Chapter Text
Logan had always felt different. He hated his name, his life, it felt like he was living a lie. Icky emotions bombarded him whenever the others would address him, and he shut himself off more and more. The only way he could be normal was to shut off his emotions, to act like a robot, but his anger would find a way out anyway, whether screaming at Patton or Roman, or in more unhealthy ways after everyone, even Virgil had gone to bed. This changed when Thomas found a friend in Rose. He was never good at identifying traits in people, and had been shocked when Patton told him that Rose was not born female. From then on an idea sprouted into his head, a dangerous idea. If Thomas is a boy, surely he is as well… right?
Lori sighed, loosening her necktie once more. It felt so tight around her neck, like it was suffocating her. She knew, of course, that logically that could not be the case, but she had come to accept the strange ways gender dysphoria would affect her.
“Logan? Where is he?” Romans voice called from the living room, her incorrect name and pronouns ripping her way from her thoughts.
Lori adjusted her shirt once more, grimacing at her flat chest, before briskly leaving her room.
“Ah! Logan, you finally made it.”
Lori mustered a half-smile before responding.
“I offer my apologies for being late, I was just…”
She trailed off, not sure what excuse would be accepted in this social situation. People are too complex, she thought bitterly.
Thankfully Roman had picked back up the conversation, and nobody noticed Lori’s slip up.
“Lo? Logan?” Another voice drifted into Lori’s mind, it was Patton.
“Excuse me, I am not feeling very productive today, and I must of… spaced out. Is that correct term?” Lori tried to hide her fear with a monotone voice, it must of worked as with a reassuring shoulder squeeze Patton’s focus went back to Roman.
My goodness, Lori thought, exasperated as she continued failing to retain any information Roman was relaying to the group, What is wrong with me today?
“Logan?” Virgil said, well anxiously, “Is he alright?”
Lori visibility winced when Virgil said “he”.
“You alright there nerd?” Roman asked slowly, taken aback by Logan’s extreme reaction to Virgil inquiry, also trying his best to contain his extravagant nature.
Lori felt all their stares boring in to her.
“Why, I must inquire, has the attention turned to myself?” Lori steadied her voice. Arranging her face into, what she hoped was, a sarcastic and quizzical look.
“You… kind did this thing, kiddo…” Patton looked up concern showing on his face. “Like- like this…” Patton stared into the distance before contorting his face into a strange position strongly reminiscent of a dying cat.
Dear God, I hope I didn’t look like… that! Lori thought frantically.
“Well it wasn’t that… violent… but, it was certainly disconcerting.” Roman up piped hastily.
“Disconcerting? What is with you and big words lately, honestly!” Lori seethed.
Lori looked nervously around the room, everything was too bright, too loud, every worried word the others spoke cut into her head.
“Stop!” She whispered-shouted as to not worsen her own condition.
The others looked up, surprised.
“What?! Why?!” Roman exclaimed loudly, obviously insulted at Lori’s interruption.
Yet he looked even more alarmed when Lori clutched her head, hissing in pain.
“Excuse me,” Lori hated the quiver in her voice.
“It seems that I am suffering from a migraine,” she spouted with fake confidence.
Lori stumbled out sight, and once she knew the other couldn’t see her she sprinted to her room.
The room usually gave her an immediate sense of calm, very useful for when being Logan just became too much. But today she was too frantic to notice, and she quickly slammed the door, panting. A wave a nausea washed over her, and she ripped off that stupid tie, and her navy shirt and tan pants followed soon after. Taking a second to breathe she picked up the clothes slowly and walked towards the back of the room where two blue doors stood next to each other. She opened the darker blue door revealing a small closet containing 3 almost identical outfits to the one crumpled up her hands. She quickly stuffed the clothes in the closet making a mental note to iron and fold them later. Then she moved towards the second door. This door was Sky blue, and a small smile appeared on Lori’s as she reached for a key on a necklace hanging around her neck. She opened the door to reveal a long walk in closet, with everything for everyday girls clothes, to costumes, to ball gowns, and even small section of panties, and bras. Lori’s meek smile had become a full on grin as she moved towards the outfits. Eventually, after about an hour of trying on clothes, she had settled on an electric blue bralette, with a black lace/sheer top, and cute blue jeans. After that she applied a minimalistic amount of makeup, just mascara with a light blue eyeshadow, and a pinkish-nude lip. Finally she stepped back to admire her work. Smiling widely she grabbed long black wig to finish the look. She sighed sinking back into the bed, it was a bitter-sweet moment for her. She loved this, when she could really be Lori, be her true self. But she also knew in less than an hour the others would come and knock on her door, and she’d change and become Logan once again. At least that’s what happened almost everyday for years, but today was different.
“Hey, Logan…?” Virgil’s voice drifted through the door.
Lori looked up, frowning, this was certainly unusual, Virgil never checked up on the logical facet. She dismissed it with a sigh, the door was locked, as always, she had nothing to worry about.
“Yes Virgil?” She inquired.
“So… uh…” Virgil cleared his throat, awkwardly, “Are you… okay?”
“I assure you, I am not experiencing any negative emotions, or feelings currently.”
“Look… I hate when you guys do this, but I can’t stand talking to a door so I’m coming in…”
Lori knew the door was locked, so she wasn’t too afraid. Moving to the mirror she started to adjust her black wig, smiling as styled the bangs, but then she heard a click. The door starting opening…THE. DOOR. WAS. OPENING!
Oh fu- this is bad, this really bad. Lori thought desperately.
She covered her mouth to keep from screaming, but other than that she was frozen in shock. The door closed with a final click, sealing her fate. She felt Virgil’s stare but she kept turned away from him, silent tears had started trailing down her face.
He knows, he knows. He thinks you’re a freak, you are a freak. You can never do this again. You aren’t logical, you’re far from it… Are those fucking tears?! You disgust me. You’ll never be Lori again. You’re Logan, accept that you fag. You will never be Lori again. Never never never never never. Lori’s thoughts attacked her, she wanted them to stop, until they did, something stopped them. A voice to be more specific. His voice, Virgil’s voice.