Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chatter buzzes and bounces off the walls of the lecture room. The stark white walls too bright, tables too high, seats too hard, and the consistent noise too loud in Jeno’s ear, has him banging his head on the wooden table- softly, because Jeno doesn’t actually want to hurt himself. He lets his mind roam and thinks back to why the hell he decided to take up advanced chemistry in his second semester of college. He curses himself for thinking it was wise to launch straight into an advanced course, without taking its intermediate counterpart. Groaning, Jeno stretches his body over the table, arms dangling off the edge, and rolls his head over to stare out the window. It’s the middle of summer, and everything is on fire. Simply breathing stuffs your lungs with hot air, and merely stepping outside leaves your skin burning. Really, Jeno’s had it with summer and school during summer, and it’s only the first week of the new semester. Jeno watches the sunlight filter through the trees and hit the gravel, bouncing back in waves of heat and humidity. His body tingles at the sight, heat crawling on his skin. Gently, the trees sway, silenced by glass and the white noise of noon, on a Tuesday. Jeno lulls himself to a light nap, watching the soundless scenery move to the beat of the wind, trying to drown out the headache forming at the back of his head. The lecturer is late.

“Is this seat taken?” A small voice jolts his eyes open. He turns over to look at the speaker, and is met with a boy, quite small in frame, with soft features; golden-brown hair, small lips, high nose that curves at the tip, and those eyes that brilliantly reflect the sunlight streaming in through the tall glass windows.

The boy shifts, hands loosely curled around the straps of his bag, and looks at Jeno expectantly.

“No. Sit. Please.” Jeno says finally, shuffling closer to the window to make space. The boy mumbles a soft ‘thanks’ and sits down, placing his bag on the table. Jeno watches him take out a notebook and a few coloured pens; his table looks full and colourful, contrasting against Jeno’s side with nothing but a laptop. Feeling Jeno’s eyes on him, the boy turns and smiles.

“I’m Renjun. I’m a foreign exchange student from China, and this is my first day here.” He chirps, offering his hand. Jeno blinks, the information registering in his head, before he finally, gently, shakes Renjun’s soft hand.

“Jeno.” He states, throwing the boy, Renjun, a small smile. “Welcome to Korea. I hope you feel right at home.”

Renjun beams and nods fervently, small shoulder rising with the curve of his lips. The boy was cute- really cute- and innocent. Jeno felt like hugging him. He doesn’t though, because that would be weird. Instead, he smiles wider, hoping Renjun gets the message.

“Thank you. I hope I do too.”

∞

“How’s advanced chemistry with Moon?” Donghyuck, Jeno’s best friend number one, says between bites of his sandwich, the next day at lunch. Jeno grimaces and dabs at Donghyuck’s lips with a napkin.

“Gross. Don’t talk with your mouth open. You’re getting food everywhere.”

Donghyuck sticks out his tongue, bits of half-chewed food smeared across his palette. Jeno closes his eyes and counts to three. Donghyuck has always been like this- annoying and uncivilised- and what’s worse, is that he knows Jeno loves him anyways. To his side, Jaemin, best friend number two, chuckles and shakes his head at the scene. The triad sit in the campus cafeteria, basking in artificially cooled air, away from the overwhelming sunlight and heat that threatens to push through the window beside them. The cafeteria is bustling with students, likewise, trying to escape the obnoxious temperature. The silver benches are cool to the touch, and Jeno has never been more thankful that the campus decided to go for cheap metal seats and tables.

“The class is fine, I guess.” He sighs, picking at the remaining half of his sandwich. “I just don’t get anything and hate myself for even thinking that high school chemistry would be enough to take the class.”

“That’s rough. But you’ll get through. At least you’re not completely incompetent like some of us here.” He throws a pointed look at Donghyuck, who stops eating immediately.

“Hey! I am offended! I’ll have you know that I am excelling in all my classes.”

“No you’re not! You’re barely scraping by,” Jaemin scoffs, “and you were going to get kicked out. It’s Music and Theatre studies?!”

“This discrimination against Arts must be stopped. I cannot believe, my own friend would taunt my major like this. Arts is insanely hard and requires a lot of effort-” Donghyuck flails his hands around dramatically, trying to defend his honour.

“Which you’re not putting in! You need to pull your socks up dude! You would be doing so much better if you actually worked with your talent, instead of pushing everything to the last minute. God, I’m not belittling the major-“

“It’s only the second day, I’ll do better this semester. I won’t fail and get kicked out, so stop worrying-“

Jeno tunes out after that. It’s always like this. Donghyuck and Jaemin bicker, not so lovingly, but out of love, while Jeno sits and listens patiently, also, out of love. However, this time he chooses to look out the window. He drags his eyes blankly over the view, when he spots Renjun, sprawled out on the lawn across the cafeteria building. His lips move rapidly and excitedly, hands moving about in quick motions, to a tall boy lounging on the grass. Beside him, a younger looking blonde boy laughs along. Jeno wonders why in the world they are sitting outside in the sweltering heat, when they could be inside enjoying the cool, canned air.

The sun shines fiercer in that second, and the rays dance on Renjun’s silky golden-brown hair, as he throws his head back in glee, face split in bliss. He is bright, radiant, lucent, under the daring summer sun. Jeno forgets to breathe, as he wonders, beautiful. Unexpectedly, Renjun turns to meet Jeno’s gaze and his smile falters. He ducks his head slightly, and Jeno swears he sees his cheeks tinge the slightest red as he waves at him, a timid turn of the hand. Jeno smiles and waves back, his heart fluttering at the shy gesture.

“Who are you waving to?” Jaemin looks over Jeno’s shoulder. Donghyuck shifts closer, curiously trying to follow their gaze.

“Oh, just my seatmate.” Jeno turns back to his friends who peer at him with question.

“Moon’s chemistry?” Donghyuck asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah. He is new here, from China. Seems nice and sweet.” Jeno explains, an absentminded smile forming on his lips.

“Oh, okay.” Jaemin says and turns to look at Donghyuck. They both share a look and shrug, turning back to catch Jeno’s flaming cheeks. Jeno shifts in his seat, feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny. He doesn’t understand why he suddenly feels so self-conscious. Sure, Renjun’s cute; gorgeous even, but the fact that Jeno’s heart had been pounding against his chest since he saw Renjun on the lawn made him- no. He shakes his head, and clears his throat, shoving the rest of his sandwich down his throat.

It’s hard to swallow.

∞

So, he’s got a bit of a problem.

Jeno often gets told that he looks cold and scary. His face falls into an indifferent, almost glaring, expression when he relaxes. This makes him seem moody or unapproachable, which is a problem because Jeno is really, anything but. It’s prevented him from forming close bonds before, so really, he needs to work on it if he wants to stop pushing people away. Specifically, if he wants to befriend one brown-haired beautiful Chinese boy.

“Jeno,” Renjun places a hand on Jeno’s shoulder, “are you ok?”

“Huh?” Jeno snaps out of trance. “Yeah, why?” He briefly meets looks at Renjun’s face, masked with genuine concern, before his gaze trails down to the hand on his shoulder.

“No, you just… you were scowling…” Renjun says, slowly retracting his hand and placing it on the table. Jeno’s eyes chase after it, upset that he may have scared Renjun away. He hates himself sometimes.

“Oh, was I? Sorry, that’s just…” Jeno trails off and motions to his face, unsure of how to describe his predicament.

“No, no!” Renjun laughs lightly, “you’re good. No apologies needed.” He turns back to revising his notes, highlighting blue words in green, purple in pink, as they wait for the lecture to start.

In the 2 weeks-Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays- that Jeno’s known Renjun, between small conversations made when Moon turned around, or when he was running extra late, he learns that Renjun is a perfectionist. He likes to keep his notes colour-coordinated and neat, no doggy-ears and no creasing the page. He tabulates the pages, and white-out- the tape kind, because the liquid kind is messy- remains a staple in his cute Moomin pencil case. When Jeno wondered aloud one Friday, Renjun told him that colours help him memorise better, and that organisation helps him focus more, stress less.

“Does it work?” Jeno had asked, “To get better grades.”

“Well, it has to. It’s what brought me here after all.” Renjun had said.

Either way, Jeno finds it endearingly cute. Jeno finds Renjun endearingly cute.

(He also learned that Renjun is exactly one month older, and Jeno, light-heartedly, deemed them meant to be. Renjun had kept mum, but smiled at the remark.)

Professor Moon stumbles into class, apologising for his tardiness again, before rushing to make up for lost time. The lecture begins, and Jeno smiles softly as he watches Renjun push his glasses up, and scribble down notes. When Renjun turns to look back, Jeno’s attention is back on the lecturer, but he doesn’t miss the sly glance.

“Focus, Injunie.” He whispers playfully, not looking away from the board. A smirk tugs on the corner of his lips, as he senses Renjun flush. The latter clears his throat, and quickly buries himself in his plethora of coloured notes.

The lecture ends after 2 long hours, and the hall empties as students start filing out of class. Jeno stuffs his laptop into his bag, slowly, as Renjun hastily tries to put all his stationery away. The two make their way down the steps, side by side, when Renjun takes two steps ahead and turns around.

“Hey.” He says abruptly. Jeno steps onto Renjun’s platform and stops. “About the research project, do you think, maybe, we could work together?” He asks softly, shuffling his feet. “Only if you want to and have no one else in mind. I mean, I know we can do it ourselves but it is a lot of work and is worth just as much on our final grade and I really don’t know anyone-“

“Sure. I’d love to.” Jeno interrupts to agree, and Renjun stops rambling. He beams up at Jeno, the corners of his eyes twinkle, and Jeno thinks of stardust.

“Great! We should create a routine, when to meet and where and stuff.” Renjun twirls around and skips down the stairs.

Jeno chuckles. “Maybe we should think about what we are going to do first?”

“Oh.” Renjun stops at the bottom, Jeno close behind, and turns to him. “Right. I forgot. Give me your number and we’ll discuss it over text… or over lunch or something…” He scratches behind his ear, pushes his glasses back, and peers up at Jeno.

“Lunch sounds great!” Jeno says, then pauses to think. “I’ll give you my number anyways, so we can decide when and where.”

Renjun grins and nods, taking out his phone so they can share details. A few taps of digits later, they part ways at the door; with promises to text, and excitement, lingering in the air.

∞

The next day- Wednesday- they meet for lunch, after their morning lecture. Jeno would have been lying if he said that he had not been checking his phone every five minutes, waiting for the name Injunie to appear in his notifications, as soon as he reached his shared dorm. When his phone finally dinged with the notification bell, Jeno had shoved Donghyuck out of his way and leaped at his phone. In a few minutes- 27 minutes exactly (Jeno counted)- the pair decided on meeting in the cafeteria, after Jeno’s insistent grumbling that it was too hot and sticky and gross outside on the lawn. Renjun eventually gave in because, well, because.

Which leads to now. Jeno and Renjun sit across from each other at a table near the end of the cafeteria, beside the window so Renjun doesn’t feel too far from where he originally wanted to be.

(Truth be told, Renjun just wanted to be with Jeno.)

Renjun, having finished eating, sips his orange-mango juice-box, biting and nibbling at the straw, while Jeno slowly eats away at his sandwich.

“I was thinking we could make a poster to display our finished work. Diagrams and photos and all that jazz.” Renjun exclaims excitedly, straw caught between his teeth.

“I’m not good at that artsy stuff, so you would end up having to do most of it. Also, I haven’t noted down any models or diagrams so-“

“I have! It’s ok! I’ll do most of the drawing. You can organize the information or something. Obviously, we’ll have to research before assembling anything but,” He slows his rambling, reddening at the tip of his ears, “I want to do one.” Renjun juts out his bottom lip with pleading eyes that effortlessly win Jeno over.

“Fine.” Jeno huffs out, acting as if the decision was hard to make when really, it wasn’t. Renjun, satisfied, clasps his hands together and lets out a soft yes! Jeno rolls his eyes, yet his insides twist and shout at the cuteness excreting from the smaller boy’s enthusiasm. They continue eating, Renjun-more sipping and biting, discussing their chosen topic regarding carbon monoxides, dioxides and how ‘one day the earth will become so hot and toxic it’ll just pop, Jeno.’- when he sees it. Past Renjun’s ear, a few tables down, Donghyuck and Jaemin wiggling their eyebrows and making exaggerated kissy faces at him and Renjun. Jeno’s eye twitches.

“What’s wrong?” Renjun asks, turning in his seat to see what’s got Jeno’s attention.

“Nothing!” Jeno yelps as he leans over, pulling Renjun’s attention back to him.

“Uhhh…” Renjun blinks, alarmed. His cheeks are squished between Jeno’s hands, and his lips are slightly puckered. Jeno’s heart flips at the adorable sight, before he realises that he is invading Renjun’s space without his permission, and the latter is most definitely creeped out now. Great.

“My friends are being annoying and pulling faces at us. Don’t worry.” Jeno retracts his hand and rubs his jeans. “Sorry about that. Just, didn’t want you to witness something so nasty.”

