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1. Before Kat was a ranger, Kat was a diver.
Life was simpler then. There was her, and the water. Moving an entire continent across the Pacific hadn’t changed that, not really; move, stand, jump, pivot; the feeling of falling; climax, release.
When the Accident happened (and she has never quite brought herself to think of it as anything but “the accident”), her life changed, but still, there was a pattern, a notion: move, jump, stand, pivot; the all-too-frequent feeling of falling, shuffling, releasing tension between her bones in glorious pops and clicks. When that ended, she fell into chaos - an evil witch, cats, jealousy, anger. It had been her lowest point, and she had only been rescued by becoming a power ranger.
This, too, had its own patterns; move, stand, fight, jump, pivot, pilot; the feeling of falling, catching, climax, explosion. Saving the world, one sword-swipe at a time. She had almost been the protagonist of a film; she had an important job, friends, a future; she even got the man.
And then, all that had been snatched away, a bit at a time.
- - -
2. She was sure, at first, that Dimitria had meant well.
That her taking her, Tommy, and all the others out of commission, of passing their powers on, had been meant to free them, not doom them. She had smiled through choked tears as she passed her turbo powers on to Cassie, and had faithfully taken her defunct morpher and stuffed it into her sock drawer, the one place too boring for her well-meaning but concerned mother to snoop.
She’d tried to move on, but it was difficult; she hadn’t bothered to apply for university, here or in Australia; it had paled in comparison to saving the world from Divatox. She had thrown everything into being a ranger and maintaining decent grades; and, in truth, she hadn’t wanted to deal with the thought of going to university - if it meant giving up being a ranger, it would have been like throwing her identity away. Her life had a pattern: falling into her zord, fighting against a monster, drawing a sword, watching an explosion. It was glorious and had made her pulse race, and she couldn’t think of throwing it away, the way Billy and Kim had.
Now Dimitria had made the choice for her. Kat had never applied to a single college, and now she wouldn’t be able to find any she could go to until Spring semester - and according to her mother, she might as well not bother until the next year. Her mother had not been pleased with her decision. Kat hadn’t been either, though she could never quite place why.
She thought at least she would have her friends with her, but one by one, they fell away. Adam and Rocky had both committed to UCLA during junior year. Tanya was going to Los Angeles to work on her singing career full time. And Tommy, well…
- - -
3. She should have seen it coming, but she didn’t. Summer passed, feeling longer than ever; she got a job at Ernie’s, then a higher-paying job at a local machinist's shop; hung out with Tommy at least a few times a week, and tried to remember to drop in on Justin at least once a month. Without the shared bond of rangering to unite them, it was hard to feel connected to Justin’s life; Justin was so much younger and other than occasionally helping him with his math homework, it felt like they didn’t have much in common. Tommy, on the other hand, had been a highlight; both of them had been rangers long enough to know what they had lost.
“Hey,” Tommy said, one formless day in August, and right away, she knew from his face that something was wrong. Tommy who had always smiled at her, Tommy who had been so ceaselessly cheerful for her, was sitting at Ernie’s with red-rimmed eyes, a backpack on his back and a train ticket in his hand.
“What’s up?” She said. She sat down in the chair across from him, debating if she should order a smoothie or not. Tommy didn’t look hungry, and, judging by the look on his face, she didn’t exactly feel like one of Ernie’s super strawberry and cream smoothies either.
She placed a hand on his and he recoiled; in as much as that, she knew it was over.
“Tommy - “
“I got accepted at MIT,” he said. He wasn’t looking at her. “One of the people on the short-list dropped out, and they decided to take me, B average and all.”
She tried to smile, though she felt the tears already welling in her eyes. “Tommy, that’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“Fall term starts next week. Really short notice, but…I think I’m ready.” His voice broke a bit on the last word.
“You can do it,” she said, more out of habit than anything else. Her stomach churned with an anxiety; she saw the axe as it dangled over her head, and she wanted nothing so much as to get it over with.
