Archive of Our Own ^beta

Allura was paying for it.

That was the main reason Shiro agreed to go to the “Star-bond” shop.

You see, some witches had made a business out of “meeting” your soulmate. Everybody had seen, at least once in their lives, one of their neon signs and their red doors. Some witches had made a franchise out of it (he had seem the “A Kiss for the Soul” in many places around the city now) but others, like “Star-bond”, were more classy and custom made.

And more expensive.

Meeting your soulmate and bounding their souls wasn’t cheap already. It cost two hundred dollars for just one quick kiss, and a kiss was all what they were allowed to do. More expensive shop usually promised more time than just the kiss moment.

“Star-bond” promised that they could also say one sentence (even if it couldn’t be a sentence to identify each other) for their one true lover, and Shiro supposed that costs a lot more money than just a kiss.

There also other shops, even more expensive, that would let people utter their first name and/or a date and a place for them to meet, but as far as Shiro knew, that costed hundred of thousand of dollars, and he was pretty sure that Allura’s dad wouldn’t let her use all that money (even if they were rich).

Not that he care at that moment about money or dates.

They were both sixteen and pretty much in love.

They really thought that they had already found “the one” in each other.

- Are you sure you want to do this, kids? – the Main Witch, Mr. Kollivan, a middle aged tall man with a long silver braid, asked with an unimpressed expression – You two might get disappointed.

Shiro and Allura looked at each other with matching confident smiles. They were still holding hands.

- We’re sure. – Allura answered for them.

Mr. Kollivan took a long and tired breathe before nodding.

- Very well, follow me. 

They were conducted to an antechamber as tastefully decorated as the reception, a mixture of deep purple and a light blue (not the colours Shiro would associate with romantic love, but oh well…). Some of Mr. Kollivan’s assistants approached to help the couple to go through the proceedings.

Each person would go on their own to meet their soulmates, so it made sense to each of them to have one witch handling their case.

- Good afternoon! I’m Ulaz and this is Antok. We’re going to assist you today.

Antok grumbled annoyed.

- I’m going to explain the procedures to you.

Shiro smiled.

- We already know.

After all, who didn’t know the procedures?

Books, movies and tv series loved to show how that was made, and sometimes there was some magazine issues about it.

The person who wanted to meet their soulmate would be blindfolded and then conducted by their witch handler to a new room. “The room where it happens” as some might say, for that was a room filled with magic. The magic made it possible not only to meet the person’s soulmate, but to make them meet there regardless of time and space. This means that, even if they weren’t at the shop at the same day, month or even year, and even if they didn’t go to the same shop, they would meet in that room. That was the reason it was so expensive: magic like that, capable of creating such time-space paradox was hard, therefore it took a great effort to do it safely.

For being such difficult spell, there was a price for the soulmates who were there: they couldn’t do anything that could identify each other directly. That’s why they had to use the blindfolds (some said that if they didn’t do so, they would be cursed to never found the other) and couldn’t speak their own names. Even speaking with each other at all was hard (making that extra service at “Star-bond”, the one sole sentence they could say to their soulmate, being an extra hard spell to be done safely, and extra expensive). However, the soulmates were allowed touch each other for one moment and to share one kiss (for those averted to kissing strangers, it was also allowed to be twin kisses on the cheek). Said kiss was a bond: the next time they kissed each other, they would just know that they find their beloved (after going to a “meeting” your soulmate shop, that is, which sometimes leaded to some awkward one-sided discoveries). After the kiss, they were separated and taken away from the room.

That was a one time thing: once a person “met” their soulmate, it was not possible to go through the process again.

Some people, the ones that went through all that and still didn’t find their soulmates in real life, would say that that was unfair and cruel. Those who had already met their soulmate would say that it was a perfect thing.

People would always get there voluntarily, some just because they were curious, others (those who hadn’t gone yet, but that their soulmate had already and had already met them) just to fulfil their role by “meeting” the younger version of their soulmate to motivate them to look for them.

It was confusing sometimes.

Time/Space paradox and all that jazz.

Antok rolled his eyes.

- Of course you do.

Shiro and Allura giggled. They were young and they were in love.

They were positive that they would be each other’s soulmate.

They even agreed to say “I knew it!” at the same time when they kiss each other blindfolded.

Antok made Allura follow him while Shiro went with Ulaz.

Ulaz handled him the dark blindfold.

- Here. Put this on. – he instructed with a polite smile.

Shiro did as he was told with a huge grin.

- Give me your hand, please.

He pulled Shiro by the hand.

They just walked for a while, turning in a series of halls and corridors until Shiro was completely lost in the magic maze (it was all magic since it was physically impossible for that entire maze to fit on such tiny shop).

At last, he heard Ulaz opening a door.

Shiro took a deep breath.

He was suddenly very nervous, even if he was positive that he was just going to kiss his girlfriend. His hands were sweaty and he felt his heart beating fast. Shivers of anticipation ran through his spine.

