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Adrien rolled in his bed to take a look at his phone that was placed on the bedside table to check the time.
It was 5 PM; his own version of witching hour.
It is during times like these that he will be consumed with his own thoughts that it made him suffocate at times. He hated it when he had a free time between 5 to 7 PM.
Why did he not have a photo shoot or a class at this time?
Being in Nino’s apartment has not been helping him in this past month, it seems. Adrien made an inaudible gasp and covered his face with his hands.
It’s been a month.
It has been a month since he walked out of Marinette’s apartment and told her that they should have a break.
A month of him going about in his life like a zombie; just going through his daily routines, except that he had done it with the absence of Marinette in his life.
A month of him trying to explain the emotions he had that night a month ago. That cursed night. He had no answer to those emotions.
Or maybe he did. But he had no idea on how to convey it to her. It was never easy to convey his true feelings to someone, it always has been. He was blessed to be surrounded by people that understand him well. People like Marinette and Nino.
Why was he like thi-
“Kid, I’ve been poking at your cheek for like a solid five minutes now”
Adrien snapped out of his thoughts and realised that Plagg was actually not poking at his cheek as the kwami had claimed. Plagg was practically pushing his whole tiny kwami body on Adrien’s cheek. Adrien knows this gesture.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll go and get your camembert. Don’t come with me, in case Nino’s still here” Adrien said with a sigh.
Plagg flew away from him once Adrien stood up. He let out a little huff and looked at Adrien with annoyance.
“I could’ve gone and find it myself if we were at your place instead of being here” Plagg floated along, pouting.
Adrien only managed to give Plagg a tired smile. “You know the reason why, Plagg. We’ve been through this”
Plagg shook his head and kept silent as he floated away. Adrien gave Plagg’s retreating floating body a small smile and shook his head at his kwami’s behaviour.
Plagg knew and understand the reason Adrien had to be at Nino’s apartment. Plagg knew that when Adrien was left alone at this point in time, it will drive Adrien crazy.
Adrien just refused to be alone. Even when Plagg could keep him company, Adrien needed a human being to be there to watch out for him. And this was not decided by Adrien; it was actually Nino’s idea for Adrien to stay with him while Adrien try to get his bearings back again.
Once he had acquired the camembert for Plagg and finding out that Nino was in fact not in his room or anywhere in the apartment, Adrien decided to sit in the living room as he did not want Plagg to see him ponder in his thoughts.
Adrien then switched on Nino’s Hi-Fi system which Nino bought and proudly showed to Adrien recently. Adrien had found that listening to music kind of helps in stopping him from drowning in his thoughts.
Kind of.
It depends on Adrien’s mood really.
However, there is one song that has been stuck in Adrien’s mind as of late. Not only that, the song kind of lets him to be in touch with his emotions without letting those emotions overwhelm Adrien.
The song was by a Korean group, K.A.R.D. and Adrien was introduced to this co-ed group by none other than Nino. As a DJ, Nino made it a point to listen to all types of genres and sometimes he will go as far as listening to music from other countries. Currently, Nino has been listening to some Kpop and he even dragged Adrien into listening to some groups.
“You used to love listening to anime songs and all that so maybe you would be more open to this instead of Alya” Adrien remembered Nino saying this to him. Adrien had only obliged to his best friend’s wishes.
And Nino was right. Adrien had actually liked some groups that Nino had introduced to him, particularly K.A.R.D.
He was actually hooked on one of their latest songs in their latest album, which was Trust Me. There were two versions of this song, each one by a different pair of the four person group.
Adrien loved both versions, as one was slow for when he really wanted to get in touch with his sentimental mood and the other was upbeat so it could at least lift his spirits a little and yet still let the melancholic tone of the music be conveyed.
He knew the reason he was hooked on to the song. The words for it mirrored his relationship with Marinette in a way. The female parts represented Marinette, while the male parts represented Adrien. Adrien leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes once he played the song. Today, he was listening to BM and Somin’s version of Trust Me. He did not need to read the translation for the lyrics, he had listened to it countless of times to the point he has memorised the translation of the lyrics to heart.