“I think I need a fresh start with…everything,” he said, sighing, and she felt the whiz of the axe as it started to come down upon her. “It’s not you, it’s just - “ He ran a hand through his long, glorious hair, and sighed. “I mean, this year has been…hard. And dealing with losing…” He glanced around them, always the leader, before returning to stare at the ground in front of her feet. “Well, you know, the team…Every time we’re together, us, I just…remember everything that’s gone. And that’s not - ”
“I understand,” she said; the axe fell, and she felt the furious pain of the blow. Her eyes watered but she didn’t want to cry, wouldn’t cry. She stood, not seeing much point in continuing the lunch date. Certainly, she wasn’t hungry.
“Kat, I mean, it’s not forever,” he said, his eyes puppy-dog brown and that hurt more, the idea that he would want her to wait around. “Like, I’ll be back in the summer and we can call long distance and maybe I’ll see what’s there and not just - “
“I’m not going to wait,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re right, maybe it’s - it’s for the best. A fresh start.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Good luck, Tommy. I wish you the best.”
He smiled, and she saw a tear welling at the corner of his eye. She turned quickly before it fell, and didn’t look back no matter how much she ached to.
- - -
4. Time passed.
She fell into old routines without even thinking of it; she went to work, she came home. Her mother frowned; she ate in her room. She fell asleep, and dreamed of pink energy and zords and explosions. She watched TV and tried not to feel the pang of seeing her old zord as Cassie made her Wind Chaser her own. Did Dimitri prefer her? She, after all, did not have the long history Kat had with Rita, with Zedd, with Zordon, with Tommy. Cassie could be molded by Dimitria, by her experience with Divatox; she did not need to be held by what came before. Kat tried not to think about it too much. She could not change what had happened.
Time passed. Things changed. Kat, for the most part, didn’t.The months passed in a haze of gauze and grey; she lost her job when Mr. Farkus’ pipes burst thanks to some rather not-quite-expert work from his nephew, and Farkus wound up closing his garage and, thus, having no need for a secretary. Her room - now bereft of Tanya - was large, empty, and silent. Months went by, and Kat didn’t even realize it was winter until she saw Ernie in a Santa Suit, hohoho’ing as he passed out drinks.
- - -
5. Of all the things that Kat expected to happen on Christmas Eve, it was not someone knocking on her window at three AM.
She woke up blinking back crust from her eyes, stumbling in her pink nightie toward the window. Rarely, if ever, did anyone knock on her window. The last person to do so had been Tommy, and that thought was a bitter one now; it made her chest ache. She wondered if it was just a memory-dream, an old bit of the past haunting her, and for a moment she debated going back to bed. Then another rock hit her window with a perfectly soft plink and Kat knew it had been no dream.
She pulled open the curtain and looked out; it was dark but there was no mistaking what she saw. Kimberly Anne Hart, the girl - well, woman now - who had made her a ranger, was curled against her window. She looked a bit different from the last time Kat had seen her - her hair had been teased upward, and, for once, she was wearing a black dress, not a pink one - but there was little doubt it could be her. She looked cold. “Can I come in?” Kim mouthed.
Kat opened the window, no questions asked. Kim wasn’t going to just show up there if it wasn’t necessary. She liked Kim, had idolized her really - it had seemed like she had a perfect life. And if she needed help, Kat could and would - give it.
“Thanks,” Kim said, smoothing down her short, black dress. “Look I know this is sudden and I promise I can explain in the morning but - Can I sleep here tonight?”
“Of course,” Kat said. She threw open her closet and pulled out another pink set of pajamas, handing them to Kim. Kim gave her a sympathetic - and grateful - look.
“I see you’ve got the pink curse, too.”
“Totally.” She gestured toward Tanya’s bed and said, “I’ll tell mom and dad you came back with me from work in the morning. They won’t mind you staying over.”