It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.

He heard other two people entering the room through a door on the opposite side of the one he used.

His soulmate was one of them.

(His soulmate Allura).

Ulaz let go of his hand and gently nudged his back, quietly encouraging him to go forward and touch each other.

Blindly, Shiro stretched his hand and took a step forward searching for Allura’s hand.

He met a hand, but a hand that definitely wasn’t Allura’s.

The first thing he felt was the leather of a glove. His girlfriend wasn’t wearing any gloves that day.

Before Shiro could react on his shock and pull his hand away, the person interlaced their fingers.

It was a fingerless glove and that was the only coherent thought passing Shiro’s mind. The rest were emotions.

A sense of peace and serenity took him by surprise. A peace one could only have by finding a kindred spirit. His heart still beat fast, though, with passion running through his veins like liquid fire, making him feel as if he had been freezing his whole life until that moment.

Nothing else mattered except the person he was holding hands with.

Nothing.

He pulled the person into his arms, and they came with a soft chuckle. Their arms wrapped around his neck as if they belonged there.

Shiro immediately touched his soulmate, desperate to find anything that could help identify them later.

They had soft hair. It seemed like they had neglected to cut, for it was a little bit long.

The big surprise was on his soulmate’s neck: an Adam’s apple. And they were so close that Shiro could tell with certainty that they didn’t have breasts or anything.

A man.

His soulmate was a man.

That should be a shock for Shiro, since his whole life he heard many things about “faggots”. Many jokes his father had told at the table, many moments of his friends messing around some kids in their school and many reactions of disgust with himself when he had some dirty desires for other guys. For sixteen years, being gay was a deviation and a disgusting to Shiro.

He should be shocked that his soulmate was another man.

However, something in that room, something on that moment made him forget everything about his own disgust.

His soulmate was smaller than him. Taller than Allura, but not as tall as Shiro. He ran his fingers through Shiro’s hair in a way that made him melt into his touch and he just knew that that man was the One.

Shiro’s soulmate chuckled and touched their foreheads.

Before he could finish the whole ordeal and kiss Shiro, Shiro quickly moved his hands to his face, desperate to memorise anything he could about his beloved’s face.

His skin was warm. He had a pointy chin and a long nose. His lips were thin and they were smiling. Oh, god, he had dimples! Shiro felt his heart soaring by how cute that was.

He smelled of coffee and clean clothes.

Shiro couldn’t resist anymore.

They kissed tenderly, their lips fitting on each other like a tailor-made glove.

Shiro felt his heart beat fast and his soul sing in utter bliss.

That was the perfect kiss, better than anything he could dream off. The kiss of a happy ending in a movie or fairy tale. He felt as if he could finally see his life clearly, as if a fog he didn’t know was there was suddenly lifted, even if his eyes were closed and he was blindfolded.

They broke the kiss, but stayed touching foreheads in a tender embrace. Shiro’s beloved kept running his fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp just right, making Shiro sigh in delight.

Nothing would never compare with all the pure and utter love he felt kissing that man.

Well, maybe kissing him again.

Shiro felt a smug happiness thinking that he would have those kisses for the rest of his life. He grinned at the thought.

His soulmate sniffed. Shiro immediately moved his hand to his face, desperate to console him without using words. He was crying, and Shiro felt a feeling of protectiveness rather than possessiveness take him. He wanted to protect that man, to know why he was crying and do his best to make everything alright for him again.

However, his thumbs felt the dimples on his cheeks and he knew that his soulmate was smiling.

Those were happy tears, and that made him smile again, this time more relaxed.

His soulmate hugged him tightly, leaning his head on Shiro’s shoulder and sighing contentedly. Shiro could feel his smile on the crook of his neck.

Shiro knew that he could say only one sentence to his soulmate, and he also knew that there were only one thing he wanted to say to him on that moment.

- I swear that I’m gonna find you. – he said in a confident and strong tone.

His soulmate chuckled.

- I know. – he answered in a happy and husky whisper.

Ulaz touched Shiro’s shoulder, in a wordless warning that their time was over.

Shiro whined, but his soulmate graciously slipped from his embrace, holding his hands until he was pulled away for good.

Ulaz conducted him through the tunnels again.

Now that he was away from the room and the room’s magic, the realisation that his soulmate was a man finally sank in.

What the fuck was he thinking!? He should have called that bullshit off as soon as he noticed that he was in the room with a man! He wasn’t a faggot! He was a man, not a sissy! He liked women!

That was clearly some mistake or some sick joke.

He wasn’t gay!

- You may take the blindfold now. – Ulaz said.

Ulaz was smiling gently, as if he had just seem a cute thing.

It pissed Shiro off.

He didn’t answer.

He threw the blindfold to him rudely and stomped off the shop, towards his car.

Allura came back from “Star-bond” sometime later. She had a pleased smile on her face that she lost as soon as she looked at Shiro.

