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A lit cigarette dangled from his lips and Alice did not stop herself from rolling her eyes. This James Dean, Rebel Without a Cause, wannabe act was really getting on her nerves. They might both be in the Serpents now but that didn’t mean they had to fundamentally change who they were, right? A persona was only effective if people did not know the person behind it – and Alice knew this boy very well.
“Alice,” he said, the cigarette now resting under his boot.
“Junior.”
“I told you…it’s FP now.”
“I’ve known you since you peed your pants on the playground when we were four. I don’t buy into all that FP bullshit. FP is your dad.”
The smirk on his lips was quickly replaced with a sneer and Alice mentally patted herself on the back. He might be the Serpent Prince coming into his own, but she wasn’t going to treat him like he walked on water. Junior definitely wasn’t the second coming of Jesus Christ.
“Dad is retiring from Serpent life, you know that. I’m going to be in charge soon.”
It wasn’t a lie. All of the Serpents knew that the eldest FP was sick and didn’t have the money for all the hospital visits he needed. Or the medicine. They had tried to convince him to let them buy the meds illegally, but FP was a big proponent of no drug running of any kind. His choice was made. FP would die in the comfort of his own trailer and his son would eventually become the leader of the Serpents. Alice was always curious what it would be like to be born into gang life. Her parents were typical, struggling, Southsiders. They had no ties to the Serpents. Alice had gotten into this life on her own accord. Junior never had a say in the matter.
“Will I have to bow?”
“You? Never,” he replied, the stupid smirk right back on his face.
“Good. Because I never will.”
- - -
FP died quietly in his sleep.
The funeral was a quiet affair at a local church but the real memorial happened at the Whyte Wyrm. All of the Serpents were in attendance, as well as some of his other friends, and for once it didn’t matter if you were an outsider – everyone joined together to celebrate the life of Forsythe Pendlelton Jones.
Alice noticed the Serpent Prince not joining in on the festivities. She understood, of course, his dad was dead. FP had been serious when he told them that he didn’t want moping or crying. He wanted a celebration and that was what he got. Yet, Junior shouldn’t have to be included in this. He was the one suffering the most. The others lost their leader and/or close friend. Junior had lost everything.
After some consideration, the blonde made her way over to the man in question.
“Hey,” she said after a moment, almost afraid to see the look on his face. Alice knew how grief could change people, but she was so used to Junior’s banter, his teasing, his smirk, that she was afraid to see his face when it held any other emotion besides playfulness.
“Hi, Alice,” he said, finally looking up at her.
Grief was undoubtedly the prominent emotion and Alice felt for him. She really did. No one else seemed to be registering that this boy (and he was just a boy) lost his father and now had the weight of a biker gang on his shoulders. That was terrifying.
Alice sat down beside him and wrapped her arm around him, allowing the boy to place his head on her shoulder, as they sat in comfortable silence. The gang continued celebrating FP but for the two young people in the corner, it was a moment of quiet remembrance laced with the deep sadness of losing the bit of childhood they had left.
- - -
It was Alice who had gotten Junior home after the memorial at the Whyte Wyrm. It was Alice who told him to undress and it was Alice who made sure he got in bed. She wiped the tears from his face after she thought he was fast asleep.
“Stay with me,” he murmured, his eyes opening and his hand reaching out for her.
Much to her surprise, her stomach flipped and her heart beat faster at his request. The girl chalked it up to the draining day they had and sighed. She took off her Serpent jacket and hung it over his on a chair. She opened his dresser drawers and rifled through them before finding a grey shirt and a pair of boxers.
“Fine. But I’m going to change in the bathroom.”
“Why? Afraid I’ll like what I see?”
“That’s exactly why.”
Alice made her way to the bathroom and looked at herself in the small mirror above the sink. This was insane. This wasn’t the life that her parents wanted for her, she knew that, but she had loved the rebellion. She loved belonging. Now she was getting in bed with the Serpent Prince. Sure, they were only going to sleep, but it seemed like a very big deal to the young woman. After rooting around she found some face cleaner that was probably a few years old. It would have to work. Alice began to take her makeup off the best she could. She then took her clothes off, folded them neatly on the counter, and then put Junior’s clothes on.
