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Lena was handling the cleanup job after Morgan Edge poisoned children. She was reading through the file of an abandoned lawsuit against L-Corp, and as she read over "Victims name is Timothy Andrews, 11 years old. Experienced symptoms of lead poisoning that victim's mother claims to be caused by a device created by Lena Luthor in the wake of the Daxamite invasion", her heart felt as if someone had a relentless grip on in, unbearable pain settling in the bottom of her chest.
Eleven years old.
Seven eleven-year-old children that could have died due to Lena's antics. Sure, it wasn't her fault, but to Lena, she may as well have put the poison in the pool herself. If Lena never fell into Rhea's persuasion and never created that damn portal, none of this would have happened. Children wouldn't be in danger.
To Lena, she was no different than Lex. All those years of trying so hard to be good, and for what? Crowds of people to be put in danger, having to call the cops on her mother, causing an alien invasion, inadvertently being the reason why children are poisoned...
She needed a drink, and CatCo didn't exactly have the best selection of alcohol.
She sent Sam a text asking if she could meet her at a club in the middle of L-Corp and CatCo, already grabbing her purse to go. She couldn't text Kara; she called in sick that day. And she couldn't bother with Alex or Maggie since they were likely handling the massive bank heist that happened that evening. So, alone and waiting for Sam's response, she just walked out of CatCo, letting Sam know what bar she intended to go to, and left.
Sam met her there, much to Lena's relief, and as they walked in their ears were assaulted by the loud thumping of music, conversations lost in clouds of smoke. Together they got a VIP booth in the corner and ordered a round of tequila shots, happily yelling at each other about work over the loud bumping of the music.
"What's going on at CatCo? How's being Big Bad going?" Sam inquired, settling into her side of the booth when she finished taking a shot.
Lena chuckled, ordering a glass of brandy when a waiter ran by, and tiredly rubbed at her forehead. She shrugged indifferently, "Everyone seems to like me... I was actually just reading through that abandoned lawsuit Timothy's mother filed against me."
"Lena—you know that's a bad idea."
"Yes, well, everything I seem to be doing so far has been a bad idea." She spoke quietly but Sam still heard her. She looked up from her fingers nervously tapping on the table to see brown eyes trained on her, soft and understanding. Before Sam could say anything, Lena's glass of brandy was set in front of her, and she drained it, informing the waiter that she would need a whole bottle.
And so for the rest of the night, Lena drank and drank, getting lost in the blaring remixes the DJ was playing and hollering the words to the songs she actually knew. She moved with the crowd and joined in with people as they jumped to the music, cheeks burning from the alcohol and head pounding in unison with the music but not a single care in the world. Tonight was about forgetting.
Sam stopped so she could get home in one piece, ending up pulling out the mom guns when Lena tripped due to her heel breaking. She shot out of the booth and was at Lena's side, holding her up by the arm. "Okay—Lena, hun, you've had enough. We're done here." Sam made to take Lena back to the booth, forgetting that there was a bottle of brandy waiting on the table, shouting after Lena when the Luthor kicked off her broken heels and ripped her arm from Sam's grip, taking long, quick strides to the table where she grabbed the bottle, laughing as she downed the rest of its contents. "Lena! No—you're already—agh!" She grabbed the empty bottle and slammed it on the table, rummaging through her purse for her phone, wondering how she got stuck with a grown, drunk toddler.
"Who are you—who are you calling?" Lena said between hiccups, slumping down into the booth and resting her head on the cool surface. It was refreshing against her hot skin.
Sam was already on the phone with Kara, "Kara?" She shouted, putting an ear over her other ear so she could hear the blonde.
"Sam? What's that music, are you at a club?"
"Yeah, I'm at Ace of Clubs with Lena... Could you possibly come help me get her home? She's..." Sam looked over at Lena, who was knocked out on the table, "well... wasted. And I can't drive."
"Of course, I'll be there soon. Um, keep her in one piece, okay?"
"I don't think that'll be a problem." The brunette glanced at the sleeping Luthor, her eyebrows knitting up into a furrow. She hung up with Kara and shook Lena, "Lena, hey, Kara's coming to get us... Lena?"
