Work Text:
'Why do you build me up... buttercup, baby'
You sat against the wall, defeated, drained and, honestly, dead looking. Your eye remained glued to the floor, hands unmoving from their position in your lap. Your short hair was a mess, having been tugged in all different directions, your hands raking through it so many times. Your cheeks were stained with dry tears, your eyes puffy and red but unable to produce any more salty water.
'Just to let me down, and mess me around...'
Your mind was blank but racing at the same time. All thoughts that went by were forgotten as fast as they came. You weren't even trying to control them. You were, technically, in oblivion as nothing from reality reached your senses.
The lair was empty, besides Master Splinter meditating in his room, as everyone else had gone out on patrol. April and Casey were with the turtles so you were left alone in the lair.
'And then, worst of all... you never call, baby'
With a shaky sigh, you ran a hand through your hair, slowly moving to pull your legs to your chest. No matter how hard you have tried...
You were tired. Sleep-deprived. You sat up for around three nights in all trying to do something that would make them proud... Every time it would always be, "That's nice darling, now go play, I have some work that needs to be done." Everytime. If you asked to go out, they would give you a credit card with thousands to almost a million dollars on it and, even if you spent it all on shit and crap that you don't need, they would give you more when you came back with it empty.
'When you say you will, but I love you still'
You would throw tantrums, get into so much trouble, steal from stores (and inevitably get banned), break things, scream, cry, yell, everything but they still just brushed it off, gave you money, gave you things and went back to their work. They didn't notice when you ran away, it was when you had met the turtles, in their modified 'human' (holographic) form. It was a trick-of-the-eye thing, all it did was cover them and make an illusion of a human and after a certain amount of time, it went away.
'I need you'
You had given most of the science-y equipment to Donnie, as you never really used it, telling your parents that you had broken some and needed them replaced. Of course, they didn't ask why and did so just to get back to work. No matter what you did, they wouldn't care. You hated it. All you wanted was for them to spend time with you - even just a small conversation that didn't consist of 'how are you? That's good. I have to work so have fun. Bye.' That was all the conversation would be.
You just wanted them to notice you.
'I need you'
Your parents were so obsessed with their work. You all used to be homeless - when you were born they had to scavenge for anything to keep you alive and happy. They were an actual loving family. Your dad was a genius, always coming up with new inventions. Your mom was a mathematician, easily answering equations in minutes. Dad would always make small toys for you out of stuff he would find (and clean the best he could) and at some point, someone had found his inventions and loved it. They offered him a job, mom tagged along and in just a few years they were millionaires.
'More than anyone, darling,'
All you wanted was for them to be proud of you, to pay attention to you, to do something with you - anything. You wanted their acceptance but never got it.
It was a never-ending cycle.
'You know that I have from the start...'
The tears began streaming once again, the steady 'plop' of them rolling off your cheek and onto the floor the only sound around. It was loud considering it was so quiet. You used your sleeve to wipe your nose, sniffling and holding back every cry that clawed at your throat, leaving it raw.
'So build me up... Buttercup'
Raph has told you before to ignore them and stop trying since they don't care. They could care less and you should stop trying. Their acceptance wasn't something you were going to get at all. You've tried to stop trying but... it was hard. You craved for their attention and everything.
You used to have it when you were little and they were still living paycheck to paycheck, practically homeless. You were happy with it - you had a family and now... you had money. You had money and items and discarded love.
'Don't break my heart'
Hearing their voices from the sewers, bouncing off the walls, their laughter reaching your ears, you scrambled to stand, wiping your eyes, nose and brushing off your clothes, running to the steps to greet them with a fake smile.
Mikey had grabbed you first, hugging you tightly and spinning you around, his face pressed into your neck. His breath tickled your neck, light giggles escaping your lips.
'"I'll be over at ten," you told me time and again'
Raph stole you from him, his arms wrapping around your waist, keeping still as he held you tightly.
It was a surprise visit. You haven't seen them in a few weeks, been busy with school and afterschool stuff. Somedays, you had to make up excuses to not go because you weren't in a great mood, crying yourself to sleep almost every night.
You were lucky enough to even have stepped out of your room today.
