Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You stood awkwardly next to Agent Hotchner, who had accepted your request to be moved from your job in the Baltimore field office to the BAU, and who was currently introducing you to the rest of the team. This wasn’t the first time you had met Aaron or Gideon, who was still up in Aarons office, but it was the first time meeting the rest of the team. They all stood in the bullpen, and you tried to look as un-awkward and friendly as possible.

“Guys, this is (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), she’s joining the team. She’s from Baltimore and seems to be a very useful asset to us. You guys can introduce yourselves,” He turns around to leave but turns around and stares at the team, who smiled innocently. “Make her feel welcome, and no pranks. Please.” He turns to me and points over my shoulder at the empty desk, which sat pushed against a young man's desk, who was concentrating on everything but you. “That’s your desk. Make yourself comfortable, and welcome to the team.”

You watch as he walks away, and you turn back towards the rest of the team and smile. You place your box, which didn't hold very many personal items, onto your hip. You stick your hand out to the nearest person, a brown-haired girl with a nice smile.

“I’m Agent Emily Prentiss. It’s nice to meet you. Don’t worry about Hotchner, he gets nicer. I think.” You laugh, and she wraps her arm around your shoulder. “Let me introduce you to everyone. The blonde girl right there is Jennifer Jareau, we call her J.J. and she’s the team's liaison. This tall glass of water is Derek Morgan, another agent, but he already has a work wife, Penelope Garcia, our tech extraordinaire, who just so happens to be guarding him with her life at the moment..” Each person walks up to you, smiling and sticking their hand out for a handshake.

“You guys are a lot more friendly than the people back at the Baltimore field office. When I first started there, it was like pulling teeth for a hello.” They laugh, and Derek shrugs his shoulders.

“We spend a lot of time together, there’s no point in being hostile to a new person. Oh, we almost forgot to introduce you to pretty boy!” Morgan turns around to the young man that was sat in his desk chair. “Spencer, get up here and introduce yourself to the lady.” Spencer purses his lips awkwardly at Morgan and stands up.

You raise your eyebrows as he comes towards you, tall and lanky, and you can’t help but smile at him. He had his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets, and his shoulders were slightly bunched towards his shoulders. His brown hair fell over on his face, and you internally groan. God, it was like a dumb high school crush all over again. You see them once and all of a sudden they’re all you can think about.

He takes his hands from his pocket and offers it to you, and you shake it gently. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid. It’s nice to meet you.” He says, and he smiles. His cheeks grow a tint of red, and you can feel yours doing the exact same thing.

“Nice to meet you, Spencer. And you too, guys.” You say quickly, the blush coming full force now. Derek laughs, and you hear Penelope whisper about ‘just how adorable those two are.” You bite your lip and realize you’re still staring at Spencer. His hand falls from yours, and he looks towards the ground.

“Uhm, would you...would you like help putting your things on your desk?” He questions and you smile widely.

“Yeah, I’d love that. Thank you.”

Chapter Text

You walk into the bullpen, gazing at the ceiling which was covered in makeshift Christmas decorations. At least 30 snowflakes were strung up and on the walls were plastic drawings of Santa, Rudolph, and a few Nativity scenes. A group of small children run past you, yelling and laughing, and you smile softly.

You begin to remember your last Christmas where all of your family was together, and it makes you happy, if not slightly sad. You were 10 and your mother and father were still together. Your aunt Terry had come with her son, Matthew, and you and him had spent the entire time playing with one another. When it was time to open gifts, you guys went at the same time, not wanting to finish or begin without the other. It was the last time you had seen Terry and Matthew. Your mom had never explained why, but you knew it had something to do with her husband getting out of jail.

Someone clears their throat behind you, causing you to jump. You turn around and see Spencer with a large grin on his face. You roll your eyes and laugh, placing a hand onto your chest.

“Jeez, Spence, you almost gave me a heart attack.” He lets out a small laugh and looks at you.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, sliding closer to you, and you open your mouth to lie, but you snap it closed. Spencer could always tell when you lied, and he had been your rock a lot throughout your career here, and you’d like to think that you’ve done the same for him. You glance at him, and once you see the worry in his eyes, you sigh, folding your arms across your chest, leaning back against the glass.