Renjun bursts out laughing, clearly amused. “It’s okay. Maybe we should stop for today, your friends probably want you back.” He scrunches the empty juice-box in his hand, then blows it up again, still biting the straw with his teeth. A slightly-crooked canine makes show and Jeno’s heart flips again.

Oh my god. Cute.

“Oh no, trust me, its-“Jeno stammers out between the hammering of his heart ringing in his ears.

“I think,” Renjun interrupts, preparing to stand up as he packs his things, “that we should discuss more later. I have to go see my friends anyways as well.” Jeno must have visibly deflated, because Renjun smiles reassuringly. “I’ll text you?”

Jeno perks up at that. “Yeah, of course! I guess we’ll talk later then.”

“Later then.” Renjun seals it with a smile and a nod, before twirling away from Jeno. He tosses the juice-box into the trashcan and sets the tray back on the shelf, throws one last glance and wave at Jeno before exiting the cafeteria. Jeno watches as Renjun disappears out the door. He sighs and stands up, making way to his friends.

“Uh oh, looks like we disrupted Jeno’s date.” Donghyuck teases, as Jeno slumps down beside him.

“Poor baby,” Jaemin coos, “his date ran away.”

“Because of you two!” Jeno glares, pointing accusingly at his snickering friends, the apples of his cheeks burning. “Also,” he smooths down his shirt, hands coming to rest on his lap, “it wasn’t a date. We have a project to work on together. For chemistry.”

“Yeah, the chemistry of how obvious your heart-eyes were getting, Jeno Lee.” Donghyuck pinches Jeno’s arm, again and again.

“That doesn’t even make sense, and stop!” He swats at Donghyuck’s hand, rubbing his hand over the sore spot on his arm. “That hurts!” Nonetheless, Jeno’s face burns a brighter shade of red at the comment, and Donghyuck sneers. Really, the universe hates him.

“Hyuck stop hurting him, our Jeno is wounded enough,” Jaemin shoos Donghyuck’s creeping hand away from Jeno, “his love abandoned him.”

“Oh my god,” Heat courses through Jeno’s body in waves. He stands up, shaking his friends off him, “I’m leaving. Bye.”

“Oh dear…” Jeno hears Jaemin snicker behind him, Donghyuck giggling, but Jeno rolls his eyes and doesn’t stay to hear the rest of their teasing. He exits the cafeteria, deciding to head back to his dorm- the heat making it unbearable anywhere else. On his way to the front gate of the campus, Jeno passes the lawn and spots Renjun with his two friends, under the large oak tree in the centre, that towers over the area. Jeno stops to stare, just for a short moment of self-indulgence. Renjun has his smaller friend in a headlock, ruffling his hair and laughing so hard his shoulders shake. The sunbeams peek through the leaves, and covers Renjun in specks of gold, leaving him sparkling, shimmering. Jeno decides that next time they’ll sit outside, under the sun.

It’s where Renjun shines.

∞

They meet again a week later at noon, at the on-campus library, much to Jeno’s dismay, because the summer rain finally let on, and it was too unpredictable to sit outside with such weather patterns. Jeno jogs into the building, panting and searching for a small figure. He shakes off droplets of rain, as he scans the lounge and spots him.

“There you are!” Jeno exclaims as he makes his way over to Renjun. The smaller boy is sitting at the back corner, beside the floor-to-ceiling windows that wash the room in the dull blue that comes with summer rain. He’s curled into an old arm-chair, leaning on his side with his knees to his chest-a stance that makes him look even smaller. Jeno’s heart swoons.

“Hey, you’re here.” Renjun looks up from his phone, bringing his feet down, and sitting up straight. Jeno sinks into the arm-chair facing Renjun, and takes out his laptop, seeing that Renjun has already got his notes and pens out. Jeno peeks at the scattered pages on the coffee table, diagrams, figures, and doodles fill the pages. In one corner of a page denoting hydro-carbons, Jeno spots the words remember in red, underlined three times, with a cute angry face beside it. He chuckles softly, because it’s so cute, and so Renjun.

“Were you waiting long?” Jeno asks, looking up at Renjun.

“No, no… I’ve been here the whole day. I like libraries, and I like rain, and this,” He splays his hands out and motions over where he sits, “is the in-between.”

Jeno hums. “Well, I think summer needs to make up its damn mind. Either rain, or shine, on one day. You can’t have both come in suddenly. That throws people off.”

“People as in you, Jeno Lee?” Renjun lifts an eyebrow at Jeno, smirking.

“Yeah, people as in me.” Jeno rubs his nape and looks down at his lap. “I started walking here and suddenly, it started raining. Imagine the shock.” He flails his arms around in over-exaggerated distress. In a way, he was thankful that Renjun had insisted on the library. If they were outside as per Jeno’s pleas, they would have been soaked by now.

(“Must you always disagree with me, Jeno Lee?”

“No- I just- fine.”)

Renjun giggles. “Poor Jeno~” He coos, “got a little rain on you?”

Jeno scowls at the teasing which only prompts Renjun to giggle harder, hair bouncing and shoulders shaking. Even in the dull light, Renjun seems to be illuminated. His aura, dwindled down to a soft glimmer and shimmer, rather than a sparkle or shine, as if complementing and blending in with the cooler atmosphere. Jeno is enchanted, again.

“But,” Renjun murmurs, as the giggles cease, he looks out the window, “summer rain is so beautiful, isn’t it? The clash of cool and warm. The sunlight that makes the droplets look silver, and everything they touch look richer. It’s the perfect juxtaposition.” His eyes become hazy as he gazes off outside, looking somewhere far beyond the expanse of the campus.

Jeno’s never thought of summer rain that way. In fact, he’s never thought of it at all; he just curses it and moves on. But now, as he breaks his gaze away from Renjun, and turns to the window, watching as the raindrops trickle down the window in wayward patterns, making the outside world look hazy and distorted-like an illusion of sorts, he understands.

Renjun turns to look at Jeno and smiles when he sees the boy looking out in awe, eyes clear and full of wonder. “Makes the world seem unreal when you look at it like that, right?” Jeno simply hums in agreement, gaze still transfixed on the view. Renjun leans back into his seat, feeling somewhat victorious, and continues to admire Jeno’s side profile. “Magical…” He breathes out in a faint whisper. Jeno immediately turns his attention towards him.

“Sorry, what? I didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I was just saying that…it all looks so magical.” Renjun sighs, brushing the feeling off. “We should get to work.” He leans closer to the table and arranges his notes. Thankfully, Jeno doesn’t push any further and simply agrees.

The pair begin to work, softly discussing the effect of carbon and how the world won’t really pop, Injunie.

The rain hits the roof in a harmonic thrum. Renjun’s heart pulses against his ribs similarly.

∞

Jeno drops his pen and stretches his arms out, yawning. “Come on Injunie, let’s take a break.”

The rain ceased, a while ago, and the afternoon sun that appeared after, now started to descend, signalling that evening was near. Renjun hums and puts his pen down onto the table. He rubs his eyes and blinks away the dryness-the constant blue-light of the laptop screen for 3 hours had taken a toll on his eyes, leaving them burning. He stretches his body, legs and arms up and out, before relaxing back into his seat.

“Let’s talk.” Jeno starts.

“Okay.” Renjun sinks deeper into the plush chair.  “We’ve been talking the whole time, but okay.”

“I mean, other than work, Injunie.” Jeno whines. “Where are you staying? I haven’t seen you around the dorms.” He inquires.

“My friend, Sicheng, from China? The tall one you’ve seen me with?” Renjun continues when Jeno gives him a nod. “He lives off campus and is letting me and Chenle, my other friend, the blonde, stay with him for the time being.”

Jeno makes an ‘O’ with his mouth, and Renjun giggles. Jeno smiles, feeling fulfilled. “Do you miss home?” He asks, treading cautiously around the topic.

“All the time.” Renjun sighs, his body deflating. Jeno frowns. “I miss my parents, my family, my friends…” He trails off, looking at Jeno’s crestfallen eyes. “But sometimes, I forget that I’m so far away from home, when I’m busy with work and… other stuff.” He finishes with a small uplifting of his lips. Jeno visibly brightens at that. Wanting to lift the mood, and feeling that his legs need to move to feel alive again, Jeno decides to take Renjun out.

“Come on Injunie,” Jeno stands up from his seat, “let’s go get some ice cream.”

“Jeno, it just rained, and the day is almost over. And, if we leave now we’ll never get back to work-“

“We’ve done enough for today and we have the whole semester ahead of us.” Jeno assures him. He looks at Renjun, who ponders over the idea, lips pressed into a thin line. “We’ll finish it in time, don’t worry. I know it’s long and worth a lot but, we can do it.” He smiles reassuringly and sticks out his hand. Renjun thinks for a bit, before giving the okay and taking Jeno’s hand. Jeno pulls him up with a bit too much force, and Renjun stumbles into Jeno’s chest.

“Woah!” Jeno lets out an airy laugh, trying to mask his hitching breath. Renjun flushes pink, and pushes himself off Jeno’s chest.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, eyes looking down at his feet.

Jeno clears his throat. “It’s okay. My bad.” He slings an arm over Renjun’s shoulder and leads him out of the library, trying to ignore the way his toes were tingling. Renjun looks straight ahead, and tries his best to not shove Jeno off him, enduring the small lurches of his heart he gets at every step.

Outside, the grass is covered in a sheet of dew, glistening under the sun. The pair take in the much welcome sunrays, and steadily walk towards the gates. Jeno takes them to an ice cream parlour just outside campus. The place is bright, baby blue everywhere, minus the white clouds on the walls and the white tables. Renjun has to stop once they go in, quite overwhelmed. “Cute.” He whispers. They place their orders- mint-chocolate ice cream in a cup, for Renjun, and a vanilla cone for Jeno- and sit down at a booth at the back.

“Mint-chocolate? Really Injunie?” Jeno winces, lapping at his own cone with the tip of his tongue.

“What? It’s nice!” Renjun defends.

“Yeah, if you like the taste of toothpaste and chocolate.” Jeno grimaces at the thought.

“And I happen to like that!” Renjun pouts, cheeks puffed out. Jeno pokes them, and Renjun pretends to bite his approaching finger. Jeno laughs.

“At least it’s better than boring vanilla!” Renjun bites back, playful smirk on his lips.

Jeno scoffs, placing a hand over his chest in wounded pretence. “Vanilla is a classic! Besides, this is Vanilla Sublime, meaning it is the supreme vanilla flavour.”

“Whatever, Plain Jane.” Renjun sticks his tongue out at Jeno, to which he mirrors.

They laugh at the other’s antics, before settling down to finish their dessert, a comfortable silence falls on them.

When they finished consuming their cold treats, and their stomachs were cool, they decide to head back. The day was drawing to a close. The sun melting into the sky in a pool of warm honey, and their shadows, stretching and yawning on the golden path below them. The summer breeze picked up, and thread through their hair. They walked slowly, Jeno and Renjun, hands brushing slightly, but unsatisfactorily being left empty, they quietly fall into step.

“This is me.” Jeno stops and turns once they had arrived at the campus dorms.

“I better get going then,” Renjun says, “have a good night, Jeno.”

“You too. Get home safe and,” He rubs the back of his neck, “text me.”

Renjun breaks into a smile. “I will. Bye, and thanks for the ice cream.”

“Anytime. Thanks for walking me back.”

“Anytime.” Renjun turns on his heel and walks away. His retreating figure glows in the evening hue, and Jeno feels warm. When Renjun’s figure disappears, Jeno heads inside.

He finds his shared-dorm empty, Donghyuck is probably staying over at Mark’s, and thanks the Lord for he cannot deal with Donghyuck’s teasing about Jeno’s obvious crush. Jeno doesn’t know if he likes Renjun. But he knows that he loves spending time with Renjun and thinks he is beautiful, and for now, that’s enough for him.

Weary and sleepy, Jeno decides to turn in early. He closes the blinds and slips into bed. He checks his phone one last time, smiling when he sees Renjun’s message indicating that he got home in one piece. After replying with a ‘thumbs-up’, Jeno surrenders to sleep.

∞

“I’m dying.”

Jeno whines, rolling over onto his stomach. His shirt rides up and blades of grass tickle the soft skin on his stomach. It makes the heat even more unbearable.

“Why did you choose to meet here then?” Renjun mutters, as he tries to blow his fringe out of his eyes. He fails, and his hair still clings to his forehead, causing more beads of sweat to form. Sighing, the boy sets his books down and lays down beside Jeno, facing the sun. He brings a hand over his eyes to shield them from the raging light, and takes a deep breath. In. Out. His body tingles with heat, but Renjun feels relaxed.

It’s Friday, and per Jeno’s request, the pair decide to meet under the Old Oak. Except, it’s occupied, so the boys were compelled to sit in the open grass, under the harsh sun.

“Because.” Jeno huffs, resting his head on his arms, facing Renjun. The latter has his eyes closed now. They quiver under the brightness, rapid movements that cause his eyelashes to flutter the slightest. Jeno studies the way Renjun’s nose sits high on his face, the way it peaks until the tip curls a little. He looks at the way Renjun’s cheeks are red in hue, ripening in colour under the sunbeams. Jeno’s eyes dangerously travel down further, and rests on the soft bow of Renjun’s lips. The curves and grooves and pink skin that appears so soft, so plump, so inviting.

