Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She’s sitting at her desk when Stephanie comes over to let Kat know that someone is at the front desk, is here to see her. And it’s odd, because she doesn’t have the kind of job at Scarlet where people come to meet her, much less unannounced. The only person she can think who it might be is—

“Surprise.”

Adena.

Adena has returned and she’s walking up to her, smile on her face, rejecting a handshake in favor of a hug.

Relief and a giddy sort of feeling overtake her, and she sinks into the hug, wraps her arms tight around Adena, squeals, “oh my god” beneath her breath.

Adena is back from Iran, but she doesn’t know why her texts went unanswered and she can’t help but bring it up as they make their way into the conference room.

She feels both guilt and dread as Adena explains, “We’ve been hearing for a while now that American immigration officers are looking through Muslims’ phones. So, I ditched mine.”

She doesn’t even know how to respond to the weight of such an admission, so she keeps focused on the texting aspect of it. And when Adena tells her that she did receive the photo that she sent, she can’t help but cringe and wonder why she did that and try to explain it away, until—

“You touched me here too.”

She’s glad that it’s mutual, whatever this new sort of connection is that she’s been feeling. But she can’t explain it beyond that and she’s not even sure what to say. So she shrugs and she looks down at her phone, and she’s thankful when Adena starts talking again.

“Anyway… My manager told me that you needed something from me, for the magazine?”

She breathes a sigh of relief, relaxes her posture and explains—

“Your article was really popular. So we want to do a little follow-up interview. If you could sit down with one of our writers…I think Alex probably has some time?”

“I have to run today, unfortunately. I’m meeting with some Persian acquaintances to talk…” Kat tilts her head, curious, and leans a little closer, but Adena doesn’t finish her thought. Instead, a solemn sort of look passes over her face that makes Kat frown in concern. “But perhaps early next week? I think my Monday afternoon is free.”

Kat observes her body language, the shift in her energy, and she can’t help but ask—

“Adena…is everything okay?”

Adena gives her a sad smile, folds her hands in her lap.

“Things are, ah…things are getting worse,” she admits, cautious. “Especially in light of the election here, and the new administration. Even with my visa, it was, ah, it was difficult for me to re-enter the country, arriving from Tehran. I have never been questioned so much by an immigration officer.”

Anger flares up from within her, and a fierce sort of protectiveness toward this woman that she’s just getting to know. It isn’t fair. None of this bullshit is fair.

“Adena…I-I’m so sorry.”

She watches as Adena swallows, nods.

“It is anticipated that any day now, the President will renege on the nuclear deal.” She hates that she doesn’t have substantive knowledge of what this means, that she’s heard about this deal on the news but never with any meaningful explanation. “If that happens, I, and many others,-- we are fearful of how our country may choose to retaliate against the U.S.”

She doesn’t know the details of what’s going on politically, but she understands enough to connect the pieces and realize that—

“And worried about what might happen to visa holders here,” Kat hedges, and Adena nods again.

There are tears starting to well in Adena’s eyes and she ducks her head down, delicately swipes away a tear beneath her eyeliner with her thumb. Kat aches to reach out to her, to pull her into a hug and assure her that everything is going to be okay. But she can’t promise that. She has no control over any of this, and she hates that she feels helpless to do anything.

“I’m sorry,” Adena sniffles, forces a smile. “Forgive me, I did not mean to burden you with this.” She stands from her chair at the conference table, adjusts her purse on her shoulder. “I’ll make sure Firuze follows up with Alex about a meeting time.”

“Adena, hey, wait,” she says, standing up to meet her. “Come here,” she encourages gently, holding her arms out.

Adena pauses for the briefest moment, and then she is stepping into Kat’s arms, allowing herself to be enveloped in a hug. It’s different than their earlier embrace, stronger and more vulnerable. Kat has one arm wrapped around her shoulder blades and the other encircling her lower back, holding Adena tight against her while she tucks her head into the curve of Kat’s neck.

“I’m so sorry, Adena,” she whispers, cheek pressed into the satin of her hijab. “You shouldn’t have to be worried like this.”

Adena doesn’t say anything in response, but she makes no move to step out of the hug, and Kat would be content to hold her like this for the rest of the day if it meant making Adena feel safe.

But eventually Adena pulls back, sniffles and wipes at her eyes before giving her a heartbreaking smile.

“Thank you, Kat.”

“Anytime,” she smiles back, resisting the impulse to cup Adena’s face, swipe away her tears with her thumb. “And hey, if there’s anything I can do, to help with all of this, please let me know.”

They start walking together towards the exit and Adena answers, “I will. Though I am perhaps luckier than some others. My visa just recently got renewed. So, unless extreme measures are taken, I have some time. I am more fearful for the people with pending applications.”

She nods, processing the information, and doesn’t realize until they’re nearly at the elevators that she still doesn’t have Adena’s new cell number. She tells Adena as much, and they both pull out their phones, making sure to get each other’s contact info.

She has Adena’s number, and Adena is about to leave. But they don’t even have future plans together, and are they friends now? It definitely feels like they are, and Kat knows she wants to see her again soon, to see how she’s doing.

“Hey,” she says, before she can second guess herself. “Do you wanna grab a drink together this weekend or something?”

Adena smiles at her, a genuine happy smile that eases the worry swirling around in her stomach.

“I don’t drink,” she answers, and fuck, she totally forgot about that. “But I would love to see you,” she continues, earnest as ever, and Kat smiles back. “Perhaps a café? I know a fun place, not far from the waterfront.”

“Sure,” she agrees, that unfamiliar giddy feeling swelling in her chest again. “Sounds great.”

Less than 48 hours later, she wakes on Friday to news that the U.S. has severed many of its agreements in the Iran Nuclear Deal. Everyone on social media is reacting, even though she knows most people are oblivious to the implications. It’s the clickbait of the morning, the thing for liberal millennials like herself to be angry about.

But this news means something to her, something tangible and real. Because somewhere here in the city, Adena is waking to the same news, is likely hearing about it from fearful phone calls.

She turns on the actual news channel on her tv, something she almost never does, and sends a text off to Adena.

Watching the news and thinking of you this morning. I’m so sorry. Hang in there, Adena.

It feels hollow, that that’s the best she can offer. An apology and some vague encouragement. She’s still thinking about Adena’s words from the other day, the worry in her eyes, beneath the fierce feminist bravery, when she finishes showering and getting ready for work.

She’s still thinking about the news, obsessively clicking on news articles in desperate search of better understanding and some glimmer of hope, during her morning at work. She knows that Jane and Sutton can tell something is wrong.

“Kat, hey, what’s going on with you?” Sutton asks when she passes by her desk again, hand on her shoulder and eyes searching her face.

She grips at her phone and stares back at Sutton with wide eyes, finally standing to steer them towards the fashion closet and snagging Jane along the way.

“It’s Adena,” she says quietly, once the door is shut behind them. “This deal…all the crap in the news today…If this escalates any further, if Iran retaliates…she thinks it will jeopardize her immigration status. If not now, then in the near-ish future.”

There’s not much that her best friends can do for her but listen and be there for her, and that’s exactly what they do, each hugging her before they have to return to work.

Kat takes a deep breath, tries to anchor herself to return to her work day.

“You really care about her,” Jane says, a gentle observation. But also, she knows, an invitation to talk about it some more.

“I do,” she answers simply, not wanting to unpack all of her tangled-up emotions right now.

“I’m sure she appreciates it, having someone who really cares about what’s happening,” Jane says, and then she leaves it at that, giving her one last shoulder squeeze before heading back to her desk.

“Love you,” Sutton says, leaning in to give her one last quick hug, and then she’s out the door.

A couple minutes later, just as she’s ready to leave the fashion closet herself, her phone buzzes with a new text.

Thank you. It means a lot that you reached out.

She chews at her lip, immediately types out a response.

Do you still want to meet up tomorrow? I’d understand if you didn’t

It takes a couple minutes for a reply to come through, and she’s back at her desk when her phone buzzes again and she sees—

Yes. I still want to see you. I refuse to put my life on hold over this.

Then—

Would you meet me at Café de Flore at 7:30? Does that work?

She does a quick Yelp search to see where this place is, what it’s like, and sees decent ratings and a few images of a colorful café.

Yes :) See you tomorrow!

She’s hanging out at Jane and Sutton’s place, half-full glass of wine in hand and only partly paying attention to their banter when a totally stupid idea crosses her mind.

“—and Richard’s been all stressed about some board drama that he won’t explain to me so— …Kat, are you even here right now?” Sutton laughs, waving her hand in front of her face and snapping her out of it.

“Wha—yeah, sorry, I’m listening,” she assures, and Jane eyes her with suspicion.

She makes an effort to listen better, but she also does a quick google search on her phone at the same time, typing out—

marriage green card how to

She clicks on the first link that looks promising, scrolls through the details. She looks through the information, sees that people have to demonstrate the legitimacy of their relationship to a USCIS officer and undergo an interview.

Maybe it’s because she’s always been a bit impulsive, or maybe it’s because she’s had two glasses of Merlot. But regardless of the reason, she interrupts the current convo, cuts in with—

“What if I married her?”

Jane and Sutton both freeze, turning toward her.

“Excuse me, what?” Jane stares.

“Adena. What if I legally married her, so that she could get a green card?”

“Did you spike her wine with something?” Sutton asks Jane, and Kat rolls her eyes.

“I’m serious. I’m a social media master. I could totally craft a believable fake relationship for the feds. Look,” she says, handing over her phone to display the page she’s been looking at. “It’s definitely possible.”

“I aspire to be as ridiculously confident as her,” Jane says to Sutton, and Sutton scooches over on the sofa to wrap her arm around her shoulder.

“Lovin’ the can-do spirit, babe. And how much you care about her situation. But this is…”

“Crazy,” Jane concludes. “Kat, this is crazy.”

“Plus, say you actually decided to consider this. Do you really think Adena would ever go for it? You two hardly know each other.”

She shrugs, takes another sip of her wine and looks back down at the web page. The more she thinks about this ridiculous idea, the less ridiculous it sounds.

“I dunno. I guess the only way to know would be to ask her.”

“Kat, wait,” Jane says, sounding more alarmed. “You aren’t seriously considering this, are you?”

She thinks about Adena, her cracked composure and the tears in her eyes the other day, the fear that she saw. And she thinks about their hug, about the way that Adena fell apart, for just a small moment, in her arms.

“I—…I need to do some more reading. About what it would involve, and if I could pull it off. But yeah, I am.”

For this first time in possibly ever, she thinks she’s actually stunned her friends to silence.

By the time she arrives at the café in the evening to meet Adena, she’s spent a good chunk of her Saturday reading up on marriage-based green cards. And she’s more convinced than ever that they could pull this off, if Adena wanted to.

When Adena greets her, wraps her in a hug and then says, “they make the best lattes here,” with a big smile on her face, Kat is confident in her decision. Adena’s art and activism matters, now more so than ever probably, and if she wants to stay in the U.S. long-term without fear of deportation then Kat will help make it happen. 

They talk about other things first though, and Kat waits for the right time to bring it up. The opportunity comes soon enough, and they’re sitting together in a secluded corner, knees pressed together under the table because the space is so small, when Adena is talking about her artwork.

“There is a photo series concept that I have been considering for some time, to document and portray Islamophobia in America. But I have to decide if I want to prioritize other smaller projects,” she explains, leaving the rest unspoken. That she has to make decisions about what she most wants to accomplish in New York, because she may not be here in 14 months, if that.

“What if you didn’t have to prioritize them? What if you had the time and the space to do everything you want to do?”

Adena smiles even as she looks at her with confusion, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“What do you mean?”

She rests her hand against Adena’s on impulse, as if trying to convey without words the gravity of what she’s about the suggest. Adena doesn’t seem to mind though, gently holding her hand and tangling their fingers together against the table.

“I have a proposal for you,” she says, and only realizes afterward how literally true that is. She laughs quietly, shaking her head, and then looks into Adena’s eyes. “A pretty crazy one, but I’m gonna ask you anyway.”

“Okay…” Adena encourages, resting her chin in the palm of her free hand and leaning in with curiosity.

“What if I helped you get a green card? So that you wouldn’t have to worry about leaving the U.S. in a year or getting deported at some point.”

Adena smiles, entertained but not truly understanding.

“Kat Edison, do you secretly work for U.S. customs and immigration?”

She shakes her head, looks down at the table to take a deep breath before meeting Adena’s eyes again.

“No, but I’m single. And I’m not really a relationship person anyway,” she says quietly, and Adena’s hand stills in hers. “And, if for some reason down the road, I wanted to be with someone long-term for real, legal marital status with him wouldn’t really matter to me.”

She sees the pieces clicking together in Adena’s mind as Adena stares at her silently with wide eyes. Then, finally—

“Kat...Are you—what are you saying, exactly?”

“I’m saying that, if you wanted to, I’d falsify a relationship with you and legally marry you. To get you a green card.”

Adena continues to stare, searching her face for any hint of jest or dishonesty.

“I…” Then, “You’re serious about this.”

She doesn’t pose it as a question. Adena can see the truth of it in her eyes.

“I’m a social media expert at Scarlet. It’s what I do. If anyone can publicly fake a relationship and make it believable, it’s me.”

Adena is quiet for a long time, but she’s not laughing and she doesn’t look angry, so Kat lets them sit in silence together, because she knows it’s a lot to process.

“Obviously you don’t need to decide right now. This is kind of crazy, I know, and it’s a lot. But, just think about it, ok?”

Adena finally pulls herself out of her own thoughts and answers, “Kat…I, I’m speechless at your offer. At your generosity and the kind of risk you would undertake for me. But, things are not that bad for me. Not worrisome enough to lie to get a green card. And even if they were, I couldn’t possibly accept something of such magnitude from you.”

She expected as much from Adena, and she doesn’t try to push it too much. This is a huge deal and they’ve only recently met and started getting to know each other. She would’ve been shocked if Adena gave her an easy yes. But there’s some kind of deeper connection between them here, some purpose. And so still, she wants her to know—

“Adena, I get that this is kind of wild and we barely know each other. But your artwork matters, and could make such a difference in people’s lives. It already does. And if I can be someone who helps make sure you get to stay safe and keep sharing your art with the people who need to see it, then I will.” She pauses, collecting her thoughts before continuing, and Adena is quiet.

