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Chuuya takes a deep breath as he takes in the entrancing sight before him.
He’s standing on the balcony of their apartment, 21 floors above the ground, his left arm folded resting on the railing while he rests his chin on the palm of his right hand.
It’s around 9 in the evening, perhaps, and a small smile forms on his lips as he travels his eyes through the shimmering ocean of lights formed jointly by the tall and small buildings all over the city where the wind blows.
He can see the monumental ferris wheel on the left, turning around placidly as usual yet standing proudly as the city’s icon.
Somewhere in the right, the lights are shining more festively in a famous red warehouse pinpointing the season’s busy night market.
He can also see the sea from afar, reflecting the picturesque sight with the dim light cast out by the crescent moon hanging on the sky, which in turn creates another spectacle rivaling a painting worth a billion.
Everything looks peaceful, but the Mafia executive knows that’s far from reality especially at this hour.
He has witnessed far too many terrible things in his 23 years of living in this place, yet it is the only one he can call home.
It is cold as the wind gusts its early winter breeze, causing the hair on Chuuya’s exposed skin to stand; and the small one shrank to hug himself, brushing his palms against his arms.
He heard the sliding door behind him make a sound but he didn’t bother to look around.
In a second, slender arms encircled around his petite waist from behind and Chuuya jolted a bit not from surprise, because he’d be a failure as a Mafioso if he didn’t anticipate that move, but because of the sudden heat wrapping him, which he didn’t feel for weeks.
The warmth went on creeping inside him, and he never felt more relaxed.
“You’re back,” said the tall figure behind him.
Chuuya just hummed in response as he comfortably leans his back against the other, that the side of his head touches the other’s chin. He also places his hands on top of his partner’s.
The executive is back from a mission in the West, and he’s dead tired, probably why he didn’t bother to protest against his partner’s affectionate touch.
He planned to sleep early but he found himself staying longer than intended on the balcony. Chuuya has gone to several places all over the world due to missions, but nothing compares to the sight before him, and the ease it brings to his senses.
“Ne, Chuuya. Yokohama’s really beautiful, isn’t it?” he asks as if he can thoroughly read what’s running in his partner’s mind.
Chuuya takes a deep breath of the cold air, feeling it go through his lungs, and exhales satisfyingly.
“Yeah, it’s breathtaking.”
He can’t see it but he felt the smile behind him as the detective’s cheek touched the side of his head.
“But still,” he drags the last syllable as he pauses for emphasis, “Chuuya’s more beautiful than this.”
He scoffs, “Heh? Don’t use such lines on me, bastard.” Chuuya rolls his eyes yet the corners of his mouth curve up a little though.
The tall man pulls away just a little as he lifts the small one’s chin up.
Chuuya’s eyes widen at another stunning sight as the sea of stars above them unfolds before him.
“There are beautiful sights above us, below us, and in front of us,” he speaks and his aching tone revealed to the executive the longing he’s been trying to keep.
“But Chuuya,” he halts to coax Chuuya to look on his side.
“I’d rather fix my eyes on the one beside me.”
Dazai looks at his partner’s face endearingly. “I can stare at you forever,” he says as he brushes Chuuya’s cheek.
“And no matter how many lifetimes I live, I know I’ll never find anything more beautiful than you are.”
Chuuya smiles.
Dazai is good with words as usual. He’s smart enough not to fall for such flowery blabbers but he’s also smart enough to figure out the truth.
There are stars in the eyes he’s looking at, and he’s sure he’s already seen them a lot of times, but they’re different from the ones above them.
All he knows is that he sees no lies in those amber eyes.
“You’re so in love with me.”
He claims that in all confidence, not even waiting for the other’s response as he closes his eyes putting his hand on the back of Dazai’s neck, and presses their lips together.
And Dazai knew it, the soft and warm kiss on this cold, windy night conveyed Chuuya’s unwavering trust in Dazai’s words.
---
The kiss ended with a heated session on the bed, relaying their unspoken I miss yous, which then left the both of them exhausted to sleep.
Chuuya wakes up just a few hours after, still having issues with his body clock after how many days of being on another side of the world. He glances at the clock hanging on the wall and it’s just around 3 in the morning.
He turns his head to look at his side and all of a sudden, he felt the need to catch his breath.
It’s not the first time he laid his eyes on such sight, but it’s something he only gets to see once in a blue moon.
It’s Dazai Osamu’s sleeping form.
The brunette is lying on his side, facing Chuuya, with his right cheek squished against the pillow. His right arm is folded with his hand under the pillow, while his other arm is draped around Chuuya’s waist.
Chuuya takes a deep breath once again as he shifts to lie on his side to have a better look on his partner.
He runs his eyes all over Dazai’s face, studying every feature.
His messy brown locks are somehow covering some parts so his hand reached to brush them away, gently tucking the curls behind Dazai’s ears.
Chuuya let out an unexpected gasp as he witnessed the outcome of what he did.
He felt heat rushing to his face and he’s certain that it’s redder than his hair now but he doesn’t know what to do but to curse himself silently for acting like a lovestruck fool, far from being a Mafia executive.