Lying on the grass, Renjun, like a blossom, faces the sun and blooms. Likewise, Jeno faces Renjun and, well, it works the same way.

Renjun turns to his side and looks straight into Jeno’s eyes. Taken back by the sudden pair of eyes meeting his, Jeno gulps hard, but does not avert his eyes away from Renjun’s piercing gaze. He sinks in the warm glow of Renjun’s brown orbs, and feels bare. Renjun’s eyes tremor, as if searching for something undiscovered. The moments pass by, and their gazes remain locked, their eyes filled with tender emotion not quite fathomable yet. Renjun feels flooded with feeling, and from the abyss of it all, a sensation surges through and rises. His eyes enlarge, and he swallows the thought back into his heart before it spills from his mouth. He breaks away.

“Back at home,” He begins, squinting up at clear blue, voice tinted with nostalgia and longing, “me and my friends used to have water fights, to cool down in the summer.”

Jeno blinks back to reality at the sound of Renjun’s soft voice mentioning home. He simply hums, and Renjun continues.

“I miss it. Home. My friends. I’ve never been so far from home. But now I’m here with you and…” He trails off, and looks at Jeno, who is holding his hand, rubbing soothing, encouraging circles on his knuckles.

…and I feel right at home.

Renjun doesn’t say it. He reasons that a better time, a better place, a better situation, would suit the nature of the words more. So, he clamps his lips shut, and Jeno doesn’t pry. Renjun thinks Jeno knows.

(And in his heart of hearts, Jeno does.)

Transfixed on Renjun’s frail hands, and the birthmark on his left one, Jeno doesn’t notice Renjun grabbing his water bottle before it’s too late. Cold water splashes Jeno’s cheeks and hair, pours down his body, and soaks his clothes. Jeno gapes, and turns to a fleeing, cackling Renjun. Laughing, he grabs his own bottle before dashing after the boy. Renjun screams, running faster in a desperate struggle to get away, but to no avail. Once close enough, Jeno flings water at Renjun, who has stopped running, instead holding his hands up in defence. He squeals in delight as the cool water hits his skin. Jeno walks closer to him, until their breaths are almost one, breaking into a mischievous smile as he empties the water bottle over Renjun’s head. Renjun squirms as the cool water drips down his hot skin. Renjun looks up at Jeno, who takes the opportunity to grab hold of Renjun’s wrists, holding him in place as he shakes out water from his hair. Drops of water hit Renjun’s face, and he squeezes his eyes shut. The both burst into laughter, glowing and emitting absolute joy into the thick, summer air.

The area under Old Oak has cleared, so the soaked boys retreat to the cool shade. Flopping down onto their backs, they lay in silence. The afternoon breeze rustles the leaves, and dances across their skin. Their clothes hang on their bodies, limp and almost translucent from the water. Jeno turns to Renjun, who has his eyes closed again. Small droplets of water hang off Renjun’s lashes, before dripping down onto his bright red cheek and waning. The sunrays peek through the leaves, and light up the dew on Renjun’s body, leaving him, glistening, and Jeno, awestruck.

“Stop staring, Jeno.” Renjun smirks, amusement loud and clear in his voice. He opens his eyes and glances at Jeno, who looks away, eyes refusing to meet Renjun’s. Renjun rolls over, body shifting closer to Jeno, and rests his head on his arm. Casually, almost naturally, Jeno moves his arm and brings Renjun’s body closer to his chest. Renjun rests his head over Jeno’s heart, and it beats steadily against his ear. Despite his clammy hands, Jeno strokes Renjun’s hair, using the other to stroke the boy’s hand on his chest. Like that, the afternoon sun soon dips, and the sky burns orange. Begrudgingly, silently, they pull apart and pack their things. This time, Jeno walks Renjun back to Sicheng’s apartment. The walk is comfortably quiet, except for the breaths of summer evenings. Unspoken feelings hang loosely in the air, tangling in threads around and between the pair.

“This is me.” Renjun stops in front of the small, brick apartment he’s learnt to accept as home.

“This is you…” Jeno says with a deep sigh. They stand before the door, shuffling their feet and sneaking glances at the other. Finally, Renjun looks up at Jeno and opens his mouth to speak, but the words that clawed at this throat the whole day, fall flat and heavy against his tongue, refusing to come out. Jeno looks up at him, wonder flitting across his eyes. They fall deep into each others’ eyes, expectantly, hesitantly, but neither muster the courage to grab the threads that entwine around them, and pull closer. So, with a wave, Renjun retreats into the red-brick building, and Jeno, lips pressed thin, shoulders drooping, heads back home.

∞

The next day, Jeno’s lounging on his bed, and flicking through his phone gallery. From what used to be a camera roll full of board notes, blackmail, and family, is now filled with photos of one, chocolate-haired Chinese boy. Random burst shots of Renjun laughing, smiling, talking, or falling asleep in the library couches, that Jeno took on whim.

“Stop it! What are you going to do with all those photos anyway?”

“But you look so cute Injunie. Don’t worry, I won’t show them to anyone, if you want.” He tapped the side of his eyes and wiggled his eyebrows. “They will be for my eyes only.”

Jeno smiles fondly at a particular photo of Renjun, where the boy is grinning, teeth on display for the world to see, and partially covering his face with his hands. The light streaming in through the library window had hit Renjun in a perfect angle, illuminating him, and Jeno couldn’t help but capture the sight on film, and burn it into his eyes.

The front door shuts with a click, and Jeno startles at the sound. He looks up to see Mark, tossing the spare keys onto the couch as he takes off his shoes.

“Donghyuck’s not here.” Jeno informs him.

“I know. Can I not hang out with my friend?” Mark retorts, walking over to Jeno and pulling him into a headlock. Jeno yelps and tries to get away, while Mark giggles.

They sit in front of the tv, idly flicking through channels, barely paying attention to anything playing, as they talk about all they had missed regarding the other. They’d always been close, back in high school. However, after Mark graduated, and then began dating Donghyuck the same year, the two friends had naturally drifted apart, along the course of time. Not that they weren’t close anymore, but Jeno preferred to give Mark and Donghyuck time alone together, as he knew the one year gap between them kept them apart enough. Besides, hanging out with the couple became unbearable due to their new status, so Jeno preferred to hang with Jaemin. Now, as he sat and chat with Mark, Jeno realised how much he missed his older, and slightly more level-headed, friend.

“Man, your brave for jumping straight into Moon’s chemistry without doing preliminaries. And dumb. No actually, you’re just dumb.”

Jeno punches Mark in the arm, then sinks into his seat. “I know. But, I have this cute seatmate, who isn’t really better off, but he keeps me motivated and makes the classes understandable and bearable.” He chimes, his thoughts drifting back to Renjun.

Minutes of mindless conversation pass, and an easy silence falls over them, as the two watch TV. Jeno’s thoughts fleet back to the throbbing question at the back of his mind, so he decides to ask Mark what he couldn’t ask his other friends, without constant teasing and prodding.

“Can I ask you a question?” He begins, turning down the volume.

“Shoot.” Maybe it was the hint of uncertainty and hesitance in his voice, that Mark turns in his seat and crosses his legs, full attention towards Jeno.

“How did you know, that you liked Donghyuck? You guys were best friends, and then one day, you guys just, became something more…” He trails off, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Mark leans back, musing. “Well,” he shifts, “one day he was over at my place, and we were playing video games, as usual. And when he beat me for the umpteenth time at Mario Kart, and started doing that ugly victory dance of his, it kind of just hit me that I would let him beat me all the time, just so I could see him dance so happily, and that I could watch him be so unapologetically happy forever. That I want him to be so happy forever.” A faint blush dusts Mark’s cheeks, and he looks down bashfully. Jeno thinks he looks beautiful like that, so in love.

“And?” Jeno urges for him to continue.

“And, I realised that I like, no, love him more than a friend, and in that moment, I wanted to kiss that irritating grin off his face. Which I did, by the way.” Mark chuckles softly, face colouring vibrantly at the reminiscence.

“Spare the details.” Jeno grimaces, mockingly, but his heart swells.

“Something on your mind, Jeno?” Mark asks him softly. “You can tell me, you know, I’m not like those two idiots.”

Jeno chuckles wholeheartedly at the comment, and thinks about his friends, how much their friendship means to him. He thinks about Renjun, and how much his friendship means to Jeno. How much he means to Jeno, and he understands. He can’t risk it. Jeno really, really likes Renjun, he couldn’t let desires of something more ruin all he had with him.

“Nothing. I just…” He turns to Mark, who patiently waits for Jeno’s confession. It never comes. “Nothing.” Jeno turns back to the TV and turns the volume up, drowning out the thoughts spiralling through his head. Mark takes that as a sign to not push any further, and like the understanding friend he is, he doesn’t. Jeno is grateful.

“Let’s order pizza, I’m starving.”

Mark agrees.

∞

After his conversation with Mark, Jeno spends the weekend in thought. On Monday, Jeno concludes that he likes Renjun, a lot. He says it out loud in the shower, and immediately feels lighter. He is having lunch with Jaemin and Donghyuck, who are arguing once again, while Jeno sits and thinks about Renjun. It’s been like this since Renjun appeared in Jeno’s life. First, slowly and suddenly, Renjun would appear in his sight out of nowhere, and Jeno would think about him for the rest of the day. Now, even when Renjun was nowhere to be seen, he was everywhere- in Jeno’s mind, in his heart, when he closed his eyes, and when he was asleep. His touch lingers on Jeno’s skin, his laughter plays in Jeno’s ear, and his smile, imprinted in Jeno’s retinas. So, as Jeno tunes out his friends’ bickering, he accepts that he likes Renjun, the way Mark likes Donghyuck; naturally. Like Mark for Donghyuck, Jeno wants Renjun to be happy always, and he wants him to be most happy with him. Jeno glosses over the fact that Mark loves Donghyuck, because that- he wasn’t sure yet. Not now, at least.

Subsequently, he decides that he won’t do anything about it. He isn’t sure if Renjun feels the same way, and he fears the risk of ruining the perfect relationship they’ve built, if it doesn’t work out.

Jaemin lightly shoves Jeno’s shoulder, and he snaps out of his thoughts.

“Tell him I’m right.” He says, scowling at Donghyuck, who childishly sticks his tongue out.

“He’s right.” Jeno tells Donghyuck, who whines.

“You weren’t even listening! Too busy thinking about your cute seatmate in chemistry, I bet.”

Jeno blushes, feeling exposed, and Jaemin and Donghyuck’s eyes widen.

“Oh my god, you were! Oh my god your burning red!” Donghyuck exclaims, voice getting louder and louder. Jeno kicks his shin from under the table, and the boy howls in pain.

“Nope.” Jaemin shakes his head, “I have to meet him first. Give him my stamp of approval.” He jests, then loops an arm around Jeno’s neck.

“As if I’m letting you hooligans meet him. You’ll kill him, or worse, taint him.” Jeno scoffs, struggling to free himself from Jaemin’s vice-like hold around his neck. Jaemin finally let go, when Jeno begins to mumble incoherently.

“Besides, nothing’s going to need your stamp of approval. I’m not asking him out or anything.” Jeno avoids his friends’ eyes, knowing full well that they were glaring at him.

“And why not?” Donghyuck frowns. Obviously, the only time Donghyuck listens, is when Jeno doesn’t want him to. Jeno cowers under the glare. Donghyuck’s a ‘grab life by the balls’ type of person, and has always encouraged the more tranquil Jeno to do the same. Jaemin shushes him, and lightly pats Jeno’s shoulder.

“You know, nothing’s stopping you. If you don’t take the first step, you’ll regret not taking any at all later.”

Jeno doesn’t reply. His mind swims and he feels like he is drowning. He shakes his head, trying to quell the storm inside his mind. Jeno feels like crying. The newly discovered feelings dig at his heart. Jaemin and Donghyuck share a look of concern. Donghyuck slides into the seat on the other side of Jeno, and the two envelop him in a comforting hug.

“I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do, but, I know I don’t want to lose him.”

They nod, faces pressed against his shoulder, and pull closer together.

∞

Despite himself, and his resolution to not pursue anything beyond friendship with Renjun, Jeno likes him more and more, each day. One Friday evening, they were working in the library, and by working, they were kicking and pushing each other’s feet under the table, stifling giggles. Jeno had felt so in love with the way Renjun’s face scrunched up as he tried to push Jeno’s feet, with the way he whined when he failed to do so, that he thought he would burst at the seams.

“You guys were playing footsie?!” Donghyuck had shrieked when Jeno had confided in him, within the walls of their dorm. “That’s so gross.”

“Hey! You sucked faces with Mark for an hour yesterday!” Jeno defended.

“Yeah, but that’s me and Mark. Anyone else doing anything else is nasty.”

Jeno had proceeded to hit Donghyuck with a cushion.

