Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In retrospect, getting in the middle of a Yamanaka fight hadn't been one of Iruka's greatest ideas. That was the only real thought he had as he stared up at the ceiling of his classroom, but it quickly slipped out of his mind. The ceiling was blurrier than usual, and when had it started to spin like that? He'd have to put in a maintenance request to have it fixed. An out-of-focus, rotating ceiling would just distract his students from their studies.

His classroom was full of noise, distant and muffled, like he had a water jutsu stuck in his ears. After a moment, a head popped into view, partially blocking the spinning ceiling from sight. Iruka blinked, trying to bring the person into focus. He was pretty sure they were saying his name. The face swam, but eventually became someone recognizable.

"Suzume-sensei," Iruka said, his own voice sounded far away and it made him grin. "Why are you visiting my class?"

She frowned. "Your students are panicking loud enough people in Suna can probably hear them. What happened?"

Iruka read her lips more than he actually heard her. So all that muffled noise was panic. Why were his students panicking?

Another head joined Suzume's. Iruka blinked until Sadoru came into focus as well. At this rate, he wouldn't be able to see the ceiling at all.

"Should I get the school medic-nin?" Sadoru asked Suzume.

Iruka frowned. "Is someone hurt?" It better not be one of his students.

Suzume and Sadoru exchanged a glance.

"You get him sitting up and I'll corral his students," Suzume said. A moment later there were 100% fewer heads blocking the ceiling. It was spinning significantly slower now. Maybe it was running out of gas, or whatever it was that ceilings ran on.

Something slipped under his shoulders and Iruka found himself being rearranged into a sitting position. The new angle helped drain the nonexistent water jutsu from his ears and he was hit by the sound of Suzume using her Teacher Voice to yell over the chaotic din of all of Iruka's students talking at once.

Sadoru came back into view. It was easier to focus on her now. Her hands held his shoulders tight like she thought he'd topple over the moment she let go.

"Iruka-sensei, how are you feeling?" Now that he could hear, it was easy to pick up the concern in her voice.

Iruka tilted his head. Something about her seemed off. Suddenly it hit him. She was hungry.

"Did you eat lunch today?" he asked.

She blinked in surprise, pulling her hands away. "I was so busy, I forgot."

Iruka could sympathize. He'd skipped many a lunch over his years as a teacher, especially after he'd just started. It was a bad habit to get into.

"You need to take care of yourself. If you aren't at full strength, your lessons won't be either."

She blushed and nodded.

The classroom was quiet again and Suzume came back over to Iruka. "What happened?"

Fuzzy fragments of memories started to rearrange themselves in Iruka's head until they made sense.

"Hoshi and Hitsu were fighting again," Iruka said and Suzume grimaced. She knew all about Iruka's latest problem children, twin first year Yamanakas who oscillated between being thick as thieves and declaring all-out war on each other. Each extreme came with its own set of difficulties. Saying it had been an eventful year for Iruka would be an understatement, and that was after teaching Naruto and Konohamaru.

"You got hit by a jutsu?" Suzume asked.

"Two, I think," Iruka said, wincing. He hadn't had much of a choice. He had needed to either jump between the twins and take the brunt of whatever jutsu they were using, or risk them hitting each other. There hadn't been time for anything else.

"Do you need a medic-nin?"

Iruka did a quick self-check, but he felt better than he would have expected, given the situation. Maybe they'd done their jutsu wrong. "I think I'm fine."

Suzume nodded and offered a hand to help pull him to his feet.

Iruka frowned as their hands connected. She wasn't showing it, but she wanted to get back to her own classroom. He could understand the feeling. Leaving a class alone for too long rarely led to good things. He'd been gone for a mere 10 minutes this time and had come back to a full-fledged fight.

"Thanks. I'll take care of the rest. You two should go back to your classes," Iruka said. His head still felt like it was stuffed with cotton, but he'd manage. Most of his class looked too traumatized to cause trouble for the rest of the day. He might even be able to guilt them into doing a little extra work if he played it right.

Suzume's eyes widened slightly, but she nodded and ushered Sadoru out of the room.