The CEO stirred awake, looking around her and grinning widely, "I'm really in the mood for some pinot grigio. D'you think a club like this will have some?"
"Really, Lena? You want wine after all of that?"
"You don't?" Her deep red lips puffed out to form a pout, doing nothing for Sam as the brunette dug through her purse and found her wallet, finding a waiter and calling him over.
"Close the tab for Luthor." She gave him her credit card, and Sam gave Lena an incredulous look. Kara walked in a moment later, spotting the two women immediately. "Let's get you home, girl." She looped Lena's arm around her neck, and Kara came over and looped Lena's other arm around her waist.
"Up we go, come on." Kara sighed as they hauled the Luthor out of the bar, who was busy spewing nonsense about craving a bar of dark chocolate and some kind of wine she only ever saw at a convenience store in France, and Kara gently shushed her. "Lena, listen, I need you to tell me your address."
It took a moment for Lena to recall her address as she was placed in the back of a car, spouting out her address as Kara and Sam slipped in the front seats. She was stuck in the back, eyes following the blur of lights passing them in the dark of the night. It wasn't that they were moving fast; they were going at a moderate speed. Lena's brain was just slowing down, but she was smart, even when drunk. She was getting a headache, and her eyes fell forward to stare into the lights of the radio. After a few minutes, Lena realized she was looking at Kara—at the slope of her neck; the way it tensed as she would look both ways at a stop sign.
Her face was growing hot at a considerably rapid rate, and she looked back out the window. Her head was pounding.
Everything was pounding furiously in Lena's head, pain bubbling behind her eyebrows, and Lena couldn't take it. The confined space of the car felt like it was getting impossibly smaller, black dots speckled around everything Lena looked at until they got bigger and bigger. The Luthor's head lulled back and forth until she passed out against the freezing cold window.
~~~
"Lena? Oh, great, you're awake! Here—" Kara suddenly shoved a glass of water into her hand and Lena confusedly stared at it.
"Kara?" She looked around. They were in her apartment... Lena was on her couch. How did she—how did she get me up here? The cold condensation from the glass coated her fingers and she glanced up at Kara, figuring she must have been out for a while. "Where's Sam?"
Kara sat next to her on the massive couch, facing Lena with a wide smile on her face. "At her house. She had to be home to unlock the door for Ruby or something—kid stuff." Kara absentmindedly waved, pursed her lips together as she looked at Lena, and Lena's heart started to race. "Are you okay? Do you need anything while I'm here? I tried to find painkillers or something, but I didn't want to snoop too much."
The Luthor smiled, taking a sip of her water. Even in the dimness of her apartment, Kara's eyes were still bright and hopeful. "I'm... I'm fine."
"Is that why you got drunk at a club?"
"Kara." Lena groaned. She got up and shuffled to her kitchen to get a bottle of whiskey, much to Kara's very visible disappointment. She turned away from Kara and filled a glass, taking a gulp of the liquid that left a fiery trail down her throat. She took her glass with her and sat back down next to Kara. "I just needed to get away from it all for a night."
The reporter grimaced, her eyebrows furrowing, "Sam told me what you said to her... at the bar." Kara paused for a moment, the crease between her eyebrows deepening. She scooted closer to Lena, placing the Luthor's legs on her lap, offering Lena a concerned stare.
Lena felt like Kara was pulling apart every fiber of her being with that stare; as if Kara could see into her soul and read her like a novel. Kara Danvers was the only person she could show her true colors to, but even in this precise moment, she dreads the idea of Kara knowing her the lies her inner demons feed her. She tensed as Kara inhaled deeply, knowing the reporter was going to work hard to hunt down her demons and send them back to the inferno. It's what made Kara a great friend, but it always left the Luthor emotionally exhausted.
"Lena, it was not your fault. You found a cure, okay? All of those parents realized it wasn't your fault and they forgave you. You need to forgive yourself."
