but Woojin dances, you should meet him.”
“Who is Woojin?”
“Down the street, the dry-goods store, you two will probably meet at school anyway,” Daniel replied. He wouldn’t say he disliked Jihoon, he hadn’t done anything bothered Daniel yet. Actually, Daniel had been harboring a bit fondness towards the boy with the moon and stars in his eyes. But the thing is, Daniel isn’t good with babysitting and he didn’t know what to do with Jihoon walking back and forth in his room, playing with his dear Toshiba XR – 9037 by skipping tracks after tracks.
“Jihoon, shouldn’t you read your textbooks or do some homework?” Daniel sighed when Jihoon attempted to take a CD off the shelf. He probably hadn’t reached 1m70 yet, Daniel estimated Jihoon’s height and glanced down at his thin legs. He quickly adverted his gaze when the boy turned around, suddenly felt uneasy.
“I don’t want to, my mom just worries too much,” Jihoon sat down on the bed, playing with the Rubik’s cube he found next to Daniel’s pillow, “Sorry, hyung, I’ll be quiet. I’m not going to disturb you anymore.”
Daniel wished he could tell Jihoon he had ruined a quiet afternoon by choosing to play “Alive 2007” out of all CDs he owns, only to remind Daniel that those photos were there, yellowed but real and too painful to look at. Jihoon didn’t even blink when he saw those photos and Daniel wondered why.
*
The night came in slowly and softly. Daniel came out of the shower and was surprised to see Jihoon was still there, he thought the boy would have gone back home after dinner at Daniel’s house. Jihoon was playing with the cube again; it didn’t take him much time to finish the first time so Daniel didn’t know why he kept solving the puzzle.
“Can I sleep here, hyung?” Jihoon asked when he was only a switch move left to complete the cube. Daniel was impressed, no doubt.
“I’m sure your mom will go over here and drag you back, kiddo.” Daniel gave him a monotone reply.
“I don’t want to hear my mom talk about test again and again. Please, hyung.”
“Fine,” Daniel gave up as Jihoon practically begged him with his eyes, “Only this time, okay?”
Jihoon nodded like a five year old after receiving a golden star sticker from his teacher. The younger quickly changed and crawled into bed, pulled the blanket up to his chin and practically wrap himself up like a kimbab roll. Daniel didn’t like sleeping on the side with the wall but Jihoon had already made himself comfortable on his spot near the door, the younger reached for the lighter on the nightstand, swiveled his hands and made a few simple tricks. The light of fire flickered its golden warmth on Jihoon’s boyish face, his lips curved into a strange yet adorable expression. Daniel shook his head; he had been looking at Jihoon too often and too long in just one day.
Daniel grabbed the lighter and rolled the sparkwheel. The fire turned blue, then gradually died down to a gloomy yellow. He repeated a few times and both of them stared at the light sparkling and swinging for a few seconds before Daniel turned it off and snatched the blanket from Jihoon. The younger did not protest, just grunted and then adjusted himself closer to Daniel, his fingers naturally touched his left arm.
Daniel turned to face Jihoon, the younger was also lying on his side. In the dim moonlight that came through the grey curtains, Daniel saw Jihoon’s hair turned into a funky shade of blue and the younger smiled at him. Daniel closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, with a feeling of chaos interspersed with peace forming in his chest.