“Look, it’s not…it’s not very often that there’s a clear opportunity to do something meaningful, something real that I know could make a big difference. But this is one of those things. So just…think about it. And I’ll trust your judgment if you say it’s not necessary.”

Adena seems to really listen to her and take to heart what she’s saying, so Kat drops it once Adena nods and says, “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

She has no idea what to do with their conversation now, and she takes a long slow sip of her latte, hoping that Adena will change the subject.

“I cannot believe I invited you to coffee once and you’ve already proposed to me,” Adena grins, breaking the awkwardness and joking with her, and Kat easily falls into the banter.

“What can I say, you know how to charm a girl,” she grins back, giving her a dramatically flirtatious wink, and Adena laughs. “Showing her all of New York’s finest lattes.”

Adena shakes her head in amusement before changing the subject.

“So tell me more about this job of yours. How do you like working at Scarlet?”

It’s all over the news on Tuesday. That Iran opposes the new sanctions, is angered by the U.S. decision to violate the international agreement. That in response they’ve announced the reinstatement of their nuclear weapons production.

The U.S. President is speaking to cameras at a press conference, rambling about the threat of terrorism from Iran, and yes we will do everything in our power to stop it, and see this this why we need to build a wall. She’s not sure what Mexico has to do with any of this, but the xenophobic sentiment still stands.

The President is preaching open animosity against Iran, and Kat feels dread settle heavy in her stomach.

She reaches for her phone, opens her iMessage conversation with Adena while she sits at her desk. It makes her heart ache, because just yesterday they were texting back and forth about fun insignificant things. Nothing too substantive, because Adena doesn’t like texting very much. But she finds that Adena is indulging it more and more for her, and Kat encourages her with funny gifs and emojis.  

She sees where their conversation left off, on a silly note, and it feels impossible to name what is now happening. That the very things Adena has feared are coming to pass.

Adena must be reading her mind somewhere in the city, because right as she’s about to click on Adena’s contact info, her phone starts buzzing with an incoming call.

“Hey, Adena,” she greets softly. “I’ve seen the news. I was just about to call you.”

“Kat.” She can already hear a waver in Adena’s voice, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

“How are you holding up?” she asks, pretty sure she already knows what the answer is going to be.

“I’ll do it,” Adena responds, voice clear and determined. Kat hears her sniffle just once.

“What?”

“I’ll do it, Kat. If we can go over all of the details together, and it still seems like we can make this happen, then I’ll do it. I’ll marry you. If the offer still stands.”

She freezes at her desk, eyes darting around at her co-workers going about their day, oblivious to this conversation. It takes her a moment to remember that Adena can’t see her, that she’s left her in silence for several seconds.

“I—really? Okay. Okay, yeah,” she responds, collecting herself. “Let’s do this. Let’s work on a plan together. Do you want to come over to my place tonight for dinner? I can order in something.”

“Sure, yes,” Adena agrees. “Thank you, Kat. For everything. It means the world. I’ll see you tonight.”

Her heart is starting to beat fast, the reality of it all slowly hitting her, and she tries to make some humor out of it.

“See you tonight, fiancé.”

Adena laughs through the phone, and Kat is grateful that she could make her smile.

“Tentative fiancé. I haven’t agreed to a plan yet,” Adena teases, reminding her, and Kat smiles in her spot at her desk.

“Okay, okay. See you tonight, tentative fiancé.”

Chapter Text

Adena arrives at her building just a couple minutes after seven and Kat buzzes her in, makes her way over to her front door as soon as she knocks.

When she opens the door, Adena is standing there in a cute flowing top and high-waisted jeans, purple hijab wrapped artfully around her head. But her make-up is more muted than usual, and Kat realizes it’s because she has very little eye make-up on. There’s a weariness to her posture and she can only imagine it’s been a long stressful day for her. She can’t help but wonder if she was crying at one point, if that’s why her eye make-up looks scrubbed clean.

“Hey.”

Adena gives her a gentle smile, and Kat steps back to allow her entry.

“Hi, Kat.”

“I’m glad you made it, come on in,” she ushers with a smile, and Adena enters her apartment, slowly turning around to survey Kat’s living space, curious.  “How was your day?” she asks, and then immediately regrets it. “Nevermind, dumb question.”

“My day was pretty terrible,” Adena agrees with a small laugh and a grimace, and Kat steps closer to her. “I did sort of get engaged, though,” she adds, teasing and acknowledging why they’re here. “That was nice.”

Kat follows along, reaches for her left hand and lifts it toward her. “No ring? You sure she’s a keeper?”

As hoped, it elicits a laugh from Adena and Kat smiles along with her, realizes that they’re now accidentally holding hands in the space between them. 

“I’m not sure, I guess we’ll see,” she answers, eyes bright and leveling Kat with a look.

She gets caught in Adena’s gaze for a moment before swallowing, ducking her head down and letting go of her hand.

“I’m sorry, Adena,” she says, quieter, when she looks up again. “For everything that’s happening. The situation it’s put you in.”

“Is ok,” Adena assures, stepping forward and sweeping Kat into a hug before she even registers what’s happening. “I am so grateful for you, your willingness to do all of this.”

Kat reaches up, encircles Adena with her arms and holds her tight, presses her chin into the side of her head.

“Of course,” she murmurs. “I don’t want anything bad happening to you.”

When Adena steps out of the hug, there’s a pensive uncertain look on her face.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Adena questions, searching her eyes.  She looks nervous, like she’s questioning her decision to even consider this, and so Kat gives her a smile, guiding them both over to the sofa to sit down.

“I’m sure,” Kat nods, sinking back into the cushions and watching Adena fidget with her hands in her lap. “Hey, it’s ok. We’re just planning right now. You can always decide, either one of us can, not to go through with it.”

Adena nods and exhales a slow breath, allowing herself to relax into her spot on the sofa. 

“But, we can’t plot on an empty stomach,” she continues, and Adena smiles. Kat reaches for the couple of take-out menus that she left out on her coffee table. “Do you like Thai food? There’s this great place right up the block that delivers.”

They sit together on the floor, backs pressed to the base of the sofa and food containers strewn across the coffee table. She waits until Adena has truly relaxed into being here, eating her veggie pad thai and laughing with her, to talk about their plan.

“So…assuming they don’t do anything to current visa holders, you’ve got 14 months left before you’d have to leave the country, right? Without having another visa renewal?”

“Correct,” Adena says, takes a sip of water. “I cannot say for sure, but I, and many others, suspect visa applications will be getting denied more. I think it is unlikely they will renew mine again.”

“And, you want to stay here in the States? If you have the choice? Not somewhere in Europe, or…”

“I like New York. Though,” Adena laughs, “it is not the most beautiful city I have lived in. But it is so…vibrant here. And much of Europe is seeing its own conflicts with immigration, islamophobia. London, Paris…they are not so much safe havens nowadays either.”

She knew this, logically. Has seen it in the news. Still, it hurts her heart to hear it confirmed by Adena, to know that safety is always elusive for her and getting worse.

“Okay…” she considers, collecting her thoughts. “So, if we do this…I don’t know about you, but it seems to me like if we’re gonna do this, we need to get married in nine months or so. Since it can take a while to get an interview and then the results. I don’t want you running out of time while we’re trying to finalize it.”

Adena hums, lips pursed in consideration, before nodding. “I agree. I think having a five-month buffer to complete the process is wise. So…nine months.” Adena pauses, eyes full of uncertainty. “I did some reading myself. It seems as though…two major things they will be looking for, that I think will be hardest to fake are, living together…and, a wedding.”

Ah, so that’s why Adena has that look on her face. She rushes to assure her, having already thought about this.

“Yeah, so, as far as the wedding goes, I had an idea,” she says, excited, and Adena gives her a cautious smile. “I think this will actually be easier for us, as a same-sex couple. ‘Cause like, it’d be pretty suspicious for a straight couple in this situation to run off and have a vacation wedding. But, I think for us, we can just say that our families don’t approve. Not because of nationality, but, y’know, because of sexual orientation.”

Realization dawns on Adena’s face, the genius of it. But then—

“Vacation wedding?” A slow smiling is spreading across Adena’s lips, amused, and Kat waggles her eyebrows.

“I’m thinkin Maui.”

“You want to get married in Hawaii?” Adena laughs, eyes sparkling at her with a sort of fondness that makes her pulse flutter. “How adventurously romantic of you.”

She feels a blush creeping up her neck, cheeks flushed, and clears her throat.

“Ha-ha,” she deadpans, regaining her composure. “For real, though. Think about it. I bring Jane and Sutton along, you bring someone that you trust too. We fake a small intimate ceremony, photograph the hell out of it. Tell the officer we decided to do it that way because our families don’t approve and your family is out of the country anyway. Plus, who doesn’t love a good destination wedding? It’s totally believable.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Adena smiles, shaking her head in equal parts disbelief and amusement. “But also…very clever.”

“Why thank you,” she grins, quietly relieved that Adena agrees, that she didn’t take offense to the idea.

“Mm okay, so let’s say that is the final step. That if we commit to this and it all plays out, then we go to Hawaii in nine months. Then…what about the rest of this?”

She finds some confidence and reassurance in the fact that Adena is still indulging this idea, is still eating Thai food next to her and talking about fake marriage and not fleeing her apartment yet.

“I’ve thought about the living situation part too,” she says, to acknowledge Adena’s worries. “And…you’re right. I don’t think that’s something we can easily fake, or even should try to. I think…I think we’ll have to actually move in together at some point, both pay rent and expenses. To make this believable.”

That guarded uncertain look is flitting across Adena’s face again.

“I could never burden you like that, Kat. Make you sacrifice your own independent living arrangement for me…I feel guilty just thinking about it.”

“Well, you shouldn’t,” she assures, resting her arm along the sofa cushion, not quite putting her arm around Adena’s shoulder. Their skin is barely touching but Adena leans into the contact, turns to look at her more fully, searching her face. She is startlingly close suddenly, and Kat swallows, finds herself looking into Adena’s eyes. “I really wouldn’t mind, Adena. It’s only for a few months. Plus, getting you as a roomie for a little bit? I could think of a lot worse things,” she smiles, trying to ease her mind.

There is a quiet awe settling into Adena’s features, a raw sort of vulnerability that makes Kat want to run away and pull Adena into a fierce hug at the same time.

“Why?” she murmurs. “Why would you do all of this for me?”

Logically it’s a fair enough question. They barely know each other and this is an enormous thing to do for someone, involving a lot of personal sacrifice and risk. But the more impulsive, the more emotionally invested part of herself bursts forth with—

“Because I want to.”

Adena folds her hands together in her lap, stares down at the rug.

“You say that now…”

“Exactly,” she says, finally moving to rest her hand on Adena’s shoulder. She rubs her thumb in soothing circles. “I say it now. And I mean it now. And I promise…I swear to you, Adena, if this ever starts to feel like a burden, like I can’t go through with it anymore, I’ll tell you. And I’d hope the same from you. But until, unless, that happens…please believe me when I say I want to do this for you.”

Adena is quiet for a long time, long enough that Kat worries she’s decided to back out, that she’s going to stand up and leave any second. But finally, there’s a slow almost imperceptible exhale of breath. And then there’s a soft, simple—

“Okay.”

A tentative smile sneaks across Kat’s lips, cautiously hopeful. “Yeah?”

Adena nods, then surprises her by leaning over to rest her head on Kat’s shoulder, and she wraps her arm gently around Adena’s back, accepting the move even as her heart beats rapidly in her chest.

“Yeah.”

They sit together in comfortable silence, processing, and she can’t explain why sitting together on the floor like this feels so right. Can’t explain why there’s a quiet warmth emanating from her chest, from holding Adena like this. Until finally she realizes it’s because of how invested she is in this, already. How protective of Adena’s safety she feels, and how settling it is to have Adena accept her help.

She traces absentminded patterns against Adena’s arm, until she eventually lifts her head, breaks the silence with—

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

Kat smiles, reaches for her take out container again. “We’re really doing this. Now, let’s figure out the fun stuff…”

They talk for hours after that. About how Jane and Sutton fit into all of this. (They have to know, they already kind of do.) About social media. (Kat will document the relationship convincingly on all the platforms she uses. Adena will stick to Instagram.) About the timeline of it all. (Become official in a month. Move in together in four months. Get engaged in six. Married in nine. Portray it all as an impulsive emotional love affair, make it as realistic as possible.) And a whole lot about each other, just to get to know one another.

It’s almost 11:30 by the time Adena is insisting that she really should leave, that it’s late, and Kat reluctantly agrees.

The one thing they haven’t talked about though, is—

“What next?” Kat asks. “I mean, when should we meet up again?” She’s hoping that it’s soon. She sort of loves being around Adena, talking to her.

Adena is standing next to her near the front door when she answers, “How about Thursday? What time do you get off work?”

She smiles, glad that Adena seems to be on the same page.

“Uhh 5:30, I think? Yeah, 5:30. I don’t have any evening stuff on my work schedule Thursday.”

 “Great. Could we meet soon after that, while there is still natural light?”

Kat looks at her quizzically, not opposed but trying to figure out what Adena is getting at.

“You have told me a lot about how to make people in your life believe you’re falling for someone. But you did not ask me the same.”

It’s more teasing than accusatory, but still she feels guilty, wonders if she overpowered the conversation with her own ideas.

“Adena, I’m—”

“Is fine, Kat,” Adena smiles. “Don’t worry. But,” she continues, looking into her eyes, “people who know me know that when I start falling for a woman, really falling for her…she becomes my muse. I am quite predictable that way.” She bites her lip, shaking her head at herself.

Kat’s heart races, even though she’s not entirely sure what that means, and she feels a blush coloring her cheeks at the intimacy of the admission.

“What I mean is, if you want people to believe I’m falling for you, Kat… then I need to start photographing you.”

She knows that she’s still blushing, unexpectedly, and she silently prays that Adena doesn’t call her out on it.