Another Monday afternoon, they went out for ice cream again, taking a stroll in a nearby park as they ate. Renjun had tried to convince Jeno to try some of his mint-chocolate cone, and when Jeno finally leaned in for some, Renjun had shoved the cone into his face, and smeared ice cream across his lips. He cackled at first, then squealed when Jeno had cupped his head, and rubbed his lips over Renjun’s cheek, smearing ice cream all over. Renjun’s fist curled on Jeno’s shirt, and his cone lay sad and forgotten on the pavement. Like how the cone melted under the sun, Jeno had melted under Renjun’s warmth.

(What Jeno had failed to notice, was that Renjun had been burning at the touch too.)

“So, let me get this straight,” Jaemin said, pencil pointed accusingly at Jeno, when the trio had met the next day, “you two go around acting like you’re dating, but neither of you have explicitly said your dating, even though it’s painfully obvious that you are.”

“We’re not though. We’re just friends, and even though I like him a lot, that’s all we’ll ever be.” Jeno had murmured into his coffee mug.

Jaemin had to sooth a seething Donghyuck before someone-Jeno-got hurt.

But it works.

Jeno gets to hang out with Renjun, and love him quietly, without destroying what they have. That’s all he wants. Although, more often than not, Jeno wants to pull Renjun into his lap when they are at the library, wants to thread their fingers together when they go out for ice cream, or wants to press his lips against every inch of Renjun’s skin, he simply swallows the urge down. Jeno does not dare thirst for redamancy.

It’s Thursday afternoon at the library, same corner of the room, and Jeno and Renjun are working diligently on their assignment.

“Almost done with the research, and then we can finally start on the poster.” Renjun yawns, stretching the tension out of his arms. Jeno does a little victory shimmy with his shoulders, making Renjun laugh aloud. The long day begins to ebb into night, the sun giving way for the moon and stars, and the two finally decide to head back. They exit the library building, Jeno deciding to walk Renjun home, as the latter was exhausted and couldn’t keep himself up straight. They walk steadily, Renjun’s hand brushing against Jeno’s, zapping straight at his heart. Thankfully, Renjun was too busy trying to keep his eyes open to notice Jeno’s flaming face. He stumbles, and Jeno grabs him by the waist to keep him steady.

“Come one now Injunie, just a little bit longer.” Jeno whispers encouragingly, firmly holding on to the drowsy boy’s waist as he takes the lead.

“I’m sorry.” Renjun mumbles softly. An elongated yawn leaves his mouth.

“It’s okay. Maybe you should try sleeping earlier. You’ve been pretty tired lately.”

“I can’t,” Renjun whines, “I have so much to do. The semester is nearly over and I have to-“ he yawns again. Jeno chuckles lightly.

“Okay, I understand. But your health comes first, okay? I don’t want you to get sick.”

Renjun hums and leans against Jeno’s arm. “Won’t you take care of me, if I do?”

The soft-spoken, innocent words, have Jeno’s heart racing. He composes himself. Renjun’s half asleep and doesn’t know what he is saying. “Of-of course,” he splutters, “b-but I-“

“Stop being so flustered,” Renjun teases, “it was a joke. It’s fine. You don’t have to take care of me.”

They arrive in front of Sicheng’s apartment complex. Renjun pulls away, and Jeno feels cold, craving for the warmth to press against his body again.

“I’ll try not to get sick.” Renjun assures him, as if otherwise, he would be burdening the other. Jeno stares at his feet and nods. Renjun stares fondly at Jeno, then at the sky overhead. The clouds diminish into soft pink wisps before fading, as the night sky starts to creep up and sweep the world into darkness. Renjun looks back at Jeno, who is shuffling his feet awkwardly, avoiding Renjun’s gaze knowing full well, that he is looking at him. Renjun sways back and forth, hands behind his back. Waiting. Expecting. Nothing. He sighs. “I’ll see you later then. Goodnight, Jeno.” Renjun mutters, voice tinged blue. With a heavy push, the door opens and shuts with a click. Jeno remains footed on the porch.

Jeno’s heart aches for himself, and for Renjun.

He deserves better. Someone, who isn’t as cowardly, perhaps.

∞

“I agree, wholeheartedly.”

“Hyuck, shut up! Can’t you see Jeno’s already distressed.”

“He reaps what he sows- don’t hit me you fiend!” Jaemin pays no heed to Donghyuck’s cries and continues to torment him.

The Friday morning after a sleepless night, Jeno is having (late) breakfast with Jaemin and Donghyuck in the cafeteria, disclosing his woes about love and about his cowardliness and how Renjun hasn’t texted since, when he ALWAYS texts goodnight. Like supportive best friends, they listen to him sulk.

“Why are you hitting my boyfriend, stop.” Mark says, as strides over to their table. He takes a seat beside Donghyuck, and slaps Jaemin’s hands away. He wraps an arm around Donghyuck protectively, and Jaemin hisses at him. Mark chuckles.

“He deserves it. He was bullying our Jeno who is already in pain.” Jaemin explains, pointing to a distressed Jeno laying on the table.

Mark frowns and pokes Jeno’s head. “What’s wrong?”

“He hates me.” Jeno wails, words slurring at the pressure of the table against his cheek.

“Who hates you?” Mark asks, clearly out of the loop.

“The boy Jeno’s in love with.” Jaemin says nonchalantly.

“He hates me because I couldn’t tell him that I’d love to nurse him back to health anytime, that I’d protect him from anything.” Jeno wails again.

“What?” Mark looks between his friends, more confused than ever.

“Long story babe, we’ll fill you in later.” Donghyuck pats Mark’s chest. Jaemin nods behind him.

Mark grumbles, but decides to wait since Jeno was obviously incapable of explaining anything now.

Then it clicks.

“Oh my god, is this why you asked me how I fell in love with Donghyuck the other day?” Mark blurts. Jeno shoots up.

“What?” Jaemin and Donghyuck, their turn to be confused, call in unison.

“Jeno Lee, you really love him? Love?” Jaemin gasps.

“Our Jeno is really leaving the nest for good.” Donghyuck sobs dramatically, wiping away a non-existent tear.

Jeno’s face burns under the scrutiny of his three friends. Thankfully, it’s almost 12pm, meaning Jeno has to get to his Chemistry lecture. Without another word, he bolts out of the cafeteria, his friends calling after him. He slows down as he nears the lecture hall, realising that he would be seeing Renjun today. His stomach flips, and he dreads facing the boy after yesterday. When he walks into the room, Renjun’s already seated. He spots Jeno, and smiles at him, moving aside to make space for the latter. Jeno relaxes, and walks over to take a seat.

“You’re here early.” Jeno notes, lightly shoving Renjun’s shoulder as he sits down. He feels the need to maintain a friendly, not-stressing-and-about-to-throw-up, face.

“I woke up early, and needed to get some revision done.” Renjun explains, leaning on the table. “I took your advice and went to sleep early, and decided to revise in the morning, rather than at night. See, no bags.” He points to his eyes, then smiles triumphantly.

“I’m proud of you.” Jeno praises, feeling better knowing that Renjun wasn’t upset at him. They start chatting as usual, Renjun mostly talking about the materials he ordered for their poster, while Jeno listens and occasionally chimes in. Class commences once Mr. Moon walks in, and Renjun busies himself with jotting down notes, whereas Jeno tries to stay awake.

The irony.

∞

Class ends well into the afternoon. Students begin to file out and once again, Renjun and Jeno are one of the last to leave. Jeno waits for Renjun on the stairs, who was taking his time in packing his things. Finally zipping up his bag, he looks up and smiles gratefully at Jeno for waiting, and joins him by his side. They walk out of the building, meeting with afternoon sun, wincing at the sudden light. Without uttering a word, their feet gravitate towards the campus library; effortless routine they created for Fridays.

Like so, once they arrive, they sink into the seats they’ve informally claimed as their own and, begin to work. They progress slowly and steadily. Other than a few remarks or questions regarding the project, the two work in hush. Despite so, Jeno doesn’t miss the way Renjun’s eyes occasionally shift towards Jeno, and he opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again without saying anything. His lips press into a thin line, and he turns back to his book.

“Something wrong?” Jeno finally inquires. Renjun flinches. “You’re a bit jumpy, I thought you slept well?”

Renjun’s cheeks flare pink, and he scratches behind is ear. “No. No. It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

Jeno scowls. He doesn’t like Renjun not speaking his mind; not being free around him. “Renjun.” He calls firmly, urging him to confess.

“Fine.” Renjun asserts. “There’s this screening happening at the Planetarium this Saturday-tomorrow- and I was wondering…” He trails off, and looks at Jeno, trying to read the boy’s expression. Jeno motions for him to go on. “And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.” He looks at Jeno, hesitation, expectation, fear of rejection, swirling in his eyes.

“I’d love to go with you, to the Planetarium.”

Renjun visibly relaxes at that, the cloudiness in his eyes dissipating to reveal a golden gleam. “That’s great! Um, it starts at 7:30pm, and maybe, we could get dinner afterwards? If you want to, and if you’re not too tired.”

“Yes, Injunie, we can definitely get dinner afterwards.” For you, Jeno thinks, a thousand times yes to anything.

“Great.” Renjun exclaims, abruptly pausing, biting back words that hang off his tongue. The statement feels incomplete, they both know it, but Renjun doesn’t continue and Jeno doesn’t finish it for him. They know anyways.

It’s a date.

∞

Well, it’s their first official date. Even though it was unspoken, the fact that it was makes it all the more nerve-wracking.

Jeno walks into his dorm, kicks off his shoes, and slumps beside Donghyuck on the couch. His friend pays no heed, continuing to engross himself into the reality show playing on TV, stuffing chips into his face.

“I think I have a date.”

“You have another date you mean.” Donghyuck relates back, mouth full of crisps. He turns down the volume of the TV and shifts slightly towards Jeno. “What makes you think it’s an official date.”

Jeno slouches against Donghyuck, and swipes a handful of crisps for himself. Donghyuck swats his hand away, but Jeno is successful. “A gut feeling.” He responds, shoving his mouth with the potato trans-fat.

“Are you nervous?”

“I feel like dancing and dying at the same time. So, I really don’t know.” Jeno releases his weight fully onto Donghyuck’s arm, crushing it under his weight, but Donghyuck doesn’t complain and lets him. “For all I know, it could just be a friend-date.”

“Jeno Lee, I will slap you, if you for one second think this boy doesn’t like you too. Hell, he is probably in love with you! With all the shit you guys do together, it’s obvious!”

Jeno winces at his shrill voice. He thinks about the possibility that Renjun may like-may love- him back. He doesn’t let himself dive too deep into his dreams, fear crawling its way back into Jeno’s mind.

“For what it’s worth,” Donghyuck mumbles softly, yanking his arm out from beneath Jeno and wrapping it around his shoulders, “I think you should tell him. It’ll be easier on you. And I think, if he is really the ‘angel’ you say he is, then nothing will change even if he rejects you- which I doubt, by the way.” He rubs Jeno’s shoulders comfortingly, and the latter hums.

“Thanks, Hyuck.”

“Anytime. But I swear, if you come crying about this boy again I will, personally, kill the both of you.”

∞

Time rolls on, and before he knew it, Jeno found himself standing outside the campus gates at 7 in the evening the next day, awaiting Renjun. He shuffles his feet on the pavement, the soles of his shoes scraping the concrete and sending dust flying with every drag of his feet. Jeno is focused on his shoes, when a pair of red sneakers meet his view. He looks up.

“You’re here.” He says, breathlessly. Renjun looks like he does every other day, but somehow the air around him was different. At every breath he took near the boy, Jeno’s lungs tingled with foreign feeling.

(Or maybe it was always there.)

“I’m sorry.” Renjun rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly. “Were you waiting long?”

“No, no, I just got here.”

“Great. Then, shall we make for the bus?”

Jeno nods affirmatively, allowing Renjun to take the lead to the nearest bus stop. The short walk is silent, comfortably so, and Jeno’s heart finally eases from the rapid palpitations he suffered the night before. The bus comes shortly, and the pair board. Jeno reaches for his wallet for the fare, when Renjun stops him.

“I’ve got this.” He says, taking out his own wallet.

“Injunie, it’s just a bus fare.”

“Yes. Your point?” Renjun smirks at him, and turns into the aisle.

“I can pay for it myself.” Jeno states, following Renjun into a seat at the back.

“I know. But I asked you out, so it’s only fair I treat you as much as possible.” He looks out the window, avoiding Jeno’s amused stare. Jeno doesn’t miss the gleam in his eyes, nor the faint blush on his cheeks, however.

Jeno leans back in his seat with a slight chuckle. “I don’t get the logic, but fine.” He continues inspecting Renjun’s profile. The latter, opts to gaze out the window as the bus roars to life. The scenery outside blurs past, and Renjun continues to look out in a haze. His eyes mist, for a second, as the world slips by. The fog clears when Renjun’s eyes meet Jeno’s reflection on the window. Jeno feels it in his bones, and tears his eyes away from Renjun’s face to lock them with his eyes instead. They meet. Outside world no longer visible through the glass, as it becomes a mirror holding only the two of them in its frame. Renjun breaks away after a moment, shifting to face Jeno. He smiles at him, when they meet face to face. Jeno’s heart soars. He casts his eyes down at the small hand on his thigh. Jeno grasps it in his, and laces their fingers together. Renjun smiles at the move.

