Chapter Text
"Hey, Mako-chan... do you like Haru-chan?"
The question felt like molasses in Nagisa's throat, sticky and thick and putting an ache in the pit of his stomach. He'd tried to ask it so many times; he'd had so many opportunities, but he could never get it out. It was strange to hear it aloud, and as Makoto tensed and slowly turned to look at him across the empty locker room with a pink face in confusion, his stomach churned and he realized he already knew the answer.
"Eh?"
"N-nothing!" hastened Nagisa, quickly plastering on his usual smile and trying to wave away the question with his hand. "Nothing, don't worry about it! Forget I said anything."
But Makoto was staring at his strained smile with a deep concern and puzzlement, and Nagisa felt his demeanor waver with a wince as his heart clenched.
"Nagisa...?"
"I should really get home for dinner or my sisters will eat everything!" he said quickly, forcing his smiled back into place, though it was hardly convincing. He grabbed his bag and side-stepped towards the door as he rambled on. Makoto took a step after him, the shirt he'd been about to put on still in hand. "I'll leave locking up to you then, Mako-chan! See you tomo...rrow..."
He realized he was crying a second too late. With a soft inhale of surprise, Makoto was already clamoring over the bench and coming towards him. Nagisa felt a panic wash over him, flung open the door, and bolted.
"Ah, Nagisa! Wait!" called Makoto, the echoes of his footsteps joining Nagisa's as he sprinted down the hall, along with shallow, shaky breathes.
"NAGISA!"
Oh my god, he was so stupid. Why would he ever even ask that? He knew the answer, he'd always known. And he knew neither of them had a clue either, so why would he ask? Stupid, stupid, stupid... He wasn't sure where he was going, but his light frame managed to carry him faster than Makoto's and he swerved into alleys and off the main street to get as far away from him as possible.
By the time he slowed down he was hyperventilating as the tears continued to stream down his face. He sniffed heavily to try and clear his nose for easier breathing, but it was no use. He stopped and leaned against a wall, doing his best to catch his breath. This was so incredibly stupid. Putting Makoto in a position like that when he hadn't even worked out his own feelings yet was so unfair and Nagisa felt a little pang of self-loathing.
He felt his phone vibrate and heard Makoto's ring-tone play. He let it ring, squeezing his eyes shut as if that would block it out. Eventually it stopped and Nagisa released the breath he'd be holding. He took another slowly and shakily let it out, returning his breathing to a manageable pace. He sniffed again, tears still flowing, but considerably slower as he glanced at his surroundings.
With a small jolt of surprise he found himself near the bottom of the steps that led to Haruka's house. His phone vibrated, indicating a voicemail from Makoto, which he always left regardless of the situation, but Nagisa ignored it as he stared up the staircase miserably. His feet had carried him here by instinct no doubt and he cursed them for it. He considered mounting the first step, fists clenched, but thought better of it. Haruka would be almost as bad to see right now as Makoto, and even though he knew he wouldn't, he couldn't give him an explanation if he asked. So instead he let out another shallow breath and slid down to the pavement against the wall.
He sighed resignedly and wiped at his eyes, sniffling excessively. How was he supposed to face either of them after this? Makoto would probably tell Haruka what had happened. Even they, who were incredibly slow with this stuff, had to be able to work it out that Nagisa had a crush. Not even just a crush anymore, these were full blown affections and they'd finally pushed him over the edge. He cursed himself for being so selfish. He hung all over Haruka to try and force himself between them, or even just among them, but it was pointless. He'd never managed to be as close to them as they were to each other, or even as close as Rin. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't break through that barrier, and he knew that. He knew that, but...
The clatter of a door opening and loud hurried footsteps in the otherwise quiet night pulled him away from his thoughts and he stared blankly to his right at the staircase as the steps bounded down it. Haruka flashed across his vision a second later, clad only in his jammers and apron. Nagisa didn't make a sound, only stared at him in disbelief, but something made Haruka halt and spin around.
His hair was damp and his eyes were slightly frantic as he panted softly, meeting Nagisa's eyes, which were red from crying. He had his phone clenched in one hand, a rare sight, and wasn't wearing any shoes, as if he'd left his house without a second thought.
