Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seokjin-hyung is routine.

[ then ]

Jungkook remembers the first time Seokjin volunteered to drive him to school - they were all so young then, still rookies, so far away from home with no one to rely on but each other. Though there was no real fear of being mobbed, the company had insisted on him being driven to school rather than taking public transport just in case. Seokjin had volunteered to do so, smiling and shrugging it off saying he needed to go to his own campus anyway.

So the very next morning Jungkook found himself in the backseat of a slightly worn out car - leather smell already dull in the air replaced by a kind of familiar minty scent. Seokjin had smiled at him, telling him to buckle up and then they were off. Jungkook hadn’t known him too well then - well enough to know that they had been training together and were likely to be in the same group if they ever did debut - and in his mind the man in the front seat wasn’t quite hyung just yet, but Seokjin-sshi. He didn't know what to say, so Jungkook had just kept quite during the ride, sleepy gaze cast out the window as he drank in the sight of Seoul stirring in the morning. Seokjin dropped him off with a smile, telling him he’d be there to drive him back after classes and Jungkook had bowed a little, thanking him with shy sincerity.

“Hey it’s okay, Jungkook-ah. You don’t have to be so formal around me. Though i’m still your hyung, don't forget that.” Seokjin had flashed him one last grin before driving off, and Jungkook had watched the car fade away into the distance with an odd aching relief in his chest.

Over time he’d gradually opened up during their morning drives, mostly because none of the other trainees were around - it was just them for thirty minutes, bolstered by morning traffic and the soothing sounds of the radio. The five year gap would be intimidating to anyone, but Seokjin never spoke down to him, never used his age as a tool against Jungkook. He figured it was because they were both so shy and hyperaware of themselves, but Seokjin would keep up a conversation on his own even if Jungkook didn’t reply, pointing out interesting storefronts or sights he caught a glimpse off. On the fifth ride Jungkook had finally piped up when he saw a dog pass by, and Seokjin had practically swerved the car (but not really) just to catch a glimpse.

Eventually Jungkook found himself looking forward to the rides - the more popular they got, the more relief he felt at having some time away from their managers and minders, free to confide his problems with Seokjin. In the car he talked a lot more freely now, about dance, about Busan, about the dorm, about comebacks, about the worries heavy on his shoulders. And Seokjin listened and responded when he could, his words always measured and cautious, always insightful and on-the-dot. Those rides meant more to Jungkook than he’d ever let on, and when they’d had to stop because fans mobbed the car too much, he couldn’t help but feel sad to have to part ways with Seokjin at the entrance of the dorm, headed towards different cars with different drivers. Still, Seokjin would inevitably grin at him and catch him in a one-armed hug, telling him he’d see Jungkook back at the dorm after classes and they’d catch up then. And Jungkook would inevitably take him up on that every time, returning home with a dramatic groan and a new story of high school drama that would make Seokjin’s laugh echo through the house for hours.

[ now ]

He’s squashed next to Jungkook in a car on their way to their next photoshoot. They were the only two coming from the dorm - the others had all had morning plans and were going straight to the location - and so they'd just booked a cab after telling their managers not to bother bringing the whole entourage out. Jungkook was quiet, typing away on his phone at a rapid pace, and Seokjin had a sudden flashback to the first few times he’d driven the maknae to school - a comfortable kind of quiet filling the car, broken only by his own mindless chattering. Jungkook had grown so much since then, but Seokjin didn’t think twice to reach out to fix a lock of the younger man’s fringe that had fallen out of place, wondering what he was thinking about.

“Remember when you used to drive me to school?” This time it was Jungkook who broke the silence, and Seokjin blinked owlishly at him, a little surprised Jungkook had been thinking the same thing. His eyes didn’t leave his phone though, only darting to meet Seokjin’s gaze momentarily, his fingers a blur. Seokjin smiled regardless, leaning against the window while keeping his gaze on Jungkook as he nodded.