Lena shuddered, forcing away the tight feeling behind her eyes. Her head felt tight, and she remembered the plethora of shots she took earlier to drown the feelings Kara was going to bring to the surface. She stared out of the window, noticing it was still dark outside; maybe one or two in the morning. The scattered window lights outside were the most interesting thing to her. Much more interesting than talking about her feelings to someone she had feelings for.
It wasn't until Kara's hands fell onto her calves and started rubbing circles into her muscles that she found herself looking into Kara's piercing blue eyes that never failed to leave her needing to taking an extra breath, her own eyes brimming red with unshed tears. Kara's voice came out in a "Let your teardrops fall, Lena. It's okay. It's okay to feel emotions, alright?" She reassuringly gripped Lena's calves, her eyes soft and encouraging and excruciatingly kind, and all of Lena's walls shattered. Kara moved Lena's calves and fully scooted over to Lena, wrapping her up in a hug as the Luthor sobbed. "Talk to me, Lena. Please."
Lena sniffled, sitting back so she could look into Kara's terribly, awfully, tremendously blue eyes that were impossible not to love—not to look into and just let pierce your soul. Maybe just this once she could let Kara loose on her soul. "All I ever wanted was to be good. I did everything my parents asked of me—everything. I got excellent grades, I helped people, I tried to cure cancer and end world hunger, for god's sake! I—It was all my fault, Kara. All of it! If I hadn't fallen into Rhea's persuasion, or-or bought up CatCo to spite Morgan Edge, none of this would have happened. NONE of it." She didn't leave room for Kara to interject, the tension in the air suffocating as Lena choked out, "Children's lives wouldn't be threatened. God, Kara... I'm worse than Lex!"
Kara gripped Lena's shoulders and shook her, "No you're not! You're not like him and you never will be. You are good, and you—"
"I'm a monster, Kara! I don't know why I keep trying... It seems like something awful happens every time I do." She pushed away from Kara and didn't see the hurt expression on Kara's face. "I don't know... I should have listened to my mother. Nothing I do will ever be good enough." Lena seethed, the hatred she felt for herself taking root in her heart and pumping furiously through her veins. She took a long sip of her whiskey, relishing in the burning sensation resonating in the back of her throat.
"Only you would save the world and say you're not good enough," Kara spoke just above a whisper, but her words still resonated deeply within Lena. The blonde tentatively wrapped an arm around Lena's shoulders, drawing her in for a tight, reassuring hug. "You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I mean, look at you," Kara gaped, nodding up and down at Lena and drawing a short chuckle from the Luthor, "you are the embodiment of everything that's good in this world. When you fall short, you pick yourself back up and raise your chin a little higher... you've been alone for so long; keeping your feelings locked away because you think they're not important enough to confront."
Lena's mouth ran dry as Kara's word struck her, truth in every single one of them. She watched Kara as she preached to her—about her, and it only made Lena fall more in Love with Kara Danvers than she already was. "And your feelings, Lena, are valid; they are important, and they deserve attention. You're not alone, you know. I'm here, okay? I'll give your feelings the attention they deserve if you don't."
The Luthor let out a laugh, ducking her head as Kara only squeezed her tighter. The pain in her chest still threatened her, and she sighed into stale air, defeated. "I'm just so tired, Kara."
"Then stop trying to do everything on your own. You have friends, you know." Kara Leaned closer into Lena, resting her chin on her shoulder. "You're so strong—so brave—sometimes I forget how much you're suffering. I want you to know you can always depend on me if you need to."
And for the first time in a while, Lena felt lighter—enlightened—after a talk of this nature. How Kara does it, she didn't know. "Mmh. Well, I'll try to work on that." A smile tugged at Lena's lips, and Kara watched her with rapt attention as Lena spoke, "I don't know how you always manage to do this; to make me feel so... whole. Supergirl can't even do that."
Kara ducked her head, fiddling with her glasses for the first time that night. "Well, I'm no Supergirl."
"No, you're much more." Lena spoke in a soothing tone, her eyes searching for Kara's, "You mean more to me, at least." Kara's eyes were downcast, and Lena couldn’t help but gently place a hand under Kara's chin, forcing those deep blues to meet her own emerald eyes. "Kara Danvers, you see everything good in the world; you carry the intensity of the sun in your smile and the twinkle of stars in your eyes. And I know you've suffered a lot in your life—sometimes I think maybe more than me, not that I'm making our suffering out to be a contest—god. No."