“Oh. Sure, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I’m down. Let’s meet Thursday then. Say, 6:30? Just text me where you wanna meet up.”

Adena has a knowing smile on her face, eyebrow arched slightly, but she’s mercifully quiet about it.

“Okay, I will.” She steps forward, gives Kat a too brief hug. “Thank you again, for everything.” She pulls away and then she’s at the front door and Kat is opening it for her. “Sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Adena.”

She falls asleep trying not to think about how much she likes the idea of being Adena’s muse.

“Kat.” Jane sets down her cocktail glass, stares her down with wide eyes. “You’re seriously doing this?”

She ignores the background chatter of other happy hour goers and focuses in on her best friends.

“Yep, it’s happening. If it all goes well, we’re gonna get married in May. Be sure to put that on your calendar, by the way. We’re going to Hawaii. I’ll pay for your tickets.”

“Wha—Ok, hold on,” Sutton interjects. “We’ll come back to Hawaii in a moment, because, wow. But, Kat. Can we talk about what a terrible idea this is for a sec?”

She’s on the defensive immediately, ready to make her case. But before she can even get a word out, Sutton adds—

“Not because it’s illegal.”

“Though that is worth mentioning,” Jane adds.

“True. But more importantly, because you totally have a crush on her!”

She scoffs at the very insinuation, stirs her cocktail around with the straw.

“Wha- No. Please, I do not have a crush on her. I admire her. There’s a difference.”

Jane and Sutton share a knowing look and she scowls at the both of them, takes a sip of her drink.

“Kat, babe,” Sutton counters. “You had a sex dream about her. Are we not gonna address that, or?”

“Not to mention,” Jane chimes in, “you can’t even talk about her without getting all, like…”

“Giddy. And smiley,” Sutton supplies, and Jane nods in agreement.

“I know this might be news to you, but what you’re experiencing right now is a crush,” Jane says with a bit of humor, but also quite serious.

“Right,” Sutton continues. “And normally I’d be like, totally excited and teasing you mercilessly. But instead you decided to marry her and apparently are oblivious to the fact that this is gonna get, like, really complicated probably. Because feelings.”

There’s so much to respond to, to argue back about how wrong they are, but the first words that come to mind are—

“I don’t do feelings. You know this.”

Her friends have got it all wrong. Yes, she had a sex dream about Adena last week that was maybe kind of intense and maybe has made her question her sexual orientation. But that’s lust. That’s different. And if she really decides that she wants to try out sex with a girl, then she can just…find a girl to have sex with.

Of course she likes to be around Adena. Who wouldn’t? Adena is an amazing compassionate person with an interesting life. And she’s also someone whose immigration status and nationality make her particularly vulnerable right now. If she feels anything, it’s worry. And protectiveness.

“Oh, honey,” Sutton sighs, and it sounds almost pitied. “You’re so in denial.”

“So what?” she fires back. “Say you’re right. Even though I think you’re way off-base. Say I do end up having a crush on her. I’d still go through with it. You think I’d let a silly crush keep Adena from access to a green card?”

“Kat,” Jane says, voice gentler. “You know we love you, and we’ll support you no matter what. You just…have a habit of ignoring your own feelings. And we don’t want to see you get hurt. Especially with how intense this whole thing is.”

“It’ll be fine,” she assures them. “I can look out for myself.”

They share another look, and she knows they don’t believe her, but at least they drop it for now. She knows her friends mean well, but she’s got this. They don’t need to be worried.

“Soo…what’s this about Hawaii?”

Adena photographs Kat early Thursday evening, in an old used book store with lots of windows and natural light. Adena tells her not to pose too much, to just wander with her and talk to her and pretend like the camera isn’t there.

It ends up being easier than she realizes, and after a while she doesn’t even really notice the clicking sound.

Adena has a soft smile on her face the whole time, tells her stories about her travels, about how she fell in love with photography. Adena points out dusty vintage books and reads aloud the French titles etched into some of them, and Kat feels her stomach flutter. Adena grabs her hand gently, as if it’s second nature, and pulls them over to the poetry section.

That’s how she finds out that Adena collects books of Rumi’s work, that she buys them whenever she stumbles across unique versions that she doesn’t own. Kat’s too embarrassed to say that she only knows who Rumi is because of how Beyonce named her twins, that she knows nothing about his poetry.

But that night, after the bookstore, after dinner and her first snapchats and first instagram post of them together, she lays in bed and she googles him on her phone. She scrolls through his poems and she absorbs the beauty and the intimacy of his words through Adena’s eyes.

She reads with the knowledge that Adena loves these words so deeply that she collects them in books around the world. She reads and she reads and she realizes that she craves to hear what these poems sound like in Persian. What they sound like spoken from Adena’s lips, in her native language.

She doesn’t have a crush on Adena. She doesn’t.

Except maybe, possibly…she does.

She refuses to give Sutton and Jane the satisfaction of hearing her admit it.

Adena tags her in an Instagram post the next day, while she’s sitting at her desk and looking forward to the weekend.

There are two pictures, posted together.

The first is of her standing between stacks of books, looking back at Adena and smiling, clearly mid conversation. The second is a closer shot that she doesn’t remember at all. She’d opened an old book to look at it more closely and her eyes are cast down at the page, curls of hair spilling to the side around her face. It’s gorgeous. Both of the pictures are gorgeous.

The caption is simple, almost non-existent. Just a red heart emoji and a book emoji, followed by- treasure hunting

Adena has a decent Instagram following, people around the world who admire her photography as well as friends who know her personally. There’s already multiple comments on the photos. Many of them are simple compliments, but a couple stand out to her.

i don’t know who she is, but she’s gorgeous

And—

looks like someone’s found a new muse ;) happy for you x

She already has a handful of new Instagram followers. Adena was right. Their plan is working.

She feels relieved. And she feels a lot of other messy emotions swirling around in her gut, beating in her ribcage, which she steadfastly ignores.

So she has a bit of a crush on Adena. It doesn’t change anything. They’re still doing this.

Chapter Text

The next three weeks pass easily enough. Well, maybe easy isn’t exactly the right word. Her crush on Adena hasn’t changed or gone away, much to her frustration. But the plan is right on course.

They’ve spent the past three weeks hanging out at least every few days, making sure to appropriately document it (without overdoing it) on social media. Most of Adena’s social circle and broader network already seems pretty convinced that they’re a thing, even though they haven’t made it official yet.

They’re sitting across from each other, at a family-owned Ethiopian restaurant that Adena brought them to, when Kat decides to ask her about it, about why it’s been easy to convince them.

“Well, for one, I’m very out,” Adena smiles, wiping her hands on a napkin. “People who know me are more likely to assume just from pictures that we are building a romantic connection. Because I’m a lesbian. But also,” she continues, “I don’t do casual relationships. And people in my life know this.”

“And all I do is casual,” she muses. “And until now only with men. I figured this would take more convincing on my end.”

Adena is regarding her with a casual intensity, as she often does, and still Kat reacts the same. Her heart flutters, beating erratic patterns against her ribcage, and she finds it difficult to keep eye contact. She hates how easily Adena is able to unnerve her, with just a look. Because it’s like Adena can see right through every pretense, can see through all the walls and the thin confidence.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Kat swallows, tries to act unphased.

“We’re plotting a marriage together, Adena. I don’t think we need to worry about getting too personal at this point.”

“Fair enough,” Adena smiles. “Why do you prefer to avoid romantic relationships?”

The question startles her, even though it really shouldn’t, because Adena warned her and even asked her permission. But Adena must be able to read the surprise on her face, because she adds—

“I do not mean to accuse you, or imply that it is a bad thing. I’m simply curious.”

She plays around with a piece of injera bread, rolls it between her fingers to distract and calm herself before she meets Adena’s eyes and answers her.

“It’s too complicated. All the messy emotions, the ways that people end up hurting each other. It’s not worth it.”

Adena is eyeing her curiously, hands folded together beneath her chin, and she feels exposed.

“Spoken like someone who’s had their heart broken,” Adena notes, gentle and not accusatory.

Kat rolls her eyes. “Hardly. I can see why you might think that though.”

Adena searches her face for any hint of dishonesty, quiet for several seconds. Then—

“You’ve never been in love.”

It’s jarring, how clearly Adena can see her sometimes. She swallows thickly, forces an amused laugh.

“What? No, I- it’s not like that. Relationships just aren’t my thing.”

Adena regards her quietly for another couple of long seconds.

“Okay.”

Then she smiles, takes a sip of water and reaches for another bite of food on the platter between them. It’s almost worse that Adena doesn’t try to argue her, doesn’t give her the chance to defend herself further.

She craves to know what Adena’s thinking. But instead she smiles back, asks, “So how did you find this place?”

“Today’s the day,” she grins, waggling her eyebrows at Adena, when she meets her in Scarlet’s lobby.

Adena giggles, shaking her head, then links their hands together. It’s a thing they do more often now, to practice appearing more couple-y. And it’s happened enough times now that she’s starting to get used to it.

It was Adena’s idea, to show up at Scarlet to meet her. And it’s smart, really. Because Sarah, the main receptionist, is a huge gossip even though she’d deny it. She can already sense Sarah watching them out of the corner of her eye.

“Mhm,” Adena hums, giving her a coy smile. Then she leans in closer to Kat’s body, tips up on her toes to place her lips near Kat’s ear. “No going back after this without declaring a breakup. You sure you’re ready?”

Her voice is low against Kat’s ear and the whole move is absolutely unnecessary for their conversation, but it has the desired effect of appearing like a flirtatious exchange.

“Yes,” Kat laughs into Adena’s ear, hands naturally reaching up to Adena’s lower back to steady her. “You smell really good by the way.”

“Thanks,” Adena says, and she’s still smiling when she steps back, hand linked with hers again. “Shall we?”

They leave Scarlet together. Kat can see Sarah already texting furiously on her phone before the elevator doors even shut.

They’re sitting together at an outdoor café table a couple blocks from Central Park, and Kat has her phone out, ready to make the update. But then she realizes that since she can’t tag Adena in the post, it’s going to be vague unless there’s a picture.

“Here, c’mere,” she nudges Adena with her knee, and Adena sets down her mug. “We need to take a good selfie for the relationship status update, a picture we haven’t posted to Instagram yet.”

“Okay, hold on,” Adena says, rifling through her purse to pull out a tube of lipstick, and Kat smiles.

“Twenty seconds for final touch-ups,” she jokes, and Adena rolls her eyes, pressing her lips together and clicking the tube shut again once she’s reapplied. “Alright, sexy. Selfie time.”

It slips out without thought and she cringes as soon as it escapes her lips. It’s something she would say to Sutton or Jane, their usual banter. Which is really a testament to how comfortable she’s become around Adena, how much their friendship has grown.

But there’s something different about saying it to Adena, and Adena immediately arches an eyebrow at her, lips quirking in amusement.

“Sorry,” she grimaces. “I didn’t mean—that’s just how I am with my close friends, how we talk to each other. I didn’t—”

“Kat,” Adena interrupts, then smiles at her. “Relax, is okay.”

She exhales in relief and the metal of Adena’s chair scrapes against the sidewalk as she drags it around to sit beside Kat at their table.

 Adena leans into her side, smiling for the camera, and she takes a couple of shots on her iPhone. Then she lifts the phone a little higher for a different angle and Adena slouches into her chair, leaning over more to rest her head on Kat’s shoulder, and the fabric of Adena’s hijab presses against her jaw and neck.

She tries not to react to the change, keeps smiling and pressing the photo button a few more times, until she’s confident they’ve got a good one.

Kat flips through them while Adena peers at the screen over her shoulder.

“That one,” Adena says, stopping her, and Kat agrees.

Adena’s head is tucked into her, softer smile on her face because Kat snapped it while she was still adjusting. It’s the most couple-y of them all, and they both look good.

“On it,” she answers, already editing and applying a filter.

She updates her Facebook a few minutes later, uploads the picture along with it.

~ Kat Edison is in a relationship. ~

Her phone blows up with notifications. Everyone is reacting, even people she hasn’t interacted with in years. She’s not sure if it’s because she’s never announced a relationship on Facebook, or if it’s because she announced one with a woman. She’s leaning towards the latter.

Because there aren’t just likes and hearts. There are comments. Lots of them. Comments of support, comments further affirming how cute they are, and then a few comments with questions.

you’re gay??

wait does this mean you’re gay?

Her personal favorite comment is Kaitlyn’s, from her communications class sophomore year, who she didn’t even know was still her friend on Facebook. It took her a couple minutes to even remember who she is. But she screenshots the comment, the—

I always got a bi vibe from you but I was never sure, so I just want you to know as a fellow queer girl how vindicated I feel right now lmao. Super happy for you Kat!

She texts the screenshot of the comment to Adena, along with—

what does this MEAN? do u think I give off a “bi vibe”??

Adena replies a few minutes later with several crying laughing emojis (she’s getting better at her emoji usage). Then—

enjoying your coming out?

She rolls her eyes, smiling at her phone as she types back—

it’s not bad. almost everyone in my life is super liberal so I didn’t have a lot to worry about.

you didn’t answer my question tho

Adena takes longer to reply this time, and when the text does come through, she reads—

there’s a reason i asked you to clarify your sexual orientation when we first spent time together

She feels a blush creeping up her neck, pricking at her skin, and she sets her phone down, unsure how to reply. Because apparently Adena recognized her budding crush even sooner than she did, was able to recognize it for what it was. But then Kat had shut her down, and Adena had accepted it, probably thinking that she misread things. And when she thinks about Kaitlyn’s comment, she feels like an idiot. Because how many other signals and signs has she missed in the past?

Her phone goes off with another follow-up text, before she’s able to formulate a reply.

don’t worry, i know better now

Adena caps it off with a silly face emoji, and something like disappointment settles heavy in her stomach.

She can’t figure out how to say, “maybe you were right originally” in way that doesn’t feel completely terrifying and risky, given their circumstances. So she changes the subject.

New York Fashion Week comes in a whirlwind, taking over every corner of the Scarlet office. She’s spent the past two weeks getting everything finalized and prepped for the Scarlet fashion week afterparty, and even though she’s looking forward to the event tonight, she’ll also be glad when it’s over so she can relax.

