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Rey let the soiled linen on her shoulders slip off and glide down her bruised arms. The material collected days’ worth of sweat and grime as it fell off to expose her chest and sculpted abdomen. She unwrapped the white cloth that protected her breasts and tossed it slowly to the ground. Although her hands worked diligently to remove her garments, her stare remained absent in the mirror before her which quickly collected fog from the hot steam in the washroom.
Her hazel eyes met herself in the hazy reflection as her thoughts raced through her mind. She recognized those tired features to be her own, yet still she experienced an almost alien sort of distance from herself for endless cycles now. She was overcome with a sense of accomplishment and failure- freedom and solitude- relief and distress.
Her overwhelming thoughts would come and go in waves. Each started with something new- but ended with one constant.
Him. Kylo Ren. Ben Solo.
The murderous man she loathed.
The lost soul who understood her in ways she never understood herself, and the one who had a touch that her skin longed for.
Her mind went in endless circles, and every time her thoughts paused they looped back to him somehow.
Rey’s chest shivered gently as she released a breath she’d been suppressing for some time. She then shook her head to disregard such sentiments and blinked her eyes a few times.
She made her choice.
After the sensation of her lashes fluttering against her skin passed, Rey chose to dismiss her thoughts. She did not spare so much as another glance into the mirror as she moved to step beneath the shower for the first time in what seemed an eternity.
The water poured down on to her through a long, slim beam across the ceiling and she basked in the delight of its lukewarm embrace. The light hairs on her skin became erect as the sensation washed over her. The water pooling around her naked feet was deep in color from dirt and debris, but Rey ignored it. Instead, she kept her head held high and rested back against her neck to let the droplets stream from her hair line to her chin. Rey finally moved her slender arms up to hold the top of her head and she worked her thin, pointed fingers through damp tresses of soft brunette hair to push out dirt and oils.
It didn't take nearly as long to bathe herself when her mind was present, but these past few cycles were different. Rey stood under the shower of uneven streams with her mind elsewhere. She spent these few personal moments thinking forbidden thoughts and letting her mind wander to depths unknown. Rey was too intimidated by such depths, though. She merely stood by the edge and stared into the abyss rather than ever diving in, although her feet were beginning to ache from standing still. There was something calling to her from the abyss. She heard its whispers in the wind, but could never see it. Rey knew one thing was for certain, though. Kylo Ren was in there. He was lost in the darkness, but she remained uncertain whether or not she wanted to reach for his hand and guide him out- or follow him down.
Rey was unafraid of the darkness. She simply wished to understand its nature. She believed Kylo could show her how, and that she could in turn show him the light.
But she made her choice.
She opened her eyes, walking away from the edge.
Once the warmth of the unyielding water resided to become more frigid, Rey reached out to twist the rusted knob to cease the flow and stepped away. She stood with her back to the mirror this time as she dried herself. She was careful to avoid nicking wounds that were still sensitive in their process of becoming scars. Her muscles ached and pounded with the rhythm of her heart beat, but Rey powered through the pain and sparingly dressed herself.
She was well accustomed to the pain, anyway.
Rey walked only a few steps before she reached the small cot in the room that was hers for the time being. It was nothing grand, but Rey was never acquainted to luxuries. She stood in front of the cot and her hazel eyes examined it with fatigue pulling relentlessly on her eyelids.
She was discouraged, though. Tonight was no different than any other.
Rey was already prepared to stay awake until the latest hours of dusk approached dawn.
Crimson rays of low light surrounded Ben in his personal washroom. The traces of crystallized stone patterned through out the sleek midnight-hued walls glimmered under the golden tones. A shower of mist clouded the vast, dreary room and Ben endured the steaming temperatures of the purified water for quite some time while significantly lost in thought.
His deep brown stare focused on the intricate patterns of the walls, which truthfully he paid little mind too. Instead, his mind raced with thoughts only of her.
The girl. The scavenger from a wasteland unknown.
Rey.
He dedicated his time to deciphering her existence. The questions that arose with her significance in all of this left Ben starving for answers.
The girl was extraordinarily mysterious in nature. Her light shrouded him, only when he was close enough to feel its warmth.
He felt too far from it now.
He appreciated that light just as much as he loathed it, considering he lost her to it. However, she possessed another quality of interest. Just a slight feature. A tamable darkness within that invited an exceptional curiosity in Ben. That curiosity kept Ben awake most nights when he was desperate to sleep. Yet he lay awake, longing to understand Rey because he believed he was similar to her in ways he could not yet fathom.
