Chapter Text
The one way flight from Seoul Incheon to Shizuoka Airport wasn't particularly long or expensive, no bags were needed or carry on luggage. One taxi to the base of Mount Fuji and when the driver asked if he was okay, he lied. Of course he was okay, just going to admire the beauty of the forest was the excuse Sehun used with an artificial smile, even though the small plastic bag which rested by his foot held a rope inside.
And when arriving it was numbing, yet the way the winters air blew against Sehun's pale skin did not stop him walking further into the forest. He had heard many times about this forest which laid at the bottom of Mount Fuji, how it had the supposed power to bring people to their deaths in a stoic way, how countless lives and souls laid at least here. So to Oh Sehun, it only made sense that this place filled with peace and serenity, would be the place where he would die.
Continuing into the forest, Sehun tried to pinpoint the reason why this hour would probably be his last, what caused him to catch the flight in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that being orphaned at three by parents who couldn't love him more than he loved himself could hurt a little, or maybe because bouncing from house to house till he was eighteen wasn't exactly healthy for his mental health either. Thinking back on his life, Sehun never felt once that there was someone who was there for him, someone who needed him like he wanted. He was not needed after all, a useless spec in the universe that didn't matter.
And even then, trying to feel like he had a purpose and trying to achieve his dreams by becoming a poet only caused a downfall, drowning in university debts to achieve nothing but a shitty collection of half assed poems that would get him no where but this forest where he was surrounded by nothing except tall and dark trees and a disparage of old and new tape which wound around various trees.
Sehun wondered aimlessly further inside, passing articles of people's existence on the floor, on trees and ropes hanging from trees. In some of his last moments, love came to mind. If his life didn't turn out the way he did he might have found someone, but he didn't, life didn't change. A life was lead where no one loved Sehun, where love to a seven year old Sehun was the best thing that could happen to him. A love from a parent, a friend, a family, but it never came. But now, to just passing twenty three year old Sehun it was nothing, an empty void. Because love doesn't change anything, it's not some magical thing that makes everything better. It just makes you forget about the bad things, postponing them till inevitably they pile up and become your worst nightmare. Love doesn't work, it never will. Because love doesn't make any sense.
Coming to a halt, Sehun found the place which he thought was the most beautiful of all. A tree which was thicker than the rest, placed within its own area and trees further away from it compared to the rest of the forest. It seemed untouched, no signs of rope, or tape, no suicide note nor body or bones. This was Sehun's tree, it was destined. The plastic bag rustled breaking the light silence, but it was okay. Sehun's hand took the rope out, dropping the bag on the floor after. The thick rope feeling heavy in his hand until he found a way to tie it round the branch, a way to reach the rope round his neck and not touch the floor.
As the noose came to his skin, he looked before him and felt at peace, the sea of green swallowing him like the rest of the people that came here for the reason he did. No more pain, he thought, no more meaningless living and no more crying himself to sleep anymore. The sky looked beautiful too, like it was presenting its best for Sehun's last sunset, his last moments. A mix of an amazing orange and blue which shouldn't look nice but Sehun found it amazing.
Long eye lashes closed and all stresses and hopes were dropped, He was ready. A small 'thank you' was whispered, maybe Sehun thought it would be his last words. And maybe he was going insane because he swore he heard something reply, opening his eyes to see perhaps something he had made up in his mind.
Stood before his tree was a small brown haired boy, dressed in mountain boots and a thick coat with a pair of binoculars around his neck, along with his scarf. It was easy to tell the person was cold, his nose was red and as he spoke his words turned into condensed air. As he spoke Sehun wasn't really sure what he was saying, a barrier between Sehun's Korean and the brown haired boy's language which he supposed was Japanese.
"Korean? Do you speak Korean?", was the first things Sehun understood, being at shock because only seconds ago he had closed his eyes and accepted his fate.
"I'm Korean", Sehun fretted, the situation turning into something different than he expected.
"I see", The other hummed from below, "I'm Baekhyun, I'm a nature guard."
Sehun did not reply, not sure exactly on what to say or what to do as he stood still with the rope around his neck.
"What's your name?", He continued. "You don't need to tell me. I'm on a suicide patrol."
"Sehun", Came out of his mouth, all he could manage was, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry", The voice sounded warm in the sharp coldness, "I just want you to be okay."
"I'm okay", Sehun mumbled, despite the fact that he stood moments away from his death. And him saying this made Baekhyun crack a small smile, not even being able to believe what Sehun has just said.
"Sehun", The boy's face straightening out. "Why are you up there?"
"I'm not happy", Sehun stated.
"Is that a good enough reason for you to never leave Aokigahara?", Baekhyun sounded as if he truly cared, not something Sehun had ever heard before.