“Next time, I’m treating you.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It’s a date.”

∞

The bus pulls up to the large blue building that is the planetarium. The place was a two-in-one of sorts, one side was a science workshop, while the other was a planetarium and museum of all things outer space. Jeno had been here before, to the workshop, on a school fieldtrip back in high school, so they place felt familiar and Jeno was washed with a wave of nostalgia. He turns to Renjun, gesturing for the latter to lead the way. The boy tugs on Jeno’s hand, ushering him through the rotating doors, into an airconditioned room.

“The show's starting in a few minutes.” Renjun says, using his free hand to point at an overhead board showcasing programs and their air times. “To the stars and beyond,” He reads, “that’s our one.”

Renjun leads Jeno to a dark hall aligned with reclining seats. He lets go of his hand, (Jeno tries not to whine), and allows the worker to scan Renjun’s phone.

“You paid for my ticket too?” Jeno says as they move into the hall.

“I’m treating you, remember?”

“Yeah,” Jeno frowns, “But isn’t this too much? The tickets were probably expensive.”

“Nonsense. It’s fine. Trust me, if it were too much I wouldn’t have bothered for such a lavish place and taken you somewhere else- over here!” Renjun grabs hold of Jeno’s fingers and shuffles into an aisle in the middle of the hall. “These seats will be perfect for viewing when we lean back.” He exclaims, feeling giddy and excited.

 Jeno smiles as he sinks into his seat, reclining back and facing the overhead projector. He muses over what Renjun had said and smirks at the realisation, albeit, a tad bit slow. Feeling bold and excited, he leans over to his right, smirk playing on his lips. He pressed his mouth against the shell of Renjun’s ear and whispers, “so this was your ploy all along, to take me out on a date?” He leans back, marvelling at Renjun’s face. Even under the dim blue light, Jeno could tell the boy was blushing furiously. Renjun refused to look at Jeno, instead, rapidly blinking and darting his eyes across the black screen. Wanting to tease him further, Jeno uses his hand to tilt Renjun’s face towards him. Renjun was chewing on his lip, and his cheeks were warm under Jeno’s palm. They finally locked eyes, and Jeno watched as Renjun released his lips and leaned over and-

It all happened so quick Jeno thinks it was a dream. The soft skin at the corner of his lips, where Renjun’s own had briefly touched, felt warm and tingly. Jeno was breathless. Renjun had stolen the air out of his lungs, upon almost kissing his lips. Renjun went back to staring at the overhead, eyes shaking, as he represses the urge to look at Jeno’s expression. “So what, if I just wanted to ask you out?” He murmurs, so softly Jeno almost misses it.

“Nothing.” Jeno breathes finally, “nothing at all.” The boldness he felt before had died. He felt jittery, excited, wriggling his toes in shoes. Jeno loosely locked fingers with Renjun, lightly swinging them, feeling as if he conquered mountains. Renjun let out a soft giggle, feeling more at ease. The blue light switched off and covered the audience in darkness. The projector lit up with a picture of the stars, and rolled on to start the documentary.

Jeno looked over at Renjun, who focused on the screen. The stars from the display scattered across his entity and wow did he look unreal. Jeno drank in the sight of Renjun looking, being, celestial, when he felt a slight pull at his fingers. Renjun didn’t say anything, but knowingly smiled and jutted his chin to the picture. Unwillingly, Jeno tore his eyes away and turned to the stars on screen.

∞

“That was so cool!” Renjun chirps, upon exiting the theatre room. Jeno hums in agreement, feeling slightly lightheaded from the long presentation. They step out into the night, hand in hand, meeting with a light, refreshing breeze. It’s around nine, Jeno assumes, and the scorching heat from the day has calmed into a serene, more appreciated, chill for the night. “Let’s grab dinner?” Renjun asks, glancing up at Jeno.

“Sure,” Jeno agrees, “I could really go for some fast food right now.” Truth be told, Jeno had left the house without eating anything, so now his stomach was eating away at itself.

“Sounds good.”

They walk to the nearest burger shack, a few streets away from the Planetarium. They make small conversation about the show, mostly Renjun going on and on about how the universe seems so much grander now.

“I mean, if, like the sun, each star is the ‘sun’ of its own solar system,” He pauses for a breath, “and has planets orbiting around them, imagine how large the universe is.” He pauses again, deep in thought and wonder. “On top of that, we only see the stars in our galaxy, when there are tons of galaxies out there…” He trails off, eyes travelling up towards the night sky. They shine with fascination, and something else that Jeno can’t seem to put a finger on. A pool of stardust collects at the corners. Jeno wants to swipe them away. “Makes you feel small, doesn’t it?” Renjun says with a sigh. Jeno snaps out of trance, and lightly squeezes Renjun’s hand. He gets a squeeze back.

Jeno wants to tell him that it doesn’t matter to him, because right now Renjun was all that mattered to him. That Renjun, on his small shoulders, held Jeno’s world. That in his small, delicate hands, he held Jeno’s heart. And that Renjun, in this moment, was all, no, more than all the magic and wonder the cosmos and constellations had to offer. Illuminated under the moonlight and stars, Renjun is beautiful. He yearns to tell him, but he doesn’t. The feeling spills from his heart, and he hurts. It seeps into his lungs, and he can’t breathe. It gathers in his throat, chokes him, and stays there. Jeno coughs. “Yeah, makes you wonder if aliens could really be out there.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and lightly shoves Jeno with his shoulder. He giggles, and Jeno feels triumphant. They arrive at the fast food shack, the place bustling with life that presents itself only on summer nights. They order, and seat themselves in an empty booth at the back, away from the mass of people also trying to stuff their stomachs.

Renjun tells him stories from China as they eat, clearly exaggerating some bits ‘for dramatic effect’ he said, when Jeno had looked dumbfounded and full of disbelief.

(“So, aliens could very well be real if a nine-tail fox and four-headed dragon is real.”

“Well...”)

He tells him of myths, and legends, and folklore, and other tales that peaked his interest. Stories that his mother told him, that made Renjun who he was. Jeno listens in fascination, in awe of how Renjun was full of so much feeling, so much thought, despite being the same age as Jeno, who never gave much thought to anything. His friends never spoke the way Renjun did. Their voices were never as soft yet powerful, the way Renjun’s was when he voiced his thoughts- and boy did he voice them. But, it worked, because Jeno liked to listen to all that spilled from the crevices of Renjun’s mind. It helped to get to know him more. It made Jeno fall in love with him more.

“Oh,” Renjun stops, “I’m sorry. I’m just blabbing without letting you speak.”

“No, no it’s fine. I like listening to you speak.”

Renjun blushes prettily, a delightful rosy hue tinging his cheeks and ear. “Okay. But tell me, what makes Jeno Lee, Jeno Lee.” He reaches over the table and places his hand on Jeno’s, caressing it with his thumb. Jeno pulls away briefly to lock their fingers together. A small smile appears on Renjun’s face as he looks at their hands, and Jeno smiles too, as he looks at Renjun.

“Well...” Jeno begins. He proceeds to tell Renjun about his family, and that they were loving but strict. How he tries to meet his parents’ expectations, or dreams, of him. How he has an older sister he looks up to for being so strong minded and resilient. How he has been best friends with Donghyuck and Jaemin for so long that, although they annoyed him sometimes- or all the time- he wouldn’t be himself without them. Jeno confesses that he wants to branch away, someday. Do something else other than science or commerce, like dancing or music. He tells him his troubles of being stone-faced or his cold exterior, that made it hard for people to get close to him, and he thanks Renjun for being the one person that did. Renjun offers a smile and a light squeeze of his hand in return. Jeno admits, that he had joined this class out of the blue and out of foolishness, and wanted to switch out, but Renjun made him stay. With that, he looks up at Renjun, who had been staring at him ever since he began his little heartfelt speech. Renjun’s lips were parted, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to. Jeno understood. The feeling, the expression, was all familiar to him. He felt exposed, all of a sudden, and the hand that was attached to Renjun’s felt too hot and sweaty and burned. Jeno pulls away. He averts his eyes, and rubs the back of his nape with his hands. Renjun frowns at the loss of contact, but doesn’t let it last for more than a split second. Jeno doesn’t miss it though. His heart aches. Jeno stands up and stretches, the tension in his shoulders and thighs from sitting too long wanes away.

“Think we should go now. A fast food chain isn’t ideal for sitting and talking too long, is it?” He picks up both his and Renjun’s trash, discarding them into the bin.

“Yeah.” Renjun says, barely audible. He moves to stand up and stretch as well. “Let’s go.”

On the way home, they found themselves at a playground, not too far from the campus. Renjun insisted on going on the swings, and who was Jeno to deny Renjun anything? So now, Jeno is pushing a bubbly Renjun on the swings. Every time Jeno pushes harder and the swings goes higher, Renjun lets out a squeal and dangles his feet in the air. The wind cards through Renjun’s hair, pushing it away from his face as he soars.

“If you keep pushing me this hard,” Renjun yells from the top, “you might just send me to the stars.” He finishes on the way down.

Jeno scrunches his nose and laughs, amused. “Well, I better stop then.” He says, humouring Renjun. He drops his hands to his side and moves to stand in front of Renjun. “I wouldn’t want you flying off without me. I’d be lonely.” He feigns sadness, pouting his lip. Renjun laughs, loud and clear, into the summer night. The sound travels with the wind, and hits Jeno in the heart. The wind gets harsher as the night deepens, and Jeno is breathless. Renjun continues to swing freely, the wind surging and carrying him higher still. Unbound, without worry, and so full of glee; so out of reach. The feeling from before wells up in Jeno’s lungs, and he feels like he is drowning. Renjun observes Jeno, who stood before him, looking at him, yet not quite there. He looked lost, and forlorn. Renjun’s smile melts away, as he furrows his brows, and drags his feet on the ground to stop the swing. Renjun hops off, and goes over to Jeno.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks, fondly squeezing Jeno’s arm. Jeno feels a pull from his heart, and he is back on the ground. He locks eyes with Renjun’s, and is enchanted again. Renjun blinks up at Jeno’s eyes, trying to make sense of the haziness he sees within the them. “Jeno?” He calls, stroking his arm.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jeno pulls away from the touch, and Renjun frowns again.

Renjun bites his lip. “Okay.” He accepts the response, and walks away. “I’m going to try the slide.” He chimes, trying to lift the sullen mood. Jeno follows him, eyeing the slide as they got closer. The slide started at the top of a giant, rope maze- a spider-web of sorts. The climb is high, and hard, Jeno thinks as he glares at the web.

“It looks hard. You’ll get hurt.” Jeno warns, but to no avail- Renjun had already begun climbing.

“Nonsense. I live for thrills.” Renjun huffs, pushing hair out of his face and hoisting his body up another level. Jeno scoffs, knowing very well that Renjun was exactly the opposite.

Few minutes later, and Renjun is tangled in the network of ropes. “How does anyone expect little kids to do this?” He sobs. “It’s like a death trap! They’d fall through the holes!”

“What did I say?” Jeno scolds, despite trying to stifle a laugh as he watches Renjun struggle.

“Now is not the time to laugh, Jeno!” Renjun shrieks, and Jeno chuckles. It’s when Renjun starts wailing, a bit dramatically, that Jeno decides to step in.

“No! No no! Then you’ll get trapped too and then we will both be stuck and then what!” Renjun yells, shooing him away. “I can do this.” As if he had suddenly gained energy, Renjun makes his way up the rest of the maze. He stands at the top of the slide, cheering victoriously. Jeno claps, giving him a big thumbs-up to show how proud he is. Renjun smiles so hard his cheeks hurt, but it’s worth it, to see Jeno return it the same way. “Okay, I’m coming.” He sits at the top of the slide, wiggling slightly to adjust his position. Jeno walks over to the front of the slide, and stands with outstretched arms. He wriggles his fingers invitingly, and Renjun beams.

He has miscalculated, Renjun thinks, as he pushes himself off the ledge and down the slide. It is very high, very slippery, and Renjun is screaming. He zips down the slide so fast he flies off, and lands on the ground on his butt, hard. He sits, and blinks. Jeno gapes, arms still outstretched. He stares at Renjun’s blank expression, and when the latter finally winces in pain, Jeno erupts into laughter. The hysterics made Renjun look up, and glare, unamused at the way Jeno was laughing despite the immense pain Renjun is in.

“Jeno!” He shouts, kicking his feet on the ground. He crosses his arms and continues to glare up at the boy. Jeno, still doubled over in fits, sees Renjun clearly upset and composes himself. He wipes the corners of his eyes and clears his throat.

“Aww I’m sorry.” He coos, extending a hand out. Renjun stares daggers at the outstretched limb, before giving in. Jeno chuckles, and pulls him to his feet. Renjun dusts off his pants, face scrunching in pain as he brushes the back. He looks up at Jeno, whose face was still split in a smile. Renjun sighs, and when his breath hits Jeno’s lips, does Jeno realise how close they were. As he looks down at Renjun, he realises the proximity of their lips. Jeno’s eyes locks with Renjun’s glassy ones, and when the latter’s eyes flicker down to Jeno’s lips, does he take the plunge.

