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They had had a fight. It hadn’t been particularly big, but Even figured they both needed some time to cool off separately and that was not possible in their cramped little flat.
So he had told Isak that he was going to go crash at his parents’ for the night and he’d come back tomorrow.
It had hurt his heart, walking away from Isak like that. They had agreed pretty early in their relationship not to go to bed angry, but nothing had ever been established about not going to bed together. Teenage tempers were hot messy things, though, and Even knew that being around each other after the fight would inevitably lead to more fighting and would just prolong the whole process.
So he took initiative.
He felt calmer as soon as he got outside, which made him feel better about his plan.
His mum had fussed the moment he walked through the door, but when he was done explaining everything that had happened she actually praised him for doing the right thing. It was nice to hang out with his parents; he felt like he hadn’t seen them for ages, although he knew it was probably only a few weeks since they’d last got together.
His mum was catching him up on the gossip at her office when his phone buzzed, and Eskild’s name of all people’s was written across the top of a text. Even was going to ignore it until Isak’s name caught his eye and he opened it quickly, remembering that Eskild was still listed as Isak’s next of kin at the hospital.
Eskild (19.48)
you left after a fight???
Isak just showed up and that’s all I can get out of him
trouble in paradise?
He wasn’t sure why, but something about Isak going to Eskild after their fight didn’t sit right with Even.
Even (19.50)
we both needed to cool down. I said I’d be back tomorrow
Eskild (19.56)
Isak seems very confused
I think you should phone him
only if you’ve calmed down though. he doesn’t seem angry now
Even frowned at his phone when that message came through, wondering what on earth Isak could be confused about. He had cooled down from their fight, though, and he didn’t want there to be some miscommunication between him and Isak. He thought he had been clear about what he was doing and when he was coming back, but maybe Isak hadn’t been listening properly?
With a sigh, Even made his excuses to his mum and went to sit in his old room. It was currently being made into the spare room, but in Even’s mind it would always be his room. He made himself comfortable on the windowsill and pressed the call button next to Isak’s name, wondering what this conversation had in store.
“Even?” Isak answered after a few rings. Even could practically hear the frown on Isak’s face. Even didn’t bother to beat around the bush.
“Hey, Eskild said you showed up at the kollektiv?” He couldn’t help the little chuckle that slipped out of him at Isak’s annoyed groan.
“Bloody man can’t just let me vent in peace.” Isak huffed.
“He said you were confused about something? I thought I made it pretty clear that I was going to my mum and dad’s for the night? Just the night?” Even emphasised, expecting Isak to exhale with relief and say that he’d thought Even was leaving him forever and he’d totally misunderstood and-
“I know.” Isak said quietly, totally catching Even off guard.
“You…know?” Even repeated. “So what are you confused about?” It was his turn to frown now. Isak stayed quiet, and Even just knew that if he tried to rush Isak now he’d clam up and never let out whatever was bothering him. Isak still struggled to talk honestly about how he was feeling and his thought processes and Even didn’t want to scare him off, but shit he just wanted to know what he had done.
“Is?” It had been a few minutes now and Even was starting to wonder if the call had cut out. He was about to pull away from his phone to check the screen when he heard Isak take a breath.
“You- you said you were going home for the night.” Isak’s voice was so small and quiet that Even almost missed it.
“Yeah?”
“I just- do you…do you not think of our place as home?” Isak asked after another painful minute of waiting. When the question finally came it made Even’s heart clench in his chest.
“Of course I do, baby. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry if it came across like I did.” He apologised. “But your parents’ place will always be your home away from home, y’know?” Even realised his mistake before he even finished his sentence, and he wanted to slam his head against the wall at full force for saying something so unbelievably stupid.
“No, I don’t know.” Isak sounded like he was torn between feeling upset and feeling angry, and Even felt ten times worse about sticking his foot in it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before Even could react Isak hung up and he was left listening to dead air.
Well.
He fucked that up, didn’t he?
***
Even got home around lunch time the next day, his temper completely cooled from their squabble but with guilt chewing at his stomach. He could hear Isak moving around when he let himself in but a quick glance around suggested that Isak hadn’t been home long either.
Even took a deep breath to steady his nerves before he went into the lounge, wondering how his good level-headed plan had still ended up with one of them saying the wrong thing. When Isak saw Even, Even couldn’t not notice the way his lip trembled before he pressed his lips together tightly and went back to changing their sheets.
“Babe…I’m sorry. I didn’t think before I said it.” Even apologised, once again skipping the small talk. He could see through Isak’s shirt the way his back tensed and his shoulders rose defensively.
“It was a normal thing to say.” Isak tried to shrug it off, but his movement was too stiff for Even to ever believe it was casual.
“It was, but I should have remembered that you didn’t have a ‘normal’ home life.” Even made air quote marks even though Isak had his back to him.
“No, I didn’t.” Isak agreed stiffly. Even’s heart was aching in his chest; what did he need to do or say to get through to Isak? “But it’s not for you to remember, it’s for me to live with. So let’s just forget it.” Isak finally – finally – turned to look at Even and the hurt look on his face cut Even like glass.
“Okay, baby, if that’s what you want.” Even nodded. He wasn’t going to drag this out when it was obviously stressing his boyfriend out. Barely a second later Isak was crossing the room and burying his face in Even’s chest, his strong arms wrapping tightly around Even’s waist.
And this.
This was where Even’s home was.
***
It wasn’t until they were cuddled up in bed that night that Isak finally opened up.
“I forgot.” Isak said it so quietly that Even almost missed it, just like on the phone the night before.
“Forgot?”
“I forgot that most people think of their family home as home and not somewhere to run from.” Isak’s fingered tightened in the front of Even’s shirt, and Even figured that his boyfriend could probably feel his heart shatter in his chest at those words.
“So when you said…what you said, I started thinking about all the shit I probably missed out on and stuff and- I don’t know. It fucks me up thinking about that stuff.” Isak’s voice sounded suspiciously thick, but Even knew better than to look right away.
“Family is meant to be there for you to be that home away from home, and mine isn’t but yours is and I guess I didn’t realise how much that bothered me until yesterday.” Isak definitely sniffed at that and Even was done.
“Come here.” He hauled Isak impossibly closer, pretty much dragging Isak’s sleepy body on top of his own underneath their duvet and blankets, and framed Isak’s beautiful face with his hands.
“Your family don’t deserve you, Isak. I know they hurt you, and I know the way you grew up shaped who you are now, but now home is nowhere near them. Now home is right here. It’s us. It’s not walls or a roof or the postcode, it’s just us. My home is wherever we can just be. My home is always with you, because you’re the one that has my heart. And without a heart a house can never be more than just a house.” Even couldn’t tear his eyes away from Isak’s face, mesmerised by the rush of emotions he could see flickering across the features he so adored.
“You’re such a fucking sap.” Isak laughed wetly, obviously tossing an insult at Even to deflect from the very real tears on his face.
“I know.” Even shrugged with a grin. “Besides: what’s mine is yours, baby. My family loves you; they’d always welcome you in. There’s always room for another Bech Næsheim.” Even added teasingly. The relief he felt when Isak’s face broke into the most beautiful soft smile was indescribable.
“I know I’m going to be a Bech Næsheim one day.” Isak whispered, resting his forehead against Even’s. “And I’ll never have to think about a Valtersen home again, because I’ll be too busy making a whole new home with my husband.”
And wasn’t that a fucking miraculous thing to know?