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Like every night, Seiji was already in bed while Nicholas was still doing whatever he was doing on the other side of the shower curtain between the two beds.
Seiji wished he had been granted the ability to block out sounds and fall asleep no matter what, but there was something about Nicholas Cox that made everything he did particularly annoying to him. He always seemed louder than he actually was, always somehow more present than anyone else around them.
Whether Nicholas knew that Seiji was still awake or not, he spoke from his side of the room, loud enough that he would have woken him up. “Hey, can I borrow your headphones? I can’t find mine.”
No wonder he couldn’t find anything. The boy was a mess, Chaos personified, and that was just one of the many things Seiji hated about him. “I don’t have any.”
“Look, I’m not gonna break them, asshole. I just need them for a couple of hours.”
“I said I don’t have them because I don’t have them.” This much talking wouldn’t help him fall asleep any easier.
Nicholas moved the curtain slightly to peek at Seiji. “You can’t be serious.”
“We’re not on joking terms.”
“But how do you listen to music?”
“I’m here to study and train. I don’t have time for music.”
Seiji didn’t look at Nicholas, but he could practically feel his disbelief, paired with something else maybe. He felt something like annoyance at the thought that Nicholas might pity him, but he quickly dismissed it. It wasn’t worth getting annoyed over, he wasn’t worth it.
After a few minutes of what Seiji could only describe as searching sounds , Nicholas said out loud, “Found them!”
Hoping that would be the end of that, he turned with his back to the damn duck curtain, but he couldn’t ignore the sounds coming from Nicholas’ bed. He found himself imagining every action, guessing what his roommate was doing.
A laptop turning on. A bottle of water being opened, Nicholas drinking and then setting it back on the floor. Typing something on the keyboard, then busying himself with finding a comfortable sitting position on the bed.
The last part lasted so long that Seiji started making a mental game out of associating the sounds to movements. Nicholas crossing his legs, then stretching them out, then pulling one of them back under his ass, then setting the laptop on the bed itself and lying on the side with his head resting on his hand, only to move again and put the laptop back on his legs.
It was almost funny to realize he could almost see what Nicholas was doing so accurately, know when he would pass a hand through his hair, see when it would fall on his forehead again, almost on his eyes. He imagined things that he couldn’t have guessed from sound alone, but maybe the constant contact with him was turning him into an all-things-Nicholas expert.
Before he could smile into the darkness, he said, “Why do you always have to be such a nuisance?”
He half hoped that Nicholas hadn’t heard him above his headphones, but then came Nicholas' grumble, “Just sleep already.”
“I’m fucking trying.”
There was a pause in which Seiji had anticipated some sort of comeback. Having the last word somehow felt worse than the usual bickering, so after a few minutes he asked, “What are you even doing?”
“Watching a movie.”
Seiji rolled his eyes. By now it must have been almost midnight and tomorrow’s schedule was as busy as ever, and yet here Nicholas was, watching a movie instead of sleeping, keeping Seiji up while he was at it. Perhaps that was his master plan to make sure Seiji wouldn’t make the team for lack of sleep.
But there was something about the way Nicholas had spoken, some sort of hopefulness, that made Seiji ask, “What is it about?”
“The world dying and people having to find new planets to populate. Also black holes and time getting all screwed up. And, like, speaking through gravity.”
Seiji wasn’t really one for speculative fiction and he wasn’t really sure that Nicholas' summary gave him an idea of the movie, but even he had to admit, if only to himself, that that sounded mildly interesting. “Ah,” was all he said.
A pause. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“You’re interested.”
“What? No I’m not.” Curse him for not keeping his mouth shut.
“You are. I could basically hear you thinking it. You totally want to watch it. Hang on,” Nicholas sounded amused, which Seiji did not like one bit.
He turned on his back just in time to see Nicholas push the shower curtain open while balancing his laptop on one arm. “What are you doi- what are you doing ?!”
He instinctively sat up and before he could find a proper reaction, Nicholas was sitting on his bed, invading his personal space, telling him to scoot over and getting under the blanket.
“What are you-” Seiji repeated. “Why are you under my blanket?”
“My legs are cold. Here,” he held out one earbud for Seiji to take.
Seiji ignored him. “You wouldn’t be cold if you wore proper clothes to bed.”
“Next time I’ll borrow one of your PJs,” Nicholas deadpanned. He balanced the laptop on his legs and motioned again for Seiji to take the earbud, which Seiji did, more out of shock than out of obedience.
He noticed Nicholas was already ten minutes into the movie, but as soon as he was done adjusting Seiji’s pillow behind their backs for comfort, he dragged the bar back to the beginning.
“You didn’t have to,” he said despite himself. He was still aware that he never formally agreed to watch the movie, and he was very aware of Nicholas’ presence, of their shoulders touching through a layer of clothing. Layer singular, since Nicholas' shoulder was bare. He didn’t know why he seemed to be so aware of that now. He kept his legs slightly to the side so they wouldn’t accidentally bump into Nicholas' (of course, also bare).
Nicholas waved a hand in dismissal. “I don’t mind. I’ve seen it like ten times, it’s my favorite movie.”
Seiji’s curiosity peaked. He knew that wasn’t the first time Nicholas said something about himself to him, but this felt different, more intimate, and he decided that he definitely needed to watch the movie. Maybe it would teach him something about Nicholas. Knowing your enemy and all.
