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The call had come in earlier that day.
Jungkook was over at Taehyung and Namjoon’s apartment to finish up some homework and catch up on an anime he and Taehyung were watching when Taehyung had gotten the call. They had been joking around, Jungkook trying to teach Taehyung how to properly draw in perspective, laughter tumbling out of Taehyung’s lips as he squinted at the wonky chair he’d been trying to sketch out.
Jungkook hadn’t heard the other side of the call, but he did see how Taehyung’s face fell, smile sliding down and off his face in an instant, brows pinching together in confusion and chin jutting outwards and wobbling just a tiny bit that has Jungkook biting his lip in worry.
“Okay,” Taehyung had said. “Okay.”
Taehyung ended the call and dropped the phone and his hands into his lap, thumbnails clicking together as he picked at his cuticles. Jungkook opened his mouth to ask what the call was about, why does Taehyung look so sad, why won’t he look at him - but Taehyung beat him to it.
“Mom said they have to put Soonshim down,” Taehyung whispered to the floor. Jungkook had felt his heart constrict, felt sorrow and despair fill his chest and make a home in it, felt grief flow through his veins like venom, poisoning every inch of him with sadness.
He knew Taehyung felt worse.
Jungkook was picking through his thoughts, trying to find some comforting words to say to his boyfriend when Taehyung lifted his head up slowly and looked at him with tear stricken eyes. “My baby is crossing the rainbow bridge and I’m not even there to send her off,” Taehyung mumbled, words sliding together as misery clogged his throat. “Do you think she’ll feel anything? Do you think she’ll know? That she’s gonna die? Or does she just take her last breath and then boom, that’s it, she’s gone?”
Taehyung had looked at Jungkook like he held all the answers, but he didn’t. He didn’t know. He could only shrug and say I’m not sure, love as Taehyung’s tears finally burst through the mask he had created.
Jungkook knew that Taehyung loved with all his heart, with every fiber of his being. The boy had too much love to give, overflowing with affection and devotion that he bestowed on every living thing he met, from the birds in the trees to the bugs on the ground; Taehyung loved deeply. He especially loved Soonshim and it hurt Jungkook to see his boyfriend broken before him, like his heart that had been so full of tenderness before had been wrung out and hung to dry, empty and hollow.
“Do she knows that I love her?” Taehyung whimpered into Jungkook’s shoulder. “I didn’t even say goodbye properly last time I was home. Mom told me to stop thinking so negatively about it, even though she was old and hadn’t been doing well for a while. I’m so sad, I don’t even get to hold her paw while she goes.”
Jungkook couldn’t do anything except trace circles into Taehyung’s back, let him play with his fingers as a distraction. He pressed soft kisses into Taehyung’s hair as he felt even more tears soak through the material of his shirt, dampening the skin underneath.
“Do you think Mom will FaceTime me so I can see her one last time? Will you stay with me if she does?”
Jungkook had nodded, mumbling out a soft of course Tae, as Taehyung struggled to dial the right numbers. And so, that’s how Jungkook finds himself wrapped up in practically all of the blankets in Taehyung’s apartment, cuddled up on Taehyung’s bed and staring blankly at the phone in front of him while Taehyung rests his head on his shoulder and grips his hand just a little too tightly under the blankets. Jungkook doesn’t mind.
“Hey Soonshimie,” Taehyung says, voice soft with care and endearment. “You’re such a good girl, you know that? Best girl, my fluffy white angel. But you’re going to become a real angel soon okay? So I need you to be strong Soonshim, be strong for mom, be strong for me. You’re going to have so much fun up there in heaven, and I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Taehyung’s voice cracks towards the end, and Soonshim’s ears perk up ever so slightly as they lay resting on the metal table in the vet’s office. Jungkook can see the doctor getting everything ready in the background, and Taehyung’s mom’s hand stroking through Soonshim’s thick white fur.
“Everything’s ready,” the vet says, and Taehyung just nods his head in understanding and despondent acceptance, before Jungkook takes the phone out of his grasp.
“I love you Soonshim,” Taehyung murmurs, and Soonshim opens her mouth and lets her tongue roll out in what could be considered a grin. Jungkook feels Taehyung smile against his chest, then he pushes the end call button. He had heard that when something dies, their eyes don’t close, and Jungkook doesn’t want the image of Soonshim’s blank stare burned into Taehyung’s memory. He’d much rather have his last picture of Soonshim be the one where she’s grinning happily.
