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Chapter Text

Emma Swan is in the sourest of moods pressing her foot to the gas pedal like she drives a sports car instead of her meager yellow bug, going down the highway towards New York with some rock music Regina can’t neither recognize nor tell from her other kind of rock music, happy rock music or Hook related rock music, and so on. And on the passenger’s seat Regina Mills uses one hand to clutch at the back of Emma’s seat and the other to run her manicured nail over the textured fabric of her black pants, refraining from anxiously tapping her foot and making a noise with her heeled boot that would surely push Emma over the edge in her current state.

It had been one of the many tests life had for Henry to hear that Snow White and Prince Charming were anything but pristine heroes, but it was Emma who took it the worst since it was technically for her that they had perjured themselves and she had met Lilith previously, Regina guessed it was only getting worse every mile they got closer to her. On the other hand, Regina hadn’t been surprised when they sat her down and explained to her what was it that they had done to Maleficent’s child before she even hatched out of her egg; The Enchanted Forest was a cruel world despite its name, no soul was left unharmed, they all had sins to atone. It was what came later that had her close to buzzing in her seat, Maleficent had asked her to have a private conversation after they left the sheriff’s office, and she had obliged.

Back in her house, over a cup of wine Regina had been both reticent and desperate to drink in Mal’s presence, Maleficent had motioned for them to sit on a couch together and took her hand.

- You have already agreed to leave this town with the girl, Swan, to find my daughter and I expected no less of you Regina. Thank you. – the air was heavy and Regina didn’t trust her voice so she took a sip of her wine in lieu of speaking and Maleficent went on, understanding her as she always had -  But before you go I would like to… confess.

Regina took a second, longer sip of her wine – If you could be so kind as to rip off the band-aid, I would be thankful

- Before I go on… I would like to make clear I did not understand your last sentence – she chanced a smile Regina’s way but the brunette was taut in her seat and Mal sobered again – Lilith, she’s yours.

- Excuse me? – Regina managed to put her cup down on the table by them where Mal’s was, untouched, before she turned to glare at Maleficent – Outside of jests, what are you here to say?

- There was only you… us. I will swear it on anything you wish me to.

Regina stood then and put some distance between them, Mal was not lying, she would know, but it was impossible. How on earth could they have had a child? She turned abruptly to face Mal again – You are sure. That means you knew, back when you were pregnant, you knew and you chose to not tell me about this, for three decades!

Maleficent crossed a leg on top of the other as she angled herself more comfortably on the seat to look up to Regina and her rage – Yes darling, every day I was in that deep dark cave I thought ‘My what is on today’s plan? Certainly not telling Regina about our long-lost daughter, perhaps some other activity that requires a human voice, some singing? I will revisit it after breakfast’

Air rushed out of Regina in one exhale and her figure got smaller, but the anger didn’t recede as much as Maleficent would’ve liked it to – You had months, after our last meeting and the curse sweeping you down into the dungeon.

- The cursed required the heart of that which you loved most, and it wasn’t me…- Maleficent dropped her gaze -but it could’ve certainly been our daughter if you knew. I tried Regina, to convince you to stop the madness, and I tried to help Snow White and her prince, it only got us here. This is what fate wanted of us

- What Rumplestilskin wanted of us perhaps – Regina dropped into a chair opposite of the couch Mal was on and summoned the wine to herself to drink it in one big swallowing motion that had Maleficent chuckling in front of her, she glared – This is a big fucking revelation ok?

- Indeed. Won’t you ask how it’s possible?

Regina scoffed – You’ll humor me and answer?

- I love you.

Regina put down her cup again, slowly gathering her thoughts – I… am sorry for holding you hostage for three decades, you were the most precious thing I had ever had. I couldn’t bear seeing you every day and not having you or worse, having you and it not being the real you.

Maleficent nodded – It was one page in the story of my life my dear, and it has several tomes – she watched as a small smile formed on Regina’s face and she risked getting closer, rounding the table she took Regina’s hand in her own – You did come by to visit a few times. I would love to meet this beautiful Henry you liked to talk about?

Regina hoped her skin didn’t betray her and looked away - Emma has him, I hope.

- The most precious thing you’ve had, after me, and you share him with Snow White’s daughter. You’ve grown Regina, I’m terribly sad to have missed it but looking forward to reaping the benefits – Regina let out a slow breath as Mal inclined her head to lay a kiss on the back of her hand – Goodnight darling. I will be back to see you off tomorrow.

When Regina let only a small goodnight in return, Maleficent smiled again and walked out the house.

Back in Emma’s car, after having hit a dead end in New York, Regina is battling enough of her own thoughts to be any help to Emma and her ever worsening mood, to pile up on top of everything they seem to be running out of fuel, and when Regina has dared point it out to Emma she’s gotten only glares in return. They spot a gas station coming up but Emma makes no move to slow down, and as Regina is about to tell her to pull up and get some gas, she veers dangerously fast into the station and stops by a pump, slamming the door on her way out. Regina sighs and walks out of the car as well, towards the diner next to the station, she sits and a waitress she doesn’t look at twice asks for her order, two black coffees, she can’t trust anything else in that establishment.

Emma Swan walks in and drops herself in a chair that looks like it has only a few more of that kind of drops in it before it gives out – What the fuck are we going to tell a dragon and her two magical lackeys after this shit show? Sorry, your kid moved, now please don’t kill us?

- The self-proclaimed people locator Emma Swan, giving up? – Regina hopes her voice didn’t betray how desperate she felt, in a world without magic nothing Mal or her could do would find them their daughter quickly, she needs Emma.

The waitress interrupts her train of thought with their coffees, and before Regina can take a sip of hers to test its flavor Emma, who didn’t even grab hers, gasps

- Holy shit, Lily?

The waitress looks around the diner quickly – That’s not my name. – She points at her tag and Emma frowns as Regina openly gapes at the woman. It’s true. It is her hair on this stranger’s head, her features, Mal’s height, Mal’s eyes.

Emma goes on, taking her coffee so the waitress, Lilith, can at least lower her arm – Starla? Like shit it is, I know that birthmark.

- Do I know you?

- It’s me. Emma.

- Swan? Fuck.

After a rocky start Regina asks Emma to let her ride alone with Lily in her car as Emma follows in the bug, and strange as she finds the request Emma obliges if only to calm her nerves after having held a gun to the head of one of the only friends she ever had as a child. In the other car Regina observes as Lily, how she prefers to be called over her full name, changes the radio station repeatedly. She finally grows bored of it and flicks it off, opening a glove compartment with a thud outside of it and taking out a candy bar, she offers none of it to Regina and speaks as she chews

- So, what’s your deal? Why did Swan bring you with her? You guys divorced but still besties?

Regina turns to her quickly to frown and puts her eyes on the road again, hands in 10 and 2 – What makes you think…? No.

Lily actively waits to take another bite of her chocolate before responding, grating on Regina’s nerves on purpose – Your nails are p r e t t y short for a bitch dressed like you are, Emma’s always been on the butch side of things plus, I heard you say ‘our son’ once when she was about to kill me. No wedding bands. Must be divorced. Got dragged into her fairytale character shit and the relationship couldn’t take it?

Regina laughs – I’m the Evil Queen dear, if anyone got dragged into anything here it was Miss Swan, not me. I cast the curse.

Lily takes the last piece of candy into her mouth and lets the wrapper fly out of the window, lifts her boots onto the dash of her own car and makes Regina cringe – I respect that. Didn’t read up on you when I looked into things. You evil huh? You friends with my mother? Know who my dad is?

Regina sighs – I am.

Lily waits to see if Regina is going to continue her statement but it seems that that’s all the talking they are going to be engaging in. She pulls on the lever that makes her seat drop back and settles in - …Okay.

They make it to Storybrooke after sundown, but at least the trip only took them one day. A disgruntled Emma passes by Henry with a hair ruffle and all but ignores her parents on her way inside Granny’s dinner and Regina rolls her eyes at the antics as she leans down only a little to hug her son, her nerves calm when she sees his face, less round than every day before this one, she has only a few minutes of footage of Lily from before this day, not one memory to compare. She instructs him to go inside with his grandparents and turns back to Lily, still inside her car.

- Will you drive me? Or would you rather experience your first approach to magic?

Lily struggles to hide her excitement to see something magical happening, she shrugs – Whatever is faster. So we can get on with it.

Regina is trying, so hard, to not react to her despondency, it’s not her fault, god knows all of them have been burdened with many issues by their upbringings, their fates, what other people have chosen to thrust upon them with magic. She reaches out for Lily’s arm through the window and they appear in Mifflin, on the grass in case Lilith’s façade of toughness doesn’t hold up and she has to vomit. The girl stumbles but takes it with aplomb and follows a Regina that didn’t even bother waiting for her into the house through the back door.

Lily whistles as they cross the kitchen – Shit, is this my mother’s house? Are we rich? – Regina opens the fridge and takes out a beer for her, serves two cups of wine and doesn’t bother answering her. Lily peers at the halls and the furniture as they advance further into the house, into a study where they sit. She spots a frame on the table near them and grabs it without prompting – your house then? You, the boy and Swan. Not divorced, still together.

Before Regina can deny their involvement again a cloud of smoke appears on the doorway and a tall, blonde woman in a suit materializes out of nowhere. She steps forward but stops herself –- Well, that’s a way to summon me before someone that’s never seen magic.

Lily puts the frame back in its place, loudly – It’s ok. I just rode one of those. I know about the whole supernatural stuff. Are you Maleficent? – Mal only manages to nod and step closer, stopping again and glancing at Regina when she does, Lily stands then – No horns?

Mal ghosts a hand up into her shock of hair – I don’t know what the curse did to them – there’s a minute of tense silence between them before Mal decides she’s had enough of it and moves forward in one stride, engulfing Lily in a one-sided hug. She pulls back to cup her face in her hands and smiles – Look at you, a perfect mix of us. The dragon, thrumming in your veins! Your mother’s magic! You’re magnificent! - Mal turns back to look at Regina staying put in her seat and quickly back at Lily with her eyes watering, she pulls her back in for another long hug and Lily chances a look at Regina too over her newly-found mother’s shoulder.

- Those two sentences were actually more fucked up than the teleportation.

Mal releases her and goes to sit by Regina, completely over the moon as she is she tries to extract as much information of Lily as possible. Quickly she tells them she was adopted by the Page family, but they never quite got her, and that she did run away a few times and manage to cross paths with Emma once or twice, that when she turned 18 she decided to simply leave her home since she finally could. And there she is, 32, no family of her own, a few jobs waitressing, not a lot going on. Mal takes all this in with a bittersweet and confused expression on her face, and the seemingly cold hard facts mixed with the nonchalant way that the story was told have Regina thinking that there is more to it. Lily huffs once at them and downs the rest of her beer in one go and Mal throws a sideways look at Regina with a small smile, Regina wants to tell Mal that many people do that but her voice hasn’t cooperated since she left Henry back in the diner. Lily breaks the silence after she puts down her bottle

- So what about you oh mythical being? What was your childhood like? Adolescence? Early adulthood where you’re stuck? How did you meet my father? Where is he? Do you have a house? Why are in Swan’s wife’s house? All that

Mal frowns – There is no father. There’s Regina. I expected her to have told you already – She turns to Regina swiftly and it is her turn to swallow her entire cup of wine in one go under Mal’s gaze. Lily splutters on her seat and moves forward

- The plot thickens! Don’t know how I missed this shit in my research… but I bet there was no IVF back in the medieval era, who did you have to… you know?

Maleficent understanding only the gist of most of Lily’s phrases tries for a smile - Us dragons breed through magic more than we do biology. As long as there is someone to lay the egg and love, we don’t need anything else. – Regina’s hand moves towards Mal’s cup of wine and Mal takes it in hers to halt it –  We are your parents. We love you.

- Right. - She stands up and moves towards the door – I believe you, because this whole thing is fucked up so two moms? Not too weird. But I’m gonna go. It’s been a shit day, I almost died, my body feels all tingly, Regina obviously doesn’t fucking like me, so I’ll just go find my car and a hotel room and I’m sure we’ll see each other tomorrow. 

- Lilith wait!-

- No. It’s all right. I’m not a kid, I won’t die finding a hotel room and I bet even if I did try to disappear you can track me with your magical things tomorrow. It’s okay, really. Nice meeting you guys.

They watch as she stalks out of the room and her heavy boots carry her downstairs, the following slam of the door jolts them back into action and Mal drops Regina’s hand and distances herself, taking her wine cup with her and drinking it as she paces the room. In her seat Regina peels off her blazer and unbuttons her cuff-links to roll up her sleeves, she tries to process the day, the daughter she just met walked out of her house blaming her, and she might be right. She’s not feeling a lot of positive energy towards the woman yet; she’s crude, despondent and she enjoys aggravating people for no reason apparently.

Mal stops mid-sip and lowers her cup slowly – She said she almost died – She turns to Regina

- Emma held a gun to her head, because Lily seemed to have a plan to kill Snow and Charming.

- A gun?

- A weapon.

Mal’s body tenses and she takes a swig of her wine again – And she seems to be under the impression that you are married to Emma Swan, which you are not. – Her tone was inquisitive

- I made it clear I am not, she was merely goading me, as you are.

- I’m sure she sensed the hostility coming off you.

Regina sighs and moves forward in her seat but Mal holds her hand up to stop her. She rubs her hands on the pattern in her pants – Mal It’s been a hard day, I’m just trying to make sense of everything and –

Mal interrupts her – You didn’t even tell her she was yours, and then you sat here silently as if this had nothing to do with you. How did you think it was going to unfold?

- I don’t…- she sighs -I will do better tomorrow.

- This isn’t about doing better! – Never had Maleficent raised her voice at Regina before, not even when she was attacking her precious unicorn. Regina closes her eyes in her seat and Mal puts her cup down, the force of it sloshing the drink out and onto the table – I thought you would love to learn you have a child, of your flesh and blood, and you meet her and you treat her like one of your peasants. Did you hug her? Even once? Did you even touch her? Do you not care?

- I do, I just… I didn’t know! I didn’t carry her! You’ve been waiting for her three decades, I… – Regina drops her head on her hands and her hair moves forward and covers her face even more – She doesn’t feel mine.

- She looks like you Regina, much more than she does like me. She has magic that I’m sure you have sensed already. And I am telling you. What else do you need?

Regina looks up – It’s not that I don’t know, it’s that it doesn’t feel like it.

Mal takes a deep breath and moves past Regina to go out the same way Lily had and Regina’s hand shoots out to clamp around her wrist. It’s certainly not the most miserable look she’s seen on Regina’s face but it’s the first one that doesn’t stir any compassion. Regina pulls at her – Stay. Please.

- Maybe Emma Swan will come with your real child and I might kill the woman and her gun.

-  You can’t kill a gun, it’s a weapon.

Maleficent pulls her wrist out of Regina’s grasp – Only you would ruin my dramatic exit even when you’re in the wrong. – Her shoes click against the tiles as she gets out of Regina’s house.

Up in the skies, circling Regina’s town over and over again, Mal lets her tears flow. It is not often that dragons cry but it is long overdue for her. She thinks she can pinpoint the night of Lilith’s conception; they had spent the day together in Maleficent’s library, Regina reading up on some of her nefarious plans for Snow White’s heart if she ever got a hold of it as Mal read some prose about a maiden who encountered a fairy who granted her just one wish. The silence they shared was comfortable and when Mal chanced a look Regina’s way she would notice the way the setting sun liked to dance on her long dark hair, and how her hand liked to trace the runes in the books’ pages. Regina was not yet too far gone into her madness, some days she allowed herself simple riding outfits and would discard her boots to put her socked feet on Mal’s furniture when they sat. Mal put down her book and leaned towards Regina to put a soft kiss on her neck

- Perhaps we can forgo supper?

Regina chuckled above her and put her book down careful to keep It on the opened page – You would keep a lady from her education and her nutrition, darling?

- If the lady would have me – she took Regina’s hand to kiss it as well, and then guide it over her shoulder as Regina chuckled

- Well, – she undid the ties holding Mal’s shirt in place and with her other hand she searched the pins holding the blonde hair up and undid them one at a time – Let us sacrifice the time we had for nourishment.

They woke up in the same couch the next morning when the sun caught up to them, hands intertwined and her heart felt heavy as she watched Regina stretch atop her and move her hair out of the way to smile up at her, something had changed, and it would be months before Mal could tell what it was. Those months passed and Regina’s bloodlust grew the more the peasants tried to help Snow White run, as Maleficent’s body adjusted to its new inhabitant Regina started spending less and less time around, there were weeks in which she would not show herself at all, cooped up in her castle scheming or traveling her land leaving no stone unturned to find the princess. The last night they spent together Maleficent was sure what it was had her feeling nauseous every morning and so she turned down the honeyed wine Regina offered her, The Queen merely shrugged and decided to drink double as she was planning to, finishing off the pitcher by herself.

- You should stop, darling

Regina stopped pouring her wine into the goblet to laugh at Maleficent – You won’t drink and you won’t let me drink?

- You should stop all of it, the drinking right now, and the madness in the Kingdom, you have run her off her throne, you have killed her father, ending her now would be a mercy. What does she have that you don’t?

- The people’s favor… Love.

- Maybe if you stopped this hunt and stopped terrorizing your people, if you paused to enjoy what’s around you…

Regina laughed at her louder and finished topping up her cup - I think you’re confusing our arrangement – Her last word was slurred, her tongue having trouble moving properly within her mouth – We drink, we fuck, occasionally we frolic around your castle. We will never marry, nor have a family, we could never rule this land, I want more.

Maleficent struggled with the choice of telling Regina about the pregnancy or keeping it a secret, she knew Regina had always wanted a family of her own but the Evil Queen at the height of her vengeance might have believed loving a child was weakness like her mother proclaimed. The fact that after that night Regina stopped even staying past their romps made it quite clear that the woman that she loved was slipping away and it was maybe too late for them to be a family. She tried convincing herself that it was perhaps a phase and that, like herself, eventually Regina would tire of vengeance and mellow right back into that woman that stumbled into her castle looking for magic; but instead she stormed in one summer afternoon to demand her dark curse and the rest was history.

In her house, Regina texts Emma to please take care of Henry for the night and settles in with the half drank bottle of wine on the floor of her study with her back against the couch. She doesn’t understand how she could have missed it, for Emma and Lily to have been born just a few weeks apart, enough for Snow White and Charming to get a hold of her, Maleficent must have been pregnant well before she attacked her over the dark curse… how could she have been so lost in herself to not see that? She downs another cup of wine and recalls how Maleficent stopped drinking, how her skin was more sensitive when they slept together, how she retched a few times when she made herbal tea near her. The worst kind of blindness is that of one who does not wish to see. What would a family have meant for her then? Would she have taken it and cherished it? Could she have?

Storybrooke was not created with a foster system of any kind, there were no children without a family in her boundaries for obvious reasons so it wasn’t until she became interested in adoption that Regina Mills learned how children without parents fared in the world without magic. Of all her transgressions, some of them were only weighing on her now that she was on her way to become one of the ‘heroes’, and one that constantly demanded atonement was creating a situation that resulted in an innocent child paying for the sins of her mother: Emma Swan growing up the way she did had handed Regina many sleepless nights, the woman had become her friend and she was growing to be a good parent for Henry and so, when she served her a bite or two more of lasagna than she should and got one of those patented Swan grins, Regina felt she was doing right by her wrongs. But what could she tell her own child? Abandoned to a similar fate, jaded by a fate thrust upon her all because of a situation Regina herself engineered in all accounts. It was her who neglected Maleficent enough she felt so cornered as to plead to Snow, she didn’t put the knife in her hand, but it was her who loomed a shadow so terrible that forced Snow into plunging it in the back of the dragon.

Mal once mentioned that as a dragon she rose with sun or something alike, to drag Regina out of a warm bed for no godly reason, she hopes that knowledge will become useful now as she waits outside Granny’s diner while it’s still dark outside for Ruby to open. She enters as soon as the sign says open and the brunette gives her a raised eyebrow

- New record, first one to camp outside the door. Coffee?

Regina manages a nod, still burrowed inside her coat and the happy effects of the wine bottle she consumed by herself certainly passing. She nurses her cup as a few other costumers trickle in and give her a few greetings, blue collar workers have never had a gripe with her. As they come and go to their jobs her effort is rewarded when, surely just a few minutes after sunrise, Lily comes in and drops herself in a booth unceremoniously. Regina stands and sits in front of her with her half empty coffee mug.

Lily doesn’t startle but she does bristle – Good morning Regina, you look like shit.

- Yes well, I’ve learned a few things that have kept me up at night these last couple of days. – Ruby passes by to refill her cup and hand Lily one, and a menu, she doesn’t miss the opportunity to send Regina a look before she leaves and Regina doesn’t acknowledge it – What about you? Have a good night’s sleep?

Lily seems to think about it for a second, and then she averts her eyes to look at the coffee cup, holding it with both hands as she shakes her head minutely – I can smell, hear, see and sense some shit I couldn’t before. Not good for falling asleep.

Regina lets out a breath, honesty is good, honesty means they’re at least trying that morning – Miss Lucas, the waitress so dutifully listening to our conversation from the kitchen, is a shifter like you are.

Ruby’s head appears in the window to the kitchen – Not my fault! – and retreats where it came from.

- You could talk to her about it sometime… and order out loud to save her the walk up here, I will have my usual.

- Christ- Lily clears her throat and raises her voice just a bit, enough for a dwarf to turn to them - I guess just some eggs and pancakes?

Ruby speaks in what is probably a normal tone in the kitchen since Regina seems unaware of her – Coming right up!

They spend a moment in silence, not too tense, but not exactly one they want to find themselves in for the rest of the meal. Lily slouches in her booth and Regina crinkles her eyes minutely and the younger woman breathes deeply – So where’s Maleficent?

Regina glances the kitchen’s way to let Lily know their situation isn’t public quite yet but answers quickly – She’s not happy with me either, but I wanted to talk to you first. Perhaps you could accompany me for a walk later?

Lily shrugs again and before she can say anything Maleficent enters the diner, apparently having had the same idea Regina did but with less commitment to the element of surprise. She spots them and sends a beatific smile her way, Lily manages a small one back and Maleficent comes to the table and takes the seat next to Regina’s, smiling her way too even when dimmer.

- Lilith! And Regina. Good morning.

Lily groans in her seat – Not my demon name.

Maleficent’s expression turns confused and Regina smiles – In this land’s lore Lilith is the name of the first demon, mythical creatures that opposed the God of the land, also mythical here. Call her Lily

Maleficent nods – Better a flower than a demon – They sit in silence as Ruby serves two plates and asks for Maleficent’s order throwing another, stronger, look Regina’s way, which she ignores as she cuts into her meal. When she leaves Mal looks between them – You haven’t mentioned… - Lily shakes her head and looks at Regina touching Mal’s exposed arm

- No.

- A… wolf? If I’m correct.

- Yes.

- And we suppose she’s dim? Not many clues are needed here. Look at yourselves.

- Oh, she’s dim.

Ruby laughs in the kitchen and bellows out – But not dim enough to walk around without condoms in my wallet!

- Hilarious, mongrel.

After their meal, they choose the park around the lake for the solitude much more than for the scenery, it’s still quite early and even if it wasn’t there’s only two groups that use the furthest away part of the greenery: teenage couples deep in their infatuation and old couples looking for calm. A bundled-up Regina walks a few steps behind Maleficent and Lily who talk easily about magic and what being a dragon entails, about how soon they could try to explore Lily’s second nature and about how it feels to have been a dragon in a world without magic. Mal veers the conversation towards casters’ magic in an attempt to engage her but Regina’s still finding her footing and doesn’t chip in a lot. Eventually Lily decides she’s walked enough and goes to sit on a mossy rock making both Mal and Regina stop in their tracks, hesitating between ruining their clothes or standing around awkwardly, Lily laughs at them and Mal gives Regina another look filled with a warmth Regina hopes she can one day muster for the woman mocking them. She conjures up one of the benches from another part of the park and they sit by the rock.

After a few beats of silence Regina burrows into her coat again and looks at Lily briefly before turning to the lake – I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday. It’s not that I don’t like you… I was not expecting you, as you were not expecting me. – Lily turns to look at her but doesn’t react and Regina sighs – I have done so many horrible things Lily and I carry that weight every day, but you… I caused so much of your pain and it petrified me, facing you, a new sin to atone for. I can’t ever give you back what I’ve taken.

-  Well, I don’t blame you for any of this shit. You didn’t even know I existed. I blame Swan’s parents – She sniffs quickly and uses the tip of her boot to kick at the grass in front of her – I’m sure you guys would’ve raised me real different if you could’ve since you’re royalty and all that, and you’ll forgive me ‘cause I said I wouldn’t kill them but if they ever step up to me I’m not sure I can control myself, I ain’t like you two.

Maleficent laughs heartily from beside Regina and both brunettes turn to look at her with matching expressions – Apologies for ruining the moment but it sounds like you’re exactly like us both.

- None of us will harm any Charmings over this – When she hears no answer Regina worries – Promise me.

- Scout’s honor.

- Yes, darling.

Chapter Text

Regina knocks on the loft’s door and smiles at a Henry still clad on pajamas as he lets her in and half hugs her, she finds the rest of the Charmings having a tense breakfast around the kitchen island and they greet her with smiles she doesn’t return, stands by Emma and waits for Henry to resume eating his cereal. They don’t dare ask about Lily until Emma brings her up, eyes rimmed with dark bags like she too hadn’t slept in a couple days. Regina lets her mind wonder over Emma for a minute until Snow makes a move to stand from her stool and she remembers what she came there to do. She lifts her hand to stop her there and Snow sits down again immediately even when no magic was used.

Only Emma keeps on eating, immune to Regina’s antics most of the time. Regina rolls her eyes and starts speaking – About Lily, do not question or try to rebuke what I am about to tell you, I am completely sure and I do not wish to hear any objections you might have, are we clear? – They nod and Emma stops her chewing to look up at Regina quizzically – To simplify it, I am her father – Emma seems to choke on her food for a moment and Snow and Charming look at each other, Regina looks only at Henry who seems to be mulling over the information. – I did not know about her until two days ago.

It’s Emma who reacts first – Sh…oot. I’m sorry about…- She makes a finger gun motion looking apologetically at Regina - yeah. You do kinda look like each other, she was way more latin when we were kids.

- Miss Swan, my entire lineage and I are from the Enchanted Forest, not South America.

- Right, yeah. Enchanted South America maybe?

Regina lets out a breath as Emma grins her way and resumes her eating like nothing had happened while the other three shift in their seats, Snow tries to open her mouth first but Regina holds up her hand again – I am not willing to hear anything you want to say quite yet. You both need to stay away from us… From Maleficent, Lily and me. Henry, we can discuss more at home?

He hops out of his stool and dashes upstairs to change and gather his things, his face betraying no anger. Regina guesses being somehow related to a dragon outweighing anything else at the moment. Of all the things from the old world she’d only ever wanted him to have dragons, he used to be obsessed with them growing up and she could never fault him, they were majestic creatures. She lets herself out of the door and Emma follows her.

Regina turns back to her when she closes the door – Miss Swan I will not hear any speeches about forgiveness or whatever it is you wish to tell me, I’m being terribly reasonable about this, don’t you think?

- Hey – She holds up her hands – If I found out someone had cursed my kid with some darkness I would have hit them already. I wanted to tell you that you guys gotta be patient with her… she’s a piece of work but she only wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere... Plus finding your parents is never what you wanted it to be. I always wanted them to be cool spies that couldn’t keep me because they were under attack, that kinda came true, and look at where we are now. Lily was probably hoping for some cool dragons and she got a dragon that would date you.

Regina rolls her eyes at Emma as usual and after a moment of waiting for a Henry she takes the opportunity to bring up the elephant in the room – Emma I know this savior business has taken a toll on you, you have had no respite in three years and as much as we were used to constantly being in survival mode, it is new to you. Take care of yourself first – Emma averts her eyes nodding with a sad smile – It is no proven theory but I believe that in doing what they did, your parents cursed not only Lily but you as well, and that maybe being around each other is the only way to allow you both to be in your best shape. She will fight you too, god knows I hadn’t heard your name said with such scorn from anyone that wasn’t me, but you should try to reach out to her.

- You should’ve heard the way your mother said my name.

Regina chuckles as Henry dashes out of the door panting like a dog with his backpack on tow – Must be genetic, then.

Regina is so so grateful for Henry’s endless chatter as they drive home, after she had told him he was indeed still allowed to spend as much time as he wanted with Emma and his grandparents he had launched himself in an endless explanation about how cool dragons are and how he’s read a lot of how different cultures perceived them and about how last night, Maleficent had been flying around for a few hours and he could tell she matched mostly the occidental descriptions and now he wondered if there were other magical realms where things looked more Asian… But when one of the few traffic lights in town stops them he goes silent for a moment and looks at her in a way he hadn’t before, ever. He turns back to the road quickly

- So did you guys like… cast a spell? Or brewed a potion? Or was it like a ritual?

Regina waits for the light to go green and starts talking with the movement – You heard me say, back at the loft, that I didn’t know about her until Maleficent told me the day before yesterday – he nods – so none of those options seem likely, do they? We were… a couple for a while, Lily happened the traditional way.

He shakes his head and averts his eyes to the window by his side – But two women can’t… I mean, maybe with magic, I don’t know, but accidentally?

His cheeks are flushing and as much as Regina wishes they weren’t having this conversation it seems they will, it was wishful thinking on her part to think that he wouldn’t at least ask - It seems to be more about the fact that Maleficent is a dragon than us being two women. They reproduce differently than humans, not that I knew that – He seems torn between wanting this new information on dragons and learning any more sordid details on the conception of Lily, Regina chuckles – Perhaps this could be a reminder for your future to always use protection, no matter how unnecessary it may seem.

He frowns and flushes again – Are there even girl... condoms? Were there any in The Enchanted Forest?

- I will write a strongly worded letter to Snow White so someone that isn’t related to you can teach your class better Sex-Ed. Deal?

He exhales in relief and nods as Regina parks her car in the driveway, she puts the safety brake up and before she can get out of the car he speaks again – If it happened magically maybe it’s because you guys have true love and it helped you guys out! Did you want a kid back then? One that was actually yours?

- Henry, you are mine – She uses both hands to cup his face and he scrunches up his nose like she sometimes does, completely involuntarily of course, Regina chuckles and kisses his two cheeks – and you are my true love too.

He groans.

Regina cooks a feast that afternoon, mostly to distract herself from the disaster that the dinner she has planned with Maleficent and her two children could be. A five-course meal has never been rejected by Henry Mills though and he’s happy to help her with any task that requires him to use knives he can pretend are swords in between tasks. The doorbell rings when they are mostly done, just watching a cake rise through the oven door, and Henry dashes out of his seat to open, greets Mal and Lily as politely as possible, takes their coats and leads them to the living room.

- Mom is probably going to change her clothes so… do you want some juice meanwhile? Or something else, we have everything! – He smiles at them and almost bounces in excitement under Mal’s amused gaze and Lily’s confused one. They both turn him down and he sits across them – I’m Henry!

- I am Maleficent, and this is Lily. I’ve heard quite a lot about you. – Mal smiles at him – When I was trapped by the curse your mother used to come by and tell me all about your adventures, she had many depictions of you wearing hats with animals' ears knitted on top of them.

- When you were a dragon under the library? – She nods and Lily looks between them, the kid seems to be way more informed than she is, under a library? He keeps going – So cool! And mom was going down there to visit you? I didn’t know!

- I always listened with rapt attention but I was too proud to allow her to see I craved her visits, so eventually she stopped coming

He looks down – Maybe it was my fault, I started being really mean to her when I found out about the curse so she was sad for a while… and then she had to send my other mom to kill you…

Lily speaks then, sitting up right – Wait, what? She sent Swan to kill you? How did that turn out?

- Like any attempt to get rid of Maleficent, it didn’t quite stick.

Mal smirks before turning to look at Regina – Well darling one must hold on to life if one has a woman who knows how to make a dramatic entrance

- Mom is really good at those. – Henry nods as he stands up, freed from keeping them company he can go take a lustful look at the cake and get started on setting the table like he’s always in charge of.

They watch him go, Regina and Mal exchanging a look as she sits on the chair he just vacated and Lily breaks the silence that settles – One of you fill me in please? – At Mal’s confused look she clarifies – You need to tell me everything that’s happened… ever.

Regina conjures up a beer for her and two cups of wine for Mal and herself, Henry who sees it disappear from the fridge hollers an ‘I offered’ that makes Regina smile quickly before scolding him for yelling inside the house when a normal tone would do. She takes a small sip of her wine and looks at Mal sipping hers, in their silent conversation she loses and so starts explaining. – We met when I was only a few days over twenty, I had been married to the king for a little more than two years and I was tired. I wanted desperately to be rid of him and my magic was the only tool I had, but I was untrained and a foul man wanted to take advantage of my naivety. Maleficent’s name came up and I saw an alternative, she had succeeded in her own revenge and she was a dragon, it seemed like the fix to all my problems.

- I was in chaos – Henry enters the room silently, hoping that Regina would let him stay, he sits by Lily on the couch and Regina nods for Mal to continue – After I put Princess Aurora under the sleeping curse and Briar Rose died shortly after, I had nothing to live for. I retreated into myself, started dabbling in any substance that would grant me sleep without dreams, stopped taking care of my castle… I lost the ability to turn into the dragon. Until Regina came along one day and saved me.

They share a small smile and Henry beams from his spot as Lily only sniffs and drinks, and Regina continues – We became fast friends after, I helped her clean her castle and she taught me a bit of magic on the side. It was a reprieve from my marriage when I found a few hours to escape.

- We would go for flights over the land and the sea…

- Mal had an excellent, very thorough library I liked to browse

- And eventually we fell in love, we had a few years.

Regina pauses and looks down, takes a sip of her cup of wine – I was growing more and more bitter though, had The King killed, started hunting down Snow White – She looks at Lily apologetically – I couldn’t be part of any family in the state I was then. Mother had told me that love was weakness so I started pushing Maleficent away and after I had the curse in my hands I didn’t even bother to check on her.

- I tried communicating with Snow White and her husband but they seized the opportunity to better their child’s chances of being the savior they needed, they took you still inside your egg. I enlisted Ursula and Cruella’s help and eventually we managed to rescue you but it was too late, the deed was done. They escaped the curse with you and came to this land but, you’ll meet them, they’re hopeless when it comes to child-rearing and they say that after a month or so they let you go to this foster system. And they lost track of you. Regina’s curse swept me up and dropped me in a cave under the town’s library in my dragon form.

- After her 28^th birthday Emma came to town

- I brought her!

Regina smiles at him softly –  I got Henry through a closed adoption but he figured it out all by himself with the help of a book, stole a credit card, found Miss Swan, and brought her here to break my curse. It was all unraveling for me, and Emma was just as combative as I was so we entered a war and in one of my attempts to get rid of her Henry paid the price and fell under a sleeping curse. To save him, we were manipulated into slaughtering Maleficent to retrieve bottled true love that had been hidden inside her. Emma did what she had to do to rectify my mistake and then, when we were betrayed, she broke the curse still because of her love for our son. A lot has happened in this town since… those are stories for other days though.

- Cruella and Ursula just now managed to bring me back to life out of the ashes of my body and my priority was to find you.

They all stay in silence for a moment, Lily seems to be mollified by the story somehow and Regina finishes her cup as Mal only starts hers. Henry smiles – That’s way cooler than anything in the book! And you guys are cooler than grandma and grandpa! Lily what did you do in your 30 years alone? Emma went to jail!

- Emma went to jail? I thought I was the evil fuck up.

Regina lets out a loud huff through her nose and Henry laughs – You can’t curse in front of me!

- Shit. Sorry

Mal joins his laughter and Regina stands – Why don’t we eat?

Lily takes a few seconds to tighten up her shoelaces and finish up her beer and when she enters the dining room she’s met with Henry and Maleficent carrying trays up to the table and Regina serving wine and setting silverware down, it is the single most complicated set up she’s ever seen for a meal and she has to catch herself for a moment. Since finding out who her mother was she’d spent a lot of time wondering how it would have been growing up in the middle ages, on some lavish castle with a Disney villain and she’d never quite stopped at dinner time but this? It is certainly close. She takes a look down at her beat-up boots and back at Regina in a perfect dress and high heels with red soles, she doesn’t know the brand but she knows that the ones with the red soles are expensive, Maleficent in a tailored suit that Lily doesn’t understand when she had time to have made since her story didn’t leave gaps for shopping, maybe it had been magic and then at Henry, she didn’t think any 13 year old boy could wear anything but jeans or sweats inside his own house but Henry is wearing brown dress pants and a plaid button up that isn’t even flannel. If anyone looked in the house she would probably look like a burglar about to tie up a nice family.

She sighs and trudges up to her seat as they finish setting up and sits. Mal makes a joke about Regina’s cook not knowing that they didn’t eat like this in the land without magic and Henry excitingly tells them that they cooked it all from scratch, Lily raises both eyebrows before she remembers herself and leans back into the seat listening to the boy explain dish by dish and the apparent order they’d chosen. She had worked in a reasonably well rated restaurant and the display before her has nothing to envy that of a good chef in a big city, she tells Regina so and the woman smiles at her warmly like she had smiled at the boy earlier, Lily doesn’t know what do with that so she averts her eyes and starts eating in the order Henry pointed out as Maleficent makes yet another joke.

The meal goes well, and she offers to do the dishes, reluctantly, because she hates doing dishes but the Pages were really strict with their manners and she hasn’t managed to kick them all, and luckily Regina declines, even more strict with her manners and absolutely adamant to letting any guest lift a finger in her house; and Henry drags her upstairs so she can see his room and yada yada yada.

She glances around the place filled with books, toys and comic books and he takes a leather-bound tome out of his night stand and hands it to her with a smile as he points out some other stuff he deems reasonable. Lily goes through some of the pages of the book and traces Regina’s form in a drawing where she’s holding someone’s glowing heart in her hand

- Hey kid you got a dad? – She reads the page following the drawing and looks at him, silent for a minute. He doesn’t cry though, just shakes his head and sits on his bed – Swan gave you up, so you don’t know who your dad is?

- He died last year… but I only knew him since the year before that so I guess it’s less awful. Mom raised me by herself until I was 10

- I was adopted too… was she any good?

He nods excitedly and riffles through a drawer to pull out a picture album. He pulls her to sit on the bed next to him and hands her the album, she starts going through it – We had a lot of fun when I was little, she didn’t tell me I was adopted or any of the other stuff so I was really angry when I found out, but we’re okay now.

She keeps her eyes on the photographs and stops at one where Regina’s face reminds her of her own, Henry upside down in a monkey bar besides her – What about Swan? She’s good too?

-  She’s only been learning you know? But the other time we were cursed and mom gave her her own memories, so now she’s much better and she knows how to cook good stuff that’s not just cereal

Lily guffaws and hands him back the album, they seem to have been doing fine before she came barging in their lives, and she kinda feels for Regina, being blindsided with a daughter she never even thought about having. The dark cloud hanging over her head always manages to snatch nice things out of her grasp eventually but, as Henry powers up an old Nintendo wii and hands her a controller she hopes this works out for her.

Chapter Text

They start spending some time together, in odd assortments, sometimes it’s Maleficent Lily and Regina, sometimes Maleficent leaves Lily to spend time with Regina and Henry without her intrusion, sometimes Emma comes around, and one time by the time Lily has been in town for a week Regina has to circle the town square block twice to do a double take when she drives by and sees Henry and Lily sitting on a bench passing comic books back and forth between them; Emma and Lily start spending their afternoons off together too sometimes, Mal has started to appreciate her and Henry, they’re joyous where Lily, Regina and herself tend to turn somber. Everyone seems to be warming up to Lily much faster than Regina herself is and the feeling is mutual, silence sets in when it’s just the two of them and when it breaks it’s always small talk that sounds forced before they find their rhythm, still, they are trying their best.

Maleficent enjoys it all the same, spending time with Lily fills her with joy that she had only felt perhaps when Regina would forget herself and spend an afternoon with her in her castle in a playful mood, or when they would fly out to the sea and rest on the beaches for as many hours as their disposition would allow. Mal loves that Lily looks more than Regina than she does herself, she’d never been too superficial of a creature but had always regarded Regina with an awe only a being that had seen an endless sea of humans could, many have thought Regina to be one of the countless beauties out there but only one like Maleficent could be sure such radiance was found far, far in between.

One night after dinner, when Emma leaves and Henry retreats upstairs Regina manages to convince Lily to stay at the house for, at least, the night. She seems to have decided to stay around in Storybrooke and so, paying for a room at Granny’s could get costly and with no job it can only pile up on her. Regina wants to offer a job as well, something simple in town hall, but she knows Lily is too proud to accept her help past shelter for a few nights. After she has gone up to a guest room as well, Regina sits by Maleficent on her couch and for a few episodes of a show Henry had chosen they share silence. It is Mal who speaks first in a commercial break that advertises the strange, three-color mixture they have taught her to use to clean her teeth with the small brush.

- It is past midnight- she gazes at the round contraption in the wall that tells her the time like they have taught her to -You are not one to stay awake past midnight

- Unless I have the right motivation- she smirks Mal’s way and turns back to the TV quickly, remembering herself – I have company

- You could have asked me to go

- I don’t want to.

- You can ask me to stay

As the crime show comes back into the screen Regina turns to face Mal – Just like that? After everything that’s happened between us?

Mal gives her one nod and turns to face her better – I love you.

- So you’ve said

- And you haven’t – She takes her hand – you never have and I don’t wish to force you to. But we both know it. And I don’t want to see us waste another three decades because I didn’t speak up when you tried to escape your feelings. - They stay silent for another few minutes and the show drones on over their thoughts. Mal interrupts Regina’s reverie – Is this about Cora crushing my heart?

- Mother is dead, haven’t you heard? – There’s a beat of silence and Mal squeezes her hand, she hadn’t asked about Cora’s whereabouts and she can’t say she’s saddened by the news – But isn’t it always about mother? Love is weakness and all that.

- You are so much more than the wounds inflicted upon you by your mother Regina. I know you are aware of this, and you have worked on it with this cricket you say, and you are helping your new sister through it as well – Regina closes her eyes and lets her head fall against the back of the couch with a sigh and Mal moves closer – Why must you fight this every step of the way?

- I hurt you, Maleficent

- And I’ve forgiven you

- I’ve done nothing to deserve that – she turns her head and opens her eyes to look at Mal - I don’t deserve you

-  You do. – Regina raises her eyebrow at her in her odd position, it makes Mal smile, sometimes it feels like she’s only childish in her presence on purpose, so the populace won’t believe her if she tried to retell her antics-  And even if you didn’t, I would give myself willingly to you. Allow yourself to have this… us- Regina closes her eyes again with a deep breath and Mal smirks – Is that surrender I see, Your Majesty?

- If someone gets hurt over this, I will kill you. – She doesn’t open her eyes, bracing herself for what’s to come

- I would allow you, and only you to carry on such feat – She surges forward to lay a kiss on the corner of Regina’s mouth and when she retreats Regina throws her a questioning look – I am easing myself in sweetest, I have been parched and now I wish not to drown

Regina laughs and pulls her in by the collar of the shirt she’s wearing – I can’t believe you still talk like that

- I can only hope it makes you quiver now as it used to – Mal smiles as she closes the space between them to kiss Regina properly this time, both hands dropping to her waist to pull her closer, when they break apart Regina’s hands move to her neck and start stroking the back of it. She closes her eyes and hums as she moves in to kiss the other woman’s jaw playfully

- Stay.

- I wouldn’t dare leave, my dear

Chapter Text

Next day is an office day and in such days Lily is usually left with only Maleficent to accompany her at least until school lets out, but in the height of her happiness Mal seems to have decided to go have lunch in Regina’s office and Lily sits alone with her cheeseburger at Granny’s when Emma comes in and drops herself in front of Lily, across her booth

-Lils

She pulls her best, most saccharine face and greets her as she had – Ems!!!! – but mockingly

- Okay, you don’t have to be a bitch about it – She orders from the distance and Ruby shows her a thumbs-up as she takes off her coat – So how’s the day going? Had the Regina Mills famous three-course breakfast that makes Henry complain about my cereal?

- Shit I’ve only spent one week around the woman and having this cheeseburger for lunch is making me depressed – Ruby makes a face behind her and Emma laughs – But yeah, I can’t keep staying over there, last night they were making out and I just… can’t

- What?! Who? Henry? With who?!

Ruby shows up with Emma’s food and all but drops it in front of her and shoves her further inside the booth to sit down – Regina and Maleficent?

She’s kinda becoming friends with Ruby, friendly at least. But it’s still been an adjustment the way she just treats you like she's known you since you were born– Yeah… I heard them talking late after the kid and I went up and kinda tuned it out but then there was kissing for a while and then they came upstairs, if they did fuck they did it very silently – Emma chokes on one of her fries – but yeah… I can’t sleep under those conditions. I was stressed.

Ruby smiles – How long have they been up to this? The whole week? Before she went to find you?

- I’m Regina’s best friend! She would’ve told me…

-I thought I was your best friend- Ruby pushes her with her shoulder - Did she call you this morning to tell you? No. So, we don’t know… Oh my god… Bets on the wedding?

-How can you be my best friend? You're my mother's best friend!

- Regina is Snow's best frenemy! I'm being replaced all around. Did you know she and Belle talk? Just sit down and have very nerdy conversations over tea. Lily, you're my only hope.

Granny hollers for her to keep working and she begrudgingly stands up and goes to take another order as Emma takes gulps of her soda – Anyways, Regina and Maleficent huh? This is... Yeah. I hope it works out for her. I kinda broke her up with her last boyfriend accidentally by bringing his dead wife back from the past.

Lily’s head tilts comically but before Emma can swallow enough to make fun of her she speaks- You’ve fucked over my parents so many times

Emma shrugs – She loves me – they eat their meals for another minute maybe, because god knows Emma Swan can’t be silent for any longer than that – Hey! Why don’t we find a place for the two of us? I’m living with my parents too and it’s gotten old… with Neal there, and I don’t wanna hear my parents making out in the middle of the night either… I don’t even need super hearing, the loft is that small.

Ruby dashes in again but this time sits by Lily and takes one of the fries off Emma’s plate – Wow, you’re really going to do that to Snow?

Emma shrugs again – She has Neal! She’ll be fine!

- And why don’t you just move in with Hook? Where does he live? The ship?
Lily frowns – Who’s that?

- You haven’t introduced her to Hook? – Emma averts her eyes and Ruby puts an arm around Lily – You are not going to believe this. Emma Swan here is dating real life Captain Hook!

- With only one hand? – Ruby nods eagerly – And the perm?

- No! – Emma looks at them snickering – He has excellent hair. And he’s kinda cute when he’s just showered and he doesn’t have all the leather on

- So he looks good strictly when naked? – Ruby lets out a whistle and Emma blushes as Lily goes on – At least Regina got herself someone that looks good all the time. I can’t live hearing you screw an ugly man… I bet his hook makes a terrible noise against the bed frame.

- I’m breaking up with him! – Ruby stops laughing and Lily lifts her eyebrows

- Shit, you okay?

-He’d been on my ass since Neverland so I just thought since he’d tried so hard to get me…- Emma looks at Lily and then at Ruby - I deserve better… right Rubes? - She asks, still checking.

Ruby nods – He’s kinda shitty, I’ll be glad to see him go. In fact, drinks on me when you dump him! Girls night! Lily’s introduction to the Disney Princess posse.

Lily doesn’t really hear the rest of it - …Neverland?

Chapter Text

Emma made quick work of dumping him. The next night Lily, Ruby and Emma are first to arrive to the bar. Ruby says hello to the bartender in a very friendly manner and jumps the bar to come out later with a bottle of some brown liquor and a beer in her hand. She hands it to Emma and smiles conspiratorially towards Lily

- How fast is your metabolism?

She hums - I’ve never gotten home drunk after I left a club now that I think of it
Ruby smirks as she tilts the bottle into her mouth and then motions for Lily to let her do the same – A woman after my own heart.

Emma is into her second beer and they’re more than halfway down the bottle when Regina shows up and joins them without as much as asking what they’re drinking - To the pirate’s departure, may Miss Swan find a better match with a more varied wardrobe -she takes a second shot immediately

Lily lifts an eyebrow as Ruby smirks her way too – You should’ve told me you were into all these kinds of fun before your dragon showed up, we could’ve enjoyed ourselves – Regina laughs her deep, husky laugh and Emma groans into her beer, leave it to everyone to flirt in front of her and her broken heart

Lily shoves Ruby - That’s my… mother.

Ruby gives her a quick once over and tilts the bottle into her mouth again – She certainly is. – She retreats for a second and comes back with two more bottles and Emma goes to work in one of them.

The rest of them start trickling in: Belle, Aurora, Ashley, Mulan and Ariel are there and they move to a table to commiserate on how awful Hook was in the first place. Regina has her arm around Emma, both tipsy beyond their means, she rubs it up and down Emma’s arm as the blonde drinks to stop herself from crying, not because he’s gone but because she wasted so many months on him.

- You are a great woman Emma Swan! We can find you a new suitor!

They all hum and nod and start pitching in ideas in their drunken state as Lily and Ruby drink in a steady manner to maintain their current state, in their loud listing of the town’s single people they don’t notice Snow coming in and pulling a chair next to Belle’s for a while.

Emma acknowledges her first, dangerously nursing both a beer and a shot, she sees Snow looking worriedly at her – Mom! I’m so sorry! I had to break up with him.

Regina turns to ice when she sees her across the table and Snow glances at her but looks at Emma again – Sorry for what honey?

- You wanted me to keep him – she hiccups – to marry him and have babies.

- I just want you to be happy, Emma.

- You should know by now, Snow, that thrusting your desires onto others doesn’t yield good results – Regina stands from beside Emma – Why did you come?

- I was invited…

Before both Regina and Lily can chop off her head Ruby holds up both hands - It was a group chat invitation. – Her screen lights up to the ‘Ruby’s princesses’ group chat, where she indeed typed up the place and time for all of them to see

Snow, fully sober unlike any of them, tries to calm her friend down – Regina please, we’ve overcome so much already, we can’t let this ruin all that

Lily stands up from her seat and its legs screech terribly against the floor – This is right here.

- And I am so, so sorry Lily… I was backed against a wall and I made a terrible choice. Can you forgive me?

- I can’t! I can’t ever forgive shit because of what you did to me! – She takes a deep breath to calm herself but gives up – You know how many schools I got kicked out of? How many fucking psychologists I had to see? How many damn rage control courses I had to sit through? – she kicks the stool she’d stood of and it clatters to the floor making the rest of the bar turn to them – None of it fucking works because you with your little meek-looking pale face and your dumb jock of a husband decided to shove your daughter’s angst into me. Fuck you. – She breaths heavily in her spot for a moment before walking out of the bar without any more prompting.

Regina extricates herself out of the table with a last pat to Emma’s back, she stops by Ruby’s seat on her way out – You will have to deal with three of those if you try something funny with her – Ruby salutes Regina and she smirks at her as she leaves after Lily.

Out in the street she catches up to her and tries to match her pace as her daughter stomps away, she calls out for her to stop. Lily huffs – I’m sorry I embarrassed you okay? But just… let me process this shit and I’ll be better tomorrow morning. You can go back in to hang out with your friends

- You’re more important than them Lily. You are my daughter, you don’t have to deal with anything alone ever again, talk to me.

- I do better by myself, Regina

She clamps her hand on her arm hoping she has the strength to stop a dragon on the warpath and she won’t be just dragged away but the minute she touches her Lily stops in her tracks and Regina pulls her in a reluctant hug – I thought I did better by myself too until I found someone who would listen – it takes two hiccupping breaths and Lily breaks on her shoulder, sobbing and letting her weight fall into Regina – I’m taking us home, okay? – She says nothing, doesn’t seem able to.

They appear by her couch and Lily drops herself down on it seemingly unable to stop crying once the dam was opened, Mal enters from the kitchen and looks at them instantly worried – What happened to her?

- Snow White came to the bar. Henry?

- Put himself to sleep a few hours ago.

Regina nods, grateful, and they sit on either side of Lily, not too close but enough that she can reach out to either of them. Regina conjures up a glass of water and hands it to her – Do you want to talk about it? Well, you don’t, but would it help?

Lily drinks the water and uses her own sleeve to wipe at her face – There’s so much garbage inside me all the time. All the negative energy and the anger and the pessimism, and I’ve learned to like… ignore it most of the time, it just explodes once a month, I get fired from another job and keep it moving y’know?

Mal’s face clenches – You’ve had a lot of issues with this?

Lily laughs bitterly and sniffs, dumping herself against the couch harshly – When I was a kid I was always breaking shit for no damn reason, Susana and Andrew were always putting me on timeout or whatever and as soon as a mood hit again I would take a golf club to another window. I’d fight the girls at school, the psychologist there used to say I was acting out because I needed more activities to release my energy and I always fucked up at those too, sports were good ‘cause some of them needed aggression but eventually I’d yell at the coach and get kicked off too. Shrinks couldn’t help me, then all the schools got tired of me and when I could tell my parents were getting tired too I just… ran. I found Emma one of the times, she was stealing some food and I had money so I bailed her out, Emma was always helping me out after that… when I got too maniac she could calm me down y’know? She was kinda dumb though so I fucked that up too stealing from a family that wanted her and I was all alone again. I might be crazy and I’ve seriously fucked up more than one asshole in my life but I’m smart and I never get caught so I’ve avoided jail, but it’s just so hard to stay in one place and have people when on one of the bad days I might blow up at them for some dumb small thing. I didn’t even make it to week two here, now I bet they’re all scared of me.

Mal stands then and paces the room tensely, she’s not one for explosive behavior and the calmer she seems the more meticulously she’s planning someone’s downfall. Regina watches her, angry as she is she knows that if she were to see Snow White she may say some things to her that would do irreparable damage to their relationship, if she can even refrain from physical harm for Henry’s sake. She can’t let the silence stretch for long though or Lily will think they’ve given up on her too so she puts an arm around her like she did Emma earlier, the move reminding her just how tipsy she still was – Lily how would you like to engage in some childish activities? – Mal looks at her in the middle of her pacing, her shirt unbuttoned and her hair down of its earlier do, she too seems ready to do anything. Lily looks at her through her reddened eyes – Mother beat the rebellious streak out of me, it wasn’t until I rediscovered my own magic that I had an outlet for a lot of my pent-up energy and I vow to give you that, but tonight, we have only the old-fashioned way. Let’s go slash some tires.

- Are you sure?

She gives her a grin that crosses her entire face – What can she do? Call the cops on the mayor? – Lily chuckles and wipes her face again as she nods – Grab a knife Mal

- I don’t know what slashing tires entails – still, a beautifully carved dagger appears on her hand and she hands it to Lily

She laughs wholeheartedly then and swipes at a tear rolling down her face with the hand not holding the curved knife – You guys are great.

As it tends to happen the Emma pity party had turned into a Snow pity party after Regina and Lily had left so when they appear outside the building the loft is in, their car was parked there and Snow was nowhere to be seen. Lily takes the first tire down with a healthy stab and as she pulls out the dagger Mal makes a noise of assent

- Ohhhh is this round thing a tire? The carriage’s wheels. This is just like killing their horse.

Regina rears up – No, it’s like damaging the wheel of the carriage. The horse would be the engine, and still, no horses are dying.

- Yes darling – She sing songs as Lily takes out the second wheel – Lily you must make sure to never eat a horse or your mother here will never forgive you for it

- Why would I eat a horse?

- Oh, we must try hunting soon! You will love being a dragon my dear.

Lily hands the knife up to Regina and she stumbles up to the car and instead of going for a tire Mal and Lily both recoil as she starts scratching the metal to scribble ‘CHILD SNATCHER’, the car’s metal seems unable to resist the dagger and it ends up being a deep gash in some parts and Regina cackles when she’s done – I might have to buy them a new car for this – She sets fire to the third tire and it melts too quickly for a normal fire

Maleficent is next up and she takes a moment to touch the tire and observe the rim and the machinery underneath the car before cutting almost delicately into the rubber, testing it. She stabs it when it doesn’t deflate quickly enough through the surgical incision she had made on it. The truck finally looks lower than it should and Regina sighs leaning onto Maleficent and letting her wrap an arm around her as they stand there watching, Lily’s smiling slightly and she turns to them – Doesn’t this shit have an alarm?

- It is a very safe town… when it comes to regular crimes

She huffs looking at the work they’ve made on it – We’re the only dangers then? – Regina smirks and Lily rears up and slams her boot clean through the light in the front, the metal thing going back into the recesses of the car. She smiles at them – We can go now.

Mal looks at the hole in it and Regina pouts minutely – I want to shave Charming’s head

They don’t have time to question her before she’s grabbed them both and they appear by the bed, she freezes him and stumbles into the bathroom to find shaving cream. She lathers him up and grabs the dagger

Lily snickers – Do only half of it so he has to choose to look all the way fucked up tomorrow morning.

Maleficent laughs behind them – She is a child but, Regina what’s your excuse?

- I’m drunk, he should be happy I don’t slit throats now.

They look at him, head maybe a quarter poorly shaved, a bit of skin nicked and Regina nods resolutely – This will do – she hands the dagger back to Maleficent and she drags the blade trough the empty side of the bed

- They shall sleep on the floor.

- Mattresses are really easy to come by these days - Maleficent sighs and passes a hand through her hair and Regina steps up to her and hugs her, looking up at her – But it’s the thought that counts darling.

Chapter Text

Lily wakes up to Charming’s steps pounding up the stairs, she leaves her room to see what the commotion is just as Mal does and they both startle at him there, handcuffs in hand and beanie on his head. He moves to take her and she rears back making Mal yell a warning at him that wakes Regina up, she comes out of the room after Mal squinting her eyes and looking as unkempt as anyone except Henry perhaps had ever seen her. Charming has no case, no one had seen them, there were not security cameras, there was no evidence left and they stayed all night in the house getting to know each other, as a family. He leaves the house fuming, Henry gawking at the scene unfolding in front of him clad in superman pajamas.

Lily breaks into laughter first, leaning against her doorframe she clutches at her over-used gray t-shirt and her hair drops of the knot she had put it in, Mal’s chuckles come next joining her mirth and last, Regina relaxes and drops against the wall laughing as well, until she notices Henry retreating into his room and slamming the door behind him.

Emma Swan, sunglasses on, hair completely hidden by a bright red beanie, and same clothes as the night before, shows up in 15 minutes, enters Regina’s kitchen before doing anything else and dumps herself in the stool next to her – You bunch of good-looking assholes, what is this? A target ad?

- Miss Swan, Henry called you?

Lily, the only one qualified to use kitchen appliances and not hung-over stops stirring the eggs – How did you get in here? - She turns to Regina who gives her an amused look

Emma snatches the shades out of her face and reveals pitiful red-rimmed eyes – I have a key – She holds up her hand – Yeah yeah in case of emergencies and whatever, your son called me here knowing I was hung-over and I just broke up with my pirate boyfriend. It’s probably an emergency. - Regina has the decency to look ashamed and Emma frowns as Maleficent and Lily avert their eyes – Wait, where is he?

- He’s locked himself in his room

- Why? – She whines, any magical emergency is better than a Henry meltdown

Lily chips in – Wait, don’t you live with your parents? Where did you sleep then?

Emma slumps against the kitchen island and furrows her brow - Regina, what happened?

The woman sits up, impossibly straight in her stool and Lily turns to look at her as she turns off the stove, Regina dusts off her already clean satin pajama top – Last night I slashed your parents’ truck’s tires, scratched it well beyond repair, cut straight through their mattress and shaved roughly a quarter of David’s hair while he slept.

Lily sighs – I mean, shit, I was there too. I did, yeah, all of that.

Regina holds up a single finger before Maleficent can say a word – Miss Swan… Emma. It was me. I was drunk and aggravated.

- Cut the shit, Regina. – Lily passes them all plates with eggs and toast and moves the pan to the kitchen island for herself, using a fork to eat out of the anti-adherent surface, Regina has bigger issues to think of though and Emma drops her head on the cool counter – As sheriff, I hope David is smart enough to let this be… as your friend, I get it, you’re all insane but we already knew that, and I guess thank you for not seriously harming my parents. You should talk to the kid though, I mean, that’s some really fucked up low scale criminal behavior… Back when you were a has been murderer he could separate that from his mother in a way, after he learned to, but this is here and now, we don’t want him thinking it’s ok to vandalize shit. – Regina puts her fingers on her temple but nods and Mal puts a hand low on her back for support – Okay then, in goes Emma Swan, The Savior, The Tantrum solver

- The woman on the walk of shame

- Shut up, Page. I just crashed at Red’s. I love my little brother but he cries like a banshee.

- Not too good at solving tantrums then.

Emma pulls a face and pushes her plate Lily’s way before standing up and leaving the kitchen, her boots stomping upstairs. Lily picks it up and goes for Regina’s and Mal’s as well, turns her back to them to wash them – Hey, I’ll get out of your hair now.

- What? Where are you going? Why?

- I’ve been here two days and I’ve already made your son stop talking to you… I’ll just go someplace else

Mal’s hand tenses on Regina and the brunette passes both of hers through her own hair – Lily this is not your fault at all, I want you to stay, please. I am not angry at you. – Lily says nothing as she finishes cleaning and Regina presses on– You had agreed to the weekend, at the very least.

- Okay. – Her voice is small and Maleficent uncoils by Regina’s side

- This has been a tense morning – She moves to the fridge and opens it, looking around it curiously until she finds what she’s searching for – I need meat. – She pulls out a steak, terribly frozen and makes a displeased noise deep in her throat – Fix this, Regina. – A small burst of fire thaws it but leaves it still very much, raw. Maleficent uses a nearby knife to spear it into her mouth regardless, under Regina’s amused gaze. She offers a bit to Lily and the woman recoils – You’ll see! This is your future.

Henry unlocks his door for Emma to enter and she goes straight for the bed, careful to leave half of it for him to join her. When he does she puts her shades back on – Do you see how bad I look? – He nods with a smile on his face – Don’t ever drink. Specially if there’s a werewolf involved. Or a dragon. Now, what’s up?

He lies down next to her in the bed – David came by earlier and he was so angry, apparently, they destroyed his car and he had a hat because they cut his hair too and I just… wasn’t mom better now?

- Do you remember when Greg and Tamara took you? And then Pan had you for a while… Hell, when Zelena had you for a few hours… we could have done anything. And your mom just heard that her daughter was taken from her for 30 years, you have to cut her a little slack. – He sighs next to her but doesn’t rebuke her and Emma smiles – But the littlest of slack, what they did was bad, a crime, it’s not good at all… but you know how extreme situations in this town are.

- At first, I thought maybe Maleficent wanted to…kill grams and gramps.

- We all did, but turns out she’s kinda all right - Emma takes off her sunglasses and turns to look at Henry directly – Have you thought about what Snow and Charming did, though?

He shrugs and Emma sits up by him, to pass a hand through his hair, much longer than Regina probably likes it - They fucked up – His eyes open comically at her and she shrugs – It deserves a little cursing.

- The curse was coming…

- No. I’ve thought a lot about that and Snow and Charming put me in that tree because they cared more about the curse breaking than about how I’d do out here in the real world, and that’s all right, they wanted that curse broken really bad and It’s worked out for us. But what they did to Lily… they took her and gave her all this extra bad stuff… I don’t know, and to Maleficent, I was theirs to send away, they chose, but they didn’t give Maleficent the benefit of choosing.

- But Mal was a dragon under the curse, what would’ve happened to Lily?

Emma takes off her hat and her jacket – That would have been Regina’s decision, or maybe even the curse’s. Some kids here ended up with their parents, some didn’t. But they all ended up here with houses and had nice lives. When we were in New York, tell me, how many homeless kids did you see there? – He looks away from her then – And the ones in the system… Some mornings after a nightmare when I wake up, for a minute, I wish I had been left as an eternal baby in Storybrooke instead of having to grow up out there. I’m sure Lily’s felt that way a few times since she found out about who she is.

He nods at her and sniffs a bit – Okay. But I’m still worried about mom. She was doing great! And now Maleficent is around, and she’s a villain too, she just came back from the dead… we’ll have to start all over again with her.

- She’s around…?

- She’s been here in the morning two days in a row, in her pajamas, in mom’s pajamas but bigger.

Emma takes his hand and they find themselves suddenly down in the kitchen, where Lily, Maleficent and Regina are still sitting, nursing cups of coffee. Henry darts an apologetic look at Regina and she lets out a long breath smiling his way but Emma slams both hands in the kitchen island and they all turn to her – Regina are we not the bestest of friends?

- Miss Swan you don’t look like you can be the best at anything right now – She glances at her, up and down – but I suppose we are, sadly.

- Exactly! And what is the number one rule of besties? Lily? – She frowns at her with a terrible look in her eyes – okay, emo, Henry?

He shrugs and stops halfway to the fridge – Um? Raising you son very well together? – Emma shakes her head - Telling each other everything?

- Telling each other everything! – She slaps the counter with every word and Maleficent smiles at her antics from besides Regina, she finds her quite amusing with her tangled up hair and tequila-stained t-shirt. Emma rounds up a silent Regina who knows better than to look like she enjoys the comedy show – So why do I have to find out from your children that you’re participating in some hanky-panky with your ex? Huh?

- There has been no hank…- She stops herself with a deep breath before giving Emma the satisfaction - Nothing has happened.

Everyone glances at Maleficent briefly and her small smile drops from her face - Oh? Is this about me? I haven’t understood most of Miss Swan’s sentences this morning.

Regina turns to look at Mal and her bright, bright smile inculpates her more than any confession – Hopefully dear you can remain oblivious for much longer. When it comes to Emma, ignorance is bliss.

Mal smiles right back and Emma gags playfully, that draws a smile out of Lily and Emma beams – Confess, you are romancing our local queen.

- Yes. – Mal nods on top of her deadpan affirmation and Regina puts her hand on her arm so she will stop

- That’s enough, Miss Swan, thank you for coming. Please, go.

Chapter Text

Emma does not go, reticent to go deal with the situation at home she opts to stay at Regina’s and take a shower before putting on her clothes with the one blouse from Regina’s closet Henry seems to insist she wear. After, he sits on the floor between Emma’s and Lily’s legs as the PlayStation boots up in the screen, his mom is quite lenient with homework whenever she does something that she thinks Henry could be angry at her for and he’s not above using that to play some extra video games and watch a few more movies. Above him, sitting on the couch, Emma pushes Lily playfully and the brunette sits still, trying hard not to react at all. Henry selects the racing game they’d agreed on and Emma’s voice carries over the loading screen

- Hey Kid what do you think of me and your big sis living together?

He tenses up - Is this a gay situation too?

Lily bristles then – No. Why don’t you get a place by yourself like a real adult?

Henry passes her the second controller instead of passing it to Emma – Yeah, Ma. I want my own room.

- It can be a three roomer, all comfortable. – Emma moves to snatch the controller out of Lily’s hands but she blocks her move easily – Sound-proofed for when you wanna sneak Ruby in at night.

- And for your one-handed dates too? Or do you only do them on a boat?

Emma opens her mouth to answer but Henry jabs her in the leg and frowns – Um, I’m still here.

Lily laughs as the TV signals for them to start and Emma settles for showing her the finger making sure to keep it in Henry’s blind spot, Lily shows hers right back without letting go of her place in the race.

- What are they doing? – Regina arranges the blanket to cover both Mal's and her legs on the couch in the deck outside

- Sounds like a lot of those cars that pass by so often

- A movie maybe, or a game – She smiles at Maleficent’s confused expression and burrows further into her heat – I’d love to take you out to dinner

- We’d go eat at the wolf’s rest stop? – There’s so much in that world Maleficent doesn’t understand, why anyone with a house and a hearth goes to the local rest stop for a meal with no need is one of those things, specially why Regina does it, why she has no cooks at her house or why she wants to take her there – I quite enjoy our meals here in this house, or even Ursula’s cooking in Gold’s cabin, although her father did appear yesterday so I don’t suppose she’s still around

Regina gives her one of those smiles again –Here, we go on outings when we court people, sometimes we eat at a restaurant. Not a diner.

- What is a restaurant? – Regina’s smile grows into a chuckle and she drops her head on her shoulder in the middle of her laughter, Mal can’t help but smile even when she is being mocked – You’re enjoying this, perhaps too much?

- I’ll find a way to curse you a little, just enough to help you learn about the land without magic -she calms down as Mal reaches around her to pull her in with her arm – What could you enjoy? … shiny jewelry, but not making it, a store-owner? Too pedestrian… perhaps money? Do you look like a banker? – a wicked grin appears on Regina’s face and Mal grins back, it’s habit more than understanding of the situation and Regina probably knows it – or do you look like the woman who will balance the town’s budget for the mayor from now on?

- I would do anything for you.

Regina’s playful smile drops into a small one, and she reaches for Mal’s hand on her shoulder, her eyes roam over Mal’s features – Yes, I think I’m getting there myself.

After they have lunch Emma follows Regina into the kitchen to help clean up, she likes to feel useful as much as possible and there hasn’t been one meal in which Regina has managed to convince her to stay back, her own dishes in her own house could sit in the sink a good few days while she worked a case but Regina’s and Snow’s she jumps to. Regina dries and re shelves besides her and as Emma scrubs at a pot she gets distracted and her mouth opens of her own accord

- Emma?

- Wow, first name basis? What’s up ‘Gina?

- Don’t ever call me that again – Emma stops scrubbing to laugh – I know it’s not your day and it’s perfectly fine if you say no- Emma turns to look at her and her laughter dies down significantly so Regina goes on - Would you stay with Henry tonight?

- Of course – She makes a show of lifting her eyebrows and finds an absurd tone and accent Regina can’t place at all – But whyyyyyyyyyyyy? Is it perhaps, some hanky panky?

She breathes deeply, she might be friends with the woman but she’s decided to never give her the pleasure to laugh at her childishness – I might be planning a date.

She turns into Emma Swan again - This is such a bestie activity right here! – then she turns into a schoolgirl, removes her rubber glove to twirl a lock of her hair in her finger – O M G!!! Where are you taking her?! What are you wearing, let’s go look through your closet!

- Should I call Ruby? – She interrupts whatever Emma is going to say – To keep an eye on Henry, not to select an outfit.

Emma deflates – Fine. You suck the fun out of besties. Of course, I’ll stay with the kid, and for future reference you don’t have to ask, just send him over.

- Thank you. Tonight, you’re welcome to stay here if you plan on acting like you’re not related to Snow and David for a few more hours. – Emma gives her a pitiful look and Regina puts a hand on her arm – If you’re still here by breakfast tomorrow morning, I’m forcing you to talk about it. – She leaves Emma to her pot and her thoughts and walks out of the kitchen.

A minute later though Emma comes right into the living room after her – Mills kids! Guess who’s in charge tonight? Mommy is going out. – Lily snorts besides Henry – Regina, tell her I’m in charge.

- You’re in charge… of Henry, try not to burn my house down.

- You suck the fun out of baby-sitting.

That night Henry stands between Emma and Lily in the window as they watch Regina and Mal walk towards the car, both wrapped to perfection in dresses that complement their hair and make-up choices and on top of apparently not too high heels. Henry retreats from the window before the other two and Emma takes the shot to annoy Lily some more

- Have you ever looked like that? – the brunette scoffs – So fashion is not genetic? Let’s play dress up, I bet Regina’s dresses are super short on us. Oh, look she’s opening the car door for Maleficent! Can Maleficent even open a car door?

Lily refrains from landing the punch to Emma’s shoulder she had already planned in order to keep watching the show. She hums – I’m sure in your fantasies it was you who opened the doors and pulled back the chairs, gonna have to imagine some new scenarios, Swan.

Emma glances nervously around for Henry as the car pulls out of the driveway – Regina’s my friend!

- So was I

- Well I- Emma sputters – Fine, I’ve considered it. – Lily lets out a guffaw and Emma pushes her – Well we have a kid together, shit makes sense on paper, I bet everyone’s thought about it! Plus, she’s hot!

- I think what you mean is that… – Lily’s laughter dwindles down and she loops an arm over Emma’s shoulder and pulls her close so whisper in her ear - she looks like me.

Emma elbows her in the gut as her laugh gets more boisterous – Oh no, Regina’s way hotter

- You always did like them centuries older than you apparently

- Fuck you. - Emma elbows her again and she falls into the nearest seat with an oof, laughing more than ever as Henry walks in with a bowl of cereal, just before Lily and Emma were going to head to the kitchen to collab on some dinner, to find them like that.

Chapter Text

Somewhere in town, well out of any main streets, is the one restaurant worthy of being the venue of a date for someone with Regina’s station in society. It sits near a cliff, overlooking the sea, and it’s surrounded by the thick greenery that is the forest adjacent to Storybrooke’s urban area. Maleficent enjoyed the car ride far more than Regina used to when she still wasn’t too accustomed to the machines, the more they drove the more the scenery turned into something she was familiar with, Regina’s music of choice was soft and her company even more so, the night was going well. The restaurant surprised her also, it seemed different than the rest of the city, the building was much more angular for once and it seemed to have been designed to blend in with the location.

They leave the car and Regina chances a bright smile to Mal above it before she motions for Mal to follow her up the path. Their table is out by the floor to ceiling window that lets them see the night sky over the sea and Maleficent smiles at the view before turning back to Regina – Do you recall that cave, carved into a cliff’s face that you were so petrified to visit?

- I recall almost dying trying to reach it the first time we went, yes. – Mal makes a face that conveys they’d had that conversation more than once and Regina smiles at her – It was worth it of course, for the view.

- Yes, for the view.

Riding atop a dragon over the open sea, against the winds had sounded marvelous when Maleficent’s silver tongue was trying to convince her to take a few days away from the court in a month when Leopold and Snow had been away, but getting it done had been an affair that had tested Regina’s resilience. When they made it to the cave though, Regina was confronted with the preparations Mal had made before hand, with the vantage point to track the sun’s ascent into the sky every morning and with the whistling of the wind hitting the rocks around them, it had been magical. Since then Regina wanted to do that for Maleficent, find a place that would take her breath away, back in the Enchanted Forest she could not find a spot Maleficent hadn’t seen in her countless years, she might have an advantage now in the Land without Magic. At least for now, that restaurant would have to do.

The waitress leaves a couple of menus after Regina informs her of the bottle of wine she’s to bring them and Maleficent takes her hand as she peruses the options – Darling I am honestly scared to eat any of these things. – She sends Regina a smile – Would they serve me any meat, raw?

- Not without me leaving you here to eat it alone – she grins at Mal and points at the steak-driven portion of the menu – Rare is the best you can do without making me lick blood-water off your lips later.

Mal intertwines their fingers and tugs Regina’s hand closer - There will be licking then, will it? - she grins deviously but the woman returns to pour them both cups of wine and take their orders before Regina can respond.

- Before we jump, head first, into this I want to apologize. – She holds up her free hand to halt Mal’s interruption – as I grew more and more into the Evil Queen I began to neglect you, spend less time with you, paid less attention to your wellbeing when we were together, you did nothing to deserve that and I hope you know the only issue was me. Eventually I abandoned you with not a word nor a letter, I just ceased contact, no one should go through that, and knowing what I know now… I have a lot to atone for when it comes to us. – Mal nods and her thumb rests on top of Regina’s hand over the table – Trapping you under that library was my last selfish act in this relationship, I swear. From now on I’ll love you like you should be loved.

- You’ve become terribly sentimental- her voice betrays her halfway through the last word and she takes a deep breath to calm herself, lest one of the other people that choose to eat at a restaurant see her crying in the middle of the place and then surely Regina who would join her – I would apologize too then, for not giving you the support you needed- Regina’s confused expression is endearing, but without telling her so Mal goes on - I let you plunge yourself into darkness thinking you’d pull yourself out of it any moment you wished.

Regina nods once with a smile - My time with Dr. Hopper has helped me voice many a thought I wouldn’t dare before – She pulls her hand up to lay a kiss on the back of it – I love you. Let us not waste any more time.

- I must say I like this new Regina – The waitress appears again with their meals and after she goes Maleficent holds up her cup – To you Regina, slowing down enough that happiness finally catches up to you.

In Regina’s house Emma wrangles a very much awake Henry into bed, she’d let him eat some more even after dinner and it was proving to be a bad decision when his energy refused to go down like it should’ve. They are nearing 11 pm and after living a year with Regina’s memories swimming in hers she knew anything after 10 pm was just sacrilege. After she manages to convince him to at least stay in bed and try to sleep she goes down moving towards the living room where they had been channel surfing with Lily, the night had been easy going up until then and Emma knows Henry wanted to stay up partly to continue to hear about their adventures together when they were kids. She decides to swing down into the basement and comes up with a bottle of wine she knows Regina won’t miss too much, because she had given it to her and Regina had told her that it needed another few decades to be drinkable, and she had been lying, to spare her feelings, hopefully.

She takes two glasses out of the cupboard, plastic, and dumps herself in the couch next to her friend – 21+ party can begin now!

- Do you just… take her shit? – Lily frowns as Emma pours the two glasses liberally

She laughs – Regina doesn’t mind, trust me. I come in and take leftovers sometimes, she just asks me for the Tupperware next time she sees me. – When Lily only looks at her with that harsh expression she tacks on – I mean if she came into our place and ate something we wouldn’t mind either, sometimes she just teleports in there and goes straight for baby bro, they’re friends… we have bigger fish to fry in this town

- Is that safe? How will she know if she gets robbed?

- Well I don’t take her clothes or her expensive shit… except the booze, I drink the booze – She takes a big gulp of her glass and glances at Lily staring at her own cup she remembers her weird behavior at dinner and how she didn’t want to take the controller when she dragged Henry upstairs – Hey, are you scared she’ll get mad if you touch her stuff?

Lily stiffens beside her and reaches for the glass to drink it all in one go – Whatever.

- No, c’mon! Don’t clam up on me – She tops off both glasses – We said best friends forever.

- Swan we’re in our thirties, that shit wasn’t real

- It so was! – She takes a controlled sip of her glass as Lily downs her – Man, this is some poetic stuff! Our parents hated each other, we both ended up here, ran into each other when we were 15, separated, found our freakishly young parents in our thirties, and now it turns out you got half of me in you! I bet we can be the best best friends earth can possibly see, ever.

- Fine. – she takes the bottle and drinks straight out of it for a moment – I am scared they will throw me out soon. Did you see them? Do you see this house? I don’t fucking fit in here and fuck, I… like them.

- Yeah, they’re kinda Ivy league and we’re kinda community college – Lily frowns even more and Emma scrambles to rectify – but from when they’re from love is way more important, and they love you. My mom is royalty too and she’s been okay with me, Regina’ll probably just buy you some expensive version of your clothing.

- Just okay? – Emma shrugs nursing her drink and Lily takes another gulp out of the bottle – If you’re gonna make me talk, you gotta talk right back.

- I thought she wanted me to be more girly too so I just…-

- Started wearing floral prints?

- Yeah. – Lily laughs at her and she breaths out, her laughing is much easier to deal with than Regina’s stoic anger in her behalf – And they had the baby… named him after Henry’s dad, I like the kid but it’s just like, if you wanted a replacement baby at least they could’ve named him after someone who didn’t leave me in jail? So yeah, they love me and all but it hasn’t been as fun as I thought finding your parents would be.

Lily serves herself a proper glass and scratches at the label – Henry keeps showing me shit from his childhood… it doesn’t feel good y’know? Knowing It should’ve been me or something

Emma nods and finishes her own glass in one go too – He did that when I came along too, imagine how good shit was for him that he wants to show people. I only have one box of happy-ish memories from the whole 28 years I was out there

- I haven’t spoken to the Pages since I was 18. I broke in, once, to get something from my old room and it was gone, they turned it into an office in like a month.

Emma huffs and raises her glass to clash against Lily’s with a dull sound, there were real wine cups in the house but sometimes the new life Emma lives feels performative, she knows Lily will appreciate the old kid-proof glasses like she does – To us being very fucked up.

Regina and Mal appear in the foyer past midnight, hoping everyone will be asleep, but Lily and Emma still sit in the living room with a new bottle of wine Emma didn’t have the clear mind to google before starting. Mal stands behind Regina with her hands on the smaller woman’s hips and her chin grazing the top of her head laughing softly at a joke they shared before ditching their car in the restaurant when they realized Regina wasn’t apt to drive, they move to the sound of their daughter’s laughter and find them playing some sort of card game.

Emma sees them first and grins, it’s lopsided – Regina! You guys are back, aaaaaand cuter than ever! Wine?

Regina squints at the label and shakes her head – Do finish the bottle Miss Swan, know you will be doing yard work for the thousands of dollars you’re consuming.

Lily coughs over her sip of wine and Maleficent smiles over Regina’s head, at both of them – I won’t allow you to enslave the children over wine, Regina. Let them have fun.

- My good alcohol is wasted on the likes of Emma Swan, can’t tell a 20 dollars bottle from the one she’s drinking I’m sure. – Emma sticks out her tongue at her but Lily keeps quiet on her seat – Lily you will be instructed in the art of wine, I can't let this one’s bad influence get to you

She salutes her shakily and Mal laughs behind Regina, passing an arm across her front – Is it not the costume to allow the visiting royals your finest drinks and your cooks’ most brilliant concoctions? Well dear, Emma is a princess in her own right, as pedestrian as her palate is.

Emma grins at Regina who rolls her eyes – Yeah, listen to your woman.

Regina turns to smile at Lily, making Mal release her hold – I trust you won’t allow her to vomit on our furniture – Lily shakes her head, her voice not cooperating and Regina moves to leave the room – Goodnight Lily, Lily’s friend.

Emma sticks her tongue out again and Maleficent laughs, before she follows Regina out she bends over the couch and lays a kiss on the top of Lily’s head – Sorceresses don’t hold their wine as well as we do. Don’t tell your mother but I’ve dared exchange her wine with grape juice when the necessity arises, treasure my secrets little one – She moves away and addresses them both again– Goodnight, children.

Emma drops down into her chair letting out a relieved breath - Cool, she adopted me too.

Upstairs, she finds Regina peeking into Henry’s room to find him fast asleep, or from what Mal’s hearing, pretending to be. Regina closes the door and Mal chooses to say nothing, she needs him to be squarely on her side, and she bets Regina’s already aware he wasn’t as deep in slumber as his limbs sprawled around suggest. She follows Regina into her room, where she’s slept with her for the past few days, she supposes Cruella wonders about her but she couldn’t care less at the moment.

In the bathroom Regina bends over the vanity’s chair to remove her earrings and Maleficent shuts the door she just walked through and steps out of her shoes as she rakes her eyes over her form– Cast a silencing spell. Both ways, Princess Emma is singing. - Regina obliges with a raised eyebrow and a shimmer covers the walls of the bedroom as she leaves the bathroom and walks by Maleficent heading to the closet, the smell of the unfamiliar perfume invades her nostrils and she clamps a hand over Regina’s upper arm to halt her advances – I was told there would be some licking of my lips?

Regina laughs and moves in for a tortuously slow kiss, with her heels on they’re almost equal height and she takes the opportunity to loop her arms over Mal’s shoulders fully, she releases her lips with a wet smack – There, all clean - Mal grins wickedly at her

- Regina, you look like sin in some of this land’s garments – Her hand trails down over the fabric hugging down the body in front of her – This borders public indecency, this is a long bodice – Regina laughs above her as Mal’s head drops to lay a kiss on Regina’s bare shoulder – How can one be expected to not fall into madness seeing so much of your skin for so long?

- It is much more maddening to be teased and not shown, wouldn’t you agree? – She moves her hand to undo the few ties holding up Mal’s long, flowy dress, and she obliges easily, turning her back to Regina briefly so she can make quick work of them, Mal starts on the pins that hold her hair up knowing Regina prefers it to be down despite how it might get in the way. The dress falls in a heap around Mal’s form and Regina’s hand follows her spine - No underwear?

- I haven’t quite deciphered it yet – Mal turns back and scans the strapless dress Regina wears to no avail, in her examination she misses the way Regina’s eyes darken and her nostrils flare as she thinks of the suits Mal seemed fond of being worn with nothing underneath. – Should I just pull this thing down off you?

Regina chuckles as she reaches up to lay a hand flat against Mal’s chest, between her collarbones, she uses it to nudge her back until she sits on the bed and the turns to sit on her lap – There’s a hidden zipper Mal

She tugs it down and frowns when faced with the bra underneath – I’m going to rip this dammed thing off!

Regina stands before she loses her clothing to passion of all things and steps out of the dress. She crawls on top of Mal as she moves back into the bed, reaching behind herself to unclasp the bra and dropping her heels on the way – You’re quite impatient

- You took me to dinner wearing undergarments

Regina silences her with a kiss, she molds her body against Maleficent’s easily muscle memory fresher than she expected. She was almost never the one that ended up on top though and their change in dynamic thrills her, Mal’s dazed expression while pinned under her sends a rush through her she can’t put in words. She moves to nip at her neck – This won’t be the last time, will it? – Maleficent can’t produce more than an amused huff and Regina rewards her with a tender kiss behind her ear – Then let’s make it quick, yes?

Ten minutes later, maybe less, Mal pants above her with one arm thrown over her eyes and the other limp, her hand still tangled in Regina’s hair. She disentangles herself out of the dead weight of Mal’s legs and moves up her body, kissing her way to the top of her head as she sits against the headboard, her hips by Mal’s head. – You are not human, Regina. I know not what you are quite yet but know I am on your trail.

- Is that so, dragon?

She drops her arm by her side to look up to a laughing Regina, who passes her fingers through Mal’s hair slowly, where it is sprawled all around her, surely tangling up into an otherworldly mess – I will retaliate, and your torment will be so slow, so excruciating, you will beg. – she uses her hand to trail Regina’s side down to the lacy undergarments she hadn’t removed yet. She can tell, by the general flushed state of Regina’s skin, by her hooded eyes and by the sheer smell that Regina is already halfway there, so she decides to return the favor quickly before her foretold torture. In one swift move, she is between and under Regina’s legs, pulls her forward as she inhales deeply with a grin, Regina yelps above her and Mal laughs as she drags her down into the bed again and destroys the lingerie. Regina’s protest is cut out with a heavenly moan as Mal dives into her.

They never bothered with the curtains the night before so the first sun rays filter through the window and draw Mal’s attention as they dance over the bedding, she doesn’t dare move and disturb Regina’s burrowing into the duvet, that is until she shifts on her own volition and the sun falls over the strands of her hair draped on the pillow they share. She moves to take one but before she knows it her hand is on the back of Regina’s neck and her mouth to the side of it, she doubts she’s ever managed to restrain herself even ten minutes when she wakes next to Regina.

-No - Regina groans and shrinks further into the bed – wait… for the alarm.

Mal chuckles and pulls her closer with the arm she has still thrown above her – What nonsense? – she resumes her kissing and when she reaches an exposed ear she bites into the lobe – The sun is up

- Don’t care – Regina pulls roughly on the sheet and covers the side of her head that Mal had access to, but in doing so she makes her feet an easy target and after Mal lays a soft kiss on her ankle, there’s no going back to sleep so she throws the duvet off herself and glares at the woman crawling up over her

Mal smiles brightly – I apologize, you just look so delicious in the morning.

- Depriving people of sleep is a known torture method.

- You’re dealing with the Mistress of all Evil, – She removes the remaining sheets off Regina and presses kisses to the skin as she reveals it – and as all evil, you should be fond of a little torture.

Regina laughs, she supposes since they’re awake already, starting the day on a good note will make her forget the good half hour still left on her alarm clock, she moves her legs to intertwine with Mal’s and the woman moans against the side of her breast, but before they can continue there’s a knock on the door

- Um… guys…. whatever is about to happen in here, I can hear it – Lily clears her throat at the other side of the door and Maleficent laughs and lets her weight fall on a mortified Regina who lets out a shriek and covers them both up, lest a magic-wielding dragon be able to see through doors too, Lily shuffles about to leave – Okay, thanks… Moms.

- She can manage Moms?

Lily walks down the hall and Mal grins up at Regina with her chin resting on her chest and her arms sprawled around them – My heart is full to the brim right now – she stands by the foot of the bed and lifts one of Regina’s legs to lay a kiss on her calf before sauntering off towards the bathroom – Up! Let’s go cook some breakfast!

Emma sits next to Regina on the porch swing where they overlook Henry dropped on his back on a blanket with a comic book and further away Mal sitting cross-legged in front of a similarly sat Lily, going through some breathing exercises which they need to lay the ground on their first lesson on how to be a real life, fire-breathing, spikes-on-tail, flying dragon. Emma initially thought it would be way more exciting to watch but this far she’s only been sitting next to Regina in shared silence with a pair of shades on her face shielding her from the morning sun. She turns to look at Regina who watches Mal and Lily with a peaceful expression, glancing to see if Henry’s not being attacked by ants every few minutes. She looks like her usual self except, much more relaxed in her seat, with her own magazine by her side untouched and a glass of the juice left over from breakfast. Emma decides perhaps she needs some annoying

- Hey so, how did last night go? You give it to her good? – she wiggles her eyebrows and doesn’t count on the shades being so large Regina can’t even see it – your wife over there seems p r e t t y smiley this morning on some sweats you stole magically from my closet, don’t think I didn’t realize.

- We did have sex last night, if you must know. – Emma’s mouth opens up comically and she turns to her at whiplash speed, Regina’s eyes bore into hers even through the shades somehow – But you are rambling Miss Swan, could it be that you remember what I told you before we left last night?

Emma wracks her brain but it refuses to cooperate, screaming in agony as It is – I have no idea what you’re trying to use to change the topic so… Ok - Emma’s mouth opens and closes for a moment before she can come up with something to go on, they’d never discussed anything this personal without at least someone having a breakdown, she sits up – Good. Good. Can tell you were great champ, she looks real relaxed.

Regina smirks in her direction and turns back to continue to stare at Maleficent with that expression – Well, she has been celibate for as long as you’ve been alive, anything would do, I’m sure.

Maleficent huffs on her spot, eyes still closed - Dearest stop trying to force praise out of me, we won’t ever concentrate if we hear our names fall from your lips.

Lily drops her forcefully straight stance and groans – and I don’t wanna hear it, please.

Henry removes his head from under his comic as Regina laughs and Emma frowns confused and yells at him – Super hearing, write that down in your dragon info sheet kid.

He shrugs and goes back to his thing and Regina sobers up and takes the glasses out of Emma’s head – I told you that if you were here by breakfast, you’d have to talk to me.

Emma groans – I was promised some dragon transformation action, I couldn’t leave.

- Emma, you have been drunk two days in a row now. – She stands and motions for Emma to follow her inside the house, leaves not even checking that she does and waits for her in the living room. She only goes on when Emma drops herself by her side – What is it?

- A bunch of shit?

- Start by the top.

- No booze, right? – she lets out one dry chuckle and when Regina only gazes at her with her sad, brown eyes Emma folds – ok, do you think I’ve changed a lot? Since we met

Regina seems to mull it over – Perhaps, but we all have, thank god. You’ve adjusted to us and our dynamics, yes.

- That’s polite… I used to like myself, I was badass.

Regina frowns – You’ve taken down several mythical monsters, don’t you feel bad-ass now?

Her enunciation of the word makes Emma smile but deep as she is in thought she doesn’t have the mind to mock Regina for it – when we’re not fighting some fucked up shit, I don’t like myself anymore. Don’t recognize who I see in the mirror. At first it was, y’know, like you said, adjusting to my parents and Henry, and you, like, to having people to care about but now… fuck, I was dating Hook. Four years ago, I was kicking at least one Hook in the groin every week, now it’s like I can’t say no. Christ, I let Mary Margaret buy me clothes even.

Regina hums – I thought that was my fault, I tried to give you a sense of style when Pan’s curse hit and I was afraid it had backfired into these monstrosities of shirts you’re wearing now – Emma’s smile was small again and Regina sighed – Are you afraid Snow and Charming will reject you if you don’t adjust? That Henry will?

- Kinda, yeah.

- And I assume you have not talked to them, because Snow can’t be talked to most of the time. – Emma shakes her head – Henry not loving you is far-fetched, we agree? – Emma nods – and David does as Snow says most of the time, he’s a simple man, so who are you trying to please, Snow? The only thing I can say for Snow right now is that she loves you, Henry, David… even me perhaps, after everything. If we let her she will plow right through us with her good intentions and ideas of the perfect future, she will find you a husband, children, pastel dresses, bird pets and she will bake you a pie every Sunday but only because she assumes that’s what we all want; but Emma she will never reject you for making your own decisions. Your sole mission in life isn’t making us happy

- Thanks Regina. - She nods and moves to stand – You’re very good to me, I’m glad we’re besties. I’ll get out of your house now, go deal with my parents and their vandalized car.

- I hope you know you’re always welcome. And I will repay the sweatpants as soon as I can… and the car, perhaps.

Emma nods at her - Am I getting some Gucci sweatpants?

- Gucci makes sweatpants?

- Are you getting some sweatpants now that you know Gucci makes them? – She gives Regina a lopsided smile and the woman glares at her.

- I thought you were leaving.

Outside Henry approaches Maleficent gingerly as Lily sits still as a rock before her, he thinks he sees them breathe but he’s not sure and since both his mothers have disappeared inside the house to talk about god knows what, he doesn’t want to walk by to go retrieve another comic. When he’s sufficiently close Mal suddenly reaches out and clamps a hand over his exposed leg, he shrieks and she starts laughing as she releases him and he plops down back into the grass.

- She’s deep into a meditative state, she won’t wake if you make some noise. – She smiles down at him softly and he doesn’t really know what to do with it.

It’s not that he’s scared for his life but he’s not completely at ease by himself around the woman yet, she’s only been around for a couple of weeks and they’d never spoken a lot. He shrugs and asks her why she isn’t meditating as well, as she explains the basics of a dragon’s breathing and the fire they carry within them he slides closer, surely staining his shorts with something his mother won’t like. After a few minutes of easy banter around the topic Maleficent changes her position to face him fully, her soft smile still in place

- I see a lot of your mother in you – he only stares at her with wide eyes so she continues – I would loathe to impose myself on your life and what you have built here with Regina and Princess Emma, but with the same breath I would loathe to be denied of loving Regina like I know I am able to.

- Um, yeah, ok. – He frowns and scrunches up his nose, Maleficent smiles bigger – So, are you like asking me for permission to date my mom? I thought you two already lived here.

- Oh no young Henry, Regina would never do such a thing without consulting with you first, I’m sure. – He shrugs at her – and if you can find it in your heart to allow me to stay a long while, I would like to marry your mother.

- Now?! – He knew where it was going, magical true love baby and all, but his eyes still bulge out at the suggestion, he had avoided speaking to Hook for this very reason and now when he relaxes for a second another one blindsides him

- No, not yet. Regina’s reticent to marriage for many a reason and we have not discussed this at length but when it is time, I want to know you are agreeable to it as well.

- Ask me when you’re going to ask her?

- I shall. – She stands and holds her hand out to help him up and he points at Lily – Oh do not fret, she’s finding her inner calm, she will be there a few more hours.
He follows her inside a few steps behind with his comic and blanket in hand, the last time he had gotten an almost sibling and an almost third parent hadn’t been too long ago and his mom had suffered a lot for it, but on the other hand Mal seems softer than Robin Hood had, she smiles at him more gently and she treats mom like she had been there when he was growing up and mom was all mushy and stuff, not like Robin who was always calling her strong and brave. They enter the kitchen to find Regina chopping something up for lunch and she smiles at them before she sees Henry’s shorts and tsks. Mal laughs as Regina bends down to inspect the smudge and before she can chastise him he gives Mal a thumbs-up she doesn’t quite understand

- Mom, Maleficent can come live with us.

- Henry, you’re sure? - She looks up at him with a big smile and Maleficent nods softly at him above them, he nods happily down at Regina and she straightens up and hugs him, she pulls back adjusting his hair – I appreciate that. You’re still washing these by hand.

He groans and trails away from her, before he can leave the kitchen though he sees Mal come closer to hug his mother and snatch a cube of raw meat from the counter as she presses a kiss to her hair. He dashes upstairs to write it all down in his dragon facts notebook.

Chapter Text

Maleficent does indeed move in, her clothing is mostly composed of items she’s taken from Cruella’s and Regina’s closets and had the sorceress adapt for her, she is offered a toothbrush and flip flops and she takes up the left side of Regina’s bed every night, where the sun hits first. One morning they spend a few good hours in the pharmacy reviewing all the soaps and lathers and shampoos and other things Regina insisted she would love, and another day she sits in Regina’s office while she makes up an entire life for her in the town’s files and takes a picture of her, then spends a good hour looking up how the camera works to explain it to her, and eventually she settles in with the Mills. Lily doesn’t leave either, besides her clothing she only had one or two boxes of things she wanted to keep, they sit neatly at the bottom of the closet on the room she’s staying in, not unpacked but rummaged through sometimes.

Maleficent comes out of the wonderfully hot shower she enjoys daily and finds Regina still wrapped in a towel robe seething on the bed. She glares at her as soon as she comes into view and Maleficent stops dead in her tracks. – Darling, does my singing upset you? I was in there for a while and here you sit, beautifully petrified

- There’s no clean underwear in my closet. You’ve been taking my underwear this whole time.

It is no question and Mal smiles at Regina’s temperament – Well, yes.

If humans could breathe fire a steady stream would come out of Regina’s nostrils, Mal is sure. She stands as she huffs and a deep purple cloud envelops her and leaves her wrapped in a knee-length red dress, hair, make up, accessories and all – Get dressed, we’re going shopping.

- We will go to a shop. – Mal nods to herself, happy to have deciphered the word by herself with nothing but context clues, she frowns when Regina walks by her– If there’s no clean underwear what are you wearing under the dress?

- Maybe nothing. And you will live with the knowledge and do nothing about it.

She reaches out for her but her hand is slapped away. Fire does leave her nostrils with the harsh breath she lets out and Regina cackles on her way out of the room. Wouldn't it have been easier to clean some underwear with the same purple mist for dramatic effect?

She finds both Henry and Lily in the kitchen already halfway through a new box of cereal, Regina had wondered if anyone could eat more than the Charmings, some nights it was hard to tell whose plate was refilled the most: David’s, Emma’s or Henry’s, The Savior’s magic was spotty at best but she had perfected the art of refilling her plate and her drink without lifting a finger so on any given moment she could be on the third or fourth serving; It seemed the answer to Regina’s question was dragons, dragons could eat a Charming under the table. On Maleficent’s credit card the one sole purchase had been two whole pigs from the butcher’s shop that she seemed to have shared with Lily the one night she took her to practice her shifting. No piece of the pigs had survived.

Regina gets to work in actual breakfast after she greets them and when they both finish their plates and place them in the sink, Lily more gingerly than Henry she stops them before they leave – We’re going shopping out of town, one hour.
Henry dashes out of the room, still in his pajamas. Lily sticks around, putting the box in its spot and doing the dishes – You don’t have to buy me anything. I’m good.

- Your one bulky jacket is tattered at the very least, I’ve seen several holes on it. Winter is coming, do not make any of the obvious game of thrones jokes.

- It’s outside holes, it’s good on the inside - Lily shrugs – Plus, I’ve never gotten too cold... must be the dragon magic huh?

Regina turns away from the stove to smile gently at Lily – Your mother desperately needs clothes, Henry’s growing out of his and I simply love shopping. So, come with us, help us pick a few things, we’ll catch lunch. You don’t buy anything if you don’t want to.

- uh, yeah, sure.

Regina drives straight through Boston, on her way to the nice high-end malls, Henry and his endless chatter entertain Maleficent as he explains anything she points at as Lily frowns as the streets get cleaner and the density of big, plush trees grow. They leave the car and enter the place, all polished floors and cream colors decking the walls, for once her eyes are as wide as Maleficent’s as they walk the place. Henry separates from the room to breeze into a Levi’s store with jeans lined up floor to oddly high ceiling. Regina steers the three of them into a store and they get shuffled into a comfortable sofa and offered refreshments and strange looking appetizers as one woman takes Mal with her.

- Hey Regina? – Regina hums over her champagne flute – How expensive is this store?

Regina chuckles as Mal throws her a delighted look over the other woman’s head as she’s shown a three-piece suit – Lily I will let you in in a secret of mine, Henry’s much too young to have asked any questions and I simply don’t see why I must upset the general populace with it. – Lily turns to her, paying mind to her tattered-up boots and whether they might or not smudge the white carpet under them, Regina smirks – I am terribly rich.

- Yeah, I think the general populace can tell.

- No dear, terribly. When I cast the curse, a few things I couldn’t part with: my books, your mother’s books, a few other magical knick knacks, some dresses, a few pieces of jewelry, and the whole value of my kingdom’s coffers. The gold turned into money, it’s in my bank account, a few millions. – Lily coughs over the orange juice they had offered her, no beer in the designer store apparently. Regina waves over the girl that wants to come close to help – And in the terrible wealth scale that’s America, us mayors have a quite generous salary as well. For thirty years this check has been coming in. Now, in Storybrooke we spend the usual: we pay for our gas, our food our clothing, our utilities… The house is the property of Storybrooke, that I’ve been saving on, but still, it is a very cheap town to live in and with most of a good salary untouched for three decades, trust me, it piles up on the savings account.

Lily sits there absorbing the information as Maleficent comes out clad in a dress to show them, Regina nods her approval and the girl ushers her deeper into the store again. Another one comes by to refill their glasses and smiles at Lily oddly before moving to Regina with her friendly smile – Regina! You never told me you had a sister!

- Oh, she’s just not an avid shopper. I convinced her to come with us today under the condition that she buys nothing – they share an amused look and Lily feels herself redden, are they shop-shaming her? Regina continues chatting with the girl – A dear friend of us told me you sell sweatpants – The girl nods – I think we would all love a pair, right Lily?

She shrugs mutely.

After a few hours of similar interactions in different stores they’re all carrying several bags, more than Lily’s ever carried in her life. She walks by them still haven’t accepted anything beyond the, now she realizes, Gucci sweatpants and a pair of leather boots that already look like they will be replacing the ones she’s wearing, forever. Both her and Henry stray away after one minute of standing by Regina and Maleficent picking silky, lacy, underwear together and she passes by a motorcycle store. She must be looking at the one on display for a few minutes because Regina sneaks up to her without a sound and nudges her, or it might be the bags prodding her

- Do you want it?

Lily turns to her at whiplash speed and sees Mal and Henry drinking smoothies on a bench outside the store chatting at full speed again, she focuses on Regina and swallows – I’m good. Are we moving?

Regina sighs – Lily don’t deny yourself. I have no problem with spending money on you. Are you familiar with the Disney movie, The princess diaries? – Lily nods uneasily – That’s you now. Surprise! You’re a princess, one that likes leather and motorcycles, but a princess nonetheless.

- That’s fucked up

- Yes, well. It’s the truth. Do you want it?

She turns to look at it, ever since she was a kid, she’d always liked bikes. And that right there is a wet dream of a bike, matte black and looking like it came out of an action movie, she doesn’t know any of the details but she knows she wants it, like a child. She is half-way into the nod when Regina calls the dude in charge and hands him a card.

- We’re buying this motorcycle, figure out the specifics with her. And can I have the jacket on the display as well?- Lily sees another man dismount the jacket of a mannequin as if compelled by Regina’s voice from afar, she raises an eyebrow but Regina chuckles – It’s for Emma. I can’t buy either of you better childhoods, but I can arm you with a sense of style one jacket at a time.

Having accepted the big gift, Lily’s much more comfortable accepting a professional haircut, a myriad of jackets and jeans and boots and a new phone to replace her fucked-up-screen old buddy, she turns it on as Henry toys with a new Nintendo and hopes she can tamp down the urge to throw it into a wall the next time it surfaces. They move to leave and load up all their bags when the man from the store jogs his way up to them

- Hey, that card actually came through in one payment. You can take it right now.
Regina scoffs at him – You doubted it would?

His eyes grow wide – Um no, Mrs. Mills, ma’am, Miss? Umm.

Lily interrupts his panic attack – I can take the bike? Like, drive it out of here?

- If you have a working license.

Henry bounces up and down by Regina – Can I ride with her? Mom! Mom? Can I ride back with Lily?

Regina glances at Lily and Maleficent gazes with awe as they roll the bike up to them – Is it a small horse machine?

The men turn to look at her oddly but they retire when Lily takes the keys, their job done. Lily nods at Regina and she nods at Henry who flies out to Lily’s side to clasp on a helmet. Regina closes Maleficent’s door and checks both their helmets – You better not die on this thing, Lilith.

- Yes Ma’am – She salutes Regina and Henry copies her and on a blink, she speeds up on the dreadful thing and draws an arc around the parking lot before tearing out into the streets of Boston.

Emma sits outside Granny’s playing a game of UNO with Ruby on her break when a motorcycle that certainly looks, feels, and sounds like it was going past the speed limit pulls up in front of them, it’s new in town, that’s not good. A young man gets down from it and she’s about to scold them, she turns to look at Ruby who hasn’t tensed up like Emma has, until he removes his helmet and Henry’s face emerges exhilarated and with his recently cut hair messed up. He grins at her and throws in a Hey Ma, Lily’s helmet goes down next and she passes a hand through her hair to pat it down into the work of art Regina’s hair stylist had made a few hours ago. Emma gapes at her

- Regina did not just buy you a motorcycle.

Henry sees his mother’s car approach and moves to it, to get his new stuff out of the trunk probably, and Lily smirks at Emma – After all these years we confirmed what we knew all along. My parents are way cooler than yours.

- Man, what the fuck? – She goes to the sidewalk to take a look at the bike and Lily laughs as she crouches to take in all the details – And she let Henry get on?

Ruby whistles on her seat – I do enjoy a woman with a bike.

Emma groans and turns to look at her friend – There’s no women with bikes anywhere you’ve ever lived.

- Imagine how excited I am.

Lily laughs but before she can say anything Regina and Maleficent catch up to them, the former handing Emma a bag. She grins up at her and tears into it – Cool. Sweatpants! – She takes them out and blanches – Gucci sweatpants? And a jacket! I can’t take this.

- You will take it.

She darts her eyes between all of them and hugs the bag to her, carefully – Thanks, Regina. I can’t even… Does this mean you bought sweatpants for yourself too?

Ruby interrupts her – What do I get?

Regina tilts her head – Our lunch order?

- Wow, you’ll regret this when I’m your daughter in law.

None of them answer to that, Emma groans again, Lily dismounts the bike, Henry looks up from his Nintendo, Regina raises an eyebrow and finally, it is Mal who breaks the silence – What? What does that mean? I don’t like it.

Ruby jumps out to approach them and loops an arm around her shoulders, it’s been a while since she’s had to strain to accomplish that – I’m gonna win you over so quick. I got a kitchen full of raw meat, I know your kind.

Chapter Text

Emma jumps in place and spreads her arms with a grin – Ta-daaa – while Regina looks at the small area from which both the kitchen and the bathroom can be seen.

She lifts an eyebrow – Miss Swan, this is the third apartment and I am still waiting for the serious option. Or for you to show me a house.

- Look Regina, I’m not you so a house is a no go, no one can sustain all that space ok? And these have all been serious options.

Henry comes out of the room he’s sure would be his and purses his lips – It’s like, there’s three options, one and two are so bad, the third one that was only kinda okay looks great, and Mom would go ‘If you must’ and you’d cheer. There would be no cheering for this place Ma, you know that.

Emma sighs and drops to the floor with her back against the wall – I really don’t? I used to live in dumps all the time to be honest-

- Your apartment in Boston was cute Ma – he sits next to her and they both look up to Regina to hear her words of encouragement but none come and Emma sighs again

- It really wasn’t, you were just 10. I had one minimalist table with one chair, and you came in took some sh… stuff from my fridge and didn’t look around enough to notice.

- I will give you a raise – they both look up to Regina with matching lopsided grins and she rolls her eyes as she moves to the sole window to be met with the wall on the other side of the dingy alley the place overlooks – How much more a month for the apartment you visited that you wholeheartedly liked but then pouted at as you left because it sounded too expensive?

- I’m very very bad at budgeting? So, I haven’t really like counted expenses that well because food and gas and… stuff, Mary Margaret buys most of what we have at the loft and I ride around in the cruiser and the bills David pays so-

- My god. – She snaps a finger solely for the dramatic effect and both Emma and Henry land on the couch next to Lily, whose budding magic flares up and zaps the blonde in the arm throwing her a few inches closer to Henry

- Hey what the hell!

- You just showed up! Out of fuuuu--- freaking nowhere, hey Regina.

Maleficent puts her book down calmly to watch all of them, she catches Regina’s hard expression and grins – Children, what did you do?

They all start protesting one over the other as Regina marches out of the room and returns promptly with a vial she shoves into Maleficent’s hands. They all fall silent. – This is what will happen. I have managed to find a potion that will allow me to give Maleficent a cursed identity’s memories without the whole memory loss hassle to help her adjust, and for her very real fake job I have chosen an accountant. You three will sit here and listen to a very boring lesson in basic finances from her. Henry, you might think this is cruel and unjust punishment since you have done nothing but I have seen you eat through your very healthy allowance weekly, no more. Lily, you too might believe you have done nothing but just yesterday you were sent to buy groceries and came back with half the list and had to pitch in your own money somehow? And last but definitely not least, if anything the worst offender, Miss Swan, who cannot even quantify the gas she puts in her tiny yellow monstrosity of a car in order to rent a place my son will be living in.

- Wow, I was attacked way more. This is bias. Thank you, word of the day app.

- You will all sit, you will all listen, you will all make a budget of your income vs your expenses, and only then you’ll be allowed to order whatever pizza you’d like for dinner. If not, we’re having soup.

They groan in unison and Emma speaks again – This is ridiculous, I am an adult, I can eat whatever I want for dinner. – she reaches into her multiple pockets and comes out with $5.48, to which Lily adds $7.90 and Henry scratches his head. Emma speaks again – Fine.

Maleficent drinks the content of the vial without hesitation and Regina looks expectantly, after a few seconds she smirks her way – Perhaps, I can make them build an Excel spreadsheet. – Regina laughs and Mal takes her hand to pull her in to sit on her lap from a quick kiss on the cheek – Thank you darling, I will enjoy counting coins, even invisible as they are. – They spend a moment content with looking at each other, until they’re interrupted by Emma’s groan. Regina stands, chuckling, and leaves the room.

Lily frowns – It’s like Satan married Darth Vader. Regina’s Darth Vader…- She lowers her voice -Lily, I am your father

Henry drops back into the couch – You don’t even have to reach, it’s like the Evil Queen married Maleficent.

- You know what dude? you’re right.

Chapter Text

With her new memories and job Maleficent was much less amusing to sit around but it didn’t mean Emma wouldn’t come by at least twice a week and spend more than it was normal just hanging around and watching them interact.

One time, Regina enters the room where they sit watching a movie they wouldn’t have found legally without Regina’s HBO subscription and Maleficent, who is there mostly to share Lily’s space, gets distracted easily when Regina sits by her in the couch – Regina, you look simply ravishing in that dress. Could we perhaps find me a job directly in town hall so I don’t have to miss a minute of this magnificent show you put on display daily?

Emma moves to whisper Lily’s way – That is way too much right? – Lily shrugs – I mean good, they’re happy, but what the fuck?

- I can hear you.

- Right, super hearing.

Regina hums – We can both hear you, your whispering technique is quite bad.

On another occasion, Henry scores a goal easily on her and when he stops celebrating he sees her looking at Regina where she sits on the porch swing, with Mal’s hair in her lap as she braids it into an intricate pattern. Mal sits on the floor, barefoot with a novel and a steaming cup of tea.

- What’s up with that? Hair-braiding?

He shrugs – Do you want your hair braided?

- Should I? Is that normal?

He takes the ball – You’re asking me? – and goes back to his end of the yard and Emma stands for another moment watch as Regina bends down and Maleficent tilts her head up for her to lay a kiss on her forehead

She uses her key to walk in one day and almost takes down a bouquet of roses that hadn’t been there before, Mal chuckles at her clumsiness as she always does, Emma had always been convinced there wasn’t a creature more graceful than Regina on the face of their planet but Maleficent is just as composed but taller, extra points for tallness. Emma drops herself on the couch but far away from her and she smiles as Mal puts down her book anticipating her chatter

- So, your birthday? Old anniversary? Thanks for the sex? Or even better someone fucked up real bad?

- None of the above. It simply seems Regina was thinking of me when she walked by the flower shop. – Emma raises her eyebrow at that and Mal chuckles and puts her book on the table, closed completely – I’ve grown fond of you, and by the way you behave around me I can see we’re much closer than we would be if it were up to me, so let me blunt. You must terrible at romance.

- Huh?

- Every time you’re around us you react as if everything is strange or an exaggeration or something only someone from the Enchanted Forest could think of. Have you ever been treated well?

Emma’s mouth opens and closes in rapid succession – I… guess not?

- Every morning I wake up and I observe how the sun creeps by me and reaches Regina, in that moment, when she stirs next to me my heart beats faster and all I can seem to do is reach up to touch her, my day does not start until she tells me to please let her sleep longer. Would you not buy flowers for someone who makes you feel that, everyday? – Emma shrugs – If you don’t know then you must have not felt that way yet.

- What if I never do?

- Then you can continue teasing Regina about her soft, mellow side. There’s infinite joy in that as well.

Chapter Text

Emma blinks and she’s suddenly in Lily’s room, not that it looks like anyone’s room yet but she has a feeling it’s Lily’s because the décor seems like Regina’s, Henry’s room is not this one and whatever the master bedroom looks like, there must be at least one gold-coated throne-like chair in there. She knocks on one of the doors and the faucet stops running and Lily comes out with her face soaked and water dripping down her neck all the way to her shirt.

- Nice! Your own bathroom. Closet with a door? Big windows. Cool.

Lily frowns – How did you get here?

- You didn’t bring me here?

She sighs – Sorry, didn’t mean to. – She flings herself on her bed and Emma has to tamp down the urge to do that too, only for the bouncing – They’re fighting and I just thought maybe if you were here I wouldn’t pack up my shit and leave, so I guess that dragged you here.

- They’re fighting? – She rushes to crack another door open and surely, angry hissing can be heard coming from the studio next door – Didn’t know Romeo & Juliet there ever fought... – When Lily doesn’t laugh at her brilliant joke Emma sits by her on the bed – Hey but involuntary kidnapping! Bet Regina’ll be proud of you when you tell them… it took me forever to even move myself, let alone other people.

- Yeah, I don’t think she’ll care. That’s what they’re fighting about, apparently she should’ve started teaching me weeks ago and I got angry and some lights flickered and Maleficent asked how my lessons were and I just went ‘What magic lessons?’, like a fucking idiot, and now they’ve been at each other for half an hour.

- You gotta admit, shit had been going wayyyy too good. – Lily turns to glare at her and Emma makes a face and motions for her to shuffle further into the bed so she can lie down beside her – Plus, parents fighting over extracurriculars for their kids is a milestone.

- Does she fight you over Henry’s shit?

- Are you kidding me? She tried to kill me! – She laughs

- Does she fight you now?

Emma sighs and she brings her arm up to cover her eyes – I think I’m more of a cool aunt than a mother for him to be honest… I want him to sign up for a sport I guess but it’s up to him more than anything… it’s like he stays with me a few days when he wants to and he kinda has to do what I say but outside of the cursed year in NYC I’ve never even done his laundry, or actually dealt with him while he’s sick… all the hard mom stuff? He asks Regina.

Lily turns to look at Emma then – you okay?

- Meh – she shrugs – It’s way more than I could even ask for. And I hate laundry.

On the next room Maleficent paces up and down breathing harshly – It's as if you merely accepted her taking up space in your life and that’s the last concession you made, Regina!

- You’re getting awfully worked up about these magic lessons Mal, what’s the rush? She’s barely turning into a dragon and that’s a skill she should’ve had since early childhood, her reciting spells can wait-

- It’s not just that, Regina. – She stops her pacing in front of her and faces her – You don’t spend any time with her, just the two of you, ever. It’s always you and Henry, you and me, you and Emma Swan! Gods! You are a fool if you believe she hasn’t noticed that if I have! You don’t touch her? For some reason, you smother both Henry and I with affection to the point he’s relieved when you only kiss him once and again, Emma Swan gets hugged a few times a week, but when it is Lily you nod at her, sometimes you smile at her as you nod, I’ll concede that point.

Regina hadn’t thought too hard about either of those points, truth is she has been overly cautious - Perhaps she doesn’t like physical affection?

- I believe there is not one person alive who does not long for their mother to hug them Regina! And you of all people should know that – She watches as Regina shrinks on herself and sighs, softening her voice - Don’t be daft dear, it doesn’t become you.

- I really am doing my best – she hugs herself with one arm as she reaches for Mal – I am bonding with her I am just doing so slowly. I took me years to be able to hug Emma Swan, I can assure you of that, Lily’s been much more welcome than anyone else in my life, I even tried to send Henry back once. – Regina tries for a smile as she holds up her hand

When Regina’s hand contacts her arm Mal retreats and sits down on a chaise nearby – I don’t want her to feel welcome, I want her to feel loved. Like she would have been, had I raised her. – She reclines against the seat in a sloppy way Regina hasn’t seen in her since perhaps their first meeting, when she had no regard for decorum and would only make the bare minimum effort with each move –I must say I hate how much love you have for Snow White’s offspring these days, and for Snow White herself if the way she gazes longingly at you when you ignore her in public is anything to go by. Perhaps I should visit the cricket.

Regina takes a deep breath – It wouldn’t do you any harm, he has shown me how in the midst of an argument sometimes we say things we do not feel just because we know it will hurt the other side. I know you’re not jealous I have found family in Henry, and his blood relatives. And I hear what you’re saying, about Lily feeling loved. I will work on it.

- And I will leave before my urge to throttle you overpowers me. – She stands promptly and leaves Regina sitting alone, she hears the front door slamming faintly and pours herself a glass of whiskey, neat, double.

Hours later Lily walks straight through the living room at an abnormal speed to avoid Regina but when she walks back with a snack in her hand, facing Regina’s way, she motions for her to join her on the couch and Lily has no choice but to oblige. She pours her a glass of an amber liquor and Lily looks at it and at the chips on her hand, she knows she’d had worse combinations in her life but never in front of Regina, or Maleficent for that matter, these are people that do better than box wine with lunchables for dinner. They drink in silence for a moment but Lily has never been good at sitting in silence unless she’s the one brooding

- So, where’s Mal?

- Probably scaring the civilians by flying over the town like she’s in a NASCAR circuit. – Lily smiles as she takes a sip of her glass and Regina mimics her – Do you know how to ride a horse?

- No?

- Would you like to go learn?

Lily puts down her glass – What? Now?

Regina nods and Lily shrugs as she tends to do – Well then, find a pair of boots you don’t mind getting muck on. – Lily stands and hesitates for a moment and Regina stands with her – Emma can leave of her own volition or she can stay. I felt her magic when she appeared

- I kinda… did that? Somehow?

Regina raises an eyebrow – Well, that’s an impressive fluke.

They appear inside the stables and the minute she regains her cool and aloof composure every single horse rears up and starts whining and bucking against their stalls, she cringes at their unrest and Regina smiles as she takes her by the arm and drags her down the aisle with her

- You are a predator, and they know it. – They enter one of the stalls and the horse huffs almost recognizably, obviously torn between Regina and the predator – So what we need to do first is get at least one of them to trust you. This is Xavier, after my grandfather.

Lily sticks to the door – uh, sure, what the fuck, hi Xavier.

- Xavier this is Lily, my daughter. – She strokes the horse’s fur and it seems to relax, unlike the other ones still trembling for their lives confined to their stalls. Regina motions for her to join her and Lily does, reluctantly. – How much of my disagreement with your mother did you hear before Emma Swan came to save you with her endless chatter?

Lily averts her eyes to focus on the horse’s coat – Look, you don’t gotta teach me magic if you don’t want to and we don’t have to be best friends or anything. I’m good.

- You are not good, you are a nuclear bomb. There are no recorded cases of dragons breeding with magic practitioners, for all we know you might be the first sorceress with the natural ability to shift into a dragon, and you come from Cora Mills. First, we thought mother was the most powerful sorceress ever seen, then I came along and I was so good Gold chose me to cast his curse, and just a few months ago we found Zelena, leaps and bounds over me when it comes to raw power if not discipline. So, you must be the equivalent of a nuclear bomb, except you go off more like a grenade, shouldn’t ever be jostled with the safety off. - Both Lily and the horse are paying attention and Regina continues - Right now the safety is on, and I think you need to practice a few more of Mal’s breathing exercises before we yank it off you and release you into a town full of well-meaning idiots.

- Why didn’t you tell her that?

- She has a point. – She takes Lily’s hand over Xavier and squeezes – You are more than a roommate I need to adjust to, or a stray to feed and clothe when it passes by the house, I do love you, I hope you know that and you can find it in yourself to love me back. We can start with this.

She bends down and comes back up to hand her a leather seat and Lily turns it over in her hands trying to make sense of it – Wow, so I’m getting on the horse, right now, tonight, in this moment?

- No time like the present. – She helps Lily saddle Xavier and when they’re done she pats her back softly – So Lily, do you like hugs?

- Uhhhh.

Chapter Text

Lily mentioned she had held a job in a reasonably well rated restaurant back in the real-er world and so, they had begun to team up in the evenings to cook dinner, between that and the time they spend at the stables Regina seems to be well out of the danger zone of Mal’s wrath and if they’re being honest both Lily and Regina are feeling the change. They pass by the bakery in one of their grocery runs to pick up a dessert, it’s not every day that Regina passes up the home-made stuff but when she does, she refuses to go pick up some pie slices from Granny’s like Lily suggested.

They enter the store and Regina peruses the options on the menu before she lifts up her head and sees Emma in a nook in the corner, nursing ice cream from Ingrid’s shop and dragging out eating a cookie with it. She clamps a hand over Lily’s arm and she narrowly avoids dropping her own cookie

- Ouch! Maybe you’re a dragon too.

- Why is Emma eating that cookie as if she has manners?

Lily looks up and smirks her mother’s way - She likes the baker – she motions subtly with her head to the man in question – She will deny this but she’s made me come here and eat really fucking slowly like three times, and he comes up to us and goes – her voice turns lower and her face shifts expression – Oh, Princess- I mean… Sheriff… I mean Emma… what a pleasure! If you don’t mind tasting our new pastry, I love your input! Yada Yada Yada. – she turns around again to grab another cookie from the nearby jar – And she eats that shit up! I’m talking eyelashes batting, hair twirling, and then she goes: oh… Luke, this is just so good! I’ll take a box! Someone’s getting fat if she keeps this up… and it’ll probably be Henry.

Regina smiles as Lily puts her hand above her heart and sighs apparently imitating Emma, she thinks how the Lily that first showed up in town would never do something so childish freely but there they are. Regina chances a look at the baker in question, Luke, as he kneads bread in his station and furtively looks at Emma eating her cookie still. His father was the royal baker for Leopold, and he’d always been around the kitchen learning for when he retired, very respectfully asking her if she liked what he helped his father make and sometimes he even joined her in picnics if the King dared let her out of his sight, after the struggle for power they chose to come with her. He was always stocky, with brown skin and a mess of curls in his head that this world’s products have at least shaped, he’s quite nice on the eyes; and a baker for Emma Swan, perhaps a match made in heaven. She follows Lily further inside the store as she snatches not one but two cakes off the display, one that’s surely just for herself. Regina tuts

- Oh come on!

- You might be a dragon and allowed to eat as many calories a day as you desire but I still stand by healthy choices in those meals. My magic burns out most of what I eat but you don’t see me over indulging.

- I don’t see you indulging at all! Don’t be such a mom about it!

Luke notices them then and scrambles to dust his hands in his apron to take their order – Your Majesty. Princess... I mean... Miss… Lily. – He bows his head solemnly.

Regina smiles at him and at Lily’s groaning, there were a few that were still loyal well beyond curse after curse, she appreciated them all. She gives him a nod – Mr. Baker

- Your last name is Baker? Dude…

Regina laughs – Dear, you’ll be surprised what The Smiths used to do back in The Enchanted Forest. - He lets out an easy chuckle and takes the two cakes from Lily as she smiles her victory and Regina sighs – I’m paying for two cakes, two? Cookies she snatched out of a jar and inhaled while he walked from the door to the counter and whatever Emma is having.

He smiles briefly in the blonde’s direction and then hands Lily the bag shaking his head – It’s on the house.

- How many times will we have this conversation? You will take my money, and don’t let Henry con you out of pastries either. – She pauses while he sheepishly takes the cash and puts it on the register – Or Lily for that matter. They will eat you out of a store. – She grabs a cookie from another jar and pulls Lily back from the macaroons – Make it three cookies and please, don’t ever sell her more than one cake without supervision.

Lily groans as she waves goodbye and Regina tells her to go home and she’ll catch her later. Luke smiles at them as he turns back to his bread and Regina goes straight for the nook Emma’s inhabiting. The blonde smiles at her as she receives her cookie.

- Cool! Thanks. What’s up?

- He will never ask you out. – Emma’s eyes open comically and her shoulders drop dejectedly

- I know, all my business is all over town all the time and we keep getting cursed and stuff… and I got the kid, plus all my girly clothing was ugly anyways I looked awful for months – she fidgets with the napkin and looks down – It’s ok, I just like to come sit around for a while.

Regina frowns – No, Emma – She had never said the name so softly before and they both think it -He’ll never ask you out because he tries to operate under the old ways as much as possible and you’re royalty, he thinks he’s beneath you.

- But I’ve gotten him to not call me Princess and stuff.

- As a direct order, I’m sure.

Regina chuckles as Emma’s face goes through all her different stages of confusion to land on the one where she smiles lopsidedly – So you think that’s the issue?

- The only one

- So what do I do?

- You ask him out.

Her face crashes into despair again – Your wife told me I’m horrible at romance.

- My wife… I see. It doesn’t matter, I have a feeling you’ll succeed even with your usual clumsy approach.

Chapter Text

Mal sits on the stool the nurse provided for her and smiles briefly as the woman does the same before leaving the room, Regina takes her hand and strokes the back of it reassuringly – It’s really a few pinches, nothing you’ll fuss over if you survived a sword through the chest.

- I don’t fear these vaccines – She pulls Regina closer until she stands between her legs, barely has to look up to continue talking to her – I might fear the nurse that has been glaring at me since we walked into this hospital. - she gives her a questioning look but Regina seems unaware

Regina laughs as she moves away for the nurse to settle by Mal’s side with the needles she needs to vaccinate her and to take some of her blood for testing, she doesn’t let go of the hand she’s been allowed to hold and she sees the woman smile softly at that. – Well, must be a very brave nurse if she’s openly glaring at a dragon.

They have not hidden their relationship or Lily’s parentage but still, The Evil Queen parading around town with her new, female lover seems to be news judging by the few bystanders that go out of their ways to catch a glimpse of them as they walk the halls to the desk where the paperwork is. Mal makes a joke about always wishing to be part of the official royal procession by Regina’s side and she lets go of her hand to fish for a pen in her purse but before she can find one Mal molds herself to the back of her body.

- Are we these people now? Must we start coordinating our steps? You will have to accommodate, I’m much shorter.

- Look at you, admitting you’re a small, little thing. That’s growth. – Mal chuckles behind her head and Regina can’t help but smile as she feels the sound by her ear and the woman behind the counter hands her the forms torn between smiling at them and daring to look in their direction. Mal traps her against the desk with her arms – But I’m just hoping proximity to the Evil Queen will force the woman to find another target for her attempted murder.

- Surely word has spread around, I can only kill if Snow allows me to.

Mal laughs behind her again and in their mirth, they miss the woman in question approaching them. She greets Regina, by name. And that’s when it dawns on her who Mal was talking about. Since the curse broke her rotation must have changed to include the upper wings of the hospital as well.

She gives her a smile – Amanda, how are you?

- I’m well. What about you? Henry? Is Everything okay? – she glances at Maleficent briefly, Regina thinks it can definitely be catalogued as a glare but then again, that is how she looks at almost everyone, including her.

-Everything’s perfect. I’m here getting Maleficent up to date in her vaccines, just in case – She motions to her with her head as she continues filling in the paperwork – And signing her up and our daughter in my insurance.

- Right, so they’re both staying around – The woman was well above playing dumb, Lily had been news a month before. – Is that legal? – Mal clearly wants to intervene but Regina taps her arm to be let out of the embrace and grins at Nurse Ratched.

- I suppose it isn’t but then again, what in this town is? – The woman huffs before her – Trust me dear, if they’re ever admitted, I will pay the check.

- Yes, well.

They had first met when Henry was one and his fever had climbed high enough Regina skipped work to pass by the hospital and let the pediatrician in town appraise him. They had tests to run and Regina had breakfast to catch up on so she went to the cafeteria and had to line up after a mean nurse to buy something to eat. That night she walked out of the hospital with a healthy Henry and a dinner invitation.

Their relationship had lasted a bit over a year. It was strange, while in their proximity people could break their monotony to interact with Regina but still, the curse didn’t allow them to be sharp when it came to dates or details of what time of the year it was, distant memories, plans for the near future. So, in the end Regina had gotten tired of it and started seeing Graham under their more casual arrangement again. It had been the first major break in routine though, Henry and Amanda, in a way, came hand in hand that first year and after she cut it off she still had a taste for it. It was marvelous how people would comply with her wishes during the curse, all she had to do was ask nicely and she would fall right back, probably because her brain could never provide clear concise timelines to when they had broken up or perhaps even why, so over the years Regina would indulge once again for a few weeks and then they’d break up and she would loathe her for a less than a month to fall back into disinterest until Regina tried again. 

After the curse broke they fell in bed together just once, before Neverland, one night out of her own volition she’d knocked in her door and kissed her without any prompting. After, as they laid spent in bed Regina had reached for her hair and tried for a smile and she had huffed

- I hate you.

- Darling, it showed. – Regina winked as she motioned to her own arm short of bleeding with the scratches she’d made – But worry not, now I can fix it. – As her skin knitted together easily the woman turned in bed to look at her, glaring, as always

- You know, I remember the whole 28 years of the curse, clearly. What were we?

- We were good. And then I couldn’t stand the way the curse fogged up your mind every time I tried to discuss plans for a weekend forward, or for Henry’s birthday party.

She turned to stare at the ceiling again – Well, that was your own fault, wasn’t it? And now, it turns out you’re a murderer and a tyrant.

- Never a tyrant.

- You kept coming back, and leaving me again, and again, and again. – Regina kept silent then, wasn’t big on apologies quite yet – And now what?

- Whatever do you mean?

- The curse is broken, what will be your excuse now?

Regina laughed – Do I need one? Won’t you walk away on your own after this? I am a murderer – She laughed again and stood from the bed to reach for her robe by the bed-side table

- I loved you… during the curse. And it hasn’t faded.

- Oh? – she sighed – Let’s never do this again then. You can see yourself out?

- Regina, fuck you.

- Yes, well. – She walked into her en-suite bathroom with a flourish of her hand.

That was the last time they’d talked to each other past the few times she’d gone to visit Zelena in the psych ward and she had been there, even Henry had been in the receiving end of her scorn since then, as an extension of Regina he wasn’t welcome either. She knows she should apologize to her and she trails after her down the hospital hall and pulls her into a utility closet nearby.

- Why did you approach us, just now?

- Everyone was talking about how cute you were, I wanted to see with my own eyes.

Regina nods softly - Amanda, I’m sorry. About the decade I kept stringing you along, and about that last time, I was callous.

- And you’re not now?

- I’ve gotten better. The brand new me who apologizes just hadn’t made her way to you.

She scoffs and Regina watches as her face falls - Congratulations. On getting better.

Regina doesn’t know if the nurse had finally gotten over her after the last time, she never bothered to check and unlike with Sidney, she had nothing to gain outside vanity if she hadn’t. But now, she hopes she can do so. It was never going to be any more of what it was and Regina knows that now, having Mal, no one could’ve ever given her what Mal gives her.

She walks out of the small space and Mal peeks in – The good news is that it doesn’t sound like we will be forced to hold a melee over you, she clearly hates you. The bad news is apparently, I don’t have a blood type.

- You have to promise to be extra careful then, lest you prick your hand on a needle and have a hemorrhage we can’t control.

Mal chuckles as she holds out her hand for Regina to take, when she does she pulls her out of the closet and into a one-armed hug – Are you alright, my love?

- As long as you’re protected against the flu.

Chapter Text

- Regina clearly you are biased. He does not have the vocal power for this, and I frankly believe you are only taking into account his sunny demeanor when passing judgement. – Mal takes a measured bite of her rare steak and Regina’s back straightens

- And you, my dear, are only favoring this girl of yours for her blonde ringlets, I am sure– She smirks at Mal’s outrage at being so blatantly called out – America will know what’s best.

- When has America known anything? You brought your peasants into a god-forsaken country and you know it. If my false memories are correct last year a group won.

Ruby snickers behind the bar – Holy shit, they’re discussing the X factor, very intensely. – Snow pouts on her stool as Ruby texts Emma and Lily about the new development in Regina's and Mal’s shenanigans – She’ll come around

- She used to discuss the X factor with me.

- No way, Regina? Do you have footage of that? – She does have a few selfies of Regina and herself during various activities in which Regina appears slightly glaring at the camera besides her but not any footage, and not any of their most common conversations, so she shakes her head and sinks into her fries.

Before Regina can bite her head off for insulting her precious, patchwork of miss-matched voices forced to try and find barely one harmony per song Mal cuts her off pointing with her knife to the bar where Snow White was picking up her fries and contemplating each and every one of them before eating them – She’s sulking, because you choose to burden me instead of her with your pitiful opinions on the show.

- My opinions are just fine, it is you who does not know what it takes to be an artist in this land. - Mal laughs as she reaches for Regina’s hand on the table and she glares – And I forget there’s two of you in this diner, so no one has any privacy left I suppose.

Maleficent glances quickly at Ruby before she can make one of her comments and she makes a show of zipping up her mouth – You’ve told me of many threats to this town you’ve fought together, and she’s related to Henry and Emma… it stands to reason you’ve grown close, if you can forgive her you should.

- Will you?

- I already have – Regina raises an eyebrow at her and she smiles – I’ve made worse decisions than hers, and not even had the hypocrisy to find me a town-full of people to use as justification. If you were holding on to this anger on our behalf, you don’t have to.

Regina huffs – I don’t think Lily will be as understanding.

- It’s an awful thing, what they did to her and because of it she probably won't, but you and I both know that misery doesn’t lessen with company. You love Snow White, we love you and we’ll tolerate you loving Snow White. Do not ever attempt to force me into dinner with her and her Shepard, though.

Regina follows Snow, at a distance, not enough for her to not notice she’s being followed though so when she crosses the threshold into her building and Regina tries to do so she finds herself pinned against a wall and with a pen held to her throat. She grimaces – Lovely weapon.

She releases her with a huff – Regina, I’m so sorry! It’s all I had in my purse.

She follows her up silently and sits on the coach as she goes to retrieve coffee from the kitchen, David nods at her after a second of surprise, his hair recovered, and he takes his lunch from the takeout bag and releases Neal on the ground so he can crawl happily up to her. Snow smiles at her when she finds her with the toddler pulling happily at her hair, he must miss it.

- Regina, I am so sorry, that I’m always the source of your suffering.

- Don’t be ridiculous, there have been plenty of sources for my suffering. – She stops to let Neal wrap his entire hand around two of her fingers and tug with all his might – You still shouldn’t come near Lily, or Maleficent but for all it’s worth at least the two of us forgive you. I apologise for the car as well.

- We only had to replace one door so, not as bad a that decade you chased me through the woods. - She nods – Henry’s told me everything’s going well?

- Yes, we’re adjusting just fine. - Snow’s head tilts sideways and Regina rolls her eyes – Fine, it’s great, we’re doing great.

- You and Maleficent!

- Yes.

She giggles – And a true love child!

- We do not know that.

She stays for about an hour, and they discuss not only Regina’s relationship but how it feels to find your daughter as a grown woman with trust issues, why they seem so fond of heavy boots, and of course, the X factor. They pass by Snow’s coping with Emma finally moving out and across town with the help of Regina’ more than generous raise, and how they’re dealing with Emma’s state of mind, how close she came to hurting Lily and how downtrodden she’d been before kicking Hook to the curb.

Regina smiles as Neal’s crawling takes him to a corner where a few of Henry’s old toys he wanted his uncle to have lay mixed with newer models of themselves and back to her to hand her one of them, Snow manages to snatch a picture of that too and as she glares at the phone her expression softens because, in their own way, they’re the oldest of friends. Of all the people in their lives none of them had been there when they were teenagers and she had stopped a horse hurtling down a hill with Snow on it. They outdate any relationship by a good few years.

Chapter Text

Lily kicks lightly at the wooden wall under the bar without really thinking about it as she sips on her beer and the tap tap tap tap might be rendering Ruby insane where she is across the diner trying to remember how it is that Granny likes the books to be kept. She rolls her chair right out of the small office and into the main area ignoring the few customers that look at her amused. She pokes Lily on the leg – I can bite that foot right off, don’t test me

- Oh yeah? ‘cause I have magical mom and two wings that say I can take you anytime anywhere so.

Ruby narrows her eyes and leans back in her chair – I was kidding, you?

- Oh, shit. Yeah. No. It’s cool. Sorry. I’ll stop kicking – Ruby’s lips form a grin slowly and as always when she feels she’s being thought of as cute Lily should intervene – So dude, are you hiring here? I need a job.

- Dude? – She frowns - do I suck at flirting? Because I really have been flirting with you and you just called me dude.

She drinks the rest of her beer in one go and swipes the back of her hand across her mouth after, Ruby decides she doesn’t need to comment on how Regina would die if she saw her doing that and Lily sniffs – No, you’re pretty fucking straight forward with it. I just need to have at least a six pack in my system to flirt back, or fuck you or let you see a dragon in real life or whatever it is you want from me

- Dark. – She rolls back her chair into the office and comes out after, locks the door behind herself – C’mon I know someone in the fancy place by the woods that can interview you for something in the kitchen maybe.

They ride silently in Ruby’s red car, it purrs delightfully under the hood and Lily had been wanting to inspect the motor for as long as she’d known it was around in perfect magically sustained condition like her mother’s vintage Mercedes, but she can’t enjoy the experience fully with the uneasiness she feels next to Ruby now. Not only had she tried to pick a fight, she had accused the woman of trying to fuck her in the span of ten minutes or less, after chugging a beer like a hick… that is why she doesn’t have nice things, she had been doing well, she really had, even Snow could say that Lily wasn’t openly glaring at her anymore when she saw her in public but it seems that if she doesn’t coordinate her little playdates with Emma at least once week or if she’s left alone with her thoughts for an hour she goes right back. She growls under her breath and doesn’t consider she’s a foot away from one person that could probably understand that noise she’s always been able to make.

Ruby turns to her briefly before focusing back on the road – Hey what’s up with you? Is Regina kicking you out? Why do you need a job anyway?

- Look I am not gonna just sit around and let mommy pay for my shit for the rest of my life – It comes out harsher than she wanted to, like everything ever, and she breathes remembering her dragon training and thinking about the fact that she has dragon training – I’m sorry. Something’s up, I am fucked up today, obviously. But don’t know why, I never do.

- Maybe there’s a cycle? – Lily frowns and Ruby shrugs – Us wolves are ruled by the moon, one week all you want is to sleep, the other one we eat like the animals we are, the next one we’re filled to the brim with energy and the wolf itches under our skin at night time, and the other one we… mate I guess. Point is, I’ve had my whole life to figure that out. Plus, I also get PMS sometimes so…

Lily chuckles at that – Must be a real bitch

- Ha. Ha. Mommy also makes dog jokes, it’s all been done.

She flips her off and settles into the silence again, more comfortable this time before she wants to share, actually wants to – Maleficent is very calm, all the time. I mean shit, she doesn’t even blink a lot or quickly or anything. Henry talks right over anyone and she takes it all and answers like nothing. When I lash out she doesn’t react, when Regina is mad 'cause we don’t load the dishwasher well she calms her down with her voice. She’s an iceberg. So, I don’t think it’s dragon cycles, and no periods… Doctors used to be so confused about me, I think even my blood type is weird.

- No periods? Fuck you.

- Yeah.

The restaurant opens for the night-time or pre-booked events only so not only is it empty, the guy that greets them is more than willing to interview her right there for a low level job working under a chef that claims to not be the guy from Ratatouille but has red hair and a hat he won’t take off so…

She gets told to make something simple to check she can work the kitchen and she moves around easily remembering her time in one of those working with a certificate in food manipulation she’d made in photoshop at a library, and that they didn’t even bother to ask for in this place. Halfway through both guys seem content with her and with Ruby’s approval and she’s told to wait for someone else to come by with uniforms or something and they leave them in there, hours before opening with no one around. Lily still finds weirder and weirder stuff in that town every day, outside the magical things.

She plates the simple steak with steamed vegetables she had produced and carries it to Ruby where she sits tapping at her phone in one of the tables – Check it out.

Ruby doesn’t need to be told twice, she hums as she starts cutting – Smart, making me dinner before you drink that six pack you mentioned earlier?
Lily grumbles – Sorry, again.

- Look. I’m not gonna lie, you’re hot as fuck and I am trying to get in your pants, and I am not used to this kind of resistance – Lily rolls her eyes and Ruby grins – But I’m from your fictional medieval ages, where you either lived a shitty life and were married off at thirteen or you were one of the lucky few to be written into books and the authors gave you all this mushy lovey-dovey stuff. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the famous ones, we date to marry. If you wanna give that a try… if not, my Prince Charming awaits.

Lily watches as she eats her steak and hopes she’s not breathing as hard as her brains seems to be telling her she is. She’d never been talked to, at all, it had always been people that she found attractive enough to drink the six pack with and then once or twice have sex with them before they ran for the hills. She’s friends with Ruby, well friendly at least. And she’s attractive, and nice enough to drive her up a mountain for a job opportunity. Henry and Regina and Emma like her well enough, she has a nice car, she understands things about her other people might not, she makes jokes about her outbursts instead of avoiding her after. She’s good.

- I can give that a try.

She smiles mid bite and shifts her face in a way that make her eyes shine gold reflecting the sun coming in through the giant window – Sober?

- I might suck at it.

Chapter Text

They all hike up to a hill in the outskirts of town where Mal and Lily had been practicing their dragon-related things to show Regina now that Lily knows how to manage the transformation back and forth and a quick flight with a smooth-ish landing. She has not managed any fire just yet but still, Maleficent loves to proclaim every single advance as a feat.

Apparently, she has to do it alone this time and her eyebrows hike up on her face when Mal suggests she do it. She’s only ever tried after Mal explained and demonstrated what she had to do, every single time. It’s not easy for her to admit to fear but the way your bones enlarge and your skin both stretches and hardens for one moment had rendered her scared enough that she wasn’t able to hold the dragon form at all until the fourth try. She’s grateful for the mist that surrounds her when it’s happening, otherwise she guesses it wouldn’t be pretty at all, she’ll find out now since Henry is giddily mounting a camera too expensive for a thirteen year old boy to own on a tripod.

She steps back from them and starts lowering her heart rate as she sits down in preparation, she knows she’s not much of an useful dragon if she has to meditate to get it right and if they are attacked or whatever evil won’t stop for her to do her yoga but, it gets her up in the sky for now and up in the sky is where she belongs. When she managed to spread her wings, and fly for more than a few meters before landing on her belly down in the forest again it was the single greatest moment of her life, the few minutes she trailed after Maleficent seemed to silence her mind like nothing else had before, up there there’s nothing to rage against and no one to appease.

Henry shifts from one foot to the other as the smoke starts to wrap around her and by him, Mal molds to the back of Regina’s body pressing her lips to the top of her head with a smile, they all watch as she’s replaced by a dragon surely the size of their house at least in height and covered in purple-green scales shimmering with the light. Henry’s eyes grow wide as saucers as he moves to unmount the camera and hold it up to catch her in all her glory as she pushes off the ground and her wings arch up and down making the wind lift their scarves and almost pull Regina’s hair out of its usual perfection. Henry is close to dancing in his spot and Mal laughs at him

- A fan huh?

- You have no idea Mal! This is so cool – he turns from seeing Lily sweep over them to grin up at her – Will you join her?

- Do you wish me to?