She hasn’t even seen Adena in like six days and their texting has been sporadic at best, because Adena has also been busy with shoots for a new project. But at least Kat will get to see her tonight, since Adena is coming to the event. It’ll be their first really public appearance together since making their relationship official, and if she wasn’t so focused on getting everything taken care of for the event she might be more nervous about that.

The event is on the rooftop of the Thompson Grand Hotel, and Scarlet has a couple of hotel rooms reserved for planning staff to get ready. So once everything is finalized and looking perfect, she excuses herself to shower and change.

It’s only once she’s dressed and putting the finishing touches on her make-up that she starts to feel truly nervous about Adena. Aside from networking here and there, Kat’s work for this event is basically done. Which leaves little to distract her from the reality that everyone important at her job is about to meet Adena as her girlfriend.

She’s wearing a gorgeous maroon dress that Sutton picked out for her, bold in its cut and the way it exposes her back in a deep V. It’s perfect for something like Fashion Week. She opted for an up-do and dangly earrings, and she’s capping her mascara, zipping up her make-up bag, when her phone dings with a text from Adena.

I’m here in the lobby.

No going back now.

Adena looks stunning. Even Sutton’s jaw drops a little when she sees her. It seems that no one can stop themselves from doing a double take at her fake girlfriend. They’re up on the rooftop wandering around through the crowd and Adena is holding her hand. Whenever she turns, her flowing gold dress subtly catches the light. But it’s not just the dress. It’s the way she styled her hijab with it, and the light shimmery hues of her make-up. Adena looks beautiful tonight in a way that really stands out. Which, for the record, is not easy to do during Fashion Week.

A few minutes later she’s at the bar on her own, to get another drink, when Sutton slides up next to her, gently hip checks her and leans in close to her ear.

“Adena is looking at you.”

Kat rolls her eyes, writes a tip on the receipt and signs it for the bartender.

“She’s my date, we came here together.”

Sutton narrows her eyes, suspicious smile on her face like she always has right before she’s about to drop some truth.

“No, Kat, she’s looking at you. Don’t act like you don’t know how hot the back of this dress looks.”

She tries in vain to pretend she’s not pleased by Sutton’s comment, but Sutton picks up on it anyway.

“God, you have it so bad. You’re blushing.”

“Shut up.”

 She takes a long sip of her drink and Sutton grins at her.

“She’s into you too, you know,” Sutton says, and Kat is already shaking her head, giving a humorless laugh. “It’s so obvious.”

“No, she’s not.”

“Kat.”

“She’s not, ok? Don’t you think she would’ve said something by now if she was? She’s out, and she’s fearless, and she’s the most openly authentic person I know.”

“You’re such an idiot sometimes,” Sutton laughs, but she says it with so much affection that Kat can’t even really be mad at her. “Look,” she says, more serious. “She has just as much to risk by saying something as you do. Maybe even more. Doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. They so are.”

It’s the last thing she wants to hear, because it makes this messy. It gives her hope. It makes her want things that she absolutely cannot have.

“Keep this up and you’re gonna need to buy me a tequila shot.”

It’s a warning to stop veiled as a joke and Sutton knows it. She knows to stop pushing, so she does. And that’s why Kat loves her.

She’s three drinks in and pleasantly buzzed before she’s able to compliment Adena.

They’re standing together at the edge of the dance area and Adena is holding a glass of sparkling punch when Kat looks her in the eye.

“You look gorgeous tonight, by the way,” she says. “Which I’m sure you already know, based on how many people have stopped you to tell you,” she adds with a laugh, deflecting.

Adena holds her gaze for several seconds, soft smile on her face, and Kat’s heart hammers.

“Thank you.” Adena ignores her other comment. “I know I’ve already said this, but you really do look beautiful tonight,” Adena smiles, glancing down at her dress. “And this event is impressive, you did a great job. It takes a lot of skill to plan something like this.”

She smiles at the compliments, has a hard time hiding her reaction to them, and Adena maintains eye contact with her. Something heavy settles between their gaze, something new, and then she notices Adena stare off to the side for a moment.

When Adena looks at her again, it’s with an unspoken question in her eyes, and then Adena is leaning forward before Kat can even process what’s happening.

Adena has a glass of sparkling punch in one hand while she rests her other hand at the base of Kat’s neck, cupping the side of her face. She strokes her cheek just once with her thumb, staring at her lips for a second, and Kat forgets how to breathe.

She’s surrounded by the floral scent of Adena’s perfume and the heat of Adena’s touch burning into her skin when Adena’s lips part, connecting with hers. Her kiss sparks through Kat’s body and it’s intoxicating. More than any of the drinks she’s had tonight, Adena’s kiss makes her feel drunk. Her lips are soft, capturing Kat’s with confidence. She leans into the kiss on impulse, reaches up to hold Adena’s neck, thumb stroking behind her ear. She swears she feels Adena hum into the kiss at the contact. But then Adena is pulling away, winking at her, and she has no fucking clue how to even respond when—

“Wonderful job as always, Kat.”

Jacqueline’s voice slaps her back into focus and she clears her throat, turning to look at her boss who’s just approached.

“Thanks, Jacqueline.” She notices her looking between her and Adena curiously, and realizes she needs to make introductions. “Hey, do you remember Adena? From the—”

“The feature article, yes,” Jacqueline smiles. “Lovely to meet you in person, Ms. El-Amin.” She reaches out to shake Adena’s hand, and then her focus turns back to Kat. There’s a glint of humor in her eyes when she quirks her eyebrow and says, “I must say, your interest in the article and in Adena’s well-being abroad makes a lot more sense now.”

Adena laughs and wraps her arm around her waist, leaning into her body in an effortless girlfriend move, and Kat feels like her skin is on fire.

“Your interest in the article, hmm?” Adena teases, blinking up at her, and Kat blushes.

Jacqueline is watching the whole exchange with amusement in her eyes.

“I just wanted to thank you and congratulate you for your work on this event. You did good, Kat. Please take the day off tomorrow. It’s a Friday anyway and you deserve it after this.”

She pushes past her embarrassment to respond to Jacqueline, offering a sincere thanks.

“You’re welcome, Have a good night, both of you. Nice to meet you, Adena.”

Then Jacqueline is gone, and Kat is turning on Adena with wide eyes while Adena holds the back of her hand to her mouth to contain her smile.

“You saw her coming over, didn’t you?” Kat realizes. “That’s why you kissed me.”

Adena is smiling when she nods, and Kat’s face falls before she can mask it. For a second she’d actually thought that—

“Kat?” Adena notices the shift in her demeanor. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I should have asked your consent. We never really discussed how we would display affection in public. I just saw Jacqueline and then—”

“It’s fine,” she assures, plastering on a smile. Adena is still searching her face.

“I have made you uncomfortable,” she notes, and Kat shakes her head.

“No, you’re—It’s fine, Adena. You just caught me off guard is all.”

“You’re sure?” Adena asks, like she doesn’t quite believe her.

“Totally. Sorry I got weird there for a sec.”

Eventually Adena relaxes, accepting her answer, and then she’s laughing quietly, gently nudging Kat with her elbow.

“I think we convinced her.”

Kat relaxes too, laughing along with her and meeting her eyes.

“We? Nuh-uh, that was all you. But yeah, she definitely bought it.”

She tries not to think about how she can still feel Adena’s kiss on her lips.

They’ve been “together” for two and a half months and it’s common knowledge at this point that Kat has a girlfriend. People constantly tell her how cute their relationship is, and she can tell her best friends are getting increasingly wary.

She posts a snapchat with Adena in central park. Adena is kissing her cheek and Jane replies—

Is this even fake anymore??

Kat doesn’t answer her.

Sometimes, Adena looks at her with so much affection that Kat doesn’t know what to think anymore. She’s never liked dating someone this much, and it’s not even real. And she’s not even getting laid. A point which Sutton does not fail to notice and mention.

She’s sitting on her best friends’ sofa, sharing a bottle of wine, when Sutton narrows her eyes and asks—

“Have you even hooked up with someone since this started?” Her silence is all the answer Sutton needs. “I can’t believe she made you monogamous and she’s not even sleeping with you.” Sutton pauses. “Wait, you guys aren’t having fake sex too, are you?”

Jane lets out a loud laugh. Kat throws an M&M at her.

“Shut up, no. We’re not sleeping together.”

“You wish though,” Sutton says, giving her a too-bright smile, and Kat scowls. “Maybe once you guys move in together in a few weeks.”

Shit. She almost forgot that was happening.

So maybe she’s been getting herself off a lot lately. And maybe she bought herself a new vibrator. And maybe, just maybe, Adena has been featuring in her imagination pretty often lately.

She’s an adult with a sex drive. It’s fine.

It’s been a little over three months of them “dating” when Kat makes a decision.

With Jane and Sutton’s help, she nervously plans out a whole speech to give Adena. About how she feels. About how she hasn’t said anything because it feels so fucking selfish, to offer this arrangement to Adena and then make it complicated by wanting her. And about how she recognizes this could make things weird, and that she’d understand if Adena wanted to call off the plan. But they’re supposed to move in together in two weeks and Kat feels dishonest trying to keep this from her anymore. She practices in the mirror, repeats the words, “I know it’s risky, but I can’t pretend and lie anymore. I really like you, Adena.”

It takes about 27 practice runs before she stops feeling like she’s going to throw up.

Adena has a show tonight, to reveal her new project that she’s been working on, and Kat resolves to talk to her after.

In the meantime, Kat plays the girlfriend part, which really isn’t hard nowadays.

Adena’s face lights up when she arrives at the gallery, a few minutes before the show is set to start, and only Firuze and a handful of Adena’s close friends are already there.

It’s enough of a reason to put on an act, and Kat isn’t surprised when Adena leans in for a brief kiss of greeting. She smiles into it before she can catch herself.

“Hey, babe.” Adena leans into her body, rests her head against her shoulder, and Kat wraps an arm around her waist. It’s the kind of movements that have become natural to her in keeping up this façade. It’s the kind of stuff that makes her feel like she’s slowly unraveling. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’m going to be,” Adena answers, tense with excitement and nervous energy.

Kat pulls her closer, lifting her other arm to wrap her in a hug. Adena melts into the embrace, relaxing her posture, and Kat swallows thickly. Yes, she hugs Jane and Sutton like this. But this is different. It feels different with Adena.

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be great. You’re a rockstar at this.”

Adena’s show is amazing. Of course it is. And Kat tells her as much throughout the night, repeats it again once everything is finally done and they’re walking together towards the subway station.

“Thank you, Kat,” Adena smiles, and a chilly gust of Fall breeze blows past them in the night. “Your support means a lot to me. You’re one of my favorite people, you know that?”

She shoves her hands deeper in her pockets and stares down at the sidewalk, trying to calm her racing heart.

“Mm, back atcha.”

She’s trying to figure out if now is her best opportunity to bring things up, even though they’re walking, when her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Adena’s phone ringing.

Adena is still smiling when she pulls her phone from her purse, checking the screen.

“Sorry, it’s my mom. She’s calling from overseas, I need to take this.”

Kat nods, releasing a shaky breath.

“Allo, maman,” Adena greets into the phone, and Kat can’t help but smile.

She doesn’t understand anything that Adena is saying, but she loves hearing Adena speak Persian and she listens on with interest as Adena talks back and forth with her mom.

She’s in her own little world, distracted by the sound of Adena’s voice, when she’s jarred by—

“Why don’t you speak English, bitch?”

Shock and anger flood through her and they both freeze.

“What did you just say?”

There’s an angry menacing looking white man staring at her. He spits, “I said, I think your little terrorist friend here should speak English or go back where she came from.”

She swears she sees red behind her eyelids, and she knows that Adena is saying something, is trying to moderate and pull back but Kat isn’t even processing.

“Excuse me, did you just call her a terrorist?”

“You’re an idiot if you think they’re not gonna nuke us at first chance,” he says, tilting his head toward Adena with disgust.

She punches him without thought. She punches hard. Hard enough that her knuckles immediately sting, and she barely has a chance to shake it off before he retaliates.

She doesn’t see it coming, even though she really should have.

 His fist collides with her, and there’s a sharp pain in her cheekbone before she starts seeing stars.

Her balance wavers, and she dimly registers the sound of someone yelling, “What the fuck are you doing to her, man?”

There are arms pulling at her, gentle protective arms that she knows are Adena’s.

“Kat? Ya Allahi, are you alright? Honey, look at me.”

She blinks her eyes open and the vision in her right eye is blurry, but she can see well enough to see that Adena has tears in her eyes and fear written all over her face. Pain is searing through her and she just hopes nothing is fractured.

“Fuck, that hurt,” she hisses, and Adena holds her.

“Why did you do that?” she whispers. “Kat, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“Couldn’t let him talk about you like that,” she mutters through the pain, eventually closing her eyes again.

“Is she ok?” she hears a man ask, concerned. And that’s when she realized that someone intervened, broke up the fight.

“I don’t know,” Adena says, tearful. “I think so? I need to get her home and take a look in better light.”

“Do you live near here?” the man asks, and Kat finally opens her eyes to get a good look at him. He’s tall and he has kind eyes that are looking her over with concern.

“My place is just another block or so.”

“Ok good. Can I walk with you both?”

“Yes, please,” Adena answers, and she holds Kat’s hand tightly as they walk together. The man who started all of this is now long gone, disappeared down the street. “What’s your name?”

“Angel.”

“How fitting,” Adena murmurs, and Kat cracks a smile even through the pain. “Thank you for your help, Angel.”

They’re alone just the two of them again, and Adena steers Kat towards her bathroom, pushes some soft cotton clothing into her arms.

“Here, get changed and comfortable, and then let’s get some ice on that eye.”

She mumbles her agreement and then shuts the bathroom door behind her. She doesn’t trust herself to get out of her heels while standing so she sits on the toilet, tugging them off before stripping out of her dress.

The fabric of the t-shirt is worn and soft against her skin when she pulls it over her head, and then she slips on the sweats. Her face hurts too much to be amused by the fact that even the largest pair Adena owns doesn’t manage to reach her ankles.