“It’s nothing, really. Just thinking.” He raises his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to find the words to explain. “You know how my parents divorced, and how it was really messy? My last Christmas where everyone was together was when I was 10, and I’m seeing all these kids here with their families and...I don’t know. I guess it’s reminding me that I don’t really have a family anymore and it’s just making me nostalgic, that’s all.” He nods, and you both stare at the ground for a few seconds.

“Think of it this way; right now, you’re at Christmas party with the people you’re currently the closest to. You know everything about these people, from their favorite foods to what shoe they put on first on the morning. You might not talk to your blood family, and you might not think that these people consider you their family, but trust me. We’re all family. And there’s nothing you can do to get rid of us.” He says, chuckling.

Derek shouts in the background, and you turn and see the entire team surrounding him and Penelope as they try to dance to the music. You smile softly, and turn back to Spencer, who was looking down at you, smiling. He was right. Though no one in the room was blood, that doesn’t mean they’re not family. You’ve been through more situations, and, more importantly, gotten out of more situations, with these people than anyone else in the world.

“Thanks, Spencer. You know, you’re the only person I’ve talked to about my parents? Shows how much I trust you.” He chuckles, and sends a chill up your spine. Damn it; how can he make you feel like this? He isn’t even doing anything.

“I’m honored. Just so you know, I also trust you a lot, I’m just not very good at hiding secrets from everyone or else you’d probably get them all.” You grin at him, and he drops his hand down near yours. Your heart begins to race, and you can feel your palms start to sweat. If he wanted to hold your hand at the moment, he probably wouldn’t be able to. It’s like an oil slick on your hands. You stealthy wipe your handsome your jeans and replace it but by the time it rests against the glass his hand is back inside his pocket where it normally sat.

You open your mouth to ask Spencer about how his mother is doing, but you jump when J.J yells at you and Spencer to turn around. You both look back towards the group, who have large grins on their faces. J.J points up, and when you look up you scoff. A mistletoe. You glance at Spencer out of the corner of your eye and he is staring at the ground, a small grin on his face, but a dark blush on his cheeks. You look back at the group, and you laugh curtly when Derek tells you to ‘make your damn move already.’

You berate yourself in your head. You knew you never should have told Derek about your not-so-slight crush on Spencer. He had just been bugging you all day about it and it had a massive headache, and you knew the only way to shut him up was to tell him and force him not to say anything, which, looking back, was obviously the stupidest thing you could have done. Aaron stood with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. You close your eyes. How the hell did they get him to agree to this?

‘What the hell.’ You think, and you turn towards Spencer and lightly grab his face towards yours. If he resisted, or shook his head, you would have stopped and probably died of embarrassment, but at least you would have known. But he didn’t. He actually surprised you by wrapping one arm around your waist to bring you closer and another on your neck.

The kiss was electric. You probably looked like a dog lapping up water, but you honestly couldn’t be bothered to remember that your entire team was whooping and hollering at you guys. You pull back slightly, and you laugh. Spencer opens his eyes and the red on his face didn’t seem to be from the twinkling Christmas lights that were surrounding us.

“You know, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.” He says, before unwrapping himself from you. You smile at him. “Like, ‘from-the-day-I-met-you’ a while.” You giggle, and turn towards him. Your arm slips around his back, and he pulls you closer. You set off towards the group, who has taken wild advantage of your kiss for jokes.

“They’re never going to leave us alone about this, are they?” You mutter, but you’re not mad. You glance at Derek who sends you a wink. Spencer sees it and turns his head down to you.

“You told Morgan one of your secrets? Wow, I thought you were smart.” You hit him on the chest lightly, and Morgan gasps, faking offense. They begin to bicker about whether or not Morgan can keep a secret and you smile. Keeping a secret or not, Morgan sure did know how to set a girl up.