He nods excitedly and his smile has made Maleficent weak already, Regina shining through him. She won’t ever deny him much she’s sure. She puts her hand on his shoulder and kisses whatever corner of Regina she can reach before stepping away and in front of his camera with a funny face he knows is as much a gift as the magic happening before him and without any more prompting she goes up.

- They look alike! – Regina smiles softly and notes that they do, color and shape if not size, surely her genes at play. They fly up drawing circles around each other and Maleficent dives down only to right herself as she’s about to hit the treeline making Henry gasp – How come, of all of everyone ever, I’m the one with no magic?

Regina pulls him in by his shoulder with one arm, while she still can she thinks bitterly, and that makes him miss a perfectly good shot of Lily gliding over the trees. He smiles up at his mother regardless and she shakes him a little – You’re the truest believer

- Mom, that’s crap.

A moment after Lily returns to them, exhilarated and her eyes trailing Mal who still sweeps over them in a dance that looks much more graceful than hers feels just yet. But even then she finds Henry grinning up at her and chatting a mile a minute about what he got on video and Regina gazing softly at them both. She can’t quite keep the smile out of her face while the effect of the magic pulsing through her fades so she imagines she looks as dumb as she feels standing there with her mouth wide open and her skin all flushed, fighting her urge to babble just as much as Henry.

- So? Cool, right? - she thinks it was aloof

Regina puts her hands around her face – It was magnificent. I loved it, Henry loved it, I am sure you’ll have an edited movie of it. And you looked so in sync with Mal up there. – She hugs her briefly and when she pulls back Mal seems to be descending and Henry jogs to find her landing place. Regina’s gloved hands settle on her shoulders again and the exhilaration doesn’t fade as Lily locks eyes with her. - You hold so much inside you, you are so powerful Lily, you’ve been living half a life, you’ve been crippled. But now, that you are where you belong I am sure in time you will be in complete control of everything you’re capable of and it will be a sight to behold.

- Thanks, mom – She exhales it, the kind of positive emotion that she’s only ever felt after these sessions filling her with the urge to hug Regina again, after all she said, after the pride shining in her eyes. She draws her in and Regina gives as good as she gets.

- You called me mom.

The high abandons her body abruptly. She tenses in Regina’s hug and behind them she can see Mal and Henry coming closer and quite suddenly she wants the ground to swallow her up – Um… shit. I mean, yeah no, cool. Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that.

- No, I love it, I love you. – Regina gives her the space she needs but she keeps a hand on her arm – I would love it if you continued.

Mal reaches them and places a hand on her other arm – And I would love it if we acknowledged that at the very least her dragon form resembles me. Maleficent one, Regina approximately a hundred or so, I’ve lost count on the little quirks you two share.

- Yes darling, you’re both very fetching dragons.

Lily turns to Mal – Look since we got the mushy ball rolling. Thanks for teaching me about all the dragon stuff – she points to the sky and Mal follows her finger before chuckling but Lily has decided to power through it – Thanks mom... dragon mom… Ma? – She glances at Henry and he shrugs

- I already have mom and Ma, so I’ll just call you Mal.

- Of course, Young Prince. Lily you can perhaps call me mom –

Lily frowns, is that not the issue? if she screams mom and two heads whip at her it gets nothing done. She tells her so and Mal smirks at her as Regina gapes – You are born understanding that gibberish?

- Henry takes out a notebook out of his bag hastily – Secret dragon language?!

Lily frowns as Regina pushes a chuckling Mal off her and swats her in the arm – I spent months trying to make sense of it, I read tens of tomes. Could I have ever learned?

Mal shakes her head and Henry scribbles away, and Lily interjects – So what did you say? How did I translate it? Can I speak it?

- You can be taught – she nods and Henry finds a suitable rock to prop his leg up to support his notebook, Mal smirks - but not by Regina. – the woman huffs.

- You insufferable lizard.

- You have kept this lizard’s books, yes? Give them to the baby lizard when you get a chance.

Chapter Text

Regina passes a hand through Mal’s hair, draped as it is over her chest while she nuzzles further into the space by her neck. One of Mal’s legs shifts and it brushes her own just right and she believes it was enough, they can’t possibly want more, they cannot, should not, must not have the energy. Her breath hitches without her permission anyways and she sighs berating herself – We need birth control.

Mal hums against her neck and the vibration, if she wasn’t so spent Regina would change rooms so she could at the very least get some sleep. Mal’s hand ghosts by her side – for Henry?

- What? No. What?! – if there ever was a mood killer. Regina tries to push Mal off herself but her arms don’t have the strength either and she settles for a shake that makes Mal shift only enough to be able to look at her face and its horrified expression - What do you know?

- Nothing. – She really doesn't know anything past Henry’s admission of a female acquaintance he would like to drink a soda with, and she’s been sworn to secrecy to all blood-relatives and Regina, Lily had told him to buy her a root beer instead. She chuckles when Regina’s face doesn’t turn back to normal – I just spoke without thinking darling, it was the obvious connection

- He’s thirteen.

Mal gives up then, meaning she moves further up Regina’s body to be more comfortable and disregard her claims of being crushed and whatnot – In our land he would be halfway into a bar wench by now and we both know it.

- Into a bar wench? – Regina’s outrage makes Mal laugh fully by her ear and she turns her head, pulling her hair with it

- What did you mean then, Regina?

- That we need birth control. - She catches a glimpse of a breast and has to clench her teeth – We have a daughter. Unplanned child. And I have seen her fraternizing with Red, an untrained magic-wielding wolf-dragon hybrid is the last thing my town needs.

- The wolf is no sorceress.

- She has your kind of magic.

- Well that doesn’t get anyone pregnant.

- Besides yours, Lily has my kind of magic.

She stops to consider that - As always darling, you see all the rest of us cannot.

- You’re deflecting.

- I have not yet known the beauty of soiled diapers. - She tries for a joke but they can see right through each other most of the time.

Regina turns to face her then and tangles a hand low in the hair that curls out of the nape of her head – You want another child?

- I don’t know if we can. I don’t know what it was that created Lily that time, I don’t know why it hadn’t happened before, I don’t know why it hasn’t since and I don’t know if It will. – She sighs and closes her eyes as Regina pulls her in closer – but I always liked to imagine three little dragons flying around the castle.

- We could probably accommodate one – Mal blinks up at her and her smile grows wide, Regina chuckles and Mal starts laying open mouthed kisses on any place of Regina’s face she can reach – Not in this instant. At the very least we know we can’t do this while we’re both thinking about diapers, it seems obvious. - She manages to extricate herself out of Mal’s grasp and she stands up, heading for the en-suite bathroom – Find me a method of birth control and we can start discussing babies.

Mal watches her go, intentional sway to her hips and all, and lets her weight fall back into the bed with a smile still wide. She was not one to admit to daydreaming but more than once Regina had been stumbling through cooking a meal in her castle and she’d sat around picturing three children waiting for breakfast with her, eager to fly like she had done with her parents once upon a time but also playing with the little balls of light Regina liked to conjure as a lazy practice while she lounged around. She longed to live simply, books and a family was all she could think of some days. Perhaps it was that what had made Lily one night. She can recognize her smell settled in the bedding surrounding her, mingled with Regina’s, and that’s more than she had ever had. No one and nothing would stop her yearning now, to be a mother that was there for her child throughout it all, and with the way Regina dresses in the land without magic, perhaps they do need birth control.

She comes out of the bathroom and Mal enjoys the view without moving a muscle, she had suffered quite a lot to have the view so she knows to take nothing for granted. Regina sits by her on the bed and she smiles up at her – The crones used to brew a tea out of some herbs.

Regina reaches for the glasses she keeps by the book on her nightstand, she takes out a notepad and a pen too – Okay, which ones? We can see if we have the exact one, or if they’re magical we can replicate the effects with a spell perhaps, or something from my vault or Gold’s shop…

- You sit here wearing nothing but glasses and you think I will want to devour you any less if you start prattling off about potions and trinkets – Regina huffs at her and Mal reaches for the notepad and tosses it on the floor – Well, you are wrong.

- Maleficent… – Her tone is reticent but her body betrays her to accommodate Mal’s between her legs

- Once – She leans in to kiss her slowly and Regina melts into the bed, Mal comes up with a smirk, already tangling their legs just so and using her hands to pull her closer by the base of her spine– And I promise tomorrow we will have a day of strenuous, thorough reading.

Well, Regina can’t say no to that.

Chapter Text

Regina is dutifully at work, Maleficent decided to go have a day of peace in the far-off edge of the beach and Henry has one of his whole learn-how-we-lived-in-the-forest days at school that apparently lasts well into the night time so the house is Lily’s until she leaves for her new job. She’s been through much more nerve-wracking first weeks, with her falsified identities and enemies on the prowl, but this is the first one she feels she needs to excel at and dealing with the uppity clients hasn’t been easy, even when she’s restricted to the kitchen she still hears everything. And she has things now: family, Swan, Ruby, dragon powers that don’t work outside the town, she can’t afford to fuck things up… so she decides what she’s been saving for a special occasion might as well be used now.

As soon as the click from the door reaches her ears when Mal finally leaves she digs through her one box of belongings to find the few grams of weed she has left and dashes down into the kitchen to prepare her culinary pride and joy. Lily had always been sure that if her metabolism wasn’t so fast or drugs weren’t so expensive she would have become a drug addict, outside of Emma, a few hits here and there mixed with booze were the one thing that could always manage to give her a bit of peace, but alas, a dragon she is and a whole platter of brownies she has to eat to get high for a decent amount of time, especially now that she has none of the harder stuff on hand and doesn’t know who to even ask in that town, Swan is a cop for fuck’s sake.

After going through Regina’s blissfully stocked pantry and preparing the batter to perfection she pushes the platter in the oven and retrieves her phone to set a timer and connect her metal with the in-wall speakers she’s sure she has Henry to thank for, she scrolls down the family plan Spotify premium account she’s been added to by the little shit as well and settles in a stool while she waits, hands hitting the marble countertop with the rhythm as she looks at the oven, it’s the first one Lily uses that doesn’t have the bulb inside busted. She can’t believe people live like this all the time, and some even without magic to fill their bank accounts.

When they’re done she pulls the glass refractory out using Henry’s ridiculous pacman glove she’s trying not to be envious of and sets it on a cooling rack because, of course these people have cooling racks, plural. She cuts them whether they’ve cooled or not and sits to gaze at her creation lustfully, almost slumped over the kitchen island while they stop steaming and look ready to be devoured in an alarmingly short amount of time for the prep they require. That’s when Mal shows up in her peripheral view smirking, she sits up sharply but schools her face

- Sup?

Maleficent laughs at her and moves closer to stroke her hair with a love Lily can’t return easily sometimes, she drops a kiss to the top of her head and it makes her close her eyes and smile, at least when she knows the angle doesn’t let other people see her reaction. Mal motions to the brownies and Lily watches her just grab one, of course she doesn’t have to wait for them to cool down… they’re dragons… dumbass – These smell positively illegal.

- Oh? – She was hoping it would fly undetected, dumbass – So what happened to the beach?

- I believe I have lost the power of sitting around with no stimuli. These pesky modern memories. – She puts the brownie back in its rightful corner and goes to sit on the stool next to Lily’s – Were you planning to eat those by yourself? Or is there company expected? I will leave again if necessary

- I guess I was gonna eat all of ‘em… It takes a lot to get really high out of weed for me.

Mal chuckles and starts letting down her hair from the complicated braid it’s in and Lily wonders, not for the first time, who the hell has straight hair in her family tree ‘cause Regina has curly hair no matter how much she tries to hide it and Mal’s head grows this thing Swan wishes she had without all that curling iron expenses. – Would you loathe sharing? The effect would last less but if I’m correct you have a job to get to tonight so perhaps, it is for the best? – She levels her with a look that screams accountant and Lily can’t help but look down, and lower the volume of her music too, before she realizes she was still asking for drugs

- You want some of my illegal brownies, mother?

Mal’s eyes move up to the high ceiling and Lily guesses if the stools had backs and Mal wasn’t Mal, she would lean against it and put her hands behind her head to hold it up as she spoke - I seem to be German here. I flew all the way to America for university and had the time of my life, so much I stayed in the country and eventually moved to this tiny coastal town that, outside the coastal bit, almost reminds me of home… so as a German I was well versed in alcohol but some very dedicated friends had to introduce me to other poisons.

- Very detailed semi-curse – She jumps up on the counter to reach the brownies now that she knows it’s okay to consume illegal substances in front of this mother at the very least, and then can’t help to lean down to check she didn’t damage Regina’s woodwork when her boots stomped against it, she sits right back up and grabs two brownies – What’s the craziest shit you did on drugs then?

- Mallory Feuer? One or two topless fiascos. Me… I had once taken some magic-infused something with your mother and in our madness, I convinced her to race me, her in her steed and me in my unicorn. I was winning of course and Regina was losing her pretty little mind about it and so she started pushing us towards the nearby lake in the hopes my unicorn would lose concentration, her devious plan worked and as soon as it realized where we were it started rearing up and hit a sudden stop that catapulted me into the lake – She pauses to chuckle and Lily can’t barely process what she’s hearing after your mother or unicorn – Lily when I tell you I cannot swim, I mean it. Your mother had to jump in after me and pull me out like the dead weight I am, I sobered up immediately, near death experiences will do that to a woman.

- I can’t swim either – Is all she can manage and Mal nods as she reaches for a brownie as well

- It is unnatural, water was not meant for us to move through I tell you. – She pauses to grin over a bite- Regina will laugh, and she will engineer ways for you to be thrust into water but you must stand your ground, and if you must, drown to prove a point. – she laughs again and pats Lily’s leg where it sits by her on the counter

-There’s no way that happened. No way. – She’s done with her two pieces and goes for a third, she tested her tolerance once, five is living on the edge of getting dragged to the hospital and then released by very confused nurses, so her dosage is four every couple hours – No fucking way. Regina mom? No way.

- Everyone thinks Regina so prim and proper – She holds a finger before Lily can comment that of course the woman is prim and proper, she can afford a family Spotify account where she downloads opera only - I once saw Her majesty The Queen inhale a crushed dried mushroom and then proceed to act out Snow White’s most amusing antics while doing different voices for all the characters involved, it was quite riveting.

- Holy shit. Mom? Regina mom?

Mal smiles as she nods lost in thought – Oh to be young… her, not me- She clarifies as she reaches for a napkin to take another brownie - I’ll save her one of these just in case. What about you Lily? Any good stories you might want to share with your mother? I won’t chastise.

Lily shrugs and lays down on the island, ignoring the voice in her head that tells her Regina would kick her out if she ever found out – Nothing good really, fights, one-night stands, few hours really stuck looking at walls.

Mal’s heart aches for her daughter, always, but her mother pitying her is not how Lily had planned her day to go and she would hate to be the one to ruin her mood by asking these awful questions – How tragic to hear. My own daughter, wasting her few hours of reduced inhibitions to watch cartoons.

Her tone is playful and Lily picks up the cue laughing a bit - You know about sitting around watching cartoons?

- Mallory does. – She goes for another brownie, she follows Lily’s pace since it’s the closest she’ll have to experimental data – Why don’t you use your reduced sense of shame to give the wolf a call? Many a drunken indecent proposal is what led to you being here today

- God, mom, no. – She lays in silence for a moment as Mal chuckles and then shrugs in her odd position followed by her feet kicking against the cabinets under the island – I don’t think it’s like that anymore, she mentioned dating but we just talk about dumb things a few times a day, she was fucking annoying with it before and now? nothing.

- Do you want my sweet moves? – She lays her head in one of her hands and chuckles as the world turns sideways, this drug obviously making her much more agreeable and simpleminded than most she’s ever tried

- You gotta pick one, Mallory or Maleficent. It’s too weird like this.

Mal laughs and it fills the room like no other laugh can – Darling, who wouldn’t want a cool mom with knowledge of Microsoft Excel macros and forest witch brews?

Lily giggles at that too and her hands toy with each other over her stomach - Right. So, what are the moves? Maleficent’s. I don’t know what kind of women Mallory was pulling.

- Mallory was always found in the company of very nice-looking gentlemen. – She snarks and her mind trails off concocting memories of the one blond smiley boy she left back at Germany, of some cutesy dates on the college campus, and of a lawyer much like a certain mayor that took the same train she did to commute to her first job. The curse seems to weave itself as she needs it, beautiful work Regina had accomplished, as always

Lily snorts in her direction though – Very nice-looking? Ruby’s hot as fuck, I need to do better than that, try the ones that got you Regina and weren’t drunk booty calls.

- Yes, well. – Her mouth starts feeling odd and whatever comment she was preparing fades away as she loses herself thinking of the early days, she sighs softly with a small smile – I can’t speak for how I got her, but when you have her you can come ask me how to woo the lady with your daily actions.

- How’d you get her? – Lily turns to lay on her side facing Mal, her interest piqued, and her eyes take in the marble of the island, how polished and clean it is, and how she hasn’t really picked up anything of what she used to bake, she should do that, she should stand up and clean up, yes, she should… she tunes back in in the middle of Mal’s sentence

-and utter mess, and she’s always wanted to fix everything she can fix. So. in the end she got me, by being there for me and being lovable. I just grew tired of being smitten without as much as a kiss and had to take action.

- Damn. That’s how they operate huh? – Lily guesses she’s been gotten too by now, with the whole How are you?s and I remember your order from the other days, seeing how Ruby faces the world makes her want to do better by herself and by others, is strange really, other do-gooders only ever made her want to vomit.

– You lost the battle the minute she decided to befriend you.

She sighs and rubs at her face, she has absolutely no experience in romance and the whole thing makes her anxious in a new way, she doesn’t want to punch anything and yet, she’s wired to the point she overthinks every single text she sends Ruby. Talking about it with anyone could probably only make it worse – Shit. Let’s never discuss this ever again.

Regina used to wrangle a nine to five day out of her schedule when Henry was home only to make up for it when he was spending his night with Emma or his grandparents but now that there’s more people in her life, and her house, she tries to be out of the office at five daily no matter what the town requires. So at 5:30 sharp she gets home to find them in the same position with only one brownie wrapped in a paper napkin. She doesn’t see it though as she takes in the scene, scattered baking supplies and Lily sprawled over her kitchen island with Mal slumped down on the counter as they laugh over some nonsense, with metal playing loudly over any sane person’s thoughts. She grinds her teeth as she drops her things on the kitchen counter roughly – There are several perfectly fine beds in this house you two can use if you’re tired.

Mal sits up languidly and turns to smile brightly her way - My dear, how we’ve missed you so.

- Yeah, hi mom.

She will not fall for it, long gone were the days a ‘Hi mom’ would appease her and this one didn’t even bother to pout, Henry would find it disrespectful to his craft she’s sure – Why are you on my kitchen island? Why are your shoes on my kitchen island? – she pushes one of Lily’s feet off the surface where she had it propped up to act as support for her other leg, they both clank against the woodwork beneath them and Regina takes a deep breath to stop herself from lashing out

Mal sees her tensing up and, even as relaxed as she is, she can see danger looming her way so she uses the counter to make the stool rotate and a soon as Regina’s in reach she pulls her in and holds her in place with a leg– Your Majesty, we will remove ourselves promptly.

Regina takes her head in her hands and frowns as she takes her in – You’re drugged. Mildly, but still.

Lily jumps down from the counter checking her watch only now that Regina’s home. The brownies worked past her wildest expectations if they lasted this long and she has to go to work in one hour – Hopefully only before we take a good nap. – She leaves the room without any more prompting and trudges up the stairs, the Bluetooth connection falling as she goes.

Mal laughs as Regina looks around the place still in disarray from Lily’s baking with a raised eyebrow fighting the throbbing vein for her forehead space. Mal uses her other leg to trap Regina and kisses the side of her head – How was your day darling?

- Not as good as yours, I gather – She tidies up what she can reach over Mal, putting spoons into bowls and gathering crumbs with discarded napkins, missing as Mal reaches for the brownie and stills her hands to dangle it in front of her face– Wherever did you find marihuana in this town?

- I believe your daughter had it all along – Mal releases Regina to her small cleaning spree and she goes willingly if not anxiously to at the very least clear the counters and run the dishwasher

She scoffs - My daughter? Look at you. – Mal approaches again and kisses her nose and in her confusion Regina can only scrunch it up making the other woman chuckle as she hands her the brownie – I can’t. Henry will be home soon.

- Henry will be home late at night when the good sheriff deems him stuffed of Granny’s food after his day of roughing it up in the woods with the shepherd, and I will be able to look after him then. Let this take your mind off things for a while- She lays a kiss on the side of Regina’s neck, moving the collar of her blouse to do so – You’re stressed, Madam Mayor

- You want to take advantage of me. – Still, she takes a bite as she punches in the button for the dishwasher to start and moves away from Mal – I haven’t had any of these things in over three decades and in a few months, you corrupt me again.

- Yes, I want to hear all that Princess Snow has done these years that you have been keeping to yourself. Sometimes we play dirty.

Lily rushes down the stairs a 6:45 and pauses to see Regina with her sleeves rolled up and her heels kicked out, sitting on the floor between Mal’s stretched out legs and laughing at a commercial for SpongeBob playing on nickelodeon. Mal catches her eye and winks holding thumbs up and she hates that she’s kinda late and can’t stay to see the rest of that

She keeps going fumbling with her bike keys - I’m telling Swan!

Chapter Text

Mal’s unemployed, not because she can’t get a job or because Regina hasn’t offered to make up a completely new position for her with an office close to hers but because she is a dragon, and any self-respecting dragon (that didn’t grow up thinking they were human) knows that working is the shortest path to absolute madness. They feed off game and gather the trinkets they desire through barter and dealings, it’s not necessary for her to sit in an office all day (and she’s sure Regina can and will pay her way through life just fine). She’s a lover of the arts; poetry, music, theater, beauty, love. And with the vast collection of things she’s yet to consume in this new land, she has more than enough to occupy her time.

That morning the sun decides to come out from behind the perpetual clouds that cover Regina’s town and Mal decides to take a stroll, after three decades underground one really begins appreciating sunlight and general greenery. She walks by the shoreline with her phone, still going through Regina’s Spotify collection and knowing there’s more she’s yet to listen to, a lifetime won’t be enough, not even a dragon’s one. She hums as a piece she thinks she’ll enjoy begins and loses herself in the sensation of the sand under her feet for a moment only because her nose picks up Emma Swan and she braces herself for the onslaught, she takes off one of the earbuds and the blonde does indeed catch up to her.

She puts a hand on each of her shoulders and jostles her – Maleficent! What’s up?

- Sheriff. Out in a run, how lovely – Emma flexes an arm for her to see and Maleficent can only smile at her childishness as usual – If you’re doing night shifts this week perhaps you should sleep in the mornings.

- I’m okay mom. We, as a town, need me to be absolutely ripped anyways, this is a public service. Who’s Regina gonna ogle if I lose my shape y’know? – She laughs boisterously and leans all the way into Mal’s space, apparently there’s much more Emma to prepare for when she’s exercising. – Jesus Christ, you’re a tough cookie to crack.

A young man comes towards them then, panting and pushing brown curls off his forehead forcefully, the thin tank top he’s wearing almost see-through with the amounts of sweat it’s had to absorb. He comes to a halt by them and puts his hands on his knees to catch his breath, Mal chuckles as Emma finds a moment of quiet to smile at him, she tries to push the other blonde away from her – Miss Swan, what a surprise to learn you torture your paramours.

He glances up and shoots up to stand straight, his feet stumbling under him – Lady Maleficent, I apologize, I didn’t see you firstly – He bows his head

- That is hardly necessary. I’ve never been a lady of any court.

Emma grins at him and takes his head in her hands, after having wiped her brow and adjusted her ponytail and thus comingling sweat in the least attractive way possible – Yeah Luke, she’s obviously official court pet dragon Mal or like, Mrs. Mills.

He nods, the lack of oxygen clearly affecting his thought process – Good Morning, Mrs. Mills.

Maleficent laughs at him then – Boy, Emma Swan is going to eat you alive.

- That’s why I have him running, I need to build that stamina up – She winks at Mal and he groans by them, his face reddening even over his dark complexion. Emma jostles him a bit unnecessarily if anyone asks Mal and his face turns into a smile for a second before Emma yaps again – Welp! Let’s keep going then! C’mon! We’re gonna earn these bearclaws Luke!

His head drops dejectedly but he starts jogging away from them and Emma follows clearly gearing up to pass him again – Bye Mal! Tell your wife she’s getting her Tupperware back anytime now, no need for late night texting!

Mal watches them go and chuckles as she relays Emma’s message and Regina answers back with her plight of missing Tupperware that forces her to eat her cut up fruit out of a colored plastic container like a third-grade child.

She makes it out of the beach and walks peacefully by the streets that still receive some of the wind coming from the sea, Regina’s playlist on its last legs and the threat of having to listen to Henry’s suggestions before he decides to interrogate her about them always looming over her head. She enters a shop specialized in candles and starts browsing the shelves before a nun comes up to her

She grins up at her, small as she is – Hello, may I help you find something? – Mal looks at her closely, a fairy, she concludes. But before she can either answer or comment on that something else gets her attention.

- Someone actually came in? That can’t be good – a gruff voice comes from somewhere behind the wall then there’s a creaking noise and heavy footsteps – Must be an outsider, you know what that means, start dialing the savior Astrid.
The man, smaller than the nun comes through a doorway she had not noticed holding a pickaxe and huffs when she sees her – Close enough – She eyes him, must be a dwarf.

- Don’t be rude! – The nun, Astrid obviously, turns back to Mal with a smile and she touches her arm – We have no problem with you!

- Speak for yourself.

Mal ignores him as she keeps perusing the shelves in front of her and the nun stands by her patiently and politely, making faces at the man who refuses to let go of his pick axe. She spots a candle on a deep red and moves towards it, her nose pulling her – Are these all the scented candles you have?

- Oh no, what would you like?

She hums – Me? Fire and brimstone, scorched flesh perhaps – She locks eyes with the stocky man over the nun’s head and he huffs at her – But maybe my family will enjoy apples and cinnamon more.

The nun chirps happily like nothing happened – Well this one is only roses! But I do have something for you then! That I’m sure the mayor will appreciate.

Mal raises an eyebrow then, she wasn’t expecting to be unknown and she supposes that with the way Regina and herself handled the news, which was in no way at all, it was bound to spread by itself effectively; but by the man’s reaction to her any show of goodwill from his companion is a surprise – The mayor? Not the Evil Queen?

- God, no! – She lays a hand on her arm again and Mal rewards her with a small smile that makes her beam, she doesn’t see how this woman can stand that angry little man – I voted for Mayor Mills in the most recent election! She’s been nothing but good to us here. And even back in the old world, as a fairy, I knew what it was like for her. She’s not to blame completely for any of it. - The man drops his pickaxe and mumbles something not even Mal’s ears can hear – Forgive Leroy, he knows this and he agrees. I don’t know what’s wrong with him today.

He drops himself in a stool that renders him even smaller and Maleficent would smirk at that if she wasn’t taut waiting for whatever reasoning he was going to spew; whether it was an issue with Regina, with Lily, with her, with them both being women, with dragons… there was no good outcome out of this confrontation and she had been trying hard to cause no harm to any of Regina’s constituents, she even had Cruella behaving. The dwarf crosses his arms – I bet they’re plotting against Snow is what’s wrong with me.

- That’s all? – Mal does smirk then and turns around to pluck the candles from their spots, well out of Astrid’s reach without help from the stool the man was occupying, most likely – You believe after all this town has gotten through with her help Regina would still hurt your precious princess? And that either me or our daughter would care enough to plot against her. We could’ve burnt her to a crisp the minute we arrived here. – She watches disinterestedly as the nun swipes her card and finishes the purchase before turning back to him – Before, at least the peasants bothered to come up with entertaining theories.

The nun smiles at her one more time and waves unbothered – I look forward to seeing you at the festival, Ms…. Maleficent.

- Ms. Feuer...- she chews on that for a second and corrects herself -Maleficent is just fine... or Mrs. Mills too, I don’t mind. – She nods at her and turns to leave the store - Hopefully our paths will never cross again dwarf.

She passes by Granny’s near lunchtime to pick up something new that catches her eye in the menu, most things Mallory had tried and as much as she recalls the flavor better to taste them again, lest Mallory have different tastes in food like she did in many other things. She leaves the diner, bags in her hand and Spotify left to its own devices, as long as the algorithm doesn’t take her to the noise Lily enjoys she will trust it and she will commit the names of the songs she likes to memory. Henry promised to teach her how to store her music separate from Regina’s, Mallory wasn’t an avid phone user, at least she can drive now she guesses. She reaches the fence but Eugenia stops her from leaving, sitting in a chair outside taking a break

- Dragon.

- Wolf. - She removes both earbuds this time, and throws them over her shoulder hoping whatever it is will pass quickly

She smacks her lip and leans back in her chair - You wanna act like we have nothing to talk about?

- I don’t see how it is any business of ours. They will do what they want and that’s how it should be. – Mal’s unimpressed with whatever this is, at least Regina has the decency to fidget when she asks if they should intervene in Lily’s tragic attempts of asking Ruby out

- My girl is soft. – Granny holds her hands up – I’m just asking, as a favor, make sure she doesn’t hurt her intentionally

Mal nods – Then I ask the same. Lily’s had a lot of bumps in the road as well.

- Yes – she stands, grunting a bit but still full of vitality – I love Snow to pieces but she can be a bull when she wants to be. Someone should’ve knocked some sense into her in that castle. - Mal chuckles at that and Granny joins her, adjusting her apron as she starts retreating inside – Maybe your people want to come by for dinner sometime, let me know.

- You want to bring Henry into your house? To be fed? He will bankrupt you.

- I would sacrifice a lot for sweet-talking Regina into sharing that lasagna recipe.

They stare at each other pointedly again for a beat before bursting into soft laughter, Mal likes the woman already. Ruby dashes in from the street and Mal thinks she can hear that bike of Lily’s start and move down the street further away from them. The young wolf frowns as she sees them there chuckling - Granny! What did you do?

- Relax, girl. Mrs. Mills and I were just discussing dowries. – They laugh again as Ruby frowns and looks just ready to stomp her foot on the ground.

She enters Regina’s office and lays down the takeout bag in front of her before Regina can protest to taking a break. She smiles up at her from the spot on the chair and Mal uses her now free hand to move the strands of hair out of the way and kiss Regina’s forehead before settling against the desk by her side and pulling out the candle

- Red apples.

Regina groans – If I get one more apple-themed gift…

- What? You’ll poison something and feed it to us? – She dodges out of the way before she can be pinched, kicked or slapped and grins as Regina unbuttons her cuffs and throws her hair behind her head with her eyes formed into slits. She holds it for a few seconds and then starts eating – So, how was your day of shopping for candles?

- Very eventful. – She digs into her own meal with gusto – I have finished the one hundred opera classics and I must say most of them were delightful! I particularly liked L’Amour est une osieau rebelle. Mallory had clearly heard that one but not like I did this morning, of that I can assure you - Regina smiles at her over her salad but before she can reply her phone lights up by them, she frowns

- Why Does Snow White think we married overnight? – Another chirp – You started using my last name? – A third chirp – We have to pay a dowry? – One final chirp - You love to smell charred flesh?

- Why won’t they ever tell you about me interacting successfully with the Dalmatian? Now that’s big news.

Chapter Text

- It’s not a double date. – Emma says as soon as she opens the door for her, before Lily’s even had the chance to come in and spot Luke and Ruby laughing at something on Emma’s couch. She frowns and pushes past the blonde to watch the scene and she follows – It’s just four friends, having a Netflix hang out, watching people kill each other and stuff, nothing romantic about this.

She scoffs - Wow, well fuck you Swan. – Lily knows Emma knows how much she hates to be backed into this kind of thing, and that trying to be open and reciprocating Ruby’s advances has been a fucking challenge for her but then again what’s a fucking Charming without little well-meaning murder-inducing fucking shitty ideas.

Lily trails into the kitchen before she can be spotted and chugs two beers as Emma pours some chips in a bowl and takes out some other snacks that float around her ready to follow her to the living room, it’s the only kind of magic she’s perfected, food-related magic. They walk in together and Emma drags Luke into a corner of the couch so she can sit by him and use him as a body pillow, and leaves only the space next to Ruby for her.

It’s fine, really. As soon as she sits by her, the wolf slips an arm around Lily and strokes her shoulder for a moment before settling her arm on the couch’s back and everything feels all right for a moment, as Emma starts the show and magically turns off the light with some resistance.

Half-way into the second episode though she hears the distinct sound of lips pressing against flesh, and she doesn’t trust Emma a lot but Luke’s an okay guy, surely, he wouldn’t start some shit while there’s two other people in the room, even Regina speaks highly of him. Lily turns as subtly as she can and it’s worse than starting some shit, he’d only kissed Emma’s forehead but because the way she was sitting has her head close to his, their hands held and above her heart as she uses his arm as a pillow, the couch allows her to fold her legs up comfortably and they’re bending towards him, it’s just the kind of wrapping around each other that her mothers tend to engage in and it makes her even more uncomfortable now.

She turns back to the screen subtly but her peace is gone, she’s suddenly aware of the odd space between Ruby and her, a kid could fit in there, not Henry but some less well-fed one, shifting closer would be too fucking obvious and staying where she is feels like she’s some dumb kid that can’t take a hint. Lily’s aware of all their heart-beats, Emma and Luke’s just slow and steady, done with the sweating palms phase of their relationship, and Ruby’s strong one, her own heart getting agitated by the second and sounding like Xavier and the horse Regina urged her to name as hers and she hasn’t.

She tries to do some of Mal’s breathing exercises but as soon as she shifts her pattern Ruby leans in, but manages to keep the space between them – Hey Lily, you okay? You sound a little… out of breath, heart racing. – Ruby’s polite enough to know when not to mention that kind of stuff but she’s worried, it makes no sense in this context.

- I’m good. Shit’s good. Let’s keep watching-

Ruby, that doesn’t have the same issues of overthinking and stupidity as her, puts her hand on her shoulder and tugs her in so they’re sitting closer -Are you sure? We can pause it if you’re scared of the big bad murderer – she chuckles a bit at her own joke and Lily turns to defend herself at the same time Ruby turns to grin at her and they’re suddenly face to face much closer than they’ve ever been, she drops her eyes to Red’s lips and traces the grin, Lily’s treacherous heart picks up the pace even more. Red chuckles – Oh, so that’s what’s happening to you?

She leans in and Lily can only sit still as a statue and open her eyes wide – shit.

She suddenly catches fire.

Not figuratively, quite literally.

She knew it was coming, somehow. She was never a blusher but her body heat temperature always got very very high, in middle school, when she still felt this kind of thing, and right when Ruby leaned in her only though was well, here comes fire.

And there she sits, whole body covered in flames as Ruby shrieks and stands to shield herself, Emma jumps out of the couch too and Luke stands to shield her before whispering in awe – It’s like jack-jack, from the Incredibles.

- What about Johnny Storm? Fantastic 4? – He doesn’t answer and Emma sighs – You’re lucky you make good cookies.

- Emma! Focus! She’s on fire! – Ruby snaps her fingers repeatedly and Emma shrugs

- Fire cannot kill a dragon?

They both growl and Emma shifts apologetically – Right, sorry. – She kneels in front of Lily and immediately starts sweating, she puts her hands on both sides of her on the couch and hopes magical fire doesn’t burn magical saviors – Hey um, magic is emotion so like, whatever you were feeling when you got you know, the flame suit on, what you gotta do is recognize it and make your peace with it.- Lily growls again, she knows why she’s on fire, and she also knows she won’t be making any peace with it anytime soon, and that she’s probably dying alone. Emma stands and shrugs -that’s really all I got. Regina would say the same thing

- But better. – Luke adds before trying to pour some of his soda on Lily’s shoe to no result – Call The Queen.

Ruby nods, still standing by Lily’s side of the couch and as Emma goes to find her phone and Luke busies himself with figuring out the controller to pause the show, she sighs – So I read that wrong?

- No, I’m just stupid is all. Maybe if I was drunk or something.

- We’ll keep trying.

Emma comes back in with her phone and watches as her couch keeps on dying before her very eyes, it wasn’t new or anything but it was hers, she’d be sad to see Kathryn’s-old-couch-that-she-didn’t-want-any-more-and-sold-to-her-for-ten-bucks-she-didn’t-even-need go.

Regina picks up on the second call and Emma realizes she’s now responsible for a situation that made Lily so uncomfortable she set herself on fire. Regina greets her amicably and she sighs, once again ready to disappoint her. She might as well get a laugh out of it. – Um, Mrs. Mills, hi, can you come get Lily? … I think she wants to go home – There’s a pause while Regina answers and she ignores Ruby’s glare and Luke’s sigh – Look Regina, she’s fine… just come by to my place asap yeah?

A cloud of purple fog forms before she can even hang up the phone and Regina takes them in, and then Lily slouched on her seat, seemingly unbothered by the situation.

Luke is the one to address her first, head bowing as usual – Majesty.

- Unnecessary as always Mr. Baker. How are you?

He nods his thanks at being acknowledged - Just fine.

- Would you mind clearing the room for me and Lily?

He swiftly moves around the couch to usher Ruby and Emma out and the blonde chuckles – Do you just obey her? Regina ask him to clean up the apartment! - Both Ruby and Regina huff as they leave.

Regina sits by Lily, taking no visible precautions against the fire but avoiding contact with any of the spilled liquids seeped into the couch’s fabric. She raises an eyebrow at the snacks on the table and even manages a distasteful scoff at the TV screen before turning to Lily – Would it help if we discuss it?

She shrugs and stands up – Can you just put me out? - she flings her arms around for good measure

- I could, but it wouldn’t help with whatever it is that set you on fire in the first place.

Lily points at her ear and then motions around the room and Regina casts a spell to keep their conversation between them. Lily drops herself on the couch again making ash and blazing fibers fly around for a moment and keeps quiet, sharing with Regina and Mal has been good so far, it still makes her skin itch but she never set herself on fire after one of their conversations – Ruby tried to kiss me. I like her but… it’s too much.

Regina hums – The first time your mother tried to kiss me she took me by surprise and managed to, but the second time… I disappeared. I was not good at disappearing yet and even still, the second she leaned in I was somewhere in the forest instead.

- So, we’re definitely related.

- Yes, your looks left me doubting but this… now I’m sure- They both laugh for a moment and Regina looks at Lily, still covered in flames, quite impressive – I know you struggle with thinking you deserve happiness if you don’t take it hostage, and with knowing a doo-gooder like Miss Lucas wants you. It won’t get easier quickly but it should in time, start off by being a little selfish and taking what you want even if you don’t deserve it and then every day earn it.

- Fake it ‘till you make it?

Regina nods – And since it’s painfully obvious you need to learn to control this magic, let’s start with your very first lesson. Calm yourself and get rid of these flames.

- Is it cheating if I just meditate them away?

- Just a bit.

- Good enough.

They walk into the kitchen where Emma, Luke and Ruby were a few minutes later and Lily smiles apologetically at the latter as Regina tells Emma that sadly her couch was unsalvageable but she managed to restore the singed spots on the carpet, and that she’s the one that will drive Henry to his friend’s house the next morning. Meanwhile Lily checks out the integrity of her jacket to avoid eye contact, but just as they’re about to leave she tugs on Regina’s arm so she will hold for a moment and she can and lay a kiss on Ruby’s cheek quickly before they disappear.

Emma laughs when they’re gone and Ruby glares – I can’t believe she would literally rather be set on fire than kiss you

- One of these days I will kill you and tell Snow another rabid wolf did it.

Chapter Text

Henry Mills is every bit her mother’s son, he had waited until Regina had gone to spend her morning with her friend Kathryn, and had made Lily sit with her to watch a very accurate documentary on dragon lore, while he made a show of cleaning around of his own volition; only to then inform her that Granny’s was having two-for-the-price-of-one pizzas and they could easily go and just eat one and a half so Regina will think they ate half and stop pestering them about their triple servings for a day. And it made sense, truly, how could she deny him anything with his sound logic and his mischievous smile?

So, they walk into Granny’s dinner a bit after noon and he rushes in to place their order, bypassing every single costumer that wants to say hello to the young prince and ignoring his own mothers sitting in a booth by the end of the establishment. Maleficent and Lily both pause though knowing Regina is in there as soon as they cross the door, it’s a dominating scent, it always has been intoxicating in Mal’s opinion, they both turn in sync and see her sitting in her table with what seems like a horde of friends.

– Huh. That’s some weird shit. That’s the table I avoided like the plague in high school. - She claps Mal on the shoulder before going to join Henry in crowding Ruby and Mal sighs, they had a plan and she had spent every single minute of the day playing the perfect victim, it was a text-book scam they’d run.

She debates sitting in the bar by them while they get the giddiness out of their system but surely, it would be rude to ignore Regina. It’s that, and only that that drags her to the booth where she’s sitting and interrupts her mid-joke – Darling.

Regina’s gaze shifts from the blonde sitting closest to her, Kathryn, she recognizes, and turns to her with a beaming smile – Mal! Some of you don't know Mal, right? This is Mal, my… Mal. – She motions with her arm towards her and she nods softly, dragons don’t wave.

Heads turn towards her while Emma cackles and tacks on – She’s your wife and you know it.

Some of them laugh and Mal can only tilt her head as Regina disappears from her seat and appears next to her, touching her arm – Yes, I suppose so. – Mal wants to smile at that, but she’s still dumbfounded at the sheer number of strangers looking at her. Regina starts pointing at one of them sitting in a chair clearly dragged from another table when they didn’t fit in the booth of which Regina would never have been able to extricate herself if it weren’t by magic – This is Tink, we’re old friends – Mal nods again, smells like fairy – This is Ingrid, the local ice cream queen.

- Oh, fuck you, I could hand you your ass any day Apples– That one really gets a response from the group and Regina hums

- Henry would loathe me melting you.

Emma pipes in again after answering a text – My money’s on Ingrid. We’ve all seen you burn things already, she has the element of freezing surprise.

So, an ice witch, interesting. Regina keeps going though, after the space she left on the cushioned seat are Kathryn and Emma and then, in another mismatched chair, she points to another one – and Cruella of course – who she hadn’t recognized because, mysterious as ever, she was completely still facing in the opposite direction and now blonde, apparently. Maybe she didn’t find white dye in Storybrooke.

- Lovely to meet you all – They all answer accordingly and she manages a smile – Mind If I steal her for a while?

- Well you already have! – The fairy, she hates fairies.

Regina spots Henry in the bar and starts walking towards him, Mal follows closely behind, forcing herself to not turn back to see these women interact with each other when Regina’s gone and after Henry tries for a lie that Lily dismantles accidentally she recovers from the shock before she can be chastised and pulls Regina away again

- I must say, when you claimed you loved my hair I felt as if we had something special. Now I don’t know where we stand.

Regina laughs and leans into her – How quaint, the ancient dragon, jealous.

- Ancient? How dare you? The fairy is older than me, I’m sure. – Regina chuckles and kisses the corner of her mouth like this is a laughing matter – This is not unjustified behavior, you have a harem!

- Yes of course, I have six houses across the town for my six wives.

- This is a pattern, Regina – She turns back to the table, they mingle just fine without Regina, although it looks like a special event, blonde women across the realms have gathered to discuss their experience – This is the behavior of a serial killer.

- I am a mass murderer, there is a difference – She laughs again as Mal frowns at her and she gets a kiss in what she hopes is an apology for something, but it’s more one of the ones she gets when she tries to explain why the man in the discovery channel is going all wrong about surviving in the wild, she cannot be thought of as cute, not in public. But Regina smiles brightly at her and she knows she’s going to hear about her endearing jealousy for at least a week – Would you like to join us?

- I cannot inflate your numbers, we will resemble a cult.

Regina starts retreating to her table then with one arm outstretched and the other one between them puling at her hand –one by one, without prompting, they felt the call and joined the table.

- Is there one more blonde woman in this town?

- I do not know, but if there is, she too will come.

- That is terrible wording.

- You’re the first testimony, write something good for mass tomorrow?

She huffs, forcing herself to keep a straight face, at least this time she has the wolf as witness to Regina’s childishness – I am going to make sure our children don’t eat themselves into a stupor.

She turns to leave but Regina pulls her by the hand -Henry knows better than to eat anything more than two slices of pizza and a soda. Join us. – Mal huffs but Regina smiles at her again like she’s oh so amused – Please.

Ruby might be close but she’s not paying attention to anyone outside Lily though, laughing at some joke while many clients frown in the bar waiting to order something quick, Granny comes out of the kitchen to serve them and Henry, and they get to work on their meal without a care in the world about her whereabouts and with the way Regina is looking at her… she might as well.

She pulls a chair from a nearby table and wedges it between Emma and Cruella, Regina looks at her oddly for a second but disappears from her side and appears back in her assigned seat as the center of the table and Kathryn starts chatting with her almost immediately. Mal steals the dry martini right out of Cruella’s hand, she takes a sip and then returns it – You’ve joined the groupies? I’m surprised

- And you know the word groupie. – She takes a sip – I suppose I would know how you came to learn that one if we were still in touch.

- Oh, the harpy sounds hurt – She fishes the drink again and drinks it on one go before motioning for another one to a nearby waitress. If she’s gonna interact she should do it fast so she makes eye contact with Kathryn first, a friendly face that won’t snark back - So if today was the annual convention of Regina’s friends, where is Snow White? Is this indeed about hair color?

Emma snorts over her glass of soda well before Kathryn can explain – Regina, the blonde whisperer.

- Miss Swan, do remember who pays your salary. I don’t think you’d fare well rationing your meals to only one burger per lunch.

She rolls her eyes – Okay everyone, let's go around the table and share why we hate Snow aka my mom aka the world’s worst baby namer – She pauses for a moment for the dramatic flair perhaps? And then explains - David named me.

- Your name was supposed to be Emma Ruth. – Regina replies

- I told you that in confidence, Regina Catalina. – She smirks and Regina rolls her eyes

- It’s hardly a secret if it was proclaimed in every ceremony held in a castle in front of hundreds of people.

They can do this for hours, Mal knows, and everyone on the table seems to as well because Kathryn clamps a hand over Regina’s arm and they sigh in relief - It’s not that she wasn’t invited, it’s that this was supposed to be Regina and me, and everyone else just sat down fortuitously. Calling her seems unnecessary. I’m sure there are other friends of Regina’s absent as well.

Mal nods at her, if only she could go back in time and see Cruella approach them, the ice witch laughs to her right – Oh please, you hate Snow White. She stole your husband, is it?

Mal’s eyebrow shoots up at that, that’s a new tale for her. Kathryn takes a sip of whatever is in her glass – He was not mine, Regina Catalina’s curse made a mess of things… but I do not approve of her approach regardless. Whatever did she do to you? Everyone knows you don’t serve her the good ice cream but no one has the heart to tell her.

- Well I happened to know Emma before all her angst and suffering could turn into a sense of humor so no, I’m not a fan of the people who chose their subjects over their child. And I reserve the right to make a bad batch of Ice cream for people who don’t deserve the good kind. – Regina laughs by herself at that.

- Aw… thanks Ingrid. – Emma jokes again, as always. Mal had never seen it as a coping mechanism but now that it was mentioned she supposes it’s what she does, it’s more positive than Lily’s humor most of the time as well – If you hadn’t said all the weird magic-is-real things, I would’ve loved to be adopted by you when I was 12, best foster mom hands down.

There’s another story there that Mal should ask for later; her eyes meet Regina’s across the table, she always looks conflicted when it comes to Emma Swan or Lily, even about Henry himself… she pipes in –She did steal an egg from me so her absence is appreciated.

- She’s an obnoxious do-gooder with a terrible sense of fashion, Miss Swan herself is more elegant.

The woman in question nods solemnly – Wow holy shit Cruella, to hear that from my favorite puppy-pelt coat designer… I’m honored. I really feel like we, Regina’s blondes, are bonding this afternoon.

They all laugh, even Mallory watched 101 Dalmatians as a child in Germany, locked inside after a big snow, school cancelled for the day. Who knows if they had that wherever the fairy is from but she enjoys Emma’s quip nonetheless and Cruella huffs and drinks Mal’s martini this time around.

They settle for a while and easily chat some more for a few moments, turns out Cruella was living in the cabin still and had decided to drop her pretense of finding the author. She would’ve never accomplished it without Ursula and Mal had never intended to do anything else but find her daughter, she was doing well though, it seemed Storybrooke was where villains found peace and odd assortments of friends at last. Regina locks eyes with her again after a while and they hold each other’s gaze for a few seconds with warm smiles before she speaks again softly, maybe only Mal can hear her, or maybe she’s reading her lips - I believe Henry is going for a third slice.

She laughs low in her throat and moves to stand but Emma tries to stop her – Hey I’ll talk to him, he knows he should pretend to know better when Regina knows how many slices he’s had, you know?

Emma had heard too, and she's smiling amicably at her, Mal doesn’t laugh at her jokes easily but the savior can be particularly charming when her audience is willing so Mal rewards her with a chuckle but shakes her head no – It’s fine Emma, I’m the one who had to sort out lunch today and I let myself get lured into his trap. I will face the consequences and drag the children home.

Mal stands and Emma cheers her on – All right, three moms! We should annoy him in a triangle formation now. – That one was weak at best so she only looks at her unamused, better to give her something to strive for. She’s distracted anyway and tacks on - Wait… am I Lily’s mom too? Are we consolidating this union?

- Dear, you’re one more of the children.

Mal chuckles again and turns back to Regina, who’s smiling softly at her no doubt loving someone else reinforcing her dietary limitations on a wee boy in his growing stage. Mal smiles brightly right back at her and nods softly – I will see you at home, then.

- Yes, darling.

A cacophony of noises comes from the table but only the fairy’s one sounds like it has a negative connotation. After they all stop their teasing and as Henry packs up his slice on the pizza box, right before she manages to pry Lily’s attention from the wolf, Mal can hear the fairy add on – honestly, why did my fairy dust fail?

Chapter Text

Emma worried they were regressing back to their teenage selves when Lily texted her to come over to play with the PlayStation 4 that Henry had -ever gracious- claimed as theirs instead of his, (it’s not like he didn’t have other consoles to enjoy when she was using that one) but still, she got on her bug and drove to Regina’s, no, Lily’s house to play videogames on a Friday afternoon after she had done all her homework aka the Sheriff’s station paperwork. She gets there with at least two bags of chips since they live under Regina’s totalitarian regime and all the junk food they have in storage is the healthy variety and she will be damned if she’s forced to consume sea-salt chips from organic sourced potatoes or something like that.

They have been sitting for maybe an hour or so before Regina comes in and motions the crumbs right off her couch and into Emma’s lap, Lily chuckles and Emma frowns – Rude.

- Lily, I think you can learn some basic magic to clean after Miss Swan.

- Rude.

Lily pauses the game and stands – What like, now? – Emma looks up at her for a moment and then turns at whiplash speed to look up at Regina nodding – I mean, shit. – Lily finishes, her leg fidgeting nervously

Emma knows Regina’s mostly used to Lily cursing for what seems like no reason but she doesn’t believe Regina’s lip will ever stop the minute downturn at it, she wants to laugh but Lily starts hastily collecting their glasses and the bags of chips like she actually intends to straight up ditch her for this magic lesson – Can I watch?

- No!

- No.

They both turn to her with matching glares and she grins in her seat – Okay. This is so a fantasy, now one of you slap me while the other keeps glaring. Regina, you gotta call me sheriff.

Lily kicks her where she can reach – Don’t you have any other friends? Thought you were adored in this town

She makes a show of thinking for a few seconds – oh, Ruby! we can go talk about how you’re not giving it up. – She laughs boisterously at her own joke, as she does

Lily groans as she exits the room with their mess and Emma bursts in laughter again when she looks up to see Regina’s eyes close into slits – You’ve grown bold. I liked the Emma who only looked me in the eye to fight me much more.

- Your daughter is transferring her bad-ass attitude to me via Bluetooth as we speak, remember?

- I need her to be focused for this. You can’t watch. – Emma nods, understanding that and just trying to mess with Regina, as she does – And you haven’t managed to turn your hair any other color, so maybe you can work on that.

She groans at her magical shortcomings – Look, we all know you just want me to do that so you can stop dreaming about me. It’s fine. I’m sure Mal doesn’t know. – Regina gives her a slow once over and turns back to inspect the couch without a word, always denying Emma the satisfaction of a laugh, Emma stands up to dust her pants – Did I ever have a chance?

- Nor you, nor Snow, nor your grandfather before you. – Emma raises an eyebrow at that and Regina pauses – Not a great deal of appeal in your bloodline. David with a gag in his mouth, perhaps… lord knows I tried.

She pauses for a second to frown but recovers quickly - The Evil Queen did look kinda like she’s into weird stuff when I went to the past. Kinky.

She hums as she sits instead – Imagine what you too could be doing if you ever learn to fully control your magic. You won’t ever find handcuffs that strong.

- So, you’ve thought about the handcuffs? This is where you start calling me Sheriff. – She grins and puts her hand on her belt, patting the badge for good measure, she can almost see Regina struggling to keep her smile at bay. – Safe word yellow bug ‘cause I know that’s a fantasy of yours you’d never admit to out loud.

- Sheriff Swan, - Mal passes by with a wave and a plate of food and Regina watches her go, in a very fixated manner – believe me when I tell you, your handcuffs would be a quirky afternoon occurrence in this house, at best.

Mal cackles halfway up the stairs and Emma turns towards the sound quickly while her brain that hadn’t yet given up does instantly at that, she turns back to see Regina smirking at her in a way that always reminds her this is a woman that has killed people with her bare hands. And her now girlfriend-wife as well. Emma nods – Right. Yeah, I lose today. I mean, fuck.

- You’re always a worthy opponent.

- Yeah? What’s the consolation price? I’d settle for footage!

Regina tuts at her but she still watches her, finally with a smile on her face, the wrong kind of smile, the smug amusement smile – Now what would your boyfriend and your very good friend Lily say if they heard you make this kind of requests? -She waves her hand and the crumbs fallen on the floor start levitating right out of the window in a show of powerful laziness.

- I’d say - Lily coming out of nowhere with soapy water still on her hand, pushes her right back into the couch – Dude what the fuck? You have a… dude you’re seeing. Stop flirting with my fucking mother

- She just admitted to trying to screw David and tying up your other mother god knows how, and this is what you’re focusing on? Focus on her thinking Snow wants her or something of equal what the fuck in this conversation.

Chapter Text

Regina plows out of her office after a day of absolute bureaucratical torture, her assistant sits as stiffly and quietly as possible but doesn’t manage to stay out of her radar since she glares when the phone rings and he doesn’t immediately pick up the receiver, and then dares to tell the person on the other side that she hasn’t left yet, she stops dead on her tracks and her hand fists tightly making the young man correct his statement and tremble as she leaves without a goodbye. It’s not always easy to work for the Evil Queen but the pay is great and she had been getting nicer every year if he’s honest, days like this aren’t that common anymore.

She marches down the building and tears through the doors all but ignoring everyone in her path, hoping that at the very least she can get home before the looming storm falls on top of her; she tosses her bag in the car and sits down, makes sure to slam the door just enough to make a point to the universe but not damage her car… but the universe gives her her message back when she turns the key and her car can only cough a bit before sputtering to silence for whatever ungodly reason a perfectly well-kept car does that on a Wednesday afternoon before a thunderstorm in an already-empty parking lot. Fuck the car then, she leaves in a cloud of smoke and appears in front of her door, clenches her fist again when she realizes there’s no keys in her hand, no phone, no wallet, no bag; she could leave them there she thinks, but then, some of the new hooligans that don’t recognize her car could be stupid enough to break the Evil Queen’s window to get at her leather bag and she’d be pushed to murder yet again. She goes back to her car to see if god forbid Henry left some of his expensive trinkets in the back seat too, as he’s prone to do, and to pick up her bag and then back to the house with her bag in her hand, appearing inside this time and only a bit tired from the burst of magic she’s just used.

She lands with her eyes closed, mid-sigh and opens them to see a very startled Lily hurling down the hallway towards her with a coat in one hand and her helmet in the other one, keys jangling somewhere off view. She manages to miss her by crashing into the wall at the same speed she was coming with – Shit, Regina fuck! – She speeds by her and waves – Bye! I’m late as fuck. – She slams the door behind her and Regina’s hand closes again, the black scuff on her wall’s paint fixing itself and her bag’s strap crinkling with the force of her grip on it, she doesn’t even manage to finish her second sigh before she walks to the living room to see Henry doubled over hastily packing up a bag of things he’s sprawled on the couch – Mom! Emma’s got the game tonight, new TV you know, I’m going there.

- And did you plan on informing me? You’re halfway out of the door – She walks further in to see if he’s at least sheepish about it

- I sent a text? – Her phone is dead, had been since a few hours into the hellish day, a phone call so long the damned thing was heated by her ear before it simply died.

She would have told him so if he hadn’t surfaced from behind the couch, sitting up with only half a head of short hair sporting the team’s logo or whatever on it, dyed, bright red and yellow. Regina freezes – Henry Daniel Mills, what on earth happened to your head?!

He freezes too, the couch between them. He had forgotten mostly, and Regina hadn’t been answering her texts but she had been much more light-hearted lately but by the look on her face… he’d fucked up – It’s the finals.

She grits her teeth at him like she hadn’t since he was insisting she was a fairytale character every night at supper - Where’s Maleficent? I asked her to take you to the barbershop.

- Oh – He swallows, torn but knowing whatever he says Maleficent will somehow undo, the woman doesn’t lie – She took me… she just thought it was all right.

Regina drops her bag by Henry’s and takes off her coat – Leave. And you better come back tomorrow with a haircut a son of mine would have. You should know better.

- Got it, I’ll google medieval royal family haircuts. – She doesn’t crack as much as a smile in his direction when she turns to look at him when he speaks, he swallows and moves in for a hug that gets reciprocated with as little enthusiasm as he’s ever felt from his mother, he plucks a beanie out of his bag and covers his hair – Sorry mom. – He’ll have to wait for Emma to come and transport them magically outside, the wind biting at his skin. At least she’ll think it’s awesome, before he has to ask her to shave his head in the morning.

Regina marches around the first floor of the house to find it empty, but the disappointment doesn’t make her lose any of her steam. She takes on the stairs slowly, making it to the master bedroom where Maleficent is simply lying around with a book and music coming from the speakers, some piano concerto Regina can’t pinpoint.

She smiles lazily from her spot when she sees Regina but the woman doesn’t even try to be civil. She shuts the bedroom door behind her – Why did you allow the barber to do that to my son?

She barely sits up at Regina’s anger, being well versed in it as she is. She raises an eyebrow - Well hello dearest, my day lacks any emotion or grandeur unless you’re here to gift me your company, thanks for asking.

- He could have gotten there himself - Regina moves towards the bed, the attempt at a joke doing nothing to her - but I specifically asked you to go with him so this kind of thing doesn’t happen.

- The boy won’t die over a haircut, Regina– She dismisses the issue with a flourish of her hand and goes back to her novel –Seems like you’re being dramatic for the sake of it. You do let him choose his own hair styles at the very least, or don’t you?

- Do not tell me how to raise my child. – The mere accusation that she somehow cages Henry appalls her, so she raises her voice and Maleficent sits up sharply at that but she goes on – There are things you won’t understand.

- Oh? Because I am yet to raise any child, you mean? – Regina tenses for a moment but doesn’t have the decency to stammer out an apology, Mal stands from the bed then, book forgotten in the middle of it, she approaches Regina slowly – I suppose It’s not all bad, I would’ve loathed having this conversation about the child I do share with you.

She scoffs - In this alternative universe you deemed necessary to include me in any decisions? What a refreshing change since you were planning on taking Lilith’s existence to your grave in this reality.

- Three decades locked in a cave make for a few good daydreaming hours, many Maleficents have had handled things in many ways in my mind. – Mal pauses the music from her phone on the nightstand and the big drops of water start rattling the windows over the bed, they stare at each other for a second or two before it seems like Regina decides that yes, this is what they’ll be doing for the night

She chuckles dryly – So you ran a few hundred scenarios and realized I would find out eventually if you brought her here, and that’s why you decided to cozy up to me so this would go much more smoothly for all of us?

She walks past Regina then, towards the bathroom, her back turned to her as she hums – The only hitch in my masterful plan was that I didn’t have any frame of reference for your child rearing abilities, but I believe neither did you when you decided to adopt Henry… I wonder, did Cora’s little princess have a lot of say when it came to her hair styles?

Regina marches up to her and Mal turns just in time to halt her advancement a hair breadth away, she holds her ground though, her eyes blazing and thunder resounding far away to back up her stance – Don’t you dare-

Mal interrupts her – You wanted to fight? This is what you get. I know you Regina, and you should know me by now. I am not your punching bag. – She snakes a hand up to her neck and pulls her in slightly – Go find a peasant to scold instead if you want to see someone quake and roll over before you.

Back in the Enchanted Forest all their fights reached a stale point, in which neither of them wanted to back out, one of them always disappeared for a while then. Running isn’t much of an appealing choice now, they’re both home in a way they weren’t before, she didn’t intentionally pick a fight but maybe she could’ve handled it more calmly. Regina huffs before her – I don’t want to fight, nor do I want anyone quaking.

Mal smirks her victory and tightens her hold on her neck, pushing her backwards towards the bed – What do you want then? Did you have an oh so terrible day? Are you stressed? Perhaps you can talk to the cricket about it. – Regina grits her teeth, still angry even after she forfeited the fight and Mal chuckles and uses her free hand to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way to toss her on the bed – Let’s pace ourselves then, lest I fall asleep when you start bitching about it later and I end up a corpse because of it.

Mal turns a second to resume her music and she grunts when she turns back around to see a sharp heel aimed at her neck. – You are talking too much, taking too long. Maybe you’ll end up a corpse sooner than expected. – Regina rolls her ankle and Mal obliges slipping off the shoe and taking the other leg to do so as well.

- And who would entice young Henry to explore new haircuts then?

Regina hooks her feet under her arms to pull her in, in days like this she used to hack at trees with an axe deep in the forest back when the curse was still in place, then she moved on to burning them, she guesses hacking at Maleficent will do the trick now; not that Dr. Hopper would appreciate her still looking for things to hack at.

- I’m sorry – She looms over Mal’s form, laying on her chest as Regina looks for the scratches and blooming bruises and does her best to heal them all. It isn’t always like that, especially these days, and it has been worse, but sometimes it leaves a bad aftertaste in her mouth, she’s never dared mark anyone like she marks Mal.

Mal laughs under her and the movement causes her magic to lose track of a tender spot somewhere up by the ribs – You did nothing I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. But I am surprised small-town politics can be so stressful, darling.

The bites and scratches over her own body need attention too, and probably much more so, but she chooses to ignore them to press a kiss to Mal’s shoulder – I should’ve never talked to you as I did. Henry chooses to see you as a parent, we’re lucky, he’s not just my son anymore, – Mal turns to be able to look at Regina and she uses her finger to trace her collarbone – And I know keeping Lily a secret was the best option at the time, I’ve made my peace with it.

- I don’t recall this kind of encounter ever being followed by heartfelt apologies – She takes Regina’s hand from her chest and squeezes softly – You’re not your mother, Regina. I was a fool to even imply it. I would choose no one else to fight about my children’s hair with. – She sits up slowly leaning towards Regina – And to be honest that cave was one of the nicest caves I’ve ever been held in, eight out of ten, my wing-span fit comfortably. We should visit one of these days and I’ll show you the little scribbles I made on one of the rocks. - Regina cringes before a laugh escapes her, Mal snakes a hand around her waist and pulls her closer to lay a kiss on her cheek as she does – Now that I fucked the tension out of you, we can make slow sweet love, your turn to be on top.

- Oh dear, I didn’t have lunch. I’m starving. Reschedule? 

- Regina! You couldn’t at least find a snack before coming up here to pick a fake fight with me?

Chapter Text

Lily's scared, there had been four courses to dinner already: Lily’s favorite meal handcrafted by Regina with artisan ingredients, a designer bacon cheeseburger she calls it, she had two of those, hell she had been served the two without having to ask. Then Regina had followed with Henry’s favorite dish, some lobster-based thing because he had been rich his whole life so he knew about lobsters apparently, and the poor fool had been blindsided by that, already full with his burger he opted to have only two of the small thingies as Lily downed five. She wanted to goad him, more than once he’d sat there in awe as she ate three times what he had and had told her he wishes he could eat that much, but before she could he put on a smirk as his gamble paid off and Regina went in the kitchen and came back with pie. He had looked conflicted, like he was making a very hard choice, he chose to have half a slice only, a smart kid, that pie wasn’t his favorite but Lily’s moan let him know it was hers, so something was coming for him. and It did, Lily watched as Mal stood briefly and came back with a red velvet cheesecake topped with cocoa, beautifully presented, and Regina followed suit with a wine bottle, and even served Henry a small bit. He was ready, he had been playing his human cards right and he knew he could get at least two servings in before his jeans started pushing at his stomach and he dug in with much more self-constrain he usually had, drawing every bite and already eyeing the rest of the lobster things for later.

So, she sits watching Henry savor every bit of his cake as she skims the cocoa off her serving and she dares a sip of the wine, even she has to admit shit was crazy good. It’s probably one of the good ones, the ones Emma doesn’t touch. She resists the urge to swallow it in one go – Is it Henry’s birthday? I’m sorry dude, when were you born?

He can’t talk around his mouthful of cake and Regina sips at a coffee cup materialized out of nowhere while Mal side eyes her, her eyes say These are your kids while Regina’s say my what a lovely chandelier I got up in the ceiling where I can’t make eye contact with you. So, Lily knows something is up by that exchange. Henry swallows and smiles up at her – I’m an August baby!

- Gross, January all the way. – He pulls a face at her and she snatches his wine cup and pours it in her own making him squeak, she laughs at his noise and turns to watch Regina, who usually gets misty eyed anytime they interact but doesn’t do anything but drum her fingers on the table

He’s oblivious to it - Hey! Not fair.

- You wouldn’t even be getting any wine if I wasn’t here, this was pity wine, mom didn’t want you to cry wine, you’re the only kid in the room wine – She tips the glass to him and winks

- Speaking of which… - Regina’s voice breaks into their conversation and Lily turns to her again, gleefully drinking the wine in one go, making Henry huff and shove another forkful of cake into his mouth – Mal and I have been talking about our family, that we have here, and the time we were apart, and we have reached an agreement, that can seem beneficial to us but would also be enriching for you both, and we hope it won’t be cause for trouble or discontent… of course if it is, we want you to be frank and we will re-asses-

- We would like to have another child. – Mal cuts her off and then drops her hand on top of hers on the table.

It doesn’t ward off the sigh besides her, though -Not like that. Jesus Christ, Mal.

- We had a small window, before Henry goes into a coma after the meal you used to stall for the last hour or so.

He stops to consider but turns back to his cake, although with much less enthusiasm than he had a moment before, Lily stays silent as well, doesn’t do anything but pour herself another cup of wine, a tall one. Regina fidgets slightly – It goes without saying, we would not be trying to replace either of you in any form. And if it’s something you don’t agree with, or you don’t want… we can talk about it.

- Is it like an actual baby that’s yours? Or an adopted one that can be like… three?

Lily has always liked the kid even if she resents him a little for his continuous stream of lobster meals that should’ve been hers, he asks smart questions. She watches Regina stand from her seat and move to the one closer to his to take one of his hands on hers. - Henry… you are mine, ours... and Emma’s. It’s not all about blood.

He shrugs – Yeah, yeah, I know. But still, like nine months from now on baby or one month from now on baby, or eight-year-old you’re sending letters to online…?  I just want to know.

- Since we know it is possible, we’d like to try for a baby-  Mal turns to her, looking at her like she knows all her secrets and she sees right through her silence, or some shit like that. Lily hates when she gets all ancient wisdom, it raises her shackles, Mal continues holding up involuntary eye contact with her – if we all agree.

- It’s okay I guess, we have another room. – He pushes his cake around and Regina looks at Maleficent over his head, it doesn’t bode well if he’s given up on cake; after a second he takes another bite though – But you have to convince Emma to not have another baby because that’d be too many siblings too fast, plus you know, Uncle Neal… Can we adopt a kid kinda my age? Way cooler, plus Emma says that’s when they get really sad they’ll never be adopted so any one of them would be thrilled.

Regina smiles at him softly and glances at Lily quickly before looking at Mal, who bites the bullet – You know Henry, dragons are quite numerous back in our land, but we’re rarely seen together in colonies or things of the like, we’ve only family to keep us company. So, we’re prone to want to procreate. I could easily adopt a kid your age, even more so if his mother is beautiful and cooks wonderfully, in fact perhaps I’ll find a warm cave nearby and invite you into it, but I would prefer to also raise a child, and children your age are already mostly raised… although some are luckier than others sadly.

Lily makes a noise between a scoff and a chuckle and they turn to her, she stands – I don’t know why we’re doing this, you don’t need our permission to fuck.

Regina deflates on her seat – Lily…

- Sorry, language. Some of us were raised shittily – She motions to Mal with one hand as if to concede her a point and starts moving away from the table – Put me down as a none of her business in your poll results.

She’s halfway out the door for what seems like no damn reason when she hears Henry regaling Mal with the tale of how sad Emma Swan was after their year in New York when she found out her parents were having a new baby and how he thought maybe that’s what was wrong with Lily too, her bike keys tear into her skin with how hard she’s closed her fist around them, always being compared to Emma fucking Swan. She reaches the spot in the driveway where she usually leaves the bike and finds Regina leaning against it, looking grim. She huffs – What? I can’t leave now?

- We are talking about this. We knew it might be hard-

- Yeah yeah, Because fucking Emma couldn’t handle it. I'm good. - She has a limit, she can’t snatch the bike from right under Regina’s ass. But her car is parked outside on the street so she starts moving towards it and Regina appears right in front of her again, forgoing the dramatic mist and just popping into existence in her way – Look. I get it. It’s probably not even you, you had a kid already, who wants to do that shit twice? But Maleficent wants to and it’s okay. I’m good.

- Your hand is bleeding. – She takes it, heals it and doesn’t let it drop from her grasp so Lily snatches it again and Regina sighs – You know, my sister, Zelena… Mother didn’t deem keeping her worth it because she wasn’t of royal blood, I didn’t know about her but she knew about me. Would you like to meet her?

- What for? I was kidnapped, not given away. Different shit. I promise to never try to kill your baby.

Regina ignores that last part - She’s your aunt. Come meet her just for the sake of it.

She exhales slowly, and the minute she shows a hint of defeat around Regina she knows she’s gonna end up giving a mile instead of an inch or however the saying goes, like the afternoons she’s spent cleaning muck in her horse’s stall. She named him Puppets, so she’s the master of puppets, Henry didn’t get it. Regina puts an arm over her shoulders as best as she can and she fights the urge to smile at her, it is much harder to be tough around this one that around Mal. She guesses that’ll change if they do get a fucking baby and she learns to be as soft as this one can be.

They appear in a dark hallway and some woman looks up from her magazine, immediately glaring at them – It’s far from visiting hours. You can’t be here.

Regina hums - For old time’s sake, what’s one more after hours visit for a lowly civilian like me?

- We have rules for a reason, Regina.

- Don’t make me put you to sleep and wipe your memory, Amanda. Be a dear and open my sister’s cell. – The woman rolls her eyes and pushes a button, before going back to her magazine.

Lily follows Regina down the hallway and they peer into an open cell to find it empty, she leads her further down to a common room with some couches and coffee tables where they find Zelena sitting primly, expecting Regina at the very least

- Oh sissy, glad to see you! And who do we have here? Mother didn't have any more offspring I hope, not like she would've made it past childhood with the way she's dressed… could it be your child with the dragon perhaps?

- Who told you that? – Regina moves further into the room and sits across her sister, Lily follows and chooses a chair between them

- My mirrors saw a lot more than yours, you’d do well to remember that. – Zelena smirks and turns to inspect her face closely as she does the same to her, an aunt, The wicked witch of the west, how fucked up.

- You knew? For thirty years… and you didn’t think to inform me as a torture method before or as part of our new truce.

She laughs - You didn’t think to inform me, now did you?

Regina rolls her eyes and motions between them – Lily, meet your delightful aunt, Zelena. – They nod at each other and Regina turns to Lily – Do you want some privacy? – She shrugs and Zelena whistles

- Oh, are we here to bond over how horrible dear old sissy is?

- Thought you were older than her – It’s the first phrase she chooses to say to this particular family member and her eyes darken, she forgets sometimes, tough as she is, these are people who’ve actually committed murder more than once, this is an unofficial jail visitation she’s in. She’d beat the crap out of a few people but nothing else.

Zelena cackles, though – Oh, I already like Lily more than the charming one. Do your magic, Reggie.

Regina rolls her eyes as she motions for the silencing spell to envelop them and moves away to tinker with her phone meanwhile, Lily and Zelena get acquainted but small talk isn’t their forte at all, and as she explains to Zelena why Regina thought it was time they met, almost at 10pm on a Thursday a little over half an hour goes by in comfortable conversation. It seems Regina got bored of texting because suddenly Mal appears with the cloud of purple smoke Regina favors so much and sits by her on the couch she’d moved away from them, putting an arm over her shoulders and using the other hand to pull one of Regina’s to lay a kiss on the back of it.

Zelena gags on air and motions with her arms so Regina would see her putting a finger into her open mouth to gag again, Lily laughs at her antics but stops dead in her tracks and raises an eyebrow as Regina gives Zelena a middle finger back.  – Man, what the fuck was that?

She smiles at Lily - You’ll see, siblings aren’t quite as bad, even if your mother raised them after she didn’t have the decency to raise you. Don’t tell her I said that – She flicks her hair back from her front – My reputation would be ruined.

Lily turns to look at them again, they look exhausted, probably because of the kitchen extravaganza; she’s catered four-course meals before and it ain’t easy. And the way Regina leans into Mal and the taller woman uses her head as support for her own, resting her lips by the side of her hair, they look like someone died but they weren’t close enough to them to cry. She did that, probably, Henry’s reaction wasn’t excellent but at least he was only worrying about the space a baby would take up in his life, she slumps against her seat, eyes still on her mothers – You know I was just gonna disappear a few hours while I processed. I can’t ask them not to have a fucking baby. Who am I, Satan?

Zelena looks pointedly at them too and sighs a long, suffering sigh – Mrs. Dragon doesn’t let people do that in peace anymore, it’s all about discussing feelings and emotions now, and you’re very clearly not convinced, yet… Does that happen often? – Lily nods and Zelena’s eyes narrow – And to think I was going to seduce that Robin fellow if my original murder plan didn’t work out. What a waste of time.

Chapter Text

Mal shuffles into the room quietly, her feet socked and headphones in her ears, she sits on the couch, sideways, her legs settling across Regina’s easily and she sinks into the couch, without sparing a look to the movie Regina is watching she goes back to her playlist and closes her eyes, that is until Regina pulls up her sweatpants and settles her cold hands on her skin, Mal hisses and Regina chuckles and starts massaging

- Why? I did nothing to you, I did not deserve that.

She laughs again and pauses the movie, turning as much as she can under Mal’s legs – This is a strange level of silence for this house. - Now that there's more of them, Regina can still recall the tomb-like silence that used to dwell the house the year before or after the curse broke, at least in her vault the birds cackling outside kept her company.

Mal returns the gesture by removing one earbud and burrowing into the couch further, bending her legs a bit and pulling at Regina with them – Lily’s on a date with the little wolf, Eugenia just messaged me – She shakes her phone in the air to make her point – Apparently Ruby sprinted out of her place in a, and I’m quoting, skimpy dress to get in a blue muscle car that must be our hooligan’s.

- Hooligan? – She slips her hand up her calf all the way to her knee and Mal huffs again – Granny texts you about our hooligan?

Mal nods – She’s also stated that Henry is currently sharing a meal with a redhead girl and I happen to know it’s their third date, confidential source- Regina moves her still cold hands under her socks at the speed of light and Mal kicks at her – I have been sworn to secrecy. Telling you this much is a breach of privacy.

Regina tries to shuffle away but Mal traps her and she gives up after a few minutes, Henry deserves his little secrets too she supposes – Well, Miss Swan texted me getting some tonight, please keep the kid, finger gun emoji, ok hand emoji, water drops emoji, then no, really, I shaved, can you keep him? I suppose that romance is in the air. – Mal smiles at her and she runs her hands up and down the length of her calves again, at least warming them a bit this time. She speaks after another moment of silence – Do you want me to take you out?

- I’m perfectly content here. Well, if you could warm the icicles you have for fingers… then the night would be perfect. – Regina pinches her leg and she smirks both at the pain and at Regina's expression

- Is this what we are now? Local mothers of two fall asleep on their couch at – she checks her watch – 9:30 pm on a Friday night.

- There’s no one I’d rather become. But if you want me to put you on my back and drop you from a dangerous height to pick you up before you hit the ground, playfully of course, you are always welcome to ask.

- That’s why I locked you up for three decades. Attempted murder.

- You loved it. In fact – She moves quickly and picks Regina up easily standing with her in her arms, she yelps and Mal’s phone falls off her lap, the one ear bud holding on for dear life. – There’s a few, elevated sights of the forest around this town I’m sure not even you have seen. You better summon a coat, darling.

She starts moving towards the back door and Regina saves her phone for her – We are not leaving this house in our pajamas. Maleficent! – She summons the coat and a pair of boots when they make it outside and there’s no sign of stopping – Is this honestly what we’re doing?

Mal puts her down only to turn into a dragon, straining some of the trees that stand on the edge of the property and tilts her head Regina’s way, she nudges her with a wing and sets it down on the ground for her to step onto, to help her up. Regina’s fighting her grin, it’s always been like this, she says she’s not that keen of dying a few leagues up in the air and then she’s telling her to go higher and faster. She finally steps up and Mal raises her wing slowly to let her settle onto her back comfortably, when she’s found the spot she likes to hold on to she pats Mal and they’re off in the air.

It takes less than 10 minutes, and the wind whipping at her face is both the best and worst thing of the flight, they reach someplace over the mist covering the town and they come out covered in droplets, it’s calm up there, the wind carries them without Mal making any effort, that is until she dives through the clouds again, suddenly, the drop making Regina’s stomach churn.

Mal drops her off in a mossy rock and turns right back with a smirk – Darling, are you all right? You look flustered.

Regina tries to regulate her breathing, her hands on her knees and her head down – I could kill you. Lily’s learnt most of what she needs from you, I could end your life. – She takes deep breaths and stands upright again.

Mal laughs at her, wet hair finally out of place and curling way beyond control, pupils blown wide and cheeks red from excitement… or frostbite, her chest moving frantically under her long coat that gives place to red pajama pants and snow boots, it’s ridiculous. Mal pulls her to her with a wide smile and kisses her, for a few seconds, feels her calm down under her touch, before dropping to a sitting position and pulling Regina down with her to sit between her legs – Look.

There’s a big expanse of forest before them and far away the entire town can be seen, the clock tower barely visible as the highest structure in Storybrooke, they can see further away as well, Regina guesses that well over the orange line they can cross freely now. The town is cornered against the sea, surrounded by the thick greenery up to the shore, and over to that side, the moon reflects on the water. She’s only seen it on the small model that rests in Town Hall, no flights would provide her with this view and hell, she’d never even been in a plane.

She leans back into Maleficent and summons the woman’s slippers to cover her socked feet, she laughs and kisses her neck, moving the sopping hair out of her way – Thank you, it is bad form to get dirt on your fluffy socks.

- The big, bad dragon; mistress of all evil… saying the word fluffy.

- Only in front of the Evil Queen, who makes me feel fuzzy– She encircles both arms around her – And who can tell no one without me revealing we bought matching fluffy socks and slippers and that’s why you want them intact. Mutually assured destruction, love.

She huffs without taking her eyes off the scenery, Mal’s warmth reaching her through her clothing, the part of her hair in contact with Mal’s cheek drying up faster than the rest – This is amazing Mal, thank you.

- You’re amazing. To build all that from nothing… to make Lily out of love even when you were so broken, to obtain Henry out of material coming from Snow White and the Dark one… - Regina chuckles – You’re extraordinary.

- Me? You forgave me, after I stole from you, cost you your child, your sanity for three decades… You’re the one that amazes me daily. – She keeps quiet for a while and Mal sits peacefully behind her, they’ve gone over all that so many times she doesn’t feel the need to reassure Regina that it’s not her fault anymore. Mal’s head rests on Regina’s and her heartbeat calms to a lull, she’s just about to doze off for a minute when the brunette moves and drops her head so she jerks away to see Regina turned slightly, smiling at her startled expression, she puts a hand on her arm in an almost awkward angle – Mal, will you marry me?

- Oh? – Regina holds up her hand and a ring appears, in a small ornate box sits a pristine gold band with a red stone that reflects the light of the moon both inwards and outwards somehow, Mal’s not a fan of wearing jewelry but by the gods she loves looking at it. She pries her eyes from the ring and looks up to Regina’s hopeful smile and melts a bit, leaning closer – Are you sure? – She nods – I don’t need you to marry me, Regina. I know you have a bad history with it. – Regina shakes her head dismissively and smiles wide again – I told Henry I would consult with him when it was time for this

Regina laughs and turns even more in her arms – Just say yes.

- Yes. Christ, of course!

- You’re a catholic now? Maybe- She doesn’t get to finish her sentence. Mal kisses her soundly pulling her closer by the waist. When they part Regina opens the small box again and slips the ring on her finger, adjusting it as she puts it on. It glows brighter for a moment and Mal moves her fingers as if testing her hand with its new accessory.

- This cannot be from this land…

Regina takes her hand and lays a kiss by the ring – It’s my father’s, it was his mother’s before him. He proposed to my mother with another one, he said this one was born to be given out of love, not obligation.

Mal fixes her eyes on the ring again with a bright smile, watching the rays of light play inside the stone – I can assure you, no date tonight wound up better than this one.

- I sure hope so, because if we get home and Henry’s engaged I’m holding you personally accountable.

Chapter Text

- Wow a lot of shit happened huh? – Emma hovers the small dandelion around and around her head like some annoying bug and Regina hums. -So, you’re getting married, like really married

Regina nods, sitting on a garden chair close by – Eventually.

- And you’re trying for a baby? Like, real out-of-Mal’s-vagina baby?

- Eventually.

- Am I the maid of honor AND godmother?

- Shut the fuck up! – Lily’s own dandelion, still squarely rooted on the ground catches fire and she sighs, a long sigh and drops to the grass by it, putting her arm above her eyes.

Regina glares at Emma from where she sits, the blonde has the decency to drop the dandelion and sit by Lily’s head silently, and the woman huffs and sits up – Are we done with this shit for today?

- Not until you lift something. – Regina speaks firmly but gives her a soft look that Lily hates even more than straight up disappointment

- Well we’re having a sleep over in the lawn then! – she takes what’s left of the dandelion and yanks it off the ground to throw it far away, but it barely makes it a foot forward.

- Do you want Emma to go?

Emma bristles – Hey hey hey, why is this Emma’s fault?

- Miss Swan, your presence is a distraction Lily initially asked for but, as we all do, she seems to be regretting that now.

- How dare you imply that people don’t like me after a while? With my issues-

- Emma, - she starts off softly but turns back to her firm voice, the mom voice -either take practice seriously or go. You need to be doing glamours, not displacement spells.

Emma huffs and drops to the ground much like Lily had done a few minutes ago, summoning one of Henry’s forgotten action figures and flipping it over and over – Fine. But this one stays glamoured and you explain to the kid why.

Regina rolls her eyes at Emma and Lily takes the moment to stand but Regina holds a hand up - Lily, I know how frustrating this can be, but it is important. Besides like fire, levitation should come easily to you.

- Well, it doesn’t. – She flops down to lay besides Emma and Regina sighs above them both, why would she even agree to give them a joint magic lesson? Regina Mills has always been her own worst enemy. - Why can’t we be doing that? – Lily jerks a finger in the direction of David and Henry sparring with their swords, they’ve moved onto steel with dull edges, it was quite exciting for Henry - Shit looks way cooler… no offense, mom. Plus, we already have horses, do we really need another thing we do? I think we’re good.  

Emma laughs – We’re not risking my dad’s life like that. No thanks, nope. Wait for Henry to teach you.

- This isn’t about having things we do, this is about your magic being a part of you that you need to have control over as much as you do over… an arm or a leg, or the dragon. Lily you set yourself on fire the other night…- Regina hums, having an idea suddenly - I’ll teach you. But for each hour we do that, we practice magic for half an hour.

- You can do the sword swoosh slash whatever? – Emma sits up quickly – How come you never offered to teach Henry or me?

- Henry and David needed to have things they do, they needed their male bonding time. And you… I’d rather die than teach you more than one thing at a time, Miss Swan.

- How fucking rude.

Regina stands as she laughs at her and her clothes turn to tight brown riding pants, a black tank top and calf-high leather boots, and a hair-tie appears in her hand. – See if you practice your magic you won’t have to waste ten minutes of your hour by changing clothes Lily.

- You can just change them for me.

- Now why would I do that? Run along. And call your mother, she might want to watch this.

Lily takes a record-breaking three minutes changing her clothes to an outfit similar than Regina’s, daily you could almost ignore how much they look alike, since they were on opposites of the style spectrum; but there it was getting hard to tell them apart outside of hair length and height. A sword appears on Regina’s hand just as Mal sidles up to them, she rolls it in her hand, getting used to the weight.

- David!- She steps forward - An exhibition match?

He grunts as his concentration fails and Henry lands a blow to his side, before seeing his mother with a sword and dropping his own – Mom?

David recovers quickly, though – Her Majesty, come to play. Nostalgic, are we? – He starts moving towards her with a smirk, his own sword drawn easily.

Regina’s wrist rolls the sword again, this time much more quickly and they all drop their eyes to it, wondering how it does that without breaking – Yes, I did always enjoy seeing you on your back, pleading for your life. And my, what a nice shade of red your blood was.

- Hopefully that’ll fly right over the kid’s head huh? - Emma shifts her weight from one foot to the other

- No magic. - David barks out a laugh – Let’s see what you can do with nothing but your hands, witch.

Emma cringes - What on god’s green earth is going on? – At least they all seem just as confused

Regina raises up her arm and points her sword towards Mal – Your favour, m’lady? – She laughs and reaches into her hair to free it and grab the tie there, slips it carefully over the sword, all the way up to Regina’s bicep, which, has it always been that ripped? Emma wonders, not like she had ever seen Regina’s arms now that she thinks of it. Regina winks at Mal when the hair tie is secured and moves her arm steadily to point the sword at David, without lowering the blade at all, Emma notices her triceps’ strength as well and tilts her head to see if the woman has abs also, it wouldn’t surprise her. Regina smirks again and doesn’t move a muscle – Shepherd.

- You will fight a man without a favour? Princess will you do me the honor?

- Oh sh…oot dad, I don’t have anything… Do you want like a shoelace?

He looks at her and her boots briefly before deciding it isn’t worth the trouble and charging forward. Regina blocks his first swing easily, holding her ground even when it looks like he’s not regulating his strength at all. The blades make a horrible screeching sound as they slide against each other and she moves out of the way of his second lunge gracefully – David! Do you really want Emma to know this is the best you can do? – She uses one of her dodges to maneuver her sword to her left hand and hit him flat in the stomach with it, making him winded.

Emma hisses and turns to watch their expressions, Henry’s thoroughly entertained and Lily’s flat out impressed by the display, Mal’s ever neutral expression only budges for a smirk and Emma leans to Lily – I feel like this is foreplay and that baby sibling of yours is being made tonight.

- Swan…

- This is definitely foreplay. – Mal turns to her for a moment before turning back to the show

- Thanks for confirming. I wouldn’t have slept.

Emma turns back to the show as Lily sighs between them and in that moment David lands a hit by a rib on Regina’s back that sends her to the ground on her knees, they all pause for a moment wondering if they’re letting it go too far but Regina uses her arms to hold her weight as she kicks out both legs behind her to make David stumble back and she stands swiftly to follow him, she starts swinging her sword at him, and he blocks blow after blow. That is until she backs him to where the garden chair is and he loses his balance when he stumbles into it, with one swing he’s on the floor and she has her blade pointed at his neck, boot squarely on his chest. She tuts – Charming, every time.

He laughs – You just dance around me, of course you win like that!

- Brains over brawn, is it? – she smiles at him and moves her sword to her side

- Or trickery over honor. - She holds out her hand and he stands up with a jovial smile, shakes her hand for good measure. - One of these days Emma will avenge me. An equal match.

- That is a lot of pressure to put on Emma – Emma says as she struggles to pick up Henry’s discarded sword, hers is much lighter.

Lily snatches it easily off her hands – C’mon then! – She swings the thing strangely and Emma moves three steps behind to avoid death.

- Basic drills today Lily. And remember: one hour of this, half an hour of spells.

- Yeah, yeah.

Mal motions to the chair with her head and Emma summons it on instinct, she takes it and sits obviously settling in for an hour of Regina swinging a sword around. Emma summons another one and sits by her – Can you sword-fight too? – Mal shakes her head slightly – You don’t like horses, and you have no magic, ‘cause otherwise you’d fly your own chairs around… what cool medieval activity can you do?

- Turn into a dragon.

- Right. Yeah. Sure.

Chapter Text

Over by main street Ruby holds up her iPad with the 50^th puppy video for Lily to watch, she’s paid attention to maybe ten of them, the good ones, otherwise it is much more entertaining to watch Ruby’s face split into a grin every time one of the dogs does something remotely amusing. The low battery warning shows up and Lily exaggerates a sigh – Oh thank god. I enjoy seeing your family pictures and videos, but It’s about to rain out here

- Ha. Ha. – She looks up and surely, a drizzle is coming down on them seemingly out nowhere when the day was sunny when Lily stopped by to sit with her for a while. She enjoys rain though so she just turns to her with a grin – Do your thing. - Lily rolls her eyes but tendrils of steam start rising from her body, Ruby hums – You’re Smokin’ – Lily laughs at that and Ruby moves in to kiss her, she has an hour of break and she’s gonna make the most out of it.

They’re still kissing, with the iPad shielded from the rain between their bodies when Granny comes out and flicks them with a dish rag – Hey! Don’t you hear all the ruckus?

They snap out of each other, Ruby blushing and Lily watching her blush, and look up to see a tornado approaching from what looks like the beach. Lily gasps – Don’t we have CNN here? How did we not know it’s hurricane season?

- Babe, I don’t think this is the kind of storm CNN could tell us about. – She stands and moves towards the hurricane instead of inside, where it’s safe and dry – Call your mom.

Lily tries but it goes to voicemail immediately - It’s off. – Before Ruby can suggest getting Emma then, the storm reaches them and patrons spill out of Granny’s to see the new catastrophe happen, Lily fights all her instincts to go inside, if this is where the people are. Just as swiftly as it came the swirling vortex of water and debris dissipates and drops a house on main street. The cruiser screeches to a halt before them without having to call anyone and a dog wobbles out of the house, and straight to Ruby.

Emma looks at the scene unfold for a minute, she scratches her head and turns to Lily as if to say yup, that’s this town. She approaches, slowly and Ruby goes closer as well carrying the battered-up puppy, they peer through the windows and they spot the sole occupant inside, passed out. She motions to Ruby with her head – This better not be Zelena’s fault. Get Regina here and deal with whatever Dorothy reincarnation this is – She disappears in a cloud of white, sparkly smoke before they can tell her they don’t really know where she is.

Zelena beats Regina in chess yet again, three times in a row, without any mercy whatsoever and the brunette sister slumps against the couch. She lets out a sigh as Zelena goads her as she does, munching on a green grape and giving time for Regina to flick her hand and send the pieces back to their starting positions, it is usually at least five wins before Regina gives up but this time she holds up her hand and stands dusting her skirt.

- I am engaged.

- Oh? I don’t see a ring… To the dragon, I hope – Zelena’s nonchalant tone is followed by another grape, she spits the seeds into a bowl from her seat accurately, as if by magic. Regina has never been able to eat anything that needs spitting afterwards

- Obviously. – She sits again and eyes the grapes before deciding that no, she won’t start fishing things out of her mouth now – If there’s a wedding any time soon I would like you to attend. So, we should see about getting you out of here, yes? – Regina smiles at her, it’ll never be sweet and lord knows the word love has never left either of their mouths but they’ve reached a certain level of snark that can be interpreted easily by anyone who’s been in contact with any relative of Regina’s.

- And you’re sure you, a lowly mayor, have the authority to do this. What does the lord saviour think of this? Don’t go breaking my heart sis. – She’s allowed music, films and TV, it’s sure to become a nightmare soon.

Before Regina can retort a skinny nurse rushes in the room, Regina checks her watch before complaning, their visit is far from over and even then, no one would dare kick her out. Both Zelena and her turn to her with matching glares, their moment interrupted, but Emma Swan walks in a few second after.

- Zelena! – She pauses when she finds both Regina and her target looking up at her - Cutting to the chase, a house fell out of a tornado, girl and dog too.

The nurse scatters off, and Emma and Regina both turn to Zelena who’s caught off guard by the whole thing – Do you need advice on tornadoes? – She’s refrained of watching anything she’s supposedly in.

Emma gears up for a fight but Regina holds her hand up again, halting even her advancement into the room – Dorothy, is it? – Emma nods – Zelena?

- I don’t know her, if that’s what you’re asking. – She pulls the lapels of her cardigan around herself, frankly offended with the way Emma Swan stands off to the side staring at her

Regina turns to the blonde and Emma nods, she turns back after that to look Zelena in the eye – She’s from your… story.

- And did you know every dwarf personally then? Can you name all seven? – She has watched many a Snow-White adaptation, and is also insulted on her sister’s behalf. Not one of the stories deemed the whole Daniel-and-Cora debacle worth mentioning.

Regina smirks – I understand you might not know who she is. The sheriff was only being precautious. But still, are you sure this won’t put a dent in our plans? There’s some manner of magical shoes involved I believe?

- Ruby slippers. C’mon Regina, you got a kid.

- You’re lucky I even knew the name, Sheriff.

Zelena sighs – I’ve heard of them. I have no interest though, where would they take me?

Regina stands and pauses to look at Zelena briefly – I’m dealing with this now, I suppose. We’ll speak tomorrow? – She puts a hand on her shoulder, as close as they get to hugging.

- Looking forward to hearing all of Dorothy’s adventures.

They barely make it out the door before Regina gives Emma a look that sends her against the padded wall – I don’t appreciate you coming here to badger my sister without informing me first. How would I have found out if I wasn’t here when you barged in?

-I’m… I’m the sheriff. I have a right to follow an obvious lead-

She tuts – Miss Swan, I thought we were well past bullshit. – Emma bristles but Regina stops her easily holding up a hand again – I’m releasing her, soon as this is resolved. Under my responsibility.

- Cuff stays on?

- Until she’s adjusted. She’s family.

After that one-sided decision they walk briskly up the hallway, Emma trailing Regina’s thunderous pace. They’re silent all the way up the stairs and well past the tunnel that connects the psych ward to the main area of the hospital, it’s only until they reach the parking lot that Regina looks her way again.

They walk into the diner to see everyone milling around the newcomer, who seems to be retelling her story to the always nosey constituents of Storybrooke. Emma shuffles to her mother, filling Dorothy to the brim of good intentions probably and Regina stops by Lily’s stool when she sees her, passing a hand over her hair and summoning a pastry and a cup of coffee for her, Granny eyes her for a second, she winks and the woman huffs in her spot but doesn’t move to stop the items mid-flight.  – The house did not fall on you, did it?

- I’m fine, and mom has Henry at home. I’m just waiting for Red. But yeah, what the fuck? Whole fucking hurricane.

Regina closes her eyes and lets out a contented sigh, she turns to find Red in the crowd, Snow leaning into her as they listen to the girl – I don’t think Miss Lucas will be free anytime soon, ever the lapdog.

- You don’t like her? – her tone is almost hesitant, neither Regina or Mal had said anything about them going out… but Lily is kinda fond of Regina, and she doesn’t want to have to pick eventually.

Regina passes a hand over Lily’s hair again – We’ve grown civil, friendly even. But still, Snow whistles and she wags her tail – She holds up a finger and moves it side to side as if to illustrate her point. Lily chuckles and Regina steals a sip of the coffee before leaving her to go to the group.

In Ruby’s defense, as soon as Regina arrives and Snow is distracted with her she slinks away towards Lily. The puppy much better thanks to Emma’s magic still follows her around much to its owner’s chagrin, not that it bothers Red of course. If Toto and its owner want a friend she’s willing to be one, the girl was very nice and it wasn’t going to be easy for her to adapt. Red finally reaches Lily and sits by her, running a hand over her shoulders as she does - So Dorothy is from Kansas, fell asleep woke up here, shiny shoes don’t work because well, magic isn’t real in Kansas… whole family dead. Guess she’ll be sticking around until we figure that out.

Lily looks up a Red, we?  – Sounds shitty, why doesn’t she just get a plane ticket back? – Ruby only shrugs and Lily takes a bite of her free pastry – Hey, so you’re gonna be busy?

The dog yaps at Red’s feet and she smiles at it, wondering how long it has before Granny makes it go outside - Yeah, my shift is back on. Sorry… sneak me into your room later? – She winks

Lily barks out a laugh – There’s some weird symbols scratched onto the driveway, I don’t think you can sneak in or out of that house without mom finding out – Ruby rolls her eyes, of course there would be runes. Lily stands to give her a quick hug, and she presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth out of respect for Regina, who looks at them out of the corner of her eye over Snow’s incessant chatter, probably thinking of more runes to keep her further away.

She takes her hand and starts moving away – You’ll call me? I’ll plan us something good for next time. No dog videos. -  Lily nods and drops her hand to wave goodbye.

It’s an eventful couple of days for them, first Regina moves Zelena from the psych ward to the house and in her attempt to cram every member of her family into the manor she manages to make everyone revert to their prickly state easily, except Henry of course, who’s a Charming too and can go stay in Emma’s apartment a few hours per day. Zelena announces that she either goes somewhere else or back to the peace of her cell; and Regina obliges and buys her a flat that’s a few minutes away if they drive, even she was dreading becoming neighbors with Zelena it appears.

They take her shopping too, and the woman in the Gucci store is now very interested in the siblings Regina keeps revealing to her but takes their made-up story with aplomb and shows Zelena many a green blouse to Regina’s chagrin. Regardless, it’s not Gucci she ends up loving the most, the trip to Levi’s changes Zelena’s outlook of the world and Lily ends up being the one guiding her the most when it comes to boots, jackets, scarfs and t-shirts. By the time they’re done Regina rolls her eyes at her sister’s outfits, taken straight out of a hallmark winter movie where the down-to-earth woman works in a lodge and carries kindling for the fire at least once every act of the movie. You can take a peasant out of the forest… At least the cuff doesn’t clash wildly with that aesthetic.

Zelena needs to pick up how to exist in the new society though, so as much as she enjoys having her own furbished apartment she still spends the whole day in the house, trailing them to learn how to work the many appliances, Lily sneaks her a few hours of driving classes in her own car, and then decides to live and maybe just steal a horse for her, surely people in that town could allow her to ride horses through the street. Turns out Zelena can’t ride horses either, hell she can barely read and write. Regina serves her a glass of wine and lets her know she can teach her, or curse her a little bit like they did Mal but Zelena refuses and promises to let herself be taught with patience. She does not sound like someone who knows patience either.

And then, one day, Regina decides that they should get officially homogeneous, and drives everyone down to the Mayor’s office to file her very fake paperwork with their new names, which somehow end up backed up in national databases. The way the curse works, they exist, the town of Storybrooke is in Maine, they could register to vote and they’d count, they are all American citizens… but no one really wants to check on them, or their eternal mayor, or their strange budget for natural occurrences repair. So, Zelena signs easily into her new Zelena Mills persona, she’s handed a driver’s license she knows better than to try to use and her birthday is set to April whether she likes it or not, Regina fabricates other papers she deems necessary, and as someone who’s forged her way into an adopted baby, she’d know. Lily, real on the outside world decides that a second identity can’t do her any harm and signs for a Lilith Gabriella Mills Feuer to be born in Storybrooke, daughter of the mayor and one Mallory Feuer regardless of apparent age; only that night she thinks her name could’ve been illegally legally shortened to Lily but alas, at the moment she is been busy containing her tears at being adopted by her mothers, she can’t be expected to think clearly. Mal has gone through her illegal naming ceremony already but she attends in solidarity to them, to hug Lily close as she does, and so does Henry, who asks if he can be renamed Henry Daniel Swan-Mills to what Regina sighs and answers if you must, he gives it a minute of thought but then he decides he’s fine the way he is, he’d have to invent a fake marriage and divorce to justify that if anyone outside of town ever asks.

They go to a sea-food place to celebrate their recent last-name extravaganza (before the wedding when Regina and Mal are joining theirs as well, so two sea-food dinners at the very least) and they want to deny them for a minute before they see the mayor standing shortest among the crowd, Henry included. They move a few tables to accommodate them in a corner and it’s only as they walk in that Lily realizes she has not seen her non-official girlfriend in almost a week, and probably only because there she is, ordering food with the woman that fell out of a tornado. Yep, that’s why she can’t have nothing, she was supposed to call and she had forgotten and texted the other day and Ruby had replied a few hours later and now that’s what they did, they became people who texted each other every few hours. She really sucks.

She leaves her family to go say hi real quick and Ruby turns around before she even reaches her, Lily smiles at her – Hey wolfie.

-  Lily, smelling all kinds of happy… to see me? – She winks and lifts an arm up for Lily to get under

She obliges and Ruby lays a kiss on her temple as Lily chuckles – You’re looking at a Mills, legally.

- Oh that’s nice! – She turns to the girl, reading the menu and pokes her on the side – Hey Kansas, this is Lily, the mayor’s daughter, legally and all. – Lily frowns by her side, the mayor’s daughter? That’s it? Ruby goes on – Remember them?

She smiles at Lily briefly and then turns to Ruby again - Yeah, she was there when Toto and I fell out of the sky… the mayor too. Scared you right off when she came to grill me.

Ruby smiles at her as she pulls her arm away from Lily – No, no. She doesn’t scare me. She’s just the only one Snow gets stupid about too, so we take turns. – The girl laughs at her joke, easily, already acquainted with Snow’s brand of crazy behavior by the time they’ve spent together and Lily stands there feeling… lost.

- Hey, I’m gonna head back – she jerks a finger in their table’s direction – Nice to meet you.

The girl nods and Ruby tears her eyes away to say a weak goodbye – I’ll see you later Lils!

She sits on the table by Zelena, they are explaining what each plate is and how the meat is cooked and Zelena leans to whisper at her – The dog isn’t joining us? – Lily shakes her head no and her aunt turns then and nudges her with her shoulder – As a newly anointed Mills, you can do better.

Lily can barely sleep that night, she can do better? Why would she need to do better in the first place? Ruby and her had been doing just fine right? Although she was just introduced as the Mayor’s daughter so… her finger hovers the screen between Emma’s name and Ruby’s, before going back and settling on Netflix.

Across town Ruby climbs her stairs as silently as possible but she doesn’t manage to pass Granny’s room without the woman coming out of it to glare at her, this time though it’s different, she comes out and takes one whiff of her and her expression turns dreary – Child, you’re playing with fire. Both thrown and exhaled.

- I was just showing her the docks, she had never seen the ocean – Granny huffs at her and she looks down – Nothing else about it, I swear.

- Don’t become another bad reminder for that girl, Red.

Ruby does indeed plan a date better than the last one that was mostly an invitation to hang out for an hour that turned into a session of puppy video compilations. This time around she makes Lily follow her up a trail in the woods, she’s wearing very thin-soled sneakers, skinny jeans and a red t-shirt, carrying a big backpack with her and her hair up in a ponytail that wags happily behind her and Lily follows her snapping branches and jumping over trunks with her heavy boots, her jacket long ago tied around her waist when she started sweating because of it. She tries to react as little as possible when a small fox? Comes up to them to seemingly greet Ruby and then goes on his merry way, Lily wonders for a while if there should be a fox in their latitude but plows on and eventually they reach a clearing. Ruby turns around with her arms stretched out and smiles at her as she pulls her closer for a brief kiss – You gotta admit, this is cute as fuck.

Lily looks past Ruby to see the sunlight filtering down in the flower bed that lies in the middle of the place, a few butterflies doing their thing here and there, the wind cooling them where they stand. She nods – As cute as you - and Red smiles at her as she goes further into the clearing, pulling out a blanket for them to lie on and a couple of beers, Lily’s already sipping hers when Ruby pulls out a bow and a few arrows as well – You brought me here to kill me? – Well, there goes cute as fuck.

- C’mon, let’s hunt our meal! – She sits on the blanket setting up the bow and the quiver on her back and she takes a sip of her own beer – Ok, you set up a fire and I’ll hunt our meal. Rabbit or something bigger?

Lily’s eyes threaten to bulge out of their sockets as she stares at Ruby, who is removing her shoes and socks swiftly – I’ve never eaten any… weird shit. So, you can choose whatever. – Ruby stands then and passes her hand though her ponytail, straightening and sending it squarely to the back of her head, she kisses her cheek and goes into the woods, it’s hard for Lily to hear where she is after a few seconds so she goes in the opposite direction and grabs a bunch of dropped branches and other wooden-looking things and carries it on a pile that tickles her chin to the clearing, drops it unceremoniously on the floor and sets fire to it with simply sending her breath its way. One of the many perks of being a dragon that she can now control easily, she can filter the sounds she wants her brain to count as background noise so she won’t go insane, she can lift the end of a car with a little effort for Henry to recover his ball and she can recognize the shirt she is wearing is much too expensive to have little holes and dried leaves stuck to it, Regina’s gonna kill her. Ruby comes out of the woods from a different direction that the one she went in and she’s holding two small rabbits in her hands with a grin

- Easy peasy.

- I know you think that’s super attractive but…- She goes to the blanket rolling her eyes and Lily follows her, they both sit, the dead rabbits squarely between them and Ruby takes a small speaker out of her bag, hands it to Lily who fumbles with spotify until she finds a playlist with date in the title, hopefully it goes with whatever Ruby’s about to do to the dead bunnies. Red laughs at Corine Bailey Rae playing around them and sets up a few sticks by the fire, deep into the soil and moves to the blanket again

- Okay so – She takes a swiss army knife out of her pocket and holds one rabbit up – To eat this in human form you gotta skin it, people also dismember them but my jaw can manage just fine so I’ll guess yours too.  – She makes one continuous cut and suddenly yanks at the skin of the rabbit and it comes out easily in one piece. She impales it into another stick and puts it over the fire. – I did yours so you’ll do mine, right? – She holds out the bloodied knife her way

- Oh hell no – she shakes her head and looks at the rabbit by her – Nope.

- Oh, her highness is above skinning a rabbit, I understand – She stalks closer and kneels before her with a smirk

- You won’t trick me into this. As your princess I order you to skin your own rabbit. – She nods resolutely and Ruby leans in closer with a smirk

- Your mother ain’t no queen of mine, I answer to Queen Snow White, and Queen Snow White only. – She presses a small kiss on her lips and takes her distraction as advantage to press the knife into her hands – I‘ll teach you. – She sits behind her and takes her hands – First you do the front, from the neck down, straight. – She guides her down and then flips the rabbit easily and continues until they’re cutting high up and between the ears, she lets go of the knife and takes Lily’s hands again – And now, you yank.

- I’ll hate you for this until I die – she tosses the skin far away and Ruby stands to settle her rabbit over the fire as well.

For a moment they have the sound of the dragon fire crisping the meat and the speaker letting out mellow sounds to accompany them and Lily looks at her clothes, specked with blood where Ruby’s aren’t, she picks at her shirt and the wolf looks up from where she is with her head on Lily’s thigh and her phone in her hands – I can help you with that – she winks and goes back to her message and Lily stares at her for a moment and hey, what the hell.

She bends down to kiss her with a clear intent and Red moans, she tosses her phone in the general direction of her backpack and it clinks when it hits the bottles first but she couldn’t care less as she sits up and moves to loom over Lily, whose weight falls to her forearms as they continue kissing. Ruby remembers herself first and sits up again – The meat is probably done. Let’s eat first. - Lily looks flabbergasted as Red stands and plucks the stick up and away from the flames, taking a deep breath to gauge the blood left in the animal. She’s satisfied with it and turns with a smile – Can you put that out? – Lily can inhale it right back, she moves to do just that and Ruby gets out of the way, towards her bag to take out a couple more of beers and a small bottle of BBQ sauce. – Best of both worlds.

Red hands her a rabbit with a few napkins and Lily turns it over and over, not even knowing where to bite into that. Red tears at it easily enough with her hands and starts eating so Lily does just that. It’s not bad, she can see a life where it doesn’t suck to eat this, if you don’t know chicken nuggets exist, she tells Ruby just that and she laughs boisterously before settling down again with her rabbit. They eat in silence for a while and then Ruby is the one to speak – Hey, Page. What are we?

She swallows her bunny meat slowly – I am a Mills, I don’t know what you are. – Red gives her a pointed look and Lily swallows nothing – We’re… dating?

She nods – You and me, we’re exclusive, right?

- I’m not seeing anyone else. - Lily shrugs, nonchalantly – I don’t know about you.

Red turns to look at Lily, she’s cute, her voice is cool and all but the pulse on her neck doesn’t escape her - Not at all. Exclusive. – She kisses her cheek and Lily can feel the distinct sensation of barbeque sauce on her cheek, Ruby goes in a second time to lick it off her and sits back like that didn’t just happen, she speaks before Lily can make a dog joke –But I’m not making love to you in the middle of the forest, not the first time.

- Bold of you to assume there will be a second time.

- Bold of you to assume you won’t be the one begging for it.

They walk back into town shortly after, Lily choosing to walk with Red all the way to the diner to have a proper meal since the rabbits were kinda small and their hunger is kinda mythical and all. Granny smiles at her when she sees her, she usually does, plus she’s apparently friends with her mother so that can’t hurt. The woman calls Ruby to her and she takes her hand to squeeze briefly before she goes, Lily doesn’t eavesdrop when she can avoid to, she focuses on the menu before her and when she’s decided she moves to answer a few texts she had neglected while they were in their date. In her utmost concentration to send the right sequence of emojis to convey the wizard of Oz in the family group chat she misses when Dorothy herself comes into the place, walking very determinedly, towards the counter looking for someone, then stopping abruptly, and without as much as a hello grabbing Red by the t-shirt to make her turn around and then kissing her soundly over the counter.

The light sweeping over her is what makes Lily look up in time to see Red push the woman back with a startled expression. She flounders like a fish out of water as Dorothy smiles up at her excitedly and her shoes shine enough everyone watching shields their eyes for a second while the light subsides. After the beam of light, it’s Granny who turns to look at Lily slowly, and that’s when she understands what just happened. Henry had shown her video of the last time the rainbow glowy thinghy had passed over the town, true love’s kiss. She’s sitting on her own bed before anyone can say a word to her.

Ruby jumps over the counter swiftly, Dorothy and her now shimmering shoes try to explain that Snow had told her- but Ruby growls at her and runs right out of the diner to look around, the dog yaps by her feet chasing her as she turns in her spot trying to find Lily but she can’t see her anywhere close and she sighs before she takes off running towards Mifflin, paying no mind to Toto giving her chase. Two blocks in her race he's gone but she sees Snow coming towards the diner with a bright smile and she stops to a halt before her, grabbing her by the lapels of her jacket and shaking her – Why did Dorothy just kiss me? What did you do?

Her smile doesn’t fade even with her confusion – Red calm down! Dorothy came to me describing how she felt and I explained all about true love and look! How do you feel?

- Snow you idiot! Why can’t you ever mind your own fucking business! – She pushes her away and takes a deep breath, looks at her and her kicked puppy expression apologetically but takes off running again before the woman can get another word in.

She knows she’ll be in Regina’s doorstep in 3 minutes and 30 seconds, and what then? What is she going to do, it wasn’t her who did the kissing in the first place, but she’d been overly friendly with Dorothy and her dog since she dropped out of the sky and that’s probably what had given her the wrong idea. She was a fucking idiot, that’s for sure. She could’ve driven, it would’ve taken her longer but she wouldn’t show up panting like a maniac. That’s the thought the barrier interrupts when she slams into it. She lands on the street, her entire body ringing for a moment before she stands up, shaking it off and both Regina and Maleficent appear in the doorway, the magical noise of the collision sending them into a defensive stance, they spot her though, and relax a tad

- Regina! Let me in, please.

- You’ve either come to harm someone or one of us doesn’t want you in the house, regardless, the spells know better than I do what the issue here is and I am inclined to believe them.

- What? You know me! I’m not hurting anyone! – She approaches the house again to find resistance to get past the open gate, her hand burns when she puts it over the threshold – Since when do you have these spells in the first place?

- If Lily is the one that doesn’t want you here, there’s nothing I can do. – Regina eyes her warily, they do know her and she poses no threat but the spell has been around years, effective in its simplicity, only the person currently keeping her out can have a change of heart and let her in. And, if they were on a date and someone found their true love, how could that have ended up in this?

Ruby paces the length of the house, feeling for a weak spot on the barrier as she dials Lily’s phone over and over again. Regina watches her with a pinched expression and Maleficent moves from her side for a while, to come back with a sullen Lily, who comes out of her house, past the barriers to glare at her – I get it, we’re done. You can leave now.

- No, no! – She grabs at her jacket – She kissed me! I’m sorry but…? No. – Red shakes her head resolutely and her ponytail whips at her head

Over by the door Maleficent takes two steps towards them, coming just to the few stairs that separate the house from the front lawn and Lily shakes a hand at her – Moms, privacy? – Regina snaps a finger and a bubble pops up around them she takes Maleficent’s hand and drags her inside almost comically, but Ruby pays them no mind as she tugs on Lily’s jacket again – Look Red, true love’s kiss, not your fault, you weren’t cheating, I won’t kill you or her. Leave. – She lists things off with her fingers and finishes reclaiming her arm

- I don’t know her! I don’t love her! – She sinks to sit on the stone pathway then, her long legs bent almost uncomfortably – This is not what I want, I want you.

- Tough shit. If we’re done…– She jerks her finger towards the house and Red grabs her leg

- No. Please, sit? – She looks up at her, pleading, and Lily has no option but to oblige, and sink to the floor by her, her legs stretched and her feet hitting the pavement in front of them. – Lily I swear, that was the first time it happened… I don’t… I guess she doesn’t know about you but I swear I wasn’t hiding you or anything, it just never came up? I don’t know anything about her either to be honest, we don’t speak or anything, I just play with her dog.

- I texted Henry, he’s at Emma’s so I texted him – She yanks the phone out of her pocket, tight jeans and all, and scrolls down to show her his explanation – He says true love’s kiss sometimes only comes when one of the parties, he said that, he said parties, when one of the parties involved is in danger and the other one realizes they want to save them over anything else. Or that it sometimes just happens at wedding’s and other important stuff, but that people already love each other when it happens.

Ruby shrugs and shakes her head again – Well I don’t know about all that but I don’t love her. It’s just probably friendship? There’s obviously non-romantic true love going around.

- Dude I don’t want to live like that, with that thing hanging over my head, what are you gonna do? ignore it? – She puts her phone back in her pocket – You gotta at least date her for a while.

- Don’t call me dude! We are dating. I have a choice. I choose you. She can go back home now that her shoes work, woooo curse broken! – She stands to pace and the bubble follows along obediently, stretching in all directions – Your mother has a soulmate living on the edge of town and what is she doing? Getting married to Maleficent. Why do I have to date the stranger?

- She has a… soulmate?

- Apparently different than a true love, which only proves my whole ‘it’s bullshit’ point- Red nods – Robin, normal dude, real unimpressive, like Dorothy.

She drops her head on her hand, she's exhausted. Popping in and out of places is exhausting - But mom still dated him. And you still like her.

- What? Why? – She stops her pacing and sits again

- You were becoming friends with her and you love the puppy, she obviously picked up on something… it was a matter of time. I’m not too angry about it… or maybe the house swallowed my anger and bounced it on you when you came running in – She shrugs and Red takes her hand

- Lily, what do I have to do to keep this – she motions between them – us.

- Apparently, give up on your destiny. – She lets out a chuckle filled to the brim with self-pity and Red nods.

- Done- She doesn't stop to see if Lily heard, or to give her time to recant on her conditional yes - I’m texting Snow you’re my girlfriend so this kind of shit doesn’t happen again. You know what? this goes to Leroy too. Get ready, in an hour everyone will know. 

- You’re texting… Snow? – She frowns as an arm loops around her shoulder for Ruby to press their heads together. She kisses her as she can to prove the point further and snaps a pic to send, they look quite smushed and one of her eyes is closed where Ruby's kiss pushed her cheek up but it's a nice one – So what? Snow-White didn’t know about me and she told Dorothy to try to kiss you?

- Long story short? Probably. – She takes her hand again after putting her phone away – I’m serious about this Lils, I don’t care about the kiss. I want to be with you.

- Are you sure? - This is a tough one to swallow, weren't all these fairy tale characters looking for their own rainbow kiss person?

Red gives her one nod, pointedly, and stands swiftly, holding a hand out for her – As long as you never disappear in the middle of another date.

- My magic does whatever the fuck it wants most of the time. Plus, the date was over. – She takes her hand and Red hoists her up easily and sneaks her arm around her waist to pull her closer

- It was not. I was asking Granny for a special order, you were going to be blown away.

- Mom takes requests for dinner, if you want to stay.

- She takes requests from you. - Red smiles brightly at her for a moment and leans in a bit – But if the runes let me, I’ll stay.

Chapter Text

Emma walks into the Mayor’s office shortly after being announced, she pushes the double doors with her back since her hands are stuffed with a pile of folders and loose papers that reaches her chin. Once a month she shows up in Regina’s office to hand in the paperwork, thing is, she also saves some to ask Regina for help, many magical happenings will do that to a town. The mayor has long stopped fussing about her lack of common sense to do her job and they even have a good time while filling up the spaces in the forms. The doors slam behind her, the little gust of wind pushing her forward and she manages to turn around finally to find Mal in Regina’s seat, where Emma herself has never been allowed, and Regina in one of the chairs she keeps on the other side of the desk for visitors, some paper held in the air before her eyes, and one leg crossed over the other, her back ramrod straight and miles away from the back of the chair for whatever reason. Neither of them turn to greet her and she pouts over her documents at the lack of warmth, taking in the scene, the amount of paper carefully displayed in the huge desk, as organized in columns and rows as it can be. She shuffles in under the weight of her undone work – Aw are you guys planning the wedding?

Regina turns to her finally, the reading glasses perched low on her nose, her hair now long enough to be braided into a fishtail that curls low to her side and allows for some shorter tendrils to drop out of it, it would be cute if it wasn’t for the entire black skirt-shirt combo, matching black blazer draped over her chair where Mal sits, and the tension. Regina turns back to her floating document quickly – We’re balancing the budget.

- I am balancing the budget. You’re reading. – Mal’s eyes don’t leave the screen in front of her and Regina rolls her eyes.

She uncaps a pen she has on her hands and Emma watches as she circles something in the paper held in the air, and makes a comment in her neat script before letting the magic that holds it up drop it and putting it in one of the piles neatly. She stands from her chair – Then you won’t mind if I help Miss Swan with her paperwork.

It was hardly a question and Mal makes only a dismissive noise as she eyes the sheet of paper Regina just laid in front of her. Regina motions Emma to the couch where they can sit side by side, she lays the pile on the floor and drops herself on the couch with a huff – Hey I learned to make some fancy burgers, so I’m holding a dinner party tonight like an actual adult with wine and stuff, Luke’s baking the buns. You guys will come? On one hand my parents are gonna be there so, yuck, but also Henry agreed to invite his girlfriend so we’re really gonna, you know, embarrass him. That’s a task for the mom triangle.

Regina nods once and turns to look at her desk - Maleficent? – Emma frowns at that

- I have a previous engagement with Cruella.

- It will be just me then, Miss Swan – her hand turns in a flourish and the pile of papers splits itself in half and each new, smaller pile lands in front of one of them – Let’s get to it.

Emma grabs at a paper without a sound, confused as hell. When Regina turns to her she mouths a What the fuck? At her that goes ignored and they get started on their paperwork, Regina using an invisible desk that lets her write comfortably and Emma bending well into unknown depths to reach the coffee table in front of them, her writing is sloppy on normal conditions but like that? Regina’s lucky she’s present and hears her muttering under her breath as she writes so she knows what the documents say.

It’s maybe a whole hour before Regina puts her out of her misery, she stands and moves to the door, Emma following quickly. Maleficent looks away from her screen and Regina stops by the door – Pasta okay for lunch?

- If we must.

Emma trails after Regina all the way through the hallway and into the old elevator that takes them down, only when the metal doors close she speaks again – If we must? Are you guys getting pre-divorced? I can’t take this, I come from a broken home.

- Your parents are famous for their stable and healthy relationship.

- I come from like ten broken homes and you know it. What the fuck was that?

Regina seems to appraise her for a moment and when the doors slide open she decides her worthy enough and begins talking as she moves away – You’ve heard of the Dorothy situation? – Emma nods behind Regina and the woman goes on, like she saw her nod, like she cares if she nodded – While I don’t want to see Lily hurt, Miss Lucas seems to have made a choice and Dorothy left already, accepting her loss. Mal does not see it that way, she thinks they’re fated to fail. This lead to me mentioning how Robin is my soulmate, she apparently had not been informed of that. There’s some strange mating ritual shebang much more binding than a legal marriage, with magic stronger than any soulmate bond it seems. But I am reticent to do that so, she’s in a mood.

- Yikes. Why won’t you dragon-marry her? She’s blonde and tall. If you wanted someone better than me… this is your last shot

Regina orders for all three of them, one of the plates with meatballs on the raw side of things. The woman looks at her oddly but complies with the Mayor’s wishes and they sit in one of the tables, the sun warming them up in the patio cafeteria in Town Hall. Regina answers a text and gives Emma her undivided attention again – Tell me Emma, is your boyfriend okay with your obsession with me?

- Are you kidding? Right before we fuck we start listing our favorite Regina outfits, just to get in the mood - Regina chuckles at that and Emma’s sense of triumph allows her to put a hand on her forearm softly – It’s okay if you don’t want to dragon-marry her because of Leopold. Since you can’t divorce her if you do it that way, I think. She’ll understand.

- It’s not that… at least I hadn’t thought of that. – She sighs – It grants me longevity, to be with her. And I refuse to outlive Henry.

- Or me.

- You I must certainly will kill with my own bare hands eventually, to feel the life drain out of your body – She says it so casually, head tilted upwards to receive the sunlight, eyes closed peacefully

- Wow. – She takes her hand back in mock offense – After I remembered three of your outfits last night. – She gives her one of her looks and Emma sits back in her chair – I bet you haven’t told her all that though, and she’s hurt because she thinks you like her but you don’t like like her, and that you have a soulmate you’d be with if I hadn’t brought his wife back from the dead.

- So, you are not taking my side.

- I don’t know… You don’t wanna see us die but you’re willing to normal-marry her and make her see you die? Lily? Unmade baby number 3? Even Henry himself. Plus, what’s better than seeing your kid make it? Seeing him graduate college and raise a few kids and write brilliant books and then get an award and then, very then, decades-later then die a peaceful death after we stopped all kidnapping attempts, being sure he makes it. All while maintaining your smoking bod. - It was a good little speech while it lasted, but Regina still rolls her eyes at Emma at the end and stands promptly to retrieve their food without another word, the blonde sighs and goes after her, the joke that ruins everything is always the joke she can’t keep from making.

Regina moves back into the building with the whole thing ringing in her head, how long had Maleficent been alive already? All alone, her parents long gone, siblings far away and all her flings eventually ending as swiftly as they start, thirty years spent apart from her first opportunity of a family. What would they have? Another 60, 70 years? In which Regina would grow old and grey, her magic perhaps finally taking a toll in a world not made for it? The thirty years of stasis rearing up and swallowing her whole until she was nothing? But on the other hand, Henry, Snow, baby Neal and sure, Emma Swan, they would all be gone and how long would it take for Lily to take off on her own like Maleficent once had? And then what? Just the two of them in whatever dystopian society the United States of America evolved into? Back to the Enchanted Forest? She’ll have to make a pros and cons comparison at the very least to get out of this one.

They walk back into the office, Emma halfway into eating lunch already, a woman of many talents: speaking and eating, channel surfing and eating, walking and eating, etc., and she makes a beeline for the couch so she can sip at her coke as well. Regina moves around the desk to clear a space to carefully set down Mal’s lunch without ruining the feng shui of the documents she needs to balance a budget. She moves closer to pull her chair away from the computer and Maleficent looks up finally, Regina stills her hand on the computer mouse as well – Borderline raw meatballs and sprite, a match made in hell. – Before Mal can spear her fork into the bloody meat Regina bends to kiss her temple and move a curl out of her way, tucking it behind her ear – Thank you for coming in today and helping me with this.

Maleficent, unable to be cold when spoken to so gently, turns to look at Regina briefly, eyes passing by her every feature quickly, taking advantage of how close they are – You’re welcome.

On the strangest move Emma’s seen in a while Regina’s thumb moves from her temple to pass over Mal’s eyebrow softly, if she was part cat instead of lizard the woman would purr probably. Regina smiles as Mal’s eyes close and she stands up straight again – I’ll leave you to brood a bit more, I love you. – Mal grabs her hand before she can move away completely and gives it a small squeeze that feels like a treaty being signed, most fights in Regina's life could've been solved easily with being nice and a kiss on the forehead probably, Snow definitely would've surrendered on the spot.

Regina goes to sit by Emma’s side on the couch as Mal digs into her lunch silently, she opens her tea, grabs her fork and cracks open the plastic container holding her lunch, all while ignoring the stupid grin the blonde throws her way. Emma tries for one of her awful whispers and holds out her fist closed over her fork for Regina to bump – Smooth.

Regina points down with her own fork – There’s sauce on your paperwork.

And Emma scrambles to lick her fork clean so it can stop dripping onto the folder between them – ah, fuck.

Chapter Text

Mal puts on a pair of silk pants and a t-shirt with a dragon on it Henry bought for her in one of their shopping trips, items Regina had deemed appropriate to leave their room in, opposite to most of her pajamas that had always consisted on barely there shifts she never even bothered to tie on properly. Still, when Regina sees her appropriately clothed and listening to her music she lets out an imperceptible sigh as she settles into the bed dressed in a similar outfit that Mal is the one who tends to huff about. She takes out one of the headphones when Regina lays down by her hip anyways, she might be upset but if she wanted to ignore her she would’ve just left to sleep in the forest or something of the like.

Regina wraps herself up in the duvet – I spoke to Henry about it. His friend’s mother’s health deteriorated last year, he seemed happy at the prospect of never having to worry about that.

- Which friend? – It’s hardly a relevant detail but it’s the first thing that comes to mind, Mal stops her music and puts her phone safely away on the nightstand, since it seems they will be having a discussion instead of curving the issue like they had been for the last couple of days. Whatever you say about Emma Swan, she has a way to get through Regina’s thick skull.

- Jeremy, the lanky one with the turtle. – She smiles up at Mal, fast friends with said turtle, but doesn’t say anymore.

- And? You spoke to him, he’s not against the idea, where does that bring us?

Regina squeezes herself further into the bed, the pillows almost swallowing her head as the sheets have her body – I’m just worried about him Mal… it’s been a few years and so much has changed, the entire universe as he knew it. And now in a few months we’ve sprung a 30-year-old sister, a marriage and the idea of another sibling on him… maybe we’re moving too fast.

- Too fast? Regina this has been happening for the better part of four decades. – She’s not trying to scold her, but still Regina looks up at her with a miserable look in her eyes and Mal sighs, takes a hand to pass through her hair for a moment – When you were young and in pain trying to hold on to you was like trying to hold on to water, no matter how much I clenched my fingers together or how much I willed my hand to stay still, every few months I’d tremble and you’d disappear for weeks, to have your trysts with the huntsman and whomever else you desired… and that was all right with me, truly. But now? You’re a woman grown; we have a child, you have more family, your small kingdom, your freedom, the people’s favor, even Snow White eating out of your hand. - She takes back her hand - What more do you need that I can’t give you?

Mal rests her head against the high headboard looking forward, but Regina’s eyes haven’t left her though – I’m sorry – She looks down at her – I never had all that, maybe I’m scared to live long enough to see it all go away.

- You proposed. Was it a whim? Were you not sure?

-  I was! – She sits up suddenly and takes one of her hands – I am.

- Then, was Until death do us part only an option if death was soon? – She’s trying hard, to convince Regina, to not cry, but her voice cracks anyways. She can’t fault anyone but herself though, they tell them not to fraternize with humans and it was always in her stubborn nature to do exactly the opposite of what she was told.

Regina shuffles closer still clawing at her hand - Our friends, Zelena, Henry…

- Yes! They will die, whether we do this or not they will die, even Lily can die anytime, so can I. And you can either make sure to be there until the very end or you can do nothing and hope you go first to spare yourself the pain but we undoubtedly will die. – She reclaims her hand and puts a little space between them, stops a moment to compose herself – Regina I will marry you, whether it is for a month, for 50 years, for more… I just had to ask. – Regina passes her hands through her hair almost desperately and Mal grabs one of them so she’ll stop, tries for as genuine a smile as she can muster – Let’s just go to sleep. I understand your reticence and I promise to never hold it against you. We’ll shelf the issue, yes?

Regina looks at her for what feels like a whole minute silently, but she eventually relents and moves under the duvet again, the fluffy thing swallowing her whole. Maleficent reaches over to her lamp to turn it off and lays down under the duvet as well, settling in for what will most likely be a night of absolutely no sleep; but Regina’s face emerges again – Are you going to sleep all the way over there?

- I thought you feared death by asphyxiation when I use you as a pillow – Mal wraps herself up better and wills her normal pillow to hold her head up just right, if only once in its miserable existence.

- Please, smother me – She reaches under the sheets to find Mal’s arm and pull it over her where it usually ends up and after a few seconds Mal gives up resistance and moves closer to cling to Regina, she doesn’t realize but she barely lasts fifteen minutes awake, she’s never made it to twenty.

Mal doesn’t know she’s fallen asleep until she’s woken up from her dreams, something stabbing her ribs. It’s most likely Regina, maybe trying to kill her? Who knows, she tightens her hold on her and dozes off again. The woman keeps poking her in the side, this time lower and her body contracts without her permission, that rouses her up just a tad. She moves only a bit and settles into Regina’s side again - Stop. Sun’s not out yet.

- Poor you, don’t like being woken up? – she pokes her again for good measure and the dragon rolls of her with a huff, Regina follows to the other side of the bed – This is important: I get it now. Do it.

Regina’s goose-feather-filled pillows are not appropriate to sleep on and she has been telling the woman since they met, but still she tries her best to settle down for the rest of her sleep – Ok dear.

She shakes her again – Maleficent wake up! – another tug at her shoulder and her full name do the trick and she opens her eyes groggily, but wraps the covers tighter around her – You love me enough to be willing to mourn me… back in the Enchanted Forest, when I disappeared for weeks… I feared having to mourn you like I mourned Daniel, so I took some space when I was feeling too much. But I’ve worked on that now, and I welcome getting attached, the possibility of mourning people and having to live without them is just… the price we pay to love.

- That’s cute. Why did this epiphany come to you in the middle of the night?

- You can’t sleep unless you’re actively suffocating me. I now see that with my death, I would take that away from you in a few, scant decades. – Mal huffs and pats down the pillow as if to find a way to prove her wrong and Regina smiles – You’re right Mal, this gives me more time with everyone. And I love you all with the entire quarter of my heart that’s not blackened beyond fixing, I will treasure every second of our time together. I owe you at least a thirty-year extension. Do it. – She nods resolutely

Mal looks at her for a few seconds with an unreadable expression in her eyes until she decides Regina’s sure of her choice and she wiggles her arm out of the duvet and pulls her in for a kiss. Regina goes down happily, it had been three days since they had kissed properly and honestly? It was getting old fast. She tugs the sheets out from in-between them and moves to straddle Mal who sits up while holding onto her and never breaking the kiss.

She wills it to happen, like they had been told in hushes by the old crones when they weren’t being watched just in case they found someone and they weren’t dragons, it isn’t like there were books on how to mate with humans or like their parents would answer any of the questions. It’s all about really yearning for the person to be with you for the rest of your life, without a shadow of a doubt. It isn’t a straightjacket and the union isn’t solidified in any other way but for it to stick both parties need to, at least in that moment, believe they will be together until death.

Surely enough after a few seconds Mal can feel the fire tickling its way up from the center of her chest and out of her mouth to Regina’s, who breaks away when it’s transferred itself. It burns bright green just behind her teeth and her magic reaches out to identify it, her eyes glowing purple for a few seconds and her mouth still open, when the purple tint is gone Mal uses her finger to snap Regina’s jaw shut and the fire starts coursing her body from her throat, her veins turning a green tint visible through the skin.

Regina rolls the sleeve of her sweater’s right arm hastily to see the magic advancing down her arm – I was going to suggest we wait until the wedding so the whole thing is symbolic and whatnot but this is not a good look for any dress I choose. How much does it last?

- I have no idea – She doesn’t, she knows basically nothing of the whole thing, she just did what her instinct told her. Mal reaches out to trace one of the lines painted under Regina’s skin in her arm and it glows green as the fire did when she makes contact

Regina hisses over her – Do that again. - She splays her hand on the side to Regina’s neck and kisses the exposed flank, both spots glowing vibrant green again, and Regina throws her head back to allow her more room and her hips grind on Mal’s lap trying to get closer to her. The dragon chuckles at the desperation in Regina’s movement and pauses when Regina’s hand makes its way up into the nape of her hair, her fingers pressing on her skull – Does this invalidate that tea you take every morning?

Mal shrugs with a smirk on her face, still laying kisses on the base of Regina’s throat - I suppose we will find out, my love.

Regina sits still for a moment, weighing her choices but Mal sneaks both hands under her sweater and pulls her closer and she hisses yet again, already sneaking her fingers into the blonde bun to loosen it - Let’s risk it.

Chapter Text

 I need a man – Regina coughs over her white wine as Zelena enters the living room of her apartment and sits by her on the couch – I’m dead serious. I have nothing to do, all day, every day.

Regina takes a more controlled sip and turns to her sister – What about a job, or perhaps a hobby that doesn’t include plotting my demise – She huffs but relents anyway, nodding over her own glass – Okay then, what can you do? What did you do before… everything?.

- I mostly kept wild animals out of the farm… our own inside, chopped up some logs.

Her tone is nonchalant but Regina’s learned that the more casual Zelena is when she mentions something the most likely it is to be a sore spot for her, and she is in her apartment after a reading lesson that stretched a few hours so a joke about her peasant activities won’t be well received at all. Regina knows all this so she smiles amicably at her sister even when she’s avoiding her eyes to find a suitable film for them – The animal shelter was never reopened… Robin noticed our forest was unprotected and decided to spearhead the foundation of some sort of official government body for that, I’m sure he’ll be happy to be coerced into hiring you.

- Second option, please allow me to be the one to persuade him – She settles in something called Pitch Perfect and as it starts she turns to wink at Regina

- He is married. – She finishes her glass of wine and stands to get the bottle; whatever Pitch Perfect is she’ll be damned if she watches it sober

Zelena’s voice carries over to her - If I recall correctly, so were you when your tongue first slithered into the dragon's cunt

- My god. – she stops dead in her tracks, wine bottle already in her hand – Must you be so crude?

She laughs turning to peer at Regina still standing feet away and raises her hands in mock surrender – Come. Sit. I will be nice and proper from now on, Majesty.

Regina sulks but continues approaching – I’ll still give him a call.

- And I’ll still give him a wank if he wants me to – Zelena nudges Regina with her elbow to get her to sit quickly, or at least pass her the bottle so she can top her glass up.

But she groans over her, before putting the bottle down and sitting again, looking squarely at the screen – I hate you.

- Sissy – she puts a hand on top of hers on the couch as she grabs the bottle from the coffee table with the other – You know it’s bloody mutual.

- Why are you British?

Across town Lily follows Emma into her apartment before she opens the door and doesn’t even stand still enough for a hello, the blonde putting a jacket on hastily and moving up and down the short hallway to pick up things from the shelves and tables she’s put them on. Emma stops for a moment at the end of the hallway and Lily catches up with her, both looking at the couch where Henry sits with his laptop. Lily waves at him and Emma claps her in the shoulder

- Right, take care of the kid. Bye Kid.

Lily grabs Emma’s arm before she can start moving, the grip of a dragon very much stopping her anyways - Wait, what? You’re leaving? – Henry looks up from his laptop too, almost pouty

Emma nods patting down her pockets, no eye contact whatsoever - Yup. You’re here to babysit.

- Mom leaves him alone all the time, even at night. He doesn’t need babysitting – She narrows her eyes at her – What the fuck is going on?

Henry nods in his spot, confused by the whole thing. He was certain Emma would stay for their Friday binge watch but apparently, she won’t. Emma tries to reclaim her arm – Hey, language...

Lily rolls her eyes - Oh come on, you don’t really care about that, do you?

- If Regina does, I do too. - Lily finally releases her at that and she sighs – Ok, truth. I forgot It was our Friday, Henry… and then I forgot we were gonna hang out, Lily. And I told my parents I could babysit Neal, I’m sorry… - she starts moving down the hall while putting a scarf around her neck – Do whatever you guys want, just don’t die. Regina would kill me.

The door slams and Lily stands there gaping for a few seconds, Henry just as disappointed in the couch, closing his laptop. She turns to him – You’re not a bitch, right? You curse sometimes.

He shrugs – Not really.

They spend an hour sharing space without saying much, Lily drinks a few beers and Henry drinks a few sodas, and they fidget with their phones. Eventually Henry locks his and tosses it, finishing his can of soda in one go and putting it down on the coffee table harshly. Lily chuckles at him without tearing her eyes away from her phone – You’re Regina’s kid definitely.

He huffs and stays silent for a few seconds, before kicking off his shoes to bring his feet up onto the couch, turning to look at Lily - You like girls, right? You’re dating Ruby?

She locks her phone, putting her texting with the very subject of conversation on hold – Yeah… you gonna tell me it’s genetic? – she laughs and he smiles at her

- Maybe… - He hasn’t done any research on why people are gay, maybe he should. He’ll ask his mom about that on Monday when he goes back home. He shrugs- anyways, you know my girlfriend, I think she doesn’t like me.

Lily frowns – She showed up for dinner with us the other day. We’re all insane. She’s gotta like you a lot.

He shakes his head and crosses his arms – She never asks me to hang out just the two of us, it’s always me asking, and she keeps mentioning my moms… plus I’m always buying her stuff she says she wants. Do you buy Ruby a lot of stuff? Like Ice cream and things?

His moms? Ice cream and things? Oh, to be thirteen, not that she got to buy anyone ice cream at thirteen. Lily kicks out her own sneakers to put her feet in the coffee table, takes a sip of her beer – It’s a little different when we’re both women, the buying is mostly split in half

His shoulders tense - But you have way more money than Ruby, I mean mom gives me a lot of money and after Mal taught us to manage it… you should be paying for Ruby’s ice cream, Charming says it’s chivalrous.

Lily laughs at him for a few seconds and makes a soda float its way to him from the kitchen, magic powers have become handy – I think you’re dealing with a gold digger.

- Like Kanye said?

- Kanye? – That’s when she really loses it, clapping a hand over his legs a few times before he joins in – Henry, I think she just wants to be a princess and you’re the only one in her age range that can get that done.

He stays silent, drinking his soda, and Lily worries she’s broken his heart. Maybe she’s being too cynical and this kid is just strange. She relaxes when he looks up at her – That’s fucked up.

They both laugh at that and Lily reaches over to grab him by the neck and shake him a little – You can do better, wait for a girl that makes things feel mutual.

She lets him go when he nods and reaches for his phone, before Lily can warn him against breaking up with anyone over text he dials a number and smiles her way as it rings – I can order a pizza with my money instead.

Emma takes Neal from Snow’s arms and the baby happily smacks both his hands on her cheeks immediately and yells Mma! He can manage mama, dada, uby, ina for Regina and eny for Henry, they all lose their mind when he does and he loves the attention. David breezes past her laying a kiss on the top of her head and heading for his jacket long before Snow is done with the speech; when he’s dressed and he has his keys he reaches for Snow’s hand and Emma knows it’s time to cut her off

- Mom, I’ve done this before and I have Regina’s memories with me. If anything, I’m overqualified. Go on your date, we’ll be fine – She blows a raspberry kiss on Neal’s pudgy cheek – Won’t we little man? – The baby giggles his contentment at her and Snow nods happily, letting herself be dragged out of the door by David who waves goodbye over her hat-covered hair.

Emma gets to work as soon as the door is closed, all furniture being magically pushed to the wall. Her secret is to conjure up a plush carpet she bought on Amazon and let him run wild for an hour or so before he just crashes. Surely, he wakes up on Mary Margaret hungry, cranky and needing a new diaper, but by that time she’s long gone and her brother can only remember her being there for the absolute fun times, win win situation.

She finds the most ragged toys in his nursery and sets him down to speed off on her as she flicks the channel until she finds a good cupcake wars rerun and settles on the floor with a decorative pillow from the couch that Snow can’t ever know has been used as a normal pillow. She informs Neal as much – Dude, we die with our secrets. Mother can’t ever know. – He stops his circular running when he hears her and gnaws on a teddy bear she’s almost certain Henry owned – Good. It’s a spit pact. – She quickly puts her thumb in her mouth and reaches out to draw a line in his forehead, making him giggle and take off again.

Neal loves a cupcake just as much as she does, so after a while he stops by the TV screen to paw at it every time they have a close-up of one. Emma laughs at him as she takes video of it on her phone, that is until one of his pushes makes the tv wobble on its table, her sharp intake of breath the last thing recorded, why would they keep a TV so low with a little kid in the apartment? Why not just hang it on the wall? Her questions are interrupted when the thing almost hits the ground. Her magic the only thing holding it in place mid-fall. Neal giggles at the unnatural state of physics in his world and Emma lets out a breath – You’re lucky Regina passed on her mom reflexes

That was absolutely the wrong thing to say. He screeches - Ina! – His eyes tear away from the spectacle in front of him and his chubby legs start working again as he rushes to find the love of his life and Emma sighs as she puts the TV back in place

- Relax, your girlfriend is not around.

Still, he completes three whole circuits of the floor perimeter she’s allowed him to have until he stops by her and turns disconsolate at the sheer lack of Regina he’s found, Emma knows he’s about to cry, they don’t mention her around him unless she’s gonna make an appearance, and as his lips wobble Emma tries for a facetime call but it goes unanswered. This is it, the end of his world, he knows only pain and desolation and the first tear leaves a trail down his cheek as his wail starts, when will Regina return to him with her sparkle shows and her apple treats? When will his best baby sitter be back in rotation? Emma rolls her eyes at him, torn between handing him her phone and rocking him until she can find a printed copy of Regina’s face in that house, there must be at least one. A quick scan of the walls and the mantles returns nothing, not even Henry is around, cold. There’s a pile of copies of the mirror that should have a pic of Regina and an album somewhere in her parents’ closet but she doesn’t have the time. It’s DEFCON fuck. She finds a video in her phone and surrenders it to her brother and his grubby little hands.

It grants her a few minutes of stillness, she makes the most of them, reaching under his nose to clean up the mess his crying made, taking each hand in hers to clean with a wet wipe, she even manages to heat up his bottle as he scrolls side to side to reveal even more pictures of Regina and Henry and her. But for a minute he lets the screen alone and the phone locks itself, whatever had him mesmerized was his downfall and Emma swoops in to grab him and feed him before he can realize what he’s lost, her phone landing somewhere with a thud that makes her heart stop.

She rocks him right into his nap mood and sets him in his playpen, with one plushie to keep him company. Cupcake wars long over and by the way the clock moved her parent’s date as well. They deserve a nice night occasionally, and now that everything had settled down significantly they’d started even driving out of town for a meal every once in a while, an abundance of babysitters will make that possible. Emma gets to work putting everything back in her place and hiding the carpet in its very clever spot in the back of the utility closet they don’t use, the curse filled it and only another curse would make them dig around in there. Her phone appears, only the tempered glass broken and she unlocks it to see a few texts from Luke, nothing to worry about… and one text from her dad urging her to stay the night. They had a flat tire and the mechanic would only look at it in the morning.

She looks at Neal, sleeping peacefully, and starts dialing Regina’s number frantically – Fuck.