Iruka called the twins out into the hallway. They were even paler than usual, guilt and worry written on their faces.

He crouched down to their level and put a hand on each of their shoulders.

He froze.

Both girls had equally horrified looks on their faces, but that wasn't what had caught him off guard, instead it was the emotions that suddenly hit him. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that neither of them had wanted to fight. They just wanted to make up with each other and make sure Iruka was okay. But more than that, they needed a hug.

Iruka blinked at them for a moment, then opened his arms in invitation. The girls didn't hesitate. They threw themselves into the hug, sobbing apologies into his vest.

For a brief moment, right after he'd removed his hands from their shoulders, the emotions had vanished, but now they were back in full force.

Maybe he hadn't gotten off so easily after all.

After the girls' sobs had subsided into sniffles, he sent them back into the classroom then went to the teachers room to call their father.

Yamanaka Santa stood as Iruka entered the small room frequently used for parent-teacher meetings. For as often as they met, Iruka was starting to feel like he was friends with the jounin.

"What did they do this time?" Santa asked by way of greeting.

Iruka sighed, gesturing for him to take a seat and sitting down across from him. "I was hoping you could tell me."

Santa's eyebrows rose. "That bad?"

Iruka rubbed his face with his hands. "They hit me with some kind of jutsu, I think. I'm not exactly sure, but I seem to be feeling what people want?"

"I'd like to check something," Santa said, holding out his hand.

Iruka hesitated. "It seems to be more invasive with direct touch."

Santa grimaced. "I was afraid of that." His hand stayed hovering over the table between them. After a moment, Iruka reached out and took it.

Iruka's brain had never run into a brick wall before, but if it ever did, he thought it might feel like this. There was no emotion coming off Santa, just a vast, hard void.

Iruka blinked at him in confusion and Santa dropped his hand. He didn't look happy.

"You were probably hit with something called the Mind Baring Jutsu. We use it during interrogations. It opens a prisoner's mind up and allows us to see their wants and needs. Though it seems to be working differently with you. Which one did it?"

"They both did."

"At the same time?"

"Yeah."

Santa stared at him with interest, and Iruka shifted, feeling like a lab specimen under a microscope. "If both jutsu hit you at once, it must be mirroring itself somehow, letting you read people's emotions instead of being read yourself. I've never heard of a case like this before. If we could replicate the effect..." He trailed off. Iruka had the feeling that somewhere in Santa's mind a new Yamanaka clan jutsu was being formed.

"How do I cancel the jutsu?" Yamanakas might find it useful during interrogations, but Iruka wanted nothing to do with it.

"We don't cancel it. The effects fade away gradually."

"How long is gradually?"

"A day or two max."

"I'll be feeling people's wants and needs for a full day or two?" It was an unsettling thought.

"As long as you avoid physical contact, you shouldn't feel too much. Just traces of basic needs if they're strong enough. Probably a lot of I'm hungry or I'm tired. Nothing more than that."

"And if I do touch someone?"

"Like you've already experienced, it gets a lot more invasive. Basic needs are easy to read in close proximity, but specific wants require physical contact, preferably skin-to-skin."

Iruka nodded, taking that in.

"May I use this room to speak with my daughters?" Santa asked after a moment.

Iruka nodded again and called the girls into the room as he left. Before he could close the door, he heard a stern, "What have I told you about looking at the secret clan jutsu scrolls?"

Iruka shook his head. The twins were a handful in his class, he couldn't even imagine what they were like at home.

A half hour later, the girls emerged freshly tear-stained and offered formal apologies to Iruka. He accepted, but carefully kept his distance as he walked them to the school gates.

He had a feeling the next 24 to 48 hours was going to be long.

Iruka went about the rest of the day, avoiding touching people as much as possible. He still felt glimmers of what people wanted when it was strong enough, but Santa had been right. It wasn't as invasive as he had expected it to be.