“Of course. We spent what four? Five? Years in that car. I can’t believe we got away with it for so long.” He sniggered, remembering how the crowd that greeted them at Jungkook’s school gates had steadily grown, until one day Jungkook could barely get out of the car and Seokjin had been worried he'd cause an accident trying to leave. Thank god one of their managers had trailed them, helping Jungkook out and sending Seokjin an apologetic look. That had been the final time Seokjin had sent him to school, or even driven himself to school; it’d become too risky with their growing popularity, and while he understood the practicality of having drivers it’d been a little sad.

That had been his special reserved time with Jungkook, a time when the five year difference seemed to melt away. Oddly enough they’d hardly ever bickered during the rides, even if they’d been arguing in the dorm just five minutes prior. It just felt wrong to be purposely antagonistic, especially not when they got to see the city awaken in the morning - shopkeepers opening storefronts bathed in the warm sunrise, dogs eager to be walked in the crisp air, schoolchildren half their age holding hands as they crossed the street. It was another type of everyday from the ones they experienced as part of Bangtan, a little pocket of escape before an inevitable return to practice and recording and work and stress. Jungkook would keep an eye out for interesting things (once he’d spotted what he thought was a whole pack of stray dogs huddled under a tarp and it’d taken Seokjin all of his willpower not to turn the car around and skip classes just to catch a second glimpse) and Seokjin would note any interesting new restaurants that opened on their route, making a note to visit them with the rest later on.

“Yeah. I really liked those rides. They were really quiet. It was nice.” Jungkook’s voice did that thing it did when he was being truthful and nervous - his pitch a little lower, words rushed out and slightly mumbled as if ready to be taken back. Seokjin just grinned, leaning right in Jungkook’s face to waggle his eyebrows.

“Eh, did Jungkookie just say he liked me? Wah, wait till i tell the rest. Jungkookie’s getting soft.” Jungkook scoffed, slapping his chin away with no real force. Seokjin could see the faint blush that suffused the top of Jungkook’s cheeks and he laughed again, gently shoving his shoulder against Jungkook’s.

“Don’t get all sappy on me now. If you cry the makeup noonas will take revenge on me. Not that I wouldn’t pull it off but I’d rather not put all of you through such a glorious sight.” Jungkook rolled his eyes even as he smiled slightly before leaning back against Seokjin’s shoulder. Eyes pinched shut, he grumbled something under his breath.

“You’re so weird. I never said that don't put words in my mouth. Anyway moment’s over. I’m gonna nap, wake me up when we reach there hyung.” Seokjin just hummed, patting Jungkook’s fringe a little as he felt the younger man relax against him.

When they finally stepped out of the car ten minutes later, masks and caps on as the noise of the cheering crowd blanketed them, Seokjin reached out for Jungkook’s arm automatically, pulling him closer to his side and casting a wary look around, ready to act if anything got too wild. And Jungkook just grinned even though it couldn't be seen, glad that while their old routines always seemed to make way for new ones, Seokjin-hyung remained as dependable as ever.

Chapter Text

Seokjin-hyung is comfort.

[ then ]

When Taehyung reaches Seoul he barely has time to soak in the newness of the situation before he’s being whisked off to practice, to rehearsals, to fittings, to photoshoots. Seoul is everything he dreamed and more - new school, new apartment, new life, new schedules, new ways of breathing, of moving, of existing. He’s crowded in with six other pimply, gangly, teenage boys as nervous as (or maybe even more than) he is in a tiny apartment, brimming with fears and exhilaration and not much else.

So it’s inevitable that he starts to feel the pressure build after a while, the long hours and back-to-back practice wearing down upon him. Upon all of them. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been here either - he sees the ashen disappointment in Yoongi’s face after another failed meeting with executives, and the way Jungkook’s eyes are glazed over with sleep, undercut with an obstinate glimmer of hope that refuses to go away. Taehyung is a Daegu man through and through so he presses down the pain, plasters a smile on his face to convince himself that if he’s smiling, things will be okay. And for a while they are - Jimin joins, giving him a partner in crime and life and everything in-between; Seokjin moves into the dorm and things seem to move much faster after that, their schedules picking up because debut is now a deadline rather than an abstraction. And Taehyung bears with the fatigue and the stress, unwilling to bend in the face of it all.