Zelena’s almost confused by the ending of the movie, how could they have won? They were a mess of a team for most of the film. That land was obsessed with that kind of undeserved victory - Are we going to watch the other two?

Regina serves her the last of the wine bottle and stands to find food - We absolutely are.

She did her best attempt of inviting her sister to stay, if she wanted her gone she wouldn’t have even asked if they were watching the sequels, but she still has to play it cool - Don’t you have to get home?

Does she? Henry’s with Emma, Lily’s well past needing parental presence and Mal can sleep in the forest somewhere, since she refuses to sleep on their pillows, she makes a mental note to buy at least one firmer pillow - I’ve been possessed with the aca-spirit of sleepovers. Find me some pajamas. – As long as Zelena is wearing that cuff any magic that’s not matter of life or death is unnecessary.

Zelena stands to comply and as she does Regina checks her phone to let everyone know she’ll be staying at Zelena’s apartment for the night. She takes Emma’s second call, it usually means it’s important but as her own sibling throws the greenest monstrosity of a sweater her way she informs her that she cannot help her watch Neal that night and at least Henry likes Nickelodeon just as much as him, so she should be all right if she sits them both in front of a Jimmy Neutron re run. Zelena takes over making a few sandwiches for them as Regina goes change.

Her voice comes from the bedroom – I’m grabbing sweatpants as well

- Seems unnecessary, for you any sweater will double as a dress.

Henry holds up his phone in the air – Ma says she’s staying with Neal the whole night. - They both jump when a pair of sweatpants disappears with a pop and sparkly smoke from the unoccupied chair

Lily matches his gesture – Mom says she’s staying with Zelena, dragon mom is going to a cave? So, I guess we each get an empty house. Don’t do anything mom wouldn’t want you to do. – She stands to pick up her bottles and his cans but he only sniffs and doesn’t say much as he reads the Mills family group chat as well, which is entirely out of character for him – You all right?

He shrugs and gathers his laptop and phone in his arms moving to his room - I stay alone at the house sometimes, I’ll be fine…

But that place feels like a fortress, and Regina has spells in every entrance anyways, meanwhile Lily could get in and out of this apartment in half an hour, no one would realize anything happened to the kid until morning. And he’s been taken and almost murdered a few times. Lily ruffles his hair and he ducks – Wanna watch something scary so you’ll sleep even worse?

- You’re not leaving? – His voice betrays his false bravery from earlier and shit, he’s only thirteen.

Lily shakes her head at him - We’ll never get another chance to watch the entire Michael Myers saga with no moms nagging, ever. – She carries their trash to the kitchen and lets the group chat know Henry and her will stay at Emma’s then – start firing up Netflix, I’ll call for another pizza.

Emma alternates between watching Neal sleeping and re-reading a very strongly worded text about the fact that apparently if it wasn’t for Lily, Henry would have stayed alone in her apartment. They told her he stayed alone all the time, it seemed fine… maybe she was being played by Regina’s spawn. Her brother gurgles something in his sleep and panic seizes her body before he goes straight back to sleep and she sighs in relief – Hey Siri

- What can I do for you, Emma?

- Remind me to ask Dr. Whale about getting my tubes tied tomorrow

- Ok, I’ll remind you.

She locks her screen and puts her phone inside her sweatpants pocket, breathing in and out slowly and putting her jeans safely away on a chair in which jeans shouldn’t be put away probably, this is what that year in New York trained her for. She puts on The Office and sits on the couch, waiting for Neal to wake up any minute.

Chapter Text

Regina steps out of the closet wearing a dark red dress that clings to her front like a glove and goes down to mid-thigh, revealing there’s not much else to the dress when she turns around and Mal trails her eyes upwards to find it ends on the small of her back, leaving the rest of the skin exposed. Regina turns back around checking herself out in the closest mirror – Well?

Mal gives a thumbs-up from the bed - Sinful. Carnal desire made flesh. Mere mortals will scorch upon seeing you enter the room. – She reaches up lazily, doubtful she’s even close enough to grab her but Regina makes sure she doesn’t make contact anyways and slaps her hand away

- Perhaps it’s too much… – she goes right back into the closet and Mal nods, sad to see the dress go but already continuing her scrolling down the podcasts list, she will understand electricity through any means possible.

Regina comes back out with a dress that’s snug to her torso and flares out into an unassuming skirt at the hips, navy blue with a few golden touches here and there it goes up to her breastbone and down to her knees, she turns and the skirt twirls. Mal hums – You are the preacher’s daughter, a sweetheart but very strict with the boys you date. I like it.

Regina turns to appraise herself and frowns at that, how could she look sweet in anything? – With dark make-up and stilettos?

Mal doesn’t give her a positive answer – This woman that got engaged, you’ve never met?

- Not in person… - So maybe it is her last shot at looking sweet – Skype. It’s just that whenever we tried to plan anything someone in the group couldn’t go, we’d cancel so they wouldn’t feel left out. But since this is her engagement party if someone can’t go that’s no excuse for the rest of us.

She goes right back into the closet and Mal’s chuckle filters in – How very wholesome of your group of online moms.

- We really helped each other, Henry owes his life to some of their tips – She comes out wearing a black dress, long sleeves, ankle-length, a slit on the side that reaches her hip and makes Mal wonder if Regina is wearing any underwear as she is twisting before the mirror and on top, from the neck down what looks like, but surely aren’t, diamonds encrusted fading into nothing below the ribs – This one?

- You look delicious but that’s what you wear to bury your ex-husband knowing damn well you poisoned him before he could amend the will that gave you access to your children’s shares in the company you helped keep afloat when he was out whoring his family name away. – Regina harrumphs looking at herself in the mirror for a moment, and then goes into the closet one more time

- What are you wearing?

- Well I need you to choose first, we are a unit.

Surprisingly they make it to the party only half an hour later than the invitation stated, fashionably late Regina calls it, and she leaves the car in her first dress not rushing but already shrugging out of her coat, that’s longer than the dress itself, and passing it over to Mal who opens the door for her with her available hand. She follows her inside in a tamer cream-colored dress with a pattern of red roses that finishes above her knee and nude pumps high enough for Regina to huff about before selecting higher heels for herself.  

After finding the appropriate room to leave their coats in Maleficent scans the room for a moment before someone squeals and she follows the sound to see Regina engulfed by a stockier woman in a hug that looks painful, the squealer she hopes. She reaches them and the hug breaks of its own volition, Regina stepping into her side – Susan, this is Mal.

- Congratulations on the engagement – She holds out her hand but the woman pulls her into a hug with no expectation of getting one back apparently, since both of Mal’s arms end up trapped under hers

- We’ll have to compare rings! - She steps away after a moment winking at her and then smiles – Boy you are tall! Are you a Mallory? My daughter’s name is Mallory too, think she’s gonna be in the WNBA like you? – The woman picks at her dress and Mal looks down at her hand and tries for a laugh as genuinely as she can.

Other women come to their side before anyone can say anything else and Regina’s easily taken by the mob, both her and the man that appears to be marrying Susan left behind. He chuckles and looks up with a friendly smile - Hello, I’m Fred. Congrats on your engagement. - He offers a handshake and she’s glad to take it smiling back at him as he stops one of the waiters walking by with two drinks on his tray – Whoever these were for can wait. To us.

She clinks her glass of her strange orange concoction to his glass of whiskey softly and takes a sip - So I share a name with your daughter, I’m delighted. Wasn’t too popular in Germany. I’m German. – She sips her drink again, it’s quite good, and she will be just fine answering any questions of her fake identity.

- Yes, but honestly? She will tell you I’m only the step dad. Like a dad, but not a dad dad. – Mal lifts an eyebrow at him and he shakes his free hand in the air - Oh, she likes me just fine… but her dad is a fun dad kinda guy, so I’ll never live up to that if I’m gonna be asking about homework Monday through Friday. – He shrugs - It’s ok though. I’m from New Jersey.

Great, where the hell is New jersey? She nods at him and they both drink, he looks like the kind of guy who’d love a clap in the back, so she gives him one – Henry, Regina’s son, has a biological mother as well and she too is a child, but Regina found that giving her a bit more responsability made her grow past the fun mom. This other father can oversee school projects and laundry as well, he’ll see he must rise to the occasion if you two aren’t there to bail him out every time.

He nods – Yeah! I’ll tell Susan! – and holds up his glass for Mal to toast with him again – So are you a psychologist?

- I’m an accountant dear. I mostly just stay at home. I help Regina when she needs me in her office but outside of that? I just read. – She laughs and finishes her glass in one go, already signaling the waiter for more – You?

- I’m an electrical engineer.

- Oh, tell me everything.

Fred eventually is forced to go mingle with the rest of his friends and family by a look from his fiancée from the other side of the room, even if they don’t find electricity as fascinating as Mal does; and Regina maneuvers herself back to Mal, making sure they move in one strategic formation in which her back is almost pressed to Mal’s front, she tries to step away a few times and Regina snakes an arm out to hold her in place, so then she lays her chin on top of Regina’s head and she snakes a hand back to poke her until she stops making her look as short as she is. Mal chuckles behind her alternating her torture methods as they tour around the room making more introductions, she shows these people footage of Henry and Lily, now a cousin, and their new-found love for swords and she coos over their children that have much more normal hobbies like soccer and YouTubing. Regina even makes a couple of dances work in their strange position and when Mal tries to twirl her she only relents once, backing her against a table as soon as that’s done. Mal motions for two of her colorful drinks to the waiter that knows what she means and puts a hand on the exposed skin of Regina’s back – My love, wishing you’d gone with preacher’s daughter?

- The invitation said cocktail – she shudders as Mal starts stroking her back – Maleficent! Stop that.

- How dare you? My name is Mallory. I’m insulted by this terrible nickname. - She does not stop, in fact she leans forward to kiss the spot where her shoulders meet her neck – How does this dress hold itself up? One would think a simple tug can take it out of the way easily. My scientific curiosity is itching. – Regina shakes her off and Mal laughs, sweeping Regina’s hair to the side closest to her so she can pass her fingers through it softly, Mal waits until she relaxes and the waiter comes by with the glasses – The dads and I love the dress.

Regina yanks her head out of Mal’s grasp and counters her grin with a glare, before dissolving into a groan – It was too much. I probably look like a… harlot. This was my first impression.

Mal uses her heel to pull Regina’s chair closer and pulls her into a one-armed hug – Regina, they’ve known you for a decade, after all that kid-related bonding I don’t think they will care you absolutely overpower them in sex appeal. Trust me, it’s an adjustment curve of a few hours but eventually everyone accepts it and we get to live another day to see you look like candy wrapped in a dress. Besides, they knew they lost when they allowed you to bring a woman. The dads love that, I’ve been told.

Mal tightens her hold, kissing her in the temple a few times and Regina laughs – Shut up, stop. – She relents and Regina settles against her again – You look beautiful as well, it says if this extends into brunch I’m prepared, classic.

- The dads loved my look too, they said if I was ten inches shorter it would be game over for their wives. But then who’d reach the cereal in the high cupboard? We could never survive. – Regina wants to find her optimal glaring angle, she squirms as much as she can but Mal resumes her kissing and Regina’s forced to give up and settle for lipstick on her temple as she tries to find these dads in the crowd. When Mal’s done Regina takes out her phone and opens the front camera to inspect the damage and Mal’s eyes squint at her through the screen – Did you know Fred has Susan and himself as his phone background? And what do you have? An Apple. Before this breaks our relationship, take a nice picture of us. – Still, she glares and Regina laughs at her, she stands her ground – Take this one first so you’ll remember how angry I was about the apple.

There’s a resultant of five photos, and as she sets the best one as her phone background Mal downs another of the fruity concoctions and motions for another – Dear how drunk are you?

- Very. But as soon as you say so I stop, sober up and we go to the nearest, cleanest hotel so I can peel the wrapper off you. – Regina laughs at her and her sloppy wink while their glasses clink and she takes a sip of the drink, grimacing when she tastes the thing that must be at least 98% hard liquor, the dads must be in the ER if they were trying to keep up with Mal.

Chapter Text

As she does sometimes Saturday mornings since the neighbors got used to seeing her outside the house in anything but power suits, Regina sits on the steps that separate her porch from the path that crosses her front lawn absorbing the sun and this time leafing through one of the many bridal magazines that Snow mails to her regularly, even though each booklet that appears on her desk taunts her to sign a marriage certificate in the middle of one of her work days without a lot of fuss she soldiers through because Mal deserves better and eventually, they’ll have to plan that wedding.

She spots a nice enough bouquet, lots of red, and before she can think of saving the place in the booklet for later reviewing Pongo runs into her property. The closed gate didn’t stop him somehow and Regina only sees him as he runs right across the lawn and towards the side of the house to go to the back before his nose catches up with his legs and he realizes where he is, he makes a U-turn that sends him against the hedge but he recovers swiftly, galloping to Regina’s side to put his entire head on top of her lap wagging his tail in greeting.

Regina chuckles at the dog and drops the magazine to welcome him properly, scratching under his ears and cooing for a moment; and Emma Swan comes chasing right after him, bounding over the fence as if it’s not made of metal that could impale her at the slightest misstep, she should know better. The sheriff only slows down when she spots them both.

She sighs as she bends over her knees for one moment and then she stands straight again and starts walking towards them. She peels the leather jacket off herself and drops it on the ground, obviously too covered in sweat to care where it lands, the white tank top underneath clinging to her skin even more than usual, and her long laced boots long replaced with a shorter version; she produces a hair tie out of thin air and moves to pull her hair up into a ponytail and Regina smirks

- Sheriff Swan - Regina eyes her up and down tilting her head to the side – Hot on the trail of a criminal? – Pongo perks up at that, so perhaps he knows what he’s done

Emma groans at her – This is exhausting police work right here. You got some cold water for an officer? – Regina obliges, does her one better and in her hands appears a cold glass of lemonade from her fridge and Emma moves hastily to take it from her and down it, half of It disappearing in one second or less. She groans again and looks down to thank Regina, who was apparently just watching her drink - Are you checking me out? – She puts her arms on her waist with a cocky smile

- You just look so… - She trails just enough for Emma’s grin to grow wider – healthy.

- What the fuck? – she deflates with a frown and drops to sit putting the glass down, Pongo between them and her back against one of Regina’s pillars. The dog turns to look at her as if asking if they will continue playing, but Regina scratches his head again and he decides whatever Emma wants to say is not worth it and settles back down.

– You jumped over my gate, you’re filling your strangling jeans again, your arms and abs are toned, your hair has regained its shine and curls, and your eyes are bright. – Emma’s frown melts away as she looks at her and Regina goes on – Emma, it wasn’t long ago when you almost hurled Cruella off a cliff, you seem much better now.  

- Fuck… - She looks down, at the step under her feet and Regina only hears her sniff – You had to be all mom about it. Just wait until the next evil wizard shows up, I’ll go right back to no breakfast and the lack of shampoo.

Surely, Emma Swan is not going to cry on her. She watches her put her head on her hands though and refuse to look up again, Regina raises an eyebrow, a bit thrown off as she is – Now that we know what it was, I promise to send grooming implements with Henry regardless of the number of murderers attacking.

Emma gives her a wet chuckle from where her head is buried and sniffs again – It’s so stressful… almost dying all the time. – Pongo moves over to Emma, putting his head in the crook created between Emma’s legs and her chest and she sits up a little, to pat his head in gratitude – How the fuck do you guys keep it together? Shit, I know you were always in war in fairytale land but damn, I would be bald after years and years of this. 

- I’ve never looked anything but pristine dear. I don’t know if you’ve heard the stories… but I learned to externalize my pain early on. – Emma doesn’t look up at her but she does huff and pet Pongo some more, the tears at bay at the very least – Emma, perhaps a visit to Dr. Hopper every once in a while would’ve helped. It still could.

- Right. I’ll become his one and only patient – She turns then with a miserable look in her eyes – This is what Henry felt like.

Regina shakes her head – One and only? Trust me Emma, a lot of us are still going there at least once a month.

- So I failed at that happy endings thing too? Fuck. I understand you going… what the fuck are the rest of them going for? – She drags her hands over her face, wiping of the sweat - Jesus Christ, you’re telling me people got worse after I broke the curse?

Regina is constantly overcome by guilt, every single person in that town is a testament to her sins but none like Emma, it’s always seeing Emma distraught that makes her heart seize in her chest. She must know it’s not her fault, that she was only a piece of chess in their strange game – Emma, The Enchanted Forest was every bit as gruesome as a Game of Thrones episode, I need you to know that. The peasantry – she pauses to hold a hand up, they were peasants there- The peasantry used to freeze to death in the winter and rot with infection in the summer, Gold maimed himself and sacrificed his soul to avoid a war, the noblemen had no sense of morality and would rape, torture and kill whoever they desired with no repercussions, you can ask your mother how many of her cousins were assassinated for claim to a throne; and on top of all that, there was magic bestowed upon some with no apparent reason, magic that elevated people to the stature of gods that could be as beneficent or twisted as they wanted to be. Believe me when I tell you that besides my cruelty there was plenty to spare, most of these people were better off cursed… - Emma tries to shrug it off, Regina can see she’s close to saying it was just a different world, like her mother likes to do when confronted when any of her past misdeeds. Regina jumps in first - What would you do if you suddenly remembered selling your child as a slave to a King for a loaf of bread? Being a prostitute in a pirating dock, a fish for a lay? A simple cold killing your significant other? Losing a leg to a cut? Someone in this town had as sole mission in life to scrub my chamber pot free of shit, and I can’t even tell you who it was... How would you feel if you suddenly remembered all this knowing what you know now? – Emma doesn’t answer, not for a while and she looks down. Regina pets Pongo to avoid her eyes anyway – You know, when I first made it here, after the novelty wore off, I once didn’t leave the house for a week because I realized here, mother would’ve been jailed for… all of it, and Leopold as well. And me? I would’ve died a prisoner in maximum security facility, in solitary.

She stays silent for a few more beats but turns to nod at Regina - Fine I’ll go. I’ll need therapy about that speech anyways. – Regina chuckles and Emma gives her with a small smile – You know what really has me fucked up to this day?

She makes a show of thinking about it - Absolutely everything that’s ever happened to you? – At least fate made suffering partners of Emma Swan and her

Emma nods - Yes. And, Walsh. I was going to marry that bastard. It was worse than when Neal disappeared. – Regina huffs and before she can laugh at her Emma stops her – No for real, I only said no because I had to check with Henry first but fuck, I was gonna marry him before Hook showed up. I even met his parents, how the fuck did he have parents?

- Oh Emma, you’ll have to ask Zelena. She’s much more approachable these days, maybe you can get some closure. – She reaches over Pongo to put a hand on Emma’s shoulder and after a few seconds of silence she nudges her – I must say you are not good at dating, are we sure Mr. Baker is sound of mind?

- Fuck if I know… he’s all right for now. Man, what if he’s poisoning me one cookie at a time? One dude tried that after I got out of jail.

There’s so much more to that story she’ll have to extract out of Emma Swan but she shakes it off and leaves it for another day - Perhaps it's time you restrict the search to women.

- I knew you were checking me out, looking for a reason to leave Mal for me. - Emma sits up again and drops her weight against the column behind her using both hands to gesticulate - But I tried that with mini-you when we were 15, girls are not my thing.

Ignoring most of those sentences Regina opens her mouth and closes it again, her eyes doing a quick scan of her. She leans forward - Miss Swan, are you telling me you’re straight? With this look?

- Are you straight-shaming me? – Emma points a finger in her direction

Regina sits there, for a second, before deciding whatever she’s just learned she’s gonna have to come to terms with on her own. She stands swiftly, picking up the glass and her magazine from the floor - Dr. Hopper lets you know Pongo is loose as a courtesy not for you to chase him, he’s been running around this town as long as you’ve been alive, he’ll always win. Have a nice shift, Sheriff Swan.

Both Pongo and Emma stand after Regina and she turns without another word, moving to her door. Before it slams closed Emma yells after her - This is reverse homophobia. I’m telling mom you pre-judged me because of my boots.

Chapter Text

It had been a few months, but that morning a maniac had picked Regina up by the neck and tossed her a few feet down main street yet again and an hour later, when she’d come back to herself, she had been laying down on Emma Swan’s couch and everyone else had been fluttering over her like that was the current issue. Now that she’s gotten them to allow her to sit she demands the one single chair in the room and Henry perches himself on her armrest, his only choice what with the Charmings all crammed into the couch looking at her worriedly as they speak, Red sitting on a stool she took out of the kitchen and Lily still pacing, a line that goes from the door to the living room where she takes one look towards Regina and Henry and restarts her walking. One would think Emma Swan knows she needs to have a seating capacity of at least ten in the family she’s in but alas, she didn’t even buy a dining table.

Snow, Charming, Emma and Ruby entertain themselves posing theories as to who he is, what he wants, how his magic works, whether they can call Gold or not… and Regina keeps quiet while her mind catches up, he’d barely looked at her when he picked her up as if she weighed nothing before tossing her like she meant nothing. Not everyone knew the Evil Queen by face and sure, a few had come along whose vendetta wasn’t particularly focused on her but none of them had taken her out one second into the fight like she was collateral damage, and she still does not know what happened after she lost consciousness and they’re all too preoccupied to retell anything that could be of any help. The important thing is that Henry is whole and blissfully quiet by her side even in the middle of the discussion, Lily is unharmed even when scared beyond her mind, and by the lack of tears, Maleficent must be fine as well; perhaps this one time the man didn’t want any of them.

The doorbell rings and Regina stands, patting Henry’s leg as she goes, to get some water while whoever that is on the door distracts them from coddling her; Snow is undeterred though and stands to help her, but they both stop when Lily opens the door and inhales so sharply they all hear her.

Her voice comes from the door - Mom what the fuck? – She backs up the way she’d gone and stumbles into the table, almost falling over in her haste to get away, but Ruby pulls her up by an arm mid fall and tugs her close to calm her down

While they all look at Lily trying to mumble something out Maleficent enters with a charcoaled mess in her hands and drops it on the coffee table - I dealt with it.

Lily’s ragged breath is the only noise on the room for a moment before David stands to get between the coffee table and Snow – What is this? -

Snow puts both hands on his shoulders to pull him closer and Ruby reacts then, putting her arm across Lily’s back, more to keep her from running somewhere than for her own comfort – Charming, we all know what it is.

Emma takes one deep breath but recovers quickly, she had already been rubbing at her face nervously and now the gesture extends to her hair, for once she bites her jokes as she glances at Regina, and behind her at Henry. Henry who does nothing but move to stand behind his mother, although she is not much of a cover for him these days, the blackened body still in full view over her shoulder. Regina sighs as she looks at the cadaver before them, it is without a doubt the man that had attacked them earlier, but his face is not the indicator since there are no visible features, only a mess of blistered skin and clotted blood where his missing flesh wants to give way to the muscle underneath; his clothing had been strange enough to recognize even when most of it is gone, the lower in his body she looks the worse it is, there’s nothing but black, some parts burnt to the bone, one foot clearly missing.

Regina’s eyes finally move up to Maleficent and the fight almost leaves her when there isn’t any defiance there, she finds Mal examining her and her scuffed clothing, it almost leaves her –  You ‘dealt with it’ and you decided to bring a burnt carcass here, for my children to see. – She unfolds her arms from her front and pushes Henry further behind her

She glances at Henry for a second and then back at Regina with a sigh - Your children were in danger, not anymore. – She tries approaching her, even if her injuries are superficial there’s a concussion involved, but Regina stops her with her eyes. – He has magic, someone must assess if it died with him. It was either you, Rumpelstilskin or the Blue Fairy.

Regina takes a deep breath, she’s still battered and doesn’t have energy to do anything but walk a few feet, but she has plenty of anger to spare – Clear the room. – and her tone shows it.

Everyone obliges quickly, taking their shot to get away from whatever it is that’s brewing on the living room, except Emma Swan of course who stays down on her seat, eyes in the general direction of anything but the body, while everyone moves without asking questions – Okay, I need to learn the ‘royal decree’ trick. – It’s David who holds out his hand to her under the pretense of helping her stand to stop her from talking anymore.

Regina waits until they’re gone, all tucked into Henry’s room. Lily goes down first, straight to the floor, head between her bent legs and her breath still all kinds of chaotic, she trembles in lieu of rocking and Ruby rubs her hands over her arms back and forth to calm her – I’ve never actually like seen a... fuck. – She keeps breathing harshly and Henry sits across her on his bed, has he seen a cadaver before? He doesn’t quite remember, Neverland… he never knew if they were just sleeping. He’s quickly joined by Emma who puts an arm around him while her free hand tugs at a loose thread on her sweater, she had seen bodies even before fairy tales, burnt too, although with common fire, important distinction. Snow takes his computer chair and Charming stands by the door with his arms crossed, one more death can’t do much to people who’ve been through wars. Red moves to sit against the wall too, one arm around Lily – Deep breaths, Babe. We’re all okay, Regina’s all fine and… now he’s gone. – She looks at Snow and Snow looks away.

When Regina hears the door close she knows it’s as much privacy as they are going to get, she is not strong enough for any spell and both Emma and Lily are unstable to say the least. - Maleficent what the fuck? – It’s a harsh whisper but Mal does not flinch like any other would, like the rest of them do in the bedroom when they hear her curse.

She motions around the room with her finger - This little dance, chasing the villain, would’ve gone on for weeks. – She dares shrug and take a seat on the couch - I took action.

- You ‘took action’? - Regina’s body asks for her to take a seat as well, but she starts pacing instead, the burnt cadaver still between them. She passes a hand through her hair to put it in place and to sort her thoughts, how long had it been since she’d killed anyone? Graham? - We don’t-

- Since he didn’t have a copyrighted costume on him - She starts listing things with her hands – You don’t know who he is, what he wants, what he’s capable of– The short and concise story of the city of Storybrooke read through The Mirror articles stored in the Library had taught Mal that there was always a lucky break, she doesn’t have the patience for luck.

Regina’s voice returns to its normal volume - We never do!

Mal nods at her, conceding her point -  And what if he’s not stupid? If he decides not to monologue, if he doesn’t identify himself and he doesn’t chart his path, if no one in town knows him. What do you do then? How do you stop him before he does whatever it is he came here to do?

- We would have figured it out. He could’ve ended up here accidentally, or he could’ve been looking for someone, he-

- He was looking for Henry. – Regina stops her pacing at that, looking at her fixedly and Mal holds her hand out to her, to see if she’ll come and sit but Regina stays still, thinking about how Henry only stays quiet when he is scared - I was rounding the corner when he threw you down the street like a rag doll, as I rushed to you he raised a hand and the gesture threw both Snow White and Emma Swan against a wall, and then he started moving towards David and Henry, you and I both know no one wants David. So, the last line of defense was an idiot with a gun, and he shot aiming at a leg; the man disappeared when he realized he couldn’t catch a bullet. All this under two minutes. – Regina swallows but doesn’t give any more ground. In Henry’s room they all look at each other over his and Lily’s heads and they strain to hear what Mal continues saying with a softer tone – My love, I know being tossed around is an old tradition of yours and since Emma’s body is infused to the brim with light magic, it begins healing itself as soon as she’s injured, but the minute anyone with any real intent to kill gets to Henry, it’s done. He dies.

Regina shakes her head, there’s not a moment she doesn’t think of Henry and how fragile he is, but still - We’ve dealt with this before, we protect ours and we find these people and give them a chance! Think of it like this, if this had always been the way I would have been executed long ago, Lily came to this town with clear intent to harm Snow and David, should she have been killed too? Zelena, Cruella, Ingrid, Gold for Christ’s sakes…  Mal, we’ve found a better way.

- No, you’ve found a lucky streak. These are all people you either knew or are related to. – Regina’s looking paler by the second and Mal stands to go to her and force her to sit, even if not by her side. She lets herself be led to the couch and takes the opposite corner – You never wanted Snow White dead, you had many an opportunity, and you went as far as to prevent others from getting to her under the ruse of keeping her to yourself. In Neverland, Henry was lucky enough to be needed until the rescue party came, but what did sparing Pan get you? – She pauses and Regina sighs by her side - And then, Zelena took him, she was only a lost little girl who wanted nothing but a family, it worked out and now they watch movies together… how long do you think this will go on? How many relatives can take him only to be reticent to harm him swiftly. – She points at the man, still on the coffee table -  A man that won’t even try subterfuge is a man I don’t want to fight. For all we know he was going to clear David out of the way and break Henry’s neck immediately for whatever reason. -

Regina deflates some on the seat, her pain settling again now that the adrenaline of a body being dropped before her has worn off, and Mal takes the opportunity to come closer lulling her even more - Regardless you cannot just kill- I don’t know how to explain- This is a different world, we at least try to mediate before this. We need information, if he did want Henry what for? Does he work alone? God, if you got him this easily you could’ve captured him and brought him to us.

She chuckles at her and reaches out to pull Regina’s hair behind her ear, looking at the clean wound on the edge of her hairline -  With what? Anti-witch duct-tape? The man didn’t even bother with the fog, he disappeared as if he’d never been there. Lily and Henry might be terrified of me now, maybe Emma Swan too; but the rest of us know we are safer and it was much simpler this way. I saved you all the moral dilemma.

Regina turns to look at her, still reproachful – He didn’t even have a chance to explain, maybe he needed something, and we could’ve found an alternative, if only you had let him talk. Coming here could’ve been a fresh start for him too.

She keeps stroking her hair, as long as she’s allowed. She had had a hectic morning too, between seeing Regina fall unconscious, tracking the man, dodging a few hexes and all of this. Under all that magic Regina is still human, one bad head injury could take her out, longevity be damned; and If Henry was a target because of Regina somehow so was Lily, so was her. - Even when I look like this I am still an animal, Regina. In one minute you were unconscious, Lily and Henry were exuding fear and Emma Swan had one or two broken bones. I won’t allow that. – Regina doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t pull away when she moves closer to give her a one-armed hug careful to not harm her any more than she already is – Having said that, you have indeed built a place where people can heal, and I am in awe of how kind you can be now to these strangers. Next time, if the enemy seems like a reasonable person underneath the angst, no brutal force shall be used.

Regina huffs at her but she doesn’t pull away, mollified by the way the conversation went and closer to falling right back to sleep than to doing anything else. That’s bad, not sleeping just yet, she jostles her and some of the fight comes back to Regina, who turns to glare at Mal, making her smile. Regina glares some more before she motions with a hand and the body is gone, the table clean as if it had never been there – Go talk to your daughter, you’ve just traumatized her. Emma and I will take Henry, I need her to heal me anyways since I just spent all I had sending him to the vault. And whatever Snow and Charming want to do to tidy up this mess, you do.

She inhales sharply, she’s being pawned off to the idiots? She turns to Regina ready to defend herself but she's obviously trying to rile her up so Mal lets her smirk her heart away, responding with a wide, saccharine smile - Yes, darling.

Regina scoffs at her - ‘Yes darling’- She sing-songs and Mal smiles her victory, she finally has witnesses of a moment of pure childishness. Regina tries to settle comfortably on the couch but gives up after a moment - And drive me home.

She stands to do as told, looking at Regina inspect the blanket with which they chose to cover her while she was unconscious, it is not the same quality of her own knitted throws and Mal can see her weighing her cold versus the itch factor of Emma' wool. She tries not to laugh at her and stops to bend down so she can press a kiss to the top of Regina's head - I love you, dear.

Regina deems the blanket worthy and pulls it over herself as Mal goes - You’ve just incinerated a man. I don’t know how to respond to these break-neck-speed changes in behavior. – Mal laughs at her and Emma Swan’s head pops out of Henry’s door when she hears the sound, if they’re happy again it must be safe, for everyone that isn’t trying to snatch Henry.

Chapter Text

- Did you ask him why he tried to hurt me? – Is the first thing that comes out of Henry’s mouth when the Charmings leave the room after she asks them to. He looks at her head on, rattled but still willing to stand his ground much like Regina does and Mal shakes her head slightly

- I didn’t quite have the cool head to interrogate him. Be assured, your mother has already told me how stupid that was. - He’s in better shape than expected, at least in front of her he is. He was much more scared when Regina was unconscious and they were sitting around waiting for her to come to and get on with the planning; and the righteous anger Regina warned her of seemingly has been replaced with stoic indignation, for a minute he just stands there looking at her and crosses his arms trying to look like a man. Mal gives him a small smile – And I am sorry, that I made you both see that just now, It was insensitive of me. I know it is not how you grow up in this land.

His demeanor doesn’t soften with her apology - You can’t kill people anymore. We’ve worked hard to help mom and she’s better now, you killing people around her could set her back.

- I understand – She nods wholehearthedly and lifts her arm, so he can step in, eventually they’ll overcome one-armed hugs but today is not the day, the conversation went well and they should half-commit to a hug and move on.

He stays put – I know you understand, I need you to promise.

Mal’s mouth opens subtly, and she darts her eyes down to Lily who hasn’t bothered to chime in at all. It’s a lost battle with them, they won’t justify murder like people that have gone through wars will - Henry, I will do my best. – She can’t lie and swear off killing immediate threats, but as long as there is another option she will humor them, for the sake of their family’s peace.

He stares her down for another few seconds before giving her a nod and stepping briefly under her arm, looping his own around her back – Thank you, for protecting us. I’ll go check on mom.

Most likely Regina will check on him but he leaves quickly, grabbing his jacket on the way out, before Mal can tell him that and she chuckles when he’s gone, looking down to see Lily still staring blankly at her. She tilts her head to invite her to stand up and looks around the unfamiliar room as she waits – That definitely is a child raised by Regina - she eyes a picture of them by a pool and a few seconds tick by before she realizes Lily is not amused by Henry’s antics half as much as she is. and that she’s not budging. She turns to look at her daughter for a moment and decides to lower herself to sit on the floor by Lily, her legs stretched before her – Your mother thinks you are now traumatized.

- You know you’re a psychopath, right? – Lily turns to her– I’ve met a lot of bad people but the only ones that can get up, go kill someone in half an hour and move the body around without flinching were the ones with real bad shit from their childhood, drug dealers with no morals, end up in jail because they shot someone over a game on their blood-money PS4 kind of people.

- Lily…- She tries to put a reassuring hand on her daughter’s arm, but she pulls away quickly, snatching her arm out of grasp – My experiences and relationships with death and morality are different than yours. I understand why you feel like this, after all I too know how this land sees these issues and I am German on top, but the memories I know to be real differ-

- Man, fuck all that – She puts more space between them as she shakes her head – Regina’s fucked up about all the bad stuff she did, and Red’s just as much of an animal or whatever as we are, and she grew up there, you don’t see her killing people just ‘cause. I think you need therapy.

- I do not need therapy. – Her indignant huff comes with a bout of fire and Lily moves away, starts glaring more intensely, Mal tries to placate her, of all things Lily being genuinely scared of her seems the worst - I killed that man because he hurt your mother and moved towards your brother, had he been left unchecked we would have had to deal with him for a long time, and I don’t have the patience or the will to see you all get hurt over and over again in a pointless battle. Lily if you can make a difference, even if it goes against your own sense of morality, you need to act; for a lot of people this won’t ever be a big issue: besides calling for help, what could they possibly do? But you are a witch and a dragon, so you either protect the ones you love or you stand by and risk losing them.

Lily sputters, and her face contorts into some semblance of anger Mal has never seen on her - That wasn’t self-defense, and it wasn’t small shit either like slashing some tires… you stood up from mom’s side and calmly decided to go murder a man and bring his body here like a fucking trophy for us to see! Like you’re proud of it! You gotta know how batshit that is! Fuck you for making me go through that shit.

She takes a deep breath, so they can both stop and think about their next step carefully. Lily’s grasp of her anger has always been feeble and Mal can obviously be quite formidable when she lets herself, her discussions with her own mother always left a few feet of forest reduced to ash. – I’ve already vowed to both Henry and Regina to go to mediation before violence; and I apologized for bringing his cadaver here as well, it was unnecessary. So I will not sit here, on the floor, and allow you to speak to me like this.

- What the fuck are you gonna do? You are gonna have to kill me too ‘cause outside of that you don’t have any power over me, I am an adult.

She growls - Then act like it. - Maleficent can hear them all pause what they’re doing outside for a moment and she lets another stream of fire leave her nostrils and lowers her voice again – Lily you came here filled to the brim with self-pity over being alone and having to scrape by… well, it’s time for you to see that that there are much worse things, especially because you have a long life ahead of you. If the burnt carcass of a man who could’ve killed your family is the worst thing you have seen, then count yourself as lucky and move on.

- Life’s tough, shit happens? That’s the best you can do? – She lets out an incredulous laugh and passes her hands through her hair – Thanks mom, you’re so good at emotional comfort.

She stands as gracefully as possible, fixing and dusting off her clothes under Lily’s scowl, being undignified throughout this discussion has been futile - The dog can give you emotional comfort after whatever this tantrum is, what you need is perspective. – She grabs one pair of headphones from the desk and opens a drawer to return them to the many pairs there - Henry, who grew up sheltered and spoiled like only a wee little princeling could has been through worse things in the last few years than you ever have; he didn’t like what I did, he told me so respectfully, and we’ve reached an understanding even when his view of the world differs from mine. Can you try that or does Emma Swan’s darkness impair you in this matter?

Lily stands up too, hating having to ever look up at anyone. Maleficent is taller still but the drop is not too much – What I don’t like is that your apologies are bullshit. You don’t give a fuck you just killed some dude.

- You are right, I do not. – She moves towards Lily and stops a couple feet away – But my apologies are far from empty.  I apologized for hurting your feelings, and I promised to refrain from the actions that did so. I don’t think you understand how major the shift in behavior I agreed to is, perhaps because it was so easy, the others won your battle for you. What else could you possibly need?

She fights her urge to stomp her foot on the floor like a three-year-old - For you to apologize for killing that man. To admit it was fucked up.

Lily’s a child still, regardless of any human standards, in the ways of dragons she might as well have hatched a few months ago; so Mal holds her laughter, lest she angers more and ends up charring something in Henry’s room - To you? Why? – She brings her hand to her chest and lowers her voice into a soft tone, bending her neck to be at eye level with her - Did you know him? Did he teach you to braid your hair like you mother does? Did he lie to Regina and me for you like your brother does? Did he put up with your bad temper like Emma Swan does? – Lily holds her eyes for a few seconds but ends up losing their staring contest and looking away with a clenched jaw, Mal gives her some space – Those are the lives you should value above everything else, including whatever superiority you draw from keeping your hands clean of blood. That man meant nothing to me. Do I lack basic human decency? Perhaps but, unlike you, I was never under the delusion of being human.

Lily shakes her head again, weakly, and refuses to look at her in the eye again - I don’t care what kind of… creature you are, killing someone will never be okay.

- And yet, Snow White shot arrows into several hearts, David sliced more than one man open and left him to die, your little girlfriend used to tear the limbs from Regina’s soldiers like the snacks they were to her and Regina did everything she’s attributed and more. None of us will lose any sleep over this, but now we've all vowed to never do it again, you got what you wanted. – The issue seems resolved, so she turns and walks out of the room speaking to her once again before closing the door on her way - You have ten minutes to be in the car.

On the way home Henry chatters on and on about how many times Regina’s been out cold for an hour or more since the curse broke and how Dr. Stubbs, who used to be the royal healer for Regina and now does everything that doesn’t need Whale’s pitiful attempts at surgery for the Mills, will come by because he’s texted her to come and confirm that once again, magic seems to have fixed the extent of Regina’s injuries. After everything happens as he’d said and the good doctor pleads to stop the constant concussions that had been happening since before the curse was even in place, they settle in for a quiet evening in which both Henry and Lily hover over Regina with the subtlety of bulls in a china shop.

Later, when the house is darkened and the silent spells have been cast by a still weakened Regina, Mal has only one minute of peace after the lights turn off in their bedroom before Regina moves her own shoulder from under her head to stop her from falling asleep – Lily has not spoken a word to you since she got in the car, will we be needing Dr. Hopper to help her cope?

- She’s not traumatized, she’s just completely above murder. The usual spiel of a law-abiding citizen born from a psychopath. She’ll get over it in a century. – Mal settles down again and throws her arm over the entirety of Regina’s body, pulling her closer for good measure - At least your ploy to become her favorite worked. Mommy gets knocked out once and suddenly she sits three feet away instead of her usual five, how transparent.

- Oh yes, my nefarious plan - Regina laughs and her arm fights its way out of Mal’s grip to circle her shoulder, she settles her hand on Mal’s hair and ignores the urge to tangle it – You made it so easy, all I needed was a disposable villain and there you were, yelling at her for being scared of burnt bodies and having a moral compass. Did you do that thing where you start crouching condescendingly until you’re at the same eye level? – Mal huffs against her chest and Regina chuckles again, ready to comfort her after her mirth passes, but there’s a knock on the door.

After they let him know the door is unlocked Henry appears with his hair sticking up in all directions and his phone clutched in his hand with headphones dangling – Um… mom, will you check the spells around my room?

Mal releases Regina so she can sit up – Honey, the spells are definitely up, but they’re the same ones. If you want a few others we can read up tomorrow. – He nods but doesn’t move much more and Regina smiles at him softly – Sweetheart, do you want to sleep with us tonight? – He drags his feet, moving his arm back and forth through the silencing spell a few times, but comes into the room eventually, reaching the foot of the bed.

He takes a pillow from the nearby chaise and crawls on Regina side, settling in under the covers but making sure to leave a little space – Is that why everything’s so quiet?

Mal interrupts her own rearranging and pops up from the other side of Regina – it’s for Lily’s sake, she hears everything… so she can’t sleep if we’re talking. – Or doing anything else, but apparently, going on fourteen is too young for that joke in the land without magic

Regina motions for the door to close but halfway through its arc a hand appears and stops it, and Lily shows up holding her own pillow and marches into the room without a word, tossing it by Maleficent’s feet and laying down, sideways – This bed is huge.

Mal and Regina make eye contact but nothing more, too scared to do anything that will send Lily back to her own room, it’s Henry who sits up a bit to look at her – Aren’t you like forty?

- ‘Aren’t you like forty’ – she sing-songs and makes a face at him – I was worried when I heard you stop talking and breathing and existing, but maybe I’ll shut you up myself.

Mal looks at Regina once more before settling down on the crook of her neck and throwing her arm around her midriff, thankfully Henry was much more independent than her and had settled in a way that didn’t come in conflict with her own position. She whispers – Maybe we can take turns getting knocked out – She kisses her breastbone and Regina takes her hand over her stomach and squeezes before relaxing and settling in, for only a second before Henry cries out

- Mom! Lily’s kicking me!

- Maybe it’s the Chupacabra coming to snatch you too.

Mal groans and reaches down with her foot to nudge Lily’s shoulder - Children, please. Your mother needs a good night’s sleep.

They stay silent for another few minutes until Henry speaks again – It’s very hot in here. Can you guys not do that? – Regina lifts a finger and one of the windows opens, forcing both Mal and Lily to pull the sheets further up over their heads, Regina smiles at that and presses a kiss to Henry’s head that has landed on her shoulder and then turns to do the same to the one corner of Mal’s that should be somewhere underneath all the hair.

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Maleficent’s head pops up from between her legs and Regina groans, forcing herself to open her eyes and hear whatever Mal needed her mouth for at such a crucial moment – Lily just came in.

- Can you just – she makes a hurrying notion with her hands and Mal laughs at her. She huffs and drops herself down on the bed again – You know what? This is ruined. You’ve ruined it.

She untangles herself as she can and huffs again as she moves to the bathroom and Mal falls face down on the spot, still laughing at her – What about lunch?

- Get dressed and find yourself some food. 

It’s only maybe five minutes until Regina emerges from the bathroom but she does so fully clothed, by magic probably, and Mal rolls her eyes at her losing all hope – I’ll just lay here, all alone, clutching your pillow to my chest, and reminisce of the twenty minutes we did have. – Regina answers her with the slam of the door.

She should get to the office anyway, the only reason she had stayed in the house was that they were painting the building and she had no meetings that forced her to endure the smell, so she decided to stay and work from home and it was a good decision until lunch was brought up, but she could still make the rest of her afternoon count if she grabs a bite and drives to town hall to finish up some paperwork. With that in mind she reaches the living room to find Lily slumped over herself and staring miserably at her locked phone, scratching at her scalp.

Regina passes a hand over her shoulders as she rounds the corner of the couch to sit next to her – Sweetheart, is everything okay?

- Uhhh, yeah. I’m all right. – she pauses for a moment and tacks on – um, fucking great! – With a strange smile

Regina frowns, pulling her to a better sitting position, usually she’ll act much more convincingly and stand up and leave with a weak excuse – Are you sure? If you have any issue I can help with I can play hooky and come with you - She puts an arm around her, they’ve deduced that she does like hugs… just not initiating them. With her free hand she moves her hair behind her ear and strokes her temple to get her to relax – Or If you want we can just sit here for a while too. Did you have lunch? I could make you something.

- Oh wow, so this is the deluxe mom package huh? I would’ve paid $14.99 a month for this. –

Regina distances herself a bit and moves the arm around her shoulders so her hand lands on the back of Lily’s neck –  We have pasta.

- Oh yes please! – In one second the hand behind her neck moves to the front and starts choking the life out of her. For a moment she tries to claw it away but as someone that has been choked before she knows it’s a long shot, who knew Regina was that physically strong? She knows now but her first instinct is still to try, and to her surprise Lily could even pry the hand off, but Regina holds on.

She hisses out - You are not my daughter. Where is she? – When the woman doesn’t budge she tightens her grip regardless of the resistance, as long as there are no long nails clawing at her she’ll be fine - Who are you?

She stops trying to break free and starts patting Regina in the arm like a wrestler giving up, Henry would understand her – Fu- ck. I’m Em- Emma. – Regina looks her in the eye frantically for a second, as her vision starts blurring just a bit, and releases her, standing to get a better look of her. She takes a deep breath as soon as the hand is gone from her neck, well Lily’s neck, and the air rushes into her lungs where it hits something, and she ends up coughing out smoke – God, what the fuck? Talk about whiplash. Genetically, I should know little old ladies that offer to feed you are not who you think they are. How did you know?

- I never dressed as an old woman to try to poison your mother – She rolls her eyes - Lily doesn’t like pasta.

- At all? What kind of monster did you spawn? – The smoke insists in coming out of her mouth and she coughs some more. – And I thought we had all sworn off impulsive murder.

- Miss Swan, care to explain?

Emma’s own hand goes to the skin, it’ll bruise, or at least if it was hers it would bruise – Look, the hulk, we were fucking around with our magic and stuff while we had lunch… and she had a book that you gave her so, thanks, and I read some page, and we got freaky Friday-ed. And then Happy came in and dragged Lily-me out because someone got robbed or something before I could think of an excuse, and I just sat there with the book but obviously it’s in harry-potter-ese which I don’t speak and then Ruby came by and got really touchy, so I just got the fuck out of there and I got home but I didn’t have any house keys or nothing so I kinda walked here and I was gonna call Lily-me so we can meet up again and switch back, and now I only need her password and boom, we fix this. – As if on cue the screen lights up with a text from Ruby proclaiming that Babe, you left your book here. Come and get it ;), followed by one that says And I covered your check so maybe I should be the only one coming in any way, – See, retrieve the book and tell your daughter to stop exchanging sexual favors for food and boom, we fix this.

In some ways, villains are a blessing, how could her gross incompetence be the worst thing in Regina’s day if there’s a dude with a magic thing doing bad stuff around some place? Peace comes with the utter rage in Regina’s face aimed exclusively at her. The woman tires of looking at her after her explanation, turning back from her completely and pacing the room, she yells out -Maleficent -, who apparently is home and doesn’t pop down to see what’s going on if she hears murder happening.

It takes an entire tense minute for her to even reach the stairs and come down, humming some tune under her breath; Regina’s death stare keeping Emma from turning back to see a dragon close to whistling. Mal finally reaches the first floor by the sound of it and, how cool is that? Echolocation like a Batman villain, and Mal hums happily closer – Darling, I do love when you scream my entire name – She pauses when she sees the back of Lily’s head – Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.

Emma uses Lily’s face to frown and mutters – What were you doing while she choked me to death?

- Excuse me? – She frowns, coming closer to inspect her neck, the evidence is gone - I was taking a bath. – The ends of her hair and the bathrobe confirm her story and she stands up straight again and moves to Regina with a smile – And reminiscing.

Regina stays still as ice - Did you finish reminiscing? Because Miss Swan here, has a story for you.

She reaches her and tucks herself on her side, making Regina reach up to move the wet hair away from herself and Mal nods undoing her progress - I did, hence why my sunny demeanor contrasts with yours that didn’t even get to live in the moment. Where is Emma? – On the couch, Lily’s hand is raised.

They find their daughter backing Emma’s body away from Snow just outside of Granny’s and decide to intervene before she can find a way to either harm or heavily confuse her, Regina does the closest thing to yelling she’ll do in a public setting to get Snow’s attention from the corner of the street and almost jogs up to them. Snow is easily distracted and turns back with a smile – Hello you guys – Mal nods amicably at her and she beams when Lily gives a friendly wave by her mother’s side, she always knew one day they would make progress. Emboldened by it she reaches out for Regina - Oh wow we all barely see each other when there’s no emergencies, we’re all here, let’s go inside for some pie!

Emma scoffs, well her body does and Snow frowns disappointedly at her, Regina circles Snow to grab her by the arm – I actually need Miss Swan quite urgently. We have a matter to attend.

- Oh, do you need any help? – she’s not doing much that afternoon, since David can stay with Neal while Emma’s on shift. Maybe she should go back to work soon.

- No, no don’t concern yourself. It is bureaucracy.

- Well, Maleficent and Lily can join me then! Red should be on a break just now. – She smiles sweetly in Lily’s direction and well, she doesn’t get glared at. Good day.

- No. I need them too. I will… miss them. – Regina rolls her eyes at herself but soldiers on – I will miss them very much so, we’re all going now to my office.

They hurry away from her and she chuckles as she comes in and drops herself by Ruby’s side taking the smallest peek at her screen, it has an opened conversation with Lily herself and Red was the last texter. She locks it as soon as she sits down and Snow pokes her on the side – You wouldn’t know anything about a surprise party for someone’s birthday, right? Your mothers-in-law and Emma were acting strangely just now in the sideway, and Lily even smiled at me

She snorts - You think Maleficent and Lily would help plan you a party?

- If Regina asks? Yes. – She shrugs and takes a fry of Red’s plate, it is so Regina to plan her a party and force Mal and Lily to participate.

Red doesn’t dignify it with a response, and hey maybe they should plan her a bithday party, it’s the first legal one in a while in which no one is in mortal danger. Her phone lights up with a candy crush notification and she sighs - Lily seems off, earlier she ran out of here and even left a book…- Which Regina appears in the back office to take, really easy to spot a dusty, leather bound parchment book in the middle of meal receipts, and she goes away without leaving a trace, all while Ruby goes on outside - and no word since, now you’re telling me she was right outside, smiling at you, and didn’t come in to say hi… Did she look like she lost her phone or something?

- You look like you lost your autonomy

- You- she pauses and gapes, shoving her by the shoulder - After I’ve been listening to you about finding David for decades! If there was a party, I’ll make sure there ain’t now.

Regina sits poring painstakingly   through the book, the page in question is “somewhere in the middle like not too near the end not too close to the beginning either and it had a purple thingy drawn on the corner”, needless to say, she has to go one by one in the thousand-page tome. Mal went to her seat on the couch and Lily sat next to her with her arms closed, still blonde and not saying much; and after maybe one minute of that kind of silence Emma, who’s spinning on a chair and marveling at her inability to get dizzy, can’t bear it anymore. She uses Lily’s foot as an emergency break and faces them – Kind of a cool mishap huh? Lindsey Lohan did it.

- She also did cocaine, Swan. What’s your point? – Lily, demonstrating daily she is related to Regina Mills since she came into town

Mal chuckles, Henry had showed her the movie in question – When I was quite young still, maybe as lanky as Henry is right now, my brother and sister goaded me into venturing to the village down the mountain range to buy anything from the humans. Skinny blonde girl, no family, no money and the worst common tongue proficiency you can imagine; the only one that would barter me a rabbit I had caught was a witch, most likely looking to test her concoctions in an unsuspecting soul… I was turned into a goat for a good ten hours, and my siblings had to explain why I was a goat when they stopped a cousin from eating me.

Emma’s mouth opens wide and she turns to look at Regina who doesn’t even bat an eye - There’s so much shit to unpack in that story, oh my god – She turns to Lily, who’s the picture of uninterested interest in her body – First of all, how old were you?

- 50, perhaps? – She mulls it over – Maybe 30 or 40, blunder years.

That gets a response, and there haven’t been many responses since the whole evil wizard fiasco – What? And you looked like a kid? What kind of freak of nature am I then? And when did you turn into the fucking ‘tells fun stories while mom stews’ dad anyways? – Regina passes her page as loudly as possible to undermark her stewing and Swan pipes up

- Probably since she was reminiscing earlier and they thought I didn’t get what they meant- Mal laughs at that as well and Lily frowns while an epiphany hits Emma – Maybe that’s what’s up! Dads are just jerking off in the bathtub daily while moms leave their stress build up.

- Jesus, dude. Shut up. – Her entire face scrunches up and Emma laughs, she’s never seen her face do that.

- What? You’re an adult!

- Does your dad jerk off a lot? - Lily uncrosses her arms to pat her pockets - Maybe I’ll call him with your voice and ask him.

- Well, maybe I’ll call your girlfriend with your voice and tell her you won’t be eating her out for fries anymore and see if your relationship survives!

- Oh, shut the fuck up, you’re sucking dick for cake so?

The back and forth is quite interesting but it's escalating rapidly so she holds her hand up - Children, please. Regina needs a calm environment – Regina raises an eyebrow at her and Mal turns back to Lily and Emma – And this mix of childishness and crudeness is staggering. Just terrible behavior, don’t repeat it.

Emma stands – Whatever, I need to go to the bathroom anyways.

- Don’t you fucking dare. Sit down.

- Don’t you dare? Who says that? Besides these two– She jerks her thumbs in Mal’s and Regina’s directions - What’s the problem? Like… what?... Is it like a jungle down there?

Before Lily can respond to that Regina’s voice rings out from the desk, where her eyes finally left the book - Miss Swan, go pick up Henry. – Lily immediately tosses her the keys to the bug she’s been toying with in the jacket pocket and Regina dismisses her with her hand - To the school and back here, no pit stops.

Emma decides against talking back and starts walking out of the room with heavy steps, halfway through she yanks her sweater off and tosses it on top of the jacket she’d discarded earlier – I hate your fucking body! – She slams the door on the way out and Regina’s assistant looks away and says nothing as she marches down the corridor. One perk to being generally feared apparently, last week Emma had dropped a pen in the carpet and had to hear a three-minute rant about dry-cleaning ink.

- Well, I am no longer relaxed. - Mal sighs and removes her own blazer, rolling up the sleeves – Is she paying you for oral sex with fries?

- What?! No! I can afford fries, I have a job, okay? It was a text, a goddamn text. I do it for free… just- No. Mom anything? – She wraps Emma’s arms around herself again and drops her weight against the couch

Regina gives her a small reassuring smile – Not yet, it can’t be too bad though. Likely a spell to steal someone’s identity, it would want for the victims to live long lives after the fact.

Mal stands and circles the desk to glance at the book, she speaks many common languages but never the primal one that old magics and spells use. So, she can only put her hands on Regina’s shoulders and stroke her thumbs over the soft fabric – Darling, I think whatever the darkness was, it has mixed even further. They have different scents now and as far as I know consciousness doesn’t have a smell.

Regina sighs and drops herself back against the back of her chair as well, looking at Lily sitting like a kicked puppy with Emma’s face, she’s never managed that expression with her own. – I have told you both repeatedly magic is not to be toyed with, and when I gave you that book I marked the pages you needed to practice first and told you to stay away from the others. – She pulls at one of the neon sticky marks that clash so wildly with the tome she tacked them to - This book was owned by my mother, what if Emma had read something worse? What if we can’t reverse this seemingly innocuous thing. If everything goes back to its original owner and Emma’s darkness goes to her and you get your light, that could alter your very being, you could be a different person.

- Well I’ll be great right? Balance at last, yay – she tries for a smile

Mal ghosts her fingers up Regina’s neck to try to locate the crick that will surely develop there if she doesn’t find that page soon, she looks at Lily – What about Emma? Balance for her means living with anger she’s never learned to deal with – Lily shrugs and Mal finds the tense spot in the back of Regina’s neck – That’s your friend, Lily. The Evil Queen here can tell you a lot about having suffered for long and then getting very angry about it overnight.

- It is not pleasant – she passes the page and gets back to work while Mal presses on her knots and Lily sighs on her seat, slumping even further in it.

- I’m sorry okay? I wasn’t even the one who read it or anything. She’s the one that really fucked up.

- But you’re the one we have any right to chastise. Don’t get turned into a goat for not listening to your mother about spells, don’t make it genetic. – Lily nods and takes out her phone, to find it’s still Emma’s one. Apparently that’s the kind of thing that breaks both of them, and she folds on herself, crossing her arms over her knees and tucking her head in. She’s sniffing faintly, and it doesn’t matter how quietly she does it, Mal can hear her. She goes to sit next to her again and Regina gives her a nod – I know it is awful, but I am confident Regina will find a way, and at least you learned something today – Lily snorts under her, still hidden – How do you feel? -

- Weak. – She sits up again and Emma’s cheeks betray her, reddened with her grief – I’m cold, and I can’t feel the dragon, or my magic... Like if anyone touches me I’ll just break. I didn’t know it was a thing at all, but even as a kid I’d never get sick or anything and I’d just fling myself anywhere with no fear. Right now, I’m afraid to walk.

Mal puts an arm over Lily softly and pulls her in closer – Trust me, we won’t let anything harm you while this is going on – Lily sniffs again and stays close to Mal, sometimes being stoic works just as well as cuddling. Regina understands, being stripped of magic has done that number on her a few times, she’s never been big in any literal sense of the word, she only started doing any kind of workout when she decided she needed to ride into battle with her armies if she had any hope for them to be loyal to her, and many a time she was indeed broken and only magic mended her quickly. She keeps poring over the book determined to fix this as soon as she can and after a while Mal kisses the top of Lily’s head – At least you’re blonde now.

Regina huffs on her seat - You wound me.

Henry chatters away at Mal as Lily and Emma hold a civil conversation off in the other corner of the office, both sitting on the floor. Whatever happens after the spell is over, for the last months they have been as close as being balanced as they had ever been, and they both want to be there for each other if anything changes in their basic constitution; whatever anger Emma starts feeling Lily can help process and any guilt or anything that light would spur in Lily can be dealt with too.

They bump fists and exchange phones, to end up playing words with friends against each other; Emma can only make it to one round in peace – Hey I’m sorry I put you on blast earlier in front of Regina and Mal, that was uncalled for.

Lily doesn’t look away from her phone – Yeah, and I shouldn’t have said you suck dick for cookies, I know you like Luke seriously.

- You said cake, and you were right, I haven’t paid for a slice in weeks. It’s instant head as soon as he walks in my apartment. – She nudges her on the side and smiles – But I do like him seriously too.

-Ugh – She groans – Now I’m gonna think about it every time I eat cake. Thanks a fucking lot.

Emma claps her in the back to say no problem, what are friends for outside of mentally scarring each other? - How about you?

- I pay for my meals, didn’t you hear? I’m rich. You’re the one that walked out of there today without paying, the dwarf got me first.

- I meant, is it going well? I’ve been listening to a lot of far-away things today and you’re only a half-breed dragon, Granny does not play either… there are no hotels in this town… just curious – She turns to stare at them, all looking at the book pensively – How can Mal even reminisce or whatever in that house without you hearing? Are you letting them hear you reminiscing? How long do we have until Henry walks down one morning and you all know what he did? Fuck. We need to warn him. Would you do that? That’s a big brother move.

- I’m a woman! – She turns to the desk too, where a breakthrough is surely happening. Thank god. She’ll drown Emma Swan in one piece after.

She shrugs - You’re a lesbian, it counts for something. You pass him your sticky magazines, or you know, links, whatever you have.

- No. You and mom need to talk about that with him, okay? Fuck. - She sighs and points to Mal – You can tune things out at will if you train, see, she’s not listening to your bullshit right now. And they usually cast a silencing spell every night just to be sure, you probably just walked into something when they had the house for themselves. And I’m not telling you about Red and I, maybe it takes planning… but like how long can Regina and Mal want to keep me around? I’ll move out soon probably

- I don’t know… that was a pretty nice hug I got in your body earlier today. No baby, big house, great food… her head game cannot be that good.

Lily laughs at her and shrugs – Maybe you’d be surprised. She’s pretty strong.

- What the fuck does that even mean? - Emma locks her phone at last and shakes her head - I know I should’ve taken it when she offered before the curse broke. Or this afternoon after Happy stole you… I bet that’s how you do it; Granny’s busy, the diner is loud, the B&B is right up there.

Lily narrows her own eyes at her - If that wasn’t my body, you’d be dead.

Emma laughs boisterously -  She still cringes when she remembers… since she’s my godmother and all. This is going to kill her.

Apparently, it’s an easy fix, but the fix lies in Gold’s shop. Henry offers to go retrieve the item, since Gold will give it to him easily and there’s no known dangers in the prowl ready to snatch it from him mid-way, and he asks that his only reward is a pizza they need to ask for before he leaves so he gets back just in time to eat. Emma offers to drive him anyways and Lily makes herself scarce, she really needs to call Ruby and explain. Five hours of being left on notification-read would drive anyone insane. Regina’s assistant stops packing up to try and make small talk and she points to the phone as she dodges him, that dude had never tried to even say hi to her when she’d dropped by before. She dodges the painters who are packing up as well and sits on a stairwell.

Inside Mal leans against the desk and watches as Regina rubs at her temple with one hand while she browses the book lazily now with the other, the best stress reliever she can currently find, light reading on dark magic. She stops at a very nice drawing of a chimera – Could we pause on that baby until we are sure that one isn’t getting turned into a goat every time she leaves the house?

- It is only reasonable. We must groom her to be the catalyst of the incidents not the victim. The goat-maker not the goat itself. Otherwise how will her little sister learn not to accept anything a witch she barely knows offers in a goblet? – She slides closer to Regina’s desk with a smile – No matter how beautiful she may be.

- It was ambrosia, It is not my fault you had been mixing with peasants your entire life. But I am glad to know where your trauma comes from – Mal laughs above her and it washes over her after the afternoon she’d had, each spell she’d read had wound into her tighter, waiting to be released but having to be contained. She was going to have to unleash hell on an unsuspecting section of the forest sooner rather than later. She moves her chair even closer and takes Mal hand – You did excellently today, as a fun-dad that eventually musters enough emotional competence when their child is distraught. We will work up to fully rounded dad.

- I have been watching sitcoms when you’re not around. I am gaining valuable knowledge – She winks at Regina and she smiles brightly at her, their terrible afternoon likely forgotten - I was, and still am, awful with children. But now I don’t have to stumble through it by my lonesome, you’ve done that already. I am counting on you to steer me into the right direction when it comes to child-rearing.

- But the sitcoms are working wonders, we could leave that and any other new skillset to the television.

She bends enough to kiss her once softly – Did… you… know… we… also… have… – she undermarks every word with a kiss and Regina’s separates from the seat in her urge to get close – woodworking… channels – The disappointment is palpable and she laughs at Regina, straightening up – I’m confident I can produce a small, minimalist shelf anytime now. Just say the word.

- That seemed so promising, and you finished with a proposition I could hear from a teenager in an Ikea. Pity. – She sits properly again and makes a show of turning back to the book with a smirk

- Ah, but she returns from her call with the wolf. Say your last words.

Regina makes a show of thinking about them – I will just add that sitcoms or not, you are doing great. You have been a bit of a loner but for us humans, it takes… a village. - Mal huffs and pushes herself of the desk, walking away as Regina laughs and stands quickly to catch up to her, sneaking both arms around her and fastening herself to her back – I love you in a suit, have I told you?

She raises her arms to lay over Regina’s - You’ve shown me, repeatedly. – Regina can’t ever dream of reaching her shoulder to put her chin on it comfortably, so whenever they end up like this she has to nudge Mal until she relents and turns a bit to put one of her arms around her and look at her out of the corner of her eye, Regina grins at her and she keeps a straight face – I don’t enjoy being teased.

- You were a goat for ten hours.

- A magnificent goat, mother said. – Her smile grows slowly until they are laughing together in their odd position. Mal can only reach up to move the hair out of Regina’s face while the arm that’s over hers stay put.

Lily comes in with the pizza and a grin that finally matches one of Emma Swan’s own expressions on her face - I paid for it with Emma’s money – She has barely put it down when she reaches for a slice and takes a bite before Regina can warn her. The look of utter befuddlement that crosses her face for a second is priceless, but it is short lived, her face contorts in pain as she hisses and pulls the slice back – Motherfucker! What the fuck? People live like this? Oh my fucking god.

That’s when Henry and Emma choose to come in, he puts down the chest with the stone that will help return them to their bodies on the floor – Um. Wow. Grandma has a swear jar you’d have filled today.

- You burnt my tongue? – Emma whines above him – Regina.

She’s still happily wrapped around Mal and her button up white shirt, so she smiles as she shakes her head - Anything I cast right now comes charged with the book’s energy. You’ll have to live with it for a day, or learn to heal purposefully like I keep telling you to.

- It’s too hard! – She drops herself on the couch with a pout.

Lily frowns with Emma’s eyebrows for the last time, her tongue now throbbing – Switch us back. My face was not made for that.

Chapter Text

Weeks after the murder incident Lily is still favoring anyone’s company over Mal’s, although it doesn’t seem to be intentional, which only makes it worse in the blonde’s opinion. Regina has advised Mal to be patient so Lily can have the time to come to her own peace with what happened and how their view of the world can clash sometimes, they did all met as strangers with very different experiences and it’s already a miracle they’ve managed to form any semblance of a functioning family living under one roof.  And they spend time together in a non-confrontational way easily, the afternoons they use to fly together still happen just as often as they did, and around the house they can sit and coexist but neither can mention anything that could end in disagreement without it becoming a discussion about morality.

Mal tries hard anyway, entering the kitchen for breakfast to find Regina scrolling on her phone with one hand and holding a cup of coffee in the other, and Lily playing with an orange, making it orbit her head like a moon.  She dodges the flying fruit and reaches for the coffee Regina’s neglecting -  Do you want to come hunt with me later? You’ve improved your diving, I think we could start.

Both Lily and Regina look up at her in sync and Regina stands to serve herself some food when she realizes she’s not the one being spoken to, while Lily shakes her head, disturbing the orange – No, I get all my food pre-killed from the grocery store. Henry and I just went – On cue, a pop tart jumps out of the toaster and Regina gives her a reproachful look as she takes it herself and drops it on a plate for Lily

- I sent you with him because you should have more self-control.

- So we skimmed a little off the top for ourselves, it was basically child labor - Lily weaves between them going for her pop tart and then leaving the kitchen as she finishes - You just wanted to sleep in!

Regina rolls her eyes and rubs Mal’s arm – She’ll come around. Let me make you some breakfast.

Mal nods and sits on the kitchen island, reading the news on Regina’s discarded phone as if she cares about the world politics Regina seems to. The date catches her eye for a while, it had been almost 32 years since the curse was cast, likely the same time has passed back in the forest outside of Regina’s curse. They few months she has spent there in Storybrooke make her feel like she did when she was young, still living close to her parents and when there were always at least two of the three brats she has for siblings around. She’s only recovered that sense of warmth now that she’s found her own family, and she would loathe for it to be irreparably damaged over a man of no consequence.

She focuses on Regina frying her an absurd amount of bacon again and smiles softly, before probably angering her to the maximum extreme – I need to take Lily to Fairy Tale Land.

Regina turns off the stove and reaches for a plate without turning to her - You don’t need to take anyone to that festering, disease-ridden, unmanned place. She’ll hunt eventually, immersion therapy can’t be the answer to this.

A plate is placed before her and she munches on a strip of bacon happily as Regina moves around the kitchen - I think she’ll profit from it. You remember what it was like, hellish compared to this, sure – She points strictly at her fried bacon – But for us, with the magic in the atmosphere. I think she will gain something if she can feel that. And she needs to meet her family eventually.

She stops dead in her tracks - What family? You said you hadn’t seen a single relative in decades when we met.

- It’s true – She goes for the second strip on her plate and mulls it over – However Mother is still alive, I would know if she wasn’t. And only one of my siblings had died last time I checked, and he could’ve been brought back as I was, so I truly won’t know until we get there. A reunion is afoot if my timing is correct.

Regina sits on the stool next to hers with a stunned look - Mal your entire family is still alive? Why don’t you keep in touch? Should I not meet them as well?

She shrugs minutely – It is not our way to be overly attached to one another. My family has set dates for reunions so a big number of us coincide at home occasionally, but only blood relatives are allowed in those sadly. In another occasion I will joyfully parade my wife in front of them.

Regina waves her off with a hand – I am not planning that wedding by myself while you’re on vacation - Regina mulls her story over a bit before standing to get her forgotten plate from the counter, does anyone from Xavier’s house still stand in the Enchanted Forest? Should she care? - Okay then, I’ll arrange for portals. How long will you be gone?

- A year or so. – She has to start big on important negotiations

She drops her plate right back on the marble - No. A week.

Mal chuckles and stands to go to her - Darling, we gather once every century and I did not attend the last one. A year is reasonable, it is a drop in the bucket so to speak.

She moves away before Mal can trap her against the counter - To you. Wait 100 years, then go away for an entire year when I’m tired of you.

Mal reaches out to pull her closer but Regina avoids her narrowly - Half a year?

She shakes her head from the other side of the island and takes one strip of bacon off Mal’s plate - Two weeks.

She continues rounding the island at a slow pace - A single, miserable month in which I will weep every morning I wake and your face is not the first sight that greets me?

Regina rolls her eyes and stands still enough to be caught - A month, and you take a mirror with you.

She pulls Regina in by the waist and takes back her bacon, eating it in one bite as the brunette huffs. She bends enough to pick her up and hoist her up on the kitchen island, standing as close as possible, and drops a kiss to her neck – I say we spend today making sure I embark on this journey as well fed as possible.

The portal had left them just an hour’s hike away from Mal’s castle, the trip had already proven itself to be a learning exercise for Lily that had stumbled into everything she could have stumbled into, was contemplating cutting her jeans into shorts and had accidently almost killed a few small creatures that now hated her. They reach the castle and the doors part for them revealing the inside of it intact even when the outside looked like the setting of a dystopian medieval video-game. It is insane, the hall they enter through is big enough to fit their house inside easily, and it only gets crazier and crazier. They’re only there for some books for Regina but Lily’s sure that if they wanted they could spend the whole month in there and not go through the whole place.

She does her best to not run to a window in the room they’re in and she uses the couch against the wall to peer over the edge and over the forest below them, she’s only got 25% phone battery left but video of that view is worth the sacrifice. The green stretches before them for miles, interrupted for a few oddly colored-tress here and there, a few buzzing creatures that must not be bugs and across the valley another few imposing castles can be seen, Regina’s amongst them apparently.

She makes sure to put her phone back in her nifty bigger on the inside backpack carefully, and turns to Mal who’s looking for the books, dragging a ladder behind her to reach the higher shelves. Lily can see her mother smirk as she moves - I have a very strong inkling that you were conceived on that couch.

She shoots up, groaning and checking her clothes for anything strange – Do it. Kill me. End it where it began. Anything after that sentence isn’t a life anyways.

Mal laughs already climbing up a wooden ladder to reach for a tome – Do you think we can take it with us? The one in the living room doesn’t quite hit the spot.

- I will move out, I swear to god. Don’t try me.

They fly for two hours after that, and they are possibly the best two hours of Lily’s life. The wind carries them effortlessly and even when the air turns cold and the clouds start biting at her scales she goes joyfully diving and soaring back up, turning on her own axis to break through a cloud, circling around Mal and splitting from the path as far as she can before coming back. They land on a clearing obviously designated for it, the trees closest filled with broken branches and the grass beneath them flattened into a mushy mess now that the snow has fallen into a thin white sheet. They turn and immediately cold seeps into Lily like it never had, freezing her to the bone, she’s afraid that if she moves they will break and leave her a bunch of pieces on the ground but she turns slowly as she clatters, to reach for the bag where Regina had packed her the heaviest coat Lily has ever seen, but Mal stops her with her arms around her.

Mal breathes fire in front of them and smirks at her, placing one hand on the middle of her chest – You’ve been doing it your whole life, this is just a new extreme. Let the fire warm you.

Those were very unclear instructions, but Lily lets herself clatter another minute before she can feel it take hold, the heat, like a blanket covering her on December but she doesn’t need to huddle or to hide from the wind under Mal’s arms, she flexes her fingers first and the color returns to them, she goes on to her facial muscles and they respond just fine and then she goes for the legs, she takes a step forward and sinks shin-deep into mud – Oh fuck me.

Maleficent laughs at her - Tall boots, my dear. I do believe your mother packed you some.

She sighs as Mal starts walking in her damn appropriate footwear and starts following her, her good boots ruined well beyond what her magic could fix. At least she can see the stone wall that should be the entrance nearby. It’s an impressive wall, but it does nothing to hide or protect the immense structure it is apparently encircling; a castle that looks like it was carved right out of the mountain it stands in reaches up into the sky, leaving Maleficent’s one to shame, the glass of the windows reflecting sun light Lily cannot quite see from ground level; the thing starts higher than they currently are and they must have the first elevators on the fictional creature land.

What’s worse is that the gate is open, not one iota of resistance as Mal pushes it; they walk five minutes after crossing it until anyone pays them any mind. A woman comes out of a wooden shed by their side, Lily stares at her over Mal’s shoulder, with pale skin, tall and thin like a tree in the forest surrounding them on all sides, there’s an urgency in how she approaches them but she’s not rushing, she doesn’t seem like she’s rushing, wearing a long dark gown with nothing special about it except how she wears it and how the wind blows her waist-length hair in a perfect curtain behind her

She reaches Mal and puts both hands on her cheeks, for a few seconds she does nothing but stare at her, until Mal tilts her head forward and the other woman does the same, their foreheads touching. The woman smiles brightly - Maleficent, at last. How are you sweet? – Lily’s face scrunches up, there it is, the strange language she can barely speak, it’s gonna be a long month.

- I am very well, mother - And there it is, the straight hair gene. They both close their eyes where they stand, it lasts for close to a minute before the woman straightens her neck to kiss the top of Mal’s head several times, making her laugh – Mother, stop. Meet my daughter, Lily.

The woman turns to her, only now registering her presence at all – Oh, you have a child - She approaches with a warm gaze and a small smile but stops to take a strand of her hair - With the Queen of the Eastern Realm of the Enchanted Forest. – Lily darts her eyes to Mal and she only tilts her head, the woman continues smiling at them – I do attempt to track you children every few decades, It was said she was seen with a dragon in your preferred bit of the woods, and it is obvious if one has seen her and is open to believe that her blood is capable of overpowering ours. Welcome… Lily… did The Queen name you?

- What is your name? – and of course that’s the first fucking thing she says to her grandmother who was probably just trying to make conversation, Mal just stands there off to the side without intervening, ready to let her put her foot in her mouth like she doesn’t know it will happen if she doesn’t do something.

- Dannica.

- Lots of… - she wants to say letters but what the fuck is the dragon growl word for letter? She frowns at her own stupidity- Beautiful name.

The woman takes it with aplomb and smiles at her, taking one of her hands while surveying her while Mal laughs to their side and rushes to put her arm across Lily’s shoulders, patting her a bit – Lily has only met our tongue recently mother, she is still blundering. I assure you, it is quite a tale for supper. – The way it works is that she can understand it naturally, just by the power of dragon gods or whatever but only after she reads or hears a word, or a structure in context she will learn it, Regina’s books didn’t teach her the language but they taught her that; so as it stands, she’s just learned the verb blunder. Her grandmother she will not be calling grandmother starts leading them towards the castle and Mal goes happily dragging Lily as well; she chats away like Henry on a car ride – Tell me mother, have the ogres finally found a way to settle their differences now that Regina has removed most humans from the land?

Mal informs her mother that they will go get settled and be down for supper and leads Lily to an open space past the sheds the woman had come out from, and she looks up. No elevators, just regular wing-related ascension. Their chambers are somewhere thirty stories up from the ground and the door is in fact an opened floor-to-ceiling window that leads into what looks like a cave when you reach it. Inside, rugged dark stone gives way to a hallway that now looks like it was carved by something other than nature, it fades into a more polished passageway the further in they go, and Mal turns back to a human halfway into it when the stone is soft to the touch and the ground is even beneath their feet. Lily follows her lead for a few seconds, looking around herself and turning back to see the light stream through the window, on the wall to her right a carving of a dragon mid-flight meets her eyes, followed by an intricate M, she reaches out to trace a bit of the lines that stretch up to the ceiling and rushes when she sees Mal already turning a corner.

- Nice digs, M for Maleficent? Like the style. Mom would kill us if we started carving into our doors though - She whistles as the room comes into view. It’s more like an open space, house-sized, huge-house-sized, fully furnished cave. One could easily turn in there and fly up for a few minutes to light up the torches carved into the wall.

Maleficent does just that before landing back on two human feet before her and motioning around - Welcome. I will see that another bed is brought in.

Lily looks first to the monstrosity that is the bed, they could both fit in there, hell, Regina and Henry and Emma and Red and Maybe two of the seven dwarves could fit there with them. But she’s not going to be the one to say it so she shrugs – I can take one of the 35 couches. I can enlarge things now.  – She points to the three, also colossal couches off to the other side of the room, or the one off to the side of what looks like a desk.

- Very well then, would you like a tour?

Everything is decadent in there. Not one item is without a carving, dragon-related designs and motifs are on every piece of furniture Lily passes by, and they’re all monumental, far bigger than necessary if she has anything to say about it. The comforter on the bed has dragons embroidered and the desk holding parchments that probably date earlier than sliced bread is the most colorful item, flaunting a polished surface where three dragons can be seen flying over the sea. Unlike Mal’s castle not one surface of the walls is painted or covered in wallpaper, the entire thing is stone, and it is probably the same rock. On one corner of the room the floor slowly dips down and suddenly what seems to be a seat emerges of the pit – Holy shit, is this a pool?

Mal laughs at her – A tub, perhaps.

She jogs all the way down – No it fucking isn’t, a kid could drown in here - Even a tall and well-fed one like Henry

Mal avoids the dip and the clay jugs that probably hold the water – You should see Regina’s tub. –

Yeah, she bets she should, each house these people reveal is bigger than the last. There’s a fireplace in which Lily can walk in as well as a hearth with a small counter by it, polished stone; a section of the wall is dedicated to spears and weapons of the like used to hunt when one is bored apparently and the armoire rivals Regina’s walk-in-closet in size if not in content. She could easily lap the place thrice and call it a work out. She jogs up to where she had dropped her bag to take a picture of the place too – Is this okay? Henry asked for pics – He’d gone as far as to giving her an old camera with film and batteries for when her phone died. Mal chuckles and poses for her by one of the most imponent chairs.

After they’re settled in and Mal changes to a long gown in dark purple and does her hair it is time to go down for dinner, supper like they say in dragon speak, she will really only ever learn old-people-words in that language if they all keep that kind of nonsense up. A wooden double door leads out of Mal’s monster of a room, Lily passes her hands over the carving there as well – Did you do this? Like why is everything so dragon-centric, ego-much?

- Most of these things we have humans make as pay for our services, so to speak, and they all seem to believe we want this kind of ornate display – She passes her own hand over her name embedded on the material and smirks – But we all are quite egocentric, yes. Father asked for our names to be added.

She pushes the doors open with one swift movement and walks out leaving Lily rushing to catch up. The hall is more like a balcony, it overlooks a similar one in front of it but between them the drop goes probably all the way down to the first level. Lily frowns, looking at the attempt of stairs spiraling down, and down, and down against the walls – At least we’re gonna work out right?

Mal chuckles, looping an arm through hers and turning back to her growls – Lily, I love you. You are my greatest accomplishment, even when I can’t claim any stake in most of who you are. – She frowns at her mother, and stutters, what is she supposed to say to that? Mal saves her the trouble as they start moving forward – So believe me when I tell you this is, in no way, anything I derive any pleasure from.

In hindsight, all the clues were there, they didn’t walk up so what were the odds they were going to walk down? But still, Lily screeches when Mal pushes her right over the railing and lets her fall. Her agitated breath as she plummets to death only lets her look up mid-fall to stare as Maleficent dives after her and passes right by with an encouraging smile, she manages a nod and Lily manages another scream as she nearly hits one of the torches on the wall. Mal rolls her eyes and extends her arms, it slows her down a bit and Lily keeps on flailing, she rolls her eyes again – Turn! – Turn? She can only turn after a few minutes of calm… TURN? She’s gonna die, this is how she goes, she’s gonna die and then Regina will find a way to kill Mal and go to jail and Emma will let Henry eat candy to death and then she’ll kill herself because of the guilt and that’s that for all of them, this is why she doesn’t like vacations. She looks down and every second the floor rushes up to her a bit more, the cold, unforgiving, stone floor she’s going to smack into, any second now. Her own fucking mother killed her, how fucked up; ghosts are probably fucking real too so the minute she becomes one she’s gonna come back and haunt the fuck out of Maleficent, she tucks her arms into her sides and angles her body so she’ll go down faster, but the dark purple cloud engulfs her in one second and she turns somehow.

Mal sighs in relief and turns under her, spreading her wings wide to veer into another dark passage and Lily follows, if only to catch her and stab her with any nearby sharp object. The hallway is shorter than the one that led them in the castle in the first place, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Mal turns as soon as the glow reaches her, not even breaking her stride and Lily imitates, stumbling as she lands – What the fuck?! I’m telling mom! Like as soon as we get to the skype mirror, on god.

She doesn’t apologize but she does keep speaking to her in English so, Lily won, something - Your body would never let you die, it’s a matter of tossing you a few times until you have control of when to trigger it consciously – As if on cue, Lily turns to the giggles of some baby being tossed into the air, he reaches an inhuman height and panics as soon as he starts falling, the smoke covering him almost immediately.

- Sybilla! – Mal all but screams and the woman in question, a couple heads taller than them, clad head to toe in leather and with assorted knives strapped to her person for whatever reason, turns before the small dragon lands back down. Her blonde hair is pinned out of the way in a braid that comes forward over her shoulder and drops to her waist and on her other shoulder there’s another dragon perched with a tail that emulates the braid. The small little thingy fixates its eyes on Lily and she freezes in place. Mal goes in for the head, with one finger, rubbing between the eyes – And who might these formidable creatures be?

Two seconds of that and the small dragon shakes a few times before a cloud covers it and a baby appears out of the fog, the woman’s hand shooting up to support him – Your nephew seems to have accepted your affections, Maleficent. – She passes the baby easily and Mal’s eyes light up as she looks at the baby, the woman catches the other one as it descends and eyes Lily in a fixed manner – You have bred with a caster.

Lily waves, nice, a new verb – I am Lily. – She’s now accepted in that language she’ll sound like an old bat with a penchant for dramatics, if they all speak like that. The most vicious of cycles.

Her aunt doesn’t even spare her a smile before turning to Mal again – Where have you been, sister? Decades come and go and yet, you stay hidden.

- I was simply becoming acquainted with myself, Syb.

- Becoming acquainted with yourself? – She lifts one eyebrow as she helps the small dragon coil itself where its sibling was a minute ago – Ever the child. – Maleficent eyes her for a second and the woman breaks, smiling warmly at her – Well, I hope you are fond of who you met.

They hug, finally and both kids turn into rosy cheeked babies and ask to be let down to the floor, where they start crawling around with the very clear purpose of something. Mal laughs at their rough gurgling – You were given two in one swift move. May you survive it.

- Me? What truly sounds unlikely is that you were unharmed by the magic of an untrained, growing caster.

- Taming her spawn early was the least her human whore could do. – A booming voice comes directly from behind Lily, and she had been so distracted taking in the grandeur of the room and her new relatives that she’d tuned him out. She turns to watch the man and the size of the furniture suddenly makes sense. He is twice as tall as anyone in the room, thrice as wide. Long hair and beard, both too light to be just graying, obscuring any other feature and like Sybilla, his entire outfit seems to be made with thick leather. Behind him a more regularly sized man smiles at her, big but not big enough there isn't an NBA player his size. He has thick jet-black hair and dark eyes, looks like an Abercrombie model that is trying to become an actor and his first role is in this medieval drama they’re in.

He sidesteps the giant – Apologies. Father is much too uptight. I am Trivio and we will become fast friends, if only to be company to one another. – He loops an arm around her shoulders even – My sister is going through a rebellious season, she will not be attending this reunion. – He drags her over to where Mal stands, glaring at the giant – Aunt, cousin. I am honored to make your acquaintance.

- I see your whore tamed your spawn as well. If it had been you, brother, this boy would be a disgusting boor like you are.

That man takes one menacing step towards them and Lily steps between him and the rest of them instinctively, arm already warming up to dangerous degrees – I will fuck you up so quick. I don’t care if you’re huge.

The giant doesn’t seem to understand English, or at least her expressions, because he’s just confused for a second before he laughs at her – She dares speak to me, in a common tongue? This is disgraceful, we should have her head- damn, this people are quick to kill.

- Enough! – Grandma dragon from earlier strolls in the room and takes the chair at the head of the table, followed by a woman too similar to Sybilla to not be her daughter, she doesn’t even glance their way and sits to the left of her grandmother, who sighs – We will sit and eat like a family. For once, no discussion of your purist politics Kajetan.

- Of course, the preferred child returns. Nevermind that it has been over a century since she has shown her face, nevermind she is a stranger to our children because of this, and nevermind our brother fell because of her.

Mal's voice rises over his somehow - That was not my doing. – The plot thickens. The rest of them freeze by the seats they were about to take and Lily glances at her mother, as she turns around to face the mountain of a brother she has with ice in her veins– Regardless of what you think it was not my duty to live my life for him. Mother and father were here.

- He would not listen to mother and father and you knew that much. It was your time and you decided to go frolic with the cattle instead, and our brother was left here alone. He thought it would be no trouble, if his sister was living among them in her human form, and they killed him in one of their villages. We could never find the roach responsible to bring him back, you would know that had you bothered to come help with the search.

Mal turns quickly to their mother and the woman holds her gaze easily, but doesn’t deny any of the claims. Lily had thought her mother unbreakable, at worst she had seen her upset with Regina and that meant cold distance and a lot of flying. She had never seen her look down like she did right there. Mal walks past her brother leaving the room and Lily rushes after her, both turning halfway down the dark path and flying up.

There’s a decanter with what has to be one of the oldest liquors known to mankind, or dragonkind or whatever, and Mal pours herself a glass full of it to swallow it in one go. She breaths fire after her drink and it is enough to light the behemoth of a fireplace she has, so perhaps it is gasoline in the tumbler. She serves another one and Lily frowns – Hey mom, do I have to raise Henry or something? What’s the buddy system here?

Mal laughs drily, fire leaving her mouth again as she turns to Lily and reaches out to pass a hand on top of her hair – Syb must be two centuries older than me. My parents maybe five. It is easy to convince yourself that times are changing and they are out of touch so to say, so if you’re the cousin or the sibling older but closer in age you become a role model easily… - She passes Lily to go sit on one of the couches – Kajetan met his mate. He would leave for months then, years sometimes, and Syb was out living her life, I wanted to go live mine… Joachim had this place all to himself for a very long while. I guess it was his time to get antsy, cooped up in here. You don’t have to raise Henry but don’t rush to get away from us, there’s centuries to explore.

- So it wasn’t worth it?

- Well Joachim died and Kajetan hates me, all for a century of roaming and getting caught in trouble. If I could still meet your mother and have you when we did, I’d take it back. I wouldn’t have been such a disaster when we met either, I could’ve helped Regina through all her grief.

Mal closes her eyes, dropping her head against the back of her imposing seat and Lily shuffles awkwardly for a moment - Hindsight is 20/20 – Not the best line. She summons the mirror in her bag as she serves her mother another glass of that thing, the container hot with no source of heat in sight. – How do I get this thing to call mom?

Mal takes the glass with a small smile – If she didn’t teach you then we wait until she wants to appear. I am powerless when it comes to those trinkets.

- And I thought Skype was shitty.

Mal doesn’t laugh, she swallows her drink in one go and breathes the fire out though her nostrils this time around – You should go get to know your cousins, I’ll find you if your mother shows herself.

Who knew their vacation was gonna start so shittily for Mal, Lily leans against the table in front of her and chances a sip of the tumbler in her hands. It burns. That’s a new one. She coughs over the sting and sure enough fire spouts out erratically. – What I need is dinner. Let’s go hunting. – Mal eyes her like she can see right through her and Lily shrugs – Unless there’s a McDonalds nearby.

Chapter Text

- So, what adventures are we going on now that you’re wife-less? – Zelena drops herself on Regina’s bed and her hair flies around her with the thud – That don’t include reading, please. What are you doing today?

- Kindly remove your feet from my bedding – Her sister complies with one of her best eyerolls and Regina gives her one back – I am headed to the forest now, Emma saw Roland leaving the B&B today. I have to ask Robin what that’s about, their house might need repairs well over his expertise.

- Oh, his house is fine. – That’s all she says. She goes quiet. It’s not like Zelena to ever go quiet. Where’s the follow up snark?

- Zelena?

She shoots her arm half-way up with a grimace - We are ready to get this cuff removed from my forearm this weekend? – she shakes it a bit and her other, uglier, jewelry moves against it

Regina stands from her seat and crosses her arms for good measure - What on earth did you do?

- Nothing! – She turns sideways on the bed after a few seconds of Regina trying to shake her down with her look. She will lose no staring match with her baby sister – Okay, I’m shagging Robin. – Regina flinches, so Regina loses.

- What? He has a wife! You homewrecked him?!

- I what? - She plops back down in her original pose and laughs - The home was already wrecked, if anything I salvaged something out of the debris.

- Zelena, what on earth?!

She shrugs, and it rumples Regina’s duvet - What? Do you want him? We can share, I won’t tell the dragon

 - I do not want him. But this is wrong… somehow – Regina will pinpoint it but it’s mostly the obvious girl-code on exes.

- Good, because I cannot share. I was just saying that because I need you to remove this cuff – She pulls at the leather as she stands and moves to leave the room, making Regina follow - Well, come on then. Now you know, and I promise not to ask about any kinks you have. Let’s go see the fine specimen.

So, after a grueling afternoon of Robin Hood avoiding her eyes, Zelena coming up with innuendos and Roland being his usual happy, unmarred-by-the-scene self, Regina has yet another challenge to her day before coming home later that night. She had foolishly agreed to have dinner at Snow’s loft. They make it through the meal just fine, but David has a shift, Neal falls asleep and Henry hadn’t even bothered to show up, so suddenly there’s no reason for Emma Swan to act like her presentable self

She opens a beer with her magic as she hands Regina a glass of scotch that can’t possibly have come from anywhere inside that house, she’s been improving like that. And then she drags a chair to sit backwards on it - You look kinda fucked up about something.

- Emma! – Snow scolds her while drinking a cup of tea in a chaise by the window

- What? The kid isn’t here. – She takes a long swig of her drink

- It’s just not polite. You look great Regina. – Snow nods her way with a smile and Regina rolls her eyes at her, taking a sip of her own beverage

- I didn’t say she looked bad, Regina can be dying and look like a model – It’d be a compliment falling from someone else’s mouth, maybe someone not sitting like a truck driver - What I said is that she looks like there’s something on her mind that’s fucking her up. Am I right Regina?

She waves her away, dreading this half an hour she must stay with them out of social convention - It’s nothing. Please let’s move on from my mental state

Emma snorts – Why would we ever? Your brain is a goldmine.

Snow glares at her daughter - She just misses her family, Emma.

- But to look this out of it? – She points to Regina with the bottle - It’s only been like a week, but I guess we can pitch in some money and get you a dildo if you need us to

- Emma please! – Her eyes dart to Neal’s crib across the room, dreading he’s now forever traumatized by that comment, but luckily he’s still dozing off and has no grasp of the English language quite yet.

She laughs and drinks some more - I’m kidding! I miss Lily too. Shit, I almost wore pink today.

Snow whines - Is that bad? – She tries to not make a big deal out of it, eyeing her own pink cardigan that she decided to wear over a floral print dress with soft pink roses.

Before Emma can do any more damage, Regina swallows the three fingers of scotch and sets the glass on the table, done with the entire thing already- Fine, shut up, both of you. Remember your text about Roland in the B&B this morning? Robin is staying there. He’s moved out of his house and Zelena is now involved with him.

Snow catches on first, and stands to pick up Regina’s glass tacking on an uninterested tone as she crosses the room - Like… they’re…

- Oh my god they’re screwing? I love this town – She all but cackles and takes another swig of her bottle - I know sometimes it doesn’t show, but I freaking love it.

Snow forgets all about both their glasses to sit on the couch with her - Oh Regina, are you okay? – At least she refrains from touching her

She responds with an unimpressed look and Emma laughs again - Are you gonna like predivorce Mal and fight your sister for your ex now that he’s like, walking out on his wife?

- No. I’m just concerned for them, and Roland, and Marian who you brought here and is now alone apparently. – She straightens her back, already plotting her timely departure and subsequent scenic drive. She shouldn’t have shot down that scotch.

- Hey, you wouldn’t be with Mal if I hadn’t done that so, why don’t you start with thanks Emma, for saving me of my mediocre boyfriend and thus helping me get with my tall blonde ex with the magical uterus

Snow sighs by Regina’s side and saves her from having to lord, tell Emma Swan she’s right, by standing up with a huff and the glasses in her hands - You’re really aggravating me tonight.

She looks sheepish for a moment as Snow skulks away - Sorry mom, but this is the juiciest thing since Red told that girl to skip town. – Her tone sobers up even as she drinks more of her beer - Are they… is it serious?

- She came with me to his room in the B&B and they seemed… like something – She drifts off, they had looked almost hesitant and shy at first around her, but then they just looked comfortable. Of course, Zelena disturbed that calm as often as she could

- Shit.

Snow shrugs from the kitchen island - Maybe this is good, Zelena can mellow out

- And what? Regina has to invite her soulmate ex to the family dinners? Years go by and this is the new normal to all of us? But then Maleficent kills him one night? Hopefully Henry won’t be there but I will, and we will later learn than Regina was not in fact sleeping with Robin but with the neighbor! Who’s already fled town to avoid the fire. Then I am forced to go on a chase across the world because he’s stolen something valuable from us; he’s taken the declaration of independence, or something of equal value to Storybrooke, maybe the town sign.

Regina frowns - Why am I sleeping with the neighbor?

She shrugs - Who’s your neighbor?

- Mr. Norbury.

- Yeah. It won’t happen. You’re too uptight for him. You’re sleeping with your assistant.

Snow pauses her dishwashing - Really? You think Andrew would do that? He’s so nice.

- Mom’s right. You’re gonna have to join a gym, I’m thinking yoga teacher.

As expected Henry is nowhere to be found, his absence at dinner made it clear he was milking every second of that curfew and sneaking into the closest house at exactly 9:00 pm, Emma lives closer to any cool spot that he might’ve been in and so, it is 2011 all over again. The house is dark, cold, silent and empty. She trudges upstairs massaging her temples, hot cup of tea certainly materializing on her bedside as she trails up checking on doors for no apparent reason.

It takes her fifteen minutes to change with no magical aid, out of her clothing and into warm pajamas, putting her jewelry away properly, cleaning her face, moisturizing her skin and finally brushing her hair. She does it twice before trying for the mirror she sent with Lily to the Enchanted Forest.

She sends a command and the mirror turns grey, she continues passing the brush through her strands, a bit past her shoulders now – Hello? Mirror mirror on the wall – The murkiness before her turns into a crystal-clear image of Mal hovering over it with a startled look and she laughs – Ah, the fairest of them all

- Darling, I thought the month was going to pass by and you’d leave me to die. Teach Lily to make this infernal thing work. – She grabs the pocket mirror from its place on the bed by her head, where’s she’s decided to keep it just in case, and sits up properly

In the blur Regina spots another mirror – Oh, look at that beauty. I will be over there If it’s quite all right with you – She commands the grand mirror over the vanity on the far wall and gets a laugh in when Mal’s confused for a second watching herself in the compact mirror, before turning to her other mirror – Mal this mirror must be as big as a wall… and that is a mighty bed you have there. I can see It all, drop the covers for me?

Mal chuckles and all but swims from the middle of the bed to the border, to get out of it and move to the vanity - I am sharing this room with your daughter, she can come back any second now.

She sighs dramatically – We really rushed into children, didn’t we?

- Yes, well. Where’s Henry? Will he come Say hello? – Regina’s free hand rolls her wrist in a dismissive manner and Mal laughs – He’s with Emma then. Lily too is off on an adventure I suppose. I do have a very zoomed in video of her chasing a giant off just two days ago, you will love it.

Regina smiles on her side of the mirror – Show me now

- No! The battery is precious. I am refraining from everything from music to my tetris game, to capture the very most precious things to show you and Henry when we return.

- Of course, I was a fool to even ask – She winks and for a moment they both keep quiet, looking at each other smile. Regina breaks first, resuming her brushing – So how is this mysterious family of yours?

Mal huffs – As complicated as I remembered – Regina’s chuckle is endearing, really. So Mal laughs with her – I’ll contextualize you. The youngest of us died in the years I chose to be troubled and my older brother blames me for his lonely and untimely end. My older sister has baby twins and they do not care who or what they spit fire at quite yet, Mother has recently discovered that she can pass as a man in a joust if only she keeps her helmet on and now seems to be scamming humans out of their meaningless gold coins and Lily has become fast friends with her other cousin that can control his fire just fine but I’m sure he has issues with different body parts, like father like son after all.

- You know what I am going to do tomorrow, first thing in the morning, right?

Mal smirks at her - Is it an organized list of facts about my family?

Regina smirks back - With room for additions. Specially for when you fix this thing with your brother.

- Gods, do I miss you- She takes a deep breath -He’s unbearable. Zelena is an angel compared to the brute that is Kajetan.

Regina laughs on the other side and stands from the vanity to settle under the covers with a pocket mirror equal to the one she gave Lily, still her face appears where it was before, just much bigger – Speaking of, Zelena is fraternizing with Robin Hood, while naked.

- And judging by the flannel pants pajamas, you’re slipping into a deep depression over this tidbit of information. - she rolls her eyes

- Careful dear, one might say you’re getting jealous – Mal holds up the pocket mirror and Regina takes the hint, appearing in that one instead so Mal can make the trek to the middle of the bed again – I’m wearing these because there’s no one here to wear the lace for, I am terribly sad you’re not here and I need the extra warmth. You’ve spoilt me.

- It was my honor to do so – She smirks, but it is barely visible under the bedding she’s wrapped herself under, hair spilling out on top of her, she adjusts it a bit and goes on – So your sister and your soulmate are together. Maybe he is meant to be in your life until death do you part.

- I had a similar thought. Maybe we were meant to be very good friends and we misinterpreted the situation. – She scrunches up her nose and Mal somehow knows with all her heart that Regina is rubbing her feet together - I was certainly fabricating 80% of the passion I was supposedly feeling for him.

- And gods, he’s not the sharpest, is he? It takes a simple man to put up with both you and Zelena. Anyone with a brain would know once you’re out you have to seize the opportunity.

- Dear please, you came back from the dead to get a second glimpse of me.

- And now I’m deep in a mountain range in another realm.

- I know the exact location of this mirror, I can send someone to end you.

Mal laughs at the sheer idea of some lackey of Regina’s venturing into dragon infested lands with the intent to kill her over a joke and she burrows further in her bed – Please, not Zelena.

- Show me a mirror in a common area and I’ll get that brother of yours to do my dirty work for me.

Lily flies in just as Mal is about to formulate her best response, so she can only chuckle and sacrifice as little warmth as possible, taking her hand out just enough to hold the small mirror up, outside the sheets and in Lily’s direction. Regina catches her turning back to her human form with a frown, she misses those frowns. She comes closer to the edge of the bed staring at the sole hand her mother has decided to remove from under the sheets – Is that mom? Ew, what are you guys doing? Do I have to leave?

Regina changes mirror yet again – Lily, we’re just talking! Oh look at you, very nice outfit. Love the pants.

Mal retorts from the bed, covering her arm back up – You would! Leather pants, if I wanted to be boiled I’d go find the local witch.

Lily whirls until she finds the big mirror –This is some high def shit mom, and you can change screens? How do I get to people? Oooh get me to Emma, I got some stuff she’ll love on the iPad.

Regina rolls her eyes and reheats her forgotten tea – Hello mom, I miss you mom, how are you mom.

Mal chuckles from her spot and takes her hand out to wave the little pocket mirror around - Just get her Princess Emma and come back to me.

Henry appears boggling down a slice of pizza on the general vicinity of the mirror Emma keeps on her living room’s wall and Lily snorts as he drops some on his chest, directly on his skin because apparently he doesn’t bother with shirts over there – Hey dude, magic skype, pick the cheese up from your one chest hair before mom sees you, and get me Swan.

He all but runs out of the room.

Chapter Text

Mal’s mother that Lily still refuses to think of as a grandma raises a hand and no one moves a finger to stand up from the table after breakfast, the only one thinking of doing that was Lily probably but still, they get extra quiet when she does and she smiles slyly at that before speaking in an agreeable tone – I have a small favor to ask of you three.

You three must mean her three kids so Lily, and the other two cousins who can stand on their own do so swiftly and take their mess with themselves, out of the room and towards the kitchens where dishes are cleaned with no running water. She’s shown them a few videos of the land without magic that she had saved and they’re both willing to come by for a visit sometime soon, if only to see a toilet in real life. They can thank Emma for her toilet memes. As they leave they can hear their grandmother continue to speak but they all entertain themselves with their usual small bet to see who gets to clean up

By the head of the dining table Dannica stands and rights her clothes – There is a small number of ogres that need killing. Can I count on you?

It is hardly a request and they all know it, so Mal glances both ways before opening her mouth. When neither her brother nor her sister utter a word she rolls her eyes – Mother, may I ask why?

- Simply put, I made a deal with some elves but you are younger and spirited, it will be an easy task

- I am not a warrior. I am sure Syb and Kajetan will be fine without my assistance. – She stands from her seat as well and moves to pick up her plate but her mother’s glare bores into her and she freezes. In another century she would have fought right back, and it would have been hours until one of them backed down but now? Mal sighs with a smile and drops the plate right back – Anything for you, mother.

And that’s how she finds herself with a sabre strapped to her back, wearing her sister’s pants and in charge of carrying what’s practically the snack bag and camping supplies in case they become necessary; trailing Kajetan as he bulldozes through the forest and follows the breadcrumbs this makeshift band of ogres have left in the territory of the elves that live at the foot of their mountain.

Mal jumps over the branches and pins her hair up with a groan – Why don’t we take this to the air? We will see them from afar and burn them to a crisp before they can react!

Sybilla passes her some water – The elves think this land sacred, we cannot singe a single leaf in one of these trees. Enjoy this Mally, just bit of adventure.

Easy for her to say, father used to take her on this kind of thing, Mal was more of a reader. Feet ahead Kajetan laughs boisterously – She no longer cares for trees, remember? The witch has given her machines!

- You sneer about… - She sighs, there is no translation for technology is there? – You sneer at the trinkets the humans have made but once you encounter one you will see how incredible they are, almost indiscernible from magic. We could kill these ogres without having to be near them. – She’d love to have Emma Swan’s gun to be done with this.

- And be free of the smell of them? Do you hear this, brother? Perhaps we should visit this new land of hers.

He stops where he stands – Ah, so a bow and arrow then? – He plucks his and aims true, Mal doesn’t see what he aims at but she knows he always aims true. He releases an arrow and in one second a scream reaches their ears and a thud with it, she’d be impressed if he didn’t turn around to look down at them with a smug expression – Could It be magic?

He takes off on a run towards the sound and Sybilla follows closely behind as Mal longs for Regina and her purple mist, and starts dragging her feet behind. Surely they don’t need any snacks just yet. Mal has never been particularly good at trekking long roads by foot and there is no attempt of a road before her, only the sounds of the wounded ogre and the others flocking to it, so she follows her only lead as swiftly as she can without rushing and hopes they’re all dead when she gets there.

Ten minutes into the scenic walk it starts sounding like a few more ogres than they expected are arriving, twelve minutes into the power walk it starts sounding like a good fight kicking off, fifteen minutes into the almost jog she smells the blood of one of her own and speeds up into a run, to arrive twenty minutes in to see Kajetan panting and shielding himself against a rock with a cut on the forearm while Sybilla plays hide and seek with one of the ogres and the other five look around to find the other attacker she’s sure.

It could be worse – Are your cousins playing a bit rough today, Kajetan?

He growls at her and pushes against the rock some more, moving the boulder towards the ogres – Will you help or are you here to carry the food and nothing else?

Mal eyes the scene once more and decides to sneak under the boulder undetected, sidling up to her brother and cleaning his cut with a cloth from the supplies bag with a concentrated frown – That witch of mine has a few books on the major blood paths in the body, I believe if we make the precise cuts on the front of their ankle, just as their feet begin, they will lose all their blood in a matter of minutes… although it could be hours for them. Regardless, they will be incapacitated. – He only glowers above her and she sighs – You are big and strong, but they are five times your size. Sybilla is outrunning them, I say we use that to our advantage.

It takes him a solid minute to relent, but he does so by straightening up and pushing the boulder off his back before rushing off almost comically to hide behind a tree thick enough for him. Mal dashes after him and Sybilla notices them huddling and approaches as well, with a grin for whatever reason – Motherhood is not quite as exhilarating, is it sister?- Eventually she’ll have to tell them the entire story but for now, she settles for raising her eyebrow at her.

- Maleficent seems to have a proposal. – He interrupts, unsheathing his monster of a sword

- With creatures this big we are better off running around until we can hit once just right, and a sword to the front of the ankle will render them useless.

- I suppose you could not think of a trickier spot? – Sybilla claps Mal on the shoulder a bit too hard

- That’s the lowest one.

Kajetan steps from around the tree with purpose in his step – Each of us must take down two, may be the gods be with you sisters

- Or perhaps you each take three and I wait here, with this weapon I barely know how to wield?

Their glares tell Maleficent she’s going to at least try to maim ogres today whether she wants to or not.

Her siblings avoid being bludgeoned by the swinging clubs the ogres favor so much, but Maleficent does not. When the one standing last swung its meager tree-bark-thick stick at her she’d flown a few feet across the clearing until a tree still rooted in place stopped her trajectory. But still, she got one and that’s what she will tell Regina when she can share this terrible day with her. She clutches at her ribs as she sits up from where she’d landed on the forest floor and Sybilla rushes to her as Kajetan disposes of the offending thing with a renewed anger.

-  Mally! A bit rattled but safely in one piece, are you not?

Mal prods her side again with a huff – Oh, fuck you.

- Common tongue - Kajetan slinks his way to them, looming from above and sinking his blade on the ground by Sybilla, blocking any sunlight from reaching Mal – Father must be horrified in his grave.

- Father would have starved you for a week for having me flung into a tree thicker than you are.

They keep quiet for a second but Kajetan laughs above them, a genuine laugh that makes his shoulders shake under the heavy armor-like leather he likes so much- Yes, the light of his life. He barely spoke a word to me during the goat ordeal. – He sinks to the ground much like a child and starts rummaging through the bag of snacks – Poor Joachim, he could never be coddled properly because father had eyes only for you.

Sybilla at least tries to check Mal for injury – And mother goes to great lengths to please you, K. Woe is me, trapped in the middle.

- As Malcolm. - They both glance at her, before deciding to completely ignore her antics and she rolls her eyes. These are the only two in the world that could make her feel like a clueless child. – In the land without magic there is a… performers reenact the life of a young boy, he is nor the eldest nor the youngest child and he feels his life is shaped by this.

When she finds nothing to worry about Sybilla too sits down and accepts some food from their brother with a chuckle – You truly enjoy living in this land? With humans, and humans and more humans; all because of the occasional witch.

Mal fights the urge to shrug as she’s passed some snacks too – Life is much easier in every practical aspect, Regina and her son are happy there, Lily grew up there. It’s home to them, and I don’t loathe it. Perhaps I Iong for the freedom to roam around flying for hours and breathing in the sharp magic in the air here but, I can always come for a visit.

- She has a son?

- You can easily come and go? It was said to be impossible.

At least they choose the important bits to be fixated on. She stretches on her spot after eating the couple of loaves she had – I will tell you everything but first, won’t we eat them? – She points with a head nod

Kajetan strokes his beard with a frown – We would have to take them somewhere we can roast them without issue. - He gives her a narrowed-eyes look -  Are you certain you can help?

- Oh, fuck you too.

Sybilla stands swiftly – Let’s keep just one. Three-teeth is muscular as possible, it will make a good dinner.

So, as they walk, Sybilla and her each lifting a leg and Kajetan in the front walking bent under the ogre’s back to sustain it, Mal tells them the story, her story from the day she left their home to never come back until now. From roaming around disguised as a commoner, to dealing with the humans for trinkets and castles, to the entire ordeal with Stefan, and then finally to driving Henry around on Saturdays so he can find supplies for his school’s crafts. It is a lot. And they don’t appreciate the few times her life was endangered because humans have gotten the best of her, but she’d always seen them differently.

Humans to her were always fascinating little things, a bit weaker from a physical point of view but not to be thought of as cockroaches like many dragons do. Just like elves, and ogres, and fairies, and shifters, some humans are good, some are bad, and some are exceptional, even if they lock you up for three decades; and keeping to your own kind like many of the creatures in Fairy Tale Land do keeps one from meeting many exceptional beings. Who knows? Maybe there’s even a worthwhile dwarf outside of the seven that trail Snow White around.

They laugh at the mere notion of a worthwhile dwarf, but they cross the threshold of the grounds joking about it and bouncing other anecdotes of each other. Kajetan drops his load on the stony path and changes to fly up. Their mother and the children follow him out and greetings go as usual, their mother meeting Mal’s eyes from the other side of their spoils, a sly smile in her face as Kajetan retells their day of adventure and subsequent bonding

Mal gives her a raised eyebrow she had only honed because of the proximity to Regina and Zelena, it explicitly says What? Like it’s hard? They could have bonded without traipsing in the woods if they so desired. Mal’s distraction comes in the form of Lily, shuffling to her with a disgusted look in her face

- So you killed this giant, you dropped him here in the backyard, and now we’re gonna barbecue him and eat him?!

Mal turns with a slow smile, reaching up to tuck some of Lily’s hair behind her ear and kisses her temple – It is an ogre, giants are much prettier.

She doesn’t pull away - Y’all are fucked up. I’m gonna get some of that super salty meat they keep in the kitchens

- Yes, you’d think that’s beef, wouldn’t you? – Her tone doesn’t bode well for the origin of the super salty meat

- What is it?

Mal shrugs with a mischievous smile - Who knows?

Chapter Text

The tragic chain of events had been as follows:

When it was barely 10 am Lily and Sybilla's eldest, Gunda, were sitting dangerously close to the edge of a rocky outcrop overlooking the mountain range to the north of their own family mountain bit, Lily had always liked heights for what are now obvious reasons, but the nooks and crannies her cousins were showing her defy every skyscraper she had shoved her head out of, regardless, they had been there discussing Gunda’s recent heartbreak and Trivio had flown up and turned, promptly inviting them to a “tavern”. Apparently, none of them were the kind to concern themselves with it being before noon.

 They had flown like 4 hours to get to the bar in question so it follows that they would have to fly 4 hours back at some point in the near future, it was carved right on the side of a fucking volcano and with the darkest non-décor Lily had ever seen, both tables and seats were basically more volcanic rock and there were even a few trickles of lava against the walls here and there. It had been impossible for Lily to resist the temptation of putting her hand under one of them after seeing some other dude just casually walk under it. It didn’t burn her, it was kinda warm and I weighed down her hand way more that the gooey consistence substance should, but she can touch lava apparently. Anyway, the bar served a jet-black concoction that Trivio ordered for them.

Lily eyed the glass of dark, murky whatever they put in front of her with distaste and Trivio clapped her on the back with his ginormous hand while he laughed, almost making her cough up the bile that was gathering up in her throat. They must’ve had beer in the medieval ages, shitty beer but beer nonetheless. And he had said tavern, so Lily was expecting like a bar with shitty beer and like maybe a dude with a mandolin in the open mic or something, but no, that thing was all they had. Her cousin grabbed her glass without as much of a glance to it and downed half of it in one go, and she doesn’t seem like the type to chug anything, so it gave Lily hope that maybe it was just a lil’ ugly but it would taste all right. She was wrong, it tasted like it looked. But, she could feel herself get hot from the belly and onward, the jet-black concoction was getting her drunk, fast. She was already giddy after only one gulp of the pint in front of her and then she drunk the thing straight when Gunda and Trivio did so. She swayed a bit on her seat and they decided they would only allow her five. Five. Five would prove to be too much.

They were barely halfway through pint number two when some dude came in cackling boisterously and Gunda tensed up by Lily’s side. Five would definitely prove to be too much if the end of number two had Lily clapping excitedly for their cousin as she held the mountain of a man in a chokehold in the middle of the tavern. It was, apparently, the cheating boyfriend. Trivio rushed to the fight when the dude landed a blow on Gunda’s nose and Lily wobbled her way into the mayhem when a friend of the ex plowed him to the ground a few seconds later.

Did any of them die? No. Were they all bloody? Yes. Did it sober them up? Not Lily. In fact the woman who came to patch them up instructed her to down another glass of the thing, right as she pulled on her arm to fix it, allegedly. It was kinda mostly okay, a brief white-hot pain and then just absolute agony while the woman checked her over for other injuries.

That was done, but the woman was not done with them, laughing with Trivio and Gunda, and joining them on their table for a while. That was a terrible idea. She was too interested in Lily. A strange face in the bar. Plus, the place was burning up for obvious reasons like the proximity to a fucking volcano or the lack of windows and AC in the cave walls, so everyone was just like, losing layers. So there she was, well into pint number four eyeing this stranger sitting in front of her in the medieval version of a leather vest and pants, brown skin and hair curiously similar to dreads, her eyes were deeply brown and she kept dragging them over Lily as she grilled her about her sudden appearance in their quaint neighborhood.

Pint number four wasn’t too traumatic, Lily still vividly remembered she had a girlfriend back in the real word. But pint number five indeed proved to be way too much. One gulp in Lily felt like a video-game character taking in her surroundings, she was in a fucking cave lit by torches lining the rock wall, lava pooling a few feet to her right. Some genuinely strange-looking people around, one cousin dressed like a game of thrones character and the other jostling her with his arm that’s the size of her leg; and what had to be the most beautiful woman she’d ever laid eyes on in front of her almost begging her to press x to interact. Storybrooke was a far-away thought, she could barely remember anything outside of what she saw. Her body temperature was high enough she was genuinely debating just taking off her tank top and ripping up her jeans, she was getting hungry in a very steady manner and the scrapes from the fight were tingling like only sinking into a nearby lake would soothe them. Gunda intervened for her, suggesting they leave, they were after all battered and hours away from home, plus she would really like to prevent her own cousin from cheating on whatever werewolf she had in the land without magic. But unaware of that, the woman decided to go with them.

She was a strictly navy blue dragon somehow, and the sun was moving lower in the horizon, hitting her scales just right for Lily’s addled mind to stare at. Flying wasn’t too hard, it was gliding, batting a wing occasionally, veering a bit; a very peaceful experience if one doesn’t want to embellish the trip. It was a death sentence while drunk. If she wasn’t falling asleep and losing height rapidly Lily was entranced by the unknown dragon cruising before her, she liked to dip and rise up again, turn in her own and fly around them all playfully. It was too much and too little all at once and Lily had narrowly avoided the tops of trees at least thrice when it all went to shit.

A spear coming out of goddamned nowhere slashed Gunda on the side, she let out a wail and rose up again, blood pouring out of the wound, and in the commotion Lily forgot to check down and a spear flew at her, going through her right wing and staying there like an annoying toothpick. Annoying is an understatement. More like an excruciating toothpick. Much less agile than Gunda, Lily started losing height again, unable to move her wing to sweep upwards, so she crashed down on the trees under her, making the entire thing worse. On her way down she could finally see the little men with some kind of wooden apparatus designed to shoot spears upwards, why the fuck would they even need that kind of shit? Before she went down entirely Trivio and the new addition to their crew swooped down burning the entire patch of greenery and weaponry to ash.

She opens her eyes suddenly, breath picking up to a huffing pace before she can fully identify her surroundings, Mal shows up in front of her with her arms up and a worried look, reaching up slowly to stroke the side of her head, Lily huffs and tries to move her wing but it doesn’t cooperate with her and Mal strokes some more and speaks in casual english – We are patching you up, think of it like local anesthetic. – She swings her head fast enough Mal can only duck to avoid being hit and spots a paste around her wound and her uncle that’s barely talked to her painstakingly cleaning it with her grandmother’s help. On the other side Gunda lifts a wing as a greeting, with thick leaves already on her gash and Trivio sitting on the floor in his human form against her with his head between his bent legs. Lily lets her head fall on the floor again and Mal resumes her stroking – Lily dear, you can’t turn until this heals properly – The huffing breath makes a quick come back and Mal shushes her, making sure Lily’s head stays down – One or two days only, I promise. But sadly, this is goodbye. – Lily gets agitated again and Mal nods, solemn – Regina will kill me. I live already on borrowed time. The minute the blade pierced your skin I was doomed.

Lily’s head drops again with a huff and Mal chuckles, stroking her once again. She’d push her off but honestly, she doesn’t want to. Sybilla approaches with a glass of the amber booze for Mal and motions to Trivio – They were inebriated, had a scuffle in the tavern that left them impaired and as they flew home a band of humans attacked them. But he dealt with them, with help of the other.

- Which other? –

The woman comes from around Gunda with a nod towards Mal – My name is Cassiopea. I was with them after the brawl and coming here as well, I suppose. – Lily realizes suddenly that she hadn’t even asked her what her name was.

Mal nods at her as well – Thank you for helping Trivio, we are indebted to you.

- Oh no, It was my duty, not a favor is owed. Your daughter and I were fast friends, you must protect your friends.

Mal’s ever knowing glance to Lily forces a groan out of the defeated dragon, before she turns back to the newcomer with a sly smile – Indeed. And welcome them home. You may stay as long as you wish. I’m sure none will object. 

A true millennial, Lily had never been alone with her thoughts for more than an hour or two since the 90s. The Pages had bought her a Gameboy once, to shut her up she suspected, and then she’d hustled enough money to buy a Walkman, those two had last her well into her twenties, even when she was on the streets she had kept those well-hidden. Not even Emma had known about them, just in case she turned out to be a thieving bitch. So the two days she had to spend as a dragon had been very much torture. Mal and Trivio had come by to chat them up a few times and she could communicate basic things like hunger and boredom with Gunda but outside of that it was very much her and her mind. And it was a well-known fact that her and her mind made a terrible fucking team.

She is all bottled up something when Mal lets her know she can turn back into a human, and her first order of business is sigh as she stomps away from Mal, towards the couch she’s been using as a bed for the week they’ve been there. Mal follows her with a fond roll of her eyes, sitting by her side and making her tone as soft as possible – What is it? Are you upset your cousin and your friend killed the people that tried to hurt you? – It’s the kind of thing she’d worry about no?

- Nah… I don’t even know anymore. - She groans – You speak to mom?

- Oh yes, I would wager they haven’t slept in two days waiting for your triumphant return to the magic mirror. – Mal chuckles, standing to reach for it just in case

- They?

- Henry, Emma, The Wolf. They have all been informed.

- Ah fuck –

- Oh no, it’s the good kind of news. Regina says you’ve gained street cred with all of them – She lifts both eyebrows quickly and settles by the bed

Lily wants to laugh at her mother saying street cred and at the idea of the other mother relaying the message as well, probably from Emma; but she can’t laugh because she really does feel fucking terrible. Maybe something did get mixed up when she switched with Emma, or maybe that’s just how people with steady relationships feel – Is she still here?

 Mal laughs from across the room – Who? Your spring break fling? She left yesterday. She did leave a goodbye note, for your eyes only.

Lily’s hands drag through her face in a way that looks almost painful – I was so fucked up, not even the hard stuff on earth gets me that shitfaced. And she was so… hot. – She flinches on her seat, is this really what she should be discussing with her mother? – I just… I’ve never had to actually stop myself, I’ve never had anyone to cheat on.

- I am far from judging you, in fact, I am in awe you were even able to control it. You should be going through the second coming of puberty. – Mal tosses her the note with a sharp flick of the wrist, it glides through the air to her almost as if a spell was at play – Do you feel any different than you did back in… Earth? Less constrained? More powerful? – She drifts off - If only Regina was here, she would have squeezed the very last drop of magical potential out of you by now.

Lily makes a finger gun and starts “shooting” things around the room playfully, making them jump a few feet in the air and land softly – I do feel it. What does it have to do with me almost cheating? - Because had she not been fucking shot, that's definitely where that was going. She wouldn't have had to ask twice.

Mal watches amused as her things fly around – Dragons very much want to reproduce, I would say that not wanting children is unheard of. To you, a dragon will be much more physically attractive than any other creature you might encounter. Especially now, you’re very young. And correct me if I’m wrong but she was the first dragon you met without any blood ties. Half the work was already done.

- That makes no sense. So what? Any dragon I meet I just instantly want to fuck?

- Not quite. Do you find men attractive – The snort answers for her – Then no men, the most dashing male dragon won’t appeal to you. But let it be two women, one maybe a fairy and the other a dragon, your physical attraction to the dragon will offset your physical attraction to the fairy, biology one might say.

- Okay, then why are you marrying mom then? You didn’t like any dragons?

Mal shakes her head softly on her spot – There is much more to attraction than that initial physical aspect. Had I found a dragon as devastatingly beautiful as your mother – Lily rolls her eyes and Mal smiles – Maybe at first glance I would’ve been blinded like you were in that bar, and then what? The novelty wears of.

- But it’s like a thing you still feel then? At least now that we are here, have you seen some dragon so damn fine you started sweating at the fucking prospect?

Mal laughs at her, and Lily hopes she can’t feel her temperature rising at the memory. The first puberty was much better. Mal sits all the way on the bed, to give her space probably – When you find your mate all of that loses its pull on you. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blind, I could clearly see your new friend was very beautiful, and she was 100% a dragon, but for me Regina’s lips hold the universe, I need nothing else. I did my roaming, dragons catch your eye faster but others can build up to the same intensity. I thought your mother nothing but exceedingly pretty at first but by the time she wore me down I couldn’t bear those two little kisses on the cheeks she liked to give as goodbye without submerging my head in frigid water after she left. – Lily huffs a little bit, amused – She was very cutesy.

Lily tries to wipe the skin right out of her face again – So, If I’m in love, like really in love with whatever thing I fall in love with, even if the hottest dragon chick shows up, I’m just immune to that?

- This is perhaps an unfair comparison given that your mother exudes power and she was very much capable of giving me offspring, but in my experience, I’ve desired no one else since your mother first graced my eyes, even while I wasn't aware of our attraction to each other.

- You gotta stop talking like that. It's too creepy. – She toys with the bent paper in her hands, debating getting rid of it

Mal rolls her eyes, why must she always oversimplify things for these children? She goes on in more casual terms - I’ve also never known a couple with children that breaks up

- Gunda just got cheated on!

She rolls her wrist in a dismissive motion - Gunda was not with her mate then, let’s say she’s dating around.

She crinkles the paper with the force of her fist clenching around a corner of it - So, If I’m not feeling the intensity, should Red and I just break up?

Mal shakes her head - Life is all about connections, some might be fleeting, and some mundane, easy-going, soft. It’s never bad to have a lover, though, even if you don’t think it’ll be the one who overfills your heart. As long as it is good, any love is worthy of time. - Lily relaxes a tad and drops her gaze to the paper, clearly still torn about this stranger. Mal stands and takes a few steps forward - However, in your case it is more than a hunch, it is a fact that you are holding someone else’s person, their lives are much shorter than ours and eventually, and may the gods and your mother forgive me for this, they will find each other. Here, it is not just you you should be thinking about.

She keeps quiet for a while, before looking up at Mal – You know, Disney says you guys are such pieces of shit but you’re all so fucking soft. I lucked out on Moms.

- Balance is key. You learn to be soft with some, all while you maim various enemies. – She moves to find the abandoned mirror yet again, Regina should be appearing soon.

- Shit, this has been the most educational trip I’ve ever been in, hands down. – She plays some more with the paper in her hand before deciding to torch it, a simple snap of her fingers making it catch fire.

Mal chuckles - Make sure to tell that to Regina later when you speak with her, and that I made emphasis in the importance of not flying while inebriated.

She catches the mirror after Mal tosses it like a frisbee again, dropping the blazing paper in her lap and kinda ruining her jeans there, they were already bloody so it’s good or whatever - Instead of waxing poetry about her cheek kissing?

Mal doesn’t even turn at her taunt - I will tell Emma Swan you were rendered a blubbering puddle of your own sweat without as much as any kiss and then where will you hide that shame won’t find you?

- Damn. I take it back. Y’all are cold as fuck.

Chapter Text

Kathryn is the last to get to the house ever the new England image of perfection in her heeled boots defying the thin sheet of snow now covering the ground, a long coat, and pulling her Hermes scarf from inside it as she breezes past Regina, the curse had left her personality mostly intact and the transition after it was seamless, a princess in all settings. She checks something on her phone as she enters – Lovely as this invitation is Regina, this better be good – she pauses when she spots Emma and Snow on the couch with a cup of coffee each – Oh dear, this better be excellent. I would rather go back to work.

- Cup of coffee? – Regina says to keep herself from laughing, while she shakes the pot she was holding when she went to the door

Kathryn nods as she debates which seat to take - Deeply Irish.

- How else? – Regina chuckles and with a wink and a plume of smoke a flask appears on the table next to the empty cups, cream and sugar.

Emma pouts – I want some too – but Snow's stern look shuts her up, for now

Zelena comes from somewhere upstairs, wearing a ridiculous pair of dark green sweatpants coupled with a plaid button-up and her hair up in a bun – Another one? Are we having a party?

- Yes, well – There must be a pause, for dramatic effect. And she pours some Irish coffee for herself, she’ll need it if she’s gonna spend the rest of the day in this mixed company – I need to plan the wedding, you are all going to help. – She perches herself on the arm of Kathryn’s seat as gracefully as humanly possible – We have six days.

- Oh oh, I call maid of honor - It’s Emma’s reaction to that, while the other two royals merely blink at the nonsense of ‘plan the wedding’ mixed with ‘six days’, and Zelena cackles.

Snow recovers first, thinking of the least important bit as well – You can’t call Maid of Honor, it’s Regina’s decision, we are all her friends and she has to think of who would help the most and who she has a more meaningful and lasting bond with – Regina rolls her eyes at the puppy expression she tacks on and glances at Kathryn from the corner of her eye, who has said nothing and only raises an eyebrow sharply up at Regina

Regina resists the huff she wants to let out – Well, Zelena. She’s my sister. It’s only right. – Very diplomatic

It certainly will anger everyone, including Zelena. Kathryn gives a dry chuckle recognizing the move for what it is and Snow looks down, dejected. But Emma, she lets out her longest groan to date - Oh my god! What? What would you say if I started calling Neal when I have issues instead of you?!  - She starts listing things with her fingers - They have the same experience in sibling years, and mine doesn’t even bully me. The betrayal. I’m picking you the worst cake ever, it’s gonna be carrot cake probably.

-  Miss Swan, please do stop calling me every time you have small issues.

- But we are besties. – She whines

- Aren’t you besties with baby angst? – Zelena, grabbing for the flask and bypassing the coffee, asks

- Well I can multibestie – She stands up angrily, putting her arms up

- Seems like a conflict of interest. – Kathryn adds with a grin. Calmly seated.

Emma narrows her eyes at her – Well thank you for your addition, step mother.

Snow is the one who takes offense at that and Kathryn laughs - Ex step mother, dear Emma.

Regina tilts her head to the side, remembering a conversation in the rocky months after the curse broke and no one was quite settled in their identity, whichever they chose – Kath, did you actually divorce him? It is legally binding. Side note, I’m gonna need whichever papers to sign. Please get that done.  

The gesture her head makes isn’t nod nor shake - He was hopped up on hero adrenaline over these two being gone, then Cora, then the rest of this town’s shenanigans. - She rolls her wrist and sips her spiked coffee – I didn’t do it on purpose, what am I going to get after he dies? His flannel shirts? Please.

The gasp that leaves Snow White shuts them all up, she stands too and Emma sits almost involuntarily – You’re still married to David?!

- Barely. I am not a threat to your… - she chooses to pause as well, for the drama no doubt – partnership.

Regina, Zelena and even Emma want to laugh at that but Snow’s body grows taut and the bit of hair she’s grown since having Neal make her adorable expressions a bit sinister, like she’s plotting against them. And of all of them, Snow is the one Regina can squeeze the most help out of, she should have kept her mouth shut. She intervenes – Kath, draft divorce papers. Just in case Fred wants to propose. And we can have another two weddings soon, after we plan mine.

It takes Kathryn another good thirty seconds of holding Snow’s gaze but she relents eventually, taking out her phone to text her assistant to get on that, and the upcoming marriage papers. And with a sharp nod Snow leaves the room, going god knows where.

Emma huffs but goes after her with her characteristic stomps - I bet Red’ll be the maid of honor in that wedding.

Zelena drains the rest of the flask and stands up, stretching like a cat- Well sis, as all your reunions, this is a smashing success.

Regina rolls her eyes and nudges Kathryn - Why did you have to aggravate her? You’ve never even touched the man.

- I remember doing it and for that I will never forgive you. – She laughs and takes out a small, legal note pad – Okay then. What’s the color scheme?

- Oooh, dark green. The only maid of honor color I would ever wear.

Zelena’s grin stretches across her face sinisterly and Kathryn takes one deep breath, but Regina shrugs minutely – Mal does love dark green.

The blonde frowns – I do not care. What do you love?

- Mal.

Zelena gags on air before them and Kathryn thinks that maybe, Regina’s new sister and her can be very good friends after all.

Snow recovers but she sits silent in what would otherwise be her dream afternoon get together, thankfully Emma shows some more enthusiasm, in the form of playing the devil’s advocate it seems – So the colors we’re working in are white, dark green and silver? – Regina nods and Kathryn sighs almost imperceptibly, Emma goes on – Like a fucking Slytherin-themed party?

It gives her pause and she glances at the two that had stuck around for the half hour Snow needed – Oh well, I’m sure no one else will make that connection

- Trust me Regina, they will. But whatever, gloomy wedding. – Emma shrugs – and you’re holding it where? How are you going to get Mal there? A portal indoors would turn the place to shit

- She can just open it in the forest and then transport them there – was Zelena’s idea from the start

- That kinda ruins the surprise though, because Regina’s gotta be dressed. Mal will definitely get suspicious if she’s waiting outside the portal all hair, make-up and white dress

Regina rubs at her forehead with one finger - So I change with magic when we go to the venue.

- Will you change Mal with magic? Or just marry her in whatever she’s wearing? Maybe you should clue Lily in, tell her to ask Mal to dress up with an excuse, and then take Mal to the venue with magic

She sighs, they’d lose a limb in the process – Maybe I shouldn’t drop the entire thing on her like this, should I give her an hour to prepare herself?

Zelena harrumphs on her seat - Shitty surprise wedding –

Snow finally speaks up - She should show up and see you already at the altar. Lily will help.

Regina nods – But she can’t transport anyone – Emma looks like she’s about to rebuke her – Not on purpose and on target.

- Let’s hold a wedding in the woods then. What do we have three witches for? Stop winter somehow. – Is Kathryn's decisive comment, she nods at Snow and the school teacher holds her eyes for a moment before returning the gesture, and it feels like a treaty was just signed.

Emma pipes up again – Okay. Cute. Now food, who’s gonna cook all the stuff? We can’t hire an outside caterer and have the second bride show up from an inter-dimensional hole in the space-time fabric.

Zelena snorts - Do you have an issue with this wedding?

The six days prove to be a challenging time-frame. They all have day-jobs they can’t neglect, even Zelena seems committed to guarding Storybrooke’s forests, so their afternoons and late nights are what they have to work with. First Regina makes a guest list that Zelena cuts down 30% with witty remarks, knowing the exact number of guests Emma gets tasked with convincing Luke and Granny to provide the food and drinks for the entire thing, while Snow and Kathryn’s childhood calligraphy lessons get put to the test when the companies that take care of things such as cards ask for at least 10 business days to deliver them, they also have to get the chairs for the forest, the get up for the altar, the flowers out of Moe French, the officiant, the string quartet, the venue for the reception, the music, waiters, someone to man the bar, someone with a camera that is not Sidney Glass… and Regina helps with all that, researches the spells needed to hold an outside wedding in Maine in early December, drives out of town three times to find the perfect rings and dresses for herself and Zelena, and she spends twice as much time with Lily on the mirror, in the dead of night, trying to teach her to transform clothes so she can get Mal in at least a dress that only needs to be turned white when they cross the portal and she can make herself a suit to stand behind Mal when the time comes.

She’s almost gotten the bow tie right when she seems to have an idea – Can we get like another portal? Mom’s kinda okay with her brother and sister now, bet they’d like to come. Her mother too.

Regina interrupts the forceful re-editing of her vows –  You had five days to have this idea, Lily. Okay. So, what? Three? Four? Red meat option obviously.

She counts in her mind quickly with a grimace – Five. And two babies. – Regina huffs on her side of the mirror and Lily holds up her new dark-green bowtie with a shit-eating grin – This shit looks good, I’m pumped. – Regina rewards her success with a proud smile even after her bit of anger and Lily fiddles with the fabric in her hands – Hey mom, will… did you invite Ruby?

- You don’t need to ask. Yes, of course she’s invited. -  She is engrossed in the paper in her hands again, glasses low on her nose

Lily stammers - Oh, I wasn’t… I just… kinda, cheated. But I’ll just like... avoid her. Don’t worry about it, no fighting at the party.

She looks right up - Oh my god. – She slumps on her seat – Why on earth would you cheat on a werewolf? Why would you bring this up now?

- Yeah, no. I hear you, I was just... It just happened… like earlier. I just… - That was a terrible fucking idea - I’ll just talk to mom about it tomorrow, you’re stressed.

- Yes. – It comes out more like a yell than it should, and Regina takes one deep breath to calm herself. – But Lilith, tomorrow morning you will start slowly convincing your mother to wear the dress, say nothing about this, and you will put on your suit and place a glamour over it. Then you will take this mirror and get Mal’s family through a portal that will appear where it is. Maybe an hour later you will take the mirror somewhere else for the portal that will bring you and your mother to the clearing in the forest where we will hold the ceremony. Now, don’t even glance in Ruby’s direction until after we are married, she has helped tremendously this week in the diner while Granny sorts this wedding out, so for the sake of her hard work I say you need to let her enjoy the party, get well and drunk, and dance her heart away. If you feel the unstoppable need to ruin the poor girl’s day with this information you better do so in a private setting. Don’t use a crowd to try to avoid being yelled at, Mills women aren’t cowards.

She keeps quiet for a while and sniffs just out of the mirror’s mic range – Did you call me Lilith? – She’d never liked the name but the sharp pain on her chest was new

Regina’s eyes narrow, surprised that was the take-away from her message - How can you cheat on someone the same week as a wedding you’re excited about? That’s incongruous.

Yeah, it is a tough one to swallow. She tries for a joke, so they can move past it - At least it’s not my wedding.

Every glimpse of pride brought on by the success on magic leaves Regina’s face - Lilith… - Yup. A third one would probably drive her to suicide.

- Sorry mom, see you tomorrow. Can’t wait.

-  Yes, sleep well.

- She’s right, at least it wasn’t her wedding – Regina turns to Kathryn, who had chosen to stay around instead of going home in the last leg of the journey – Five and two babies, Eugenia will love this one. - It was too late to drive, and the glasses of wine they like so much do pile up. Zelena had laid claim to the guest room before anyone could even think of that and Snow and Emma had left in a cloud of sparkly smoke, but Kathryn had decided to stick around and rummaged the closet for a pair of pajamas and a moisturizing mask, she was typing merrily away on the bed while Regina tightened the last bolts. The brunette moves under the sheets by her friend with a groan and Kathryn wags her phone in the air – Thumbs up and angry face says your soon to be ex-daughter-in-law.

- Who does that? She couldn’t keep it together for less than a month? – She releases another groan as her head hits the pillow

Kathryn moves her eyebrows under the thin sheet covering her face - Are we sure dragon eldest was able to?

She narrows her eyes - You like Mal, what is this about? – She takes off her glasses, putting them over the over-corrected paper on her nightstand

- You’re getting married. After the entire Leopold debacle, someone has to ask.

Regina chuckles, he hasn’t crossed her mind in the mess of a week she’s had - I am fine. Is this because of your just recently failed marriage to a certain blonde bimbo?

Kathryn laughs as she nods on a rare admission of feelings and related issues - Fred proposed, months ago. And I can’t bring myself to go through with that. After father drilling into me I must marry like it was my sole duty in life, and the entire James debacle. I put up with that boor well before the bimbo took over his identity. And you had it worse. – She breathes out – We met what? Twice? Thrice? As children. At least I could have a second imaginary biscuit, your wifely manners were rooted in place well before our tea parties happened.

- I loathed and loved the idea equally. - Regina shrugs on her spot, recalling the parties in question, from another lifetime she hadn’t tapped into in what seemed like centuries. It wasn’t even in the forefront of her mind, that she had met Kathryn before becoming Queen - I’m sorry the curse handed you your worst nightmare, and here I was thinking you were the one left intact

- It’s ok. I wasn’t aware while it happened and now I can make Snow’s face beet red occasionally, a lifetime hobby of mine. She was a much more frequent visitor in our castle, and I in hers. Younger by just enough years to make entertaining her annoying in my eyes. – Kathryn laughs and turns fully to Regina again - So you are sure? Because you can call it off and I will take the brunt of the insults making the rounds tomorrow.

The woman nods against her pillow - I am completely sure

Kathryn reaches overhead to turn off the lamp by her side, Mal’s lamp, and her screen lights up - Then we set this alarm for 5 AM and you go put up the spells with Zelena at sunrise.

- The things we do for love

- Can I sleep with this mask on?

- I suppose we will see in three hours when you either wake up with skin or not.

- Hilarious.

Chapter Text

- Have you seen… any of the others? – Is Mal’s question when she enters the spacious room, turning human with a frown on her face

They must be already comfy, or un-comfy, in the first row for the wedding, so Lily shrugs - We had breakfast.

- Well after that they seem to have vanished. And we’re pressed for time, your mother will have a heart attack if we miss that portal.

Lily continues looking down, to her lap, focused on her glamour not fading – Just write a note and leave it on the kitchen counter or something. I don’t think they’ll mind.

It’s all very suspicious, even with Lily’s regular behavior she should want to say her goodbyes at the very least to her cousins - You… - Mal approaches her, circles her seat and then gets promptly distracted – Reek of magic.

Lily stands and takes some distance with a chuckle – Yeah. Regina Mom just kinda taught me some of her hair and make-up spells. You know, I look a mess. Eyebrows fucked up and shit.

- Ah, grooming for the wolf. Well then. – She laughs as she sits in the chaise Lily vacated – Hopefully she’ll appreciate it.

- What about you? – It is not as casual as she wants it to be and Mal raises an amused eyebrow at her – I mean, you look you know, great. But is that what you’re wearing? ‘Cause you can do better, and do some of that hard pattern shit in your hair so mom can really see what she’s been missing.

- You want to use me as a lab rat. I will not suffer your attempts at experimental magic – She laughs, a laugh coming from deep in her chest spurred by the good mood one wakes up in when ready to go back home to a lover – But I suppose I could change. Any suits in that bag of yours? She likes a suit, I’ve been told.

- Oh no… - She makes a show of thinking and switches her tone just so - But there was this dress on the back of your huge antique closet thing. I bet mom would like you in that one.

- By Ozma, you got the tiny one. – Zelena shuffles to Regina again after a few excruciating minutes of ushering Mal’s family to the front row, the snow falling above never quite reaching them as expected. The little chill wasn’t as easy to displace though so the guests that had arrived were all forced to stay in their coats. – One of them is a no show.

Regina would peer to get a glimpse of them but well, the element of surprise – They are… taller than Mal?

- There’s one young man that looks like a tree I could climb – she sighs dreamily – Are you ready to shackle your life to this amazon of a woman? We do have half an hour to run to safety.

She rolls her eyes on her seat - Everything is in place?

- Except the brides. And Lily. And Roland who seems to be frolicking in the forest. But he is hardly vital to this shenanigan.

Regina huffs, Robin and him are well into the last rows so it would work itself out eventually – Ok then, tell Emma to open the portal.

- And then what? Run back here to walk after you? Call her. Reggie, don’t tell me marriage will render you stupid.

Mal can tell something is very wrong when the portal drops them off somewhere deep in the forest and there is no one waiting for them. Still, she doesn’t sense the danger anywhere near and a quick look around reveals nothing but mottled white covering the little green that autumn left. She wants to alert Lily, but the foolish girl is almost delighted by the sight and nudges her forward with an elbow, towards what Mal can see now is candle-light of some kind, a confusing mix of scents coming from it.

After a very pointed look towards her daughter she approaches gingerly, making sure Lily is safely behind, and fire already gathering on her chest just in case. So there’s a lot of tension in her body when the soft music starts, and the trees bend in ways they could never do to let them peer into a clearing ahead. She whirls around to look at Lily, who raises both eyebrows at her now wearing a suit with a bowtie, and her hair somehow tied in a neat, low ponytail, backpack gone somewhere out of sight. She smiles and points forwards, and thank god she does because Mal turns just in time for the music to rise as Regina walks from a side to stand directly in front of them, looking ahead with a smile.

She doesn’t move much, completely out of it as she is, the only thing that happens for a while is that the fire leaves her nostrils as she exhales in relief. It’s Lily who takes a step forward and passes a hand over her shoulders, Mal’s dress changing to white from the spot where her palm makes contact and downwards – C’mon mom! Let’s walk down this aisle – She only sees the others then. There must be at least 50 people sitting in two neat blocks before them, all turned back to watch her, and in the middle a path softly covered by the Snow that’s fallen and lined with candles. Mal takes one step into the path before her and the music changes, to a nuptial march. And that’s when it all clicks in her mind.

It is a miracle the music maintains its pace instead of speeding up to match her strides, or that she doesn’t stumble in her haste to get to Regina, or that regardless of what she thinks it is a very slow advance she makes, but Mal feels the few feet she crossed were an ocean when she finally reaches the front and manages to take one of Regina’s hands. It lasts one whole second before she’s pulling her into a kiss and the woman is laughing under her lips

- You’re skipping steps.

Zelena snickers behind her and Mal remembers herself – Oh. Yes. The wedding. I do.

There’s a few chuckles from the audience Mal has not stopped to study yet, and the cricket smiles beatifically at them both, not that they notice – Well, that would make my job easier. But I feel obligated to take it from the top.

Regina takes a small step back with a wink to Mal, still holding onto her hand and motions for him to start. The entire thing passes in a blur if Mal’s being quite honest with herself, the minute he starts speaking her eyes drift to Regina’s bright smile and the crinkle around her eyes, at the way her olive skin peeks so beautifully from under the lace of her dress that goes from her neck to the forest floor, at how the diamond earrings play with the light from the candles that float around the clearing and the snow fading into nothing just a bit above their heads. She had gone through all this trouble while Mal herself was prancing around the forest without a care in the world. She wonders if she can interrupt, with a hug to give her some warmth, with another kiss, with the tears about to spill from her eyes.

And then she speaks – Maleficent, from the moment I laid eyes on you you have been an ever-present thought in my mind. I immediately wanted to devote my life to making you smile, even before I knew what that meant, and I am so terribly sorry it took me – she chuckles as Mal’s eyes start getting misty – It took me the better part of four decades to become someone who could. You have been patient, and strong and often too forgiving; and I promise to honor those choices every day, to repay it in spades and to do my absolute best to make you happy.