If it was even possible, he was feeling even worse than before.

Allura.

The reason he was there.

They were supposed to be soulmates.

It was supposed to be their moment.

He wished he had never agreed to it.

- So… - Allura said awkwardly, looking at the ground and not at Shiro.

He stared at her face.

Allura was beautiful. Her dark skin was tender and it had a natural glow, her light hair was soft and waved. Her lips had a delicate and nice shape, but her eyes were what took the crown, with the bluest blue with the intensity of a supernova. And that was only talking about her physical appearance. There was also the fact that she was determined and strong-willed. Sometimes he could be a little silly, but Shiro couldn’t help himself but find it endearing as fuck.

Shiro loved her.

He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her. He wanted to fuck her on the trunk of his car and then watch the night sky, talking until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

He loved her.

- It’s not you. – he said with a tight voice.

She didn’t answer, nor did she raise her head.

As many as the stories of happy endings were, there was also the other side.

The heartbreak.

The disappointment.

The confusion.

Shiro would laugh, if his situation wasn’t so painful, how much of a cliché it was.

Among many bad things that could happen to those who sought the magic to “meet” their soulmate, two were pretty common.

The first one were couples that thought that they were soulmates, but they weren’t. How devastating it was sometimes to tell their 20 years or more partner that they weren’t each other’s mates? Some people even tried to save their marriage with that, but it only made it worse.

The second common type of bad thing that could happen were people in the closet that find out that they wouldn’t stay in the closet if they want to find their soulmate. Some of those people didn’t even know they were in the closet sometimes. It was a shock to say the least.

Shiro was both of them.

What a joke.

Shiro and Allura didn’t speak during the car ride. He drove her back home and she said a quiet goodbye before rushing inside the Altea Manor.

Shiro didn’t know what to do with himself.

His soulmate couldn’t be a man!

It couldn’t…

That night he was quiet and moping. His parents noticed, but instead of asking what was wrong, his dad tried to light up the mood by telling a joke.

- Cheer up son! At least it wasn’t a fairy! - he said after Shiro telling his parents that his soulmate wasn’t Allura.

Shiro felt like throwing up.

On that weekend, he stayed at home, reading astronomy books and trying to forget about what happened and about his soulmate. It didn’t matter how much his friends called and sent messages, he stayed home.

Neither Allura nor he tried to reach the other those two days.

Monday was awkward to say the least.

None of them could face the other, but both knew that they should talk.

Still they avoid speaking with each other. They would see the other during school, but none of them had the courage to approach. Allura would just stare at him with sadness and Shiro would avert his eyes and scramble away as fast as he could.

People noticed that he was weird that week.

- What the fuck happened between you and Allura? – one of his friends asked on Wednesday – Did you two fight or some shit like that?

Shiro looked to his hands.

- Yeah… something like that…

It didn’t helped at all that he saw a bunch of senior girls messing with a freshman butch girl by Thursday. He usually wouldn't make a fuss out of that kind of attitude, averting his eyes or joking about it. That day, it made him feel sick.

On Friday, exactly one week after the whole ordeal on "Star-bond", one of the finally got the guts to talk with the other.

And, obviously, that person was Allura.

She cornered him right before football practice.

- Hey... - she smiled apologetic - I think we should talk, Takashi.

Shiro grimaced.

- Yeah we should.

Allura nodded.

- Is after practice good for you?

He shrugged.

- I guess…

- Good! Good. I’ll wait for you then.

He watched her walking away.

Allura was more beautiful than ever that day, with her hair in a loose braid, her baby blue scarf and pink skirt. She seemed to walk like a real life princess, with her posture straight and her head raised high.

How could she not be Shiro’s soulmate?

He was a mess, basically just waiting for the practise to end.

It didn’t help at all that when the team was on the locker-room when it was all done, the Middle Linebacker smiled at some stupid joke.

He had dimples.

Logically speaking, Shiro knew that he couldn’t be his soulmate. The dude was taller and broad-shouldered than the man that he kissed. Yet, he froze, staring at his teammate with a horrified expression.

- Are you alright, Shirogane? – the Middle linebacker asked with a weirded out expression.

- I… I gotta go.

He ran so fast that Allura almost missed him.

- Shiro! Shiro, wait!

He stopped at the parking lot, waiting for her to catch up with him. His hands were trembling and he felt light headed, even if he was used to running a lot more than that.

- What the hell, Shiro! – she said while panting and trying to catch her breath – You said we could talk!

Shiro looked away from her, clenching his fists to make them stop trembling.

- I’m… I’m sorry… can we not do this right now?

She crossed her arms.

- Then when?

- Another day.

- When, Shiro?

Allura tapped her foot impatiently.

Shiro clenched his jaw and swallowed hard.

- ‘llura… I don’t think there’s anything else for us to talk about…

She made a long pause.

A long suffering sigh.

Her expression softened a fraction.

