Chapter Text
Gary Oak is ten, and he can’t really remember the last time he spent time with Ash without belittling him.
The day before didn’t count. In fact, he’d been steadfastly trying to forget the entire day as much as he possibly could. If he wanted to be technical, maybe he’d let the other half of that particular day count...but not the first. The middle part didn’t really have anything to do with Ash, but…
...but maybe that’s why he’s been stuck on the subject for the past 24 hours. It doesn’t really help that Gary’s extremely tired from lack of sleep. He can’t help it-- every time he closes his eyes -
Humans...are all worthless…
With a shudder, Gary sets his chin down on his arms. The Pokemon Center is quiet, as it’s rather late. Nurse Joy isn’t all that enthused that he wants her to check on his Pokemon yet again so close to midnight, but he’s worried about them and he knows that she sympathizes with him. He’d give anything to be able to have Eevee back; the little furball cuddled up under his chin at night would probably help him sleep far better than he had the night before.
And there it is again, his nervousness over sleeping. Maybe Nurse Joy can see that, too, because she left him a warm cup of tea to drink a little while ago.
Groaning, Gary tilts his face down so that his forehead is nestled between his arms. Even the darkness there is enough to make him uneasy. His thoughts forcefully shift to his rival again to rid himself of his anxiety. Has he really been awful this entire time? He can’t recall many times since they began traveling that he had anything decent to say about or to Ash at all. Individual instances of his taunting make the boy wince. No...even before that, before that first day on the road.
It’s when Gary is absently digging around in his pocket for something when he hears footsteps coming down the hall. Fully prepared to reassure one of his girls that, yes, he’ll be coming back soon, he raises his head and opens his mouth. He feels it’s a reflex when what comes out is:
“Sleepwalking, Ashy-Boy?”
In Ash Ketchum’s arms, his Pikachu gives a soft and exasperated ‘chu’. Ash himself reels back slightly, frowning. “I can’t sleep.” Is all he says. For once, Gary manages to keep himself in check. He offers a shrug, turning back to watch the dark area behind the counter. Nurse Joy can be heard still rummaging around - Gary’s mind tricks him into thinking he hears Eevee, but he knows the Pokemon will be out cold for another few hours at least. The thought sends him right back into the muddled area he was in before.
The silence has turned awkward. Gary’s acutely aware that Ash hasn’t moved from his spot since their brief exchange, and it’s through exhaustion alone that Gary hasn’t told him to get lost. It... is just because he’s tired, right?
Gary realizes that he actually wants Ash there around the time Ash speaks up again.
“Are your Pokemon doin’ okay?”
Right, yes, that was why he was here, wasn’t it? After a moment, Gary puts his elbow on the counter and uses his palm to prop up his head. His boot toe taps absently at the tile floor. “Nurse Joy says they’re gonna be fine.” He finally answers.
“That’s good.” The way Ash says it is filled with relief, so much that it surprises Gary. He turns his head slightly so that he can see his rival and - sure enough - Ash is actually smiling at him. It fades immediately. “I know they were really beat up when we found you...but I’m glad they’re gonna be okay!”
There’s a few seconds - during which Ash seems to become rather uncomfortable - before Gary finally settles on something to say that isn’t antagonistic. “Me too.” He mumbles, focusing back on the space in front of him instead of Ash.
That ought to be all. Ash should just take the hint and get back to doing...whatever he was doing. Something that wasn’t bothering Gary. As it stands, Ash is probably tone deaf and Gary’s been way too hopeful for the opposite.
Hesitantly, Ash asks another question. “Are...are you okay?”
This time, Gary’s caught off-guard enough to answer right away...even if it is a dumb-sounding ‘Huh?’. His chin comes off of his hand, his eyes finally opening fully. Ash is looking at him like...it’s hard to explain. Gary settles on how he himself looked at his Pokemon when first handing them over to Nurse Joy the day before. It’s partly guilty, partly worried. He’s not sure why Ash feels either of those things towards him.
“Are you okay?” Ash repeats. He shifts his weight to one side, arching one of his eyebrows. “You-- You look tired.”
Gary’s not sure what Ash meant to say instead, but he knows it wasn’t that lame sounding thing about looking tired. “I’m fine.” He hears himself saying, as if he’s dreaming this whole thing and listening to another version of himself. Ash looks unconvinced. “What’re you so worried about ME for?” It’s an honest question, because Gary’s bewildered over it.
