Chapter Text
The last thing Auston remembers is accepting an overflowing glass of beer from a cute girl in a shitty bar in Pittsburgh.
The Leafs had just dropped their final game in a stretch of away games, and like anytime they lose a game like that, the Leafs drowned their sorrows in a seedy downtown bar in whatever state they’re in.
*
The room Auston wakes up in is small, covered in posters of bands that he doesn’t know. The bedsheets are curled around his feet, and the pillow that his face is smushed into smells faintly of cigarette smoke, alcohol and sex. There’s no one else in the bed next to him, and as he reaches around him to look for his phone, his stomach drops as he realises it’s not there next to him.
“What the fuck?”
Auston pulls himself up abruptly from the bed, regretting it immediately as his head spins. He stays sat on the bed with his head in his hands while he tries to catch his breath.
*
There’s a kitchen located right outside the bedroom, and Auston quickly spots his phone sitting on top of a note that’s been quickly scribbled out by the chick who gave him the beer last night.
Auston,
Thanks for the great time last night. Hope your ass isn’t too sore ;)
Your phone was flat so I charged it for you.
D.
Auston tries not to be too put off by the comment about his ass but it does feel a little sore and he briefly wishes he could remember what the hell he got up to last night when he sees the time.
10:10am.
Fuck.
He has to be back at the hotel in 30 minutes if he wants to actually go back to Toronto with the team.
*
He makes it back to the hotel in record time, it turns out the small apartment that he apparently spent the night in was only a few blocks away from the hotel. Still, Babs isn’t too happy with him and Auston is 99.9% sure he’s going to be stuck doing bag skates the next couple of days.
Auston’s lounging on one of the seats in the back of the bus when Mitch plops himself down on the seat next to him, and pulls Auston’s ear buds out.
“Hey, what the hell man?”
Mitch only smirks at him.
“Just coming to ask what the hell you did last night.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dude, whoever she was, she did you a solid. Those bruises definitely aren’t from hockey.” Mitch raises his eyebrows as he points at Auston’s neck and his arms, and oh. Auston hadn’t realise those when he rushed out of bed.
He sighs, and turns to Mitch before sticking his earbuds back in, “Yeah, she was a fucking beast in bed man, couldn’t get enough of my dick.”
He sees Mitch roll his eyes and giggle before sauntering off to go annoy Willy or someone.
The thing is, Auston seriously, and genuinely has no idea what he got up to last night. He still has D’s note crumpled up in his pocket, and well, the more that he thinks about it, the more he’s not so sure about D being the cute girl who gave him a beer.
*
Auston is at home enjoying a three-day break when the shit storm begins. He’s trying to nap when his phone starts buzzing. And won’t stop.
He tries to ignore it for a while because he needs his fucking nap, but the buzzing just keeps going.
He snaps, letting out a deep frustrated growl as he grabs his phone and reads through the texts.
What the fuck Auston?
When the hell did this happen?
Dude, I’m so sorry.
Auston, the team are all behind you no matter what.
Auston, it’s Steve from PR. We need you to come in ASAP. Please don’t look at any media until we’ve spoken in person. Steve.
Well shit. Auston’s not sure what he could’ve done to cause such a shit storm. He always does his best to stay out of trouble and the only thing he can remember that was out of the ordinary was Pittsburgh a few weeks ago. But there’s no way he could’ve done something to warrant a PR meeting fort in fucking Pittsburgh.
*
His heart feels like it’s going to thump out of his chest by the time he’s standing outside the meeting room, his fist held up to the door, gathering the courage to knock. Auston’s not sure if he even wants to go in there.
He sucks it up anyway when the door opens before he’s even had time to knock.
“Auston, welome.” Dave, some old guy in a suit that does PR leads him to a chair at a huge desk in the middle of the room.
All the head honchos are here, Babcock, Shanahan, Lamoriello, and all of fucking PR.
He’s seated across from Babcock and he knows he’s definitely fucked up when Babs throws a sad smile his way.
A dark haired man stands up at the head of the table and hands a manila folder to Auston.
“I assume you took my advice and didn’t read through anything on the way here. This is what came out this morning.”
Auston opens the file open and a series of photographs spill onto the table, as well as a 2-page article with the words “GAY HOCKEY STAR? MY NIGHT WITH AUSTON MATTHEWS” painted across the front.
He feels sick to his stomach, unsure whether he can bring himself to read it. He places the article back into the folder without looking at it, and with a shaky hand picks up the first photograph.
It’s definitely him. His mouth is attached what is unmistakably a dick, his cheeks are pink and sweaty and he’s staring up at the camera, a dazed look in his eyes.
Shit.
Shitshitshit.
He slams the photo back down, and picks the next one up, refusing to make eyes contact with the men around him.
The next photo shows him on his hands and knees, the same dazed look on his face, and Auston can’t look at them anymore.
The room is silent as he shoves the photographs back into the folder, and he takes a deep breath.
“What’s the… What do I need to do?” The words stumble out of his mouth and he still refuses to look anyone in the eyes. Especially knowing that them, and who knows how many other people have seen him in that state.
Babs breaks the silence first.
“The Leaf’s support you 100%. Gay, straight or whatever you are, this is clearly a violation of privacy, and we’ll do whatever we can to protect you.”
“Mike’s right.” Shanahan says. “We do need you to release a statement and I know you’re going to hate this but we have to hold a press conference as soon as possible.”
“We’ll schedule it for 2pm, and we’ll have Steve work with you on a statement while the rest of us work out the legal stuff that goes with it.” Shanahan sighs, and there’s a soft look in his eyes. “We’re all behind you kid, you got that.”