When she looks in the mirror, she can’t help but groan at the sight. Her upper cheek is already swelling and starting to color with a dark bruise. She’s going to have one hell of a black eye tomorrow.

There’s a gentle knock at the door, and she remembers that Adena is waiting for her. Adena is standing on the other side, still looking worried when Kat steps out, and she holds up a ziploc full of ice and a towel.

“Here, come lie down,” Adena murmurs, and Kat doesn’t protest. She thinks that Adena is heading for the sofa, but instead she walks around the partition to her bed and Kat swallows.

“Are you s—”

“Just lie down, please.”

There’s a desperation in Adena’s voice that keeps her from arguing any further.

She sinks back into Adena’s bed, allowing her head to be cocooned by the plethora of pillows at the headboard.

Adena sits next to her, feet still firmly planted on the rug, and gently places the ice on her face.

She flinches at the cold and Adena holds the bag steady for her.

“Sorry,” she murmurs. “Just try to hold it there, it will numb in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” she mumbles back, letting both her eyes slip shut. Adena doesn’t move from her spot and she can feel Adena’s eyes on her as minutes pass in silence.

“You scared me to death,” Adena finally says, voice wavering. She’s afraid to see the look on Adena’s face so she keeps her uncovered eye shut.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I know I shouldn’t have done that. He was trying to get a reaction out of us. I know.”

She hears Adena sniffle.

“That was so stupid and dangerous.”

 Adena sounds like she’s crying. Kat doesn’t try to argue her.

“I know. I know it was.”

“This can’t happen again. Even if someone is saying truly awful things to me.”

She grits her teeth at the thought of it, but she knows that Adena is right. It’s too much of a risk, for both of them.

“I know,” she mutters, holding the ice to her face. “Can you stop being mad at me now, please?”

She feels the warmth of Adena’s palm against her cheek, the uninjured side, and it’s a soothing contrast to the harsh cold of the ice. It’s enough to make her open her eye, and she’s met with the sight of Adena leaning over her, tears tracking down her cheeks while she shakes her head.

“Oh, Kat. I’m not mad at you.”

She sees it in Adena’s eyes, the truth of her words. Adena isn’t mad. She’s just scared. And maybe a little frustrated.

Kat reaches up to hold her face, wiping away a couple stray tears with her thumb, and Adena leans into the touch.

“You should get changed too, get comfy. I can move.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Adena sniffles, standing up to walk over to her dresser. She pulls a couple of items out and then slides the drawer gently shut. “I’ll be right back.”

When Adena returns a few minutes later, she’s wearing pajamas and her face is clean of make-up, hijab removed. It’s one of only a handful of times that Kat has seen her without it since they started all of this.

Adena doesn’t say anything as she climbs onto the bed next to her, and despite the circumstances, Kat’s heart beats faster. She’s imagined herself in Adena’s bed many times, but none of them have involved pain and a black eye. Still, the intimacy of it is enough to make her stomach clench.

Then Adena lays close to her, leans in to rest her head in the curve of Kat’s neck, and she realizes that Adena is craving the comfort of it, that she needs this right now.

“Here,” she murmurs, pushing back enough to free her arm and move it around to hold her. She rubs soothing patterns against her hip and feels Adena’s warm breath fan out across her collarbone. Adena rests her forearm along Kat’s stomach, and she tries to ignore the way that Adena’s fingers are gently touching the hem of her shirt where it’s riding up.   

It’s so intimate that it’s almost painful, and the words from her practiced speech swirl around in her head. She can’t tell Adena. She can’t.  

What happened tonight was a harsh reminder of exactly why they’re doing this, and she can’t risk Adena walking away from this arrangement just for her sake. It’s not worth it. This has to work out. Adena needs a green card. At the very least so she won’t get deported.

“Thank you,” Adena whispers, and Kat holds her tighter. “For defending me.”

“Always.”

Chapter Text

She knows that Jane doesn’t support this, that she thinks it’s a terrible idea and has made it clear to Kat multiple times. Still, she shows up on Saturday afternoon with her toolbox and a smile, and Kat loves her for it.

Adena is wearing a simple grey hijab and worn jeans, t-shirt hanging loosely from her shoulders, and they finish moving Kat’s sofa together as Jane gets settled.

“That should be good, yeah?” she observes, standing straight again and looking over the space that they’ve created in her living room, a separate space for Adena and her bed. It’s certainly no bedroom, but she thinks it’ll work.

“I think so,” Adena nods, then looks over to Jane. “Thank you so much for offering to help.”

Jane walks over to inspect the IKEA box containing Adena’s new bed frame.

“No problem. I think this should be easy enough. Kat, you’re helping me with this.”

“Wha—Do you really think that’s a good idea? Need I remind you about the bookshelf? When—”

“You’re helping,” she interrupts. “Literally all you have to do is help me hold the frame in place. I believe in you.”

She tries to pout her way out of it, to no avail, and Adena laughs, comes up behind her to wrap her in a loose hug. Adena’s chin is pressed into the side of her shoulder, and she tries to ignore the look on Jane’s face at the casual intimacy that has become their new normal.

“If my bed is crooked, I’m blaming you,” Adena threatens, voice full of humor, before releasing Kat from her hold. “Alright, I’m going back over to my place, to pick up the last of my things.”

Thankfully there hasn’t been too much stuff to haul around since Adena’s been living in a place that came furnished. But still, enough of it is hers- like the partition and her dresser and most of her kitchenware- that it’s felt like a move.

“Got it. Sutton should be there soon to meet you and help. I think she’s finished up her project for Oliver. Text her?”

“Mkay. See you in a little bit,” Adena smiles and leans in, and Kat catches her glance down at her lips. Then she seems to snap herself out of it, walking over to grab the keys on the kitchen counter. “Thank you again, Jane.”

The door is barely shut behind her before Jane gives her a look, hands on her hips.

“She almost tried to kiss you goodbye,” she notes. “Don’t even try to act like that’s not what just happened.”

“We’re so used to it now, whenever we’re around other people,” she explains, hoping that Jane will drop it. “I think she almost forgot that she doesn’t have to pretend around you.”

Jane starts cutting open the box containing the parts to Adena’s new bed. “That’s if she’s even still pretending,” she says, and Kat sighs.

“Jane…”

“Look, I get it. You’re like…convincing yourself she doesn’t feel the same way to keep yourself sane. But for the record, it’s stupid and you know it. Anyone with eyes can tell that Adena is into you.” She pauses, rips open more of the box and starts pulling out the pieces. “And you already know how I feel about this move, so. Let’s get her bed put together.”

She holds the box steady while Jane pulls out the large pieces of the bed frame, trying not to let Jane’s comments get to her.

“She’s not into me, Jane. She would’ve said something by now if she was.”

It’s become like a mantra, and in many ways she believes it. Sometimes she catches the way that Adena looks at her, notices the ways that Adena has become increasingly tactile with her. But Adena also promised that she would speak up if this arrangement wasn’t working, so clearly things haven’t changed as much as it seems like they have.

Adena is someone who is so emotionally present and authentic in her life, and yet Adena seems unaffected, like none of this is getting to her. And it’s that, more than anything else, that makes her question everything. That makes her reluctant to believe Jane. Because Adena would’ve communicated something by now.

“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that. And hand me the screwdriver. Not the flat one, the star one.”

“Have I mentioned how grateful I am that your brothers taught you handy things?”

She sleeps in because it’s Sunday, and duh. It’s after 10am before she steps out of her bedroom, sweatpants clinging loosely to her hips when she stretches her arms over her head.

Adena, meanwhile, is clearly wide awake. Kat wonders if she’s always this much of a morning person, if it’s connected to her prayer life, and she makes a mental note to ask her about it once she’s caffeinated.

 When she steps into the kitchen, Adena is holding a pan in each hand, unpacking her boxes.

“You have nothing in your kitchen, Kat,” she says in lieu of good morning. “I checked the cabinets to avoid unpacking duplicate items you already own, but there weren’t any besides a few plates and utensils!”

She rubs at her eyes and stays on mission toward her coffee pot.

“Don’t forget glasses and mugs,” she mumbles. “I don’t cook. You know this,” she says, spooning out some coffee grounds into the filter.

“I thought you meant that you don’t make complex homemade things. Not that you actually cook nothing.  You really subsist entirely on take out, don’t you?”

Adena is looking at her with amusement, and a sort of fondness that she can barely handle without caffeine. She’s far too groggy and defenseless to be dealing with an exasperated Adena standing in her kitchen in pajamas.

“Uhh, yeah.”

Adena rolls her eyes, points a wooden spatula at her that she just pulled out of a box.

“This is ridiculous, I’m teaching you some kitchen basics.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

She puts the spatula in a drawer and then leans against the counter, arms folded to her chest, and Kat watches the pot slowly start to fill with coffee.

“I promise I won’t let you burn anything down,” Adena smiles. Then, “Cook with me? Just a couple times a week. It will be fun.”

“I’m so terrible in the kitchen, you don’t even know what you’re getting yourself into,” she warns, an attempt to dissuade her. She doesn’t want to cook. She really doesn’t. But she can’t help but wonder what it would be like to cook with Adena, and it’s becoming impossible to deny her anything. “Ok fine.”

Adena reaches up and pulls a mug out of the cabinet for her, handing it over with a smile on her face. Then she leans in to press a wet kiss to her cheek and it’s absolutely mocking, like she knows exactly how much of a sucker Kat is for agreeing so easily but she’s not going to say it.

She finally gets her coffee and leans back against the counter as she enjoys the first few blissful sips. Adena sits on the sofa, pulling up her laptop to look over something and leaving her to enjoy the silence.

It’s comfortable, this quiet sharing of space. And it’s so weird, because she hasn’t had a roommate in almost three years, since she first started at Scarlet and couldn’t afford to live on her own without depending too much on her parents’ money.

She loves living alone. And yet it doesn’t even cross her mind, until Adena meets her eyes over her laptop screen and gives her a gentle smile from across the room, that she never hesitated to let Adena become a part of her space.

She doesn’t even mind that half of her living room is now divided off with an artsy wooden partition, taken over by Adena’s bed and dresser. She doesn’t mind any of it.

She likes having Adena here, having Adena in her kitchen, teasing her before she’s even had her morning coffee.

She is so fucked.

Adena prays almost every morning, and she’s always awake before Kat.

Sometimes, on the days when she has to be at the office by 8:30, Kat sees her. She never stares or lingers, because it doesn’t feel appropriate.

But Adena looks beautiful when she prays, in the quiet of the morning, and Kat always heads to the bathroom to shower before that achy feeling in her chest overtakes her.

They never discuss it, but Adena prays in the morning and when Kat gets out of the shower, there is always a fresh pot of coffee waiting for her.

Adena is a tea drinker.

Work is a nightmare.

 Some activist on Twitter took a tweet on food security and veganism, one of Scarlet’s recent political pieces, out of context and decided to come after them. Scarlet’s official twitter mentions have been flooded with the tweets of animal rights activists all afternoon, and the whole thing is a huge headache.

Sutton calls it #vegangate in their group chat and Kat tracks her down in the hallway outside of Oliver’s office just to scowl at her. But eventually Sutton gives her Ibuprofen and a hug, and it’s enough to get her through the day.

She resolves it. Of course she does, because she’s fucking boss at her job. But by the time it’s handled, it’s pushing close to 7pm and all she wants is to be at home in her sweats with Adena. She already had to text Adena and warn her that she’d be late, because it’s Thursday and they’re supposed to be cooking together.

When she finally gets back to her apartment and unlocks the door, she freezes in the entryway. Because Adena finally learned how to use the bluetooth speaker without her help and—

“Is this ABBA?”

She laughs, incredulous, and Adena turns around to face her from the kitchen as Kat shuts the door and sets her purse down.

The sound of her laugh is partially drowned out by how loud the music is and her whole apartment smells like Persian food, and Adena is playing ABBA.

Adena smiles wide at her, not bothering to say anything and instead motioning for Kat to join her in the kitchen. The chorus of Dancing Queen rings throughout her apartment and Adena spins around with a twirl, points a large wooden spoon stained with sauce at her.

It’s ridiculous. This whole scene in her kitchen is ridiculous. But Adena is giggling and twirling around and singing along, and it’s infectious.

Adena sings loud, “Seee that giiiirrl” and Kat finally gives in, smiling wide and shaking her head as she tosses aside her work blazer and joins her.

She holds out her hand for Adena and gently spins her around on the tile floor, laughter bubbling out of her at how dramatically Adena is singing and dancing. Adena has had her funny moments, for sure, but Kat has never seen her this silly and carefree.

The song comes to an end and Adena reaches out to pause the music from her phone on the counter, still smiling.

“Bad day today?” she asks, calmer.

Kat looks into her eyes, still so full of joy, then looks over at the pots of food cooking on the stove. She shakes her head.

“Not anymore.”

Adena is at the gallery getting everything set up for her show tonight. At least, that’s what Kat thinks when she walks out of her bedroom late on Saturday morning in just a sports bra and underwear.

A dish clatters loudly in the sink.

There are soap suds covering Adena’s hands when her eyes meet Kat’s, lingering over her body before Adena can catch herself.

“Shit, sorry! I thought you were gone already?”

Adena looks away and turns off the water, dries her hands off.

“Not yet. I’m leaving in ten minutes or so.”

It’s kind of hard to tell from where she’s standing, but she swears Adena is actually bashful and—

“Are you blushing?”

Adena looks up, determined to meet her eyes, but she falters with her words.

“I…”

“You totally are,” she smiles, standing confidently in her underwear and reveling in Adena’s reaction. “It’s okay,” she says, letting Adena off the hook. “You’re gay and I know I look good.”

She smiles and walks back into her room to get some clothes, leaving Adena in the kitchen.

It’s not exactly a surprise that Adena is physically attracted to her. That’s only normal. But still, seeing it so obviously and unexpectedly on display gives her a certain thrill. So often she feels like the one who’s blushing, the one who’s hopelessly thrown off her game.  It’s nice to have it happen to Adena for once.