As returning shinobi handed in mission reports, he got glimpses into their minds, especially the ones who'd just come back from long missions. It was a lot of food, shower, bed, and the occasional want of sex, but that wasn't more than common sense. Who didn't know that after a month in the field, ninjas wanted those things, though not necessarily in that order. As long as he didn't touch people, it was muted. He could tell someone was hungry or horny, but nothing beyond that, even if the latter did make him blush when it was a particularly strong feeling.

By the end of the shift, after a good few hours of not invading anyone's privacy too thoroughly and no spinning ceilings in sight, he started to think the day or two it'd take until the jutsu wore off wouldn't even be that bad.

When his shift ended, he grabbed the pile of reports that had been marked for hokage review. It had become something of a tradition, bringing the necessary paperwork to Kakashi and chatting with him as the evening wore down. Both of them would be ready to go home for the night, but they stayed to share new stories that had come in about Naruto's world travels or anecdotes from their day. Increasingly, it had led to them going out for dinner or a drink together, especially after they'd both had long days. Today had been one of those days for Iruka. He didn't want to hope it had been for Kakashi as well, but he wouldn't turn down a drink if the invitation came.

Their evening chats had become Iruka's favorite part of the day, though he wouldn't admit that to anyone but himself and the plants Naruto had left in his care.

The pile of reports was bigger than usual. Kakashi was not going to be happy about it. Iruka knocked a warning with his foot and pushed the door open with his hip. Kakashi glanced up from the paperwork he was reading at his desk.

"If you are looking for the shredder, I think you're lost," he said, tone deadpan.

Iruka grinned. "Sadly, you aren't that lucky."

Kakashi stood and walked towards Iruka.

"You'll never guess what happened at the Academy today," Iruka said as Kakashi reached for the paperwork.

"You'll just have to tell me," Kakashi said, his fingers sliding against Iruka's as he took the pile.

Emotion hit Iruka hard. The intensity of it took his breath away. Kakashi was aching with want. Want that reached out towards Iruka and wrapped itself around him. It echoed inside of him, making his stomach twist and his heart pound. He was utterly lost in the feel of it for one deep, shuddering breath, and then there was nothing, just a hard, solid blank.

Kakashi pulled away with jerky motions. The pile of reports threatened to topple, but he caught it.

Iruka wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Kakashi again, to confirm what he just felt, but Kakashi was already halfway across his office, putting the pile of reports on his desk. His back was stiff as he faced away from Iruka.

"Right," Kakashi said, "you'll have to tell me some other time. As you can see, I'm rather busy tonight. Was there anything else?"

Iruka hated the tone of Kakashi's voice, tight and controlled, full of false cheer. He shook his head then realized Kakashi couldn't see him. "No, Hokage-sama."

"Thank you for your hard work, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said, voice still forced and fake.

Iruka nodded. He was being dismissed. There wasn't anything else he could do but leave. He shut the door to Kakashi's office behind him and made his way out of the tower.

Without thinking, he found himself at Yamanaka Santa's door. He swallowed hard and knocked.

A few moments later, the jounin opened the door. He took one look at Iruka and stepped aside so he could come in. He had Iruka sitting at his dining room table with a hot drink in hand before Iruka could even blink.

"What happened?" he asked. It was a question Iruka was having a hard time answering today.

"Is it possible for people to fake emotions or confuse the jutsu?" Iruka asked, after he'd collected his thoughts.

Santa shook his head. "People can be trained to hide their desires from the jutsu, partially or completely, but I've never heard of someone creating an entirely false one. It always needs to be based on something real."

Iruka nodded. He'd known it was a foolish question. Kakashi had clearly been trained to block the jutsu, but he hadn't had warning, he hadn't known Iruka would be able to read him. Even if there was a way to trick the jutsu, he wouldn't have been able to do anything without even knowing it was coming.

Kakashi blocking Iruka from his mind had been like a door slamming shut in his face, but it had been a moment too late. Iruka had already felt the deep, consuming longing that had been directed right at him. Even just the memory of it warmed him, made him want to close his eyes and get lost in it.

Iruka finished his tea and Santa saw him out. They both apologized; Iruka for stopping by late in the evening, Santa for having hellspawn as children.