'But you're late, I wait around and then'
Leo and Donnie held you at the same time, both better at sharing than the other two were. You smiled softly, sincerely, feeling secure in all their arms but it was quickly wiped away when your mind wandered again. You kept your face hidden in Leo's shell, slightly moving away from Donnie.
'I went to the door, I can't take any more'
Catching the hint, slightly, Leo picked you up and walked to the couch, beckoning for his brothers to follow, and (kinda) lied down with you curled up in his lap. His legs were stretched out on the couch, you lying on top of him.
April and Casey had gone home, being really late and they needed sleep for school in the morning. You were technically homeschool, but also did online classes.
'It's not you, you let me down again'
His hand slowly rubbed circles in your back, letting you shift so you were slightly on your side, head tucked nicely near his neck, eyes staring at the floor, refusing to look up at the others.
No one spoke for a bit, Mikey sitting on the floor by Leo's waist, his hand holding yours. Donnie had gone to let Splinter know they were home and that you were here. Raph sat beside Leo, arms crossed but a concerned look crossing his features.
'Baby, baby, try to find'
"You tried again, didn't you?" Raph asked softly, breaking the heavy silence.
You sighed in defeat, slightly tightening your hold on Mikey's hand (to which he did the same) and closed your eyes, nodding. Of course, you did. All you wanted was their attention.
Donnie had come back in, sitting on the ground beside Mikey. "You don't need their acceptance, Y/n, you have so many more people around you that accept you."
"But, they're my parents... they should... I want them to accept me..."
'A little time and I'll make you mine'
"You have us," Mikey interjected, "don't we make you happy?"
You practically threw yourself towards Mikey, hugging him tightly. "You all make me very happy, it's just..."
'I'll be home'
"You want them to also make you happy," Donnie finished, "because they're your parents, they made you, you're connected and they're your family. It's natural to want a relationship with them."
'I'll be beside the phone waiting for you'
Mikey turned his head to face Donnie, giving him a look that was slightly confused and disturbed. Donnie just lightly smacked the back of his head.
"Not like that, dingus." You laughed lightly, sitting on Mikey's lap. "Just a family relationship, something like we have with Sensei. We love him as a parent, he loves us as his kids. Y/n's parent's don't love them like that anymore and that's what they're craving."
'Why do you build me up... Buttercup, baby'
You nodded, pressing your face into Mikey's neck, forcing yourself not to cry. He wrapped his arms around your back, his cheek rubbing against the side of your head.
With a sigh, you gripped his shell and spoke up softly. "I... They don't notice anything I do... Just today I've done some stupid shit and... and I almost got arrested today for it. All they did was pay to let me out and brought me home. No lecture, no saying I shouldn't be doing that, no grounding. Nothing. It's just like I'm not... really there." You sat up, wiping your eyes. "They could care less about what I do in my life - they just keep me alive..."
'Just to let me down, and mess me around...'
"What exactly did you do to get arrested?" Leo asked.
Well, at least he cared enough. "Nothing too bad. I just stole a car and drove away with it. Didn't take long for the police to get there, I went willingly and no one got hurt. I made sure of that. I even made sure to follow the traffic rules." You got a small laugh from the leader and Mikey with that. "I apologized to the guy, I told him why I did that, gave him a few extra bucks to pay for any damages I may have done without realizing and yeah. My parents picked me up from the station, sent me home in a different limo, paid for my bail and that was it."
'And then, worst of all... you never call, baby'
You shrugged, playing with the bottom of your shirt and staring at the floor. You could feel the guy's stare on you and, although it was a bit uncomfortable, the softness of it slightly calmed you.
Raph broke the silence first. "Why... why do you still live with them, why don't you move out?"
Your head whipped up to meet his green eyes, your widening. "I... I don't know how to live on my own. I already know they would let me, I mean, they try so hard to make me happy by giving me what I want and all of this but... I don't want to live alone or have to do anything like that."
"Then live down here with us," Mikey chirped, "We can help you out."
"We can transfer a bunch of your stuff into the spare room we have and you can do your online schooling." Donnie stood up, starting to get slightly excited at the thought of you living with them.
Laughing, you wiped your eyes. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Don. I haven't even agreed yet."
He apologized, sitting back down pretty quickly, his face turning a great shade of red. You smiled at him.
