Work Text:
Wade froze as he entered the lounge, almost dropping the plate of crackers and cheese in his hand.
Bodies lay dead everywhere, all manner of weapon sticking out their mangled bodies. Crimson was splashed all over the once white walls, like a finger-painting of blood. And there, in the centre of it all, was May.
She giggled manically in the most adorable way a four-year-old could, her hands covered in red. A ketchup bottle in one hand and a crayon in the other she continued to draw the massacre across the walls, stopping only to squirt tomato sauce blood everywhere with a grin.
“Fuck.” Wade breathed at the sight, causing the girl to turn.
“FUCK!” She repeated, loud as she could with a Cheshire like smile.
“Shit no-!” Wade hurried to kneel beside the girl, taking the crayon and bottle out her hands.
“SHIT NO!”
“Shhhhhh!” He whispered, glad when the girl copied. She was at that stage where she picked up on anything. They had Bob babysit for like, 5 seconds when Wade had to rush out and Peter was busy Spider-maning, and the rest of the week she was yelling ‘Hail Hydra!’ at everyone. Poor Pa Steve almost had a coronary.
“Urrr, let’s get this cleaned up before mommy comes home, yeah?” Wade suggested, picking his princess up and taking her over to the kitchen sink.
“MOMMY! YEAH!” Despite the situation he couldn’t help smile, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before sitting her on the counted and turning on the tap. He’d have to bath her later, hopefully before Peter got home from doing the grocery shopping.
After her hands were clean and her weapons of choice hidden away he filled a bucket with water and soap, grabbing to sponges for them to scrub at the walls.
Re-entering the room he was still amazed at how much she had managed to draw, all the fallen stick figures and stick weapons, in the five minutes he had been in the kitchen making them a snack.
Together they rushed to wipe off the tomatoey mess and black wax. Well, Wade rushed, not wishing either of them to face Peter’s motherly wrath. May just hummed and flopped her sponge around, sometimes telling her daddy about how the big fight on the wall had started and how she had won, due to her possession of the ultimate Crayola weapon.
When the front door clicked they both froze, the little brunette child turning to her father with sparkling ocean eyes.
“Mommy!!!” She cried happily, running towards the opening door. Wade cringed as he heard Peter’s angel voice call for his beloved daughter, readying himself for the moment his Petey Pie turned to a spider demon.
“Mommy guess guess!” May yelled from Peter’s arms. “I un-alive baddies today n now daddy clean up!”
“... WHAT?!”
Oh shit.