"I think so", Sehun's thoughts of life came back into his head and stopped the doubt he was feeling, closing his eyes once more.
"It's not", Baekhyun's blunt voice opened Sehun's eyes again, and wide. "It's really not."
Sehun did not reply once more, he did not know what to say because all that was in his mind was his final words, thoughts, memories which seemed so bland and meek.
"You must be cold just in that shirt", Baekhyun did not seem to give up or leave him alone. "Why don't you come down and we can get you something to eat to warm you up?"
"I don't want to", Although he sounded childish, he meant what he said. He didn't want to, he wanted Baekhyun to go and stop, he wouldn't change his mind.
"I have hot chocolate in my backpack", Baekhyun then continued to take off his backpack and take a metal flask out. "I can't give it to you up there."
"I don't want it", Sehun didn't understand how Baekhyun could be so calm, he didn't seemed phased at all to the situation.
"Sehun-ah you're being difficult", Baekhyun moved to take the lid off and pour the liquid into it, it so hot that Sehun could see the steam coming off of it.
"Please- can you just go", Sehun was almost pleading now, the coldness was starting to hurt his skin and the rope round his neck was getting heavier.
"I'm afraid I can't do that", Baekhyun spoke then blew on the hot chocolate. "I won't leave unless you're coming with me."
"Why do you care so much?", Sehun felt the tears brimming his eyelids as he began to choke on his words.
"Sehun-ah, I'll tell you my story if you come down", Baekhyun tempted him further. "I care about you, so come down please."
"You don't know me- you can't care."
"I care enough for you to come down", he huffed, "How about you come down now and warm yourself up, and if you still want to choose the path you're leading now you can continue once I leave."
"I just want you to leave me alone", Sehun squeezed his eyes shut again and hoped for silence to follow, the tears falling down his numb cheeks.
"You know I can't do that", Baekhyun had the audacity to giggle, a small smile etching on his face and it was the most genuine thing he had seen for a while. "So come on, please come down for me."
"For you?", Sehun's bitterness coming out as a sharp laugh, only once though. His grip against the tree was getting looser and to him his final moments were getting closer. As he leant foreword, his eyes laid shut still, not wanting to meet the pleading eyes of this stranger.
"Stop!", Was shouted and Sehun continued moving foreword. "If you really wanted to die you wouldn't of flinched when you first saw me! You wouldn't of hesitated when I asked you to come down and you wouldn't be moving so slowly now if you wanted to die! So stop this Sehun, I have a car and food back at my apartment and we can talk- just please let me help you.
"I stood in the exact same place as you did, I thought this was my place to die- I thought this tree was my tree. But it wasn't! And people thinking hanging yourself if the painless but it's not. It hurts Sehun, I still have the scar on my neck!"
Sehun's eyes had now opened, stunned and shocked to the point where his body had halted in his position before he could lean any closer to death. His dark, lifeless orbs met Baekhyun's hazel teary eyes, he cared.
"Come down Sehun", Baekhyun croaked, holding his hand out to the stranger he just met as if he could reach him and save him. "Let's go."
Silence filled the forest, the swaying of the trees which blew in the wind let the dead leafs fall of branches and into the air. The indigo-orange sky fading into a mix of pinks and purples which could've been the most beautiful thing Sehun had ever seen. Lifeless eyes trailed from the sky, to the trees, then down to Baekhyun. His hand held out and his face so pleading that it looked convincing.
"Sehun, let's go home", On Sehun his voice fell as they say love should.
"Okay", Sehun's voice was quiet and childlike, one hand lifted from the bark to remove the rope around his neck. A heavy weight lifted from his shoulders, yet those hazel eyes left a heavy gaze on him. The rope was now hanging but nothing attached to it, loosely swinging from one side to the other along with the breeze. Baekhyun's stare continued as he made his way down, and even when Sehun's feet reached the floor Baekhyun stared at him as if he was a ghost.
"Thank you", Baekhyun smiled, yet his didn't wipe the tears that did not stop falling. "Thank you for being alive."
The walk out of the forest seemed much different to the walk in, rather than reflecting on his own life he thought about Baekhyun. How his hair bounced as he walked the route he said he knew like the back of his hand, and how he did not stop talking about silly little things. The only time Baekhyun stopped talking was when they reached his car, telling Sehun to get into said car and put his seat belt on. And after that, there was only silence, Baekhyun did not speak once but the smile on his face seemed like he had achieved what he wanted. Sehun found him fascinating.
Within a matter of time they arrived outside a small apartment block, only a few stories high and an off white colour but it seemed to fit in with the area well. Baekhyun was the first to get out of the heated car, rushing to Sehun's side to open the door for him and the taller thanking him as he did so.