Chapter Text

The gun was cold against your head. You stood there, the tears streaming from your face, unable to make a sound. You could hear them searching the house above, and eventually they would come downstairs to see you and the man who had taken you, but you had a feeling you wouldn’t be walking out of this room. A piece of you would be stuck in this basement, forever.

The man behind you starts muttering under his breath, and you tense up. He’s talking about you.

“They can’t get to Rebecca again, I won’t let them. They’ll take her away and I’ll never see her ever again, I can’t let her go again.” The door to the basement busts opens and I hear the team’s footsteps run down the steps. The gun is pushed to my temple even harder and he grabs my arms, pushing me down to the other side of the basement. Reid and Morgan emerge from the steps, and they point the gun at the man who’s hiding behind you.

“Mark, I’m with the FBI. Put the gun down.” Morgan demands, and Mark begins looking around wildly for an escape. “Mark! Let her go and put the gun down, now!”

“No! You can’t take Rebecca from me again!” You stare at Spencer who is slowly inching closer to you. He shakes his head no at you, knowing that you want to run to him, to leave and never come back.

“Mark, that’s not Rebecca. Rebecca died two years ago, and you know that. The girls name, right there, is (Y/F/N), and she’s a member of the FBI with us. She lives in Virginia, she has a cat named Biggie, and she’s three years younger then Rebecca was when she died.” Mark yells in anger, and his grip loosens just a little for you to get your arms away from him.

The gun clatters to the ground when you turn around and push it away from him, and Morgan runs towards you and shoves you gently towards Reid while he handcuffs Mark. You let out a sob as you collide with Spencer, who falls to his knees and allows you to curl into him. He rubs your back and tries to calm you down.

“Shhh, shh. It’s ok. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for him to get you, I’m so so so so sorry.” You sniffle, and you flinch into Spencer as Mark is pushed up the stairs in front of you. Spencer holds you closer, and an EMT comes down the steps. “Ok, you’re gonna have to let them check you for injuries, ok? I’ll be right here for you, no matter what.”

The EMT checks you over and, besides superficial cuts and bruises, he deemed you ok. Spencer held your hand through it all, and when you stood up he did too. As you walked up the stairs together, he held you close.

“I am never letting you leave my sights ever again. I promise. I love you.”

Chapter Text

You sit on the cool toilet bowl, your leg shaking quick. This can not be happening. You look at the test laying on the sink, and your stomach does a twist. Whether it’s from excitement or fear, you can’t really tell.

“Hey, is it done?” Your boyfriend asks, knocking lightly on the door. You shake your head before realizing that he couldn’t see you.

“No, not yet.” You mutter, and he sighs. Spencer wanted to wait in the bathroom with you, but you told him no. That you wanted to do it alone. You both had never talked about children, though you know it was on Spencer’s mind. Whenever you were out on a date, and you passed a family, Spencer would get this small, sad smile on his face that tore you to pieces. You wanted a family too, sure, but at 26? When you had a job you loved, but took you miles from home almost every week?

Plus, your childhood wasn’t exactly the best. You and your parents are barely on speaking terms now, and you very rarely talk about anything that happened when you were younger except for the few times you had gotten drunk and had told Spencer a few stories. He never asked you about them again, but you caught him a few times looking at you worryingly.

The alarm on your phone goes off, and you press the button to stop it. Your heart was pounding, your hands shaky. You decided against standing up, knowing your legs wouldn’t carry your weight. You pick up the pregnancy test, staring at the two lines that very faintly showed up. You let out a sob. Pregnant. That sounded weird when referring to yourself.

You walk over to the bathroom door slowly, staring at the test. You unlock it and Spencer is there, staring at you, his eyebrows furrowed. You hold it out to him, unable to speak. He looks at you and then grabs the test, and his lips break out into a smile. He starts to laugh, which sounded like heaven to your ears, and he grabbed you into his arms and squeezed you.

“We’re pregnant. Oh my god, babe! We’re pregnant!” He laughs and you choke out a sob. Spencer’s excitement is making you excited. Maybe, just maybe, a baby was a good idea. Together you guys could raise this baby to be better than both of you, would give it the love and support and chance you didn’t get.

