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“Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so”
The first few words of the song perked Marinette’s ears when she entered the café to get her usual fix of an early morning coffee. The bells at the door were still chiming when the music caught her attention. She was quite fluent in the English language, but she knew a few words that were enough for her to be able to communicate with the English-speaking fashion designers. After all, she always thought that the language of fashion was enough to get by in the fashion industry. That or most designers were fluent in French. But it did not stop her from being interested in the song, despite it being in a different language.
As she paid for her coffee, she casually asked the cashier the title of the song. The cashier frowned and scratched her head before turning to one of the baristas behind the counter and repeated Marinette’s question. Marinette waved her hands wildly in the air, gesturing that it was not a big deal. The barista saw her expression and movements before chuckling to himself, making Marinette’s face burn with embarrassment. It really wasn’t a serious question, yet it turned out into a big deal.
Regardless, the cashier turned to her after getting the desired answer from the barista (who winked at Marinette, making her blush once again) and gave her the answer to Marinette’s question: “Colors by Halsey”.
Marinette thanked the cashier and hurriedly left the café before she made any eye contact with the barista again. She didn’t want to make Adrien jealous—
She stopped her train of thought. No, he wouldn’t be. Shouldn’t be. She thought to herself sadly, realising that she was not holding one, but two cups of hot steaming coffee. One for her, and the other for Adrien. It struck to her that old habits do die hard.
She sighed to herself once again before a small voice called out to her. “Marinette?”
Marinette slightly jumped and looked down at her light pink purse that she had been donning since she was a teenager, although she had made some alterations to it to make it suitable for 21-year-old Marinette. Tikki was looking up at her from the small crack of the purse, concern written in the red kwami’s face.
Marinette did not need Tikki to say anything more to understand the reason her kwami called out to her in public like this. She simply gave Tikki a thin smile, earning a small nod from the kwami. Marinette closed the clasp to her purse and continued walking. This too made her realise that she had stopped walking. No wonder Tikki was worried.
Today started out like any other day during the past three months: Marinette making a trip to the Agreste company, where she is having her fashion internship. Three months ago, she had the opportunity to work under Gabriel Agreste, whom she deemed to be her idol from her teen days to the present, as an intern and she felt like she was in cloud nine. Now, three months later, she still felt that way, but a lot of things had happened that changed her lifestyle during the past three months. Marinette looked at the extra cup of coffee and sighed.
Once she had arrived to her destination, she gave the extra cup of coffee to Celeste, the outgoing receptionist whom she had befriended during her internship. After, she went on with her day like usual, although her heart was aching during the duration of the day. This was a normal occurrence to her, especially right after that happened.
Marinette returned to her apartment, feeling slightly exhausted. Although she enjoyed her days as an intern, but it was always taxing to her body, sometimes she always ended up sleeping on her couch without changing her clothes. If it weren’t for Tikki, Marinette would have to suffer a stiff neck or a back pain the next day.
Today, it was different. Marinette had managed to make a decent dinner for herself and had taken a shower and was already comfortable in her bed, but she wasn’t feeling drowsy. At all.
Sighing at the rarity of this occurrence, Marinette sat up from her bed, humming to a tune she recognised. It was the tune to the song that she had listened in the café earlier that day. Marinette decided to listen to the song while reading the lyrics again (with the help of Celeste, who had also helped Marinette in understanding some of the words and what it meant, thanks to the fact that Celeste was in love with the song).
As she read the lyrics once again, she could not help but felt the song was relatable. Halsey’s words seemed to address and describe special one in her life. Funnily enough, Marinette felt like Halsey had written the song especially for Marinette’s special one in her life. Or maybe he was no longer special in her life. Adrien Agreste had walked out of her life and she had let him.
Marinette could feel the tears that were starting to form in her eyes and she bit her lip, trying to stop herself from crying. Tikki was already asleep, and she did not want to concern the kwami with her tears. Especially when the kwami knew the reason behind those tears that Marinette was trying to hold in.
After what seemed to be ages, Marinette finally managed to compose herself and decided to lie down on her bed once again to try and sleep. She felt her eyelids growing heavy until she finally fell asleep.