"My apartment is only on the second floor, so we won't have to walk too far", Baekhyun assured Sehun as they walked up the stairs inside, Baekhyun rushing up flights easily whereas Sehun trialing behind. Once stood outside apartment eight, Baekhyun brought his keys to the door and opened it as fast as he could, after all he had complained about how cold it was and how he wanted to get Sehun in the warm.
"Make yourself at home", Baekhyun hummed as he headed through a small and narrow hallway, Sehun taking off his shoes and standing at the entrance. "You can come in Sehun."
Slow steps were taken until Sehun reached a small living area, a old sofa pressed against one wall with a coffee table in front of it, on the left side a petit kitchen stood where Baekhyun was, further down was a door to something Sehun didn't know and on the left was another door. It was small yet cosy, something homelike and personal which Sehun had never experienced before. Small pictures lined against the wall of Baekhyun and other people which Sehun could only assume to be his friends and family, he could only wish for relationships like this.
Woken from a daze, Sehun's eyes flicked towards Baekhyun who held a tray of a pot, a few bowls and chopsticks. And it was only then when Sehun's stomach ached, reminding him that he had not eaten since the day before.
"Come sit", Baekhyun gestured to the small table in the centre of the room, "let's eat."
Sehun did as he was told, moving and sitting on the opposite side to Baekhyun. Looking inside the bowl, he wasn't certain on what it was, some sort of noodle which he hadn't seen before as his diet consisted of instant ramen and cheap foods he could buy from take away.
"It's Japanese soba", Baekhyun could probably see the uncertainty on Sehun's face. "It's nice, I promise."
Baekhyun handed a pair of black chopsticks towards him, then continued to say something in Japanese and began to eat. Sehun watched as Baekhyun did so, finding him somewhat odd yet interesting.
"Sehun-ah please eat", Baekhyun pointed at the food with his own chopsticks, and once again Sehun did as he was told. Picking up a few of the noodle things and putting them into his mouth, he realised how much he missed food which was cooked home made. Not that he had much experience of it but he knew it was the best type, when someone cooks with the intention of bringing joy to someone. He had finished it within a matter of seconds, Baekhyun laughing and passing him another portion and continued to eat his own.
"Thank you", Sehun mumbled, putting his chopsticks to his lips once more as he continued to eat.
"No, thank you", Baekhyun smiled, "I thought you weren't going to listen to me and jump, I was really worried I was too late."
Sehun didn't know how to answer, his mouth left ajar as Baekhyun continued eating with his head hung low.
"Why do you work there?", Was the first thing Sehun asked.
"When I was seventeen I didn't want to live anymore, I found it hard to do basic things because I wanted nothing more but to not exist anymore. So, I packed my bags and got on a plane here, I thought if people decided to die here it must be pretty. And when I first arrived it was beautiful, I remember wandering and wandering until I found the tree that I found you at today.
"That tree just seemed like the perfect place for me to be last. It made sense in my head so I carried on with what I wanted to do, I had the rope in my hands and tied it up just the same as you did. Except when the rope was round my neck no one was there to talk me out of it, there was only the silence and the sun and me. So I jumped."
Baekhyun paused, hesitating to carry on because it was not something you tell a stranger, yet he trusted Sehun for some reason.
"And hanging there was painful, I remember thinking as soon as I jumped that I wanted to live. I regretted it instantly. So I screamed and screamed and everything went black. It should've been the end but moments later the nature guard before me found me and helped me, an ambulance came and saved me. And when I woke up I thought I was in heaven because it was all white and peaceful. I started screaming and asking God for another chance to live, because I wanted to try again and I even went as far as to promise I wouldn't be selfish and die."
Baekhyun laughed and dug his chopsticks into the soba, turning them slightly and putting it into his mouth.
"But I wasn't dead, Was I? I was alive and someone had saved me. I was very thankful, I thanked the paramedics and the doctors and the nurses- and I saved my biggest 'thank you' of all for the nature guard. Without him I would've died and wouldn't of rested peacefully, I would've died with regrets and my last thoughts would've been painful and negative. I'm reminded every day of attempt though, this scar that runs across my neck, it tells me that I'm alive for a reason."
Sehun took a moment to study the thin scar that laced around the smaller's neck, as if the rope was still there.
"I told him I would repay him in anyway I could, so when he passed away of old age I took his job into my own hands and tried to protect people that wondered into the forest and hoping to never come out. Sometimes I'm too late and I find people like you and me hanging with expressionless faces from the branches, I find notes and family pictures from people who thought that dying was the only escape. But I do what I can, I help who I can. Even if it's just letting the authorities know I had found another body which needed a name and a story. I do the same route every day round the forest in hope I can save someone, but with you- you were different."