*
The next several hours consist of Auston alternating between panicking and avoiding all, and every phone call from everyone he cares about. That, and answering all of Steve’s questions about what to put in the statement. ‘
No, he’s not gay, he’s bi.
No, he did not consent to having his photograph taken during sex.
He’s 99% sure he doesn’t remember anything about that night (Steve kept that one out).
No, he never planned on coming out while being an active player.
Auston’s exhausted before the press conference even starts.
*
He’s dressed in a simple black suit, hands shaking, and breath hitching as he stares at the swirling vortex of the press crowding in front of him.
Auston barely remembers reading through the bullshit statement that Steve wrote for him. He doesn’t even know what it says other than the fact that the press is hanging on to his every word, all of them eager to get the story. He wonders, briefly, if any of them realise that Auston’s whole world has just shattered.
The collar of Auston’s white shirt suffocates him with every passing second and he’s never been more thankful to hear someone utter the words “no further questions” than he does right now.
*
It’s been several days since the press conference and Auston has spent them in solitude. Staying blissfully inside his condo, turning his phone on just to talk to his parents before they bought the next plane ticket out of Arizona.
Today’s the day he’s been dreading though. He’s got a morning practice and then tomorrow they start the first of several at home games.
The locker room is noisy as he walks in. Nothing different there. Mo and Willy greet him as soon as he walks in, and that draws the rest of the team’s attention to him.
Auston smiles awkwardly and waves before ducking his head down and making his way to his stall as fast as he can. The boys are trying to act like Auston hasn’t just made the biggest fuck up of his life, but whether they realise it or not, there’s a tension there that wasn’t before.
An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach as he ties he skates up and chucks on a jersey to head out onto the rink.
Nobody says anything about it once they’re out there, and Auston’s thankful for it. There is the occasional head pat, and Mitch’s hands linger on Auston’s shoulder a tad longer than usual after they celly a great goal in scrimmage.
Auston’s almost feeling confident that the issue won’t be brought up at all until Babs enters the locker room just before the team are about to head out.
“Alright boys, great scrimmage out there. I’m sure you’re all aware of what’s going on in the media right now.” Auston feels his cheeks redden as Babcock stares down the room before continuing. “The media are going to be hounding you all for answers and the only answer that we’ll give them is that we support Auston no matter what, understand.”
“Get some rest boys, and be ready for morning skate tomorrow. We need to be on our A-game against Tampa tomorrow night.”
Babcock nods at the room one last time, and if his gaze lingers on Auston a little longer, no one says anything.
*
Auston, like he’s been doing for the past three days, is avoiding anything and everything to do with social media. He’s lounging on the sofa watching reruns of Jersey Shore (hey, he needed to watch something that made his current situation seem less shitty), when there’s a loud knock on the door.
Mitch.
He’s the only person who knocks like that.
“Door’s open.”
Almost immediately the door bangs open and Mitch strides in, carrying a bag of take out with him.
“Take out? The night before Tampa, really?”
“Okay first of all, fuck you. And second of all, it’s from that Thai place you love. Third of all, I’m being the bestest friend because you’re having a shit time and you need to talk about it,” Mitch says in one breath while shovelling the take out onto plates that he got from god knows where.
Auston can’t help but smile at Mitch, and as much as he doesn’t want to talk about the whole “hey I’m bi and now everyone has literally seen me sucking dick” situation, Auston can’t help but feel like if he’s going to talk about it, Mitch is the best person to go to.
“Okay,” he says, turning to Mitch. “I’ll talk to you, but first I wanna eat, yeah?”
Mitch honest to God actually giggles, and nods his head.
“Yeah man,” he says before shoving the biggest mouthful of rice he can into his mouth.
*
So they haven’t actually talked yet.
Instead Auston’s lying across the sofa scrolling aimlessly through Tumblr and Mitch is sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa flicking through the TV channels. It’s almost midnight and Auston is seriously considering heading to bed seeing as it’s a game day tomorrow when Mitch breaks the silence.
“How come you never told me?” Mitch’s voice is soft, softer than usual and Auston scoots himself off the sofa to sit beside Mitch.
“I just – I never really acknowledged it y’know?” Auston cringes as the words come out, he’s not really sure how to explain it.
“I guess I knew that I liked guys just as much – maybe more than girls. And I hooked up with a few guys back in Zurich but being here – in the NHL and shit. I just – I –“
Auston can feel his breath catching in his throat, and his vision starts to blur. It isn’t until he can feel a weight on his hand and he looks down to Mitch’s hand resting on his, rubbing small circles across the back of Auston’s hand.
“Hey, Aus, we don’t need to talk about this if you’re not ready, okay? I’m going to support you no matter what.”
Auston nods, but he really needs to get this out and Mitch is here with him, supporting him.
“No, I need to tell someone, Mitch. Please.”
There’s a burning sensation at the back of his eyes and Auston blinks rapidly to try and pull the tears back.
“Mitch, I never wanted to come out, at all – an-and now there’s pictures of me all over the internet whoring myself out to some man who I don’t even remember going home with. Mitch, I can’t even remember what the man looks like an -“
“Wait!” Mitch cuts Auston off. “Aus, you don’t remember that night?”
Auston nods his head, and feels the tears come pouring down his cheeks before he even has a chance to blink them back.
“Auston, what’s the last thing you remember?”
“What do you mean? I just told you Mitch.”
“I’m serious.”
Auston sighs and tries to remember back to that night in Pittsburgh. The memories are hazy but he definitely remembers a brown haired girl waltzing up to him offering him the beer in her hand. He tells Mitch as such.
The penny drops for Auston seconds after it does for Mitch.