Marinette woke up the next day with the song Colors playing in her head.
It was playing in her head when she was brushing her teeth.
When she was in the shower.
When she was preparing breakfast for herself and Tikki.
When she was working.
The song played in her head for the whole day.
So when Marinette returned to her apartment, she knew she had to sit down and listen to the song properly. Because she had somehow memorised the entire words of the song. It was as if it was miraculous.
However, it wasn’t only until Marinette had prepared herself dinner and had taken a shower and was settling down in her bed that she decided to listen to the song once again. Because she knew the reason behind the song being stuck in her head.
Because the song reminded her of Adrien. Adrien Agreste, her school crush. Adrien Agreste, who was also her partner, Chat Noir. Adrien Agreste, her boyfriend.
Marinette paused at the last thought. Would-be ex-boyfriend, more like.
“I think we need a break” she could hear those words as if he was saying it in front of her, in her bedroom. Well, he did say those words to her when he was standing at the doorway to her bedroom a month ago. That day was the most heartbreaking day for Marinette, and from the expression on Adrien’s face, she knew he felt that way too.
She shook her head slightly, as if trying to get rid of the memory that had materialised in her brain. Marinette took a peek at the small bed that she had prepared for Tikki, which was a basket with a ‘bedding’ that Marinette had made out of cotton. Tikki was sleeping soundly, just as what she had wanted.
Marinette started getting comfortable in her bed and clicked the button ‘play’ to the video displayed on YouTube.
Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so,
Marinette gasped when she heard the first line to the song. She closed her eyes, listening to the song further.
You say your mother only smiles on her TV show,
The darkness when Marinette closed her eyes changed to a memory. A memory of one rainy day. The song was still playing, but she could hear the sounds of the rain pattering against her window, the faint sound of thunder in the background. She remembered that she was snuggled in her bed, engulfed with the comfort of her blanket. The rain had made her apartment cold and she remembered feeling thankful of the blanket and the body that was snuggling beside her that was keeping her warm. Adrien had his arms around her, Marinette’s head resting at the crook of his neck. They were quiet; the only sounds in her bedroom were the sound of the rain outside and their breaths.
Marinette felt Adrien shifting a bit, and she held her head up, giving him a questioning gaze. Are you comfortable? Her eyes had told him and he only gave her a thin smile. Adrien shook his head lightly and gently pulled Marinette towards him, as if to drive the point that he was not bothered by their position at all.
That day, Adrien had told her about his relationship with his father. Marinette had an inkling of their relationship, but that day, Adrien had told her everything. The distance between them after the disappearance of his mother. How his father had changed drastically due to it. His father was always restricting him from doing anything he wanted, and Adrien only followed his father’s words because he didn’t want to disappoint his father, scared to lose his only parent. His father rarely acknowledges his actions, instead patronises him. The only time he had ever seen his father smile was after the result of a photo shoot.
It had happened spontaneously, but Gabriel Agreste had visited the site of the photo shoot, a rare occurrence known among his staff. Adrien told her how everyone was frantic to make a good impression on the fashion designer, although it did not change anything. Gabriel was still as cool and stiff as ever, until he was shown the photos of Adrien that was taken in the photo shoot earlier. Adrien felt happy when he saw his father’s lips curling and his eyes had brightened up as he looked at the photos one by one. The smile disappeared though, when Adrien made his presence known.
From that day onwards, Adrien knew that pleasing his father would make him happy, especially in regards to his modeling. After that day, he never saw his father smile again, but he knew that his father was happy when Adrien had a talk with his father after a long day of a photo shoot. To Adrien, that was enough.
Marinette remembered the sound of his voice as he relayed her that exact story. His voice was quiet, but since she was cuddling up to him, she had no problem hearing him. She remembered how Adrien had sounded like he was choking back a sob when he said, “And I saw him smile, after such a long time. A genuine smile, Mari”
Marinette could only hug him close to her as the rain outside started to grow heavy.
That memory vanished when Marinette realised the song ended. She played it once again. This time, it was the second part that got her.
You were a vision in the morning when the light came through
I know I've only felt religion when I've lied with you
Although Marinette had to wake up early sometimes back when she was living with her parents, due to the fact that she had to help them at the bakery, she was not much of a morning person. She had always struggled to wake up early.