Sehun had stopped eating and was listening to every word Baekhyun had said, so when it was his turn to talk he was caught of guard. "What- I mean how?"
"In my seven years of doing this, you were the first person to go to my tree."
"Oh."
"There's something about that tree, which holds a turning point of my life. So to see you standing there ready to throw everything you have away the same way I did, I just couldn't let you do it", Baekhyun sighed. "You don't need to explain your story to me, or your reasoning for being there, I just want you to promise me you won't reach that low point ever again."
Sehun felt stupid for promising something so silly to a stranger, yet his hand with his pinky finger standing up straight moved across the table towards Baekhyun. "I promise."
Baekhyun smiled and joined his pinky finger to Sehun's, that smile which Sehun found so genuine and warm for someone who didn't even know who he was.
"You can stay here for as long as you want, but I'm sure there is someone looking for you", Baekhyun did not let go, keeping eye contact with Sehun as he spoke.
"I'm an orphan, and I've been on my own since I was eighteen, I'm now Twenty three", Sehun ended his sentence with a small and sad smile. "I think you're the first person who has had a conversation with me and meant it since I can remember."
Baekhyun too now had a sad smile written on his face, "You can stay with me until you are ready to leave then."
"Do you normally welcome strangers into your home?", Sehun wanted to laugh, this situation feeling so surreal.
"No, but I told you", Baekhyun took his hand away from Sehun's and continued eating. "You are different, you chose my tree."
From that, they both ate and continued light conversation, nothing too deep and Sehun was sure that this was the warmest his heart had felt in his life. Someone who cared for him, had cooked and spoke to him without wanting anything in return except from him to be happy. As the night went on Sehun found himself smiling more in a minute than he did so far in the years he had lived. Even as Baekhyun sat up the futon for Sehun in the small living room area, he smiled.
"Thank you Baekhyun", Sehun said once more. "Thank you for caring."
"Thank you for being alive", Baekhyun smiled towards Sehun for the last time that night as he stood at the entrance of his own bedroom, ready to leave Sehun in peace. "Thank you for choosing our tree."
-A year later-
Sehun and Baekhyun walked hand in hand through the forest once more, but now both were dressed in thick coats and scarfs. Sehun too had became a nature guard, and stayed living with Baekhyun who did not complain at all. Ever since the day they met it was hard to tell if it was a coincidence or fate that had joined them together, but they were happy.
At first Sehun had found the job hard, but Baekhyun was there for him everyday as they walked through the tangled trees. Sehun had even started to write poetry again, but for a whole different purpose. Baekhyun had suggested to write inspiring and meaningful poems and now as they walked through what used to be a place of death, Sehun's poems could be found stuck to signs, etched into trees and beside places where someone could take their life's.
After a year of doing this, Sehun too knew the forest like the back of his hand. It was easier to find certain places, like that one area with the small lake and the other place where there's a cluster of trees which make a beautiful canopy, especially when the sun shines through. But, the easiest place for Sehun to find was their tree. Him and Baekhyun find this tree very sacred, a place where they come just to think or to clear their minds. As they both stood their now with their hands linked with gloves which kept their fingers warm, they could only stare at the thick and dark bark which seemed to tower over them.
"Sehun, Do you remember the day I found you here?", Baekhyun asked the question as if he didn't know the answer.
"I do."
"Do you remember the promise you made that day too?", Baekhyun asked again.
"I do."
"What was it?", Baekhyun turned to the taller and looked up to him.
"I promised never to be too low again, to the point of where I want to die", Sehun recited Baekhyun's words which were spoken only a year ago.
"Have you kept your promise?", Baekhyun joint both of their hands together, rubbing Sehun's knuckles with his index finger with small circles.
"I have, I don't think I will ever will again", Sehun smiled down to Baekhyun, finding Baekhyun something like a guardian angel in some ways. "Thank you for saving me."
"Thank you for being alive", Baekhyun replied as he smiled that genuine rectangle grin like he always did. "Thank you for staying alive."
"You're sappy", Sehun laughed, not something which you would normally hear in the place known as 'The suicide forest', nor something that Sehun used to do at all. But because of Baekhyun, those things had changed. Smiles and laughter was more present in Sehun's life than it ever was before, and even the smallest bit of hope could be found in the forest when Baekhyun was inside of it.
"I guess I am", Baekhyun giggled only a few times, standing on the balls of his feet to meet his face to Sehun's to press their lips together. Baekhyun's lips felt cold against Sehun's own, but it felt like hope, it felt like home to him.