“Renjun?” Jeno whispers, breathlessly. He gets a small hum in response.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, pleads, edging closer to Renjun’s lips.

Renjun parts his mouth, breath hitching in his throat. “Please.” He breathes, and Jeno cups Renjun’s face and leans in to seal his lips. He locks his lips with Renjun’s small, plush ones, exhaling deeply in satisfaction. Renjun gets on his toes, pressing harder as he kisses back, clutching at Jeno’s arm with one hand, and threading his fingers through his hair with the other. Jeno pulls away, and Renjun whines. He smirks at Renjun, as he snakes his arms around the smaller boy’s waist and lifts him up. Renjun giggles and uses the opportunity to latch onto Jeno’s body. He wraps his legs around Jeno’s hips, and smiles as he proceeds to continue the kiss. Jeno tightens his hold around Renjun’s waist, and allows himself to be kissed. Renjun breaks away, winded, lips brushing against Jeno’s. With bated breath, Jeno places one last peck on Renjun’s lips, before he leans his head back to take in the sight. Renjun is breathtaking. His lips are full and red, and he looks so delectably undone that Jeno is awestruck. Jeno nuzzles his nose against Renjun’s shoulder and sighs.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Renjun confesses, resting his atop of Jeno’s.

“Me too.” Jeno says, his breath tickling Renjun’s collar.

“You should have.”

“I could say the same for you.”

Renjun opens his mouth to argue, but decides against it. “Touché.”

Jeno laughs into Renjun’s shoulder, as he spins him around. He dips Renjun, who throws his head back and squeals in delight, clinging tightly onto Jeno’s body. Jeno takes the chance to press kisses along Renjun’s neck. He laughs, jerking away because it tickles. Jeno chuckles against Renjun’s neck, nuzzling smooth skin with his nose. Pulling back upright, he allows Renjun to slips back onto the ground. He cups Renjun’s face, leaning down to peck his nose lightly before capturing his lips again in a soft, chaste, kiss.

“Should we head back now?” Jeno asks softly, lips detached from Renjun’s, yet daring to meet them again. Renjun sighs, eyes fluttering open. He nods. Jeno smiles.

“Let’s go then.”

∞

“My butt still hurts.” Renjun whines on the way back, rubbing his backside with a pout. Jeno laughs aloud, the clear sound echoing through the empty streets. Renjun glowers at him.

“Your roommates’ are going to think you put out on the first date.”

Renjun gasps, scandalised. “Jeno!”

The latter continues to giggle cheekily, dodging Renjun’s hand that came to wack him on the shoulder. “Bye. I’m going home by myself.” Renjun huffs, picking up his pace.

“Aww Injunie,” Jeno calls, taking larger steps to resume position beside the smaller boy. “Don’t be mad.” He slips an arm around Renjun’s waist, pulling the boy closer to his side. “I’m sure they wouldn’t believe you to put out any-“

“Oh my god! Jeno!” Renjun screams, shoving Jeno off the footpath. Jeno stumbles onto the pavement. He throws Renjun a smirk, trying not to laugh at the enraged boy before him. Renjun glares, before turning around and marching off.

“Okay, okay!” Jeno jogs to catch up to Renjun, pulling his arm to turn him around. He loops his arms around Renjun’s shoulders, and pulls him closer to his chest. Renjun frowns, jaws locked. Jeno laughs, sheepishly. He cups Renjun’s face and pecks his lips. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop with the crude jokes now.” Renjun grumbles incoherently, then sighs; burying his face into Jeno’s shoulder. For a while, they stay like that, in each other’s embrace. Jeno breathes deeply, filling his lungs with enough summer night air and love as possible. Renjun pulls away slowly, taking hold of Jeno’s hand and tugging him along, as they make their way back home.

The night is dark. The air is thick with heat, and love. The stars burn brighter.

∞

Jeno wakes the next day with the thought of Renjun. It’s 9:15am, and Jeno already wants to see him again. He rolls over in his bed, burying his face into his pillow as he recalls the previous nights’ events. Renjun was his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Like a mantra, he chants, over and over again in his head, to convince himself that it really happened; and just so he wasn’t dreaming, he pinches himself. Ouch. Yeah, not dreaming.

He leans over to the shared bedside table, and pulls his phone out of the charger. He sends a quick good morning text to Renjun, before shooting up and heading to the bathroom to wash up. Stepping over Donghyuck’s clothes and his own shoes, he stumbles into the bathroom, feeling spirited.

He emerges to see his phone lit with a new notification.

“That thing won’t shut up.” Donghyuck grumbles, still half asleep. He rolls over in his bed and pulls his pillow over his head.

Jeno picks up his phone. “There’s only two notifications. It dinged twice.”

“Twice too many.” Comes the slurred reply, and Jeno rolls his eyes. He turns his attention back to replying to Renjun’s cute good morning message, coupled with a kaomoji.

So cute.

Jeno is about to reply when his stomach growls, and he decides he needs to eat something before his stomach eats itself.

‘Join me for breakfast?’ He sends, still hoping that he can see Renjun today and satisfy his heart.

‘Sure. Pick me up?’ Renjun replies, and Jeno kicks his feet.

‘Of course.’ And an abundance of heart emojis because Jeno is sappy like that. Jeno skips over to the closet and pulls on his cleanest clothes.

“Hyuck, I’m going out for food, do you want anything?” Jeno calls, slipping his head through his t-shirt. “One time offer. Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Breakfast muffin.” Donghyuck says, voice muffled from the pillow. “The mixed berry flavour.”

“Okay.” Jeno slips on his shoes, calling out a quick farewell before slipping out the door.

Jeno opens the door and guides Renjun into the café. Renjun cocks his head at the gesture, but stays quiet and allows himself to be lead in. They order pancakes, muffins, and coffee, and Jeno places his hand over Renjun’s when the latter goes to reach for his wallet.

“I’m paying.” Jeno says, taking his wallet out of his pocket. “I have to make up for yesterday.”

“So, this is a date?”

“No, this is me relationship-ing. On a date, I would plan and dress better.”

Renjun giggles as they settle into a booth. “I think you look great. Freshly showered, minty breath, tussled hair, and all.”

“Not good enough for a morning kiss though.” Jeno sighs, feigning to be hurt that Renjun hadn’t greeted him with a kiss.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jeno Lee.” Renjun says, but leans over the table to plant a kiss on Jeno’s cheek anyways. Jeno pouts, lips pursed out, unsatisfied. Renjun laughs softly, yet reaches to give a peck to his lips anyways.

“That’s still not a real kiss Injunie.”

“Hmm,” Renjun rests his chin in his hand and hums, “you can get a real one later.” Jeno pouts again, prompting a cheeky smile out from Renjun. Soon, their food arrives, and kisses are forgotten as they scoff it down in silence. When they are done, and Jeno makes sure to grab Donghyuck’s muffin, they head back to the campus.

“Are you busy today?” Jeno asks. The sun is starting to reach peak for the day, making him squint to see Renjun.

“Yeah actually, I have to help Chenle with his assignment because he is still struggling with Korean. Then, I need to work on some of my own stuff. I also promised to call my family today, because I haven’t done so in a week…” He trails off when he notices the disappointment on Jeno’s face.

Jeno faces Renjun and smiles, masking the disappointment. Really, he knows Renjun’s busy being organised and smart, unlike Jeno, so he shouldn’t complain. He just really hoped to spend the day with Renjun, and get to know him as Renjun the boyfriend rather than Renjun the friend.

Renjun, doesn’t buy it. He pulls on Jeno’s hand, stopping him in his tracks, and cups the taller boy’s face, leaning up to give him a kiss. He pulls away, and pecks his nose, before threading their fingers together and continuing to walk.

They soon arrive in front of the campus, much to Jeno’s chagrin. Renjun stops to pull Jeno into a tight embrace, resting his head on his shoulder. Jeno wraps his arms around the smaller frame, before shifting his head to plant a kiss on Renjun’s head. He pulls away, allowing Jeno to deliver a proper kiss, a real kiss, on his lips, before sending him off. When Renjun’s figure disappears at the corner of the street, Jeno sighs, walking through the brass gates and back to his dorm.

∞

“I miss him so much.” Jeno whines, stretching his body over the table, causing everyone in the study-hall to scowl at him for the umpteenth time. Monday came around slower than expected, and Jeno hasn’t heard from Renjun since he texted him in the morning. It was noon now.

“Jesus,” Jaemin rolls his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh, “you would think snagging the boy would get him to stop whinging, but he is still whinging.” As if on cue, Jeno wails. Jaemin rolls his eyes again.

“You can’t blame him,” Donghyuck says, looking up from his scripts to poke at Jeno’s head, “he’s in love, and Renjun’s cute.”

“So cute, so so cute.” Jeno mutters. Jaemin pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Oh.” Donghyuck perks up, removing his feet off the table. “Speak of the devil.”

“What?” Jeno gawks, peeling his cheek off the table, making sure to wipe his mouth in case of any drool.

He turns around and sure enough, Renjun is standing at the entrance of the hall, scanning the room. His eyes catch Jeno’s and he smiles softly, making his way over.

“Hey.” Renjun says softly as he approaches the table. He glances at the Donghyuck and Jaemin warily, giving them a small nod in acknowledgement.

“Hey.” Jeno smiles. He takes a hold of Renjun’s fingers, giving them a soft squeeze.

“I was looking for you. I even texted you.”

“You did?” Jeno takes his phone out of his pocket to see 2 new messages from Renjun. “Oh. Sorry. It was on silent.” He smiles, sheepish.

“Hmm, it’s okay. I just searched practically the whole campus.” Renjun says, and Jeno grits his teeth. Oops. Renjun regards Donghyuck and Jaemin again, who simply stare at him, and his cheeks colour. “Are you free right now?” He asks, focusing on lightly swaying their connected hands.

“Yes! I’m free!” Jeno shoots out of his seat. Renjun looks over at his friends, hesitant.

“Are you sure?” He asks, looking up at Jeno.

“Yes, he is. Please.” Donghyuck interrupts, practically begging. “He’s been whining about missing you the whole day. Please, take him away and save us from this misery.”

Jeno blushes, turning to scowl at Donghyuck, who shrugs, smirking. Renjun giggles, and Jeno blushes harder. He pulls Renjun away from his friends and out the door before they embarrass him any further.

Jaemin watches them go, then turns around to Donghyuck.

“That’s Renjun.”

Donghyuck looks at him and squints.

“The Renjun who came here with Chenle,” Jaemin explains, “who is Jisung’s foreign exchange friend.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck sets his papers on the table, tilting his head, “what about it?”

“Renjun, our Jeno’s boyfriend and object of intense affection, is a foreign exchange student. It’s the first time I’ve seen him properly so I never noticed.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck drawls, “what about it?”

Jaemin stares at Donghyuck for a while, until the latter gapes, eyes blown wide. “Oh.”

“Exactly.”

“So where are we going?” Jeno asks, swinging their interlocked hands and they idly walk through the campus.

“Nowhere really.” Renjun admits, leaning his head on Jeno’s shoulder. Despite Autumn arriving soon, the sun still blazed away, unbothered. It was hot, and their hands where clammy, a puddle of sweat had gathered between their hands, yet neither of them made an effort to pull away. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

Jeno smiles, sympathising with him. “Let’s go to the park then.”

“We always go there. It’s basically our go-to spot now.”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Renjun peers up at Jeno, and the latter clears his throat. “Let’s go to the park and make out in the cubby house.”

“Jeno!” Renjun pulls his hand away and shoves Jeno, making the latter stumble. Jeno laughs, wrapping his arms around Renjun’s shoulders.

“So, no?”

“The children will be scarred.”

“And if there are no children?”

Renjun doesn’t reply, staring at the path straight ahead instead of Jeno, who smirks at him. Jeno takes his hand again, and drags him out the gates, to the park a few blocks down.

“I can’t believe there are no kids here.” Renjun says, bewildered at the sight of the empty park. Jeno grins, pulling Renjun into the confines of the wooden house at the back of the playground.

“It’s boiling, and it’s almost lunch time. Of course, there are no kids here.” Jeno says, matter-of-factly. Renjun tuts, and Jeno’s grin grows. He backs up against the wall, pulling Renjun into his lap. Jeno hums in satisfaction, once Renjun settles down onto his lap, before snaking a hand along his middle and pulling him in. Their lips meet, and Jeno exhales deeply. His breath hits Renjun’s skin, and Renjun pushes closer, wanting more of Jeno’s mouth. Jeno licks at Renjun’s bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open, and slides his tongue inside. He pulls lightly on Renjun’s hair, and the boy whimpers into his mouth. Jeno strokes Renjun’s cheek with his thumb, caressing his back with the other hand. Renjun balls his hands on Jeno’s shirt when he sucks on Renjun’s tongue, making his entire body heat up. They lose track of time, only to pull away when their lips are sore. Renjun rests his head on Jeno’s shoulder, breathing hard against his neck, while Jeno wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist and strokes his back. Renjun nuzzles his nose against Jeno’s skin. “I’m hungry.” He mumbles softly, sitting up to face Jeno. His lips are swollen, eyes blown, and Jeno’s heart swells with love and pride.