Ben dreaded moments such as these. Moments where nothing occupied his mind except her. Moments of raw emotion that consumed him in his inevitable states of weakness that came and left without warning or permission.
Ben remained under the continuous shower, although his exposed body was long sterile, until he collected his thoughts. His hand reached out directly in front of his abdomen to press a slick button until the water ceased to pour.
As he slowly made his way out of the washroom, Ben reached out to wrap his fingers around a thick towel to drag it with him. He began to dry himself initially by working the textured cotton towel rather aggressively through his locks of lush black hair to dry it as he moved toward his personal chambers. His hands then guided the towel down every defined muscle of his large chest, back, and abdomen.
A rather large round bed rested against the furthest corner of his large personal chambers. Ben approached it with ease in his strides. His large arms reached out to hold a pair of loose pants which laid on top of the silk black sheets that generously covered every crevice of the tall, round bed.
The chambers glowed softly with crimson hues which made Ben's eyes feel heavy. His tired lids fell to a close and he felt a wave of exhaustion deplete his already critically low energy as he carelessly dressed himself. Once he loosely tightened the pants on his waist, Ben moved to sit on the edge of his bed. His strong back arched as he leaned his large frame forward to rest elbows to knees. He covered his forehead with a hand. His left hand fingertips pressed gently into the closed lid of his right eye and he messaged the scarred skin from the bridge of his nose to his temple until the illusion of rest become a possibility.
All the while, Ben denied himself the pleasure, and the misery, of thinking about Rey.
He needed to rest. He needed her company.
But he knew he was without both.
A strange sensation swept over Rey.
It filled her lungs to slow her respirations. Every vein and artery in her body pumped the sensation, causing her heart to beat increasingly faster. It flowed through her bloodstream and pounded in her head. Rey shut her eyes as her ears began to ring with indistinct whispers and sighs of the wind. She focused on the strangest sensation of bated breath against her ears.
Just as quickly as the vertigo came- it left, and Rey was left in an intense silence.
However, she knew that she was not alone.
Rey exhaled a heavy, shaky breath before she finally opened her eyes again. Her jaw stiffened in anticipation as she turned her body around. Her mind could hardly comprehend what was happening. She believed that she was officially losing her grip on reality.
She was there when Kylo Ren destroyed Supreme Leader Snoke, the one who claimed to bond their minds together through the power of the Force. She recalled it vividly. Kylo chose to spare her and instead take the life of his own master.
He chose her.
It was a choice that Rey struggled to comprehend. It ultimately resulted in the uprising questioning of whether her decision to walk away from Kylo's offer was justified. Rey was confused. She felt lost, especially since the death of Snoke should have terminated the bond. She even was convinced that she ended their connection long ago. At least that is what Rey expected.
Yet here he was.
Kylo Ren sat on his own bed in his own personal chambers somewhere across the galaxy but Rey saw him. He shifted slightly, letting his arms fall to rest his wrists on his upper thighs as he straightened his back. When the moment came that their eyes locked, Rey was able to confirm that he saw her as well.
The subtle crimson lights surrounding Kylo that beamed against his partially exposed body caught Rey’s eyes in a wide stare. Her eyes followed the warm tones as they illuminated Kylo’s broad shoulders and toned abdomen before she traced his own stare. Her breath caught in her throat and the whites of her hazel eyes flushed as bright and rosy as the skin on her prominent cheekbones.
Rey was quick to realize that Kylo never faltered his gaze from her own eyes. Although, she began to recognize that look to be a glare.
She let her quivering lips part slightly as if to speak, but no words escaped her dry throat once her attention was pulled to Kylo's lower arms as the palms of his hands delved into the silky black sheets topping his bed. Rey was almost mesmerized by his movements as he placed the entire weight of his body on those strong hands to push himself up until he stood tall. He looked incredibly more menacing standing at his full height. Rey gave it her all to dismiss the rapidly spreading panic that coursed through her every vein. Her bare feet shifted in apprehension as she stood there waiting for a breath or sigh- just a whisper- of his voice. She wanted an explanation, but she already knew she wouldn't find it from him. She was convinced that he knew only as much as she did.
Kylo easily towered over Rey even from such a distance, and it only became more apparent as he stepped forward with the intention to close the space between them. His intimidating glare beamed down on her for another moment more before he found it in himself to reach out. The back of his long fingers extended to softly stroke the edge of her jawline. His thumb brushed just beneath the corner of her lips. Kylo could feel Rey's intense heart beat pounding against the skin of his fingertips through the contact. He zeroed in on that soothing rhythm just for a moment before he slowly drew back his hand. Rey noticed the hesitation in his withdrawal, but understood its purpose. His touch wasn't affectionate or eager, neither did it linger even a blink too long. He only touched her to assure himself that her presence wasn't some feigned figment of his imagination, and the touch proved the same for Rey.