Mind full, spinning even more than the ceiling had been earlier, Iruka turned and headed towards his apartment. Halfway there, he nearly jumped out of his skin when Kakashi fell into step with him.

"Hey," Kakashi said.

"Hey," Iruka replied.

They continued walking in silence. More than once Iruka took a breath like he was about to speak, but he never got any words out. He had to hold back nervous laughter when he realized Kakashi was doing the same thing.

Neither of them mentioned the fact that they passed Iruka's apartment and kept walking.

As they reached the training fields, Kakashi finally spoke. "So, how long have you been able do high-ranked Yamanaka clan jutsu?" He tried to say it as a joke, but it fell flat.

Iruka cringed. "I can't, actually. Remind me never to get in the middle of a Yamanaka fight again."

Kakashi let out the tiniest huff laughter and they continued walking in silence.

The night was cool and still, the stars shining brightly overhead. They paused at the edge of one of the training fields.

Iruka took a breath and ripped off the bandage. "I didn't know. You never said anything."

Kakashi was quiet for long enough Iruka thought he wasn't going to answer. He was almost ready to apologize when Kakashi finally spoke. "I never said anything, but I don't think I was very subtle about it either."

Iruka thought back over the last few years as they'd gotten closer, the countless dinners and drinks together. It was always Kakashi's suggestion to go out, but somehow they ended up at one of Iruka's favorite places every time. Kakashi was never the one to end the evenings, instead lingering until Iruka realized how late it had gotten and how soon he needed to be at work the next day.

There had been moments, drawn-out glances, carefully turned phrases, fleeting touches that had given Iruka pause, made him think maybe, just maybe, but he'd never truly believed it. He could always blame it on the lighting or the alcohol or a long day at work. Kakashi wasn't interested in him. In his more realistic moments, Iruka would have laughed at the idea. But it was harder to do so now, after feeling the burn of that desire in full force.

Maybe a couple years of almost dates wasn't the definition of subtly, but Iruka was the type to need something a little more direct. He did however recognize the position Kakashi was in. He wouldn't want Iruka to feel pressure over their difference in ranks, no matter what his feelings were.

"Would you have said something after Naruto became Hokage?"

"Maybe," Kakashi admitted after a moment, "I hadn't decided."

Iruka turned towards Kakashi, studying him in the moonlight. "I'm glad I didn't have to wait that long."

"What?" Kakashi asked, disbelief clear in his voice.

"A little less subtlety would be nice though."

Kakashi's eyes were wide with surprise. It made Iruka want to push him just a little harder.

"If I close my eyes and promise not to look, would you kiss me?"

Kakashi's eyes flickered down to his lips and he nodded. "If that's what you want, sensei."

Iruka closed his eyes and tilted his head up, answer clear. Kakashi didn't keep him waiting long.

The kiss was soft, feather-light and accompanied by the sudden desire to open up his eyes even though he'd promised not to. He didn't want to pry into Kakashi's privacy just yet. But after a moment, he realized the desire wasn't coming from him, it was coming from Kakashi.

As Kakashi pulled away, Iruka's eyes fluttered open, looking at his vest first, giving him plenty of time to pull up his mask if he didn't really want this. He didn't take it, just smiled as Iruka brought his eyes up to his face. It was an adorable smile, soft as their kiss had been, one that had Iruka's heart racing in all sorts of ways that had nothing to do with the emotions he was feeling from Kakashi. Iruka returned the smile.

Kakashi moved forward to kiss him again, but Iruka pulled back, a hand on Kakashi's chest. Kakashi looked startled, and Iruka quickly explained.

"Do you want to wait until this has worn off? It should only last another day or so." Iruka knew Kakashi could block him out, but wasn't sure he'd want to give that much away again if his control slipped.

But Kakashi just grinned at him. "I don't know, it could be interesting. A little less subtle." He curled a hand around the back of Iruka's neck and kissed him again. Whatever he'd been doing to keep Iruka out of his head, he'd stopped.

Iruka was hit by the full force of everything Kakashi wanted. It wasn't all distinct, but it was enough for Iruka to get general ideas. There was sex, enough to make the entire Icha Icha series seem tame, but there was also lazy mornings in warm beds and something decidedly domestic that Iruka could only describe as the feeling of being home. It left him turned on, but also happy and content.