She seldom cries, and it is even less often that it renders her a mess unable to articulate but under Regina’s beaming smile and Lily’s attempt of a discreet sniff she can only stand there for a minute, willing her tears to at the very least leave her voice untouched. She clears her throat as subtly as she can and the woman before her gives her own wet chuckle as she steels herself – Regina I am so incredibly grateful you’ve chosen to spend your life with me. You gave me purpose once upon a time, you gave me a family I can call my own, you showed me the depth we have within ourselves. I have existed for many years, but I wasn’t fully alive until I met you. You don’t need to repay anything, you have done so already with every second you’ve given me. I would do it all again.

It is another endless stretch of time in which she can’t draw her closer and kiss her, a small squeeze of the hand will have to do. Zelena’s hand breaks the moment though presenting Regina with a ring and behind Mal Lily does the same. As they take the rings and place them on each other’s fingers, finally, Archie lets out a small breath and draws attention to himself with a warm smile – Regina, do you take Maleficent to be your wife?

- I do.

- Maleficent, do you take Regina to be your wife?

- I do.

- Then I pronounce you dragon and wife – Mal huffs amused at his little quip and he smiles brightly, at not being charred hopefully – You may kiss each other.

Permission is much heavier than expected and for a second she watches Regina’s smile grow as one of her own tears escape, thank god for her impatience because if not they could have stood there another eternity. Regina reaches up to pull her closer, her fingers tickling the nape of her hair, and Mal goes down willingly as the guests cheer for them.

There’s a lot of hugging at the other end of the aisle, Henry rushing to squeeze in between them while Lily passes an arm behind Regina to smack him in the head while the photographer tries to make something out of that, it takes him a few shots but by the end they have one that Regina approves and Mal disturbs the unit before Emma can sidle up to them, she squints at the front of the crowd – Is that… Trivio?

Lily stops her low-level bullying - Oh yeah! We can get a pic! – Mal rushes off to her family and for a moment Lily pays attention to that, amused as her mother tries to explain what a photograph is and why they should come over and get one.

Emma pops up from just outside the crowd to jostle Lily, Luke smiling warmly from above her shoulder, while Henry and Regina finish catching up from the three hours they’ve been apart, and Mal convinces the other several sizes of dragon to come with her and starts making introductions. Regina, gracious as ever, greets them perfectly while Lily stands there ignoring Trivio’s grin to focus on better things, like the purple baby dragon standing on Regina’s head and Henry’s sheer excitement at the little thing. It’s such a nice scene, them getting along together, Sybilla answering any question Henry throws her way, Dannica laughing amicably at Regina’s quips. Mal turns to glance gratefully at Lily and draws attention her way – And this is Ruby, Lily’s famous werewolf – she’d reached the group while she was dragging her family members towards the strange lighting-jail contraption. There is one single beat of strange silence but Mal’s too happy to even notice.

The wolf frees her right arm to wave at them before slipping it right back under Lily’s jacket and Gunda huffs – A picture, was it? –, she doesn’t sound excited as she eyes the man’s camera flash towards another group of people.

But they do take a few pictures and Mal smiles at the miniature version the photographer shows her for approval, they look great, and it will last for centuries to come. They can even have a printed copy for each of them in less than a day - Kajetan wouldn’t come, I assume. – Nothing can ruin Mal’s mood as she chats easily with her mother and sister while Regina lets herself be held before her, regardless of how short it makes her look, completely engrossed in observing one of the twins perched on her forearm while the other coos from his mother’s arms in its human form

- A wedding was just one bit too much for him, I am afraid – Her mother says with sharp eyes

- It was, of course, more for my benefit than Mal’s. I hope it didn’t offend. – Regina says apologetically but burrows closer against her wife with a smile – It served as an excuse to meet you, though.

- Yes, of course. And for us to see Mally bawl like a hatchling and for the twins to meet a friend as well. – Sybilla says as she lets the one who isn’t fixated on Regina’s eyes down on the forest floor where it sits by a standing Neal, who had wobbled to them, quiet for once, and staring right at the baby in front of him as if he knows it is not an equal. Regina ignores the huff Mal gives behind her because Neal’s innate magic blocks a bout of fire and her new sister-in-law laughs – They do not see a lot of infants, thankfully this one can defend himself.

- How does one control that?

Mal chuckles by her ear then – One doesn’t. They burn what they burn.

Dannica chimes - Some more than others.

As if to prove her point the one on her arm waves its tail and Regina ducks just as he sneezes fire, at least Mal is intact – Well then, we will have to prepare.

Henry’s had just one bit too much and he tries to whisper – Mom… I’m cold – Most likely he’s thinking of the meals he can get, and the cake slices to come, the glasses of champagne to taste when no one is watching

Mal laughs and reaches over to warm his cheeks and his reddened nose with her hands as she smiles by Regina’s ear - Oh dear, can we get cars? I promise you will all love it.

She chose a waltz for their first dance, Regina knows from first-hand experience Mal loves a waltz and since she was a girl, Regina had always longed for a grandiose ball the day of her wedding, her father had stoked that fire with tales of dresses and banquets any princess like her would have, while her mother of course focused much more on how she had to behave in such an occasion. Regardless, she had chosen a tediously long waltz, and the groans from Kathryn and Zelena were very much worth the trouble, seeing how happy Mal looks at the sound. They go around by themselves maybe five times before David maneuvers Snow to the floor expertly and the others join in.

Well past caring about form, Mal pulls Regina closer to motion with their joined hands to Emma and Luke stumbling around awkwardly with very confused expressions, and then to Robin and Zelena stepping around and twirling Roland – Thank god, I am far from the worst.

- Darling you dance like your nightly meals depended on it – Regina praises and, as if on cue, Fred decides to lift Kathryn and twirl her around, drawing attention to her, much to her chagrin. Mal raises an eyebrow and Regina laughs – If you must, go for it.

Regina still yelps when Mal draws her up, her hands shooting down to hold on to her shoulders, they go around a few times and Regina laughs when Mal lowers her a bit only to decide to twirl her some more. The men around the room have a very clear physical barrier, their arms allow them to use the momentum for one or two twirls, Mal doesn’t seem to have that issue. It’d go forever probably, but Henry appears by their side with wide eyes. He gapes – Uhhh, I can’t do that, but… grandpa gave me lessons?

Mal chuckles as she puts her down, Regina’s watery smile aimed towards Henry and his little tie. She gives a bow and kisses her hand in farewell, turning to her step son with a grin – All yours, Prince Henry. – For the next song Regina dances with Henry almost amazed at his skill, while Trivio moves in surprisingly graceful for a dance with Mal, it would seem like he’s fraternizing with humans behind his father’s back.

They make a show of cutting into the cake, complete with Emma moving to smash Regina’s face into it and Lily’s clawing into her arm to stop her, and then it is time to eat and for the DJ to overtake the live band with the compromise playlist Regina approved of the day before. The seating is a mess, the family table was shuffled and re-shuffled and shuffled once more at 6am with the 5 additions, and Mal kinda chuckles at the resulting joining of two round tables and the variable chair-to-surface distances, Roland the most affected on his mildly-uncomfortable father’s lap. It is Zelena and them, Lily and Ruby, Henry by his lonesome, Trivio and Gunda and Sybilla and Dannica with two small dragons trying their best, and finally Regina and her. Surely, Snow White took offense to that. She sits with Charming and little Neal, Emma and Luke, and somehow by the will of the gods Kathryn and Fred. And they chat easily over there, as they do over here and Mal interrupts her very tasty meal to lift her glass of wine with one hand and round Regina’s chair with the other – I would just… loathe to leave this moment pass without letting you all know how grateful I am for your presence here. This has been truly a significant occasion, I’ll never forget it.

- Darling… – Regina moves to peck the corner of her lips and Zelena interrupts her moment

- Is this a toast in the middle of the meal? Because I refuse to stop eating – She undermarks the entire thing with a bite of her salad – I woke up at dawn for this, we barely ate toast.

- Well then – she tips the glass on her direction – To Zelena, who made this day possible.

They raise their glasses chuckling as the redhead rolls her eyes, and Regina lays another quick kiss on her cheek before going back to her well-needed plate with only one hand, the other one grabbing for hers when she tried to return it to her fork. She too can eat one-handed.

After the party is underway and the alcohol is flowing Mal and Regina are much more equipped to do the rest of the social rounds. Everyone’s very happy for them, some people are under the wrongful assumption that being elated would let Regina dance to pop music in public, Snow White turns bold with a little alcohol in her system and Emma and Luke develop a very specific scale to rate the different, all excellent, appetizers offered, washed down of course with Dr pepper obtained from god knows where, a palate cleanser. Henry is stuck in limbo torn between Roland, Neal, the dragon twins circling each other and the other few very young infants, and the youngest on the other side of the spectrum who might probably only be his mother and his sister; so he sits at the bar with another serving of cake and avoids the hair rufflings people would love to give him. Zelena takes the dance-floor to engage in public indecency with a blushing Robin, and Trivio and Gunda amuse themselves with making whoever dares ask for a dance very uncomfortable; while Sybilla and Dannica chat amongst themselves sampling all the different liquors the land without magic has to offer, always keeping an eye on the two overpowered miscreants playing with little fragile kids in expensive little suits and dresses.

At the end of the tour the last but certainly not least is the over-crowded family table but with the DJ they hired playing “fire only” the last remaining there are Lily and Ruby, sitting there after what seems like a long while. Surely, Lily’s doing, Mal thinks. What a strange mix of shy and defiant her daughter is. Ruby waves them over to the seats next to theirs and congratulates them with a smile big enough Regina knows Lily followed her advice – It was such a beautiful ceremony. I am sure you guys have the real deal.

- Thank you, Miss Lucas. It means a lot coming from a believer such as yourself – Regina smiles and between them Lily takes a deep breath and swirls the liquor of her glass

- We can call the girl Ruby, dear! – The waitress laughs and nods – I have a favor to ask her anyways. I need you to kidnap this one tonight. I do not care where you take her or what you do with her. I need the house to be empty. – Mal turns to wink at Regina and Lily sits up from her slouch, a moderate slouch, Regina will train it out of her altogether, eventually

- What? No, Mom. It’s okay. I’ll go to Emma’s.

Ruby grins conspiratorially -Nope. I bet Granny is staying out late sorting this stuff out, you and I can have the place to ourselves. You heard your mother. It’s for a good cause. Let me go ask. – She stands and bounds away from the table as Lily groans, watching her dodge bodies with an expert precision

Mal chuckles as she pats Lily’s leg. Mallory and hers compounded experience with films tells her everyone should be getting some love after a wedding. And she would love an empty house. She stands, kissing Regina’s forehead as she goes – I’ll find Miss Swan, make sure she knows to stay sober enough to keep Henry safe and then we can wrap this party up, so you can see what a month does to a dragon. – She adds in a mock whisper, laying another kiss by her wife’s temple before leaving altogether

Lily can’t even muster enough energy to be properly disgusted, passing her hands over her face. Regina gives them both a good margin of at least ten feet and five screaming people in between before she moves to the chair closer to her daughter – Oh Sweetheart, how are you? We haven’t had a chance to talk.

- I’m good, all good. Not ruining anyone’s day.

Regina takes one good look at her, gets her to stop scrubbing at her skin by cupping her face with her hand and stroking her cheekbone – I wish you could have a better time today too. How did you like the Enchanted Forest?

She shrugs - Shit food, very crisp oxygen. The trees were definitely on high definition, though. Weird render on some animals… and don’t worry about me it’s my fault for fucking up every good thing ever…. I am super happy for you two, though. You just go, enjoy your party.

Regina laughs at the quick summary of the surreal experience that is being in another dimension where the very air seeps with magic, and she plants a kiss on her cheek, absence does make the heart grow fonder and disregard any embarrassment it may inflict on 30-year-old teenagers – You look very beautiful in your tuxedo.

- I feel like… Henry’s age right now. Stop it.

Regina drops her hand to the drink and takes it, sipping it herself – Very well then – She straightens in her chair – What possessed you to go screwing around in what basically are the middle ages? Even if Miss Lucas wasn’t in the equation, with nothing but a selfish outlook of the situation, do you understand the risk you put yourself in? Anyone else who might decide to sleep with you from now on? God forbid you are dying with some strain of syphilis or something of the like we can’t detect nor fight in this land. And gods, did you think of contraception? Because I do believe that’s an issue for you these days.

- Oh, no. Shit. Back, back to 13.

- That’s what I thought. You’ll show me the pictures of your trip tomorrow? – Lily nods - And Ruby, you better talk to her before she tries to have sex with you tonight

- Yes ma’am. – Lily salutes her weakly and Regina turns to leave, passing a hand over her shoulders as she goes. It really is a very nice tuxedo she produced. There’s potential in her daughter.

Regina finds Mal watching closely the strange formation Henry and Emma are trying to replicate, instructed of course by Trivio and Zelena, experts in this traditional Oz dance. She molds herself to her side – Will the lady give me this dance? Away from whatever this is? – Surely Henry can’t die doing that, so it’s a question to ask in any other time, and as long as the disk jockey is playing slow songs, she might as well sway to them.

- Oh. I could never. I am married, you see. – She turns sideways with an easy smile – Powerful caster, you wouldn’t stand a chance.

- I won’t risk my life with such a public display then – It’s always nice to stand up on her toes to whisper anything in Mal’s ear, if she’s gonna give the satisfaction of towering over her to anyone. Regina knows it renders her completely adorable though, and forces herself to do so in private only, but it’s a special ocassion. Mal passes both arms around her waist and she laughs, only a little, while Regina goes on – But if we sneak out to the balcony, she doesn’t have to know.

She barely has to agree before the cloud of smoke takes them outside, the sun barely setting over the Storybrooke sea, not that the guests inside care, for them it was night-time the minute the meal was done. Mal presses a kiss on Regina’s hair as they look out to the view – All of this is lovely, Regina. Thank you.

- Most of it was the work of Snow and Kathryn surprisingly. Nothing like a wedding to make allies out of foes.

Mal smiles against the side of her head – No doubt under very strict orders from you. It is all breathtaking. And you look… sublime.

She burrows closer with a smirk but chooses to control herself, a sixty-something teenager is worse, somehow - Do you want to listen to the rest of my vows? – She looks up at Mal and shrugs under her hug when she raises an eyebrow – You were already on the verge of tears and your sister was grinning, I thought I’d save you from that. – Mal laughs as she nods, bracing herself against the railing to face Regina more fully as she starts – You have been fire who kept me going when all I wanted to do was stop, and strength when my nefarious objectives seemed too big for my young arms to carry, you were company when I thought I was alone in the world, and you were comfort when I came to this new foreign realm. Every time I wronged you I felt my soul shatter some more, Mal. I remember every second, every thought that passed through my mind, every sign I chose to overlook and every gesture I took advantage of, and I am ashamed. It is the biggest cross I bear. You do not like it when I apologize, so I will only vow to you that I will atone. With every kiss, with every strangely raw meal, with every night your hair tries to suffocate me; I will love you like you have been loving me all along.

The tears fall without asking her for permission, she can only pull Regina to her for a long kiss, forgetting herself and the party carrying inside at the moment. Choked up well beyond her comprehension, her mind disconnects from her mouth and perhaps only a very carefully edited and re-edited letter will ever say what she wishes to after that. So, she settles, – You are promising then, no more time locked in caves? Because we have a long life ahead of us darling, it just seems hard to foresee – She gets no response to that, Regina only huffs and pulls her back down. It seems like a lifetime and like a second, but the sun finally sinks lower under the sea and Regina’s body presses closer, perhaps only to ward her against the cold. Mal winds both arms around her tightly as she notices the Snow yet again – Fly with me - What’s life without a little risk of hypothermia?

- Emma should be gearing up to interrupt the dancing with a ridiculous speech anytime now, we should be present for that. – She passes a hand over Mal’s tear-streaked cheek with a smile – With intact make-up.

She tightens her hold some more and gives an excellent impression of a pout - Give your wife a few minutes. – Regina can’t say no to that.

Mal takes one single second to pass a finger over the stovetop softly, humming happily at the polished surface, and it amuses Regina to no end apparently. She is so amused that her soft smile turns into a little insufferable grin that pushes Mal to round the island in three long strides and pick her up by the waist easily making her squeal, and then maneuvering her into a bridal grip since her dress doesn’t allow anything else – The way I envision it, we defile this marble right here, move on to a few rounds on the living room. We have a break, for snacks, I am sure you will need it – Regina laughs in her arms and Mal lays a slow kiss on the side of her neck – We will have a choice then, the counter again or finally making our way to the bedroom. I suppose we will see. Notify who you must, you will be busy for the rest of the evening.

Regina makes a show of patting her skin-tight dress looking for a phone and when she doesn’t find one she shrugs and uses the hand she’s looped over Mal’s shoulders to play with the tendril of hair escaped from the updo - We go back to our wedding reception. That’s the true answer-

She tuts – Regina, I laid down very clear instructions. This union doesn’t work if you don’t listen

- You would deny me my triumphant exit? – She moans nonetheless when Mal finds a sensitive spot to kiss, her head lolling to a side – We would have basked in their cheering once more.

- The rabble cheers often, they will praise you again. For now, show me the hidden zipper of this dress. – She puts her down on the island, making a show of checking every inch of the dress, from the bottom

- At least take me to a bedroom – She laughs when both her shoes get thrown against a nearby cabinet, maybe she’s drunk. Or extremely happy, she thinks, when Mal drops her head onto her knee with her hands still wandering the sides of the dress

- Who has the time, - Mid-sentence they appear standing by their bed and oh, how has Mal missed that bed and her terrible pillows– She looks around the room for a moment– See, a very powerful caster

For a second, they only look at each other, and then Regina reaches for her side, lowering the zipper finally with a smirk but the house phone, of all things, starts ringing and she stops to answer, reaching for it with a huff and the fabric bending in odd angles – Yes? I have been whisked away. Make sure to send cake, I didn’t have the opportunity to eat my slice – Her playful anger dissipates as Mal molds to her back, undoing the zipper the rest of the way and sneaking a hand through the opening. Regina’s breath hitches as Mal traces her ribs with her own sigh – Okay then Kath! I will talk to you at a later date. Bye bye.

She lays a kiss on the back of her neck trying to force the dress down - Unplug it.

Regina surprisingly does as told, and reaches inside the dress to drag Mal’s hand out of it – It goes up. I’ll do it by magic.

- Oh dear, no. Don’t deny me the satisfaction. – She lifts her arms and it takes a good tug but eventually, the dress is coming out, only to reveal more white lace underneath. She grabs for it well before Regina is completely unwrapped and she chuckles from the confines of the dress covering her head. Mal steers them to the bed promptly, finally getting rid of the dress and positioning herself in front of a sitting Regina with narrowed eyes – Why on earth are you giggling? I feel like you are not taking me seriously.

She tugs at Mal’s dress – How did you get in this? No way Lily managed a zipper. Are we doing the same arms-up shenanigan? - She laughs again and Mal huffs as she climbs onto her, forcing her to move back until she reaches the headboard and moving in for another kiss. Regina holds onto her face like she’s something precious and for a moment everything is right, but Regina smiles at her amused, again – If you’re still wearing it, it must mean you don’t have a clue on how to get out of it. Let me cut you out of there.

Mal eyes the lace under her fingers, it poses no barrier whatsoever and it can’t be too expensive. She toys with it – I should tie you up for your insolence – that always does the trick just fine, sobering her up and making her give her undivided attention to the task at hand. Mal smirks as she pulls her by the legs until she’s on her back and her breath turns shallow. She bends down to kiss her and at last they might be getting somewhere, Regina barely realizing Mal’s torn the lingerie of her, she tosses it away for good measure and gives her some space to flutter her lids open and tune back in - Luckily for you I am vastly, deeply in love with you – she kisses the moan coming out of Regina as she finds out her underwear is gone in the sweetest of ways and lets her adjust - and your disrespectful giggles as well.

Regina has always given as good as she gets and after Mal tears herself out of her own dress they make the most of the following hour, but a day like the one Regina had takes it out of anyone. She collapses on top of her wife a panting, smirking mess, and makes it a few minutes before the lulling tone of Mal’s voice puts her right to sleep, not that she doesn’t want to hear all about their stay in the Enchanted Forest.

She wakes up, however, when water laps at her skin. She starts slowly and then startles looking around to place her surroundings and prevent herself from drowning. It’s only the bathroom and Mal laughs at her from above, wrapped in a towel herself – Welcome back to the living.

She eyes the wet hair and listens to the soft piano music playing, both proof of betrayal by shower, and pouts – You just dropped me in the tub?

- We were coated in sweat, hardly your ideal sleeping situation. I changed the sheets, drew you a warm bath and soon as you’re done there we can wrap you up in something warm, like myself, and continue the night – She comes closer to take another one of the towels and place it closer to the edge of the tub and winks -And if you need an excuse to bathe tomorrow morning, I’ll be more than happy to give you one.

From where she is she can easily reach Mal’s knee, just under her towel, and stroke the inside of it – Won’t you get in?

- Directly in opposition of the goal of the bath.

- I promise I’ll be good

- Directly in opposition of the woman I married.

She unravels the towel anyways and climbs in the tub, sitting behind Regina and letting her lean back comfortably, she drums her fingers on the porcelain sides of it and the queen reaches to intertwine hers in them, toying with the rings in Mal’s finger as she drags the hands into the water. – Where do you want me to take you for our honeymoon?

She uses her other hand to find Regina’s as well and wrap her in a hug – Mallory’s hometown is quite beautiful in the winter, all quaint cottages and stone paths. I’d like to see it in the flesh.

- It was wistful thinking on my behalf that you’d choose a tropical paradise. Tell me about these imaginary German winters you lived through. It’s peaceful for a while, and then it isn’t, when one of the stories of the neighbors' drama rings close to a current event. Regina huffs, still in her arms – Your daughter found some woman to cheat with while deep in the wilderness.

Mal laughs at that – See, you’d think she’d come to me about this first. We had discussed it already and my reaction would not have been as bad as yours probably was. But no, my daughter comes to you.

Regina turns just enough to lay her head on Mal’s shoulder, so she can see her raise the one eyebrow most likely - What did you discuss?

- The day she took that spear through the wing she met a woman, it rendered her a puddle, barely able to piece together a single coherent thought. I told her it was her body’s normal initial reaction to most attractive dragons within her general vicinity. She was resolute to not act on it though, when did this change?

- Yesterday. She told me last night when we were tinkering with your dress and her suit.

- She was sober. Unlike when it first happened – Mal sinks lower on the tub, rearranging Regina - And here I was, thinking she was just being coy around the wolf. Well, at least now she can go be with the girl that passed through before.

True Love’s kiss, seemingly always looming on the horizon for every couple in that town. The playlist ends so their bath must be running very long, Mal’s mere presence keeps the water warm though so she stays and tinkers with the ring some more - Do you turn into a puddle barely able to piece together a single coherent thought within the general vicinity of dragons?

- Darling, the only one able to melt me is you. – She kisses a spot of the intricate pattern Regina had wrapped her hair in and leans back against the edge of the tub with a smile – She asked me if I ever saw someone so beautiful I started sweating at the prospect. I can’t say that I sweat, but often the mere thought of you makes my knees buckle and my breath labored.

In a flurry of movement Regina turns fully around and draws Mal way from the end of the tub, locking her legs behind her and settling her hands dangerously low on her hips – Okay, fine. 10 minutes. But after we take separate showers. – Mal’s laughter rings for a moment before it dies to a moan under Regina’s lips.

Chapter Text

The ceremony goes beautifully, there is just enough cheesy shit Lily feels like she might cry but it is still genuine enough it doesn’t look like they copy-pasted the vows out of some website. And Regina really outdid herself, the place is beautiful, with the candles lighting the way and the snow is stopping like it was Hogwarts and stuff. They got a string quartet playing music through the whole thing and the white dresses they wear flow down and onto the speckled white forest floor, making super intimate eye contact with each other the whole time. And people look great too, the ones she glances at in the little spans of time between trying to not cry and trying to look natural up there, and after it’s done she will just walk to the other side and never stand up in front of a crowd ever again if she can help it. Zelena had contacted her via magic mirror to tell her to prepare a speech and she had jack-shit. Well she had three stammered out sentences about family and the urge to vomit if they go through with that.

And like Regina said, she avoids even looking for a red spot in that crowd until after they’re basically making out by her side and people are clapping around like they’ve never seen anyone make out ever before. Could she have married Ruby if she hadn’t fucked it up? Making out in front of people seems like too much. It lasts awhile and the quickest of scans shows a lot of drab-color coats and Trivio’s dumb little face grabs her attention anyways, so she forgets about her impending doom for a moment to make a face back at him.

To be honest, she feels comfortable around them after a month of forced bonding, definitely more comfortable than around the citizens of Storybrooke all looking very ready to greet her like they weren’t scared of her a few months ago, so she starts moving towards her dragon kin as Regina and Mal walk down (up?) the aisle again, all held hands and big grins. But as soon as that’s done the crowd disperses, walking around all over the place and blocking her path like thirty times as Kathryn and Snow make sure they know where to go for the reception. It was in the card, but people have great room for stupidity.

After a couple minutes of navigating that mess Henry zooms by Lily on his way to Regina and Mal and she can’t help to smile at the little shit, and at Regina who gives wonderfully warm hugs she’s been lacking for a few weeks. So, she guesses maybe she should walk up, very calmly and collects hers, even lifting her mother playfully a bit and giving her a congratulation on the side. But her plan doesn’t work out, since the dude with the camera decides right there is the perfect family picture they need. She ends up by Regina’s side, while Henry squeezes himself between Mal and Regina, totally ruining their suits-on-the-sides-white-in-the-middle kinda thing, Lily smacks him to see if he’ll move but he doesn’t get it and only ducks while Regina chastises them both to be still for the photo, she was only trying to help but guess they’ll have to live with the mess of a picture forever.

Henry rushes to hug her first, while Mal sees the one head of silky dark hair all the way to the front above all others and grins her way – Is that… Trivio?

Lily looks up from where she’s messing up his hair and the look on her mother’s face is kinda priceless, Regina is happy to see it too – Oh yeah! We can get a pic! – That’d be nice. Mal can clearly see It’d be nice, because she almost runs off in that direction. Regina chuckles and turns back to Lily and Henry, probably to tell her hi but the kid starts bouncing, like he does, ready to tell some story and Regina starts listening with rapt attention, like she does.

Lily pays attention too, for exactly ten seconds but Emma reaches them finally, it’s a miracle she didn’t try to sneak herself into a family picture - A suit? You fucking lesbian – She claps her harshly on the shoulder and Lily refrains from showing her what a month on the Enchanted Forest has done for her general strength

- Pink dress? You fucking sellout. – It’s very heartening to see their friendship intact

- Dude, I am your uber to the party. Take a hard look at how you speak to me. – For a good few seconds they stand there mean-mugging each other until Lily laughs at that one and Emma hugs her tight with an eyebrows wiggle - Speaking of lesbian... head’s up! I’ll be waiting with my magic fingers over there.

Distraction is a bitch, Lily turns just in time for Ruby to catch up to her, grabbing at both lapels of her jacket and dragging her just a tad closer with a smirk – Don’t you look dashing. Even more than the last time I had the pleasure of seeing your face.

- Hi. – Pathetic.

She laughs – Babe, I’d be offended if I wasn’t so cold. – The happy little kiss she lays on her is followed by her burrowing closer with a hum, both arms under her jacket for warmth – I missed you

- I missed you too – She can barely get that out without her insides churning, and it’s true. Guilt, as new as the sharp pain at Regina’s disappointment and Gunda’s huffing from behind Mal as they reach them again.

She tries to pry Ruby’s arms from around herself so they can look slightly more normal but the wolf laughs – Oh are you embarrassed of me? – She lays one long kiss on her cheek with a certified lipstick stain and Trivio laughs, he’s awful. Mal draws even more attention to the mess to introduce Ruby

- A picture, was it? – Gunda’s heavy accent in English makes the thing much more intimidating than it is, and Ruby finally releases Lily to join her family for a photo, and she goes almost relieved Ruby notices, wiping the red mark off her cheek.

Lily had actually never been to a wedding before, but she’s sure that the first dance in front of her was not representative of the normal ones. As Regina and Mal glide around she props her elbow on the chair next to hers to support her head and look on, very confused with everything from the choice of music to Prince Charming standing up and bowing very low to invite Snow White to stand and join him on the dancefloor. Henry taps his feet on the floor to some non-existent beat and pretty soon all of her mothers’ weird friends are joining in on the madness, even Cruella ends up dancing.

Red nudges her and points to where Emma is wiggling her shoulders at Luke who shakes his head vigorously for a minute but eventually gives in. They look like they are completely making the shit up as they go, they probably aren’t because he’d seen enough of it in the castle his entire life, and Emma was roped into lessons a few times, but they’re still so bad no one would know. They have fun though, laughing when they bump into the others. Ruby chuckles and drinks her champagne -I feel like a filthy peasant again

She speaks in a wistful tone and there’s like nothing Lily can do. There’s no way on earth she’s gonna stand up and try to do that – I’m sure you weren’t filthy

- We were piss-poor. I hadn’t seen as much as a tower of a castle from afar before I met Snow. – She finishes her flute and takes another one from a nearby table – How was Maleficent’s place in the forest? Nice neighborhood? Lots of dragon lairs lying around?

- Um – She doesn’t want to reveal she’s trash before they get to eat, Regina made that much clear – We had to fly up. It was a big castle carved into the side of a rocky mountain, and the other dragons weren’t close.

There’s a bit of silence while Mal starts flinging Regina through the air and Ruby pokes Lily on the side with a smile – Very mysterious.

They do get to eat eventually, mostly after Mal tries for a speech and Zelena shuts her up. Lily focusing on her plate and Ruby focusing on Trivio by her side telling all sort of stories from his very exciting life around the world… or whatever shape that other dimension comes in. His enthusiasm is completely contrasted in Gunda’s pointed silence and even more pointed glances aimed at Lily, her eyes bore into the top of her skull even as she does her best to just sit there and eat her food so every once in a while she has to make eye contact that says ‘I’ll do it fucking later’.

They had taken her out for drinks, to say goodbye, at another strange and even further away dragon tavern. And Lily had gone with the express intention of not drinking to fucking stupor like the last time, she had to get home in one piece and without holes, lucid enough to talk to Regina in the middle of the night and magic up a dress. And that one was deep in some snowy mountain and everything, so when some other chick started flirting across the place she had no extra heat to blame for the sweating. She kinda fought it while she drank like three fingers of something similar of the thing Mal kept in her room, and then she kinda went ‘fuck it’ while she was fully conscious and aware of her actions.

 - Babe, you ate an ogre? – Ruby shudders by her side and Trivio laughs the full belly laugh of a father of five

- Oh yeah, shit was awful. I miss burgers. – The steak before her is like way better than anything she had the last month but, still

Ruby makes the unwise decision of putting her hand on the back of her neck and stroking it – Aw, I’ll make you one later.

She should probably kiss her, like that’s the normal non-alarming response Ruby is probably expecting. So, she smiles and nods through her bite and kisses the corner of her mouth – Yeah! – Ruby hums happily and loops an arm around Lily for good measure. Even Trivio looks troubled by the situation.

She gets roped into dancing, because if Emma is dancing and Trivio wants to dance and Ruby wants to show him how to dance, she is expected to be in the general vicinity of all that. So she stands there, bobbing her head in what she hopes is not the most awkward of manners while the others do a series of elaborate moves one must conquer is one wants to call oneself a good dancer. While they do that and she stands watching, she starts wondering if it was fucking worth it. She’d never had a girlfriend that would show one of her not yet existing cousins how to do the chicken and be happy about it. Granted, Ruby’s like a few drinks in and it makes her much more willing and pliable, but she is very nice even when sober, and her smile is pretty bright, and she’s been thoughtful and nice since before she even knew Lily, it’s a fucking mess.

She must look all kinds of stupid with her remorse face on because Ruby comes close to her and pulls her arms out of where she had them crossed with a big grin, tugging them this side and then the other to see if that turns into something presentable – You are a terrible dancer.

- I am. Can’t even be taught

Wrong thing to say. She gives up on tugging Lily’s arms, only to strap them around her waist and loop hers around Lily’s waist – This one is easy enough, I sway and drag you with me – She does just as she says and even when the music changes they stay just like that for a while. Lily tries to think of something to make small talk, something that doesn’t involve feelings or anything that skirts the topic. As it is, Ruby probably already smelled the dishonesty in her and they’re barely halfway through the party, it’s probably still light outside. That is all she can think of, darting her eyes around the place to see what everyone else is doing, at the very least the twins should have set something on fire to drag attention. Nothing comes to mind before Ruby leans back a bit to catch her attention – Hey, are you ok?

- Huh? Yeap. – Yeap? What the fuck? She suddenly realizes she’s a very bad liar simply because she never had to lie before, at worst it was a knock someone out and run kinda situation she could find herself in

- Are you sure? Because you were over this eye-contact thing.

Lily frowns and stops their swaying – What eye-contact thing? – She hesitates in the middle of that sentence, shifting her eyes to someone who dances by 

- You could never hold eye-contact when we first started talking. I thought we had trained that out of you but you’re doing it again

She should really go to the town shrink if she was intimidated to the point of not holding eye contact over a fucking crush because she could hold eye-contact just fine with the woman across the bar, but it sounds like something true that she needs to weasel her way out of now so she tries to look less shifty – I just uh… I don’t know. Is the air in here like? Heavy? Like maybe I need to sit down. I did have like three glasses of Jack Daniels earlier, full disclosure. So maybe, I don’t know.

She chuckles, dragging her back to the table easily, like she didn’t want to stay dancing with the other well-adjusted people – Maybe it’s the magic here, you’re just adjusting to this shitty atmosphere. We can ask Regina when she isn’t entertaining Snow over there. – She looks over Ruby’s shoulder and sure enough, there’s Snow trying to force her mother into a selfie, stick and all. – Or just tomorrow, because if we ask her today she will absolutely ruin her wedding night to tuck you in and monitor your progress.

Low chance of that after she called her Lilith twice the night before but it’s whatever, she nods in agreement and motions for another glass of scotch, shrugging under Ruby’s playful glare - You think it’s the magic.

She chuckles and drags her chair closer to lift her legs and drop them across hers – I miss the forest sometimes, turning there is so easy…  my lungs would feel at double capacity, the breeze hitting my fur was fresher, the moon spoke louder, hell I think the very soil felt richer under my paws. It’s been a while though.

Lily smiles briefly under her glass, she absolutely understands, and she absolutely can’t open that can of worms right then or everything else is coming out – Yeah. Maybe I can get you a couple of those beans and you can take a weekend. – That much she could ask Regina for, it wasn’t for her anyways.

They sit there for a short while and Ruby tells some stories about the forest, about the people around the room and it kinda flies by, the others on the table coming by for a second or two and leaving them alone again, until Mal and Regina come back, looking a bit tired even and ready to collapse in their seats probably. Ruby calls them over so they can take the seats next to theirs, and when they do approach she straightens in her chair dropping her legs to the floor and turning to talk to Mal first, she’s sits right next to Lily – It was such a beautiful ceremony. I am sure you guys have the real deal.

Regina sits in the one after that one - Thank you, Miss Lucas. It means a lot coming from a believer such as yourself – she smiles at Ruby and between them Lily takes a deep breath and swirls the liquor of her glass

Mal puts a hand on Lily’s shoulder and smiles - We can call the girl Ruby, dear! – The waitress laughs and nods – I have a favor to ask her anyways. I need you to kidnap this one tonight. I do not care where you take her or what you do with her. I need the house to be empty.

Jesus fucking Christ, so this is how having those well-meaning idiot parents feels like. Mal turns to wink at Regina and Lily sends a panicked look to the woman, she needs her to intervene - What? No, Mom. It’s okay. I’ll go to Emma’s.

Ruby grins on the other side and loops an arm over her shoulders - Nope. I bet Granny is staying out late sorting this stuff out, you and I can have the place to ourselves. You heard your mother. It’s for a good cause. Let me go ask. – In one millisecond she’s gone, moving through the dancefloor like an agile cat instead of the wolf she is

Mal pats Lily’s leg like she did something good and stands, kissing Regina’s forehead as she goes – I’ll find Miss Swan, make sure she knows to stay sober enough to keep Henry safe and then we can wrap this party up, so you can see what a month does to a dragon.

It’d be gross, if she had heard it. But she only hears her own pounding heart, it had to happen, after the party and while they were alone? She couldn’t justify it going past that. She was gonna be forced to confess. Or just like, ghost her? Because obviously lying wasn’t gonna work, not after she already told her mom and lost her ability to keep her face neutral apparently. She passes her hands over her face until Regina speaks to her – Oh Sweetheart, how are you? We haven’t had a chance to talk.

How is she? Fucked up. - I’m good, all good. Not ruining anyone’s day.

Regina stares at her for like a solid minute and then grabs her cheek, starts running her thumb over it and puts on her mom voice – I wish you could have a better time today too. How did you like the Enchanted Forest?

She shrugs - Shit food, very crisp air. The trees were definitely on high definition though. Weird render on some animals… and don’t worry about me it’s my fault for fucking up every good thing ever. I am super happy for you two, though. You just go, enjoy your party.

Regina laughs, planting a kiss on her cheek – You look very beautiful on your tuxedo.

What? They aren’t going to address the elephant in the room? Because I mean, it’s just a suit, you’d think people would be able to imagine her in a suit. - I feel like… Henry’s age right now. Stop it.

Regina drops her hand to her drink and snatches it right out of hers, drinks it and everything, changes her entire body language. Elephants are better left alone when Regina Mills is concerned. A lesson for life. – Very well then. What possessed you to go screwing around in what basically are the middle ages? Even if Miss Lucas wasn’t in the equation, with nothing but a selfish outlook of the situation, do you understand the risk you put yourself in? Anyone else who might decide to sleep with you from now on? God forbid you are dying with some strain of syphilis or something of the like we can’t detect nor fight in this land. And gods, did you think of contraception? Because I do believe that’s an issue for you these days.

- Oh, no. Shit. Back, back to 13.

- That’s what I thought. You’ll show me the pictures of your trip tomorrow? – Lily nods vigorously and sniffs just enough Regina knows she’s made her point - And Ruby, you better talk to her before she tries to have sex with you tonight

- Yes ma’am. – She salutes her weakly and watches her go, a hand always dragging over her shoulders before she leaves completely. Open bars, she’d heard nothing but good things about them from people who had attended weddings before. She stands to put the rumors to the test.

Is the bartender super worried about her? Yes. Does she give a fuck what the dude thinks? No. And it is an open bar that her mother is paying for so, Lily decides to get shitfaced enough Ruby’s just mildly worried and angry about that when it’s time to leave, she will drop her on Emma and then, the next day, maybe, Lily will know what the fuck she’s going to say to her. So maybe after an hour of just constant shots she’s well into drunk territory, vision blurring when she moves her head around and no one really trying to make conversation anymore.

No one except Snow of course who approaches with her happy little steps to order a fruity cocktail that’s probably very vodka-full and decides to say hi – Hello Lily! – She only turns to glare at her and the princess does not take the hint, she might be a bit drunk herself –We missed you both this month! I know we’re not exactly friends-

- Right, so go.

- I know we are not exactly friends – She puts on the most patient of tones, it sounds like singing – But Ruby, she really cares for you and as her best friend I’d really like it if we could be friendly at least.

- I think we’ll be a-fucking okay. – Lily will be glad to see her go. She swallows another shot and pours herself another, the bottle hers since a few shots ago

- Are you okay? Should I get someone?

She starts looking around as if to locate any of her thirty-five family members but Lily growls on her seat - Listen you nosy bitch, stop trying to fuck with people that don’t want anything to do with you! I’m good. Take your shitty drink and go! – Who was she gonna get? Mal and Regina are just trying to have fun, Trivio and Gunda don’t give a fuck if she’s drunk at some human function, the other two won’t even give a fuck is she eats someone. Henry? Swan? Ruby herself? Jesus fucking Christ she’s not hurting anyone by drinking.

She takes one, maybe two or three more shots and after being aggravated the one time there’s no going back and the music starts pounding on her head, the sweat and perfume and food and more acrid alcohol starts stinking up the place, the glass is too cool under her fingers and the lights are too bright above her head. She could leave, Regina knows what the fuck is up and no one is actually gonna miss her. She makes it two steps away from the stool before Luke is dragging her to the restroom and Emma is joking ahead of them so people can clear the way.

She uses a champagne flute to splash water on her face three times before Lily seems kinda aware of space and time – Dude, what the fuck? Why did you cuss out my mom?

- Shit, I don’t... Just leave me here a bit, I’ll sober up quick. I swear. – She has no plans of sobering up, but she can’t ditch the party if Emma stays around

The blonde shares a look with her boyfriend and he leaves, closing the door behind him with a soft click and Lily lefts herself slide right down to the floor, undoing her bowtie and a couple buttons, jacket lost somewhere out with the well-adjusted people. Emma struggles a bit, but she sits on the floor as well, in front of her with legs bent to her side – Do you have like an issue with weddings? With Regina and Mal getting married specifically? Worried that new sibling is coming? Did you see some evil lurking when you were in the forest and are now keeping the secret so they can have their day but what is to come is eating you up inside? Or what the fuck is up? You got shitfaced as soon as Red left.

- She left? – She looks up and it is still dizzying, - Why?

- I don’t know, maybe Granny sent her for something. – She shrugs

- Do you think she’s at the diner?

- Where else in this shitty town?

 - Will you send me there? – She should just rip off the band aid, no more yelling at her mother’s friends or her friend’s mothers or any variation of that

- So what? You’re just gonna bail on your parents’ wedding to go screw on an empty diner? – Lily doesn’t really correct her – You’re living life in the fast lane, Page.

Emma’s entirely sarcastic tone is the least of her worries at the moment, plus what are the odds they’re gonna be friends after the word spreads around? Might as well let her think whatever. Lily groans at the pounding of her head, she needs another shot already - I’m a Mills. And Mills are not cowards.

- Yeah. Cora’s motto. When in doubt, consume your bodyweight in alcohol, go somewhere else and fuck. – She stands and lifts the one hand menacingly – Stop yelling at my mom okay, I know you’re still mad at her but she’s my fucking mom, and Red’s best friend and Regina’s… unhealthy something. Try to be nice for once, damn. – Emma motions her arm to the side and the cloud of sparkly smoke takes Lily right outside of the diner

First she pukes on a nearby shrub, then she realizes Ruby is not in the diner. Lights are out, smells are static somehow, It’s empty. So, she must be back in the B&B. Lily drags her feet around the corner trying to come up with a nice neat speech that will let her explain. Does she want to end the relationship? Were they awful together? No wedding was ever going to happen there but Mal said it herself, every connection is worth nursing if it’s good. But, how could anything in her shitty life be good if she was going around fucking strangers after one bat of an eyelash.

The door is open because there is no crime in the tight ship that Regina leads, at least not crime that a locked door would foil. She struggles up a couple of steps before Red peers out of her bedroom with a startled look. She’d barely paid attention to her the entire night, between ‘enjoying’ the love fest and trying not to confess Lily had been preoccupied and hadn’t noticed the beautiful satin dress and the way the curled hair tumbled down over her shoulders, the damn thing was green. She’d gone against her every instinct and wore green to match the wedding, or most likely Lily and her stupid bowtie, and she was about to break her heart.

She takes another step and Red holds her hand up – Nope. I heard your cousins talking. - Panic strikes in Lily’s chest, is that what had happened? Is that why she had left the party without saying goodbye? Granny was the most prepared woman in the world she wouldn’t forget anything. Lily starts climbing the steps two at a time, a bit desperate to at least tell the story herself and Red pouts – I was just fixing up, for later. I know you were out yesterday and then I’m sure Regina pestered you all night, and today you had to make sure people crossed the portals. You’re tired. I was just putting on fresh sheets and finding this windy noise ten-hour youtube video, and you know making it cold but not too cold, that kind of shit. So we can sleep.

- What? You were- what?

Lily drops herself on the bed to stare up at Ruby, she’s no longer drunk enough to stab a knife into her heart, not after all that tweaking to allow her a long night of sleep. – Did Emma tell you I left or something? I told her I was gonna come back. Regina and Mal are gonna think I’m super rude. Did you tell them you were coming to get me? – Lily can barely understand what’s going on and Ruby comes closer chuckling and pulls the bowtie from under her collar, undoes another two buttons – Babe don’t get me wrong, all this? Very tempting. But you looked super banged up all the reception and I know the forest, it’s beautiful but all that barely surviving can tire anyone. Welcome back to the 21^st century, we have sweatpants. - Lily can only watch as she unzips her dress reaching for a couple pajamas on the dresser and tosses her one with a smile – You’re so quiet. Start talking, how many mythical creatures did you see?

She really was tired because she fell into the shittiest fitful sleep quickly even when deeply anxious she was gonna start talking in her sleep or something. Barely 9 PM and she was dead to the world. And the one kinda advantage to winter in the north is that the sun lets her sleep a little bit more, it’s past 8 AM when she blinks her eyes open, fully rested, stone cold sober and with the weight of Ruby on her chest.

She tries to flip her to the empty side of the bed but halfway through the flipping Ruby holds on with the strength of an army and pulls her down – I am a creature of the night. I don’t like being moved around before noon in my off days – She releases her as she pops her joints – But it’s not your fault, it’s the first time we actually wake up together.

- Guess we’re biologically incompatible – She stands to pick up her folded suit, maybe she can ghost someone in the two squared feet that make up Storybrooke, one invisibility spell and she’d be good to go.

- Wait, what was that?

How hard can it be to be the piece of shit she’s always been? She turns around holding her clothes and Ruby’s confused face meets her from the bed, all crazy hair too. It’s hard. She looks around the room for any more seats. There’s none. Standing up and clutching dress shoes it is – Ruby, I like you a lot but maybe we should kinda… stop. Seeing each other.

She sits up but keeps quiet for a long while - I don’t understand… are you breaking up with me? Over what?

Lily was a fool to think she would take that line at face value - There’s no reason… - she doesn’t have to know and get all fucked up over it

- So what? You just don’t give a fuck about me anymore? – She moves to climb out of the bed and Lily takes a step back, it only angers her more – You were gone for a month! Do you know how excited I was to see you again?

- Ruby I just... you know- she backs away towards the door and in one second Ruby is blocking it somehow. Out of bed and with her back to the door, arms crossed.

- No. I’ve been nothing but kind, patient and loving with you. You’re going to explain what I did to you with big girl words. Was it before you left? Because I know you were talking to Emma in the mirrors and you never showed up in mine

- Mom would get me Emma- Her other route of escape is the window, she could turn right outside, after jumping, but it’d probably wreck power lines and hedges and she can’t carry her clothes that way either

Ruby clamps a hand over her forearm when he sees her as much as glancing at the window - Regina chased Snow through reflective surfaces in the fucking middle ages, she could’ve found me here if you asked. Cut the bullshit. Someone did something and if it wasn’t me… what did you do? – Lily keeps quiet, clutching her clothing some more – do you suddenly want to move back out of town? Is this a weird moment of self-doubt that we need to talk through? Dorothy again? Did you meet someone? – Lily’s expression changes for one millisecond and Red collapses against her door with a sigh, lets her arm go – Okay then, you’ll go back to the Enchanted Forest to be with some random woman you met in the month you were away, is that it?

- No, Ruby, it’s not like that at all – She drops one of her shoes and bends down exasperated, it would’ve been so easy for her to be sad and let her leave - This is a waste of time! You do have some chick you’re meant to be with, go do that.

She holds one finger up and points at her - You met someone. Your heart rate picked up when I asked. If you’re leaving me for someone else, the least you can do own up to it, you coward. What’s your plan? Disappear and hope people won’t notice? Bring her here and hope people don’t know basic math?

If she had learned teleportation already she’d be out of there by now - Look, there’s no one else! Just let this go! We’re not in love! We’re just dating… and it’s a waste of your time, I’m kinda done with it…

- You know you can’t strike gold on relationships, right? It takes work. Like, one good month doesn’t mean it won’t get boring – she motions between them – or whatever in a while and then what? You cheat on her too?

- I didn’t meet anyone! – she averts her eyes for one second

At that Ruby growls, and her eyes flash yellow while she takes one step towards Lily - Yes, you did! Just admit it! Don’t lie to my face!

Her own fucking animal nature gets offended at being growled at and she takes a step forward herself, eyes in a normal color she hopes - Fine! Fine. I cheated on you, I fucked someone. I fucking wanted to break up with you without telling you and you wouldn’t fucking let me, now can I go? – She reaches to pull her to the side, so she can get to the door, but Ruby still won’t budge

- So what’s her name? Why didn’t you invite her to the wedding? It was the perfect opportunity for all of us to meet your new boo–

She swallows the snarl crawling up her throat, she has no right to get angry at all – Ruby it didn’t mean shit. I’ll never see her again. And for what it’s worth, I would’ve liked to keep dating you for whatever stretch of infinite time, but I fucked that up. We can’t stay together.

- No shit Sherlock. – She barks out. – So what? You were drunk, she came onto you, you just went along with it and when you realized you were on your back on a straw mattress, was that it?

She wasn’t drunk, and she’s the one that willingly crossed the room to talk to that woman bypassing even the smallest nicety of asking for her name, and she had a very nice smaller castle thingy nearby, great mattress. But none of that is information she should disclose – Does any of that matter?

- Yes, it fucking does. Because you once said you need to be drunk to fuck people and it took me past a month to break you out of that, so I want to know what the fuck happened. Did you find Aphrodite herself walking around or something? Make me fucking understand.

It’s probably the same with wolves, and Ruby had met one pack of wolves when she was younger, she had told Lily that. So maybe she would understand - She was a dragon. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

- Excuse me, what? – Or she wouldn’t understand, at all.

- Ruby I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or anything, you’re beautiful and I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing anything. You’re fucking great, the best girl I’ve ever met, the only one I’ve really given a shit about, really. But in that moment, everything in my body wanted to, and my mind just went ‘why not?’

- Why not? – She growls again and reaches for her own sweatshirt on Lily’s body, clutching it in her fist - Because you had a fucking girlfriend, you sociopath.

An enlightened feeling suddenly reaches Lily, maybe this is how Mal felt when she killed that dude the other time. It had kinda been an animal reflex she had to stave off, until she didn’t. She pries Ruby’s fingers off her one by one - It was my last day there, and it had happened before. I was just like, back home I can probably get another girlfriend, what are the odds I’m gonna find another dragon? – Lily grimaces a soon as it leaves her mouth, sometimes honesty is the worst policy. 

- You… - Ruby gapes at her for one second before she reaches out to shove her back, suddenly too close – You absolute, steaming pile of shit. Well good fucking luck on the search for your new interchangeable girlfriend. I hope your romantic night fucking a stranger by the candle light was worth it!

Her path to the door is finally cleared and she hesitates in taking the step forward- Ruby, I really am so sorry

- Don’t ever come near me again or I will probably tear your limbs from your torso.

It makes sense that she would really. Lily trudges down the stairs hoping to avoid any human contact until she gets home.

Chapter Text

Regina’s hand darts out to shut off her alarm as soon as it goes off, most days she wakes up just a minute before it does and there’s no point on letting it screech the house down. Not that there’s anyone else in the house besides the two inhabitants of the bed, the other one still sleeping against her side. It is a rare opportunity that the northern hemisphere is giving her, before Mal can be disturbed any other way Regina moves to straddle her and pulls the covers off them both. She shivers as the cold hits her skin but knows it won’t be there for long, gone as soon Mal wakes completely up.

She twitches a bit under her and Regina assigns herself the task to kiss her awake, using her fingers to pass softly over every ticklish spot on the naked body under hers and trailing a path from one shoulder to the other with her mouth until Mal groans under her and she can sit up with a wide smile– I love winter!

- Yes, I love you too – Mal is barely awake and tries to shift back to laying on her side, almost toppling Regina off her

It takes gargantuan strength to fight back but she has decades of horseback riding under her belt and pins her down, hands skimming up her torso – See, in winter my alarm beats the sun. And I get the pleasure of teasing you awake – she bends down to kiss one nipple while her hand pulls on the other and it seems to do the job

She groans, sitting up swiftly using one arm to hold onto Regina and the other to prop herself up– What time is it?

 - What is it to you? I’m awake.

Mal sighs - Ah, mere vengeance it is then.

Regina chuckles and readjusts herself on her lap, casually grinding on whatever surface of Mal she can to do so – Maybe I just need you to fulfill your wifely duties

- I’ll just lay here and look pretty then, is that all? – she lets herself fall down on the bed again, trying to reach for the discarded duvet, but her smile betrays her words and Regina moves some more on top of her, grabbing both her hands and guiding them to her waist, Mal rubs her thumbs over the soft skin there with a yawn – you just keep rutting dear, I’ll wake up in a minute.

There’s an hour and a piece before the sun comes up, and they utilize every second in that time frame, but they have not eaten in hours and if they want to take a trip anywhere they have to leave that bedroom eventually. Still, dressing up isn’t a requirement for a quick breakfast and they barely tie on their robes to go downstairs, Regina clinging to Mal’s back to prevent her to go head first into the fridge and eat some raw piece of meat that would ruin the mood completely. The blonde can carry her anywhere easily and it shows, she laughs as she drags her without any resistance, Regina’s feet doubling their speed under her to keep up.

They make it one step into the kitchen before Lily turns away from the stove humming and hits the brakes with a grimace, the shimmering bubble around her fading as she waves a spatula at them, her phone shouting music out– Like, I know you have nipples, but I hate seeing proof. – And she hasn’t even noticed the state of their hair and the length of the robes

Mal looks down, it’s cold in the house. How had she even snuck in without them noticing? Regina pops up from behind her to speak up – Good morning dear. We’ll be right back down after we change.

Regina starts backing away and tries to pull Mal with her, but she puts up a fight - I resent that, it is too early for child-rearing

- Hardly child-rearing if she’s well past thirty.

Mom! Well past? – That’s a mom aimed straight at Regina, who chuckles behind Mal, holding onto her tighter.

- You should have seen her dive straight for the poisonous groves because they smelled funny, time and time again. It felt like taking a five-year-old for a stroll – Lily huffs on her spot and Mal smiles – This breakfast effort is hardly necessary. We should be going to an outing with the others, brunch is it? I would loathe to ask either of you to cook for all our family.

Regina laughs - And you would loathe to cook.

- You know me so, dear wife.

Lily frowns, spatula still in her hand, eggs in an critical moment to be either scrambled or allowed to be an omelet - So, you’re buying us brunch?

Regina tuts - With my money

- Our money, where the law is concerned. I did not sign any prenup. If I leave, I’m taking half of everything. – She turns to smirk Regina’s way and it wreaks havoc on the integrity of the knot that tries to hold her robe closed - Lily, notify the others. The diner in one hour.

Regina pulls the rogue lapel back in place and smiles - One and a half, to account for our attempt at a joint shower

- God. – The bacon frying on the other stovetop stops looking edible suddenly. And then she remembers something worse. – I can’t show my face in Granny’s. So I’ll just… cook.

It’s a lot of toast and a lot of eggs and a lot of bacon and sausage and all other hints of meat in the freezer, not one single pancake or waffle, but the dragons eat with gusto every scrap of breakfast food in their house, Zelena came with her own green smoothie for her newfound diet and by the time Emma and Henry arrive to the house cereal is all Lily can offer them, maybe the milk survived. Regina watches her children go into the kitchen and crawls back onto Mal in the seat she chose well before she knew she’d have to accommodate for another grown adult in the chair.

Emma smiles - Aw, cute. So, what are we doing? – She just sits on the floor to avoid navigating the room and getting mauled by the tiny dragons piled onto each other mid-nap under the coffee table, thank god for sturdy furniture.

- Excuse me, why is the back-up fanny allowed to stay but Robin couldn’t come?

- Your shitty boyfriend is the back-up fanny. Anything goes wrong in here and the soulmate failsafe gets triggered. – Emma lifts a finger Zelena’s way and settles down more comfortably – I am family.

- The back-up fanny? What…? - Gunda frowns, but no one clarifies because Henry saunters back in with two bowls of cereal, and Lily drops herself in the chair she’d vacated to go reach the high cupboards for him, the ones with the sugar.

Regina sighs – Please, disregard them. You were telling us about your night in the… caves?

Gunda smiles for what seems like the first time – There were all kinds of trinkets there! There was this thing, two wheels, metallic binding between them, no remains of a carriage nearby… Very exciting.

- A bike? People camp and hike and stuff nearby, maybe we should get a cleaning crew to pass by? Send Mr. and Mrs. Forest! – She tilts her head towards Zelena, it was much better when the hate manifested in snarling, - Why didn’t you stay at Granny’s? – her granola-based cereal bowl sloshes as she adjusts her position – Why didn’t we eat at Granny’s?

A room full of dragons exchanging looks wouldn’t fly under anyone’s radar. Emma, Zelena and Henry perk up at the possibility of drama and the redhead smirks – Okay then, a game of guess is it? I’ll start. You all noticed baby Reggie and the waitress had slunk away in the middle of the party, much like her mothers, and lord, if she couldn’t come home she could only go to that excuse of a hotel. With your super-hearing, the caves were a much better option.

Henry’s intently staring at his plate after that and Regina notices right away. She was about to shut Zelena up, expecting him to ask a question, it should’ve flown over his head, that it didn’t doesn’t bode well for the future. Emma holds her spoon up – I’ll play. That doesn’t make a lot of sense because Lily can handle a silencing spell and if she couldn’t there’s Granny, she would hear too.

Lily snaps in her seat – Stop it!

Sybilla surprisingly tries to help, shooting a look Lily’s way, but pointing at the table – The children can’t be trusted around most fabrics just yet. A few more years and we can stay at this inn you speak of.

Zelena laughs right over that– Touché. But what about the meal? One of us must’ve done something to upset one of the wolves then. Henry, did you break something costly?

- Did not!

Emma wags her spoon and the drops of milk just fly around - I bet Regina criticized the food.

Mal is infinitely amused by the whole thing and Regina wants to elbow her in the gut for it, she tightens the hold she has on one of her hands, significantly - Perhaps we just wanted to be at a private setting, the patrons would’ve been gawking at this

Zelena tuts – Sissy, if you wanted us here there would be a feast prepared. Henry was with Swan and neither would say no to an outing to Granny’s, so it’s one of the other two who objected. So, which one?

Henry pipes up, his bowl surgically clean, the last bowl of lucky charms. Pity. - Granny and Mal are friends, she’s told me.

Mal smiles at him and Emma sighs, how is he so bad at this? - And she’s not friends with Lily? She’s dating Red! Take this seriously kid, where’s the spirit that found out about the curse?

- Well since they were both gone for the longest while and we were busy yesterday, Granny still likes them both because there’s no time for them to fight, and Mal isn’t going to get mad at Granny for any reason. So, I say it’s Lily who didn’t want to go because she doesn’t want to see Red or the other way around, because of something that happened yesterday after they left the party early.

Mal lifts her hand to tap her nose in his direction and he beams on the floor by Emma and holds his hand up for a high five. He gets a surprised one from her and the dragons chuckle at the peculiar sight while Dannica speaks up, breaking her glacial expression, how Mal describes the woman as warm is beyond Regina – He is quite intelligent. He would make a fine King. – She’s nice, at best.

- But only marvelous things happened after they departed early, without a word and with haste – Trivio pipes in with a leer towards Lily – Isn’t it so cousin?

Gunda glares at him – Are you mad?

- Well surely, she wasn’t to tell her immediately, in a night of celebration. She would be a fool to do so! Did you not see the wolf we speak of? I would postpone the making of a fur for an entire month if that was the beast to slay.

Mal whispers in Regina’s ears – He’s as delightful as his father. – It makes her smile, even as Gunda gets riled up

- You are both foul!

Emma waves both her arms - I’m so lost, what the fuck is happening?

- Miss Swan – Regina chastises her

- Aren’t they discussing killing Red? A little cursing is the least of our issues here.

Regina rolls her eyes at her and points - You know better -

Well Gunda and Trivio keep on bickering, and Mal, her sister and mother have a silent conversation with their eyes, Emma and Regina keep going back and forth about cursing with Zelena’s commentary running in the back and Henry just kinda stares at Lily until she breaks with a grunt - I cheated on her, and I told her and now I can’t ever go back to the goddamn restaurant.

Zelena’s cackle rings over the sudden silence, Lily’s a bit comforted by the sound - That’s all? Cheating? Whatever happened to our family sissy? Mother would be appalled.

- Mother is bad line of reference, Zelena.

She rolls a wrist - At least she would’ve walked in there and ordered waffles like nothing happened and your carpet wouldn’t have stains from the princess’s clumsiness – Emma, good at practical magic, cleans the spilled milk right up with a covert raised finger

- See, mother would never eat a waffle, you’d know that had you actually known her

The entire thing is out of everyone’s hands but that’s a confusing bit of information for her new mother-in-law - You two did not grow up together? – She is afraid of what could’ve happened if they had then

– They are growing together as we speak, mother. - Mal drops her head against the seat more comfortably while she chuckles and brings Regina closer, somehow – And while we didn’t get to have a grandiose meal of what this realm has to offer at least we are all together.

It would be a nice note to end on, and the day would’ve gone on. But instead an awkward silence sets over the room and without the distraction of food all it does is make Lily’s ears ring as she contemplates the mess before her. She had honestly traded her newfound peace for like two hours of fucking some girl in the medieval ages, it had been an absolutely mind-blowing couple of hours but god, at what cost? Emma was probably gonna straight up ditch her when she was forced to pick a side on the divorce and Granny would now be mad at Mal and Regina too, after they’d gone through years for these people to like them. She certainly used to hate the parents of the little shits she encountered in life as much as the little shits. Even when the planet doesn’t conspire to fuck her up, she fucks herself up. Before the thing can get even more awkward she stands and walks out of the room, all the way to the edge of the property where the woods start to calm herself down.

It does nothing. Specially because her body refuses to tune out the ongoing conversation and she doesn’t have the willpower to cast a spell, not when they’re talking about her. Emma dismisses Henry who tramples upstairs, probably super upset, before she starts – Well, what the fuck?

- Miss Swan, this is hardly any of your business.

- It kinda is my business, she's my friend. And yours, ish.

- Be that as it may, their relationship is not ours to discuss.

Sybilla, who’s barely spoken a word since being mesmerized by a pop tart, speaks next – And surely, we’re making too big of a thing out of this.

- Mother!

- Oh sweet, I know your wound is fresh, but you’re less than a century old, so is your cousin. You will overcome.

Zelena chuckles - Oh, I do like the way you think. However, I think Miss Swan’s concern is with the other one, not Lily.

- For once in your lifetime, you’re right. Lily’s always extra angsty, so what she’s storming out of rooms? Red must be really fucked up, sorry I don’t give a shit about your daughter’s ego right now. I wanna hear some reasoning.

Dannica agrees – It is quite the breach of trust, devastating to the one at the other end of the sword. Was it the one who helped you children home after the attack?

- Not even, just some physical fling. Which is why she did not need to disclose it to the wolf. – Trivio’s voice booms through the walls – If she wanted to end their liaison, she could have done it without the added harm.

- If she wanted to? Oh dude you fucking suck. I thought you were cool.

Mal’s voice rings out, calm like she always is - Honesty is the best policy. Regina knew, therefore I knew. You all knew. If any of us had let it slip it would have been worse. You need to learn to live with the consequences of your actions nephew, dreadful as they may be. There’s honor in the fixing.

- This is not cowardice, it is about sparing the girl some suffering. Tell me, have you never told a merciful lie?

Zelena tuts happily – My favorite fun fact. Regina was married when they started shagging, no one told the King and he died a happy man, until the poison kicked in of course. You’re oddly quiet, sis.

She laughs – You want to call me out for cheating on a man thrice my age who regularly beat and raped me?

- Well you let a man thrice your age beat you?

Mal speaks again, coldly. – I am sure she’s joking. She wouldn’t dare imply anything done to that man was undeserved. Am I right? –

Zelena must be either waggling her eyebrows or staring daggers at Mal, no inbetween - You know me, always in jest.

Regina goes on as if nothing was said - I am worried for Miss Lucas as well, and I don’t condone Lily’s actions. But the first time you went to the Enchanted Forest you dragged the pirate and my mother back here so honestly? This should be insignificant to us. She was going through some sort of biological phenomenon and doubting her relationship, drunk on the magic around her… young, foolish, had spent a month away from your oh so balancing presence. I’m sure it’s complex.

- That sounds a lot like condoning Regina. Biological? What? She couldn’t help it? I bet the girl had a miniskirt on, was that it? It’s just so hard to not fuck people... If you can’t tell, I’m getting really pissed at how chill you all are about this.

Mal sighs - We’re all, mostly, in agreement. It was a horrible thing to do, we can barely follow her reasoning, and coming clean was the only way to go about it. It’s the crucifixion we don’t see eye to eye on. But this is our child, we’re allowed to be biased.

Sybilla pops up again - The what now?

- Oh it’s most interesting! There’s this form of organized cult here on earth, religion. Like in the Enchanted Forest, but more prevalent…-

It snaps something in Lily, hearing Zelena launch herself into her half-assed explanation of Catholicism for the tourists while Emma and Regina probably glare at each other and Mal checks out entirely of the situation counting dragons in her mind or whatever other meditation technique she constantly engages in. She crosses the back yard in a frenzy, running right through the kitchen and up to the living room where they are scattered around with a fire roaring like it’s a hallmark fucking movie. She stops abruptly and heaves out a growl – Shut the fuck up! What I do is none of your business! – She turns to Emma – You’re not even related to us, you need to go home right the fuck now. – Back to the stunned faces looking up at her from the seats – And all of you, literally killing like living sentient creatures to roast them and eat them, enslaving some people because they don’t uphold some shitty deal, why would you even think you can give me shit for cheating?

- Oh cousin, some of us weren’t-

- You shut the fuck up too! You’re a piece of shit, at least I’m not proud about it!

Mal taps Regina on the side and they both stand, the blonde moving to her with one arm out to grab onto hers, she speaks firmly – Lily, please stop.

- No! This entire thing is way out of fucking line! You don’t get to sit here and talk about me and that’s it? I just gotta take it? Plus, this is all your fault, you guys kept introducing me to people and you kept telling me it wasn’t gonna work between us and that my body was doing whatever the fuck. – She points this way and the other, voice raised to the point of the twins twitching under the coffee table, before zeroing on Mal – I am done listening to your fake fucking wisdom, I don’t need you, so keep your opinions to yourself and fuck off. – It makes her mother stop in her tracks for once and in the deep recesses of Lily’s mind a voice tells her that that was way out of line but it’s a lot to take and she only gets the time to exhale once

Regina marches from behind Mal then and reaches her, her voice grave and her eyes set on hers – Do not speak to your mother, or any of us, like that again.

She sputters, what kind of alternate dimension is this? Is she a kid again? – Are you losing your fucking mind? I’m thirty-two! I can speak to whoever I want however I- By the time she finishes the sentence she’s in the kitchen, shouting at the fridge.

Regina releases one long breath with her eyes closed and her fist clenched while Mal recovers from the few last minutes. It’d be tense, but her mother laughs – That was very cathartic to witness. Almost poetic in nature.

-  Mother, I am sorry you had to raise four of us. – She sits back down and lets Regina pass a hand over her hair for a moment

Sybilla chuckles on her seat before reaching for the waking tiny dragons – I’ll have you know I was a delight to raise.

She dumps herself on one of the kitchen stools and drops her head to the marble counter before her, covering it with her arms to refrain from sobbing as loudly as she wants to. She knows she’s a piece of garbage, it’s hardly necessary for them all to fucking discuss it at the round table. In a minute Regina appears in front of her, and starts pacing on the other side of the island. Lily can hear the steps going back and forth while she probably finds a way to tell her to be gone ASAP. She balls her fists up above her head and tries to stop the congestion in her nose and the ringing on her ears, clenching her eyes as hard as possible as well but it doesn’t seem to work too much.

Regina rounds the island and pulls her arms to their normal position by her sides – Please, have a little dignity. – She pulls on her shoulders next to get her sitting up and makes sure her posture is straight – Zelena has a point. Mother’s methods were misguided but the lessons she imparted are priceless. What you lack the most is grooming. See, us sociopaths are successful members of society because we are house trained. Without it you're just - She motions at her with a sneer 

Lily chances a glance to Regina’s face and it is thunderous, so she looks right back down - I uh- I- I’m sorry?

- For what?

- Like, losing it? – She sniffs before anything slimy can leave her nose and Regina’s eyes narrow on hers, making her voice crack some – It just was so much, I’m private with my shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you and mom and-

Regina holds her hand up and it silences her right up. - This kind of gossip sessions are what happens when you have a family. It is not ideal, but it is what it is. – Regina crosses her arms then, Lily can tell she’s still pretty pissed but she’s still concerned about her, it’s nice. Like Mal was, right before she told her to fuck off - You have shown more grief at being criticized that at the whole trampling over Ruby’s heart. Exactly how callous were you last night?

Lily scratches at her forehead and darts her eyes to the door between them and the rest of interested dragons, but if Regina wanted a spell she would’ve cast a spell, so she explains – I couldn’t do it last night… we just slept, but still. And then this morning I told her It happened because I was curious and that the issue wasn’t her… but it was a fucking mess. You know, ‘cause I was born to fuck up. - She lets out a long breath and slouches on her seat, already starting to wiggle her leg so it’ll turn, her go-to nervous tick when on the kitchen stool

Regina nips that right in the bud, holding onto the stool’s side – You were born to rule. – She moves to force Lily to straighten her back again and lifts her chin with two fingers to be able to look her in the eye – I want you to stop losing it as often as you do and stating your age just as you’re about to behave like a child. This scale between an angry misfit and crumbled mess is not cute, add some variety to the personality shelf, will you? – She releases her. – When you were drifting through the world I bet you used this kind of outburst often, a triumphant exit of sorts. Well not anymore. These people are fixtures in your life now. Get your shit together.

- Y- yes. – Not even a pity pat on the shoulder, she really fucked up this time around.

Regina gives her a once over and takes a step back - Stand like you want to be standing. – Lily stands all right, back straight even. But uneasy still – No jittering. Shoulders back, chin up, firm stride, direct eye contact. Do not stutter, do not backtrack, cursing loses its emphasis when you indulge in every sentence. - It goes completely against her natural desire to keep a low profile and do her thing without people bothering her, but she has to admit she enjoys the puffing out a bit, feels like when she’s gotten to push on people that don’t think she can until she does; even looking at Regina like that in her soft clothing and with her three inches less is enjoyable, she looks even cute. That lasts two seconds tops. The woman turns her full attention to her face and that eye contact she needs to hold gets a lot harder – See what will happen is that today Mal’s family will leave and tomorrow Mal and I will go in our honeymoon, Henry will stay with Emma and you’ll stay here by yourself, a pariah once word gets around roughly half an hour after the woman whose heart you broke calls Snow White, it probably already happened, and you’ll have only a busy Zelena for company. This sounds daunting, but if we come back here and you have run away not only will we be inconsolable, I will be very disappointed. We do not want that. This won’t kill you, but it will make you miserable for a while, don’t give the townspeople the satisfaction of a public display like the one you just gave. You will conduct yourself like someone who has sense and decorum and fix this mess with your chin up, firstly with the room of people you just yelled at, then with Ruby, with Granny, you might even have to apologize to Snow to keep the peace. I do not care. There are outside consequences to your actions, your self-loathing sessions fix none of them. Are we clear?

- Yeah – Mostly. What’s decorum? But what else was she gonna say?

Regina releases her from the prison of being under her gaze for a second, she turns around like she’s casually sweeping her eyes over the kitchen appliances - What will you do first?

- Um, go tell the others that I’m sorry I was rude

She pins her down with another glare - No ums

- Yeah, yes. No Ums. – She straightens her back some more and it does nothing to fix Regina’s demeanor

- And don’t make me monologue ever again.

She nods and takes one deep breath - I’m sorry, for yelling at you earlier.

- Quaint. Do better with the others.

As expected, dragons have tough hide and they were more amused than anything else at the whole situation. It seems they were really fond of Lily after their time together and as the (third) youngest of their clan she is just a cutie for at least another five decades. Regina opens them a portal and they go one by one without as much as one emotional good bye like they’d be seeing Mal and Lily the next day instead of god knows when. Regina hands the one temporarily human baby to her mother with a wave and sees them disappear as the bright revolving circle closes in itself and sighs at the kicked expression on Lily’s face, Emma had not been quite as responsive to her repentance and had left after confirming when she should come by to pick up Henry without a glance Lily’s way, it probably hurt. And Zelena, flexing her magic muscles, had transported right out with a cackle, on brand. But Regina is still far from the merciful version of herself so she just taps Lily’s back twice on her way in and nods when Lily straightens it under her hand.

She sprints up to her room, her apology to Mal drained every single cell of her body, eye contact is a bitch and the sheer energy it takes to stop herself from breaking down in tears in front of her warrants a good, long, exhaustion nap. To recharge for her 'I am a piece of shit' world tour she plans to do late in the afternoon, after Emma’s had a snack and when Ruby is tired enough to listen without trying to fight her on her shitty reasoning.

Thank god for blissful sleep because she misses as Mal follows Regina all the way up to their bedroom and traps her against the door as soon as it’s closed – I am inspired by what I’ve witnessed today, no strange teas or concoctions in any honeymoon of mine.

The breath that leaves Regina makes her lose an inch as she slumps against the door – After the mess that one just made?

- After you fixed it so expertly – She smiles, and it lasts for a while, to make it convincing – She doesn’t need me, we are good to go.

- Oh darling – It must’ve really wormed its way in her because Mal lets herself be led to the bed without any complaints, and lies down with no resistance as well – It’s always the ones we care about most that get it the worst when we lash out, we know they won’t leave and we try our hardest to test that. She loves you, more than she can handle.

- You’ve turned me soft - One long sigh leaves her and she burrows some more into Regina’s side, the padded sweater filled with Regina’s scent making a good place to rest – I hate to see her so fraught. And for you to have to resort to Cora's reasoning. 

- And I hate to see you so trodden one day after we married. – She finds a ticklish spot on the back of Mal’s neck and ghosts her fingers over it, smiling when she squirms without wanting to – C’mon, help me pack for our trip to rural Germany.

- It is not rural, it is just quaint.

She still stands swiftly, moving over Regina to go in the closet reminiscing about the snows in December she never lived through and dragging coats out, laughing at animal print gloves packed since the 80s and throwing lingerie out of the small adjacent room in outrageous numbers… Regina turns just enough she’ll be a good audience and as they start speculating about what being in a plane really feels like and how it compares to flying on a dragon she smiles because, even when the first half of her day was a disaster, it was the good kind of disaster. A room full of family to fight with is something she never expected to come after her teenage years.

Mal parades yet another lacey thing in front of her, distinctly not hers, and Regina chuckles – Do not test me, I will put a baby in you.

- Oh, I love to be threatened. – She tosses the get-up her way and winks, and all is well again.

Chapter Text

Mal enjoys ten minutes of her experience on the plane, well exactly nine minutes and fifty-eight seconds from take off to when she turns to Regina with sad eyes because she can only see one side of the landscape and the clouds are nothing of interest if a metal monster is slicing through them with its static wings. It’s hilarious if Regina does say so herself, she’s enjoying her ten minutes just fine, browsing the catalogue for movies to watch before she can fall asleep without it being embarrassing. She drags Mal’s hand over to her, intertwining their fingers together and fighting off a laugh, it’s hardly anything to be excited about, specially when one has flown the more organic way but surely it could be worse. She urges her to think of the people without room to stretch and Mal nods solemnly, propping up her long legs up on the space in front of her and settling in for the hours of traveling they have ahead, head squarely on Regina’s shoulder and shoes already kicked off.

It’s basically a bed, and from general experience with her fake memories and pop culture It cannot be representative of any type of traveling. The pretty blonde woman who helped them settle in pops up again and offers to bring them what they’d like. Regina asks for mimosas and popcorn as her finger hovers ominously over how to train your dragon and the girl goes, peppily. Mal darts forward to pick the movie next to it, one with a murderer, - I do love how you are risking bankruptcy with these tickets – She cannot even see the people who’d come in with them and got in the other booths

- Bankruptcy? Please – She laughs and tunes in completely into the movie, she does love a murderer, they’re all so terribly written, and blood doesn’t move quite like they think it does.

- I’m just living my dream right now, I always wanted to marry rich and be a trophy wife.

Regina lifts their joined hands to lay a kiss on the back of them and chuckles as the man on the screen guts the first unwitting teenager just before the title screen flashes – I will buy half of Berlin for you, if you so desire.

The girl comes back then, to deliver their refreshments and Mal gives her one second to remove herself – Darling stop, I have to live with this underwear for the next ten hours.

- Your first mistake was wearing any underwear at all.

Mal sits up slightly then, to glance around – How private are these booths?

Regina reaches for the popcorn laughing and hands it to her, shaking her head slightly – If you get us banned you’re taking the vintage way back. Bus to the nearest port and then a month in a ship filled with fish guts.

- You are the one who started something you can’t finish! - Mal sighs dramatically on her spot sipping at her drink with her free hand and adjusting the popcorn on her lap

The plot unravels before them and Regina releases her hand to point excitedly at the screen – I bet this one will die first.

Mal moves, turning to the screen and lifts her arm for Regina to get under it, and Regina goes willingly, changing the hand holding the mimosa and lifting the free one to tangle with Mal's over her shoulder absentmindedly. Mal will need to find an optimum time to suggest they get a TV for their room. It is very comfortable. – Of course he will, he’s black

They have access to the lounge room in London while they wait for the second half of their flight and Regina powers up her laptop to check on Henry as soon as she’s settled but it seems Emma’s house comes with the privilege of sleeping well into noon, so she entertains the idea of checking on Lily briefly but refrains, glancing Mal’s way and motioning to the computer, not that she realizes for a moment since she’s entertained with a man all the way to the back. Regina pinches her arm – Will you facetime Lily? 

- Oh, she’s fine. – she lifts her phone in her hand, texts on its screen, and narrows her eyes in the man’s direction – I think he’s looking at you.

Regina eyes him for a second and he shifts his gaze, so she turns back trying to read the messages on the screen – No, he’s not. Maybe he’s looking at you.

- Dear I am wearing sweatpants. He’s looking at you.

The screen turns black and Regina reaches for the padded fabric with a smile and drags herself closer to Mal, shaking her head of anything not-honeymoon – You look absolutely delicious in your sweatpants. Don’t sell yourself short.

Mal wants to tell her she knows she looks just fine in the sweatpants, but the man stands and it raises her shackles - Oh, he’s coming over, prepare to fight. Are you wearing your ring?

Regina laughs, gesturing with her thumb towards her wedding band and only about 30% ready to fight some stranger in an airport for whatever reason Mal is anticipating, can’t they be normal out in the real world? The man approaches with a backpack on tow even, and smiles brightly in what is clearly not Regina’s way. She supposes she could maim him easily if he chooses not to take no for an answer, but then what? They become fugitives. A verbal scolding will do. No need for too much excitement in what should be a calm, winter magic trip.

He reaches them and leans down to hug Mal – Mallory! wie geht es dir?

She gives him an instant shove - Ich kenne dich von irgendwoher? – She frowns for a second turning to her wife – Regina, I speak German.

- I would suppose you do, german as you are.

The man looks between them with a confused frown - Ich bin es, Ulrich. – He points to himself, all earnest, and straightens up.

In one split second Mal’s face lights up and she stands to loop an arm around his shoulders, they’re both terribly blonde and tall, and it seems to amplify where theres a pair of them out in the wild . Regina raises an eyebrow at her and Mal pats his chest with her other hand – This is Ulrich! Ulrich this is Regina, my wife. – The giddiness she feels is equal parts the magic doing its thing and the exhilaration at the scope of the curse, did this man even exist before Regina cursed her? How can he remember her? She pats his chest again, marking a beat only they understand, and he chuckles – We used to date in high school.

- Lovely to meet you – His accent is heavy as he extends a hand to Regina and she takes it easily, train of thought very similar to Mal’s. How on god’s green earth can there be any memory of her? She eyes him curiously and he takes it with aplomb. Eyeing her a bit back before turning to Mal – America made you forget us… Are you going home or is this just a coincidence?

- We just married, and I want to show Regina some of the sights. – She releases him and sits again – What about you?

- I was on business here in London. My flight left me, in fact. – He looks down as he chuckles and pats down his perfectly pristine hair – Just until now I thought this was some sign… I hadn’t thought of you in years I think, and then a few months ago – he snaps his fingers and smiles pointing at Mal excitedly – you were all I could think of, that same day my mom asked about you... the kid with the blue hair too, remember? And then I see you here! Crazy. But you have a wife… – He chuckles again, and Regina’s mind bypasses all jealousy to process his words

- Excuse me, – she pops up from behind Mal and the blonde turns to give her more of a visual, reaching out to take her hand in the same move – So you didn’t remember her at all, and then one day you did? Do you have any mementos – his face turns confused and she amends – pictures maybe, something else?

 Mal chips in before he can become saddened she hadn’t even bothered to mention him to someone she married, first love and all. - I kept a few things through college – Or so her fake memory tells her, - But the box got lost in a move.

- There should be something in my old room. – The voice in the speakers announces their flight and he stands swiftly – We will check? Mom would love to see you.

Mal nods and gets up after him, picking both hers and Regina’s bags while the brunette closes her laptop and glances to check they weren’t leaving anything on the couch. Mal feels Regina tug on the zipper of the bag hanging from her arm to slip the computer in as she takes something else out and extends her hand for her to take. Regina complies with a chuckle, passing the passports to the other one – We can reach maximum efficiency if we have a four-hand capacity.

- Oh shush, how long could this urge to hold your tiny, cold hand last? Enjoy it while you can. If the flight attendant is as pretty as the last one I might pretend to not know you at all.

They hold hands well into the first kilometer of their drive from Berlin to the tiny town Mallory hails from but at some point frostbite becomes a concern of Regina’s and she takes a few minutes to find a pair of gloves in the part of her luggage that’s accessible and the moment her attention leaves Maleficent she falls asleep on her seat, head likely clattering against the car window until someone bothers to pull her away.

They had chosen to share the cab with Mal’s fake friend and he turns to her from the front seat holding out his own set of gloves – We are used to it. Right now it is okay, but you need to prepare! Christmas is hard for Americans…

- Oh no, - She locates her own gloves finally and pulls them out – We need to be home by christmas. I need time to plan Christmas for our children. so it’s a tight schedule already.

- There is children. – She catches him gaze wistfully out of the window as he puts his gloves back on, and refrains from laughing before realizing she’s made a huge mistake – What are their ages?

How old are they? Oh boy. She nudges Mal with her elbow so she’ll come save her from this – Early teens. Both adopted, obviously.

He glances back at her with a nod – When we were young we talked of marrying and having three kids after university.

Mal groans softly as she comes to and straightens up. pulling Regina closer with an arm over her shoulders and slipping her fingers into her gloves up to the palm and under the collar of her coat as far as they will go, to warm her up like god intended her to – And I was adamant on naming them after renaissance figures, like the ninja turtles. So, you my dear – she lays a kiss on top of Regina’s head before she can tug a designer beanie over it – retain all creative rights to our third one’s name.

- I want that in writing.

Regina has to admit it is straight out of a Christmas movie. She refrains from gluing herself to the window when they enter the village and the small wooden cottages start appearing sprinkled through greenery, lit with warm lights and with rooftops covered with snow inches thicker than it was back in Storybrooke. There’s some people sitting in porches with steaming mugs and kids kicking up snow here and there heavily bundled, and as the car slows down she can see some small store fronts lit but closed, pastries and winter items.

She waits until they’re off the cab and Ulrich has helped with their luggage and gone on his way to turn to Mal - This reminds me of The Enchanted Forest, somehow. If we had made it past strict candlelight.

- It is lovely. – She lugs around easily the four bags it took Ulrich two trips to dismount and glances at her – But not as lovely as you.

Regina rolls her eyes as she stands there, weightless but surely one pin drop away from her frozen body breaking into shards, magic is a functional furnace she supposes, out of town she's a mere mortal afraid to bend her fingers - That’s cute. Get me inside.

The hotel is a building made out of stone and wood, bigger than most around it but still small, and thrumming from the inside, that much is clear the minute Mal pushes one of the big heavy doors and Regina crosses the threshold. It’s a bar of sorts, or at least there’s a lot of people sharing drinks in big cozy seats and at least one woman with a tray. Regina walks behind Mal as she crosses the space easily, asking for room, clapping a few shoulders and grunting a few times and when they make it out of the rowdy bit there’s still another room of calmer drinkers to cross before the small one that holds the desk and a wall of keys in numbered shelves. There are only 20 but Regina’s mind still has trouble trying to comprehend where 20 rooms would be in such a place.

Mal greets the old woman jovially and she answers back with the same enthusiasm, it goes on for less than a minute before the mood drops and Mal frowns turning to her – She booked us a room with two twin beds.

- Darling, I would rather die.

- I know you would. - Mal chuckles and finally drops her burden on the floor to hug her close – Do you want to go try our luck somewhere else? – She takes one second too long to hesitate so Mal knows it is a no – Do you want me to verbally assault her for thinking my reservation was for siblings?

She takes one second to laugh at anyone looking at their passports and thinking siblings because of the last names and releases Mal – The website defeated you? – It was much better to call and make a reservation, but she had insisted on being modern - Tell her we’ll triple whatever the people in the room with the biggest bed are paying. She can move them somewhere else and make up an excuse.

Mal lets out a low hum with a smirk – Of course, My Queen. – She tugs her back in and barely looks up to glare at the woman eyeing them from the desk - Hör mir zu, du wirst bewegen, wer in dem besten Raum ist, den du hast. Wir werden dreifach zahlen. Ein Bett. Wir haben gerade geheiratet – She undermarks whatever that was with a wink and the woman sputters before calling some men from the back who scramble to pick up their bags from around them

Regina watches them go with a smile and turns to Mal – You are very German

- You are very powerful – For one split moment she gazes down at Regina with a small smile before deciding that yes, embarrassment is the way to go, it is their honeymoon after all. She bends down swiftly and picks her up by the waist, making her yelp and let herself be thrown over her shoulder – We have several layers to peel off you and I am in a rush.

The men who went one minute ahead of them can barely get the room open and the sheets stripped from the bed before Mal catches up to them carrying all hundred and something pounds of bundled-up Regina. Mal refuses to put her down even when in the room and they laugh with each other in their strange guttural language, one of them apparently one of Mal’s until-now fictional classmates surprised that girly and delicate Mallory can suddenly hold up a fully-grown human being that insists on wiggling in her arms to make the job harder. She explains the situation and he chuckles some more as he goes around her to greet Regina and lets the other two know they better fix up that room quickly.  

It does the job and soon enough she can toss Regina in the freshly washed duvet and climb on her making quick work of her own light jacket while Regina makes her best impression of herself in the midst of a bad mood – I don’t enjoy being tossed around.

- My dear, dear wife, being tossed is a hobby of yours – she stands, to get rid of all four snow boots present in the scene and Regina laughs on her spot pulling her legs this way and that, helping nonchalantly 

- We are not even going to unpack?

- You’re wearing half the luggage as it is. As long as it ends up on the floor, it’ll be unpacked

She sits up and huffs – You brought me to the north pole. My genetic pool craves the opposite of this, daddy was from far east, we are sunny people. - Mal climbs back up on the bed and smirks as she sits back and gives Regina space with a smirk, the woman breaks in less than a minute as predicted, and moves to get on top of her, kicking off the boot that’s barely holding onto her foot and straddling her, throwing both arms over her shoulders – You won’t even let me play hard to get?

- There are much more enjoyable ways you can punish me for robbing you of your beach vacation – She leans up to kiss Regina and manages to pry the coat off her shoulders with a smile. She can definitely forfeit being on top.

Regina winds her arms around Mal’s neck again and pulls back to take a breath, it comes out more like a deep, dramatic sigh – I wish you’d say it in german.

Mal laughs as she reaches back up to kiss her a few more times – Tired of understanding my witty remarks?

Regina gets rid of her own jacket, digging her knees in the bed for a moment – You are the most alluring when you sound like a mail order bride. – Mal laughs moving to take the sweater off her, and drops her hands to her legs to move them up and down with a bright smile so she’ll sit back down, and Regina melts, she did her few minutes of playing hard to get. It gets old. – I love you, very much. – She brushes off a stray curl off Mal’s face

- And I adore you.

A trip to the market means tasting several kinds of meat and beer in a short span of time and Regina complies as much as possible if only to see Mal’s excited expression as she buys yet another sausage she wishes will trigger a memory. She is having too much fun recalling Mallory’s life and giving her a tour of the spots she used to visit when she was some young version of herself that never quite existed. It is curious, people under the curse had memories of things that never happened but also 28 years of very real occurrences under their false identities, everything Mal recalls is false, and yet she drags her to a little alley with a grin on her face to inform her she had her first kiss there when she was 14 and her father was just on the other corner buying bread, hell bent on recreating it. Regina herself has no false memories swimming in hers, she woke up with knowledge of the world she was in and nothing to back it up; she spent a few days in the library learning everything she could about her fake identity through public records, and visiting a dragon that wouldn’t look her way, of course.

Dragon who now presses her face to the window of the house she didn’t grow up in to look inside, parents dead in a car crash when she was almost done with college, and the house empty ever since she chose to never go back. She kicks the frame of a side door a few times until a rusty key falls from between it and the wall, and she bends down to pick it up with a wink and a disregard for the decades of built-up dirt – In case of Ulrich-related emergencies

Regina chuckles as they go inside and Mal passes her hands over the dusty surfaces in the room with wide eyes, reaching for something with a smile – Regina, you truly are… remarkable.

Regina moves closer to look over her shoulder and see what it is she’s looking at. She remembers she can’t ever hope to do that and circles her wife, to see her holding up a picture frame. She’s dragged a hand over the dust and a girl can be seen, maybe Henry’s age, all unruly curls on a bike – Is that you? Did you ever look like that?

- I believe I did – Christ, it was so long ago since she’d been a child but she’s almost certain mirrors showed her that image when she was – How did you do this?

- I loathe to admit I can’t take the credit for most of the work… I just throw in some herbs in an oversized pot... say some words in an ancient language… ask for a few critical personality traits and such – She hands Mal the picture and reaches for another, a graduation one – I don’t design the lives or the towns… or the hairstyles – She holds up Mal’s monstrosity of a perm surely from the end of the 70s and laughs at her as she tries to yank it off – These are all coming back with us.

Her bedroom is a pink monstrosity under the faded yellow the dust has left and Mal cringes at the various items dropped around, specially the diary she finds hidden between the boards and the mattress, thankfully unreadable to Regina who still mocks the starry glittery design on the cover and points at a few other constellation inspired items as Mal remembers her obsession with the night sky and bends under the bed to take out an old telescope, metallic pink of course. She removes the covers to lay it down on the only slightly less dusty bedding underneath and laughs – Do you think Lily will want it?

Regina almost snorts – You’re passing down your fuchsia paraphernalia?

She eyes it almost forlorn before returning it to its place under the bed and laying across it with a contented sigh – Let’s defile my childhood mattress

Regina laughs as Mal resolutely uses her feet to remove some of the matted stuffed animals still standing, and moves to lay by her in the tiny bed, the fluorescent stickers in the ceiling coming into view – When did you last wash these sheets? Are you sure it was after the last Ulrich related emergency? They don’t aim too well in high school, I’ve heard

- How dare you? This bed is pure, pristine, untouched. You’d be the one and only. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. – Mal bounces a bit just to test its resistance and laughs, remembering something even worse – Unless we count my torrid love affair with my Olivia Newton John poster over there. – Regina turns to the mentioned picture and laughs a full belly laugh that makes her sit up –I was convinced if I went to school in America I might just meet her. If you love me, you will help my find my sticky copy of grease.

- I used to sneak up rags from the stables to think of Daniel.

- Whatever did you do with the rags?! - Mal turns to watch Regina rub her temples and gapes, reaching up to pull her back down and trap her in with a leg – I want fully fleshed out details.

- Me? I am not the strange one here – She laughs as Mal huffs with indignation and Regina starts wiggling her feet to a random beat – Summer loving, had me a blast. Summer loving, happened so fast.

She takes a sharp breath - You need to get me pregnant right now.

Every bit of knowledge is important, Regina realizes as Mal lets herself be rolled onto her back easily and with a laugh just because she surprises her with knowing the lyrics to a song from an old musical. She smiles as the last stuffed animal gets jostled off the bed and goes on - I met a girl crazy for me.

The lightbulb is long dead and the light coming in from the street lamps is tenous at best through the heavy fog and the dust-stained window but they stay under the old covers regardless, intertwined and breaking the silence every few minutes for very important matters like the trolls' language or that year Michael Jackson's Thriller came out and the world kinda stopped.

Central heating is barely missed when one is wrapped in the arms of a dragon and she never thought she would be so comfortable breathing in decades of stale air while laying on a layer of ancient dust, but Regina has no intentions of moving from her spot on Mal’s chest, with the strong heartbeat under her ear. – What do you think we’ll be doing in a century?

- Maybe we can take a trip to the moon. Imagine that, the marvels of the land without magic. – the astronomy enthusiast in her fake memories sings – But I am sure it will be mostly the same we do now; squeezing into twin beds, holding each other, hoping your hair will grow.

- Will you be combing it? - Mal grumbles by her side and she chuckles, laying a kiss on the skin closer to her – Then it is an accurate prediction. In a century it will continue to be short.

- What do you think we will be doing in a week?

- Paris. I have the tickets already.

She laughs for a few seconds and it makes her shake under Regina’s weight – Shopping? Perhaps we could use your newfound longevity to build a multi-billion empire of sorts, to support your hobby.

- Why don’t you find me a long-forgotten treasure? Make yourself useful.

- I will keep my nose open for any caves full of gold.

Somehow, she’d been roped into lunch with her wife’s ex-mother-in-law. Whatever it was on her plate at the moment she could not hope to enjoy it as much as Mal and Ulrich, and their conversation is obviously being weighed down by their desire to be polite and keep it in English so she’ll understand them. She’s not that interested if she’s being honest, everything they can discuss is fake and the few pictures of Mal they had are safely scanned. So, she excuses herself with a smile that lets them know she’ll be just outside.

The deck outside is enclosed in glass, the people in the small town well off if the obvious work of an interior designer in most of the windows she’d peered through is any indication. She takes a seat and wrestles her phone out of its place in the coat she wears even inside to hover her finger over Lily’s contact for a minute, before settling for Henry. Who’s perfectly fine and content without her being around apparently, and seems to worry more about the fate of Christmas than anything else, including Lily’s well-being, he's apparently barely been in the house and she looked 'Ok', he guesses. He’s forgiven so much of all of them for the sake of family that this small thing giving him any pause at all has to be the work of Snow and maybe Emma, always trapped in the middle. Regina urges him to go home a few nights, he can easily use the lack of parental supervision for some scheme and Lily wouldn’t let him die in the middle of the night, would she? It moves him a little.

But eventually, after checking some texts, her thumb goes back to hovering over Lily’s name, last message a grocery run inquiry sent before her and Mal’s own vacation. She doesn’t want to discuss anything via text but a phone call would expose her to the resentment Lily must be feeling after she scolded her, for all intents and purposes, in front of her family. Mal takes the phone of her hand and locks it without even a glance at the screen, sitting on the armrest and bending to lay one sweet kiss on her cheek before her new best friend appears in Regina’s field of view bearing a warm cup of coffee.

- Sorry to keep Mal, she’s just so fun! – He takes the seat across from hers and drops his feet on the strong wooden table between them

- Oh it’s fine. I would monopolize her time after decades without her as well. – She takes a sip of the coffee to find it like she takes it, surely Mal’s work. She can’t cook too well but coffee is something she gets just right.

It’s tea in Mal’s hand as she chuckles - Oh no, it will never come to that, ever. They’d have to hold me captive underground.  

- And what kind of monster would? – Regina’s earnest expression turns to the man before both of them

Ulrich nods as he mulls it over and Mal refrains from laughing at him – If it were the attractive kind of monster, maybe I’d allow it.

- Where will you find a monster more beautiful than her? – He tilts his head Regina’s way and shrugs

- There aren't any. Trust me, I'd know - Mal’s warm hand tickles the back of Regina’s neck, passing her thumb just under her hair line - I’ve come up in the world since school, have I not? – Regina presses her head back to get more warmth and Mal lets the smile in her voice come out in full bloom while Ulrich huffs

- You are always so mean to me. – His arms cross over his broad chest and Regina appreciates the boyish smile he has, he’s had an already good life made better with whatever memories of the happy child she wished Mallory to be, a white little lie that harmed no one. A new kind for them. – Regina, when you get tired of the mocking you know where to come find me.

They walk back to their cozy little hotel, Regina’s gloved hand entwined with Mal’s bare one, with more than one pit stop in the way to recall some other specific events in Mallory’s life. Regina’s only one scarf away from zero visibility but she obliges happily, in awe of the nostalgia in her wife’s voice as she retells the time she fell on a frozen poodle wearing thin pants and she had to go home with a gaping hole by her thigh. Maybe they should take Lily wherever she grew around so she can take a breath, away from the town’s prying eyes. Mal seems to want to recreate the scene though, sliding this way and that over the large, smooth stone that makes the step in the path and Regina’s mind drifts back to the moment and urges her to tug her away from the gathering snow, lest she breaks a bone and they don’t make it to Paris.

- What has gotten into you? - She gives her one stern look that would level Henry to the ground but Mal smiles

- You and your witchy, curse-y ways. - Regina raises a frozen eyebrow at her and she pulls her in, all the way to the sludge, for a kiss - English isn't my first language.  

Chapter Text

It is absolutely fucking freezing and worst-case scenario Regina has rigged up a camera in the hallway just to scold her for the exact thing she’s about to do. But since Regina isn’t home and she probably has better shit to do than check the theoretical recording Emma decided they might as well just pop in inside the house, bypassing freezing their asses off. Somehow that backfires. The house is at the same temperature that the outer world, every light is shut off, and she’s pretty sure the back door and a few windows are open.

Henry’s head retreats between his shoulders and he rushes upstairs to get what he wanted to get and probably a coat on top and Emma goes to the kitchen as she debates venturing into Regina and Mal’s room, risking her life for a borrowed designer coat, but she settles with remembering one long fluffy thing she left over the back of the couch and calling it to her, slipping it on as she looks around the place, far from spotless. She climbs the stairs to find Lily and ask her why she won’t turn the heat on, or tidy up a little bit. It seems she’s become a mom. Nice.

Her bedroom door is closed but the knob turns easily under Emma’s hand, and she pushes inside without as much as asking whether Lily is there or not. Which, she probably wouldn’t have gotten an answer. Lily’s face down, big headphones covering about 50% of her head and her look consists of a sports bra, dark jeans and heavy boots, one of which she is thumping against Regina’s wall with no regard for the paint job.

Emma eyes the room from her spot, mess on the floor and on the other surfaces, the bed rumpled and food containers on it with half-eaten meals. Emma is kinda afraid to touch Lily’s back before she knows she’s there, she might turn around and swing at her and she’ll die on the spot probably. She moves in to see if she can yell some or wave her hands frantically but she’s halfway up by the bed when she spots the little bags on the night stand and loses it. Yanking the headphones away from Lily’s head. Music blaring out of them.

It’s a testament to her state of mind that she only turns around slowly and looks up at her with a frown – What the fuck?

- What the fuck?! – Emma yells, and she glances at the door quickly. It slams shut. – What the fuck? –  She points at the pills and the… cocaine? And her fists ball up – You what the fuck. My kid lives here. What the fuck is this?

- They’re just like some uppers. You have to chill. – She sits up slowly and sniffs as she drags a hand over her face, it looks almost painful. But then she reaches for her headphones again and Emma swats her hand

She leans down and grabs her head with one hand, she’s close enough Lily has trouble focusing her eyes and they roll just a bit before she blinks them a bit more awake – You are not on fucking uppers.

- So I took some other shit… What’s up?

It’s been over a week after Lily blew up at them and Emma had kept her distance. It was bad enough Red was scourging the earth for a couple of beans to leave town and Snow was losing her mind over the whole thing, she had to deal with the town’s ridiculous winter-related issues and manage to wrangle Henry around without the imminent threat of Regina. She chose to let Lily sit in her own pile of shit, after all they weren’t related. But this is well past Lily. Regina would blow a gasket if she saw the Snow melting on her wooden furniture downstairs.

Emma snatches the drugs off the table and starts opening the drawers for good measure, more stuff stored between the trinkets there. She must’ve driven out of town to stock up for the winter like a bear about to hibernate. It’s gonna take a few toilet flushings. – Regina and Mal fucking trusted you to stay here and in a single week you have the kitchen turned into a warzone and this room looks like the back alley of a fucking stripclub. I know you don’t get cold but this place is about to take ice damage and god, look at all this shit – She kicks at a Chinese food box on the floor and scoffs – Have some fucking respect, this isn’t a crack house.

She groans in her place and starts reaching for a discarded, disgusting t-shirt – It’s my house too. That’s what Regina says. Does she know you’re here? – She’s slurring it out but her movements, and her tongue, are sharper. Whatever it is probably can’t last too long for her. Maybe that’s why she buys in bulk.

Emma huffs – You are an ungrateful bitch. They’re giving you a place to stay, and clothing, food, nice shit, money on top of all of that, and putting up with you with a smile on their faces and this is what you do? Get fucked up and start ruining the place?

- Poor Emma, always trying to get adopted. – Lily’s eyes roll back of their own volition, but it looks disdainful enough Emma’s blood boils at it coupled with the phrasing, it’s something the Regina Mills of 2011 would say. Yes, she always wanted to be adopted. Not that Lily could understand that, running away from a perfectly okay-ish home as she was back then, and fucking up a good one now as she is

Henry knocks then, and it maybe stops Emma from starting a fist fight she can’t finish. She moves to the en-suite bathroom to get rid of the myriad of drugs she managed to find and yells out to him that she’ll be right out. She finds Lily rummaging through an old bag of fries and scoffs – That kid out there has never had to see this kind of shit, and you better keep it that way because I swear to god I will kill you. Get your shit together.

Lily laughs sardonically around her stale fries, moving towards the phone discarded on the middle of the bed and shutting off the music – I’m sure mommy is so proud of you.

Emma takes one deep breath, willing her fist to stay by her side, and moves to slam the door on the way out. She has to take a minute to collect herself before facing Henry, who’s blissfully playing with one of his many portable consoles on his bed. She smiles at him bundled up in his coat and scarf without even making a move for the thermostat – Hey Kid, don’t know how to turn up the heat?

- Doesn’t Lily like it like this? We’ll go soon anyways. – He shrugs

Emma’s conscience won’t let her leave, who knows what they’ll come back to. She sighs – Hey, why don’t we do something nice for your mom? – He looks away from his little screen – Why don’t we set up everything but the tree? Turn up the heat, order a pizza, put on some music. – While she cleans the mess Lily’s left in the few common areas she’s ventured into.

- Uh, sure! But we need cookies! Mom bakes the day we set up Christmas.

Once again Emma Swan is reminded of her own mortality - Thank god Luke is on call.

In a good couple of hours Emma manages to clean up the kitchen, swipe and mop up both floors, learn to work Reginas state of the art heating system, cook one pot of pasta for them and even check out a photo album in a shelf, Henry’s maybe three on it and he’s all pudge. And while she does all that Luke bakes and helps Henry with his exclusive task of setting up the decorations like Regina likes them. One would think she does it by interior designer and professional crew, but apparently they just do it by hand every year, ladder and all. She always thought the thing had come built in with the curse like the rest of the contents of Regina’s garage but now the wall with power tools suddenly looks suspicious.

She drops herself on the couch and smiles as she watches Henry and Luke working together. With the situation(s) in the town they’d only managed one of the three christmases she had lived through in there, and it was cool and all spending Christmas with her parents but she kinda just showed up… she had never had a Christmas of her own, or anyone to want to help her set up. And as much as she wanted to spend it with the kid, it was probably Regina’s right to keep him, even more after like two weeks in Europe. But Luke seems to be enjoying it with a cookie in his hand, maybe they can go get some Christmas stuff and set up her place too, and his, which are definitely not the same place.

He smiles down at her as he passes Henry the mistletoe, he insisted on being the one risking his life. Luke passes a lot of it – Her Majesty loves mistletoe.

- Is this a known Regina fact? – she frowns on her spot, how would the baker know that?

Henry hangs a third bundle making a pretty row under some lights – Yeah! We hang it all over.

- Who was she trying to trick into kissing her?

Henry shrugs – Me I guess. Maybe now Mal will just do it and I can skip it. You can’t just hang one piece you know. When are we doing your house?

Luke turns around to her again, he likes to plan his week ahead so he needs an answer stat to be able to move his basketball game at the gym accordingly, to lose in another evening. Emma considers his usual piss-poor team and the grocery run, plus Neal’s coming over to be babysat on Wednesday… - we can do Thursday. – what has she become?

- What about that dinner you owe me? – She had bet against the wrong team and he would not forget

Emma shrugs at him and bundles herself up in the throw Regina’s so tastefully draped over the seat she’s in - There’s pasta in the kitchen ready to be served, say when

He shakes his head and holds on to the curl that goes rogue when he does that - No. You promised me a second thanksgiving meal

- You know I can’t make any of that! It was my hubris talking. Thanks, word of the day app.

Henry finishes the mistletoe extravaganza - Mom said you’ve been talking a lot better the other day

He says it as he moves down the ladder for another cookie and Emma grins, she knows Regina saying anything nice with Henry around means she really believes it. She didn’t start reading the dictionary app daily for Regina, but she was kinda tired of discussions breaking out and having to listen to every former royal speak in grandiose statements she then had to translate. So, it felt nice. Being acknowledged. For reading the dictionary app. What has she become?

Lily drops by then to remind her that at least she’s not that still. Looking like hell but at least freshly showered and with clean-ish clothes she drops herself on the other couch and drapes her sopping wet hair on the back of it with no regard for the upholstery, another word of the Day app gain. Henry offers her the cookie plater and she takes one before speaking with a rough voice, maybe booze was in the mix and Emma had just missed it. – So, Christmas.

You do like Christmas, right? – Emma asks

She shrugs – you know how it is, shitty.

Emma does know, but Henry does not. So she should not be talking about her shitty Christmases. She stands, still wrapped in the heavy wool – You know, there’s gotta be a chainsaw I once dropped in the town council's yard somewhere in the garage. The two of us could go get the tree after all.

Luke dusts his hands off on his jeans and Henry perks up at chainsaw as he takes one step around the box of things to be hanged – I’ll help you out – he’s stocky, strong even when he can’t for the life of him do cardio. And he’s an all-around gentleman that sometimes reminds her of David, he wouldn’t let her carry a fucking tree even if she could.

But Lily interjects first with a mocking laugh – I think between the dragon and the witch, we’re good.

Emma stands and moves to him, looping her arm around his waist and kissing him on the cheek – It’s okay, we’ll do it quickly. Be right back. – He’s rarely angry, and even when he is, he’s just a big frowning teddy bear Emma thinks

- I don’t like her too much – he takes one breath but glances away from Lily and her dismissive stance where she stood by the couch

Emma gasps dramatically – You dare say that about Her Royal Highness the princess, first born to Regina Catalina of the House of Xavier, Queen of the Western Realms of the Enchanted Forest? – his eyes open quickly as she remembers himself and Emma pokes him on the side with a smile, kissing his cheek again – she’s fucking awful. Finish up in here. I’m sure Regina will give you a gold star for your trouble.

He nods and gives her waist a playful squeeze - That’s not her title.

- Shit. She’ll deduct that from our coupled gold stars for sure. We’re back to zero.

At first Lily was just going at it with the chainsaw, a protective barrier in front of Emma to stop all the flying little chips her poor technique was producing. But halfway through she seemed to, you know, lose it, and dropped the thing by her side to start planting her foot against the trunk over and over again, winding up for the kicks with enough force to trample someone’s skull into a mush.

Unsurprisingly the tree budges, falling to the side with a cracking noise as the wood splinters. It makes a mess of a cut, and Emma knows she can’t count on Lily to fix it up so she takes the chainsaw from the floor to make the straightest line she can and only watches out of the corner of her eye as Lily drops herself in the cold and damp forest dirt, huffing out smoke and with her face set looking forward

After a while she speaks over the noise – So Ruby’s going out of town then. Looking for the Kansas girl?

Nah – there goes the word of the day app’s work – She wants to find some more werewolves in the forest. Mulan is going with her. Aurora is pregnant.

She huffs with more force and fire follows the smoke briefly – You ever feel like you forgot what the real world is like? Talking about werewolves and Disney Princesses?

Emma plants her feet better on the floor, securing her stance and taking out her shit on the tree’s trunk as well - You don’t have to bring your bullshit here to feel like you’re in the real world.

Lily shakes her head slightly - You and I don’t belong here. You’ll do some dumb shit eventually too, and then it’s right back to stealing for you.

- You don’t like it here? For real? You wouldn’t do anything to keep it? You won’t try to fix your shit up to keep Mal and Regina and Henry? Shit, just the fucking bed you’re sleeping in has to be better than anything you’ve ever had… you’re just dumb if you can’t even see how at least acting right is the best decision you could make. – She doesn’t answer to that and Emma resumes her cutting, for only a moment – Call them. Regina used to burn trees or something, and I think Mal had drug issues too.

- I don’t have drug issues – until she finds whatever it was that actually did it for Mal. She should’ve thought to ask Trivio, their alcohol did hit the spot

- What you have is parents that would understand your shitty mind if you talked to them. Use them. Before you do something we can’t fix. – She sinks the blade in the wood again and the shield in front of her grows stronger with the urge she has to get the fuck away from Lily

It takes her a whole minute of that kind of thick silence that can only fall over two friends that can’t speak to each other anymore - I’m sorry, about the other day

Emma stops like she didn’t hear her but speaks before she repeats herself – You’re not. Don’t apologize, I’m helping you for Henry and for Regina. We are not anything to each other anymore, remember?

Ah, so much for the savior’s bountiful mercy, Lily thinks - You’re kinda overreacting. I was just yelling shit without thinking – what did she even tell Emma? That she’s not related to them? Shitty but true, the others had it worse. She called them monsters.

- No, you knew that would hurt me. Like earlier when you said I was always trying to get adopted.

Lily scoffs - Regina tried to kill you.

She shrugs, letting the chainsaw fall altogether - And I killed Mal, dead. And neither had that kind of malice behind it. – She takes one deep breath of the sharp air around them with a cold look – we put this tree up and you can feel free to delete my number.

Lily supposes she deserves it. Whatever it is that’s the scale of things in that town murder seems to be a thing you laugh about some months down the line but anything else was judged with the severity of a capital offense. Never had Mal once complained about Zelena knowing she had tried to delete Regina from existence a few times but she spent her last hours on American soil outraged at her comments about Leopold before shit hit the fan. And Henry, he was just desensitized about hearing who else Regina had chopped up into bits but he lost it when she grounded him for three days when he didn’t deserve it, like she was only now becoming a tyrant. She had cheated on her girlfriend and yelled at her family, so obviously she was now the worst thing the town had ever seen and she supposes Emma’s right, helping with the Christmas tree is the least she can do to soften the blow.

Ruby had listened to her meager speech with a glower in her eyes and Granny’s expression made it sure she can’t ever show her face in that restaurant, Ruby or not. Emma hadn’t acknowledged her since she left the house that day and the rest of the town was squarely on the wolf’s side, talking about her behind her back like she couldn’t hear them a block away. She had driven out of town to get away, just for a moment, and she’d been gone three days without anyone realizing. The drive back was a trial, every mile she could simply turn back and disappear out there, the whole thing was most likely a hallucination and she was driving a path with no markers, with no more money and no food, death wouldn’t even bug her. But there she was, lugging the tree into her mother’s house with someone who not even when fated to be her friend would do it anymore.

Emma has Luke and whatever percentage of Henry she gets, Ruby can go find her farm girl whenever she wants to, and Regina and Mal can make another baby from scratch at any given time, one that behaves, it is only a matter of time until they all realize that. She can stick around until then, for the free food. But she’ll never be what they want.

Chapter Text

Henry shuffles this way and that, anxiously waiting for Regina to come around the corner. He’d never spent quite so long without his mother around, even when he was taken and it was arguably worse it was just maybe three days. So when she shows, followed by Mal with a lot of luggage strapped to herself besides the two suitcases she pushes at her sides he kinda jogs up to them, holding onto Regina a bit more than can be considered briefly and then reaching out to throw one arm over his new step-mother even.

Lily’s approach is much more conservative. She moves up to them with a casual walk and stands just off to the side so they’ll notice she’s there, but Regina reaches for her regardless and Mal’s long arm moves across the space so she can loop it over her shoulders too, the kid moving away from in between, taking his mom’s suitcase and reaching for one of the bags where it hangs on Mal’s free shoulder.

He takes it with a grunt and Lily grabs a couple more, so Mal has just her suitcase and a heavy backpack looking completely incongruous with her look, and Regina carries her handbag with a smile – I could get used to this.

- Dear that’s the most weight you’ve ever carried in your life – She reaches for Regina’s hand with one of hers, and puts the other softly on the back of Lily’s head

- You’d be surprised how heavy Henry was for five years, one day I just gave up and left him there on the floor – She looks at him pensively – Maybe you’ve been given a new lease on life, Mal can still pick you up and carry you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch.

He struggles to turn around under the sheer weight of Regina’s gift shopping – Why don’t you just float me up?

Mal chuckles – Seems like making you pop out of existence to clear the couch would be easier. Maybe she drops you on your bed, maybe we never see you again. That is where the beauty of it all lies.

Lily trails them quietly, glancing around at the people around them. They’ve gotta be weirded out by their conversation, shit isn’t normal. But before she can realize they’ve gone all the way to the parking lot, and Henry drops what surely is a designer bag on the rough floor with a grunt. He’s kinda grown past being polite around her, so he jostles her arm by tugging on her jacket – Dude, pop the trunk.

The keys. Deep in the pocket of her pants, past the two monstrosities of luggage she strapped to her body. They have to travel from these depths to her hands to the keyhole of her trunk, and there, they will be the instrument to finally revealing to her parents how bad she truly is at keeping shit clean. Who knows what her trunk will hold? Not her. She shuffles and moves and wiggles and opens the thing to find some ancient artifacts she didn’t know she still had, amongst them a weird tarp that’s better than whatever the sticky substance seeped onto the bottom of the trunk is.

Henry is the one to set that down for the luggage’s safety, wrinkling up his nose – So, can we get a new car?

Mal, privileged enough to be allowed to drive Regina’s pristine Mercedes, laughs – You don’t like Lily’s car?

He doesn’t ask for shotgun but that’s where he’s headed as he speaks – It smells. Plus, there’s like many of us now, and Mom’s car is kinda old too.

- My car is in perfect condition.

Mal opens Regina’s door and watches her duck inside with a small smile – You’re denying his request? On Christmas? After weeks of separation? – She gets inside the car for the first time and notices that yes, it does smell. – You’re no longer the woman I married.

Regina rolls her eyes at her as she takes her phone out, checking the weather and hoping Lily’s prepared for snow or ice on the roads – Dear, what you can’t see is his masterful plan to casually start asking for a car so in three years’ time I’ll either have already budged and I’ll hand it over to him, or I’ll finally break and buy him one. You can’t even indulge the idea, or you’ve lost already.

Mal hums on her seat excitedly – You have a devious mind Regina, perhaps the boy just wants to ride a car with a novelty speaker. On all flanks of family, he's listening to FM radio. 

- My speakers work. -  is the first sentence out of Lily’s mouth since they showed up. And it kinda renders them quiet as they leave the general area of the airport and get on the road, she could hook up the aux and turn some music on to prove her point but she could also make them stop acting like nothing is going on. A closed space with three hours minimum of permanency and with three people is where she would never do it but, she’s got homework. Regina keeps tinkering on her phone while Henry tinkers on his and Mal’s eyes look out on the view and Lily breaks the silence – I’m going to the shrink.

Mal’s preternatural calm gets disrupted and her head makes an abrupt turn in Lily’s direction, only the first stop before she turns to Regina. Therapy, ludicrous in her eyes, but any step towards self-improvement is a win, she guesses, somehow. She can’t stop herself though – Why?

Lily’s eyes find hers on the rear view mirror – Because my life has been shitty as hell for this world’s standards and everything that’s happened in my adulthood is probably a reflection of that? And Mom said it helped her and she got it way worse.

Regina reaches for her hand across the seat and Henry taps contentedly at his screen – It helped me too. I was right about the curse so not with that, but I was also kinda adopted so yeah.

Lily frowns - Kinda?

- Mom is my great grandma so like if three people had died she would’ve gotten me anyways.

Regina wants to laugh at his terrible view of their situation, but she remembers the child at hand – I didn’t have the privilege of millennia to slowly solve my issues, a third party was needed if I wanted to get it done before Henry was a teenager and his issues came in play.

Mal sighs, Lily’s barely stumbled around, what good will a crutch do? - And what does he tell you? Dr Hopper.

Lily glances at her with the mirror's help again – I drive out of town, for the shrink. It'd be awkward, he knows who I am. The woman I go to just tells me… stuff

Regina tacks on - It’s confidential darling

- Surely a hint isn’t a felony

- I think it kinda is, in Law and Order – Henry does love himself some Olivia Benson.

- She just told me to start making amends where I could and be more mindful of my words and my actions…

- Regina had already told you that.

- But I understand the need to have a licensed professional give you a more accurate assessment of the situation – She drags herself away from the window and towards Mal with a clipped look and goes on - We’re very proud of you for taking this step, we know reaching out is hard. You could’ve used some therapy when I got to you.

- And here I am, no therapy and all is well.

- You are suggesting we lock Lily in a cave for three decades so she can sort out her thoughts?

- Well, Henry too if he thinks Snow would’ve left him to you after her death.

He shrugs on his seat and goes right back to his phone for a while, silence wrapping around them all again. Regina’s stern face contrasts wildly with her tucking onto Mal’s side and the blonde caves in no time with an eye roll. She takes one deep breath and engages again – It must be a challenge to redact the last months of your life, wouldn’t Dr. Hopper have been a better option?

- I mean, yeah, she asked if I could bring my parents in for a session and I don’t know how I’d explain getting there with you two with your forty-year old faces... but still.

Regina harrumphs – I look thirty-five at best. – Mal chuckles by her side and Henry whips his head around to them with the startled look of a boy who's starting to get comments on his mom from the other boys at school, a nightmare only accentuated by the entire Mal situation. A burden he carries alone, and tenfold since Emma’s philosophy has reverted to picking him up wearing tank tops some afternoons if it’s not too cold. Lily takes her shot to put on some radio and off they go, having left that first awkward confession behind.

Regina was already happy with them both, between them going to pick them up at the airport, Lily going to therapy and Henry asking about their trip and paying attention, things were going well, but they reached a next level when she crossed the door behind all of them and her luggage between them to see the house not only seemingly intact but also decorated. Mal’s Christmas spirit, well Mallory’s, was never the best but she appreciates the effort nonetheless, patting Lily’s head with her one free hand like she enjoys doing. But Regina’s excitement is palpable as she takes the place in and smiles brightly her way, Henry’s long gone to put down the bags so she gets the full force of the hug, even over the luggage, and Regina looks at her so warmly she doesn’t even remember the woman who was so pissed at her she only waved when she left for Europe.

- Oh this is perfect! How did you two manage?

- I kinda only helped with the tree. Swan, Henry and Luke did all the rest basically. – She sniffs in what she hopes is an inconspicuous manner, always true to her word Emma Swan was a ghost to Lily. Not one whiff of blonde hair since they’d put that tree up.

- Well remind me to thank her. It is lovely.

Regina takes mercy on her dragons and the bags vanish off their bodies. Mal twisting her neck this way and that for dramatic reasons and pointing up with one single finger – I see lots of these up in various places. You might want to invest on some Chapstick.

Lily groans, it feels like home again. Like the home she’d had for maybe 1% of her life but home. And Regina glares from inside her coat – Well if my lips are so dry why did you marry me?

- Texture is not the be-all and end-all of food. Taste is so much more important.

She groans some more – If I get the therapist to sign a note that says I have to get my own place you can’t get mad, right?

Regina huffs at her as they reach the couch, undoing her coat and scarf and glancing at the imposing tree magic helped them get into the living room. Rounding her Mal approaches the fireplace and breathes just enough fire into it it catches and grows steadily, warming the place. In less than one minute they’re settled into their eternal position, the smaller one leaning against the other one, both against one side of the couch, hands loosely entwined.

And Lily, she’s big enough to admit she’s kinda missed them, to herself. Knowing damn well it would’ve been easier if they’d been around to help her through the fucking mess had terrified her, she’d never needed anyone, Emma maybe, but she’d been a teenager then, she would’ve needed anyone who kinda smiled her way those days. She stays, and sits on the same couch, it’s the most she’s willing to admit. And Regina blinks her eyes slowly to keep awake, fighting off the fireplace’s warmth on her front, Mal’s at her back. She smiles – You’re doing well then? I’m sorry I was harsh before we left.

- It was really shitty of me. I’m sorry I said I don’t need you and all the other fucked up shit.

Mal nods at her as stiltedly as possible, to keep her hold on Regina’s head probably, but ends up moving away just enough to speak – You didn’t answer, are you doing well? Surely with therapy and all?

As much as going to a shrink has been kinda of helpful she’s still not good at speaking about anything real without her voice cracking in three different spots through one phrase. But apparently that’s nothing to be embarrassed of. Bullshit. She goes in anyway, shrugging and turning her eyes away, baby steps – I was kinda in a rough spot. Ruby left, like right out of this dimension and everyone was just… gone too. So, I was kinda fucked up – She swallows through the knot in her throat and starts wringing her fingers – I don’t have like an actual addiction thing, but yeah. I was- It wasn’t good. I just don't want you to hear it from Emma. She flushed my stash, and Henry didn’t see anything, and I’m all out. I’m so sorry, I know it’s your house and all-

Lily misses Mal fastening her arm around Regina’s middle since she barely looks up, the most she does is glance forwards to the stockings hanging over the fireplace. Henry made one for Mal but Lily didn’t let him make one for her, it seemed presumptuous. Mal’s voice drags her back to them – Lily, you must know by know we’d never abandon you or anything of the like. Don’t respect the house because it is Regina’s but because it is yours, like your body, and your mind. – Out of the corner of her eye Lily sees Mal point to her own temple and when she still doesn’t look at them she takes a breath and moves on – I was very good friends with Aurora’s mother, and when she fell in love it consumed her. She saw nothing outside her precious Stefan, and he convinced her I was a monster to be slayed. Rage consumed me, after the deed was done and the princess was cursed I had… nothing. My family far away and seemingly wanting nothing to do with me, no other friends around, no will to read, no need to trade, that castle you saw all to myself. It could’ve been a decade or it could’ve been a month, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. As soon as I felt the high fade I would take the next dose. The castle became a pigsty, dust and mold, rotten food, I was bathing only once my hair pricked my skin in my sleep, the windows were either shuttered or broken… That is no way to live. – Lily looks sideways at them, whatever dark past Emma knew of was probably worse, judging by both of their expressions. Mal shakes her head slightly and Regina takes her hand over her own midriff – I am not an addict either, maybe it isn’t even possible. One day your mother showed up and I was fine in a week, physically if not mentally. And it is not like I need to refrain because of the pull of it. But I’ve come to love refraining. You know what is much better than running away from mental pain? Focusing on that brisk boyish smell Henry has, and hearing your heartbeat call out to me from across a room, feeling Regina’s pillow soft surfaces under my fingertips, that sharpness is invaluable, to enjoy what you love instead of dwelling on what you’ve lost.

Lily nods on her spot a few times. She’d never quite had the money to let it get bad but checking her room once she had gotten fully sober after Emma had left had been a big… yikes. Maybe she should still go do a 12-step program, just for kicks and giggles. Sometimes the weight of living for an eternity pins her to bed, she always thought she’d be dead by then, unlucky as she was. Now, some self-discipline would come in handy. What could she acomplish if she worked out? If she trained her magic some more? If she learned how to fly better? If she could control herself like Mal does?

Mal whispers something on Regina’s ear Lily doesn’t quite catch and she turns to them, Mal still holding onto Regina to prevent a hug that would’ve turned her into a puddle of tears, they don’t give Mal enough credit. Well, Lily doesn’t, yelling at her as she was, Regina probably thinks the world of her. Lily blinks the few tears she did produce away ready in case Mal releases her and she wants to come in with the hug and hair stroke combo. But instead Regina stays put – Where was Zelena during all of this?

Mal prods her on a side – I gave an excellent speech, you cannot be focusing on that.

- She didn’t come, and I guess I just… didn’t go either.

Regina’s bypassed all worry to settle into anger on her behalf and Lily finds her expression a bit funny, it’s the warm knitted clothing and the way she’s still wrapped onto herself with Mal encasing her. She knows Zelena is going to be yelled at soon enough but for now, it looks like a tantrum. Mal kisses the top of her head – Zelena is a basket case herself, perhaps it was for the best.

Regina’s thunderous look remains though, acknowledging nothing, not the kiss not the attempt at a joke and Lily cracks a smile at the way they can circle back to this kind of ridiculous thing after discussing whatever it was they were discussing – Henry and I made some dinner! I’ll text him to come down.

Regina softens just a tad and Mal rolls her eyes over her head - You can’t simply walk up and fetch him? What is wrong with children these days. Joaquim and I used to be sent to fly hours to ensure Sybilla and Kajetan’s presence at the table for dinner time.

- I have a feeling your parents just wanted to be rid of all four of you.

For a moment she stills behind Regina and then, when it all seems to make sense she takes a sharp breath – Do we have enough groceries? I’m sure we will be needing groceries Lily.

- Dude aren’t you tired? Did you even get to see some of Europe?

Regina chuckles lightly and tries to stand up to see some of this alleged cooking. The kitchen, it must be wrecked. But Mal holds on, steadfast - Groceries. A lot. You just, take your time. Nutrition is very import. Read the labels. Dinner can wait.

Chapter Text

- Sister dear, I’m delighted to see you, please do come in. – Regina is already in, bypassing any walking from the car, Zelena supposes she gets it, it really is too cold outside. So she just takes it in stride – I’ve missed you so - she smirks just enough Regina will know she’s barely been missed and continues kneading bread unrelentingly against the counter – where is the dragon? - Probably waiting with forlorn eyes, that’s for sure

Regina glances around – Let’s skip the piss-poor attempt at pleasantries. You can’t pick and choose when to be related to me, you either are or aren’t.

She looks up quizzically - Sadly I am. We have the same eyes, wouldn’t you say?

She gets an unamused eyeroll for her excellent joke - Then you owe me the courtesy of helping my daughter when she needs a hand, wouldn’t you say?

The bread captures her attention for a while. She can’t genuinely remember what it was the small Regina needed? Her mind has been all over the place - Oh? I’ve hardly seen her since you left, a run in out in town and that’s all.

Her sister’s voice gets testy, well, some more - And you don’t think that strange? You couldn’t bother to check in?

Zelena shrugs just as Lily had and Regina’s yet again reminded of mother’s faulty genes. They must be at play here. – Listen to me very carefully – in one split second the dough disappears from under Zelena’s hands and she takes one steadying breath to glare at Regina more calmly as she goes on – this takes reciprocity. You give, and you get.

She plants her fist on the surface to keep it from crossing the room and planting itself on Regina’s face, whatever it is that’s gotten into her, just up and vanishing her dough is highly disrespectful of the little brat. Before Zelena can tell her off the lock rattles and Regina turns stunned to watch, spells probably already gathering in her chest just in case. She visibly relaxes when she sees It’s only Robin, but her face goes through a journey as she realizes it’s only Robin… with a key? Suddenly a myriad of little things register. One strangely big boot on the hallway, one strangely small boot by the bathroom door, beef jerky by the sugar on the counter against the wall, wood chips on some of the furniture… she blinks the surprise away when he comes in fully – Do you live here? - He looks up startled after his daily battle with the modern locks and his cheeks turn red in a single second, darting his eyes to Zelena and then back to Regina with a pursed-lips smile. Regina doesn’t have the time – This is what I mean. I bought you a house, fully furnished, where you’ve now invited Robin to live in, the least you could do is be nice to my children when they’re going through a rough patch

She sees it then, a wide-open gap for her to plunge a knife into - Will you be nice to my children? – It is exaggerated punishment for temporary dough kidnapping and Zelena realizes it as soon as it leaves her lips.

It takes Regina a few seconds to interpret that, her eyebrows knit together - Will I be nice to your…? - suddenly another myriad of things register, well, nothing does, not really, it is a complete surprise and an awful way to wedge it in any conversation. Zelena sees Regina’s expression fall for a microsecond and unfurls her fist to press her palm on the leftover flour on the counter but it’s too late, she’s fucked that up. Robin, who urged her to wait to tell her in person and be nice about it, freezes in his spot, probably expecting some screaming or something beneath Regina, with the bag with the pharmacy logo still in his hands and his jacket only shimmied a bit down his shoulders. Regina eyes him briefly, the oversized bag speaking of his indecision about modern medicine, she’d had a cold once. She refrains from all sorts of outburst – Well, from now on if there’s risk of any of us undergoing any sort of mental breakdown, make sure to check in. Lest you alienate us, and your child ends up being babysat by a stranger.

Her sentence is barely finished when the dough appears by Zelena’s hand and Regina’s gone, leaving only a cloud of smoke behind her and the bag of gifts she’d appeared with. Zelena hangs her head as the mist fades and waves Robin away – It just came out. I’ll fix it… later.

Back in Regina’s car Mal startles with frown when she materializes and says nothing for a while. She tries to prod – I saw Robin go in the building, did his presence cut the reunion short?

- Just… drive. Let’s get this done – Next time she’ll just mail everyone their gifts.  

Five hours after the entire thing Mal grows bored of her book and decides that Regina might require some needling, after all she’s locked herself down in the basement and skipped lunch for her troubles. Some distraction is sorely needed.

The sight that greets her eyes is definitely worth the trek. Regina’s pinned her hair up somehow, three layers of clothing discarded to leave her in the satin shirt she wears under all her general going-out-in-public armor. It’s tucked into the pencil skirt she wore but the heeled boots are gone and replaced with loafers, the ones padded on the inside, very flammable and a hazard around the fire she has roaring under what can only be described as a cauldron that Mal didn’t even know was in the house.

Regina doesn’t feel her come in, back to the entrance and head bowed low to eye some dusty book angrily. Mal comes in with every intention of dragging her out to catch the very last of the daylight but the way Regina’s neck is bared before her stops her, she chooses to slink closer and drop a kiss to the spot where her spine tilts, above the clasp of a thin chain that cost what a car would, and Regina jumps just enough she can play it off, but Mal still laughs at her, trapping her against the table with her arms – What might be so interesting as to keep you down here for an entire day?

Regina sighs and turns around in the limited space Mal allows her, her front even better than her back, her hair floating around her face outside the hasty bun – I am doing some research.

For what? – Regina closes her eyes shortly and Mal brings her hand up to pass a couple of fingers over her cheek, so she will at the very least cheer up a bit. She eyes the book over Regina’s shoulder and then tilts her head towards the big steaming pot of an acrid smelling thing – Should I dive in then? Soak up the green mud you’re preparing? Or is it more of a salad topping? – she smiles to let Regina know it’s okay and gives her no space to run away from the conversation, if anything she slides closer and forces her to open her eyes

And Regina breathes in deeply – You know it’s not about Robin, right?

- I know love, - It’s about Zelena stumbling into a child with her soulmate in a couple of months, whoever that placeholder might be – But I want to hear you say it, with a little pout, like the brat you are

Regina fails at controlling her face and the ensuing glare makes Mal chuckle, and Regina huffs, but relents with an eyeroll tacked on top – I am envious of how easy it was for her.  

- If you want to get me pregnant to one up your sister all you have to do is ask – Mal winks and drops one quick kiss by the corner of Regina’s lips

Regina grabs at Mal’s sweater – No, I clearly don’t have to just ask! – and then lifts her chin haughtily, Mal wonders what Zelena and her would’ve been like if Cora had raised them both, surely they would’ve been even more competitive – You stopped taking your – She whirls her hand around – weeks ago! This is clearly not working. We have an issue here!

It is a miracle it even happened in the first place, and who knows if the amount of magic will allow anything in this land, the book on the table looks like it’s on fertility of…crops, and how long had it been since she’d insisted on birth control and said they should make sure Lily was okay on the first place? But Regina doesn’t need to hear any of that after her sister decided to rub her sudden unplanned pregnancy on her face, so Mal drops another kiss on the skin before her, toying with the thin strap and pulling the barely-there shirt free of the skirt to sneak her hand under it – Perhaps it is the furniture of choosing. Lily was made on my lovely couch. The fight for balance must’ve been the secret ingredient– She knows better than to manhandle any of Regina’s almost sentient books but she does manage to nudge it just far enough Regina will be able to sit, and lay down, comfortably. It’s seems like a good, strong table. A desk if one will.

- This will solve nothing – She says as she lets herself get hoisted onto the surface and Mal smiles by her collarbone

- We need to exhaust all options – the fluffy loafer falls to the floor with the ruckus and it serves as an excuse to kneel if nothing more

- And pray-tell how this will work when you’re the one with the functional uterus – Empty words when her hands are already getting Mal’s blonde shock of hair out of the way

- What would you know? You weren’t even taking the equilibrium variable into account. Your math is rudimentary at best.

Henry has full command of the tv controller that night but they still sit on the living room watching the channels fly by before they can even read the little informational pop up that tells them what they could be watching, and in an attempt of something her therapist told her Lily had dragged herself into the room and claimed a chaise off to the corner, reading one of Regina’s books, Mal had wanted to ask what had led her to pride and prejudice but Lily’s an animal better left un-poked. And Regina is still morose by her side, a much more pressing issue.

Mal rearranges herself so Regina will come tuck herself by her side – Regina, you understand making a child is by no means extraordinary and it gives Zelena nothing over you, don’t you?

- Easy for you to say, all your body parts function correctly

- It doesn’t make you less of a woman if you took one misguided potion once… less of a man if you don’t get me pregnant soon? – Suddenly a thought sparks in her mind – darling have you hit menopause yet? You might be shooting blanks, as they say –

Lily slams her book closed and they look at her, Mal with much more mirth Regina can muster at that second. But she calms herself and a shimmering bubble appears around her instead of her usual stomping away. Mal chuckles at that and hugs Regina closer nodding in Lily’s bubbly direction – you accomplished the impossible once, even if it doesn’t happen again it’s more than Zelena can say. She’s going to come begging for forgiveness soon enough and as soon as you grant it to her we can all be happy for her.… or even better, eventually the child will definitely love the wealthy aunt with the dragon wife more, revel in that

Regina smirks by her side - Roland certainly does

- See, a silver lining in everything. We’ll get our baby soon enough

- And you’ll wish we hadn’t. I’m sure the half-human ones do not respect the dragon daylight schedule

Mal thinks it over - You’ll just have to take over at night

 - Yes, take over your side of bed and reclaim half the closet, the floor of my library where you’ve been stashing books in an unkempt pile…

Mal laughs wholeheartedly - How very violent, I love it.

Chapter Text

Regina holds her head completely still and refuses to stop the glide of the pen over the piece of paper in front of her, but she gives Mal a consolation price, throws the dragon a bone so to speak, acknowledges her attempt at annoying her by speaking in a clipped tone – If you value your hand you will remove it from my ear’s vicinity

She hears nothing, continuing the path from lobe to tip with her fingertips – Darling I’m just so terribly bored, I want to play.

Regina huffs as the blonde plants her free hand on the back of the chair, so terribly close to her hair being held up by the flimsiest of knots – I have a job, who no one does quite right in my absence. Absence we’ve prolonged for ludicrous reasons.

- Well Christmas is a holiday, so is New Year’s. Everything in between doesn’t quite exist, does it? - She bends down to whisper softly by the ear she’s been toying with – And now we’re on winter break –

And to avoid visible goosebumps that will give her away Regina has no option but ducking away and dropping her pen, she holds one finger up – Children are on winter break. I need to ensure the streets get plowed, the powerlines don’t collapse, and the people who insist on living in the woods don’t die of frostbite. I have no time to entertain you – She glances to the side and grins – Regardless of how cute you look pouting.

Mal straightens to her full height then, glowering down at her and tugging at the flesh between her fingers – The way I see it we either play this the hard way: I lose a hand or you lose an ear, or you come with me to see pedestrians fall in a puddle I’ve been eyeing.

Mal’s hold on her ear is just shy of painful, so, her exact point of insolence – I don’t think you’ve dared look outside the window today. You won’t find any puddles in this weather.

For one second she tugs a bit harder, before realizing she’s losing the psychological warfare there and Regina’s only planning to rob her of the little of sunlight out there, if she pulls any harder and Regina gets any more bratty they end up in bed and the day is over. Mal releases the ear altogether and all but pulls her up from her seat - So we take turns melting some Snow. It can’t all be easy in this life Your Majesty. – There’s plenty of nighttime for that anyways.

At least she got free coffee out of it, Regina thinks as she refrains from bouncing her legs up and down to get some warmth. She positions her nose right above the steam rising from the cup between her hands, and chances a look in Mal’s way as she closes her eyes contentedly and tilts her chin up like she can sense some inexistent sun ray on her face, she looks peaceful, that can’t stand. Regina elbows her on the side – I don’t see anyone. Perhaps sane people are at home.

- You’re saying the rabble is sane now? – She turns forward, there’s this one spot on the park’s path where the stones have sunk in over time, there a puddle forms when it rains and it is now a sludge of snow and dirt trampled into it, perfectly hidden from view until it is too late. And someone will come, she’s sure. She blows enough fire it’ll melt just a tad more and sits back against the bench comfortably glancing at Regina from the corner of her eye – Can we agree we need some more mischief in our lives?

- If it were me who almost met my doom via mild pothole in a public park, I would sue the town.

Mal chuckles and passes her coffee to her left hand to loop her right arm over Regina’s shoulders – You, sure, but who else would dare anger the might mayor? - Regina’s too busy glaring when the first unsuspecting teenager skulks over the puddle, cursing up a storm as his boots are rendered useless against the elements. The kid barely even notices them as he pulls angrily at his skinny jeans that stick to his legs even more when damp. It’s not anything to write home about, nothing like when they used to go around setting fire to piles of kindling and leaving it dangerously near peasants, but Mal’s mirth is contagious nonetheless. Regina feels a finger dig into her cheek as if looking for a dimple it will never find – Is that a smile? Over that young man’s misfortune? Who would be so cruel?

Regina rolls her eyes and drops her weight on her wife, but holds her head up, one of the eventual plaintiffs might sit in court, under oath, and say they saw them cuddle and where would they go from that? – You must really want to lose that hand after all. – The blessing of fire running through your veins is skin that is always warm, Mal wears no gloves and the contact makes Regina’s goosebumps that much worse as Mal moves her hand to lay on the side of her neck, stroking the back of it.

Mal doesn’t get scolded for that because a woman skids a good couple of feet after she barely avoids the pothole by an inch and tries to avoid the mess of the puddle, she moves at an alarming speed, with her arms flailing around herself as a counter measure. A tree stops her, more or less, she continues moving but downwards doesn’t seem to be the direction anymore, it’s just a mater of grabbing onto the tree at the other side of the path and she’ll be fine. A pile of Snow falls onto her head when she does and Regina almost laughs out loud and gives up their plan. Her small snort might be an innocent cough to the ears of a woman preoccupied with snow trickling into her coat.

Mal’s chuckle is so eerily calm it barely rings over the woman’s less colorful expletives – She’ll be traumatized for life. But that was nothing like the squirrels attacking people when the weather warms up.

- Is that honestly what you do when we leave you alone? Goad squirrels into attacking my constituents?

- Who said I goad them? Squirrels are vicious by themselves, and these ones must not be completely normal, who knows what magical breed of critters you have in here – She shrugs and takes the chance to sip her coffee, which might need a reheating. She taps Regina’s neck twice and the liquid becomes hot enough to scald again – Would you rather have an army of small rabid squirrels that do your bidding or fight on slippery soil only you and your men can overcome?

- What on earth…?

Mal turns with a serious expression and drinks the lava from her cup for a second – This is the battle that will decide a war. This is the future of your kingdom. Your people have gone through decades of hardship and only this last, brutal bloodshed stands between them and a prosperous age that will last centuries. Which do you choose?

For a few seconds Regina wonders if perhaps Mal is high, but this must be Mallory and Maleficent mixing into a strangely playful medieval fairytale villain. So, she plays along – Well who is giving me this choice? What is the price of each one?

- Darling, please. Whichever local caster with a penchant for dramatics. You wouldn’t know the price until it is too late.  

She nods - Do I get my men and the squirrels, or am I marching into battle with squirrels only?

It gives Mal pause, what’s an appropriate men-to-squirrels ratio? She hadn’t considered that – No men, just you and the squirrels. But keep in mind, they will obey blindly.

Regina frowns pensively and reheats the coffee she hasn’t even tried to drink, using it as a heater as she is - But how do I control them? Am I just to give one universal command, or do I have a direct line to each squirrel’s mind?

Of course, it would be Emma Swan who ruins the mental exercise with her inane need for physical exercise. In their reverie they completely miss her coming from further up the trail, hurtling towards the puddle and focused on her music more than anything else. Just as Regina is about to give her final ruling on the important squirrels vs slippery terrain debate Emma’s path meets the sludge on the floor and she not only steps and sinks in it, it sends her careening to the ground, where to avoid taking damage to her face probably she spins once, twice, thrice until she lands with all her limbs sprawled around her and each wireless headphone in different quadrants of the planet.

It takes them a beat to react. The whirlwind of movement doesn’t have a face until the groan sounds familiar and in that second Regina just breaks. She laughs loud enough Emma notices their presence from the floor and cranes her neck towards the noise with a hurt expression that only gets her more laughter. Regina’s coffee cup, doubled in half as she is, just loses its contents, and it is a miracle she doesn’t get any on herself. Mal’s chuckle makes her shoulders jostle up and down as she stands to at least help Emma up. She realizes then she’d have to crouch or something of the like and decides against it, lest Emma decides to attempt to pull her down and she’ll have to murder her for the mere insolence. She’s fond of the blonde. Its must be a minute or more and Regina’s barely recovered, her cheeks are reddened with the strain of movement on that weather, but she looks twenty-five again and Mal enjoys it even more than she did the sheriff’s chaotic fall - Slippery soil then?

She takes three huffing breaths and dabs a tear threatening to spill out of the corner of her eye, re positions her hair, sits impossibly straight and sets the now-empty paper cup by her side neatly – If I can single out a particular squirrel and communicate with it when I wish to, squirrels. I would simply instruct them all to go for the weak spots of the armor and penetrate it, under there a few men will simply wound themselves in the mayhem, how does one defeat a squirrel in hand-to-hand combat? Then the squirrels could start maiming them some more by damaging the blood vessels with a few well-placed bites, we can even find us squirrels carrying some viral disease. We would decimate the population in one swift move. Damp terrain would only make for a messy and boring battle, they fall, we walk around cutting heads, then we go home and polish our amours, where’s the fun in that?

Emma’s found one of her headphones, and she’s given up on life, sitting on the damp snow, clattering, prodding at a superficial cut on her knee and glaring at them both – What the fuck you guys?

Chapter Text

She often has to remember Regina’s shorter and can’t really keep up with her if she wants to walk at full speed, on top of that it’s still cold late into January, the soil is more damp than anything, and Regina insisted her heeled boots were her footwear of choice for wherever she was whisking her to; but even knowing all that it still takes Regina clutching at her arm for her to slow down. She chuckles as Regina huffs and the cold makes it visible in the air – Darling let me carry you.

- Counterproposal, you remove this blindfold.

Mal settles her hand over Regina’s – No. – She takes three more steps before deciding… it’s only a few more feet, and Regina won’t really remember afterwards… She undoes two of those steps to pick her up in a bridal carry and refrains from chuckling at the first few seconds of agitation followed by surrender. She should really get used to it when even Lily has found it to be a quick solution at times.

It’s barely a ten-minute walk from where they are to the cave she’d scourged the woods of Storybrooke for, she’d managed a small hidden rocky spot were one person could stand, maybe, if they were Regina’s size, she’d find out in a second, and she could be in it comfortably with other two of three persons who wanted to crouch for the pleasure. It would do. After all they wouldn’t be storing anything large on it. Just the one thing, barely bigger than a small suitcase.