“You’re the best,” Kim said. “I’m sorry for the Short notice, it’s…” She bit her lip, and Kat saw a shadow of something unreadable cross Kim’s face.
“It’s OK. You’re free to stay whenever you like. You don’t need to have a reason.” She patted Kim on the shoulder. “You okay?”
“Enough to get some sleep.” She gave Kat a deep hug, the sort that made her feel a warmth that radiated from her head to her toes. “Thanks, Kat.”
“Anytime,” she said, wondering what, exactly had led Kim to her.
- - -
6. The truth came out in the next morning. As Kat had suspected, there was no annoyance on her mother’s face when saw Kim; she plied them both with pancakes, eggs, toast, and no less than seven fried tomatoes each. She could barely move by the time she got back to her room with Kim in tow, but she didn’t mind; she had nowhere to go, after all.
Kim followed her down onto her little narrow bed, surprising her. There was almost no room between them; Kat liked the feel of it. Pink on pink; it was surprisingly intimate; when she concentrated on Kim fully, she could almost feel the shared power that once had flowed through them. Kim threaded her fingers through Kat’s and smiled at her.
“I’m sorry about coming over,” she said, awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to like, make things awkward for you.”
“There’s no awkwardness.” In truth, Kat felt her heart speed up at Kim’s arrival; it was something new, something exciting. Kim had been through this before, was stronger than her; if anyone could help Kat break through the doldrums, Kim would. “You don’t need to tell me what happened, but - are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kim said, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s just…awkward. I uh, came back from Florida with Jason, and I guess he thought we were,” she rolled her eyes and sighed. “Getting together or something, I don’t know. He tried to pull a move when we were on his parent’s couch talking about his break-up with this girl Emily and it was just - awkward. I told him I wasn’t into it, and he wanted to know if I still had feelings for Tommy and wanted to know if he should go like, get him, since he's home on holiday and I was like, as if. I would never do that to you. I just said I was going to leave and well, I knew where you lived.”
“Oh, we’re uh, we’re not together,” Kat said, a bright red flushing through her cheeks. She could feel them burning, but Kim just gave her an unreadable look, lips pursed. It was nothing like what she would have suspected - Kim didn’t look at her like she pitied her, or that she’d made a mistake. The expression rolling through her face was closer to the way Tommy looked at her when she had been placed under Rita’s spell -coveted. Kat was sure she was misreading it.
“Oh.” Kim said. She rubbed Kat’s hands before abruptly standing up. “Well, enough sitting around. I’m going to fall asleep if we stay here. What do you say to some smoothies and a bit of exercise at the Youth Center? My treat. Strawberries and Cream’s your fav, right?”
“You know it,” Kat said; if Kim found it slightly needy when Kat grabbed her hand again to feel the barest hint of the morphing power between her thumbs, she didn’t say anything.
- - -
7. Kat couldn’t help but watch Kim as she moved.
Kim was every bit the poised gymnast that she was famous for being; her thighs were powerful, and Kat noticed the tightness of the muscle as Kim flipped backward on Ernie’s balance beam, her hands still smooth as she glided down the bar. Kim ducked her legs over the sides, and Kat felt something she couldn’t quite explain as Kim threaded the thick bar between her legs. She swung backward, going into a hand-stand, and Kat sucked in a breath at how effortless Kim made holding her entire body weight over her head look.
Kim moved on in her routine, and Kat watched, dabbing at her eye from time to time. It wasn’t until Kim glanced over at her and her face distorted into alarm - her eyes raised, her mouth just slightly open - that Kat released that she was crying.
Kim hastily dismounted, then moved over to her, throwing an arm around her shoulder.
"Hey," Kim said, placing a hand on her head. "Are you okay?"
Somehow, that made it so much worse.
Kat wiped at her cheeks. She quickly and hastily dried her tears - Kim, she supposed, had never struggled with something as extreme as not having superpowers anymore. Kim's hand tightened, damnably concerned, and Kat turned around and smiled, weakly.