It felt like the biggest step she had taken in her life. She wasn’t a virgin, no, and she wasn’t planning on having sex with Junior, but sleeping in bed with a boy was a big deal. It presented an intimacy that went beyond the physicality of sex. She trusted Junior, she realized just then, and that was scary. “Never trust a snake,” she said to herself, reiterating what her father always said when she was younger. “Well, you’re a snake now, Alice.”
She turned the light off in the bathroom and headed for Junior’s room.
He was asleep. Or so she thought. His eyes were closed, and he seemed almost peaceful. Alice stood there, contemplating what she should do.
“Stop staring and get your ass in bed.”
The blonde rolled her eyes and made her way over to him. How could he go from making her stomach flip to annoying the shit out of her in only minutes?
“You’re stupid,” she said as she crawled under the blankets.
His body turned as he wrapped an arm around her. All she could think was this was only to help him get through this. It was platonic.
“Maybe. But you like it.”
Maybe she did. Maybe too much.
“Go to bed, Junior.”
“It’s FP.”
“Whatever. Sleep.”
He didn’t say another word and after ten minutes, Alice finally felt still enough to sleep. The problem was she was analyzing every little thing. Junior had never made it explicit that he liked Alice, but he didn’t act disinterested either. The exchanged quips constantly but it was never out of malice. She noticed when his eyes lingered a little too long on her or when he touched her for no reason. It was maddening.
“Go to sleep.”
“You’re still awake?” she asked before turning on her side to face him.
“I might be asleep if you would just relax. I can feel the tension, Alice.”
“There’s no tension.”
“Yes, there is. If you don’t want to stay, I won’t make you.”
“No, I can stay.” As soon as the words left her lips she saw Junior smile. They were unexpected, to both, but Alice couldn’t find a reason to leave.
“Good,” he told her before leaning in and placing a quick kiss to her lips. “G’night.”
The kiss was brief, quick, more of a peck than anything, but it made her feel more alive than anything she had ever experienced before – even joining the Serpents.
“Good night, FP.”
- - -
Weeks passed after their quick kiss and nothing changed between them. Alice was beginning to think she imagined the entire thing. Junior, well FP, as everyone was now calling him – even her – had taken over the Serpents officially. They were so young, and she worried about him, but he was charismatic, fresh-faced but still someone the gang members knew, and followed the ideals that his father had instilled in him concerning the gang.
Everyone loved him.
She was pissed at him.
Three weeks after the kiss, Alice entered the Whyte Wyrm. FP was hanging out with some other members, laughing and joking, and this just made Alice ten times angrier. She walked over to him without any break in her confidence. The others seemed to notice her expression and backed away, leaving an unaware FP behind.
“Forsythe Pendleton Jones Junior you have some freaking nerve!”
“What the hell, Alice? What’s up your ass?”
“What? Oh, no. Nope. I’m not going to be the one to blame in this situation. Three weeks ago, you kissed me and then, what? Nothing. You act like nothing has happened. Bullshit. You kissed me.”
FP looked flabbergasted at first but then he shook his head.
“Look, I was…grief-stricken. I was emotional and vulnerable and –“
“And I wasn’t? I…fuck you, Junior.”
Alice turned to leave but FP reached out and grabbed her hand. He laced their fingers together as he pulled her back to him. When she looked up in his face she just looked tired. Fingers ran through her wavy hair.
“Alice…I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “I should be the sorry one. Sorry that I ever believed you could…feel anything other than for yourself.”
FP’s face faltered. “Don’t say that,” he barely whispered, unable to say much else.
Alice shook her head, unwilling to put herself out there anymore than she already did. She was proud, and she had already laid too many of her cards on the table. She pulled out of his grasp and left the Whyte Wyrm.