She had noticed that Adrien was always the first one to wake up between them whenever he had slept over. And she had no complaints. Sometimes, she somehow manages to wake up right after him, so when she opened her eyes, the first thing she sees is Adrien stretching and yawning. There were days when Adrien slept shirtless, sometimes he wore a black tank top, sometimes a white T-shirt that fits him perfectly.
Whatever he was wearing, Marinette had always admired him as he got out of bed. The way his blonde hair was tousled in a sleepy mess, reminding her with a skip of her heartbeat that he looked just like Chat Noir that way and made her wonder why she didn’t see that before they revealed their identities to each other.
When Adrien realised that she had woken up, he gave her a warm smile and lightly chuckled as he ran her dark hair between his fingers, his words gentle as he tried to wake her up. Marinette usually tried to burrow herself in between her blanket, earning another chuckle from Adrien.
Marinette had always thanked the stars for being graced with such a scene every morning.
And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you
Marinette’s heart tightens at this part, biting her lower lip as she tried to focus on the next part.
You're dripping like a saturated sunrise,
You're spilling like an overflowing sink
Marinette could see Adrien’s face was lit up, his eyes full of mischief and his smile was wide. He was laughing, trying to avoid the pillow that she was throwing at him. They were having a pillow fight.
It was a Sunday, Marinette remembered. A very sunny Sunday, but they decided to stay in. They had not seen each other for two weeks, Adrien had most of his classes in the morning and Marinette had most of her classes in the evening. During the weekends, Adrien usually had a photo shoot that took all day, making it difficult for them to see each other. But that Sunday, they had all the time to themselves.
Marinette vaguely remembered what sparked the pillow fight. Maybe they were taunting each other as to whether who was a champion in a pillow fight. They were both an only child, so they never had a chance to exhibit such ‘skill’, although this was more to Adrien, as his father never allowed him to have or go to a sleepover. Marinette had a lot of sleepovers with Alya, and had told him that she was always the winner whenever they had a pillow fight.
“And you think you could win against me, my lady?” Adrien had cheekily asked her, earning a glare from his girlfriend.
With the accomplishments of winning against Alya and her siblings under her belt, Marinette grabbed a cushion and tried smacking Adrien across the face. Instead, she hit the air, as Adrien had taken a step back from her after that taunt. And that was how the pillow fight was initiated.
Marinette remembered that they had laughed to the point they had stitches at their sides. She could hear Adrien’s deep laugh, and the way his arms wrapped around her to stop her from throwing any more pillows at him. The taste of the kiss he had given her when Marinette tried to break herself away from him. The way his light green eyes turned soft as he looked at her, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.
Marinette remembered feeling breathless as she watched him look at her, his face and touches overflowing with love. She remembered her heart warming up and felt a slight ache when she realised that she was able to bring out so many emotions from this man, the man whom she knew as a boy had always tried to contain his emotions. But at that moment, she knew that he was opening up to her and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.
You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece,
And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink.
Marinette could see Adrien’s shoulders were hunched, sitting at the edge of her bed, his back facing her. She had come back from class and had planned to cover his eyes to play the ‘Guess who?’ game but had stopped herself. She felt something was amiss.
Marinette slowly took a step closer to Adrien and her ears picked up a sound from Adrien. A sob.
It wasn’t obvious, so she thought it was her imagination, but as she got closer to Adrien, she could see his large frame shaking. Marinette immediately ran to him and had hugged him tightly from behind. She could feel his body tensed up at first and heard him take a sharp intake of breath. But Adrien immediately relaxed in her arms and had chuckled. It was a sad chuckle.
When Marinette looked up at him after he turned to look at her, she could see his eyes were red and wet. His lips were quivering as he looked at her and Marinette felt like she was about to cry herself. Marinette didn’t say anything. She had simply pulled his head down to her chest, ignoring the front of her blouse getting wet with his tears. The only thing that mattered to her at that time was to relieve him of his pain, even if it’s through a simple hug.