"I'm supposed to be comforting you." Kara laughed, her smile gleaming in the dim light of Lena's loft, and it radiated a warmth that left a rosy tint to Lena's cheeks. "But... um, I just want to shine through the sadness. I don't want to live my life being in a sucky mood."
"And that's why I love you, Kara. You're so strong, even when you have every reason not to be." Lena's hands had fallen to Kara's shoulders, and she stared and stared into Kara's ocean blue eyes for what seemed like an eternity. "You, Kara Danvers, bring out the best in everyone around you. You bring out the best in me."
The reporter sat completely still underneath Lena's touch, and Lena was very aware of her fingertips still sitting on top of Kara's shoulders. She moved to take her hands off but stopped when Kara placed firm hands on top of hers. "Lena—I, um..." They were inching closer to each other, and Lena's heart was racing, her breath ragged as Kara's eyes lingered on her lips. "I want to—"
"Me too." Lena cut her off with her lips, pressing a hot, messy kiss into Kara's lips. Lena tried—really tried to push Kara over, but she found herself on her back, her body being pressed into the plush cushions of her sofa. Kara pressed open-mouthed kisses into the columns of Lena's neck, driving the Luthor mad. "Kara." Lena grit her teeth as Kara's hands timidly pressed into her waist, and Lena reached down to guide Kara's hands around her body.
Everything was happening so fast; Lena was growing dizzy but she had no intention of stopping. She guided Kara's lips up to her own and sighed into the kiss, her jaw going slack when Kara's hips ground into her own. Electricity coursed through her veins and she found herself shoving Kara, flipping their positions. She straddled the blonde, their eyes meeting, sending euphoric prickles running up and down Lena's spine. She watched Kara beneath her, hair tousled, glasses lopsided on her face, breathing ragged, and she smirked down at the blonde.
She let out a yelp as Kara stood up, instinctively wrapping her legs around Kara's waist as the blonde stumbled around, finding a wall and shoving Lena up against it. The show of strength left Lena hot and bothered, flushing a bright red as Kara pressed her lips into the hollow of her neck.
It was perfect. It was everything Lena has ever wanted from the blonde for months, but life just kept getting in the way of her feelings. Months of pining, of long, loving stares, of tentative touches, and maddeningly long hugs. This isn't how she wanted to reveal her feelings to Kara, but it's what was happening. And she wasn't complaining because god, Kara was so strong. Lena unwrapped her legs from Kara's hips and spun them around, pinning the blonde against the wall.
They stayed like that for a moment, thoughts racing through their minds and breath coming out in short, labored huffs. Lena watched Kara's pupils dilate, her heart fluttering, and for the first time all night, her head was clear. Everything was still, the air around them frozen and everything was just perfect. "Lena..." Kara whispered, prolonging each syllable as if to savor the feeling of her name, and Lena silenced her with her lips, pushing her further into the wall.
Lena fell into an intoxicating rhythm with Kara, fingertips tangling through curtains of gold and dark brown hair, noses messily bumping into each other as their lips crashed together. Kara slipped her tongue past Lena's lips and the Luthor moaned, her hips pressing further into Kara's. Her hands fell on Kara's hips and Kara threw her head back to rest against the wall, exposing the column of the blondes beautifully sculpted neck. Lena closed the distance and peppered open-mouthed kisses into her neck, her teeth dragging down the muscles. Lena's fingertips gravitated towards the collar of Kara's shirt, and she pulled at the fabric before Kara's hands snapped up to stop her. Lena raised a single eyebrow in question.
"I'm—um..." Kara huffed, looking up at the ceiling as she fixed her glasses, looking back down at Lena with hazy eyes. "I don't think we should..."
Lena leaned back but didn't break their contact. "You don't want to?"