'When you say you will, but I love you still'
Eventually, you had said yes, telling your parents you'd be moving in with your friends. They guys brought the Shellraiser, they were in their holographic "human" forms so your parents could see who you were living with (while April and Casey were also there to show it wasn't all just boys - even though your parents didn't care) and their way of transportation. It was pretty cool how your dad, mom, and Donnie bonded within minutes since he designed the Shellraiser. You were being sarcastic.
'I need you...'
After you ignored him once, he didn't push, leaving you alone on the way back to the lair. The tension was thick in the shellraiser, no one exactly trying to start a conversation. Leo eyed you from the front, brows furrowed.
You had to sit on Mikey's lap since there wasn't anywhere you really could sit alone. You were fine with it, as long as he didn't try to ask - which he hasn't yet. April and Casey went in their van, most of your stuff in there. It wasn't really a lot, mostly just stuff you refused to get rid of, priceless stuff, while most of your clothes were given away since you could just buy a bunch of different ones.
'I need you...'
In all, there were about six boxes. One was moderately big but the others were about as tall as your mid-calf and shoulder-length wide. It was easy to transport them into the room - although April kinda complained when she realized it was the spare room she normally used when spending the night - and unpacked pretty fast.
'More than anyone darling'
The guys had to leave for training - you had thanked them for their help, still slightly avoiding Donnie - leaving you to finish the room. It wasn't much, just the bed and a few knickknacks. Then you would have to go out to buy clothes later. All you had was another pair to sleep in and what you had on.
You moved a bit quicker, getting everything finished in a short time, grabbing your phone, wallet, and jacket. You made a note for the guys, leaving it on the TV as you didn't exactly want to bother them during their training, and left.
'You know that I have from the start'
You would check your phone from time to time, not receiving any messages from your parents yet. You had gotten one from Leo -
LeaderBoy: Be safe and come home before it gets too dark.
It made you smile to know that someone cared. Normally, when you went out, your parents didn't care whether or not you got home late or early or were even gone for a night or two.
'So build me up... Buttercup,'
You were just reaching the store you normally bought stuff - everything - in, only stopping as your phone went off.
"Hello?" You answered.
"Hey, it's, uh, it's Donnie..."
You dropped your hand from the door, moving to the wall to lean on. You didn't say anything, letting him continue.
"Would it be... alright if I, uh, joined you? I wanted to, to, um, talk to you."
Shaking your head to knock you out of the daze you were in, you nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, that would be alright... Do you know where I'm at or..."
"Well, look to your right."
The call was ended, leaving you in silence when you turned. Donnie, in his holographic human form, waved at you, smiling sheepishly. You frowned, furrowing your brows, then rolled your eyes, beckoning for him to follow you.
'Don't break my heart...'
You both wandered the large, expensive store for a while, occasionally grabbing something to put in the cart. You had told Donnie to grab anything he wanted (and what he thought his brothers might want) with no exceptions. He tried to argue, although you didn't allow him to.
Placing another thing in the cart, Donnie cleared his through. "About earlier... I'm sorry if you felt offended about that, I didn't mean to get along with them that easily..."
"It's... It' alright, D. I was just jealous. I mean, they warmed up to a complete stranger faster than they have in ten years with their own child..." You slowed down, leaning on the cart.
'To you, I'm a toy, but I could be the boy you adore'
He rubbed your shoulder, apologizing once again. You shook your head, straightening your posture, smiling at the passing customer and resumed walking.
"Don, it's alright, it wasn't your fault. You're a genius, a scientist, a mechanic, everything they are as well. I'm... I'm not so they have no interest. You made the Shellraiser - a unique, weapon-car by yourself. They were impressed..."
'If you'd just let me know'
He stopped walking, frowning, and pulling at your arm to stop you. "You're a genius, Y/n. Maybe not in the way I am or they are but in your own way. You can find ways around so many things, you can find loopholes in any situation or rule, you can make sense of Mikey's gibberish half the time, you can figure out how we're feeling just by taking a moment to scan over our body language and eyes - even if we act completely fine and try to hide every sense of we're not okay, you figure it out. They don't see it." He stopped to take a breath. "You're a genius and can be considered a mechanic. You're great at helping me fix stuff, like the Shellraiser and Metalhead."
'Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more'
You smiled, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from crying. Of course, Donnie would find ways to deem you a genius. He and Leo were the ones that would find the most ways to make you feel better with words. Raph was more of the I-don't-know-what-to-say-so-I'm-just-going-to-hug-you-tightly-and-hope-these-feelings-go-away type while Mikey would make you laugh and smile, cuddle you, play video games, cook, prank the others.
Donnie smiled back, hugging you tightly. "Now, let's finish up here because I'm not gonna be able to stay much longer, then we'll head home and watch movies or something else. Sound like a plan?"
'Why do I need you so?'
"Sounds like a plan," you repeated, racing down the aisle and leaving the purple-clad boy to chase you. You smiled at a worker as you passed them, taking a hard turn into another aisle.
"Don't break anything, Y/n!" They shouted with a light tone.
You just laughed, replying, "No promises, Maxx."
'Baby, baby, try to find'
By the time you and Donnie had gotten back to the lair, it was well past dark and Leo was pacing. It was... unsettling to see him this worried. You set down the bags on the steps, cautiously making your way down. Donnie had left his handfuls with yours, following not far behind.
"You're alright," Leo sighed in relief, wrapping his arms around you.
'A little time and I'll make you mine'
"I'm alright. Sorry I didn't text or call, I was with Donnie and I didn't think... I didn't really think I needed to. I forgot that..." You trailed off.
Raph finished for you. "You thought you were still with your parents so you thought it wasn't necessary since they never cared."
Taking a deep breath, you nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I... That was pretty much it."
Leo's arms tightened around your frame, stroking your back.
'I'll be home'
Mikey joined Raph and Donnie in grabbing the bags and transferring them to your room while Leo calmed you down, trying to keep you from thinking about your parents and all the times they've cared less.
If you were to live without them, you'd have to go back before you met them and forget everything about these four brothers. There was nothing you would be able to do now without them.
'I'll be beside the phone waiting for you'
It's been about a month now since you've started living with the turtles. Three months since you've started dating them and seven since you first met them. You've floated around, helping them when they need it (mostly Donnie in the lab) and trained with them, able to take down Mikey when he's not going as hard as he would with his brothers but trying to keep you from bringing him down. You've still been able to do it, only getting hurt a little.
You sat in the spiny stool/chair, using the table to help you spin as Donnie worked on the Shellraiser, checking the engine and why it kept making a funky noise. You were... technically helping him - giving him the tools he needed and held the light when he had to use both hands. You had found a way to set the flashlight up on the hood so neither of you had to hold it. Then, since he didn't need your help all that much, you just sat in the chair and begun spinning.
'Why do you build me up... Buttercup, baby'
Shrieking as large hands grabbed your waist and picked you up off the chair, you laughed, grasping to whosever hands were holding you, trying to steady yourself as your feet touched the floor. Everything was moving and you couldn't stand straight.
They held you tightly, keeping you from falling. You could hear Donnie laughing quietly, closer than where he was before by the Shellraiser.
'Just to let me down, and mess me around'
Regaining sight and balance, you pulled away from them, turning to smile at Raph - who was apparently holding you - and thanked him.
"So this is where you two've been," Leo sighed, "I figured Donnie would be in here but it's kind of a surprise to see Y/n in here too."
'And then, worst of all... you never call, baby'
You stuck your tongue out at the blue-clad turtle, running out of the room as he made a move to chase you, laughing. He wasn't running at full speed - you've seen him go inhuman speeds so this was nothing - allowing you to get away and hide in your room.
The screen of your phone lighting up as a call came through, then ended itself, caught your attention. Your mind now fully gone from the moment at hand, you grabbed the object, unlocking and scrolling through your phone to the messages.
'When you say you will'
20 missed calls from Mom & Dad
5 voicemails
27 messages from Mom
18 messages from Dad
'But I love you still'
You stared at the screen in disappointment, confusion, horror, surprise, happiness, everything. You didn't know how to feel about them calling or texting when they never had before.
"Y/n?" The door creaked open, Leo poking his head in (and elbowing Mikey back) to make sure it was okay to enter, then allowing the door to swing open further. He cautiously made his way towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder only to pull it back when you flinched violently but didn't turn around.