When she reenters the living room, Adena is finished at the sink and is checking something on her phone. She looks up when she hears Kat and sets her phone down, scratches at the back of her neck below her hijab.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and Kat frowns. “For seeing you like that when you didn’t intend for me to.”

Kat was just teasing before, but Adena actually looks a little upset.

“Hey. Adena, babe, it’s fine,” she assures. “Nothing Jane and Sutton haven’t seen before. It’s so not a big deal, and it was bound to happen eventually with us living together.”

Adena nods and looks at her with a muted sort of smile that she doesn’t understand.

“Okay.”

Kat searches her eyes, tries to make sense of the conflict she sees storming there. But Adena doesn’t say anything more and so Kat pokes at her, crinkles her nose.

“Stop being weird.”

It seems to break Adena out of whatever reverie she’s caught in and she cracks a smile, coming back to herself.

“I’ll see you at 5:30 tonight?”

Kat steps forward to give her a brief hug and Adena relaxes into her touch.

“Of course. You sure you don’t need me to come earlier and help with anything?”

Adena pulls back and gives her soft smile, shaking her head. “I’m sure. There really isn’t that much to do. But, you know how I am…”

Kat does know. Adena’s passionate carefree spirit gives way to an anxious perfectionism whenever she has any sort of public sharing of her art. Of course, no one would ever know it if they only saw her during the event. She hides it well.

“I do. So I’ll see you at 5:30.” She leans in on instinct, hand on Adena’s waist when she presses a comforting kiss to her forehead. She doesn’t even have time to question it because Adena’s eyes drift shut like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “You’re gonna be amazing as always,” she says. “And even if something goes less than perfect, I’m still here and you’ll be okay.”

“Thank you,” Adena murmurs, giving her one last smile, and then she’s grabbing her purse and heading for the door.

Adena comes down with a cold in the second week of December. It’s a Wednesday morning and Adena isn’t praying in the living room when Kat wakes up. The lights are still off, with no sign of Adena, when she gets out of the shower.

It’s so unlike her that Kat gets worried and walks over to the partition marking off Adena’s space after she gets dressed. She gently taps the wood and then she peeks her head around, only to find Adena curled up under multiple blankets.

“Dena, babe,” she says gently. “Are you okay?”

Adena gives a pitiful groan from underneath the covers and then pulls the duvet back to reveal her face.

“I think I’m sick,” Adena mumbles, and her voice sounds more nasally than usual. “Just a cold. I’ll sleep it off.”

Adena looks terrible, but she also looks so cute buried underneath the blankets, hair splayed across the pillow, and Kat just wants to cuddle her.

She holds up the back of her hand to Adena’s forehead. It’s a little warm but nothing too out of the ordinary.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I don’t think you have much of a fever though, so that’s good. I have to head to work, but text me if you need anything, ok?”

She rubs Adena’s scalp in a soothing pattern for a few seconds.

“ ’Kay, I will. Thank you.”

Adena doesn’t text her much while she’s at work, which she hopes means that Adena is getting good rest. Still, when she finishes up at a little after 5, she decides to swing by the grocery to pick up some soothing tea and some soup for her on the way home.

There’s only one lamp on in the living room when she gets home, the lamp on the other side of the partition, next to Adena’s bed, and she sets the grocery bag down on the kitchen counter.

“Adena?” she calls out gently, then peeks her head around the divider. “Hi.”

Adena still looks lousy, but at least she’s sitting up in bed, book nestled in her lap. The script of the book looks like it’s in Farsi.

“Hi,” Adena smiles at her, laying a bookmark between the pages before she closes it.

“Rumi?” she guesses, glancing down at the book, and Adena nods. “How’re you feeling?”

Adena tucks her knees into her chest, leans back against the small headboard.

“My energy is improving, but my nose is still really stuffy and my throat hurts,” Adena sighs, and Kat gives a sympathetic frown.

“I’m sorry,” she soothes. “I picked up some tea for you to try. The throat coat stuff, I’ve heard it helps a lot. I also got some soup in case you’re hungry.”

Adena smiles up at her, and it feels so quietly intimate given the circumstances.

“You’re very sweet,” she says, and Kat ducks her head down, breaking eye contact. “I don’t have much of an appetite right now, but the tea sounds good.”

“Okay, I’m on it,” she smiles, heading for the kitchen.

The tea has a long steep time, fifteen minutes, so she brings the mug of hot water back over with the tea bag still steeping inside after she prepares it.

She starts to hand the mug off to Adena, ready to walk away, but Adena scooches over to the side of the double bed, pressed up against the wall and making room for her. She pats the space next to her after she accepts the mug.

“Only if you’re willing to risk my germs,” she warns, and Kat laughs quietly, sliding her shoes off.

The practical part of her brain knows that she should steer clear of Adena as much as possible to avoid getting sick. But the impulsive side of her sees an invitation into Adena’s bed, even if totally platonic, and it’s impossible to deny herself that.

“I’ve been known to have a pretty strong immune system,” she smiles, climbing in next to her. Adena’s bed is warm from her body heat, and Kat relaxes into it, back resting against the headboard.

Adena cradles the mug between her hands and rests her head against Kat’s shoulder.

“How was your day today?”

“Boring,” she admits, heart beating faster at the way that Adena leans into her. “Several meetings. Would’ve rather had a lazy day with you.”

She feels Adena smile into her shoulder. “It was very quiet without you here.”

Kat laughs. “You sayin’ I’m loud?”

Adena leans her head further into the curve of Kat’s neck and Kat reaches up to wrap her arm around her shoulders.

“Perhaps,” she answers. “It’s nice though. I enjoy your presence.”

She traces mindless patterns with her fingertips along Adena’s arm.

“I enjoy your presence too.”

It doesn’t even come close to naming everything that she feels, but it’s the safest thing to say.

They fall into a comfortable silence, until Kat breaks it with—

“Okay, if we’re gonna sick snuggle, we need Netflix. Let me grab my laptop.”

She accidentally falls asleep a little after 11, with Adena’s head on her shoulder and Fresh Prince re-runs still playing quietly at the foot of the bed.

She goes home to Maryland for five days. She catches up with her parents and she drinks spiked hot chocolate and she lays under the tree and stares at the twinkling lights, and all she wants for Christmas is Adena.

She gets a series 3 Apple watch instead.

They all go out together for New Year’s Eve.

By 11:58, she can’t stop glancing at Adena and wondering if Adena thinks they’re going to kiss at midnight. It would make sense, right? Because Jane and Sutton both have dates here with them and it would be weird, right? If they saw her not kiss Adena.

The countdown starts and she’s pretty sure Jane and Sutton’s dates don’t give a fuck about anything besides Jane and Sutton, but Adena reaches up with one hand to gently hold her face. She reaches up and the noise of the crowd surrounds them and Kat wraps her arms around Adena’s waist.

The speakers ring out, “Happy New Year!” and balloons start falling around them and Adena kisses her. Her lips are soft and pliant and Kat is content to enjoy this while it lasts, to succumb to the pleasure that hums through her body whenever Adena’s lips are kissing hers.

She gets so lost in the kiss that it takes her a moment to process that Adena still isn’t pulling away. Adena is still kissing her, and Kat blames her willingness to risk licking Adena’s bottom lip on all of the champagne that she’s had.

Her heart is hammering in her chest when Adena hums and opens her in mouth in response, letting go of her face to wrap her arm around her neck instead, pulling Kat closer. They’ve kissed many times before, but never like this. And she fears that the floodgates holding back all of her feelings will burst at any moment.

Because this? This feels so good and so right, and Kat could kiss her like this in the middle of a crowd forever.

Adena comes to her senses eventually, gentling their kiss until at last she pulls back, arm still around Kat’s neck. She wants to ride this high forever and she dreads whatever reality-checking words are about to escape Adena’s mouth.

So she leans forward to speak directly into Adena’s ear, easier to avoid her eyes when she forces a laugh and states, “I think I’ve had a little too much champagne.” Then, as if it’s a casual observation and not something that sets her nerve-endings on fire, “You’re a good kisser.”

Adena drops her arm from around her and Kat turns back over to where Jane and Sutton are standing with their dates. Jane is still caught up in her own New Year’s moment, but Sutton meets her eyes and looks between them like she just saw at least part of what happened, and Kat jumps forward to give her a hug.

“Happy New Year, babe,” Kat grins into her neck.

Sutton laughs and holds her in a hug.

“Happy New Year! I definitely saw that and we are soo talking about it tomorrow, just FYI.”

She only has a little bit of a headache when she wakes up in the morning, but she plays up her hangover and Adena doesn’t mention the kiss.

Adena comes home late the next four days, talks about having an idea recently and how she’s been at the studio a lot.

They don’t cook together on Thursday, and Kat can’t help but fear that something has changed, that she’s caused some irreparable damage.

But she’s too scared to risk talking about it, so she forces a supportive smile and tells her, “Can’t wait to see what you’re working on.”

She hides away in her bedroom.

On Saturday morning, she exits her room with a yawn and is surprised to see that Adena is home, sitting on the sofa. She’s reading a book and holding a mug of tea, and Kat nods at her in acknowledgment.

“Morning,” she greets, making her way over to the coffee pot.

There’s an already full pot of coffee waiting for her, unusual on the weekends, and her heart sings. It’s a tiny gesture but she hopes it’s a peace offering.

“Good morning,” Adena says, voice soft, and her mood is hard to read.

She pours herself a mug, stirs in her cream and sugar, and Adena gives her a few minutes of shared quiet to drink her coffee.

When about five minutes have passed, Kat is sitting on one of her bar stools, facing the living room, and Adena sets her book aside.

“I need to talk to you,” Adena says quietly, breaking the silence, and dread settles heavy in her stomach. Her chest flutters, skin pricking with anxiety, and Adena’s face is impossible to read.

“Okay…” she answers, trying not to give away how nervous she feels.

She knows this is about New Year’s Eve. It has to be. Adena has been different ever since.

“We’re supposed to get engaged in three weeks,” Adena says, and Kat stares. Then, finally, Adena’s composure cracks, and there are tears in her eyes when she continues—

“But I can’t. I’m so sorry, Kat, but I can’t marry you.”

A couple of tears spill down her cheeks and she’s trembling a little when she holds her hands together tightly in her lap.

Kat feels like she’s going to throw up, anxiety twisting through her insides, and she sets her coffee down on the counter, making her way over to the sofa.

“Is this about New Year’s?” she rushes, sitting down next to her. “Because if it is, I—”

“—It’s not,” Adena shakes hear head, swiping away a tear on her cheek with her thumb. “It’s not just about New Year’s.”

“Just…? So New Year’s is part of it.”

Adena meets her eyes, and there’s so much sadness and emotion there that Kat feels like she’s drowning. Her own tears start welling in her eyes, and she tries to understand.

“When you kissed me…” Adena whispers. Kat aches to hear what she has to say, but Adena doesn’t finish her thought and she blinks away, wiping her eyes again. “I have been lying to you for a long time, and I,” Adena’s voice cracks, fresh tears spilling out. “I am so sorry.”

“Lying?” Kat searches. “Adena, what…”

It doesn’t make any sense, and it takes several long seconds for Adena to meet her eyes again. When she does, it’s with a trembling hand reaching for Kat’s cheek, stroking with her thumb, and it’s so gentle and fragile that she feels like she’s shattering.

“I’m in love with you,” Adena says, and Kat’s heart stops. “And I have been for some time now.”

She’s frozen in place, lost for words even as her heart swells, and Adena continues—

“I’ve been so dishonest with you, for the sake of this arrangement, and to avoid betraying your generosity, that I didn—”

“—I really am a fucking idiot,” she whispers, interrupting Adena.

She’s at a loss for words and Adena is sad, and Adena is in love with her, and those are two truths that should never coexist. And so Kat kisses her.

She grasps Adena’s neck gently, fingers tangling through her hair, and she pulls Adena forward and she kisses her. She kisses her with everything she has, because Adena is in love with her and Kat has wanted this forever and she’s been a fucking idiot.

A surprised sound escapes from the back of Adena’s mouth, but it’s cut off by a moan that Kat swallows, licking into her mouth and pulling Adena to her.

If kissing Adena under every pretense imaginable feels good, it’s nothing compared to the satisfaction and desire humming through every fiber of her body at kissing Adena for real. At kissing her properly and feeling Adena’s lips glide against hers and knowing that it’s for real this time.

It’s finally for real.

She leans into Adena more, until she relents and relaxes back into the sofa cushions, Kat on top of her and legs tangled together. Adena moans, fingers grasping her hair and other hand clutching at the soft cotton of her shirt, and Kat sees stars. Her whole body feels like it’s on fire, reacting to each and every touch, and fuck it’s perfect.

Adena manages to pull back, holding Kat’s face in her hands and eyes full of questions.

“Kat?”

She looks into Adena’s eyes and smiles, gaze full of unadulterated joy.

“I’m so into you, it’s been killing me,” she confesses, and she sees the cautious hope blossom on Adena’s face. “But I felt so selfish, for wanting you when—”

It’s Adena that cuts them off this time, bringing their lips back together in a searing kiss that Kat is all too happy to answer.

She loses track of time after that, kissing Adena and letting her hands wander as their bodies press together on the sofa. She swears this make out session is better than some sex that she’s had, and she knows that the nearly six months of build up is very much to blame.

But she also knows that it’s because Adena is amazing, and they’ve got crazy chemistry, they always have, and this means something.

Adena starts to slow their kiss, smiling into it and then giggling, like she’s so elated that she can’t contain herself and Kat knows the feeling. She smiles too, rubs her nose against Adena’s affectionately and strokes her fingers through her hair.

“You wanna be my girlfriend?” she murmurs. “For real this time?”

Adena nods, pressing their foreheads together, and Adena’s eyes are full of happy tears when she laughs.

“Yes,” she answers, punctuating it with several short kisses, and Kat smiles into her mouth. “Yes, yes, yes.”

They kiss for a long time, before they talk about what this means for their arrangement. But eventually Kat’s stomach grumbles, and Adena laughs, and she grabs a bowl of cereal and they talk about it.