She sets Regina down carefully and for a second she watches her feel for her arm again, it’d be sweet if her intention was anything other than smacking her for her trouble and then pinching her, still she doesn’t remove the blindfold and Mal takes her hand to nudge her forward just one more step and move behind her to untie the silk scarf she dug from the depths of one of their drawers. She is quick to replace it with her hands though and smiles when Regina takes one deep calming breath – I know you struggle with impatience.

- Understatement.

- This is a surprise you will love. – She takes one more step forward, pushing Regina with her, and moves to the left so the sunlight will have a clear path in – but first, you have to promise no more violence will be inflicted on my arm, just because I do not bruise easily doesn’t mean sheriff Swan will let this fly, I deserve- Regina cuts her off with another smack and it makes her drop one of her hands so she laughs as she releases her altogether and before anything the brunette turns to glare at her while Mal smirks – So testy, won’t my beautiful wife turn around?

As is expected, she chooses to hold her glare for another few seconds – Whatever is behind me better be the second coming of Christ. –

When she finally chooses to turn around spurred by Mal’s huge grin she has to duck to enter the cave anyways but the effort is well worth it, the gasp she lets out is enough satisfaction for Mal but still she whirls around at break neck speed and barely avoids hitting her head on the pointy outcrop above her head – You just found it here?!

Mal laughs – No love, I laid it.

- You laid it…- for a blissful moment Regina’s expression remains mellow and she turns slowly to take in the egg, further inside the cave. It’s huge, looks like it’ll go up to her knees, the shell looks like sheer rock and its purple tint has some kind of inherent shine to it… and the way it reflects the few rays of sunlight coming in from the outside… she takes a few steps forward and can hear Mal coming in after her – You’re pregnant? – she asks with her eyes still fixed on the egg before her but Mal chuckles easily

- That would imply there’s two of them. I was pregnant for about a week but yesterday I decided I just wasn’t going to do that this time around, so there he is.

- He? – she’s still misty eyed, but it lasts less than expected – You were pregnant for a week?! -Well she was only sure for around five days, plus where’s the excitement of just telling her without nothing to show for it, but Mal can see how admitting to any of that would be a grave mistake – And you left the egg here over night?! – Well, eggs do better in nature and it is a well-hidden spot she’d spent the five days looking for, plus if no one knows there is an egg to steal why would they go looking for one in Storybrooke, Maine. But Mal can also see how saying any of that is not wise either.

So she smiles softly from her uncomfortable position – If you can successfully fake a cave, we can move him?

Regina reaches over to smack her again, but the intention is lost somewhere along the way and she ends up just rubbing her thumb over the fabric of Mal’s blouse – we could take him home with us? Will he be fine?

- He needs some heat occasionally, I can just raze some trees and turn in the backyard.

She nods absentmindedly, trees be damned, and crouches some more to move closer to it, she looks so mesmerized for a moment Mal focuses on her too, before remembering she needs to intervene. She crouches right down and settles her hand just under Regina’s palm when she’s about to touch it – You’ll scorch your hand.

- I can’t touch it?

- If you can fake a cave, I’m sure you can find a spell for this as well – she kisses her temple and shrugs – oven mitts are an option as well.

She doesn’t know why she thought being the mother of Regina’s unborn child would grant her protection, specially when said child is not in her, but she thought it’d count for something. It obviously doesn’t because Regina takes the opportunity to nudge her and she falls right on her ass on the mossy rock under her and lets out an oof. Regina laughs at her as she avoids actually touching any of the things around her while moving closer, it’s a feat to do that in heels. Mal eyebrows knit together angrily as he brunette beams from in front of her – I can’t believe I’ll be forced to co parent yet another child with an asshole like you.

- I never said it was yours. – She smirks her way, relaxed even when her jeans surely are ruined beyond repair

- The purple shell is a giveaway – she reaches forward to play with the loose curls by the sides of Mal’s head and the blonde’s expression softens into a smile as she reaches for Regina’s knees

- Many casters like purple, it’s a cliché at this point.

She shrugs – I suppose we will just have to wait and see then, experience shows your genetic material tends to be overpowered. The child will reveal the truth.

- And meanwhile?

- You grab this egg and bring it home with us.

- I must admit, I thought you were reticent to have kids but you seem elated – between smothering her with kisses, building a facsimile of a cave on the basement and cooking dinner Mal is surprised Regina is still standing

She pops out of the kitchen with her oven mitts still on and moves for the egg in Mal’s arms – What do you mean? I’ve been on board, always.

- I thought perhaps it was just for my sake… it did take a while, you know how easy it is, to speculate – her eyes remain fixed on the invaluable object on Regina’s hands. Many would do unspeakable things to get their hands on a dragon egg; and keeping Regina’s involvement in mind it becomes once again a stroke of the impossible, an event so rare she’s never heard of a third occurrence in her long life… her family didn’t comment on it though so perhaps it’s only her who finds it extraordinary. But still, Regina holds the universe in her hands covered with oven mitts, now more than ever.

She approaches with a smile – I’m sorry if my enthusiasm was not clear, I want nothing more than this family with you. If I stopped, if I asked we delay this little one it was out of concern for the existing two that didn’t seem to be quite ready – she manages to pass the egg to Mal who sets it carefully by her side on the couch using the very useless protective layer of a copy of the mirror, reading Regina’s intent to straddle her and set both hands on the sides of her head – I want not for lands nor for glory, I have no one left to take vengeance from and my lust for power is mostly gone as well. Us and whatever children we might pick up along the way, that’s what I want.

Mal leans up to kiss her softly and Regina surrenders all too easily, specially when Mal loops her arms around her lower back. It took them a while to figure it out, but for the first time nothing looms over their future and unlike his siblings, that child will be born into a stable and whole home.

Too whole Mal realizes when Lily comes in followed by Henry to interrupt a promising moment. She was tasked with picking him up from Emma’s place, not that she’s still allowed in there. She only makes it one step into the room before she spots them and groans – Oh, gross. C’mon! And why are you wearing oven mitts? – She remembers Henry and covers his eyes – You know what, we don't need to know! Why does this have to happen in the couch we all use?!

Regina gives Mal one last peck before standing up with a chuckle – I just put a pie in the oven. So you should be thanking me for a delicious dessert. I was briefly distracted, is all.

It was so close to a pun, Mal doesn’t know if Regina realizes. She can’t contain herself from grabbing the egg and seizing the opportunity though, lifting it above her head for them to see – And a bun in the oven as well! You have a brother coming!

Lily drops her hands from Henry’s eyes – Mom, you’re pregnant?

- See, that would imply there’s two of them. Just the one. - She motions to the egg again

Henry rushes from his spot- They’re born from eggs?! Cool.

Chapter Text

Regina knows the curse had really fostered a great economy under which everyone could make a good honest living, but the fact that Charming had managed to buy Snow a house with a front and a back lawn, big ones, on the deputy’s paycheck was baffling to say the least. Still, she had been invited to the housewarming party and in an effort to be civil it seemed both Lily and Zelena were too, and perhaps everyone else in town, but her two black sheep were a more direct concern than Rumple or Cruella at the moment. 

Which reminds her – Today, for all intents and purposes there is no egg, no brother to speak of.

- Not even Henry? – Lily says from her spot, sullen about being obligated to attend this thing at all

He harrumphs – She obviously means only the baby!

- Oh, so you’re not a baby?

Mal’s attuned to them by now and knows when to turn in her seat, extending her arm between them before Henry tries to smack her and Lily retaliates - This is information we don’t want to disclose just yet, it would put him in danger and all of us in guard duty. Besides Princess Snow would loathe us for stealing her thunder, however small it is. You two understand?

The nods don’t seem too convincing and Regina frowns in her seat looking at them with the help of the rearview mirror – Not even Emma.

- Yes, mom. – They answer in unison, each already clawing at their respective door deciding that even if they hate it in there at least it’s better than in here being scolded for something they haven’t even done.

Inside, the mass of people who deemed it reasonable to arrive on time was already in full swing and as in any of Snow’s functions, barely inebriated; and as much as they will always have a hefty respect of the imposing figure Regina cuts when she enters a room flanked by Maleficent of all creatures, it’s not as much of a thing if Henry and Lily undermine the effort by trying to trip each other as they walk inside. Regina sighs as her daughter almost falls in her effort to dodge Henry’s boot in her way and Maleficent’s arm shoots out to hold her in place by the back of her jacket before pushing her imperceptibly forward when she’s stable, the unofficial signal that if they can’t behave they need to disband before anyone comes and greets Regina and herself.

Lily goes, gratefully, because she sees Snow approach and Henry show her his tongue with the pride of a kid of Regina’s that Snow tolerates. He stands right in front of their shared parent, and Regina lays both her hands on his shoulders automatically and in her eagerness to get the greeting out of the way she doesn’t even see him raise his middle finger to Lily or her laughter at the gesture, learned and adapted from her language.

-Hey hey hey! - Lily whirls around to find Emma with four tilted wine glasses in her two hands and a posture rigid enough to let them stain her clothes before she jumps out of the way – This place is fucking packed, no reverse!

- Sorry, you want any help? – She offers out her hands and for a second Emma doubts it, before handing over half her load and motioning with her head.

Lily follows for a while and they arrive outside, where Luke sits with two other young people Lily’s never seen. They hand over the glasses and it’s more than clear there’s no intent to introduce her or ask her to join in, Luke does spare her a greeting smile and she sends her best one back before asking Emma to give her a second of her time. Snow white’s new house came with all the fixings essential to her, so in the back of the lawn there is a small playground with a small slide and a couple of swings that look almost sturdy.

Emma sits sideways on it, one leg in the front and the other in the back like the swing is a horse and Lily mirrors her and listens for the groan of the structure before deciding that it can take some of her back and forth movement. They’ve been there before, not quite there but in other pair of old swings going against their natural movement and looking straight at each other, daring the other to apologize, they used to have a spot. It's her turn, almost always – I’ve been going to therapy.

- Regina told me.

It’s just Lily coming close and then far away from her until she halts to a stop – Swan, I was… I don’t know what yet, or why. You know I’ve fucked up every good thing ever, and there were just a lot of good things then and I couldn’t handle it-

- It’s about control, you wanted to be the one to ruin it instead of it getting taken away from you.

She chuckles – My shrink agrees, I think I’m doing better now and I want you to know I really am sorry for the stuff I said and how I was acting and shit… Look- I lo- Dude, you mean a lot to me.

- Ugh, not this gay shit. – She holds out her hand and turns it into an accusatory finger before Lily can shake it – You get one more shot, but if you ever hurt my fragile little feelings like that ever again I swear to god I will cut you off for good, and I’m gonna tattle with Regina - Lily nods through a chuckle and takes the hand finally offered to her again, pulling Emma to her in a one-arm hug, and then pushing her way so the swing will start doing its job however sideways it’ll be. They fall in sync there for a second and Emma raises her foot to push Lily and herself by reaction some more – Ruby’s around.

The dragon points to her nose – I know.

- Mom made her show up for this lame party. Cross-dimensional travel for pigs in a blanket. Regina would never. – They smirk at each other and Emma tacks on – When they die I get this house, I don’t want any blood in my walls. Try to avoid her.

- Like the plague – She salutes. – And this is obviously the kid’s house. You get the shitty apartment.

- Right after I fucking told you not to hurt my fucking feelings.

From the kitchen Regina smiles as she sees Emma and Lily kick at each other some more to keep on swinging, she doesn’t need any enhanced hearing to see it is clearly friendly violence and at worst she’ll have to play for a set of swings for Neal to play with when he starts toddling around properly in his newfound space. She reaches for what looks like a mini hotdog from across the counter – Isn’t that adorable? Did you have swings in Germany?

- Did we have swings in Germany? - Maleficent laughs at her. Why would she even? They were having such a nice time. And now this is where they were in the span of one second. She takes one finger to trail Regina’s spine as she becomes upright again, the tiny hotdog-like snack forgotten, and her eyes narrowed at the outrage of being laughed at. An excellent look, in a truly boring soirée. Before Regina can tack on anything Mal takes one step closer – Darling, we had the best of swings in Germany. Really robust.

Regina lets her splay a hand on her lower back and goes back to her tiny snack – Your sister’s twins didn’t seem to get bored at all, but they had each other. Maybe we should invest in swings?

Mal chuckles as she pulls Regina impossibly closer and grins down at her – Ours will have plenty of company as well - Zelena had wobbled twelve feet away from them and Regina’s body temperature had gone up because of the sheer rage filling her veins, so even in the face of success it seems it remains a touchy subject and honestly, with boredom, Mal is not above ruining surprises – Would you keep a secret? My nose caught a curious thing earlier

- Well that depends on what it is it caught, doesn’t it? – Regardless, the grin Regina is throwing her way lets her know she is waiting almost eagerly, nothing better than being mildly devious at a completely pedestrian get together. Mal’s sure Regina shares her sentiment.

She leans down to press a slow kiss by the side of Regina’s neck and exhales softly by her ear, mindful of all the people milling just outside the kitchen’s threshold - The princess is pregnant.

- Already?! Neal can’t form one proper sentence. – She leans out of her embrace and Mal chuckles, her arms chasing after Regina to bring her back

- I am positive ours will be the most adorable one, though.

Regina seems to mull that over – I wouldn’t be too sure, Snow White looks like an infant even now, and Robin has proven to produce verifiably effective puppy eyes and dimples…

She takes one dainty bite of her dainty hot-dog as she weighs this information and Mal can’t help to grin down at her for a while – But by the gods, look at you, with your chestnut eyes and your lovely curls. I’m sure you make some lethally cute children.

Regina laughs as she finishes her food – Children? What are we going to do? Make another fire-breathing infant?

- We might grow bored later – Mal bends down to kiss Regina’s jaw playfully, nipping at it as she grabs one of the little things from the counter now that they passed the test of her wife’s exquisite appetite - Let’s name him after my father.

- What’s your father’s name?

- Drazenko. We can call him Draz for short even.

- Oh dear... – she laughs some more stepping away and watching as Mal grabs another tiny hot dog to drown her disappointment – Do you have an uncle?

Snow gathers her house-warming party is going well. David is grilling with the other guys, everyone is milling around just fine inside and by the alcohol runs she’s seen Emma made everyone must be having a great time outside too. No magical incidents and no sounds of glass being broken accidentally, it adds up to a very successful get together. So she’s very cheery approaching Red on the couch David insisted they kept, Snow sits by her and grins - So… anything you’re noticing… with your nose…?

Red shoots down her glass of scotch like it’s water – Yeah, that Lily’s been in this house recently. And since this is a brand new house, I have to think you’re cavorting with the enemy, today.

– It was rude to not invite her if I was having Regina, Mal, and Henry over. Have you seen her? Because I haven’t.

- Well the sheer smell is fucking annoying me, so.

She nudges her with her shoulder – Maybe you could smell something else?

- It doesn’t work like that, if it’s annoying my brain won’t focus on anything else.

- Oh goodness – Snow had known her fair share of heartbreak but never the romantic kind, she had laid eyes on Charming and he had been it for her. But for Red it had been different, after Peter she had seen her give herself to so many relationships from the start only for them to end poorly, Snow would never know how that felt. But still, with unrelenting will she would try to get her very best friend to see what had come and gone, but would always be there for her – Red, have you tried going to Kansas?

- I’ve told you, I did not know that girl enough to like her let alone fall in love with her.

- You don’t have to know her to know, not when there’s true love’s kiss. – With a small smile and her hands low on her belly she regards Red, who gives her… nothing.

-  Well fuck me then, I’ve got a wife. Don’t know what I’m doing here at all, I should get going home… shit I think we’re out of fabric softener! She’s gonna kill me if I don’t pass by the store before it closes!

She sighs almost imperceptibly and her head lands on her friend’s shoulder, hosting a succesful party is no easy task – Wasn’t Lily a stranger?

- A stranger I chose to get to know, and then started liking, and then chose to date, so then she could choose to stab me in the back. See, if don’t do the initial choosing then it will hurt even more when the other person chooses to stab me in the back.

It’s a waste of time, Snow decides, the stretch in the forest hadn’t helped quite yet. With her head still leaning against Red she sighs – I’m pregnant, congrats. You’re the godmother.

- Oh! Honey – she hesitates for one second but when she recovers she has the mind to drag a coaster over and drop her glass on it, loops an arm around Snow to trap her in a hug and drop a few kisses on her hair – I am so sorry Snow, look at you! You are pregnant, oh god, I am so so so sorry. I’d love to be the godmother! – The crushing celebratory hug continues unbidden for only a few seconds because Red tenses up and lets out a sigh – She’s coming.

- What? Who?

- Lily. Emma. A baby?

- What baby?

Red finally releases Snow and in their spot they both look up to catch Lily and Emma making an abrupt stop as they spot the wolf, whatever joke they shared dying. She looks at Emma with a raised eyebrow and the blonde just shrugs minutely as she mouths a Sorry her way, so much for not speaking to Lily. Red turns to the dragon, and frowns – Why do you smell like that? – Bypassing all the other issues at hand.

She looks down, at herself and comes back up perplexed – Hey, Ruby. I was kinda… avoiding you… but if we can go somewhere and talk? I am trying to do better and-

- Oh, so now you’re getting your shit together? Real nice. Hallelujah thank you Jesus, she is saved! – she throws her hands up in the air for a second and Snow loops an arm in hers to hold her down

- Shit, you didn’t deserve any of this… but c’mon don’t be a bitch about it right now. It’s your friend’s new house party thing – Lily dares point at Snow, who she apparently hadn’t even greeted when she came in and goes on – I am super fucking ashamed, and so sorry… you can beat me up another time if you want to.

- I’m being a bitch? Oh my god. Fuck your new enlightened self, how about that? – Snow’s grasp is stronger, but honestly if she wanted to beat her up she would’ve that first morning she confessed her fucking sins and she certainly can’t now that she smells of... kid? She narrows her eyes at her - You smell of hormones. Yes… baby dragon?

Lily’s entire body tenses up by Emma’s side, she doesn’t like whatever is building up in the room, interrupting is a mercy - How do you know what a baby dragon smells like Rubes? – And why the fuck is everyone avoiding the feet around the glass coffee table? Someone to stand between them and break the menacing eye contact would be good

- Well it’s a dragon, but small. – She finishes with force, not to be questioned apparently. – Snow stands and gets in front of her, shielding her of whatever it is that she wants to stir up with Lily, but the wolf can’t be stopped – Are you pregnant?

- Am I preg- Lily laughs – We are born out of eggs; how would you even smell an egg?

- You’re born out of eggs? – Emma pulls a face, a distraction  while she does the same her mother did, gets in between them in case she needs to stop something. Lily won’t budge either.

Ruby presses again – I’m sure they need attention, which means your body would produce some weird stuff, so, do you have an egg somewhere in your pockets?

- Are you accusing me of fucking some dude now?

She finally stands up and chuckles – Oh no, That’s unreasonable! – She motions to her from head to toe, and back - Obviously no dicks are necessary. It would explain your sudden need to go to therapy.

- Maybe I’m just trying to get better.

- Is there a baby? – Snow is no barrier for Red trying to get up in Lily’s face

Emma holds her ground some more and Lily answers from behind her - There is no baby!

- Well you obviously don’t care about me at all now because you can look me in the eye and lie. – She hisses it out and the whole situation escalates enough that Charming and Granny appear from some remote corner of the party ready to break up whatever people are starting to whisper about

They all kinda ignore him and Granny harrumphs as Lily presses her front to Emma’s back – Ruby you’re making a scene for nothing! And what if there is a baby? What the fuck is it to you? We broke up! – She really is doing better, when she’s not being spoken to like that

- It’s been like two months! But you’re right, why do I even think you’d care? We didn’t just break up you screwed a stranger while we were still together! Finding someone to have a kid with this quick isn’t even the worst thing you’ve done, I bet it’s true love even, right Snow?

Snow, long pushed to a side and almost in pain at seeing her friend driven to whatever this is, feels somehow worse at being pulled into the whole thing and doesn’t even get to formulate an answer before Lily pulls back Ruby’s attention – Oh yeah, you’re super fucking holy because you didn’t run to your destined girlfriend and chose me! I told you to fucking leave!

- Guess you were right, If I had maybe I’d have a kid

- For fuck’s sake! There is no baby!

Ruby lunges forward bounding over the table and pushing Emma to the side with a strong nudge that makes her trip on her own feet, David reaches for her to no avail while Granny tries to talk Red from doing anything rash. Still, her eyes flash yellow as she keeps going forward and Lily glares at her for it holding her ground, for one second it looks like they might really fight right there in Snow’s new living room, but before Ruby can reach her target Maleficent sweeps in from one side and stops Red’s advance by putting one hand on her chest and giving one strong push back – The child is Regina’s and mine, Lily’s merely been spending time with the egg. You need to calm down.

Snow sighs relieved in her spot, somehow she had forgotten their existence altogether. Regina appears by her side frazzled and she turns to her, so Mal’s pregnant? Well, she’s… whatever. That makes three then. She doesn’t really say anything, she can announce some other day. She tunes back in to the show, Red takes one step back but still looks like a caged animal – Your daughter-

- Did an awful thing to you. And I am sure she’s been infuriating throughout this discussion, it is a genetic fault of hers – Regina rolls her eyes and glances to see the damage, no one hurt, every onlooker expectant. Mal’s preternatural calm is at least working on the wolf, she tilts her head forward at her - However, it doesn’t need to come to blows. – She glances at Lily, and then at Granny - We will walk away.

Lily throws her hands up – I was just minding my business and she attacked me! I know I fucked up first but-

- Lily, walk. - Mal nudges her in the opposite direction of Ruby – Sometimes you have to let them attack you. We didn’t gift you with that bone structure for you to rile up a mongrel into breaking it.

- Do you want children?

Red drops herself in the kid’s slide on the backyard and Snow sits gingerly on the swing closest to her, watches her pass her arm over her eyes and laugh sardonically – Sure, not as an immediate thing, but family is important for me, for wolves. – She groans – And don’t get me wrong, you know I like Regina, I do. But Jesus fucking Christ, that woman was the devil for decades! And she gets to have children… impossible magical kids, plural? And Zelena! Did you see how pregnant Zelena is? And you know, - she flings her free arm in Snow’s direction – Just seems like I’ll always be behind the curve is all. Life doesn’t work out for me.

- There is no curve Red!

- Do you see any of our friends still dating? Can you think of one without kids? Even being like very loose about the word friend… Mulan and Kathryn? That’s it. And for one of them it’s voluntary. I have nothing going on. – She sits up and hangs her head between her legs – And I know what you’re about to say, Dorothy… It just feels like giving up, like I couldn’t do it on my own and I just gave in to whatever the universe said, or like no one else could put up with me and she has to.

Snow would be lying if she said she doesn’t see what Red means, for as long as she’s known her she’s lived for someone else’s cause, and in their story she’s a sidekick, then the curse relegated her to a servant of sorts and even after it broke there’s been nothing but helping them with their monthly crisis and serving them coffee the next morning. – I… understand. But I am sure that if you give her a chance you’ll see that even if those two things were true it wouldn’t matter, because it is so good, so right, that you know that given all the options in the world there is no one else in the universe you’d rather be with. Red you are one of the few lucky beyond measure to find something as strong as true love! A lot of people we know are married and they have children too, they kiss day in and day out and nothing happens, you found someone so attuned to you that before you knew each other fully your bond was stronger than everyone else’s. Don’t you want to at least try?

She sits up straight this time around, tilting her head up and dropping her hand to pass over the blades of grass between her fingers – You know, I disagree. What’s stronger than knowing you choose each other, day in and day out? Back in the Enchanted Forest and every day in that cave Maleficent held on to the last shred of humanity she saw in Regina and waited for her to come back to her, not because that was her only option in the vast sea of dragons and humans and everything she’d ever met, but because that’s the woman she chose to spend every single possible moment with; and every morning Zelena wakes up and looks at a man marked as her sister’s soulmate and decides to foster a relationship with him despite that bit of doubt nagging at her because at some point she decided he was worth getting over herself; and Kathryn and Fred agree that them having each other is all they need every single day without as much as a piece of paper to tie them together, all that freedom and no one roams anywhere. Sure, I’ll probably end up in Kansas some way or another, and I’ll want to be with Dorothy after we spend some time together, it’s not rocket science after all… but the whole thing robbed the choice from me, and I think that’s the best part even when I’ve been making shitty ones all my life.

Chapter Text

After roughly an hour of selecting the best-looking ingredients for the pot roast Regina’s promised her for dinner Mal can’t wait to get started on it, or for Regina to get started on it as she hovers annoyingly in the kitchen watching the process. She spots Regina outside on the stairs with a book and a blanket draped over her shoulders and lifts the four bags of things she’s bought when Regina spots her, sighing at what’s to come for her afternoon.

It seems like divine punishment then, when the iron on the gate burns her hand and something throws her three feet back at full force, a few of the potatoes rolling down the sidewalk with a carrot in tow when she lands on her ass. At least Regina is on her in one second, small mercies. She takes her hand on hers and the cooling feeling begins almost immediately as she crouches by her side instead of helping her up

- Mal! Oh god, I am so sorry! Are you okay?

She points at the potatoes with her free hand – Now I want that pot roast with more than a little spice. – Regina rolls her eyes when she sees she’s fine – Failed with your spells dear? You must be feeling all kinds of embarrassed now. The children laugh at me, but you bear that shame alone.

Regina turns on her spot towards Lily’s window, and she ducks almost immediately, leaving Emma and Henry squeezed against the glass and wide eyed. She motions for all three of them to come down and helps Mal up as they do, picking up the stray vegetables and putting them in their bags, kissing Mal on the cheek for her trouble and still clutching her burned hand between hers.

When they come through the door and down the path Regina produces a knife from thin air and Lily stops in her tracks when she sees it. Emma who’s been the victim of more than one assassination attempt from Regina figures one more can’t hurt and goes all the way up to her with Henry in tow. – Did she cheat? Are we banning her from the house? Should I take the bags with the food?

- Well aren’t you eager, Miss Swan. – Mal eyes her as she rubs on her hand, Regina releasing her at last

- Someone has to be blonde around here.

Regina passes the bags to Henry instead, heavier than they look like. She checks on his stance and when she’s sure his back won’t suffer too much she goes on as she coaxes Lily through the gate – Blood magic, for the baby. I need you two to cast the spells.

Lily frowns and stares at the knife some more - Blood magic?

- It took me years to get here and your daughter gets the lesson at the same time? She doesn’t even know what it is! I want a refund!

- My god, are you always on? – She changes her knife hand to grab Lily’s arm and pass it back and forth over the threshold easily

- Well that solves that mystery. She didn’t cheat… then. For now, congrats, the kid is yours – It’s such a funny quip, they both turn and give her the exact same unamused expression even. And then Regina does the same to Emma, and she puts up a fight – No, no… grab Henry! Grab your wife again! She’s sturdy – Regina pulls her to the gate anyways and holds her there for a hot excruciating second to show the protective barrier in action as she squirms, and her skin starts to burn – At least let it throw me away!

Henry’s eyes open up wide as Emma begs – You wanted her to grab me?

Regina releases the arm on her hands and Emma stumbles back, doing her best to remain standing and immediately healing her little burn, scrunching up her nose while shrugging in Henry’s direction – It’d be a new experience, I’ve gotten my hand burnt before.

- Blood magic, it only allows blood relatives to access whichever counter spell for whichever situation. Handy when you can trust your family. – She looks at Lily pointedly and smiles – Lucky mother is dead then. I need your blood to ensure Mal can get inside the house, and Emma’s to ensure Henry can. It seems I didn’t think this through when I casted them a few minutes ago – she turns her arm and raises her sleeve to show a cut there and prods at it, pitch black as it is – Seems it was for naught.

- Oh shit that is… not encouraging mom. Can’t you heal it? – her hand lifts of its own volition to touch the ooze and Regina moves her arm back

 - All magic comes with a prize – Mal recites and helps Henry with some of the bags now that her hand seems to be back to normal – Perhaps we should just sit here. You’re out now, you can’t come in until this is done.

He drops his bags happily and sits on the sidewalk by Mal, looking up at whatever is going to happen - So, people who aren’t blood related to us won’t be able to come in and take the egg…

Lily motions Emma’s way - what about… um… Mary Margaret and David, and other relatives of…

Emma gasps dramatically – How dare you imply my noble bloodline would ever! What about Zelena?

Regina glares at Emma and reaches out for Lily’s arm – There’s no reason to distrust any of them right now, and as far as we know we’ve all reached a wall when it comes to extra relatives. We need Henry to be able to come in.

- And me. – Emma ads, cracking her knuckles

- You I would cast off if it meant never hearing your running commentaries again but knowing you, you would start texting.

- You love me. It’s only a matter of Mal cheating soon.

She laughs from the ground – Soon?

- I’m sure you have options. If it didn’t mean too much blonde energy together, I’d consider it.

Mal looks at her pensively - I am almost positive you dye your hair

Emma’s hands shoot up at her curls - Take that back! - Mal’s laughter rings around and Lily rolls her eyes at them, in sync with Regina’s own exasperated huff.

And the brunette crouches in front of the gate, with one palm splayed on the floor and the other pressing around her wound until almost-black blood starts running from the cut to it. It’s less than a minute before it touches the floor and a strange looking circle with lines and stuff inside of it appears and glows purple for one second before it fades, leaving a burnt print on their floor. Regina smudges her blood across it and takes one deep, dramatic breath before standing back up and finding Lily tilting her head towards it with a frown.

- I’ve undone my spell - She explains and holds her arm up to the show the skin knitting itself back together slowly - You need to trace it. Half a circle each.

Lily sees the cut, looking nasty as ever and pulsing even when it’s healing. The veins around it carrying something to it, and shudders – Right. Let’s get this shit done then. Hand me the knife.

Emma breaks her staring match with Mal and jumps over Henry to come over to the circle – I know this one. If you’re gonna do like co-op blood magic you cut each other, and take each other’s blood, but don’t mix it, and trace the rune at the same time, and we’re basically married now.

Regina turns, surprised - You read mother’s books.

Lily turns, horrified - We’re married?!

Regina mollifies her by putting a hand on her arm – Often magic runs in the family, so at the time the book was written the only use to commingling blood magic was marriages between casters of different families that needed to get something done. It doesn’t marry you in any way.

- Ah but it assumes we’re married. Stab me sweetums – She presents her forearm and Lily wants nothing more than to do it and plunge the finger in the wound, so she’ll stop being so annoying but then she remembers how gross the entire thing is. Still she takes the dagger from Regina and cuts Emma where Regina herself is cut, and watches her do the same, letting out one harsh breath through her nose at the small pain.

Emma plants her hand on the pavement in what should be Lily’s half of the circle and Lily follows her lead by crossing her arm over hers reaching for the other side. Mal, Henry and Regina watch as the blood connects with the pavement and the circle glows both very bright white and very dark gray. Emma’s the first to lift her hand and swipe a finger over the trail of blood on Lily’s arms and she does the same. Regina takes one deep breath – Do try to color inside the lines.

At the same time they start tracing the pattern, making sure to cover roughly the same area on their side and to finish on the opposite side of the circle joining their fingers at the end. Staying within the design isn’t too hard, the thing guides their fingers more than they do and Lily watches as something trails down her veins and to her finger as it goes. At the end her finger reaches Emma’s and the design glows once more a mixed hue of their initial colors, light gray with a bit of sparkle too, and it burns itself onto the pavement once more before disappearing as quickly as it showed up when Regina touched the ground earlier.

She feels her mother’s hand on her shoulder and stands again, her cut and Emma’s turning black like hers had been. She eyes it for a second, and her finger then, bright red still. It’s Mal who chuckles – Might as well. – Might as well what? She is questioning herself, but her finger moves to her mouth of its own volition.

Emma gags as she frowns - That is super fucked up and I want a divorce.

- What stops me from munching on you if we get a divorce?

Regina frowns as well – I have a feeling you've just made a terrible decision.

Mal stands suddenly, now that she can enter her home freely again and Lily’s taken one more step in every possible direction, eyeing her bags to find the right one – I have just the chicken thigh for you. It is a delicacy, freshly plucked and from a nearby farm, not like those frozen ones your mother likes to buy.

Henry wrinkles his nose like a boy who’s seen raw meat being consumed more than once but still won’t accept it; and the neighbor slows his pace as he comes from walking his dog eyeing them all strangely. Emma chooses to wave the bloody hand at him with a smile and he bends down and picks up his dog with no rush to get inside, both Mal and Regina wave as well and he answers curiously. Mal resumes her talk of raw chicken and Emma grabs Henry by the shoulders - And she kisses your mother with that mouth.

- After a thorough rinse I assure you.

- No, I bet you scrape it right out with your tongue. Blood and all.

- Ew. – He dislodges himself and moves towards the house, not even waiting for someone to check that the spells were casted well – That’s so gross Ma, Jesus.

They go in one by one until there’s only Regina and her leaning against the gate watching the other neighbors peek out their windows every once in a while. Funny how you can’t spend ten minutes bleeding on your own gate without word spreading around. She nudges Regina with her elbow – Did you guys like to bathe in virgin blood for youth and then screw or something like that?

- Aw, thank you for calling me young, Miss Swan. It's the little details.

- I'm telling people you just said aw

She cackles as she turns and swings the gate open - Good luck with that endeavor. 

Chapter Text

- Why doesn’t he just live here? – Henry asks as he comes out of his room with every single item of clothing wrinkled and his hair standing up, and it makes Emma jump from her spot on the couch.

She had been so lulled watching Luke kneading a dough into submission that whatever Henry had said didn’t even register completely. She turns to him as she calms her speeding heart – Good morning kid, what was that?

- Luke – he gives the man in question a head nod as he passes the doorway to the kitchen on his way to the couch next to her – Why hasn’t he moved in?

- Well… - She turns to watch him again, crouching to put the bread in the plug-in counter oven he bought her just to be able to ensure they had freshly baked breakfast goods when he did spend the night. He dusts his hands on his apron that he leaves on the perch by the fridge and takes out his orange juice that’s a different brand than Emma and Henry’s – Well… we just started dating a few months ago, so…

- Mal just moved in one afternoon, like a week in.

- Mal knew your mother from like five decades ago, and they’re weird – He gives her one of those looks that lets her know Regina is with them in spirit and Emma shrugs – Kid, that’s a big decision for people, we would’ve had to talk about it a lot and then ask you, and you know, Regina probably…

- I’m only here like five days a month – he rolls his eyes as he dives for the remote as if he owns the place though, Saturday morning cartoons aren’t bad just yet – And mom likes Luke more than she likes you probably

- Wow. That one hurt.

Truth is, Emma had obviously thought about it. The bakery opens one hour later on the weekends so on those days Luke could afford to stay over, they’d eat breakfast and then he’d walk back home and spend until mid-afternoon on the job, sometimes Emma’d go hang out in the back with him if Henry wasn’t her responsibility, she’d been picking up some tricks and could now almost produce cookies good enough to sell. It was beyond nice, but he would have to leave his parents’ place and inconvenience himself by having a commute, sure it’s like ten minutes if he drives but still, he loves living on top of the bakery, it’s been his life for three decades.

And on a deeper level she knows she’s just scared and avoiding the likely rejection she’d get for even asking. Plus, asking would imply she wants to make it permanent, and is it permanent? Is she ready for it to be permanent? Is she willing to get married? Sign up for the adoption newsletters and start trying for kids like he obviously wants for his life, it’s a slippery slope, bringing cohabitation up at all.

She’s chewing on that one when he drops himself by her side, snatching the remote out of Henry’s hand as he goes. It makes the kid jump across her to take it back and she groans under their swatting arms – Shower! Both of you! – for a second they both freeze and make eye contact but the kid’s lighter, quicker and less entangled with her, he jumps over the back of the couch and bounds to the bathroom before Luke can even think to stand.

He chuckles as he turns the TV off altogether – This musk is the flavor on the bread.

- Jesus, I might skip it this morning. - He hugs her with his mildly damp arms anyways and gets comfortable to enjoy his post-baking almost nap, he does wake up super early to mix, knead, let it rest, then knead a bit again and bake. Henry’s wormed his way into her head though, damn kid – Would you want us to live together? Like, not now obviously but like eventually we could like, get used to this and we’d just get up earlier so you can still open-up the bakery?

He pops one eye open before reaching up to drag his curls out of his face with one hand, returning it to Emma’s arm right afterwards – Emma, I would love to.

- You would? – She turns in his arms with a grin as big as she can manage – Me too! Shit, okay. I can start training, like just move all my clothing to one side, all five tank tops. – She motions off to the left by his head and he chuckles moving up to take her hands

- There’s much more closet space at my house – she lifts both her eyebrows and he sighs – My parents are looking for a new place to stay, ground floor or one with an elevator, mom has been getting winded and- he’s always chipper and strong but right there he stops and clears his throat to quash a knot – It might be a silver lining.

- Oh, I’m so sorry – Mrs. Baker is as the men in her life, jovial and loving, very into bread – This is probably all part of her plan! She’s asked me for grandkids three times, she’s getting desperate but we’re smarter, we'll just get a dog, name it after her.

He chuckles under her gaze, and raises their joint hands to kiss hers once, as she settles in his arms again and pats his belly, making him keep his good mood – She was sick, before the curse she had a few weeks left and then for twenty-eight years she was perfect… but it broke and now it’s just… it’s nothing close to whatever it was back in the forest, it’s just old age catching up to her probably

- She’s great. She’s lived two awesome lives, made an awesome man. We’ll make sure to let her know all this and stay by her side. And pay two rents like we’re doing now but in a super effective manner now, ´cause it’ll be two and two and Henry kinda, and the dog we’re naming after your mother.

- You know, we don’t pay rent anymore.

- But Gold owns almost all the real estate in this town, except for places people’s bought from him since the curse broke.

- A handful of us had a different deal with Mr. Gold, we were paying but it wasn’t rent, it was a mortgage to own the place when we were done. Ours was for twenty years – Emma gapes at him and he shrugs - After the curse broke and things settled down, Miss Belle and Her Majesty talked to him, he agreed to waive the contracts of people who had paid their debt… after all the money is in his bank account. He even gave us checks with what we’d overpaid.

- Holy shit, Regina does like you better than she does me

He shrugs under her weight – We were friendly, as much as someone with her position in society could be with someone in mine.

- I think if we redeem our combined Regina-friend points we can get like at least a free vacation or something – she chuckles – oh, a set of wine cups so we feel adult.

He smiles – Our own set of wine cups

She smiles too - For our new place, that’ll probably be your current place after I’m done with the two months of the lease I have on this place.

- Perfect timeframe to think it through.

- I lied earlier, the jackets take up a lot of closet space. Just FYI.

Chapter Text

There are only two other lesbians in town, at least according to Emma’s obviously flawed gaydar that Regina flew under for years. Still, she’d had good intentions when telling Lily about the other two lesbians in town: first of them Jenna Smith, daughter of the popular smith in town, very into melting metal into general weaponry nobody really needs anymore, and the other one is called Candace with no relevant last name whatsoever, elementary school teacher and therefore mildly friendly to Snow White (who is on the fast track to becoming monarch of the Storybrooke Public School System if left to her own devices). So obviously, the first one.

Because of her love of hammering things into new exciting and pointy shapes with nothing but her bare hands, Jenna could be found in the local gym often, or so Emma had told Lily before inviting her to work out on Saturday morning, early enough there’s some overlap but not early enough it looks weird they’d show up there on a day in which Emma generally doesn’t go; she doesn’t have a lot of subtlety in her but Lily also doesn’t have plans for the time in question so she agrees.

Storybrooke wasn’t big in any sense of the word so really, it makes no sense that their wellness center is so cushy and well furnished, which is also a thought Lily’d had the one time she went into the hospital and the time she went into the library, so maybe Regina’s curse is just kind on the public spaces. Not only is there a gym, there’s a volleyball court, a basketball one, a tennis one with the proper nets in place to stop the balls from killing anyone playing the previous two sports and there’s an indoor pool which will never see a single hair of Lily.

And as fate would have it, Henry’s invited by his grandmother to play volleyball with the princesses and Regina “hasn’t visited the wellness center in a while” so they all end up going, except Mal who chuckles at the notion of exercise, especially when the new season of a show she likes has just appeared on Netflix as if by magic. Thankfully, they split right up when they arrive, and she goes after Emma tying her hair up as she walks.

Emma grows super fucking tired of her in the first ten minutes of their exercising. Cycling seems like a fun cardio starter, just sitting down and rolling the pedal thingies and just going nowhere? Fucking gold. Except it seems Lily doesn’t really feel the challenge, even with the resistance dial turned all the way up. They’re gonna be there for twenty minutes and Emma’s already flushed in sweat, she turns once to her right to see Lily answer a text and drops her head as she stands to finish her warm up in an ascent, it’s gonna be two hours of hell.

A trainer must see her close to passing out on the bike because he approaches them with a water bottle, Emma holds out her hand as he reaches them… but he offers it to Lily with a smile

She frowns – Dude, do I look like I need some water? - Emma lets out a completely involuntary huff and reaches to snatch the rejected bottle from his hand, letting them do the talking

- I meant no offense, Your Highness. It’s your first time here, I want you to know I am here if you need anything. – he sets both his big hands on the bike’s handles and looks at the difficulty setting, impressed – My name is Greg, you can ask for me in the front desk if you don’t see me.

Lily kinda smiles, a little - Oh, you’re one of mom’s… fans. – Emma huffs, the white kingdom’s citizens are just a bunch of annoyingly nice people she now has to say hi to in the street, but Lily and Henry get voluntary servants all the time.

He almost smiles at her too - I am a member of the royal guard.

Emma snorts – In present tense?

Regina’s workout buddy had been Kathryn, for three spotty decades, she wasn’t particularly athletic but she did like the excuse to meet, bitch and then have an earned drink so, like many other times that Saturday morning she showed up reluctantly, and walked as Regina jogged in the treadmill next to hers – Must you keep this running nonsense up? You had the power of stasis by your side and knew it, and now you’ve got the power of super slow aging and know it… relax.

- You see, you can’t expect your men to die in a war for you if you can’t even ride into battle with them. – She takes one deep breath, to reset her monologue timer - Now it’s just nice every once in a while.

 - Treadmill work is what gets men to “die for you”?

- I used to train with them every few weeks, cardio with a sword, shield and the twenty pounds of armor they carry on them, after that there is a sense of camaraderie you can’t shake. – She winks and picks at her thin shirt – This is a walk in the park.

She laughs and tightens her ponytail unnecessarily, it gives her something to do with her hands besides choking herself for agreeing to this, why can’t they ever hang out on her terms?  – You were doing way too much, Sir Regina.

Regina turns to her, making her own ponytail chart a strange trajectory –You laugh, but I don’t see any of the gilded guard still milling around you. – Kathryn opens her mouth and Regina rolls her eyes before she can even make her witty regard – Besides the one you left cleaning up your house on a Saturday morning.

As if on cue one mountain of a man presents Regina with a water bottle and a gruff – Majesty.

- Thank you, Greg. Regina will do just fine.

He gives a look that says it won’t do as he bows his head at them just so and goes on his way. Kathryn laughs again – Does he paint houses? Fred can’t manage by himself.

Emma had a routine, Greg didn’t seem to love it but he left them to it, so it probably won’t kill them. Or at least not Lily who had breezed through the first exercise without seeing much to it. The second one was just as meh, so in the third one Lily decides that she’ll double Emma’s weight, just to see if that’s what’s up.

It is what’s up, she goes 2.5x for the second set and she can finally see the advantages to this gym thing, it’s almost fun – Dude, this shit is cool. What do we call these?

- Bench presses… - She leaves her position by Lily’s head to eye the discs on the side of the bar and then bends down to watch her lift the equivalent of a mildly fat person easily – What the fuck do they feed you?

She finishes her twenty reps and puts the bar back in place, sitting up to reach for her water with a shrug – It’s the dragon blood probably… so now this bicep shit and we circle back to these?

- Yeah… - Why is fate so cruel?

- What freak of nature did you spawn? - Regina whips around to glance wherever it is Kathryn is glancing at and smiles as she spots Lily with a set of weights three times the size of Emma’s, not only doing the reps without breaking a sweat but also having the mental capacity to produce a breeze strong enough to make the blonde stumble to the side as she tries for a lunge. Kathryn chuckles – If that’s a half-breed… can Maleficent lift a car?

Regina’s actually seen Lily lift the corner of her own car many times, so probably – Mal just… reads. How is it that the saying goes? She’s a lover, not a fighter.

- Regina, are you the man in this relationship? With your queen’s-guard friends and all your swords. Cora would be appalled… well you did impregnate her twice, I don’t know why I’m surprised

Yes, indeed. Which is also why she can lift her middle finger to her friend before fixing her hair, once the disappointment ship has sailed it has sailed. A thought occurs to her – Would you have surrendered? – Kathryn lifts her eyebrow and Regina motions to Lily – The way it stands right now, I have two dragons to defend my kingdom, Snow’s falls to Henry eventually, kill George and his kingdom goes to David, which means it inevitably falls to Henry as well. You’re all that’s left in the way of my children, we could unify the land. Would you have signed it over?

- Maybe I would have married that one, how hard can it be? She looks like she’d be easily seduced.

It is apparently super entertaining to watch, in all their circuit Lily had either doubled or tripled Emma’s weight and even done more reps while the blonde caught up. The bits of cardio she’d barely felt and, between sets she was playing with whatever she could get her hands on while Emma panted by her side, hands on her knees and every bit of visible skin red as hell. By the time they get to the pull ups Emma does hers as Lily does hers with Henry clinging to her back, he’d come in to see the show like the other people around the gym that kinda wanted to throw more weight on her to test her limit.

They get to fifteen before Emma gives up and drops herself from the bar to then just lay on the floor with her arms splayed around. Lily drops the kid, who bounds off with some beefy dude, and then jumps down easily with a smile – I got a little carried away-

- You broke her – Lily is on the way to an apology when she's interrupted by what has to be the reason they’d even gone to the gym in the first place – And I don’t appreciate that, we train together in the week.

- Yeah…- Jenna Smith, local baby smith that makes weapons for the deranged that are still buying weapons is not like a regular TV show smith. For one there is no soot on her body, no extreme body hair and no foreign material teeth, she has nice soft brown eyes and her hair is the perfect step between blonde and chestnut, barely held together in a bun. The only thing they’d gotten right is the muscle, for whatever good reason, her workout outfit includes no shirt and the sweat really makes the abs pop. Lily stops the ogling – Yeah no, I mean, she told me… that she has a workout buddy! Not about you specifically... I’m Lily-

- I know, I’m Jenna. Not that Emma told you. Will you start training with us then? Might have to step up if we’re gonna keep up with a dragon. – she eyes her scrawny little form for one second, obviously about to try to rip her in half… or something

Good that the water bottle is the kind with the weak-ass plastic that wrinkles because Lily reaches for it, drinks what’s left in it in one go and wrings it to the width of a straw while she calms down – Yeah, Imma think about it. Cool meeting you.

- Right, maybe I’ll see you later then Lily. – She glances off the side to Emma – Ems, you okay?

Emma can manage a thumbs up from her spot, lifting her own shirt to swipe the sweat around her eyes as the woman leaves. With her remaining energy Emma manages a swat to Lily’s ankle – Good then? Or is it like two tough ones can’t – she tries to motion scissoring but she’s just so tired

- Oh no, excellent.

Emma Swan drags herself in miserable shape to the treadmills to try to finish her workout with some light walking as Lily decides she might go for a fucking game of basketball with the three dudes that just came in with a ball, and if anyone can play basketball after almost two hours of a workout, it’s Lily. – I hate your daughter – she manages as she passes Regina’s own treadmill, sped up for the last few minutes of her run

- It is almost poetic. Mother was so very ticked by whatever her interactions with Eva were that she devoted her life to making me miserable until I was prettier, better behaved, richer and with better status than whomever Eva spawned, and at the end she still had to sell me into the very family she hated. Fast-forward one generation and I have so effortlessly achieved what she ran us to the ground for.

- Are you going to make us ask? – Kathryn chuckles as she can finally shut off her infernal machine and Emma flings an arm to get Regina to get to the point, how can she monologue while running so fast?

- Is there one single thing in which Lily doesn’t surpass you? – she finally hits the cool down button and the machine slows to a walking pace – It counts as injury to Snow, to mother, and to you… perhaps even to Rumple, whose son was so terribly… unremarkable and whose grandson I had to take in because of his sheer mediocrity at life. It just works on so many levels. I would’ve basked in it in 2011.

She would’ve basked in it more, she means. Emma sighs. Lily is already better at magic with a third of the training, she is obviously physically superior so the other stuff shouldn't even count, you know, the sword fighting and horse riding and archery and not having to put on contact lenses in the morning and the many sports they’ve tried jokingly on the weekends… - She can’t swim.

- And you can?

- Well, I won’t drown.

Regina chuckles – And you have much prettier eyes.

Emma gasps and abandons all pretense of walking –Kathryn is here, you can’t get this reckless with it! Maleficent would burn my house if she heard, we need to keep this affair private.

Lily bounds from a side banging on all the treadmills with a grin, ignoring any and all previous conversation and clutching a piece of paper with two phone numbers in her hand – Greg is training me.

Emma groans – What the fuck for? The Olympics?

She shrugs – I’d never exercised a day in my life. If I can do all this just fucking around imagine what I can do if I focus.

Kathryn loves Regina but Regina and all her strays always prove to be too much to bear, she starts getting off the treadmill as soon as she spots Henry glancing their way  – Cora damaged you, but you haven't had enough time to damage her, and the one you could have damaged is just fine over there… that’s how I know megalomania is hereditary.

Chapter Text

Lily freezes at the sight before her, not only is Mal seemingly cooking but she is wearing an apron and everything, a youtube tutorial walking her through making pancake batter as she bends down to pay attention to the tiny image coming from her phone. Lily laughs, taking a seat on the island and summoning an apple from the bowl with a smile – Wow mom, what’s got you making us breakfast?

- That’s a very wide net you’re casting – she waves an arm back to shut her up – I’m making Regina breakfast.

She snorts – Smart. You gotta kill us one by one so people won’t get suspicious – She takes a few bites of her fruit and waits for Mal to drag the progress bar back before she speaks again, trying to make her fume – it’s not her birthday though.

She pauses the video and turns back with a dopey smile – I love you and I say this as crassly as possible in the hopes that you will leave, and this house will be child-free until at least lunch time. – Lily frowns – Your mother fucked the soul out of my body last night, to the point I was too spent to even repay the favor and fell asleep in a matter of seconds. So, I let her sleep, am making her breakfast, and hope to reciprocate later.

Apple ate completely she has no reason to continue to take the abuse to her mental health in the kitchen, and she does have a workout scheduled, plus an almost coffee date. So, she will indeed get the fuck out. Lily huffs as she reaches into the freezer for whatever raw thing she can now stomach, and Mal gives her a mega-watt smile from her spot, whisk in hand. They love how put together she’s been. – Ok, fuck you too mom. Bye.

- Not this morning, it’s all about your mother!

She’d lied, just enough Lily’d leave. She had no untoward intentions for the morning, in fact she went as far as to get clothed before going down to attempt to cook and her first act after putting down the tray was grabbing Regina’s robe from its place in the clothes hanger and all but draping it over the comforter before waking her wife up with a kiss on the temple and a poke to the region where the ribs should be.

Regina groans before fighting her eyes open and stretches with a yawn, before squinting up at her – Is it… not sunrise? I must have really worn you out.

- Don’t flatter yourself – She settles down on her side of the bed with a chuckle – I’ll flatter you. Although I woke up according to my regular schedule, I felt the urge to put together breakfast as a thank you.

Regina raises an eyebrow as she spots the tray by her legs and chances one bite of a perfectly cooked sausage – I am beyond flattered. – She sits up even to risk her life with the rest of the plate and chuckles as Mal wraps her in her robe as she goes, Regina chuckles – And surprised. You have somewhere you need me to be?

- Au contraire – she moves under the covers, ditching her own robe over the head of the bed to Regina’s chagrin – I plan to stay in bed for hours yet to come enjoying your fine company. I just miss having you all to myself, the children are getting invasive – Mal says just before moving for the spoon with leftover syrup

Regina all but pulls it out of her mouth – And unnamed baby number three will be here soon.

Mal hums, oddly focused on the spoon, as she drops an arm around Regina – And they keep hovering. You’d think I was indeed pregnant.

- Yes, we’re practically fighting over you. – Regina laughs over a bite of pancake

- It is exhausting to be coveted like this – she smiles – however did you manage? A Queen is wanted everywhere, at all times.

- Yet, you often abandon me to go do laps in the sky.

Mal laughs as Regina spoons some eggs and hums, very surprised – You often say I should let you get work done.

- And you believe me? Fool. – she kisses her properly, and then puts the robe on – never leave my side ever again.

Regina does not fight asleep if she’s comfortable, so for hours she is in and out of their conversation. It’s hard, when Mal’s put on soft music on the speaker and talks with the calm of the water in a lake, strokes her arm softly and plays with her hand lightly, there’s no noise outside, Henry gone to Emma’s and Lily gone to her errands.

For a minute Regina comes to and lets Mal know this in a low mumble and the blonde chuckles, fully awake and enjoying the dead weight Regina becomes when the ambiance lets her. She moves her hand to the ends of Regina’s hair, where it curls without her permission when it dampens and wraps it around her finger, careful not to tug and smiling wondering if maybe… She sighs as she feels a shudder – Dragons take their time to hatch – Regina hums, still present but not for too long – the process is long, they start stirring and fighting the constrain, and it is generally hours until they finally manage to break free of the egg. But it’s blink and you miss it then. – Regina rolls off her just enough she can smile up at her, dopey, still quite not grasping it. And Mal kisses her nose with a laugh – Our son might be born any minute now, you might want to wake up for that.

It takes her maybe five seconds to open her eyes fully and sit up rubbing at her face – What?! We haven’t babyproofed! And the nursery! And- Well, stand up! – she’s halfway off the bed, and pulling Mal out with her before deciding to just ditch her and move into the closet, coming out with sweatpants and a soft cotton long-sleeve shirt, pulling sneakers on with no socks in sight – Mal!

- Darling, he’ll be born where he is and he will be fine. – She chuckles as she stands and Regina drops the shoes – grab some cushions. I’ll find towels, old, of course. We’ll be fine. – Very calm, for now.

The cushions, turns out, are for them, because they sit on the ground for over half an hour watching the egg roll this way and that, shudders and thuds coming from it. Regina sits with her back to Mal’s front and tries to prevent it from hitting the hardened walls of the cave she’d replicated in their basement. And every few minutes Mal breathes fire its way over Regina’s shoulder making it even more restless, and they wait, chuckling at how they don’t have to protect the baby from the house but the complete opposite.

But at the end, in the 38^th minute of the recording Regina had the mind to start with Henry’s equipment a claw breaks through the hard surface of the egg and an entire wing follows, the rest of the shell all but falling apart as he stretches and coughs erratic fire at it, trying to lift himself up away from it even. Regina reaches for him first, leaning away from Mal and for a second he glances her way curiously before clutching at her sleeve and climbing up quickly, she laughs a wet chuckle mixed with a hiss as her shirt is instantly torn to shreds and her arm stars bleeding from the deep cuts he makes wherever he steps – Well, this is going to be fun – he breathes fire again and it burns a hole clean through the other sleeve, at least her fire repellent daily tea does work. She reaches up for him, covered in some warm slick substance as he is – Oh you’re beautiful – she glances quickly at Mal with a smile and back to their son – Welcome home, Drazenko.

Mal exhales behind her, air rushing out of her – Drazenko – she mutters in her guttural language and it pulls his attention immediately, eyes fixed on Mal’s. Regina eyes them both, frozen in their assessment of each other, she chuckles again and sets him down, urging him to Mal who simply watches in awe as she stumbles forward and onto her lap. In a daze she grabs for the towel with warm water she’d prepared to clean him up and tears up as he settles comfortably, still doing his best to torch their clothing – Drazenko – she calls him again in English and he glances up, growling for the very first time in her arms.

It’s a few minutes of getting used to him, Regina snaps pictures through her own tears, nevermind the other camera still shooting, and Mal watches in awe as he moves around, or on them, easily and with no fear of jumping from one to the other. No sooner has Regina healed a cut he makes another mesmerized with the way she can simply make them go away, he prowls around the tripod with distrust and claws at the bits of shell left behind, sinks his toothless gums in their legs and arms… he’ll be a nightmare when he’s teething surely. But Regina can’t fault him for it, delighted as she is as he bats his wings and lifts himself a single inch from the ground confused and trying to jump over Mal’s form where she is sprawled on the floor and luring him this way and that with bouts of fire and another, blood-stained, towel. She’s on cloud nine, has barely said a word and is crying through the entire ordeal but every time she mutters Drazenko and he stands to attention, her lips form a smile Regina wants to bottle up.

In one mildly successful jump though he sees himself in peril when he lifts himself three inches from the ground and the cloud of smoke envelops him, dark green, and drops a baby on Mal’s stomach, who shoots up to support him as he gets used to his new form, wailing to signal he is now living well beyond his body’s means – Oh yes it hurts, doesn’t it? It is quite awful, but we’ll get through it.

It’s abysmal, Mal knows it, Regina knows it, Draz knows it and turns to the other mother he has and in the blink of an eye he disappears from between Mal’s hands and appears on the floor, crawling towards Regina with the ease of a child that’s been doing it for months already. – Oh dear, we’re in for a few years of hell - Regina picks him up with a laugh and sees if Mal is disconsolate at his decision – It hurts?

- It’s horrific - For one second it looks like she might even get it together, but she looks at him for a second, unlike Lily his hair is curled and his eyes are deep brown… doesn’t take a lot to guess he’ll look just like the woman rubbing his back, and she loses it again as she drags herself to Regina’s side, dropping her head on her lap and playing with his feet as they kick her way – For so long I’ve wondered… how being with Lily would have felt… this is- she glances up when Regina releases a hand to reach down and wipe her tears and it only makes her more… whatever it is she’s feeling, her voice breaks even – This is transcendent.

With a kid she can more or less handle already in her arms she focuses on Mal some more, reaching for her hand and bringing it up to kiss the back of it – It’s a first for both of us indeed. – She blows a raspberry on Draz’ cheek and he’s confused enough to slow his crying to a mild sob –it’s only a quick pop baby – her lips pop with the word and he almost giggles at it calming down enough Regina deems it reasonable to return him to Mal, laying him on her chest

They eye each other with an almost scary attention, and she speaks again – There were days in which all I could think of was how I couldn’t know if she had hatched, they took her and… I wasn’t even close enough to know, I couldn’t feel her – he senses her distress and claps both hands over her cheeks with a loud smack, makes her smile just enough she focuses on his weight again, and his scent, and the fact that they have a healthy boy with them. She’s so grateful for it all, so over these tears that won’t stop.

Regina lays by their side, making sure the cushions are under her head of course – I would burn this planet to the ground before I let anything happen to our family.

- I know – Mal chuckles through her crying and the baby on top of her sighs as he settles down – I love you, and your spawn over here – she takes a hand to his back and reaches up with a finger for his tuff of dark hair

- At least we can be sure it’s mine.

- I’ll notify my other paramours. They will be saddened by the news.

Regina glances Mal’s way for a while, a uses her thumb to wipe the very last tears away, kissing her on the temple before smiling and standing up – Mal, I love you too. Deeply. – She moves around picking up the mess while she hums and Mal shifts between glancing at her and staring intently into their son’s eyes

Until she stirs and chuckles, setting the baby down on the towel with no blood on it – Prepare.

Prepare? For what? But before she can ask Lily thunders down the stairs loud enough Regina can hear as well, and throws the door open, panting, which makes Drazenko start wailing again for one single second before the cloud of smoke engulfs him again and drops a small dragon in their midst, shrieking this time around, and after his sister Henry follows close behind. Lily points at Mal sprawled on the floor – You got rid of me on purpose.

- Cool!

Mal keeps a soothing hand on the baby’s spine - Surely, we could’ve waited for them to return by their own means

Regina smiles and keeps on tidying up – We had an hour, dear. I had to tell them. - It’s Henry who approaches him first, crouching down and making him skitter towards Regina’s legs. He straightens again and Regina reaches for his arm – You’re going to need a full suit of armor before you can hold him.

- What’s his name? – He still rolls down his sleeve, tugs it to clench his fist over the cuff and shows him his arm just in case and for a moment the small dragon stares and forgets to cry

- Drazenko – Mal says, and Lily repeats in the same foreign, awed whisper Mal had first used. He responds to that and she crouches by Henry to let him climb all the way to her shoulder, liking the height when she stands up. Henry pouts just enough she notices, and she chuckles as she helps him settle on his head, claw coming dangerously close to an eye.

Regina cringes and shoots forward to pry him away, healing the small cut on Henry’s forehead as she does – Okay, we will need to sort that out – Draz bats a wing and she swerves her head out of the way – Lily dear, can you fix lunch?

- What, is mom out of tutorials? – she laughs at her own joke and Draz’ tries to laugh with her

Mal stands swiftly – I will have you know breakfast was a complete success. I am more than capable of coming up with lunch

- But we need to fix a cave. – Regina says ducking out of the way of the frantic wing-flapping

- But we need to fix a cave. – She repeats pointing at the baby – Take Henry.

- No! she just makes me clean up after her!

Chapter Text

Dragon babies need sunlight just a tad more than human babies, but sunlight means people with no protection from the random fire and the stray magical flukes and so, they had been forced to fashion him a bracelet much like the cuff magic practitioners of the town had been forced to wear at odd times. This doesn’t seem to faze him in the small increments of time in which they utilize it though, he probably doesn’t realize what he is missing at the moment happily smacking at Regina’s cheeks as she holds him while they take a stroll through town set to culminate in ice cream from Ingrid’s shop. 

Who was indeed fazed was Emma, who’d spotted them a few minutes ago and had taken to accompany them while exposing her case – Honestly Regina, this is ridiculous, I mean, I’m the obvious choice here. 

- Kathryn already agreed dear, you can’t expect me to go and recant the offer. – Draz smacks her once more and she smiles at him while answering – We already share Henry, you will have your hands full in the event of our deaths. 

Emma takes one long step forward and starts walking backwards to look at them properly, eye contact with Emma Swan is something Mal enjoys greatly, the woman is truly entertaining, she goes on – Kathryn has no magic! And it’s different with Henry, with Draz it’d be because we’re besties, and you love me, and he will love me forever and ever ‘cause I’m so cool. Like Sirius Black in Harry Potter y’know? – she says that looking straight into Mal’s eyes who doesn’t know, at all – Who even is Henry’s godmother? 

Regina smirks Emma’s way – Kathryn.  

- That is fucked up. I earned this one! And he’s so cute, and he loves me – Draz does in fact like her, and he turns to her with a small, goofy smile – See! I should be the kid’s godmother. 

- I was actually hoping it was me… - Snow White, good-natured as ever had approached them on the sidewalk, stopping Emma’s backward advancing while she nods hello to Mal – Since you’re Neal’s godmother. But it’s been weeks and I’m only now meeting him – she tilts her head to a side  

Emma ignores the tension in the air - It’s Kathryn, mom! Kathryn! Again!  

Snow’s arm moves upwards one inch by her side and Regina turns swiftly and passes Draz to Mal’s arms behind her, the baby burrows happily under her head and she’s distracted by how he settles into her but when she tunes back in, it’s not pretty. 

Snow is frowning miserably - Regina, what is going on? Did I do something? 

Regina stands firmly between Snow and Maleficent carrying their child – After what happened with Lily, I’d like you to steer clear of us.  

Both Emma and Snow gape and speak over each other – I’m not going to do that again! – Snow says while Emma chimes in - Let’s not get mean here Regina. 

The brunette takes one step forward towards Regina and Mal shoots her free hand out to hold Regina’s hand back, it reeks of magic already and Snow is clearly come in peace – I thought we were past that – she chances a look up at Mal and the blonde just holds her gaze for as long as she wants it to be held, - I thought you both knew how sorry I am. 

Regina still holds up a hand to halt Snow’s approach - I jumped to forgiveness, if you can believe it. 

- Regina, we’ve been through so much, this can’t defeat us 

- It absolutely  can. – She moves to take a step around Snow and Mal releases her hand so she can do so, it’s a surprise, she had wondered why of all visits they had seemingly dodged Snow’s but she had not wanted to ask in case it was simply an oversight on Regina’s part and they were forced to endure hers and Charming’s presence for an afternoon in their house. To be fair, since Mal and Lily moved in if they had stepped in the house thrice Mal couldn’t remember, they had strained to be polite out of Regina and Henry’s relationship with them, but minimum contact was necessary to accomplish that. 

Snow blocks Regina’s path and grabs her arm – Why? – It is clearly a bad idea. 

- Why ?! – she pulls her arm away from Snow and moves forward to tower over the woman regardless of their similar height, furious but  now controlled in a way that clearly made it worse, bystanders looking their way as they slow down enough to observe but not be shameless in their ogling – Because I have now seen how much my son needs parents that understand him and can properly care for him. You want to know why Lily is volatile  with people  and keeps losing her temper  every time there’s a small issue? Because not only did you force her to carry your child’s angst, you doomed her to a lifetime of people who did not know how to deal with her, made her feel like a burden and failed to support her when she needed to be supported. A lifetime of feeling foreign with no one to explain to her why, and a lifetime of feeling trapped in a body too small for her. Do you know what dragons need to eat Snow? What to do when they feel sick? The heat the thermostat needs to be set at so they can sleep through the night? How distressing a bath seems to be for them? Well I am almost certain neither did Cruella and Ursulla, or child protective services, or the Pages. – It would’ve been a perfect moment to leave, but not for an angry Regina, she needed to tie it up with a bow – Which might also be the root of Emma’s various ailments. So no, you cannot hold this child and I might need a few months to get over my stance on this issue. 

- I... You were- – Snow takes one deep breath as she glances at her daughter and Emma looks away – The curse was coming. 

- And you had a choice , something you didn’t have the courtesy to award Mal, keep your child or break the curse eventually. Guess you had your priorities straight – Regina moves to circle Snow again but she won’t let up 

- You were insane! We didn’t know what the curse was going to do. 

- But you knew damn well what happens to children without parents – she throws her a withering glance to match her thunderous statement, but follows it with a sing song tone  – Although you’d already sent mine away, so it was only fair you sacrificed yours too, for the loyal people of the White Kingdom. Emma’s twenty-eight years of loneliness and despair were a small price to pay to save these strangers from evils such as plumbing, and literacy, and life insurance. Truly inspiring.  

It seems to quiet Snow, who turns to Emma again. The blonde grimaces and tries for a convincing shake of the head – Regina, stop it. Mom, I’m fine, really. Just, you guys go get your ice cream. 

- Yes well, fine is a loose term, is it not? Bye bye, Snow – she finally circles her and Mal wills her legs to follow her wife, Draz gurgling happily in her arms oblivious to everything that just transpired. Regina tosses her last line over their shoulders – Do send Neal with his sister for a play date someday. 

Ingrid questions them about what the fight that the group chat is reporting was about but Regina tells her it is none of her business as she picks the caramel ice cream in a shell for herself and a bit in a cup for Draz who had let himself be held by the woman with the sweet concoction happily, until Mal and Regina too had ice cream of their own and the woman posed no advantage to his mothers.  

When he is sitting on the table, as Regina uses one hand to steady him and the other to feed him while her own ice cream grows ever liquid by the second, Mal smiles at them and she takes a picture of the mess he’s becoming and Regina’s gleeful cleaning.  

She puts her phone away and reaches for the drop of ice cream on his tiny little jeans - That was quite a monologue you gave earlier. I didn’t know you see the situation like that, and lovely as it is seeing you well and angry and speaking in a scathing tone in our behalf, I don’t want you to alienate someone you have worked hard to have a friendship with.  

Regina glances her way and releases the empty cup to move to her own ice cream – Our children are… not made to be raised like normal human children. And you are so good with this little one – she pokes his tummy over his shirt with a green dragon printed on it and he giggles – they need you more than a human child needs their parent. 

She chuckles - I’m sure any other dragon could raise them 

— But where would they find another dragon? Henry didn’t  need  Emma or Neal because  I  found him, but Lily… she never stood a chance. Whoever decided to adopt her could have been the most loving, perfect couple to ever adopt a child and it would’ve still not been enough for her. She needed you. 

 - She needed  us.  I can’t make anything out of these lilac sparks he keeps making when he claps – that makes him glance down at his now gooey hands, perhaps he remembers he’s missing some abilities and special effects 

Regina sees that look and rushes to eat her ice cream, the amount in her spoon definitely a bit bigger than dainty, so it must be a matter of urgency, he must be about to cry, she’d know sooner than Mal. She shrugs a bit – Magic can stay dormant, out of town they wouldn’t even know they have it, but these other needs, they are physiological. 

- Lily’s medical history… 

- The tests, the pills… And lord, the psychologists… 

Mal’s only been to the hospital once and it wasn’t the most welcoming place. A child with no discernible blood type and an ongoing low fever, with tough skin to pierce and who seemingly never hit puberty, always sullen and often in trouble in school. It had not been fun - She has us now, we will mend the damage as much as we can 

Regina nods - She’s been doing well, I love seeing her so centered – She smiles, the last bit of ice cream held before her mouth as she stops to do so. 

- Dare I say, therapy helped?  

Regina chuckles – Only if it doesn’t kill you.  

Mal would retort but this baby’s face contorts in anger, surely as he tries to do something the bracelet prevents him from doing. She lifts him but the battle is lost, and Regina rushes to pay and say goodbye before rushing back and summoning her handy cloud that sends them away and unsettles his stomach just enough he cries harder when his body won’t turn to get rid of those pesky human body sensations he doesn’t love.  

He doesn’t vomit though, like Mal’s seen some people do, and the minute the bracelet is off he is a small dragon in her hands and jumps down to curl into a ball on the floor, against a corner to continue to abuse a chewed-up toy 

Regina pockets the carved metal and sighs as she reaches up to kiss Mal’s cheek – I will be taking a nap 

- Because verbally assaulting Snow White just isn’t as rejuvenating as it used to be – she chuckles 

- It’s become taxing even. But someone has to do it.  

Chapter Text

It’s a lovely day, really. Sun’s shining through the clouds and birds are singing and shit. She can hear them when she stops for a moment to breathe in the crisp air and give her horse a rest, she closes her eyes even and tilts her head back to feel the sun on her skin, the type of shit she never did before.

She can hear Regina galloping towards her though, so Lily opens her eyes to watch her approach, she’s good and she makes the shit look way easier than it is, stopping by her and settling down like she shares a brain with the horse. Puppets is more rebellious, or she’s just not there yet.

- Sweetheart, are you okay?

- Oh! – she chuckles and pats her horse so he’ll know she’s okay too – never better. Keep racing and whatever.

- Are you sure? You look a bit out of it.

- Well I was reflecting okay? I reflect – Regina starts a slow pace and Puppets follows out of sheer love for her it seems, Lily doesn’t stop him either. She gives her a raised eyebrow and Lily’s face scrunches up – what? I reflect! - it’s come to her attention her face never used to do that before, and her brain never came up with the turn of phrase ‘it’s come to her attention’ or ‘turn of phrase’, well, her therapist had asked because they didn’t seem ‘native to her character’ when they’d come out in sessions.

But she also never seemed to reflect before and now, well those therapy sessions and her workout schedule had been doing wonders for her, coupled with Regina on maternity leave cooking breakfast lunch dinner and cutting up fruit at various hours of the day, she is a week away from achieving peak performance for her, albeit limited, life.

Regina rides her horse magnificently and Lily finds herself trying to imitate her form too before rolling her eyes at herself and relaxing into it even if it means slouching just a little, Puppets gets her, he’s cool if she looks like a rancher or something instead of whatever her mother does.

A strong current of wind blows by and lifts Regina’s hair as she turns to look at her, to perfection, and Lily rolls her eyes at the whole thing but listens anyways - Is reflecting a symptom of something else?

Lily sighs, she’s fine - Are you taking Henry out like this too? Or is this like ‘oh she’s a little in the fucked-up side, make sure you log in your Lily hours so she doesn’t feel abandoned because of the baby’?

Regina only looks at her quizzically - Did you tell your therapist about Draz?

- Of course. Just told her you bought him at the black market.

Regina laughs at her joke and turns again to see where she was heading, which was nowhere in particular in the big ass meadow they kept for beginner classes and whatnot. She turns to Lily again, confident in the horse’s ability to not crash into air - Don’t flatter yourself, I’m taking him out too. Dragon babies are not nearly as demanding as the human ones. I find myself with time to spare for… Harry was it? And you of course. I want to say...Lynn? Truth is, I barely remember.

She laughs and picks up pace to pass Xavier and lift the finger to her mother - Maybe it’s just because you have help this time around

She smiles sweetly - If anything we are overstaffed; don’t think I haven’t noticed you checking in on him at night.

- He’s a’ight – she nods over her statement and keeps riding by Regina’s side – It’s not his fault I had it rough as a kid, it ain’t your fault either. I’m good with what we have now, you don’t have to like, carve time out for me and she doesn’t have to invite me to fly every time she’s taking him out…

- She wants you there, genuinely. – Part of his development is Mal flying frequently and taking him with her, making sure one of her wings is always just underneath his body to cut the harsher winds and to regulate his height. Every once in a while he tries to dare venture out of the safe space and it ends, without fail, in him losing height quickly and Mal letting him do so for a moment to see if he’ll recover before diving and placing her wing under him again, until she doesn’t have to one day. Lily’d just smashed into the forest for a few weeks until she kinda learned to glide, even now she doesn’t consider herself particularly skilled at flying. Mal’s large shadow casts over them for a second and Regina glances up to watch her quickly – I can’t think of any single thing she’d like more than you joining them. She’s not asking to be polite. She’d simply love to risk both your lives in one single afternoon.

- Mom, it’s not dangerous - She laughs – People do get super killed because horses throw them and stomp on them though. – Puppets and Xavier both take offense and Lily somehow knows

Regina huffs indignantly - Someone shot a spear through your wing.

- And I’m okay. Some hillbilly at one of my schools fell off a horse and he never walked again. Just saying. – She laughs quickly and adds – But, I get your point. And I will say yes next time she invites me. And I really um, appreciate it, that you want to make time to hang out with me. I… love you, mom, um, yeah.

- Oh sweetheart – she stops Xavier and Puppets follows her cue once again – We both love you very much as well. Please, if you ever feel anything negative towards your brothers don’t hesitate to talk to us. We know it is hard and we won’t hold it against you at all.

- Henry keeps eating my leftovers.

- Yes well, you’re going to have to take that up with him directly. – Regina’s horse trots off and Lily has to spur Puppets to follow for a change

- I label them!

- Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you.  Get a mini fridge for your room.

- The family fridge should be a safe space mom.

Chapter Text

With Drazenko’s newfound existence had come Zelena bearing green gifts and Regina being pliable enough to accept them. And with the very first step a little marathon had followed, who knew Zelena liked an infant so much? Or that Roland loved Henry’s storytelling so deeply? Or that Robin had gathered the nerve to learn to drive to be able to wheel his still-fresh family around as well now that Zelena’s condition keeps her from transporting them without retching over their clothes.

So, bridges had been mended and all three of them had become frequent visitors in Regina and Maleficent’s home, and a dreaded moment is upon them now, Mal thinks as Regina wraps herself in blood-red and reaches for her perfume, a double date of sorts. Dinner, and subsequent socializing after it in Zelena’s apartment while Lily, for the very first time, made sure her two brothers stayed alive in Regina’s house.

She had never been the jealous type, the gods know she was more than willing to allow Regina any type of freedom she so desired when they met and even now that their arrangement was much more steadfast and tangible, she settles on those two adjectives as she toys with her ring, she has sometimes wondered if Regina misses her roaming and finds herself not too convinced by the notion, she seems perfectly content day in and day out; but Robin is the blemish of her existence.

The man branded, by the most primitive of kinds of magic, as her wife’s soulmate, whatever the fuck that means. A man fickle enough to leave Regina for his no-longer-dead wife and then leave her as well to follow up with a relationship with the first one’s sister. Simple-minded and as far from refined as possible without crossing all the way to boorish, far from handsome too if anyone asks her, it’s almost laughable, at least the huntsman had some semblance of strenght to his name-

Regina interrupts her train of thought, grabbing onto her tie and tugging just enough she’ll look up in her seat and leave the glass of scotch on the bedside table by her abandoned book. She’s smiling at her, amused – Brooding are we? It’s only a couple hours. Zelena is my sister, I have to keep trying. And she will be the mother of our niece who we will love very much because we are unable to resist to children- Zelena’s not the issue at hand, but Mal nods and moves to take her glass again, only Regina doesn’t really let her, taking hold of her hand and moving it onto her own waist – And after it’s done we can come back here and unwrap you from that suit

The kiss that follows is tantalizing enough to forgo the rest of the scotch and Mal huffs as she stands – Let’s go about this dinner quickly then.

Regina chuckles, moving her hands to the lapel on Mal’s jacket – You didn’t have to go to all this trouble for a dinner in Zelena’s place – She’s wearing a suit one shade darker than Regina’s dress, matching tie and hair done up.

- You’re wearing Gucci – And she’d be damned if she's going to show up there looking like anything less than Regina’s date, even if there’s only two other people there

Regina smirks as she presses closer - I usually do, though.

- Not lately dearest. – But alas, the end of maternity leave is approaching so she must be getting reacclimated to the tight-fitting business attire and the deadly-pointy stilettos, not that they weren’t missed. – Trust me, I’d know. It’s a constant source of disappointment. – She leans down, just enough to kiss her joke away but Regina summons her handy purple steam before she can make contact and it lurches them through space to drop them outside of Zelena’s door.

Zelena and Robin’s door, she’s forced to remember when he opens for them with his little grin and motions them in - Oh hello. Gods, are we late? – Roland, who'd leaned over the couch's back to see who it was, crosses the room in no time at the mere glimpse of Regina and she shakes her head no at Robin as she crouches to allow the boy a hug, Robin chuckles above them trying to make friendly eye contact with Mal – Let me call Marian, see if she’s already nearby.

Mal takes him in then,  rough jeans and flannel, can’t really expect any more from him. Roland holds his arm up and she gives him a high five in greeting, as is their custom for the last month, and they move further inside. Mal spots Zelena still working over the stove, she smiles at them amicably, skill she’s only acquired now in the end of her second trimester, and moves away from the steaming pots to serve them tall glasses of wine as Robin goes around the room packing Roland his weekend bag. – Fashionably early little sis?

- Poison is always the last ingredient, just making sure if you’re adding it you get the dosage right.

They’ve barely taken a sip of the now-suspicious wine when the doorbell rings and Roland rushes to go open the door for his mother, bouncing on the balls of his feet as she stalls picking him up for a second. She spots Regina as she lifts him though and her smile breaks just a tad – Your Majesty. Hello.

- Oh, no – Regina chances a quick look Zelena’s way, she knows it’s still sore for her – Please Marian, Regina is just fine. How are you?

- I’m very well. – She doesn’t sound like she’s all the way to very though

They look at each other for a long second and Regina tries again – This is my wife, Maleficent. – Trying is code for dragging Mal into it. She smiles and nods and Marian nods right back – If you need anything at all please don’t hesitate to ask either of us, we particularly know how hard it is to adjust.

Marian hums and accepts the bag from Robin’s hands, Roland held tightly on her free arm even with his size and she leaves as swiftly as she appeared. Mal chuckles at the rigidness of their one remaining man and Zelena comes by to fill their glasses even more, rubbing his back as she does – Well aren’t we civilized, the club of Robin’s almost wives. Let’s sit! I’ll serve the food in a minute.

There is no passion there, and Regina thrives only on passion, whatever her affairs Maleficent was sure they were never calm in nature. There is no passion there but they fit ever so nicely, his simple mindedness traduces on making the atmosphere very easy-going, he’s charming for lack of a better word and ever since Regina had made it explicitly clear she wasn’t hurt by the situation he’d just went right onto affable buffoon mode instead of apologetic fly on the wall as his behavior could previously be described. Regina laughs easily and frequently at his quips, and even her own become lighter in nature in response to his, it seems he caters to a Regina that was earlier than Maleficent had met her own, maybe he reminds her of Daniel, quaint and lovable, easy now she’s unlearned Cora’s spiel on societal station a tad. She does need him in her life, to unwind and slouch a little, playfully reach for his phone where he has Roland’s drawing of her with three eyes, a little pal to teach her to play the peasants’ games of cards and convince her to traipse around in the woods with proper footwear instead of heeled boots.

- Isn’t that so, darling? – She strokes her arm where Maleficent had rolled up her sleeve and the blonde nods pushing away her empty plate as she reaches for what must be the fourth wine cup Zelena’s served her

She tunes back in – Sherwood Forest was quite the sight in spring, lovely creeks to dip your toes into.

- Oh it was you who took her – he says with a glint in his eyes and Zelena glances at Mal, who glances back, and he goes on – The first time I mentioned the place she waxed poetry about her time in Sherwood Forest talking about some mysterious lover who kept her company in her travels there with wistful sighs here and there… always thought the lover was fictitious

- Because I’d be so pressed to make you jealous a day into meeting you? – Mal smirks at seeing a bit of claw at last

-  I am indeed very dashing. – He smooths his plaid shirt down his chest with a grin, finishing up with a pat on the stomach before he starts gathering their dishes

- Rob, you are rough to look at in a regular morning, I can’t even imagine one in the middle of the woods – Zelena chuckles wholeheartedly and takes a sip of her green apple cider, non-alcoholic of course. She must be hating the new world's standards for pregnant women

- You really are, Rob.

- I believe them both.

- Ruthless! – he cries from the kitchen – Come serve yourselves this dessert. I am done.

Regina and Zelena look meaningfully at each other and say – Bathroom – in unison. In that moment they truly are one and the same, it’s in the vein of the wave of realization Mal gets when she catches Lily standing a few feet from Regina in the exact same posture, eerie. Regina grabs Mal’s hand to unwind her arm from around herself and stands before Zelena can – He’ll be in there a while. I’ll go serve the pie. You’re much too round to stand so often. – Mal keeps ahold of the hand as long as it’s possible and Regina smiles her way when she has to let go

Zelena watches her retreat with an eye roll and when she’s far away she turns to Mal, now watching her meaningfully for a few seconds – You’re thinking it too then?

- Excuse me?

- Now that they’re friendly again… you have thought maybe this, your kid my kid your marriage, that it’s a temporary situation while they rekindle their ever-lasting love?

Mal blinks away her surprise, read by Zelena of all people, barely an acquaintance, she must be losing her touch – Green with jealousy, are you?

- What I am is frightened. – Mal raises an eyebrow at her and Zelena shakes her head – I’m… this is the hormones talking I’m sure, but I am less than Regina. Her magic is a bit undeveloped – Mal wants to laugh at that – but as a mother, as a… partner, she is well read, she is wealthy, the town eats out of her hand, she’s…been to Sherwood Forest… and I’m just- I am not there yet.

Another side to the coin then, a partner in suffering. – We are with who we’re meant to be with. She does not want to take him away from you. – It’s been made clear the entire night

- I don’t think she does at all. I think he will walk of his own volition. How can you not fear that? He doesn’t have to actively try to take her from you, like last time they might just fall into it. What if I hadn’t brought Marian back from the past? No reason for them to split in the first place, do you think she would’ve run to your arms when you rose from the ashes or whatever that was?

She has been chewing on it for a couple of days perhaps, since he’s become a frequent visitor, a repeated texter in long-winded paragraphs. Regina never failed to come back to her before, what bothers her about him is that he has an innate claim over her when Mal has earned hers, even Emma Swan had to claw her way into Regina's affections, people have ruined their lives trying to make Regina as much as like them, it ticks her off but she doesn’t doubt what they have – Regina’s left many a liaison to run back to my arms, I assure you. And there’s nothing to fall into here, they’re friends, loneliness led them to that relationship the first time around- Zelena rolls her eyes at her and drops herself unceremoniously against her chair and Mal sighs – I will reward your honesty with my own. I thought about it. But what you say she has over you is exactly why they’re not a good match, maybe they’re an easy one but you must know, your sister doesn’t enjoy easy.

- So, you’re hard to love and she loves the challenge you keep posing? Is that it? That’s your insurance? You roll over like a lost puppy when she as much as glances in your direction.

- I meant we don’t love each other because fairy dust said so, we’ve been standing by each other’s side for a while now, that’s hard to walk away from for a man with rudimentary understanding of who you are as a person. And I’ve never been compared to a dog before, what a strange feeling. – but to prove her point all four servings of pie float onto the table and four cups materialize with a pot of coffee just in case, and Regina comes to stand behind Mal’s chair, hands on either side of her neck and thumbs stroking the back of it, it makes her drop her head back and Regina bends down to kiss the top of it

Zelena scoffs at the whole thing but recovers quickly – You just couldn’t carry these then? Bit weak in the arms?

Regina pouts mockingly at her - Oh are you cranky? Is the baby giving you a hard time? Have some pie, maybe it’ll help.

Mal retrieves one of the hands massaging her neck and kisses the back of it – Darling, have some mercy, she’s carrying a human being.

- Christ, did you two become friends while I brewed coffee? – A shout of “cards, then“ comes from somewhere inside, Robin probably out from his post-meal bathroom ritual, whatever it might be. And Zelena stands muttering about how he never even knows where the damn cards are, taking her plate with her though and Regina bends down again, kiss by the side of her head this time around – I couldn’t help but overhear, just a little. – She whispers while they listen to Zelena bossing him around to speed up the finding of the cards – You are it for me, you have no competition. There isn’t as little as an easy match worth salvaging out of anyone after the bond we have.

- That’s nice dear – she chuckles as Regina drums her fingers around her neck some more, it’s always fun to be keenly aware of the fragility of your windpipe. – But you might want to reassure your sister.

- She can sweat it a bit more, work harder to be good to him. He deserves someone that’s trying, and something’s gotta drive change. – she strokes Mal’s jaw once more and straightens up finally – Don’t eat the pie, it’s not poisoned but it is bad. – She vanishes more than half of hers as she moves to sit – If you talk you walk home.

She points at her plate - Well, disappear a piece of mine too.

Chapter Text

- Surely this can be less boring – Mal sighs as she dices an onion, making quick work of it while Regina works on tomatoes

She rolls another one her way, it’s either her or Lily, which also means it’s either onions or baby duty, and there have been a lot of days plentiful of baby duty for both of them – We can put on some music if you want

The new onion gets woefully ignored as Mal turns on some music from her phone, the saxophone low and wrapping around them, Regina raises an eyebrow as she reaches for another one of her own vegetable but says nothing more, so Mal slides closer – I was thinking last night, about how we haven’t done quite a few things in a while –

Regina stills her own hand with a grin as the tip of Mal’s knife starts moving up her arm, pressing just enough she feels the cold – We live in a suburb dear, you’re holding a vegetable knife, it doesn’t even make it all the way to butcher’s, or any other kind of exciting blade really– She chuckles and the movement makes her shoulders shake with mirth, awful timing since the trek of the knife was just reaching one of them and she ends up helping Mal nick her skin, she should know better than to laugh with a blade by her skin but really, they live in a suburb. Her chuckle fades into a low hiss – Fuck. – she turns to inspect the damage and tries to reach for a paper towel with her free hand but Mal grabs the hand and pins it to the counter

She traps her with her body, and moves to clean the blood off the small wound with her index before Regina can heal it – I would apologize, but you know it would be dishonest – she chuckles at Regina’s glare and takes her finger in her mouth, chasing it with the bloody tip of the knife – I haven’t forgotten the taste – she whispers by Regina’s ear

- Maleficent. – She rushes out almost angrily and without breath, but she also can’t muster the strength to move away when the blonde dips to lay an open-mouthed kiss over the still-bleeding wound, and starts moving towards her neck, attention now precariously split between the kisses and the knife that returns to her forearm and starts tracing the veins there. Regina stifles her moan and closes her eyes, fist closing over the handle of her own knife with a white-knuckle grip – We don’t have time for this, what are you doing?

- Yes! What on god’s green fucking earth are you doing? – Emma’s voice rings from above the music and Mal snaps up from her second pass by the wound as Regina startles and gets cut, again. They used to be better at this, no one would ever get hurt until way into upper thighs territory when you get just plain jumpy. Emma drops her cargo of dinner buns Luke so graciously bakes them every time they have that family dinner – What the fuck?

- Miss Swan, how did you get in here? – Regina tries to recover, finally reaching for the paper towel roll and stepping from inside Mal’s arms

- Henry opened the door. Henry is in the living room and you’re in here what? Sucking the blood out of her shoulders? – Mal licks the knife clean again with a filthy look Regina’s way and ignores the question turning towards her onion and Emma shouts – Don’t keep chopping the fucking onions with your kink knife! Oh my god! What the fuck you guys? Seriously – She’s not even angry, her face is split in two by a shit-eating grin –how does it even work? Eating raw meat evolves into sucking blood out of open wounds to get off? Holy shit what were Red and Lily doing?

- Miss Swan! – Regina booms and she has a knife in her hand pointed Emma’s way, and as someone Regina’s tried to kill… she should be more frightened

She raises both her hands in surrender and laughs – Oh come on! I have to kinkshame a little! Like, what the fuck?!

-Leave before I-

- Well she’s only curious, dear – Mal chuckles from her spot and rolls the knife in her hand to point  it Emma’s way too – Tell me princess, have you ever been tied up in bed? – she uses her hip to push herself off the counter and takes a few steps to where Emma stands by the island

Regina rolls her eyes and tries to act like whatever is unfolding isn’t strange by returning to her chopping, they won’t have dinner on time otherwise. Emma hopes for a hidden camera or even Lily walking down so she can experience this shit with someone but she can only shrug at Mal – a little I guess… I don’t even know what you must call tied up after this shit

Mal smiles beatifically - Let’s say it was sufficient, it felt precarious right? Made you more aware of the situation in a way - she’s all but looming over Emma by then and she’s making no move to bend down even a little – but you can still move, trash around, in a bit you forget about the pain in the bindings and focus on the pleasure

Emma looks up at Mal and scrambles for a joke - Boy you are tall tall. Regina must climb you like a squirrel going up a tree – who doesn’t even acknowledge them, stomping on a couple avocados with a heavy rock that looks like it came from outside and hoping she’s not blushing

Though she turns when Emma takes one sharp breath and Mal lowers her voice – You can’t move if you have a knife to the carotid though, and how could you ever forget it’s there? Go on and swallow to undo the knot in your throat – Emma does as asked and the knife presses onto her skin some more, Mal tuts – carefully Emma, you don’t want to bleed out. The minute you lose track of where it is, it finds a way to remind you.

Regina! – Emma manages to get that out from behind gritted teeth and without moving her lips, only her chest heaving. Well, more like Regina manages to interpret her name out of the harsh rush of air out of Emma’s mouth.

- Mal, enough – she lets out admonishingly, but continues with her guacamole

The dragon smirks for Emma’s benefit only – It is simply a little demonstration, educational really – she tips the knife and starts moving it slowly towards Emma’s breastbone, all the way to the collar of her t-shirt to drag it down a bit, she keeps it there as she starts circling – You see, not only are you still, you’re aware of everything that’s touching your body, specially the ones light enough they could be anything else, the hair by your face, the sleeve of your shirt,my breath on your cheek, that phantom walk of a bug by your ankle maybe – suddenly and without warning she rakes a fingernail just under the sleeve in question and Emma jumps forward, practice helps Mal remove the knife quickly enough though and she uses the free hand to hold her back by the nape of her neck as well

-Jesus fuck! - but there’s no peace, she startles again as the knife returns to her neck, flat on its side and lifting her chin – this is really like borderline into crazy territory

Mal lets out a hum by her ear, way too low for her, she must be leaning down but Emma’s kinda scared to check. She feels the warmth retreat just a bit but the voice is still very close - Yes, it makes it all the sweeter, the taboo of it – she eases her grip with chuckle and tosses the knife towards the sink – Let me know if you want an extended lesson. I might have a dagger with your name on it.

Regina huffs – I am standing right here.

Mal refuses to step back from her, fingers drumming by her pulse point even – So? You have exclusive rights to the princess here? I say we both do our very best to seduce her and when she finally bites, maybe I’ll find it in my heart to share.

On one hand Emma is trying to remember when, or if she had ever come closer than hand shake distance to Maleficent, on the other, she is so warm. It’s like standing by a cozy fire on winter. Lily isn’t that nice to stand next to in homoerotic tension.

Regina laughs as she motions between them – There’s no variety to gain here. Whatever do I do with two of you?

Again, Emma’s soul kinda jumps out of her body when Mal reaches up to tuck a curl behind her ear, making her tilt her head to a side as Mal lowers her hand - She dyes her hair, I’m sure we will see proof the night in question.

It definitely breaks their burgeoning romance, ruined before it had the opportunity to be something good. Emma steps forward to be able to half turn and point angrily up at Mal’s dumb smirk – No I don’t! The carpet matches the drapes, okay?

Mal hums, deriving meaning out of context surely and still giving her the exact same look she’d given the knife with Regina’s blood on it – And I’m supposed to take your word for it? Strip and I will check thoroughly

Regina laughs again and Emma sees the fool, the absolute buffoon she’s been, she has been played, bamboozled, made uncomfortable until Regina got over her embarrassment about being caught mid twilight kink. She takes one bun out of the basket and jams another accusatory finger Mal’s way - I am friends with your daughter, how dare you? I’m telling the school counselor you tried to touch me in my private areas – she stomps right out of that kitchen eating her bread and sweating just enough she can say it was just a lot of stove tops in use in there

Chapter Text

Some puppy police force TV show has become Drazenko’s preferred form of entertainment and when he becomes unbearable it is the only thing that can revert him to his agreeable self, it mesmerizes him to the point all magic, fire and any other kind of outburst stop and he stays human for long periods of time, sometimes the sound or sight of it triggers transformation even. It is remarkable.

He stomps a tiny foot on each of Mal’s legs to the beat of the theme song and she smiles at his antics as she holds him by the waist with one hand and combs through his dark curls with the other to reorganize them after his rubbing against her front. He drops to his sitting position as soon as the tune is over and leans comfortably against his Mal-shaped seat again, he often clutches a crocodile plushie bestowed upon him by Emma Swan, miraculously it escapes his wrath when in dragon form, only so it can be squeezed and stretched mercilessly when he turns human. There’s a method to his madness. Mal hands him his toy and he begins absentmindedly trying to rip its head off as the show goes on but his peace lasts only a moment because Lily comes to sit by them in the couch, dropping herself down like a sack of dead weight

He turns to her for a swift moment – What? What’s up dude? – Not one for baby talk. They stare at each other. He thinks she’s Regina for a moment, Mal’s sure of that. His eyes start going back and forth every time the two of them stand close by; but then his other senses catch up and he turns back to the TV – We need to stop it with the paw patrol or he’s gonna be all ‘Oh I wanna be a cop’

- What’s wrong with police officers?

Lily turns to her with a wrinkle on top of her nose – Ugh mom, you were a Disney villain, I was so excited for that and look at you. – She shakes her head – You know who’s a cop? Emma. Do you want him to end up like Emma?

Mal chuckles, truth is Emma Swan isn’t all that bad, really, but whoever says it first inside the house will never live it down. So, she rolls her eyes and continues to comb through Draz’ hair – We will start showing him other shows as soon as he loses a bit of interest

Lily gets more comfortable and reaches for her phone inside her pocket – Maybe I’ll just tell on you and Mom will make you stop with the Netflix completely. - Her scrolling now tinted with a menacing undertone

- You wouldn’t dare.

Lily laughs – She at least tries with the storybooks before letting him watch the show. – Regina is less indulgent, but how vile of Lily to pick and choose when she dislikes it, food and drinks, and when she enjoys it, her brother’s TV habits. Before Mal can say anything though Lily turns her phone her mother's way showing her a gym video – Look! I’m benching like two hundred already, but only like five reps with good form.

Mal understands none of that, but it seems Lily’s sat down to make small talk? Mal smiles at her with an encouraging nod and it propels her forward, she sits up and shuffles closer, now zooming on a frame in the video – I’m thinking of asking Jenna out – She points - Her.

Mal squints – Do you have any more footage? – It's the right question to ask, in a matter of seconds she changes apps and has hundreds of pictures at her disposal. It seems like she knows where she is going too because she scrolls at a speed that won’t let the pictures show until she has the one she wants to show Mal first. It’s another one of the gym pictures, she stands by the weights with a big grin and Mal nods again – Very impressive. Is she a regular woman? No magic, no shape-shifting…? - She's beautiful, and seemingly very strong, well adjusted with friends and family by the look of the rest of her pictures

Lily lets out a burst of warm air from her nostrils amused, and Draz turns around to glare at her when it tickles him. She growls at him playfully and Mal turns his face back to the TV, pinching his cheek as she does. Lily goes for a more candid action photograph where she is with a couple of big men. Mal recognizes one – Is she one of Regina’s soldiers? I can’t stand them.

- They’re all super nice to us though – Lily goes back on her app and scrolls some more

- Too nice – Lily frowns and Mal chips in – They are fervent to the point of being perturbing. And she was sleeping with a few too.

- No fucking way – She looks up from her phone, gaping – Which ones? Shit, do I even wanna know?

Mal shushes Lily as she looks down, pondering if she wants the sordid details, Mal would disappoint anyways – I don’t know which ones exactly. But I am sure.

- God. You’re just jealous because they keep opening doors for her and reaching to kiss her hand and shit, aren’t you? – she laughs and goes back to her browsing – Well Jenna’s not one of mom’s groupies, she’s a smith.

She has a video to prove it too, where she’s submerging a red hot iron into a small container and the steam rises promptly, the fire of the forge makes the sweat on her skin glisten, each muscle on her arm tense as she retrieves the pointed metal from the pit – Well, no one can accuse you of bad taste. I would try myself if I wasn’t married.

She groans - I’m telling mom

- Aren’t you always?

She pulls a face and lets her weight fall down again, locking the phone screen and lifting her arm to put it behind her head with a sigh, she drops her phone on her chest and tunes into the show for a second – So? She’s cute right? Plus she’s very good at the smith thing and she’s super disciplined with her routine, I mean she’s running to the gym at like six am five days a week and then doing a full set and running back, and she’s been spotting me and being extra nice and we have coffee sometimes but nothing like romantic… you think I got a chance?

- I think anyone would be very lucky to have you.

She rolls her eyes - Don’t give me that shit, mom

Mal will always feel awful about the circumstances that led them where they are, but she’s sure had Regina raised Lily under her militant no swearing around the baby policy she just wouldn’t be as entertaining as she is now – You can’t cheat on your partners. If you feel underwhelmed, end the relationship. – Lily nods one time too many, exasperated – Well then, we are not cowards in this family. If you want her you do your best to have her.

- A’ight. – She drums her fingers on her stomach for a moment – So should I… text her…? Call. I should call. No. Well… No. I’ll text. – She sits up, grabs the phone and unlocks it, before locking it again – So you think dinner or…?

- Why don’t you ask her tomorrow during your work out together? – Mal smiles at her, keeping her laugh at bay

- Might’ve lost the nerve.

Mal chuckles then – This is you having the nerve?

She groans, and drops her forehead on Mal’s shoulder for good measure, back to scrolling aimlessly on the pictures app – I’ve never asked anyone out before, to like… a real fucking date

Mal extricates her arm from under her and uses it to circle her shoulder, it forces her to look up but she doesn’t move away and that’s beyond a win. She passes her fingers through her hair – Perhaps you can make it less of a real date so the jitters won’t show as much. She must like sports as you do, a screen in the middle means you can leave silences be every once in a while.

She seems to mull that over – What was your first date with mom like? - They didn't have any screens back there

- No. - Mal laughs at the sheer absurdity of that question- At first I would just sit and gaze deeply into the side of her head trying to understand how her mind worked and then turn around hastily when she glanced at me to ask why I was so quiet. It was magical. Then we moved onto exchanging painfully edited correspondence or appearing ominously in each other’s residence and going back and forth with pleasantries in a charged environment, if often resulted in a tidbit of information that changed our outlook of each other in an earth-shattering manner. Then I kissed her and we just kept doing that, and here you two are! – she bounces Draz on her legs and he clutches at his toy when he sees his stability threatened

- What?

- Yes we were deeply in love by the time the cutesy activities rolled around. I apologize, – she drops her hand on Lily’s shoulder and jostles her too – you are showing a lot of nerve! I say you call her and let her know we have all kinds of sports subscriptions and she should come by to watch a game of a sport of her election.

Lily sighs, opening the messages app now and letting her finger hover over the contact in question - You had it way too easy.

She looks down at her daughter with her eyebrows raised - There was a lot of unpleasant situations peppered before, in between and after the cutesy activities. A lot. We were going through quite a lot of strain around that time in our lives.

- You still married her though, so how bad can it have been? – She opens the conversation and manages to type up a hi, like that, not capitalization or puntuaction. Whatever happened to writing a letter three times until the proper wording came to you?

Mal sits back more comfortably and makes sure to hold onto both of them so they’ll follow – Well then, that’s hope! It matters not how horribly you botch this first attempt, if you’re meant to be you’ll marry her in four decades.

Lily laughs at that as she types something and gets a quick response, the hardest step is the first… hundred or so, but still she manages. The TV however stops and asks them if they’re still watching and she snatches the controller from besides Mal’s thigh real quick and lets it know they are not watching and looks for something else quickly as Drazenko turns around in a whirlwind to see the source of the magic changing the show. She keeps on going – What dude? You gonna cry? – he swings the crocodile at her and she tugs at it – we take turns here. You’re lucky Henry is at school, he would demolish you to get at the TV. – she pokes his tummy with the remote, and he breathes fire at her as he shouts and Mal pulls her away just in time, patting at where her jacket caught fire just a tad – Oh what a baby. Screw you dude, we’re watching cooler cartoons now.

Lily releases the plushie so he can turn back to the TV moodily squirming on Mal’s lap as she holds him in place, and Lily hides the remote under a cushion even to stop her from giving him his paw patrol again, but she settles back down against Mal who glances at her out of the corner of her eye. Unlike Regina she’d never been told I love you by her, and hard as it was she’d been trying to not let it get to her or bring it up at all, it is a matter of Lily feeling like saying it in the moment after all. But the fact that she would choose to sit there with her and her brother and lean against her as they watch cartoons designed for infants, share about her feelings for this woman, it speaks volumes.

Mal tamps down the quiver in her voice, hopefully - What did she say?

- We’ll catch the playoffs at a bar. I can’t invite her here, you people are fucking insane.

Well, just because they’re sharing a moment doesn’t mean she’s not Lily. Still, Mal was more than glad to act as furniture for her children, plural, as Dora the Explorer tried and failed to teach them all Spanish.

Chapter Text

- Regina you have too many social engagements – Mal looks down at the back of her wife’s head. At least she doesn’t insist on driving places and does her the favor of transporting them outside Emma’s door. Draz tilts his head at her over his other mother’s shoulder and she crosses her eyes at him, making him giggle – I don’t see why we couldn’t skip this one. – We being the baby that was close to falling asleep and the mother that trailed after him all day.

- Emma would never shut up about it. It’s momentous for her, acting her age. – Regina rings the doorbell with no more discussion about it and Mal sighs behind her and fixes her hair a bit, it hadn’t been a priority and Regina had just waltzed into the house at 8 at night and told her Emma was having a house-warming and they were expected. Was she underdressed? Not really, but was she going to start holding herself to the standards the likes of Emma Swan and the local Baker hold themselves to? Absolutely not

Henry opens for them, soirée in full swing behind him, a big grin on his face and a baby in his arms. He doesn’t say much past exchanging his uncle for his brother with Regina when he sees the bracelet on his brother’s wrist, he doesn’t get to hold him for long when he’s not wearing it. Regina, still somehow at war with herself to quash her discomfort at seeing him play the dutiful Charming son smiles at him and even coos at Neal, mollified. He does it less often the more time passes really, and some afternoons helping Emma move their stuff from the old apartment to this one and planning a party are justified. But still he opens the door and retreats inside like they’re any other visitors and it stings just a bit regardless of that fact.

In a sudden bout of common understanding they settle in a corner to avoid the brunt of the socializing with matching glasses of bad wine, but the constituents have different ideas. Regina Mills’ rule over Storybrooke is beyond thorough, no interim mayor has ever been able to get even close to her efficiency and it is showing once again now that she’s back in the office after mildly neglecting her job for months. Between the wedding and the honeymoon and Christmas and maternity leave, it’s been months in which she hasn’t been as focused as she usually is, and it shows in the state of things. But fixing that has meant four days she’s come home to a sleeping baby and a dozing wife, and both Henry and Lily sometimes there sometimes not. She has a family! And she doesn’t quite like bureaucracy keeping her hostage and away from them.

Mal drags a couple of stools over and in the second she’s gone Regina’s overtaken by a small rotating crowd. It’s remarkable seeing the politician in Regina come out even if she doesn’t want it to, these people seemingly lost all fear of god and like to come up with menial prompts and questions and she won’t outright get rid of them. Mal doesn’t understand how they can’t see her strain to bear with them, or if they do how they can risk their lives talking to Regina when she’s straining. But remarkable doesn’t mean bearable and smiling and nodding at these people, who aren’t even the quota of friends that comes with Regina, is a waste of Mal’s time when she could be at home doing anything else or just resting. 

Regina really did have every intention to talk to Mal over their glasses of wine, and the idiots in town can’t monopolize her entire night, hopefully. At least the weekend is coming, and she’ll give the people of Storybrooke only half her Saturday to get some paperwork done from her home office, Regina thinks as she downs her glass of wine and spots the bottle across the room to be able to summon it. No sooner has the bottle materialized in her hand Mal tuts – You have to get us home soon. Don’t go messing up the navigation system now.

- I am perfectly capable of regulating myself – she says as she pours her glass, tall.

Mal hums from behind her and reaches for the bottle to pour the rest of it in her own, unfinished cup – Soon was the part you needed to reply to.

Lily appears an hour later, her previous whereabouts unknown, and her first act is looking frantically around until she spots them and shuffles up to them, looking over her shoulder the entire time – Jenna is here, no weird shit… actually, we are not at meeting the parents so like don’t… meet her– No hello, no explanation.

The woman in question comes in and glances around much more calmly and Lily turns hastily, she moves to retreat, and Regina laughs sardonically, few more wine glasses in her system by now – So you invited a woman who you’ve been in one date with to an event both your parents would attend, hoping we just won’t meet?

- Swan invited her!-

Mal drawls, tired and miserable and keeping an eye on her other child from afar - You’ve been trapped into introducing your girlfriend to us then?

Lily lets out the longest of shushes at them - She’s not my girlfriend! – The woman in question has long gone to mingle, in her hands what is obviously a vase poorly wrapped. Regina keeps her eyes on her, she’s perfectly fine she supposes, must definitely be somewhere in her 20s though, hopefully upper half.

- Careful dear or your mother might take a go at her.

Mal turns to Regina with a raised eyebrow, her tone could’ve been playful at the very least to spice up this dreadful evening, but she chose poisonous instead. She turns then to Lily with dawning understanding – So when you say you’ll tattle, you fully intend to tattle.

Lily looks between them – I’m- I Just- What? Why? It was a funny joke I just... you know. What the fuck is wrong right now? Who has the baby?

Neal has the baby, well they have each other. Playing on a rug in plain view with a couple other babies. Across the room Snow glances their way and lifts one hand in a feeble wave and Regina glowers at her, daring her to go try to pick him up probably. Mal bodily turns to Regina with a frown, trying to block Lily’s view – Are you angry for some unfathomable reason?

She laughs - Is that the best excuse to leave you can come up with on the fly?

Mal would love to say yes just to rile her up some more, it’s a tug and don’t release when they both get like that. She doesn’t get to though, because Jenna finds them and sidles up to Lily with a smile, introduces herself even, when their daughter retreats into her usual bundle of nerves – Madame Mayor, Mrs…. Mills? – she nods at them both and recovers quickly - Jenna Smith.

- Maleficent is just fine, dear. – She rolls a hand and reaches for Lily’s drink in her hands.

- Not the daughter of Alastair the Smith? Is it you who closed a perfectly profitable electronic store to continue producing swords? - The woman nods and Regina chuckles with a gesture in Luke’s general direction looking at Lily again – I thought you hated literal last names. – Lily glares at her mother

- Were you not who named them? – Mal points out

- The curse had a sense of humor independent to mine. – Yes, lighter.

The woman looks between them, bewildered – I don’t mind. Literal and to the point. I was in training in the Enchanted Forest, my father had put a lot of effort into me. I thought: why I should continue selling phones when people can drive out of town to buy them now?

- And swords have to be profitable, right? – Lily finds her voice again and powers through the word profitable to cut the tension

Jenna smiles at her, nodding – They’re practically luxury items. I make all sorts of weaponry really, and I even ship out of town, got a few thousand Instagram followers. I’m doing fine. If you ever need anything, let me know.  

Regina gives her a hollow grin, done with the interaction for the night. In any other day she’d probably be nice enough to charm all information out of the woman, she’s learned to catch the flies with honey or whatever, when she has the patience, but what are the odds Lily and her will last enough it’s necessary to get to know her? For tonight, she wants her gone. - Your father fled with you and the little two miscreants on tow. I don’t think he’d be fond of you working for the enemy.

- Lily does need a sword, though – Mal cuts in because really, too much open hostility this early might cost Lily whatever she’s trying to build here, and to poke at Regina some more, of course.

- I need a sword? – but their daughter won’t let herself be helped

Mal looks at her briefly, baffled by the sheer confusion, how can she be related to either of them sometimes she wonders - Yes, of course. You are already very gifted with a sword. You should show your friend – Lily’s mouth opens slightly in understanding and Mal eases her gaze and turns back to the smith - Gilded family crest on the hilt and I’m thinking dragon carved on the blade? Bit of flame towards the tip even.

Lily scratches at her hairline - We have a family crest? -

But Jenna smiles up at Mal, with all her teeth– That sounds amazing. Can you draw? If not, one of the miscreants does design for me. – Mal doesn’t quite understand and Jenna chuckles at her – I have twin teenage brothers. One of them draws and the other just, he’s a valued member of the family.

- You have siblings? – Lily pipes up by their side and Jenna’s smile carries to her – That’s cool. Me too.

Christ. Mal sighs - Dear you’re a predator, don’t embarrass yourself. – Jenna laughs a bit and it is absolutely the wrong move because Lily harrumphs and Regina is fuming by her side. Mal rolls her eyes – We will find that family crest for you, come by whenever to settle the matter.

- I will. – She nods again, Regina realizes. And she’s not simpleminded at all but really, a smith? It’s like they were granted the gift of literacy and tossed it in the trash as soon as the curse broke. – I’ll… go get a drink. It was very nice to meet you. – She looks at them both and then lands on Lily with a lingering smile and turns around and leaves, clearly not completely at ease. Small mercies.

- So now we’re commissioning a sword and you’ve invited her to our house – Regina looks up at her and Mal looks right down

- Something had to salvage that pitiful conversation. - For one second Lily considers staying, maybe even mediating. But she could also go play with the baby and replay her excruciatingly awkward contributions of the night on a loop on her mind, so really, it’s a no brainer. She shuffles away quietly as Regina and Mal continue their squabble but keeps an ear out. Who’s gonna know? Mal snatches the wine cup out of Regina’s hand – What has you like this? We could have done this at home, but the one free second you decide to grant me in a week you use to drag me here and sit me through your meandering conversations with whomever, for what? Why?

- I have a job to get to, surely you understand the concept of a job even if it goes against your entire philosophy of life. – she motions around with her hands – Excuse me for dragging you here, I must’ve known you’d rather do nothing, forgive me for disturbing you.

- Regina I am exhausted. Our son is a handful, I love taking care of him but this is around the time where he finally peters out for the night and I can as well, and you’ve disturbed that for this pointless party. Your hopeless pet of a friend hasn’t even realized you’re here. I’m leaving. You deal with him after the cocoa Henry just slipped him.

Mal turns without any more to the argument and Regina stares in shock at her as she reaches the door and leaves, not coming back apparently. She grinds her teeth and swears at herself for how the entire night went - God, where the fuck is Emma Swan when you need to see her?

Emma Swan was much too busy trying to host her first medium size gathering but with Mal gone, Lily and Henry entertained and the townspeople’s grievances aired early she’s free to sit on the couch she’d bought them as a house-warming gift with Draz in her arms, dozing in and out of consciousness even after the cocoa. It’s a small revelation every time, looking at him and Lily. Regina twirls one of his curls between her index and thumb, the hair hers and her father’s before her, and ghosts a finger over his nose, Cora’s nose… she sighs and focuses on his steady breathing. He doesn’t sleep in his human form, bracelet or not, never anything but a nap in the car. Maybe he’s gaining control. And she’s missed the week of his life in which he’s done it. Henry was a daily visitor in the mayor’s office but she doesn’t have the excuse of being a single mother anymore.

It must be another hour later, when Lily’s disengages herself from her date and comes sit with them with a tentative look on her face, like she’s waiting for Regina to chew her out for something she hasn’t done yet. It breaks her heart to see her tip toe around her like that. She tries for a smile – Sweetheart will you get us home? I seem to be tipsier than expected.

- I brought my bike… should I borrow a car? – she remembers herself – No wait, you mean disappear. Shit, sorry. – She looks downright miserable for a second there as she cringes

Regina disentangles a hand from the baby and rubs her arm – It’s fine dear. To the attic, please. - She hasn’t been up there in years but maybe taking down some of Henry’s old things is safe now that Draz seems to be able to stay human… there must be a crib up there, a few beanies with animal ears on it. – Think of your room, just a bit higher.

- There’s stuff in the attic? – She makes a face, but she still grabs the hand Regina extends her way and helps her stand, a billowing cloud of ash-laden smoke engulfing them as they change locations without as much of a goodbye to the hosts.

Regina doesn’t register passing the sleeping baby to Lily, too busy glancing at the boxes upon boxes of stuff around them.  She does however see her daughter sit gingerly on the floor holding onto the charge in her arms, a dust cloud engulfing her. She waves a hand and it blows away, Regina smiles – Practical magic?

Lily glances at her hand with a frown – oh shit, am I getting used to this ‘superpowers’ thing? – Regina chuckles her way and picks up a little box from a bigger one without saying much, Lily frowns – You good? You and mom looked like you were getting into it... and now we’re in the dusty attic full of stuff no one’s ever mentioned.

She lifts one of the Henry mementos from inside the box and waves it around - Didn’t throw away a single toy. One of these boxes has an unassembled crib we can get in a regular bedroom for Draz…

Lily looks around again – Kids need a lot of stuff huh?

Regina lets out a deep sigh and reaches for a dusty book in bright colors – I wanted him to have everything…

And the kid does have everything, he has more shit he knows what to do with if Emma’s aggrieved texts are anything to go by, there are more boxes of Henry’s shit than there are of hers and he doesn’t even live there really. Why does Regina look so fucked up about that right now? – I mean I’m all for recycling. I’m sure Draz won’t mind if he has second hand stuff, who’s gonna tell him? You’ll save some cash. – not that she gives a fuck judging by the way they grocery shop in that house – plus he doesn’t care about furniture all he does is fling himself off it and have mom chase him up and down the house. She must be wiped the fuck out.

Regina smiles, but it seems sad - I should have been around to help her. And Lily, I am sorry for how I acted earlier tonight… It’s been an awful week… and…- she trails off

Lily frowns - You’re a god tier mom, mom. It’s cool. We get it. You need to work.

She shakes her head – I don’t, not really – well, maybe she’s rich but… - I convince myself that the town needs me, but they will get by with any other mayor. I’m just clinging to power for power’s sake and ignoring my children’s needs like… like mother.

-Hey, chill. It’s not like that – Past the name and the fact that she was apparently hell Lily doesn’t know much of Cora, but Regina is not even close to hell so whatever the comparison here is, it’s way off.

Still, Regina is looking off at the small window, the moonlight coming in, hand over her mouth and Lily frowns as she watches her speak as if without realizing – It’s mother’s birthday today. By my count. – It’s what she meant to clarify earlier, but really, isn’t it a little late to keep justifying her awful behavior on Cora’s effect on her? She wonders if Zelena knows, if she should have told her.

- Did she do that to you? Your lip – She’s been grazing the scar there with her fingers like a memento for a few minutes now. Lily’s hold on the baby shifts and she presses him closer to her body to the point he changes position, nuzzling onto her chest.

Regina snatches her arm down – Yes. Magic couldn’t quite mend me that time. It’s fine. – she beat her up! Of all the things that moms could do to kids, working too hard for a week doesn’t even register in the scale against beating them up hard enough to leave scars.

Back when she spent that first night with Henry, Regina had some kind of epiphany masked in a panic attack: not only had she lived a nightmare under Cora Mills, she had become one. She swore to ask herself at every moment what Cora would do so she could then do the exact opposite and thus ensure the exact opposite outcome: a happy, well-adjusted child who would love her. And at the end she still ended up trying to gaslight her son into thinking he was crazy.

It makes her wonder sometimes if she’s really able of change, not even when trying her hardest to be vigilant and in a world that only required of her to care for Henry she managed to be a good mother. And even now that she’s lauded as one of the ‘good guys’, some days her mood rears up and she becomes that woman she knew decades ago, unfit to parent or love. It terrifies her how close she is under the new and improved surface, a bad week and a meaningless number in a calendar and she becomes unhinged, makes her child scared to approach her. Lily and Draz were coming into her life when she’s allegedly at her best, when she has a Maleficent also in her best shape as a loving partner, and there are other people to provide her comfort as well, and she still can’t shake Cora Mills from under her skin?

Regina’s so perfect most of the time that watching her all disconnected and stroking an old teddy bear is almost eerie, and Lily swallows enough of her own discomfort and her own history to try and cheer her up - Mom, you had a shitty week but this place is better with you in charge, and Henry and Draz need a good town to live in. I don’t know a lot about your mother but Jesus Christ you can’t even try to compare to that shitshow. These two kids lucked out big time. – She lifts her brother in her arms just a bit and smiles as well as she manages to when feelings get involved.

The unsaid is clear and Regina turns back to Lily, whose childhood is also something better left undiscussed. She will have children eventually if Mal’s assessment of every dragon needing a small army is correct, and odds are those too will come out with trace amounts of Cora Mills on their faces. Do they inherit anything else? Is it diluted? Can it be rid of completely?

She’s seen a few alcoholics swear by their methods of one day at a time, and unlike them a day of being awful doesn’t send her life into a spiral if she manages to rear it back in. So, she takes one deep breath and shakes her head to clear it, it must be well past midnight so it must be well past the fateful date – Well, enough of that. – she stands and moves for another box down by the very back of the small space above their house, back to her usual self just like that - How are you dear? I’ve barely seen you all week and Mal’s been busy with the baby…

- I’m a grown ass woman, I don’t need babysitting. I shouldn’t even live here with you guys to be honest. – she takes the cue, and blows away some new dust Regina’s stirring up as a box cutter materializes in her hands and she starts opening up a big box.

Regina chuckles – Eager to sneak your new girlfriend into your room, are you?

She huffs - She’s not my girlfriend!

Eventually she finds the box, the white crib had been turned into bits and pieces by Graham’s hands, who also stored them in the box and carried it up the frail attic stars jovially. He’d bellowed ‘You can’t throw it away. Maybe you’ll get another use out of it!’ after Henry had become too much of a big boy to bear it. They were sleeping together regularly those days, and he’d often glance at her with a kind of hunger unrelated to that fact, hunger she couldn’t quite place on a man without a heart in his chest. So she told him to step back, just until the curse would reset his indifference and he could forget all about second uses of cribs. And then she crushed his heart to dust a decade after.

The box floats down before them and Lily takes one look at the stairs and transports them down as well. Box following and dropping itself by the door to the one remaining bedroom upstairs. They’d have a full house when they finished that nursery. Regina smiles tiredly at Lily as they stop by her room – Did you have dinner?

She chuckles as she passes back her brother and nods clutching at her knob with her free hand – It’s like 2 AM, if I didn’t I’m not gonna- She opens her door with a last amused smirk and turns back - Hey really, you’re good.

Regina smiles at her and glances down at the sleeping bundle of a baby, respectful of his dragon schedule like they didn’t think he would be - Thank you dear. I’m sorry about today. – Lily’s parting gift is an eye roll and Regina lets her go with a small wave.

In her room she settles Draz down by Maleficent’s side, noticing every pillow thrown from the bed with various degrees of force and the woman sleeping face down, covered up to her ears. Regina manages her own magic to change into sleepwear, sitting on his other side after, debating whether her make up was significant enough to go grab a wipe but she catches a stray curl with her adjusting and the woman stirs, turning onto her side and molding to the baby by her. She wakes up and for a blissful second, she smiles up and Regina smiles down at her but then Mal sobers up a tad and Regina sighs - I’m awful, I’m sorry.

Mal sees something else under all that – What was it then? You look truly dreadful. It can’t be politics. Rumple? Daniel? Snow? Cora? Leopold?

She huffs – Cora. It was her birthday.

Mal stretches and removes the duvet from above, careful to settle their son right back down against her side. She motions for Regina to get under it before letting it fall back down over them – A star is born – is all she drawls sarcastically for a moment, before she reaches for Regina’s hand and lets out a yawn – Are you unwell?

- I am…- that trails off into nothing and Mal blinks with the patience of a monk

- You’re a brat. Every few months I forget and you just like to remind me. It’s fine. – Mal gives her a small smile and Regina does her best to blink away tears but one of them slips out of the corner of her eye and down towards the bed before Mal stops it with her thumb – Perhaps eventually it’ll stop hurting this much, but until then I’d rather you let it out than take it out on us.

- You shouldn’t have had children with me. I’m a monster. Some days it shows more clearly than others.

- What? – short of steamrolling over Draz she can’t do anything to get closer so she drops Regina’s hand to drag her closer by the waist, rucking up every bit of fabric in between them – Regina you are kind and loving, overwhelmingly so that no matter how hard she tried Cora couldn’t beat it out of you. Sure, you lose yourself a little when you’re hurting, everyone does, we just need to keep you from hurting in the first place. And you are not like her, do you think Cora would have shown up for Emma’s little self-indulgent party out of friendship? Do you think I would’ve left you alone with our pack of annoying, defenseless spawn tonight if you were anything like her?

- I… miss her. – It’s said with an overwhelming shame, she turns away from Mal’s gaze and buries her face on the mattress under her

- Oh, my love. –  Regina’s fight only slows down the tears but they still fall and Mal does her best to catch them all – You miss what she could’ve been with her heart in her chest, and mourning that lost opportunity is all right. But you yearn for a mother, not for Cora and what she did to you.

- But I-

Mal interrupts the repeated apology - You haven’t wronged us in any significant way, whatever you believe you did, forgive yourself.

- I’ve been so absent lately… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not asking how it’s been and making you go there tonight, and leaving you alone here with Draz day in and day out.

Mal sighs and takes Regina’s hand again, whatever anger she had at all that had been pushed aside in the face of all this, but it was still there she supposes, just infinitesimally small when compared to the anger that burns through her at the thought of Cora. More than once she’d asked for Regina’s permission to help get rid of her, but the damage was done and killing her, although cathartic for Mal, wouldn’t have fixed The Evil Queen’s broken childhood. She brings the hand up to circle their son’s small frame and releases it with a brush of her thumb – It’s fine, Regina. Just get back to your usual self, I need you in your best shape because everything I do for these children I learn from you.

Lily’s been fighting her body to keep herself from eavesdropping, but Regina was obviously too distressed to remember to cast the silencing charm and it was her who’d once told her having a family meant people knowing too much of your life. She doesn’t have the will to keep herself from hearing tidbits of the backstory that makes her parents who they are, not after seeing such a jarring moment up in the attic. But at last, it seems like they’re going to sleep, the ragged breath Regina lets out letting her know she’s tamping down her crying like Lily herself has often done. Mal reassures her once more and they fall quiet, and Lily grabs her phone from besides her pillow, eyes protesting and adjusting in less than a second, and opens her messages picking out Emma, she types quickly ‘Who’s Daniel?

‘Regina’s Daniel?’ is the first text she gets back, after she doesn’t answer anything Emma texts again ‘her first bf, my mom told on them and Cora killed him bc he was a servant’

Jesus Christ what was wrong with her grandmother? She takes a minute to process that one and remembers the other one. ‘ok so who the fuck is Leopold?’

‘yikes’ is what she gets back.

Chapter Text

Maleficent? – Regina calls for her as she rifles through her bag for the car keys, she could’ve sworn she had them but she had gone out to open the trunk and had to come back inside

Behind her the woman huffs – Gods, are you filing for divorce as well?

She lets out a tired sigh and Lily flies by them carrying much more than it’s safe to, even if she can physically do it. It agitates Regina even more – Dearest wife, light of my life and air in my lungs, have you seen my keys?

She’d seen them on their regular spot in the bowl earlier but it is a matter of principle, she will not be called Maleficent in her own home unless it is under completely different circumstances – Have you checked the bowl? – it is also a matter of giving Henry time to change his brother out of the shirt he threw juice at, the teenager being the one throwing the juice at the baby in this case

- Of course I checked the bowl! – Regina says wondering if she indeed checked the bowl

- Darling, did you check the bowl?

- I checked the bowl – Regina affirms, still wondering

- But did you really?

- Just tell me if they’re in the bowl and spare me the agony – she rolls her eyes when Mal nods, and drops her bag from the night before right in the corner where she’d left it, dodging Mal on her way towards the foyer and resorting to a bellow – Okay we’re leaving! Henry, last call. – It’s one of her lowest moments.

Over them Henry’s heavy footsteps become chaotic and Mal chuckles as she hoists hers and Regina’s bags, Draz’ as well since she’s at it. They make it all the way to the foyer in peace, and Lily reaches for the door knob under her cargo but the next thing she knows she’s pinned between the wall and the mountain of stuff she’d decided to carry, the crash making an ungodly sound as everything falls and the door bounces back on its hinges, dented and splintered where Lily’s arm had pushed out to stop it

Regina rushes towards her as Mal drops her own charges to pull the door open and see whoever it was that almost stamped her daughter onto their house. She finds Emma panting, clearly not aware of what she just did -Monster Alert! –

She moves to get inside again and Mal stops her by the collar of her jacket – You need to learn how to knock.

She sputters - Didn’t you hear me?! Monster! – She yanks Mal’s hand off her and takes one steeling breath when the dragon eyes her coldly from above. Regina’s more concerned with fixing the door and removing the splinters from Lily’s skin – Regina!

She gets around the first dragon and the second one reaches for her collar too. Lily growls her way - You almost fucking killed me! –

It’s only when Henry finally reaches the commotion, jumping over the debris with his brother held tight, that Emma sees the state of the foyer and the dent on the door – Oh shi—I’m sorry! But there’s this huge snake!! Red is fighting it. Let’s go! - Regina’s hand remains squarely on Lily’s shoulder and Emma groans – Dude! You’re fine! You split the goddamn door. Let’s go!

With a collective sigh they move over the mess on the floor and down the stone path. Henry confused as to whether he is allowed to go see the two beasts fighting. It’s the good thing about siblings, his mom has way too much on her plate to always remember him now.

She finally stops fussing over Lily and turns to Mal as they reach the car – No killing.

She stops in her tracks - Oh but what about camping? If we don’t leave soon it’ll be too dark to set up the tents and whatnot.

Regina stops as well, with her hand on the door handle, so close and yet so far away – Since when are you excited about camping?

Lily slinks by them towards her bike - She’s excited about the jeans you’re wearing -

Henry frowns, shudders, covers the baby’s ears – Why don’t we uh, load up the car and then we don’t have to come back?

It’s the last straw for Emma, she stamps her foot down and grabs for both Regina and Mal - There’s a fucking snake in the middle of town square. Can you all give a shit? – before anyone can answer her a cloud of white sparkly smoke takes the two and a half responsible adults away.

Emma’s poor planning drops them smack in the middle of the aforementioned fight, Regina casually leaning sideways to avoid being hit by Red as the wolf all but flies by them, and Mal stepping in her place to try to detain the snake careening after it. It’s work of a minute, grabbing the huge snake and holding it at arm's lenght while Regina manages to cast a binding spell, why it had to be her instead of Emma Swan is beyond her, but when the snake is struggling suspended in midair she spots a familiar quirk of a face muscle and goes closer to have a better look – Jafar?

- From Aladdin?! – Emma asks like it isn’t plausible that Jafar from Aladdin was fighting Little Red Riding Hood on a Friday afternoon

After a few seconds of squinting at him Regina drops him altogether. Emma protests but they watch him land with a thud and swiftly become covered by what look like swirling mauve fabrics, that then disappear and leave a slim, gaunt man before them. He smiles – Maleficent! Such long time! Here in the land without magic?

Emma tries to sneak up on him with her handcuffs and he growls, she draws her gun for good measure and Regina interrupts – Jafar, I’m going to have to restrain you again. For our peace of mind.

- Ah, Majesty. – Finally he turns her way, only to lift his chin at her – Do what you must, but face the consequences.

Mal steps up to him – Don’t make this worse than it is, we have travels to embark on.

He rolls his eyes - Time goes by and yet, this is where we stand. You always take her side.

- She’s my wife so I rather think it is all going according to plan if I do so. – He scoffs at her revelation

Emma clearly gets tired again because she reaches for all three of them, barely managing to lay a finger on both Mal and Jafar, and in an instant they all land in a cell. Regina promptly walks out – you couldn’t do that before you dragged me from my home, could you?

- He was a fucking snake. – she says as she ushers Mal out and follows, closing the door on her way out, she turns towards him with her arms crossed and glares – Ok, go.

- Pardon? – he glances around his humble foot squared and decides he won’t be ever sitting in that cot, so he looks forward and stays upright

- What do you want? – Mal says as she drags a chair from behind one of the desks and sits. Regina moves to stand behind her, and Emma holds her ground, so Mal motions her way – This girl here is the local rule enforcer, you seem to have broken some rules since your arrival.

- I did not. - He huffs - I crossed a portal, was only slithering around. Could only be accused of lurking, if one wants to find a reason to accuse a perfectly innocent man. And then a wolf attacked me.

Both Regina and Maleficent turn to Emma – He was a fucking snake! Someone calls 911 and says there’s a gigantic snake going around, I call our animal defense first. Then I go get you.

- He’s done nothing illegal – Mal concludes and Jafar nods her way genially

Regina chuckles and drops both her hands on her wife’s shoulders - Darling, a large snake in the middle of town? I would’ve called 911 too.

Emma stirs at being agreed with - And I won’t let him go just like that! Sure, he hasn’t done anything illegal, but I’m sure he was about to! He’s a villain and he doesn’t even live here – she turns Regina’s way with a lower voice – also Regina I’ve been trying to talk to you, I was reading Harry Potter and-

- The point, Miss Swan. – She moves away from Mal’s chair to lean against the unoccupied desk with her arms crossed

- We should make a log of everyone and their magic powers. Keep track. Can turn into a dragon, can cast spells, can hypnotize people. All that. Pictures, names and addresses.

She lifts an eyebrow - A human rights violation for another time.

- Human, though?

Lily  catches up to them somehow, with Henry on tow even, baby still in his arms and eyes wide on all three of them. They glance at the man behind bars and at the three women before him and then back at the man. Henry breaks the silence first – uh, so, who is the Snake?

- Jafar, kid. – she smiles his way briefly but before he can say 'cool' Emma turns to get him out of the precinct with an apologetic look – we’ll tell you all about it later.

- Why can’t I stay? He’s already in jail! – he turns his pleading eyes Regina’s way and then he remembers himself and turns them Mal’s way, easier path if he starts there

She intercedes for him – Jafar is hardly dangerous, and perhaps it’s time Henry starts taking part. He would’ve been king after all.

- Yeah! I need to learn.

Emma shakes her head - Nope. I’m putting my foot down. Who knows what this psycho is about to say.

Regina drawls from her spot – He’s hardly a stranger, I’m sure whatever his explanation it won’t be traumatizing. -The man sneers at Regina, she’d never had faith in his schemes, bitch.

Lily interrupts – So you guys know Jafar? From Aladdin? From before today?

Mal is about to pipe something up but Regina removes herself from the desk and starts moving towards Henry - But I agree with Miss Swan. Henry wait in the hallway please, you’re taking care of Draz, that’s more important than whatever this is.

He looks torn, looking between the fresh villain and the baby in his arms. He nods Regina’s way when she reaches him – Can’t you send me home? That way I can load up the car

- Dude you can’t do both. – Lily says as she props herself in the desk, feet on the surface and arm propped over her knee

- What she means is, your brother needs your undivided attention – Regina finishes before turning to glare at Lily, whose foot falls with a thud on the wood under her and whose back straightens

- Let’s focus, please. – Emma huffs – Also you really were going camping, without me?

- We are going camping, once Jafar explains – Mal says and Regina eyes her from her spot with an inexplicable hunger.

- I am chasing the woman meant to be my wife – he starts, and they all pull a different face at that

- Jasmine? – Lily clarifies and they all pull a worse face when he nods his assent

- Jafar, have some dignity. She doesn’t love you. – Mal tells him

He recoils – How would you know? She’s been whisked to this land by some low life thief! I will rescue her.

- She ran away from you with him because she loves him. Of all the women in the world, surely even you can find one that tolerates you, she's not the last living one. You will leave her alone and find yourself some other object to your affections, we have things to do. Do not subject yourself to years of a loveless marriage for the sake of some inheritance. Think.

He glances frantically between all of them – Where are you getting this information?!

- The Disney Channel - Emma sidles up to Lily as the brunette snickers at her joke, she whispers – Do you ever wish you could just wake up? This whole life feels like a bad dream sometimes

He starts pacing the cell, ignoring Emma altogether – She would love that- that- rat! But not me? Ha! – he cackles for good measure and Regina rolls her eyes – And that’s rich coming from you! “Find another woman” and yet – he motions Regina’s way – Here she is, still.

Regina walks forward about to snap at him some more but out of the corner of her eye Mal gives her some kind of unspoken signal and she backs away– How about we leave you two alone to come to terms about your subsequent vanishment from this town? – She’s barely waited for anyone to agree to that before she turns to march out of the door – Lily, Miss Swan, let’s go.

Emma frowns at the spot Regina vacates, Lily shrugs but goes away in her signature cloud of ashy smoke obediently, and turning to watch Mal lets Emma know that she should follow the order as well. She trudges outside ready to snap at Regina but finds her deep in a phone call with Henry hanging onto every word spoken, it leaves her out for another solid minute before she finally hangs up and they both turn to see her standing there against the wall.

- Where’s Lily – he asks, and bounces his brother that gurgles happily at the motion

Emma shrugs – Poofed.

With one hand, expertly, he takes his phone out of his pocket and swipes this way and that – She’s at home. Can I go? We can still make it! – Regina nods and motions for him to pass Draz to her, to let him go hug Emma probably, but he shrugs it off – Bye Ma! – and he’s gone, with Regina’s assistance thank god, it’d suck even more to realize he’s found magic powers in the few days they’ve spent apart.

Regina returns promptly to her phone and Emma sidles up to her before she can make another long phone call – Hey, what’s up?

- Nothing much until the snake made an appearance – she glances up without as much as a twitch in her body – He’s harmless. Mal will talk him out of whatever it is he’s planning, and we’ll get out of your hair.

- To go camping? – Emma sprinkles it in the conversation, or so she thinks. Regina looks up at her with a raised eyebrow – I just didn’t know you liked camping.

- Mal and I loathe it. Henry suggested it, Lily was surprisingly excited about it, so off we go. Children.

- Cool. Cool. – For a second it seems that’s where it’ll die but Emma shakes her head – Look, it was my weekend with the kid – Regina only locks her phone to see where that’s going and Emma kinda feels a pang for the days when that would’ve gotten her head chewed off before she could finish her sentence – and he kinda texted he wasn’t gonna come by, and that’s cool, he can do whatever right? But like, he didn’t invite me? Or even tell me? What’s up with that? He would’ve invited me. He would’ve nagged you into inviting me.

- Miss Swan-

- No, c’mon. Emma. Why? – she lets out a calming breath – Why are we back to this?

- I call you Miss Swan often.

- Regina, c’mon- She huffs – Kid’s upset with me about something since like two weeks ago. Which is fine because he’s a teenager but you and I… I miss us. We talk about shit, you were just gonna go somewhere with no reception for days without telling me?

Regina chuckles – Are you about to confess your undying love to me, again?

- Yeah! – she nods twice – We used to be the Swan-Mills family unit, and now were the Swan-Mills-Mal family unit and I don’t know, I’m feeling fucking abandoned in the threesome these days. Lily’s like an off-brand version of you. It’s not the same. And honestly, Mal has some weird views on kids.

Regina smiles – Life is inherently less dangerous for her, she doesn’t remember that sometimes -For a few seconds Regina glances Emma’s way. Her concerns must be serious for Emma to initiate conversation but at the same time, life happens and when there’s no threat actively forcing them to work together or Snow-White-mandated engagement to attend the only thing they truly have in common is Henry, who’s perfectly able to shuttle himself between houses these days. Still, she has grown very fond of Emma – Emma, believe me when I tell you, I won’t be able to forget you for a single day of what remains in my life.

She hears it for what it is and smiles at Regina brightly - Let’s hang out!

- We’ve never done that.

Before Emma can point out the multitude of times they’ve hung out inbetween adventures Mal comes outside with an exasperated expression and glues herself to Regina’s side, bypassing Emma and wedging herself in between them – I think we should help him become mildly functional.

Regina lets out a cackle to rival her best ones and Emma sighs as they sidetrack their hanging out again. When she’s done being super amused, she speaks – You should, he hates me.

- Darling, don’t do this – She looks at Regina incredulously

- I guess I’m taking Emma camping.

Emma jumps - You are? – she looks up from her boots that she was kicking against a chair dejectedly

Regina doesn’t really drop Mal’s eyes but she speaks to her - You have an hour to pack, any later they don’t let us in.

Mal cranes her long neck upwards, truly asking the skies for guidance – I can’t believe I am doing this instead of enjoying the jeans –

Mal whispers to herself more than anything else and Regina laughs softly at her and drops a hand on her arm - Welcome to being nice. - For a single second, she stands on her tip toes to lay a kiss by the side of her jaw

Emma glances at the entire scene with fresh eyes, from the sensible shoes to the jeans in question and up, then her eyes widen – Regina, you’re wearing flannel.  

Chapter Text

Henry’s idea of getting a new car might have some credit to it, Regina realizes once they reach the parking garage of their camping site followed by Lily’s bike and face the hill they have to climb hauling their things. There’s a rough path by the side of it and Regina sees a truck climbing easily, she wonders if they can ask for some help now that they’re one dragon short, because her car will not be put through that.

Emma’s insistence that she can easily carry Mal’s half of the bags ends as soon as they open the trunk of the Mercedes and she spots the sheer amount of stuff, by the look of it maybe two trips each will be needed… or some of the stuff isn’t vital and they can argue about that for a while. Regina and Emma go back and forth about it while Lily begins strapping bags to herself but before she can finish a stocky man marches his way up to them, flustered somehow and rolling the sleeves of his flannel that matches Regina’s and Emma’s who’d chosen specifically to annoy the brunette.

- Well, we have great fashion sense! - He laughs pointing between them and Regina already doubts his judgement –Hello, my name is Paul. Can I help you? – Paul is tall, wide, hairy, burnt by the sun but still not tan somehow. There’s muck on his boots and his pants have pockets with zippers all the way to the point where he has them tucked in his shoes. Just as the photo advertised.

Emma thrusts out her hand -Hi. Do we look super lost? Do you know how to get things up the hill?

Regina interrupts her great imitation of a golden retriever – Mills. We have a reservation.

Emma turns - A reservation to camp?

The man laughs heartily over them both – Trust me, it’s still a very genuine experience, we just offer showers with low water pressure – Regina scoffs at the mere idea like she didn’t grow up with the rag method, granted someone else wet the rag for her, but still. He takes out a small tablet from one of his multitude of pockets – No rentals?

- How could we need to rent anything Paul? – Emma says pointing at the things Lily’d dropped on the floor by the car. For the first time he spots Lily, who also glances his way and says nothing, putting her helmet in the trunk of Regina’s car.

He turns back to the ones talking for the group- If you wait ‘till the truck gets back down I’ll help you guys carry your things up, I only have room for one passenger though.

His eyes roam straight to Emma while he gives her a teddy bear smile and this is clearly the work of the shirt she’s wearing. Henry saves her, emerging from the depths of his nap – Mom, Draz is crying. 

- Oh, thank god – Emma says and Henry frowns, Regina bends into the car to release him from his baby seat, Paul’s eyes don’t leave Emma though, with his big wide smile in place.

– Hey Ma, did you bring any bread or something? – Paul swivels his head her way startled and Emma stifles a chuckle, he looks a little confused… it’s when Regina emerges with a baby and he turns back between them Emma understands… oh, she should probably set him right.

- We’re not – she points between them and Regina invalidates her point handing her the baby

Paul double checks the tablet and nods – Allrighty, this young man can come with me on the truck. Help me load up the bed yeah? – Henry grabs two bags from the floor to start carrying towards the truck and Lily passes him with four – Well, Regina Mills… can you sign? – He hands her the tablet and a pencil for it – Right. Okay. Mallory then?

-N-

- Yes, that’s her, Mallory.

Not only has Henry been camping a few times with David and the merry men, Lily’s also apparently had experience setting up in the woods, her words, not encouraging words. So Emma and Regina mostly pass them stuff as they set up the site they’ll be spending two nights and two days at. It becomes clear they’re one tent short when everything is set up and Emma scratches at her head – Maybe we can call Paul and he’ll rent us one?

- They don’t respond after six unless it’s an emergency and they have some phones set up for that, that’s why we had to get here early. -Lily drops her bag in her tent regardless of the issue and Regina wants to laugh at her

- He wouldn’t come anyways. You broke his heart, now he thinks we’re married and he's missing on all this because of you. - She motions to herself

Regina, whose sleeves are also rolled up, pushes them further up her arms – Then you take the big tent with Henry.

- Why? – He whines, he had seen Lily pick her tent and hesitated, rookie mistake

- I don’t wanna sleep with him either, he smells – she says and crosses her arms, Regina hears her for what it is and pats her in the back

- It’s Emma or Me and Draz. – before he can open his mouth she adds – And you know I’m strict with my bedtime.

Henry grumbles but drops his bags inside the big tent, passing between them to do so and coming out almost immediately when he’s done, in swimming trunks and a t-shirt. His first stop has to be the lake, and he informs them so without really inviting them, pelting down the hill on the other side in an almost dangerous manner, skidding here and there and grabbing onto greenery to slide down at times. It’s almost funny, if only it didn’t look so precarious. Regina holds her breath as she sees him go, long gone is the boy that needed her to rub sunscreen and bug repellent on his skin before going to the Storybrooke park. Emma cringes as he rolls an ankle, but it does not stop him on his way down, almost reaching the people taking advantage of the very last of the sunlight to take a swim.

- Should we follow him? – Emma stretches on her spot and turns to Regina, with a heavily bundled up Draz cooing in her arms and clutching at his crocodile – Right.

- No. no. I’d like to try. – Lily stands at that and Regina shrugs – He’s young.

- Mom!

- He’s half human Lily, I think if we start early he won’t grow with your short comings.

She takes out her phone, to tattle probably but there’s no phone signal there, as was heavily advertised in the website, and Lily groans and is forced to stand there as both Emma and Regina retreat into their tents and come out. The blonde in a two-part swimsuit but a towel wrapped around her waist, and Regina in a much more weather sensible get up of a long-sleeved skin-tight shirt and gym shorts, baby in a similar outfit still innocent to the fact that his mother was about to try to drown him.

Emma laughs – You’re really punishing the lake-goers like that? A shirt Regina? Get a bikini!

- You’d love that, wouldn’t you? – She starts eyeing the hill to find the beaten path – But it is not summer.

- You wish I’d tried to marry you before Mal showed up. – She flexes her abs for one brief second but before Regina can as much as glance her way she’s sliding down like Henry had, using her towel to fend off the branches trying to scratch at her.

However, there is a path and by the time Lily, Draz and her make it down Emma is flailing this way and that on the lake, and Henry is sitting on the edge of the docks speaking to some girl he must’ve found in the ten minutes they left him unattended. There’s no shore to be seen so Regina jumps close to the wooden structure as well and needles Lily onto lowering Draz to her arms.