Come on in
I’ve missed you
How was your day
Alright you did good
The first four lines of the song brought Adrien to a memory when he had one of his visits to Marinette’s place right after he finished his photo shoot.
During those visits Marinette will always be at home to greet him with a smile. She will always tell him that she missed him before giving him a hug and a kiss. Her hugs were always tight whenever she told him that, as if telling him that she missed him was not enough, that she had to convey it with her actions. Adrien will then kiss her on her forehead, then her nose, each side of her cheeks, her chin (just to tease her as by this time Marinette would be squirming in his arms) and finally on her lips.
He does this to ease her and also the fact that he loves kissing her. Kissing Marinette made him feel happy and somehow gets rid of the exhaustion of his day. Not only that, but every time he does this, Marinette will giggle and only pull him into another tight hug. Her affections and warm presence filled his heart with love and joy.
What happened
Why are you avoiding me
Look at me I know you have something to say
Your seriousness scares me sometimes
You’re usually on the bright side
There was one time where Adrien had gone to Marinette’s place before she returned to her classes. Days like those were quite rare, since Adrien had to juggle his studies and modelling work. So whenever he ended his day before Marinette, he would make it special, where he would either whip something up (his pastries were never as good as Marinette’s, so he would usually just make dinner) or buy something for her like flowers or chocolate. Sometimes, when it was a cool day, he would just make hot chocolate and a fort so when Marinette returns; they would dive into the fort with the hot cocoa and talk about their respective day.
He was never good at making forts at first due to the fact he had never done them during his childhood, but he had done this plenty of times that he’s started to make a really neat fort. It doesn’t stop Marinette from teasing him about his first attempt at making a fort, though.
But that one day, he had gone to her place without thinking. It was as if he was on autopilot. All he did was put his stuff at the side of the entranceway and went to the bedroom. He did not know how long he stayed sitting on Marinette’s bed, he did not even realise it when Marinette covered his eyes with her hands with a giggle.
It was only when he did not respond that Marinette knew that there was something amiss.
That day was the anniversary of the day his mother had gone missing.
Every year, without fail, this very one day Adrien will be consumed with sadness and it was only amplified by the fact that he had no one to share and talk about his sadness with. His father had never spoken about how he felt about this very day, and the man was never willing to, if Adrien had asked him to talk their feelings out. So Adrien could only just wallow in sadness and stare at the only photo he had of his mother.
But that day, he had decided to go to Marinette’s house. He had never once sought the company of someone else whenever the anniversary came up.
When Marinette had hugged him silently after failing to get any response from him, Adrien knew. He knew that the reason he sought for Marinette was because he was used to sharing everything with Marinette.
It was only the happy things that they shared together; he had made sure that he would never show any sadness to Marinette. Why would he, when he is with his soulmate, be sad when they are spending time together?
But Adrien had unconsciously decided that it was time to share his sorrows with her that day. It was awkward at first; he was not used to being openly sad in front of someone. He had shared his story of how he made his father smile for the first time since his mother’s disappearance to Marinette, but he was not facing her at that time.
This time, Marinette had looked at him with her beautiful blue eyes, her eyes filled with worry and hesitance. She had wanted to speak out, he realised, but was not sure on how to do it. He was usually cheerful with her, after all.
Adrien had simply kept quiet until Marinette took a hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly. That did it for him, he immediately burst into tears and pulled her into a hug.
Adrien remembered his eyes became swollen the next day but he had also felt relieved. And he knew Marinette was, too. Adrien had finally opened up to her, and she had told him how pleased she was that he had trusted her enough to do that.
Adrien will forever be grateful for having her in his life.
Days when I was down
You were the one to smile at me
Marinette always made a point to tell him how he always made her happy. Always, she said.
Adrien understood why. He had always been sensitive in picking up people’s moods. Nino always remarked that Gabriel was like a robot, that it’s hard to read his expression. But Adrien never had any problem to understand his father. His father was quite a straightforward man. If he is displeased, he will frown at him and his tone becomes a bit harsher. When he is pleased, his tone will become slightly higher, though he will still retain the same serious face he usually dons every day.
It was that simple.
But hearing Marinette telling him how she appreciated this sensitivity of his, Adrien had never felt so needed. He had always thought that this ‘talent’ of his was useless and had made him felt hollow.