“If it’s a girl, I want to call it Diana or May. And if it’s a boy, let’s say we’re going to name it Derek but name it Jason.” You mutter into his shoulder, and Spencer laughs, nodding his head.

“Perfect. Wait, when are we going to tell them? And how? I think we should bring in a cake and then just put ‘hey we’re pregnant’ on it, I think that’ll be funny.” Spencer begins going off on a tangent, talking about possible announcement ideas, how to make the spare bedroom into a nursery. He was so excited to have a baby with you, and you couldn’t even begin to explain your feelings and thoughts.

“Let’s call your mom, yeah?” You interrupt, grabbing his hand and walking towards the bedroom where his phone stayed on the charger. You stand in the doorway, your head resting in the frame, as he begins to dial the institution his mother was at when you clear my throat.

“What if we visit her and tell her instead?” You ask, and he stares at you. You haven’t told Spencer to visit Diane for important events before, not when you began dating or moved in with one another, not even when you began talking about getting married, which you decided to put off for the time being. Now seems like a good idea.

“Yeah, let's do it. We can take a weekend off, visits and tell her on Friday, and then take a weekend for ourselves?” He asks, a sly smile playing on his face. You nod your head and giggle. This is going to be a very good weekend.

Chapter Text

“Hey, babe? Can we get a pet?” You murmur into Spencer’s side, your head faces towards the movie. You look up at him as he looks down.

“A pet? That’s kinda out of the blue…” He says, running his fingers through your hair gently. You shrug. You’ve had a pet ever since you were a girl, and this was the first time you’ve never had one. You’ve been working from home a lot more recently, and you would have plenty of time to take care of it. You knew Spencer was worried about getting an animal because of his work schedule, but this might just work.

“Please? We could go to the pound in a couple days when you’re off, look at the dogs and cats and pick?” You beg, staring up at him and he sighs slightly, shaking his head at your puppy dog eyes.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look.” He mutters and you squeal, jumping up and hugging him. The next three days were basically torture. You researched the pound you were going to adopt from, looked at reviews and the things you would need to know for when you got an animal. Spencer was off on Friday, a very rare occurrence, and you both decided to go to a medium sized no-kill animal shelter that was down the road a bit.

You pull into the parking lot and you bounce in your seat. You and Spencer walk inside, hands clasped together, and you walk up to the secretary.

“Hi, we were wondering if we could adopt an animal? We don’t know if we want a dog or cat, but we would really like to look around and possibly meet some of them?” The blonde haired lady (who reminded you of Penelope solely on her colorful dress) hands you a few forms to fill out, and before you know it you’re walking through the rooms filled with animals.

Your eyes begin to burn with tears. You always felt bad for these animals, knowing that no matter what the shelter does for them, they’re most likely stuck in here for a while. All of the dogs catch your eye, but you hold it together until you see Boots. A beautiful golden retriever with a missing left foot, he laid on the small bed sleeping. You tap Reid’s arm and kneel in front of the cage calling over to the dog while Reid reads the information.

“It says they had to amputate the foot because of infection, but that he’s healed now. He does well with kids, cats, and people and is more lively out of the cage.” Boots walks towards you slowly and sniffs your palm. “You want him?” He asks you, and you nod.

“Let’s look at the cats too, okay?” He says, and you nod, waving goodbye to the dog like a child. The cats take a lot less time to get through because Reid sees the perfect one. An all black cat that was purring loudly as Reid walked up to the cage. You grab the information posted that was stuck onto the clasp and smile.

“Her name is Lucky because someone brought her in when she was just a little baby. She does well with the dogs apparently, and she doesn’t seem to be aggressive. Definitely an indoor cat though.” Reid gasps out a small hello to the animal and stares at you, his eyes wide.