At first it looks like it’ll be okay, because he hasn’t realized this is a big body of water. His baths this far have been all about low water level and he’s been just fine sitting on water that barely covers his legs, thank you very much. But the minute Regina submerges his legs and arms he loses sight of the fact that his mother is still holding him and seems to go on survival mode, shrieking like he’s being kidnapped.

- Mom! – Lily, fully clothed and sitting on the docks feels for him. She still takes no baths. Ever.

- Give it a minute at least! – She yells over him – But he stops his angry approach and turns to look at Regina with a miserable look that breaks her heart, just before bursting into tears – Oh no, baby – she lifts him above her head and Lily takes him from her

- It just really feels like you can’t move. - Regina submerges herself fully and Draz grows even more distressed at the big bad evil substance leaving him orphaned, his crying gaining traction. Lily rocks him a bit – Dude, chill. She’ll be out.

Regina emerges a few feet away, by Emma’s side and drags her closer. – Maybe if he sees us both being just fine…

Emma turns Lily’s way where Draz seems to have calmed down, his little shirt steaming but his chest still rising and falling rapidly. Before anyone can see the smoking baby Emma throws up some more water at them, soaking the adult one more than the baby but accomplishing her goal. Lily gasps as she takes another faceful of lake water and Regina throws out her hands so she can pass the baby down, he’s confused enough he might not realize. She dips his toes as Lily tries to run away from Emma’s attack and by what must be a very good arm workout of lifting and lowering him a few times she realizes his panic only sets when the water covers his chest, and anything remotely horizontal is out of question, Regina settles for keeping him exactly at waist level.

For a while Emma focuses on splashing Lily’s way but Henry sits dry just a few feet away and her splash radius reaches his back just so, she tries to get Lily on board before filling her hands with water and moving his way stealthily. When the brunette gives her a nod she tosses the water at him and when he stands and turns Lily is quick to lift him by his legs and throw him over them and into the lake.

Regina’s hand shoots out into the air, it does nothing but compromise Draz’s precarious position by her chest and she drags the arm back down to hold onto him properly as he turns Henry’s way so they can both watch him resurface alive and well. He does, well and angry too – What the hell?! He hits the water hard enough Emma takes a big gulp of it and sinks for a second – Mom! – He complains Regina’s way

- Are you okay? – She can’t do any more than that with Draz splashing this way and that now that he’s convinced of the safety of her arms. Henry glances up to his new friend and quickly back down again when she’s stifling a giggle from behind her hand. At least Emma seems to have made friends with the girl too. Regina hands Draz to Emma and moves his way to grab some of the small weeds on his hair, if he’d cut it that wouldn’t happen. – Sweetheart?

He lets himself be led back by her as he shoots daggers Emma’s way before going down to rid his hair of the debris. He comes out and does his best attempt at smoothing it back and out of his face, and Regina can only help him with his task when he misses a few hairs. The girl laughs at him then – You guys are so cute – she stands and comes closer to Lily’s side clearly gearing up to leave, to Henry’s chagrin – It’s so nice to see a couple married and with children, I hope I find a girl to marry one day too!

Henry gapes as Emma laughs and Regina only sighs – We’re n-

- We absolutely are. Lily take a pic of us here in this lake with our two beautiful baby boys, please. – A madwoman’s grin overtakes Emma’s face as she lifts Draz to sit on her shoulders and takes advantage of that to pinch Henry’s closest cheek. Lily does absolutely nothing – Regina tell your sister to take our picture, god why does she hate me so much? Is it because you have such a weirdly close relationship and-

- Lily just, take the picture.

She’s snapped a couple of them when the girl waves at them all – Bye Henry, nice to meet you!

- How were you were hitting on a lesbian?! You live with three! – Emma teases Henry and he wrenches himself from in between them and swims to the worn-down staircase, ripping his way up and fuming all the way through the pier and starting up the regular path after picking up his discarded shirt

She fumbles on her spot, careful to dislodge Draz from his very dry spot and hand him back to his mother, who takes him with a small, pained smile Emma’s way – In all fairness, nor Mal nor myself are lesbians.

- She’s gonna love the pics though – Lily tacks on as she puts her phone back in her driest pocket

Emma sighs – Can you guys stay down here for a while? I have to talk to him about… whatever this is– The moon is doing its best to light up the place a little and as long as they’re making progress Regina doesn’t see how it would harm them. So she nods and Lily sits back down on the pier as Emma trudges up the hill behind them.

She lies down on her chest reaching down onto the water and Regina smirks at her – Do you want to try? - She turns on her spot letting Draz giggle his heart away as the water drags over his skin and splashes at his face without covering him

- Mom, I lose my shit in a swimming pool. A fucking lake in the middle of the night might kill me.

Regina lifts Draz and drops him just enough he’ll still be in the clear and he goes as far as to drop his arms to make a splash – He’s doing just fine… chest above the water line and you’ll be fine as well.

- That’s not humanly possible unless your mother is holding you up though. – She sits up anyway, and Regina smiles brightly at her, so she quite clearly has lost the battle.

Emma finds Henry on their tent, sacrificing his battery to moodily listen to music and she triple checks her towel before reaching down for a t-shirt and sitting on her side of the tent, staling for a couple of seconds before she has to physically reach for one of his earbuds and pull it out to speak to him – Hey kid, I’m sorry I blew up your spot… it was a prank is all – He says nothing and Emma sighs – Kid, you need to talk to one of us… even Mal if you have to.

- I talk to Mal. – He doesn’t quite sit up but he is now facing Emma’s general direction, and that’s a win right there

- Then what did I do? You gotta at least tell me so I can apologize, this isn’t cool.

He shrugs on his spot – You didn’t do anything.

- Kid you were going to come to the middle of the woods in a cool trip without telling me. Like, what was the idea there? I would’ve been texting you, then Regina, then Lily, then Mal to then think, well let’s go to the house, find it empty… lose my mind for another hour and then, maybe, hear you were camping from someone else that knew?

- Why didn’t mom tell you?

- Because she trusts you’re old enough to communicate stuff without us having to triple check! – He looks mildly ashamed at that and Emma takes a breath and decides to lay down by his side, if he’s not going to sit up… - Okay, so… just now, when you were hitting on the lesbian… - he turns to glare at her and she chuckles – That’s concerning behavior, kid. I thought you had a girl, what’s up with that?

He crosses his arms over his chest – Didn’t work out.

- ‘kay then… Fell out sometime in the last month… why?

He blows air out of his nostrils in a way he’s surely seen followed by fire lately – I don’t know, Ma. She ghosted me, okay?

- How can you ghost anyone in Storybrooke? – he only shrugs and Emma turns to lay on her side to watch him – So she ghosted you, and your mom went back to work and you have to split her nights with Lily and Draz, and I… moved into Luke’s place? You don’t want to come by because we live together now? It was kind of your idea though.

He turns away from her but answers anyways - Are you going to marry him soon?

She breathes deeply – I mean, shoot… he’s bound to ask eventually but I don’t think soon, you know, I’d say yes probably so… – she thinks better of her answer – I won’t if you don’t want me to, but you’d have to explain why, and it’d have to make sense too. Don’t you like Luke?

-He’s cool – He provides an endless supply of cake is what he does – It’s just, going to your place was like a sleepover and now it’s just like…walking 20 minutes to sleep in another bed for two nights. It’s not worth it.

Behind him Emma takes one sharp breath and tries to ignore the knife he’s just plunged into her heart. It’s only puberty, and his own prickly personality, but still it gets so tiresome at times. If he’s not casting Regina out he’s casting her out and so they go in an infinite cycle, the fact that he has options makes it easier she’s sure. – Okay, you know the room is there for you whenever you want to use it, we don’t have to keep that weekends schedule. But let’s spend some more time together then! We can watch a movie you choose on a day you want to, or we can go chill at Granny’s on Saturdays… I know I’m just fun mom but it’s not cool of you to ice me out because you think I’m losing my fun-ness

Emma cringes at her own inability to put her feelings into words as eloquently as she’d like to, and swallows pass the crack of her voice, but when she turns to watch him again he’s turned her way – Sorry, Ma. I was just kinda overwhelmed by my stuff and I guessed I could be depressed at home.

-Kid you don’t have to be depressed at all. Regina will always listen to you, even if you think she’s busy, Mal is not even busy to begin with, I am a text away at all times, and you have Lily too, Charming, Snow… and you know, even Luke can chime in if you want a man that’s not really related to you. You have a ton of people! Hell, Red would be happy to listen to your girl troubles too.

 – Okay, I get it. – he sits up – And really, Luke’s cool. It’s just been so many people so quickly, nothing’s just… mine anymore, it’s been kinda crazy.

-You don’t wanna hear I’m pregnant then? - He whips back to glance at her in a way that looks painful for his neck and Emma holds her hands up in surrender – Joking. I got my tubes tied months ago. You wanna talk contraception? - His face wrinkles and he grabs his phone and the dangling headphones and starts fleeing the tent. Emma yells after him - It’s me or Regina, you don’t have the other options for this topic!

When she comes out bundled inside a blanket Henry’s doing god knows what in a phone without service and Regina and Lily are only reaching the clearing laughing about some joke while Draz dozes peacefully on his mother’s arms, steam rising from his skin.

Emma eyes their wet hair and Regina’s towel over Lily’s body – Did you jump in the lake?

I even swam a little – she says dumping herself down in her tent with the ‘door’ unzipped

You floated – Lily glares her way and Regina rolls her eyes – I am very proud of your bravery, but that was floating not swimming. We’ll get there, though.

They are dropped in darkness up in the camping site, the trees work as cover and the other families are not nearby, it’s a wonder that the kid could sit five minutes out there by himself without shitting his pants. Emma busies herself with the fire and Lily starts rummaging in her pockets for her phone, checking it once or twice before finally putting it away again – No service, at all.

Regina emerges from her own tent, mollified baby wrapped up in every layer available inside of it  – Well, at least the weather is just fine. Light jackets.

- Got something to say? – Emma groans as she crouches by the still intact kindling, they don’t answer her – You guys aren’t heavy into small talk. Generally, it’s kind of spirit-breaking comments around you two.

- Um, mom said you were feeling kinda abandoned and Henry was tense – Lily starts, and they all turn to her at a whiplash speed – What? I can like, open the discussion.

- Dude, what the hell are they doing to you in therapy? – Emma laughs and turns back to her task – We’re good. Right kid? – he nods, they can barely see it – He does need classes about recognizing lesbians though. – Someone chucks a branch her way and she fishes it from the floor to add to the kindling, trying to start that fire is the hardest test she’s ever overcome. Lily stands and all but spits fire onto the spot where Emma’s hands just were – Jesus, how the hell can you do that out of town?

- It’s biological, Swan. Doesn’t need any magic.

Regina’s head cocks to a side - Could you do that before you knew you are a dragon?

- Coughed enough smoke to know cigarettes weren’t the thing responsible… - at their horrified looks she shrugs - Yeah I had a pretty weird situation growing up.

Chapter Text

- So you can swim now?  

- Shit, I don’t know – Lily drags her beer closer and shrugs – I can like, move and not die – She watches as Jenna laughs at her joke, with a dumb little smile on her face if her glass can be trusted – Regina has been driving Mal mad about it all week, she’s so fucking smug she managed to get us in water for a weekend.

She reaches over Lily’s crossed arms to grab the fork and eat from the bacon fries she claimed to not want – Are they really bickering about that?

- Oh for sure, they only cuddle for three quarters of an hour instead of the full one these days. I’m afraid for their marriage.

Lily chuckles to herself as she swats the hand dipping into her fries again and Jenna drops the fork and settles for smiling at her as she consumes her endless caloric intake – They have a really good thing going huh?

For all her tips on being a dragon, Maleficent really fucked her over when she decided to describe the way you feel when you meet the one or whatever. Not only had Mal said it, Trivio and Gunda had confirmed receiving a similar explanation from their parents at some point in the last century, and as much as they claimed to not be stressing about what it meant for their current relationships, Lily’s sure no one living with that information can sleep peacefully. For example, here sits in front of her a woman she likes. Not only is she very attractive, she’s funny and passionate about her work and her hobbies, she has great taste in sports and music, she’s interesting and willing to share, all very great stuff, but it’s going nowhere. Well, it’s going somewhere, it’s going to a break up, in a couple of days or in a couple of years but clearly this is not the woman she’s gonna end up having kids with or she’d be head over heels by now.

- Hey, where did you go?

- Oh, - she rubs at her face – Just thinking about something dragon mom said… Yes. They have a great thing going. And you do not want to ask, it will melt your brain hearing one of them talk about it.

Jenna’s order had consisted of a beer and some more of the courtesy popcorn, she throws a few kernels in her mouth and smiles – Well it’s hard to keep quiet if you’re happy. And Regina, Jesus she was a nightmare a couple of years ago. I’d pay good money to see her gushing.

For another few seconds Lily’s quiet. Knowing they were not meant for each other in the long run is disheartening for sure, she doesn’t see how she could do better. But she already feels something for the woman in front of her and there’s no point on letting her go now when they could have some more time. It’ll hurt regardless, so why not make sure it’s at least worth it? Right? – You should meet them… again, properly this time. – She reaches to take one of her hands and drags it over to her side

She lets herself be pulled and blinks a few times – Lily, are we in a relationship?

She lets go of the hand and sits up on her side of the booth – I… don’t know? – what are the milestones? They’ve probably blown through all of them. Was she supposed to ask? Do they need a date for an anniversary they might never see? - What do you say we are? I’m not good at this.

She laughs – We kinda have to decide, both of us. Here, I’ll start. I’m not seeing anyone else, and I don’t want to.

Lily takes one deep breath, and then fights to keep down the cough she brings on herself when she does it poorly. She clears her throat. Can she waste Jenna’s time? Shouldn’t she keep seeing women that can actually spend the rest of their lives with her? She vows to do well by her, but is that enough? What if Jenna’s supposed to meet someone in the next few months and she’s there in the way? – I ain’t either. Seeing anyone else. Just you, us.

- And do you want to be in a relationship? Not with me- She adds hastily -just... in general? – She looks hopeful even if she wants to hide it and Lily’s heart pangs

She wants nothing else, now that she’s being asked. Living starved of love was just fine until she started getting a taste and now she’s getting greedy – I do. I just, I suck at this. – She’s almost angry at the snail pace of her progress, will she ever be well adjusted?

- You’re doing fine. I want to be in a relationship as well. – She stops and Lily looks startled in front of her, this date was not supposed to go in this direction, they didn’t seem to be very serious before this. She starts worrying her hands together as the brunette takes a sip of her beer – But Lily, I kinda have to ask… you and Ruby, why did you…?

- Break up? – She takes a bigger sip of her beer

- Cheat on her.

- Right. I do like that you don’t fuck around – she groans – when it comes to sensitive topics I mean – Jenna chuckles at her anyways and Lily clenches her hands for a moment, before releasing the tension – Okay. When mom took me to the enchanted forest, I met dragons for the first time, and it was mostly… I was curious. I was still pretty awful. – She realizes in that moment how much she’s changed since they found her. Red was patient and loving with her despite all her flaws and that’s how she paid her? – Jesus, I can’t believe I did that. – She buries her face in her hands, the shame burning through her and threatening to burst out of her in tears. – Jenna, I was fucking horrible before I came here, by far the shittiest person I know. And I’m trying… Red just, fuck, she tried to have faith in me before I deserved it and I went and did my thing. But I want to think that was my last fuck up before I woke up and realized I have to do better.

She sighs once and takes both her hands – You are not the shittiest person in this bar even. Recognizing to my face why you did what you did and saying you’re trying to get better is proof you’re not awful. I bet you never were. I am so happy for you, that you got to find your family and they inspired you to improve and stuff, but really, Regina a few years ago? Nightmare. You have a way better starting point than anyone in this town ever did.

She blinks past her wet eyes until she feels like she’s in control of her emotions again – You really don’t like my mother huh?

- I don’t know your mother. I know The Evil Queen, and I know Regina Mills from the 80’s to the 2010’s. That woman who tried to teach a thirty-year-old how to swim patiently is a mystery to me.

Lily smiles for a moment, still torn but leaning more towards indulging her heart as it flutters in her chest- So… - she squeezes the hands on hers – You want to come meet her? There’s buffers tonight. Zelena will be there and she takes up a lot of bandwidth.

Her head bobs noncommittally – Are we in a relationship?

It would be so easy, to say yes and ignore everything going through her head. But she’s done that once already and it ended up hurting the one person who had been kind to her without being forced to coexist already. So she picks one of Jenna’s hands up and kisses the back of it with a smile – Tell you what, if you survive meeting my family and I survive meeting yours then we can’t get rid of each other.

- A non-answer! Diplomacy courtesy of the Mills side.

Dinner at the Mills’ is never a calm affair, and the more they expand the table the more room for chaos there is. Still, if they’re getting along it’s the good kind of chaos and with a Zelena ready to pop, Robin fawning over her, and Roland, Henry and Draz always trying to destroy something expensive, Regina and Mal were only mildly invested on getting information out of Jenna. She had taken the few questions with aplomb and was holding her own even after the food was gone and they’d moved to the living room to talk over alcohol and extra juice as it was pertinent, Regina caging her in the middle of Zelena and herself. Lily’s seat wasn’t really part of the conversation pit and Mal had taken to coming and going from the kitchen cleaning up a bit after them.

For a while Lily’s content with watching them all talk over one another, Jenna laughing at Zelena and Regina’s strange attempt of communication that left one sentence-worth of content per three of thinly-veiled insults. Could they possibly make it a thing? Every Sunday they try that, once a month Emma is invited. Could she be in a relationship and invite someone into their family knowing it was for nothing? Could she let Jenna get comfortable in the dynamic knowing she could be out there looking for someone else? Someone with potential to last forever? It seems selfish, but what was it Mal had said? If it’s good then it’s worth it? It’s definitely good she thinks as Zelena uses Jenna’s opinion to undermark one of her points.

Mal passes by her and she shoots out a hand - Hey mom, so when did you know mom was like…it. Like you said, she was the universe or whatever the fuck. Like you met, and you were like yeah she’s ok, and then you started dating, and then it went to shit, and she cast a curse, and then you died and-

- Lily, land the plane, please. – She sits on the arm rest

- When did you know? At which point does it dawn on you that you met your match?

Mal eyes her softly from her spot and it’s seems she’s overcome with the spirit of mom because she passes her arm over Lily’s shoulders and starts drawing her finger through her hair – I’ll put that dawning realization somewhere in the first decade of the curse.

- What?! – The other turn to them briefly but they’re too engaged in their debate

Mal seems to get lost in reminiscing – Your mere existence was proof, and I knew that on some level. But I was not beyond being angry at Regina for jeopardizing our budding family over a grudge decades old. While we were cursed, when I was alone with my thoughts and keenly aware of time, anger began dissipating and I started seeing things more clearly, by the eleventh year one day, when she used to show up to talk, I couldn’t bear to look at her but I can’t even begin to describe what hearing her voice again made me feel. I knew by then.

- That’s insane! Years passed. I thought you were supposed to know right away! You said that you just knew. That you couldn’t possibly like anyone else.

- And I did. I just hadn’t realized I knew. – She stops her grooming and drops her hand on Lily’s shoulder with a smile – There was Regina and after Regina nothing would do, no one could sway me, she couldn’t get rid of me if she tried, these are all things you see in hindsight. I didn’t realize the magnitude of the feeling then.

- Can you know it’s not right then? Did you date any other people seriously? Is mom your longest… relationship?

Mal laughs at that – I’ve been in a relationship with your mother for slightly less than the time you’ve known us. Before this we were anything but. Regina was so young when we met, I couldn’t presume to tie her down into anything she didn’t want, and well, I hadn’t realized.

- Mom, you kinda suck at this- this- guidance shit. – Lily groans and drops her head on her hands – Every single fucking time we speak about it, I end up more confused.

Mal pats her in the back – Darling, I’ve told you before. You just have to love, who knows where it goes? Look at Robin, he risked his life dating Regina and it led him to risk his life dating Zelena.

She snorts and looks up to see a green mist enveloping his throat for some reason, and focuses back on Mal – But the people you ended up stringing along for however long, they didn’t stand a chance. Don’t you feel guilty about that?

Mal shakes her head – Everyone I loved I did so fully, some were short-lived I’ll admit but I was never just passing the time, and even if it was never going to be what it is with Regina they were all appreciated. – She motions Jenna’s way with her hand, subtly, although she must know they’re discussing her by now. Mal likes the girl well enough, she did make a fine sword - Maybe you are the love of her life, and you’re robbing her of that. – She wants to protest, Mal’s hand squeezes her shoulder to keep her quiet – Her lifetime is a dot in yours, who says you can’t give her your entire heart for a while? I’m sure you can refrain and someone will come along that will bludgeon you on the head until you come to your senses because she’s the one, but when that time comes you’ll be better off with a lifetime of companionship behind you. Love begets love.

Lily’s bad with metaphors in general – That’s kinda depressing though. I’m the love of her life and she’s not the love of my life? So, I used her for what? Keeping me company? Logging in my relationship hours before the big one comes by?

Mal rolls her eyes, leave it to her to oversimplify her point – Sure. Think of them as practice if you must. – Lily raises an eyebrow at her, and she stands – I’m sure you learned to be faithful with the last one. This one is teaching you how to exercise. A few more and we make a functional adult out of you.

Chapter Text

Fan as he is of sleeping under various tables, Draz still tends to wake up and immediately bat his wings hard enough to almost topple anything in his way, that added to the fact that the table in her office is made of glass has Regina eyeing him every few minutes as he dozes curled into himself in the middle of the room.

Mal seems to not care about the fate of the furniture, lazing around on the couch with a book on her hands, it is not large enough for her though because her legs hang after the knees even though her head is one millimeter short of the other arm rest, her hair falling over the side and to the floor. Regina’s gaze lingers only a moment before drifting back to their son and then to her work, on which she has surprisingly been able to concentrate even with the company she’s had in the office that morning.

She thought too soon quite clearly because Mal lays her book on her chest and props one arm behind her head to look her way – Regina you are a sight in your pantsuit. – She doesn’t get much past a hum, and she smiles and goes on – One can’t ever be prepared for this kind of moment when you’re involved. Nature conspires and the sun filters in a specific angle though the window, a breeze catches your hair, you turn just enough your eyes appear golden… truly spectacular.

- Are you having an Enchanted Forest kind of day? – Regina chuckles but looks Mal’s way, she’s not bad herself, draped over the couch like something out of a Victorian fantasy, unbuttoned vest and all

– I’m just in awe, eternity wouldn’t be enough to take you in. – She smiles as Regina looks mollified for a second – Whatever did you see in the huntsman?

- What? – she laughs and turns her chair enough to face Mal fully, propping her elbow on the desk and her head on her hand – You’re asking about the huntsman now?

- Darling you are just so pretty, you look as if your every move should be accompanied by an orchestra.

- I’ve committed murder a few times- It feels wrong to skip the disclaimer

- And I’m sure you’ve driven countless more victims to madness, one glance at you and the lesser men surely lose their grasp on reality. And yet, every lover you reveal is brutish. The huntsman, the Queensguards, Robin, even the nurse seemed… rough- She lies on the couch, curious but unbothered as always.

The Queensguards? Regina closes her laptop for good measure, turning her way - Well most of the time you’re not exactly delicate, are you?

Mal laughs - Is that it then? You simply seek someone that can toss you around?

- And pin me to various surfaces – Whatever they are doing, Regina’s not about to lose to a woman dangling her socked feet over a couch’s arm rest. – Why do you ask?

She shifts just enough she can both use a hand to prop her head up and the other to tangle in her hair, book perched precariously on her waist now – Well you were young then and I hate to break it to you but you’re young now, I wouldn’t begrudge you if you want to roam a little more. You shouldn’t have to deprive yourself for the sake of our endless marriage… maybe we should have a threesome

- With whom? – she laughs at the mere idea and then lands back on Mal, who moves her hair this way and that, the sun reaches her as well and it looks even more golden than usual when it's moving. Regina smiles – I’m perfectly fine with our endless marriage. As long as I can expect to find myself pinned to, at the very least, a mattress some time in the near future.

- As soon as possible. - Mal spares her a look coupled with a smirk – My dear, had we been alone I would have bent you over the desk the moment I walked in here. – Regina’s only response is to take off her blazer after a beat. Mal doesnt get to see the impact of her comment though, as she lays back down on the couch – It really is a superb pantsuit. And the shirt, that button is working hard. Truly a test for my will. Do you wish to hear an Emily Dickinson poem?

Regina looks up from her sleeves, she was rolling them up in an attempt to regulate her body temperature. A poem? Mal had already lifted her book over her head again and released the arm she was using to hold her head up to now play with her own hair as she read, like she hadn’t just thrown a wrench in the productivity of Regina’s day. After the curse broke it seemed foolish to do anything in the office and risk someone hearing and remembering, and the risk is what makes it oh so sweet so the spells would dampen the mood but- No. She can’t. She was elected into office for Christ’s sake, she needs to have some respect for it. But who would know? She can send her assistant away and-

- Regina, a poem?

- I am going to kill you- she stands and rounds up her desk, motioning for the glass table to float aside, she can move it and Draz will wake up within seconds, all without her clothes coming in the danger zone. Mal peers at her over the book and Regina crosses her arms – Put on your shoes, we’re going home- she thinks better of it – You know what, don’t bother. Start getting rid of what you can, we’re on a tight schedule. And you’re staying there after lunch.

It is so hot in Jenna’s place when she has that furnace thing running to melt some metal or whatever it is she does, and she has really nice sheets as well, and she's so warm on top of all that. Lily stars drifting off while she tries to make a mental note of asking for a spell that will make her room this warm, but she doesn’t get to doze off because Jenna chuckles and it shakes her on her spot, which she realizes is one she’d never been in before. She’s tucked on Jenna’s side, head squarely on her chest and arm across her, her leg is hiked over both of hers as well and the other ankle is trying to hook under hers. She’d never cuddled onto anyone, at worst some women tried to cuddle up to her and she’d stayed there letting it happen until she could leave or something.

She tries to move away but the arm under her neck eventually turns into a hand that is holding onto her somewhere by her side and Jenna tightens it – No, you can nap if you want to. Sorry I moved – She turns just a little bit, away from her phone with the funny whatever, and lays a kiss on Lily’s forehead, it makes her gulp.

She closes her eyes again but it is no use, she’s rattled now. She at least manages to be silent enough Jenna doesn’t seem to notice as she watches her continue scrolling, her chest rising and falling slowly with every breath and the sound of her heart coming in loud and clear directly to Lily’s ear. It somehow spurs her to lift the hand she had crossed over Jenna and start tracing down her arm. There is more than one dip and rise from her shoulder to her wrist and by the time Lily reaches the phone and tosses it to the bedside table she’s laughing again.

- You can come by before we go to the gym… that way I tweak my cardio according to your stamina of the day.

- No, I just – Lily intertwines her fingers with Jenna’s and drags her arm down so she can circle her with both of them and Jesus fucking Christ what even is she doing? – I’m not gonna nap. – Jenna lets the silence be but she obliges Lily’s unspoken request and does her one better, by tucking her arms under the covers and tracing Lily's spine and it makes her want to purr – Why do you sleep so close to the fucking industrial oven? - her voice is soft against her not-girlfriend's neck and she can feel the smile forming above her

- Does it bother you?

It does the exact fucking opposite of bother her, that’s for sure – No, it’s great. When I went to the Enchanted Forest, mom’s place was in a mountain that had like a volcano in it. Best sleep of my life. But human humans shouldn’t like this kind of heat.

Jenna stops her caressing, her hands just kind of laying there, on Lily’s skin, just there, chilling. She tries to focus on anything other than the hands, which considering every other body part in contact shouldn’t be too hard, but the hands. Jenna shrugs – You get used to it when you’ve lived by it your entire life. It’s god-sent here in Maine, and if it’s summer and I need it to stay on maybe I just sleep naked. I’ll call you when it happens. - Lily finally manages to will herself out of her position at that, to hover over her and lean down to kiss her for a while, maybe shake the burning ghost of her fingers moving up and down her back a few minutes ago. But she won’t let her know peace, and starts tracing up her arms now, too gently for the comment that comes after – You’ve bulked up quickly.

- We’re a bulky people – And she’s already wearing mostly her stretchy shirts because the other fabrics have started to strain a bit, the jeans are looking at a complete over-haul. It’s nice. She can get Sybilla’s size, any bigger might look too threatening – Are you going to feed me?

She pushes her off her with a laugh – If you can stand delivery. I was going to cook but then I picked up a stray that followed me home.

Lily lets herself fall down as Jenna stands and goes looking for her phone – Granny’s on me then. – Jenna turns around and looks like she’s about to say something. Lily takes her hand and adds – Don’t thank me, I just can’t make you pay for the four cheeseburgers I’m about to eat.

- I wasn’t going to thank you, I was going to tell you Ruby handles delivery and I will not let you force her to come here and see you lounging around half naked.

How small is Storybrooke seriously? How can she basically own the place, cook, serve and do delivery? Jesus. Lily groans – They blocked my number, I just want four cheeseburgers. I promise I’ll hide?

- And she won’t know you’re here when I order five cheeseburgers for lunch? – She chuckles, now that her phone is in her hands she can get back in bed, moving to straddle Lily – They blocked my number too. I’ll get you a big pizza just for yourself.

Lily sits up before she can finish that thought and for one second she has to remind herself most things can’t possibly be serious enough she’ll need the fire that gathers in her chest without her asking it too – Are they being shitty to you? – She remembers Mal killing a man for rendering Regina unconscious and she understands now, kinda, in a way. It scares her. Less than the cuddling though. So, she should talk to someone about that.

- No, it was just awkward last time I was there, guess word spread around. And now I can’t order takeout for some reason. Always get voicemail. - She reaches for Lily’s hair and tries to talk her down from whatever it is in her mind - It’s fine, It’s normal really. It’d be ridiculous if she liked me. I’ll text the pizza place, and you can make sweet love to me another few hundred times so I can burn enough calories to offset the pizza.

Are they... making love? There's something deeply disturbing about the shudder that goes through her as Jenna slips her hands out of her hair and to her neck. Lily clears her throat. - I love your abs, I do. But this won’t work if you won’t bend the fit rules for pizza.

Living over the bakery has been pretty spectacular. There’s always baked goods within reach and she’s now eligible for free baked goods even, they know her down there. And when she has the night shift Luke can come up to say hi and go back to work in 10 minutes or even less, only magic can compete with those numbers and generally it tires you more than the flight of stairs.

Emma hums as she munches on a bagel, maybe she should’ve just skipped to lunch but the bagels were right there with a little note not to eat them all, clearly he wanted her to eat some. She’s gonna have to learn some self-control or this union will not be kind on her body. As this epiphany hits her Luke comes into the kitchen, too silent for someone with no spy training, and pokes her side over the towel. She jumps and the last bite of bagel flies off her hand and falls in the sink, well out of 5-seconds-rule territory.

She eyes it mournfully and he laughs at her – They let you patrol the streets at night! – He circles her completely and opens the fridge to take out jam, he’s about to feed her another bagel. Maybe she should stop him. But he seems so glad to be opening a jar in front of her - I missed you last night.

- How do you know when to come up? – It’s not like she sets an alarm, but he’s consistently right about when she’s roaming around, never early enough to drag her off bed or late enough that she’s well into her Netflix-ing – Do you have a nanny cam? And just wait around until I’m half naked and eating my brunch.

- You’re a heavy walker, I can hear you from the bakery honey – he hands her the new bagel, jam and banana slices on it and she groans as she bites into it – Good? – He enjoys feeding her too much, his little grin gets annoying.

- Fucking excellent – she takes another bite, there’s fruit in it! It’s basically healthy – You’re getting a blowjob as soon as I’m done with this bagel.  

- Oh… no – He blushes, and it looks adorable with his tan complexion and his unruly hair. – It’s okay, I have to go down again.

- They can handle cake by themselves – Bagel eating is a one hand job, so she shoots her other one to keep him in place, he’s a flight risk. She drops the food altogether and grabs onto his neck, drumming her fingers on his skin – Pretty please?

- It’s the middle of the day! – and he’s shy and Emma’s kinda had enough of it because they live together, and it’s ridiculous he’s turning down well-earned blowjobs to preserve her virtue or whatever it is he does

- Plenty people have sex at noon. You’re your own boss, imagine if you had an office job!

He chuckles and in his distraction Emma can attack his weak spot, where his jaw melts into his ear. She kisses him softly and his hands shoot to her waist, to help her steady herself, so she uses it to her advantage and slides as close as possible, towel probably held together by the will of god by now –Today, I’ll let you call me princess.

- I don’t- I don’t want to call you princess…

- Now you’re just plain lying – She pulls away enough she can look up at him, amused. She figures he’s well past saying no but it's still fun to see him squirm – I’ll sweeten the deal, you admit to your princess fetish, you can just keep calling me that.- His defenses are at an all time low since she’s decided to hop on the counter and start tinkering with his belt with one hand, the towel is loose enough any movement will make it fall of her and she’s remembered the remaining bit of the bagel too, she's balancing it in front of her mouth. All in all, her most attractive moment to date. Despite all her experience, Emma can’t work a belt expertly with only one hand so it gives her time to talk – What was it? You hated royals so you wanted to screw one of their daughters. I’m game with that, you can do some really awful stuff to me– he laughs at her and she can’t help but laugh with him – I’m serious, I say we go find the worst porn and just recreate that

- No! I don’t want that – she manages with his belt at last and he grabs the last bite of bagel off her free hand

- Of course not, you’re too nice for that – she reaches up to tangle her hands on the back of his hair and the towel finally gives up, pools around her waist. It spurs him forward at least – Was it the super opposite? You thought you’d make the best Disney prince on earth? – His little smile gives him away – Aw, babe. You can sing me a song that clearly uses cupcakes as euphemisms, I’ll love that too.

- I’m taking you to bed – He starts wrapping her up in the towel again, one hand under her, the other trying to keep his pants up

Emma lets him lift her up while he still can – Are you sure? I can just lay down right here – She motions behind her – we just move the coffee machine and-

- I knead my bread here.

- I won’t tell if you don't.

Chapter Text

- Miss Blanchard – Mal greets the newly promoted school principal as she takes a seat across her desk. It annoys Snow beyond measure to be addressed by the name the curse forced her to live with, and the miss should sting too. Divorcing isn’t that easy apparently; Kathryn and David are going rounds about it still.

- Right, Miss… Maleficent- Henry, who had barely breathed while she took a seat glances her way and grins just enough the cut on his cheek stings and his scowl returns almost instantly. Snow tries to seem impartial through it all – Emma and Regina?

– In a meeting- The boy on the other chair snorts and his father chastises him, looking oddly gnome-ish standing behind both him and the woman that must be his wife seated. Mal eyes the kid, he’s roughly Henry’s size but sports a bruised eye and bleeding lips, white shirt sweated-through and dirtied… clearly not the winner of the scuffle. She reaches for Henry's arm in support, past the cut on his cheek he’s got only a few scratches.

Snow frowns as she tidies up some papers - Both of them?

- It’s the same meeting. - Mal drawls, surely that was obvious.

- Right- Snow clears her throat and turns to the other family present, before returning to Mal – I just want to make sure you’re allowed to be here.

- You called my wife, and my wife called me. – This time the mother makes the barely restrained mocking noise and Mal glances her way out of the corner of her eye.

- Yes but, legally.

- Legally? – she chuckles – Regina is nothing but diligent with paperwork. For the sake of your forms I have more parental right over Henry than your daughter, I am sure. Maybe you can stop pretending you care about legalities before you ask If Emma is coming again.

Mal earns a glare, such fun. She truly feels they are all united by their annoyance at Snow, Henry that is often the sole fan of his grandmother in their house is clearly not partial to her at the moment, scoffing as she recounts the events. Mal listens to her raptly.

- We’re here today because Henry and Jacob broke into a fight in the third period, in the middle of class. The teacher says Henry just stood and started it – Usually around there is where children start trying to yell over her to explain themselves but he isn’t that kind of explosive, up until today’s third period that is. Jacob’s parents look belligerent enough knowing their son was on the receiving end of the punches, Mal however only raises an eyebrow for Snow to continue. – Right. So, clearly, they’re both hurt – One more than the other – And there’s some broken chairs that will need to be paid for but what I want to know is why this happened.

Henry clenches his jaw and fixes his gaze on his knees. The other kid says nothing.

- My boy didn’t start the damn fight, probably didn’t break anything either. So, why don’t we move on and hear the punishment, yeah? – The father speaks up, arms crossed over his chest and eyes on the back of his son’s head. He’s smart enough to glare in any direction but theirs, Mal notices, bet he’s thankful he didn’t get Regina in the draw, he probably wouldn’t have gotten a single syllable out if she was in the room.

- Fights don’t just happen, and we won’t let them go like this so they can fight again. – Snow turns between the kids and seems to decide she can break Henry first – I’ve known you both for years and this is unlike either of you. Henry, why did you start it?

He shrugs – No reason.

- Jacob? – The boy’s mother needles him.

- He was pissed I stole his girlfriend- coupled with his miserable state and his innocent tone, it earns him a deep sigh from both his mom and Snow

Mal refrains from chuckling, this is clearly very serious business. She’d had her share of girlfriend-related battles to the death. Henry looks thunderous by her side though, he’s looked up and is clutching at his arm rests, his knuckles white under the strain. Mal pries his hand off the wood – Henry, if you have a defense this is the time to expose it.

 - He called me a coward- Snow nods and moves to interrupt when the other teen laughs. Henry points at him – No, grandma. He called me a coward, and he’s been bugging me since we were in your class.

- Why didn’t you ever say anything?

He scoffs – You knew they kept making fun of me because of the curse stuff. Teachers don’t do anything. I had to fix it myself- He manages to look small as he retreats back into his chair. Mal takes pity on him and brings her finger to her mouth to then pass it over the cut on his skin, it knits together swiftly and he swipes at the leftover saliva with his shirt collar, surprised but grateful. It was burning.

- What set you off? – Mal had heard of his time being an outsider, but he had friends and extra curriculars now, it seems odd that he’d be under that much strain over a girl. He looks at her and his jaw locks again before he looks away, he's conflicted. Mal hums – Why don’t we work on reducing your sentence here and then we’ll see how we can handle Regina’s?

He gives her a curt nod and takes his phone out from deep inside a pocket -  Well then, he called me a pussy and texted me Taylor ghosted me because I’m a faggot since all my family are dykes – He tosses the phone on Snow’s desk and drops his weight against the back of the chair again – So I kicked his ass.

His dramatic timing is so good already, Mal doesn’t think Regina will be mad.

Regina is mad. She had marched into their peaceful abode with Emma Swan tailing behind and had promptly made the remote zoom to her hand and turned off the TV, dropping her purse and coat on the couch without ceremony and asking for an explanation Henry wasn’t eager to provide. Mal filled in the blanks as much as she could and the teen had the decency to look ashamed as she retold his antics, colorful language and all.

When she finishes Emma drops herself on a nearby seat, scratching her face – Welp, everyone sucks a little in this situation.

Regina too softens knowing it wasn’t an uncalled for attack – Violence isn’t- Henry’s eyebrows knit together but he doesn’t rebuff her immediately and she sighs, glancing Emma’s way even – Sure, we have no moral standing to chastise you because of a fight-

Emma interrupts – I mean, I haven’t killed anyone.

- You killed me. – Mal chuckles

- You don’t look dead.

Regina speaks again, more firmly, they will go on forever if she lets them– We have no moral standing to chastise you because of a fight, it falls to you to decide if you want to become the type of person that solves things with violence – by Mal Henry squirms on his seat and looks up at his mom and she takes a seat, on the coffee table of all places, to be able to face him – You pride yourself in your code of conduct, is punching bullies worth losing sight of that? After firmly rooting your identity on being one of the good guys? Consistency is a valuable trait.

- Plus, they fight back kid. You start hitting people, one of them is gonna hit you back HARD – Emma points at Mal – it takes some real super monster shit to be sure you can win. You don’t wanna start fights you can’t finish.

Mal nods – Once you become unreasonable, everything becomes a battle. And when people start fearing you they don’t ever really stop.

Emma nods enthusiastically – Now you’re the kid that lost his temper in the third period, forever.

- I was defending you! You too! – he points at Emma – He said mom and you have been having an affair and now she’s dumped you for Mal.

- Do I look gay? – she closes her leather jacket over her plaid shirt self-consciously

- You were defending yourself – Regina glares at Emma, of course she looks gay, this is not the time for inane questions – It doesn’t matter to us what the townspeople think. And anyone stupid enough to distance themselves from you over that kind of thing wasn’t worth knowing anyway. Tell me I at least taught you that much?

- Sure. Whatever. – he stands and Regina follows – Can I leave?

- What did the school decide? – The scorn imbued the word school doesn’t escape Mal

- A week suspension. And they’ll send an invoice for the chairs.

- Well it’s a week you’ll spend without screens. And you’ll pay for the chairs out of your money. Miss Swan? – Emma startles at being consulted, she is there for the hyping up Regina very obviously needs, but if she also needs her to like make decisions and stuff, she can do that too. So she nods.

- Why?! You just said you can’t blame me for it! – He hasn’t lost his temper in what seems like years now, they all stare at him for a second – How am I supposed to do homework then? I gotta speak to my friends too.

- Well, find their number in the guide and use the landline. – Regina frowns his way as he stews – You’ll find my and the library’s book collection more than apt for any assignments as well. You will manage.

- That’s bullshit!

-Kid. – It’s the closest to stern Emma has ever looked, and it’s more the surprise to see him squaring up to Regina. Jesus being an actual mom must be exhausting. – You know better.

- Why am I the only one with rules in this house? He kicks at a discarded boot that’s surely his sister’s – Lily gets to curse, she doesn’t have set chores, gets in at like 3am some days, can dress like a homeless person if she wants to.

- She is an adult and–  

He has the nerve to interrupt her - As long as I live under your roof. That’s what you say right? – he bends and picks up the boot – You pay for her shit too, maybe you should focus on that one’s stuff.

Mal stands and wedges himself between them before Regina can say whatever it is formulating under the stone that her face is set in, he scoffs at her too and she glances down at him – You are much too altered to be speaking to your mother. Go, before you are forbidden books as well.

She turns to reassure Regina but before she can get out as much as a word she’s gone in a cloud of smoke. Purse and coat floating to their designated spots though. And Henry stomps upstairs and slams his door with a mighty hit. Hopefully Regina didn’t transport close enough to hear that or he would lose books and music and joy.

- Was the other kid beat up? – Emma doesn’t stand, she drapes herself over her seat as if she owns it. – I mean, like bad?… like let’s find Henry a counselor bad?

Mal looks at her, so carefree – I understand you’ve been to the Enchanted Forest a couple of times? – Emma nods – And you’ve fought many a foe who’s run to never be seen again? – Emma nods again – Well I am sorry to inform you most of the people that get injured there die. You nick someone with a sword, break two of their ribs, push them down a slope, club them with a nearby object… they die.

- Oh… no. – She frowns and sits up slowly – Oh.

- Yes, and Henry, he kicked the chair from under the other boy, then jumped on him and landed a few punches, he grabbed a chair from the floor to defend himself somehow and Henry managed to kick it away swiftly. They have security footage. It seems the sword fighting lessons have done wonders for his strength.

- Oh… no. – She drops her head on her hands, face first and groans. But then, between her fingers she spots Draz on the corner, standing up and making it three steps to the left to pick up a toy. She sits up – Is he old enough to do that?

Mal turns and the baby falls on his ass when he tries to look up at her – He can fly and you’re concerned with his walking?

On her third lap around the backyard Henry finally turns on his light, done with brooding in the dark it seems. She stops in her tracks to see if he’ll do something else but his head doesn’t come close to the window at all, must be angrily lying down. She takes another lap, kicking hard enough at a soccer ball that it leaves their property altogether. There’s an odd assortment of toys strewn out there now that she notices. One by one she tosses them clear out of the way, she’ll have to retrieve them from the trees behind the house at some point or she have a small riot in her hands, but if she tosses and kicks now maybe she won’t yell at Henry when he probably needs a patient ear instead.

She divides her life with Henry in three eras: pre-book, curse-centric, and shenanigans-ladden. She’s in uncharted territory now. Henry-and-Various-Lizards. she may call it. Pre-book they had been idyllically happy, his tantrums where those that every child had thrown and any mother worth her weight could easily fix, sure she was strict but discipline was the only thing of Cora’s worth revisiting, and the only thing already in her arsenal. Maybe she overdid-it just a tad, it was her worst transgression, but he was a perfectly well-adjusted little boy with every need lovingly met.

Then came curse-centric, more challenging than any war she ever waged; she was wholly unprepared. Every interaction a mined field, there wasn’t a single day in which her failure as a parent wasn’t obvious. He hated her, he was lied to regularly, he was trapped in his conditions, isolated, with a tyrant trying to keep him from understanding the basic reality of his world for a caregiver. He ate a cursed dessert. He was forced to live with Charming. It is a miracle he still lives with her after those years, since he’s been given a choice.

Miracle brought on by the shenanigans-ladden portion of their relationship. Say what you want about danger but it does bring people together. Their extraordinary situation had repaired much of the damage wrought by her handling of the curse ordeal, how could he doubt her love when she risked her life for him and the people he was biologically beholden to time after time. He must have realized that even if she went about it all wrong at times there was no one more dear to her than him, and remembered the time where he would’ve reciprocated that feeling.

But now, what can it be now? She’s less strict, he’s given leeway to spend time with any Charming of his choosing at his own leisure, he’s been given creative control of his own hair after the football match incident, hopefully he’s past fearing for his life in their house… she tried to avoid as much hypocrisy talking to him just then but surely even a teenager understands they get grounded if they get suspended from school. Evil mother or not.

She remembers being his age though, and most of all feeling completely unseen in that castle of theirs. Her father loved her, but he never listened intently. And Henry, the small one, had been wading through puberty mostly unaided. It was foolish of her to expect their last period to have given him unlimited strength, he could navigate being kidnapped but kids his own age might be too big a threat to overcome. Visiting neighboring girls was a nightmarish ordeal she begged her mother to spare her much more than she did the lashings and various tortures.

She stops dead in her tracks and drops the football where she found it, intent to go make amends. They can’t go to sleep furious at each other, mad they can do. He can hate her in a moderate manner. She spots Mal and Emma counting Draz’s steps as she passes the living room and hears Lily and her girlfriend manhandle the door and stomp their way inside while she climbs the stairs, she casts a silencing spell as she knocks on Henry’s door though, the combination of people downstairs reaches volumes unhealthy for human ears.

He lets her in and turns away promptly, dropping himself in bed with a mighty huff. She smiles at him, tantrum or no tantrum she still raised him from a tiny blot that would drown in a blanket to the young man in front of her eyes. She tuts, takes his phone from his hand before he can hit send on whatever it is – I’ll have to play jailor then?

- I’m suspended since tomorrow! – he sits up, to glare at her

She shakes her head – 5^th period of today, in fact – She reaches for the laptop, the iPad, two consoles that are lying around, she eyes a kindle suspiciously before deciding it can stay, and she grabs for a forgotten mp3 player in the back of the desk, one nudge and it would be lost in the crack that separates the table from the wall. All the gadgets pop out of existence and she looks around – Hmm, any more? – he rolls his eyes – Okay then. No TV, no videogames. Everyone will be informed.

He lets himself fall down again then focuses on the ceiling – Cool. Going to sleep then.

She sits by his pillow on the bed, kicks off her heels and gets comfortable as she speaks  – You know why you’re grounded? – he remains silent – You fought him in the third period. – He glances up at her then and she nods solemnly – Had you waited until 2:31 and chosen a location a mere two blocks away from school his only defense would have been calling the cops on you. We have four cops and you’re related to the most powerful two of them. Plus he would not be willing to say who punched him at all… what would he have done? Admitted the allegedly gay boy beat him up? Then you come home, Mal fixes you up since she has a higher tolerance to act as if she believes your lies, it’s diffused by the time I hear about it. You’re scot-free.

- What are you doing? – he sits up against his headboard too, arms crossed but curiosity in his eyes

- The world isn’t black and white. You might find yourself in similar situations further down the road, a little foresight goes a long way. The exact same fight, but after school lets out and out of the teachers’ purview, and you might be sitting here with all your gadgets.

- So what? You’re grounding me because I didn’t plan it better?

- I am grounding you because you hurt your classmate, broke school property and got yourself suspended to accomplish nothing. Impunity at least would have made it a zero-sum game. Paint you as smart.

It incenses him again - He was- you know- It was awful! He says the worst things, mom. He's like, gross as hell – He turns to her with a miserable look in his eyes. She will be having words with his teachers and with Snow, what use is she there if she’s not even looking out for her own.

- You are nigh unto god in this town Henry. Whether you use it to your advantage or not, it will make you unapproachable to some and an enemy to others. You heard Emma, will you fight them all? Or did this one battle solve your problem? – his jaw locks and she eyes him - Are you now gay, surrounded by lesbians and unhinged? – He nods at her and she laughs at his predicament, the rabble is predictable, he should have known. She should have told him before. - It’s not genetic being unhinged, you know? Like the gayness, you could have caught it from me easily. Or so his parents probably said one afternoon after I denied them a permit, or Emma wrote them a parking ticket, or Mal was three heads taller than them, or Lily woke them up with her motorcycle.

He groans, deep in his throat – So what then? I do nothing? – he flops back down and his pillow protests to his forceful treatment

- You have the power of the principal’s, the sheriff’s and the mayor’s office, threaten them accordingly. If we use our words the goody-two-shoes charming boy that lives in my house won’t be disappointed. If all fails, we’ll send one of the dragons to fly menacingly over their house; but no more. I promised my son.

He frowns, scaring the people sounds dodgy still… he doesn’t like punching, but scaring isn’t ideal either - You’re not even gonna try to make me stay good?

- You are inherently good, you’ll feel awful about this tomorrow. It is my job to make sure you have tools to resort to when you stumble. Your sister is a mess, but she is now a mess with a roster of three or more meaningful connections to keep her in a good path, and proper posture. I want you to be a good man, but your defense mechanism needs a little less David and little more Regina. You wouldn’t believe the amount of times he’s been glued together by the blue fairy.

He’s smart, he’s run away from a lot of villains and he got Gold to like him and he’s got Zelena that will summon him anything he asks for now that she has her magic back, she doesn't like Regina that much - I got Emma here and broke the curse.

Regina scoffs - Please, had you been paying attention you would’ve been able to convince me to break it myself. You’re nigh unto God, I am God.

He laughs at her and she uses his distraction to lay down as well – Yeah, okay.

- Here you are, laughing not half and hour after you were cursing at me downstairs. – They’re pressed together, so she feels his wince like it was her own and smiles at his post-anger clarity.

He turns a bit her way - Um… sorry. It’s just not fair,- he amends quickly – that they get to tease me and I can’t do much.

- I’m sure it’s hard. School is hard for everybody, or so I’m told. You have your friends, you don’t need to strive for universal popularity. – She reaches for his hand and brings it up between them

He shrugs - I thought it’d be so cool after the curse broke, they’d know I was right and we’d be classmates every year and grow up together and stuff. But then there were those crazy couple of years and school was in and out… I kinda forgot about it until now that it’s been calm… but it’s so hard. – Regina gives him a pained smile, all she wants for him is a good life, and something as simple as him being part of the beat-on crew is out of her control. He doesn’t want to make her sad, though – I have a cool group mom. Yeah… it’s just, with… um, girls – he tries to hide his face but it only drives him closer to Regina’s shoulder – they talk to me because they want to meet one of you, or they hate one of you and they hate me too because of that…

- What about Paige, and Violet?

- They’re my friends! It’s not like that with them – He squirms but doesn’t move away, she suspects he can’t, even if he wants to - I mean like the other girls I’ve tried to… um, talk to. - And Mal thought they needed birth control, she clearly hadn’t gotten to know him then.

Odds are it will be like that with at least one of them soon enough, or so they tell her. Regina drops his hand, but does not relent in embarrassing him, extra punishment perhaps. She strains to lay a kiss on his forehead - I’m just saying, there’s a sane teenage girl demographic. I expect nothing less than sane from your conquests. You have two examples already, first you build a comprehensible roster of friends and focus on knowing yourself too, then you’ll know what you’re looking for and stop blindly talking to any girl that crosses your path.

He squirms away, barely - yeah, okay.

She holds him hostage for another minute or so before standing up and recovering her shoes. She turns to see him rolling to the middle and smiles, she had spent many nights on that bed with him huddling for warmth. They wouldn’t have to huddle anymore - Move some stuff around, we’ll go get you a bigger bed this week.

He cheers up significantly at that – Mom, we need a new car too. Mal drove me in Lily’s car today and it still stinks… because you don’t make her clean.

She was dealing with so much turmoil that forcing her to do any more than her own laundry and dishes when she feels like it seemed like too much, especially when magic can get most things done. But maybe it’s time they ease her into the character-building of garden work - We’ll rethink the chore distribution.

- And? The car?

- Don’t push your luck.

She picks up Draz as he toddles dangerously (for the house) away from the action, unseen by the adults in heated discussion about the airing episode of some show. When she spots her across the room Mal strays from the children and follows her to the kitchen, she wants to ask about Henry but being there she doesn’t see why she shouldn’t multitask. She opens the fridge with the express intention of feeding their child the itty-bitty cubes of raw chicken breast she diligently prepares for him. With her free hand Regina snatches the Tupperware from her, pops it open expertly and starts feeding him herself, bloody water and all – The homophobic little-shit and his parents, they live in 57 Oak Street. Pay them a visit.

- It’ll be my pleasure. – She kisses Draz’s tuft of dark hair and he ignores her, completely engrossed with the chicken. She moves for Regina’s tuft of dark hair then and gets ignored as well, she feeds the baby but stares straight ahead glaring at the wall. It’s so tough, having this single-track minded family, with dark hair.

She flies off promptly and in a matter of minutes reaches the house in question, a car pulling up in the driveway just as she starts to descend. It’s a narrow street, she’ll have to time her movements closely. The man spots her first, and drops his grocery bag to reach back at the passenger door and slam it closed before the wife can get down; the kid whoever freezes midway out on the other side staring at the dragon as it folds its wings close to its body and comes down towards them like a bullet. He gets to see it open his mouth, wide, and gets to see the glow as it comes up from somewhere down it’s throat and becomes fire that misses the roof of their car just so. Mal cranes her neck upwards and rises over the telephone lines with a hairline’s width of leeway, before doing one more lap over their house. The mailbox catches on fire, oh well. What are they going to do? Call the sheriff? She might end up asleep in their couch at the rate they’re going back home. The neighbors start peering through their shades and when she’s sure a couple have spotted her she leaves as swiftly as she came, as the wife tries and fails to put out the fire with her water bottle.

She comes back and Lily, Jenna and Emma are far into their drinking game for the episode of the night. Regina bouncing Draz in her arms in another seat with a smile that makes him enjoy anything she does with sheer excitement. She sees Mal come in and spares her a second of her smile before she turns back and coos at him – Mommy’s back! She’s been terrorizing civilians! Yes, she has! Say good job mommy!

He giggles, she knows he tried. - I take it you’ve been notified. – Mal chuckles and sits on the arm rest of Regina’s seat

- Emma’s phone has been ringing nonstop. I stole it momentarily. – She smirks her way, with her hands otherwise occupied she can only kiss the span of arm by her side as thanks, she does so and turns back to Draz – But Emma is much too distracted to know! Yes she is!

Chapter Text

- What about her? – Mal is looking at a blonde woman sitting at the stools and drumming her nails on her cup, long enough to harm anyone that gets any body part in their way, she's also clearly trying to get one of the men’s attention, Regina laughs and Mal changes focus – oh what about this man over here, he’s interested already – she drifts impossibly closer in their booth while she gazes his way and the man leers back, lifting his beer in acknowledgement.

- Anyone that lays a hand on you loses it.

- Sharing is caring Regina, haven’t you heard?

She takes a sip of her wine and turns just a little bit. It’s more than enough anyway, if sharing is caring Mal cares a lot for Regina’s personal space. Regardless of what she says she doesn’t quite seem eager to share – I feel I’m not making myself clear, all I need is in this table.

It would be very romantic were she not toying with Mal’s fingers in between their cups. It just makes it lose the innocence Regina might have been trying to convey with it, is all. – Making yourself clear about what? Maybe I’m just fishing for a threesome. - She winds an arm around Regina’s shoulders and it seems the natural resting place for her hand is around her throat, she closes her hand over it softly enough to tease and uses her index finger to guide Regina’s head to her right – She has delightful legs.

Regina pushes through the haze of the hand around her windpipe and turns back to look at Mal, that deems her flustered enough to release her, hand dropping to just inside her shirt collar, her thumb running softly over Regina’s breastbone – I don’t miss Graham, or Robin. I don’t miss men; I don’t miss other women. I do miss the horns. – She glances up quickly – They were quite the steering system.

She chuckles – We’ll have to go to a costume shop.

- It is important to me you understand that I am completely content in this relationship. In all aspects of it.

- Dear this is not that serious.

- Just nod if you understand. – The blonde rolls her eyes and Regina lifts her free hand to grasp her chin – Mal.

She can’t really run out of the corner she’s painted herself onto. She stills her hand over Regina’s heart, it grounds her often - It is a very special kind of monogamy I am asking of you, and humans struggle with the most basic kinds as it is. I’m simply trying to accommodate.

She releases her chin but takes her free hand, moving the wine as she needs to - You don’t need to accommodate. Even if there was something to accommodate for, you shouldn’t have to compromise on something like monogamy. I’m sorry I put you through that before, I should have seen how you felt about me.

- Would you have chosen me, in the Enchanted Forest? If I asked you to be with me.

She thinks for a second – The others were never an option, honestly… but you had too much power over me as it was, I wouldn’t have given you more by labeling our relationship and dropping the pretense that anyone else would do. I would have clinged to staying alone. - Mal’s downcast expression is ever so subtle, a tick on her jaw and heavy eyelids, Regina feels for her and tightens her hold -Some part of you knew that, it’s why you never asked then but knew well enough to ask after a few days here. Because this is now, and I realized I am all yours some fifteen years ago. If you won’t take my word for it trust your instincts, they'd know better than letting you have children with someone that won’t stand monogamy even after character development.

Mal knows they would, you find your partner and that’s it with that. It’s always been like that, maybe she shouldn’t worry herself with it. And had Regina come to terms with her feelings back then, would she have tried to crush her heart to cast the curse? Or would the curse have been cast at all? Where does that Leave Lily as they know her, and Henry, and Draz? It wasn’t too long a wait, and the woman in her arms now is almost unrecognizable from the one that was so hurt Mal couldn’t even figure out how to help her.

She nods – I understand – And Regina chuckles as she reaches up for her chin again to guide her down close enough she can kiss her softly a couple times. But softly wasn’t the goal of the night and she has already seen the ease with which her hand in the very position they're in can come up and span the entire front of Regina’s neck. She can only place it just so before they’re interrupted

- Ladiessss – He starts, but Regina doesn’t let him finish.

- I will cut off your penis and feed it to you if you get it anywhere near my wife.

Mal has to disentwine herself to laugh properly - A little harsh, dear. He’ll never work up the nerve to approach anyone else after that.

The man’s mouth opens and closes as he glares disbelieving at Regina, who doesn’t even bother acknowledging his gaze– I just did a favor to women everywhere then – She says as she replies to a text that made her glance at her phone

- Oh – Mal struggles to stop laughing and waves the man away – She’s mean, you look perfectly acceptable. We’re okay on our own, though. Thank you for your interest. – He leaves as swiftly as he came, small mercies, they don’t want to start anything beyond the town line. She turns back to Regina, who’s still on her phone – Shall we ask for another round?

- I’ll have another round to forget you drove me here under false pretenses and made that man think he had a chance, and you will sober up enough to drive back – She lifts her glass and finishes it one motion, reaching for Mal’s and letting the bartender know he should be sending another cup shortly – Zelena’s been in labor for a few hours, and the children have just been informed via group chat, we should consider going back soon.

- Not right now?

- Eh – she shrugs -What for?

Chapter Text

Not only had Regina been on the phone for about an hour when they tried to go to bed, an indeterminate amount of time later she was missing from it, slinking away in the middle of the night hoping Mal wouldn’t notice. Well she does. She stomps the pillows with her hands for a hot second before realizing there is no point to it and she might as well leave the barely-there comfort of the quickly-cooling bed and find Regina wherever she might be at… she checks her phone, 4 am in the morning.

Henry snores his merry way over Regina’s footsteps somewhere on the first floor and Draz sounds peachy, tired enough to fall asleep with his cuff on and continue to sleep in his restrictive crib in his restrictive human form without it; Lily’s hopefully alive inside her silencing spell and thus there is no immediate danger that required her to be left alone to die in a cold bed. She intends to be very stern about this, she ties her robe on properly even to imbue the situation with the necessary importance.

She finds Regina in the kitchen wearing a ridiculous little ponytail that takes the steam out of her as it swings around while Regina moves. She spots her after a few seconds and smiles – Oh Good!

- Darling, you abandon me and then you merely go, “oh good”? – She chuckles and moves to sit on a stool by the island – Explain yourself.

- Zelena and Robin will need some help, he hasn’t slept a wink… – She seems to lose her sentence as she stares at the pantry, it opens, a couple of baby bottles fly right outside and settle on the counter by a battalion of Tupperware Mal’s just now noticing. Regina grabs for a tote bag and starts stacking containers in it – I’m taking them some food, plus it seems like they didn’t get all their shopping done so I might have to help with that too... I should’ve checked on them earlier, this is on me too. – She chuckles as she packs and Mal laughs with her, as expected the mere sight of the baby had driven Regina to loving ends unknown to mankind.

- And you were going to leave like a criminal in the night for this mission?

Regina does her best to reach for her from the other side of the island and rubs her arm comfortingly – They’ll be home after lunch, bring the children by? They can meet their cousin – Mal rolls her eyes dramatically but nods at the end, and Regina and her ponytail swivel back and forth again, arms returning full of Tupperware and setting them on the island. – Draz, Henry, Lily, You – She points at the different stacks, lids color coded, she was halfway through  names on sharpie on them, in case she is colorblind – Salad is in the fridge, on the second level.

- I know where the salad generally is, dear.

- Good, then you will have no problem eating it and making sure the children do as well.

They lock eyes for a moment, tense, only one can be the vanquisher. Mal breaks first, coupled with the ponytail is the pair of glasses she reserves for bedtime and a tomato sauce stain on the apron that speaks of the chaos she must’ve endured to cook all the food before them. Indulging her delusions of health is the least she can do to repay the effort of homemade meals for what seems like two days of hypothetical absence. She laughs at Regina – I wouldn’t dare let it go to waste.

-Regina nods at her happily and undoes her apron with one hand as she takes her glasses off with the other, then hefts her tote bag off the counter – I have my phone, call if you miss me? – She might as well start texting her right then since she won’t get any more sleep for the night.

In one second Regina’s rounded the island and dropped a small kiss on Mal’s cheek, she intends to leave on that note. Mal holds onto her by the waist before she transports anywhere – I refuse to let go until you kiss me properly.

- So, you’ll hold me hostage and let baby Robyn in the care of Zelena? –

She sighs mournfully - You are right, how very selfish of me to condemn anyone to endure Zelena without the added perk that is your presence. I release you and donate my kiss to her, she needs it more.

She makes a show of stepping away only to lean back closer and use her free hand to cup her cheek gently, kissing her quickly. The warmth that suffuses Mal from her socked feet and upwards is not quite new but definitely amplified tenfold, at the very least, and Regina presses herself closer mirroring what Mal does as much as the stool allows her to, the dull sound of Tupperware getting dislodged inside the bag as they trap it between them makes them smile as they kiss. It feels longer than it surely was but the pulse of pure affection finally reaches the point where their lips meet and bursts out of them in a wave of rainbow light.

- You were cursed?! – Regina takes a step back again to pat her quickly and check for evidence of the now undone damage – Mal, who cursed you?!

- My love, you cursed me so I could learn Excel – She traps Regina’s hand against her chest with one of her own

- Oh, of course. Well, if you still remember the name you’ll be fine. – She kisses Mal on the cheek again and turns to grab the hand over hers properly, pulling them both down – Remember, salad.

- No further reaction whatsoever? – She says as she wears a smile matched on the woman righting the food containers on her tote bag. One hand in Regina’s and the other on her own chest where her heart continues galloping inside her chest, Mal doesn’t think separation is something she can stand at the moment, feasibly she can be at the hospital by 6 am once she’s awake enough to drive.

- What am I going to do? Marry you again? – She does lean back in for a quick peck that lasts more than a peck would and steps away, letting go of the hand as she tries to wink – Salad. – and with that she’s gone.

Regina’s barely appeared at the hospital hall and gotten a second to think about what just happened when Emma Swan walks by her side slurping a soda from a can with a bendy straw and holding a snoozing Neal in one of her arms. She doesn’t seem to mind the noise regardless. – Regina! You okay? Everyone good?

She waits for a pause in the sounds of her excavating for a last drop of grape soda – Everyone is fine, Emma. Zelena gave birth yesterday.

- Emmmmmmma? – She pops her lips – You’re sure you’re okay?

- Miss Swan, - she does have to get going or Robin might lose his mind soon. It’s one thing to take care of a baby with a band of friends in the woods, and another to try to keep an eye on a baby and Roland and Zelena with the hospital’s standards of childcare – You seem to be in this same hospital as we speak. Any reason I should worry?

- Oh no, mom gave birth too actually- Regina looks mildly alarmed, but also very calm and happy and with a ponytail, so that’s strange for 4 am and Regina. She’ll have to investigate further later. – Very tiny baby, way before we expected, she’s on observation, I’m wearing flip flops, her name is Eva Ruth. What’s in the bag?

Emma reaches out to poke the tote and Regina rolls her eyes and takes out breakfast, hands it to her – Well, congrats to you both. – She’s barely seen Neal in months, but waking him up would be cruel.

- So we got birthday twinsies! – She’s already fishing a sausage out of the container with a dexterity she’s never seen in the blonde – Hey did you see someone got true-love-kissed earlier? Who was cursed? Shit, hopefully nothing magical got unleashed because of that.

- I’m sure it was harmless. – she resists the urge to put her hand over her heart and end up looking like Mal had when she left her in the kitchen.

- Must be nice though, - She motions with her head somewhere to the left - Dad fell asleep with Mom’s hand on his all 50s couple and shit.

- Yes, it must certainly be nice – her smile is almost straining her cheeks so perhaps she should leave before she embarrasses herself further

Emma is unrelentless though, timing her bites of the sausage with her running commentaries perfectly - I’m gonna convince Red to find the Kansas girl, she's in this dimension even, talk about meant to be, right?

- Miss Swan.

- Fine. Bye.

Chapter Text

She should probably stop letting herself into Regina’s house. It was okay when it was just her and Henry and they were all in constant peril, they had bigger fish to fry. But now, she feels a little awkward hanging there waiting for Regina when it’s other people’s house too. Only a little though, she sees a bunch of leftovers in the fridge, not labeled. Regina’s never not fed her, they won’t miss one turnover. She’s humming a tune to accompany the microwaves’s bass when for a second all light gets blocked from coming into the kitchen.

Whatever it is, it moves quickly, because even when she turned she could only catch it out of the corner of her eye. Emma grabs her gun out of its holster and removes the safety as she walks, listening for any crazy thing, whatever the shadow is, it already managed to penetrate the spells warding the property and maybe it was simply waiting for the house to be empty to get at something inside, do they have another super-valuable egg? She reaches the hall and can see something moving in the yard through the frosted glass on the backdoor, coming closer. With one hand on the knob and the other on her gun, something green-ish looms just behind the small glass-pane, and she decides to hold up the gun in case the thing is like a corporeal being that can be harmed by bullets.

She throws the door open and takes one step forward and a head with an eye the size of her head peers at her from an inch away. She jumps back five feet and rattles the door behind her - Motherfucker! – Her gun still held high – Mal? Lily? -The dragon blinks back calmly and settles down on the lawn, tail placidly curled around her frame. Must be Mal. Emma drops her hands on her knees and crouches to breathe – Dear fucking god. I have a gun! Don’t startle me like that!

There’s a rustle and then a woosh and then a voice - I breathe fire, don’t break into my home. – Emma looks up, still clutching said gun, and there’s Mal in a suit. She starts approaching – Miss Swan, having fun poking around in our kitchen?

- I didn’t have lunch – she finally puts away her gun and drops herself on the steps that lead outside. Mal passes by her with a raised eyebrow and she stands with a groan to follow her inside the house – Regina would feed me! Where is she by the way?

- She took the children to the stables.

- Oh... Even the baby?

- Especially the baby. She believes the horses and him won’t fear each other if introduced early- She lets out a little chuckle as she goes - Can I take a message?

- I wanted to talk to her about Henry’s birthday… - They pass by the kitchen and Emma doubles back - Can I eat the turnover?

She turns to Emma but she’s already on her way into the kitchen. Mal follows with an eye roll - I wouldn’t dare deny you food – she glances in the fridge herself, looking for something she can blame on Emma later – It might be cause for divorce.

Emma snorts and grabs a fork for her snack. Even if Henry had a poisoned one that one time, they’re tasty. Worth the risk. Mal reheats one for herself by her side and Emma chews on and on and on until she gets tired of companionable silence - So my shift is over.

- Lovely.

- Wanna hang? – She was clearly Regina’s reigning best friend, Kathryn be damned. So she probably should’ve made more effort to get to know Mal while they were dating for exactly one week before they got mentally married and there was nothing anyone could do. She swallows her bite and clears her throat – I mean, do you have any plans for this afternoon?

Mal laughs - Whatever would we do?

She pouts just enough the dragon will know she hurt her feelings – I’m willing to get on your level. Wine and bitch? I can be in pastel-colored yoga clothing so fast.

- What do you think my level is? – the microwave punctuates her statement as she reaches for her own turnover and grabs the correctly sized fork of the vast array of fork sizes in the drawer.

Eat, pray, love? What else can she and Kathryn be discussing when they meet on the sidewalk to chuckle daintily. Emma shrugs - Um, or we can go have a drink somewhere. Or watch a movie, hang at the beach? You choose – Mal chuckles over her bite, she has found a cloth napkin even, to dab at the corner of her mouth as she does – Hey! What’s wrong with hanging with me? – Emma frowns at her innocent dessert

- Nothing dear, I’m simply surprised. A drink is suitable enough. Just know that you can’t keep up- she winks, and Emma remembers the knife incident all too clearly. What’s the level of tolerance for flirting with Regina’s wife. Probably a zero. She will feel it from afar and finally kill her. While she ponders Mal finishes her dessert and puts her dishes on the sink, grabs a closed bottle from the very bottom drawer, the stash place reeks of Lily – Jager?

- Have you even had Jager before?

Mal nods as she looks for the shot glasses Emma is surprised they have in the house - Regina makes very vivid false memories I assure you. We found people that remember me in Germany even - she pours two shots to the brim and smirks as she lifts her glass – Prost!

What the fuck was that? - Should we chase these with some… water?

Mal laughs at her again and serves herself a second shot – Notify who you must, you won’t be coherent by the time we’re done. – She downs it.

Emma drinks her first and only shot quickly and grins, Mal looks pretty laid back even. – I gotta work tomorrow. – Satisfied with her double shots the blonde caps the bottle quickly enough and motions for Emma to follow, all the way to the living room. They sit on the couch and Mal drags the monolith of a coffee table closer, it must have been in that spot since Emma was born. Mal sets the bottle on it easily – Regina must have felt a shiver. – Emma does their marriage the favor of conjuring the coasters for the bottle, just in case

Mal smirks as she takes them – So Regina’s trained you, then.

- I had a rough couple of years. Now I know my limits. – she emphasizes know and limits but Mal’s eyes say I don’t care about your limits. And it is strange for Mal’s eyes to say anything outside of ‘aw look at this infant that stumbled into my house’ or ‘whatever is this stray doing in my house’. No in between. Emma reins it in – 20 questions? Never have I ever? – it’ll give them like, structure.

- Point blank interrogation seems more up to my speed - Mal serves another round completely unrelated to the flow of the conversation – Ask and I’ll either answer or won’t. - She drinks her shot and starts folding the sleeves of her shirt up her arms methodically, Emma wonders when she even took off the jacket.

- Oh… I guess um- She glances around -Who cleans the house? - Mal lifts a single eyebrow and it’s a familiar look at last – what? I wanna know!

- Lily and Henry do dishes, they do their laundry as often as they need to, Regina does her laundry… does our laundry, and cooks of course. Gladys comes by Sunday damn near dawn and does everything else – Emma frowns – Lovely woman, came with the curse. I don’t think Regina or Henry have ever met her – She laughs

- Regina doesn’t make you clean anything?  – Mal shrugs at her, and nudges her ignored shot Emma’s way, she grumbles and drinks – And this lady just cleans silently? Can I hire her too?  

- Dear, you can’t afford her. She gets paid handsomely to be in and out without waking them up. There are many more in town that use her services I’m told. – She does them the favor of pouring two more, drinking hers immediately

- That’s crazy… Ok, you go. – Emma downs her shot again and almost groans at the speed with which Mal has their glasses full again

She looks up from her task – Well then, you jumped into a portal to save Regina’s soul from a wraith. Why?

- Oh shit, we’re doing that? – Emma drinks with a purpose then – My mom fell in too!

- Snow White and Regina have a mutual sacrifice-betrayal relationship, but you had only just met Regina, had every reason to resent her, had the flimsiest of grasps on your magic, would have gained Henry had she died… it just seems like an easy choice.

Emma shrugs - I’m just very impulsive and she’s always in trouble and about to die! I don’t do it for her. I just do it and it’s always her! You wouldn’t get it, it’s all been normal since you got here. She was getting in a lot of trouble for a couple years… I was kinda relieved when you offed that dude, I probably would’ve had to risk my neck again.

- Thank you – Mal drinks alone but her eyes bore into Emma’s hard enough she decides to pour her own shot this time around

- Huh? – she drinks

- Henry chats a lot, but the gist of all his stories seems to be that she wouldn’t be here if not for you. I owe you a debt of gratitude.

They stare at each other for a second before Emma blinks away and clears her throat - Does she know that? – she chuckles

Mal laughs with her and pours them a round - She speaks highly of you… in between the lines

Emma receives her drink - Does Kathryn know that?

Mal’s eyes seem to twinkle for a second - I don’t think Kathryn concerns herself with your existence

- Damn. Cold. – she downs her shot. What is it the fourth? Fifth? sixth? She’s in deep shit, they are bound to hit now.

Mal claps her in the shoulder and that does it, it sends her whole world into a lag. Even the voice comes distorted – They are friends, you are family.

Emma nods, or her head bobs, one of the two - Because of Henry – she slurs out, and Mal eyes her amused, still fully in control of herself and leaning back elegantly.

- Ah yes, Rumpelstiltskin’s grandchild. How did he come to pass? – She tilts her head Emma’s way and Emma’s one decides to cut her neck a break and drops to the side, landing on the couch’s back

She recovers - Nope. My turn. Tell me about another cool dragon power – She holds her index finger to really make sure she said one.

Mal drinks by herself as she ponders - I can change my appearance at will -

Emma’s eyes grow wide and the dragon chuckles - What do you mean?

Fangs lengthen in the smirk before her and Emma glances down at the shot glass, she has never drunk straight Jager before so she guesses maybe she should chill and stop hallucinating vampires – Uhh – the fangs go back up – nails too?

- Everything. What you see is what I’ve chosen – She lets her hair tumble down and in a second it straightens itself in a perfect curtain, she loosens her tie while she’s at it, and lifts the bottle to the light to see how much they have left

- Can you grow a third eye?

- With time, sure.

- What do you really look like?

She chuckles and serves the last couple of shots - Fairly similar, although larger. But I wanted to blend in with humans for a while and had to adjust accordingly. This height commands respect but is still plausible, a woman your size traveling alone attracts men wanting to cause trouble – She rights Emma somewhat so she’ll stop tittering – Especially if she’s this easy to get drunk.

Emma ignores that - That’s why your family was so huge! – Mal nods and her face blurs –Lily knows?

Subconsciously. She’s a few inches taller than when she arrived here already. And the unnecessary muscle of course- Mal rolls her eyes. Emma mutters something about gym as she downs her shot and Mal mirrors her – She can lift whatever it is she lifts easily, no need for her arms to bulge out of her shirt.

Emma lolls her head down enough she can hold it up with her hand - So if you’re like trans you can just – she snaps her fingers, she tries.

-  Not quite as instantly as the hair but yes. This is almost a disguise for us.

Emma eyes her up and down with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop before leaning in to whisper, lest anyone in the empty house hears her- Do you ever use that? –

Mal laughs – Regina has much more time-efficient magic to accomplish that I assure you

She lands on Mal’s shoulder - Wow. You smell great too – She tilts only her head up, eyes closed in periods longer than a blink would require

- I do. It attracts prey. – Emma would get easily lured to a second location to be torn to shreds, she only settles some more, seemingly ready to nap. Mal jostles her with a shoulder jab – My turn then, are you content with the arrangement you have with Regina concerning Henry?

Her eyebrows knit together while she decodes the question- You’re playing this all wrong.

- I wouldn’t bear it. How does it not eat you inside seeing your flesh and blood raised by someone else? Capable as Regina might be.

- I mean, he’s so cool – Emma shrugs a bit and the room slows down around her just a moment – I know, for sure, that I did the right thing. I wanna book him a bouncy house for his birthday. I know he’s too old now, but I don’t give a shit. Do you think she’ll go for it?

She’s stumbling to break into her own phone to open up the pics of the bouncy house, Mal puts a hand on her shoulder - He said he doesn’t want a big party this year, just his friends and some pizza.

- Oh – Unlocking her phone meant getting a few texts though and she busies herself with scrolling down on those for a moment

Mal locks the screen before she can text anyone back and grabs for the phone - I’m sorry, about Henry. – for a second they sit there in silence, Mal pours her the very last drops of the bottle and Emma takes the little shot - Have you considered having another child?

- You know I was 17 when I had Henry? It was shit. So like… no. – She keeps quiet for a few seconds but seems to reconsider - But maybe If I can adopt a kid, 5 or 6… but I don’t know if Luke… if we even get there… did you see someone got true love’s kiss when the babies were born the other day? Cool.

Mal smiles at Emma, it was a worthwhile afternoon indeed. Humans are so very complex and fascinating. Emma Swan young and so often foolish remembers coasters and is willing to adopt an older child regardless of her lack of time with her first infant son. Mal smiles at her - That was us.

She stares at her with a surprised look - You and me?

- Yes, Miss Swan, You and I kissed, and it was magical. Let me get us another bottle so you can keep that buzz – She stands and has to bend down again – Don’t fall asleep on me. – The blonde salutes and misses her face entirely.

- How was your childhood? – Emma slurs her way, Mal decides the heavier the decanter the harder for Emma to nudge it and spill it. She grabs the appropriate glasses from the shelf.

She serves them both two fingers of some amber thing of the many Regina keeps out – Delightful.

- Yeah? No Cora? – She opens her eyes slowly to accept her drink with a smile

Mal doubles her own drink at the mention of the wretched bitch’s name – No. Two happily-together parents, three siblings. My father would have hung the moon in my bedroom if I asked it of him.

- That’s why you don’t clean?

Mal smirks – That’s why I don’t clean. Regina allows me my spoilt behavior. Unlike hers, all my later angst was of my own making I’m afraid.

- White girl problems – Emma takes a sip of her drink and it gives her a second wind to sit up straighter and let out a chuckle at Mal’s expression – You had it sooooo good you went looking for trouble- She shrugs disjointedly - Must be nice.

- I wanted to see the world the little humans had built for themselves with no magic and no strength. – She chuckles as she makes the alcohol move this way and that in the glass – Not that easy, coexisting with humans. Or swallowing your pride and going back home.

- One time, after the curse broke, Henry complained he had been eating the same cereal for like days in the loft… when I was a kid there were whole weeks I didn’t get breakfast. – She finishes her glass and sniffs as she pours herself another, and offers Mal to do the same

She relinquishes her glass – Does it bother you?... Would you do anything different if you got to raise another child? So they don’t end up with white girl problems

Emma laughs and settles the decanter down – Nah. If I had the cash, I’d spoil the shit out of my kids. Regina buying Henry a new phone each year isn’t that bad, he keeps getting kidnapped.

Mal nods wholeheartedly – No need to add strife to their lives where there isn’t.

- Luke would wake them up at 6am to bake though.

- Your heart is set on Mr. Baker then.

Emma pauses with the glass on its way up, the period of clarity slipping from her before Mal’s very eyes – Should I propose?

She chuckles – You have to leave him something to do, dear.

- Aw, dear. – Emma drops herself against the back of the couch and spills some of her drink, on herself, thank god. – Listen, I’m gonna have to crash here. Guest room?

There is no guest room anymore, it’s Draz’s even if he uses it sparingly. It’ll shock Zelena as well next time she decides to drink her body weight in alcohol in their house. Before Mal can tell Emma that, Regina arrives with the snoozing baby tied to her chest by a tightly wrapped cloth, Lily and Henry bickering behind her and bypassing any greeting as they rush to the kitchen. She reaches the living room quickly and Mal reaches for her hand as she passes by – My Queen– she drops a kiss on the soft skin exposed there

- ‘Sup? – Emma waves

Regina lets Mal’s hand drop to free her own, running it through Mal’s hair before settling it by her jaw and stroking it in greeting - Dare I ask? –

- Princess Emma and I had an excellent afternoon – She turns back to Emma and she confirms with a thumbs up, cradling her glass. Regina plays with her hair some more - Shall I change it back?

- I am in no rush, you look delicious.

- Aw, delicious – She’s all but asleep, settling on the couch and lifting one of her legs to drop it on Mal’s lap of all places. – Will one of you carry me?

Mal can only hope Lily’s agreeable to lending her bed out. She moves to lift her but remembers herself before she goes anywhere or Regina forcibly removes her from their property – Emma, do you dye your hair?

The blonde lowers her arm enough she can slide the glass on the table, clear off any coasters available - Caramel Blonde once a month.

Mal hums and above them Regina grumbles, the glasses disappear, and the sheriff floats clear out of Mal’s grasp. She stands and smirks Regina’s way - Is that so?

Emma’s head lolls - Maybe you do too, with dragon powers.

- I assure you, I do not. – Regina rolls her eyes at her

- I’m taking her home, call for a pizza. I promised them.

- I’m ordering two.

- I would be surprised If you weren’t.

Chapter Text

Morning is the height of chaos in their house usually. Henry has school, Lily has her gym expeditions and Regina has work, they always collide once or more in the hallway outside their rooms and Mal, as much as she tries to escape often ends in the middle in the kitchen when the two with set schedules manage to get ready and the sweaty one returns to wrestle around each other to grab some breakfast quickly. On top of that there seems to be something happening somewhere in town because coming from the depths of Regina's purse the incessant vibration threatens to rip off her arm as she leaves her room finally ready.

She fishes inside as she knocks on Henry’s door with the foot of her heel, and nor him nor the phone materialize easily, he must be half-way through getting dressed and the phone must be in a pocket. She resumes her walk, he’s been notified now, and glues her eyes to the purse to locate the phone more easily, she’s finally pulled it off to see what the fuss is about when Lily bulldozes into her as she bounds out of her door, the phone not only jumps out of her hand but skids all the way to the first step where it continues careening down with dull thuds.

- Oh god, I’m so sorry Mayor Mills-

Regina whips back and then forth again since Jenna is already rushing to the staircase to find her phone and behind them both a thud and a curse can be heard as Lily must surely realize what’s going on outside. – Miss Smith. Leave it. – She seems to hesitate between throwing herself down the stairs too and turning back to face Regina. At least she’s clothed, Regina thinks, sweatpants and a shirt with enough holes it can only be Lily’s.

Their unannounced guest cringes as she turns back, leaning against the railing and blushing a shade more every second they look at each other – Good Morning. – And at least she doesn’t begin apologizing profusely

Regina spares her a blink and the broken phone flies by her head, too close, in its haste to return to Regina’s hands – Is it? –  There’s still light behind the mosaic that’s become the screen but whatever the 45 unread emails were to tell her, they would have to wait to do so. Lily’s door, still ajar, has yet to reveal anyone else but she must be listening – Lilith, a word in the kitchen. And your phone.

There was a croak of assent behind the door and that’s all Regina waits for before she continues her way, sparing a last look at Jenna and checking her watch. They are short on time as is, but now she has to configure a new phone. Henry will have to help. She takes three deep calming breaths as she goes down, shards of glass here and there. When she enters the kitchen, that sits only Mal with a dragon perched on her shoulder, she's constrained enough to not set the phone on fire.

Mal alternates between eating and feeding their son raw meat from a Tupperware, and it is cute, somewhat. The small dragon jumps to Regina’s own shoulder when she passes by and she chuckles at his small flight, he suddenly grows a spine when confined to spaces where he can break anything in his path. He settles and his tail drops around to her other shoulder where she reaches up to give him a pet – Good morning, baby.

- I might as well cease to exist. – Mal drawls but continues tossing him meat, too far to the side and he has to stretch to catch it, clawing at Regina’s blazer for support

- Will you at least aim? – Regina fixes her hair, he doesn’t bat his wings while he chews so she might as well and Mal chuckles. Tosses on target. – She slept here. – Regina says as she tosses the husk of her phone on the island, it’s broken on the back as well.

- Don’t be hasty. Any daughter of ours will have made sure there was no sleeping. – She keeps on tossing up meat as Regina does her glaring.

- We just slept! – Lily slinks in, throws an apologetic look Regina’s way and dares steal a cut of meat from the container, it looks premium. They are eating her wagyu cuts like popcorn. When they can just go pluck a scrawny little fox from the forest and call it a day. She seems surprised at the quality of the snack before remembering herself – I mean it’s super rude to be like hey it’s late, can you leave?

- Lilith, you’re entitled to your sex life – Lily groans, Mal chuckles and Draz meerps so someone will toss him some food. He’s polite. – But your brother is at a tricky age, I can’t have him think of our house like a hotel where he can just invite women to… stay the night. Not this brazenly at least.

Mal nods – He needs to work for it. – To illustrate her point Mal takes gusto in eating the very last of what Regina had bought at an outrageous price for Friday’s dinner. Draz croons sadly and settles his head atop Regina’s with something so close to a sigh it might as well be called as such – He should drive three hours to find a suitable cheap motel like the other teenagers.

Lily bites down her laugh and nods – Yes ma’am.

Regina glares at her, and at the broken phone between them. She motions for Lily to hand hers over and grabs for her earring to get the sim cards out – If we’re all here, for our peace of mind, open door.

- Mom, c’mon! I’m well past thirty and Henry probably knows what goes on by now. He takes long showers with very loud of music playing... - She scrunches up her face and makes a face - Maybe I should just move out.

Regina turns to Mal who nods her confirmation, it wasn’t their information to share. In another world, a sock should’ve told Regina. She also conveys her distress at Lily going anywhere so soon after they've found her – I am simply saying I don’t want him to see anything inappropriate, please.

The day she earns a third Lilith is the day her flesh disintegrates and her spirit leaves this earthly plane - I’ll be careful – She raises her right hand and Regina reboots the phone, reaches for a disinfecting wipe from her purse to chip away at the layer of grime on the case before realizing she would rather die than walk around with a Metallica phone case and tossing it Lily’s way.

Henry shuffles into the kitchen hefting his school bag and ushering a sheepish Jenna in. He stands between Lily and Mal for a moment – Right, so we’re all here and Jenna was abandoned upstairs. Not weird at all.

Regina saves the entire thing instantly, looks Lily’s way – Yes Lily, won’t you make your girlfriend breakfast?

Henry drops his bag – I’m sure she already ate – he holds his hand out for a high five and Lily reacts before thinking.

The celebratory clap is undercut by Regina’s admonishing - Henry! – Lily blanches instantly and turns to look at Jenna, beet red. They have to make a run for it.

Henry preens - What? Mal liked my joke – Mal, always of the school of thought of telling him everything sooner rather than later is indeed biting her laughter and Regina turns away from her, lest she kills her with another glare. He goes straight for the fridge to find himself a carton of OJ to make undrinkable – Sorry Jenna, I had to. - Lily glances Regina’s way and barks something out, Draz whips out his tail Henry’s way hitting him square on the back of the head - Hey! Dude- Draz doesn’t react to his plea.

- Don’t weaponize your brother, dear – Regina’s complain has no bite to it and she pets the tail that returns to her shoulder anyway

- What was that? Norwegian? – Jenna seems to come to the realization that there’s a dragon lounging on Regina’s shoulder when she musters the nerve to look in her direction. She shuffles ever closer to Lily, it must be the first time she sees Draz as anything other than a rosy-cheeked baby – You can speak to animals?

- I can speak to the kind of animal I am, yeah. – Lily laughs and snatches her sim card off the counter, moving to the fridge and nudging Henry on the way

He recalls something –Oh mom, Ma says there was a fire in Main Street and to pick up your f-word phone– Regina sighs

- How is that my responsibility? We have firefighters. -

Draz seems happy enough to fly off her at last, Regina stretches her back and cranes her neck, and Jenna ducks behind Mal. He keeps circling overhead, ready to do god knows what to their furniture and Mal stands. If he wants to fly he should get to fly outside – Well, lovely outfit you have on darling, really says arson day. However, the hair needs work. – She has the gall to wink as she drinks the few drops of bloody water from the Tupperware. Regina stares as she rinses it quickly before putting it in the dishwasher, to then lean in for a kiss.

She dodges her promptly – Don’t you dare.

In turn Henry shakes the last drops out of the carton to his outstretched tongue and then speaks as he tosses it to the bin - Yeah Mal, that’s a little messed up. - He wouldn’t attempt to do anything of what he’s done this morning before Emma Swan and Lily showed up, Regina knows that much.

Jenna stands up, a bit – Do you drink blood? – Lily makes a noncommittal noise

- Blood is much thicker Miss Smith. Less of a drink, more of a sauce– Her mouth bends ever so slightly into a cringe and Regina smirks. Well, she wanted to spend the night, she might as well see the morning too. She turns to Henry as he stuffs toast in his mouth – We’re late. I need all my apps - She hands him the phone so he can get to work on it with her account instead of Lily’s– And after school I’m sending you to David so you can have a talk, man to man. - She starts walking and the bag zooms its way to Henry

He catches and follows - Can’t I just google it?

- No, you’re hearing it in excruciating detail from all of us. One at a time.

Lily turns back to Jenna - Four bacon pieces? 

Chapter Text

As hard as finding a specific reflective surface sounds, with a rough location Regina can do wonders it seems. She has Red’s party pinpointed in less than 10 minutes of a blurry image changing at breakneck speed and then she uses the first polished chest of armor to spot a cleaner one and broadcasts her living room there. Emma only has to shout like three times before someone appears and agrees to get Ruby on the not phone. Regina leaves almost immediately, with a warning to mind her drink and Emma freezes as she was, leaning back on the couch to overlook the monster of a mirror the mayor keeps over her fireplace. She slurps at her coffee to get it down to a safe splosh-level in the cup and wiggles her tongue after she burns it. Every single time. She looks at the people curiously glancing at her when they spot her wagging her tongue like a dog. Is any house safe? Regina can basically sit back and spy on anyone with this thing…

Emma only gets to mull that over for a minute before the wolf crouches to look at her with a broad smile – Oh no way! Ems! Finally learned something good! – she springs up quickly and takes the not mirror with her – Did something happen to Granny?!

- Oh, no - Emma blinks before she decides she must be ok - I’m sure she’s fine.

- You’re sure? - the wolf frowns - Haven’t been to the diner lately? Where are you having lunch? Don’t break my heart.

Emma laughs and relaxes enough to chance another sip of her staining, scalding coffee - Well I’m just… cooking and I have some Tupperware now that I stole from Regina so-

- Tupperware?! – Emma shrugs and Ruby laughs at her – Things really settled down around there. And where do you hang out with Henry if not there?

- Does this look like my place? – she motions with an arm around her and Red falters as she pays attention to the décor, she sits back against like a bunch of armor and wood. Emma catches a glimpse of Mulan lounging in a nearby stream, must be the life - He’s a real teen now. I see him for family events only. And ever since Regina doesn’t go to Granny’s often and Snow was too pregnant to go anywhere you know... we just... at a house, I guess, yeah? – She glances off to the side when his feet thunder closer, he only waves at Red as he runs through the hallway. Sunday brunch, outside because the last time Draz mingled with Robyn their magic went haywire and the dining table lifted a few inches off the ground. Not level.

- Hey, I’m sure Granny misses you all. Why doesn’t Regina go often? –

- Seriously? You made her daughter persona-non-grata. I mean, you were right! - she amends quickly - But, yeah. They look alike, Granny might shoot at her if she doesn’t pause to confirm.

Red laughs and sighs all in once. Better they change the subject now - Since when do you know fancy words? – Emma let’s out a Hey!, the dictionary app has been a staple in her household for a while now, but the subject doesn’t want to be changed because Zelena passes by with a floating trail of food and Jenna follows her with a baby wrapped in the finest green clothing the land without magic can offer. Red leans in closer, her stream quality on the curved plate of armor must not be like the 4K definition Emma has in Regina’s state of the art 50’’ gold-framed mirror – Was that gym-rat Jenna? – Emma turns around to catch Robyn’s round little face taunting her over said woman’s shoulder and grimaces. Red chuckles though, dryly - I was in that house three times, at best. And now gym-rat Jenna is there for breakfast and carrying Zelena’s baby? Insane. I’m fine, really. I’m just… Tell Granny I said she can serve anyone any food. I’ve moved on.

Emma lets out a breath, well that’s one thing out of their system. Maybe after this they can beam her to a mirror in Granny's so she'll tell her herself, and they can get back to having lunch at Granny’s in a huge table, all of them, not just Emma and Snow and David and the kids - You dating Mulan by now?

- I am not.

 - You met like a sexy, buff wolf person? No gender specified – Ruby rolls her eyes and Emma prods - I don’t buy it. There’s no competition in the woods, you must be getting laid.

- Gee, thanks.

- I‘m just gonna start naming people we haven’t gotten here. Pocahontas? What about non-medievals? Tiana from the princess and the frog? That dude that burned to death in Big Hero 6? - She blanks for a moment, wow there aren't that many remarkable dudes in Disney…- The Rock in Moana? Tangled? Are you dating the one with all the hair? No... Brave girl? – There’s a quirk of an eyebrow and Emma slaps the coffee table in front of her – The redhead! I knew it. They didn’t even write her a prince. You went to Ireland? Wow.

- She's scottish. - Emma wags her eyebrows and Red raises a hand - We’re not together. Anyway. You called?

Ah, back to earth. No details. Emma takes another sip of coffee and scratches at her face – Yeah… So, I don’t know if you heard but, mom gave birth.

Red nods - She sends her love with the fairies, often. – she laughs, it’s so fun to see a shimmering page with glowing script pop into existence for a few minutes and then pop away when you scribble a response. Like instant messaging in a way. Merida had barely seen magic like that when they met her, she shot an arrow clean through one of the floating letters. Mulan felt it was completely justified. Red settles in a smile - How’s the baby? She was premature?

- Um, she’s great. Really ok now. A bit small but it’s whatever. I’m more worried for Snow… - she turns when heels worn at 10 am clack behind her – Actually Regina will you come too? – Regina raises an eyebrow but obliges, nodding politely Red’s way – Um, thanks for getting Red. I didn’t know we could use fairies. Mom just mentioned how you used to help her with this. – Regina rolls her wrist so they can get on with it, this is starting to sound like one of her interventions in the town council meetings. Red, mildly confused by the situation lets Emma go on. She’s never done stuff like this, tactfully intervening on someone else’s behalf. She was just gonna yell but Luke said he wanted to stay for the entire brunch so, she focuses on the way her thumbs meet on the side of the cup she’s holding  – Um, see, the baby was so small for the first weeks and David isn’t great at talking and I’m not… like, she was worried, you know? And I think she might be having a rough time with it? Like she’s obviously tired and that's normal but she’s been down-

Regina raises a hand and Emma looks up at her with a frown - It simply is none of my concern how Snow White is doing, not anymore dear- Regina, who had crossed one leg over the other, promptly uncrosses it. She’s gonna stand, Emma reaches her hand out to her arm. It’s impossible that Regina doesn’t care, at least a little. Her mask almost cracked at the hospital the night the babies were born.

- What about Neal? You’re his godmother! – Red huffs from her side of the not screen and Emma points at her – Ruby got skipped in godmother line and for what? you’ve abandoned the kid! Regina, he loves you. And you – she looks back at the wolf before she can add anything – you are a godmother now and you’re in another planet! Haven’t even met the baby. If you’re over everything, come back then.

- Is this another planet? – she aims the question Regina’s way and she seems to be mulling it over. A clear no, but what would be the appropriate term?

Emma grumbles – Whatever! Point is, this isn’t a great situation for Snow and you are her two best friends, I’d like it if you can get it together enough to be there for her.

- And absolve you from the torment of spending all your free time watching her dote on Eva Ruth, no doubt - Regina enunciates Ruth with such care to each letter that you’d think it has several syllables to it.

Emma’s jaw tightens as she locks her eyes on Regina’s knee and Red glowers at Regina for a second. In the sudden silence she seems to come down from her little detour into the trademarked Mayor Mills. She settles down on the couch as the only show of acknowledgment of wrongdoing. At least Red had tried deflection first. The wolf levels Regina for another few seconds before speaking softly - Em, David really loved his mother. It’s important to him that one of his kids is named after her.

Emma looks up and rolls her eyes – Yeah yeah and I never got the name, and you never got to be my godmother, and they didn’t get to be parents until now… Look, this isn’t about my shit. Mary Margaret needs you.

Regina gives a long, suffering sigh, only one step away from MM. Emma could only remove herself more from the situation by calling her ‘that woman’ - You have to speak to Dr. Hopper about this Miss Swan, these are your siblings. I am sorry, that I tried to prod at your resentment towards them.

- I don’t resent them! – both of them focus on her, Regina’s amusement always there mixed with worry in varying degrees, all infuriating; and Red that has never quite reconciled friend with aunt equally pitying her, only more openly – Sure, they’re horribly named. But look at your kid, could be worse, could be unpronounceable.

She chuckles, and Emma realizes amusement is worse, amusement makes her feel like a child. Regina drawls – At least muster a jab at Zelena and Robin dear. Low hanging fruit if we’re discussing siblings - Mal pokes her head in the room, they must be getting tired of waiting. Regina sends her a look and the dragon disappears almost instantly. A miracle if she even managed to see it, let alone interpret it. Regina makes no move to stand, though - How’s this, tell dear old mommy that whenever she’s exhausted I am willing to take care of Neal for a few hours instead of you. – What is it? Does she care about Emma enough to avoid dismissing her while she thinks she’s upset about the babies? Or does she just care about Neal enough she misses him? About Mary Margaret enough she is trying to lighten her load without committing to seeing her face? How is she so good at reading Regina sometimes and then… not. – Do you find that suitable, Miss Swan?

The blonde growls, tactful becomes so difficult when Regina brings out her condescending little tone – She doesn’t need a fucking babysitter, she needs her friends, because that’s how she functions – She whirls to the mirror, Red’s been awfully quiet for someone who enjoys digging at Regina about the Snow thing  - What about you? Need a bean?

- Emma, Storybrooke wasn’t great for me that last year. I’ve spoken to Snow and she understands. I’m-

Happy? Was she going to say happy? Sorry? Regina jumps in before she gets a chance, getting riled up without showing an ounce of it on her face - Finally free from from Snow White’s endless plight. Enjoying a refreshing reprieve of her whining and tearful outbursts. Getting the first taste of not being looked at as the-friend-of. And here comes the savior, eager to drag you back and make you a supporting character in your own life.

- Christ. How hard can it be to be there for your friends! - Red looks away and Emma turns back to Regina. No, actually you can ditch friends, Red and Regina cannot ditch Snow fucking White after all this – For your goddamn family! Ruby you left town and your grandmother because what? You wanted to be chased by your own homicidal maniac after all these years? – She points at Regina and the coffee moves dangerously to one side – And after she left, you decided to pick a fight with Snow and now they can’t even speak often because you are the only one that knows this mirror shit and you’re being all petty.

Regina doesn’t move much past raising an eyebrow and flicking a finger that freezes her coffee on its way to the floor – Your mother took Lily as a tool to buff up your goodness stat and-

The sheer ridiculousness of Regina using a video game metaphor now. Emma jumps off the couch, waving the frozen cup of coffee at them both - And god fucking dammit, we’re supposed to feel enough pity to justify your bad decisions after one boyfriend was murdered, but not for Snow after you hunted her for a decade and killed hundreds for helping her?! You can’t sit here and deny you forced their hand. They took choices that wouldn’t have been on the table if you had handled your shit better in the first place. I'm the one that got orphaned, let this shit go, you owe me that much- She laughs humorlessly, she’d yelled something like this at Snow at some point when it was Regina who was getting left to stew alone at home while they galivanted with Henry around town - You owe us that much. We were your family for a couple of years but now you get your own and get rid of us like an after-thought? How fucking selfish do you have to be? Are you gonna ditch me too as soon as the kid leaves for college?

- Emma calm down-

Emma speaks over Red but zeroes in on Regina, who barely reacted to the whole thing - Mary Margaret and her fucking kids need you and I don’t give a fuck how you feel about it, you’ll be there tomorrow for dinner with Henry, at least. See how many dragons you can add on top.

Or what? Shines in Regina’s eyes, and past withholding her own presence Emma has no weight to her threat. Henry… doesn’t seem to care either way. He comes and goes freely regardless and short of his wedding there’s no occasion where he needs them all in the same room. But Regina budges, with a wide, fake smile - And will Miss Lucas be forcibly attending this soirée as well? I ask to know how much rare veal to bring. - she would have never conceded a match before the curse broke, so she's grown, a tad. 

Emma holds in her sigh, she can deflate on the way to the food - Let’s give her two days to get back from overseas- she doesn’t say goodbye as she stomps out of the room.

She sighs her victory but it's premature, she freezes on her spot in the hallway when she hears an extra comment filter out – She’s right you know. Snow forgave a lot for you to be included after the curse broke. She could've just froze you out, and trust me, everyone but Emma insisted she do. - There’s a silence where Emma imagines Regina is glaring Ruby’s way. - I don’t know why I thought you’d be on top of this. Snow just can’t win with you, it doesn’t matter what she does to fix her mistakes.

- She didn't fix shit. - Regina hisses back, and in her spot Emma takes a sharp intake of air, the handful of times she's heard Regina curse were almost playful in comparision - Whatever puny favor she did me does not compare, Snow White would have put an arrow through my brain as soon as the curse broke if I hadn't adopted her grandchild and Emma hadn't prevented her from doing so.- Regina stands, if the sound of her heels can be trusted – It was my unborn child that she kidnapped. In another time I would have gouged her eyes out of their sockets and forced them down her throat for it before allowing Maleficent to burn her to a crisp while she choked on her few last gulps of air. Emma might not realize that, but the rest of you know that our distance is a blessing and every breath she draws is a show of mercy.

Red sounds thunderous as well, not an iota of fear in her voice though - She was desperate, Regina. We all were. We all did awful things in that war. And yeah, It's kind of dumb luck that you got Henry and he forced us all to not kill the others, but that's what happened. At least we've managed to move on. What's the point of undoing the progress for something even Lily's getting over?

- I resent the fact that she has to get over anything - Regina's shoes stab at the floor mercilessly a few steps as she laughs sardonically - Would you ask any of the parents of my victims to come break bread with me? Or does it just apply when it's pure Snow White commiting the atrocities? - Red doesn't answer and Regina continues - You were willing to lay your mother down for her cause and keep on wagging your tail her way, I am hardly the sacrificial lamb you are. Her forgiveness, the sham of a family we had for a while, it was all for Henry's sake, and he doesn't need it anymore. I will not appease her guilt, not after learning this. – Regina’s anger dissipates a bit, or at least her voice returns back to the general disdain of a 21st century bitch - But don't worry, Miss Lucas. Go find that farmer you’re fated to marry. I’ll deal with the brat’s whims and I'll be good, - Her voice turns almost saccharine - for Emma's sake this time around. 

For a moment it sounds like it’s over, like they’ve brokered a custody arrangement after months of divorce. Regina takes first shift so Little Emma can stop crying, and then Red picks up the relay and does the emotional work with Little Snow, about how mommy doesn't love her anymore. But there are no heels clacking towards Emma and Red speaks again - Does Lily like…- she pauses - Draco?

-Drazenko. They get along just fine.

- Then get Emma to the same shrink she's going to! 

She must have thrown the armor against the pile because an almightly clang reaches Emma the second her mind had started to process everything. She flinches at the sound and it stops as suddenly as it had begun, the mirror becoming a simple mirror again probably. She had gotten way too comfortable in a place way out of her league, to be demanding things of a woman that just described how she could feed her mother her own eyes and a werewolf that didn't flinch when she did. She felt oh so badass leaving the room, like she'd gained something, just to find out Regina was treating her like her 10-year-old that needed to feel like she had gotten a win before they discuss the option of therapy, and Red didn't even intend to come back soon. It's all so much more complicated than Henry and Lily and her can see, even this new wave of babies in town will have to exist under the rules that those grudges set. Those 20 something years she didn't get to see make her life a living hell. 

Regina never comes into the hallway, and the kind of smell that drifts after her magic lets Emma know she's up and disappeared from the den instead. Probably off to the woods to murder a tree. She would have to miss brunch too, she lets her knees buckle under her and sits on the hallway for a while, dropping the coffee mug and iceberg by her side. And what happened to Red's mom?

Chapter Text

She’s only just managed to get Eva to go to sleep and is miming her best Neal’s way so he can play silently when someone knocks at the door. It’s soft enough Snow wonders if it even was there or if it is one of those phantom sounds, and a glance confirms both children can go on with their current state while she goes to the door to check, fixing herself as much as possible in the few seconds she has. She checks through the peephole and the glimpse of dark hair and coat looks almost like Regina is outside her door… the woman turns a bit and Snow opens the door before she can dash her hopes.

- You look horrible. – Regina drawls as she glances up and down at her, and doesn’t quite ask before stepping forward and making Snow step to the side to get in the house

Snow recovers quickly and follows her in, letting the door go back to its place with a small shove – Regina, hello? – That could’ve been the playful kind of insult to her appearance. It’s certainly a fact, she hasn’t showered yet. It’s kind of a David or her situation so it’ll wait until he gets back from the station in an hour or so.

Neal absolutely loses it at the mere sight of her, doing his very best to run their way and jumping up and down by her side to be picked up. He forgets all about being silent for sure – Up! Up! Up! –

Eva cries in her crib and Snow goes to retrieve her as Regina bends down to comply with his wishes with a broad smile – Look at you, you’re a big prince now! – She kisses his cheek and he giggles, and shoots his hands to her hair as she moves further into their living room – How are you, Neal?

- Good! – Now that he’s in Regina’s presence once again Snow thinks, and chuckles as he nuzzles himself on her neck – You play?

- Not right now - Regina crouches and puts him down, he refrains from pouting for a second and it pays off because she crouches again and smiles brightly his way as she passes her fingers through his hair – But do you want to come meet my son?

He frowns - I know Henny!

– I have two sons – Regina holds up her fingers and nods at him as he gapes - Henry has a new brother now, like you have new a sister.

His eyes grow wide - A baby? – he looks up to Snow, who nods encouragingly

- Yes, like you – Regina touches her index finger to his nose and it sends him into another fit of giggles – Why don’t you go get your best toys, and we can go meet Draz. Pack them in a bag.

- Daz! – he nods and dashes off, he takes any command Regina gives him quite seriously, especially after months of not seeing her around. Snow smiles as his little feet pat around, moving to the threshold of the room to see where he is going in particular. He can run and most of the house is baby proofed but still, they find a way.

Eva had dozed right to sleep when she picked her up and besides drooling on her already crusty shirt, she’s an angel. Regina looks at her as she rises from her position, it seems the third is the charm for her. Skin pale as snow, hair black as coal, lips red as blood, the whole shebang. Snow sees her studying the baby and smiles – Do you want to hold her? – she must be there for a reason and her demeanor doesn’t look hostile. Plus, any child disarms Regina regardless. Maybe they can talk if she’s holding one of them.

Regina makes a dismissive noise – She just fell asleep and you want to dislodge her? – She takes a tour around the room, kicking things this way and that – Emma seems to be under the impression that you are in some sort of emotional distress borne out of Miss Lucas and I’s absence

It doesn’t sound like she’s done but she leaves a hole in the conversation, Snow furrows her brow – I’m not… suicidal- She whispers the word – I do miss you and Red. But I’m not... bad… I think. It’s just been… you know, two kids.

Regina eyes her up and down again – You have three, though.

- Of course! – She bristles at the accusation – But Emma doesn’t run into walls or choke on her food if I take my eyes off her. She told you to check on me? – and you did? Is the unspoken.

Regina leans against the wall by the window, the sun is setting far away, and it leaves her in a strangely dark spot of the otherwise lit room. She speaks without any rush or emotion in her voice – She all but ordered me to come for family dinner. – And you did!

- Oh, I haven’t cooked anything… We could make some-

- I will not be having dinner with you, I am only here because I want to make sure you remember you have three children. – Snow sighs, it was too good to be true.  She sets her baby down on the couch gingerly and sits by her side with a protective air. More from the fall than from Regina but still, she chuckles from her spot, erecting a shimmering barrier to close off the couch above the baby, and speaks before Snow can oppose – In a recount of events: you blurted out you wanted to have a do-over child in a cave while all of us were present including Emma, and went on to name said child after a centuries-old man who not only had sex with her at seventeen but also left her pregnant in jail to serve time for his crime. If that first exercise of piss-poor judgment wasn’t enough, you proceeded to have a second do-over baby and gave her a name you’ve told Emma time and time again should have been hers. And now, you force her to come here day in and day out to participate in this charade of a family you have like an actor in a play with no agency. Did you ever think to ask if it bothered her to see you finish up your little stepford-wife fantasy neatly? Would you have cared if she said it did? Would you have given it up?

She shakes her head to clear her mind and some of her short hair leaves the tie it’s in, Emma is perfectly fine with the babies - Emma loves us, I don’t force her to do anything. And she knows she can tell me everything.

- No, she cannot. No one can tell you anything, not your husband that’s a simple shepherd that bends to your will with a bat of your eyelashes, not Red that was a yes-man for the entirety of her time by your side, nor I before this Lily debacle came to light because you held absolute power over my position in my son’s family and my freedom for a while.

- You’re playing victim?! – she shrills out – After everything you did to me, after everything?

Neal decides to come back dragging an overflowing backpack with him and he plops down on the floor, shoving and re-shoving his toys in it since it will not close. Regina throws a transparent dome over him immediately, without missing a beat - What did I do to you, Snow?

- You hunted me! For a decade! – she lets out one dry chuckle

- Never quite managed to catch you, though. Funny thinking of the people I did capture, versus a single magic-less princess. You’d think If I tried my very best…

It’s a theory Snow had thought of ad nauseum, Regina curiously always found a way to let her slip away, and vice versa. Because they’re family, probably. It had been an argument on Regina’s side when they were all tentative after the curse broke - Fine. You declared war against me!

- And three other kingdoms.

- You cast a curse that made me send my daughter away – there’s no denying the darkness needed to do that, but still Regina remains casually leaning against her wall, her voice preternaturally calm like she’d never seen her, this must be how Maleficent handles things. It’s somehow, worse.

- Do you think Mary Margaret would have been a good mother to a baby? She was oh so maternal to the gaggle of 11-year-olds she taught. I’m sure she would have been a sight with a little blonde baby in her arms

Snow harrumphs, they’ve been through that, she couldn’t risk the curse being some horrible Dante-esque hell and Emma being trapped with them, plus it being unbreakable if the prophecy was to be believed - You killed my father!

- You killed my mother! – she pushes herself off the wall for a second, but takes one deep breath to return to her previous demeanor – and I am almost certain she never raped you.- Snow looks away at once and Regina chuckles as she walks forward and bends down to hand Neal a ball that had rolled out of his little silent perimeter – Oh yes dear, your father raped me, for years. While you were dozing peacefully down the castle hall. I want to think you knew that, but no one ever told you. Well, let me tell you now dear Snow, you got my first love murdered, then you forced me to braid your hair, which is up there with the other tortures, you enslaved me to your troglodyte of a father to be used as a whore and after years of that, you kidnapped my unborn child. Finally, you killed my mother. So, can you see now why you are not entitled to automatic forgiveness?

- I didn’t know. At the time. – and she didn’t! How could she know Cora was that devious, or what goes on between married people at 12, or that Maleficent’s baby was Regina’s as well…

- I know. But still, my life, my daughter’s life, Emma’s life, have all been shaped by what you didn’t know. You have a few faint scars from the years I chased you through the woods but the rest of us are bundles of tightly-knit pain because of what you keep doing because you just don’t know- Snow trains her eyes on Eva and Regina comes closer then – I am here so you hear, explicitly, that this – she motions around the house - hurts Emma’s feelings. That you need to stop proclaiming how you would have been so happy with her as a child but oh well, you’re fixing that mistake now. You need to make time for her, not for her to have a photoshoot with one of these two. And if you are lonely, well bear it with a smile because she shouldn’t have to be worrying about your wellbeing, it’s the other way around. Charming at least knows when to give her a hearty shoulder hug, being loving is the only thing you have going on for yourself, don’t become obsolete.

Neal stands with a bursting backpack and the bubble stretches like a balloon with him. Regina turns back to smile at him like nothing had happened between them and lets out a gasp for his amusement when he reaches up and pops the shimmering film, turning it into a sparkling shower, he laughs. And she smiles at him some more – Wow, you will be a very powerful sorcerer Neal!

Neal’s eyes sparkle at Regina’s praise, that must be genetic. Snow watches them interact with a grimace now- Regina, I’m sorry. For everything. I've never meant to cause you harm and realizing how much I’ve done it… I’m really sorry. I hope we can get back to what we had. I know I can be short-sighted, and I’ll work on that. Just, please, be open to it.

She bends down to hang Neal’s bag on his shoulders - I atoned for my sins to you, thank you for letting me, I know you did it for Henry, and I am grateful that you love him enough to do that. But you will always feel like everything you did was either accidental or necessary, and I will resent you for it. In a way this lets you be the bigger person, I’m sure you love that.

She stands with her son safely tucked into her side, happily hanging onto her neck and Snow stands too and frowns – So what’s this then?

- Assistance I’m willing to give. I remember, human babies are a nightmare,- worse than dragons with magic? Snow wonders - and I’ve no reason to abandon this guy. I’ll return him in three hours, thoroughly fed and entertained. Clean a little, this looks like a pigsty and Emma and Henry will be arriving shortly for your un-scheduled family dinner. – She makes sure to stop by Snow’s side and poke Neal softly in the ribs making him squeal – Give mommy a big kiss goodbye! –

He leans forward happily and smacks a kiss on her cheek and Snow can’t help but smile his way, fixing his bag and his hair and his collar as she does – Be good for Regina and Mal – he nods wholeheartedly

- Henry needs S.E.X. Ed. In a bid to make it ironic Emma will cover contraception; I can take consent and biology up to a certain point, David can pick up my slack. Mal and Mr. Baker will surely be in the awkward questions committee. I will be sending him your way so you can horrify him with the romantic details, can I count on that?

- Yes, sure. – she has a feeling these are the last words Regina will address to her for a very long time.

- Good then. You need to make sure the school updates their program as well, whenever you’re back to work speak with the secretary of education. – She moves on towards the door – And remember, I don’t want Emma Swan moping on my couch. Do better.

Chapter Text

The sunlight filters in and as usual Mal’s eyes flutter open as soon as any part of her body registers it, and much as she loves bothering Regina first thing in the morning she sometimes allows her a day off here and there, to avoid being murdered. She stays in her spot for a couple of minutes inhaling the remnants of Regina’s perfume of the day before, the silk of her nightgown fragrant with it like she had soaked it beforehand. Which, knowing Regina, she probably had, most likely she combed through her entire closet with different fragrances for different moods.

Somewhere along the way she must’ve lost sight of the mood of that very skimpy negligée, it doesn’t exactly scream peaceful night of sleep. Mal takes one last deep breath to sear the scent into her memory and resolves to start her day, but when she finally gathers the fortitude to drag herself from the bed Regina clamps her hands together and closes her arms around Mal’s neck – No. Stay. - Even when half asleep, it’s more of a command than anything else. Mal chuckles and Regina tugs.

- Good morning darling – She allows herself to be dragged down for a second, a martyr, and lays a kiss by the thin strap of silk closest to her – Will you free me?

- No. – she moves a hand to tangle in Mal’s hair, crucial mistake since she’s left an opening and the blonde starts pulling herself away, sitting up. Regina grumbles as she reaches out to grab onto an arm – No, come back.

- Wearing Eau de attachement dear? – Mal chuckles as she makes it to the edge of the bed and passes her fingers through her hair, she stumbles onto Regina’s hand halfway and turns a tad, to see her trailing after her

- I absolutely am. –  She’d been so tired the night before she’d gone to bed at 9PM or something as ludicrous as that. Luckily for Mal then, she’s well rested and had worn sleepwear to remind herself of the very important task of thanking her wife for minding the house singlehandedly whenever her weeks get like this, why does the sun always have to be up so damn early though?. She lays a hand over Mal’s shoulder and the other around her midriff as she drags herself closer and pulls Mal in – And here you go, abandoning me.

- Drazenko is awake, it begs attention – she feels Regina’s legs wrapping around each of hers too and chuckles – I’m more than happy to wear you as a backpack so we can both go.

She begins a carefully planned attack of kisses starting where Mal’s ear meets her neck – If you just leave him alone, he’ll fall right back asleep. – her hand sneaks under Mal’s t-shirt – I am willing to negotiate to keep you here.

Mal relaxes a bit with a sigh, not even the foot that had advanced the furthest had made it to the floor, and with the way Regina is steering her legs into position it probably won’t – What do you offer? – as hard to get as she wants to play, she still drops her hands on Regina’s knees and strokes a few circles on the soft skin on the inside of them

- Besides the obvious…? I will cook you the breakfast of champions when we’re done– she’s still kissing and the hand she had innocently left on her clothed shoulder abandons its post, it takes to moving down Mal’s arm to tangle their fingers together, and surely the baby won’t die if they stay in bed for an hour. The entire set of furniture in his room might though, Mal remembers, and moves to stand again. Regina tightens her hold with her legs like only a woman that rides horses weekly could, and the hand under her shirt moves from the waist, southward – I will call in sick right now. – they just have bolts to tighten, they can handle that.

- Oh, you’re giving away your big cards so early in the game? – Regina hums by her ear and a sort of funny unnatural tingling starts suffusing Mal from where her hands rest on her skin, she drops her head back on Regina’s shoulder and bites down a moan – You’re playing dirty. – Regina’s lips on her neck stop briefly for a chuckle.

She buries her other hand under the blonde’s shirt as well to hold her better, and drug her better, magic seeps into her spine from the new point of contact and Regina’s wicked grin bites against her skin - I’m desperate.

- What a refreshing change of pace. Throw in those phantom hands you dust off in special occasions and you have yourself a deal Majesty- Mal’s clearly given in to whatever Regina wants to do with her for however long she wishes, but still, negotiation. She chuckles as Regina makes a displeased noise, but she recovers instantly and continues inebriating her with whatever spell she’s casting, she concedes a single of those invisible hands and it starts trailing up her thigh at a tortuously slow pace, while the leg nudges hers even further to the side and one of the real hands  starts pulling at her cotton T-Shirt. She should’ve matched Regina’s lace, always a lesson to be learned.

Mal’s completely forgotten about the rest of the planet when something crashes into their door with a thunk and an almighty rattle of the wood. Regina flinches and instead of her soothing magic, electricity jolts Mal for a brief second before she reigns it in. Mal hisses, and mourns the invisible hand, gone with Regina’s break in concentration. A pity, it had reached her underwear. Mal chuckles as the brunette tries to move away to go check on that and her door probably, and remains where she is, pinning her to the pillows behind – He made it this far.

Sure enough, with a puff of mauve murky smoke a dragon materializes on their floor, and then he bats his wings strongly enough the pages of the books on the night stand flutter. He lifts himself onto the bed. Regina huffs and another cloud envelops him, and he becomes a human baby just like that. Crawls to Mal and settles squarely on her chest. She kisses the crown of dark hair a few times – You’ve coddled him. – comes the voice from behind her and Mal laughs as Regina drags her hands from inside her shirt to tickle one of his feet – He barely made it ten minutes in his room. We had pressing business to attend to.

- Oh but we’re so very proud! – Mal lifts him a bit and Regina adjusts herself behind Mal. The pressing business is evident to Mal then. Never one to half commit to a theme, if Regina goes for skimpy, it is all skimpy. Mal looks at her pudgy cargo, she can’t ever fault him for anything though. She kisses his cheek this time around – How many doors did you overcome? One? Two! – she holds her fingers up so he can start associating the gesture with the number and Regina chuckles, begrudgingly.

- I hope you remember this moment when he starts disappearing from his room in fifteen years. - She intends to get up and go to the bathroom presumably, maybe to shower, maybe to do something else. – If we won’t get rid of him, free me darling. You'll crush me down here- Mal refuses to allow her

She becomes even more of a dead weight instead - Mommy is cranky because she uses her magic in much more devious ways. But she’s calling in sick so we can stay in bed all day – Draz is clearly tired from his little expedition and he settles down for a bit more of sleep, sun or not and Mal smiles as his feet kick at her and his hand clutches at her collar

Regina hums – Dear we get it, you’re adorable. Let me get tidied up and fix breakfast for the other two, I’ll be back.

Mal makes a show of reaching for a pillow and jamming it by Regina’s side, leaning on her some more - The other two are not in the house.

Regina reaches for her phone and her glasses as quickly as possible under Mal’s weight - What?! – She shakes the phone in all directions until it acknowledges it was lifted, no texts from the hospital or the morgue – It’s barely 6 AM

- Henry slept at Emma’s and Lily ceased to exist in this house somewhere around midnight, doors don’t stop her either. Never a dull moment with your children. - Except this one, Regina thinks, as Mal’s eyes start fluttering much like their son’s had a minute ago. She manages to grab her book from the nightstand as well, props it on one of Mal’s shoulder and settles in for a morning of being used as a headboard.

Chapter Text

As far as weird things go, this doesn’t really make the cut. Lily, Mal and the baby had kinda fled the scene without even having their breakfast, but they go flying often so it’s whatever.  And yes, his mom had told him to go sit with Emma who was on the couch, and said his cereal bowl was allowed, and her laptop was casting to the big TV, but also just last week a dwarf had flown by the school after being accidentally showered in fairy dust, so Henry sits and scrolls down in his phone as he spoons his food with the other hand, checking out what everyone was getting into for the weekend.

- Focus on the food, you’ll clean any spills by hand – He looks up as his mom enters finally, she has the little USB PowerPoint presentation magic stick he bought her for Mother’s Day and printed material? – Henry, would you say you’re heterosexual?

- UM? – he turns to Emma

Emma shrugs – You do spend a lot of time with turtle Jeremy.

- I’m straight! – He shrieks and Regina raises an eyebrow – Not that it’s like bad… to be gay, obviously.

- Obviously. – Regina splits her pile of paper in half - Well, it saves us time. – she hands Emma half her pamphlets and Henry the other half, and Emma’s must be funnier because she chuckles at hers but the first one of his pile has a horrifically photo-realistic drawing for a simple reproductive system diagram. He drops his spoon in his bowl regardless of the milk splash and realizes now what this Saturday morning is about to become. Regina presses a little black button and the TV proudly says Sexual Education for Henry Daniel Mills, Storybrooke Town logo on the lower corner.

He needs to exit, fast - Moms please, let me google it. Or just send me the PowerPoint and the links.  

Regina sits, and that’s worse because she’s always said that sitting when you’re trying to command a room is a power play because people are forced to strain to watch you. They don’t really strain there in the living room but there’s something very sinister about the way she sits and crosses her legs as a glass of something floats her way from behind them – Henry, as I am sure you know by now adults have sexual intercourse, whether for reproductive or recreational purposes – He glances Emma’s way and she drops her pile out of his sight and stays mum for once in their miserable lives as his mom continues – as your parents, Miss Swan and I agree that you are simply too young to be having sex, but the urge must certainly be there. We want to encourage you to refrain until you are mature enough to truly grasp and handle the physical and emotional hurdles of being sexually active.

- Fine! I’ll refrain. – Emma snorts. – I’ll refrain and we can not do this.

His mom takes a sip of her glass – No Henry, we must. We have to ensure that you can make educated decisions when sex is concerned. A horrifying task to all of us involved believe me, but a necessary one.

He squirms in his seat, cereal forgotten and pleading looks to Emma ignored – I swear I’ll wait. 21, like drinking, right?

- I am afraid this cannot wait, sex probably looks too appealing in all depictions you have encountered by now and you come from notoriously impulsive people - Emma says ‘Hey!’ But then kinda nods. Regina goes on - We’ll have to paint a more realistic picture for you is all. - He wants to protest again but she hits the button one more time and the slide changes, Regina takes another swig of her glass before clearing her throat – We will begin with the general functions of the body, do a quick detour into the mechanics of the issue, take a look at pregnancies and STDs, talk about protection against those, maybe we share some traumatizing tales if we have time.

It takes like three hours, according to his phone just the one hour but it was felt threefold. Regina’s commitment to detail and photorealistic animations is too high, it must’ve taken her days to put together that presentation and there’s way too much information for it to be feasible that he’ll remember it. Emma says it first and Regina points to the fan of pamphlets in Henry’s lap. – It’s very much all there Miss Swan, the presentation will be forwarded as well. – She goes on and there’s a gif on how to properly clean yourself when you shower. He’s being doing it all wrong. By the time they get through a couple of slides on each one of the most common STDs they’ve definitely succeeded on converting him to a life of celibacy, it’s just not worth the risk. He can’t catch anything by jacking off in the shower right? It seems like he’s about to find out because ‘Masturbation!’ flashes on the screen and Regina makes a stop to finish her drink before hitting next on her controller.

It seems he might be doing that wrong too. When Regina finally stops for a minute and the screen goes blissfully black, she looks at Emma - Miss Swan?

- Right – she shoots up – So, picture this

- I don’t think I want to picture it. – not after all his mom had decided to show him

- Well, I don’t have a presentation so you’re gonna. So, - she says it more forcefully - I was straight up homeless and I spotted this yellow car, tried to steal it. Neal was there and, let me tell you kid, teen girls are so gullible, I thought I was like an adult because I lived on the streets but damn, I was not. You’re smart so when you start seriously dating try to make sure you’re not like, taking advantage of some stupid girl. So, Neal, broke as hell, but a little funny or whatever, we start dating. – She stops and tilts her head like a golden retriever -  Well, not really dating because we didn’t do anything but make out and grope each other, but you know- Henry does not know, but he can wrinkle his nose anyway as she goes on with the traumatizing tale section - He feeds me some dumb story about going to some town together, seems sincere about it so I was just like oh I’m in love – She gags on air – and I wasn’t like a virgin or anything, kid I lived on the streets. I was way past under the shirt over the bra, you know? - He really does not know - So, I was with Neal in the car and I thought sure, this dude is okay, why wouldn't I do everything? Since I’m in love this time.

His face scrunches up like he’s just taken a bite out of the sourest lemon, rind and all - Ma!

- I know! I wish I had parents then to be like no, don’t. Well, I didn’t. I had already made some shitty decisions and in my mind sex was just like, Friday afternoon, justify getting a free burger out of a guy – Regina both drinks three fingers of the thing in her glass, and refills three fingers of the thing to her glass. Emma waves her off - So, we’re making out in the bug kid, not even a motel. So, we’re in the bug-

- Ma!

She takes his plea for respite as a simple interjection again -Yes! The bug, he shouldn’t have, if he cared so much about me he should’ve been like oh let’s go somewhere else, try to make it more dignified. Now you know, we’re raising you to not do that to a teenage girl. It’s more than getting your penis in her, you should care about her enough that she gets to be comfortable and safe.- She points at him and he shrinks against the arm rest - Anyway, I was like hey, Neal, maybe we should use protection. You see enough teen moms roughing it up to know it’s not fun. But this dude has the nerve to give me some crap story about not being able to afford condoms! And like, a few seconds ago I cared but then you cross a point where you might be too excited to care, especially if you think this is love-

- Ma! Please, stop.

- Oh? No. You’re gonna hear it. We’re in the bug, seats don’t go that far down because it’s a relic, I’m 17 and he’s like 300, I swallow the entire I’m too broke to improve this shit he’s feeding me, and I’m just like well, I’ve made it this far, to being 17 without issues, fucking-a - she rolls her eyes - what’s the worst that can happen?

He drops his head in his hands, face first - This.

- Yeah! I mean I love you, but yeah, you. One time. I screwed Neal one time, but I fucked up. He absolutely sucked, but I can’t blame him. It is my duty as someone that wants to have sex – Henry cringes in his seat and his mom looks like she’s not faring better where she sits on her single seat. She doesn’t often drink before midday and the brown liquor is a bit too dark to be just apple cider, she’s on her third. Emma doesn’t give a fuck – to always have access to protection, even if I’m not the dude. You need to always be prepared. You need to have them in that split second before you’re too turned on to care. It’s super easy to get condoms. You go to the pharmacy, buy some of a reputable brand you’ve seen the commercial for, they’re cheap even. You know what’s expensive? Children. Regina how much do you spend on your three kids?

- A lot. – Four if one counts the amount of food Emma consumes in that house.

Emma points at Regina – They’re expensive as hell. And, if you do it before you’re ready you’ll be stuck with some poor emotional teenage girl that probably will not touch you for at least a year after you get her pregnant. So, you need to really think that shit through kid. In fact, before you have kids, I want you to have a wife, and a job, and emotional stability… and a dog. – When Henry doesn’t say much she nods – Now, girls might be on their own method of birth control and they will tell you, you have your pamphlets to know what’s up with each of them. But still, unless you’re in a committed relationship and have both been tested for STDs you should keep using condoms because you will catch something if you don’t and one of you is sleeping around, and one of the people you’re sleeping around with is sleeping around and so on and so forth. Regina show him the pics again.

- No! – He shrieks

Emma smirks – Yes, be afraid. Plus, what if she’s lying? What if she isn’t on the pill and just wants to have the savior’s grandchild?

His mom laughs at that – For the fake blonde hair?

Emma huffs at her - For the magic!

- It’s not genetic, not for your family.

Emma shrugs - What if it’s true love’s baby?

Henry pipes in, he doesn’t have a will to live anymore but the point must be made - Then wouldn’t it be okay if I have a baby with her? – he whines

Emma whirls back around - No! Family takes planning, kid. Look at Snow and David, or your mom and Mal, condoms would’ve prevented Lily and me. – She starts listing things off on her hand again - You get a wife, a job, emotional stability, a dog, and make sure you’re not at war, then you can start thinking kids.

- How would Mom and Mal even use a condom?

- Um, on the… strap-on? – She overshot that one and Regina groans behind her as soon as she says it

Henry frowns - What’s a strap-on?

- An aid - Both Emma and him turn to Regina at once and she rolls her free wrist, little controller still in her hand and flicking the presentation back to the “Masturbation!” section with a sigh, she stops in the blissfully picture free sex toys slide and he shudders as realization dawns. Regina grits her teeth and glares at Emma – But I’m sure that is irrelevant to the intent of your question. That tea Mal drinks every morning is our contraception.

He gasps - I’ve drank that!

- As have I. It’s merely tea, Henry. Just has an added effect for Mal and Lily.

- Can’t you just make it better and drink it once in the middle of the month or something?

Regina smiles – Ah, you paid attention. Higher risk of pregnancy roughly in the middle of the menstrual cycle.

Emma jumps back in - No. It’s an everyday thing. You gotta make some sacrifices kid, to be able to have sex without filling this town of little dragons they drink the shitty tea. And to stay healthy and baby-free you will use protection, always. I’ll fucking ask around if I see you acting weird, don’t test me.

Regina glances Henry’s way and he looks horrified enough to stop all contact with Emma Swan, herself and any other woman on earth. Great result overall from their side. She indulges Emma with a nod, cursing did indeed make it that more traumatizing - Impressive intervention, Miss Swan. Henry, any more questions?

His phone buzzes and he’s too shaken to check who’s texting - Why a year?

Emma frowns and then remembers - Oh that’s like the nine months she’s pregnant and scared, and then three that she’s still peeing herself a little every time she laughs so she’s not feeling sexy.

His face goes through all the stages of grief in a minute – How do I know if I’m really in love?

Emma shrugs – Just know that at 17, you’re probably not. Then, it’s like, you wake up and the sun with the girl’s hair, I don't know… Ask Mal, she describes it better.

Mal confused Lily to the point she asked him if he’d ever been in love so, dragon ancient wisdom might not be the easy answer he’s looking for. All his other questions are for google though. There’s no way the general population has this kind of relationship with sex, right? His family is just generally unluckier than most, right? Maybe that’s why they’re taking this so seriously, so he’ll have a shot because they didn’t… he glances at mom – How did you get over… everything?

- Oh, Neal ruined sex for me for like three years! – She snorts – Then I felt ready to try again, responsibly - Henry shudders almost imperceptibly but Emma notices his face was turned Regina’s way and she sighs – Hey kid, maybe real tips like how do I book a room in Granny’s? Well you-

- Miss Swan, - Regina shuts her up effectively – I am not over it, Henry. Every few months I have a nightmare and have to go sleep on the chaise so Mal won’t be scared if I jump when she drops her 30-ton arm over me- Emma drops on the couch again at last and Regina smiles softly, at him– That’s why I cannot stress enough the importance of not doing anything you’re not comfortable with, and making sure your partner is on board too. You’re both very vulnerable during sex, do your best to make it a fond memory. Remember, your manhood doesn’t hinge on promiscuity, and it’s okay to think of it as the very intimate thing it is. Don’t rush into it, although significant, the physical release doesn’t offset the emotional toll if you’re not ready.

- Okay – he nods, makes sense, sounds good – thanks then… can I – he motions with his thumb

- Oh no, Snow and David are talking to you too – Emma grabs onto his arm and he groans in dismay, she laughs at him and turns back to Regina – Do you want me to call Mal to come cuddle you?

She finally stands - I am perfectly able to call my own wife. – Moves to grab her laptop off the table

Emma extends a leg to push the computer her way with the tip of her dusty boot and earns a glare - Not with my charm though!

- Goodbye, Miss Swan.

- Fine. Kid grab your pamphlets! – And with that they’re off in a white sparkly cloud of smoke.

Snow and David are super jittery when they show up. His grandmother jumps on her spot in the couch and his grandfather next to her takes one deep breath that could’ve left the room without air in more cartoonish settings, maybe he did in the Enchanted Forest, maybe he unwittily asphyxiated some bystanders for a visual gag at some point in his life because his lungs are strong. Henry drops himself on the chaise in front of them and Emma bends down to grab Neal from the floor and make him squeal

- Henry- Snow starts, super sweetly

- Grandma. We can avoid this, we can all decide here and now we will not be doing this.

Snow shakes her head and her hair, longer and yet not long at all still, starts flurrying around her – This is important! – she grabs for Charming’s hand – And, Regina would know. She doesn’t speak to me but you live with her, how would that work out for you? – her tiny sweet smile is sinister like mom’s super serious face from earlier, and above them Emma snorts and starts leaving, tickling a laughing Neal thrown over her shoulder – Emma, will you sit too?

She stops dead on her tracks, sets her brother down, turns around with an amused huff– After Regina’s super clinical talk with actual information, what makes you think I’ll get anything out of your love therapy?  – Snow doesn’t do much, she smiles on – I’m all taught out. I am 34 years old. I already have a kid. I have sex with my boyfriend, with whom I live, regularly.

Henry groans - Ma!

- And I know about whom. – She starts muttering, kicking herself for her oversight – Should’ve used it around Regina.

- Sit. – Snow commands, sweetly. And Charming gives her a nod that somehow only involves his eyes. When Neal scampers off on his tiny toddly legs Emma sits sullenly and kicks at the coffee table between them. Snow smiles at them again – So, you know when a man and a woman love each other very much-

- Or two men – Emma holds up a finger – You didn’t even ask.

Snow nods – or two men. When two people love each other very much-

- Or just feel strong physical attraction.

- Fine, Emma, you can leave.

She shoots up and nudges Henry by the side of the head as she flees – Ha! Sucker. – She really is the poster child of how some people shouldn’t have teenagers by 34.

Snow redirects her entire attention his way finally and he slouches on his seat with pamphlets clutched in his hand – When two people love each other very much, romantically, they might want to express that physically to one another. It can be a kiss, or a hug, or more- He wants to beg for this to end, why is she alluding to it? It’s the entire point of the conversation – So when is it time to do more? Hopefully you can wait until marriage to ensure a strong spiritual connection but that might be a bit unrealistic and you might find yourself eager to do it much sooner, there’s no problem with that but always think, do I really love this person enough to-

- You were screwing in the woods! – Emma bounds back in the living room with a crazy look in her eyes, a bit justified, no one expected Mary Margaret to champion extra marital sex – You got married and then like months went by and I was born, and Regina cast the curse. All that happened at a castle, – It looks like a stop for them to speak but she’s only catching her breath – But you met in the woods, and moved around for years. So you were screwing in the woods, for years before you got married.

- Emma. - Snow chastises her, forcefully by Snow standards

- What?! I’m 34, talk me through your family planning. Regina showed up on your wedding day and told you she would fuck up your life and you went 'oh what a time to have a little super-hot baby'? – Henry mouths ‘what’ at her and she shakes her head at him – I told the kid it takes planning, so let us hear it. You either aborted a ton of kids in the woods, or I was on purpose.

Snow gasps at the accusation and Charming takes her hands on his and decides to make an entrance – Granny knew some herbs that kept Snow from getting pregnant while we were running from Regina. After we married, George tried to keep us from having a family and we overcame that with the water from Lake Nostos. We couldn’t allow Regina to keep us in fear, we wanted a family and knew we would just have to protect our child.

Emma sputters, sits, stands again – What if she had straight-up murdered me on sight?

- Regina would never murder a child. - Snow says resolutely 

- Ok, she could’ve like kidnapped me and raised me as hers? – Henry wrinkles his nose and Emma points at him – I would’ve been smart, you know how unhappy smart people are? I am cursed to know about whom now. Henry has always known about whom, he’s never been peaceful hearing people talk.

- But she didn't- Snow holds up two almost naked puppets, if one counts leaves as underwear, which maybe they do – Can we get back on topic now?

- No! We’re talking about your family planning; you have shitty baby timing. Took you three kids to have one that’s not at risk of getting taken ten minutes after they’re born- She speaks to Henry, eyes still on Snow and David - See kid, true love or not, you need to plan for stuff.

- Yeah! I see. - What Henry sees is his opening, he stands – Can I leave then?

Emma turns to him – Sure, kid. Want me to send you home?

- Uh, I’ll walk. – He stands swiftly and waves bye, hightailing it out of there while Emma keeps on asking questions over an annoyed Snow. Neal is playing in the hallway of all places and Henry holds out his fist for him to bump – I’m so sorry Neal, I have to leave you today. I’ll be back with a ball this week.

- Bye Henny! – He stands and hugs his leg happily. How bad can babies be? – ‘egina?-

He bends down to kiss him goodbye – No Regina – he pouts and Henry shakes his head – She will crush your hopes and dreams eventually too.

Charming chuckles heartily and bends down to pry Neal off Henry’s leg – Trust me, you’ll thank her in a couple of years when the information becomes relevant. Let me walk you out.

Henry lets himself be led out of the door and down the path, by the gate Charming seats Neal on the mailbox and holds onto the front of his shirt – Hey, you know you can always come to me for anything right? – he nods after a beat and Charming gives him a big smile and a clap on the shoulder – Sex can be kinda awkward to ask about and you can look up most stuff online probably, but I promise if you ever need any help with that I’ll do my best. And I won’t tell Snow, Emma or Regina. For now, all you need to now is to take it at your own pace, have fun with it and be very responsible about protection.

- Thanks Gramps. I’ll keep it in mind.

They live a good half an hour away from his house by foot, but after the morning he had he’s more than happy to take the trek and even detour to Granny’s for a quick milkshake with fries. When he makes it home, past an hour later, he trudges to the kitchen to top off his unhealthy lunch with whatever mom had cooked. Mal’s there, with Draz sleeping in his sling and a turkey sandwich on her plate, there’s another turkey sandwich in her hands and he smiles as she pushes the plate his way. It must be the third sandwich, optional. He thanks her and serves himself some juice from the fridge and kinda gets worried as she watches him move around.

She finishes her bite and smiles – Henry Daniel Mills, the boy now turned man. For the very unlucky object precedes theory, and then they might fail a test, have something go awry

He laughs and sits – Yeah, hearing how Snow and Charming were doing it in the woods really aged me.

- Bravery is what makes you a man. No ordinary boy can sit in front of his mother and hear about her strap-on. - She smirks at him as she chews, looks ridiculous

He drops his gifted sandwich with a groan – Do you actually have one?

Mal leans forward as much as she can – You do not want the answer to that son.

The turkey sandwich is good, but is it good enough to keep eating it after that? He takes one deep breath and decides that yes, he can and will overcome this morning. He munches on his lunch some more and Mal seems content to watch him eat for a minute or two. He clears his throat. – Mal, can I ask you something? – she nods and combs through Draz’s hair with her fingers, how bad can babies be really? He’s all right – How do I know I’m good at it?

- Of all things, Regina neglected to mention orgasms?

- No! She mentioned everything Mal, I feel like she mentioned everything twice.- He rubs at his temple and she laughs at him – I mean… like, the King hurt mom pretty bad so that’s that, but Neal, he thought he had a chance to get back with Ma, and she said being with him was kinda shitty overall, not just the… sex.- He groans again, rubs at his temples some more – So like, how do I know?

 - It doesn’t always have to be earth-shattering, you’ll do just fine as long as you are equally as enthusiastic about making your partner feel good as you are about your own pleasure.

He leans against his chair looking skeptical – But you can like…get good at it, right?

Mal half shrugs – There’s no universal trick. You more or less have to start from scratch every time you have a new partner. The best strategy is to find someone you like more than the general populace and then learn what she likes through dedicated practice, but do make sure she’s reciprocating the favor.

- That must be the fun part then – he smirks at her and she gives him a nod with a mischievous smile – Realistically, how much do people practice?

- Daily if they must – she wags her eyebrows and lowers her voice – Very serious work Henry.

He grins – Well, when you pledge your life to something; you must give it your all. A knight’s oath. – He crosses his heart playfully and Mal laughs

She stands then, putting her dishes on the dishwasher – And on that note, I will go find my wife.

- Mal that’s my mom! – he bites at his sandwich angrily – And it’s the middle of the day!

- Practice! – she claps his shoulder twice on her way out – Over and over again. The work never stops.

Chapter Text

- I do so loathe when she does that.

- Stand next to mom like she’s her husband? – Lily grins up at Mal and turns back to the front of the town assembly. Why they had come to that dumb-ass reunion Lily doesn’t know but they are there, like 90% of the population of Storybrooke, airing grievances or something. Regina sits, front and center with other members of city council on either side of her furiously taking notes and whispering to each other, but Emma, well Emma chose to leave her chair, to plant herself by Regina’s one with her arms crossed, one step behind.

Mal thinks she can hear the creak of the leather jacket sleeves as she clenches her arms some more and shifts her weight from one foot to the other – She has a perfectly good seat right there and yet she stands?

The man talking takes a lumbering step forward and Emma matches him, even when they’re on stage and he isn’t, and his complaint is about the public swimming pool, and he poses no threat to anyone. Lily almost laughs – Swan has like, ADHD. It’s a miracle she sat through the first part of this. – Which was all Regina running through the stellar performance of the administration in the past years. She was very thorough, election season will be fun, Lily thinks.

Henry does laugh – Yeah. She just likes looking mean. She says that way they won’t get too annoying with the requests.

When Regina answers something and the man doesn’t quite enjoy it Emma finds it in her heart to intervene, dropping a hand on Regina’s shoulder as she steps forward yet again and uses her free hand to rest on her hip as she speaks, level with the mayor at last. It makes the badge glint when the light can finally reach it, and a camera shutter comes from the corner where the town’s photographer does his job. Ah, definitely poster picture of the year. Regina lets Emma do her thing without shrugging her off and Lily chuckles – Okay, ugh. Maybe we should leave, yeah mom?