He kissed Kakashi until they were both breathless, and even then he didn't want to pull away.

"I hadn't thought I'd miss this jutsu," Iruka admitted, liking the way Kakashi's laughter ghosted against his lips.

"I may know that one," Kakashi said. "Don't tell the Yamanakas," he added after a beat.

Iruka grinned. "Do you think you could teach me?"

Kakashi grinned back slowly, seeing where Iruka was going with this. "Probably."

"Good," Iruka said, blushing hard but pushing forward anyway. "Maybe let's get to the regular sex first, before we move on to the kind that misuses jutsu."

"Works for me," Kakashi said, brushing their lips together, just a soft kiss with a hint of hunger.

Kakashi pulled back and laced their fingers together. They stood like that, staring at each other as much as the stars. For a moment, Iruka thought Kakashi was blocking him again, but then he realized that all the want and need was still there, but it was softer now. Not the crawling, twisting want of something unattainable, but a slow burning for what would come next, content to enjoy this moment, knowing that there were more like it to come.

Even without the jutsu, it was an emotion Iruka could understand. He felt it clearly within himself as well.

Chapter Text

Kakashi watched as Iruka shut the door behind him. He hadn't needed the Sharingan to capture the shocked look on Iruka's face. It'd been burned into his memory even without the doujutsu.

He'd had too many Yamanakas rooting around in his head over the years not to recognize the feeling of someone else's mind touching his own. A few minutes of a Yamanaka rummaging through old memories could leave him feeling exhausted and wrung out. Iruka had managed to do it in seconds.

He walked stiffly around his desk and sank down into his chair, tilting forward and letting his head fall against the papers that littered the surface, occasionally lifting up just enough to let it thud down again. It wasn't helping. No matter how many times he repeated the motion, it didn't change what had just happened.

The door to his office opened, but Kakashi didn't bother to look up.

"What are you doing?" Tenzou asked.

Kakashi cringed. He wouldn't be able to ignore Tenzou away either.

"Go find Naruto. He was in Suna the last time I heard. Tell him that I have died and he is Hokage now," Kakashi said, face still pressed into his desk.

"It's my job to keep you alive. Don't make me protect you from yourself. What happened?"

Kakashi groaned. "You know that nasty Yamanaka jutsu that burrows into your mind and roots out your desires?" Kakashi already knew what his answer would be. Most ANBU had the pleasure of experiencing it during their their counter-torture and interrogation training. The official reason was so they could learn to block it, the unofficial reason was because the T&I department was full of sadists.

"What of it?"

"Iruka-sensei can do it, apparently."

Kakashi didn't need to look up to know that Tenzou was surprised. It wasn't a jutsu anyone outside of the Yamanaka clan was supposed to know how to do.

"But how is that connected to you dying?"

Kakashi finally tilted his head up just enough to give Tenzou a look. It took Tenzou too long to process the meaning behind it, but finally he got it.

"Iruka-sensei? Since when?"

Kakashi slumped back into his chair. "We've been working together more and more ever since I took this damn job, and it just sort of... grew."

Tenzou was looking at him with sympathy. It was an odd emotion on his face, Kakashi decided.

"You know you need to talk to him, right?"

Kakashi knew that, but it didn't make the idea any more appealing.

He'd hoped his crush would go away on its own, but instead it had just dug its claws in deeper as he'd gotten to know Iruka more. It'd taken up permanent residence in his head a good year or more back, built a nice little cottage, furnished it, planted a garden. It had done pretty much everything in its power to let him know it had no intention of leaving any time soon, or ever.

But that didn't change the fact that Kakashi was the hokage and even after years of a friendship that was slowly growing closer, Iruka still added sama to his name, no matter how many times Kakashi told him not to. If Iruka said yes to a date, Kakashi wanted to know he was saying yes to him, not because he felt like it was an order coming from his hokage.

Kakashi sighed and stood. This wasn't going to get any easier if he waited.

It was time to find Iruka.