"I'm fine," she said, blushing.
Kim didn't look fooled. She pressed a hand to Kat's temple. "You feel okay."
"It's - really, it's nothing. Absolutely nothing." She shook her head. "Let's do some stretches. I could - I could help you stretch out your lumbar region."
Kim folded her arms. "Fine. But after the workout, we're going out. Not just Earnie's, we're talking something special. My treat."
Kat, grateful for the distraction, nodded.
She watched Kim sit on the floor, her legs fully stretched out. Kat assumed the same position, her feet touching Kim's. She held out her arms and tried to concentrate on the feel of the stretch in her thighs. Kim grabbed her arms with soft hands and pulled her back forward. She felt the crack of her spine as Kim gently moved her; then she moved Kim back. It was easy, she thought, to admire Kim, who was such an accomplished gymnast. Kat couldn't help but notice the way Kim's body moved gracefully, the muscles in them were as lithe and smooth as a diver’s and Kat thought of the other life she had long ago lost.
"You've got that look again, Kat," Kim said, breaking the circle and raising her hands over her head. "What's going on? Honestly."
"It's just...strange," she said. "To not have the responsibilities, the..." She blushed deeply and had no doubt her face was as pink as her former second skin. "Our former...duties."
"Ah." Kim stood abruptly. "Get up, Kat."
"What?" She leaned her head upwards, confused.
"C'mon. Let's have a change of pace," Kim said, holding her hand out. "I bet you'll feel better."
I’ve done more in one day with you here than I have in six months, Kat thought, but still, Kat put her hand in Kim's, and walked out with her.
- - -
8. They sat in the Chocolate Chipper, a place Kat hadn’t been to since she broke up with Tommy. Kim bought her ice cream and held it out to her, flourishing it like it was a prize; Kat couldn’t help but smile. It was her favorite kind, bubble gum, pink and sweet and warm. Kim bought her own pink cone and for a few short moments, neither of them said anything, focused entirely on the sweet treat before them.
Kim's pink cone disappeared quickly, all bright pink strawberry. The soft scent of it filled her nostrils, a pleasant fruity aroma that reminded her instantly of summer. Which it is, but, also, somehow, the deepest winter of Kat's life; always, she had thought of seasons going on, but now that she had nothing in her life to look forward to, it might as well have been snowing and cold like it was in all the Christmas movies.
In Australia, she remembered, it was winter. The seasons had been a different thing then, the first year she moved. She'd had an annual summer, from Australia to California. She'd felt it was a sign, at the time.
Now, she wondered - if her parents were to move back today, would she be in eternal winter?
"It's good isn't it?" Kim said, smiling. "I really like this place."
"Yeah, it's good." Kat licked at the cone and tried to ignore the way it didn't quite taste quite as nice compared to the smell of Kim's. Kim always was the trendsetter. First pink ranger, first to taste, first to date... Kat had seen her and been filled with jealousy when she first met Kim. Suffused with Rita's own jealousy spell, Kim was the eternal sunshine of her mind, burning at all her edges. The removal of the spell had helped to dull the pangs, but not eliminate the hunger. She still remembered the hunger.
"It's a good place. Nice ice cream, home-made I think." Kat said, stalling. She watched as Kim licked a bit of her ice cream, the soft pink liquid running down her fingers. "And private."
Kim looked across at her, her expression suddenly serious and sure. "I know how you feel," she said, "What you're going through."
"What ?" Kat looked over, startled. Her bubblegum pink ice cream slipped off its cone, the shock of it bright pink and cold on her fingernails.
The world spun underneath her as she looked at Kim.
"The depression, from...leaving." Kim reached out her free hand and pressed her soft hand into Kat's own, sparks flying between their palms, the bitter remnants of their secret power - but hidden from view. "It happens, to most of us. But no one likes to talk about it."