"No—no! I do, it's just... Lena, you've been drinking and I—I don't want to do that unless our minds are one-hundred percent clear. I want you to be sober; I don't want to take advantage of you." Kara sighed, her strong hands resting on Lena's hips, the circles she was rubbing over her skin making it insanely difficult for Lena to resist kissing her. It was endearing to know Kara's sincerity didn't stop past intimacy. Lena nodded her head and Kara pressed a tender kiss into her forehead, enticing a low hum to escape Lena's lips. "I think it's time to get you to bed."
"Is it?" Lena grinned but backed away from Kara, who took the Luthor's hand in her own and led her to her bedroom.
Kara helped Lena to bed, tucking her in and pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek. Lena watched as Kara moved around her bedroom, realizing Kara had never been to her home before, yet the reporter was moving around like she knew where everything was. She shrugged it off, sinking further into her bed. Kara turned the light off and walked back over to Lena, brushing her hair out of her face, "good night, Lena." She whispered and made to leave, but Lena instantly grabbed Kara's wrist, stopping her from leaving.
Just one night. Lena just wanted one night where she didn't feel completely alone. Kara seemed to sense this, because she intertwined their fingers and squeezed, looking around. "Is one of these doors a bathroom?"
"That one there." Lena pointed lazily pointed towards a door across the room and Kara stepped inside. She waited until Kara came back out, but her eyes had a different goal in mind. Lena dozed off a few times, stirring when the blonde came back out and slipped into Lena's bed next to her. She fell asleep shortly after, shifting so she was facing the blonde.
~~~
The air was still, silent except for the quiet snore of the body next to her. Lena woke up, but her eyes took their sweet time fluttering open. She made to roll over but quickly realized there was something very heavy stopping her. Lena's eyes snapped open and she looked down to see a mop of blonde hair tucked into her chest.
Kara's arm was wrapped tightly around Lena's hips, her breathing deep and slow. Lena flushed a deep crimson, trying to pry Kara away from her chest to no avail. She sighed and looked out the windows of her bedroom, figuring she could sleep just a little bit longer. Kara was extremely warm and very comfortable, and Lena didn't really want the moment to end. So she didn't. She brushed tangled blonde curls out of Kara's face, eliciting a low hum from the blondes' lips. Lena chuckled quietly and curled into Kara, falling back asleep not long after.
When Lena woke up the second time, she was met with emptiness, the warmth Kara radiated long gone. She looked at the spot where Kara was not too long before, sheets wrinkled and splayed about, and sighed. No warning, as usual. Lena rolled over to get out of bed, reaching to her bedside table to grab her phone when her fingers bumped into a foreign object. Lena snapped her head up to look at it, her eyebrows knitted up in confusion as she looked at a bottle of pinot grigio white wine. Next to it was a bar of Italian dark chocolate.
Lena grabbed the bottle and bar of chocolate, stumbling towards her door and out into her apartment, finding Kara standing in her kitchen, wearing a ridiculous apron, happily dancing in place as she sang the words to a Brittany Spears song and flipped a pancake. The sight caused Lena's heart to flip a few times, and she couldn't hold her laugh in anymore.
Kara spun around, eyes wide at the sudden outburst, her lips spreading into a wide smile that reached her eyes, and she shuffled over to Lena, "good morning! You found your present, great!" Kara grabbed Lena's free hand and dragged her to the kitchen, sitting Lena down at the bar, and moving around to set a plate of scrambled egg whites, bacon, and a neat stack of pancakes. Lena looked at the bottle of wine and chocolate bar in her hands to the breakfast feast splayed out in front of her, to the impossibly blue eyes staring intently at her.
"Kara, while this is definitely the most amazing thing I've ever woken up to... can you explain to me how you managed to get your hands on this particular bottle of wine?" Lena read the label intently, wondering how Kara could have gotten it.
"Oh, well," Kara fiddled with her glasses and nervously placed her hands on her hips, "you mentioned last night at the club how you were craving those and I, um, went out and found them while you were sleeping." Kara's eyebrows were raised in question.
"Kara. You can only find this bottle of wine in Terentino and Alto Adige, Italy."
