Work Text:
Gays in Battle:
The Phantom Thieves During WWII
SnowInkling
December 17, 2017
Instructor: Sadayo Kawakami
Gays in Battle:
The Phantom Thieves During WWII
Before late Modern and Post-Modern Warfare, The Gays™ involvement in wars were to stay home and look after the children and to take care of the jobs back home while The Heteros™ were off fighting overseas. However, for the first time in World War II, gays all over Japan were able to enlist in the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, formerly known as “Thot Patrol” (Kurusu). As a result of their involvement in World War II, Known bisexuals Akira Kurusu and Ryuji Sakamoto, along with Lesbian role model Ann “LesbiAnn” Takamaki strayed from stereotypical LGBT involvement in the Japanese Thot Patrol in times of war. Other notable Phantom Thieves include the Artist Formerly Known As Yusuke Kitagawa (aromatic), Internet star Futaba Sakura (enigma), and lesbian power couple Haru and Makoto Nijima, co-owners of the Nijima Café in the central street of Shibuya, where the infamous Big Bang Burger of Okumura foods once stood.
A way of influencing gays to enlist in the Phantom Thieves was by advertising it through posters.[1] The poster, aimed at teen gays, advertised that the LGBT community not only had a role on the home front, but also overseas, aiding in battle through the use of their persona, mythical beings representative of the inner psyche. The emotional tone of the poster itself is serious, but also inspiring, as it portrays bi legends Akira and Ryuji in a role that was, at the time, heteronormative. The sentence, “Let us be bi, Atlus ” can also allude to gays like Sakamoto and Kurusu being hard workers during times of war (though Sakamoto would eventually become known as the “hopeless bisexual”). A depiction of the Mythic Gay Oberon, the fairy king – was used as a symbol for The Phantom Thieves, along with the undisputed queen of the gays, Titania ( “Fantastic Gays and Where to Find Them”. p. 420). Not only is Titania depicted in the top-center of the poster, leading the Phantom Thieves, she is also depicted as one of the major badges and insignias worn by them (Igor).
There were certain rules gays in the Phantom Thieves had to uphold. First, they had to wear the uniforms for the jobs they were given – for example, The Artist Formerly Known as Yusuke Kitagawa donned a Kitsune mask, having to face ridicule from teammate Futaba Sakura, who constantly called him a “furry” (Kurusu). Accessories such as handbags, umbrellas, unnecessary chest zippers, and canes were very much allowed, as member Haru Okumura-Nijima states in an interview with Ichiko Ohya on her hit talk show, Ohya! In the interview, she says the following:
“Of course. Our leader, Akira, loves looking flashy. He even wears six inch stilettos. I believe they were called...pumpernickels? Or maybe wick trimmers? My apologies, English isn’t my strong suit. Anyway, it’s a bit ironic for us thieves to wear such extravagant clothing, no?”
In Makoto and Haru's case, they were also permitted to wear their engagement rings.
Guns and weapons were issued, along with any articles of clothing that were requested for; the only exception being undergarments, toiletries, and other necessities, which they were given $15 ($3 added on quarterly) by Munehisa Iwai (better known under the alias “gun dad” as written in Kurusu’s phone contacts) so they could buy them. They were also required to have a set of civilian clothes in the case they were caught in the metaverse by spies.
One of the most influential people in the Phantom Thieves is Ann Takamaki. She was the first woman to enlist, even becoming a Commandant at the Thot Patrol Training Center located in The underground tunnels of what eventually became an expansion of Destinyland. However, not only were the gays concerned with being caught in real life after enlisting, but a whispering or smear campaign was also spreading in Shibuya trying to lower the reputation of gays serving in the Thot Patrol.Takamaki, now Chief Lesbian, went on a tour around the metaverse on a whistlestop campaign. She was highly respected amongst her peers in the Phantom Thieves, along with many civilians. Shiho Suzui, who became a longtime supporter of Takamaki after she was saved from the clutches of Adolf Kamoshida, eventually became Takamaki’s lover, and the two are now set to marry in July 20XX.
However, not everything was good about joining the Phantom Thieves. They were seen as breaking a societal norm that dated back to before the times of Imperial Japan. Yet, the gays who joined were seen as “useless losers” by hardcore hater Goro Akechi. Not only that, but this lead to concerns among the public regarding the innocence of the Phantom Gays. As such, rumors went around that the gays were in fact responsible for the murder of CEO Kunikazu Okumura. Because of this, Akechi spread rumors about the gays as a way to oppose their service to the Japanese public, as well as to shift blame to the victim by shaming and slandering them. However, by faking his own death, Kurusu himself was able to find the source of the malicious rumors, and restored the reputation of the gays amongst the public. Thot Patrol stans on the Phan-Site, most notably a user known as moon_moon_ADMIN, raved as the leader restored the thieves to their former gay glory.
After Masayoshi Shido and his accomplice, Adolf Hitler, were defeated, the Phantom Thieves had disbanded. They were reinstated in to help fight in the Korean war, with some gays even recruiting into the Royal Thot Air Force. However, the Thot Patrol is considered Officially disbanded today, according to an anonymous source known by reporters as “Mona.” An audio recording of an interview with Mona is said to exist, however news stations were sent clips of what seemed to be a cat angrily meowing for 30 minutes. This was not the end to gays enlisting as thotpatrollers, however. This movement inspired gays worldwide to change the hearts of numerous dictators known internationally, most notably Richard Nixon, Benito Mussolini, Junya Kaneshiro, Nicolas Cage, Donald Trump, Madarame, Jake from Statefarm, and many others.
If not for the Phantom Thieves, many gays would not have been able to fight against these evil, evil people . Sakamoto stated the importance of the Phantom Thieves in an interview on the talk show Dr. Takemi:
“Yeah, we were f**kin’ awesome. Wait, I can’t say f***? S**t, my bad. Wait I can’t say that either? Oops. Well, I really am thankful for being able to kick a- butt with the love of my life.”
References
Velvet, Elizabeth (1980). Door-Kun Strikes Back . Dartmouth, N.S.: Writing & Editorial Services.
Mishima, Yuuki (20XX). "Thot Patrol 4 Ever": Maintaining the Phan-Site . [online] https://www.fuckyougoroakechi.gov/articles/thotpatrol4ever
Kurusu, Akira (20XX). “Joker and Skull vs. the World: The Tell-All Autobiography”.
Shirogane, Naoto (2012). “Who the Fuck Is Goro Akechi and Why Is He Slandering The Detective Prince Brand”. [online]. https://www.fuckyougoroakechi.gov/articles/whothefuck