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oh this guilt of mine

Summary:

Nina deals with the guilt of INSERT SPOILER HERE

very short, just a really long sentence really

Work Text:

Nina felt oh so guilty when the blue eyed boy made her smile. She used to feel an unscratchable itch, hating how he reminded her of her drüskelle yet how utterly unlike him the boy was. The dark blue of his eyes felt wrong burning her with heat sizzling in them. They should be of pale ice. His large hands on the small of her back shouldn’t send a shiver up her spine. She shouldn’t love the way his warm body felt against hers when he hugged her. She cried when she tried to picture her drüskelle again and failed. She sobbed when she couldn’t describe the colour of his eyes past ice blue anymore. She screamed when she couldn’t picture the way his hand felt in hers anymore without substituting her drüskelle for the dark eyed boy.

She hated herself for forgetting about her twin soul. Her heart hurt, as if a Heartrender were tightening their grip on it, trying to make her bleed, trying to hurt her. When the boy brushed his lips against hers, she didn’t pull away. She leaned into his touch, the absence of pine in his smell offsetting to her. She dreamed that night, of ice and blonde hair, of pale blue eyes and a pine scented body. She dreamed of a smile, so sad, so painful, so broken she whimpered. “Forgive yourself, little red bird.” a booming voice, raspy and rich. The beautiful accent rolling off her drüskelle’s tongue as she felt his hand touching her cheek. She woke with a start, a scream in her throat and a name on her lips.

Matthias.