Marinette remembered how he tried hard to choke back his sobs, but to no avail as Marinette stroked his back. He had cried loudly in her arms and she felt like her heart was being ripped out at every single sob that came from him. She bit back the tears that were dangerously about to spill from her eyes that day, but she had decided that only Adrien was going to cry. She needed to compose herself in order to comfort him.
Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now I'm covered in the colors
Pulled apart at the seams
And it's blue
Even though sometimes their schedules made it difficult for them to see each other, but they did not lament about it during the days where they could see each other. Their days were spent either at her apartment or when they went for a date.
Marinette could see his tongue sticking out as he measured the amount of sugar needed to bake a cake for Nino’s birthday. Somehow somewhat his chin had some flour on it and Marinette had struggled to wipe it off of him because he was intentionally shaking his head just to tease her and make it harder for her. How he had flicked icing to her chin and tried to ‘clean’ it up by licking it, but earned a shove from a bashful Marinette. He had laughed at her reaction then.
How he had grabbed her hand and put it in his pocket because she had forgotten to bring her glove on their date. She remembered wearing one pair of his glove for her free hand and Adrien had worn the other pair for his free hand, too. How it was too big for her that she had giggled as she showed it to him and Adrien had kissed her nose because “you were too adorable”. Marinette remembered her cheeks warming at the gesture and he had softly apologised if he had made her uncomfortable, earning a chaste kiss on the cheek from her, Marinette shaking her head to indicate that it didn’t bother her. Instead, it made her heart warm and fuzzy.
Every moment with him was a beautiful memory to Marinette.
Marinette could feel the tears that were threatening to fall, but she fought them back. But it was futile. She had reached the bridge of the song.
You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue
You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
And you decided purple just wasn't for you
At that point, Marinette was already crying. She remembered the scene a month ago, when he told her those dreaded six words, “I think we need a break”.
They had a fight, which was unusual between them. Adrien was tired after a long day and was greeted with the cheerful Marinette. She had a great day at work and was excitedly relaying the events of her day when Adrien had snapped at her.
Adrien had stopped himself, shock visible on his face. He had turned to Marinette and saw hurt had flashed across her face, but she had downplayed it by asking him if he wanted her to run him a bath. Adrien looked stricken and told her to not hide her feelings, which in turn Marinette had brushed it away. This irked him and he shook her body, although the hands that were gripping her shoulders did not hurt her, despite the frustration coming from Adrien.
Marinette tried to avoid the subject, knowing that Adrien was acting different and that caused Adrien to snap. He had stepped away from her and had yelled at her for ignoring her feelings. Marinette remembered growing frustrated at his behaviour and had snapped at him.
They had a shouting match after that, their kwami hidden somewhere in the apartment, presumably not wanting to add fuel to the fire. After a few minutes of shouting at each other, they grew tired and stopped.
They were both breathing hard and had looked at each other. Adrien then closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I think we need a break” he simply said. Marinette looked at him, her eyes wide at his words.
“What do you mean?” she remembered asking him, amazed that she was able to respond to him even though her heart was beating fast at his words.
Adrien had simply looked at her, his eyes full of pain and his lips quivering. She had thought he was going to cry, but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed his coat and called out to Plagg, the latter zooming past Marinette from somewhere in the apartment and entered into his pocket without a word or question.
Adrien had opened the door and stopped himself. He was hesitant at first, but he turned slightly towards her and had whispered, “See you” before closing the door behind him.
Marinette remembered sitting on the floor in defeat, Tikki immediately at her side and comforting her as Marinette cried out loud in the middle of the living room of her apartment.
At this point, Marinette was already crying in her bed, realising that the song had ended and that Tikki was at her side asking her if she was alright and comforting her. It only made her cry harder when she felt the sense of déjà vu at this situation.
Marinette had almost calmed down when she heard a loud crash coming from outside followed by a laughter. Marinette looked up at Tikki, who only looked at her with worry. The sound had made her stop crying and Marinette gave Tikki a wry smile.
“Tikki, spots on” she said, transforming to her red and black polka dotted suit.
As she swung her yoyo out from her window, she realised that she had to face Chat Noir. She had to face Adrien.
As she heard a scream, she got rid of those thoughts. She had a city to save. Her feelings regarding Adrien will have to be sorted out later.