He told her about this once, and Marinette had scolded him for feeling this way. He was never useless.
“You know, just having you keeping me company is more than enough. But you will go as far as preparing a bath for me or let me talk your ear off on whatever that is making me feel down or angry. You silly kitty, you are not useless at all”
Adrien had only given her a soft smile in reply.
His lady just knows how to ease his heart.
The rap part of the song was about to begin and Adrien started concentrating more on the verses.
I know I’ve been a lil distant lately
Been trying to figure things out in my life
Negative thoughts in mind
Been a little bit crazy
Trying to find a place to let it out right
It’s a cold world and I’m tired of bull
A lot of ups and downs
A lot of pushin and pull
Reality hits, pressure pain walk hand in hand
Still gettin used to this I
Adrien brought himself back to that night, where he had told Marinette that they should have a break.
He had found out that Marinette was somehow being bullied at work. Some of her female colleagues had found out that she was dating him, and had made her life a bit difficult, like making her do menial tasks to the point that it would get in the way of her own tasks.
Adrien was frustrated and disappointed that Marinette did not tell him this. He had expected her to tell him about this; they shared everything together.
Marinette had dismissed it, telling him that she was able to handle it.
Adrien knew that she could, his lady had a fire in her that a few jealous girls could not extinguish. But that day, he felt a bit more frustrated than normal, to the point that he could not think rationally.
He had even raised his voice at her in anger, something that he had never done except for when Marinette was doing something reckless or irrational. This time, however, she had done nothing wrong.
Which only made Marinette’s soft “It’s okay, everything’s fine” made him even worse.
He had snapped, having a screaming match with her. He felt horrible throughout the whole thing, but he did not stop until the both of them got tired. That was when he dropped the bomb.
“I think we needed a break”
He left, not daring to look back at all. He knew that he had broken her heart, but he did not want to see it. He refused to see how he had made his lady sad.
He just had to leave. Because he was being a hypocrite; he had not shared something with her that day.
I would never wanna put the weight
Of my world on you
But stress got me feeling real out of place
Life moves a lil faster than we anticipate
And I’m havin trouble controllin the pace
You the only real thing in this world
I love you and you know it
I appreciate you and I hope you know
I’m always trying to find ways to show it
“Congratulations, son. You’re accepted to Harvard. I’ve already made sure your modelling schedule has been cleared up, so you can make the necessary preparations” Gabriel had told him over the documents he had been reading in his office.
Adrien froze, staring at his father in disbelief.
“Harvard…?” Adrien croaked as he watched his father rifled through the documents.
Without looking up, Gabriel responded a simple, “Yes”.
“You mean the one in the US…?” Adrien knew he sounded like an idiot but he really needed that confirmation.
Finally, Gabriel looked up and raised one eyebrow at his son.
“I think you know the answer to that”
Adrien had asked him the reason for this conversation and Gabriel had patiently told him that he knew Adrien had wanted to pursue in physics and astronomy, so Gabriel had sent applications to a few of the good universities in other countries to make sure Adrien had the best education. And Harvard was one of those universities, and they had accepted him.
Adrien had wanted to pursue this conversation further, but his father’s mood had changed to slight impatience, so Adrien stopped questioning Gabriel and excused himself.
Adrien then went about his day with a daze, repeating the conversation with his father in his head countless of times.
He had only simply wanted to pursue his studies somewhere in France, not overseas. He was supposed to feel pleased that his father was allowing him to do what he wishes, but going to Harvard meant that he will leave his lady.
Adrien knew if he told Marinette about this, she would definitely encourage him to go for it, saying that their relationship will not suffer from this.
But Adrien did not want to hear that. They had finally found each other after revealing their identities to each other, so why would he leave her? There were many things they needed to do. So many things he wanted to do with her.
So when Adrien heard about the rumours of Marinette getting bullied, he had wanted to talk about that instead of talking about him leaving Paris. He had instead wanted to talk about Marinette and her problems rather than his worries and insecurities.
He did not want Marinette to feel sad and force herself to cheer him on. Or maybe he just did not want to accept the fact that Marinette will feel genuinely happy for him.
Adrien knew that no matter what, Marinette will always get his back.