The first time they had exchanged physical contact in the hut, Rey caught a glimpse of the future through him. She became connected to him with just an innocent touch. She knew what she saw then was true, and that terrified her this time around. Kylo's uncharacteristically soft touch revealed to Rey his every thought and emotion. All of his resentment, hurt, anger, and pain washed over her with no filter. Rey felt that paralleled sense of abandonment and isolation which made Kylo Ren restless and spiteful. She sensed his desperation for comfort and how the lack there of drove him to rage, especially recently. She was now well aware of his state of exhaustion that well surpassed her own. It was such an overwhelmingly powerful and raw experience that Rey felt her eyes begin to swell with salted tears.
Their eyes met and the immense swath of emotions that clouded them both was released in an inevitable storm.
“Why must you torment me?” Kylo Ren finally asked lowly, his deep voice breaking with rage and confusion. “Have you not relished in your victorious retreat? You must climb into my head and terrorize me with fantasies?”
“This is not me,” she explained through gritted teeth, and Kylo was overcome with an apparent confusion that seeped into Rey's skin as well. "I do not know how this is possible," Rey admit, her soft voice just barely a whisper now. Her words still echoed with an honesty that Kylo chose to trust, despite his existing anger. It was the truth, in fact. Rey believed that their bond was terminated long before this moment.
She thought she closed the door.
Rey did not understand.
It was silent for a brief moment.
Kylo averted his gaze far from Rey to process the situation. He was so overwhelmed with rage at the very sight of Rey that he failed to recognize their environment.
He looked around the meager room and identified it as her own temporary chambers, and there she was- standing before him just shy of being fully clothed. Rey wore only a beige sleeveless top made from a rough wool material and just enough of a neutral tinted cloth below her fine waist line to distinguish as undergarments.
Kylo let his eyes fall down Rey's body almost entirely too eager to dedicate to memory every inch of her skin. His throat swelled with a breath he struggled to swallow as he felt a rush of unwelcomed foreign excitement that nearly crushed the bones in his chest.
Rey's porcelain skin glowed a warm golden hue and her slick brunette tresses were damp from a fresh bath. Just as she stood before him, freshly bathed and exposed, Kylo stood the same. His thick black locks of hair still allowed a few spare droplets of clean water to slip down the crease of his defined back. Rey noticed that he wore only a loose pair of pants that invited plenty of room for his wet skin to breath.
“Snoke perished by my very hand," Kylo recalled aloud once he collected himself, although he seemed distant from Rey. His explanation seemed mostly for himself. "His wicked games should have died with him,” his voice trembled as he tried to make sense of it all.
Kylo was confident that the connection ended. He swore he felt it. The emptiness consumed him.
He needed closure in the form of knowledge. Snoke was an immensely powerful being, Kylo recognized that. He always sensed that overwhelming force. In the wake of his death, however, Kylo questioned the true extent of Snoke's abilities. Snoke admitted with pride that he violated Kylo Ren and Rey's minds by bridging them together without consent. Kylo Ren initially believed that. Yet as he looked at the girl who stood before him, Kylo began to understand the true nature of their bond.
His eyes locked with hers. Those wide hazel eyes haunted Kylo with their gentleness and sincerity. He lost himself in the softness of her gaze. The eyes he stared into now varied greatly from those of which he first saw. Kylo did not know when it happened, but the intense hatred and fear that her hazel eyes once expressed was replaced with something else. Kylo could only describe it as sympathy, which comforted him just as well as it infuriated him.
Rey felt unnerving chills flow through her bloodstream as a broad range of passionate emotions openly passed through one another through a single look. While it was just a simple look, it revealed so much. Rey's thin brows arched with concern as a disturbing realization crept under her skin. Kylo Ren felt it just as she did.
Rey's mouth opened just barely, but not a single word escaped as hesitation veiled her judgement.
And there it was.
It was just an idea of the answer, but they both knew it.
Kylo's full lips parted slowly, “Do you think of me?" his deep voice resonated.
The echo of that question chilled Rey's bones. She felt her heartbeat travel to other parts of her body as her ears drowned in the sound of his voice.
"Is that why I am here?”
Rey opened her mouth wider to expose teeth and take in a noticeable gasp that made her jaw tremble, but she couldn’t seem to form a response.
“Do you dream of me? Like this?” Kylo Ren asked again with soft words, letting his eyes wander down to Rey's lips.
