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Isa had to admit that there was one advantage to falling in love with the best friend he had more or less grown up with: Sleepovers.
Had Isa and Lea met in the latter of their teen years, it might have been questionable for two almost-adult boys to regularly tell their parents that they would spend the night in each others’ home. But the two had met when they were twelve, and sleepovers were common, if not routine. Over the past few months, as their friendship had blossomed into something more than just friends, the advantage of being able to spend nights together was greatly appreciated, to say the least. Isa didn’t show it—as introverted as he was— but the pure elation he felt every night--no, every minute, he spent with Lea was more than enough to last him the rest of his life.
It embarrassed the hell out of him.
Isa had always been in control of his emotions. It was something he had learned to do when he was young, when the relationship between his parents had seemed to be forged on lies, fights, and long periods of absences from one another. When he had moved to Radiant Garden at the age of eleven, and his mother had assured him that they would have a quiet life without his father here, he had never been able to truly let go of the acerbic exterior he’d built around himself. Lea had been able to break through some of it, but at seventeen years old, Isa was sure that there wasn’t much else either of them could do for him not to feel like there would be some kind of great repercussion if he didn’t keep his feelings in check.
So when the two had sleepovers, and Lea would casually drape an arm across his belly as he watched Isa play on his 3DS, Isa had to suffer in silence as the butterflies in his stomach did loop-the-loops and aerial dives. He would have given anything to be like Lea, who so easily kept his heart on his sleeve, but the fact was that he had spent so long under the pretense of being sarcastic and bitter that he just didn’t know how to be anything else. The idea of being someone’s—he couldn’t believe the word was crossing his mind—boyfriend seemed like a distant and remote impossibility, like trying to train a dog how to understand and speak human words. Sure, a dog may have the capability of understanding that “sit” means he should put his bottom down and “stay” means he can’t move, but the way he understands the language is contrived.
-x-
Isa’s insecurities were running rampant one summer afternoon when he had invited Lea to stay over. There had been an unspoken understanding between the two of them that Lea would take the reigns when it came to running the newfound level to their relationship, but Isa’s lack of experience only served to make his hesitation worse. So he had plucked up the courage to, for the first time, take the initiative of asking Lea over. Lea appreciated the change of pace. He waltzed into Isa’s house grinning, his bag slung over his shoulder and a pack of powdered donuts in his other hand. Isa made a face at Lea’s penchant for cheap convenience store junk food.
“Don’t make that face, Isa, it’s insulting to the people who have put their hearts and souls into baking for Krispy Kreme.”
“People don’t actually bake for Krispy Kreme, Lea. Their products are produced by machines. By the dozen. And it’s disgusting,” Isa replied, reveling in the way acidity rolled off of him so naturally. Feigned irritation was easier to manage than the alternative, anyway. Lea shook his head, his spiky red locks dancing in place.
“Whatever, man. It’s not like I had any plans to share them with the likes of you,” he stuck his tongue out childishly and threw his bag on the living room sofa.
Lea and Isa had been in each other’s house so many times that when they visited, each place was about as familiar as their own home. Even so, seeing Lea traverse his living room with such ease brought heat to Isa’s cheeks. He could imagine it was ten, twenty years down the line and they lived in their own place, away from Isa’s overbearing mother who, even outside of weekends like these when she left to visit her family only a town or two away, asked that Isa call her at least twice a day to know he was doing okay. He could pretend that he wasn’t awkward and inexperienced when he kissed Lea, and he could pretend that his hair had grown out to a decent length, not the ugly, too short for a pony tail but too long to look nice length that it was now. He could pretend so many things; that he was taller, nicer, had grown to be a better match for someone like Lea, who could easily choose to be with someone else if he wanted to—there was no shortage of girls who would be up to it. He pushed the thoughts aside and walked over to Lea who had taken a seat next to the spot where he had placed his bag.
“So, your mom is going to be out all weekend?” Lea asked, looking up at Isa with the subtle intensity of cat trying to pretend he hadn’t just noticed the mouse who had scuttled by.
“Yeah. She, um, went to go visit my aunt—her sister. She said she would be back by Monday afternoon.”
Lea nodded slowly, his bright eyes cast downward as if he were thinking something over. The gesture unnerved Isa, and he thought that he should suggest they go do something—play a video game or go out for ice cream—but before he could, Lea stood up and asked, “Can I kiss you?”
Isa gaped, his mouth trapped between forming the words “Yes” and “But you just got here.” Before he could get either answer out, Lea had crossed over to him and dug his hands into Isa’s hair, pulling him in for a dizzying kiss.
“Sorry,” Lea began when they had broken apart, “I just needed to get that out of my system.” Isa stared at him, the last of his coherency having dissipated with the kiss. "I, uh, wouldn't mind if you invited me over more often, you know."
Lea had never been one to feel awkward, but Isa was still getting used to this change in the dynamic of their friendship, and his wide-eyed stare left Lea feeling uncertain.
Thankfully, a synapse seemed to go off in Isa's brain and he replied, "Right. And you don't have to ask if you can kiss me. Not that," he crossed his arms, more for the reassurance of having his arms crossed than for effect, "you even waited for me to answer," he teased. "Impatient, much?"