When he does break, because they’re only human and still so young (too young) to be away from home like this, he goes to Jimin - they sit in the park, on the rooftop, in the toilet, broken words tripping over heavy tongues. Jimin is all Busan swagger and older-brother-bred protectiveness, but Taehyung can hear the waver in his voice and knows that Jimin is just as scared as he is of their impending debut. Acknowledging it brings a different kind of comfort, but Taehyung still resolves to lessen the burden he puts on his best friend, resolves to do better, be better.

It works for a while - the tidal wave of busyness following debut and promotions takes away what time he has left to worry. Everything gets swept up into the rush, and Taehyung can only let himself float by, too tired to care about what tomorrow will bring. He’s loosely anchored to the members, hearts tied together by endurance and pain; Bangtan’s success is still a faint dream, but the chase feels bearable now.

Up until someone skips over him at a fan meet, and something in him crumbles. It shouldn’t matter in the larger scheme of things - but it hurts. He tries to fight down the tremble building up in his chest, his fingers tapping out a noiseless rhythm on the table because otherwise his heart will thunder right out of his chest, will spill over into his eyes, will-

Seokjin’s hand is cold on his.

It jerks him out of his panic, his gaze turning to the oldest member. They’re not the closest yet - mostly they’ve bonded over video games - but he’s still closer to Jimin and Jungkook, the age gap with the hyungs still something he’s yet to overcome. Taehyung has always been somewhat tactile, his fingers anchoring him down when things get too rough, itching and hungry for something, someone to touch - to reassure him that he hasn’t lost grasp on reality, that everything will be okay. But this time it’s Seokjin who reaches out, and though the grasp is quickly over, it leaves Taehyung soothed, the heaviness in his heart dissipating as he chances a glance at Seokjin, his heart lightening another step as Seokjin laughs at his failed attempt at a heart, yet another step as Seokjin playfully aims a finger gun at his head. It’s a small beginning to something more, and as they drive home that night Taehyung curls up next to Seokjin in the car and breathes in the scent of sweat and pine and hairspray; a different kind of comfort from the kind that Jimin brings. The kind that settles warm in your gut, assures you that things will turn out okay.

Fast forward a few years, and things have changed as much as they’ve stayed the same. Taehyung still seeks out Jimin when his thoughts cloud his mind, when the full moon echoes a distant loneliness within him. But he seeks out Seokjin when his brain’s in shambles, too overwhelmed to do anything more than crave touch, crave comfort. Seokjin’s always there to scratch his head or hold his hand, hug him tight or cuddle him a little closer. Taehyung hates the nights where he needs someone to sleep next to, but he loves that Seokjin never protests to being stirred from a dream by Taehyung’s quiet slip into his bed. He always tries to be as quiet as possible, but Seokjin always wakes up anyway, smiling blearily at him before tucking Taehyung’s arms around his waist and rolling back over to sleep. Seokjin always runs cold, and it gives Taehyung an excuse to move a little closer, his own chest rising with every rise and fall of Seokjin’s shoulders.

It’s not that he isn’t close to Seokjin outside of this – time has bridged those gaps between him and all the members – but Seokjin always seems so close by, so quick to notice when Taehyung’s face falls or when his fingers start itching, nervous and excited all at once. Seokjin’s just as tactile as he is, but Taehyung never takes it for granted that Seokjin returns his hugs with ease, or that he doesn’t complain about the late-night intrusions. He just moves a little closer, the gentle thrum of Seokjin’s heart under his splayed fingers enough to reassure him that everything will be okay.

[ now ]

Seokjin doesn’t know when he began to look forward to Taehyung creeping into his bed, grumbling out excuses about Namjoon’s snoring and bad dreams. At first it’d been occasional, the two of them squeezing into the bunk already too small as it was, sweaty and warm from a day of practice, Seokjin forcing himself awake until Taehyung's nervous trembles gradually came to a halt; then when they’d moved into different rooms Taehyung had hovered by the door nervously until Seokjin (or sometimes Yoongi, grumpy from the thin strip of light filtering in from the corridor) beckoned him in, and Taehyung's wide smile would belie the nervousness in his eyes or the way he clutched the blankets too tightly; finally Taehyung had taken to tiptoeing across the floor and sliding into Seokjin’s bed, whispering out a soft apology even as his arms wrapped around Seokjin’s waist and his soft silk pajamas brushed against his bare arms. Taehyung had slowly seeped into his heart, entwined soft vines of lavender and chamomile around him and never let go.