She thought of Billy, of Jason; both she had known after they’d lost their powers, but both had seemed relatively unbothered by their loss of powers. Billy had stayed active for a time at the Command Center; Jason, empowered and depowered again, had not even seemed to have it affect him. Certainly, they had not seemed to fall into the depressive fog that she felt like she was falling into, more and more.
"It hurt, a lot," Kim said, softly. "When I went through it."
"You chose to give it up." Kat's voice came out in a furious whisper, harsher than she meant to, and she saw Kim wince at her words. "You didn't just get - dumped! Like you were suddenly too old to save the world. How can I be 18 and already washed up?"
Kim stood up and crossed the few steps between their sides of the table, her arms wrapping around Kat. Kat felt the tears come again and tried desperately to keep from crying. She wasn't going to look weak in front of someone like Kim. Kim seemed not to notice the battle within her, wrapping her warm, leather-jacketed torso around Kat and holding her carefully. "I know, I know," she whispered, squeezing Kat tight. "I gave up living in Paris to be a ranger. I gave up having a life with Tommy, I gave up doing pretty much every extracurricular...trust me, Kat, I know it hurts. And I'm sorry that you feel like you just got...dumped, but I assure you-you were a great pink ranger. And I might be biased, but that's the coolest of all the rangers to me."
"Ha." Kat sniffed and then she let the tears fall. Kim held her tight and said nothing for a long moment, then turned toward her. "Would you consider going on the road with me?"
"What?"
"Come on the road with me," Kim said, smiling. "Are you doing anything this week?"
"This week?" She frowned. "I'm not scheduled, but - "
"No questions." Kim raised an eyebrow like she was up to something, and Kat couldn't help but laugh at the comical little look Kim had. It was strangely adorable if she could think such a thing. "Just - pack a bag and meet me outside your house, okay?"
"You're seriously not going to tell me what we're doing?" Kat looked over at her with an odd eye. "I mean, what am I even supposed to pack? This is nuts."
"Whatever you feel you should!" Kim winked. "Just pack like you're going to a place where your heart desires and come meet me, okay?"
A bit stunned, Kat could only meekly nod. Then Kim was gone, skipping off toward her cute little car before Kat could even ask any clarifying questions like what did you mean and are we going somewhere and what the hell is going on. She shook her head and stood, preparing to walk home.
- - -
9. Kat walked home with her hands in her pockets, her face burning. This was nuts, absolutely. She should be preparing for college; she should be reading the novel she had just ordered and working on reviewing her calculus. And now she was contemplating just - what? Running over to Kim's? She should call her back, she decided; should call her back and tell her she wasn't interested. She could spend the next week crying, maybe, or just - trying to work. Doing something productive.
Kim never had to worry about that, about struggling to do good even when you were so damn tired and depressed. She was super talented, trained 24/7, still somehow found time to be a straight A student in high school, and - AND - saved the world for three years, while Kat had spent two of those years just trying to successfully pass home economics. It was crazy that Kim would even spend time with her, let alone spend an entire week with her. She couldn't impose. Shouldn't.
And yet - she did want to. There was something comforting about Kim, something that made her feel like she was doing something right. Kim had chosen her as her successor and didn't seem to think that Kat had failed at it, even if it was clear that Zordon did not share her opinion. She wondered how Dimitria thought of her new rangers. Did she love them? Did she prefer them to having Zordon's leftovers, like Kat? She had started evil and had been terrible to Kim, but yet Kim still looked at her with a bright smile that made he feel - something. She couldn't quite place what it was. It was like what she felt with Tommy, but - it was different.
She shook her head. Kim had requested her and she supposed that she would not be doing too badly if she threw her hat in with Kim. It was, crazy, yes, but then again, she had no plans.
She reached the door and let herself in with the key her mother had hidden in the mailbox. Her mother was super cautious in America; she had never quite relaxed about the idea of criminals, which Kat found particularly funny, given all the jokes Bulk and Skull made about Australia. (Of which, she discovered, they knew two things: a) Koalas and b) Prison boats. She was oddly proud of them, in a strange way; it was twice as much as she suspected they would.)
