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There was a lot of things that Lup missed while she was inside the Umbra Staff. She missed her brother, she missed her friends, her husband, she missed the conversations she used to have. Along with that, she missed the physicality of everything. She missed… the touches and things that made her feel like a real person, that grounded her when she didn’t know she was being grounded.
She missed the way she used to hug Taako. She missed the way she would throw an arm around his shoulder and pull him close, or when she would slink an arm around his waist and do the same with matching, devious grins. She missed the way he would play with her hair and complain about how tangled it always got and he would work at it until it was a perfect braid. She missed how she could sprawl across his lap, no matter what he was doing, and chat for hours on end about nothing at all. She missed the way they would cook, perfectly in sync, bumping hips together playfully. She felt incomplete without him, like half of her was missing, like her heart had been ripped out of her.
She missed how close she had been with Barry. She missed cuddling him on quiet days where they did nothing but be in each other's arms. She missed roaming her hands over his soft stomach, and she missed his roaming hands all over her, worshipping her. She missed the way he would kiss every inch of her skin like he was trying to memorize her in case he ever forgot, the way he would kiss her ears and make her shudder. She missed the way he would rub his thumb over the back of her hand when they grasped for each other, or the way he would rub circles on her hips on lazy mornings while making breakfast. She felt incomplete without him, too, but a different kind. She hated that she could no longer feel the weight of her wedding ring on her finger.
Lup missed the interactions she had with her other friends, too. She missed the way Magnus would give the biggest bear hugs and nearly squeeze the life out of you. She missed the way that he would clap his hands on her shoulders on occasion. Merle, while he could be annoying, was still a healer with delicate hands and gentle touches over particularly bad burns. Lucretia, while they didn’t talk often, had quite delicate hands herself when they brushed over Lup’s own for gentle comfort. Davenport, while probably the most distant, and the shortest, didn’t… really do the whole physical affection thing. She was okay with that, for the most part, but at this point, she was desperate for anything from him, too.
Lup sucked in a quick breath despite not needing to breathe, letting out a choked sob. She brought her knees up to her chest as she sat on the cool floor of the staff. She let out a pained scream as energy came from her in waves, only ruffling the curtains--nothing strong enough to make it outside the staff. If her form allowed it, tears would be streaming down her cheeks and a spectral hand would be gripping tight at her hair. She hated the feeling of being so isolated, but it was her life now. In a way, it almost felt as if it was punishment for running away from everyone without telling them where she had gone off to, for only leaving a two-lettered goodbye.
She let out another scream that only she could hear.