“I think we should still do it,” she says, crunching on a large bite of honey nut cheerios, and Adena looks at her with affectionate amusement. “Just as a legal thing, while we date for real. What do you think?”

Adena considers it for several seconds, truly thinking it over.

“It is a little…unorthodox,” she smiles, and Kat laughs. “But I agree. I think that if we create that emotional boundary for ourselves, that if we view the marriage as a legal matter, we can still do it.”

Adena stares off, thoughtful, and Kat can already sense what might be on her mind.

“If…” Kat starts. “If for some reason things didn’t work out with us,” she swallows, hating to even entertain the idea but knowing that they need to. “I would stay legally married to you, to protect your green card status. Regardless of what might happen…I hope you know that I’d never risk your safety like that.” Adena looks at her with so much love that it nearly distracts her from finishing her thought. “Like you’re saying, I’d view the marriage legally, separate from our real relationship and whatever happens there.”

“Thank you, Kat. And I believe you,” she says. “But, I think our emotions are a little…charged right now. So…for my own peace of mind, can you think about it for a week? Before we decide for sure?”

She knows how she feels about this, and she wants to insist that her mind isn’t going to change. But she gets what Adena is saying, and if it makes her feel better she’ll give it a week.

“Ok, deal,” she agrees, finishing off her cheerios. “Can we go back to making out now?” she grins and Adena lets out a loud laugh.

“One bowl of cereal to recharge and you’re good to go?” she teases, flirtatious and eyebrow arched. The subtle insinuation isn’t lost on her either.

“What can I say, I have great stamina,” she shrugs, winking, and Adena’s eyes darken.

She takes a long sip of her mimosa before she dares to tell them.

“You’re right, I was a dumbass.” Jane and Sutton both stare at her in anticipation. “Adena told me she’s in love with me and we finally talked and we made out a lot and we’re together for real now. Also, we’re still getting legally married, so Hawaii is still happening.”

They’re both quiet for a couple of seconds, jaws hanging open, and then Sutton slams her hands into the table and they both shriek loud enough that half of the restaurant turns to look at them.

“Fucking finally!” Sutton yells and the people in the booth behind them glare.

“Ok, we’re going to need some details,” Jane says.

“Not some. Lots. Lots of details,” Sutton insists, and Kat smiles, taking another sip of her drink.

“Okay, so…"

She doesn’t change her mind. She feels the same about the whole arrangement as she did before, and she tells Adena as much the next Saturday morning, before Adena heads out for an interview. Then—

“So what kind of engagement ring do you want?”

Adena laughs and tells her she’ll think about it.

She asked Adena about the ring mostly as a joke. But they do need some kind of rings for pictures and the interview, so she figured she’d get Adena’s input. What she doesn’t expect is for Adena to put serious thought into it.

But she does. Adena suggests that they give the rings symbolic meaning, to acknowledge what this marriage is really about and to commemorate what’s actually happening. Kat falls for her even harder.

That’s how she ends up with a sterling silver ring, with a lapis stone inlayed. A precious stone found naturally in Iran. And that’s how Adena ends up with a modest gold band, a very small piece of red garnet incorporated.

The precious gem of New York.

Chapter Text

Her alarm goes off at 6:30 and she groans, hits the snooze button on her phone before turning into the mattress and burrowing further under the duvet. The move brings her foot into contact with Adena’s bare calf and Adena shifts, reaches out her arm to hold Kat closer.

“…time is it?” Adena mumbles into her skin, and warmth spreads through Kat’s body. Adena is naked beneath the sheets, all warm skin and soft curves touching hers, and it is a tragedy that Kat has work this morning.

“Too early,” she whispers back, because it is.

 It’s too early, because they were up late, and because Adena is still in bed with her, and because it’s not even 7am yet.

Adena scratches gently at the back of her neck, places a lazy kiss beneath her jaw, and Kat holds her closer, until their stomachs are pressing together.

“I know, joon,” Adena murmurs. “C’mon, I’ll make you some coffee.”

Adena tries to roll away, to get up out of bed, and Kat groans in protest.

“Noo, not yet,” she says, holding her tight and hiding her face in Adena’s neck. “Five more minutes, please. You feel so good.”

Adena laughs quietly, wraps one arm around her back and kisses her hair. “Ok, ok,” she whispers, and Kat smiles into her skin. “But I’m setting a timer.”

Very little has changed, and yet everything has changed. They’ve officially been together for almost three weeks and she’s never been happier. They still spend time together, still cook together and talk to each other about their days. But there’s a different quality to it.

She didn’t realize how much Adena had been holding back. Sure, there were moments where her true affection had shone through, and it was in those moments when Kat questioned everything. But now her affection is unrestrained, and sometimes Kat’s heart feels so full that she worries it might burst.

It’s the way that Adena looks at her, the way that Adena holds her and kisses her. It’s like she understands, somehow, just how rare and special it is that she has Kat’s heart, and wants to make sure Kat knows that she’s cherishing it and keeping it safe.

She feels…so loved. And she gets it now, why people do stupid shit and risk their feelings to experience this.  If she didn’t feel so safe, she’d be terrified. Of messing it up. Of losing this. Of watching it implode and being unable to stop it.

It’s sort of ironic, how faking it for months has made her confident that she can do this for real. She got to practice without any real emotional stakes, and she knows that she can do this. She can be the girlfriend that Adena deserves, because in a weird way that’s what she’s been doing all along.

She refuses to let anything mess this up.

Except, it’s not just in her hands or Adena’s. It’s also up to the U.S. government, and she’s trying not to think about that too much.

She can’t think about the possibility of Adena getting deported, of their plan not working. She just can’t.

They announce their engagement two days after their fake six-month anniversary.

Everyone freaks out online. If she thought her coming out got a lot of attention, it’s nothing compared to announcing their engagement.

Excited whispers follow her around at work. People keep asking to see her ring, and then get curious when there’s no diamond.

Kat doesn’t explain it to them, because it feels like something special just for her and Adena to know, and Kat doesn’t owe her co-workers anything.

As soon as the engagement is official, she buys plane tickets for herself, Jane and Sutton. Adena takes care of the tickets for herself and Firuze, her one and only confidant about their plan.

Three months. They’re getting married in Maui in three months.

“Can I show you something?”

Kat looks up from her phone, curious, and sets her glass of wine down on the coffee table. Adena is sitting near her on the sofa, computer in her lap, and Adena bites at her lip. She looks shy, almost nervous.

“Of course. What’s up?”

Her legs are folded in front of her on the cushion and she slides closer, until her toes are brushing against Adena’s knee. Her demeanor is different, almost like the energy she has right before a show, and Kat reaches out to her on instinct.

She sweeps her fingers through Adena’s hair, tucks some behind her ear and strokes her jaw with her thumb.

“Dena?”

Adena clears her throat and then she turns her laptop around, so that Kat can see the screen with her. There’s a picture filling the screen, a picture of Kat from that day at the book store. Her eyes are full of joy, staring directly into the camera, staring at Adena, and Kat has never seen this picture before. There’s an intimacy to it that’s different than the ones Adena ended up posting on Instagram.

Even back then her attraction to Adena, the magnetism between them, was obvious on camera.

Adena clicks a button on her laptop, silent, and two pictures appear together. This time they’re from one of their coffee shop dates.

In the first one, Kat has a mug raised to her lips, eyes still peeking out over the brim as she smiles. In the second, she’s blinking down, eyelashes showing as she laughs and lowers her mug.

Kat’s heart races and Adena is quiet and she gives Kat several seconds before she clicks the button again.

It’s a black and white photo this time, and Kat remembers now, even though she’d forgotten the moment.

It was a Friday. They’d both had the day off and Kat did her wash day routine. Her hair is wet, curls weighed down with water as she relaxes on the couch with her ipad and lets her hair dry. She’d covered her face, still unable to keep herself from laughing, and Adena had taken her picture.

Kat made her swear not to post it, and Adena had listened. But she never deleted it, and Kat stares at the image.

Adena goes to click the button on her laptop again and Kat stops her, gently holding her wrist.

“Adena…”

Adena’s eyes are glossy with unshed tears when they meet hers and Adena quirks her lips in a small smile.

“I, ah….I needed you to see these,” she says, voice soft.

Adena pauses for several seconds and Kat gives her the space to collect her thoughts. She thinks she understands, but her heart is beating fast in her ribcage and she wants to hear it from Adena.

But Adena gives her another smile and then looks back to the screen and doesn’t say anything else. She seems at a loss for words.

“This is what you meant, isn’t it?” Kat guesses, breathless. “When we started this, and you told me you photograph someone when you fall for them…this is what you really meant. These are the real pictures.”

Adena nods and wipes away a stray tear.

“Yes.” Then, “There are enough to fill a gallery.”

She picks up Adena’s laptop, gently sets it aside on the coffee table next to her wine glass before she reaches for her girlfriend.

She pulls her into a kiss, tries to convey with her lips and her body what she struggles to say with words. Adena responds with passion, fingers tangling through Kat’s hair as she opens her mouth and pulls Kat closer. But there’s still too much space between them and so Kat moves, repositions herself so that she’s in Adena’s lap, knees snug against her hips. Adena grips at her, tilts her head up into the kiss, and Kat licks at her bottom lip, strokes her thumb along Adena’s jaw, behind her ear.

It’s not enough. None of it is enough to explain that—

“I love you so much.”

The words rush out of her, unbidden, and they’re so close that their noses are still touching. Adena presses their foreheads together, arms around her neck, and it keeps the words close, keeps them safe.

“I love you too,” Adena murmurs, holding her tighter.

Adena was always affected, from the very beginning. She just hid the truth in her camera.

“We’re going sightseeing, right? As long as you’re dragging us to Maui?” Sutton asks, taking a sip of her cocktail. “Because I have things I want to do.”

“Same,” Jane nods, looking to Kat. “I’ve never been to Hawaii.”

“You’re not going to ditch us, are you? ‘Cause rules are, if it’s not a real wedding it’s not a real honeymoon either.”

Jane nods in agreement. “Touche.”

“To clarify, that means you don’t get to hide away all week for sexy times. We’re going ziplining.”

“And snorkeling.”

“Ooh yes, and—”

“Ok, pause,” Kat interrupts. “Yes, the wedding is fake. But the honeymoon suite is real. I get at least a day alone with Adena.”

“But, w—”

“At least,” she insists, holding her hand up. “And then, yes, ziplining is the shit and I’m totally down.”

“Yes! Ok, deal.”

Adena hasn’t slept in her own bed for over a month, and at this point it’s just crowding the living room. Her girlfriend insists that they can disassemble it without Jane’s help, but Kat is not convinced.

It takes them at least twice as long to take it apart as it did for Jane to put it together.

They do figure it out though, with several references to the less than helpful instruction manual it came with. They take apart the bed and package up the pieces together as best they can, lean the mattress up against the wall, and Kat puts an ad up on Craigslist for Adena.

The partition gets folded up and stored away in the coat closet, and they manage a way to fit Adena’s dresser in the bedroom.

The furniture is definitely a little mismatched and overcrowded, but it feels right.

Maybe once they get this immigration stuff sorted out, they can look at getting a place that they both picked, that’s bigger and meant for the both of them.

But for now, with Adena’s cookware filling the kitchen and her belongings tucked away throughout Kat’s apartment, it’s good.

 It’s home.

So maybe she did her whole first relationship seriously out of order, and maybe other people would say they shouldn’t be living together so soon.

But they don’t exactly have a choice right now. And even if they did, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jane is off on her own covering a political rally for work and Kat is out shopping with Sutton, glad that it’s finally warm enough to enjoy walking around outside.

“So what’s Adena wearing for the ceremony?” Sutton asks, when they enter another store.

They start wandering around the racks together.

“She found this casual white flowy dress, perfect for the beach. It’s pretty simple, but it looks beautiful on her,” she explains.

She holds up a top that she thinks Sutton might like and Sutton considers it for a second before shaking her head, and Kat returns it to the rack. 

“Does it feel weird yet? That this is actually happening?”

Kat makes her way over to the new display of swimwear.

“No, actually. We’ve been planning this for so long that it feels weirdly normal, ya know?” She looks over the various bikinis, searching for styles that she likes. “I asked Adena too, if she felt the same. I guess Persian weddings are like this big deal with lots of people and all these different traditions and stuff. So to her this really does feel completely fake,” she smiles, and Sutton laughs. “She wouldn’t actually get married like this.”

“Well, I for one am very happy that you opted for a vacation wedding,” Sutton grins, and Kat rolls her eyes.

“I bet you are.”

She spots a sinfully skimpy bikini that she likes and she arches her eyebrow, holding it up for Sutton’s input.

“Umm, you’re not even gonna make it to the beach if you change into that in front of her.”

She tries it on to make sure that it fits, and then she takes it to the register without even checking the price tag.

Their flight lands at 7am, and they all immediately crash in the hotel for a few hours of real sleep.

When she wakes up, her stomach is growling and the king bed of their suite is empty beside her. She rubs at her eyes, bleary with sleep, and spots Adena standing in the open doorway of their balcony.

Her hair is loosely covered with a thin orange scarf that flutters in the breeze and Kat smiles, stretching her arms over her head.

“Hey babe,” she says, quiet so as not to startle her, and wraps her arms around Adena’s waist from behind. She tucks her chin into Adena’s shoulder and looks out at the view with her.

Adena hums, leans back into her body and holds her arms.

“Hi.”

“How long’ve you been awake?” she asks, kissing at her shoulder, and Adena smiles, reaches up to touch her hair.

“About an hour, I think.”

“You could’ve woke me up.”

Adena shakes her head. “You needed your rest, and we have plenty of time.”

They stand in comfortable silence together for several seconds, and they’re close enough to the water that she can hear the waves crashing on the sand in the distance.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this tomorrow.”

Adena smiles and turns to meet her eyes, and god, she’s so pretty that all she can do is stare down at Adena’s lips. That only makes her smile more and she reaches up to hold Kat’s face.

“Are you having doubts?” Adena teases, blinking up at her, and Kat leans in to kiss her.

“Not even a little.”

