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Being good enough. That was always what Jisoo wanted.
After the choreography shooting, it was supposed to be the 95’ liners solo photo session but hence, knowing that Jisoo could barely even walk with those bruised ankles, pd-nim decided to reschedule and to put their younger brothers first so that Jisoo could at least have time to rest and recover.
As they monitor their last scene, Jeonghan did notice that Jisoo was in fact in pain all that time, and that he stopped every time he gets a position in the back. Watching him in so much distress was torture itself, let alone being in his critical condition. When it was the part of the choreography when they kneeled on the ground, it was clear that Jisoo tried to keep his facial expression neutral and far from misery.
Jeonghan knew he wanted to be good enough, but he never thought he’d be this eager for it.
During the break, Jisoo was given a specific room to rest and he was not given permission by the other members to do anything until he was fully rested. The bags under his eyes were clearly visible at this point, and it worsened when you add it up with his unwanted injury. The medical team said so themselves that this happened because of the ungoing stess and post-hiatus depression the boy has been experiencing, and those factors may have been the cause of overworking and sleep deprivation.
After having a one-hour break (or what it felt like centuries for the blond) his manager finally gave him the permission to meet Jisoo, but him and him only. So he entered the room, leaving the other members with Seungcheol. He was greeted by the sight of Jisoo, staring at him across the room, his body laid helplessly on the bed, covered in a fleecy blanket.
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
“You’re feeling better?”
The brunet nodded equivocally as the blond took a seat at the chair beside his bed. “Where’s the others?”
“Outside with Seungcheol.”
“You do know that this is not much of an injury, right? Why am I even treated as if I just had a heart attack session?”
“We’re not concerning your physical condition, Jisoo. We are actually worried about the problems that you are facing mentally.” Jeonghan sighed. “What you did to yourself by your consent concerns me.”
“I was only practicing.”
“Until you let your knees bruise as if it was nothing?”
“It was just a scratch.”
“Scratch? Jisoo, you were bleeding.” Jeonghan agitated. “It might not be a big deal for you but it is for me. Let me remind you that I do care for each and every of my friends and…” He stopped and looked down. “Who am I kidding? I have been such a shitty friend.” He laughed harrowingly. “I didn’t even noticed that you were in pain.”
Jisoo took a deep breath. “Don’t blame yourself for the faults you didn’t do, Yoon Jeonghan. You were practicing hard, the choreo’s high as a kite, of course you wouldn’t have time to look at your surroundings.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that I have the reason to ignore my friends like that.” Jeonghan shook his head. “I barely looked over you the way I did in the early days. I should’ve been more heedful of you. I don’t want to.. find myself drifting away from you.”
Jisoo looked at him hastily. “I might not be as open and all-rounded as you. I might be quiet and a bit sensitive sometimes. I’m not your typical ‘4D’ person who easily expresses their thoughts through words. But that, Yoon Jeonghan, doesn’t make less of our relationship.” Jisoo wanted to say ‘friendship’, but that word rolled off his tongue instead. “Us being total opposites will not, I don’t know, drift away our relationship, if that’s the way you say it.”
“But why didn’t you ask for help if we were really that thorough?” Jeonghan fumed. “Why don’t you ever ask for help to anyone when you’re in distress? Why don’t you ask me?”
“Because my wellbeing is not for your concern.” Jisoo replied shortly. “You – no, we still have to take care of our young ones. And that will be and forever will be our purpose. Our priority. My condition is not a part of it.”
“How dare you?” Jeonghan stared at him in disbelief. “You might be a hyung for them, but remember this that you are not for me, Jisoo. Your wellbeing is also my concern, my priority, and you wouldn’t say anything about It with utter disrespect.” His face flustered. “You mean so much for me, if you hadn’t noticed. You could censor me out all you like, ‘dismissing me so I wouldn’t be disheartened’ all you like, but I will keep my words, Hong Jisoo. I am not going to let you suffer with your problems alone because the others haven’t ‘noticed’ your distress.”
“and why would you do that?”
“Because you noticed me before anyone else did.”