In truth Seokjin could tell whenever Taehyung had arrived, because he was a light sleeper by nature and there was a creaky floorboard just before the dividing cupboards that let out the softest, almost imperceptible sigh that was enough to stir him awake. But he never breathed a word of it to Taehyung, grateful enough that he was comfortable enough to seek comfort in him. Seokjin hadn't known what to think of Taehyung all those years ago - his own worries had been enough without considering that he now had to be the eldest hyung to six nervous boys - but over time Taehyung had simply grown into his heart, his presence now as undeniable as the space the others had carved out too. Knowing Taehyung felt comfortable enough to seek him out had assured him he was doing a good job as the eldest, that he was protecting them (especially the youngest three, who'd been virtual babies when they'd first met) in his own way. It reassured him that he was doing a good job as the eldest hyung, able to comfort his brothers when they needed him most. It was probably a habit to do things for the sake of others, but it left him with a sense of purpose so he didn’t mind it even if Taehyung’s feet were cold or that he sometimes drooled on his pillow.

In the new house, with its spaciousness, the dynamic had seemed to shift, and Taehyung seemed to seek him out less and less; it wasn't that he didn't anymore, but having Yeontan in his room took up most of his time and Seokjin could understand the need to reassure the latest addition to their odd family that everything was okay.He wasn’t jealous, he insisted to Yoongi (who just scoffed and rolled his eyes). And it wasn't really loneliness per se - the rest were all willing to cuddle, too used to loudness and noise after so many years of close proximity - but it felt a little bit like empty nest syndrome if Seokjin had had to put his finger on it. Growing up alongside all these boys, it’d been easy to overlook how each of them had grown individually, but everything had changed so much in the past year alone that everyone seemed like completely different people. He complained as much to Namjoon who'd just hummed and humoured him, saying the kids would never abandon him entirely.

But of course even if Taehyung held his hand and grinned at him in public, it was different from creeping into his bed at night, muttering redundant excuses about Namjoon's snoring or bad dreams. He almost couldn’t connect the Taehyung of today with the overeager boy of a few years back – but their late-night cuddle sessions seemed to bridge the gap, remind him that insecurities and fears still lurked below the surface. It was a little selfish, probably, but Seokjin allowed himself that luxury.

So when Taehyung creeps into his bed (he’s getting better at being quiet at it, although the trick step still betrays him every time) humming a soft cheery tune, Seokjin’s surprised in a range of ways.

"Yeontan?" Taehyung pauses for a moment before sliding in next to him to hug him tight, burying his face in the dip between Seokjin's shoulderblades. The heavy weight brings a strange comfort, and Seokjin is struck by the fact that their roles have been reversed - since when?

"Jiminie's room. We're taking turns. I wanted to come cuddle with you, haven't done it in a while." Seokjin smiles, his heart a little lighter than it has been in days.

"Yeah you haven't." There must be something in his tone that betrays his emotion, because Taehyung's grip grows tighter and he nuzzles his face into Seokjin's back, fingers gently scratching his stomach.

"Sorry hyung. Been busy. Missed you though. You don't snore and you're always so nice and cold." Seokjin scoffs, but there's no fire in it, reaching back to gently flick Taehyung's forehead before running a hand through his fringe. It's an awkward angle, but it's okay.

"Brat. Get to sleep, we have a long day tomorrow and you need your beauty rest."

"You don't, hyung?" He just hums, closing his eyes as the drowsiness seeps back in. He was having a nice dream before Taehyung got here, and now he's sure he'll return to one even better than before.

"I'm already worldwide handsome, don't worry about me. You're going to need it if you wanna outshine me though." Taehyung's laugh is stifled but warm, and Seokjin feels his eyelids get heavier at the familiar sound.

"Never, hyung. I never could. You always shine the brightest." Seokjin breathes out, breathes in the familiar scent of chamomile. And lets himself relax into Taehyung's touch, comforted by the knowledge that Taehyung will still be here in the morning.