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“December never felt so wrong. Cause you’re not where you belong; inside my arms.”
Obviously, Peter and Jason never got to spend Christmas together. They both went on break with their families. So they spent the last week of school cuddling, drinking cocoa, and watching movies together (well...when they weren’t studying for midterms). Now it’s that time of year again, except Jason’s gone.
Peter sits alone in his room at his moms, he’s taking a year off before college for obvious reasons. “Dear Jason,” he starts a prayer with tears welling in his eyes, “I miss you….god I miss you so much. Nothing’s been the same since I lost you; not that I expected it would be. And you know I hate questioning my faith but everything has been so horrible I can’t help it.” By now he’s begun sobbing.
“My mom tries to be there for me but she’s still weird about me being gay or whatever. I know she still loves me but she thinks I’m wrong for liking boys- Jason, how is something so pure like what we had wrong? I loved you more than anything. I still do. And every single day I think of what we talked about before you died and I wonder if I had only understood what you truly meant….I wonder if I could have saved you. Back when we broke up before spring break I thought I would never feel more alone than that. Obviously I was wrong. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this; I just need you to know how everything-“
Suddenly, Claire comes into his room to let him know dinners ready, interrupting his prayer. “Sorry for stopping you. What was that about?” That’s when she notices he’s crying, “Oh...Peter…” she sits down next to him.
He shakes his head, “Mom, I miss him so much.”
She wraps an arm around him, “I know, honey. He was your best friend.”
“You know that’s not it,” he pulls away.
“It’s just hard to say,” she sighs and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, “he was your...Jason was your boyfriend.”
Peter nods, “Sorry for being such a family disappointment. I can’t give you grandkids that aren’t adopted. I’ve tried to like girls...I’ve tried, mom, I just can’t.” He starts to break down again.
She hugs him, “You’re not a disappointment. I’m proud to have my son be this brave. Now...why don’t you tell me about Jason? I knew him a little but not well.”
He takes a breath, “He is- was the sweetest person. He could get a little mean when he was afraid, but who wouldn’t? He was dealing with a lot. Jason was just always so gentle and kind. When we would kiss he- sorry. You probably don’t wanna hear about all that.”
“Go on,” she‘s really smiling, “he made you happy. That’s all a mother can ask for.”
He continues, “He would rest his hand on my waist and hold me so close. If he changed anything about how we were kissing he always stopped to make sure it was alright with me. He never wanted to hurt me. We loved each other so much. How is that considered a sin?”
“Peter,” she thinks for a moment, “Jason’s up there watching over you, and he loves you so much. You know that? The love you two shared will never go away. And I’m so sorry I wasn’t always there and didn’t support you.”
He can only nod in response as he cries into his knees with her arms wrapped around him.