Jungkook sets the phone down on the bed and wraps his arms around Taehyung, allowing him the luxury of crying without anyone to see him. It’s silent, and Jungkook doesn’t know what to say to break the silence, isn’t sure if anything he could say would ever be enough to mend the hole that had formed in Taehyung’s heart.
After a little while, Taehyung’s shoulders still as his crying comes to and end, and he pulls himself out of Jungkook’s embrace.
“Thanks Kook,” Taehyung says, still not making eye contact and picking at the threads in the quilt laying on top of them. Jungkook smiles and tells him that it’s okay, that his shoulder is free for him to cry on, and that his arms are always open for him to snuggle into. Taehyung responds with a sad smile of his own and says, “You’re the best Kook. But right now, I think I just want to be alone, is that okay?”
Jungkook nods and extracts himself from the bed, careful not to disrupt the blankets surrounding his boyfriend. “Take your time.”
Taehyung just burrows into the blankets even further, rubbing his eyes and snotty nose on the soft fabric. Jungkook leaves quietly, making sure to lock the door behind him with the spare key he grabs from the hook by the door.
It’s cold outside, the type of chill that cuts through the skin and settles in the bones, and Jungkook pulls his coat tighter around him as he walks to the bus stop. He sits down on the bench, pulling his headphones out and navigating to his safe haven playlist, the one he listens to when it feels like he’s hanging off a cliff and staring down into a pit of panic, the one he listens to when he needs to focus on something other than the thoughts inside his own head. Zion T.’s voice bleeds into his ears and into his mind, filling it with soft melodies and gentle verses, instead of harsh despair and gloom.
Part of him feels like he’s being a bit dramatic over a dog that he never even met, but then he remembers the look on Taehyung’s face when he had to say goodbye to his best friend and he instantly regrets ever having the thought cross his mind. Soonshim wasn’t just a dog, she was a crucial part of Taehyung’s childhood, as significant as any other member of his family. Every memory that Taehyung has ever told Jungkook about his early years with his family has had Soonshim in it. She may not have been the focal point of the story, but she was always there, even if it was just a small detail towards the end of the story, a comment about how she had licked Taehyung’s face after he had fallen off of the slide in their backyard, or how she ate all of his vegetables for him and his mom never even noticed.
Jungkook looked down at his shoes and bit his lip. He didn’t know the first thing about dealing with grief. None of his close family members had ever died and his family dog Cloud was still alive. He wasn’t sure what the best way to comfort Taehyung was.
The bus arrives and he steps on, scanning his card and taking a window seat before resting his chin on his palm. He supposes that the tried and true method of ice cream and cuddles has never failed anyone before, so he makes a plan to get off at the nearest grocery store and do some shopping before returning to Taehyung’s apartment.
He trudges into the freezer section, shoulders heavy with the weight of the recent news, and picks out Taehyung’s favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s (Chunky Monkey - Taehyung doesn’t even like banana all that much, he just thinks the name is funny and it always makes him laugh when he says it), as well as a non-dairy version of Chocolate Fudge Brownie for himself. He also grabs some Pocky sticks and a new tea that Taehyung had mentioned he wanted to try, an herbal blend with hints of chocolate and almonds that was supposed to boost your mood. Jungkook hopes it’s strong enough to soothe Taehyung’s heart.
Jungkook gets back onto the bus, but doesn’t go back to Taehyung’s apartment just yet, he doesn’t think it’s been long enough for Taehyung to properly get all of his emotions out. Instead he goes to a park nearby, resting on a bench and listening to his playlist over and over again as he watches children wrapped in too many layers chase each other around in the grass, tumbling down when the run too fast and their uncoordinated limbs can’t keep up with them. It’s cold enough outside that his ice cream doesn’t melt completely, but he knows he can’t stay out here too long. Eventually, he takes a deep breath and gathers himself together enough so that he doesn’t break down completely, and can be a solid support for Taehyung instead.
When he gets back to the apartment and lets himself in, he can hear the notes of that one Sarah McLachlan song from the ASPCA commercials coming from Taehyung’s room. He sighs, knowing that Taehyung is only torturing himself more because he feels terrible about not being there for Soonshim when she needed him the most.
Jungkook knocks gently on Taehyung’s door, entering after he hears a sniffly come in , followed by the sound of fabric rustling and Taehyung blowing his nose loudly into a tissue. Jungkook grimaces at Taehyung’s sorry state - he has his laptop open in front of him and Jungkook can see he’s looking at some family pictures from his younger sister’s birthday that his mom had recently emailed him, most of them featuring Soonshim. Jungkook places the grocery bag in his hand on the desk, taking Taehyung’s laptop away from him and closing out the files and exiting out of the video playing the world’s saddest song.