“Can we get both? They would be so cute together, and we can’t just leave one of them.” You say, and Spencer nods, barely hearing you. You look around and spot the volunteer cleaning out ones the cages. “Hi! We were looking at animals and we absolutely fell in love with Lucky and Boots. Do you think it’s possible for us to adopt them both?” The volunteer tells you that the two animals had actually met each other and done pretty well, and that as soon as we finished the paperwork we could adopt them and go home with them.

Two hours later, the volunteer comes out with Boots on a bright red leash, and he leaps towards you. You and Spencer pet him and you giggle as he licks Spencer’s face. Spencer leaves to pull the car up front to put in the cage that the shelter provides with the cat and the food for both animals. He comes back just in time to see Lucky in her cage. You put the cage in the backseat and Boots follows into the car, sitting on the seat. Spencer looks at them and you and you sigh, smiling.

“Yes, you can sit back there with them.” He pretty much squeals with excitement and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek before sliding into the seat and closing the door. You begin driving and look back at your new family members. “Are we going to keep their names the same, or do you want to change them?” You ask and Spencer shrugs.

“Their names now are cute, don’t you think?” You nod and begin humming to the song playing in the radio over the whispers of Spencer to the two animals in the back. You can’t help but smile. This was a very good decision, and if Spencer got his way, the two would be sleeping in your room very soon.

Chapter Text

This was the hardest conversation you were ever going to have with Spencer and you were preparing for it like you normally prepared for tough situations; a little bit of wine and a lot of bit of pacing. Spencer knew that and he was sitting on the couch watching you, his head resting in his hand. His eyes moved back and forth, following you like a tennis match, until he finally decides to talk to you.
“Hey, (Y/N)… can you just tell me what’s wrong?” He asks, his voice thick with worry. You stop your pacing and you stare at him for a second before resuming. How could you even put this into words? What if he looked at you differently, or thought you were weird or gross or even decided he couldn't be seen with you anymore? You don’t think you could handle that. You finish the rest of your glass and after wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, you sit down on the couch next to him. Your leg shakes, and your hands are gripping the other, your knuckles white.
“Hey… are you okay? What’s wrong?” Spencer asks, scooting closer and placing his hand on your knee. He starts to rub soothing circles on your leg, waiting for you to find the words to say. You look at him and seeing him there with his kind eyes and sweet smile, you start to cry. You don’t mean to, it was honestly the last thing you wanted, but here you are. Reid envelops you out into a hug and begins to rock you. It takes you a few minutes, but you finally relax long enough to begin talking.
“I have to tell you something, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, and I didn’t want to say anything to you about it because my mind tells me that you’ll hate me and think I’m disgusting because that’s what I’ve been conditioned to think and I just didn't want to deal with that possibility. I’m not saying you would think that, though, but I just can’t shake that feeling. Plus, you know about my family and childhood, so of course I’d be apprehensive to say anything, and you’re one of the most important people in my life and I could never imagine where I’d be without you, and-” Spencer grabs your shoulders and you stop talking.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m gay.” Saying those two words felt amazing, like a weight was lifted off of your chest, but then the dread set in. You couldn't look Spencer in his eyes. You two had always been close, and there had been a very drunk night that you both very vaguely remember where you had kissed, but nothing had ever happened between you guys, even when you became roommates. Hell, you never even talked about your romantic endeavors. You stare at the floor, the tears coming back once again and you hold them off until Spencer gently lifts your head to look at him. He smiles kindly at you.
“That’s okay. Thank you for trusting me with that, I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt. I’m proud of you, okay?” You let out a sob and he holds you again, letting you cry, this time tears of happiness. You’re so glad that Spencer accepts you, though you know he obviously would have. Spencer was always accepting and open towards others, even with things he didn’t understand, because he knew the kind of emotional and mental turmoil rejection could cause. “Can you tell me what happened when you were a kid that made you feel like I wouldn't accept you?”
You breath in deeply; your childhood and family life was a tough subject for you, but you were working through in therapy, which Spencer suggested for you. “I knew I liked girls when I was young, like, twelve or thirteen. I used to write about how cute certain girls were in my classes, I even texted a girl I considered my girlfriend, she was my best friend. I thought I’d be okay, you know, even though my parents were very obvious in their views on homosexuality. I thought if I just wrote everything down, then I wouldn’t say anything to set them off, but I didn't know that they would read my journal and look through my texts.
“I knew something was off when I got home and they were waiting for me in the living room with a priest and my phone and diary on the coffee table. They asked me about everything, and I told them the truth, and they made… the made the priest pray over me and ask God to heal me. Then, they took away basically all of my rights; I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone, text, write about my life. It was like I was in prison. Even better, they told their friends from church what was wrong with me and asked them to pray, which made them ask their kids to pray, which made them target me. They never left me alone, and high school was pretty much hell. They made me feel dirty and sick and I was scared that everyone would think that about me too. So, I got out of there as soon as I could.”
You can tell that Spencer was mad. Mad at your parents, your classmates, the world. “You’re not broken, or sick, or wrong. You’re exactly who you’re supposed to be, and I am so very proud of you for being true to yourself. Don’t ever change, and if someone ever says anything to you, let me know and I will use up every single favor I have to take them down.” You giggle, knowing he’s one hundred percent serious. You let out the breath you were holding and sink down into the couch, exhausted. Honestly, you had nothing to worry about. You were in a great time and place in your life, and have never been happier, or free, then in this moment.