“Maybe we should order food? We’ll go back to my dorm now.”

Renjun hums in agreement, crawling off Jeno’s lap. Stepping out of the wooden house, Jeno wraps his arm around Renjun’s waist, taking him back to the campus. They order pizza, back at Jeno’s dorm, and eat while watching TV. They chat too. Jeno asks Renjun how his family is, and then tells him about how he misses his cats back home. Renjun laughs, because Jeno is so allergic but so in love with his cats he’d die for them, and Jeno thinks Renjun’s laugh is the most wonderful sound he’s ever heard.

He is so in love.

∞

“This was a terrible idea.” Renjun grumbles, squirming in his seat in Jeno’s lap.

“Really?” Jeno mumbles, placing kiss after kiss on Renjun’s neck. “I think it was a great idea.” He strokes the smooth skin on Renjun’s stomach from under his shirt, continuing to kiss Renjun’s neck and cheek like a man on a mission.

“I shouldn’t have agreed.” Renjun sighs, pressing his back against Jeno’s chest, as he kisses away at his neck. “We are getting nothing done here. I knew agreeing to work in your dorm was a bad idea but…” He sighs again, as Jeno draws soothing circles into his skin.

Jeno hums. “We have time. We’re almost done anyways.” He sucks the skin under Renjun’s ear, then kisses the spot gingerly. Renjun hisses.

“It’s due next week.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh my god my eyes!”

Renjun and Jeno look up at the new voice. Donghyuck stands at the ajar door, hands covering his face. Jaemin pushes past him, Mark in tow, and smiles when he sees the couple.

“Oh wow.” He says, crossing his arms. “Progressing fast I see. Making up for short time?”

Jeno lifts an eyebrow in question, but he doesn’t get to voice it, as Renjun leaps out of his lap. He clears his throat and begins to pack his books, flaming cheeks hidden by his hair.

“Stay.” Jeno says, tugging on Renjun’s sleeve. Renjun bites his lip, contemplating, before settling back down- on the bed, away from Jeno’s lap. Jeno’s content, though.

“What are you guys even doing here?” He throws the question to his friends, who are currently raiding his fridge, and flicking through the TV.

“I live here-“

“Not you, Hyuck. And, usually, you don’t. You live at Mark’s.”

Donghyuck sticks out his tongue.

“We’re here to watch your TV, eat your food, and play your games. What else?” Jaemin replies, shutting the door to freeze shut, as he carries out a tub of ice-cream.

Jeno rolls his eyes, and Renjun smiles. Jaemin finger guns at Renjun, before making his way over with the tub and a spoon. “Want some?”

Renjun accepts the offer, mumbling a quick ‘thanks’, while digging out some ice-cream from the tub and shoving the cold treat into his mouth. “Join us.” Jaemin says, grabbing Renjun’s hand, tearing him away from Jeno’s grasp, and settling him in front of the TV with Mark and Donghyuck. Renjun looks back to catch Jeno’s bemused expression. He giggles. Jeno wants to cry, already missing Renjun. He goes to join them, but to his dismay, there’s no space near Renjun, as he was squished between Donghyuck and Jaemin on the couch. Begrudgingly, Jeno joins Mark on the floor.

The rest of the afternoon is spent with all five boys sharing ice-cream and fighting over what to watch. Renjun, quite overwhelmed with it all, remains quiet, only giggling whenever Jaemin and Donghyuck teases Jeno. Renjun stands up to leave just as they finish the movie, excusing himself with the fact that it was late and he needs to go home.

“I’ll walk you.” Jeno says, standing up and shaking his legs back to life.

“No,” Renjun glances over at his friends, “it’s fine.”

“No seriously I’ll-“

“Let him walk you, or we’ll have to listen to him mope that he couldn’t walk you back.”  Jaemin calls out, without turning away from the second movie that started to play.

Jeno goes to smack him on the head, to which Jaemin counters, still engrossed on the movie. Jeno looks up at Renjun, and shrugs, rubbing the back of his nape.

“Okay.” Renjun smiles, accepting the offer. He grabs his bag and makes an exit, Jeno trailing behind him.

The sun had already set, and the night sky washed away all daylight. Time went by quickly, Jeno realises, and he didn’t even notice. Crickets chirp away, and everything is still. “It’s so quite. No wind today.” He whispers, just loud enough for Renjun to hear him. He hums in response, taking a deep breath, smiling as he lets go.

They walk hand in hand, turning for Sicheng’s apartment once they left the campus grounds.

“Your friends are nice.” Renjun speaks softly, as if not wanting to damage the tranquil atmosphere of the night. “Funny too.”

Jeno scoffs. “Try being with them every day. You’ll eat your words.”

“Hmm, but they really care for you.”

Jeno ponders over the words, and eventually, agrees. “Yeah, they do.”

They arrive at the familiar bricked building, and release their hands.

“This is me.” Renjun says, hands behind his back.

“This is you.”

It’s almost déjà vu. Almost. Because unlike before, this time, Jeno leans down and captures Renjun’s lips in his. He places his hand on the curve of Renjun’s back, rubbing soothingly. Renjun pulls away first, leaning in to rub their noses together. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispers, breath hitting Jeno’s lips, and then he’s gone. Jeno sighs, serene, walking back to his dorm.

“You guys are still here?” Jeno chides, setting his shoes aside. He gets no reply. He walks over to the couch, shoving Jaemin to make room for himself.

“Welcome back.” He mutters, too transfixed on the movie to acknowledge Jeno any further. The movie ends soon, thankfully, because Jeno didn’t understand a bit of it. His friends stretch and groan, relieving the tension from their muscles.

“Renjun is so cute.” Jaemin says abruptly, facing Jeno.

“I know. He is.”

“It’s such a shame though. If he was staying longer, then we could’ve become close.” Donghyuck pipes in. Mark and Jaemin nod and hum in agreement.

Jeno frowns. “What?”

His friends stare at him curiously. “What do you mean?” Jaemin searches Jeno’s confused expression. “Don’t you know?” When Jeno doesn’t reply, scowling more, Donghyuck takes a sharp breath.

“Oh my god, you really don’t know?”

Jeno turns to Mark, frantic, desperate for answers. An unsettling feeling latches itself to his chest, and Jeno is being crushed.

“Jeno,” Mark begins, cautiously, “Renjun’s a foreign exchange student.” Jeno nods, urging for him to hurry up and continue because he knows that.

“He’s leaving once this semester finishes.” Jaemin continues. “You really didn’t know? He never told you?”

Jeno chokes up. The feeling in his chest wells up to his neck. He wants to hurl.

∞

Jeno arrives at his chemistry lecture 10 minutes late, sleep deprived. His eyes burn, from the lack of sleep or crying, Jeno doesn’t know. He had texted Renjun, but got no reply, anxiety stinging and crawling its way throughout his body. He slides into his seat, ignoring Renjun’s pinched look of concern. Jeno will ask him, later; hopefully his friends are terribly mistaken and Renjun’s here for good.

Hopefully.

Renjun doesn’t try to speak to him the entire lesson, but halfway through, he puts his hand over Jeno’s and keeps it there for the rest of the period. The lecture ends, finally, and Jeno shoves his laptop into his bag. He didn’t even use it.

“Hey.” Renjun murmurs softly. He rubs Jeno’s hand soothingly, and Jeno feels his nerves relax. “What’s wrong? You look terrible, and that’s saying something because you, literally never, look terrible.” He angles his head to catch a better glimpse of Jeno’s downcast expression. Jeno’s throat burns. He doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know if he wants to hear, in case the truth hurts more than he does now.

“Is it because I didn’t answer you last night?” Renjun asks, scooting closer to Jeno. “Sorry. I was busy with Chenle and only checked my phone this morning. What is it you wanted to talk about?”

By now, the room was empty, the two of them being the only occupants. Renjun presses against Jeno’s side, and pecks his cheek, before ducking down to give Jeno a small, apologetic smile. Jeno shift towards him, looking the smaller boy straight in the eyes.

“Renjun.”

“Yes?”

“..at the end of this semester… Renjun are you- are you leaving?” Jeno chokes out, avoiding Renjun’s gaze, avoiding the answer that shows in his eyes.

Renjun blinks at him, before his heart stops, and his eyes double in size. “Jeno… you didn’t know?”

The blood drains from Jeno’s face. “Oh god, how- how come you didn’t-“

Renjun stops when Jeno breaks into a sob, leaning his head on Renjun’s shoulder. “You didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Jeno, I did. The first day.” Renjun holds Jeno’s limp frame in his arms, rubbing his back. His heart, breaking away at every sob that escaped Jeno’s mouth, that shook his body. “I didn’t hide it from you. You never spoke of it, so I- I assumed you just- oh Jeno,” He closes his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Jeno, I’m so sorry.”

Jeno pulls Renjun’s body tighter against his, burying his face into his shoulder. He doesn’t speak, and neither does Renjun. Jeno cries. Renjun, silently, prays.

“I can’t believe I completely forgot such a huge fact.” Jeno says, shaking his head in disbelief. “How could I just, overlook it? How am I so stupid?”

Renjun shifts closer to Jeno, burying his face in Jeno’s chest. They lay in Jeno’s bed, with Jeno’s arms wrapped around Renjun, holding him close, lazing away the rest of the day in contemplative silence.

“It’s not your fault. I pursued this too.” Renjun mumbles, his voice even more delicate, almost broken. “I shouldn’t have led you on. I completely disregarded my time here I was just so busy thinking about you and I-“

“You didn’t lead me on.” Jeno interrupts. Renjun peers up at him, meeting Jeno’s eyes. “I liked you from the beginning. Even without this, I still wouldn’t want you to leave.” Renjun takes a deep, shaky, breath. Jeno presses his lips against his temple, and Renjun lets go, choked sob escaping his lips. “Somewhere, at the back of my mind, I knew. I knew, but I didn’t want to face reality, I guess…”

“I know. Me too.” Jeno replies, lips grazing Renjun’s hair. “So, what happens now?”

The question has Renjun shifting away to look at Jeno properly. “What do you mean?” He says, frowning.

“You know what I mean, Renjun.”

Renjun sighs, resuming his position in Jeno’s embrace. “Nothing. We keep going.”

“And after these 3 weeks are over?”

Renjun doesn’t reply. He nuzzles his face against Jeno’s chest, before placing a kiss over his heart. Jeno closes his eyes.

∞

Jeno sighs, resting his head on the cool table. He sits on the courtyard benches, with Jaemin and Donghyuck, under the mercy of a large tree shading them from the sun.

“You would think the heat would die down a bit,” Jaemin says, fanning himself with his notebook, “with autumn just around the corner and all.”

“I hate the sun.” Donghyuck grumbles, stretching himself over the table. “It needs to fight me.”

Jeno sighs again, exasperated, beaten down by the events of the past two days. “I’ve really done it. I’ve really fallen this deep.” Jaemin reaches across the table to pat Jeno’s head. “I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s everywhere in my head. How am I supposed to-“ He stops, not wanting to say it out loud yet.

“Yeah. I mean, you held on to him the whole night, in this heat! If I didn’t feel sorry for you, I would’ve been grossed out.” Donghyuck grimaces, then gently rubs Jeno’s back when he notices his downtrodden expression.

Jeno sits up, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t think I can live without him.”

“Nonsense.” Jeno turns at the voice, to see Renjun standing behind him, eyebrows pinched. He takes the seat beside Jeno, placing a hand on his arm. “Of course you can live without me.”

“This looks like a private moment between you two star-crossed lovers,” Jaemin interrupts, getting out of his seat, “so Hyuck and I are going to go. Good luck you two.” Donghyuck nods, trailing after Jaemin as he walks away. Jeno turns back to Renjun, moving his head closer until their lips meet halfway. A chaste kiss.

“How do you know that?”

“Because,” Renjun pecks Jeno’s lips again, and again. “I believe in you to be strong, for me at least.” Jeno buries his face into the crook of Renjun’s neck. His head begins to hurt, and his heart feels heavy. “Let’s not think about the future, focus on now, okay?” Renjun whispers, softly kissing the shell of Jeno’s ear. Jeno hums, pulling away to smile at him. He thinks, that Renjun’s right. He needs to stop mulling over the dreadful circumstance of their relationship, and take what he can get now. He gingerly takes Renjun’s hands in his, giving them a light squeeze. Renjun smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Jeno sympathises with him.

“Let’s not go out of routine, okay?” Renjun says, playing with Jeno’s hands.

“Okay. Library then, usual spot?”

“Let’s go.”

∞

Jeno spends the next 3 weeks showering Renjun with love. Renjun reciprocates, equally, with kisses and hugs. Donghyuck decides to move in with Mark for the remainder of the semester, leaving with the suggestion that Renjun could stay with Jeno instead. He left Jeno with a hug, and a smirk. Jeno thinks, that Donghyuck really is his best friend for a reason.