- It’s not that simple and you know it. – she sounded as confused as he felt.

- We’re not each other’s soulmates. There’s nothing more to talk.

- Yes, there is!  Takashi, I still like you. That didn’t change from last week. And don’t tell me your feelings changed, because I know they didn’t!

Allura fidgeted with her hands.

- We have to talk about it…

- Just forget about it, Allura. Go find your soulmate. You deserve someone better. – not a freak like me, he thought bitterly – I’ll be just fine on my own.

She frowned in confusion.

- Aren’t you going to search for yours?

He looked away again, feeling his face paling.

- I… I gotta go.

Before he could ran to his car, Allura grabbed his arm.

- Wait! What happened there, Shiro? What’s wrong with your soulmate, Takashi?

- Nothing.

- There must be something! You’ve been acting weird the whole week. What’s wrong?

- Nothing! Let me go, Allura!

- Not until you tell me what’s wrong!

He pulled his arm away by force.

- Takashi-!

- Stay away from me!

Shiro ran to his car and put the car into drive. The wheels made an angry sound on the asphalt when he left the lot, accelerating all the way.

He spent the weekend hiding away in his bedroom again, no matter how many angry texts Allura sent him.

The next week was just the same, just now he had to avoid Allura like the plague.

Every day, the weight on his shoulders of being a freak only grew. He was forced to re-examine himself, which only made him feel even more disgusted with what he noticed. He’d always admired the male physique a little bit too much for plain admiration. He liked the well-toned muscles, the curve of an ass and the bulge of a cock. Shiro had tried to suppress that for a long time, but now those desires haunted him.

He considered researching gay porn in the internet, but he felt dirty even for thinking of doing so.

By the third weekend he spent home, his father seemed to become exasperated with his reclusive behaviour.

- Stop moping like a pussy and go out! – he yelled to Shiro after dinner on Saturday, when the teen said that he wasn’t going out again.

His mom frowned at him.

- Ask Allura out, dear. It have been awhile since you said you went out with her.

Their words sting, like salt added to his wound.

Shiro mumbled an excuse about finals and scrambled away to his room.

He just lay on his bed under the covers, holding back from screaming.

Sleep didn’t brought any relief, because of what he dreamt.

He was on top of a naked man. The man had a slim build, but with strong muscles. He had fair skin and the hair on his groin and chest was dark. His face was covered up with a white sheet from the nose up. He was aroused.

Shiro felt shivers running down his spine in a mixture of anticipation and deep fear. He held back from touching the man with his hands, but he ate him up with his eyes.

Damn, I want you so fucking much… - he mumbled in the dream.

He smiled at Shiro and he had dimples on his face.

Shiro felt his heart beat fast in dread.

I kno-

He woke up startled on that raining spring Sunday morning.

Startled and with an erection.

Shiro took a cold shower, sitting under the shower and feeling as if he was suffocating. He had waken too early, so nobody would interrupt his long self-hatred freezing shower. He didn’t even washed his hair, nor he shaved his stubble. Shiro just dressed the most comfortable clothes possible and sat on his bed, feeling the crushing weight slowly becoming unbearable.

He needed to talk with someone about it, but nobody seemed open for that for a reason on another.

His parents would be furious.

His friends would be disgusted.

The coach would probably take him out of the team.

He couldn’t think of any  of the teachers being this open for that kind of problem.

There was nobody…

His phone pinged with a new message. By the beep, he knew it was from Allura.

Shiro took a deep breath.

Allura was his friend above all.

Maybe the safest bet for him to talk with someone.

He sent her a desperate voice message.

- I don’t know what to do, Allura. – he was at the verge of crying – I need to talk with someone. Can I see you now?

It took her two minutes to answer.

Two agonizing minutes for Shiro fighting against tears and staring at his phone screen while biting his lips.

Finally the answer came.

Allura Prince: OMG, are you ok, Shiro?
Allura Prince: You sound awful!
Allura Prince: And yeah, we can talk now.

He sighed in relief before answering.

T.Shiro: Can I go to your house?
Allura Prince: Of course!
T.Shiro: I’m on my way.

On the years to come, Shiro couldn’t remember how he was able to drive to her house. He didn’t even remember the quick and trembling note he left to his mother.

All what he remembered was standing in front of the Altea Manor’s door wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, soaked to the bone from the pouring rain.

Coran opened the door. His green eyes widened in shock.

- Shiro, my boy! Get out of the rain! You’ll get sick!

He conducted Shiro to the marble hall. Allura was waiting inside. She was also shocked with Shiro’s frazzled appearance.

- Takashi! What happened to you?

That was the last straw.

Shiro broke in tears.

Coran immediately burst in movement. He ran to grab some towels and some spare clothes. He also instructed Allura to stay with Shiro in the meanwhile. She clumsily hugged him and awkwardly patted his back.

Shiro would laugh if he wasn’t feeling like shit.

