Chapter Text
Ben Solo was alone in the command center of the First Order’s Star Destroyer. The usual hub of activity had been reduced to an echoing silence. At first he looked around at the empty seats where there were once many officers, but for some reason, the window kept calling to him, and eventually he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the black abyss of the galaxy.
There was a deep dull rumbling in the distance. Ben searched the darkness harder to find the source of the noise. Surely a ship was approaching, but from where?
Suddenly there was the loudest most piercing bang Ben had ever heard, and then absolute silence as the back of the ship exploded and collapsed, and all of the contents of the ship were pulled into the vacuum of space.
Cold. All he could feel was cold. He couldn’t move in the slightest, as every force in the universe seemed to be holding him down, helplessly drifting in a frozen sea.
Ben awoke in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. He was relieved when he realized that he wasn’t being crushed by the vacuum of space, but the feeling of terror somehow did not subside.
~
Rey couldn’t sleep.
It had been days since the Rebels has escaped the death grip of the New Order. The very few remaining Rebels had piled into the Millennium Falcon. When everyone was awake during the day, the ship was cramped, as there were just slightly too many people for the ship to comfortably accommodate. At night, however, the ship was peaceful and quiet. Almost everyone slept on emergency blankets on the floor, besides Chewbacca and General Organa, who took up the seats in the cockpit. There was also always someone awake who was steering the ship (usually Poe), heading steadily towards a distant planet where they could take refuge until they received backup.
Rey was surrounded by people she trusted. Good people. She couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel safe if she was surrounded by the people who she cared about the most.
And yet she still couldn’t sleep.
Finn was next to her. He was sleeping on his back, and she could hear a soft rumbling snore emanating from his chest. Next to Finn was Rose. Her injuries were still healing, but for the most part it looked as if she would be okay. Rey had seen the way that Finn looked at Rose every day, as if everything was counting on Rose’s survival; Rey knew that Finn truly loved Rose, and although in the past she would have been jealous, for some reason, now she didn’t feel a single twinge in her heart. She felt a longing for something, though. She didn’t know what that something was yet, but she felt incomplete somehow.
Rey sighed. She had been laying there for what felt like hours, and still, sleep never came. Her body lay completely still, but somehow her mind never wanted to rest; it was always electrified, vibrating in her skull, replaying sensations over and over. She tried to block out the memories that her brain kept attempting to show her, thinking that if she just ignored what her mind was trying to tell her, she would get some rest. Her strategy was not working, but she was too stubborn to give in.
Instead she decided to get up and walk around. 'Maybe some exploring will tire me out,' she thought, but she knew it really was wishful thinking. She quietly removed her blanket, and careful not to disturb Finn and Rose, she stepped over the sleeping Rebels and crept into one of the Falcon’s many industrial corridors.
The Falcon’s silence wasn’t true silence; Rey could hear a soft mechanical hum coming from all around. She slowly walked along the hallway, looking at all the different tubes, wires, pipes, buttons, and flashing lights that covered the walls. There were grates that let out small puffs of steam, and wires that occasionally sparked, but even in the midst of what seemed like chaos, there was a certain sense of peace. She wasn’t exactly sleepy yet, so her walk wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do, but in her mind, it was much better than just longingly staring up at the ceiling, so she was glad that she decided to get up.
Rey stood still for a moment, taking a deep breath, when suddenly she could feel him breathing too.
‘No,’ she thought, ‘please, no.’
She squeezed her eyes shut, because she knew what she would see if she opened them.
“Rey.” His voice was breathless.
Rey slowly opened her eyes, and sure enough, there he was. Not quite in the exact manner she expected; she had pictured him as sinister and menacing and powerful, just like he had looked when they were last beside each other, but she was staring at a man who was far less foreboding.
Ben looked as if he had just woken up, which considering the circumstances, he probably had. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of well-worn black shorts. He was slightly sweaty, and a few strands of his black hair stuck to his forehead. His shoulders were drawn towards his body in a hesitant stance. More than anything, he looked… afraid.
“…W-Why is this happening?” Rey finally managed to say, her tone slightly hushed so as not to wake the others on the ship, although by this point, she was likely too far down the tunnel for them to hear her. “I thought that Snoke was making all of this happen. Why is it… why is it still happening?” She took a step backwards, away from Ben. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible. She hadn’t even managed to reflect on what had happened between them yet; she hadn’t been able to bring herself to face it internally. How could she possibly face him physically?
Ben took a few breaths before answering. “I don’t know.” His tone was solemn, almost as if he was disappointed by the way Rey had reacted.
They both waited. Rey knew that she was linked to Ben; there was no running away from him.
Seconds passed by like hours. Ben maintained eye contact, but his gaze was so icy that Rey couldn’t help but look away. More than anything, she wanted to make him disappear. She wanted to block him out. She tried, of course, but no matter what she did, there he was. Unmoving. Eventually Ben’s gaze dropped to the floor, in an emotion that Rey couldn’t quite determine.
Rey had so many questions that she just couldn’t ask him. In fact, most of the questions she wanted the answers to were too overwhelming for her to even think. She had so many strong emotions towards him that they all seemed to cancel each other out, and she was left with a hollow feeling. A scared feeling.
“I’m guessing this isn’t going to end anytime soon,” Ben said, in reference to the Force bond. He made eye contact with Rey before letting his gaze fall back to the floor.
It was silent for a moment. Both Rey and Ben seemed defeated, in some way.
“Why are you awake so late?” The words left Rey’s mouth before she could even process what she was saying.
Ben looked up with a certain degree of surprise. “I…” He was caught off guard. “I had a… dream.”
“A dream?” Rey responded. The sensible part of her mind chided her for continuing the conversation, and not just shutting it down as soon as she had the opportunity.
Ben’s ran his hand over the back of his neck tiredly. Rey had never seen him look so human. “More of a nightmare, really.”
For the first time all night, Rey felt slightly tired, and her legs wobbled, partly due to the stress of the situation, and partly due to exhaustion. Instinctively, she sat down on the floor with her back up against the corridor wall. She should have been on guard, especially in front of her greatest enemy, but for some reason she had drifted into a sleepy haze, and she didn’t seem to care anymore. “What was it about?” She asked, against the advice of her common sense.
Ben looked hesitant, but he slowly sat down on the floor beside her, with about a foot between them. He broke eye contact again. “Why would I tell you?” His tone was sharp.
“Fine, then,” Rey snapped back, looking at the floor as well.
It was quiet for a moment. “…Why are you awake so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” Having a conversation with her enemy made Rey realize that she’d never talked to Ben about something that wasn’t important before. She’d never talked to him about normal things, like sleeping, and she’d certainly never seen him so vulnerable. “Why do you think this is happening?” She asked again, only this time, her tone was much quieter and much less desperate.
“If I did know, why would I tell you? If you knew how to make the connection then you’d only use it to pester me at all hours about joining the Rebellion,” Ben said, his tone slightly mocking.
“Then you truly know nothing about me. More than anything I wish to be away from you. Why would I choose to make the connection?”
Ben was quiet for a moment. “How should I know what you would choose?” His tone was gentle in a way that Rey had never heard from him before. She had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the connection anymore.
In the span of a few seconds, the room grew very cold, and then he was gone, and the warmth rushed back into the corridor. The connection was lost.
Rey felt overwhelmingly disappointed in herself for not saying something of importance. For days she’d been wondering about what she’d say to him when they finally came face-to-face; now she had her chance and she blew it.