Mal tries to get her jaw to unlock – That would be wise, yes.

They file right out, shimming between the line of people waiting to speak and the ones seated that’ll surely find offense with the mayor’s family leaving before the shindig is over. Mal holds Draz at arm’s length and mutters to him to whimper a little and to her delight he does. Eyes soften all around and Henry rushes forward to hold the door opened for them – Stinky baby– he tells someone that didn’t manage to find a seat and is leaning against the wall. It’s ridiculous he’s stayed through that without a chair. The man smiles at them, Draz smiles back, he hasn’t soiled a diaper in his life, he’s not committed enough to his human form to do so yet. When he needs to go, he simply turns and flies off towards a patch of grass somewhere.

No sooner are they out, Henry jogs away to catch up with some of his friends down the block, probably all escaping their parents and the same assembly, while Mal rolls her neck this way and that after passing the baby to Lily who struggles to hold on to him as he starts crawling around her like she’s a tree to get closer to the sun probably. Lily laughs, focusing on holding onto the baby behind her neck - You’re really possessive, you know? – Mal turns the way Henry’s going instead of home and it seems they’ll just walk for the sake of walking today.

Her mother drawls - And I have the sneaking suspicion it’s getting worse the longer I live with her. – Regina was married when they first met and that had been irksome at best, now her eye figuratively twitches when someone opens a door for her.

- So move out.

She whirls Lily’s way to find her grinning at her with an insufferable expression that must have been stenciled from the woman in question, and Draz sitting on her shoulders. Mal huffs at them both - I would rather be driven to commit a little murder.

- Yeah… felt like you’d say that. – she laughs and Mal moves on to rolling her shoulders, Henry passes the street and off they go behind him. Lily looks both ways and Draz just loves that, smacks her head mightily in his excitement – You handle it very well though. Like, someone else by now would have at least implied mom should get some distance from Emma, or Robin. You just, put up with them.

Henry and co. seem to be going towards the park, good choice considering the nice weather. Mal keeps on following at a distance as she replies – Regina loves them, as she does all her little blonde friends, and Zelena. Annoying as they can get, they pose no real threat.

- Yeah, rationally you guys are never breaking up and we all know that. Irrationally, if it was me, I’d broken half this town’s noses by now. People really like to stare at mom here and I don’t think it’s always because they hate her– Draz makes a move for the grass starting around them and she catches him before he can face plant himself into the ground when his cuff doesn’t let him turn halfway down.

She tosses him high and he giggles, exhilarated, so she does it again and Mal smiles – In the best-case scenario it speaks of good judgement, what does it say if no one covets what you have? They should look, and it should eat at them that she’s mine and we have three beautiful children and a blissful existence. Nothing wrong with striving to inspire a little envy; too much pride is a fault, but some helps you build a life you can enjoy showing off. Are you proud of what you have right now?

Lily finally sets Draz down and he takes off on a run to Henry’s side, and Mal watches him like a hawk as Lily glances at her instead – That’s… yeah, it makes sense. I hope I can be like you some day. – Mal turns back from Draz to look at her and Lily avoids her eyes, someone’s gotta watch the kids right? - Oh don’t look so mushy. I’m just saying, I really admire you. You have crazy control over your emotions, like, you never fuck up because you did something rash, and you can really talk about them. I mean, you’re so smart, always say things without tripping on words or anything. And what you have with mom, how you treat her, how you guys take care of us, I don’t think I had met functional parents until I came here and saw you guys… plus you always look great. I thought I peaked in high school, you know? I knew I was just gonna be a mess after that… So anyway, now I’m looking forward to being like you. I mean, I hope I can learn to be like you, with all the time I got maybe I can make it too.

Mal takes the breath she was holding while Lily went on her little spoken foray inside her mind, she is almost speechless - Oh, Lily… I’m- - she’s something. That’s for sure. Not eloquent. Not right then – You can do absolutely anything you set your mind to. You are so young and already so accomplished. In only a couple of years look how far you’ve come with magic and your mental state, with learning to be a dragon from nothing; those pursuits can take a decade each and you have made strides in no time – she smiles at her for what seems like those decades she just mentioned – we will work on your color scheme yet, but besides that, you can absolutely be proud of yourself. I know your mother and I are.

Lily lets herself be pulled into a hug right there in the middle of the park, and chuckles as Mal lays one long, dramatic kiss on her hair, she pats her mother on the back – Ok. Love you too, mom –

She doesn’t release her – Words can’t express how much it means to me having you in my life after all those years we lost. It was a source of worry that you would simply choose to walk away-

- Can we throw him like a football? – Mal and Lily turn to the side where Henry holds Draz up with an eager look, they break their hug and he asks again – Please? I bet he’ll really like it.

Lily turns to Mal too because now this is a great question, can they throw him like a football? She doesn’t see why not. Mal eyes him – Where are your friends?

He tosses his head to a side – Gone to Granny’s, told them I want to hang with you guys.

She softens, but then she narrows her eyes at him, they have played her before. Maybe they confabulated to get her pliable enough to toss their brother around. He gurgles between the three of them and Henry bounces him while they decide and Mal sees it as a win, either they’re sincere or get along well enough to scheme successfully. She concedes – Lily catches, and Regina never hears of this.

- Yes! – He holds Draz up and tries to handle his weight with one arm only but gives up, and starts to wind up his two arm pendulum throw, to Draz’s delight. He laughs when Henry lets him go and he manages to travel some six feet forward before Lily catches him mid-air.

Lily holds him up - Oh shit, he loves it! – Henry does a celebratory dance by her side and Lily yells out – Mom, catch!

She’s throwing him, indeed like a football, before Mal can say no to that, and her arm is mighty. Mal curses as she takes off on a run to snag him off the air before they find out if his bones get broken or the grass destroyed. It must be the most stressful 30 seconds of her life but she sprints like she hasn’t since the last time she went to the Enchanted Forest, jumps and catches him as he laughs like this is the most regular baby activity on earth. She checks him for injury before checking herself for misplaced clothing. And for a second she eyes his rosy cheeks before deciding that sure, he can go again. And throwing him Lily’s way with a laugh.

Henry drops to the floor with his footage – That is so cool, for real. I wish I could do some cool stuff. – He goes on to lay down even and Lily follows with Draz, who flops on his belly

- Dude, I absolutely can toss you like twenty feet high and catch you, with magic.

They both look up at Mal. She looks down at them. There is no way they get away with that. – That would require two more casters, as a safety net. Sorry Henry.

He groans - Okay. We’ll ask Emma when Mal isn’t around – he grins up at her and chuckles – You just do so much fun shit when you’re a small kid, I miss it. My elementary school used to have this thing for Mother’s and Father’s Day, like piggyback races and bobbing for apples, that kind of thing. Mom and I used to crush the other moms every year. Then everyone would have like a big picnic out in the school yard.

- You went to public school, right? – Lily frowns – What money funds this town? How are they getting all this stuff done?.

He shrugs – It’s magic. What did your school have?

- Rats. I don’t think I’ve had a piggyback ride in my life.

- Jesus, I don’t think I’ve seen a rat. – He crunches up his nose – No, wait, New York. I kinda wiped that. Can you get us some sandwich supplies and a blanket so Mal can sit?

The blanket shows up and sprawled all over it are the sandwich ingredients. Guess to ask them to tidy themselves in a basket was beyond the scope of her magical prowess. Henry crawls to them and gets to work as Mal sits. Lily amuses herself by grabbing Draz and setting him back every time he walks three steps, he’ll try to burn her to a crisp in a few minutes. Lily shakes her head – No way there’s no rats here. The docks? The stables? Creepy farm Zelena hid in before I came to town? There’s gotta be some.

As expected Draz loses it and spits fire Lily’s way, making her scramble off to the side and stand. He then sits looking completely pleased of himself and grabbing for a slice of bread. Mal laughs at them, Henry trying to get Draz to roast some cold cuts of meat a bit, Lily holding her already torn up shirt to check for burn holes, even herself sat there in the middle of the park with her shirt all rumpled. She stands up, they can have a bit more fun  – I can give you a piggyback ride. – Lily seems to mull it over and she cajoles her as she rolls up her sleeve– Can’t say I’ve given one. And you can lift Henry, not toss him. You don’t let go of him at all.

He rushes the sandwiches – Cool! Yeah, I’ll take it.

- Um, sure. Okay. – She stands behind Mal for a second, they’re really gonna do this in public property with people walking by at any time? Mal bends her knees so she guesses they are, jumps on her back – Guess you gotta lap the park. – For someone that hasn’t exercised a day since they met Mal is pretty fast with a good 150 pounds on her and a suit with dress shoes. It really is very fun, Lily tightens her hold on her neck as she skips over a tree root – Oh shit, mom we’re gonna fall.

- How dare you? I haven’t fallen in decades. - They lap around the park twice even, Lily starts enjoying herself but at last Mal stops and drops her where she picked her up and urges to go on and fly Henry around while she settles and grabs for her sandwich on the pile, reasonably hungry after the morning they had and motioning to Draz to come sit on her lap because he must be as well. He dutifully ignores her to stomp around the blanket instead and she smiles his way for a while too, he seems to be chasing a fly. Henry whoops as Lily lifts him a couple feet off the ground and Mal does him the favor or recording him as he strikes a superman pose and starts soaring around. If he survives she will show Regina the video, she can't possibly get mad, not when he's enjoying himself this much. Lily manages to hold him up for a good five minutes and Mal shoots a lovely video of his flight but when a bead of sweat trickles down Lily’s forehead she decides to just lower him already and no sooner has Lily put him down than all their phones pinged with a notification. Mal looks around with panic in her eyes to pinpoint the spy, a citizen? a crow? Regina herself?!

Henry drops to the blanket and reads – Each and every one of you explain your whereabouts. – She sighs with relief and grabs for Draz. Maybe Regina can join them, it'd be lovely. They gather around his phone and he takes a quick picture. They look okay, barely, there is a tree in the background for her to deduce they are in a park, the checkered blanket on display as well. He sends it and still explains, park. One second must pass before she answers, otherwise it’d be ridiculous, but can they really be sure it was a full second? He reads – Lovely. I see you all collectively forgot we were to have lunch at Zelena’s at 1. You have 5 minutes to be here- The message reads like the kind of thing she would send as a voice memo for sarcasm in the lovely and emphasis in the collectively if she wasn’t trying to make time for them and texting under the table.

- Oh fuck, grab on you guys – Lily grabs onto a few fingers of Mal’s and a few of Henry’s in her free hand and her signature ashy fog overtakes them and drops them outside Zelena’s apartment. No blanket or sandwiches on sight. If they had homeless people and rats, they would have made their day. Mal chuckles as Henry rushes to knock and Lily drags him back by the shirt before he manages, and Draz chomps on a sandwich he did manage to grab, it covered his entire face in the picture. She takes out her phone with a smile to save the selfie to her camera roll while they fight loud enough about knocking that Robin still shows up to let them in.

Chapter Text

As far as naps go the best kind is wolf time under the full moon with the other furry animals that trust you huddling for warmth, no contest. And the truly spectacular moon and pretty smart and friendly woodland creatures in Fairytale Land only make it better, which is why even when she doesn’t have to Red still likes to sleep out in the forest when the time comes. And that’s just what she’s doing when something starts pounding their way and she wakes up startled.

She glances around quickly as the other animals scatter and whatever it is comes closer, it sounds huge and smells even worse, it is so overpowering she doesn’t even sense there’s a woman too until she appears in a dark hood, running and looking back hurriedly every few steps. Red stands then and moves to hide from whatever this is, the woman doesn’t even realize the wolf is there, and starts climbing up a tree with surprising ability, she settles on a thick branch and points a bow and arrow down, releasing just as the monster runs into view and lets out a guttural noise when it doesn’t see her on the ground.

The arrow flies true but it looks like this thing does not care about the stick jutting out of its chest, its hairy, hairy chest. Red looks it up and down, it’s a mix of man and bull maybe? Whatever this thing is, it can’t climb with the hooves it has for feet and it takes to charging and stamping its horns against the tree over and over again. The woman shoots her entire quiver of arrows and they do absolutely nothing to it.

After a few minutes of that Red decides to intervene, throwing herself at the monster with all her might. That knocks it back but barely distracts it and a swipe of its arm sends the wolf back several feet, most of them by air. It is focused on its mark. She tries again, and a third time until the monster realizes she won’t go away and turns its sights on her, stampeding her way irritated, huffing and puffing like she must’ve done at some pig’s house at some point if the stories are to be believed.

For what seems like hours they struggle to overpower one another until the monster manages to shank her in a side with one of its horns. It would be dire if it didn’t make it back off, confused somehow, twitchy… glitchy? Like a videogame character that disappears if you get too close to a wall and appears right back when you back away. Before Red can make sense of what she’s seeing the woman, who climbed down at some point, grabs a hold of one of her paws and they too blip right out of existence. It takes less than a second for them appear a few hundred feet to a side of the clearing and Red scrambles up to get her bearings, falling back after only a moment.

She turns back human swiftly, to communicate and make the wound manageable to the woman, she won’t make it if she has to manage the trek alone. The woman gasps and lets down her hood – Oh Red…

- Kansas? – Red sways where she is, on her knees – Camp, east. – They don’t do any more talking, it’s mostly gasping and putting pressure on the wound. The amount of glancing they do is huge but undetermined, mostly in perfect synchronicity to never catch the other looking. Red’s just about to say something when it starts to seem like she lost enough blood she can just allow herself to loll and let Dorothy pick up the slack in holding her up.

She only comes to in the safety of her tent, feeling what must be a hit of that magical morphine they keep for the good wounds. Red knows better than to try to sit up, but she remembers enough that she does her best to look around to see if she had been hallucinating. And nope, Dorothy is dozing off in the corner, sitting up and leaning on the water jug for support. What are the motherfucking odds? This must be her we-saved-each-other’s-lives-and-eventually-we-got-married moment, since the last one didn’t involve any real threat and she sent the other woman away after their life-affirming kiss. However, if she could go anywhere to avoid whatever comes next, she would. She doesn’t want to blow her off again, but she also doesn’t believe there’s any real reason they should just get chained to each other. Still, it’s a bit sweet to see her slumped over the clay jug waiting on her to come to with a worried expression even in her sleep; she’d seen Snow and David take their turns at sleeping uncomfortably to nurse each other and she’d always wondered how it’d be to have someone care enough they wouldn’t accept leaving your side no matter how hard the night would be by it.

Red groans a bit, not from the pain but the inner turmoil, and Dorothy shoots up like she had heard a gunshot by her ear – Red! I apologize. – she drags herself closer and Red can only let out a wry smile at her being so earnest, what with her accent and the way she starts wringing some leather something between her hands to keep them busy

- It’s fine, you didn’t make me jump in the fight. – she moves her hand to feel the wound softly and finds it bandaged but not as tender as expected, their resident witch might not be a Regina but she is damned good. Dorothy doesn’t look like she’s letting the guilt go, so Red decides they should speak no more of the little stabbing  – So… how have you been?

- How have I been? – she lets out one nervous chuckle – I’m real good. Just peachy.

She nods at the sarcasm, two can play at being smart mouths- How long have you been here? We have some European accents you could try.

She laughs at the dumb little smirk Red gives her – A couple months, not that impressed, lots of people haven’t showered in a couple of days, Europeans, americans…- Red scoffs, she needs her scent in wolf’s time. It lets the others know she’s one of them. She’s only back in camp because someone got her stabbed. She was just about to say so when Dorothy seems to sober up and explain - Red, what I’m sorry about is the damned thing you just bled on, it’s gonna chase you until it kills you, been after me halfway around the globe… this is a globe right?

- I don’t really know, I was kinda ignorant most of the time I lived here and now, I’m hanging with unemployed soldiers. – She chuckles, and the wound protests. With the help of the pillows behind she might just sit, halfway at least. She starts pulling herself up and Dorothy flies to help her, and flies back equally as fast when she’s settled – Ok so, if it hurts you then it chases you? What have you tried?

– Well, first we went at it with regular weapons and stuff, then some magic things I didn’t really understand, anyway nothing sticks- She gets downcast all of a sudden -It… killed some very good people Red. Just me left from that crew.

The Enchanted Forest sucks ass generally, to someone that’s never been in it? It’s probably hell. Dorothy looks different than she did in Storybrooke, that’s for sure, she’s no longer just a small-town girl. Red wonders how much of what led her there was heartbreak she caused her. What goes around comes around and spits them into the Enchanted Forest - Why not go home? Land without magic. Earth.

Her jaw sets – I wanted to kill that S.O.B.

- Past Tense?

She lifts her foot up, on the sole of her red shoes, that are now a pair of leather boots they weren’t before, there’s a 1 burnt where the size should be – Last ticket. – Red sits forward to examine the sole, winces immediately and falls back, and Dorothy rises again to pass her some water – It was a 49 when I got home, thought it was some weird sizing or something… but they’ve been going down with each trip… some big magic recharges them, bought a couple trips when I was up North. But now, guess I go home.

Red can tell she really cared for her friends that the monster killed, plus if it’s after her too now she doesn’t mind helping Dorothy - We have a witch.

She shakes her head – Asked, said she couldn’t. We’re safe in camp though, it can’t track us or open portals here.

- Hey, I don’t recommend getting hung up on revenge, but how’s this, we go to Storybrooke, ask Regina for help with the shoes, ask Belle to help research how to kill that thing, and then we come back and get rid of him. – She gives her as much as an encouraging smile as she can manage while realizing she’s still very tired and had probably lost a sizable portion of her blood supply. They can do all that in a couple of days after she recovers.

Dorothy gives her a skeptical look, her only frame of reference of their problem solving are the shoes and no one really involved themselves too much past cleaning the house off Main Street, Red had kinda monopolized her time to the point they weren’t really doing anything about the shoes - The mayor?

- The Evil Queen. – Dorothy’s face contorts, probably acquainted with stories after months in the Fairytale Land – You saw her, she’s not like that anymore, but she’s still powerful. And her sister is the Wicked Witch from your story, they’ll probably figure something out. Give me a couple of days to recover and we’ll go?

For a minute or so they stay silent, guess she goes home, with Red. Dorothy wants to laugh at the situation, she has been asking around about true love and this seems just like the type of coincidence it’d rig up for them to stumble onto each other for the first time. Since it failed the actual first maybe it’s trying again. And as much as she wants to refuse, ever since the beast killed the last of her travel friends she’s been running with no real plan, she’s in way over her head and Red seems sure of the help of people in her town. She nods at her – Thank you.

Red gives her a shitty thumbs up and it makes her chuckle, which in turn makes the wolf smile. To avoid all that she turns to pass her some fruit and cheese. As she munches they fall into a nice enough silence, and Red realizes Dorothy used her second to last trip to save her, even if she did take a horn to the side it was noble as shit, she could’ve left an animal to die to have one last shot at killing the monster and she didn't. She stops her munching– Hey, Kansas, thank you about earlier. – When the woman only nods and the silence gets awkward again, Red bites the bullet - And I’m sorry about before, in Storybrooke. You didn’t do anything wrong and I wasn’t super nice.

- You were just fine. – She crosses her arms and glances outside through the small space in the tent opening, not a single distraction to help since they all went back to sleep after the initial emotion of seeing Red bleeding through her clothes. She doesn’t turn back – Can’t go around kissing women without permission.

- Such a romantic. – Red laughs so the other woman knows she can laugh as well and when she does she lets her own laughter taper off, her abdomen can’t take that kind of activity yet. She drinks her water and reaches for more fruit – So, how’s Toto?

At last she relaxes a bit, and rummages around her purse for something - Left him back home at the farm, it was just supposed to be a few weeks y’know?- She shows Red a picture of them in Storybrooke of all places, that she’d taken - He must be missing me something fierce.

It was a nice day they spent at the beach - Bet he misses me more.

- That’s not fair, you’re a cousin after all. – Red tries to give her the pic back as she kicks at her while she’s close, but Dorothy shakes her head and laughs at her own joke as she sits back down - He did miss you, but not as much as me – Red smiles at her with a raised eyebrow and she looks away again. It’s so fucking easy for them to flirt; Dorothy knows she shouldn’t do this after having almost gotten over her already, but it comes so easily she doesn’t even know until she’s done it – How’s your girl? – The human cold shower. The dragon cold shower.

Red takes a breath and it fills her lungs and stretches her wound - She… cheated. So, hopefully not good. But probably fine, compared to you and me running from the minotaur.

Dorothy rubs her hands over her pants furiously for a minute and grabs back for the leather thing Red now realizes is just a brown hooded cape, after a minute of wringing it she speaks again – Kinda looks like you’d be shit at gambling then. Bet on the wrong horse. – she swallows and looks up to stare Red in the eye

Ah, what a nice joke that’d be if it was anyone else’s life. Her life is kind of a long joke though, spend it all trying to find some semblance of love and family, lose her mom a second after meeting her, meet her true love while dating someone else. Funny that they would land back here, both trying to not acknowledge that until now – Hey, high risk, high reward. – she jokes.

- I’m the highest damned reward you could’ve had- She regrets it immediately. It was too harsh, she thinks. That’s a big issue of hers. – Apparently. – Ah yes, that’ll fix it. Red’s the one to flee this time, leaning back against her pillows and looking at the tarp over them without saying anything else. For a few minutes she lets her, maybe she’s gathering her thoughts. But after weeks on earth hovering her finger over her contact every night, she had come here to flee her urges and discovered they travel with her outside her coverage zone. If they’re going to part ways after this, she wants to know – Did I read everything wrong back then? You didn’t… feel it? – Red moves and before she can say the same thing she did then Dorothy interrupts – Nevermind the magic, was I making things up? If you weren’t dating her then and it was a normal kiss, would you have said we were nothing but friends?

She huffs for a second and her foot jiggles under her blanket, but she answers eventually – Goddammit. Of course not, you’re funny and kind and we got along perfectly in no time, you’re beautiful, and I love Toto too. But I’m not… a cheater, you can be all of that and stay just a friend. We weren’t… I wasn’t even considering…-

She comes closer at last – Okay. Yes. I wasn’t either, your friend came to me and asked me how the shoes thing was going and when I told her I could just buy a plane ticket and leave she asked me if maybe I wanted to stay then, and it just… came out in word vomit. She’s the one who told me there might be more to it but when she did, it made so much sense Red. I mean, you weren’t cheating by being my friend, that’s true, but deep down you felt something else because you never mentioned your girlfriend. Hell, I didn’t even know you liked women, you introduced her as the mayor’s daughter for christ's sake… you took me to hang out with a bunch of people but never her… I’m sorry I skipped talking and went on and kissed you,- and she is, it’s been a source of self-torture ever since, thinking that maybe if she had tried the talk first it would have worked out - but don’t cop out.

- I’m not – she sighs – I liked you, well enough to enter a relationship if I wasn’t in one already. Lily was… way more work than you were but, I cared about her. No magic? We were just starting out and there was no reason to stop.

She harrumphs, sure they weren’t in love yet but if she admits they liked each other with way less work and the kiss proved it would be more than that eventually, what was the point of refusing? - You felt better with me, that’s your reason right there. If it isn’t, how do you know when to stop then? Say she doesn’t cheat, would you still be with her?

- I… guess so. – She mulls it over, Lily was on a weird place definitely, with her getting to know her family and herself thing. When Dorothy showed up they were just casual, spending time together to see if they fit, and after she left they had a good thing for a while, but how good? Granny was kinda not trying to get to know Lily at all, and Snow and Lily would never get along, they’d be civil at best if forced to be together for long periods of time; and also Regina and her would probably do the same they did when Snow forced them to get together, say hi and make small talk unless some monster is about to wreck the town. Plus the wake up at the ass-crack of dawn thing, and the super guarded with her feelings thing, and the awkward with PDA thing, and the no dogs thing… for each thing they had in common there were like two they didn’t; but it could work, long term, who knows? Hell, if she had been present for Lily’s therapy phase, it probably would have been great after.

She can’t deny Dorothy’s claim though, at that point in time she felt better spending time with her, she had neglected to even call Lily for a long time while getting to know Dorothy. Instant friends she had thought, she had gone as far as to hope they didn’t find a solution for the shoe thing so she’d stay, she had stopped trying to help about them full stop and Dorothy that wasn't even on board with the ruby slippers theory had just settled in the B&B and put her stuff in storage just like that. They had bonded over their respective lack of family members, and had spent hours watching The wizard of Oz adaptations now that Dorothy Gale knew her name and state were more than coincidence, they had taken Toto, who had been ironically named at first, for a daily walk and she just, never let herself think it would amount to anything else than friendship.

Friendships are easy after all, while relationships require her to work a mark until they open up and give her some sort of love, sometimes they just have good chemistry in bed, sometimes they stand each other outside of it too… which, doesn’t sound healthy at all. Would she have tried to befriend Lily at all if she hadn’t immediately thought she was attractive and decided to try to get a date out of her? First time she saw her she thought huh, Regina without the stick in her ass, should be fun in bed. After that in all interactions she would just always turn the flirt up to 11 until Lily caved. Like, taking sex out of the table, did she like her enough to hang out for hours on end like she did Dorothy right off the bat?

Dorothy passes both her hands through her hair with a wry chuckle after she stays in her head for minutes – Jesus Red, you don’t listen to that little adorable friend of yours? ´Bout how love must be intense, and feel just right, like your life is not the same without the person next to you?

- You think Snow is adorable? – Dorothy seems to have spent a full afternoon speaking to Snow, an incredibly rare ability that only David and her currently possess. Red laughs a bit too – She was 18 when she met David, and that was it. She’s never been with anyone else… she never even kissed anyone else until way into the curse, it’s insane what they have. Hard to live by her bar.

- You should try. –  She deadpans and moves away under the guise of getting her more water from the big jug, glancing outside as she does, the sky is light blue by now and both Mulan and Merida, from the fucking Disney movies, are coming to check on Red.

She’s about to tell her, but the wolf speaks first - How do people that aren’t involved with all this shit manage? If you don’t have a book or a curse to break, how do they know? - Dorothy turns back to see her glancing at the picture of her and Toto again

For the first time since they got in the tent she sits by Red’s side and stays, she smiles down at her – It’s like your super hearing, unfair advantage, but you just work with what you have. Magic gave you a big sign and you told it to fuck off.

Red groans playfully as she nods and then glances up at her again, she’s right. Maybe this time around they’ll get back to the point where something might just be blooming between them and she wont chicken out. Another rainbow explosion would be cute. Red looks up at her with a big smile, an idea coming together – You wanna kiss? -Merida cackles on the threshold and Mulan blushes and steps away at once without a single word, while Dorothy laughs and Red stutters – I- I mean, last time, it bought you 50 trips. Maybe we should try.

- Aye, that’s why you want to kiss her– Merida tosses Dorothy a plum and laughs before she crosses her arms – Get on with it, we know ye’re daft but ye had all night.

Dorothy looks at the redhead, not an accent she’d like to try for sure, then back at Red – Look, you’re tired. We’ll leave you alone for a moment. 50 more trips don’t help if we don’t know what to throw at the bastard – Dorothy hands her the plum and reaches for her cape and her bag, and Merida takes a hint and ducks out – Plus, you’ll pop a magical stitch from the excitement, I don’t want that on my conscience.

Relieved they don’t have to deal with her stupid suggestion right away Red laughs – Oh you think you’re hot shit Kansas?

- You do too – she winks – Now I know.

Chapter Text

They’ve only just had brunch when it all goes to shit. Which goes to show that mixing two meals is sin and they should be having both breakfast and lunch, but hey whatever, don’t listen to Lily. They’ve just had brunch at a new place in Main Street and even if going back home is optional the least Henry and her can do is cross the street with Mal and Regina and say bye when they get in the car. Not that they care too much engrossed in Draz as they are, Regina has him wrapped to her body tightly and she combs through his curls with a smile as Mal walks behind them – Where is mama? Can you call mama? Let’s tell mama hi. – He obeys by waving at her

Mal breezes by a smirk – He will speak when he can speak, dear.

Regina rolls her eyes – Yes Mal, you look very attractive when you’re enigmatic. Now, will you please say a sentence that contains information.

– He will talk when he feels he can express himself as well as he does as a dragon. I’m hungry, I’m tired, I want to go, what are you doing? Where’s Henry? Where’s small mom?

- Small mom? You’ve put words in his mouth, I’m sure – she laughs anyway and leans against her – How much more time does he need for that? We could be discussing world domination by now.

- That I don’t know. He’s probably holding himself to an impossible standard, what with your seven-syllable words. He won’t talk until he can pronounce megalomaniacal. – Regina rolls her eyes at her but Mal doesn’t notice, turning her head around the corner with a frown, in a few seconds Lily hears it too, there’s a car coming their way, way past the speed limit. No sooner had it made the turn (and tilted cartoonishly a bit off the ground) than Mal turned to see Henry crossing the street without a care in the world.

Regina yells out to him and he turns their way, startles as he notices the car, but he won’t be making it out of the way in the two seconds he has. Mal somehow releases Regina and  manages to reach him with two long strides, she hugs him to herself as she turns her back to the car and it crashes into them with all the fanfare of a car accident. Again, the car lifts up, its tail coming up as the front plummets into Mal and she gets pushed down to a kneeling position letting go of Henry who scutters away, panting and only getting hurt as his hands scrape against the pavement in his haste to get away.

Regina is on them as fast as she can, the car freezing halfway down and Mal still hunched onto herself. Henry is perfectly fine even if scared and Lily helps him up quickly, he dusts himself off and wipes his bloody hands on his shirt wincing, but they focus on Regina calling Mal’s name a few times as the dragon tries to straighten herself up and growls the minute she pushes her shoulders back, her nails gouge into her palms with the force with which she fists her hands on the ground for a moment, and she bites back tears with a second growl when Regina tries to help her stand and her torn up knees refuse to lock back in place. She lets herself fall back down, taking very short breaths that come out full of ash and pushes harshly at Regina muttering – Murder him. – Regina takes a second to process that, hands still outstretched, she moves back in now reaching for her shoulder where blood is seeping through the torn up clothes and Mal swats at her instinctively, hissing from the pain she causes as she does – Don’t fucking touch me Regina. – The brunette takes a small sharp breath and her worried expression turns almost sad. When Draz’s eyes get misty too and he starts pulling at his anti-magic cuff in his sling Mal takes a shuddering calming breath – It’s okay. I will be fine. I just need a little time – she tries to look up  to reassure them but it seems impossible to do anything in the up direction, so she hunches into herself again with another groan  

Lily watches as Regina hesitates over her for another second, with trembling hands inches away from the wounds and her eyes impossibly big and brown while Mal doesn’t want her help. But she stands finally and whirls to the car behind them, after another second of examining the rest of Mal’s back from afar. The man inside is having some sort of panic attack as he rattles the car door to get out. Regina drops her spell and the car crashes down and spills him out onto the road, where she closes in on him and restrains him with her magic – Talk.

Okay, this is very very weird. Mal is slowly but surely sitting on the pavement with an expression that shows she wasn’t exaggerating when she told Regina to murder the guy, and Regina after being yelled at is looking like she might go through with it, and she was just now cooing to get a baby to talk. All the dude does is thrash around and bitch and moan that he needs to get away, and in the sideway people running by foot start rounding the corner as well. Regina’s getting more aggravated by the second, and her anger seems to manifest by grabbing the dude and slamming him to the car to see if he’ll talk. Henry decides to intervene - Mom! – he rushes up to them and grabs Regina’s arm – Let him go! Please. – She huffs, and Henry tries again, - Please. - Draz does his part by reaching up for her chin with a sniffle and she calms down but still won’t let up

When he sees Henry there running interference and notices the rest of them the man thrashes a bit less in the air – Monster! Horns! I saw it, please your um Your Majesty, I’m so sorry!

The minute she drops him he runs away, falling a few times when his legs won’t cooperate and Regina simply rushes back to Mal with the same icy expression, instructing her to straighten her legs on the asphalt regardless of how much Mal glares and curses under her breath. She gets to work on her knee with purple hands, they still tremble and sweat starts shining on her temple as she focuses on fixing her. However, people are coming from around the corner in droves, leaving the shops and restaurants there and running the other way. Henry and Lily make eye contact over them for a second, shouldn’t they go too? Lily wonders, but Mal growls again as Regina moves over her to fix her other leg, they grimace watching them and Lily notices the red pool forming behind Mal steadily, the gashes on the skin losing blood like a faucet, the woman has never gotten as much as a papercut in their presence, however behind them the car is dented like it ran into a concrete column so even if it took some chunks of her mother’s back it still seems like it lost. Another fix is grueling enough Mal breathes fire as she lets out the next strangled noise, and it’s a miracle Regina manages to move aside – Fuck, Regina. A little warning next time. –  This is not fun to witness. What happened to dear, and darling, and all variations of that?

Regina ignores her - Arm yourself, this will take me a while – she looks Lily’s way for a single second before turning back to Mal and she misses the look between Henry and her, she arms them both. Swords are kept in the garage, they should start training more with shields. Lily focuses on the box they are in and tries to get it to come here, and although it takes her a few seconds, and that makes her acknowledge how rattled she is, the wooden chest appears and Henry and her fiddle with strapping their sheaths to themselves and take out their highly unlikely to ever be actually used swords, the sparring ones left there in the box by their feet.

After another minute of Regina working on Mal’s ribs and Mal trying not to cry, Lily does hear whatever it is that people ran from, there’s definitely two monsters and one of them stinks loud enough she can’t smell much of anything else. She holds her sword up feeling beyond foolish and stands between her family and the right side of the road – Henry we’re getting fucked if you can’t actually fight. – The car covers them from where the monster is coming, if they each take one of the other sides they’ll be fine, fine being very figurative here. Offensive magic might have been better to learn now that she thinks about it, a good lesson to learn at 34, listen to your mother.

Henry swallows and takes his post on their other side. Regina looks up at that, hands still sweeping with their purple haze over Mal’s side – No! Send your brothers home.

Henry roots himself some more, holding the sword up – Mom I’m old enough!

Something crashes into the car hard enough it moves closer to them and Regina curses under her breath, she’s barely halfway through Mal’s back – Henry, be careful. –

He nods, and then he fucking steps to the side and charges at whatever it is currently on the other side of the wrecked vehicle. Lily curses and goes off behind him, circling the creature as it pants. It pushes itself off the car before they reach it and stands on its four legs, slowly but steady, a wolf the size of a horse. It eyes them, on guard, but doesn’t try to kill them and after a good two minutes of that and hearing the other monster fight it’s way to them, Regina and Mal finally stand, the former holding up the latter somewhat and the latter breathing heavily through the pain – This one is the wolf we know. - Lily eyes it with suspicion and Mal chances a step without Regina and fails at it with the accompanying growl – You slept with her; the least you can do is recognize her scent.

- She’s off in the fairytale land though –

- Well clearly, she isn’t. – Clearly, there’s nothing worse than Mal in a bad mood, Lily thinks. She looks at her warily, at least she’s not bleeding anymore, only looks a little pale and like she might collapse if Regina gets away from under her.

The wolf finally perks up and turns her attention back on the road, and within seconds something indeed sporting horns comes running their way, Red steps forward and growls and the thing charges full throttle towards them, between the three of them they might stand a chance. Where Red goes it follows, and when she lures him somewhere it can’t both look the wolf’s way and theirs Henry lunges forward and swings his sword as if to chop it in half. It makes a gash on its side and a disgusting black ooze comes out as it shrieks but nothing more than that. The kid doesn’t manage to snatch the sword back before the thing turns and the metal flies out to a side and lands somewhere with a clang. Henry however ducks and rolls away, avoiding the back swat of the beast by a few inches and going to recuperate his sword. The monster focuses on Red again happily, like his guts aren’t about to spill out its side and on her spot Lily takes two deep breaths as she gears up as well, if the 15 year old human boy was brave enough she can go slash at a motherfucking mythical thing too. She takes a last breath, and looks at her sword as it glints with the sun, and takes off in a run, swinging at the neck putting her back into it, as Red holds the monster in place by struggling with it and gnashing at its chest. Lily runs the blade clean through the thick, muscular and hairy neck this thing has, like butter.

Its head drops by her feet and she kicks at it before it can touch her leg, the stench killing her sense of smell altogether. She lets her sword fall, the black blood dripping from it, clinging to the grooves on the blade that make the carving of the dragon, it looks pretty badass, Mal was right. Remembering her she turns back to Regina and Mal lifting the sword up with a grin, but they only look puzzled by whatever’s happening by her side. Red’s turned human again and is bent over and panting as the head rolls the body’s way and it starts knitting itself together slowly, Henry comes closer and chances a kick at it that breaks it up again, but it starts rolling back immediately.

From the other front appear Emma with her gun, Charming with his sword, and Dorothy with a bow and arrows. And when the sheriff sees the minotaur-like thing unconscious and with half a neck, in a second she has it lifted above them with binding magic, it starts thrashing as it resuscitates and Emma frowns as she spots them all just… watching – Regina! A little help?!

Mal tries to lean off her so she can go but Regina only tightens her hold and starts moving them both to where Lily and Henry are - We had a previous but related situation to sort out, I’m quite tired. And I am holding my child.- Her free hand goes to Draz’s head who outside of not smelling anything doesn’t see anything wrong now that Mal isn’t pushing Regina away. Henry moves to Mal’s other side to help Regina and Dorothy crosses to where Red pants and helps her stand upright. Regina finally notices her, and speaks her way– Is there an explanation for this… thing?

The monster wails above them and struggles against Emma’s constraint, she’s the one who answers – They were running from it in the forest, guessed they’d be safe here. It can make portals apparently- No sooner has she finished the sentence than the monster finally freed itself of the spell and before it can crush them in the fall a glowing golden sphere envelops it, it glitches there on the air for a couple of seconds… and then it expands and swallows them too.

When it dissipates, they can see the creature run away with an unearthly speed for something that spent minutes without a head and Emma kicks at a root that kicks back. She jumps away and turns to Regina for an explanation, to find her eyes shining purple – Ah, Jesus fuck - Red’s eyes glow too and Mal suddenly doesn’t need to lean onto anyone to stand and Emma groans but takes her phone out to see if her eyes glow too, bet she’d look like she was going into the avatar state. They don’t. And she has no service. – We’re fucking here again.

Indeed, Regina realizes, she takes a glance around, another glance at the sky, and a last glance at Mal as she cracks her back. The setting sun doesn’t bode well in the sentient grove and so Regina takes one deep breath and settles her hands on Draz’s back, as he stars getting even more restless now that he’s breathing air rich in magic  – Miss Swan, do you remember any room in my castle clearly from when you went back in time? – the blonde nods – Take your father and Mal. –

The dragon chuckles dryly – I can’t possibly get injured twice in one day, can I?

Regina reaches out – I’m sorry dear, if she doesn’t manage, you and David can find us. I’ll take the children. – Mal steps from between Henry and her to go stand next to Emma with an unimpressed expression and they watch them go, Regina turns to Red and Dorothy – You can find your way with Miss. Gale? – Red nods. – Don’t take too long.

Regina lands them squarely on the entrance hall and ignites the torches all around with a sweep of her hand to see if the others were anywhere near. Emma lands them on a suit of armor in some hallway and Charming groans as they both trample him to avoid the fall, Mal’s nose tells them to go to the hall and after minutes of wandering in the dark after the blonde they see the light at the end of the tunnel and rush to reunite. By the window they can see the wolf running towards the castle with her companion on her back. Seems they all survive to fight another round.

- What now? – Henry asks – Dinner?

- We just ate – Brunch yes, to land here at night, but regardless. Regina looks around, last inhabitant was Zelena and say what one may of her, she’s at the very least tidy and organized, and was swept off by a curse. There must be some rations around and things should be livable – We’re all battered enough to sleep. Pick a room and we reconvene tomorrow.

Whatever second wind she had caught when the magic in the air seeped under her skin was gone after going with them to find them chambers, igniting torches, dusting off duvets… Lily and Emma helped where they could, but it fell to her mostly. Draz will have to be located in a few hours, he’d flown away the minute the cuff was removed and as much as she trusts her initial enchantments around the castle and the strength of the glass in the windows, she’ll only rest if he’s sleeping right by them tonight. But meanwhile she still has a last mission.

She finds Mal wearing a thin robe that she must have found in the dresser, looking ridiculous in it as it reaches her calves and forearms only, draped face down on a loveseat by the private bath in the royal chambers with her eyes closed.

- Indulge me by getting into the water I conjured – Mal doesn’t even crack her eyes open to deny her – You need me to beg? Just sit on the lowest step you can manage.

Mal stands then, slowly and obliges with a grumble. Sighing as she gets in and hiding it well – You wish to drown me in your indoor pool?

Regina strips of her bloodied clothes to grab for another of those feather-light robes, and sits behind Mal on the stairs even when the water is borderline scalding. - It is a bathtub, I remember you having one as well – This one has steps sure, but it’s not deep enough Mal needs to worry about it covering her were she to stand in the middle. But sitting with water up to their waist it is – You’re bruised. Warm water will help me.

- I’m fine. Surely there’s something else that needs doing.

But she still grimaces when Regina presses a hand gently behind her shoulder – Yes, perhaps I should have saved my energy to repair the car you broke with your back.

- A noble endeavor.

Regina chuckles as she commands the water to crawl over Mal’s back since she won’t submerge it, mottled with bruises and barely healed cuts even after she fused the bones together. The thin fabric flowing inside the little film of water – I love it when you are mildly irritated but, at risk of sounding insensitive to your martyrdom, take the robe off. – Mal obliges and some of her wounds reopen as she pulls her arms to perform the task. She had simply torn at her previous outfit with a lengthened claw to avoid this much shifting around. However, Regina doesn’t give her time to complain before the water is back on her skin and the magic starts fixing her from the inside.

She lets out a simple sigh and sits back against her wife – Thank you, dear.

- Oh, are you no longer cranky? And to think you were fine. – Mal chuckles a little even and Regina bends to drop a kiss on her shoulder and reaches for a dusty glass bowl – Thank you for saving Henry’s life.

She hums – I’m sorry I was being short. – she watches as Regina rinses the bowl by their side and lifts it full of water to let it fall on her, tilting back her chin so it will fall on her hair only, the tendrils of blood spreading in the water around them - We should get him bitten by the werewolf. Small price to pay for some endurance. – Regina laughs behind her as she continues both healing her and washing her hair and Mal cranes her neck – He would love the body hair too.

- You would still jump in front of a moving car, I’m sure. – Her voice threatens to break and she lathers her hair up with something scented of her as she was 30 years ago and Mal’s eyes almost roll back in pleasure, she gets even more comfortable leaning against Regina, making the hair washing a bit difficult – Push him away next time.

She reaches for Regina’s hand and peels away the suds to kiss the back of it – It was the last suicidal mission of the year, I promise.

After a whooping 30 minutes in that bath Mal had left Regina to it and gone to finally get some rest. Dressed in another one of Regina’s barely there, short-person, shifts she plucks a book out of the library and ignites the fire with some kindling that probably won’t last till morning, she wonders if they can just chuck a chair in there and spots one she might be rid of before Regina comes back and decides she loves it.

And after pulling it apart fairy easily and throwing it in the fire she eyes the bed with something that must be a blood relative of lust. Not only is it twice the size of their bed in Storybrooke, the mattress Mal remembers crafted with the feathers of the finest geese in the kingdom. And no Egyptian cotton on earth can match the sheets Regina keeps in the Enchanted Forest, softer than humanly-possible and always the perfect temperature, infused with some magical creature’s crushed bones or something, she never quite paid attention when she visited, otherwise occupied or simply passed out. She gives up on recalling when she darts a hand out to open the sheer fabric that hangs on three sides of four between the mighty posts in each corner of the bed and inhales. Wherever Zelena slept while she was in the castle, it wasn’t here. To the bed still clings Regina. Well, The Evil Queen perhaps. No Channel N° 5, no Pantene, no Henry, no Lily, No Draz. Regina’s scent at its most dangerous and alluring. If the shampoo was a photograph of that time the bed would be an immersive, high definition multimedia experience, a time machine.

She drags herself to the middle of the bed and sinks between the pillows with a sigh, her entire half day ebbing away with each breath she takes as she lays there, face down, for five minutes or so before she feels Regina’s chuckle ghost over her skin more than she hears it through the pillows and resurfaces to see her sit at her dresser and fight with the drawer for a second before it opens to reveal a brush she starts taking through her hair. Mal reaches for the book on the duvet but after a second tosses it again to watch Regina do that some more, she truly was born for that. The room suits her, the way the warm light of the fire reflects on her skin and makes her hair shimmer, and how the breeze of where they’ve opened the window a bit makes the fabric flow around her, the chair was designed for her and it looks it, the mere air in the land feeds her and she could bend reality at her will… she locks eyes with Mal’s through the mirror and smiles – What are you doing?

Mal sighs and drops herself back in between the pillows - I really must apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier.

- You don’t, you were hurt my love. – She drops her brush and stands to crawl into the bed as well, but not before she takes the book and sends it to its rightful place. She settles nearby on a corner of the bed and Mal can’t help but inhale again, who knows when they solve this hiccup and she doesn’t get to smell the myriad of things she used to lather on herself 30 years ago for another few decades. She opens her eyes to find Regina watching her with a smile – I’ve been called worse than my own name.

A knock comes from the doors and Mal sighs –Princess Emma, just when you were looking at me so adoringly.

Regina chuckles as she stands and moves towards the door – Whoever you are, go to sleep.

- It’s the middle of the day on earth Regina, open the door. – Emma Swan yells from outside and Regina gives in with a sigh

- Clothing dear – Mal observes, but for herself all she does is reach for the curtain and close it a tad.

Regina darkens her own robe at the very least and opens, keeping Emma at bay on the door – Miss Swan, what can I do for you?

- Help me find a solution! We can’t stay here.

Lily approaches from the hallway - Help us call home? I kinda had a date, don’t wanna look like a dick.

The wolf lets out a small chuckle and raises her own concern - That thing will come back in a couple of days, do you have any books that might help?

- Sorry. – Lily chimes back in. – I was a dick to say that just now.

- Are you apologizing for something no one told you was wrong? – The wolf asks

Charming, Henry and the other girl although present are quiet, Mal realizes and Regina lets out a long sigh. It was a pipe dream they’d just leave it alone for a night. She pulls Lily inside the room as she dismisses the others – Council Room, I will be there in a moment. – They file out and Mal chuckles as Regina sits Lily on the chair she’d recently vacated, and the girl tries to find a way to slouch in it to no avail.

Lily turns to the bed and groans – Why do I have to keep seeing your nipples? Like what’s the endgame here? Just say you want me to go, and I’ll go. – Mal rolls her eyes and takes one of the pillows to cover her front, Lily looks around some more and then turns back - Smaller than Mom's you know? – she grins up at Regina – She did tell me to ask about the tub.

- Through that door – she points - Where would Miss Smith be?

-  Okay so, 325 Melody Lane, there’s the main house, the forge part and a small place at the back she remodeled-

The room comes into view before she finishes explaining and there she is picking between two identical pair of jeans. What a date they must have had planned. Regina turns around with a roll of her eyes and moves to the armoire to check what’s left after Zelena pilfered her clothes away. After a while she comes out in riding clothes and moves halfway into the bed to reach Mal’s hand – See what you can shove your monstrously long self in, find Draz, and get this one down after she sorts her situation.

Mal sighs dramatically and poses a few seconds of opposition, only to give in when Regina kisses her hand - Yes Majesty.

Chapter Text

- I coddled Henry but you are well on your way to becoming the kind of mother the daughter-in-law hates because the son keeps calling to consult on decisions that should be made as a couple – Mal looks up from where she is reading her book with Draz tucked on her side curled inside his tail, asleep but still moving around the moment Mal stops petting him so she will return her free hand to its god given place along his spine

- As it should be, if they are as much as buying new curtains it goes through me first – Mal returns to her petting of course but discards the book to track Regina’s movement around the room, watching her undo all the bindings in her outfit by hand – Is it bed time already? Congratulations on your swiftest conflict-resolution yet

She disappears out of view for a moment to return in her robe from earlier and takes all the care in the world to scoop Draz up in her arms to set him by the fire – I assure you, nothing was resolved. If anything, more tasks were created. – She waits for him to burrow into himself some more on the seat closest to the flames and when it’s clear he’s not waking up regardless of his lack of caresses she bends to kiss him goodnight and turns back to the bed, climbs in to sit by Mal’s side – Zelena needs five days to brew a potion to get into the greenhouse that houses the beans to get us home, she sends her thinly-veiled-under-snark regards. Ruby and her little friend need a portable concealment charm better cast into a tattoo that needs ink made from basalt of the northern cliffs. Plenty of old dragon-poacher camps in the way before you can think of suggesting you fly there in a rush, we don’t know if there’s any of them left.

Mal smiles up at her from her spot – So off the Charmings go for what, three days? and we stay blissfully warm in here?

Regina sighs as she brings her hand up to clear the hair off Mal’s face – If only they all had your common sense dear. Henry insists on going.

- So, you must go as well, as do I. And both of us means Draz and Lily too.  Curiously the wolf and her mate get to stay inside the comfort of these enchanted walls. – she sighs – Oh, sweet irony.

- I can put my foot down, tell Henry we stay put.

Mal shakes her head, undoing Regina’s hard work only to see if she will do it again – If he wants adventure what better way to provide it than with 5 bodyguards at his disposal? We wouldn’t want him to sneak out of the castle by himself after you prevent him from leaving with Princess Emma and her father.

Regina does indeed pass her fingers over her forehead softly once again – Maybe you can go visit your mother, take Draz to meet her.

She laughs and turns to her side in her mirth, reaching around Regina’s waist to pull her closer. The day they split in the Enchanted Forest of all places is the day someone irrevocably killed her. Regina lets herself be tugged and grins as Mal settles more than comfortably using her thigh as a pillow and winding her free arm around her leg like a snake trying to asphyxiate its victim, regardless of the fabric between them – Perhaps we stay, on day 5 we send Charming back home to his infants as the rest of us take a little vacation from the internet. Then we can go see my mother if you so desire.

Regina bends herself so their position actually works comfortably and settles against the pillows by her side, clearing more hair out of the way to be able to see the dragon laugh at the next bit of her story – Well, Emma might kill her father to get at that portal first. She’s desperate enough to go back home that she all but forced Ruby and Dorothy to make out to see if it would ‘fix’ the shoes.

Mal chuckles and turns to look up at her – Oh dear, now they are stuck in this very small castle five days with the weight of that failure between them

- Clearly, they broke the shoes’ curse the first time, now it’s only a matter of batteries per se… but they might not know that.

Mal smirks up at her as best as she can - And you couldn’t be bothered to tell either of them before they went swapping saliva in front of all of you.

Regina chuckles as she shakes her head – They didn’t ask. In fact, I think I did them a favor. They both seemed eager to get it done, just needed a valid excuse to get out of initiating. I’d be surprised if they aren’t going at it now. The tension was palpable.

- Should we be going at it as well? – Regina laughs above her, the expression sounds even more ridiculous coming from the dragon, Mal only tightens her hold and sneaks the hand that’s by her knee under her robe for good measure – I am very serious, I need to be deeply zen to sleep on the forest floor with Charming mere feet away. This might be a matter of his survival.

She drags her hand back against her temple to get the hair out of the way, continues down stroking her cheek and settles it by her jaw – Aren’t you tired from your fight against a car earlier?

Who would manage to be tired with her wandering hands, and the grain on her voice, and the way her scent is overpowering anything else in the vicinity? Mal huffs regardless - I suggest you offend me after we’ve made love, lest you end up teased by accident.

- You have a yearly performance review, mistakes this near to it might be costly.

She laughs as she moves swiftly to loom over Regina - I can’t be fired. I’m sleeping with the boss.

The first day goes more than smoothly as far as treks through the Enchanted Forest go, Henry gets to hack merrily at anything that might need hacking as Charming regales him with tales of his bigger exploits, the fact that they had virtually all been to vanquish his mother goes unspoken and hangs above them as Emma glances nervously between them leading the party and the women behind her, walking in formation around Draz taking unhurried but very solid steps even in uneven terrain, grinning up at them every time a butterfly crosses his path and the now navy blue mist shoots from his hands as if to catch it. Lily at least looks just as nervous at the very tail of the group, darting her eyes into the woods every few seconds regardless of how adorable the baby is.

Emma is the first to suggest they set up camp for the night since the sun is beginning to set and they all make themselves busy with their part for a while, David suggesting they take the very last watch, so they can all get some real sleep at night while he falls on his sword and wakes up at midnight, Henry jumps right on board with that idea, ready to see what dangers lurk in the night. They don’t need to ask twice, Mal, Lily and Draz more than eager to sleep until the sun comes up, and Emma and Regina knowing one of them will surely end up awake as well to ward off any magical threats. David isn’t worth that much against those.

So after a while the men manage to fall asleep, not surprising for teenage Henry that even crashes on the kitchen island after breakfast these days, and when he sees no sun Draz goes down as well, and curls into a ball one inch away from the fire his mother was so gracious as to breathe into existence when the temperature straight up plummeted.

Regina had crawled into Maleficent’s arms and is currently making herself very cozy, looking like she’s gonna be the one to wake up at midnight, if the way her lids flutter is anything to go by, and the dragon obliges by making sure she can rest her head on her chest properly and wrapping her arms around hers to blanket her completely.

Lily only chuckles when Emma presses herself to her side huddled into a ball and trembling, she does her the favor of lifting her arm, a gargantuan feat of friendship. Emma slides right under and lets her rub some heat onto her while her teeth chatter - Jesus fucking Christ, it’s cold as shit. We can go back to the castle with magic right? We know what it looks like so we can just poof – she summons a blanket from the tent and wraps it around both Lily and herself with a questioning look Regina’s way, she conked out immediately apparently.

Mal hums in agreement to answer for her, making sure to stay still even when laying a kiss on top of Regina’s hair and Lily smiles a little, but it seems kinda sad to Emma from her vantage point right next to her because of her fucking space heater lineage. She doesn’t remove her arm but she takes a small dramatic breath – You think they’ll get together? Red and Dorothy.

- They better fucking do, we should be back home by now. Can’t believe it didn’t work, what’s the point of true love’s kiss then? - she jumps on her seat and Lily all but pushes her back down with just the weight of her arm, a beetle walking from under the blanket on Emma’s side, she swears she hears it laugh at her

But Mal speaks again – They will. – she says it with such finality, Emma is as skeptic as Lily, they’d been together for days and hadn’t even kissed? Mal doesn’t let her voice her concern before she speaks again – An interdimensional curse and three decades couldn’t stop Snow White and Charming, or us; I hardly see how a misunderstanding about you will get in the way of them, dear. No offense. She will get her farmer, werewolves are some of the more stubborn creatures I’ve ever seen.

Regina chuckles under her but doesn’t bother to open her eyes to drop the pretense of her nap – Says the dragon.

- You dare call me stubborn when I bend to your every whim? The day I decide to put up resistance we will burn the house down.

Regina first opens one eye to look playfully at Mal as she leans up and kisses her chin, and then she opens the other to glance their way, she raises an eyebrow at their position but speaks to the other question she has - Miss Swan, even Charming is being reasonable about the wait… what is this about?

– This place is fucking horrible – As if on cue a weird wind breezes by and a weirder beam of light shoots up into the sky for a second. She shrugs – we have jobs, and I had stuff to do. Appointments and shit.

Regina looks at the sky but turns back, unbothered with whatever ritual that doesn’t concern them that might be being carried. She turns her gaze directly at Emma but her burrowing into Mal’s warmth undercuts her intention to stare her down - Very mysterious. Dentist?

- Monthly hair dye. – Mal chuckles moving to let Regina settle under her chin – Perhaps we are two days away from goldilocks showing some root.

Lily shakes her head – Brazilian Wax – Emma makes a face and Lily grins – Ha! I win.

Regina smirks at Emma - I hardly think Miss Swan goes through the trouble, dear

- Hey, maybe I do. Just say the word and I let you check – Emma winks and Lily groans and tries to move away but Emma chuckles and shoots her arm around her waist to keep her in place – No babe, don’t get mad, I’m just flirting with your mom as a force of habit. Please cuddle me some more.

Maleficent laughs at them - Are we holding a bacchanal perhaps? Oh, it has been simply too long – Regina chuckles, delighted at their getting along together in their little camping expedition, Mal tightens her arms to get Regina's attention - Is there even wine in that castle? We shall need to find some… Is Ursula in this land, do you think?

Regina makes a show of mulling it over - It wouldn’t be a party without her 8 additional limbs would it?

- Jesus, you have kids. – She takes a hand out of the blanket to point at the long bump in the ground that’s Henry, at the sleeping dragon and at Lily, with her horrified expression – Look at her, you’ve traumatized her – She turns to grab at her face for her joke but becomes momentarily confused when they lock eyes - Jesus fuck, you smell great. Don’t you sweat? – Lily yanks her head out of Emma’s hand

Regina answers as she does her routine check of said sleeping children once they’re mentioned – That’s the toxins.

Lily frowns – What do you mean toxins?

- They keep us lesser animals from bolting as soon as you get near. – she turns to look back at Emma and her – As much as instinct tells us to run, your scent is enticing enough we stick around to see what it is, by the time we realize we’re dead. Clearly, it works wonders on simpler minds – Emma makes a face at Regina and then, slowly, she takes back the arm she’d wound around Lily

- Haven’t you noticed how the horses become conflicted once you approach? Buys you a few minutes of hesitation, to pounce on your next meal. – Regina huffs as Maleficent bends down to soothe the sting of her innocent horse-eating joke with a nip to the ear

Lily doesn’t even see as she turns to Emma – Oh my god, Am I roofie-ng people?! – she drags herself away and Emma pouts before she starts shivering again almost instantly

Both her parents laugh and Mal shakes her head – You’re simply working with what you have. It’s no more coercion than the looks you inherited from Regina are. – She glances down at her – Who would refuse if they’re being offered?

After three seconds of being stared at Regina grabs for her chin and turns her head back in place - Eyes on the woods, my love.

- And my heart set on you.

Emma snatches the blanket back from Lily with a shove with her foot for good measure – Do you know you’re quoting Grease? – she stops when she sees Regina smile stupidly - Does that really fucking work?

Mal smirks at her – More than the toxins. You will see on the bacchanal.

She bundles herself into a tightly wrapped burrito - There’s no orgy happening. Jesus Christ, focus that energy into getting us home!

- I repeat, what’s the rush Miss Swan? Enjoy the outdoors.

Easy for her to say, she’s surrounded by her whole family, wrapped in a warm blonde blanket and high off her tits on magic. Emma squirms inside her wrapper for a moment as all three of them look at her intently, she’s not that good of a liar under pressure, maybe an omitter, but not a liar - I… have a hunch I might be getting proposed to in a date scheduled for tomorrow night…

Regina and Mal almost gape at her, all that desperation for an unconfirmed clichéd moment of the variety she mocks often, unbelievable. Lily snorts oblivious to that - So you have a non-refundable plane ticket to another continent for tomorrow morning?

Emma frowns at her – No, I want to be there. – Kinda harsh of one of her two judgy best friends to judge on her consistent personality trait of running away when things get too serious while the other judgy best friend doesn’t even react. Where’s the squealing group hug romantic comedies promised her? She’s been in Storybrooke like 5 years now. Straight. Well, there was the year in New York. Almost straight. Like all things about her. She has mild scoliosis, that’s what she means. – Either way, Luke must be worried, he’s not used to this type of thing.

- And you have a Brazilian wax to get to – Regina smiles at her softly from her spot against Mal’s front – Miss Swan, if you love him and he loves you, you will always find each other.

Maleficent laughs merrily behind her and Emma tries to flip her off but she’s done too good a job at wrapping herself and ends up squirming angrily - God fucking dammit Regina. Any ideas now?

- Ruby and her friend will have probably exhausted any actions to get the shoes working by now, brazilian wax or not. I suppose we return to the castle once we have the basalt in our possession and we hope for the best. Otherwise, I’m afraid you and Mr. Baker will become engaged at a later date. – she grumbles and re-tightens her blanket around herself more forcefully – I’m happy for you Emma, I’m sorry I can’t do more.

Henry’s wristwatch alarm starts its incessant beeping and he jumps awake like he never has in the safety of Planet Earth, kicking David on the side so he can wake as well and Emma unwraps herself as much as she can – Thanks, I’ll take graveyard.

Regina stretches and after a swift kiss unties herself from Mal who looks sadder at the loss of contact than the woman dragging herself pitifully to the discarded half of Emma’s blanket to sit with her like Lily had, less effectively of course – I’ll stay awake too. – She reaches into the little bag she’s strapped to her person with the valuable things she won’t enjoy losing and takes out a pocket mirror -I’ll teach you how to call home. With this much magic in the air even you can pick it up.

It’s 3 AM by the time she gets it to work, Regina's never seen Emma Swan treat a magic lesson like she did that one. It's impressive to get anything but an unstable connection on the first session of practice, but the image turns clear and holds up at last after Emma refuses to give up until it does... and Luke is sleeping fitfully even when it shouldn’t be too late back home. However, he does wake up at the ass crack of dawn to provide their sleepy little town with fresh baked goods. Emma looks at him for a while, like a creepy nanny-cam in the pocket mirror and Regina stretches under the blanket with a chuckle – If you yell he will wake up, it doesn’t look like he’s resting anyhow.

- Nah, will you let me use it later? When he’s awake. – She finally tears her eyes from the image and passes the mirror back to Regina, who ends the enchantment for her with a look, they’ve gone through severing the connection at length in their hushed conversation. Henry still enamored with David at the other side of camp.

She nods that yes she can use the mirror later as she pockets it, surely that will turn to hours of Charming and Snow talking as well. As long as she’s not the one forced to do the casting she will be all right, most her family is within ten feet – So, Emma Swan-Baker.

- I might just scrap it and go by Baker. – She surprises herself even with that, it just sounds better – Is it good?

- The name?

- Being married.

– Delightful. This time around. - Regina turns her eyes to the sole tent they put up and smiles before Emma can latch onto that and make this a miserable night – Do you want female strippers for your bachelorette party? Last call, dear.

Emma snorts – Are we finally doing this now while Mal is asleep over there? You and me in the woods baby, real smooth ride. - Regina’s laugh makes her shoulders shake and Henry and Charming look their way for a moment. Emma tells them it’s okay, they’re just hanging, the Evil Queen and her, while they speak of her upcoming hypothetical marriage – I’m gonna put you out of your misery and tell you the story because it’s obviously eating you up inside.

- Is that so Miss Swan?

She nods – I obviously was a very lonely teen 99% of the time, the other 1% I was with Lily, who’s obviously, genetically, pure gay. – Regina concedes a nod and Emma turns away for her next bit so she can hide her blush – She was always giving me speeches like when I’m with you it all feels so much brighter etcetera and it was mutual. So, we both interpreted that as romantic right, what the fuck else could it be? Turns out, magic. It never felt right, making out with her, it was just weird. I mean the- under the blanket her hands cup the air and Regina slaps them both down, lest Henry gets too interested in their conversation – I did not deflower your daughter. But also going like oh let’s not do this but let’s still be best friends… that ended up in a horrible fight and we parted ways at last. But it confused the fuck out of me, because I felt her absence really fucking keenly Regina, and then Neal got a hold of me and ruined men too, and then I was in jail with a bunch of women and then I discovered leather jackets and men's boots… up to then evidence showed that I should at least be bisexual, like what was it with Lily if not that? Now we know. It was magical codependency. – She shrugs - I see an attractive dude, and I think okay let’s do this, I see an attractive woman, I just don’t want to have sex with her. I just refuse to eat pussy, I can’t do it.

Regina bursts into laughter again and Emma follows suit, glad to spend time together near to total exhaustion when Regina mellows out, it's been awhile since they joked around, life got busy but not in a life-threatening way that would force them to go at it as a team. The Queen turns her head to the side absolutely sure of herself and settles into a whisper – Look me in the eye and tell me you never wanted to have sex with me.

She does, narrowing her eyes for a second, and then not being able to – Well, I mean, did I consider and encourage it a little? Yes. – Regina smirks and throws her the worst wink known to man, too smug for the actual facts – It made sense, for the kid. I used to think, if I fuck this objectively hot woman- 

- Objectively hot, huh? -she interrupts and Emma shoves and continues right over her comment

-and then use my super charming charm to con her into marrying me, then we’re set. Problem solved. Not that I actually wanted to fuck you, I probably wouldn't have been able to go through with it if you'd made an actual move. But you were doing your fucking best to get in my pants, so I gave it some thought.

She unfurls one hand from inside the blanket to grab at one of Emma’s curls slowly – I’m a bit of a predator. I can fabricate chemistry with anyone in the correct demographics if I want to. Seduction wins wars, Miss Swan.

- Oh bullshit- She swats her away, Lily gets her through toxins but closeness to Regina does nothing... that it didn't do five years ago. Fight or get poisoned response -Now you, a confirmed pussy-eater, look me in the eye and tell me you never wanted to have sex with me.

She hums as she mulls it over – Not in a healthy way. – Emma’s face showcases all emotions so clearly, confusion in particular is an old friend by now, she releases her hair – Pretty and blonde as you may be- the blonde in question beams like no one has ever told her she’s pretty, Regina rolls her eyes at her -That first year when I gave it some thought it was more about having Snow White’s daughter on her knees, not about you. Like David over there, also pretty and blonde but more importantly, Snow’s- they both turn to look at David munching on a peach happily, so simple, so sweet. She would’ve broken cursed David in half in a week. Emma would have put up a fight, she turns to her - That would have surely ended poorly for one if not both of us, we should thank your refusal to eat pussy for our current friendship.

She lets out a fake gasp at Regina’s language, and then a chuckle - That’s dark.

- I’m a sociopath.

- We’re both teddy bears coated in emotional damage. – She nudges Regina with her shoulder – But you think I'm pretty and we’re gonna be married teddy bears coated in emotional damage. Not to each other, because that’d be weird, because of the boo—

Henry makes his appearance at last dragging his own blanket wrapped around him as a cape, having two dragons expanded their luggage capacity, He drops down in front of them with narrowed eyes – What’s going on here? – They startle, hoping he didn’t hear any of the conversation… if he did though it won’t fully traumatize the young man before them, Adam’s apple and deep voice to match, he’s as tall as Emma by now and he doesn’t trail after them, to the point it’s been hours since he took an interest on them huddled on the other side of the fire

Emma drops her head to Regina’s shoulder and tugs at her end of the blanket so they’re nice and snug – We’re in love, but I was tragically too heterosexual to give you a stable home.

He frowns, he should’ve just let them cuddle in peace - Gross. –

Regina drops her head on top of Emma’s - Do you wish for us to go back to the fighting loaded with sexual tension?

He looks horrified for a second – Jesus, mom, no. God. No. – he thinks back to standing around startled as they got in each other's faces every day when he was 11 and grimaces some more – Oh, that’s just wrong. Did you two actually… god, no.

Emma closes her eyes with her head still on Regina’s shoulder like it’s the most natural of things and Regina lets her and glances down at her before looking up at Henry  –  Now you’ll never know, and that’s your punishment for dragging us unnecessarily to the middle of the woods.

Chapter Text

The next day they have an easy morning but as fate would have it, they don’t make it to lunch. Henry is tasked with setting up a little in a clearing nearby and no sooner has he stepped on it, he yelps and a net wraps him up and lifts him onto the air. David rushes to him, climbing a tree with a dagger between his teeth, and when they all mill underneath they’re surrounded by 5 scraggly looking men, mildly armed and looking rough enough they’d charge even if they weren’t, specially at 4 women and a baby.

Mal stands between one of them and Regina who’s carrying Draz wrapped in his sling, and one of the men chuckles when she does – Bit of a giant are you? Don’t want to hurt you lass, just give us your valuables and we’ll go.

The more boorish of them all guffaws - Go? I say we have a little fun! Each take our pick. – He leers Lily’s way and she takes two steps back as Regina does one forward

- Look, you motherfuckers need to get away before we go crazy on you. We don’t have any money – Emma says, hand on her gun already, listening for the groan of the trees above them. As soon as Henry’s down from there they need to run.

The ring leader looks at them – None of you have worked a day in your lives, I know a spoilt bitch when I see one. – He starts circling their party but looks confused, at their attire, the lack of gold pouches, no horses, no helpers. How did they come this far into the forest with only two men between them? He speaks to Lily – You, unsheathe that sword. No attacking, wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself m’lady.

Lily hesitates – C’mon man, this was a gift.

He growls her way - I said, take it out. –

He takes a step forward but Regina lifts an arm between them and he stops without really knowing why – You will be committing the worst mistake in your life if you lay a hand on her.

The men laugh, she’s the smallest in the group with the softest hands by far, and a baby gurgling on her chest. She lets them laugh and taunt and looks at Emma for a second waiting for her to catch up, looking up when she does. Charming is about to drop Henry on them. Emma nods minutely and Mal looks around them again. She supposes she can take the two closest to her and she’ll have to trust Regina will pick off the other three.

- You move aside, and your little sister hands over the sword, and I promise we’ll be gentle – He grunts in Regina’s face and she sneers at him in disgust, when will they invent proper toothpaste here? Lily starts unsheathing her sword and he becomes distracted as his greed takes over when the finely crafted metal is revealed – That looks like it will buy plenty of ale for our evening.

It unfolds in a second after that, Henry drops from above still trapped in the net and Emma stops his fall mid air. The men stare boggled for a second and then start retreating slowly. All but the ring leader that really wants to get past Regina to grab the sword. She pushes him with both hands on his chest and he flies feet through the air until a tree stops him and he drops to the floor with an ugly crunch. She turns around and sweeps her arm and the other four suffer similar fates, some of them them lucky enough there’s no tree in their trajectory.

Charming jumps down and starts cutting at Henry’s net while Emma paces to the unconscious man and checks his pulse, he’s alive – You were being so adorable last night, this dude could’ve been dead. – She looks at Regina, who’s back to her cute self playing with Draz like she didn’t just break a man’s back – Regina at least try to heal him, really what the fuck?

- If my daughter wants to keep her sword, she gets to keep her sword- Henry untangles himself after all and draws his own sword and Regina starts ushering them all forward as she checks him for injury. She yells at Emma when she won’t move - Leave him, we need to get away from here as fast as we can.

As they continue Emma, Henry and Lily are a bit rattled still from the failed medieval mugging and the tiny amount of manslaughter. Charming insists he takes the first step everywhere from there on out and Henry rushes forward to take his side, while Mal takes last in case they get attacked from behind, leaving between them Lily and Emma on each side of Regina with Draz still wrapped to herself.

Stragglers and beggars do appear often in their path, clearly there is a likely lawless village somewhere to their east. Charming is able to deal easily with even the most belligerent strays of the bunch that seem to think their party is an easy target or are desperate enough to try even if they don’t, but Henry gets to do his share of fending off interlopers as well and Regina watches him and his eagerness to mimic David’s demeanor with a smile as she wonders just how long people feared her memory enough to avoid venturing into her land to overtake the abandoned villages, and how many of those are occupied now, who rules this people, could they have instated micro democracies? and how long until they are brave enough to venture further into the kingdom? overtake the capital, try to gut her castle after they get through the gates and the enchantments. She might have to start taking whatever she wants to keep home.

It’s another couple of hours of walking before they feel comfortable enough with the distance to those men and the terrain to at least slow down enough to eat as they move. And Regina sees Mal pull Lily back by the shoulder when she turns around to hand her a sandwich, Draz however is chewing at his so she lets it be, until she hears some of the conversation

- I expect you to die for this family –

Mal has looped her arm over Lily’s shoulders so she doesn’t have any way to run surely and Regina groans and falls back to walk with them, she starts very sweetly, she knows it’s a thing with dragons – Darling, surely she’s allowed an instinct of self-preservation

Mal continues right over the new addition to the conversation – No, she’s not. You would die for her, should it not be mutual?

Regina shakes her head as she speaks – You cannot demand that. It’s not wrong to not sacrifice yourself.

- But it is wrong to hide behind your mother so she will get raped first, especially if she’s carrying your baby brother – Lily cringes under Mal’s arm but she looks completely devoid of anger while she talks to Regina about what she had kinda done earlier like it’s a case study. She was way tougher on Earth before she got a family – Even Charming is willing to walk ahead of you today and he has no stake on Drazenko’s life.

- Mal, I can handle myself. Especially against run of the mill peasants.

– Yes, you can. You can also teleport, in the name of self-preservation. So can Lily, and Emma. I can run. Why don’t we all just- she snaps her fingers and Regina rolls her eyes at her– Because we would have left Charming and Henry to die, and I bet Charming runs faster through forests if he wants to flee too. It’s learnt behavior. You learnt it after Henry made it clear he won’t forgive you letting his biological family die, Lily will learn it when I do the same.

Regina straight up takes the sandwich out of Mal’s free hand like it’s the root of all their issues – What if it is a losing battle? You can’t force her to die then.

- Regina, there are reasons for this. Do you believe it will be fun to live an extra millennium knowing you let your family die without trying your best to stop it? – she takes back her sandwich before Draz can get his hands on it, he’s done with his and already eyeing both of Regina’s hands for the remaining two - One of my brothers died out there because he was alone. You know I am no warrior, but I would have made a difference in that fight. Lily will make a difference if any of us is under attack.

- I understand – Lily nods and looks at Regina with a reassuring smile before she can retort – When we were here the other time, Trivio jumped into a fight for Gunda almost immediately, and then he could’ve saved himself from the poachers, they were shooting at him too, but he made sure we were okay and took us home, even a perfect stranger helped him. I get it, really mom.

Mal nods –You did very well just the other day, I saw you standing guard over us while Regina healed me. Thank you.

- And then she followed Henry to the monster.

Lily gets a mighty squeeze for her trouble, Mal smiling at the memory - She did indeed, great work on it, Lily. Sadly an immortal beast, but if you want one we will get you a trophy yet – Mal lays a kiss on top of her dark hair to boot but releases her at last and she rushes to her designated spot next to Regina even if Emma is all the way to the front joking with David and Henry, their conversation seems so much more chill

Regina reaches out to squeeze her arm when she’s by her side – And you will both move out if you think you’ll keep a decapitated head in my house.

- Oh, as if you’ve never had a decapitated head somewhere. If the girl is violent that’s your side of the family. – The girl is sure they’re not discussing where to keep heads in the other group of their little excursion.

They reach the cliffs with time to spare to sundown and Emma drops herself on the ground dramatically with a groan, followed by Henry and Lily who does them the favor of holding on to now a small dragon, lest he decides to fly over the edge and make them chase him around. He fusses, flaps his wings and claws at her and Henry finds his inner strength to stand again to sit further away. He’s suffered too many scratches to want to play with him when he’s like that anymore, the novelty’s worn off.  

But the little bastard gets tired of fighting against the sister 30 years stronger than him and turns pudgy baby again as soon as Henry’s settled on a rock, he grumbles at them but then gets distracted looking at the scenery, there’s a desert hundreds of miles away and he can just make out the beginning, a sea to one side and a pink forest to the other. It’s beautiful there. He had never been to the Enchanted Forest before that, in Neverland where it’s almost always night and the jungle is so thick you can’t see beyond ten feet ahead of you he was underwhelmed, but this, this is where he really imagined fairytales happening. Only Emma pays attention to the view as well, pointing at weird stuff with him. Her other trips had been miserable.

Charming goes at the cliff face with a pick axe Regina’d retrieved from somewhere in the castle, followed by both Regina and Mal instructing him where to hit, and Lily who had flown over many an impressive view last time she was there is happy to babysit.

They fill a bag full of the stuff in less than half an hour and Mal heaves it up, easy. However, some random woman appears just as they’re good to go, she looks human but…off somehow. Before Lily can be up on her feet and with her sword out, Emma is pointing a gun at the woman from her spot by Henry on the floor and Charming is getting the weight and feel of the pick axe in his hand to strike better.

Mal waves them off though, and the woman claps a little when she sees her and Regina by her side – Oh Mal! And Regina. Gods, looks at you two! Do say hi and ask for permission next time! – She hugs them both, crushing them together to accomplish it

Regina huffs – This is a smidge, and how are you not dead?

She looks thunderous for a single second - How are you not dead? With those manners. – But then becomes sunshine again – Regina, this is a finite resource, be responsible. I’ve been tasked with protecting the basalt so I will not die as long as there’s any left. You can’t leave unless you pay the price. It keeps the visitors from taking too much.  

- It’s an arbitrary price you set for something that grows out of my land-

The woman interrupts her with a squeal – Oh, you have children- She teleports. No smoke, no glitter. One second she’s over there, the other she’s crouched by Lily squeezing her cheeks – So cute, look at these two. Can they cast? They look so much like you Regina, look at the curls on this boy. – She lowers her face to Draz and crosses her eyes playfully – Hello Little Reggie. – He loves it, starts giggling like a maniac.

Mal smiles at the exchange – Of course they are lovely, were you expecting otherwise? – The woman laughs at her quip and Mal takes her shot - Can we pay and get this done, please. We came by foot.

She stands up and makes a chastising face at Mal – Well Mal, If you had messaged ahead I would have dismantled my wards. Sure, virgin blood, who will pay? – she looks around – Oh dear, I guess you don’t have maidens.

Regina grumbles and huffs as she tosses her hair to the side in annoyance – Now it’s virgin blood? I have been carrying human bones in my backpack for two days for you.

- Oh that’s so sweet of you Regina – she puts her hands on her hips and walks to them, looking at David for the first time, for a long of time – But I’m trying this new diet, no bones, it’s like, shells and other crumbly rocks and minerals, cruelty-free. So, I can really use the flavor of voluntarily given virgin blood, you understand right?

She does not, and she is losing her patience too. Mal drops her sack of rocks and loops an arm around Regina before she loses her temper on their old friend – Darling, we have dragon blood, and royal blood, child of true love blood, truest believer blood… David’s blood. Surely one of those will taste of something.

She shrugs – Aw, no sorry Mal. Those are all just, meh. You know the one, a girl that has never laid with a man and all that. It’s just better for your body. You should try it.

Emma points at Lily with her gun – Is that literal? She’s a lesbian.

Lily’s face scrunches up – I guess, how does that… what does… what do dicks do to blood?

The woman twirls around to Mal – Ooh what’s a lesbian?

Regina groans again – Just cut her open and taste so we can get out of here before the sun goes down. – She must be truly irritated, if she’s letting someone cut open one of her children

Lily scrambles to leave Draz sitting upright on the floor and to take out her sword so she can at least cut herself open and the woman disappears from her spot again and appears by her side, hand clutched over her wrist and a talon that wasn’t there before gauging at her forearm. She hisses as it pierces her skin easily and she takes the freakishly long nail to her mouth then – Yum! You really are hitting a lot of these categories. Don’t let Cora get her hands on you. – She turns back to Regina and Mal - Where are you two living these days? Is there any more of these lesbians? They’re tasty.

Mal motions at Charming to go to Lily’s side as she heaves the basalt up again, looking the woman in the eyes as she does – Do make sure to exercise your self-restrain, she’s my daughter.

- Of course, just a smidge – she winks Regina’s way and proceeds to take enough of Lily’s blood she sways and Charming steps in to hold her up with a hand around her waist. It’s not enough and he manages to get her in a bridal carry while Henry bends down to lift his brother up in a hurry, Draz hits all the categories too probably, and he’s snack sized

Regina takes a sharp breath and Mal holds her back by the shoulder – Well dear, that seems to be quite enough. Will you let us go now? I would appreciate if Regina can transport us home too.

The woman looks away from Lily with a wide smile and blood-red covering her entire eyes – Of course Mal! Gods, such a long time, I love your little family. – She moves to them to give them another chipper hug and rubs their arms for a second as her eyes regain their normal appearance – Regina you look so young. I heard you can make a clay out of some regular dirt and the virgin blood, Maybe I’ll try with your daughter’s, what’s your secret?

- Curses. Thank you for lowering your wards, we’ll walk a few paces and then go.

For a second she looks like she’ll lose it at Regina’s dismissing of herself but she cheers right up again - Of course, do visit more often. – She waves and watches them off until they’re in the border of her patch of grass, when the trees come back in an eerily straight line, and then just as she showed up, she’s gone.

Henry bounces Draz as he frowns, does anyone that wants to enjoy the view have to deal with her? – Who was that?

Regina focuses on Lily’s limp form on Charming’s arms - One of Mal’s more delightful friends.

Emma huffs – No name? She was all Mal this, Regina that.

The dragon chuckles while she checks her daughter’s pulse with her free hand – If you utter it, she has the right to devour you.

- Fun.

They’re both clearly okay with Lily being passed out so she must not be too passed out. They gather in a circle and Emma takes David’s hand while he continues to carry Lily, while Regina takes Mal’s and Henry’s while he carries Draz. But before they go he points down – Mom, it fell.

- Oh my god. – Regina looks at him with a wide-eyed expression and yanks him out of Henry’s arms who doesn’t have the heart to complain and presses himself to Regina to gape at Draz as well, she smiles brightly at him. Her eyes are shining with tears at the three words but she’s avaricious by nature – Can you say mama? –

He’s just said a perfectly understandable sentence so the chances are he can, he looks at her like he will not, just because of the stupidity of the question. Mal looks down in her laughter to see there’s a hole in the sack and some of the rocks had indeed spilled out. She bends to pick them up and put her hand under the opening – Thank you, my sweet. We did bleed your sister for these glorified stones, we can’t leave them behind.

Regina turns at her like she’s not processing the upmost transcendence of the event - Mal, he spoke.

- Who spoke? – Lily rasps it out a she comes to but groans after the question, closes her eyes again at the pounding headache incoming

- The baby – David chokes out, near tears, he must be thinking of his own child surely

She stirs at that and blinks her eyes open his way - Oh shit, can he say Lily?

Chapter Text

Dorothy’s telling her all about her childhood little band of misfits, stealing apples from nearby farms and all other picturesque things that happen in rural America and Red can’t help to smile as she infuses her stories with extra idioms and cadences when she gets to speak about home. She had done her share of narrating already and even when Dorothy’s stories are pretty tame in comparison, they are riveting in their own way. Who knew Old man Johnson was having a little something on the side with the beet farmer’s wife? She doesn’t get to hear the end of that one though because David, Emma and the others finally come back.

A mixed-color cloud appears in the middle of the war room and Red moves to stand from one of the many couches Regina has set up against the wall for those interested parties that were important enough to be invited to the war room but not enough to be allowed on the actual table. To do that though she has to get Dorothy’s legs off her lap where she had propped them up while they spoke, and Emma can miss a lot of things but definitely not that, she smirks at her, eyebrows rising as well as she separates from the crowd and goes to pull a chair out for Charming to drop Lily on it gingerly, her head lolling to a side.

Mal drops the sack of rocks on the floor without another thought and kneels in front of Lily’s chair, while Regina barks out – Pulverize them, then put them in fire for an hour. – She’s gone immediately after that and the baby turns into a dragon and flies out as well.

Henry busies himself with helping Mal keep Lily sitting up and David empties his backpack with no regard to where everything falls and starts passing half the basalt to it, motioning for Red to grab her half and come with him. They’re barely out the door when Regina appears again with a bunch of weird little things in her hands and Draz flies in like he’s tracking her and perches himself on her shoulder, even when she becomes visibly lopsided when he does that now.

Emma looks around, she can’t do much for Lily but maybe she can help break rocks with a spell or something, and Dorothy is fixing them tea so, if she’s gonna annoy Red it’s gotta be now. So she runs down the hallway and catches up to them halfway down the longest stairs she’s ever seen in her lifetime, and claps Red’s shoulders as they emerge into the fading light through a dingy door meant for staff – So, you have a ring yet?

The smithy is relatively close to this side of the castle and it should have all the tools they need so they go there - It’s been three days – she chuckles, and they drop the bags on the ground. Red reaching for a rusty battle axe left to die by the forge and David for a thick mace and they get to work, one splitting the big chunks into smaller ones and the other grinding them into dust in a big metal pail that was also lying around.

Emma jumps to sit over on a working table sturdier than her apartment in Boston and yells over the clatter –Wasn’t it like a life-changing 3 days though?

- It was pretty normal, Ems. – She keeps on swinging her ax down

David stops to chuckle and wipe his brow with his sleeve, already red from exertion – It is pretty good even when it’s not a curse breaking situation though, Red.

She smirks at him, they did have fun even if the pulse of rainbow light didn’t announce it – Yeah. We’re just not in love, not yet.

- But you know you’ll be, might as well marry her! – Emma Swan, high on her own romantic life, has turned into Snow’s daughter at last – Or aren’t you sure you’ll be in love?

- It’s pretty obvious to be honest – she drops the axe and moves to light the few candles she can find around with a smile on her face – It’s incredible, how easy it is to just connect with her. We had said we wouldn’t fall into it but then you made us kiss and it was just obvious we should continue doing that forever. But that’s just it, we know so we… went straight to best friends that make out. No adrenaline, no giddiness… I’m a little sad there was no chase, I’m a hunter. – She winks before bending down to grab her axe again

David laughs at that as he rolls up his sleeves in their little break – Oh yeah, that bit is great. But after it’s comfortable and warm, like a constant hug.

Emma snorts, she would’ve liked to meet this Ruth woman that raised this big hulking man to be a puppy. They get back to work so she gets back to yelling – What bit? You and mom met and knew it was true love in a second.

He shakes his head as he grounds the basalt to dust – Well, I didn’t know that until she was cursed, years later. And she did try to get rid of the very memory of me once. I did groundwork for a while.

 Red laughs – Oh yeah, at first Snow hated him, she would just show up at camp fuming and go: Oh Red, you should see him, he’s so infuriating, he is following me, and you should see his stupid huge arms and his ugly mane of thick blonde luscious hair blah blah. I’d always say, “Why don’t you just bed him?” And she’d just give me this look of outrage and be like Oh no, Red, I am to be Queen, I could never, oh no; that didn’t last her too long.

The mere idea of Snow going out fuming one night and coming back mellow and relaxed is horrifying and Emma is thankful they finish grinding the stone to dust and drop the subject. She jumps off the table with a groan, after their very hard work, a team effort. She does them the favor of casting a fireball into the forge and it ignites, feebly, but it’ll probably work. And they carry the pail up to it, settling down to wait it out for an hour as Regina instructed. They tell Red all about their little adventurous day and then David and her shoot the shit like old pals while Emma watches for a few minutes as they tell stories about the early days of David and Snow, how they started enjoying traipsing around in the woods together, how no one should tell Regina that, ever. They laugh at their strange dating phase and David checks on their melting powder as she asks Red what’s next for her and Dorothy with no monster tracking them down.

She stretches in place – Well, she has a bunch of shit in storage in Storybrooke actually… but Toto is back in Kansas, plus some other unfinished business she needs to take care of if she’s gonna move. So, I said I’d come with, see some of the other shitty towns in the USA. We haven’t actually said it but, plan looks like it’ll be do that and then drive back, settle down in Storybrooke, I guess.

- Where’s the enthusiasm! – Emma throws her an innocent-looking metal bit she picks up from her side – maybe you make it all the way to in love in your little road trip, better get that family heirloom ring and take it with you, be prepared.

David agrees wholeheartedly – It’s a match. And you can turn up the flirt to 11 while you travel. Manufacture some of that chase you missed while you get to know each other.

Emma ponders that – Get to know each other… what is that? The ‘we text’ stage? You know, now that I think about it, Luke and I, we’ve always been friends that make out.

David smiles at her and Red kicks at her – Yeah, ‘cause he’s so cautious he only agreed to go out with you after you were ready to be proposed to.

She laughs – Well, yeah. I was kinda nervous to ask him out but after that? Nothing. I was always so scared to let dudes in, they’d flirt and say their lines to convince me or whatever, they were being fake and I was being fake, just trying to be attractive or whatever… but with Luke I’ve never wanted to hide anything we just skipped the bullshit and got together.

David, bless his heart, walked a marathon that day, climbed a tree, carried an unconscious dragon, ground a bunch of rocks into dust; he stands and comes to hug Emma with his very sweaty arm – Love is something so precious, Emma. You know your mother and I want you to be happy more than anything else, we are so glad you’ve found it.

She allows the smelly man to hold her to his body some more and narrows her eyes – He asked you for my hand, right?- David sputters over her head, chastising himself for giving away the surprise somehow and Emma crosses her arms as he releases her -  I’m gonna kill him for that. This hand is independent.

- Holy shit, he’s gonna propose? – she mimics a little explosion around her head, sound effects and all – That explains your little obsession with rings. Damn, Snow was really sitting on that one. Is she okay? Maybe her gossip muscle is atrophied.

David steps away and claps both his heavy, dusty hands on Red’s shoulders, and wow how did anyone even fall in love in that land? How did they catch a glimpse of each other under the grime? Red shakes him off but he uses her as a dusting station again and then takes a piece of wrinkled paper out of his pocket - Speaking of, she says “How could Red be here for a day and not tell me? I have to find out after you all get dragged away to fight a minotaur in the street? Tell her to go fuck herself. Yes, all that sentence not just the last bit, maybe repeat the last bit”- He laughs – It popped right in front of me yesterday morning. Then when Emma called her she insisted I show you.

Emma snatches it first – Wow, she really wrote down fuck. Yikes Red. Doghouse.  

After the hour is up they take the little bit of ink they could get from all that industrial amount of stone up the infinite stairs, it is still very much boiling hot and it turned out to be a black that almost sucks in the light around it, held in a smaller pail David’s carefully balancing with his hands covered in a thick leather cloth apron thingy that was left around as well. Emma and Red hold the door open for him and Dorothy stands to attention as soon as she catches a glimpse of the wolf, who smiles reassuringly at her as they settle the precious material on the table.

Emma doesn’t know how she got so dusty while doing none of the pulverizing, but she notices everyone up there is now squeaky clean and gathers this is what sets royals and peasants apart, time to bathe. Lily’s up and about like nothing happened, reading a book of all things and Henry’s tossing fruit on the air where Draz catches it, changing direction with a speed Emma’s never seen him use in Storybrooke, he must be high off his tits on magic as well. She chuckles as he zooms by and the little dish with ink wobbles in the tunnel of wind he leaves behind, David almost burning himself to steady it – Can we wake her up?

She asks Mal, who didn’t bother to stop watching Draz fly around when they came in but now nods at her with a smirk. Regina, bless her heart, walked a marathon, potentially murdered some thief, carried a bag of human bones, transported them home, transported herself to find something for Lily, transported herself back, fixed Lily, showered them all probably, is now taking a bit of a nap, head on Mal’s lap while the dragon runs a hand through her hair. Instead of lightly shaking her she holds her nostrils closed for two seconds and Regina sits up gasping – Maleficent! – she clutches at her arm as she pants

- My love, it seems they need you.

- And you thought you’d attempt murder? – she composes herself and stands, glaring at Mal and moving towards the table

- Just a little. You do so loathe when I kiss you awake. – Mal follows her, as she does.

- At sunrise. – Regina dips her finger in the pitch-black ink, and it doesn’t melt it so it must be cooling off. She turns to Red and Dorothy – Well then, it’s about the size of a CD, pick a body part and let’s get to it.

- Thigh.

- Back.

They look at each other with matching smirks and Regina rolls her eyes even as Mal pulls her in to kiss her hair to undo the damage done by her prank. David does a solid 180° as soon as Red starts shedding the first layer to present her back to Regina. The witch starts muttering at the ink and it starts vibrating, she turns to Red - You might want to sit, dear. It’s a bit painful. – Red interrupts her spontaneous and shameless stripping to pull a chair closer and straddle it, and Emma cringes as Regina starts cracking her fingers ominously.

- Couple’s tattoo huh? Fun. - The stripping gets resumed promptly and to look away Emma looks up to see Lily mouthing something that suspiciously seems to end with “done that” her way, she’s not talking to her though and she looks next to her to see the kid making a face at her and doing his worst to avert his eyes, she smacks him and turns him around – So now you don’t wanna be like David? – The man is halfway out the door as they speak.

- Ouch, Ma. C’mon. I’m just gonna watch the tattoo-ing. – And in the process eye the family friend whose hemline had been higher than his eyeline for half his life.

- No. Out. – she starts pushing him to the door as well – Private. Regina’s integral and the rest have either seen it or don’t care.

He sputters – Well, what about Mal? Might as well push Mal away too, I triple dare you.

She lets out a laugh – Angelina Jolie herself could strip naked and try to recite the script to her whole shitty movie in front of her and Mal would stop her to ask where your mom is. She doesn’t care about Ruby’s side-boob like you do kid.

- Ugh. Gross. Why are you being so gross this trip?

- You’re being gross. Never stare at women like that without permission again. – The tiny dragon flies over them since Henry still has the remaining of their fruit supply and Emma pushes him out completely – Go play with your brother.

She stands by a very amused Lily once he’s out and the door is closed – Not cool, dude.

- Ah, he’s 15 and related to most of the hot women in town. His life is hard enough already. Red’s cool with a little ogling, right?

Red is grimacing and has torn off a tiny ornamental piece of the chair she’s in while Regina mutters and bends her fingers in strange shapes over her back and the, yup, still hot ink burns a round, strange and intricate thing onto her back, but she does hold a thumbs up when Lily asks.

- You mind? – She trails after Red when she leaves Dorothy laying down on a couch, leg still healing and Regina’s little magical morphine putting her more out than in. She had kissed her cheek so gently the woman didn’t even notice her doing so, and then gone out to one of the balconies where Lily had followed.

The wolf, wearing her jacket on backwards to let her wound cool in the night breeze, shakes her head no and leans against the stone barrier, while Lily comes and sits on it, straddling it. She lifts an eyebrow at the unnecessariness of it, especially after Regina just replenished her blood supply – You’re looking not-malnourished. Does she have you in that 6AM workout regimen?

- Yes Ma’am. Five days a week. – She nods - You know about that?

She looks up and away from Lily, the castle looks endless from that vantage point. Chambers upon chambers in the levels above them – The dating pool for women looking for women is a bit small back home.

Lily chuckles, isn’t it everywhere? She has to remember to ask women if they dated Regina if the situation arises again, this revelation though is no surprise – A few dinners a decade into the curse, right? I hear it just didn’t work out.

For a second Red keeps on looking at the wall, but she turns around eventually – She kicked me out of bed while it was still dark out because she had to train. I reserve the right to not call a maniac like that back. – She watches Lily closely for any adverse reaction, but she seems calm, relationship solid enough to know they tried to date and everything, for regular mirror calls, would you look at that? – Guess you found each other then, people who wake up at sunrise happily. Does it even do anything for you? Working out. – Lily shakes her head with a small smirk, and that’s worse somehow, it means she’s probably eating like two hours in a gym just to spend time with her. Red hurries whatever this is on, the only thing more annoying than regular belligerent Lily is zen Lily - What did you want to talk about?

She looks away at last, a vestige of the woman she actually dated and could only bear a moment of emotional honesty per day – I wanna apologize, properly. I never did.

- Okay. – She motions for her to go on

Lily fidgets on her unconventional seat - I was a horrible girlfriend. Just fucking awful, every step of the way. I was a mess, and it affected everything else, I couldn’t open up and I could barely reciprocate your effort, and I was just so fucking scared of all the shit that was happening around me, and of having to be something to all these new people… I shouldn’t have put you through that. And I knew, but I was selfish. I held onto you when I knew I shouldn’t have and that I couldn’t give you the relationship you were giving me and it’s… up there with the worst shit I’ve done in my life. I am so sorry I did that to you. You are amazing, and everything I fucked up, it wasn’t because I felt you weren’t enough or something but because I couldn’t let myself feel all the things I did feel, because all I knew was feeling like shit and I wasn’t ready to let go of that yet. It had nothing to do with you, Red. I was just, a piece of insecure garbage.

She sighs after she listens to the whole spilling of guts and whatnot. – Okay. – She kinda sees what Snow means now. Snow, as much as she tried to fight her draw to David, she just never could. For the first time in her life Snow was facing hardship, seeing poverty up close, learning to survive without a staff to wait on her, learning to fight, living off the land, every day not knowing if it’d be the one that Regina would snatch her and possibly murder her. Every day she was in real, mortal peril; and she managed to fall in love with David as an extracurricular, as easily as one falls asleep. Snow would have a conniption if another man as much as looked at her and David, even when half-cursed couldn’t even get it up for Regina. It’s not supposed to be that goddamned hard to have a relationship with someone.

She spent months clutching onto Lily and why? She definitely didn’t know her enough to grasp the depth of her inner turmoil, she just thought she was a bit grim and little aggressive and that was interesting and attractive, and the game of seduction is fun and all, there’s a sense of achievement in winning people over and building a connection with them, but she’s been at it for 40 years and what does she have to show for herself? A bunch of hookups that don’t go past a few nights, a bunch of exes that avoid her eyes when they come in for coffee, drama that sent her to the forest to find herself. Hell, she had spent nights wide awake to overthink her thing with Merida, it shouldn’t be that goddamed hard. There’s a woman conked out on a couch out there that she can’t hide herself from even if she tries and it’s mutual. No game to it. They were left alone for two days and just got together. Why was she under the impression that anything else was better than that?

- Okay? – Lily prods at her after a minute of no other response.

- Yeah. You said your piece, I have nothing to respond. Apology not accepted but heard – She pushes herself off the balcony to go, maybe Dorothy would prefer to sleep at the bed they’ve been sharing, and she’s beat herself. At Lily’s horrified expression she clarifies – We’re never gonna be friends. You said some of the vilest shit to me and it absolutely broke my heart, even If you tell me I didn’t deserve to get cheated on like that’s gonna undo it. But it’s a small town so, let’s be civil. Thank you for giving your blood for the ink.

Lily nods – I can live with that. I'm really sorry Red, I’ll do my best to stay out of your way.

- Cool. Can you not sit like that too? It’s giving me anxiety.

She swings the out leg in with a small smile – It’s nice you care. Sure.

It looks like she’s gonna hop down from the wall, but something clearly goes wrong in her little theatrics and she drops the other way instead. Red gasps as she rushes to grab onto her but with a jacket put on backwards and a burning sigil on her back she doesn’t quite manage, she gets to the rail only to see her plummet down the hundreds of feet or so to her death. Before she hits the ground a cloud of smoke engulfs her though and she turns into a dragon and completely changes trajectory, flying up past their little balcony and up to the highest tower where the royal chambers are. Guess she turns at will now, fucking asshole.

Chapter Text

Mal had gotten exactly zero hours of sleep the night before, and she must have been tired. She’d dozed off on two occasions between Regina casting the spell and them actually going to bed but apparently her little power naps were enough to carry her to the next morning because Regina had woken up somewhere in the middle of the clock candle to find Mal taking the kind of deep breaths that you don’t take when you sleep, they’d both pretended that wasn’t happening, and then she’d fallen back asleep only to wake up past sunrise with Mal still laying on her, face squarely on the crook of her neck, candle useless by then. You kinda have to change them at specific times. This is why people needed servants.

Lily had been the one to wake them up, banging incessantly on the door like another emergency was afoot only to say she was hungry. Henry kinda hanging behind her looking guilty at having made her go and do that probably. But before Regina could get all the way to awake enough to give them trouble for it after the 24 hours of hell they had had the day before, Mal had bounced out of bed and into the adjacent room to change into more sturdy clothing, and proclaimed she could use the help of Lily’s nose to hunt the group something for lunch, another day on fruits and nuts and the carnivores would lose it. So off they went. For two hours. Armed with nothing. They came back with a boar. The logistics of the murder elude Regina but Lily, who wouldn’t have entertained the idea a year ago was grinning madly as she dumped it on the floor for them to see, as was her mother who gave her a congratulatory pat on the shoulder with a kiss to the temple, and proclaimed rather unnecessarily a bath and a change of clothes were needed, but not before chasing Regina and Draz across the hall to try to get a hug. The shimmering shield that appeared between them finally sent her off with a laugh and a wink.

Only Red can truly work her way through the kitchens in the castle, Regina for one hadn’t as much as set a foot in them, she’d learnt to cook by herself in Storybrooke where you don’t actually skin the pigs yourself. Ruby had taken the cooking gladly off their hands, and enlisted Charming who was happy to go do his best at carrying, and chopping, and stoking fires, all but the actual cuisine, Dorothy had of course volunteered as well. And as soon as it was Emma, herself and the kids, Mal had appeared again in one of the flowiest of dresses and whisked Henry away, to show him the secret passages she’d discovered in her times of sneaking around the castle waiting for Regina to pay her a single, miserable morsel of attention. She neededn't say nothing more than secret for him to rush out of range of Emma’s playful banter and follow her out the door, leaving Emma to pick up Draz to annoy.

- Is she avoiding you? – Emma said and received a smack to the nose for it

Regina smiled at Draz, listening for the thunk behind the painting to their right. Most paths lead back to the war room after all, and that was the one with the closest entry – Miss Swan, carrot cake for your wedding yes? – She looked back at her, alarmed – I smile once, either your mother’s way or the groom's way and it’s a done deal. Don’t test me.

Mal wasn’t truly avoiding her. That far into the day she’d been either on her side adventures or trying to cozy up to her if allowed, but she was probably avoiding something. Case in point, the couple of hours it takes for Ruby to have the boar roasted, some mediocre bread baked, a barrel of wine dragged up from the cellar now aged a good three decades more than expected, and their regular ration of fruits and nuts served, Mal spent clambering around in the walls with Henry. They emerged dusty and with cobwebs clinging to their clothing, he was flushed even and looking like Christmas came early and as he dusted himself off before taking his, very big and imposing, seat at the table the dragon ended up plopping down by Regina’s side amused herself, nuzzling onto her, spiders in her hair and all. One super strong gust of wind later she was allowed. – Real food at last! – she was way too excited for poorly seasoned boar.

Draz, isn’t quite at the stage where he sits at the table for his meals. He perches menacingly around maybe. And as soon as he’s done he moves on to the next activity in his agenda. That afternoon it was as it had been the few days he’d been there, take advantage of high ceilings. He’d flown around while they ate and talked down on the ground, dislodging the occasional ancestral dust mitten and by the time they were wine and dined in a way, Emma patting her stomach under Charming’s amused gaze, Ruby and Dorothy making eyes at each other, Henry really enjoying his little prince of the crown seat at the opposite end of the table while Lily kicked at his shin, Mal had called out to him and told him something that had him flying out the room through an open window without hesitation. She’d stood after laying a quick row of kisses on Regina’s cheek, the woman clutching at her hand – Thank you for catching lunch, dear. What exactly are you doing now?

- Flying a little, we’ll stay within the grounds. – She bent enough to kiss her properly one time before going yet again, she could’ve used the door probably but the window was already open, so she clambered onto a priceless artifact and then stood on the window sill to jump right off

- Jesus Christ! – Emma stood, she tried to stand but the chair is heavier than it looks and it just doesn’t topple like you’d like for a dramatic standing, it sits you right back down. She stood and stumbled back down – Regina!

- She can fly, Emma.

- Even so, who does that?

Ruby grumbled – Insane, right?

And that little foray had been at least another hour, she wouldn’t truly know, her phone finally died when the others had started a charades game and she’d taken it out and turned it on to get beat by the machine at chess in god difficulty, to see if one day she can beat Zelena. After that she’d taken to wander the halls, see the mess Lily had made of the chambers that once belonged to Snow, glare some more at the ones she’d shuttered that once belonged to Leopold, and she’d ended up in the deserted throne room, drinking the remains of the pitcher of honeyed wine that was quite decent while sitting very cushy on her imposing piece of wood, goose feathers, velvet and gold threading. She’s playing with the carvings throughout the arm rests when Mal at last finds her there and bows as she enters – My Queen.

She chuckles and lifts her chin haughtily - What are you here to ask of me today, dragon?

She remains bowed, one arm behind her back and it’s almost funny how much it looks like she has never done that before – Nothing of the sort, Your Majesty. In fact, If I were allowed to approach the throne, I would fall to my knees to show the Queen just how much I appreciate her… government of the kingdom.

- Oh, you’ve been practicing that one – she laughs and serves herself the very last cup as Mal straightens up and smirks at her as she moves closer

- Since I laid eyes on you – she does kneel when she reaches the throne, and groans in a second – This stone is unforgiving Regina, you need softer stone. – She bends enough to lay a quick kiss on the thigh closest to her to stand but Regina hooks her free leg over her shoulder and pushes her down – I would wreck my knees for no one else but you. But also consider, I have very pretty knees. – She turns around swiftly while Regina becomes distracted by smiling at her and sits on the floor, hooking Regina’s other leg over her free shoulder and using it as a resting spot for her exhausted head, closing her eyes with a hum as Regina starts massaging her scalp and the part of the throne that does nothing but cushion Regina’s knees works as the world’s most wonderful backrest. – This is a very impressive chair, perhaps we take some pictures for your campaign posters? – Beats the current ones, ones of Regina in town hall to cover the portion of the voters that trust her, and ones of Regina and Emma at the last town assembly to cover the portion of voters that don’t, “The sheriff’s choice” it says; the portion of the voters that don’t trust either Regina or Emma aren’t statistically significant.

- The rabble doesn’t like thinking of me in this chair as much as you do, darling – she feels Mal’s chuckle more than she hears it

- Most of them didn’t see you in the outfits with your cleavage out. They live half a life. - She passes her the goblet of wine and Mal takes it happily, when she tilts her head back to drink she feels Regina bend down closer and lay a kiss on her crown, she smiles  – Can you believe how pleasant Charming has been for the last few days?

Regina hums and settles her hands on Mal’s head again - You could almost forget he was instrumental in the kidnapping of our child –

- He’s just a good natured piece of meat without the princess steering him nefariously.

- To eat or to fuck?

- Well – she stops to consider – I do my best to not eat humans.

She gets no more clarification to that before Lily bursts through the door looking mad – I had to sniff all this old-smelling place. Zelena showed up, we have ten minutes. C’mon. – She takes a look at them, tangled together on the throne as they are they probably look like teens caught sneaking away with wine they’re not old enough to drink. She presses forward with very long strides and grabs them both – Fuck it, teleporting time.

They’re all outside waiting by the rose bush when Lily drops them, because why wouldn’t Zelena take her shot to wreck Regina’s magically protected rose bush with a magically induced vortex. They’re all chattering away and holding some pilfered things from around the castle or their little hike, Henry in particular is happy to pass Draz back to Mal to haul his loot up. Regina stops inspecting his sack and turns just in time to see Mal take another one of the incredibly long breaths, pressing her nose to Draz’s curls with a smile, she must be trying to sear their scent on her brain. No wonder she’d tried to do as many things as she could in their off day, she must’ve been taking advantage. Regina reaches for Mal’s hand with a smile and turns to address the bulk of them – We’re staying.

Emma takes one bound to the left to stare – No. No, no, what do you mean we’re staying, we’re leaving.

- We as in my wife and I, Miss Swan. You’re free to go. – Emma gapes at her and turns to get back up from the others who mostly shrug, but Regina looks only to the concerned parties – Kids?

Lily and Henry look at each other for a second, silent conversation clear in their faces but indecipherable as well – Not it.

- Not it. – Lily is half a second late and by the rules of the jungle, she loses. – Fuck. Dammit. Okay.

Regina raises an eyebrow at them – You can both go back to Storybrooke, if it’s such an imposition to spend time with us. – Lily shakes her head apologetically and reaches for her arm with a small smile, it’s not them, it’s wi-fi. She moves to her side.

Henry smirks his victory - Hey, I’ll visit Jenna for you.

She reaches forward to smack him by the side of the head – Shut up, you’re like 11.

- Indeed. You stay with Emma and Luke. Every night. – Regina reaches for him, whether he wants to or not, and hugs him briefly before laying a kiss on his cheek and smoothing down his hair – Be safe, Henry. I mean that. I will check in daily.

He nods and tries to push away - Yes, mom. Of course. – Regina, much stronger than she looks forces him into another hug before finally letting him stumble back to regain his princely badass attitude he’d gained in his small foray into the forest, emphasis on small. He has shows to watch.

Regina grabs for his cheeks – I love you. We will be home in a few weeks.

- Love you too, mom. – He pulls his head back and turns to say goodbye to Lily with a serious nod – Lilith.

- Henryth.

- Oh you have a lisp? – he looks genuinely curious before he looks like a little shit again

Lily crosses her arms as she glares at him - Don’t touch my shit while I’m here.

- You don’t have shit worth touching – Regina gives out a stern breath, the full extent of her disapproval at his language, only forgiven when he’s talking to Lily. They look at each other for a second and she unfurls her arms to grab at his shoulder and pulls him in a quick hug, he claps her back a couple times and hits her on the back of the head once, and she retaliates by clapping his back in a way that rattles his ribcage – Ah, I’m a little baby. Don’t do that. Mom, she broke my ribs.

Regina pulls them apart, whatever that was she’ll choose to interpret it as a positive interaction between siblings, for her peace of mind - Okay, make room for Emma, she’s about to cry.

The blonde steps up to them – You’re my best friend – then she turns to the other – You’re my best friend. How are you both abandoning me to die? Red’s leaving town again? Who am I supposed to drink my beers with? Granny?

- Best should mean one, do choose Miss Swan, we can’t both be maid of honor. – Regina says as Emma clings to a reluctant Lily and Henry and Mal have a very hushed conversation over on her other side

The savior launches her endless hug on her at last – Maybe Eva gets to be my maid of honor, what do you say about that?

Eva would surely mean a teary Snow doing all the work - Good luck getting her on the phone with the strippers.

Emma chuckles by her side as she pulls back a bit and then crushes her again for another brief second – Just a couple of weeks? – Regina nods at her – Henry’ll be eating leftovers every other day, think of him.

Then she has the gall to move Henry off Mal to also give her a hug, arms over her free one – Oh, you strangely tall creature – she cranes her neck up – Take care of my Mills.

- Yes, Miss Swan, I will take care of my wife and daughter for you.

- It’s all I ask. – She moves back and kisses Draz’s head shortly before going to Charming, Ruby and Dorothy who were all watching amused.

Henry bows out with a short hug to Mal on her free side and a kiss and a poke to the baby who giggles as he does – Bye Henry! I love you. – he grabs onto his head trying to do what Regina did earlier surely and Henry chuckles

- Aw, buddy I love you too. Goodbye. See you soon. – Draz releases his head with a small nod and Henry smiles at him and at Regina as she manages one last squeeze to his arm as he steps away.

The portal starts swirling into existence behind them and the rose bush gets obliterated as expected, Zelena smirking on the other side of it wearing the most garishly green summer dress ever seen by mankind, she waves and Regina gives her the finger in return with an extra sweet smile, suddenly understanding what it was between Lily and Henry a few minutes earlier. They’ll need Emma to open the next portal probably. One by one they file away, Ruby explains to Zelena how the rest of them aren’t coming and she looks mildly dismayed for a second as the orange circle starts shrinking into itself, she mouths a “mirror me” before the portal simply pops closed as easy as it had open.

- Care to explain? – Mal looks at Regina for one second but has to turn when Lily starts prying Draz out her arms, probably to torture him into saying her name. She lets them go before taking Regina’s hand back – Why are we still here, darling?

- You wanted to stay. You said so the first day – she smiles up at Mal and squeezes the hand in hers – And I saw you try to sap every second of unrestrained summer fun today.

She smiles down at her as well before circling her shoulders with her arm and leaning down to kiss the top of her head in thanks - You didn’t have to. I enjoy myself wherever we all are.

- Likewise dear, I just couldn’t live with myself being the woman that stood between you and your creepy, serial killer, sniffing. – Mal laughs above her and Regina tugs at her as she halts them, letting Lily go on ahead berating the baby for his withholding of her technically-only-one-syllable name. – What was that with Henry?

- Look out for my mom, she has nightmares sometimes, etcetera. You seem to have been covertly followed into a room with a royal portrait of Leopold, Ava and Snow where you sat and drank for a while. Thank me later. - She looks at her for a second to gauge the damage of her showing Henry ways to follow her without detection, and of the little trip down memory lane, but Regina seems better than fine. Perhaps happy that Henry cared enough to sic Mal on her, or that there’s someone to sic on her – You said this month was critical for your administration and your campaign. We can still go. I’ll enslave myself to Zelena for the hassle.

- I have 28 years of untouched vacation time, and my name is in the ballot. If they want me I’ll win without campaigning, and if they don’t… it’s more than likely that the only reason I heard our son speak for the first time is that we were here. I’d quite enjoy three years in a consulting capacity to whichever idiot they elect in my place.

Mal stares at her for what seem like minutes before relenting and bending down to kiss her, and there certainly is something to say about kissing your true love in an environment seeped with magic to its highest concentration. But Lily, she seems to have made a U turn just as Mal was getting her teeth involved. She chuckles – You just wanted one of us here to babysit.

Mal, devoted mother as she is, can’t help but groan when the interrupting one isn’t the cutest one. – Lilith…

Regina steps away and pats Mal’s arm reassuringly as she circles one of her own around her waist to pull her forward. They now have a lot of time, they’ll find a window. – Oh please. He’s practically a man now, babysits himself. Let’s pack up anything we want to keep and go to your mother’s place yes? Nicer memories and even higher ceilings there.

She nods, they are pretty high – Can I get some magic lessons too? What’s that stuff that healed me in few seconds?

Regina smiles - Oh, I’m going to turn you into a weapon of mass destruction.

She shrugs - Kinda wanna start with the mirror stuff.

- And then, world domination.  

Chapter Text

Regina trails into the overstuffed library where Mal has taken to lounging for a few hours each morning as the others go about their magic business. Lily’s learned to “waterbend” and Draz has learned to disappear to pop up expertly by Regina’s side, and they both show off their new tricks on the mirror to the Storybrooke residents that will watch them. After practice and facetime, Regina will find her and whisk her to whatever the day’s activity may be, and with everything being so much more complicated without technology, they end up spending a good amount of time on it. As Mal had predicted last time she was there, Regina was making sure to squeeze every drop of prowess out of the children and beside that the exploring their new surroundings she’d carved for herself in all the time in the grounds kept them more than engaged. They’d all end up barely having dinner and crawling in bed stimulated enough even without WiFi. Perhaps having a thousand tools taking care of every little thing is in fact detrimental, but she does miss Spotify.

Regina demands attention by plucking the book off her hands almost angrily and insinuating herself on the opposite side of the couch, propping her legs on her lap. Mal sighs as she drops her hands to her calves - Again, every time you won’t let me finish a section a little dead horse loses its wings – she completes the emotional torture with a little flutter of her hands where Regina can clearly see and she rewards her with a rueful chuckle, and makes herself more comfortable as she tosses the book carelessly on the small table by the couch, Mal frowns at that – Exciting news from home then?

- Robyn threw up on Roland and he’s taken to pretend she doesn’t exist. – She retells it with a smile on her face, which must mean her sister is losing her mind because of it

- Particularly cruel punishment from a boy with those dimples. Must be the prolonged exposure to Zelena.

She smiles wider – They’re at their wit’s end. It’s aged them a decade this week. – Only Regina can look so good while being so petty, Mal chuckles and she changes track – besides that, Henry seems to be doing great, I’m still leading according to the poll the Mirror ran, Jafar and Cruella were spotted canoodling, and Emma is finally engaged.

Seems like she buried the lede on that one, Mal thinks and pinches her leg - And you’re choking on the bitter taste of defeat at the hands of the baker?

- Oh please, I’ve spent a week without coffee for you, spare me the self-doubt. – She softens that blow with a misshapen wink and Mal can’t help but smile at her, and watch her as she tosses her hair and plows right on with her gossip – But the best part is, she got engaged and naturally went straight down for a liter of ice cream, whatever one can do with that. And the supermarket is blocks away whereas Ingrid’s is right there, nevermind the magic. And she had to explain why they needed ice cream in the middle of the night you see…

- Ah.

- Yes, Ingrid was the first person she told she got engaged. The way she tells it, Snow said Marco said Ingrid implied there would be a royal wedding soon, and so, to avoid ruining the surprise for Emma in case it wasn’t done yet, she ran to the ice cream shop to demand clarification.

- And the ice queen drove a popsicle through her heart. I can see it so clearly, “Oh haven’t you heard? She told me last night right away, I’m so happy, do you want cookies and cream? It’s her favorite ever since she was 12”, You do choose the most vicious friends. I’m sorry you’re missing so much.

- As long as it is for you sweetie. – Mal frowns at whatever that was and turns just in time to see Regina shuffle dangerously closer, her mirth replaced with an uncanny attention to her face and her hand reaching up to hold her chin in place –Oh, and how could I forget? Your mother has agreed to come, says a crow. She should be here by tomorrow morning at the very latest. - Mal stays silent for a second, no guilt on her face but mild unease does get away from her and that’s a win - Awfully human-resembling crow. I thought familiars were for witches.

Regina lets her face go and she shrugs before her – Friends come in all sizes and cursed shapes…

She hums and swings her legs forward, off Mal’s lap - Dare I ask why the crow was needed to go fetch your mother secretly? I was under the impression we would visit her, not force her to come here.

She rushes to explain before Regina can stand up from her side, when she’d be truly in trouble - It is a very long flight, Regina. For it to be bearable for the children and I we’d have to fly very high, for it to be remotely bearable for you we’d have to make it in five short bursts down where any poachers might spot us. And if we do make it there in one piece, it is hostile… the oxygen levels there, and the cold, but then the volcano… there’s no stairs, we have carcasses on the lower levels…

She searches her face for any hints again - So it was a lie, when you told me I wasn’t allowed there. You just don’t want me there.

Her eyes grow wide and she grabs onto her – No, for family meetings you truly won’t be allowed… but I did do this now without telling you to spare you the suffering, you’d just insist we go and lose a finger to frostbite to prove you can make it.

- And you have a vested interest in me keeping all my fingers.

She chokes a small a laugh, more relief than amusement, at least they’re making jokes about it – Yes, darling. Whatever would I do without them?

She takes her chin again – Mal, I don’t care if it’s a foreign planet, it’s your home. We can bundle me up in a hundred spells and make the trip another time, yes? – The dragon nods – And you will never lie to me again, yes?

- Never. – She moves forward to test the waters and when Regina lets her lean all the way in for a kiss she sighs her relief and smiles briefly before trailing kisses all around the exposed skin, Regina almost letting herself be moved to her back, just almost, so very close, but then she speaks

- Good. I lied as well, your mother is outside with the children. – Mal stands so fast she has to pull up Regina with her or let her fall off the couch, but that would must certainly have her sleeping on a cave for a week. She straightens herself as much as possible on her goddamned pajamas and Regina, who she now notices had changed from the muddied things she wears to train with the kids, untangles herself and moves toward the door without looking back – And she brought your brother.

- Maleficent, twice in a decade. You must be getting old. – Her mother rises from a seat, Draz happily between her arms already and she moves forward to hug her at once, baby smushed between them – We could not have found someone more worthy of bearing your father’s name than this mighty beast. – Between them Draz smiles dopily and the real beast of a man against the fireplace scoffs at the interaction, prompting their shared mother to turn to him – Kajetan, will you not greet your sister?

He grunts in her general direction – Maleficent.

- Kajetan. – She steps around their mother towards Regina’s side, place he’s meticulously skipping in his disdainful glance around the room – You’ve surely met Regina by now, my wife.

His nostrils flare almost comically but he manages to bite his comment, surely their mother told him to be quiet if he was to come along, and why did he come along? Regina chuckles by her side – Pleasure to meet you, I’ve heard a lot. If you truly want to hate me you need to put some real effort into it, as it stands you’re not even cracking top 5.

As it stands, Regina can reach just a bit past Kajetan’s waist, were she to stand next to him, and he looks tempted to squash her like a bug any second now, but Lily and Trivio enter from a side laughing like old pals. When he sees her finally emerged from the depths of the castle he stops and rushes to greet Mal enthusiastic, unlike his father – Aunt Maleficent, we were much surprised by your fast return! Grandmother is simply beside herself with joy. And Drazenko, such a precocious boy, takes after you of course, Your Majesty. - He says turning to Regina briefly with a minuscule bow of his head - The twins must be four times his age and they can’t be relied to walk themselves anywhere, let alone speak!

He seems to barely notice the tension he’s cut into, but Lily comes to stand by Regina’s exposed side almost instinctively, so it is most likely he’s a perfect charmer and spends his time oiling his father’s interactions to avoid the friction resulting in murder. Mal claps a hand over his arm with a genuine smile – Not to pile up on the twins, but you are my favorite nephew. I am very glad to see you as well.

He nods like a practiced politician - Mother wants to extend an invitation for supper – That makes his father grumble yet again – You must come with us tonight, she speaks of nothing else but meeting you since we told her you attended our last reunion.

- We… - Maleficent starts her own diplomatic refusal but her mother sends her an icy look from above her son’s head and she nods – will be honored to accept your invitation. – She must indeed be getting old, to have to parade her family to her brother’s. She reaches out to squeeze Regina’s hand, just in case her recent bravado is more front than the actual thing.

Kajetan must have been counting on her being hardheaded about saying no because he pushes off the wall motioning to Regina - This is preposterous, how do you suppose she gets there?

The Queen lets go of her hand only to clamp hers over her forearm to hold her back, so she’ll have to annoy him in retaliation - She rides me. – She smirks

Lily groans under her breath - Jesus, mom, please.

- Why? How do you get your wife places K? – she asks as sweetly as she can under the circumstances

It drives him mad, both the concept of letting a human ride on their backs and the idea of marriage, so pedestrian. He growls - I do not have a wife.

Mal plays stupid - Oh, did she not want to commit to you? I understand some want to maintain the option to simply… leave.

He moves on Mal with one long stride - You scoff at tradition and mock--

- Enough. – Dannica says from her vantage point at the end of the room, calming Draz as he squirms on her arms now this huge man is obscuring the view of his known family members. She moves towards them and cuts between like a hot knife through butter - Kajetan, inform Syb she’s invited to supper. Maleficent, show us around this place you hid in for a century.

- Of course, mother - they both say in unison before briefly glaring at each other. Mal cracks first, motioning for Trivio and Dannica to follow, and Kajetan slinks to the open balcony, as much as a man his size can slink anywhere.

- You good? – Lily whispers her way when they all move away, a hand landing softly on her shoulder, making Regina smile

- Dear, Zelena tried to erase me from existence and my own mother scared me more than that. Now that would be a family reunion. Cora would eat your sweet uncle for breakfast. Let’s go find me some anti-wind wards.

Chapter Text

At least he doesn’t live in a volcano, Regina thinks as she flexes her fingers one hand at a time. The trip is fairly short, certainly not the longest she’d submitted herself to on Mal’s back, and even mostly horizontal, only turning inhospitable for the last ten minutes or so when the lush greenery underneath them comes to an abrupt stop to give way to arid, pitch black soil. It makes what was a perfectly nice day look gloomy, sudden clouds overhead and a thin mist under them, accented with black and grey as far as they eye can see.

And what little Regina’s eyes can see has no defining features, she probably couldn’t find this in a map if she tried, the life-less landscape blurring together as Mal rushes after her mother and nephew with Lily and Draz one on each side of them. It is impossible to make out the details ahead over all those dragons in her field of vision, so for a single second she loses concentration and looks back in case it’s easier to spot a landmark in that direction and almost falls as Mal veers dangerously fast to a side to avoid a column of something that erupts between her and Lily. Even when she turned just in time; some of the spray manages to reach Regina and shower her in water that surely doesn’t scald her only because of her spells to avoid getting burned by Draz. A geyser, and by the looks of the meandering path Trivio is tracing before them, a whole valley of them ahead. A low rumble comes from Mal below her and Regina turns to watch Draz tuck himself squarely over Mal’s wing, doing his best to obey the order to stay there as she maneuvers around the boiling water that shoots from the ground without alert.

No sooner has Regina started worrying that she’ll slip unless she casts something else, the soil turns into rock and the wind manages to dry Mal in a matter of seconds as they ascend to the plain of an outcrop that holds a stone structure on the opposite side. They land on the solid ground and all Regina can think of as they turn around her is the walk ahead of them, she can make out a ceiling of sorts through the fog but between the wind and the certain lack of polished path there’s no way it’ll be fun. She can feel Mal mold herself to her back at least, filling her with warmth again – The property value must be abysmal.

Regina laughs and lets herself be hugged, the little remaining water coming off her as steam with the rise in temperature Mal so graciously provides her in furnace mode as she bends down to kiss her hair in apology – Can we skip the walk? Would that offend?

She shrugs above her as she calls for Draz to fly close in that strange language of them – Lily, take your grandmother.

Lily trips over her own feet to move to her, dusting her hands on her shirt even to make sure it’s extra ok to touch her own grandmother, but the woman holds up a hand before Lily makes it all the way – I will fly. – She objects, Trivio grabs onto Regina’s arm right away.

- Mother, he’s not here yet. Take the favor. – For another few seconds they stand there but she nods finally and they all disappear, to land a few feet away from the impressive stone structure that sits right on the edge surely for the view of the other, equally uninviting, side of that valley.

The architect must have been from Earth, or the chain of events was backwards, Regina muses as they ascend the steps to enter. There’s columns the thickness of the clock tower back home holding up a slated ceiling, walls seem to be mostly optional and if the stone were a lighter color it would blend right in with Henry’s ancient Greece figurine sets. She pauses in awe to put a hand to one of the supporting columns by the entrance to find the mere decorative ridges are twice her hand’s span, looks up and feels the urge to look right back down when Draz looks like a mere bird overhead circling the columns to entertain himself  - How would someone even build this? On this outcrop, with geysers around in all directions to the nearest livable space.

Mal takes her hand as they move further into the castle, torches lighting up the main path and Trivio skipping merrily with Lily ahead, Dannica is the one to answer Regina’s question - Perhaps someone enslaved a few thousands for a few decades. It is not often we speak of the barbaric history of our buildings. You’ll have to ask his mate.

- Did he just… move in? – Mal asks with a chuckle, but then remembers that she also just moved in – Who built our house?

- The one in Storybrooke? The curse, I suppose. – Mal nods, it doesn’t look old enough for slavery, but maybe it is. She’ll check the town records when they return.

For now though, Trivio leads them in with his amiable chatter, past a few furniture set ups that separate one space from the other until they reach the table where she supposes they will eat. It’s a circular one, also made of stone but polished this time around and arranged around a fire stoked just enough to warm the space but not to impede them seeing across it. The spread is already prepared for them beforehand and as her mother takes a seat regardless of the hosts’ presence, or lack thereof, Mal turns to Regina briefly – No matter what they might say, it’ll be fine. We will get through this like it is just a very normal, regular dinner. – She pauses for a second – Don’t eat anything I haven’t tasted yet. We’ll be out of here in three hours, tops - She raises her wrist to check the watch that’s not there and grumbles

- Mal, what is this? – she tries hard to hide her amusement at the sudden bout of jitters but ends up smiling just the same when she moves to take Mal’s head in her hands – I won’t lose any respect for you because they tease their baby sister.

She huffs but before she can tell Regina she’s very much not nervous for herself, Trivio announces his mother’s arrival. Both Regina and Mal look up to greet her but sputter before they say anything else, Lily beats them to it – You’re just that tall too – She shoots a hand up and the woman takes it, amused – I’m Lily.

- Lily, Trivio has told me a great deal about you. Which makes you Maleficent, and you Regina. I am Evanthe – They both nod at her after she nods their way – Thank you for accepting our invitation, I understand Kajetan can be harsh at times, so I sent Trivio as well.

- Of course. Thank you, for having us. – Regina chuckles, now processing the sight before her. If she were to be twice as tall, cut her hair even shorter, have horns and opt in more leather in her outfit she too would render people stupid for a second. – I must say, this is a very interesting home.

- Yes, the grandparents just hated privacy. – A teenage girl a good head taller than Mal with bright-green hair says, eyes squarely on a book adapted to her size even as she weaves between them all the way to where Dannica is, bestowing upon her what looks like a very rare hug to then sit on the next chair and resume her reading promptly

- Forgive my daughter. Amaranth, introduce yourself.

- You just told them my name, mother. Why must I repeat it? – Trivio rolls his eyes at her

Mal recovers speech as Draz flies down to settle on her shoulders at last, curious about all these people milling about – Ah, I can’t wait for this one to reach that stage. His name is Drazenko, after our father. Did you have a chance to meet him?

- I did, he was a great dragon. Kaj misses him dearly. – A gust of wind announces the others touching down, much closer than they had and Evanthe takes the opportunity to round the table and gesture to them - Please, sit.

Mal goes willingly after her and Regina chuckles as she follows close - Are you ogling your brother’s not-wife?

The blonde pulls out a stone chair that looks more solid than a mountain for her, takes the opportunity to whisper by her ear - Well, can you grow another five feet?

Regina hums - I see where we stand. – She takes her seat, and feels Mal push her in more than she sees her behind the huge backrest, and Lily plops down on the one on the opposite side of Mal’s and next to the sulky teenager, who glances up briefly to look her cousin up and down curiously but says nothing and keeps on reading while Trivio sits next to Regina, pointing out which dishes are human-friendly and leaving another half of the wheel for Gunda, Sybilla and her mate. Kajetan enters after them all and at last the hosts sit by Dannica’s other side and above them the twins and Draz chase each other to the point they leave the room altogether, off the side of the room that faces a hundred-feet tall fall. Regina darts her eyes that way nervously and Mal takes her hand under the table with a soft squeeze, and surely, they return a minute later to spill out off the room on the other direction  

No one really moves for a second while Kajetan eyes his mate and she eyes him right back, until he loses the little contest and stands to kick off their reunion with a gruff greeting – Welcome, we are honored to have you here. May this never happen again.

His daughter chuckles and tosses her book aside to reach for a platter of bloody somethings in front of her, offers some to Lily even – What may we call you? Human, dragon, witch?

- Oh I’m… you know, halfsies. – She takes the platter and routes it over to Mal, who takes it with one hand and passes it to Trivio over Regina, as she also points what smells edible for her, deciding to pass on anything raw or needing sharp teeth in a show of solidarity.

- Halfsies? – Kajetan prompts – Is this a word?

Lily clears her throat rolling her eyes – I am half-human. And all my dragon parts work too, witch on top of that. You can just call me any of those. I don’t mind, but my name’s Lily. – she sniffs at her bloody bit of food as she turns back to the girl – Where do you get hair dye here?

The girl frowns, very interested in her weird cousin – Dye made from hair? Dye to tint hair?

- Second one… - Lily frowns too, you’d think a kid with tennis-ball-green hair would know how to dye their hair – Were you born with green hair or something? – She turns to Trivio and then back. Gunda and the twins are blissfully blond and so is their dad, and between Trivio, Draz and her getting their mothers’ dark hair… someone somewhere has to have had green hair for this kid to look like a post it.

- Excuse me? – The dye starts melting off her hair to turn black in less than a minute and then it seeps out of her scalp again to return to the green – I thought all your dragon parts functioned. Can you not change your appearance?

Lily sputters – What the f-

- She can. – Mal stops her before she finishes her sentence

- I can?

Gunda speaks up – I believe we showed you this. – Trivio nods remembering the day in question with a smile, Lily’s drunken memory of that felt more and more like a hallucination the more she thought about it, so she never gave it any actual thought. The platter reaches her blonde cousin and she takes almost half – You are taller.

- I’ve been exercising.

She smirks - Your height?

Lily falls silent after that, looking intently at her hands to see if she could make her fingers turn into talons like they had that time to pierce a barrel of ale in a dark room. And while she does that the annoying uncle laughs – Well, at least someone thought to teach her.

Mal’s hand clenches around her fork – If you knew about advertising you would gauge the dangers of telling young women they can change their appearance at will. Do not pretend to know why I raise my children like I do.

- Raise? You have barely raised the infant – he scoffs

Sybilla chuckles – Have mercy on her K, she has only a few years’ experience. You have a century under your belt and yet, your daughter has green hair.

He laughs merrily at the quip and Mal stands down, disarmed for a second but another fire comes from across the table where the girl takes offense at her hair being the laughingstock - I do not think father has ever mentioned you. Have we met? – The young woman in question says

Sybilla replies - I don’t believe we have.

- What good times those were.

Regardless of that Lily grabs onto Mal’s sleeve – Wait, so you’re saying I can be like, way hotter?

Over them Sybilla laughs – Allow me to end the good times. Sybilla, my daughter Gunda, my mate Torsten. I am sure the twins will tire themselves in time for you three to meet as well, sadly for them.

- Better with green hair than getting mauled by a half breed. – She says pointing to the spot on the rug farther inside where Draz is overpowering one of their cousins in a game of… something.

Mal turns to her with a practiced calm expression – My half-breeds can hold their own.

- Do they develop correctly? – Evanthe says at last, curious, the first of the plus ones to speak since they sat – How old are you, Lily?

- Um, thirty-five.

The girl chuckles – You look four decades older.

- Well shit, ok I guess. How old are you?

- Thirty-four.

Lily frowns at that, the hits just keep on coming and the conversation doesn’t stop long enough for her to even ask. The platter almost completes the circle, Evanthe speaking again as she serves herself a plate - Seems to me they age too rapidly, wouldn’t you say Maleficent? –  Even when her tone doesn’t bear the scorn Kajetan has when speaking about Regina, Mal can see now that she agrees, just knows how to do so politely while he grins by her side. They are a match after all, their world view must be compatible.

Regina speaks at last- Is there truly a difference between living one millennia instead of two?

Amaranth dismisses her almost instantly - No one expects you to understand.

Trivio cuts through the tension as he does best – Sister, you are unbearable. As you know the children are playing in the next room, go to them. – She makes a face at him and tosses something just low enough it catches fire before it reaches his plate, forcing him to toss it away at once. – Why can’t you be an amenable thirty-five-year-old like our cousin?

Gunda laughs – Lily is a child in an adult’s body.

- Hey, I have like a serious girlfriend I’m not cheating on now.

- The true marker of growth – Sybilla says as she raises her goblet in Lily’s direction – Took a few of the people around this table more than a century to reach that. Including your mother.

Trivio looks like he’s about to take personal offense to that one and Dannica intervenes – Shall we toast to growth and eat then? – Whatever the bloody bits, they finally reach her and she’s all but done with banter

- Can they even eat any of this?

Mal laughs incredulously - Why are we here right now mother? You needn’t force me to subject my family to this. We are clearly not welcome. – She turns to Amaranth at once – I do not care if you are a child, you either learn respect or to face consequences.

- You come into my den, and dare threaten my daughter? – he stands and walks around his section of table dodging Evanthe’s hand as she shoots it out to hold him in place

- Christ, threaten? I am simply telling her to dial it down- Mal stands as well but doesn’t move from Regina’s side – And I would not have to, had you not taught her your hateful drivel.

He frowns at her, confused and still angry- I taught her simple sense. Your marriage is unnatural, just be grateful she is even allowed to step foot in here.

Regina grabs onto her wrist before she can move away – Mal. Mal. – she repeats when the blonde doesn’t acknowledge her – Maleficent. Sit. This isn’t worth it.

For a brief moment she stands there, taut, her breathing shallow and bursts of scorching air coming out of her nose every time she exhales, but Regina tugs again and Mal turns back for a second to watch her shake her head imperceptibly. The instant calming effect must be noticeable because Kajetan laughs where he stands - Yes, listen to your human master. You are pathetic sister, look at yourself, small, weakened. She has you wearing trinkets to prove she owns you but could not even ensure the other humans didn’t take your child away.

- Enough. – Dannica says at last when Maleficent looks like she’s about to jam her knife in his throat, whatever it takes – You will both sit, and we will eat. For once I have managed to get you all in once place, you will not scuffle like children.

This time, they don’t listen. He lifts his arms in a show of surrender and starts walking back to his seat, but turns just enough to say his last piece in their strange native language and whatever it is, the others break their tomb-like silence to wince or groan as it applies and Mal snatches her arm from Regina’s hand and lunges at her brother. She should have no chance, he’s a hardened warrior after all and she’s only Mally, their younger sister, collector of books. He turns just in time to see her reach him and can’t escape as she bends and tackles him right around the knees pushing forward until they fall between two of the columns, plummeting down the side of the cliff.

Regina has to practically bound over the chair to get out from it, rushing to the end of the room with Lily close behind and a few others standing as well - What did he say?! – Regina yells Lily’s way as she rushes to the edge, no humans or dragons in sight. Lily hesitates by her side and she presses – Lily, what did he tell her?

- Oh. You know… - Regina glares, and there’s no way she’s gonna ask a third time. Lily lowers her voice, moot point when they all heard it in the original rendition – That at least you’re a high-end human whore because he heard you charge a kingdom for a lay.

She can’t give them the satisfaction of showing any hurt, specially not Evanthe that seems on board with her mate’s point of view, nice as she seemed before; and it’s not truly a new quip either, as far as selling your daughter goes Cora set a steep price indeed. Mal though, probably doesn’t see it quite so reasonably. She grabs at Lily again when the dragons finally emerge from the foggy valley, or at least a burst of fire does and alerts them of their whereabouts – I need you to go find your mother before one of them ends up seriously injured. –  She looks like she wants to protest and Regina smiles at her as genuinely as she can – I will be fine, right now you have to get between them.

Trivio marches up to them – I will go as well. They might have hurt themselves on the fall. Gunda? - She stands hastily, nodding at them as she approaches and following close as they turn and fly off.

For a second there’s silence, but the remaining man speaks – I concede your point, I did not need to meet the rest of your family.  

- Seems all our reunions will inevitably end with a child offending some of us – Sybilla says as she offers Regina a goblet of wine where she stands by the edge, waiting for Lily and the others to drag Mal and her brother back. – Surely you can forgive her, given her father. Who you may continue to hate without any judgement from me.

She accepts the olive branch with a nod – I don’t really care much either way. I have certainly been called worse than human, or whore. Mal however…

- Is very impulsive. Yes. – Of all things Regina would call Mal impulsive was never one of them, even in rage she’d always been calm and methodical. But today she tackled a man clear off a cliff – She will have to grow a thicker skin when it comes to Kajetan. Lately, he hovers over mother like a moth around flame. We must go through him to see her.

- This is not a weekly affair then? Family dinner.

She laughs – This is mother spurred by Maleficent’s resurfacing. Evanthe I met once, when Joaquim died, and Torsten was blissfully ignorant of all my pesky siblings. We had never attempted to dine like this. With good reason, as you can see.

Regina smiles ruefully, she knew Mal had seen more of them in the last couple of years than in the century before, but she’d thought them closer. She’s the one that suggested they reach out now, maybe she should have left well enough alone - Surely if Maleficent had found a dragon, this wouldn’t have gone this poorly.

 Off at the end of the cliff they can make out the children dragging their parents off each other and Gunda acting like a boxing match referee, Sybilla smiles – Long before any of us left home we used to come to blows over the mere weather if we had to. So no, another dragon would just mean a fight about something else.

Regina chuckles, she guesses siblings are siblings regardless of species – I can imagine. You remember my dreadful sister. She enjoys riling me up as well. – Still, must be nice for the ones with 0% body magic content that don’t fear being hurled after any altercation.

- And you can clearly hold your own, it takes a remarkable human to sit among so many of us - She levels a clap on Regina’s shoulder that could take it out of its socket – We all know you love her. Their brat will surely change her point of view about humans in time, Trivio did. Then even K will cease to make it a point of conversation.

She nods her thanks – Our brat has made strides this year.

- Mine hasn’t. She still mopes around most of her time, dreadful.

The brats in question finally come in, each one in possession of their parent and Gunda looking the most frazzled of them all. They’re scuffed but not too injured, and as they each drop one in a chair on opposite sides of the table Gunda goes and sits on the floor with the kids, letting them climb over her to unwind. Lily paces their section of the table for some water and comes up with nothing but wine or liquor, so she goes for the liquor, while she coughs the fire it causes Regina moves to stand before Mal, fixing the cuts and scrapes as she spots them – You jumped off a cliff.

Mal’s breathing is still ragged as she glares her brother’s way – I am going to kill him.

The man in question laughs almost mockingly on his side of the room and Mal growls, so Regina casts a silencing spell around them when Lily rushes close with some more of that drink, for Mal – You want to kill your brother because he insulted me? – She takes her drink, spits fire off to a side, glares some more, gets another cut healed and Regina finally takes her head on her hands to try and force to look at her – Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.

- You don’t even want me to kill your own sister when she insults you – she finally shifts her eyes onto Regina’s for a single second before she darts them away again, she has to if she wants to stay mad enough to defeat Kajetan after they release her

- Yes, I’ve killed enough. I’m quite over it. – Regina dodges her head this way and that chasing Mal’s until she manages to make eye contact again – You look very hot trying to murder for my honor, you do.  But I won’t have you hurling yourself off cliffs or fighting men twice your size, because you have children. This is putting a damper on my vacation.

- He would willingly say something so callous; he must know that’s not what happens-

- Why would he? He doesn’t mix with us lowly humans. Perhaps for him we are barbarians, we sell our young to be preyed upon. Mother wanted a kingdom and traded me for it, Snow wanted a kingdom and traded Lily and Emma for it. We are truly despicable creatures. And you will forgive the fact that he has no tact about it, we will maybe eat, and we will leave and not see him for another decade at least, see if he learns tact and nuance.

Mal shakes her head out Regina’s gentle grip - I will not.

She grabs right back - Yes, you will. Give me an ‘I will, darling’.

- I will not.

Above them Lily chuckles - I mean mom, you kinda have to. He’ll break you in half.

She tries to look up to properly glare at her - He will not, I can fight. – The nerve of her own child to doubt her ability to beat a simpleton like Kajetan

Her train of thought is interrupted when Regina speaks again - Yes, you can! – Regina squishes her cheeks for good measure – Because you’re a very mighty dragon. Big and strong.

Mal groans as she drags her face away from her hands and swats them away before she starts fussing like she’s Draz - Fine. You have made your point.

- You will forgive him. – Mal grunts – Give me an ‘I will, darling’.

She grits her teeth and forces herself through this - I will, darling.

Regina smirks at her - Now an ‘I love you, darling’.

- You’re insufferable. – She stands quickly as Lily snickers behind her, and Regina chuckles as well, checking her surreptitiously for injury, past some bruises that might form later she’s fine. - I do love you though. – She at least gets a kiss for her trouble. And she prepares to dole out her fake forgiveness only to see they’re kind of being stared at in their cozy bubble of silence. It shimmers away when Regina deems her whole and turns back to see them as well, and Mal takes a single fortifying breath – Brother. I forgive you for your boorish behavior.

He must have gotten a similar stern talking to because he nods – Sister. I am sorry I offended you. – His chest heaves with the effort it took him to let that sentence out and on her seat their mother gives a self-satisfied smile. They live to fight another day.

When he attempts to stand, he struggles just enough they can spot something’s happened to his right ankle and now is favoring the left leg, and Regina steps from beside Mal – I can heal that. – They all look at her perplexed and she continues pressing towards him regardless – You barter with casters often. I will do it for free even, for family.

He looks bewildered for a moment and Mal rolls her eyes, leave it to Regina to use being nice as an offensive maneuver. She sits and grabs for her drink with a smirk – Take the favor.

Chapter Text

Denying Regina a trip to a tropical location looks increasingly more stupid every second they spend at the beach they used to frequent before she cast the curse. Besides the blazing sun on Mal’s skin, and the wind coming from the sea, Regina’s frolicking around in a bikini, with her hair curling and her skin glistening. Mal only regrets not coming sooner, when the phones were still charged so she could acquire footage of the phenomena on display. For a second Regina submerges herself, and Mal takes a deep breath when she comes back up and starts walking towards her, hair slicked back and water droplets trailing all types of experimental paths down her body.

She’s stuck on observation mode when Regina returns, drags the closest thing to a towel they had in the castle and wraps herself thoroughly, sadly – Open your legs.

Mal chuckles – Buy me dinner first at least, won’t you? – she does as told anyway and Regina drops herself on the sandy blanket without a care, settles in for what looks like a relaxing moment, drapes her sopping wet hair over Mal’s shoulder and turns just enough to plant a kiss on her cheek before turning back forward without another word.

It’s always when Regina’s focused on something else that it dawns on her that she has Regina now, the whole of Regina, not the allotted portion of Regina she used to have before but the entirety of Regina, content to simply sit with her. She circles her with one of her arms and leans back against the gigantic trunk of an ancient tree that ended up there on the beach for Regina to carve at it with a dagger once upon a time, her free hand goes to the scratches, barely there and really formless but easy to find if you know to look for them and she feels her hand dig into the wood, that cedes easily for her after decades of rain and wind and moss and critters, maybe centuries of them.