'I need you'
Mom: Hey sweetheart, I miss you.
You should come over some time.
We could all spend time together, watch movies or do something.
Dad: Call when you can, okay, Pumpkin?
Your mom and I miss you very much.
We want to see you again.
Come over when you have time.
Your room is all made and ready for you to come back.
'I need you'
There were plenty more but you refused to read the rest, throwing your phone onto your bed as you stumbled back. Leo caught you, holding you up (and slowly sinking to the ground with you), concern washing over his features.
Mikey, Donnie, and Raph were beside you in a second but your eyes never met any other theirs, instead, staring at the wall ahead of you without focus.
'More than anyone, darlin'
Raph's hand lied on your knee, his thumb slowly stroking it in soft movements. "Y/n, what just happened?"
Right, right. They aren't mind-readers. They couldn't see what was going on inside your head unless they read a book with second-person point of view, third-person limited point of view, or first-person point of view. But they weren't and were unable to see what you had read.
'You know that I have from the start'
You pointed to where you had thrown your phone, Donnie inevitably standing to grab it and go through your messages between your mom and dad and all the calls.
At first, it was just you letting them know you were leaving, were safe, asking some questions, and all that but no reply. After you had left to live with the turtles, then came the other responses but only to ask for you to go back or meet up and shit.
'So build me up, Buttercup'
"Fuck 'em," Raph growled when he read them. "Why should you listen to them when they've never listened to you?"
You flinched at his tone of voice, pressing yourself onto Leo's shell, hiding. Never had you really dealt with someone raising their voice or yelling at you unless it was a stranger (since you git in trouble, purposely, a lot) but it never bothered you with them since you didn't know them.
Leo's arms tightened around your shoulders, protecting you. "Raph, calm down!" He shouted, "We're not choosing what they want to do with this."
"Leo's right, Raph," Donnie cut in. "They're their parents and it's their choice to do what they want. We can't stop them or tell them to do something."
You relaxed a bit, your eyes remaining on the ground.
Mikey's voice was soft, not it's usually loud and cheerful tone. "Well, we can at least tell them how we feel about it, right? It's not telling them to do or not do something."
'Don't break my heart...'
You pulled from Leo's grasp and stumbled standing but held out your hand for your phone. "Gi-give me my phone," you whispered. Your voice didn't seem to want to work correctly, remaining soft as you were unable to speak loudly.
Reluctantly, and hesitantly, Donnie handed you your phone. Once it was in your hand, you left the room without a word, pressing the button to call before you chickened out. You could feel the guy's stare on your back as you pressed the phone to your ear, dreading for your parents to pick up. You were honestly wishing they didn't.
'I need you more than anyone, baby'
"Y/n! I didn't think you'd call, Pumpkin!" Your dad answered with, seemingly, fake excitement.
Sighing, you muttered, "Drop it. What do you want?"
There was silence for a moment, hushed whispers you could depict coming from the other line.
"Sweetheart, what makes you think we called for something?" Your mom had taken the phone, or it was on speaker.
Your hand tightened on the phone, hot tears streaming down your cheeks as the filter separating your brain and mouth disappeared. "You never called! You never texted. You never answered any of my texts when I was living with you. You never paid me any attention. You didn't care! Why, all of a sudden, do you care now?!"
"...We've paid attention to you-"
'You know that I have from the start'
"Don't fucking start. I don't want to fucking hear it - I'm done. I'm happy here and I don't need you back into my life. I left for a reason and that was because I was unhappy and the people I'm living with make me happy - they give me hope." You were silent, taking a breath and calming down. They said nothing. "Now, I'm going to hang up and, please, don't try and contact me again."
You waited for an answer from them, earning none, and hung up the phone. Your hand dropped to your side, remaining still for a second. Just barely, could you hear the guys walking towards you.
With sudden anger, you gripped the phone tightly and threw it across the room, inevitable shattering the screen and cracking the case. Why should you care? You can just buy another.
'So build me up'
Arms, more than just one pair, wrapped around your body, engulfing you in their hold. You cried, letting the sobs wreck through your body, tears refusing to stop.
You just lost your parents.
But it was your choice and they didn't stop you.
'Buttercup, don't break my heart...