He doesn’t get it. He remembers waking up from a living nightmare, limp in Ash’s arms, and seeing the look on his rival’s face. He remembers the relief that seemed to take over Ash’s entire expression. Why? He’s been nothing but rotten to his old friend--
--they used to be friends, didn’t they? That hurts somewhere, and Gary doesn’t like it.
Ash is being way more patient with his hostilities than usual, too. The shorter boy gives Pikachu’s chin a scratch, taking his time before explaining himself (something he really doesn’t need to do). “I...I dunno what actually happened to you guys...but I know you got hurt just like your Pokemon did. I know you’re worried about’em. I would be.” Of course he would - Ash Ketchum has a literal heart of gold. “I saw you up really late last night, too.”
Well...shoot. Gary doesn’t really have a rebuttal for that that isn’t ‘Stalking me, loser?’, so he keeps quiet.
He doesn’t hear Ash move closer, so it makes him jolt when the boy places a hand on his arm. He glares, but Ash doesn’t move away. “I know we’re not really friends.” ‘Anymore’ Gary hears at the end, though it remains unsaid, “But I don’t want stuff like that to happen to you. I dunno what actually happened, but I thought you--”
He doesn’t finish. He can’t, Gary realizes. For the first time, he puts himself in Ash’s shoes and tries to look at it all through his eyes. He can picture Ash finding him and his girls lifeless and tries to think about what he’d do if he found Ash the same way, his friends sprawled out around him like they were…
...he can’t imagine how that must feel. Even if they haven’t been friends in a while, Gary can’t fathom how terrified he’d be if he saw Ash the way Ash had seen Gary the day before.
“...You’re okay, too, right?” He finds himself asking all of a sudden. Ash doesn’t seem to have expected it at all. Even his Pikachu seems taken aback. No use in stopping this train, now. “Team Rocket was pretty ruthless on you during your battle. I know getting shocked isn’t new to you-- no offense,” Gary quickly murmurs to Pikachu, “but still…”
“I didn’t die.” Ash bluntly replies. He bites his lip, looking regretful of his wording. They’re both aware that they’re skirting around what Ash is really worried about, and at last Ash grows tired of it and blurts out: “I thought you did.”
Silence falls between them. Ash is tense, waiting for some sort of response, and Gary can’t manage to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. He eyes the room beyond the counter, knowing Nurse Joy is only just where he can’t see her and can probably hear every word. His Pokemon are back there, each of them hooked up to machines to monitor their vitals. Eevee is in a plastic box - Gary wasn’t allowed to even touch her when he’d gone back to see her. Phantom pain races along his temples, over the top of his skull.
You...are worthless…
Gary Oak, who hasn’t been at all nice to Ash Ketchum since a year or so ago, caves. He feels his expression fall and can’t bring himself to look at his rival. “I don’t think it wanted to...y’know…” He mutters, picking at a chipped spot on the counter.
“It?”
“Yeah. Some Pokemon I’ve never seen before, remember? I told you when you-- when you found me.” It takes a lot to swallow down much of the emotion welling up in his throat. Residual terror, embarrassment, anguish...all of them had flickered in and out of his subconscious as he’d opened his eyes yesterday to see Ash’s horrified face. Gary clears his throat, and it helps only a little. “It was standing like a person, and it was covered in this armor. It was so weird...and the gym leader didn’t really even have to tell it to do anything. It just did it. It’s gotta be a Psychic-type Pokemon...if it even IS a Pokemon.”
“I’ve never heard of one like that.” Ash admits quietly from beside him. Tiny claws scratch lightly on vinyl countertop as his Pikachu jumps to it. This leaves Ash to mirror Gary’s pose against the counter. Their shoulders brush; Gary doesn’t mind, really. It gives him a little bit of the feeling hugging Eevee would have - comfort. “It must’ve been really strong to have taken out all of your Pokemon. That’s not an easy thing to do.” As much as Gary wants to give in and boastfully accept the compliment, he just doesn’t have the energy in him. Ash’s next words are a bit softer. “...I’m sorry about them. I know you said they’re gonna get better, but that’s gotta be rough. I’ve seen some of mine in really bad shape, just not all at once…”
“Pika-chu.” A small, yellow paw pats at one of Gary’s wrists. He’s never really interacted with Pikachu one on one like this, so he’s fairly bemused by its sympathy.