“Taehyung, I know you’re sad but you can’t do this to yourself.”
“I know but I just feel like I don’t even deserve to be happy anymore, like I’ve failed Soonshimie… She relied on me and my family for everything, and we couldn’t support her this one last time and it breaks my heart. I’m so sad Jungkookie.” Taehyung’s eyes fill with fresh tears as he looks at Jungkook, and Jungkook just wraps his arms around his boyfriend in response, cradling his head to his chest and stroking his hair and in a calming rhythm. “What if we didn’t make the right choice?” Taehyung says into Jungkook’s shirt. “What if there was some other way that we could have let her live longer and we took that opportunity away from her? I just feel so guilty Jungkook, I don’t know what to do.”
Jungkook steps back and takes Taehyung’s shoulders into his hands and looks him right in the eye. “Taehyung it’s okay to feel sad but you can’t blame yourself like this, it’ll only make things worse. Maybe you’re right and there was another way to save her, but that would only be prolonging the inevitable. Things like this happen and you just have to accept it. Everything dies eventually Taehyung, some people or animals just leave us a bit sooner than others. She was old, and it was her time.”
Taehyung just closes his eyes, bites his lips and nods. Jungkook knows that he’s still tearing himself apart in his head, but he seems to have calmed down enough for now and that’s all Jungkook can ask for.
“I brought you some goodies,” Jungkook tells him and Taehyung opens his eyes blearily when Jungkook drops the pint of ice cream into his hands. “It may be a little melted because I waited a bit too long to come back after I bought it but I know you like your ice cream a little melty.”
Taehyung rubs his thumb over the words printed onto the carton and Jungkook can hear him mumble the words Chunky Monkey followed by the tiniest of chuckles that has Jungkook grinning and pressing a kiss to Taehyung’s forehead. “Yeah I got you your favorite, my little chunky monkey.”
Jungkook leaves for a second to go grab some spoons from the kitchen, and when he comes back, Taehyung has already torn the lid off of the carton and has started licking the top, face rubbed dry of any tears and nose clear of any remaining snot. “Use utensils you hooligan,” Jungkook says as he hands over the spoon, and Taehyung smiles sheepishly as he accepts.
“Sorry babe.”
“S’okay, just don’t want you to make a mess of your sheets.”
“Right right, we’ll do that later,” Taehyung says with a wink, and Jungkook groans and whacks him on the shoulder, but he’s glad that Taehyung is at least feeling a little better, enough to be making dirty jokes anyways.
“Gross, Tae.”
Taehyung just shrugs and starts digging into his ice cream and Jungkook grabs the laptop from the desk, asking Taehyung if he’d be okay watching a movie, to which his boyfriend replies with a content hum. Jungkook finds a website where he can stream Enchanted , because he knows Taehyung likes the soundtrack and as far as he’s aware there are no animal deaths involved. Also Patrick Dempsey is hot.
As the first notes of Happy Working Song start to play, Jungkook thinks that he can see a little bit of Taehyung in Giselle, always so carefree and bright, making friends with anyone and anything. He can hear Taehyung softly humming along to the songs while scooping up every last bit of his ice cream, and Jungkook is hopeful that Taehyung can pull through this soon.
Taehyung finishes his entire pint of ice cream and Jungkook takes it from him and puts it on the desk, along with his half empty carton. They snuggle in closer together, but soon enough Jungkook can feel Taehyung’s breathing even out, soft sighs spilling out of his mouth as he sleeps, hands resting atop Jungkook’s stomach. Jungkook powers down the laptop and relaxes back into the bed, falling asleep himself, but not before pressing one final kiss to the crown of Taehyung’s head. He was confident that Taehyung would soon drag himself out of this slump.
Two weeks goes by and Taehyung is still in a daze. Everytime Jungkook asks him about it, he tells him he’s okay, that everything is fine and that he’s not still beating himself up over what happened, but Taehyung isn’t much of a liar, at least not in Jungkook’s eyes anyways because he can see right through him. He can see how the smiles he pulls don’t quite reach his eyes, and how almost immediately after someone drops eye contact with him, he face falls into a blank stare, emotionless and stony.
Even Namjoon has started to notice something is wrong, and he mentions as much to Jungkook the next time they’re all in the shop together. Taehyung had told his roommate about Soonshim, and Namjoon had very kindly expressed his condolences and told him that he was there for him if he needed him, but Jungkook knows they haven’t spoken about it since.