Renjun moves in, sort of, bringing over half his things from Sicheng’s apartment. Jeno wakes up and falls asleep with Renjun in his arms, and for a while, he forgets. He teaches Renjun how to play Guitar Hero, and Renjun totally destroyed him after he got the hang of it. Jaemin knows Jeno let him win, but when Renjun blushes and pinches Jeno’s arm, and Jeno purses his lip, Jaemin smiles. Jeno plays the real guitar for Renjun, and he is mesmerised. Then Renjun sings, and Jeno, yeah, mesmerised. Jeno takes Renjun’s hand and shows him how to dance, hands on his hips to guide him when Renjun moves all wrong but just right. They kiss all the time, and Jeno tickles Renjun as he does and Renjun’s laugh goes straight to his heart. Jeno wants to record it. He meets Chenle when the kid drops by so Renjun could correct his assignment. Jeno wonders how someone as soft as Renjun could know someone as loud as Chenle, then he remembers when he and Donghyuck bullied Jeno and Mark into rapping in front of the courtyard, dousing them in embarrassment as they cackled, and when he spots Renjun pulling Chenle into a deadly headlock out of the corner of his eye, he understands.

They finish the project, well, Renjun finishes the poster whereas Jeno hands him markers when asked. Finals come around, and Jeno is swamped, cramming an entire semester’s worth of information into a week. Renjun is more relaxed, because he has his life together, so he helps Jeno study and rubs the stress out of Jeno’s back, arms, head, heart.

Jeno blinks. The semester is over.

“I packed my stuff from Sicheng’s place and brought them over.” Renjun says, shutting the door with his foot as he hauls his bags into the room. He sets them beside the door. “So, you know, it’s easier…”

Jeno hums, beckoning Renjun to lay with him on the bed. Renjun walks over, crawling onto the bed until he is above Jeno. He leans down, for a soft kiss, then lays down on top of him. With his head on Jeno’s chest, Renjun can hear his heart, a dull thumping hitting his ears.

“It beats for you.” Jeno says, and Renjun feels his chest tremor as he speaks. He scrunches his nose.

“Your so cheesy.” He says, smiling. He closes his eyes, and relaxes in the rise and fall of Jeno’s chest, as he breathes deeply.

Jeno chuckles, and Renjun feels it in his bones. “And my lungs, breathe for you.”

“Oh my god.” Renjun groans, lightly hitting Jeno’s chest as the latter laughs. Jeno wraps his arms around Renjun’s body, rolling to the side until Renjun lay on the sheets. “I bid farewell to Professor Moon.” Renjun draws tangents on Jeno’s chest, dragging his finger slowly over the grey shirt. Jeno closes his eyes. “He told me he’d like to see me again, said I could help him with models and presentations, if the future allows it.”

Jeno stays quiet. Renjun’s talented. He is smart and full of ideas, good at art too. He could go anywhere. Jeno’s eyes begin to sting. “I’m so proud of you, for getting us that A.”

“We did it together.”

Jeno scoffs. “Like I understood anything. Besides, that poster was what really stole the show. You really demonstrated how the world’s ‘going to pop’, in the most subtle and colourful way.” Renjun laughs, breath tickling Jeno’s neck. “We have one more day-“ Renjun hushes him, snuggling closer into his chest.

“I’m tired from packing and yelling at Chenle all day. Let me not stress anymore.”

“Okay, okay.” Jeno pets his head, lulling the tired boy to sleep. “Goodnight.”

∞

Jeno wakes with dread. Renjun’s missing from his side, and he feels the world tilt, throwing him off balance. Steadily, he gets up, checking to see if Renjun was in the bathroom. He wasn’t. Immediately, he turns to the front door, spotting Renjun’s bags still on the floor. He breathes. Shuffling back to his bed, he sits, head in his hands. Renjun’s probably gone out for a walk, or to see his friends, or something, and Jeno’s already panicking. How is he supposed to cope when Renjun’s gone for good?

A few minutes pass, and Jeno’s still in the same posture, when the front door opens.

“Hey,” Renjun greets, shutting the door behind him. “You’re finally up! I went to finalise some things with Chenle and Sicheng over breakfast.” Jeno watches as he takes a seat beside him. Renjun waves a brown bag in front of his face, beaming. “I got you some.”

Jeno takes the bag out of Renjun’s hand and places it on the table. He turns back, leaning in to capture Renjun’s lips in his. Renjun smiles into the kiss, a hand coming up to caress Jeno’s cheek, while the other is used to balance himself on the soft mattress. Jeno curls his arm around Renjun’s waist, gently pushing him onto the bed, as he works his mouth open. Renjun exhales deeply, breath tickling Jeno’s skin. Jeno slides his hand down to rest on Renjun’s hips, rubbing soothing circles. Renjun pulls on Jeno’s shirt, urging him closer, until their bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Perfect.

Jeno feels a rush of emotions course through his body, and suddenly, he’s tearing up. Renjun notices, and breaks away, panting. “Hey. It’s okay.” He strokes Jeno’s cheek lovingly, whispering softly against his lips. “I’m still here.” He pulls Jeno down into a tight embrace, and Jeno smothers his tears into Renjun shirt. He doesn’t say anything, a glum feeling washing over his own mind and heart. Sniffling, Jeno pulls away, avoiding eye contact with Renjun, who sits up immediately, hands lingering on Jeno’s arms. Jeno wipes his tears on sleeves of his shirt, clearing his throat, he turns to give Renjun the best smile he can muster. Renjun’s heart breaks. Jeno’s stomach churns aloud, breaking the glum mood. They giggle.

“I think you should eat.” Renjun says, reaching over and picking up the brown bag, he takes out a croissant, holding it to Jeno’s mouth.

“Yeah. Okay.” And he takes a bite.

“I think I’m going to apply to work here.” Jeno says, pointing to the help wanted sign at the top of the counter. He takes a lick of his mint ice cream. “Now that the schooling year is over, my parents won’t complain.” Renjun hums, too busy focusing on lapping up the beads of vanilla-chocolate-chip ice cream that trickles down his cone. Jeno turns to him and laughs, using his finger to wipe away the dot of ice cream on Renjun’s nose, that scrunches up on touch.

“Summer’s over.” Renjun states, placidly. “There’s no point.”

“True. But this place reminds me of you. This was the first place I brought you to.” Jeno gently bumps shoulders with Renjun, who blushes.

“Then you’ll never forget me. You’ll never move on.”

“I never want to forget you. I want to move on, with my memory of you.”

Renjun stays quiet, resting his head on Jeno’s arm.

His ice creams drips onto his hand.

Jeno takes Renjun to the playground next- the one with the slide of death. He watches Renjun kick at the fallen leaves, scattering them across the footpath in whirls of golden-orange and umber. Guiding Renjun to the swings, he sits down, then pulls him into his lap.

“It’s going to break.”

“You weigh like nothing. It’s fine.” They swing at a steady speed, Jeno’s feet grazing the ground due to his height and Renjun’s weight. Renjun frowns to his side. Jeno follows his line of gaze, then laughs.

“I hate that slide.” Renjun complains, burning down the contraption with his eyes.

“Really?” Jeno says, voice lilting. “I happen to really like it.”

Renjun faces him with a scowl. “My tailbone died because of it.”

“True. But I kissed you under it.”

Renjun grumbles, something about how he was taken advantage of in a moment of painful vulnerability, and Jeno laughs, lifting Renjun off his lap as he stands up.

“It’s getting dark already.” Jeno mumbles, watching as the blue sky burns into gold. “We should head back.”

“Already over, huh?” Renjun murmurs, eyes drifting to the sky, then beyond. Jeno stays silent, taking his hand, he strokes the skin with his thumb, and takes him home.

“What time is your-“

“Nine, in the morning.” Renjun answers Jeno, shutting the door behind him.

“Okay. Are you hungry?” Jeno asks, settling down on the bed.

“Not really.” Renjun says, desolate. He scans the room. In three short weeks, Renjun had learnt to call this small accommodation home. He looks at Jeno, and he thinks, home.

Jeno opens his arms, calling Renjun into his embrace. Renjun folds himself against Jeno’s body, as he lays them down onto the bed. Jeno presses his ear against Renjun’s chest, feeling his heart pulsate against his ribs. His eyes blur, salty tears welling at the edges, before spilling in fat drops down his cheek. He releases a shaky breath, softly sobbing into Renjun’s chest. Renjun feels his heart wrench, and he feels his eyes sting. He closes his eyes, small droplets trickle out of the corner of his eyes, before disappearing onto the pillow, staining the fabric.

“I don’t want you to go.” Jeno mutters, words chipped and broken. “I want you stay. I just got you” Renjun gulps back the stream of sobs lodged in his throat. “I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to not see you again. I like you so much, Renjun. I lo-“ He chokes, a sob leaving his body. Renjun doesn’t hold back anymore. He lets the tears flow. “Will you- will you come back for me? Renjun, will I see you again? If I text you, if I call you, can we still-“ Jeno stops, because he knows. He knows they can call, or text, or video-chat, but, it works for the first few weeks, or months, and then? Nothing. Jeno doesn’t continue, because he knows Renjun has a life Jeno hasn’t seen. Family, friends, a new year of education, waiting for him. Jeno doesn’t want to hold him back. Jeno doesn’t want to burden him with a long-distance relationship. He wants Renjun to live freely, even at his own expense.

Renjun strokes Jeno’s hair, comforting Jeno despite the bleakness of his own heart. He wants to answer him; wants to tell him that he wants to stay too, and that if he had known before, he would have never signed up for such heartbreak anyways. He wants to tell Jeno that he wants to see him again, in a few months- or if must be- years. He wants to tell him that they can call and text and video-chat, even if it ends miserably, because he doesn’t want to let go either, because he loves him too. Renjun doesn’t voice his feelings, because Jeno’s soft breathing indicates that he is asleep, and because the weight of the words are too heavy for his tongue, for his young heart, to bear.

Jeno sleeps, nestled against Renjun’s chest, wet lashes glistening. Renjun breathes deeply, holding Jeno’s sleeping frame in his arms, weaving promises between the strands of his hair.

∞

Morning comes, and Jeno feels like death. He watches Renjun scurry around the apartment, drying his hair whilst putting on his clothes, because they woke up late and he needed to be at the airport in an hour.

“Jeno,” Renjun calls, “get ready. Sicheng will be here to pick us up soon.” He sees Jeno’s despondent form slouched on the bed. Renjun walks over to him, tenderly kissing his temple, nose, then lips. Jeno sighs. “Okay, let’s go.”

Sicheng arrives, and he ushers Renjun and Jeno into the back seat, patting Jeno’s back as he steps into the car. The drive to the airport is quick, too quick. Jeno hugs Renjun’s body the whole ride, nuzzling his nose against Renjun’s cheek. Renjun holds his hand and presses his lips to Jeno’s fingers, over and over again, unspoken vows with every kiss.

Sicheng and Chenle enter the airport first, Renjun and Jeno tailing behind. Jeno holds on to Renjun’s fingers, mind filling with the desire to just pick him up and run away. He helps Renjun with his luggage, then they sit and wait for the announcement. No words are shared, only soft touches, soft kisses. They call. Jeno’s eye’s blur again. Renjun stands up, pulling Jeno up into an embrace. He kisses his cheeks, then kisses his lips for the last time.

“I’ll call you.” Renjun says. His voice feels raw. “I’ll text you when I arrive. I’ll call you tonight, at home.” Jeno nods, lips pressed together tightly, as he urges the tears back. “Jeno, this isn’t goodbye. We can make this work. We have to try. Please?” Jeno sniffs. “I believe in you. I believe in us. If the future allows for it, I’ll come see you.”

Jeno pulls away to kiss Renjun once more, softly touching his lips. “Please don’t forget about me. Please don’t leave me behind.” He murmurs, lips lingering on Renjun’s.

“Idiot.” Renjun sighs, a puff of air hitting Jeno’s lips. Little did he know, Renjun had made all those promises already. Etched them onto Jeno’s skin, pressed them to his lips, threaded them through his hair, whispered them to his heart. The final call arrives, and Renjun, reluctantly pulls way. He waves, a timid turn of the hand, then turns away. Once Renjun had disappeared through the gates, Jeno puts his hand down.

Renjun didn’t turn around, once.

∞

∞

∞

Jeno tugs his coat tighter to his body, as he waits at the gates of the terminal. Even within the walls of the airport building, Jeno can feel the cold, winter wind seep through the cracks. He rubs his bare fingers together, warming the blood under his skin to life. He glances at the overhead sign, reading again that the Beijing to Incheon plane had landed. He frowns.

He should be out by now.

Jeno paces along the line of seats just outside the gate, keeping an eye out for a familiar figure to emerge through the gates. Minutes pass. No sign of him. Jeno deflates, and is about to sit down when he sees him. Jeno jumps, waving his arms in the air, trying to grab his attention. Their eyes meet, and they share a smile.

∞

(“Injunie, baby, you need to get off me. I can’t carry you, and your stuff.”

“No.”

“Injunie~”

“I’m never letting go.”

“Fine. Hold on tight then.”

“Okay!”

Jeno groans, bending down to pick up Renjun’s luggage, while balancing Renjun himself, around his waist. Renjun giggles, seemingly delighted at Jeno’s struggles. He kisses the tip of Jeno’s frostbitten nose, then wraps his arms around his neck, snuggling against him.

“I’m home.”)