“Thank you.” His fingers twitch, then reach up cautiously to itch along Pikachu’s tiny arm. The Pokemon allows him to rub under it’s chin and along its ears. “...For finding us, too. We could’ve been in a whole lot more trouble if we’d been left there.”
When Ash shrugs, it slightly jostles him. “I wish I could say we did it on purpose, but...we were just looking for Misty’s Togepi. I’m glad we ended up finding you, anyway. I’m confused, though: how come you and your cheerleaders were all knocked out?”
He really, really wishes Ash hadn’t asked. Still, no one else is around and Gary’s not up for squandering the opportunity to vent. “It attacked us.”
Ash and Pikachu both inhale sharply, making appalled noises. “What-?!”
“The Gym Leader told it to.” Gary continues, his eyes glazed over. “I could hear it, in my head. The girls did, too - they told me about it afterwards. It was awful.” After a moment of hesitation, he gestures weakly with his free hand. “D’you know when someone says their whole life flashed before their eyes? That’s sort’ve what it felt like. It wasn’t MY life, though. It was just...spots of different things, here and there-- and I could feel stuff about these things that I know I shouldn’t feel anything about.”
“...Like what?”
Gary closes his eyes. Immediately, he can call back to all he saw, heard, and felt. It’s hard to pick out individual moments, but he tries. “...There was a little girl I didn’t know. I felt really happy at first when I saw her, but then I felt sad...and angry. I think...if she’s real, I don’t think she’s alive anymore. It all felt so real, even if it wasn’t my thoughts. I remember this explosion…”
He trails off, because that feels too raw. He isn’t sure where that foreign memory ends and his own begins. Even when that had happened, Gary had been torn between feelings that he didn’t know and ones he’d tried to forget. It’s the fire. It’s always fire.
“...I think...I saw it for a second, without all its armor. It’s so alien looking. I don’t think I was supposed to see those things, and then in this...memory, I guess...it turned and looked right at me. I could hear it talking to me, I could hear--”
His throat goes very dry very quickly. He mouths the word ‘screaming’, perhaps even whispers it, but can’t get his vocal chords to work. It makes him physically shake with shock when Pikachu carefully crawls under his chin and into his folded arms. He glances at Ash briefly, who simply nods as a sign of approval. Pikachu isn’t Eevee; Eevee is far softer, far fluffier. The two Pokemon smell different, sound different. The warmth, though, and the feeling of safety...that’s the same. Gary’s highly grateful.
Ash says what he can’t. “That sounds a lot like the nightmares you used to have about your mom and dad.”
Gary jerks his head down once. “Yeah. I heard them, too. I don’t remember how long that Pokemon was in my head. It felt like hours. It hated me-- hated humans. And now when I try to sleep, it all comes back. With my Pokemon all out of commission like this and the nightmares, I just…”
It’s the most he’s opened up to anyone in a long time. He and Ash used to share everything together, and he’s surprised as to how easy it is to slip back into this as if Gary hasn’t deliberately tormented Ash for over a year. He hasn’t attempted to talk to his grandfather about the incident. Professor Oak rarely has a free moment, and Gary hates trying to bother him. His girls are all spooked themselves.
His rival gently nudges him with his shoulder. “It’s okay.” He says. He doesn’t mention Gary being scared, or imply anything other than things are all right. “It’ll get better. All of it.” After a moment, during which Ash shares a silent look with Pikachu, he asks: “D’you wanna keep Pikachu tonight?”
“Huh…? Your Pikachu-- why?”
“Well...YOUR Pokemon aren’t better yet. You oughta have one around just in case there’s trouble, right?”
The argument that Gary has BOXES full of Pokemon in the PC is on the tip of his tongue...but in the end, he knows the real reason. The fact Ash hasn’t said it out loud is a kindness. Still, Gary shakes his head. “No...it’s all right. I should be okay. The girls all decided to just camp out with me on the floor in one of our rooms. And...I think maybe I’ll be fine, now.” They share a mutual, weak smile. Nurse Joy still hasn’t returned. “You wanna stick around with me for a little bit, until Nurse Joy finishes checking on my Pokemon?”
“Yeah Gary, sure.”
They don’t really speak about that night afterwards. There’s an unspoken understanding between them, standing at the counter side by side - things between them are changing for the better, but there’s no reason to bring it up in front of others.