Allura was fierce and smart, but clueless about how to deal with emotional people.

She tried her best, and he couldn’t be more grateful.

After he dried up in the lavatory and changed clothes, Coran told them to go to the library that he would make them some tea.

The Altea Manor’s library was a huge room with two floors and at least a dozen wooden shelves. Half of the selves were filled with books (either old books that were part of the family inheritage and new book that they had bought and read themselves), half with some small decoration (waiting for the new books to fill them). One self was dedicate to storage Allura and her dad’s swords collection. The room had dark wooden floor, a fireplace, the “strategy table” (a round wooden table that usually have many of Coran’s construction projects there or Allura’s school work), two couches, four armchairs (two in front of the fireplace, two with the couches) and Allura’s blue divan. Everything decorated in green and cream, with Allura’s mom watercolours pieces hanging on the walls (she had painted using her magical abilities. Allura had the same magic power, but none of the artistic talent) and tasteful decoration. It had many windows, French doors leading to the lush garden and a wooden door leading to Alfor’s office.

Allura guided them to the comfy couch, the light yellow one. They sat together among the green and white pillows.

Shiro had stopped crying. His outburst from earlier had took the edge from his feelings, leaving him feeling tired, feeling ridiculous, and feeling like an exposed nerve. He deeply regretted coming here. The prospect of exposing himself was terrifying. Running back to the pouring rain through the French door seemed like a more sensible option.

Allura seemed to read his thoughts and glared at him.

- No, Shiro. You’re not going away without telling me what is going on.

In other occasions, he would have smiled apologetic and cracked a mild joke (“A man can dream.”). This time, however, he just flinched and looked to his own hands on his lap.

Coran showed up soon enough with two mugs of tea. It smelled like chamomile.

He gave Shiro a reassuring smile and a nod to Allura.

- I’ll leave you two to talk. Call me if you need anything.

- Thanks, Coran. – Allura replied with a smile.

Shiro drank half his tea to distract himself.

When they were alone again, she turned back to him with a serious expression.

- Ok, now spill it, Takashi.

Shiro looked away again, desperately trying to find an excuse not to talk about it with her.

- It’s nothing importa-

She didn’t let him finish the sentence and punched his arm.

- That’s bullshit and you know it!

It hurts. Allura always was a lot stronger than what she appeared. That, and the fact that she knew how to punch. Shiro massaged the place where she punched and stared at her like a kicked puppy.

She glared at him again and continued talking.

- You just came here crying your eyes out! So don’t try to lie to me! You’ve been acting weird for weeks now! Since we came back from the “Star-bond” shop you…

Shiro flinched when he heard the name of the shop and lowered his head like a guilty man.

Allura interrupted her own tirade and stared at him. Her beautiful blue eyes were wide in shock.

- Something happened there. – she concluded in awe – Something with your soulmate.

- I don’t want to talk about it. – he replied, holding back tears and staring at his half full tea mug in his hands.

- Why the hell not? You should be on cloud nine for having magically met her! I know that I am! Everybody who visit the shop is! Any girl who might be your soulmate-

- IT’S A GUY, OK!?

Shiro stared at her in total distress.

After that outburst, the truth about what he had been feeling and dealing with spilled out, like a dam breaking and flooding everything. He cried and spoke fast, telling everything that had been in his mind on the last three weeks. He was almost certain that he wasn’t even making any sense.

At first, Allura seemed surprised by his outburst, with widened eyes and raised eyebrows. Yet, as he was speaking, her expression slowly soften to understanding and pity.

After he finished, panting and crying, she sighed gently.

- Oh, Takashi…

She helped him dry his tears and put their mugs on the centre table. Then she held his hands on hers.

- I’m sorry for having assumed it was a girl.

He just shrugged.

- You know that there’s nothing wrong with liking other men, right?

- Of course that there is! It’s-

- What? – her tone was of challenging – Disgusting? Wrong? Abnormal?

- Yes!

- Why? – she narrowed her eyes – Why is that?

- It’s unnatural!

- I’ve read somewhere that 90% of lions have homosexual tendencies. And Central Park has a couple of lesbian swans. – she said in a deadpan tone – That seems pretty natural to me.

Shiro opened and closed his mouth a few times.

His next answer was the offspring of all the distilled bigotry he had been exposed so far.

- I’m not a fa-

- Say any homophobic slur in my house and I’ll kick you in the balls, Takashi Shirogane. – she interrupted him.

He knew she was serious.

Shiro closed his mouth with a click.

He had no reply for that other than lower his shoulders with defeat and guilt.

They stayed in silence.

Allura looked at his face with worry.

He looked at their holding hands.

Why couldn’t she be his soulmate? Why it had to be a man?

- I really love you, you know. – he said slowly, still not looking at her face, but trying to tackle the subject from a different angle – I really believed that it would be you. How can I be…

He swallowed hard.

- How can I be gay if I like you?