He raised the palm of his hand and ghosted Rey's cheek until he found the courage to place his fingers against the side of her face. Rey let her eyes drift closed as she relished in his slight touch.
She closed her eyes to focus on this sensation. She could feel him.
She felt his lungs as they respired and his heart as it thudded heavily against his sternum. She felt the rhythm of her own breathing and heart beating harmonize with his. He was so close to her in a level reaching far beyond physical and it terrified her, as she had never felt this way before. It held a heavy grip on her heart. She couldn’t seem to shake it off, either.
“Do you dream of me... as I dream of you?” Kylo finally asked.
Rey met Kylo’s gaze so full of a passion that she could not ever explain with words. The way Kylo Ren lost his stare into hers was enough to stall her breaths. She could feel him leaning forward, just slightly. His taller figure closed around her, and Rey could feel her toes guiding her to meet his height.
Rey closed her lips tightly and swallowed her doubt, “I do not feel so alone when my thoughts are of you.”
Kylo hummed lowly in recognition, "Yes, I understand."
His reassurance was enough to elicit streams from Rey's swollen eyes once she blinked.
Kylo's finger tips brushed the soft, fair skin of her cheekbone. He adjusted his hand to wipe his thumb against the wet skin beneath her eye. His hand was large enough to cover her facial features entirely, but he relented enough to admire her expression by moving his hand to hold the side of her head ever so lightly. Just the tips of his fingers dug into the tangles of soft brunette hair above her neck.
Rey stood much closer to him now, allowing only inches to separate their bodies. She looked up at him with a look gleaming in her eyes that Kylo had never before seen.
They both stood on foreign terrain, but they stood there together.
"The burden of solitude seems to fade when I welcome you as a distraction from reality in my head. It should be easy not to think of you..." Rey explained through lips that quivered. "However," she began. Kylo Ren listened. "I find that my mind just wanders to you. I can't stop it. I can't suppress it. I have too many thoughts- so many questions. There are things I know we could help each other with- and that is it. We must find the answer together."
Kylo committed to memory the soft olive undertones of her gaze as he listened to her without interruption.
He hesitated for just a moment before he answered her, "That is it, then. This bond has always been here- you feel it too. I am drawn to you- and you to me. It is our destiny," he concluded. "We are keeping this bond aflame through our unspoken thoughts- our forbidden desires- We cannot close it so long as our thoughts revolve around each other."
Rey took in the information with a loud breathless sigh, "Ben," she let the name fall from her tongue and studied the nature of his reaction.
His brows furrowed slightly and she swore that she caught a glimpse of hope in his deep brown eyes. But it wasn't certain.
"We are bonded for a reason. We can help each other," Rey emphasized. "Ben, if you let me in, I can show you the nature of the light. You can come home."
Kylo Ren grimaced.
The sound of her soft accent speaking his name made his chest feel lighter like a phenomenon he couldn't explain. Her ideas were full of good intention and laced with an innocent kind of pure hope. This only infuriated Kylo, however. He found that his anger began to boil to the surface again.
"I offered you everything!" he reminded her. His deep voice was so rich with anger. Rey felt the malice and growing resentment in his words. "I laid all I had out before you, and you denied me. You chose to hold on to the past. The Resistance. You could not let go! I sacrificed everything to offer a chance for a new beginning created from our legacy. You walked away, Rey!" Kylo scolded her.
Kylo found his own answer. If this bond connected them from the very beginning- it would connect them until the bitter end. The Force had a wicked way of demanding balance. However, Kylo Ren had a revelation after killing Snoke. He would be puppet to no one, and he wouldn’t succumb to games such as these, not any longer.
He knew what he needed to do.
He needed to block her out. Every thought of Rey- every vision and fantasy that plagued his mind- Kylo needed to resist them. Being it their thoughts of one another that bonded their minds, Kylo was certain this would suspend the bond.
His fingers dug deep into her hair and his thumb brushed over her ear.
Their eyes were locked together in a passionate, unwavering gaze.
Rey's eyes were flushed with silent tears that streamed down her face as she processed every last one of Kylo’s pained words. She witnessed his hesitation as it transformed into action, although she dreaded it.
"It is my turn to walk away."
With that, Kylo Ren began to withdrawal his hand. As Rey prepared for his touch to leave her skin, she slowly shut her eyes in a tight close that involuntarily released more tears. She reveled in the touch before her skin was left cold from the absence of his hand’s intimate embrace.
Then, Rey's eyes fluttered open slowly only to be welcomed by no company.