She marries Adena on a Friday. They go to the courthouse first, to get the marriage license. But they save the ceremony for later, until it’s early evening and the sun is beginning to set.

Sutton officiates, because she thought it would be hilarious and she got the online certification to do it. It’s mostly for show, for the pictures, but if the immigration officer were to ask, their ceremony was official.

Firuze takes the pictures. Jane stands as a witness.

And Kat? Kat stands barefoot in the sand, silky white pants rolled up above her ankles, and she only has eyes for Adena.

Because this ceremony may be fake, but her girlfriend is oh so real, and Kat’s heart actually aches with how beautiful Adena looks.

They hold the bouquet of purple-pink orchids between them, fingers brushing where they meet around the stems, and Adena can’t stop smiling at her.

Since Sutton needs to be talking for the pictures, she poses with a journal that she acts like she’s reading from and tells stories. Mostly embarrassing ones about how much of an idiot Kat was for the first few months of this.

“I swear, if you don’t pronounce us wife and wife soon and let us kiss…” she threatens through her teeth, keeping her smile in place, and Adena nearly loses her grip on the flowers with laughing.

“Ok, just one more,” Sutton grins, and Kat fires off a quick glare.

Sutton pauses for a long moment, glances at Adena, who smiles with a gentle nod.

“May this marriage be blessed. May this marriage be as sweet as milk and honey,” Sutton begins reading, and Kat freezes.  Adena looks into her eyes and reaches for her face with her free hand, resting it against her cheek.

 “May this marriage be as intoxicating as old wine,” Sutton continues. “May this marriage be fruitful like a date tree. May this marriage be a seal of compassion, for here and hereafter. May this marriage be as welcome as the full moon in the night sky. For the minute I heard my first love story,” she reads, and Kat’s pulse stutters because she recognizes this part. It’s Rumi. “I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

Sutton pauses after that, mumbles, “god, that’s so romantic,” beneath her breath, and Kat laughs quietly, tears in her eyes. Of course Adena snuck something into their ceremony that was truly for them. Of course she did.

Adena’s gaze holds nothing but love and passion. And it’s not a wedding, not really. But it’s a significant moment for them. A moment to affirm what they mean to each other. A moment to bless this legal marriage and what they hope will come of it.

“Ok, and now,” Sutton continues, smiling wide. “Now I pronounce you wife and wife.”

She doesn’t wait for Sutton’s go-ahead to kiss Adena, because she’s tired of waiting. She brings Adena closer with a gentle hand to her neck, traps the orchids between their bodies when she captures her lips in kiss that’s full of emotion and love and promise. Adena leans into her completely, tips up on her bare toes in the sand and wraps her arm around Kat’s neck, pulling her close.

“I love you,” Adena whispers, and Kat smiles into the kiss.

“I love you too.”

She keeps kissing Adena, without a single care to their audience, until eventually Sutton interrupts—

“Ok, ok, save that for the honeymoon suite.”

Adena laughs, breaking the kiss and pulling Kat into a hug. When she eventually steps back, Adena’s eyes are alight with joy and she keeps their hands linked together.

They all walk back to the hotel restaurant as a group for dinner, and Adena doesn’t let go of her hand until they’re seated at the table.

3 ½ Months Later

They sit together in the waiting room, side by side in poorly padded chairs. Adena’s grip on her hand is tight and she can feel the clamminess of her palm, communicating all of the anxiety that she won’t speak aloud.

“Katherine Edison and Adena El-Amin?”

She stands up and places a protective hand against Adena’s lower back, comforting as they walk back to the interview room together.

She takes a slow breath to steady herself as they sit down together in front of the USCIS officer. He’s a tall thin man, hairline receding and wire reading glasses framing his face. She’s ready for this. They’re both ready for this.

She repeats the reminders over and over in her head. Only answer what’s asked of you. If you don’t know the answer to the question, just say so. Stick to the facts of real experiences you’ve shared together as much as possible. And most important, do not retaliate. Stay professional no matter how accusatory or profiling a question is.

“My name is Mark Stanton, I’ll be conducting this interview today,” he says, and Kat settles into her seat, holding Adena’s hand next to her. “As I’m sure you’re aware, the goal of this interview is to assess the legitimacy of your relationship and marriage. As such, I’ll be asking you some personal questions, and I encourage you to answer as directly and honestly as possible. Do you have any initial questions before we begin?”

She shakes her head and they both say no at the same time.

“Ok then, let’s get started. Ms. Edison, how did you meet Ms. El-Amin?”

She releases an even breath, glad to be starting with an easy question.

“I’m the director of social media for Scarlet Magazine. Adena is a photographer and she was supposed to publish an interview with Scarlet, but she decided against it at the last minute. I followed up with her myself because I knew the article would draw good online buzz if I could get her to agree to let us publish it. So I set up a meeting at her studio.”

“And how did you progress from that to dating?”

“She was stubborn and refused me during the meeting,” Kat answers, and she can’t help but smile a little. “But eventually she followed up and we hung out together one evening before she left for Tehran. There was definitely an attraction there, and after she got back from her trip we decided to meet up for coffee. We hit it off from there.”

“Ms. El-Amin, do you remember where this coffee date was?”

Adena smiles too. “Yes, Café de Flore.”

The interviewer flips through a couple of the reference papers that he has on the desk in front of him, containing their information.

“You moved in with Ms. Edison after only four months of dating. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” Adena agrees, and Kat is proud of how strong and unwavering her voice is.

“Why so soon? Why rush?”

“My lease on my studio was ending and I was in love,” Adena answers simply, and Kat smiles. “It didn’t feel like we were rushing at the time. We were so involved with each other by that point. And, at risk of playing into stereotypes, it’s common for women in same-sex relationships to move in together sooner. It felt normal.”

“And how is the rent paid?” he asks Adena.

“Kat taught me how to use the venmo phone app to more easily transfer money to her, and then she pays the property manager monthly through an online system. The venmo transfers that you see on the bank statements are my rent and utilities payments to her.”

“Ms. Edison, when and where did you get married?”

“May 9^th, in Maui.”

“Who was in attendance?”

“My two best friends, Jane and Sutton. And Adena’s close friend and working assistant Firuze.”

“Why such a small wedding and so far away? Why no family?”

“Adena’s family doesn’t accept her sexual orientation. I was surprised to find out my parents were not so happy either. They kept insisting it was a phase. It felt…hollow, to try to have a big wedding with no family. It just felt wrong for us. So we decided we’d rather do an impromptu vacation thing, bring our friends to Hawaii.”

The interviewer eyes them closely, looking between them for several long seconds, and it’s a little unnerving. She grips Adena’s hand tighter and tries to stay calm. She doesn’t want to give off the wrong vibe by looking nervous.

“Ms. El-Amin, when is your wife’s birthday?”

“November 5^th, 1993.”

“And where was she born?”

Adena pauses for a moment, and Kat’s pulse quickens. She can’t remember if she’s ever told Adena this.

“In a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland. I can’t remember the name of it though.”

“That’s ok,” the officer nods, looking back down at a paper, and Kat releases a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

“Ms. El-Amin, our records show that you have travelled to Western Asia six times since acquiring a U.S. visa. Four trips to Iran, one to Lebanon, and one to Azerbaijan. Is that correct?”

She tenses in her chair, before she can stop herself, and Adena squeezes her hand, clears her throat.

“Yes, that is correct.”

He shouldn’t be asking about this. Adena’s travel history has nothing to do with their relationship. But Adena had warned her this might happen, and Kat fights every impulse to make a snide remark about cultural profiling. She has to stay calm and professional. She has to.

“Why so many trips? What was the purpose of them?”

“I’m a photographer. My work focuses on Muslim identity, and reclaiming and refashioning certain narratives around this topic. Many of my projects have an international scope. All of those trips involved photography work of some sort. I’d be happy to provide you with more detail about those projects if that is information you wish to have.”

 The officer nods, but he doesn’t say anything for several seconds, just scratches notes on a piece of paper, and anxiety balloons in her chest.

“Thank you,” he says, and his expression is unreadable. “If you’ll excuse me for a couple of minutes. Just wait right here.”

He exits the room and Kat is terrified to speak, to reveal her anxiety and fear, because she knows there must be cameras in here.

“Kat,” Adena whispers, and she turns to meet her eyes. There is anger and resistance storming in her eyes, even though Kat can read the uncertainty all over her face and in her posture. “Everything will be alright. Just breathe. Stay calm, joon.”

Adena lifts their connected hands, presses a brief tender kiss to her knuckles, and Kat squeezes her eyes shut, wills her racing heart to quiet.

The door opens an agonizing minute later, and there is a second officer standing beside their interviewer. Dread fills her stomach, weighs on her chest and makes it hard to breathe.

“Ms. El-Amin, can you come with me please?”

No.

This can’t be happening.

Adena gives her hand one last squeeze and then she stands, the tremor that runs down her spine almost imperceptible.

“W-Where are you taking her?”

Adena turns back, shakes her head just once and pleads with her eyes. It’s enough to make her go silent.

“We ask that you wait here, please. My colleague will join you.”

The officer that she doesn’t recognize enters the room, settling into the chair where their interviewer had been. Adena follows their interviewer out the door and she doesn’t look back again.

The door shuts behind them and she feels her breathing shallow out, lungs caving beneath the force of her anxiety.

“Please. Can you tell me what’s happening?”

The man looks almost bored and Kat rages inside, but she manages to hold it together and at least he answers her.

“We have a few additional questions that we need to ask your wife. It’s standard procedure.”

Like hell it’s standard procedure. She’s researched this process. They both have. There was always the possibility that if the interviewer doubted the legitimacy of their relationship, they might be interviewed separately. But this is different. They’re not even questioning her. They’re only questioning Adena, and she’s sure that the questions have little to do with their relationship.

She feels like an idiot. They never should have tried this. But what choice did they have? Either Adena gets deported now, attempting to get a marriage-based green card, or she’s forced to leave when her visa expires in two months. There was never an easy option. There were only ever risks to be taken.

The clock on the wall above the door moves in slow motion.

Adena is gone for eighteen minutes. Eighteen agonizing minutes.

She nearly has a breakdown, right there in front of the immigration officer.

At minute twelve, she caves for just a moment, bites out, “Where is my wife?”

She immediately regrets it and goes quiet again and the officer doesn’t answer her.

Adena is gone for eighteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds, and then the door opens. It’s their original interviewer, but Adena isn’t with him and she feels panic welling up inside of her until—

“We’re all finished here, Ms. Edison. Your wife is in the waiting room, you’re both free to leave.”

“Oh, thank god,” she exhales, rushing to stand up.

He escorts her back to the front and it takes every ounce of willpower to keep herself from running ahead. She just wants Adena. She needs to see Adena.

As soon as Kat gets out, as soon as she sees her, she strides forward, sweeping Adena into her arms.

“You scared me to death,” she whispers, and Adena clings to her.

She doesn’t even realize that there are tears in her eyes until she presses her face into Adena’s neck.

“I’m okay, azizam, I’m okay,” Adena assures, rubbing her back. “Everything is alright. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

She couldn’t agree more. She never wants to set foot in this place again.

“It was my trip to Baku, in Azerbaijan,” Adena says, once they’re in comfy clothes and cuddled up together at home. “That was the red flag. They had many questions about that trip. Of all the specific things for them to focus on…”

Kat hums, runs her fingers through Adena’s hair. She wants to hear about that trip sometime, because Adena hasn’t mentioned it before, and Kat wants to understand why it mattered to immigration. But she doesn’t have the mental energy for that right now. She feels completely drained and all she wants to do is take a nap with Adena safely in her arms.

Adena seems to pick up on it and she snuggles closer, resting her head in the curve of Kat’s neck, tangling their legs together.

“I’m proud of you,” Adena murmurs. “You kept so calm.”

“I was terrified. I don’t know how you deal with this. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Adena rubs her hip in soothing patterns, plays with the hem of her t-shirt.

“I get scared too,” she confesses. “But, your love grounds me.”

Kat smiles into her hair, presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Hey, you know what I just realized?”

“Hm?”

“We missed our fake one-year anniversary. We were too focused on the interview.”

Adena giggles, props herself up on her elbow to look into Kat’s eyes.

“Shall we do a belated celebration?”

Kat smiles, pulls her down for a kiss.

“Duh. Gotta keep up appearances on Instagram. I’ll figure out how to frame it.”

“You know,” Adena muses, “at some point this is going to get very confusing, having two different anniversaries.”

“More excuses for fancy dates? I don’t see the problem here…”

It’s been 22 days since their interview when she gets home from work a little before six. She thought she might beat Adena home, based on traffic patterns, but it looks like her girlfriend made it back first. Kat spots her standing in the kitchen, and it’s only after she’s set her bag down that she realizes there are tears streaming down Adena’s face.

Adena is clutching a piece of paper in her hand, and Kat freezes.

“Babe?”

Adena holds her hand to her mouth, sob breaking out, and then she runs forward, into Kat’s arms.

“It’s a welcome letter,” she cries, and Kat holds her tight. “Kat, it’s a welcome letter. I’m getting a green card.”

Nothing, no amount of waiting and thinking about it, has prepared her for this moment.

To be happy and crying and holding Adena and knowing that it worked.

Just over 13 months later, it worked. Their plan worked.

“Oh my god,” she squeals, spinning them around in a circle. “Oh my god!”

Adena kisses her, overflowing with joy, and Kat lets her tears fall, kissing Adena with everything that she has. Adena’s arms are around her neck, holding her and holding a piece of paper.

 Holding the piece of paper. The paper that changes everything.

Of all the anniversaries, fake and real, she knows that this day will always be the most important one. The most cherished and remembered.

Because Adena gets to stay.  

“We need to go do something, go celebrate somewhere,” Kat insists, and Adena agrees, wiping at her eyes.

They go for coffee and dessert at Café de Flore, even though they haven’t had dinner yet. Because they absolutely deserve to have dessert before dinner today.

 Their lattes may not actually be the best in New York City, objectively speaking.

But they’re back to where this all began, and Adena is her girlfriend, and they’re in love, and Adena is becoming a permanent resident of the United States.

 It’s the best latte she’s ever had in her life.