She let herself in the front door and immediately dialed the phone, not letting herself convince herself not to go. If she waited longer, she'd lose her nerve, and a part of her knew that if she did that, she'd regret it for the rest of her days.
She dialed her mother's number on the princess phone her father had let her have in her bedroom; his mea culpa for making her move hundreds of thousands of miles across an ocean. The line was scratchy, with lots of pops and hisses in the line. Eventually, her mother picked up.
"Hullo," she said, then, "Kat? Is that you?"
"Hi mum," she said, clearing her throat. "How's it going?"
"Ah, great, great. Are you okay?" She sounded faintly disapproving, as if she knew how little Kat wanted to talk to her. “It’s not like you to call while I’m I'm at work.”
"I'm okay," she lied. "Listen, mom - a friend of mine invited me off for a trip. Just going out for a while, camping or something," she said, trying to take a best guess at where Kim might take them. "Is it ok if I go? I swear I'll lock up."
“Aren’t you working this week?”
“No, mom,” she sighed. “Mr. Farkus let us go, remember? I’ll be back by Monday.” Not as if it matters.
“Well I suppose that’s fine.” She could hear her mom twisting the cords of her office phone into her hands; an oh-so-mom demonstration of anxiety. “See if maybe Kim can take you by UCLA, okay, sweetheart? It’s a nice school, honey, and you know, it’s not too late to try to apply for a ballet scholarship…”
“We’ll see, mom,” she said, biting her lower lip. She was tired of the college talk. Kat was tired of a lot of talks. “I’ve - I’ve got to go.”
“Okay, honey,” her mom said. “Lock up. And call me every day so I know you’re alright, okay? Just grab a payphone if you have to.”
“Alright,” she said, rolling her eyes. It was better to go along with her mother’s worrywart demands; she wondered, briefly, what her mother would think if she knew that Kat had been in fights to the death for the better part of the last two years and then decided it was better not to say. More likely than not, that particular revelation would simply drive her to never let Kat leave the house again. “Love you mom,” she said, then hung up before her mother could say anything else.
Kat whirled through her room and stuffed things into a bag quickly. It was somewhat difficult to pack in that she didn’t know, exactly, where they were going, but she figured it was unlikely she’d need anything but her lightest jacket. It wasn’t like she and Kim were going to do something truly crazy, like a drive through snow or something, right? After a couple moments of thinking, she stashed a light winter coat she’d brought from Australia - just in case. Once she’d stuffed it as far as she could, she sat down on her bed and waited for Kim to come back.
There was something burning in her stomach, a sense of queasy unease that, none the less, made her feel surprisingly excited. It reminded her of the feelings she’d had for Tommy once - but obviously, Kim being a girl, it was a different thing entirely. Sure, Kim was pretty, but Kim was a pretty girl and everyone knew that - well, not everyone - but Kat wasn’t that type of girl. Just became her palms sweat whenever Kim touched her hand - that meant nothing, or at least not quite the same thing. It wasn’t - wasn’t right, everyone knew, it was something that happened but not to girls that liked guys, and she had liked Tommy and Kim had, too. It was just a remnant of Rita’s magic, perhaps, jealousy and admiration turning into something more. Or perhaps it was simply harmless friendship, and it was only that she had been so deprived of it that made the relationship feel so intense. Or perhaps…
There was a ringing bell and Kat jumped up, her bag in her hands. “Coming!” She shouted, and ran down the steps. She tore open the door and Kim smiled, a similar bag on her shoulder. Only the shade of their two Adidas bags was different; Kim’s, a bright, poppy hot pink, while hers was a pale, ballerina pink. Kim reached out and grabbed her shoulder and Kat, for the first time in a long time, grinned.