“He’s still in some sort of funk,” Namjoon whispers to Jungkook while he’s on a break. “He’s been wiping that same spot on the counter for twenty minutes now.”
Jungkook sighs and lays his head down on the table. “I know, I don’t know how to pull him out of it. He keeps saying he’s fine, but I think this is hitting him a lot more than he ever expected it to.”
Taehyung had confided in Jungkook a couple of days after the call that it hurt him sometimes to think about, that he would miss Soonshim at the oddest of times, like when he was washing his hair or when he was taking out the trash. He would instead think about that one time he gave Soonshim a bath in the tub and she escaped and ran through the house dripping water, or when he took her for a walk after dropping off the trash and she got so excited when she saw a squirrel that she nearly ripped the leash out of Taehyung’s hands. Jungkook saw the melancholy in Taehyung’s eyes even if he didn’t mean to let it show, and it pained Jungkook to see his boyfriend in this much misery for so long.
“I have to do something for him, but he’s so… lackadaisical about everything nowadays, nothing excites him anymore.” Jungkook pulls his lips down in a frown as he muses about possible things he could do to cheer up Taehyung.
“To be honest, I don’t know how to help you Kook, I’ve never seen him like this in all the time that I’ve known him, I don’t know what to do either,” Namjoon replies. “Just try to figure something out soon okay? I can’t keep doing both our jobs here at the shop, I can barely do my own tasks without breaking something.”
Jungkook just hums and goes back to thinking about how bring a smile back onto his boyfriend’s lips and that glint of mischief and happiness back into his eyes. His face just looked empty without them.
A couple days later, Jungkook formulates his plan. He doesn’t tell anyone about it, hoping that he can save the surprise from being spoiled, and he’s also just not sure if it’s going to work.
After all, taking your boyfriend whose dog just died to an animal shelter to look at other dogs may or may not be the best idea.
But Jungkook remains steadfast in his belief that seeing cute things will trigger Taehyung’s need to cuddle and coo and he’ll want to play with the puppies instead of wallowing in despair. He’s hoping that it also doesn’t trigger any sad memories of Soonshim, but it’s a risk he’s willing to take.
Jungkook tells Taehyung that he has a surprise for him after he gets out of work one day, and meets him outside the shop to take him to the shelter. He insists on not giving Taehyung any details and the mystery has already put a tiny gleam in Taehyung’s eyes, which Jungkook is happy to see again after so long, even if it’s just a hint of what was there before.
They get onto the bus together, and Jungkook makes sure that Taehyung focuses on him and some new funny Vine compilations that he’s found so that Taehyung doesn’t realize where they’re going.
The bus stop is a little far out from the shelter so they have to walk some in order to get to it, but Jungkook just takes Taehyung’s hand in his and swings it in between them while chatting about something stupid his professor did in his studio class today. Taehyung lets out some soft giggles as Jungkook describes his professor eccentric antics, and even though he’s mainly looking at the ground instead of at Jungkook, it’s the happiest that Jungkook has seen him in a while.
When they reach the shelter and stop just short of the entrance, Taehyung squints at the words above the entrance. Jungkook immediately regrets bringing him here.
“I’m sorry Tae, I thought this might cheer you up, but we don’t have to go in, we can just go home and watch some anime, it’s okay if you think this is a bad idea.”
“No,” Taehyung says. He grips Jungkook’s hand harder in his own and turns his head to face him. “Let’s go in, it’s okay.”
Jungkook nods. “If you want to then, but let me know if you want to go home, okay?”
Taehyung smiles, but it’s one of his closed mouth ones that doesn’t light up his face like Jungkook likes. “I’m really okay, Kook. This will be fun.”
They step inside and the lobby area is bright and cheerful, with caricatures of animals hand painted onto the walls and a couple of comfortable looking chairs pushed off to the side. Jungkook tells the receptionist that they’re looking for dogs and she leads them through the first front room that houses a couple of cats and into the back area where there are tons of dogs hanging about in metal cages. The lady gives them some treats they can hand out and tells them that they can take their time interacting with the dogs, and if they want to take any of them on an experimental walk, they can let one of the other workers know and they’ll help them out.
Jungkook lets Taehyung take the lead as they walk up and down the corridors looking at all the dogs in the shelter. Loud barks and tiny yips reverberate around the room, and honestly, Jungkook doesn’t think it smells the best, but when he looks at Taehyung, he can see his smile grow bigger with every dog he sees and it’s worth it.
