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If this doesn't work, he's going to die.
He won't have long - fifteen or twenty minutes at most before he will scream and claw at the air to defend himself from something that only he will see. Soon after that, the artery above the visual cortex in his brain will rupture, causing a massive brain hemorrhage, and soon, death. I am going to have to stand here and watch him die, unable to offer so much as the comfort of an ungloved human hand to hold while he screams.
I'm a doctor, damnit! I ought to be able to do something besides observe and record! Especially when it's someone close to me. I know that the doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient, but I've never been one to sit back and not help when a relative or friend needed medical help. I'm just not made that way. I have to help, whether it be Mum's toe fungus or Uncle Ian's coronary occlusion - I can't just stand aside and let someone else do it.
Radek is my friend. He might be called something even closer than friend, but I'm not sure if there is a word for it. We aren't lovers - not yet, at least, though there are days I think that's where we are going eventually. We have never made love, or even touched each other that way. We talk - we cuss, discuss, and otherwise blow off steam about our co-workers, our situation, our hopes and dreams for the future. He vents about Rodney's noisy ill manners, and I vent about Biro's eternal eloquent bounciness.
I wonder what's happening up there? Major Sheppard is taking an awful chance - he doesn't know what effects the generator explosion will have on the puddlejumper. Radek isn't the only one in danger. We'll lose a third of our people - minimum - if we can't stop the nanites here and now.
But he's the one I care about most.
Yes, Lieutenant Ford is also on the same schedule, but I can't do anything about him. I can't do anything about Radek, either. I am helpless in the face of a biological machine developed before my ancestors learned to scratch pictographs on mud. I'm the very model of the modern medical researcher - and all I can do is watch while friends and loved ones die.
Oh god, he's going to die. I don't want to watch this. It's going to be ugly, if quick. I don't want my last sight of him to be of a man terrified into witlessness, afraid of shadows that exist only in his traitorous brain. That his brain should be the thing that will finally kill him is the ultimate irony, or perhaps the ultimate obscenity. His brain is unique, a work of natural art that will and training have developed into a tool to unravel the secrets of machine and molecule, particle and parsec. Rodney may be smarter on paper, but Radek's hands connected with Radek's brain produce miracles of a totally different sort. Rodney may be the Designer, but Radek is the Builder.
Why haven't we heard anything yet? Has the Major released the generator? We're so deep in Atlantis we won't see anything here - even the light from a nuclear explosion won't penetrate down here. Oh wait - Grodin is counting down…
"Detonation in 25 seconds…"
Oh God, I haven't asked for anything in so long - listen to me, I'm not even sure You're there. If nothing else, the Stargate program has made atheists and doubters of us all.
"…20 seconds…"
But if You are there…please, help him.
"…15 seconds…"
Help us all.
"…detonation in 10…9…8…7…"
He's looking up at the ceiling. I wonder if he's praying too? I have no idea what his personal beliefs are. I hope I have the chance to find out.
"…6…5…4…3…2…1…"
A deep rumbling noise, faint but distinct, fills the air around us, and static is washing through our headsets. The generator has been detonated, no doubt. Now to find out…
Suddenly the static clears and Sheppard's voice rings in my ears "Did it work?"
"We're about to find out." Elizabeth sounds confident, cool.
Rodney puts his sixpence worth in, of course. "We should know almost right away. The pulse only lasts a couple of micro-seconds and then…"
"The city's already ahead of us, Rodney." I can hear the smile in her voice. "You have a green light to return."
A collective sigh of relief sweeps the room that we're in, and then we're all hugging and congratulating each other on our survival. Lieutenant Ford grabs me and gives me a big hug as Radek tries to shake Rodney's hand and misses as Rodney goes for a high-five that Radek misses. But that's OK. We're alive, and no one else is going to die, at least not today. Almost involuntarily, a huge "Whoooo!" flies out of me.
Then Radek turns back towards me, a grin on his face and laughter in his eyes. I hold out my arms and he walks into them, hugging me and holding on. I don't care if everyone in the city sees me embrace this man, and apparently he's made the same decision. We stay that way, holding each other up in our relief and joy and celebrating another bullet dodged. Finally, he straightens, but doesn't move far.
"Aren't you hot in there? Here, let me help you out of the suit…"
"Well, you can help me with the helmet, but I have to wear the suit a wee bit longer, I'm afraid." He reaches around behind my neck and unzips the gasket there, allowing me to pull the headpiece and faceplate up, over, and down to dangle in front.
"Why? The danger is over - the nanites are deactivated." He starts to reach for the main zipper on my left shoulder, but I place my hand on his to stop him. Looking around quickly, I see that no one is paying attention - people are gathering equipment and getting organized for the walk back to the main part of the city.
"Have you ever had to wear one of these, Radek?"
"No. Why?"
"Because the air scrubbers in these hazmat suits make lousy air conditioners. It's hotter than Venus at noon in this getup." The drying sweat on my face is making me nearly as giddy as our recent survival. "I'm not wearing anything under here."
He grins like a lunatic. "Carson, are you telling me you are naked under that suit? That I just hugged a naked Scotsman?"
"Aye, ye did, lad. Well, an almost naked one, at least. The hazmat suit does count, you know."
"Come, let us gather our equipment and get back quickly." He bends to pick up a clipboard and an equipment bag. "We need to get you out of that thing right away."
I laugh and start gathering up medical gear. "I agree, Doctor. Would you be willing to assist in that procedure?"
"Of course, Carson. Why do you think I am in such a big hurry?"
Oh, this is going to be so much fun.