There were butterflies in her stomach, but she did her best to ignore it as she climbed into Kim’s bright pink bug. Kim tossed her a pair of sunglasses and she put them on, thankful it would mean Kim wouldn’t see her eyes.
And then they were on the road.
---
10. “So where are we going?” Kat asked as the suburbs streamed by; Angel Grove moved by at the speed of - well, 30 miles per hour, but it might as well have been the speed of light for all the nerves worming around in her stomach. It had been months since she’d even left her part of the neighborhood, never mind getting on the highway. It felt new and scary, but Kat was, for once, happy.
“Where-ever we want,” Kim said, grinning under her sunglasses. “I always wanted to take a road trip! Where in the US do you want to go?”
Kat said nothing but smiled. “I’m not sure. I’ve not seen a lot of it. Just like the things on post-cards outside of California. Like - you know, the grand canyon, the Statue of Liberty - stuff like that.”
Kim grinned at her and raised her eyebrows above the glasses. “What do you say we go see all those post-cards then?”
“What?” Kat laughed. “That would take forever. It’s not like this country is close together. It’s big.” Bigger than Queensland, and she certainly never thought she could see all of that.
“We can start at the west coast and move on 'til we get tired, though, right?” Kim shrugged, turning back to the road. “Think about it. I mean, when are we ever going to have the opportunity to do something like this again? You’re only young once, right? And like - I’d like to spend some time with you, Kat. I know we haven’t had a lot of time together but I like you a lot.”
This sentence was spoken plainly as if Kim had no idea how it would affect her. Kat felt her heart pound through her chest and she swallowed, hastily, from her soft drink that Kim had thoughtfully bought for her. Kim gripped the wheel and drove along as if nothing she had said had been important.
“I like you too, Kim,” Kat said, though her mouth tasted like so much glass. Kim didn’t say anything, focusing on the road, and Kat allowed herself to look out into the California landscape, focusing on the trees and bushes as she tried to lower her heart rate. She did like Kim, and maybe she liked Kim like she liked Tommy, and maybe that was - maybe that was OK. Was Kim saying that was okay?
Shit.
She wished for a moment that she was a boy, or Kim was. It would be so much easier if Kim were just a man.
“Eight hours to the Grand Canyon,” Kim said, then turned toward her. “Wanna listen to the radio?”
“Sure.” She said. She was aware her voice sounded faint, and maybe it was.
Kim reached over, grabbed her hand, and Kat felt her palm sweat. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise,” Kim said. Then: “Pop music okay?”
“I know,” she said, breathing deeply, in-out-in-out. And then she turned to Kim, and smiled as best she could. “And pop is lovely.”
Kim turned back to the road; the traffic was increasing now that they were on the highway, and Kim concentrated on the traffic. But Kat concentrated on Kim; on the curve of her cheek, the pertness of her mouth. She loved her, she realized, numbly; as far more than a sister, a fellow ranger.
But she did not say a word. That was a secret she had to keep.
- - -
11. Five hours later, they stumbled into a diner rest-stop. They were both a little sleepy, both a little excited. California had faded away, and the harsh Nevada desert had taken its place. They’d been staring into burning sands for the better half of three hours already and both were ready for a break. Now they’d stopped slightly out of their way, at a diner at the very tip of Nevada. If they’d gone further to the northwest they’d have hit Death Valley, but neither they nor Kim’s bug was ready for that. Instead, they’d go to the four corners, then the grand canyon, and then - well, who knew?
Kim took a seat and held out her hand. Kat blushed and grabbed it; it was an odd move for a friend but then, they were more than friends, closer to sisters really; sisters-in-arms. It was the only way either had the ability to feel anything of the power anymore, and Kat needed it; perhaps Kim did, too.
It was only when the Waitress arrived and gave them a rather stern look that Kat drew back her hand, suddenly all too aware of how wrong her desire was.
“So, what’s going on with you, Kim?” She asked, sipping softly. “Are you going back to training for the Pan games?”