Allura sighed with annoyance and looked at him as if he was stupid (Shiro loved that about her, but he also hated to be the target of that kind of her stares).

- You know that you can like both, right? There’s a whole sexual orientation that is all about liking two different genders, just to keep it simple.

Her tone indicated that she was doing her best to be diplomatic and comprehensive when she just wanted to tell how much of an idiot she thought he was.

Shiro was agape and had wide eyes.

- What? How’s that possible?

She sighed with a mixture of exasperation and annoyance. Allura closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, her expression was softer. She gave him a smile.

- I don’t talk about this because dad and Coran asked me not to, but I think it will make things easier in this case.

- Huh?

- Do you know what Coran is to me? – she asked still with the calm expression.

Shiro blinked in confusion.

- He is your… uncle? Right? Since your dad travels a lot and he wants someone to take care of you, he lives here.

Allura smiled again.                                                                    

- Ah, that’s a common mistake, but not the truth. – she made a dramatic pause before continuing – Coran’s my step-dad.

His jaw was hanging and he was thunderstruck.

- What the fuck?

She chuckled before continuing.

- After mom died, my dad stayed single for a few years, focused on his career as the president of AlteaMed and focused on raising me. But when I was 13, he went on a… well… a midlife crisis I guess. – she cringed – I don’t know what the hell was going inside my dad’s head when he decided to look for his soulmate at 40.

She laughed this time.

- He talked for weeks about his soulmate, the man with the impressive moustache. It was just so embarrassing and awkward! – she chuckled fondly – And then, about a year after that, when he needed to build a new lab for AlteaMed, he fell head over heels for the engineer of the project. That was Coran, who turned out to be my dad’s soulmate.

Allura had a fond smile.

- They married a few months later, before I entered high school and met you. Coran and I find it kinda weird when I call him dad or other variation, but we’re cool with first name basis. It was one of the most embarrassing ways to find out that dad’s bisexual. – she cringed again for one moment before letting out the fond smile again.

- But… what about your mother? – he asked perplexed.

- Dad still loved my mom, and he still misses her sometimes, just like I do. Meeting your soulmate doesn’t make the love you felt for other people any less real.

- But Coran is a man!

Her expression once again showed that she thought that he was an idiot.

- And?

- And how can he love a woman and then a man?! It makes no fucking sense!

She sighed slowly, as if trying not to completely lose her shit.

- Shiro, dear, what part of “bisexual” didn’t you fucking get?

- But-

- No, no ‘buts’! He just does! Period. The end. There’s nothing abnormal about it. You met both my dad and Coran. Do they look weird to you?

He blinked.

Alfor, Allura’s dad, was the founder and president of AlteaMed, a successful pharmaceutical industry. They had bonded over shared puns that would make Allura cringe and groan.

Coran was one of the best engineer of the state. His buildings were always solid and reliable. He had a few quirks and he would try to tell some of his weird anecdotes to Shiro, but he as ok.

- Well… - he started slowly. She narrowed her eyes but waited for him to continue – Coran is a bit… eccentric…

Allura snickered.

- Yeah. Ok, fair enough. But they’re pretty normal and boring.

- … I guess they are…

- That’s the thing Takashi: same sex couples are just couples. They want the same thing as straight couples and they are just as embarrassing as straight parents. – she cringed – Trust me on that.

- … I guess…

Allura looked at their hands.

They had held hands during the whole conversation.

She caressed his hands with her thumbs.

Her hands were long and elegant, always moisturized and soft. They were smaller than Shiros, but they seemed to fit perfectly well together.

- I… I love you too, you know? – she said softly – I was really devastated when I exited the shop and saw you on the parking lot. You looked miserable and I knew there was nothing I could do about it since I’m not your soulmate.

They stayed in silence again, staring at their hands.

Shiro joined her and caressed her hands with his thumbs.

- What is your soulmate like? – he asked slowly, saying every syllable with great care.

Allura let out a happy smile, the same one she had on her face when she exited “Star-bond”.

- He smells like the Ocean…

Her tone was tender and soft and her eyes shone with delight. Shiro was still looking at her face when she raised her eyes. She had a dreamy and loving expression that Shiro had never seen she making before.

- His phrase was just “My princess”.

Shiro smiled.

- That’s cute.

- No, you don’t understand. – she sighed – I’ve been called that tons of times on my life, but it’s usually sarcastic or just street harassment. With him it was…

She grinned.

- It was just like a fairy tale, like Lancelot swearing devotion to Guinevere.

Allura stared at their hands again, lost in her own fond memories.

Shiro envied her soulmate.

He was a hell of a lucky guy for being a perfect match to her.

- Does this makes me King Arthur? – he asked looking away.

She was quiet for one moment before answering awkwardly.

- …sorry, that was a terrible analogy…

Shiro sighed.

- It’s ok. It’s your love story after all, not mine.

She was going to say something about it (probably to console him), so Shiro interrupted.