Taehyung stops at some of the cages, poking some of the treats through the metal bars for the dogs to take, chuckling a bit when some of them get too eager and lick his hands instead. Jungkook is content to hang back and let Taehyung enjoy the moment.
When the reach the end of the last corridor, Taehyung having given out all of his treats, and Jungkook’s as well, he stands up from where he’s crouching having a conversation with a pitbull and turns to Jungkook. “Can we see the little ones too?”
Jungkook smiles and says of course, anything for you Tae and walks around, trying to find a worker that will direct them to the room with the puppies and small dogs.
Taehyung lets out an audible gasp when they step inside the room, and Jungkook knows in that moment that taking him to the shelter was exactly what Taehyung needed. The puppies here are in smaller square crates that have no tops, allowing people to pick them up if they wanted. Taehyung flits from crate to crate, looking down at the adorable puppies scrambling up the sides trying to get his attention.
He stops when he gets to a crate in the corner. “Jungkookie, come look.” Jungkook walks over to where Taehyung is standing, gazing down at the tiny black and brown puppy that’s reaching up on its hind legs to try and nip at Taehyung’s fingers. Taehyung’s eyes are holding that spark that Jungkook has been missing for so long. “He’s so cute and tiny, I could probably fit him in my hand.” He tries, and he’s not wrong. Jungkook looks on fondly as Taehyung holds the puppy up next to his face, rubbing his face into the dog’s soft fur. “I love him, look at his ferocious little eyebrows, oh my god.”
“Then get him.”
“What?”
“Get the dog. I’ll pay for the adoption fees.”
“Jungkook, I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that, you can’t buy me a dog.”
Jungkook smiles at Taehyung, who’s now cuddling the puppy into his chest, and smoothing down his fur that doesn’t seem to want to be smoothed. “Taehyung, I know losing Soonshim hit you hard, and you haven’t really been yourself for the past couple of weeks. That is, until I brought you in here and you came back to life again. Holding that dog is the happiest that I’ve seen you in so long and I just want to do this for you. Let me do this for you.”
Taehyung looks like he’s about to protest, but the puppy in his hands has now fallen asleep and he looks so perfect in Taehyung’s arms it just seems wrong to ever put him down again. He accepts with a small nod and a murmur of thanks, and Jungkook leaves to get the paperwork sorted. Luckily, the fees are nothing too substantial, there’s some sort of deal going on at the shelter so when Jungkook swipes his card it’s nothing too painful, especially since it’s something for his boyfriend.
Taehyung comes out of the room eventually, still holding the dog, which Jungkook had learned from the paperwork had been named Blackie. When he tells as much to Taehyung, he scoffs and holds the dog up to his eyes. “That name’s so basic, who gave you that name, huh buddy? Your new name is… Yeontan. Okay Tan-ah?”
“Tae, did you just name your dog after coal?”
“It’s better than Blackie.”
Jungkook shrugs and scratches behind Yeontan’s ears. “Let’s go get you some new toys then Yeontan.”
They have to call Namjoon to come pick them up, since dogs aren’t really allowed on public transport, and he just quietly acknowledges the fact that he now has a new furry roommate. They drive to a pet store and Taehyung holds Yeontan in the front pocket of his hoodie as they stroll through the aisles and pile their cart high with toys and treats.
After splitting the cost between the three of them, they journey back to Namjoon and Taehyung’s apartment, where Taehyung is absolutely ecstatic to show Yeontan around his new home. He’s walking around from room to room, Yeontan following closely behind, looking up to Taehyung with his mouth open and tiny pink tongue sticking out.
Namjoon and Jungkook set up a little fenced in area for him in the living room, complete with shiny new food and water bowls, a pee mat, and some of his new toys, including a stuffed Ernie that Namjoon just had to buy for him.
Jungkook goes to Taehyung’s room to tell him that everything’s set up in the living room, but he stops just shy of the door when he hears Taehyung’s voice talking to Yeontan in a reverent whisper.
“Tan-ah, you have an older sister, did you know that? Her name is Soonshim, but she’s up in heaven right now, so I’m sorry you can’t meet her just yet. But she loves you and I know she’ll look out for you everyday, an angel especially for you. Isn’t that great Tan-ah?”
Jungkook smiles softly and thinks that yes, it is great. It’s great that they all have their own fluffy angel to watch them from above. It’s great that he gets to have a boyfriend as loving and caring as Taehyung, and he’s so thankful that Taehyung has chosen him (and Yeontan) to share that love with.