He’s b…
He shuts his eyes to calm down the surge of funny feelings inside him. He slowly opened his eyes after a few seconds and gazed again at the loving sight before him.
Chuuya realizes that he doesn’t really get chances to stare so openly long at Dazai’s face.
Dazai is always awake, and he wouldn’t dare to do such an embarrassing thing when his partner can see him. And even when they get to stare at each other without teasing, their lips would end up locked together in an instant.
On the other hand, it feels like Dazai is always looking at him.
Moreso, he always tells him how beautiful he is, either by directly spelling it out loud to fluster him, or by indirectly implying through his childish insults mocking him.
He is also aware of Dazai’s fond habit of watching him silently as he sleeps, because the detective always wakes up earlier than him.
All at once, those moments played in Chuuya’s mind like a montage, as he continues to stare at his sleeping partner.
There are a lot more than he ever realized, and some instances did not even have Dazai uttering any word.
The montage ended with the scene of the stars on Dazai’s amber eyes earlier, and him concluding of how much Dazai is in love with him.
Knowing him inside out, he adores Chuuya’s perfectly imperfect beauty.
He loves me.
He felt his heart warm up to the point it feels like melting. Argh, he really hates this man for making him feel such things.
“I hate you,” he voices out unconsciously.
Chuuya jolts as Dazai shifts a little in his sleep, however the shift only provided a better view for the staring one.
“This is a great view. It rivals even a masterpiece worth ten billion.”
Their first meeting in four years unanticipatedly crosses his mind.
“I’ll definitely kill you one day!”
And then their battle with Lovecraft.
“Extra stuff that comes with the bandages!”
“Tacky bastard!”
“Social misfit!”
“I’ll remember this, emo!”
“Enemy of all women!”
He tried to think of times when he didn’t throw insults to Dazai, but he only kept on seeing scenes of him cursing his partner.
“What the fuck you good-for-nothing piece of shit??”
“Disgusting filthy mackerel!”
“Stupid asshole!”
“Shitty suicidal vagabond!”
“May you die as the rottenness spreads from your core to the rest of your body!”
Chuuya sighs. Not that he regrets saying those words.
But somehow…
maybe…
Dazai deserves to hear other things than those.
His mind drifts to the beautiful sights they saw earlier, and then back to the sight in front of him right now.
He looks so peaceful, but Chuuya knows it more than anyone else that the darkness in Dazai is still in the corners of him, much like Yokohama.
But right now, he looks innocent, something Chuuya found odd to use to describe the demonic prodigy.
He is unguarded, unmasked, just sleeping… like an ordinary human being.
And he’s…
Chuuya catches his breath again. He looks at the clock, and realizes that he’s been staring at his partner for half an hour now.
His mouth lifted in a smile. He thinks he kind of understands now why Dazai loves watching him sleep.
He wonders what kind of images play on Dazai’s mind when he does. He wonders if Dazai also feels this gush of emotions inside him.
Chuuya secretly wishes to wake up earlier than his partner more often.
He scooted closer and places a kiss on the brunette’s forehead as his hand held the hair behind his ear.
The kissed one hummed and moved in response, eyes slowly fluttering open.
“Chuuya?”
His lazy, sleepy voice made the addressed one grin.
Dazai’s eyebrows furrowed but his eyes closed again in drowsiness. “You’re awake already?”
“I woke you up, I’m sorry,” he says as he pulls away a little.
Eyes half-lidded, he groans, “Ha? Chuuya said sorry, I’m in a dream, right?”
Chuuya chuckles as he poked the other’s cheek. “You’re not.”
Dazai opened his eyes fully and stared at his partner for a few moments, his eyes blinking lazily fighting sleep, while Chuuya just lets him be.
“Ah! Let me guess, Chuuya’s watching me sleep?”
Sapphire eyes widened then panicked, looking everywhere but Dazai’s eyes. The flush on his face also served to answer the question.
“I-I’m-” Chuuya’s tongue forgot how to form words.
Dazai chuckles. “You’re very easy to read, partner.”
Chuuya knows there’s no use denying now; it’s not like Dazai never saw right through him anyway.
So he lets out a sigh as he sheepishly looks back at his partner, and Chuuya swears he’s seeing a very light tinge of red on Dazai’s cheeks.
“So… how was it?” Dazai asks like a child pure of innocence.
Chuuya recalled what happened in the past hour.
And now he’s staring openly at an awake Dazai, who’s also fondly staring back at him.
But somehow… maybe… Dazai deserves to hear other things than those.
Dazai saw his partner’s eyes soften, eyes blinking slowly, while his lips turn up passionately in a way that made his heart go pitter-patter.
“I’m beautiful.” The redhead starts, getting a questioning look from the other.
“I know that. You always tell me, and even if you don’t, I’d know by the way you look at me.”
Dazai just hums, in complete agreement with this beautiful man’s humblebragging of nothing but the truth.
Chuuya takes a deep breath. “But I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you, and I never thought I would either.”
Chuuya’s brows met and there are suddenly a thousand lumps in his throat. He silently wished for the earth to go and swallow him right now.