- What did you say to him?

She blushed and looked away.

- It’s stupid…

- What is it?

- Noooo… it’s silly. – she was getting more and more red in the face.

- Now I’m curious!

- No! – even the tip of her ears were red now.

- Come on, ‘llura. I just spilled my guts out for you.

Allura groaned.

- Fiiiiiiine! – she sighed – I said “My Paladin”. I could have said SO MANY THINGS and I totally screwed everything with only two words! Urgh! It’s soooo stupid…

Shiro smiled at her puffed cheeks.

- It’s kinda romantic.

- It’s stupid! I bet you said something a lot more interesting!

He lost his smile and lowered his eyes, looking again at their hands.

They stayed in silence again, just listening to the rain that still poured on the outside.

- What is he like? – Allura asked softly, caressing his hands one more time with her thumbs.

Shiro didn’t answer immediately.

He didn’t even gave her a satisfactory answer.

It was bittersweet to think about his soulmate.

- I don’t want to talk about it.

Allura sighed exasperated.

- You’re the most stubborn motherfucker I’ve ever met, Takashi Shirogane.

He chuckled.

- It’s part of the show.

She squeezed their hands gently.

- No matter what happens, Takashi, I still care about you and I want to be on your side while you discover yourself and while you search for your prince charming.

He shrugged.

- I don’t know if I want to discover myself. It seems like a bad idea.

- It’s not. – she smiled reassuring – It’s not abnormal not to be straight. It’s normal and ok. I know that our school’s shitty on this aspect, and your parent don’t seem to be open to it. But you can count on me.

Allura chuckled.

- And on the internet. You should try looking for it a little. You’ll see that it’s something ok.

Maybe it was because of her reassuring or maybe it was because of her tip, but after talking to Allura and going home, Shiro decided to at least try to take a look on the internet.

He usually only stayed on his social media, and his feed on Facebook only had updates on his friends lives, sports issues and the one cute puppies page Shiro liked. Not even politics were all that present. He had created an Instagram account on his freshman year, but he didn’t really use it. Other than that, he used it for research for school projects.

Nothing more.

How to look for “bisexuality” there?

First of all, he closed the door of his bedroom. No need to have his parents finding out of what he was researching. He already felt too shameful without the lecture, thank you very much. Shiro was hyper aware of every little sound on the house, dreading the moment his parents would barge into his room (not that they had ever done that. Shiro’s parents respected his privacy. However, his mind kept playing tricks on him).

He decided to tackle it just like schoolwork: starting by googling it.

That proved to be a sensible approach, for there were many pages with good info about the basics of it.

Most sources agreed on the definition as “being attracted to two different genders”.

And all of them, unanimously, said it was ok.

It was ok.

He was normal.

He was ok.

Shiro still felt wary of the relive, still feeling a little bit too tainted, but a little bit less broken.

That was ok, right?

As the good friend she was, Allura checked on him in the next morning before their first class.

- Soooooooo? – she asked with a toothy grin – How are you feeling?

He shrugged.

- Better, I guess…

- Did you do your homework?

Shiro snorted with a small smile of his own.

- Yes, Miss A. I looked for it on the internet.

- Aaaaaand?

She had that silly smile he loved so much.

He sighed, fidgeting with his history book.

- All sources said it’s ok… - another sigh – I just…

- Just? – she crossed her arms impatiently, tilting her head in a annoyed expression.

- I… I don’t know if I can do this, ‘llura… All my life I thought this was wrong… I can’t… - he sighed one more time – I can’t think about this like that right now.

Her expression softened.

She patted his shoulder.

- That’s fair. But keep trying. Keep searching for an answer. – Allura smiled – I know you’ll find it.

Allura winked.

- I’ll send any useful link I find on your way. – she said before walking away.

Maybe it was a combination of his research on Sunday and Allura’s phrase. Maybe it was just the planets’ alignment that day.

The fact was that what Allura said made him remember of the whole meeting with his soulmate.

Shiro reminisced it through the entire day. Like intrusive thoughts that didn’t let him concentrate.

He would imagine  about the sound of his soulmate’s chuckle and forehead touching during the morning classed. He would imagine of the warmth of his skin and softness of his lips during lunch. He would imagine of the sweet smile and happy tears for having met Shiro during the after class activities. And he would imagine about his cute as fuck dimples during football practise.

He reminisced with high details the meeting when he got home, laying in his bed looking at the ceiling with dreamy eyes.

For the first time in almost four weeks, he was capable of think of his soulmate feeling less guilty. That was enough for him to remember how happy he was when they touch, how his heart beats fast and how he loved to hear his soulmate reply.

“I know.”

Which reminded Shiro that he made a promise.

He promised that he would find him.

That he would search for him.

Once again Shiro felt his stomach drop.

Oh, god…

He promised.

The only way to escape that now would be to be a complete asshole (to say the least) and leave his soulmate waiting forever.