But he could not think rationally that day. Instead, he screamed at her and broke her heart.
He was such a hypocrite.
Adrien stopped the song. He may have listened to the song countless of times, but he actually never really listened to it till the end. He had only done it once, but it had affected him so much that whenever he decided to listen to the song again, he will stop it at the same place.
The next verses were just too much for him.
Adrien decided to go back to the room he had been staying in and saw that Plagg was napping on the bed.
Watching his kwami snoring peacefully, Adrien decided to join him.
He can’t fall asleep. He tossed and turned to the point that it woke Plagg up to complain for him to stop moving.
Once Plagg fell asleep again, Adrien sat upright at the side of the bed. He knew why he was so restless. He just has to listen to the song till the end. His instincts told him to do so.
He took his earphones and started the song back again, going back to where he stopped it.
No matter what I be going through
You bring back to senses the way
You put words together and though
I don’t mention this side of myself too much
I don’t need to cause you know me better
Lose faith in me never
Know that I’m a go getta
When I say ima get it
Yeah I mean every letter
Promises were made and I intend to keep em
Today may be an L but Ima bounce back
Harder than ever
Adrien remembered how Marinette will bake cookies for him whenever he felt down or rather, when he tried to hide it. How her place will be filled with the scent of chocolate and cinnamon. He had told her he can’t eat the cookies because he was on a diet.
Marinette only responded lightly, “I’m baking cookies for Tikki, you know”
Looking at the huge batch of cookies, Adrien knew that Marinette had baked those cookies to cheer him up. Sweets always cheered him up. Besides, Tikki may love Marinette’s cookies, but she was not much of a big eater like Plagg.
He loved how Marinette will have a small smile on her face every time Adrien takes one cookie and how she will try to make a straight face when Adrien caught her looking at him with a smile on her face.
“I’ll try and get better in telling you my feelings” he had told her, in which she will shake her head with a huff.
“You better do that before I get better in reading you” she pouted, but he knew she was only faking it. He will then give her a kiss on the lips; the kiss tasting like chocolate and cinnamon.
He really loves her.
Cause the right time can lead to a life time
Vivid pictures of livin makin killin
With you by my side
You help me stay true to myself
What you provide could never
Amount to any wealth
This could be the realest verses I wrote
In my dark days girl it’s you
That shows me hope
They say the sun don’t shine forever
But through any weather we’ll make it
As long as we make it together
Ain’t nothin better
By this time Adrien was already crying and sobbing to himself.
Adrien had a dream.
That they will stay together forever.
That they will get married once they achieved their dreams. Or maybe they will get married while pursuing their dreams, supporting each other as they do so.
Living in a house instead of a mansion, filling it with the sounds of their children’s laughter. Amongst the sounds of their laughter, the scent of baked goods will fill the air.
Maybe they will spend their time together baking together, their son running around with his little brother, wanting to smear flour on the latter’s face. Adrien will be trying to break this up, only to be attacked by his two sons, smearing flour on his face as Adrien tries to fake surrender.
They will have a daughter who will diligently beat the eggs as Marinette watches over her.
They will have this family after going through so much tribulations together, supporting and helping each other. He knew that this could be achieved; Marinette will always be willing to make sacrifices and jump on the chance to back him up. And she knew that he would do the same for her.
This realisation only broke him down further.
He realised that no matter what, they will always have each other.
He should have not kept it to herself. He should have not hide his fears and insecurities from Marinette.
He should have taken his time to talk this out with Marinette. Marinette could soothe him and even encouraged him to talk it out again with his father if it really bothered him.
His lady always knows what to do.
The song had ended, and his tears had stopped flowing. Without wiping his eyes, Adrien laid down and closed his eyes. He just felt really tired.
The next time he opened his eyes, he heard a scream.
He sat up abruptly, throwing Plagg off the bed as a result.
Ignoring Plagg’s nagging, Adrien noticed that Nino had left some sandwiches by his bedside, and usually Adrien would feel grateful of his friend’s gestures, but there was something more important at the moment.
He had a city to save. Which also meant that he would have to see his lady.
That did not matter. He finally knew what he had to do.
“Plagg, claws out!”
END