This is too embarrassing, and he wants to blame the jet lag and lack of sleep for this, but… he wants to let this out.
And more than anything else, the man he’s looking at right now deserves this.
He ran his fingers through the brown locks, caressing his partner’s cheek and ear in the process, while his eyes shyly look away.
Chuuya closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened it, he dared to meet those amber eyes.
“Dazai, you’re beautiful.”
Dazai stayed silent and it felt like time stopped as no one moved an inch.
But when his eyes blinked, Chuuya saw them twinkle.
He placed his hand on top of the little one’s hand on his face, and… he smiles.
Dazai’s lips are often up in a smile, a smirk or grin to be precise.
But this one... Chuuya hardly ever sees this one.
The curve of his lips is quite smaller than usual, but Chuuya’s certain it’s more sincere than the bigger ones.
His cheeks moved up in slow motion, an obvious shade of red now present in them.
Creases formed in the corner of his eyes as they close just slightly, drawing a shape that the crescent moon in the sky cannot even compare to.
Dazai… is smiling with his heart.
His smile had the power to shatter all the inhibitions and hesitations Chuuya has, and now Chuuya only felt dissatisfied for the words he uttered do not seem enough.
There are stars in those amber eyes again, but they’re different than the ones earlier and in the montage - which Chuuya deemed as the ones expressing Dazai’s love for him.
They’re quite similar, but these ones are…
“You’re so in love with me.”
Dazai throws those words back at him, and Chuuya’s eyes widen just a little, not expecting to be at the receiving end of that statement.
Under usual circumstances, Chuuya would go throw daggers in denial of that.
But nothing ever felt usual since he woke up, and for once, Chuuya thinks he wants to set aside all their guises.
So he just leans closer again, this time pressing their foreheads together.
“Yes, I am,” he confirms, and the next thing he felt is Dazai’s smile pressed against his own smile.
“Ne, Chuuya, would you like to go to the Red Brick Warehouse Market later?” he asks when they pulled away.
“Huh? What’s this all of a sudden?”
“Well,” he pauses as he blinks a few times, seeming to take some time to compose his next words, “Uh, it’s Christmas Eve.”
“Oh,” Chuuya manages to reply as his eyebrows raised a little as he thinks about the offer.
“I know we’ve spent a lot of Christmas together since we were kids, and not that it’s anything special or what, but-”
“So you’re asking me out on a date?” He cuts Dazai’s long, unnecessary chatter, followed by a grin.
He grins back, “Well, I just thought you might want to spend the night out with a beautiful man,” he manages to reply, drawing out that signature gesture of his chin between his thumb and index finger.
The Mafioso scoffs, “Nah, I’m still tired you know, I think I want to sleep.”
Dazai hummed before agreeing, “Okay then, I don’t mind spending the night staring at sleeping you.”
“Creep,” he rolls his eyes.
“Heehh? Says the one who started his day staring at and falling for sleeping me?”
Blue eyes shot open as he pushes him away out of reflex, “That's not-uh-I-I hate you!”
“That’s not what you admitted earlier, Chuu,” he retorts while moving closer again.
Chuuya glares, but the corners of his lips are betraying him.
“Look, partner, I just want to welcome Christmas day with the most beautiful man on earth.”
He reaches for the little one’s hand, and brings it between the two of them.
“Bet we can hold hands to keep each other warm while strolling around,” he says as he interlaces their fingers together.
“Or maybe just stare at the tall Christmas tree together because for once we’d both be looking up, and somehow I can feel how it feels to be small like Chuuya.”
“You’re not convincing me at all,” the small one scowls.
“Because I know, for a fact, that you don’t need any more convincing.”
Chuuya draws a sharp breath at that, and just stares speechlessly at his partner.
Dazai isn’t teasing. No, not at all.
He lets out a long sigh, and finally smiles in defeat.
“So, Nakahara Chuuya, will you save my lonely Christmas eve and go on a date with me?” He asks it straightforwardly at last, in all confidence and with that beautiful smile.
“Tsk,” he hisses as he averts his gaze and his eyes landed on their intertwined fingers.
“Bet you’ll be embarrassing as fuck,” he grumbles and he sees Dazai’s smile widening in affirmation.
“But fine,“ he replies at last, while clasping his partner’s hand tighter, "if you’re asking formally for once, then I guess I don’t want to feel bad by turning you down.”
Despite knowing that answer beforehand, Dazai couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief upon hearing those words.
His eyes twinkled again as he whispers, “Thank you.”
Seeing them again, now Chuuya finally recognizes those stars.
No wonder they look like the ones conveying Dazai’s feelings for him, but they’re slightly different because, these are the ones indicating that Dazai feels loved, by him.
And so Chuuya thinks, he surely loves to see Dazai peacefully sleeping, with his eyes and mouth shut.
But he decides that - he'd prefer to stare forever at the sight of the stars in Dazai's eyes, and his smile lighting up their hearts.
He loves me.
And...
I love him too.
And so for the nth time in that hour, Chuuya falls in love again with the beautiful man before him.