Was that even possible?

A quick search on the internet showed that it was awfully common (15.7%) for soulmates to never meet outside the magical shops.

Would his soulmate be waiting for him right now?

Would he be sad if Shiro never found him?

What would other people think if he started to search for that man?

How would his friends react?

How would his parents react?

How… how did Shiro felt about it?

He thought about asking Allura about it, but he refrained himself.

Shiro was pretty sure that he had nagged his friend too much already. He didn’t want to be a bother.

Thus, he mulled his problem over for some weeks.

Each day that past, every morning Shiro woke up, the desire to look for his mate grew.

Every single new day only made him want more and more to fulfil his promise.

He kept searching on the internet about bisexuality.

Shiro was REALLY getting kinda relaxed every time he saw a pink, purple and blue flag.

True to her word, Allura sent him some LGBT+ friendly blogs. Sometimes it was too much info for Shiro, but he was getting by.

Six weeks after going to “Star-bond”, Shiro had another dream involving his soulmate.

He was in a dark forest. Tiny stars shone in golden, floating on the forest and basking the night in a warm light. Some lions roamed around, but Shiro wasn’t worried about them (maybe only with the red lioness. She looked like she wanted to give him the shotgun talk or to chew his head off). Shiro was playfully chasing a man who was wearing Shiro’s jersey. They were laughing and fooling around. The man’s appearance kept changing every time Shiro lost track of him.

In the end, he finally caught him, and they rolled in the soft forest floor laughing.

Shiro couldn’t distinguish much of his companion’s features. He had brown skin and light brown hair today, but he still have the dimples when he smiled. Shiro laid on top of him.

He caressed his face and the man sighed in delight.

- I swear that I’m gonna find you. – he promised, and he meant every word.

His soulmate chuckled.

- I know.

This time, Shiro woke up relaxed and calm, five minutes before his alarm would ring.

He was still scared to death, but, apparently, he had made up his mind.

He had made up his mind long time ago and he had been lying to himself all those weeks.

That afternoon he invited Allura for a coffee, his treat. Paying for her ridiculous specific and ridiculous expensive order was the least he could do since he called her so he could talk about his soulmate again.

(Not that Allura would mind. She had been gushing about the “Ocean Loverboy” as they had nicknamed her own mate for weeks. Shiro patiently had listened to her repeat every detail about their meeting. In her mind, it would be only fair if she listened to him. The coffee was a great bonus, though).

- He has dimples when he smile… - Shiro started with a timid smile and rough voice. He fought against some new tears, but he kept the smile on his face.

Allura hummed smiling back

- What else? – she asked softly, holding his hand over the table.

Shiro looked at their hands and sighed with a dreamy expression.

- He knew just how to scratch my head to make me melt.

- That’s because you’re a big puppy. – she grinned.

He laughed.

- Yeah… I guess I am.

Shiro sighed.

- What else? – Allura asked again, caressing his hands gently.

Shiro blushed.

- I… I promised him that… that I’d find him.

- What did he answer?

He snorted.

- He said just “I know”.

Allura made a mock serious expression. Shiro could see that she was holding back her laugher.

- I’m afraid I have bad news for you, Takashi.

- Oh? – he snorted, playing along.

- I’m afraid you’ll only find your soulmate in a galaxy far, far away.

They tried to keep a straight face, but both snickered and laughed about the silly joke.

- Serious now. – Allura said, drying her laughing tears with an embroidered handkerchief – I’ll help you find your Han Solo with dimples.

Shiro drank the rest of his coffee.

- But… what are we?

She gave him a million watts smile.

- We’re friends, Shiro. – then she sighed – I mean…huh… I really like you.

They stared at each other. Both have tears in their eyes.

- I really do, Takashi. But we’re not a perfect match. I think we could be happy together, just like my mom and my dad were.

- But now we’d always wonder what it’d be like with our soulmates. – he concluded with sadness.

Allura nodded.

- Yeah… We can’t be together like that anymore, but I still care a lot about you.

Shiro let out a tiny sad smile.

- Me too. I want to help you find your Ocean Loverboy. You deserve happiness.

- And so do you. – she dried her tears with the handkerchief – You’re a great guy, Takashi.

She chuckled, trying to make the situation lighter.

- Also, you promised Han Solo that you’ll find him. I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t fulfil your promise.

They smiled at each other.

- Friends, then?

- Well, I wouldn’t mind being friends with benefits.

- ‘llura…

- I’m just kidding. – she laughed again – Friends is fine. Besides, you need someone to take your head out of your ass sometimes so you can keep your promise to your Han Solo.

Shiro remembered how sweet that smile had felt under his fingertips.

He had made up his mind.

- Don’t worry, ’llura. That’s a promise I really intend to keep.

He smiled at himself, warm with his soulmate’s memories.

“I’m gonna find you” he repeated softly in his mind, as a promise to his mate and to himself.