Chapter Text

You very quietly opened your bedroom door up, thankful for the fact you had left it cracked when you got up so early. The breakfast tray held all of Spencer’s favorite breakfast foods, and some of yours, and it even had a small vase with a single flower in it. You were pretty damn excited for Spence to wake up to breakfast in bed because it had been a long time since you treated him to such a luxury. Half the time, Spencer was up at 4:30 in the morning, cooking breakfast and cleaning because he was woken up from a bad dream, and the other half he was away on a job. This was the first time in almost three months Spencer was home and asleep in the morning, and you were going to use it to your advantage, considering it was his birthday.

You inch closer to the bed, unable to contain your smile when you see him folded up onto his side, quiet snores breaking the silence occasionally. The curtain was open a smidge and let in a stream of light from the sunrise, and you place the tray on your clean nightstand. You couldn’t say the same for Spencers as it was covered in a pile of books and papers. You like order, and you got it on your side. You walk over to the window, narrowly avoiding the pile of laundry you had left on the floor that you forgot about, and you open the curtain a little bit more until you could see what was in the room. Spencer stirs, stretching out his limbs like a cat and he squints up at you as you sit down next to him.

“Hey babe. How long was I asleep for?” He asks, pushing himself up until he’s leaning against the headboard. You glance at the alarm clock on your side and smile, standing up and walking over to your side.

“A full six hours. I’m surprised you didn't explode from all the melatonin. Anyways, happy birthday Spence. I made you breakfast.” You hand Spencer the tray and he gasps, smiling wide. He leans over to you and plants a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

“Thank you! You really didn’t need to do this for me.” He says, staring at you. You can basically see the love pouring out of him and you giggle, curling up next to him. For a skinny guy, he retained heat extremely well; you sometimes called him your own personal heater. He rests his head on top of yours and the two of you stay like that for a moment. This is the kind of stuff you love, just sitting there with Spencer and being able to relax.

“Well, are you gonna eat this stuff or what?” You mutter, causing Spencer to let out a small laugh. He lifts his head off of yours and he surveys the food in front of him. He looks at you, his brows furrowed, and once he sees your innocent face he knows why you did it. “What?”

“I hate waffles, but they coincidently are your favorite food…” You smile at him, feigning confusion until he hands you the extra fork you ‘accidently’ put on his tray. You had pre-cut the waffles and smothered them in syrup, so while Spencer worked on eating the plate of pancakes you cooked you ate too. You finished and groaned loudly, placing a hand on your stomach.

“Too much?” He asks and you simply nod, already starting to fall into a food coma. You hear him let out a breathy laugh, and you feel his lips against yours for a split second. “Thank you for breakfast. Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up at 9, okay? I love you.”