"Haru-chan..." mumbled Nagisa, more to confirm it to himself than address the other boy.
"Nagisa," replied Haruka in much the same manner as he released a loud breath and took the few steps towards him. He knelt down and pulled Nagisa into a hug, ignoring the violent flinch he emitted. Nagisa tensed for a second before shakily bringing his hands up to his back and curling his fingers into fists as he felt new tears well up and fall. He gave a little shake and Haruka pulled him up to straddle his lap and held him tighter, inviting him to cling at full vigor. He did so, legs wrapping around his waist naturally, and buried his face in his shoulder. He let out a sob and Haruka began to pet his hair as he cried. He didn't say anything. He never said anything when he cried, which Nagisa supposed he was grateful for. Haruka wasn't the best at verbalizing, but he knew that Nagisa responded well to physical attention.
They stayed that way for some time, until Nagisa's sobs dwindled to sniffles and he had stopped shaking. He pulled back from his shoulder and Haruka loosened his grip, looking at his tear stained face with concern.
"Sorry, Haru-chan..." he said softly, placing his hands on his chest and not meeting his gaze.
"I keep telling you it's fine," said Haruka, dipping his head to catch his eye, which he quickly turned away from. "Makoto called me. He's really worried."
"Ah, it's my own fault, I did something stupid," said Nagisa, looking at him at last and forcing a tiny smile, knocking himself on the head. "Sorry to involve you, I didn't mean to come here."
"I said it's fine," insisted Haruka again, this time a little more forcefully, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. "What happened?"
"U-um..." muttered Nagisa, tearing away his gaze once again, uncertain how to answer. Haruka had never asked before. "Nothing really. I just said something to Mako-chan that I shouldn't have. But it's fine, seriously! He didn't seem mad or anything and I'm fine so I'm gonna go home now."
He untangled himself from a silent Haruka and stood, picking up his bag and giving him a weary smile. "Thanks for lending me your shoulder, Haru-chan. I'll see you tomorrow!"
He took a step away but a hand quickly snatched up his wrist and Haruka glared at him.
"I know you better than that, " he said firmly. "Usually when you're done crying you're fine. But right now you're not fine, I can tell, so... so tell me what's wrong?"
Haruka looked unsure of himself, but his grip on Nagisa's wrist was unwavering. Nagisa closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to make something out of this situation. If he pushed things along it would probably be less awkward. So he made a resolve to himself and opened his eyes with a heavy determination, which seemed to startle Haruka.
"You know Haru-chan..." he began, gently removing his hand from his wrist. "I know sometimes I'm a lot to handle and I can't always read situations super well, but... you and Mako-chan are much worse!"
Haruka Nanase very clearly had absolutely no idea what was going on.
"You guys understand each other better than anyone else, and yet you can't see the most basic thing about how you feel! It's really getting in the way of me properly moving on, so please hurry up and do something about it!"
The confusion on his face only increased and Nagisa sighed as Haruka floundered.
"Moving on from what? What am I supposed to do? Oi, Nagisa..."
"Nagisa?"
His name was full of hope and relief and concern, and it sent his heart churning again. He had a split second to make up his mind as Haruka turned his gaze to Makoto. He heard Makoto moving forward and threw all caution to the wind, reaching up to grab Haruka by the back of the neck and kissing him as hard as he could.
He heard the words Makoto was about to say catch in his throat, and Haruka gave a little muffled gasp of surprise as he tensed and pulled back slightly. Nagisa released him willingly and adjusted his bag on his shoulder, spinning to face a shocked and red-faced Makoto with a soft glare before scurrying past him and into the night. If that didn't get the two of them at least talking he didn't know what he was going to do with them.
Makoto Tachibana had absolutely no idea what was going on.
He turned after Nagisa and watched him disappear around a corner, not even sure if he should try to follow anymore. He turned back to Haruka questioningly, but he didn't seem to understand any better than Makoto, his eyes wide and cheeks a light shade of pink.
"Uh... Haru?" he ventured, taking a step towards him uncertainly. "Do you know what's-"
"I have no idea."
"Right..." Makoto sighed and drooped his head.