- - -
Tiny pebbles hitting her window woke the sleeping Alice up. Her eyes opened and closed a few times before it registered what was going on. Why would someone throw rocks at her window? It wasn’t like she lived in a house that required stairs. The blonde ran a hand through her messy hair before getting out of bed and moving towards the window. FP stood there, another pebble in his hand, and she raised her window as his movement stopped, the result of seeing the girl he wanted at the window.
“Why are you here?” she got out before putting her hand over her mouth to cover a yawn.
“Because…”
“That’s not a real reason. Nor is it a real sentence.”
“Alice…”
“What? Just because it’s…oh, I don’t know, two or so in the morning, it doesn’t mean I don’t know basic grammar.”
“Shit. You’re killing me.”
“Figuratively, maybe. But I’ll remind you that you’re the one that woke me up.”
“Yeah…look, about earlier…I was an ass. I kind of panicked. I woke up and you were gone so I guess I assumed that you didn’t like the kiss or whatever. Best plan was to just ignore it.”
“I left because my mom would kill me if I didn’t wake up in my own house.”
“I guess I didn’t think about that…”
“FP, I know you’ve always had really lax rules and you’re eighteen now so there’s nothing anyone can tell you, but my parents are not like that.”
“Shit. I know, Alice. I’ve never liked someone the way I like you.”
Her face softened and suddenly she wasn’t as tired as she was five minutes ago. This stupid, dumb, amazing, handsome boy that she has known since she was four years old liked her.
“If we are going to do this, FP, there can’t be another other girl. I know how some of the guys are and I don’t share. I don’t share anything.”
“There’s never been another girl, Alice. I think you’ve been it for me since we were kids.”
Maybe it was her teenage hormones or perhaps the feelings had always been there, but Alice felt a flutter in her heart at his words. She was drinking them in and begging for more at the same time; completely unable to be sated.
- - -
Overnight, everything changed. He held her hand, they’d find somewhere dark to kiss for as long as they could, and he would pick her up from school on his motorcycle. It was a whirlwind and Alice loved it. She loved every single moment with FP. Alice felt unstoppable with him. She was breaking curfew, not studying for tests, and spending every moment she could wrapped up in his arms. Time was flying by and they felt like they could do anything.
She was laying in his bed, the sheets up around her chest, watching him clean his knife.
“Why are you doing that right now?” she asked, a lazy smile on her face.
“Because…I forgot all about it but since I satisfied you I know I have a few moments before you’re going to want me again,” he replied, shooting her a wink.
A giggle escaped her lips as she sat up and moved towards his position on the bed. She began to idly trace her name on his back. She was in love, she knew that, but saying it out loud was terrifying.
“I’m going to marry you one day,” he stated, his voice low but confident.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“So, in this future you have planned, will we have kids?”
“Hell, yeah.”
Another giggle trickled from her lips and she found that she did not want to stop them from coming. She was safe with FP.
“What will we name them?”
“Oh, that’s easy. They’ll be named after me.”
“That’s where I draw the line, FP. I want kids with classic names. Alice is a classic name.”
“I guess we will just have to wait and see who wins that battle,” he replied before closing his knife, turning and pushing her back on the bed, his lips attaching to the skin of her neck.
- - -
“We’re moving,” she told him the moment they walked into his trailer.
FP turned towards her, a look of confusion on his face. She knew this was going to be hard and it was just easier to let him know straight away instead of trying to break it to him gently.
“Dad got a better job,” she continued. “it’s on the Northside and Dad thinks it’s better that we move. I know some kids from the Northside that are going to show me around…you know Fred, you’re friends with him…”
“Yeah, I know Fred.”
“Dad is putting in an offer on Monday.”
“Okay.”
“FP…this isn’t the end, you know. This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”
“I know. It’s just across the tracks, right? We can make it work.”
“We can. We will. I love you,” she admitted, her heart beating out of her chest.
“I love you, too, Alice. Always will. I’ve told you before…you’ve been it for me for a very long time. I think you always will be.”
Alice smiled, one single tear falling from her eye. “You’ll always be it for me, too.”