“No,” Kim said; her mouth twitched. “After doing the same routines so many times - the exact same routine, carefully calculated for the judges to love it - so many times, it felt…unfulfilling. Empty.”
“I know how you feel,” she said; the waitress brought her her salad and coffee, and Kat dove in, the fruit tasting refreshing in the deep heat of the desert. “It’s been the same for me, ever since, well - you know. Just - empty.”
“It’s not like when I would train at Earnies,” Kim said, looking down. “There’s no creativity, no fun. Just - routines. Repeats. No change, no differences. It’s not a sport for humans, more like - robots. That’s all. I put in my resignation before Jase and I came back and - well, you know the rest.”
“Mmm,” Kat said, softly. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m tired,” Kim said, sighing. “It’s sad, but - the Island? That was the first time I felt alive in forever. Under that spell.” Kim said these words softly, so no one would hear them.
“There’s nothing like it.” Kat shivered, remembering the power Rita had once held over her. “Sometimes I still think about Rita.”
“I do too,” Kim said. “I imagine it’s different for you, for what she did to you.”
“Sometimes I wake up and I still think I’m a cat. Sometimes I feel those intense emotions she made me feel - jealous and hatred and, oh, Kim, I’m so sorry.” She squeezed her hand again, pointedly ignored a harrumph from the waitress. “I hope you know I wouldn’t - didn’t - mean to hurt you.”
“I know.” She cracked a wry smile. “Guess being a child soldier has some draw-breaks, huh?”
“Yeah,” Kat smiled sadly. “But I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.”
Kim nodded, and they ate the rest of their meal in quiet silence.
- - -
12. They reached the grand canon nine hours after leaving Angel Grove.
Kat grew more and more excited as they got closer; not because they were closer but because they were together. They’d managed out get out of Angel Grove and here they were, having a sort of retirement tour. They listened to the radio, talked about things - nothing much, not heavy things, but things that Kat hadn’t bothered to think about for a while.
It wasn’t until Melissa Ethridge came on the radio that the feelings she had kept buried came up again inside of her; there was something about the knowledge of a woman singing about another woman that was so forbidden, so secret - and yet, how bad could it be if there was a woman singing on the radio? It was top 40 for a reason, surely.
“I like her a lot,” Kim said quietly, and Kat turned toward her, eyes surely as big as saucers. “Ethridge. I think it takes guts to come out like that.”
“Yeah,” Kat said, and looked at her, wondering: did she know? Was this a coded response to her silent prayers? “I think so, too.”
Kim nodded, eyes on the road as they went down the road to park on their way to the grand canyon. Fifteen minutes went by, each one marked my Kat’s wandering thoughts of Kim - did she know?
Sucking up all her courage, she turned toward Kim, then asked: “Do you ever think about that? Loving another girl?”
Kim said nothing, but reached out her hand, and Kat caught it. It felt like nothing so much as a kiss. A new knife twisted in her stomach, but this a more pleasant one, cutting away the anxiety and leaving only excitement.
It was dark by the time they reached the main gate. It was locked, but they could see the canyon, and that was enough.The majesty of it took her breath away; it was large, deep, serene; she wondered if perhaps they would stay, or move on, but then she realized it didn't matter. She had Kim by her side, and either they would spend the week going down to the Grand Canyon floor, or they would move on, go to Chicago, New Orleans, New York; the destination didn't matter, because the destination was them. Everything else was just greenery!
“Where do you think we’ll go after this?” Kim asked; she was standing close, her breath on Kat’s, and her eyes on Kat’s. Kat leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her mouth. The power sparked through them, faint but still somehow raw, and Kim deepend the kiss, her knee boldly moving between Kat's legs. They were both new at this but - Kat thought, they could do this. And they would.
“Wherever we want to,” Kat said, and grabbed her hands. The power that was left to them coursed through their veins, and they left together, their journey still yet undone.