"What'd he say to you?"
He felt his cheeks burn and glanced up shyly.
"Uh... if I liked you?"
"What?"
"Yeah, I don't know either! I don't think I did anything to make it seem that way, but I didn't really get a chance to say anything before he ran off. Geez, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've never seen Nagisa actually cry before..."
"I have," said Haruka. Makoto looked at him in surprise. "He doesn't do it often but... sometimes he just shows up at my house and cries. He's been doing it since elementary school. He even came a few times during middle school. He's always fine right afterwards so I never say anything, but he didn't seem okay this time..."
"Oh wow..." said Makoto a sigh, running a had through his hair. "I didn't know... He always seem so happy. But everyone gets upset sometimes. God I feel awful. I don't even know what I did."
"It doesn't sound like you did anything. He's the one doing weird things..."
Haruka looked at the ground, a blush creeping back onto his face. Makoto swallowed and averted his gaze.
"Do you think he likes you?" he offered tentatively. Haruka looked up at him in alarm, apparently not having considered the possibility, so he plowed on quickly. "I mean, he is all over you a lot, like probably more than everyone else, don't you think? And if I liked you, I'd be in the way of that. And he did just kiss you..."
Haruka swallowed uncomfortably. "I don't think I like him like that, though..."
"Oh, really?" said Makoto, giving a weak smile. "You've always had sort of a soft spot for him."
"So do you!"
"Well, yeah, I guess, because he's Nagisa, but..."
He trailed off and there was silence between them. Makoto felt a lump in his heart. He had no idea how to handle a situation like this. Nagisa was special to him, absolutely, but... he knew what Haruka meant, just not like that. He'd never even imagined he might feel that way.
"So do you?" mumbled Haruka, breaking the silence and taking Makoto from his thoughts.
"Huh? Do I what?"
"Do you like me?"
Makoto's eyes widened and he felt his face go red as he stared at his best friend, who refused to make eye contact.
"Eh?"
"Nagisa-kun!"
The door flung open to reveal a very flustered Rei who seemed to halt himself from coming closer to the blonde in an attempt at composure. Nagisa smiled up at him weakly.
"Hi, Rei-chan."
"Makoto-senpai called me and said you'd run away and you weren't answering your phone! He sounded extremely worried! Are you okay, are you hurt? What happened?"
He sounded strained, like this had been eating away at him since he'd heard. Nagisa felt a little pang of guilt for ignoring the call he'd received from him on his way to the train station. It had given him the idea to come here rather than facing his family at home, for which he was grateful, but he still hadn't wanted to talk.
"Ah, I'm fine," he said calmly, holding up his hands in insistence. "Sorry for worrying everyone. Can I come in?"
"Of course! Sorry!" said Rei quickly, moving aside to let the smaller boy in. "We should call Makoto-senpai and let him know you're alright."
"No!" said Nagisa quickly, making Rei jump. "I mean, no, it's fine, I already saw him. Everything's fine."
"I see..." said Rei, sounding unconvinced. "He said to keep an eye out for you if you happened to come by or contact me...."
"It's fine, really," insisted Nagisa, taking a step towards him and clutching at the front of his shirt. "Please just drop it okay? Let me stay here tonight?"
"Ehh? Here?" said Rei, obviously confused. "Why, is something wrong at your house?"
"No, no, I just..." said Nagisa, turning his gaze to the floor. "I just really need to be with someone tonight..."
Rei looked down at him with concern and placed his hands on his shoulders.
"Nagisa-kun? Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," he answered quietly. "Just let me sleep with you tonight."
"E-eh?" started Rei, his face going red. "S-sleep with-"
"Not like that!" said Nagisa, looking up at him with a playful glare and banging on his chest. Rei could be such an idiot sometimes. "Geez, I just need some physical contact. I need to sleep it off. Tomorrow I'll be fine, so just for tonight okay? Please?"
Rei studied his pleading eyes for a long time and for a moment Nagisa thought he might refuse him. But eventually he sighed and adjusted his glasses, giving a soft nod. Nagisa sighed in relief and hugged him, burying his face in his shirt.
"Thanks, Rei-chan."