It took him a while before he felt himself relax enough to be able to focus on the movie. When the plot got more intricate, Nicholas started explaining what was happening without Seiji asking. Nicholas even spoiled a few events for him, but he didn’t find it in himself to tell him, and he didn’t mind how much Nicholas talked. He should have been annoyed at the constant interruptions and distractions, because he really was enjoying the movie more than he thought he would, but the fact is that he’d never had this. He’d never watched a movie with someone, not that he’s watched many on his own either.
He found that where usually Nicholas' presence alone annoyed him, being this physically close to him felt good, almost normal in a way that he’d never felt with anyone.
This feeling intensified when Nicholas took a bathroom break halfway through the movie and for a few seconds Seiji felt his absence in the same way that he usually felt his presence. Perhaps it was a simple matter of things happening in reverse at night and everything would go back to normal come morning. The thought both reassured him and scared him.
After he too went to the bathroom (more to stretch his muscles than out of real need), it was slightly more awkward to get back in bed together, and Seiji didn’t know if Nicholas felt the same. He certainly didn’t look like he felt embarrassed or self conscious about being half naked in someone else’s bed.
At some point while they kept watching, Seiji reached for the laptop and balanced it on his own right leg and on Nicholas' left leg so that it would be in the middle. He did this in silence, it was such a small gesture and Nicholas seemed to know what he was doing without having to ask, stretching his leg out to allow Seiji to balance the screen between them. Perhaps being drunk on sleep was the key for them to manage to work in sync.
It was late, but he was too invested in the movie to complain or to think about the hours of sleep he was missing. He asked Nicholas a few questions about the plot to keep them both awake and to see more of this side of him: relaxed, young, content. So different from the Nicholas he was by now used to see, that he had to wonder if he was sitting in bed with some long lost identical twin of his.
At some point he was so focused on the movie that he didn’t notice Nicholas' head moving towards him until he felt it rest on his shoulder. His pulse picked up and he looked around himself as if the walls had some sort of advice. They didn’t.
In his panic he had forgotten about the movie, but now he saw that as his only temporary escape. He carefully removed Nicholas' earbud and kept watching (or trying to watch) while he slept. Nicholas didn’t need to watch the ending anyway, and maybe by the time it was over he would wake up on his own.
While Nicholas seemed to normally change position every five minutes in his sleep (Seiji didn’t want to question how this knowledge had made its way into his brain), he was now painfully still. Between one scene and another, Seiji stole a few glances at him, which caused Nicholas' hair to tickle his nose. That’s also how he learned that Nicholas had been using his shampoo.
When the movie finished and Nicholas hadn’t moved an inch, Seiji turned off the laptop. For a few moments it was complete darkness, before his eyes got used to it and he could make out shapes again. It was all absolutely still and quiet, save for their breathing and Seiji’s heartbeat. He thought of the movie, which he’d loved. He wondered if Nicholas would ask his opinion when he woke up, and whether he should feign not liking it that much. He wasn’t a good actor.
He moved laptop and headphones and placed them close to the wall. He took a few more minutes to wonder the benefits of waking Nicholas up or letting him sleep. He was so tired he felt his own eyelids close against his will, and he barely registered that while watching the movie they’d both shifted to an almost-lying position before he too fell asleep.
***
Seiji felt incredibly warm. Not uncomfortably warm, more like the warmth from a fireplace while it’s snowing outside, or the warmth from a grown-up puppy cuddling with you on the couch, snoring softly and leaving a trail of drool on your pajamas.
His eyes flew open to the realization that it wasn’t a puppy drooling on him. Nicholas was half wrapped around him and snoring with his mouth open on his shoulder. His leg was thrown over Seiji’s at an angle that couldn’t possibly be comfortable, his arm across Seiji’s stomach.
Seiji compiled a mental list of his current situation. He couldn’t move without Nicholas waking up; he really needed to pee; his arm was numb; his arm was numb because it was under Nicholas' neck; his shoulder was damp with Nicholas' drool; Nicholas would see him without his hair done; he had morning breath; things would be weird when Nicholas woke up.
It wasn’t ideal and the drool on his PJs was disgusting. Seiji waited for his mind to fully comprehend his situation and find an appropriate reaction, like pushing Nicholas out of his bed and scolding him for… well, for everything.
No reaction came other than him closing his eyes again, tilting his head slightly to the side and taking in Nicholas' smell. It was still dark outside and their alarms hadn’t rang yet. He dozed off, somehow impossibly more comfortable than he’d felt in a long time.
When he woke up again, it was to Nicholas saying sleepily, “Morning.”
He blinked, waiting for his mind to catch up with his body. Nicholas was propping himself up and rubbing his eyes, yawning and, without a second glance to Seiji, standing up and heading towards the bathroom, as if waking up together was the most normal thing in the world.
Seiji lay there with his heart pounding and his thoughts swirling. If he understood very little of his own reaction, he understood even less of Nicholas’. Was he so used to falling asleep in his friends’ beds? (When had Seiji become Nicholas’ friend?) Did he act so casual only to spare them from the embarrassament?
Did it just mean nothing to him?
His alarm rang the same moment that Nicholas came back, hair damp and only a towel around his waist. He wordlessly leaned over Seiji’s bed to retrieve his laptop and headphones, then disappeared on the other side of the duck curtain.
Seiji finally got out of bed, still too shocked to speak. He started getting ready for class and when he came out of the shower Nicholas wasn’t there anymore, which was just as well. There was no reason their relationship had to be any different now. They’d watched a movie together and it was just pure biology that they’d fallen asleep at some point. Seiji sure wasn’t going to dwell on it more than necessary.
***
He didn’t pay much attention in class that day.