The blonde's jaw went slack and she spluttered out excuses, apologizing profusely as Lena stood from her seat and walked around her kitchen, opening and closing drawers until she grabbed what she needed and slammed it shut, silencing Kara.
Lena held a corkscrew out to Kara and raised her eyebrows. "Well, if you went through the trouble of flying there to get it for me, you may as well have a drink with me. Or does your Kryptonian biology not allow you to enjoy a drink with pretty girls?"
Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times before sighing, taking the corkscrew and opening the bottle. Lena retrieved two wine glasses and took the bottle, pouring her and Kara a glass. "I can't get drunk off Earth's alcohol, but I can appreciate the taste at least." Kara took a sip of the wine and grimaced. "Never mind. I don't appreciate that at all."
Lena laughed and took Kara's glass, slipping into a bar chair and eating the food Kara made her. "It's fruity and delicious."
"It's bitter and gross, no offense." Kara rested her elbows on the bar and stacked a few slices of bacon on top of each other before bashfully glancing at Lena and shoving half the stack in her mouth, trying not to smile when Lena barked out a laugh.
"I guess I have an explanation for your insane appetite now—here." Lena grinned, sliding the bar of dark chocolate over to Kara, who took it and broke it in half, offering the other to Lena.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, eating the food that Kara made, Lena sipping her wine every now and again until both hers and Kara's glasses were empty. The silence was broken by Kara, who cleared her throat and turned to Lena, a crease forming just above her left brow. "So, um, are we going to talk about last night?"
"Last night?" Lena raised an eyebrow playfully, but Kara shook her head in disbelief.
"Oh, you don't remember, okay—"
"What—no! Kara, I remember everything. Some of which, I really wish I didn't, but most of it... I'm glad I do." Lena pushed her empty plate away from her, turning in her bar stool to face Kara, taking the Super's warm hands in her own and offering Kara a gentle, reassuring smile. "I'm—well... I'm very bad about talking about my feelings... unless I'm drunk, apparently." Kara frowned at Lena, and the CEO was quick to continue, "alright, not the time for jokes. Understandable. Anyways, Kara, I'm bad about talking about my feelings... and I'm equally bad at allowing myself to feel those feelings, and, well, I do have some feelings—some very, insanely, strong feelings—"
Kara tightly squeezed Lena's hands, "Lena,"
"I'm getting to the point, bear with me, please." Lena huffed, "I do have feelings for you, Kara. For months I have been pushing them to the side and ignoring them, and I'm just so tired, Kara. I'm tired of it all. Drunkenly making out with you was not how I wanted to tell you, but... I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to give myself one night." The Luthor trailed off, her emerald eyes falling to her knees. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she couldn't bring herself to meet Kara's ocean blue eyes. She felt guilty for how she went about things last night; guilty for dropping a heavy load off on Kara.
Kara's hands suddenly left Lena's, and the Luthor snapped her head up at the loss of contact only to be met with reassuring fingertips gently rubbing against her cheekbones. "I don't mind. I have feelings for you, too."
"You do?"
"Lena, I literally made out with you last night. I don't think I would have done that if I didn't."
Lena's heart did all kinds of abnormal skips, her stomach feeling the same, and she looked down with a faint blush covering her cheeks. When she looked back up, she was met with Kara's gorgeous blue eyes, and she didn't think anything could be as beautiful as the oceans staring back at her. It really hit her then just how pretty Kara was. Of course, she always knew, but something about the pale sunlight illuminating her skin and lighting up her golden locks was giving her a peculiar feeling. "Yes, I suppose you're right."
Kara laughed at that, and Lena found her lips stretching into a wide grin at the sound. It was better than any symphony she had ever gone to, and she found herself lifting up off of her chair, tangling her fingers in Kara's golden hair and pressing a deep, breathless kiss into the blondes' lips. "You're not alone." Kara murmured into Lena's lips and they broke apart with hazy eyes and Lena grinned, pressing another, and another after that, into Kara's lips.
Lena was the happiest she'd been in years—maybe even the happiest she'd been ever, and it was thanks to Kara.
She was right. Lena wasn't alone anymore.