Lea chuckled, knowing that if he had Isa's patience he probably wouldn't be here right now kissing his friend like that.
He made his way back to the sofa and began digging through his bag. "Hey, so, I brought that new game that came out the other day," Lea made a triumphant noise when his hand reached the plastic case and he pulled the video game out excitedly. "Last one to your room buys ice cream?"
Isa ran. It was a silly challenge, racing to bet who would spend their money on a pair of Popsicles. It was something that survived from their days in middle school, though, and it never failed to get them laughing.
Isa was able to get the head start, but Lea was faster. He almost always was. He had even had the chance to kick off his shoes, Isa noticed, because when he crossed into Isa's bedroom he was able to slide across the hardwood floor with just his socks on.
Lea flopped down on the bed and grinned at Isa. He placed his hands behind his head. "Let's go out for it later today, yeah?"
"Cheater," Isa accused, but he was smiling, too.
Sometimes, when things were like this, it was easy for Isa to pretend that he and Lea were still in middle school. He could push his insecurities aside and it would just be him and his best friend having a sleepover. He had never had a best friend before he met Lea. And now, after having had one for years, it was still just as easy as it had been the first day. What Isa didn't know anything about, however, was how to be in a relationship. Sometimes, though, when things were like this, he could decide that it didn't really matter.
-x-
The night was nice. Isa had always preferred the night to the day, especially in summer. The skies of the Garden were clear and he could see more stars than he could ever hope to learn about. Now, he had one more thing to look forward to in the night.
When they had sleepovers, Lea always insisted they keep the lights off. He would say that it was more romantic that they only be illuminated by the moonlight shining through Isa's open window. Isa would argue that that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. He kept the lights off anyway, admitting, only to himself, that Lea had a point.
When Isa's mother or Lea's parents were home when they had sleepovers they would make a point to sleep on separate couches when they were at Lea's house (the living room was the only place they kept a TV), or lie on a separate part of the floor of Isa's bedroom. It was more of a precaution than anything else--neither of them were quite ready to break the news to their parents that they were together and the longer they kept that fact a precious secret between them, the longer their relationship could go unperturbed. Like so many things between them, that decision had come about through unconscious agreement.
Nights like tonight, where Isa's mother was out and Lea's parents would be busy the next day taking his little sister across the county for her summer swimming competition, were a rarity.
They took advantage of it, carelessly lying across Isa's bed, sometimes placing their hands on each other in places too intimate for a pair who would have been considered "just friends," and sometimes they wouldn't touch at all, their presence next to each other being just enough.
Isa loved it. He loved the security of hearing Lea's breath next to him, as familiar as his own. He loved that they could just be, and Lea could flip through the channels on his TV set or bring all the pillows around the house to build a fort, or try to see how many of the powdered donuts he had left could fit into his mouth. And yeah, the moonlight did make it all the better.
He was still unnerved, though. Lea might steal a quick kiss once or twice, and more than once he would stop a conversation and stare at Isa, his face too close for comfort. Isa wouldn't know what to do. He wanted this, he knew that. There might have been a few occasions where in the midst of an escalating fight-bound-to-happen he demanded that Lea kiss him. But without the excuse of heightened emotions and short-circuiting of the wiring in his brain he was at a loss how to be, well, affectionate.
So it surprised Lea when Isa, who had been battling with himself for the past hour that they had been lying in bed, reached over and wrapped an arm around Lea's torso and rested his head on his chest.
Isa was blushing furiously but he held his ground--or rather, Lea's torso--and Lea cut himself off mid sentence. He had been going on about how the upcoming school year would be his last chance to get on a sports team, but the sudden proximity of Isa's mouth, and, his whole body in general, destroyed Lea's train of thought.
"Keep going," Isa insisted. It was more of a plea than a request. Things were getting awkward fast and he couldn't believe he had convinced himself to do this, honestly, how could he have been so stupi--
"What?" Lea asked.
"I-I mean about school. Sports. Whatever you were talking about," Isa was convinced that Lea was playing dumb, trying to find some obscure way to get Isa to confess that deep down, yeah, he was about as emotional as a teenaged girl, and yes he cared for his friend too much, and damn it, it was nearly one in the morning, and he'd been kissed about 4 times the whole evening, when were things going to move forward, when Lea replied, "Nah. Don't feel like it."
Isa was ready to push himself off the bed and find another room to lock himself in till his embarrassment died when Lea--thank God--scooted down from the bed's head rest a little so he could reach Isa's mouth.
They kissed. It was chaste and quick and Lea pulled away to say, "I honesty never thought I would get the OK from you, man."
Isa blinked and frowned, not quite understanding. Lea laughed quietly and clarified, "You've been so tense all evening I almost thought you regretted inviting me over. You don't, do you?"
Isa paled. Now he really felt stupid.
"No. Of course not. I kind of regret not kissing you more, though," he looked down at the collar of Lea's t-shirt, avoiding his gaze while Isa gave his confession. Lea laughed, a sound that seemed to bubble up from the deepest part of him.
"Me too," he replied and reached upward to kiss Isa on the mouth again.
Isa had to admit, sleepovers were definitely an advantage of falling in love with the best friend you had more or less grown up with.