Regina commands her attention again – Whatever she’s doing, it’s a sign she understands the spells now and can tweak them appropriately. Modification is the mark of a proper apprentice – warm enough with Mal’s help she lets her hand go out into the world and searches blindly for the one Mal has around her to take it – Fire wasn’t meant to be hurled, for example.

Mal unclutches her tense hand when she turns to Lily, kick boxing against thin air on the edge of the water and throwing fire with every fist and every kick, while Draz tries to imitate her to no avail and falls on his ass more often than not - She is firebending. – Regina raises an eyebrow and she chuckles – There’s a cartoon. She says she can be the real-life avatar.

- Well, whatever that means, it’s impressive. A fire kick.

- You cannot have been the first person to throw a fireball.

She turns to sit sideways and her mildly damp hair follows her, making her remember her shivers – I’m sure I wasn’t, but it’s not in the books. My fireball is unique, however other people do it is unique to them. Lily’s turned it into a closed fist gesture. – Mal smiles softly at her but doesn’t say much and Regina leans away from her chest to look at her properly – Are you pensive? Don’t be, you know I like my blondes a little stupid.

Regina earns a chuckle for her trouble and Mal doubles down on her hugging for good measure – No, I’m simply missing home. This has been lovely, but it’s just retracing old steps. Regardless of surface I can fly over, my happiest days have been on Earth, with you lounging on me like I’m furniture and our strange children watching cartoons.

- Likewise. – She gives Mal a peck and spends a moment studying her features, to turn and look the children’s way as she speaks – But of all the steps, this one I wanted to retrace. I was never fully there before, was I? – A flash of regret dances across her eyes but she shakes it away with a smile – Except when we came here. I feel so free in this beach.

Mal’s trip down memory lane thus far had always led to the reminder that after each good day or week Regina would disappear for a while. And the trips to the beach were particularly vicious in that regard, they were so good her subsequent absence was worse than usual. They’ll be sticking together now, no reason for either of them getting downcast over the past - Because no one else can reach it. This log has been here untouched for decades.

Regina looks over her shoulder and smiles when she recognizes the tree – Oh, you’re right! – In a second she’s off, knife disappearing from the picnic basket and reappearing in her hand with a puff of smoke

Mal stands after her – What are you doing?  Going to make your old abstract art a companion piece?

Regina’s hard at work carving a heart like a lovestruck teenager – Our initials. This is our piece of driftwood, on which I first got you to eat a salad. It needs our initials.

- It was a disgusting salad. – and truth is, of course she’d eaten salad before, just not as bad as Regina’s obviously was, telling her dragons don’t eat salad was just a half-truth, they usually don’t.

- Aren’t you happy I’ve learned how to cook since?

And to stay, and raise children, and every other thing, including wearing bikinis and carving initials - Very. – Regina stands tall again, looking at her handiwork of M + R inside a heart with a smirk and Mal pulls her close – Lovely dear, you’re an artist when it comes to this tree.

- It’s seen us through a lot. – She looks at it fondly before turning to face Mal, hands going for her buttons and mood switching almost immediately – You should take off this shirt before I drag you into the sea with me. Salt water would wreck it here without fabric softener.

- I’m content to watch you prance around in slow motion somehow

- You know I pay dearly when you stand in water for me. Double for every inch over the waist even. – Every time they are at that damned beach Regina manages to break her, she forgets when they get there why it was she wasn’t in a rush to go back. Her face must have shown the defeat because Regina presses herself impossibly closer to drape her arms around her neck – Do you want to walk slowly to your doom or rip off the band aid?

- Just do it. – Regina stretches up enough to kiss her and as Mal focuses on the taste of salt on her lips and the warmth of her skin under the sun, they find themselves out there in the middle of the endless ocean, sparkling blue as far as the eye can see, the water lapping up to her waist as promised and the open shirt Regina didn’t bother to remove at the end getting soaked when a small wave threatens to engulf them.

Mal breaks away from Regina’s lips to gasp at that and the brunette holds onto her head before she can turn and really see the rest of her natural enemy – Just say the word and we get out. – Mal takes a single breath and steels herself for another little wave, her feet firmly planted on the sand underwater, and Regina goes under to come out dripping wet again and glue herself to Mal’s front, arms locking behind her neck again – very brave, I would love to encourage this behavior in any way I can.

She clutches onto Regina mostly because she looks very tempting but also because she needs anchoring, which is probably why she always insists they go stand in the middle of the water. Diabolical. She makes sure her hands bruise just so and Regina hoists herself up against her, the noble job of holding her up split between Mal and the water. – You’re getting tortured right back tonight – She takes the threat rather well, laughing in her arms merrily as she bends her neck to start kissing Mal’s, there where it’s not distracting enough yet for her to forget the rest the water in the world gaining on them

Lily yells from the shore - Oh my god, stop that! Gross!

Regina makes a second-long pit stop on her way to Mal's jaw to reply – We will not. Look away.

Lily’s change of focus from her training to the water makes Draz look that way as well, and he is disconsolate to spot them both far from the safety of solid ground - Mama! – Draz takes three steps forward alarmed, and then takes five steps back when the water grows and gets his knees wet. Whoever saves his mother today, won’t be him.

Lily scoops him up, dragging him to the blanket they vacated and he wiggles around to continue to worry over them where they stand in the water – Dude, you’ll thank me. Let’s just eat looking at this log.

Chapter Text

As they do when the cat’s away, they get three sandwiches each, it means a good loaf of bread gone in a single meal but  they power through that grief often, and have all dented their pile considerably when the cat returns in a happy mood followed by her blonde puppy. Emma goes straight for the fridge as Regina divests herself from all her cargo on the counter, when she’s finished, she spots Draz sitting dutifully on his high chair and making a mess of his meal. Since they came back home he’s found flying inside low ceilings isn’t that exhilarating, and his disposition to sit for a meal almost always earns him a shower of kisses he’s not going to pass on, this time his hands reach up for Regina’s face as she smacks a good ten kisses on him while he giggles merrily. Mal watches with a smile as she moves on from him, Henry allows her to kiss him strictly once before he dodges his head away from the second, and Lily ducks and hides her head under her arms as soon as Regina moves away from him, she gets a pinch on the exposed piece of the back of her neck she was foolish enough to leave open, and at last Regina finishes her round and comes give Mal the remaining kisses, another willing recipient, she circles her waist with one free arm to hold her in place as she continues her greeting

Emma’s search for food comes out short, all she can find is last night’s dinner and a dessert, pitiful. She drags a stool and sits – You don’t even shake my hand when you see me. – she grabs at it without a fork

- I can hardly trust it, can I? - Regina smiles her way and turns back to Mal, playing with a dangling curl – There’s a strange car in our driveway – Ah, the other shoe drops

Emma hums in agreement - I had to park on the street! – She reaches over the island and takes Henry’s unused fork

- Yes, Miss Swan had to face great hardship because of this mysterious visitor. Whose car is it?

For a moment, they all dodge her gaze and Mal tightens her hold, she can’t yell mid-hug – It’s mine.

- You bought a car? – She draws as much distance as she can to lift her eyebrow effectively – Why?

- To go places.

- What places?

- Well, Cruella’s cabin, the beach, and so on and so forth.

- And you will drive to these places?

- Yes.

- In your brand-new car.

- Yes.

For a few seconds there’s silence. Lily and Henry both try to stand and flee the scene, but Regina holds a hand up and they drop back into their seats immediately - Mal, you are terrible liar. Why did you buy a car?

Regina almost chuckles on her spot as the blonde blinks a few times too many trying to explain - It’s a car. That I bought. With four doors and plenty room. That any of us can drive if we need to. Yours is too precious, and Lily’s smells, and its hers. – Lily takes offense to that and grumbles and Emma keeps on munching but makes a noise of assent

Regina steps out of the embrace – You bought Henry a car.

- You bought the kid a car?! – Emma chokes, mid chew and with another piece of chicken on her fork

Regina begins her pacing, moving to the wine and pouring herself a tall glass- He’s been working you for three years, I told you. We don’t need another car, we have two already. Three of us can teleport and you can fly.

He grumbles – Then I’m kinda the only one that needs a car. And you guys won’t lend me yours. – he points at Regina and Emma, and a little to Lily as well, concerning that it’s only a little

– You know what kid? I was actually thinking of giving you the bug. – he looks boggled by the side and she shrugs – It was your dad’s, and I’m ready to say bye and get a boring sedan.

Regina steps between them to nip that meaningful moment in the bud - None of you think to consult me before deciding to gift my son a car? – Henry focuses on his remaining sandwich with an unparalleled intensity.

Mal reaches for her hand over the island- In my defense, I have to buy his love somehow dear. You bought Lily a motorcycle on a whim. This is a carefully researched purchase, it’s one of the safest options out there.

Emma snorts - It’s a benz, you bought a not-even-16-year-old-yet a benz! – her outrage, although high, isn’t enough to stop her from eating

- That’s Regina’s brand.

- Dear, - She chuckles almost, even at her strongest, when she’s managed to resist his pleading, someone always decides to indulge Henry – you could have at least bought an used one for him to scratch. What’s the insurance like on that car? – She turns to Henry – You can choose to keep it – He looks up with a big grin and hope in his eyes, hope that needs to be dashed – but you pay for everything except the car itself. Insurance, upkeep, gas, car wash.

- Mom, that’s so expensive!

She raises an eyebrow at him and he calms right down - You wanted an expensive car. I’m sure you had a hand on Mal’s carefully researched purchase. You either go and try to exchange it for something a little more low maintenance or save up your allowance, get a job perhaps if it isn’t enough – he pouts a little but seems to accept his fate, and moves to put his dish in the dish washer skulking, Regina takes pity on him and the equally pouting blonde – Why don’t you two find a way to exchange cars? Henry takes the bug and you buy the one outside from Mal, and you can teach him how to drive.

- Actually, Lily kinda…- he hesitates halfway through, when his sister shakes her head subtly, but Regina’s face is telling him to finish his thought -taught me. But like, not too much. I should get more lessons from Ma. Yeah.

- Wow. – she stands – You really threw me under the bus like that after I did you a solid.

Regina drinks her wine in one go – Anyone else in this conspiracy to get Henry on the road? – They keep quiet and Mal squeezes Regina’s hand once more before she stands to deal with Draz’s plate and her own - Well, one of you gets to park outside of the garage. So, I’m sure you’re very happy with the outcome.

Lily shrugs as she leaves the kitchen - I’m cool with it. My car is a sturdy piece of junk, mom. It’s been rained on.

- It’s kinda crazy… your step-parent got you an expensive car to make up for the marrying your remaining parent for their money, and you have a two-car garage but you still have to park outside. I always hoped you’d get to have this kind of problems kid.

Mal pipes in from the dish washer’s side - White girl problems?

Emma nods - White girl problems.

Regina takes a last sweeping look at them all before deciding to be self-righteously angry at the situation elsewhere and beginning to walk away, baby in her arms - Miss Swan, we had pressing business to attend to.

- I haven’t finished my pie. Also, I don’t think I can afford a Mercedes.

- Use the money you were spending on rent and cookies.

Chapter Text

Mal realizes magic is fickle and unstable in children, it’s a miracle her own have barely injured themselves or others with their abilities, and a miracle likely brought by Regina’s guidance, she’s sure they have more control than others in their position. So she cannot really blame Snow White for the fact that her son’s appeared just now in her living room with a dazed expression and a stuffed bear on one hand, but she can be mad at the screaming that ensued when Regina wasn’t readily produced for him, since it woke up her own infant of his peaceful nap.

They’re friends nonetheless, Draz and Neal, not anyone else possibly involved in this situation, and within minutes she feels comfortable enough to leave them for exactly 35 seconds as she speeds to the kitchen to find the landline and the list of numbers perpetually stuck to the fridge since before her arrival in town, and back to supervise the little sorcerer and the little dragon sorcerer as they hurl toys at each other at a speed only accomplished in nature by trebuchets.

The gods’ mercy accompanies her, and the phone rings only twice before the princess picks up – Regina? – she sounds so calmly confused she must not have noticed her missing person – Is everything okay? Henry?

One of the kids throws something that glows green and she reaches a hand out to swat it mid-way, it burns, disturbing. – No, Maleficent. I have your son.

- Excuse me?! – The woman squeals on her side of the call, and Mal can hear the ruckus as she rushes to check whether her only son is indeed gone and kidnapped by a dragon. – What do you mean?!

- I mean, Snow White, that your son is in my possession. Blue eyes and blonde hair, brown overalls with a red shirt, little denim sneakers. – Well, no reason to not have fun with the development – I do believe you might want him back, must be quite distressing to know him gone.

Snow must have traveled all the way to Neal’s last know whereabouts and found the absence there, paired with the reconstruction of his outfit, her blood must be running sufficiently cold by now, good. She sounds serious – Why do you have him?!

- Babies, such tender meat – the silence on the other end of the call is deafening and she rolls her eyes as she sits again - Oh relax, he materialized in my living room looking for Regina. – at mention of her both children look her way and she must, sadly, shake her head. The mayor is at work. They turn back to their game – Will you come get him or shall I fix him a bed?

- I will be right there. – The woman replies, tense, and hangs right up.   

I will be right there means a minute at best when you usually deal with magic-wielding humans, this time though, Snow White seems to take her damn sweet time. And much as she would have liked to shun her entire bloodline for crimes committed against hers, you start with Henry, get Emma Swan shoved down your throat and then can’t really resist the toddler. It happened to Regina, and it happened to her. Neal’s happily clinging to her back as she runs around the house with Draz flying after them when the doorbell finally rings and they move to take it.

- Mommy! – he says from over Mal’s shoulder when she appears behind the door and Draz flies right over her head on his way out

She ducks and shields herself and her baby with her free arm, straightening up, apprehensive as she tries to see if that offended Mal – Hello. He’s gotten big.

- Yes, the local wildlife cowers as well. -  Mal crouches to let Neal down and for a second he jumps by Snow’s side, tickling Eva’s feet as she tries to kick him away to no avail. Mal observes with a dry expression – Well, he’s left a toy somewhere. I will go fetch it and you can be on your way.

Snow hesitates a moment at the door but decides going as far as the foyer is okay still, since she’s not a complete stranger and she needs to juggle her car keys back in place before they fall – Um, I take it Regina’s at work. I’m really sorry, this magic stuff is crazy, right?

- No. – she holds up the bear for Neal to take and he smiles up at her with all the innocence of a boy that pops into people’s houses with no concerns. – Who’s training him?

Snow makes a small little noise as her keys try to slip and Neal tries to run back into the house when Draz enters through an open window – Oh well, Blue has been helping, and even Emma a little. All hands on deck, but still, not a lot of experience with that kind of magic.

Mal looks at Neal as he tracks Draz’s movement behind them and wonders how much longing for that fun until he inevitably disappears again and drops himself in the middle of the air, plummets and injures himself. She blocks his view and glances at Snow White and the other child that will probably soon start to display signs of magic too - I will ask Regina if she can add another student to the roster. Draz can consciously pick location by now, I’m sure she will prevent Neal from disappearing instinctively like that again.

For a good ten second Snow holds her gaze, while continuing to juggle her keys, her baby, and Neal held on the other hand – Thank you, that’s very nice. Emma and I both thought it would cross a line.

- It would, from you. – Snow blinks at her and she blinks right back, she’s had enough of this interaction for the foreseeable future and starts showing them out the door, but Neal’s bear falls and he yanks himself out of Snow’s grasp to grab it. Mal sighs, heavily – Do you need help getting to the car?

She turns at her with big doe eyes - Oh, I could use it. Thank you, Mal.

- No. Maleficent. - She bends down and sweeps up a giggling Neal high over her shoulders as she breezes by - Hand over the keys.

When they're gone she only has a minute of peace before her phone vibrates in her pocket and Regina’s suddenly not so busy voice greets her from the other side, no hello or anything – Henry tells me he saw something very interesting from his window. Are you befriending Snow White behind my back?

- You need to help her train her children if you’re going to condition them to expect meals when they appear in our house. I have enough with Emma’s unannounced visits. – Regina laughs in her ear as she goes retrieve a pair of tongs from the kitchen to handle the still glowing toy, whatever ticking bomb it is, she’s throwing it out to the backyard to do its exploding there.

Chapter Text

The minute the planning committee idiot leaves her office she grabs for her phone to get a quick facetime call home, sometimes she gets lucky and Mal has Draz on hand and she can look at his pudgy little face for a few minutes between meetings and it makes a world of difference in the next scheduled fool’s life expectancy. This time however she has three missed calls from the last half hour, and she calls back anxious enough to minimize the call while it rings to see if Emma Swan had texted or e-mailed about some emergency at Mifflin.

Mal answers on the second ring and sounds like the house is under siege – Regina come home. – she’s off her chair in the same second, gearing up to grab her blazer and disappear as Mal continues – I am running a Daycare here and I don’t think I can survive much longer.

Regina stops on her tracks – What?

Someone smacks Mal and she grumbles at them in a low voice before seemingly yelling to the phone from afar – The children, they have taken over. Zelena left Robyn with me this morning, and Henry came back from school with four teenagers, and Lily has three friends over.

- Lily doesn’t have three friends. – Regina chuckles, and makes herself comfortable again. She should work for another couple hours at least, justify her reelection.

Mal is definitely losing a battle on her side of the call though, it sounds like she’s wrestling Robyn – Well it appears she does. There’s an unidentified scent-noise combination coming from her room.

- Mal, calm down. Lily and her three friends are adults, they don’t need you right now. Henry and his four friends may be loud, but they too will survive, and Emma is probably there, she can muster up enough authority to help you with the teenagers if you need her to. Focus on the babies.

All very reasonable suggestions if she does say so herself, but Draz’ little yelling starts mixing with Robyn’s and she knows they have especially caustic babies in their family. Mal’s voice drifts closer and further as she chases them around – They are getting hungry Regina. The babies, the teenagers, the almost adults. Hungry.

- Darling, call for pizza. – The deathly silence she gets, only cut with the kids’ maniacal giggles lets her know Mal won’t be calling for pizza. – I will call for pizza. – She gets nothing then either. – I will go get pizza and make sure it gets home as fast as possible.

- Thank you dear, I love you. – and with that she hangs up.

She called the place to get them to start making her pizzas before she left the office, and driving to get them was only a ten minute affair, so she can’t truly fault them for not having them ready for her, but she does yell just a little bit so fear will fuel them. And it works, five pizzas in half an hour is no easy feat, and she leaves a sizable tip for the kitchen and the kid that helps her carry them to the car. She wastes another fifteen driving home and wastes five more trying to wrestle her keys in position to open the door before giving up and simply transporting to the kitchen, where she finally drops the stack of pizza on the island and follows it up with her keys and her coat and her purse.

Draz runs right in – Mama!

- Hello baby! -  Maleficent follows him in at a more sedate pace, with Robyn in her arms tugging at her collar like she wants it shredded. Draz looks up at that resentful but focuses on his spare mom again, arms up.  Regina chuckles as she complies – Have you been terrorizing Mommy?

- No!

- He has – Mal sighs and moves to hide one of the pizzas before it’s gone – You and your sister have made terrorists.

Regina reaches for Mal’s hand to squeeze it briefly – Cora’s spirit overtakes them when you’re the only line of defense. – Mal laughs a bit as she lets Robyn down to sit on the counter, hands hovering just in case she dips to a side. She looks beatific now Regina’s around so maybe she’s right. The woman moves closer to drop a kiss on her cheek and continues moving to get plates out – Kids, food!

Henry and friends appear almost immediately, running past them to open all four remaining pizzas. There’s a cacophony of “Hi Mrs. Mills” and she greets them one by one as they go past her – Henry grab your friends some drinks – he drops his plate and it makes a painful noise as it falls back, he at least looks sheepish when he goes to yank the fridge open and take out bottled juice for them. Lily appears with her three, all four of them looking like they climbed up from the mines, a group that in fact includes Emma Swan, Jenna and their one and only kindergarden teacher, it appears the lesbians are banding up, with Emma. The teacher in question avoids Regina’s eyes and Mal hums curiously, lifting her eyebrow Regina’s way

She looks over at the bunch of kids preoccupied with their pizza and the drinks Henry’s dispensing and gathers they can allude to things without them even hearing their conversation – Yes, but only once. We can be normal about that, can’t we Miss Preaker?

The woman, Candace jumps at being addressed and Lily frowns – Oh c’mon.

- When you taught Henry’s class? – Emma asks, as she bypasses the plates and dumps herself on a stool with the pizza halfway into her mouth. The woman nods – So torrid. I love this town. -

Turtle Jeremy capitalizes on the noise to whisper Henry’s way – Dude your sister’s kinda hot.

Henry starts ushering his friends out the kitchen, starting with him – And she hears literally everything everyone says.

He looks up alarmed, red from the collar of his uniform up to the roots of his ginger blonde hair and the others laugh at him, even Lily chuckles a bit but she mouths a – Call me. – his way, winks even.

- Are you flirting with a 16-year-old? – Jenna asks her, and bumps her with a hip to get past her when she finally has access to the remaining pieces of pizza, grabs for one slice and starts losing toppings.

- At least he appreciates my look – Her look of a tattered sleeveless shirt with a band logo barely readable any more, dirty pants, mucked up boots. Emma is looking almost the same, white tank top ruined, few cuts on her arms, Jenna isn’t faring much better, the least scuffed one is the teacher but Regina can swear she wears glasses almost religiously so something must have happened to them if she’s there half blind.

Mal takes Robyn again, and she dozes off on her shoulder for a single second before Draz is reaching to smack her off it. Regina chastises him and Mal drags herself away from that – What were you doing that has you looking like chimney sweeps?

They all look at each other and Lily clears her throat – Okay, don’t be mad.

- I’m seething already. – Regina drawls over Draz’s head as he looks on the verge of tears

- Right. Well, Candace found a book in the library, we think there might be a cool stone that will let you shapeshift for day buried in the woods behind the house. – She’s too excited about this rock

Regina stutters for a second, the sheer stupidity - You were looking for magical artifacts without supervision?! – She whirls to look at Mal - You didn’t realize they were digging up our back yard?!

Mal rears back - Did you not just witness Draz try to render Robyn unconscious after Henry stampeded through the kitchen with a basketball team and almost broke the tableware? My hands were full dear.

Regina takes a beat and turns back to them – Miss Swan.

She freezes before her next bite - You can’t just single me out

- Yes, I can! You’ve seen the chaos this kind of stuff causes around us. If you absolutely must play with magic, why not just use a spell?

- Well the stone doesn’t have mass conservation rules, and what about them? They can’t cast spells – She points to Jenna and Candance who have the right mind to look ashamed and slink back behind Lily

- They should be glad to have stayed away from the mayhem this long, and do their best to keep it that way. – Lily looks like she’s about to say something and Regina raises a hand – Don’t. You will stop. Effective immediately. No more digging. From any of you. – She turns to Emma again – You have a child.

- I’ll take it as a compliment? That you think I should have been the responsible one – Lily grabs her by the arm and pulls her off her seat as they all retreat out of the kitchen and she stretches to take her second slice of pizza before she goes – We just wanna have fun!

Draz is probably content with the contextual knowledge that whatever Lily did was worse than his smacking his cousin, and Robyn is probably fast asleep now in the safety and inhuman warmth of Mal’s arms. The dragon reaches for the sole surviving slice of the four pizza boxes, and starts eating even as she moves toward the hiding spot of the pizza she saved for them – Hopefully you will remember that the next time you want to tell me “The adults don’t need me”

- What were they thinking? Fun? Maybe I should manufacture them a life-threatening experience so they’ll remember the fun we used to have a few years ago.

To cap the day off, Zelena’s cloud of annoying green smoke appears in the kitchen by them – Toodles. – She immediately points at Regina’s face - Oh sissy, no frowning. You’ll wrinkle.

Mal moves to offload her cargo in its mother’s arms - Your daughter was the complete opposite of a pleasure to have.

- Yes! I hope she’ll grow into that.

Chapter Text

Lily’s day’s been shitty, mildly, she knows this after three decades of pure shit, but after the good days mildly feels kinda extra shitty. She had a bit of a fight with Jenna at the gym, Red’s back in Storybrooke so she had a bit of an awkward breakfast at Granny’s, Emma’s head is on her wedding stuff so she had to sit through that for a couple hours with Snow White appearing halfway through, then her bike broke down and she had to leave it at the shop, to go to work in her car, have a shitty shift in what’s now the longest job she’s ever had and come back to Henry’s shitty parking forcing her to get into the driveway in like five steps instead of a smooth one.

But still, the moment she walks inside the house, as quiet as possible for Draz’ sake, she feels herself wind down. There’s almost always warm dinner in the oven and Regina makes sure it’s at least a double serving every time, heavy on the vegetables but also on the meat; there’s a seat on the living room that’s kinda hers by now, her phone connects to the wifi and the speakers almost as if by magic and she can play something while she settles down when she feels like casting the spell to keep it on the room she’s in, and sometimes Mal leaves the fire going and it warms the den nicely for them to sit and read or watch something at night. It’s home, and she’s getting used to having one.

This time for example as she gets rid of her boots by the door she hears Regina and Mal speaking softly on the first floor, it’s late enough they should be in bed by now and there’s no more noise except the two kids dozing upstairs, so when Lily pads around the corner in the foyer she keeps an eye out for them and spots them in the living room, sitting on the couch in their pajamas. Mal’s thrown her hair over the back of the couch to lay her neck against the back and surely slouch all the way to the coffee table and Regina’s sitting upright but turned on her side to face Mal, one hand tangled in the roots of the blonde hair as they speak, about… farmland?

Lily presses forward but they pay her no mind, Mal doesn’t say anything about her arrival and Regina probably hasn’t noticed her, very much focused on what Mal’s saying to her. Lily hears them clearly – Sure, you had mines upon mines, but people like crops as well. You should have focused more on agriculture.

- Darling, I was at war. It wasn’t just trade, I needed metals for my own selfish reasons – her hand doesn’t stop passing through Mal’s hair, as far as the curls will allow her – Agriculture was a hobby they had.

The blonde smiles up at her – Forcing them to mine to fund and fight a war, and let them eat cake?

Regina chuckles – They weren’t starving by any stretch of the word. We were prosperous.

- The curse was timely and came with a perpetually stocked supermarket - The adoration on their faces doesn’t match the conversation, at all, but it’s there. In the way they’re speaking barely above a whisper and Mal looks up at Regina while she strokes her hair, even silently in the lull in conversation. It lasts only a moment, Mal goes down to the softest of whispers – Lily is home. Slinking around, probably wants to sneak up. – She wouldn’t have heard that at all unless she was paying attention as keenly as she is in that moment.

Regina doesn’t quite look away from Mal but she hums – We should get her some new boots, she’s worn through that pair and she will not take them if we offer first.

- What is it that she calls them? Martin’s? Size 9. I’ll go tomorrow. – She turns just a bit and Regina’s hand stills in her hair as she does – And I’ll buy her a space heater, she’s piling up ten blankets on top of herself to stay warm. I’ll get Draz one too before we wake up to something torched. Easier than some satanic ritual you draw with blood on their floors.

She can see Regina roll her eyes before she remembers something - Can’t you warm yourself even in your sleep? – she frowns

Mal smiles on her spot - They’re young, and half-yours. I’d have them next to a fire in a less flammable house.

For a second Regina forgets they’re whispering – Don’t imply they’re hindered. They are perfect.

Mal turns around briefly, to scan quickly for her as she whispers low so Regina will take the hint and Lily freezes on her spot, out of sight for them - Yes love, half yours indeed. – When she doesn’t find her Mal’s finger reaches up to stop before her own lips, and they stop talking while she and listens for any signal that Draz woke up

Regina’s low chuckle winds around the dead silence when it’s obvious he stayed asleep - Finnicky, though. Half yours, I suppose. - and Mal drops her head back in place, a bit to the side, trying to get closer but doing the least effort possible to get there and guiding Regina’s hand back to its spot. It’s nice, they look nice.

- Such slander – Mal says with a big smile, and the little space between them looks inviting with the fire roaring in the back. Lily hesitates for a second, she could really just go to sleep and let them have their quiet moment, it’s not like she’s hard pressed for affection these days, they baby her enough as it is.

But still, she’s been feeling odd lately, when she looks around and every picture of Regina and Henry in the house is one where she has her arms tight around him, even the one they have on the mantle with Swan, the kid looks like he can barely breathe in between them, and it looks so nice. She wonders what it is like, to have a couple of minutes of sitting snugly between parents without it turning into a fucking wrestling match where the losers end up bruised. She used to resist hugs religiously, they didn’t feel right, she was always in a rush to get away; the Pages got tired of that by the time she was five and stopped trying to hold on to her.

She supposes for Henry it’s always been like when Mal or Regina hug her, even since before they were close, just comfortable and nice, they know the right pressure to apply, Mal’s always the perfect shade of warm even. The baby loves it for sure, he basically lives under her chin and it turns her into a one-armed person when he’s around. She wonders what that will do to him, just knowing there’s always someone around ready to hug him as soon as he wants to be hugged, she’s certainly never seen anyone in the house let him walk around without scooping him up, herself included when he wanders next to her and no one is around, he’s warm as well; and she wonders what it did to her, curling herself into a ball and huddling against a pillow under her covers at night to try and keep warm while listening to The Pages discuss how not perfect she certainly was.     

Lily’s walking forwards before she can convince herself out of doing it, sometimes they are making serious eyes at each other and she and Henry have learnt to flee, but this, this feels like something she can interrupt. And she will interrupt, her instinct is telling her to, and it might go, she might lose the nerve, and Mills women aren’t cowards, Regina said. They would never turn her away, she’s sure. Because they really love her, and they don’t think it’s weird they all look kinda the same age.

She repeats her mantra as she gets rid of her jacket on the way and cracks her knuckles surreptitiously as she reaches them and vaults over Mal’s stretched legs to get between them, the dragon sitting up as Lily bends to wiggle herself wordlessly in the little space they had left in the middle. She goes to lean back, to sit like Mal was sitting before, and finds there’s an arm there, not just the couch, and looks to the side to see her smile – I don’t recommend bending your neck that way – is all she tells her, and Lily smiles her thanks as she settles down.

Regina’s hand, that was suspended in the air after having to leave Mal’s hair, moves to hers then, gingerly. Lily catches them eyeing each other for a second over her head and understands this is as much a favor to them as it is to herself, and that's a relief. Regina starts running her fingers softly through her hair, much more accommodating to the combing – Tough day?

Mal’s hand drops to her shoulder and Regina continues the movement of her hand, the warmth enveloping her on both sides tries to make her cry but she fights it tooth and nail to nod valiantly and put her socked feet on the table by Mal’s - I wanna quit my job.

- I am surprised you still have a job, dear.

- Mal – Regina admonishes and the dragon chuckles on Lily’s other side, she focuses on Lily again - No point on doing something you hate. You could find another one, go back to school, stay home and help your mother do nothing but read.

- She’s the one who regaled us with the tales of her various firings, unprompted. And how dare you? I folded the children’s laundry today, my work here is simply invisible. – She lets go of Lily’s shoulder to flick at Regina’s arm and makes her drag it back, leaving her hair uncombed for a second. It’s an awful second, she’s truly never felt loss so terrible. But then they’re both back in place, Mal’s hand on her shoulder and Regina’s hand on her head, the squeeze on her shoulder brings her back – What would you like to work in? Think about that, you get to choose.

That was such a foreign concept three years ago, she took the one job she could get in town. She’s been working any shitty minimum wage job she can get for over a decade now – I don’t know… - School was never really an option, she can’t go back because she never did it in the first place. She barely graduated high School. And as to any other path, she hated life and so she hated everything else too. She doesn’t know. 

Regina’s smile is mysterious, she tells her as if she’s reading her mind – It took me forcing a cursed persona with a job into your mother’s head for her to decide she liked doing anything. Now she spends her free time diversifying our portfolio, whatever that means.

- Yet another thing I don’t get paid for. I double half a million, get myself a car, get forced to sell it to Emma Swan. This household is barbaric. – She says as she drops her chin on top of Lily’s head, forcing Regina’s hand to retreat again or be crushed, she must be doing it on purpose

- You bought Henry a car, because you have no spine – She makes a face at Mal but still, finds some blonde hair to play with as the curls tumble down around Lily’s head, kid gets a car but she couldn’t even lend her her wife’s hair-combing hand for a few minutes, selfish. Mal chuckles, still on top of her and Lily’s lips purse of their own volition, for a little while she doesn’t know what to say, what more conversation to force so they can stay like this for a while. And Regina only smiles at her with a knowing look, and then she swats Mal away – You’re crushing her. Sweetheart, there’s dinner in the oven.

She widens her smile her way - Thanks mom, I’ll check it out. – Mal starts to drag herself up and Regina looks like she might be about to stand as well, she probably thought she’d gotten uncomfortable and now wants to give her the space she usually demands, and she can’t bear the fucking thought. She clamps a hand over each of their legs to keep them in place, and she’d feel foolish if they didn’t comply immediately. Mal turns enough she’s able to wind another arm around her, pulling her closer, Lily glances Regina’s way – Can we stay? Just a bit.

Mal’s the one that nods – Of course, find the princess a movie Regina.

- I’m moving out after this.

Lily’s slumped over Mal, dead to the world after two episodes of a deadly boring show and a long day, when Regina catches dragon eldest doing her best to stifle a yawn. She’s stuck with the heavy-as-lead legs on her lap, drawing a pattern softly over the rough denim and tired out of her mind as well, dreading the early call tomorrow but reticent to call it a night too. She catches Mal rolling her neck though so she has to say something – Should we float her to bed?

She shakes her head at once, doing the hair stroking on her end – I waited decades to hold her in her sleep. Exhaustion won’t take this from me.

- I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be put through that. –

For once, Mal doesn’t rush to tell her she’s blameless and Regina appreciates that. Mal reaches out to offer her palm over the back of the couch and she takes it – There were times I was scared we wouldn’t make it, in the beginning. She was too… guarded, too damaged really. And I didn’t know how to… fix any of it. So much like when it was you back in the forest. Just waiting on you to fix yourselves, reaping the benefits after. –

She bends her neck enough to press a kiss on Lily’ head, stays there for a few seconds and Regina squeezes her hand - You didn’t know how to work the toaster either – Mal lets out a breathy chuckle and Regina unclenches on her end of their daughter. They’ll be okay, now they know, at least now they know – I am fine, and she is fine, and that is as much a merit to you as it is to therapy. You think you didn’t help? Mal, we definitely do not get fixed if you don’t intervene. I think you were the first to love either of us properly.

She keeps quiet for a second, surely at least Daniel had a case, maybe Henry Sr. if one overlooks his cowardice. It’s worse, to think of how miserable they both were before she found them. So, she stops - You have a long list of paramours to be making these sweeping statements.

She grins her way - And I will have to keep expanding it because you’re insufferable.

- Off to text the other ten blondes you have on reserve, are you? - Before Regina can answer Lily’s socked foot reaches up near her face, and her arm catches Mal by the side of the head with a mighty smack as she twists on them and mumbles “Shhh, quiet”. She drops like dead weight again and Mal laughs at the outrage on Regina’s face – I suppose we will make it.  

- We made it already. Because if she wasn’t certain I love her she wouldn’t have risked murder by daring put a foot on my face. – she can’t do much but continue stroking her leg though, to avoid waking her up. And Mal smirks her way, insufferably.

Chapter Text

- Hey, are you staying? I’ll carry you upstairs, this can’t be comfortable – She looks down for any sort of answer but Jenna only turns on her side, still using her lap as a pillow and covering the rest of her on sprawled hair. She’s gotta be staying because there’s no way she can wake up from whatever this is but before she can get up and carry her or figure out the spell Henry’s giant steps rush down from his room after hours of radio silence, and he stops halfway to the kitchen when he spots her there in silence

He glances around - Moms?

- Out of town.

He glances around again – Baby?

- Zelena’s.

Henry switches trajectory, coming at her with a frown – Why did they… What are they doing out of town?

- Each other probably.

His entire face scrunches up – Oh come on, man. Jesus, don’t be like that. – His face doesn’t quite recover but he seems to cheer up – They’re not coming back tonight then, they would have left us Draz if they were only gonna be gone a few hours.

- Us? Draz could murder you in his sleep.

He steamrolls right over that now coming close – Let’s have a party! - he swings himself over the back of the couch, landing squarely on Jenna’s legs and promptly making her sit up and wince

- Dude! What the fuck?! – Lily teleports him to another chair as she moves closer to Jenna, who’s only now mentally waking up, seconds on lag between her and her body – Let’s? Who the fuck would I invite to a party filled with high school kids?

He whirls around to face her from his new location and comes closer undeterred, apologizing to Jenna on his way – Okay, sorry. Me. Let me have a party, just a few friends. Moms have to wake up, drive here from wherever, stop to pick up Draz and say hi to Aunt Zelena and Robin and the kids, no way we don’t straighten up before all that.

- We?

He rolls his eyes at her- Okay, I, I straighten up. They won’t realize, and you’re here to keep an eye out and keep it from getting out of control, but my friends are nerds! We’ll just listen to some music and drink some… bad beer one of us can get. Pleeeeeease? – His pouting is superb, she’s only seen it from afar and pointed at Regina, who can’t take it for too long and has to remove herself from the situation when she’s really sure she needs to say no

- They’re gonna drink somewhere – Jenna adds, voice coarse and hair fucked up – I was actually in Ruby’s class, she had so much access to alcohol it was insane, a kid passed out in the alley behind Granny’s, we had to call Sheriff Humbert for help, he was like a baby deputy then… he was still super young when he just, died. I’ll ask Emma about that.

- Babe, none of that high school stuff happened.

She blinks that information into her brain a few times, and finally wakes up enough to be aware that no, it didn’t – Okay but, yes it did, in our minds. Ask anyone in my class about it and they’ll know. Anyway, I think we should help the kid out, but if you overdo it Lily can breathe fire at your friends to get them to go and you can’t get mad. Deal?

He nods, already speeding off – Deal! Thanks Jenna.

And that’s how they find themselves kinda trapped in Lily’s room as an amount of teenagers they hadn’t even thought existed in town are packed on the first floor, hopefully too scared of the Evil Queen and her dragon wife to wander upstairs. But down there? They’re spread from the foyer, to the kitchen, and there’s even spill over onto their back porch where the smokers are hanging out. The music coming from the in-wall speakers is rattling odd objects here and there.

Lily curses when they get rowdy for some reason, maybe it’s shots maybe it’s slamming a kid onto Regina’s priceless art – Fuck. What if they go to the basement? There’s like, potion shit there. Fuck. I’m telling them you were the one that said yes.

- No! Your mom hates me already – she tosses in bed next to her – Plus, they won’t respect you, if you throw me under the bus instead of owning up. Rookie mistake.

- Wait, which one hates you?

- Regina, I don’t think Maleficent cares either way. Regina though, nods at me in the street like she can’t make me out of a lineup if she tries. Cold, - she pauses to consider, there was dinner for four on the over earlier, two of them being Lily, so she’s clearly counting her in when she knows she might stop by and Lily looks like she’s about to fight to defend her mother’s honor so she’s properly loved probably. She finishes her thought – but fair. – She hitches her leg over Lily’s – Why don’t you just, make a silence bubble so we can sleep?

- I can’t let them wreck my house! I’m going down there in an hour tops and telling them to get the fuck out!

Jenna chuckles – You’re gonna make a bunch of kids leave at 2 AM? Cold, but fair. We don’t really have kid snatchers or rapists. They’ll be fine.

- Oh don’t make me feel bad about it- Lily sits up suddenly – The little shit has a girl up here.

She tries to pull her back down – Oh c’mon, just, let him. Nothing’ll happen.

- What? No! I can’t let him like, impregnate a girl on my watch. – she’s off the bed before Jenna can stop her – They will murder me. Swan will stab me and mom will twist the knife so it hits my spine. Babe, someone will die after this.

She has the mind to grab one of the ratty shirts from the ratty shirt chair, and Jenna drags after her and reaches for another – Lils! Take a deep breath. It’ll be fine.

She’s throwing Henry’s door open before any reason can get into her head and the kids are maybe kissing very awkwardly with a thick leather bound book between them, so this is clearly not going anywhere but Lily grabs Henry and hoists him off the bed with the same effort she swings Draz around – Nope. Break it up.

The girl laughs and Henry makes a displeased noise, still in the air – What the hell? Put me down!

She drags him out onto the hall and they keep fighting for what seems like hours, Lily trying to get him to finish the party and Henry trying to get put down while aiming kicks at Lily’s legs under her gym shorts, to see if his sneakers can do some damage - I will call the cops, and the cops is your mom.

He aims a swat at her face, and it makes her growl and shake him some more but he stands his non-ground – Don’t be lame, it’s just a party. Let me down! - His crush laughs at the entire thing and Jenna sits on the floor by them, checking the playlist on the iPad she grabbed from the kid’s bed.

- Darling, you love our children very much, wouldn’t you say? – Mal asks as she turns onto their piece of Mifflin, and Regina chuckles at that, what a strange jump in the conversation, how Opera leads to their children, she’s not sure. She stares at Mal but she’s staring at the road ahead and glancing to the sides too, where there is a lot of cars parked haphazardly. Regina raises an eyebrow and Mal turns to her apprehensive for a second – You didn’t go to college

- Neither did you.

- Yes, but I remember enough of my fake experience there that I know these many cars this poorly parked on a residential street where everyone has a two-car garage means a party.

Regina starts craning her neck to look at the house – Lily has three friends now, sure. That’s hardly enough for a party.

- Dear, please be very prepared for the possibility that Henry has a party going on at home tonight.

She is not very prepared at all, when they turn into the driveway and the house comes into view, and there is a teenager sitting on her window ledge, shotgunning a beer. It splashes on the window and the kid turns to see them glowering at him as they leave the car there and start marching to the door, he falls off his precarious seat on his rush to get out of view.

The hush that spreads from the foyer onwards when they enter would be impressive, but the music overwhelms any silence the bunch of teenagers are engaging in, looking at them and frozen in place where they stood when they realized The Evil Queen and her dragon wife would indeed be coming back tonight. Mal turns to look at one of them and he quivers on his spot against a girl that steps away from him, so he can die by himself.

A strangely charged energy starts surrounding Regina, her purple glow becoming apparent from up close, and Mal grabs for her hand before she can lose it and scare some kid to death. She was known to cause heart attacks in the forest without even needing to plunge her hand in people’s chests. She understands Mal’s trying to hold her back and tries – Out. – she says, strained enough it barely comes out.

None of them move and Mal steps forward, looming over the few still close to her – She said out. – She claps at them and it stirs an avalanche around. Kids rushing around them while Regina vibrates with anger rooted in her spot – Take your trash with you. C’mon, quickly. And I don’t want to find out you’re driving drunk. – She points at the one that they saw drinking the beer from outside and his knees buckle at being singled out. While the children flee from the first  floor there’s thuds coming from the stairs as well and Mal turns in a second to find the two that actually live there rushing from upstairs, with a girl each, Henry freezes on his spot halfway down the stairs and Lily and Jenna crash into him, pushing him down another few stairs, and the teenage girl runs out of the house with the rest of them. – Sheriff Swan will hear of this.

Some of them let strangled noises out but at last, they all file out and Regina moves finally, glancing around the disarray the house is left in. There’s bottles and cans littering every surface, pizza bits and pieces everywhere the eye can look, various sticky patches on the hardwood floors accompanied by crushed mixed media trash. The curtains are wet, the glass surfaces are specked with mysterious liquids, the furniture is askew, and Mal can smell vomit coming from the bathroom closest to the door. The only reason things are intact is there’s a layer of magical superglue holding down everything that can be toppled by Draz’s wings. Mal rushes after Regina as she starts up the stairs, where the others are stumbling with the iPad to turn the music off.

It’s worse somehow, when it’s completely quiet and the only thing cutting the tension is the heels coming close to them, Regina’s eyes unyielding on them and Mal’s unyielding on the state of their house, looking worse the higher she goes. Henry stands taut and Lily looks like she will pass out any second now, Jenna cowering behind her, and Regina comes closer and closer, positively glowing under her skin with the magic begging to lash out, and when she finally gets to where they are, she gives them both a withering once over that seems to go on forever, and then turns her eyes away and continues up without a single word.

Henry bends on himself – Oh my god, Mal – he rubs at his chest – Emma will have to take me. Oh jesus, she didn’t even talk to me.

- You? You! – Lily pushes at him – You little shit. She’s getting rid of both of us and I was living in a trailer park before I came here. – She lets herself fall against the railing – Not even Lilith, we’re dead to her.

They look up to Mal for reassurance, who hadn’t immediately followed Regina up, assessing the damage from the stairs as she was. There’s a strange dog on the couch. Mal turns and glares at them too – For your sake, this better be fixed before I come out of our room tomorrow.

Henry rubs at this chest some more - You come out at dawn!

Chapter Text

At dawn indeed, Mal shows up downstairs and they aren’t finished quite yet with the cleaning. Bleary-eyed and beaten, dragging their feet and repositioning the furniture, they stop in their tracks as Mal appears already dressed in dark jeans and a button up shirt, far cry from her usual garb for 6 AM: A piece of pajamas and a baby clinging off them. She’s rolling her sleeves, and the ominous clicking of Regina’s heels follows her into the room, already dressed like she intends to go to work later and maybe murder a man in her all blood-red get up even if it’s a Saturday, doesn’t look like they’re gearing up for fun, the way they barely stop before Mal’s clapping Henry on the shoulder and Regina moves past them both – Lily, with me. Outside.

Lily doubles over on her spot, they’d fucking forgotten about outside. She rushes after Regina’s purposeful stride, through the kitchen and out the back door to find another shitshow on their back porch. Cigarette butts and little joint-looking charred bits are surely staining the light wood here and there, mixed with a bunch of cans and bottles and seemingly an entire overturned pizza simply sitting on the floor.

She doesn’t need to be told twice and she summons her broom and her almighty bag of trash and gets to it. She’s done her fair share of cleaning, unlike poor Henry who had been struggling she knows what she’s doing mostly, it’ll probably take her the entire day to leave it as spotless as Gladys maintains it but as soon as she passes the mop like three times it’ll be pretty livable. She focuses on her task, because truth is the few seconds she doesn’t she’s faced with the fact that she’s spent like three years in a perfectly excellent environment and she had still fucked it up. No amount of Emma Swan, family, therapy, steady address, or magic-full air had fixed her, she had still ended up trashing a house and making people furious.

And Regina has to be furious, forced to sit on the little stretch of railing without any weird stains because of course all the cream color cushions on all the seats out here were sporting dark mysterious spots and she wouldn’t let them come in contact with her Prada cashmere pants or whatever. Lily stops a second to stretch her back and Regina cocks her head to a side and suspends her drinking of coffee, motions to where she left another cup on the windowsill – Please, drink yours. You have a long day ahead of you.

She hesitates, is it a test? If she takes it will Regina be even more mad she wants to stop? Regina tells her to drink again, and she gathers obedience is her best bet and shuffles to the cup of coffee, that she finds just like she drinks it so Mal must have made them and sneaked them through the window. She swallows past her tight throat – I’m sorry. I fucked up the house.

Regina eyes her for a few seconds – You were in what you pass for pajamas when we came in. Everyone I saw down here was Henry’s age. They fucked up the house. You simply let them.

- And that’s worse? – she tries to gauge Regina’s mood but she’s met with the most passive expression she’s ever seen on her mother and she takes another swig of her coffee as they slip into silence.

Hopper had told Regina time and time again that, because of her history, people might react too strongly to her anger. And sure, making people cower is fun, but it had often turned into hours of her day waiting for them to snap out of their fear and answer the question at last. This works, keeping her face neutral and not telling them how she would carve out their entrails gets results. So Regina watches Lily, whose entrails are beyond safe even if she is fuming, as she drinks her coffee meekly and takes pity on her, maybe some conversation will do - Where’s your little girlfriend? Did she flee the scene? – reassuring conversation.

She gulps down her coffee – This definitely wasn’t her fault! – She squeals and Regina raises an eyebrow at her as she dashes to keep on picking up trash. There’s a brief flash of bravery, when she turns and looks her in the eye - Do you hate her? She thinks you hate her…– She regrets that instantly and looks down at the trash

- I…- Regina frowns, she didn’t think the woman needed more from her and wasn’t feeling strongly about Jenna Smith’s interference on their situation until Lily brought it up herself. Regina clears her head – I think you have bought into this idea Mal has that you are a child. That because you have a long life ahead of you, you are the equivalent of a 12-year-old. She thinks that because when she was your age she seems to have been Henry in this scenario we are playing out, but when I was your age, I was the most senior member in a government that ruled over a land with an extension equivalent to roughly half the span of this country.

Lily scrapes pizza off the wood floors and Regina wonders how high the bill to sand off the stains and reseal the entire deck will be, to leave it good as new, which it technically never has been. Lily’s completely unaware of anything past a mopping being necessary and still can’t quite meet her eyes - What does that…?

- You are not a child, and Miss Smith is at least 20 years older than you are. So no, I don’t like her, if her judgement is poor enough to allow whatever this was – She says as she descends from her spot gracefully and kicks the very last can Lily’s way, the one she was too wary to go over and pick up. – and say nothing to stop it. I would rather you date someone who will step in before you make an obvious mistake.

- Does it go for me too, then? You don’t like me either. – I can move out right away, Regina’s sure is next and she takes a deep breath to drown out the anger that bolts through her because Lily would still doubt them after all this time. Rationally she knows why she does, but her gut is tired.

She paces across the deck to check Lily’s work as she ties up the bag and it disappears before her eyes, she gathers she has atoned doing the annoying bit by hand, the carrying would barely tickle her so she skips it. And Regina doesn’t scold her for that, she wouldn’t have time between her cold gaze sweeping the floor and her cold voice addressing her again - I am not happy with you because you would let your brother, a teenager with no judgement of his own, invite his entire class to drink, while trashing our house in the process. He was able to endanger himself, his friends and our house, and not because you were being neglectful, or he was being secretive, this only happens with your explicit consent I’m sure. However, I couldn’t ever dislike you, I love you, both. And this kind of thing is to be expected from children, or so I’m told.

Lily swallows past a lump in her throat, the downsides of family and house and authority and anger management treatments are clear as day when this pit on her stomach is the fallout to a simple house party. It would be better if she yelled, if she didn’t articulate, if she screamed as they cleaned and called them names. Lily would have known how to deal with that before all this, she would have yelled back, because as much as they screw up it doesn’t call for that, and then she would have left, and been gone for a day or a week or a month, and then she would have come back, and then they would be strained but they would be fine and back to their normal to never discuss the incident again.

This, sitting with this discomfort, and this guilt, as she follows Regina back in the house, listening instruct her to sweep and mop and scrub at the floor until nothing strange or gooey remains, is worse. Because she had been to house parties when she was a kid too, some of them were fine, some of them ended up in DUIs or car crashes and almost all of them ended with something in the house ruined, sometimes even she was the one who stole. And she knew all that, unlike Jenna she had actually lived through it, but she still had let the kid have one… just to not say no to him? To Jenna? Just hoping Storybrooke kids would be less of a group of savages than Minnesota kids?  

She keeps on berating herself until she sees Henry heaving and sweating, in the middle of the almost empty living room, even the rug that took up most of it rolled up to the side to reveal a clean rectangle where it used to be. It must be pretty fucked too. He gives her a grim look and heaves up the very last ottoman – They’re getting the furniture professionally cleaned.

- Jesus, that’s fucking unnecessary no?

He chuckles dryly – Have you met moms? Mal said she would rather burn them than risk it but Mom didn't let her. I’m paying.

- Oof. – Lily gives him, but Regina walks in and he promptly walks out, eager to look like he’s taking no breaks by struggling under the weight of the plushy chair and doubling his usual pace. She grabs her tools to do her share of the work, that seems light in comparison then. How did he get the other chairs out? Mal must have helped him lift. – Don’t they come get the furniture if you want it cleaned? – Regina doesn’t even answer her as she crosses the room and surveys the ugliest messes around the huge clean square. The tables are gone as well, god knows where, and Lily’s halfway through scrubbing her first splotch when she speaks again – should I help him with the couch?

The imposing, four-seats leather couch had gotten quite a few hits. And Regina looks up from the ground when she asks – It won’t be necessary. – She looks at the couch and the grease staining it seeps out of it, floats up in a neat little spherical bubble a few inches of the seats, followed by another ten or so tiny bubbles of other stuff. It mixes into one single murky bubble, floats to a side, and drops with a splatter by the mop. – The couch is clean. Focus on the floor. – Regina says, before turning and leaving the room altogether. Heading outside surely to terrorize Henry.

Henry and Mal are heaving the ottoman into the truck parked in their driveway, Mal’s pushing consists on a single finger above Henry’s head while he puts his entire back into it and the guys in the uniform look at him amused. Mal disengages altogether when Regina’s figure appears on the doorway, but she waves her away and retreats inside before they can exchange any words.

Henry’s sighs by her side, done at last - I’m really really sorry, Mal… she just won’t speak to me?

He looks about dead on his feet, and she motions for him to sit. He shakes his head and grimaces as he stretches his back, atonement she supposes. Physical torture seemed a fine idea before she had to actually see him sweat through his shirt. Regina’s turned her face off for the morning it seems, she appears in the window waving a bagel. Impersonal breakfast seems to be the next wave. Henry is looking at her like a boy that’s never been fed from a paper bag in the morning - She doesn’t enjoy chastising you. So she feels she’s no better than Cora if she rightfully yells at you after you tried to destroy the house and broke a few laws of underage drinking and marijuana possession, so she’s decided to not say much.

He cringes - This Is kinda worse, though. Nothing? Even with the curse stuff… she talks to me Mal.

- I do believe she was groveling for your affection in that scenario. – he cringes again, and she hums as she starts leading him around the house, they should not attempt to walk through Lily’s penance. – Henry Daniel Mills, what a horrible situation you find yourself in. Consequences have eluded you for so long, if only because your life had an abundance of hardship elsewhere.

- I just thought it would be maybe 10 of us… but a lot of people showed and they kept showing up and it just got out of hand! And I thought they’d be scared of you guys and be decent or Lily would come down and yell at them to leave, but then it just kept going. I didn’t know they’d get our stuff this dirty! - He sounds so desperate to justify himself, adorable and infuriating

Maleficent chuckles as they pass the window, Lily’s off to her forceful scrubbing - Henry, you are almost a man. Spare yourself the indignity of this type of rants. – She stops walking and Henry stops too, leaning against the side of the house by a hose that’s perpetually there – You will find often that intentions don’t matter, only what you do has a result. You invited 10 friends, it was in your hands to be very clear they were not allowed to invite any more. They did invite others, you then let them come in and stay when they became rowdy, you had all the power to tell them to leave your home. When even more came, you hosted them, music doesn’t play itself. Don’t shift blame elsewhere now you got caught. If there’s something Regina and The Charmings would agree on, it’s that. Well, you may take after Snow White and say circumstance was different when you made the mistake.

The stress of it all seems to be getting to him, and he blinks tears away – It just got so out of control. Mom’s gonna kill me. What’s the grounding looking like? Mal, I’m really so sorry, I’ll never invite anyone over ever again.

- Just know that we both love you. We are not going to feel about you any differently because you engage in normal teenage antics, and I did try my best to let Regina see this is a normal teenage antic. – He gives her a watery smile and she smiles back at him – But we agreed it's best to let you feel consequences at last. So what we will do is get rid of any single trace of entertainment in your life for a month initially, maybe more, so you can reflect. You go to school and come back home, no other locations.

He looks up at the sky for a single, miserable moment, and then drops his head back down - What about Emma’s?

- Miss Swan, who spent her night stopping drunk kids speeding in unsafe cars, agrees you should stay locked in your room staring at the wall for the next month. Have you confirmed that all your friends made it home alive?

He looks up at Mal with panic in his eyes – Oh god, are they okay?

Mal shrugs his way, and pushes him forward again - Your mother is mayor of this town, little as that may mean to you because you know nothing else, and the other one is Sheriff, both are elected positions. You can’t be breaking the law and abetting others. Not this brazenly. If you must drink and smoke, do it in secret like the rest of town, and do it safely with people you can trust. Know your limits and be smart about it; don’t let others pressure you into trying anything, or staying anywhere… or inviting anyone to your house that’s full of valuables and funny-looking books and vials that contain volatile little spells and curses.

They reach the back porch and he sees the swing there looking really lopsided and sighs. He loves that swing - You’re telling me to drink?

Mal holds him back before he can go into the kitchen - My intentions of keeping you sober would mean nothing when you inevitably don’t heed my orders and go drink and experiment with other things anyway. I am giving advice that might actually get results while you find out on your own how very not fun it is to have no control of your actions and be helpless while under the influence.

She shoves him forward before he can process her words and Regina looks up from her phone when he stumbles in. He takes a deep breath before he faces her head on – Morning mom, I’m really sorry, for everything. It was my fault. Lily was just being nice to me by letting me have some friends over and I let it get out of hand. Sorry.

Regina looks at him for a second and nods - Yes, well. There are bagels in the bag and coffee in the pot.

- Thanks - Not exactly an olive branch but he’ll take it, smiling at her with the least tremor he can manage to grab his everything bagel and smear it with the cream cheese left open for them on the middle of the kitchen island

He sits and feels Mal’s hand fall on the back his head, a subtle smack – And he will help Lily clean right after breakfast.

- Yeah. I will.

Chapter Text

- Is that one of Robin’s shirts? – Regina glances more carefully Zelena’s way, it’s red, primarily – I’ve never seen you stray further than white, black or gray from your green palette. Quite cartoonish.

- Well not all of us have the confidence to buy frilly pink blouses and leave our houses with it regardless of public opinion – insult delivered she is free to groan – They have taken to vomit on everything I own.

Regina frowns – What?

- Robyn and Roland, they were beyond sick last week. It was… - she rolls her wrist and the woman working on her nails shoots her a glare, no speaking with your hands while you’re getting a manicure, it’s a rule that Zelena hasn’t internalized quite yet – This is the cleanest I’ve been in at least 10 days. And Robin found a stray dog in the woods and expects us to keep it even if it pisses on everything it sees. I blame you for all this, you’re paying today.

- Yes, If I had never dated him you wouldn’t have wanted to, and this would have been avoided. – Regina sees the woman working on her nails shoot a look to the one working on Zelena’s, sisters as well with the added bonus of having identical faces. They have an entire silent conversation in the two seconds it takes them to get back to work.

Zelena nods – Exactly. There are plenty eligible bachelors walking around town now I have gotten over my need to outdo your pitiful attempts at everything. But now I’m locked into this thing with Rob.

Regina smiles to herself, as much as she can keep it to herself that is, because Zelena knows when she is smiling to herself now as much as she knows that no matter how much she complains, she loves Rob and the kids, just needs to act as if she doesn’t to feel tough. Regina turns strictly her head her way – Did you two Neanderthals take them to the pediatrician?

She shakes her head - I’m sure they’re fine now, they’ve stopped the retching.

- I will call Child Protective Services myself if you don’t take my niece to the doctor this week. – She looks pointedly Zelena’s way, and she just rolls her eyes. They have gone several rounds about the importance of check-ups and vaccination, but even when Regina’s won the important fights Zelena and Robin insist that they grew up just fine without acetaminophen. Other not-cursed residents have adapted better, Regina smirks - But then again, Marian might just murder you if she finds Roland anything but perfect when Monday comes around. And the problem would solve itself.

Zelena, who hates Marian being mentioned almost as much as wearing anything but green, glares at her – Why don’t you worry about yours? One has ceased to exist and the other won’t stop texting me about your hostile mood.

Ah, so that’s why she was so earnestly invited to get manicures on a Thursday afternoon. That and the vomiting children, she’s sure. She nods – Did she tell you that last week Henry had a party that wrecked the entire first floor of the house while she sat idly by? My hostility is justified.

Zelena laughs at that – She did not. When you say wrecked…

- It was trashed. The only reason it was standing are probably the three layers of protective wards I put up while Draz grows up because he once tried to fly through a mirror, I suppose thinking it was an open window.

- Maybe they do need a little hostility. They’re horrible little gremlins, your children. You love them too unconditionally, gives them room to make mistakes and whatnot. Terrible policy. You would have never dared do that to Cora’s grandiose statement of a castle.

The twins seem to be done with the first portion of the manicure and they get on their feet like a little synchronized unit, movements mirroring each other on the side by side stations as they go retrieve the myriad of polish options for them to choose from. Regina understands what Zelena is trying to say, under her layers of sarcasm, and she gives her a small smile, for the reassurance that whatever happens she’s no Cora. – Anyway, the worse of it passed, no one got hurt and we did get our furniture cleaned for the first time in three decades so, it will be fine. I’m fine. How are you? One sick child is enough to drive anyone insane, I’m not sure I would survive two.

For a second, Regina watches the twins leave the polishes and go away, probably to both give them a minute of privacy and take a break to discuss how dysfunctional they are, and Zelena sits back more comfortably looking elsewhere as she speaks – It was terrifying.

A single sentence of emotional transparency from Zelena is a speck of gold in a river. Regina uses her newly manicured hand to reach out for her sister’s – You know you can call me anytime, on Robyn’s behalf, until she becomes old enough and we can cut out the middle-man. I’ve done it all, before googling things was a practical solution even.

Zelena snorts – The fact that last time you tended to a sick child there were no phones is not the endorsement you think it is Regina. I don’t think there’s much you could do. They’re fine now. Really.

There certainly were phones when Henry was a small child; but Zelena’s relationship with technology is not as strong as it should be by now, she’s a master of her smartphone but would try to set a laptop on fire if it beeped her way. – Okay then, will you bring your horrible gremlins to mingle with mine tonight? I can make lasagna.

Zelena laughs – You want them to catch the vomit bug? Apt punishment.

- I thought they were fine already – The redhead shrugs and Regina rushes to finish before the twins come back and they need to go back to level of snark that is expected of them – It’s a break. I will have Mal chase them, and we can have a drink.

- I might have to move some things around. But if you insist. - Regina rolls her eyes at her but before she can call her bluff and tell her to not bother if she’s too busy, Zelena fishes two options out – Forest green or emerald? I simply can’t choose.

Forest green did the trick this time around, and after a few minutes of chit chat while their nails dried, Regina had a few e-mails to answer quickly and Zelena stood to annoy the twins some more probably, who find her utterly entertaining because they only have to stand her once a month at best. Regina lets them mingle until she finally stands, still typing the very last response, and starts walking to the front desk where Zelena’s already handing out bills and Twin A, or maybe B, asks her if she’s covering just hers.

- My sister’s as well, it’ll cheer her up – Regina stops in her tracks with her e-mail half-finished but doesn’t look up – She’s been in a sour mood these days, kids, you know? Don’t recommend having any – Ah but she notices her standing close by and decides to reel it back in as much as she can, to save face – And, between us, she may be menopausal. - Shocker, but not as much as hearing her say my sister without an iota of sarcasm to it. She’s heard sissy, sister dear, baby sis, little sister, tiny sibling and all variations of that, always in mockery of the relationship they should have had. They had spent so long trying to reach the land of friends that Zelena’s commitment to calling her sister sarcastically was just means to divert attention from the fact they didn’t quite feel like siblings yet. But now, someone told Zelena she was in a sour mood and she had thought of an activity for them to do together, to unwind.

Regina smiles to herself as she hits send however poorly written the message was and finishes her approach – You do know whatever age I may be, you are two years older.

She hums – But as we all know, I fairly recently gave birth where you seem to enjoy delegating the task every time it comes up.

- Maybe if you had found someone willing to do that for you, you too could have skipped gaining weight.

- Mayor Mills – Twin A, or maybe B, interrupts before they keep one upping each other

- Aw, such big titles for such a little sister – Zelena says patting the top of her head

She swats her away and the girl chuckles – Your coat – she says holding it up

- Yes, help Her Majesty The Queen put on her coat please, her hands were not made for such trivial matters

Regina takes the help with the coat and drops her phone in the pocket before dragging Zelena out of her mocking curtsy - You know what? You’re uninvited to dinner.

Chapter Text

- It’s the 21^st century dear, I’m sure there’s at least one couple of female cheerleaders, this is a moot discussion.

Mal’s voice comes from inside the closet, where she’s been for a solid ten minutes – No, one of us will be a jock. And it will not be me.

- Why? You’re taller than me, it only makes sense you do the whole man thing  – Valid question that goes nowhere after Mal finally comes out, already dressed in a ridiculously short skirt and top combo in Storybrooke High’s red, purple and black, swinging blonde ponytail on deck. - Yes, you should be the one who wears that.

- I was sure you’d see the light darling. And how very close-minded of you to dismiss short men. What about Snow’s dwarves?  – She turns, slowly, and reaches up to grab a bag from the top shelf, that she then brings closer and leaves on the bed by Regina’s side, slowly and standing much too close for the simple act of putting on a backwards cap on Regina’s head – Get dressed.

She tries to put her hands on any of the pieces covered by fabric and finds they’re either too high or too low and has to settle for Mal’s bare waist, for now – I will be very upset when I regain my composure if I find out there are fifteen-year-olds wearing this to school.

- I made pertinent modifications – with that she straightens up and spins away in a flurry, putting on a saccharine tone for effect – Chop chop babe, we’re late!

Late it seems they’re gonna be while Mal has way too much fun posing for pictures Lily can’t properly take at the same time she cracks up at them wearing their little costumes. Mal’s picks for Regina were a frankly ugly pair of sneakers, rough denim, a SB HS muscle shirt, and a varsity jacket with the name Reggie embroidered on it, the look finished with the purple backwards cap holding her hair back in place. Not only had Lily laughed, she had snorted her water out of her nose, and is still cracking up by the time Henry wanders downstairs and groans – Oh my god, no. Ew. Mal you can’t leave the house like that.

- Dad! You’re embarrassing me in front of Reggie! – She has the gall to blow a chewing gum bubble and pop it

That prompts Lily to go into another fit of laughter and Henry to frown even more – Mom, you honestly can’t want her to go anywhere wearing that. I mean, that’s not like awful to say right?

- I can’t control what she wears, and I’m not saying that to be feminist. She is genuinely a hundred times stronger than me and could snap my spine in half if oppose.

Mal turns to fiddle with her shitty shirt under her jacket – Oh my god babe, I would never.

- I’m gonna have to leave town, I’ll never live this down…

Lily loses it again – Mom, you deserve a fucking Oscar. Say that again. With the gum. – She aims her phone’s camera straight at them and Regina steps away at once - Ah okay, be like that. Well, bring her back by midnight with all her skimpy clothing on.

Regina rolls her eyes at them both, Mal’s commitment to dress-up seems unparalleled by anything else except maybe Spicy Stew Saturdays and that is saying something. Midnight might be too far. Driving might be too slow. She holds onto her hand and tries to look serious while Mal twirls her hair by her side and chews her gum – I want to find the house exactly as I am leaving it. – They nod – And Lily, you’re in charge of Draz.

She salutes - Yes sir, Reggie, sir. – She cracks up one last time as Regina glares her way and they disappear in a cloud of smoke that matches their outfits

They are indeed late, the school’s gym full already when they appear. But even with all the people crowding it, the second the fog dissipates the hole on the wall they want to fix with the fundraiser is apparent. Whichever magic these kids cast, it's a miracle no one got hurt and the structural integrity of the building is intact. They’ve done well enough covering it with tarp but basketball season is upon them and they should get that closed as soon as possible. She’d tell Mal all that but she’s busy skipping Kathryn’s way when it’s obvious they had the same bad idea and are now wearing matching outfits. Kathryn has pigtails though, so, worse. – Oh my gosh! – Mal sing-songs as they reach other and laugh.

Fred sidles up to Regina while they go on a selfie spree – That’s uncanny. – He’s wearing a regular football player’s outfit? Uniform? He looks right at home and Regina tells him that – Oh, this is actually mine. I was a player in high school, regular player though. David was the quarterback, so he got to marry Kath, who was cheer captain.

- You do know none of that happened right?

He taps his forehead twice with an easy smile – You were debate team captain and had an ONU hard-on. Brainy but not too heavy on the nerd. Head bitch of unapproachable. Kath says you don’t remember any of that.

Regina turns to him – You know, I’m glad I do not. Who was heavy on the nerd then?

- Oh definitely Lesb-nicki. Chess, math, computers before computers were cool. The works. – he juts his thumb out to their current resident tech wiz who did make a fortune with some software something that somehow, exists in the real world; and the ramifications of the curse keep making his head hurt so he clears it with a shake. Simple man, that Fred – You should have been lesb-mills then. Not fair you didn’t get teased too. Or maybe lesb-gina?

- Maybe you football players and cheerleaders could have just respected everyone else.

- Dykegina Mills, obviously. Baseball cap and all.

Regina turns around to find Emma with a beer and a smirk and rolls her eyes - Thank you, Miss Swan, for your glowing contribution to the conversation.

She takes a sip and points – Are Kathryn and Mal like, friends?

Fred chimes in – Of course! – and drops an arm around Regina to show that they too have grown out of their imaginary high school distance.

Regina lets herself be held against his plastic exoskeleton with a look Emma’s way - Not with this intensity usually.

Fred laughs – Cheerleader bond?

Emma hums - I should’ve joined them. We could’ve moved on a triangle formation and everything. They just don’t text me enough.

- That would’ve been hot, Sheriff Swan. – His smile is disarming even as he says the dumbest thing Regina’s ever heard, and she leaves the safe space under his arm to avoid seeming complicit on wanting her two friends to walk around in mini-skirts with her wife. Fred lets her go and they both turn to Emma, cocking their heads to the side to try to piece her costume together. Fred gives up first – Hey, what are you?

- I’m dumb, Luke is dumber… somewhere… - she does a full 360 in a second, looking definitely south of intelligent – Oh shit, I lost my date.

Regina chuckles - Dumb and Dumber, that part makes sense, but they are… siblings?

- Friends! But it doesn’t matter because we don’t have plans to screw in costume – she says, doing another ineffectual sweep of the room for her better half that might shed some light to all those who watched the 1994 classic film and remember the protagonists’ outfits. She does not find Luke, turns back into the conversation - like clearly you people do.

The selfie portion of the night is over and Mal and Kathryn join them, the latter moving to Fred’s side as Mal gives Emma a once over – And you are….? – before Emma can answer she hands her a phone – Doesn’t matter, take our picture please.

- Damn, she has her lines down cold. – She fumbles with her beer and the phone – Okay popular kids, assemble. - The series of pictures captured make only sense in the way that Regina stands still in all of them mildly confused by everything else going on, Kathryn and Mal seem hell bent on giving their all to reenacting some bring it on rerun they must have caught at night and Fred, well he’s just playing himself is he not? Emma gets tired of it after a while – Okay, wrap it up – To see Maleficent, mistress of Evil, drop into a squat to wrap her arms around Regina’s leg and take out her tongue to put it by her zipper is to have seen it all. Emma gapes at the unfolding madness – Did Henry see you get out of the house like this?

Mal bounds forward and reclaims the phone motioning a manicured hand all over her – Thank you… whoever-

- Wow, you’re really good at bullying. Are you sure you didn’t go to high school? - Kathryn and her skip right away without answering, selecting pictures on the phone and texting them to whoever’s phone it wasn’t. Such commitment to realism. – Where’s Lily? And what the fuck?

- Voluntarily grounded - Regina chuckles and grabs for a beer and passes Fred one too, it seems to be the only alcohol available. Cost cutting on a night she’s forced to wear ugly shoes. Torture. – And I have no clue what drugs Mal’s on right now. I think she just decided to make the best of another one of Snow’s horrible ideas.

Emma, who’s found Luke at last, does them the favor of pulling her to the table he’s on with his friends and their dates. Solid entries for best couple’s costume all around, and Dumb and Dumber - Oh c’mon Reggie, this is cool as hell dude! Thousand bucks just on tickets, bet more people will come even with a half-assed costume once it gets out there’s blondes prancing around in miniskirts. – Emma gives her a dumb little smile

- Henry was right, I will be driven to murder again tonight – Regina scans the room at the same time she says hello to everyone on the table, some of which don’t seem aware it’s Regina Mills sitting in front of them because Fred’s taken to become one more of Luke’s friends, loudly. Regina turns back to Emma when she can’t even seem to find Mal – Are you getting auctioned?

She nods - Can’t say no to mom, Luke is giving away a cake-making class. – He turns quickly at being mentioned, smiles at the honor of losing like three hours to this charade and gets back into his conversation – You’re on the list too, what's your excuse?

- That it is for the children and whatnot. Mal will buy me.

- If you can find her.

Regina groans – Mal! – she tries for a weird little huff and Emma glances around to see if that did something, it did not. Regina tries again, bit louder – Mal! – still nothing

- Why don’t you call her?

- Do you think she can fit a phone in what she’s wearing? – Emma laughs at that, solid point. Even the gum she keeps chewing is a mystery – Maleficent! – Regina rushes out barely above conversation in the table

But lo and behold, in less than 30 seconds she’s there, bending over Regina’s chair with her ponytail bouncing behind her – Baby, you sound so tense. Do you want a massage? – her hands are already wandering down her arms

- Sure, why don’t you sit – she pats the empty chair next to her – and we can just, sit.

- No, let’s go for a walk.

- What? No. Darling, sit, please – Mal shakes her head no and Regina takes a breath to figure this out, she has to play along – Babe – she winces, and Emma laughs in front of them – Sweetie, the auction will start any second now. We’ll walk right after, I promise.

- You have to be the hottest item they have, so they’ll save you for last! – She straightens up and blows another gum bubble – We’ll walk now.

With that, she turns, and starts going in the direction of the door without a single glance back. Regina scrambles out of the seat – What? Mal!

- Oh my god, you could not have handled a bratty cheerleader. This is the best. – Regina flips her off on her way out of the table and Emma gasps and shoots a little wind under her SB HS baseball cap with a neat trick she’s picked up from Lily sending her donuts flying, just to see her scramble some more as she dodges the tweedle dee and tweedle dum in her way.

She finally catches up to Mal on the bleachers on the side of the football field and chuckles as she sees her skip from one to the other while chewing her gum – Do you somehow miss being a teenager?

She stops and turns to let Regina reach her – God no, it was terrible both times I remember it. Trying to scramble an identity together out of the disjointed childhood experiences… horrifying. – She takes her gum on her fingers and sticks it under the bleacher by her arm, like god intended.

Regina sighs in relief and grabs for Mal before she is possessed by the dead cheerleader’s spirit again – God, where were you? I missed you

- Right here, there’s simply eternal joy in watching you squirm. – Regina huffs annoyed and it’s honestly so much more adorable when she is not dressed to kill, Mal can only laugh, and drop a bleacher so she gets to be taller for once – You should play along, it’s freeing. You take yourself too seriously all the time, and darling we live in a made up town full of fairytale characters whose children blow holes in walls that force us to dress up to raise money to close them. – She wraps her arms around Regina’s waist under her oversized jacket and kisses her softly for a second - Give yourself what you gave all these other bumbling idiots, a good memory of sitting around with a hot cheerleader on your arm. - Regina chuckles and takes the opportunity to sit, take off her cap, comb her hair back, put it back on. Someone else might have found it very attractive but Mal laughs at her as she sits close enough any self-respecting school administrator would be uncomfortable with it – I’m going to take that as a yes and say my line. Babe, it’s super chilly out here.

- You have a furnace in your chest. – Regina says with a smirk and her head thrown back to look at the ridiculously bright overhead lights but Mal does not budge until she complies – Fine. Here, take my jacket. I’ll be fine.

Mal’s more than happy to let her freeze, bundling herself into the letterman and nuzzling onto Regina’s side with a laugh as she passes an extra arm around her shoulders – Good girl. – For her trouble she at least earns a kiss on her neck that does its fair share to warm her up and the blonde lays her head on her shoulder - Now I want to say… the stars are really pretty tonight.

Regina rolls her eyes – Never as pretty as you. Because you are a very hot cheerleader. And that ponytail really does wonders for you.

- I know. It is a blessing and a curse.

- Did they have cheerleaders in Germany? Was Mallory a cheerleader?

- No. Don’t veer off script. – Regina laughs at that; this might just be on track with the grease obsession and pink room. Curse indeed, too many American high school TV shows probably. Mal’s entire distraction scheme is turning just enough she can throw a leg over hers, forcing her to sit like a trucker, simple? Yes. Effective? Also. Regina’s hand falls on it almost automatically and she leans her chin on her shoulder – Now you have to give me one good movie kiss and we can say the night was a rousing success.

- Can it be a good movie kiss if you asked for it?

Mal sits up just enough to accomplish her goal – It can be, if you hold my face just so, and your hand over here goes a little higher… you pull me closer…

It can be a great movie kiss all things considered. And in the spirit of youth, it can go on uninterrupted for awhile as well. They kiss for what must be ten minutes, but really who thinks metal bleachers were made for romance? Specially while they’re cold and she’s wearing what feels like an inch of fabric. Mal’s smartest decision of the night turns out to be deciding that Regina’s lap is infinitely more comfortable for their little make out session but as fate would have it, she’s barely done straddling her wife when Snow White’s voice reaches her, shrill - Hey! Kids! Not on school property.

- Regina! – She pulls back and Regina pouts at her, so she chuckles - Snow’s coming.

- Oh my god. – she looks around as she realizes what they were doing, where they were doing it – Oh my god. - She tightens her hold on Mal’s waist and they’re gone on a cloud of smoke before the school principal can get up on the bleachers to see who it was she caught.

- Good walk? – Emma leans back on her chair as they appear in front of the table, too close together for any confusion as to what they were doing before – Exchanging gum?

Regina takes a step back, for her dignity. But her hat’s askew and Mal’s still half wearing the jacket. - Horrifying mental image, Miss Swan.

Mal sits on the chair Regina had offered her earlier and smirks motioning to where Luke is deep in discussion with his friends - At least someone’s getting laid.

- Seriously, who coached you? I’m having like war flashbacks. – She takes an angry sip of beer – I was getting laid. I was literally a teen mom. Suck it Amanda.

- Not the victory you think it is, dear. – She chuckles, and then she blanches – We have a son, that goes here, where the girls wear what Mal’s wearing.

- But longer. – Both blondes say before Regina can suck the fun out of the entire night by worrying about Henry’s virtue. They reach an impasse when they make eye contact as partners in panic.  

Regina moves to sit, to dissect this issue some more, but Emma slouches to be able to kick the chair before she can – Nope. You’re next. You guys have perfect timing.

On stage indeed Archie walks down and Red, dressed as a nurse to Dorothy’s doctor with the same commitment to skimpy-ness as Mal and Kathryn, looks at her list and smiles – Okay ladies and gentlemen, next up, she has decades of managerial experience, decades of warmongering experience, decades of Italian cuisine experience, can talk horses, can talk murder if that’s your thing, three kids, three outfits per day, I give you all Mayor Regina Mills!

- Right! – She clears her throat and sounds like a chain smoker for a moment – Right. Kiss for luck babe? – Mal’s more than willing to crane her neck up and kiss her goodbye, for longer than expected, and laugh as she goes up to walk onstage

- Oh my god, did you convince her to act? – Emma waits for no response, fumbling with her phone for a facetime call

Regina, who reclaimed Reggie’s jacket, puts it on as she gets on stage with a head nod and a look Red’s way – ‘Sup?

Red smiles at her, and at the audience – Wow. A nondescript dude in a varsity jacket, which means somewhere out there there’s a dragon dressed as a cheerleader or as chastity club president.- she turns, spots Mal on the table and points at her from anyone that might have missed her earlier - MC-ing has really made me miss some gems guys. Well, Reggie, any words before we start bidding on you?

- Yeah, for sure. Shout out to Principal Blanchard for putting this thing together, the mayor’s office says they’ll match donations or whatever, and are you single? – the crowd simply loves that, erupting into laughter at Red’s flabbergasted expression

- Reggie are you flirting with me?! – Regina goes as far as to drag her stool closer to Red’s and she gasps – You are not single

- Who told you that? – For a good five seconds Red says nothing, looking at Regina with a grin, and it looks like Regina will break but it doesn’t come and the waitress turns to the audience

- No one has to tell me that, we can all clearly see the cheerleader you brought as your date tonight

Regina swallows a laugh – And you’re scared of her? They told me you’re tough.

- Am I scared? Yes. Yes I am. Her animal outweighs mine by a ton. I would not win that fight.

- No, listen – she turns for a second to laugh at the ridiculousness of what she’s doing – You don’t gotta be scared. She shares, I share. It’s good. Just give me your digits and… -she breaks at last but it was a good run, all things considered

- My digits?! - Red laughs right alongside her - No, she does not share. You can’t even say it with a straight face, Reggie. You two do not share. – She has to wait for Regina to calm down, in stitches as she is, but the crowd hasn’t been as engaged with the whole thing since before she auctioned time with Aladdin’s talking monkey so she’ll take Regina high on whatever she’s high on – Oh my god, let’s be honest guys I was lucky I was in middle school when Reggie here was a senior because I would have fallen for that and get lured to my death. – the audience gives them another few seconds of laughter, and Red decides to start when Regina takes off her hat to hide her face as she laughs some more and it becomes clear she will not be pulling it together right now, that’s a first - Okay, let’s start the auction for two hours with Regina Mills, method actress, at a smooth 100 bucks. – The fact that Mal keeps adding 50 bucks to whatever the number goes to does nothing for Regina’s resolution to stop laughing on stage, and Red’s prodding of the crowd doesn’t help either – Take her up on Reggie's word and make her share, people!

- She’s rich! – Someone chimes from the back and makes the room crack up again

- Yes, but I know for a fact some of you are rich too.

- This is taking foreverrrrr – Mal says from her spot and Red tries to continue to no avail

- We’re going to let them game the system? – Everyone replies that yes they will, no two hours with Regina will be worth more than the five minutes of video they have on their phone of her acting like a jock and Red sighs at last – Okay then. Sold for a solid thousand to her rightful owner. You know Snow, some of these might just be prostitution at the end of the day. Food for thought. – The people laugh but Snow rushes up to the stage, surely to chastise Red at the very same time Regina recovers enough of her composure to walk down, throwing Red a call me sign with a mishappen wink. The waitress laughs and talks over  whatever it is Snow wants to say – I will not call. Dorothy and Maleficent, I want it on record that I will not call.

Regina’s finally made it up to the table to find Lily’s and Henry’s gapes meeting her from Emma’s discarded phone. Mal hangs up before their rightful embarrassment can ruin Regina’s moment and she watches her laugh to herself some more – Did you enjoy it?

- I did actually, thank you for a fun night – she leans in to kiss her, smile still wide on her face and playfulness intact enough she allows herself to slouch on the chair and grab a beer from the table

Mal looks at her for another few seconds, looking younger than even when they met all those years ago, with her unmade hair and her flushed cheeks as she fiddles with her hair and the hat. Mal smiles to herself before throwing her legs over one Regina’s again, and watches as she drops her arm across her knees and her fingers fiddle with the ring as she takes a sip of the bad beer, she takes her hand  – The wolf is right, though. I don’t share.

Regina nods immediately, very serious  - Yeah, no. I know. It was a joke.

On stage, Emma’s already righting the stool out of Red’s personal space and the brunette smiles at her as she does - Okay, up next, the woman that got our clocks ticking, blonde bombshell, pongo archenemy, crown princess, leather jacket connoisseur, an authority of baseball trivia, ex bounty hunter, runner up to worst costume, Sheriff Emma Swan!

The crowd cheers and Emma takes offense and taps the mic she was handed by one of the teachers helping out – Seriously, that we didn’t have some elaborate roleplay planned for tonight doesn’t mean the costume is bad. These are faithful to the movie! If you had seen it.

Red makes a snore noise – Folks, they couldn’t decide who’d get dominated by the Evil Queen so they went on a different direction

Mal chuckles as Regina chokes on her beer but before they can comment Snow’s beet red face appears by their side – Were you two making out on the bleachers earlier?

Regina chokes again, coughing this time around to clear her airways while Mal turns just enough she can glare at Snow – Excuse me? What kind of idiotic question is that? Surely even you can tell a joke from reality. The rabble, that doesn’t try to pride itself on “knowing” Regina like you do, could easily tell she was doing a bit. But you think we went to the bleachers to kiss like teenagers? You do understand we are married and own a house, don’t you?

- No, of course. I was just asking – She blanches, it evens out her tone – There were just some kids, a cheerleader and her boyfriend I think. They just ran away so fast I thought, magic. Sorry. The uniform hasn’t changed is all, and from afar, you know. Thank you, Regina, for the whole thing on stage and The Mayor’s office donation – she waits for acknowledgments and she gets a nod, for once she takes a hint - Nice seeing you, have a nice night.

Snow retreats and after a few seconds watching Red and Emma try for banter, Mal reaches up to trail Regina’s chin – So, should we finish the night of high school tropes and go for a drive to a secluded spot?

Regina, straightened out by the sinking reality of people now thinking they can make jokes at her expense and ask if they were engaging in public indecency, sits up - Wouldn’t we get murdered after? Plus, we didn’t bring a car.

Mal’s undeterred - Because you have magic fingers that do marvelous things. Like get us in your car for a drive. The murder is genre dependent, I’m going for a regular teen movie where I indeed am chastity club president as well.

Regina chuckles and drags her head away from Mal’s wandering hand before she gets convinced - Absolutely not, I draw a line at defiling my car seats with these jeans.

She takes to whispering - Snow and David’s car?

- No. – she wrinkles her nose - We have Egyptian cotton sheets at home.

- And the truck has a part called bed, it’s asking for it.

Chapter Text

She makes it to the bakery exactly when she said she would and is surprised to find the others already there, sitting around the few joined tables and picking at the assorted baked goods at the center of it. She supposes when Emma Swan calls they exhibit a punctuality nothing else can draw out of them, even if she doesn't afford any of them the same courtesy. They set the time by Regina’s crammed schedule though and even when she’s right on time it’s a bit strange to arrive last to a meeting, trivial as it might be.

She spots Snow White, of course, and Red, on another table there’s three strange men, one of which she vaguely recalls shooting with an arrow once upon a time, Emma and Luke are chatting by the counter, and finally Lily, looking completely out of place there as the others chat amiably jittering her leg up and down with her arms crossed and focused on her cup of coffee with an eerie intensity. Regina beelines to the empty chair by her side and pinches one of her cheeks as she sits, making her pull away – Mom! – She’s glad still, after the motherfucking days of tense silences at dinner while Regina recovered from the house party fiasco her return to normal is more than welcome, she will take public humiliation with unparalleled relief.

Regina chuckles and fixes the collar of her military green jacket, always a joy to see her wearing clothing with structural integrity – Remember what we said? – Lily nods, they agreed to play ball, with whatever it is Emma wants, it’s her wedding after all and sometimes you just need to show up. Regina takes out a legal note pad and a fountain pen and Snow makes a strangled little noise, making Regina turn to her. She has a stack of bridal magazines and her own little notepad with flowers on the cover and Regina raises her hands to let her know she comes in peace, to play ball.

- Um well, hi! – Emma greets as she comes close with another tray of baked goods and they all turn to her – There’s like, so many of you guys, -  Regina notices on the next table the men are paying attention too, and Emma’s brow passes through a moment of tension before dissolving because of her usual grin  – kinda… crazy. Thank you all for coming - She looks over to Luke but he’s concerned with putting a mug in front of Regina and serving her coffee, and then refilling the others’ mugs as well. Lily glares at hers until it steams, and Regina wants to pinch her cheek again but gathers once is enough for their reputation, is it worse for the Evil Queen to be pinching cheeks or for the town's unexploded time bomb to get her cheek pinched? Either way, they lose their air of mystique. Emma watches until Luke finishes with the second table and glances Regina’s way – I’m sure we don’t need all of you guys to plan the thing, right? It’s just, well you’re our closest friends and we wanted to ask, I mean, I guess you guys wouldn’t say no, to be like the wedding party or whatever.

Eloquent as ever, Regina wants to say, her tongue itches, but she came to be nice and help her friend and whatnot. What must be Luke’s friends all cheer her on as they pass the bearclaws and the level of beaming Snow is engaging on is surely unprecedented in the land without magic, the wolf nods a few times, Lily let’s a thumbs out escape from her crossed arms and Regina, happy to know Emma Swan found her people at last, takes command before they fall into whatever impasse Emma Swan's people would see them stuck in for at least a year –  I think I speak for your side of the party when I say we will help you plan, let's begin right away. Outside of the groom the men we can call as needed.

They seem very pleased at that, one of them drops his treat on a napkin – Your um, Maj- mayorness, we can do food and drink for sure. I have a small place, we cater too, and these guys are great at eating and drinking. Luke’s cheap as hell and he’s been planning his own cake since forever. And anything else you guys need help with just let us know.

Luke claps the man on the shoulder with a smile – That’s why you’re the best man Joe.

- Mrs. Mills is fine, - she turns back to him and spares him a rare smile - Mr. Phillips is it? – he nods – We will be doing business, I’m sure. – He has a barbecue place, if she’s not mistaken but barbecue for a wedding is just the thing Emma Swan would love. They can run with that theme.

Lily snorts and picks at her legal pad and fountain pen – Maybe you’re not in charge, who made you maid of honor?

Regina snatches the pen from her daughter’s hand and looks up at Emma – Well, Miss Swan? First order of business.

Emma cringes on her spot as they all turn to her – I mean my very young mom, and my best friend slash mortal enemy, and my cursed to be codependent best friend, and my… godmother? I can’t choose. Plus, yours was Zelena, and then you like chose Kathryn for a bunch of shit. Maybe I wanted to go to the fancy hairdresser in Boston, you didn’t ask. I curled my own hair.  

Red laughs – I sure as shit don’t make the cut for maid of honor. But I will take bachelorette’s because no one here knows how to party.

- Thank you, Miss Lucas, what about music? Can you do that as well? - When she nods Regina jots her third line on her legal pad and Snow makes a choked little noise. Regina takes a single deep fortifying breath before looking up and motioning for Snow to take the lead then. Her most magnanimous act to date – Snow?

- I don’t think Maid of honor is important.

Regina chuckles - So you agree it should be me.

Snow glares – Emma, we need a date first!

They all turn to the couple, who glance at each other. Luke shrugs, but Emma shrugs faster, so he has to answer – Is a month too little?

- Well – Snow’s brow furrows – I would like a bit more time, but if you want it to be in a month… - she nods at last – yes, we can do that. We’ve done worse. – she glances at Regina and Regina glances back impassively, as she notes down the date without breaking eye contact, underlined.

Emma nods – A month is cool. Good weather.

Snow’s eyes leave hers and acquire a new shine at the mention of the weather – Outdoors? Beach? Forest? Town gardens? Oh, we could have it at home! Since we have a big backyard now.

Lily leans Regina’s way, her pad now also says “make sure not at Snow’s” – You’re not getting like this when I get married right?

She smiles at her - I will work you so subtly you will be picking floral arrangements in your sleep.

- Is it already happening? – she furrows her brow, but Regina keeps on writing in perfect penmanship as they talk – How are you doing that?

- After years in which your dinner depends on the loops of your G’s, your G’s end up looking like your dinner depends on them even if it doesn’t. And no, Miss Smith does not pass the tests.

Lily takes a controlled sip of her scalding coffee - What about the girl Henry sneaks in?

- Gone in a week. I will make sure of that.

Lily hums as she trains her eyes on Regina's face. She might be bluffing, but she also might be capable of mind control and be talking completely seriously about Jenna and Henry's crush. Regina shakes her head solemnly at something, and Snow and Emma stop their bickering and decide to put a pin on location for at least an hour. But the next topic is even more loaded. Snow turns a page on her little notepad and clicks her blue pen - Well what about the dress? Have you chosen at least a style from the magazines? I have more if you didn’t like any!

Regina remembers the torment of Snow sending bridal magazines with birds if she had to. She cuts in again - Are you wearing a dress? – Snow turns to her, bamboozled by her question and Regina ignores her, watching the bride dart her eyes her mother’s way for a second and then back to her – I only ask because I don’t think I have ever seen you wear one. I don’t imagine you want to start now. We can find you a suit, you can marry in your jeans if you want. – Emma looks at Snow quickly again, and over to the guys that have long disconnected and seem to be talking basketball. Regina knows because she heard the word basket and ball.

Luke however leans back in to agree – Do you even own dresses? Honey, I don’t mind pants.

Snow looks like she might have a stroke before she allows herself to cave and press her for a dress, good. Emma shrieks - I’ve worn dresses! Princess Leia! That was me! And in Boston, and New York. Ask the kid. Maine weather is just ass.

Regina cocks her head to a side – Princess Leia, of course. – She chuckles – Pretty as you looked, just think about it.

Snow makes a note on her pad, surely reminding herself to spam Emma’s email with dresses when she gets home, and Regina tasks herself with finding alternatives and sending hopefully half the volume of recommendations Snow will.

The bell above the door announces new costumers and Luke smiles their way – Sweetie, I gotta-

Emma nods at him – Go, I’ll yell if we’re making actual decisions. – they watch them smile at each other even as he retreats to serve the gaggle of teens milling before the counter

- Don’t you gotta like, narrow down the size and then deal with all the other shit? – Is Lily’s first contribution and Snow nods amiably, date and size, and invitations, then they can do the nuts and bolts.

- Okay yeah, we have a list already – she takes out a folded paper from her red leather jacket pocket and starts counting one by one – There’s no way we crack fifty… okay maybe a hundred.  

- We need to commission the invitations. – Regina says already taking out her phone, looking for the highest rated service out there.

- I was about to say that myself. – Snow says in an angry little voice

Regina looks up with an unreadable expression and Snow puts her hands on the table much too softly, Emma points between them - Will you two be able to… coexist? While planning and… at the family table.

- Regina doesn’t go on the family table. - Is Snow's first instinct

Emma’s eyes open wide, and she glances between Snow and Regina to see if they’re about to draw swords, but Snow takes a deep breath and Regina only smirks as she answers - For you Emma, of course we can coexist.

Lily snorts – Jesus fuck mom, have some dignity. She just said she’s not gonna choose you.

Regina’s tone goes down an octave as she glances up at the blonde – Emma, - She adds more M’s than the name calls for - We have been through so much together, seeing you grow into an excellent mother to our son, seeing you find love, it has been amazing. If you weren't my maid of honor, it was because I couldn't possibly demand more from you. You have been there for me all these years even when you had your own journey, and I just want to repay you in any way I can, make this easier for you.

- Holy shit, are you batting your eyelashes? – Lily bends forward to be able to stare at Regina, as she directs her big brown eyes Emma’s way, and Emma looks at her almost guilt-tripped into just agreeing, eyebrows scrunched together and lips pursing. Regina bats her lashes once again and Lily gapes - I’m telling mom.

She whips around to look Lily’s way with what has to be a completely different set of eyes than the one she was just using on Emma - Oh, shush. You’re just envious you’re not even in the running.

Emma blinks her daze away with a frown - How were you doing that?

Red chuckles on her side of the table – She didn’t get dinner when she was a kid. Let’s move on. – Lily turns around to look at her and Red looks back, drops her a wink. Emma doesn’t realize

- Right. Okay. Who goes on the family table then?

Snow rushes to explain herself – It’s already full with Luke’s parents, Charming and I, Henry and a date, and you two. Regina will sit nearby.

Emma shrugs – Okay, family table and people who keep on risking their lives for us table. Now, Flowers. I don’t know anything about them... Should we ask Belle? But then we’d have to invite Belle, and Gold. – She frowns down at the paper in her hands

- You weren’t even counting Belle in your hundred people? – Red presses her

- I’m telling Dorothy you want to see Belle.

- Oh grow up. – The wolf says, and drops back against her chair with her arms crossed

Emma snorts - Can you sit on the risked their lives table with Lily? Or is that too much?

Red rolls her eyes - We’re sitting together right here.

- Right. But the new girlfriends though… awkward. Maybe we split that table in two as well. If I invite Zelena with Robin and Kathryn with Fred, that justifies a mean girl table: Mills, and Kathryn.

Red leans up to snatch the paper off Emma’s hand – What hundred people are you inviting?!

Regina glances at her watch, this month will be interminable - Miss Swan, the tables don’t matter yet. Focus.

She focuses, on Regina - Aw what happened with Emmmmmma? Try to seduce me some more, you have really interesting M’s

She indulges her, maybe it will get them back on track. Puts on her sweetest tone - Emma.

Lily speaks up again - That’s not your normal voice. I’m telling mom

- Your mom’s a beard let her call me Emma and get way too emotionally involved in my wedding. – She bends enough to set her elbow on the table and her head on her hand looking Regina’s way – Tell me more about great mom to our son and blah blah

Regina chuckles and lowers her voice conspiratorially, moving closer – Emma, your mother will have a stroke if you don’t start taking this as seriously as her.

Emma drags her eyes Snow’s way and straightens up when she sees her angry little flush as she clicks her pen in lieu of shooting someone with an arrow. Whatever her luck in life, she at least didn’t have to see Emma and Regina actually date and should thank some god for that. Emma nods – Right. I’m getting married. Surprisingly. And I didn’t even make a scrapbook when I was 10, so we’re way behind – She drags a chair under herself at last and takes a pen out of her pocket, snatches her sole paper back, the guest list, and flattens it as she turns it to the clean side of the paper - Let’s plan. 

She really believed she was over waiting on playdates to be over a few years ago but they have been done for some 10 minutes now and Regina is still nursing her coffee by the side waiting on Lily and Emma to be done with whatever it is they do. Emma is poking Lily repeatedly on the arm, while Lily holds her back and eats Danish after Danish at inhuman speed, Regina would loathe to interrupt that. She glances at them with their nearly matching leather boots, and skinny jeans, followed by their terrible emotional armor jackets and chuckles to herself debating whether to just record when Emma jumps on Lily’s back to get at the pastries.

- Oh, they must have been fun to babysit when they were kids. – Snow comes to stand as close as humanly possible, smiling Regina’s way

- I understand there was no one doing the sitting. – Lily shakes Emma off and she stumbles onto a table, overturning it and sending sugar packs all across the floor, kicking a chair for good measure too. Snow cringes at the noise and Regina chuckles – It’s a miracle yours is alive.

Emma lifts a conciliatory hand before Luke flies her way and promises she’ll clean it right up but not before shooting her leg out to trip Lily that might not feel much when she’s hit but is a victim of gravity nonetheless, when she doesn’t have wings or floating spells on. She trips and her last pastry falls. Snow talks again – I’m happy they’re friends, if we couldn’t manage, it’s the next best thing. Neal really likes Draz too.

- Yes.

Snow would not be Snow if she took a hint – And Emma, she really loves you too. Even if you don’t get Maid of Honor, you’re her best friend. She speaks very highly of you, when she’s over for family dinner.

Regina sighs, and pushes herself off the wall before this gets any worse, she’ll just have to drag Lily out of there kicking and screaming – Snow, you can’t truly tell me that you sit there, at the head of your impressive table in your country home serving your picturesque pot roast and preside over family dinner with your husband, your three children, your son-in-law and your grandchild and you can only think “God, when will step-mother join us? I do miss her so”. Appreciate the peace you have, don’t get greedy.

Snow’s childish anger starts suffusing her face, the one she got when she couldn’t have a treat after dinner, not the one that she takes on the battlefield with her. This one makes her ears go red and her hands twitchy by her side – Of course I appreciate my family, and I’m not being greedy, I just miss you Regina! And I’m sure you miss me too! You’re part of our family in the same way you let Emma be part of yours.

- Snow, I sit, with my wife, and my three children, and my sister, and my brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew, and yes, occasionally Emma and her fiancé, and we don’t have enough seats at the table as it is. Believe me, I am fine. And I’m sure you are too, you don’t miss me, you’re just still trying to add me to your collection like you were when we were children, because you can’t stand the thought of someone resenting you and hope that if I give in eventually Mal and Lily will too.

- Regina, that’s just not true. We worked hard for our friendship! I value it beyond “adding you to my collection”!

 - Yes, you value everyone’s friendship, that’s my point. But you and I don’t have the kind of relationship worth salvaging over that. You hate my frankness and I hate your impractical faux idealism, you want to “make me better” and keep me in check and I want you to let people see your blood-thirsty side so they stop hero-worshipping you. These things don’t change. We are never really at peace.- She says it as calmly as she can, so this can be over. But it just keeps on going, she keeps objecting.

- I do value everyone’s friendship, yes, but I value our… thing beyond that! You can’t stand there and honestly say Kathryn or Cruella have a more meaningful relationship with you than I do!

- Cruella took care of my daughter for months in a strange land until the state took over. What have you done? – Snow's mouth opens with a retort immediately, but Regina takes a step back and a deep breath, she knows Snow has been there for her in these last tumultuous years, it’s unfair for her to say she hasn’t. But no one irks her like Snow, which is also exactly her point. She holds a conciliatory hand up before they get back into their usual fight of Curse vs. Egg tampering - Six children between us and the only two that haven’t been kidnapped or orphaned are the ones that were born when we cut off contact. – She turns to Lily and Emma, now sitting next to each other sharing their coffee and playing at picking up the sugar packs with magic, and she motions their way with her head – You know what I believe? Our mothers did whatever the opposite of that is when they fought over Leopold. They doomed us. When we mingle, reality shifts off its axis and the world conspires for horrible things to happen. The minute you and I smile to each other, an unspeakable evil spawns in main street and finds a way to rebalance the misery in our lives.

Snow scoffs, incredulous - Things aren’t any better when we-

- Aren’t they? -Regina once again motions to the utterly goofy scene in front of them as they discuss the mess that their intertwined lives have been - Emma is getting married to a good man that hasn’t hurt her once, Henry hasn’t been taken by a crazy person in some three years, David hasn’t been stabbed in a while, you had a premature baby that has had zero complications thus far, Christ you gave birth the same night Zelena did and no magical being has come to cash in on that coincidence, and me? I don’t think I have spent this long without a concussion outside the years the curse lasted, occasionally another thirty-year stretch where we didn’t speak and no one nearby died. Let it be.

Snow’s now ruffled enough she squares up in front of Regina, speaking up to the dangerous degree where Emma and Lily have the mind to glance at them without looking like they’re glancing at them, to avoid a murder in the premises - That’s ridiculous! You can’t blame our relationship for any of the crisis after the first curse. We have been fixing Gold’s mistakes, Cora’s, Peter Pan’s, Zelena’s… if we ran out of evil family members now it’s just a highly probable coincidence.

Regina gives their daughters a subtle shake of the head before they stand to break them up and waves around, points to the little floral themed notepad in Snow’s hand that proves they are indeed in simpler times -You weren’t even there for the last crisis, and we solved that with a road trip, not a single injury. I see nothing serious to fight since I stopped trying to stomach your tuna casserole on Fridays. Still, if the moment comes again, we are linked through Henry and Emma, and we will sort anything out together. I don’t hate you, not anymore, but we are not meant to be friends and I indeed don’t go on the family table. Please don’t make me keep breaking up with you. Do invitations and I’ll take Emma around to see venues, we reconvene in a week.

She steps around Snow before she can object yet again, and turns around to see her standing there, somehow both glaring and bereft, ears red up to where they hide under her re-cropped hair. At least she got a new favorite hairstyle out of the five decades of strife. Lily stands when Regina motions with her head that they're leaving, Emma looking between her mother and Regina with a question in her eyes, Regina spares her a small smile and a nod - Miss Swan.

She pouts

- Emma with a bunch of M's?

- Miss Swan as long as I can still say it.

with that, they disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Chapter Text

Regina has been blissfully standing on the doorway of Draz’s room for a while now, watching Mal entertain him to sleep as he clings to consciousness fiercely. It’s been nothing but belly rubs and whispered songs for a while and the blonde sits up, stretching her back and letting out a huff when Draz giggles at her exasperated expression. Regina chuckles right with him – Who would fall asleep when being growled at like that? – She comes forward then, to drape herself over Mal and kiss her temple, shoot a little soothing spell at her back

She lets herself be held for only a second before her back is back to full capacity and she can flee at full speed, rookie mistake on Regina’s part - Come sing to him in the dulcet tones of non-Latin-American Spanish then, if that’s the issue. – She frees up her chaise and the boy reaches up for her hand to make sure they’re not simply swapping, but teaming up so he’s getting both, it forces her to simply stand on the side of the crib while Regina sits and takes on the belly rub duty

- No podemos dejar que Emma sepa que hablamos algo parecido al español, cierto? She’d never shut up about it – Draz giggles at her too and Regina smiles at him so wide Mal knows this child will not sleep tonight and their date is patently cancelled. She knows Draz knows Regina will put on a show with magic lights just to keep him giggling. And then, when he refuses to sleep and starts trying to copy her sparks, she will be so proud and cheer him on for as long as it takes, there is no hope. They wouldn’t dare leave him awake in Henry’s care.

Without any more prompting she starts singing, and although Mal is big enough to admit Regina’s voice and language are much more adept to the task, Draz doesn’t care about that either and has the nerve to clap along, wholly off-beat while smiling merrily. Mal moves her newly free hand to Regina’s shoulder for a while, moving her hair back to look at her while she continues her soft song – Dear, where is your ring? – Regina uses her free hand to lift the thin gold chain from under her blouse where her wedding ring glints next to the other she wears almost daily without breaking stride on her tune and Mal hums – A premonition? Am I going the Daniel route soon?

She chuckles over the lyrics and drops the rings again, as she finishes her lullaby and stands - I was kneading dough, came here when I thought I heard you lose your patience with our son and start snarling orders his way. I will go finish up now. – She gives Draz a final tickle that makes him shake with a laugh but doesn’t distract him from the truth

- No! Stay! – Draz grips Regina’s hand this time around and she raises an eyebrow his way, which he interprets expertly – Plees!

Regina turns to look up at Mal, who bends her neck just to grin at her from eye level – Well then, flex that patience of yours. Sing. – Regina retakes her seat with an eye roll and starts another lullaby in Spanish, and Mal drags a stool from nearby so they both peer into his crib from above – And that was just plain German, earlier.

Draz doesn’t seem to be about to sleep because of her singing anyway so she focuses on dragging Mal out of her funk - Makes sense that children tortured by listening to that before bedtime would grow to start wars – Mal gives her a look that makes her chuckle wholeheartedly, reaching for her waist to drag her and the white-wood stool closer

- That’s rich coming from a government official in the cradle of neo-imperialism. What did you sing to Henry? This land is your land, all land is your land?

Regina’s warm laughter envelops the room and Draz follows her lead for absolutely no damn reason. The brunette stands, laying another kiss on Mal’s cheek to wipe her grumpy expression and bending to lift Draz out of the crib before taking her seat again with him on her arms – He’s inconveniently awake tonight, but can you believe we made a child this happy?

Mal shakes her annoyance out a tad at his content expression – I can believe you made a child this stubborn. 3-0 for you dear.

- They all have excellent hair too - Regina settles on the chaise more than comfortably with Draz completely awake and stomping on her thighs with no qualms, he’s getting heavy in his human form too… she’ll have to start helping herself with a spell if she wants to carry him around for another few years. Must be those unbreakable bones.

Mal has to smile at the sight of them, even if she’s still sure he knows what he’s doing by being extra playful in Regina’s general direction - Are you claiming credit for Henry’s hair? When Rumplestilskin walks around with his mane in the air for all to see where he inherited it from. And Snow even goes to the same barber for maximum likeness.  

Regina gives her hair a practiced flick out of Draz’s hands – I’m the one who buys his conditioner. I don’t know any of these people you’re mentioning. – Mal laughs on her seat and Draz whips around to smile at her then.

But she gives him an exaggerated frown and a weird growl – Sleep.

Regina’s face wrinkles – That’s German?

- The other one.

 - We only have Elvish left. There must be a spell for putting naughty babies to sleep. – The intention is lovely, but she blows a raspberry on his cheek and it draws a giggle that could shatter the windows. Regina laughs at their mischievous toddler – When you torture Mommy, I pay. Are you torturing Mommy on purpose or did someone slip you some cocaine?

- Regina, for god’s sake. Do not give him words he can start repeating just to torture us some more.

She fakes a gasp – Do you think our precious boy that devious? – She pinches his nose, he giggles. Not a bad bone on his body.

Mal gives it a moment of thought, while Draz suddenly remembers her existence and turns to smile at her. Uncanny, him and his little curls and the glint on his eye. She eyes him suspiciously, his mother has used that same look to cajole her before – Lily is the only member of this family incapable of scheming, and only because she shares a brain with Emma Swan.

- I am a saint as well. – Regina delivers that line completely straight-faced, so naturally Mal’s full belly laugh startles baby and mom equally, and Henry who was walking by with a reprisal of dinner on his hands, stops on the doorway at that. Regina knows betrayal when Draz starts laughing with Mal for no damn reason too, so she rolls her eyes and stands to pawn her charge over – Rock your brother to sleep, won’t you?

Henry balances the plate to one hand because there’s no question on Regina’s tone. He struggles to hold onto him - Can’t Mal just, read him some math? – Draz smiles at him, he smiles back – What are you all laughing at?

Mal stretches some more on her stool - Regina’s gone delirious at last after all the wine and cider.

Regina leans against the wall - Maleficent’s been speaking in tongues for an hour and Draz refuses to give her a single yawn.

Henry lets them make mean eye contact for a second before he speaks again - Lily just kinda puts him down and leaves him there to get bored on his own while she texts. He doesn’t giggle if you don’t make faces at him.

They turn to him at once - That’s barbaric

Regina chuckles - We have to talk to her about that

He shrugs and the plate tilts dangerously - I mean it’s not like she won’t soothe him if he’s crying or anything.

His mom moves forward to snatch the baby off his evil, evil arms - You were tucked in until you were 7.

Mal stands even, to take his plate of food - Your proposition is he goes to bed with his belly unrubbed?

Regina starts rubbing his belly, to protect him from the mere idea - Gold would definitely do that. - She looks over to where Mal’s eating his sandwich - I can see what you mean now.  

Henry takes offense to whatever that means and reaches forward to snatch Draz back from Regina’s arms - Okay. Okay. Chill. I’ll rock him – he starts swinging this way and that, humming one of Regina’s tunes from earlier. Babies aren’t too bad, as someone with a baby brother and a baby cousin, and an aunt, and an uncle… he frowns. They’re really repopulating Storybrooke. Emma’s probably next.

For a minute or so he moves this way and that, takes some steps, mutters his song some more. Mal sits back down with a chuckle - Do you speak Spanish, Henry? – he shakes his head and Mal shakes hers in a different tone, sandwich steadfastly in her hand – How culturally ungenerous of your mother. She speaks it very well.

- It isn’t Spanish, Maleficent.

She chuckles as Regina’s eyes get stormy over there by the wall - You’ve called me that twice now dear, we are either going to bed or to the divorce attorney’s office I suppose.

- Ew. – They remember Henry’s been standing there, with what’s become a blissfully silent Draz, slouched over his shoulder and drooling on his sweatshirt.

Mal realizes there’s better things in life than riling Regina up and surges forward to exchange the half-eaten sandwich with the child – Oh, Henry you are amazing. – She moves to put him on his crib and after a good three seconds of anticipation where he only moves to his side, she exhales – Call Lily on a spoon or something, ask her if they held our table.

- Dear, my hair is up, I’m wearing an apron and you have – she motions up and down – this on. Which is lovely, but not for outside, where people are. We are staying in.

Mal doesn’t attempt to counter her, linen pants and keds don’t make a date outfit. And Lily is clearly beyond helping with anything restaurant-related for the night because she materializes in the hallway and stomps up and down twice before she thinks to stop and actually check for their whereabouts. She comes in and frowns around – Why are we hanging out here?

Mal looks at her watch and curses, Draz had managed to keep them enough the restaurant had actually closed. They rushed into children for sure. – We were waiting for your brother to fall asleep. – She nods, makes sense, takes Henry’s half sandwich off his hand, drops herself to the floor before he can fight back. Regina makes a shimmering dome over the crib when it looks like they will continue to hang out near the baby that almost pulled an all-nighter. Mal makes a sound – Which brings us to, when we leave you in charge, do you just let him bore himself to sleep?

Lily nods – Yeah, I guess. I mean, he has his night light and his little flying things – she points at the perpetually there circling butterflies mirage over his crib – What else can I do?

- An attempt. – Mal takes a seat across from her, on her stool – Perhaps your mother can teach you Spanish and you can sing.

Lily frowns - Oh, we’re really Latin? Swan’s gonna be insufferable about that.

Regina moves to stand behind Mal, hands on her shoulders before she can get irritated again over their missed date, and Lily’s lack of singing, and the keds – We are not, but I do speak something that sounds like Spanish. That is beside the point.

Henry blinks on his spot – So you’re Latin and Mal's German like Zelena and Robin are British, which is not at all but actually yeah somehow. And I’m nothing, because Grandma, Gramps and Gold, they don’t have accents or second languages.

- You are a red-blooded American male - Mal chuckles and clarifies - I have no nationality and we didn’t have any Germans in Fairy-tale Land as far as I know. That was just the curse your saint of a mother put on me.

He nods - Right. You speak… dragon.  

Regina interrupts before Mal starts listing all the languages she’s half learned in her life. Such a hobby of hers. – The point is, that I sang and read to Henry for at least 7 years of his life, and as much as we can do that for your brother, we should.

Lily looks mildly startled by that, but nods when she looks up and sees Regina smiling at her with no recrimination on her look. Henry drops to the ground too – Did they sing to you? The Pages.

She frowns on her spot – They must have tried. They were all right, I just… didn’t like it there and made their life hell. – She mulls that over, it’s something she’s been reflecting more and more about when she thinks about how she brought a lot of the trouble in her life on herself, even if the darkness was the driving force. Friends, family, teachers, women she tried to date, jobs… most kinda all right really, anyone else could have made it work. – I’ve been thinking I should find them. – Regina feels Mal tense under her hands and squeezes to keep her grounded, Lily looks up at them again with questioning eyes – To thank them at least, there’s so many kids like Emma that get adopted and then tossed… they kept me through so much shit. I was the one who cut off contact when I was 18. I was ungrateful.

Regina gives her a small, trembling smile – Of course, sweetheart. We owe them as well, we’ll send a fruit basket when we find them.

Mal’s still rigid under her hands, and she stands without a word to circle the crib and go stand by the window, glancing at the darkened back yard like there’s something of interest down there. Henry reaches out to Lily when she looks scared she might have fucked up – You know when I went looking for Ma, it was so shitty to mom. I know that now. I wouldn’t do it like that anymore, even if I love Emma and how everything worked out. So, I can understand that you hate how you left your parents of 18 years and want to make that right, even if you love us now and don’t want to go back to them or anything.

Regina smiles at him as she moves to Mal, at least the entire ordeal had paid off if only for this one conversation, and for the continued nuisance of Emma Swan’s presence that is entertaining at the very least. Mal startles when she grabs for her hand and Regina presses herself to her side looking up at her, they seem to have an entire silent conversation held solely with her eyes and at last Mal shakes her head slightly and tries for a smile as she turns back Lily’s way – It’s a lovely sentiment Lily. And your mother’s right, we owe them… so much. We could never repay… Find them, and tell them that whatever they need…

Seeing Mal pause to look for words is almost as foreign an experience as singing to a sleepy toddler. And Lily stands and tries to justify herself – I really don’t want to like go back to them or anything, I just-

Mal cuts her off – I’m not angry. I’m… You don’t understand, what it would have done to me to come back and find out anything had happened to you. Your adoptive parents, I owe them my life. The eighteen years they gave you… I suppose I wished to never have to face this, because how could we even begrudge you if you did choose to go back to them? We weren’t there. You needed us, so badly, and we were not the ones there. And now we sit here telling you to sing to your brother like it is a matter of life or death. We will never be your parents the way they were.

- I don’t love you any less, though

- You love us differently. Henry can’t on his right mind picture Emma Swan when he thinks of his first day of school or his best birthday party. And you can’t think of us when you remember a helping hand when you were first scared, or whoever held you through all those times when you didn’t quite understand what it is was different about you.

Regina keeps her grip on Mal steady and drags her forward – We are so glad, that if you couldn’t have us, you had someone. And so proud you can see what they did for you and want to thank them. I know it will mean the world to them to hear from you, and see you found peace and are doing well.

Henry nods on his spot, licking his fingers clean of the sandwich sauce – I think you can both graduate therapy for sure. – He stands and stretches, diffusing tension like only someone spawned by Emma Swan could. They certainly do not have the ability to make things less complicated in Regina’s or Mal’s family – Text Emma about it, she’s dying for anything non wedding.

With that he waves goodnight and ducks out without demanding a single belly rub or kiss. Regina will take her two hours of torture with Draz while she still has them. To make things worse Mal slips her hand out of hers as well and leaves, stopping to kiss Lily’s temple whether she wants it or not but not saying much else. So, it’s only them, and Regina undoes her silencing spell around Draz with one last look at his little face – We were having a nice evening with no nuanced emotions, you know?

Lily wraps her arms around her frame, worrying her sleeve as she moves – I’m sorry. It just came out, I hadn’t even realized I do want to find them. Did I ruin mom’s week? Or month?

Regina moves forward to wrap her arm around her and guide her out of the room, they dim the light and close the door on their way out and she gives her a small smile. They thought Lily would just never bring this up and because of that they might be mildly unprepared to face it, but they have been through so much together that Regina has every confidence this will be fine. Still, she needs to impart some timing lessons on these children. She lets Lily go at last before they each go to their bedrooms at last - Yes, and when you torture your mother, I pay.

Chapter Text

Regina is sitting on the couch next to Lily at a respectable distance while they both carry about their respective business in a really independent manner, and Draz is happily dozing curled on Lily’s warm lap like a kitten, but with a tail that falls to the floor and a spiky spine, and Henry is snoring sprawled on his seat with his switch on his chest laying in a way that ensures he’ll be a baby when he wakes up with a crick on his neck, when Mal comes into the room to lay a kiss on the top of Regina’s head, not once, not twice but three times.

Regina smiles softly, book forgotten as she tilts her head up to watch Mal and gets a kiss to the forehead and another to the nose, before the blonde is vaulting herself over the back of the couch to sit basically on top of Regina, legs pushing at Lily’s waist – Scoot. Shoo.

She grumbles – You know you gotta share your wife with your kids, that’s like rule number one of family-making. We have equal claim to sit by her.

No equality in this home - Scoot! – She pushes again and there’s clearly a reason why she’s the cuddler not the cuddlee in this relationship. Regina laughs as Mal tries her best to sit on her lap, and winds an arm around her neck to hold on. She seems to spill in all directions and her vast amount of hair tries to drown her, enough she barely hears her reverent whisper – I got your letter.

- Ah, I take it you liked it. - She gets no response, past the way Mal seems to want to crawl into her. Regina chuckles as she lets herself be kissed all over some more while Lily rolls her eyes their way and Mal seems to realize she’d do better sitting on the couch and just wrapping the rest of herself around Regina that way. She settles when her legs are bent over Regina’s lap and she has an arm steadily around her neck while the other hand undoes a single button of her shirt to be able to rest her hand directly on her ribs, where she’s ticklish.

Lily snatches the paper from Mal’s outstretched and distracted hand, it only frees it to start stroking Regina’s hair away from her face and Lily rolls her eyes yet again– You live together, why are you sending letters… with postage?

Regina spares her a look, all smiles – To test the effectiveness of the postal service. Plus, I found the scented paper pressed between some pages in an old book, seemed wasteful to not use it. – And someone made sure Mal needed some extra cheering up, but she’s not going to mention that and make Lily feel bad again after she’s been kicked all week by Mal’s occasional forlorn look

- Scented?! - Lily answers with a chuckle but Regina’s back at looking only Mal’s way, who’s engrossed on her as well, so she lifts the little open wax seal thingy with, she realizes, the family crest pressed on it, and the floral smell attacks her nostrils, that’s not a normal scent probably, no way some paper is gonna be that fragrant after decades unless magic is involved, and why the fuck not? There would be a market for magically enhanced letters back in the forest. Lily snorts as she skims the first page – What kind of Jane Austen shit… “I knew solace only when I reached your arms?” C’mon man, you’re married already. “I recently read your letters again, as I often do-“, There’s a whole box of these? – she keeps quiet as she skims some more - Can I read them?

Mal doesn’t bother with snatching that one back but turns around to look at her with a glint on her eye – We might have to curate some of them, depending on which ones Regina kept to re-read.

- I have them all, the ones you sent addressed to The Queen droning on and on about land usage and the ones you sent with your crow friends in the dead of night. – She gets another dreamy gaze for her trouble and smiles as she runs her fingers softly over Mal’s arms – Dear, you think I would keep jewelry and clothing, mother’s malevolent books… and throw away any of our correspondence?

Lily’s given up on mocking them for it, halfway down page one of four, if the rest of them are this well-written and heartfelt she would keep them under her pillow for the rest of her life. She clears her throat to get past the knot there – I bet Henry would love to read them too – Henry, a romantic little shit who had consulted with her whether his text was too much for him to send to his crush, she’d told him to play it cool… but that was before laying eyes on Regina’s essay about how her inner storm stops raging when she listens to Mal’s voice. – I can put them both to bed if you guys want to be alone for a while.

- You can stay, you have equal claim, don’t you? – Regina pokes Mal on the side to admonish her and she gets another kiss on return – You can stay, and you can read them all. I am a lady and there is nothing untoward in any of my letters. Your mother on the other hand… has a gift for descriptive prose she used with sinful intent, often.

They both speak like they have a gift for descriptive whatever so no, she doesn’t want to read the ancient sexts. Regina laughs in her deep, husky tone and does not deny it – Lucky us that those were lost to time. I have changed now, moved on to facetime when distance puts a strain in the relationship. No evidence left behind. – What distance? Lily wonders. Town Hall halfway through the day? This is horrifying information.

- Oh no, I kept them all too. Every sordid little missive... and the lovely ones as well. – Regina raises an eyebrow her way and she smiles – You think I would go home, scavenge for your list of books in my library and not bring anything else with me? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

- I had them scanned and made a little leather-bound book out of them. It is in the library, in plain view. The originals are more secure.

Mal laughs because of course she has back-ups for easy reading – Which one should I hand your assistant first? The one where you try to entice me to visit by proposing different activities for us to engage in, or the one where you recall that night I found you dressed like something that strangely looked like El Zorro now that I think about it, perhaps the one where-

Regina interrupts her before that can go on – You can work the scanner we have here at home with your own pretty little fingers if you need to plagiarize my idea, print and bound out of town.

- Oh! So many about my pretty little fingers, which one to choose? - Regina laughs wholeheartedly at that. For someone with the jokes of a teenage boy, Mal did use to keep all her letters clean. Regina in turn was indeed forced to write several pages on her fingers, to keep balance.

Mal snuggles in again to lay another kiss on her cheek, and another one by her temple, and a third one on her neck. And so it goes, while Lily reads down the letter some more with a small smile – So, you’re El Zorro?

- It was an extracurricular activity, really, they only got the costume right.

Mal hums by Regina’s side – And what a costume it was.

“If you were going to keep anything” Lily thinks she hears her whisper, real low, while buried on Regina’s dark hair for a moment but she resurfaces and they look like nothing’s happening. She flips to the second page and forgets about the other horrifying stuff – You guys are really this in love. – It’s not a question, and they weren’t about to answer, Mal’s tucked herself on Regina’s shoulder and gotten her hand out of her shirt to hold one of hers and Lily smiles – I used to think it didn’t actually happen but yeah, you guys are actually this in love. And you’re not even the only ones in this town, a bunch of people here are this in love. Out there life is so ugly, but in here… people write these in scented paper and send them in envelopes with wax seal.

- I have committed murder. Several times. – It still feels wrong to skip the disclaimer.

Mal’s hold on Regina tightens at that and Lily notices, like she’s been noticing a ton of other stuff. It’s almost impossible to reconcile the woman who wrote this letter with anyone capable of anything but love and joy, but then again there was that laugh earlier… – As have I. It doesn’t detract from the fact that you are a stellar mother and a damn near perfect lover, and care for all of us like no one else ever could.

Mal puts it in words so easily, always has. Ever since Lily showed up in their lives, she has seen Mal say exactly what goes through her mind and what she feels, eloquently and despite the audience. Shower them in praise day in and day out without as much as a stammer and say the crude as well shameless as it may feel. Regina’s more like her, she shows her love in actions and only doles out the big speeches once in a while… but as alike as they can be, Lily’s not sure she’ll ever be able to produce something like this, even if it is on paper and with the occasional wandering off point or uncharacteristic correction.

Only a Regina naked enough to be willing to cross off words and not start again the entire letter, to write four pages straight with any punctuation as it came and barely a paragraph break could produce something so beautiful. She lets them relax in her embrace and perks up when they’re mentioned after two pages of singing praises to Mal

And although I have loved you, in a manner so consuming and for so long, that I can’t seem to recall what it was to not love you anymore and I can’t imagine a return to a state of not loving you, I have to admit it never did and would have never felt as utterly right as it does now that we have children. And I understand if that phrase hurt you, because it implies that you would not have been enough, but I assure you I mean nothing of the sort. I would live a thousand lives of any punishment known to man to spend a day by your side, my love, but we are not whole without our children. I have felt so much for you, for so long, that there were nights I could not sleep, for your memory sat so heavy in my chest I was short of breath, and even then it all pales in comparison to the day you returned and told me about Lily, to the moment I first saw you interact with Henry as if I wasn’t there, to when you dragged me to a cave to show me an unseasonably warm purple egg. I didn’t think I could love you more, be obsessed with you more, be possessed by you more, but now my children call you mom, and mama, and mommy, or just Mal with a markedly funny inflection and I found that my heart is elastic and it expands each day for you. Because you sometimes wake up and don’t feel the need to torture me, but instead go and feed them each something they will enjoy without me ever having to make a suggestion, and you help them haul their multitude of things around without being asked, because they ask you for advice and sometimes disregard it completely and still you smile at their back as they walk away off to engage in another mistake, because I watched you sit three hours with a sleeping dragon on your lap explaining math to a teenager that only cares for his English class while the other one ran several laps around the TV channels and not lose your patience once, a feat achieved by none before you; and each day I feel my heart might explode and then it doesn’t, it grows. It must be unhealthy, to be this besotted with a random woman that wandered into your life by chance. Mother would crucify me if she could see the mess I have become. Because love can indeed be weakness and Maleficent every day I feel my love for you grow more and more, into this all-encompassing thing that could destroy me if you were anything but the woman you are. You understand the power you have and have not once wielded it against me. It must be dangerous to be this consumed by another person, I suspect you scoff at therapy because you know any psychiatrist would have locked me up if I had told them the extent to which you permeate my every thought; and I have been bordering the precipice since the very moment I laid eyes on you, on your smile, on your eyes, on your hair (you may be right, I do love a blonde, but because I spent years chasing the ghost of you in every person with a bad dye job that crossed my path); but Mal when you told me we had a child, when you hugged her that very first time when I couldn’t just yet, I finally took the very last step and jumped. And I should be terrified, because it must be dangerous, my plummeting into this fog that must at some point become solid ground to shatter me, but you cannot fathom the willingness with which I would shatter for you dear, I can’t possibly convey it with words. You would have been enough, of course, you are more than I can handle or I could possibly deserve. The way you wake up when the sun touches your skin is akin to the way I come alive when I catch a glimpse of you (sadly never did we manage until now to make it a daily event), and the woman you become around our children, to me she is the sun, and the moon and the stars as well. Every planet on the solar system. The Universe itself. I feared your hold over me then, now I jump, every day, fearlessly.

The fact that the paragraph breaks and then she starts ranking Mal’s best looks from before and after the curse on two separate but tidy and indeed descriptive lists does not detract from the fact that they’re really that in love. And she gets to witness it firsthand, and they likely love her with that inhuman intensity too. Mal fakes a whisper on her side of the couch – Darling you made the princess cry.

Lily’s surprised to hear that, reaches up to wipe the couple of tears sliding down her face and Regina reaches for her arm with a genuine smile that could power up the house – Was it very upsetting, learning your mother wore a toe ring?

- You think you can save face by mocking it, when you’ve just waxed poetry about it on paper for all to read. We see through you.

- I am an unreliable narrator when it comes to you. I’m sure the toe ring was awful, as they all are. I remember it fondly as part of the whole. – She leans to the side to punctuate that with a kiss, apologetic about moving Mal’s legs off herself, to stand up and deal with Henry and Draz - Because I loved you then, and I love you now. Despite.

- Despite? - Mal drawls as she turns to sit properly, facing Regina with a grin - If your daughter could hear the things you did to the toe that bore that ring.

Lily’s face scrunches up onto itself and Regina whirls around – That’s just slander. I do not go anywhere near toes enough it would warrant any comment. I will not go out like this. I want it on the record that I would have gladly cut the toe to get rid of the ring were it in anyone else’s foot.

- Why are you guys so weird? – Henry groans from his chair, cracking his neck as he sits up. The little Nintendo threatens to fall off him and that wakes him up enough he won’t fall asleep easily again, not after all that adrenaline and flurry of movement to save his beloved gadget- You were talking about cutting toes?

- Yes yours, because you refuse to come get mani-pedis with us. – Mal tells him, pulling Regina down onto her lap before she can move any further

- My nails are fine, Mal. – He rolls his neck again and pouts – Mom, can I get some hot chocolate? My neck hurts.

Lily, really keen on letting them have their moment and finishing the letter in the comfort of her own private room where she’ll be able to cry about it, stands after setting the bent pages on Draz’s head like a little hat and scooping him up to go and put him near the space heater in his room. She motions Henry’s way with her head – Dude, read the room. Let’s go up to bed.

He obliges with another pout but follows his sister, pliable like they can only get him a minute after he wakes up – But my neck. Will you do a little spell? – he seems to think better of that – Can you? I don’t wanna lose it, I need it, for my head.

Chapter Text

- Remember the schoolteacher you screwed? – Lily asks as she vaults herself over the couch and sits on the coffee table in front of Regina and Mal

The former closes her book with a pointed slam – I’m sure we both remember your friend’s name, but do keep trying to get her burned alive.

- Oh, mom’s cool about it – She turns to Mal, who does not look cool about it in the very least. Lips pressed together and arm that was coiled around Regina’s shoulder tensed – Right, well, you know, she fucking did it. She found the magic stone rock thingy, and she tried it.

Regina’s face sets into a severe expression at once - And now she is stuck as a sea lion and I have to go rescue her?

Lily starts fiddling with her phone – Well shit, did Emma call you? – she sees something and perks up – Oh no wait! No, she’s back. It worked! 24 hours on the dot. Sea lion no more. – she turns her phone with a grin for them to see the video the definitely not responsible adult took of her turning back, frolicking on a rock as she was, the cloud of fog that envelops the animal reveals a very much naked and shivering woman and Emma Swan of all stupid people jumps into frame and wraps her with a blanket holding up a thumbs up.

- What is wrong with all of you?! – Regina starts chastising but Mal chimes in

- You left Miss Swan to handle that? – she asks Regina’s way

- No, of course I didn’t. If I had known they were trying this idiotic-

She interrupts Regina’s angry little rant - Then how did you know, that she was a sea lion? – she says this fully calm but with a weirdly menacing tilt of her head as she unfurls her arm from around Regina to watch her more fully

Regina blinks, but only halfway, she just doesn’t open her eyes anymore. Lily looks between them and locks her phone. – It’s just… known. She likes sea lions.

- By whom? – Mal turns to Lily – Did you know she likes sea lions?

Regina huffs – Just… ask around. She likes sea lions. I’m sure everybody knows that. Just… just…

- Just? Just? – She crosses her arms for good measure – Do you go around learning all you little liasons’ favorite animals? Favorite colors? Favorite food? Did you cook?  Was she here? -

- Hey! Hey! - Lily waves her arms in front of them – No more talking about this in front of me, it’s not healthy for my development. I’m putting my foot down. I will call CPS, the people from SVU, um Dr. Phil. Everyone.

Regina takes a very deep breath on her spot on the couch – We don’t have an explicit chain of command for magical artifacts. I can only hope they are all either in Gold’s or my possession. You need to bring that stone to me.

- Yes! – she agrees much too easily, and they both forget anything before that and eye each other suspiciously. Lily claps – You can use it mom!

- To turn my enemies into toads perhaps. – Regina frowns – But only for a day though, hardly worth the effort. 

Lily shakes her head with a matching frown – No, I meant we can turn you into a dragon!

- Oh, fuck no.

Lily straightens up at that at once, and Mal looks past mildly intrigued by the idea, mulling it over, or she must hear Regina curse more often than Lily does because it just draws no reaction. Either way, she was way too quick and way too casual about that – No to the power of flight for 24 hours but a solid maybe to turning people into frogs?

- All magic comes with a price Lily, and this one must be steep. Go on, ask your friend how she’s faring back in her body.

Mal drawls her addition to the conversation – Yes, your mother is simply too worried.

Regina pries Mal’s hand off the armlock she has it on and drags it closer to kiss the back of it – Oh stop it, she just would not shup up about the sea lions. Would not even crack top 5 of Henry’s teachers, mediocre all around.

Lily chuckles - Hey! She’s nice. C’mon. – She focuses on the convincing at hand - Magic takes proportional to what it gives, this just gives like a little harmless day as your favorite animal. Can’t be too harsh.

Mal hums, mollified by Regina’s holding onto her hand – You are thinking small Lily. A thief that can escape jail as a rat, an assassin that can bite as a snake, to be a fly on the war room of the opposing state, or as you said yourself, the power of flight for a day, you could cross the world, reach places undreamt of in our land, or swim to the bottom of the ocean to recover riches lost to ships…powerful stone indeed. How did she find it?

Lily shrugs.

Regina’s almost asleep when Mal says anything about Lily’s earlier idea – If there’s no harm, would you try it? – She makes a little confused noise as she opens her eyes and Mal blinks up at her – If I tell Lily to go find out what the price is, and it turns out to be fairly mild, would you turn into a dragon for a day? – Before she finishes her little stretch and sits up Mal holds her in place and explains –Darling, I hope you don’t think I’m somehow wanting a dragon or thinking any less of you because you’re not one. I just, I think we would love it. The children and I, to fly with you.

- If she’s alive in a week, I’ll do it – She turns to set a soft kiss on her forehead and Mal chuckles as she feels Regina slip halfway down to the realm of sleep instantly

- Just like that? I thought it was a solid “fuck no” from you dear.

- I’ll do anything you want me to – she murmurs as her parting sentence as her eyes flutter closed

Mal looks up at her from her spot for a few seconds with a small smile – Will you cook me a wildly rare steak? – she doesn’t answer but the grumble makes it clear the earlier claim was completely disingenuous and she will not be serving that in her kitchen.

The week rushes by with no regard for the sanity of people that won’t live centuries. Mal, whose relationship with time keeping varies from tenuous to extremely detailed, seems to be on the latter end of the spectrum because her first executive action when she enters the kitchen with Draz toddling after her is to clap Lily on the shoulder – Did your friend survive the week?

- Huh? – Regina gives her a pointed look over her copy of the mirror, so she chews and swallows and straightens up – Which friend, mom?

- The one that got away, from your mother.

The pointed flip of newspaper comes before Lily even computes that – Hardly. If I wanted her, I could have kept her. – Draz is just simply not used to Mal’s mind being on anything but his breakfast this early so he toddles confused Regina’s way and demands to be picked up. Regina abandons her reading and her coffee to oblige – Why do you care? – Her tone is as confused as Draz continues to be by his lack of food, but Regina doesn’t get to solve her question. She simply does not have the time to wait for an answer when Henry appears at last and they are both late enough driving is no longer an option, she stands and goes through her routine of kissing any available inch of Draz before putting him back on the floor and grabbing for Henry’s arm – We’ll see you all later, love you.

She’s gone a second after that and Lily’s stuffed her mouth again so Mal sits and Draz comes stand by her stool angrily, his features similar enough to Regina’s Mal chuckles at his frown – Oh, my darling boy. Curse incoming?

The day too goes by unbearably fast, but also unbearably slow. Regina had come home, changed into more disposable clothing, ran around with Draz on the garden, chased after Henry to get him to tidy up his room, took an entirely too long call from Emma Swan and then started dinner she didn’t finish because Lily showed up with food they’re now eating, from plates, regardless of how much Lily and Henry said Styrofoam was good enough.

- Henry taste this. – Lily pushes her plate his way, and Regina is so engrossed on her food she doesn’t protest, both moaning when the food hits their mouths – Oh my god, this is amazing. – Henry says, and really focuses on eating his new share.

Mal reaches for her own plate as Lily gestures around – Right?! I fucking knew it.

- Hey! – Regina glances Draz’ way. Sees him engrossed with his raw meat. Still frowns Lily’s way

- Sorry. – She lowers her voice but does not take the hint actually given - It’s just, that’s my best work, and some prissy little cunt

- Hey!

Lily keeps on, whispering even more earnestly - and her husband had the nerve to send it back to the kitchen because of some dumb plating issue or something. I wanted to snap her spine in half right there.

- You’re not gonna say “hey” about the murder mom? – Henry asks with his mouth full

Regina ignores that and focuses on taking another bite – I’m sorry that happened to you, dear. You cooked this?

Lily nods, stands, paces, drops back on her seat puts her head on her hands – I quit. Before I could tear the bi— woman a new one. So now I guess I don’t have a fu—freaking job. Again. Shi—Shoot.

Regina’s portion is all but gone – But you cooked this, by yourself?

- Yeah! I did! Damn. – She looks up to see all their plates empty, the food she had salvaged off the restaurant plates she cracked in her anger gone. They were small portions though.

Regina moves to hold out her hand to her - I think you should start cooking dinner more often around here. – She chuckles and Henry nods as he swipes a finger on the plate to get the last bit of the sauce off it. Henry does not play nice about his food, if he had hated it he would not have hesitated to tell her like maybe her moms would have, she knows. And Lily gives him a small smile in thanks – Sweetheart, maybe you get serious about it.

- Oh. – she keeps quiet for a second, her least shitty jobs have all been in kitchens, and she’s gotten really good between this last one and Regina’s myriad of cooking books. Maybe she could just be her own boss at some point if she goes to school and opens like a small place or something. Like Luke, but with meat instead of bread. But Regina believes in all her children equally: too much, so she turns to Mal – You think I could?

Mal nods, and stands to pick up after them – It was delicious. Their loss. – They watch her retreat into the kitchen just like that and Lily forgoes the usual frowning to mull over the idea, she wants to comment some more but Regina’s disappeared too when she looks up, mind free enough to realize Mal’s nodding was a bit off.

She trails after her and conjures her a glass of bourbon from their bar, it would have paired well with Lily’s dish but here in the kitchen where the children can’t see, it’s better. She finishes loading the dishwasher and turns around to take the offered drink and a seat around the island, and Regina moves to stand by her side – Are you okay? Hard day?

When Regina reaches for her cheek, it occurs to her that the droning conversation might not have just been to aggravate her after a full day of similar omission, she might simply not know it’s been a week since they spoke about her turning. Mal chuckles and takes a sip of her drink – A week ago you said you’d turn into a dragon if Lily’s friend didn’t die. I was hoping you would bring that up earlier.

She frowns – I said… what?

Mal frowns right back - You said if she was still alive today, you would use the stone.

- Oh! – Her face goes through a journey before she finally smiles - And you’ve been sulking about that? – Regina gives her the look that tells Mal she’s being thought of as cute and she has to huff to preserve her dignity, but Regina holds onto her face softly – I’m sorry, I don’t remember that at all.

The dismay that passes briefly through her face is clear to anyone who sees it - You were half asleep.

Regina chuckles as she sidles even closer – I was? And what other legal documents did you have me sign? Should I check my bank account?

Mal turns to her drink - I will not hold you to it.  - Regina watches as she rolls her eyes and takes a final, long sip.

She holds onto her free hand – Dear, I can’t bear to see you this pouty. I will do whatever it was I promised.

- You don’t have to. It’s just a whim I had.

- And I am here to indulge you, and the children. They would probably love it as well.

- They would also love a whole cake each, for breakfast.

- And they will not be getting that. But I can do this, since it seems the price isn’t death.

Apparently, the price is just being violently ill for twice the time you spent as the animal. And since it’s been a few decades since she’s been violently ill and thus doesn’t remember how it feels, Regina decides she can do it, for old time’s sake. They go to their regular dragon-related-activity hill, where Henry eagerly set ups his camera to record whatever it is it’s going to happen and Emma paces in and out of frame trying her best to whisper – Regina, I don’t think this is a good idea. Candace was fucked up, for two days. And she’s been feeling shitty ever since.

- I will be fine. Worse magic has coursed through my body, she’s a poor benchmark. – She takes a steeling breath there in her workout gear, and Lily makes a sort of tense eye contact over the camera with Henry. – Don’t worry, kids. Henry, you will be good for Miss Swan?

- I mean, yeah. I guess. – He shrugs and Regina pins him down with a look - Look Mom, just stay alive.

- Henry, when have you known me to get harmed?

Is she serious? He frowns, if only he was in front of the camera to make eye contact with it. For at least three years after the curse broke all his entire roster of family members did was get harmed. Mal’s general presence had somehow stopped that, maybe the streak would hold. – Right. The camera’s been on for a while now.

His mom nods and Mal drops her three-ton hand on his shoulder, it startles before it reassures, but she’s been kinda standing there tensed too so he can’t ask her for any more. Before they can say anything else, and despite Emma’s disapproving look now it’s an actual adult trying the thing, Regina starts turning the stone on her hands. Almost immediately it starts crackling, electricity pouring out of it and into Regina, and it lets out this black fume that starts engulfing her too, Emma shields her face of it as she moves back and the thing swallows Regina whole.

- Um, what the fuck? – Lily, that hadn’t been there for the first trial run of the stone, takes a step forward towards the floating, spinning, crackling stone and Emma holds up her hand to stop her

- It’ll spit her back out in a minute.

Lily frowns and goes huddle on Mal’s side, where she is holding Draz, who’s looking a bit alarmed himself- You really saw this shit happen to Candace and thought shit was kosher after all those times weird shit happened to you?

- Ok Regina Jr. Pipe down. I’m not the don’t-get-yourself-killed patrol

- You’re the main cop in this town. Who the fuck do you protect and serve then?

- I’ve almost died for these people like four times! - She turns around – And don’t curse around our baby!

- Our baby? – Mal deems it worthy to participate

- You know what I mean-

- I most certainly do not. – Before that continues the stone spits Regina back out, not in great shape. Her body seemingly unstable and morphing in all directions. Henry struggles to dismount the camera and move back quickly enough when she starts getting big, quick.

- Oh, thank the fucking gods – He hears Mal mutter to his side and Lily chuckles and steps forwards

-Okay! Later losers! -And just like that, she gets covered in the giant cloud of ashy smoke and emerges a dragon on the other side. Draz follows her lead and his now stabilized in dark green smoke reaches Henry and tickles his nose.

- Miss Swan, make sure everything is still standing in 24 hours. – With that and a nod Henry’s way, Mal’s gone too and Emma puts her hands on her hips as she watches them fly off

- D’s the family’s baby, you know? – She turns to Henry, who is nailing his last shot of them in the air, he makes a non-committal noise and she explains – He’s all of ours.

- Ma, c’mon you’re like a cool aunt-ish figure, at best. Whatever Red is to you, you’re to Draz. – She pouts and Henry turns off his camera and pats her on the back - Let’s go home.

The handy part of the spell is that you don’t need to learn how to exist as the animal of your choosing, all that pesky instinct comes built in. Regina is grateful for that, after witnessing Lily take a foot off her forests for a month, she was particularly dreading spending her 24 hours just learning how to fly. What the spell does not do is turn off your human instincts as well, so she can barely open her eyes and look down without her now very large stomach tying itself into a knot. In her other incursions through the air Mal was piloting, and it’s easy to be confident in someone that’s been flying since before you or your parents were born. But this? This is a hundred times worse than learning to skate on ice to appease a 6-year-old Henry.

Through her squinted eyes though she notices Draz zooming in and out of her view, and dares open them to see him flying circles around her with no fear. He does another twirl – Mama! - He growls, and Regina stops flying for a moment, while she processes the fact that she understands the growls. Does she fall a few feet? Yes, but she remembers herself halfway down to her death when Mal appears underneath her with something like a smile that can’t be a smile.

- Henry will send Emma Swan to kill me again if I let you plummet to the ground. – Mal says. Regina rights herself and watches as Mal comes up to stay by her side, while Draz does all sort of pirouettes and Lily flies off to the side by herself more often than not. Regina huffs when she realizes she can’t say anything back yet, and Mal mocks her, wordlessly somehow.

She frowns but Draz drags her out of her funk with another weird move through the air – Mama! Look!

- Yes, baby! – Mal has to say for her to be able to repeat it to him, and Regina does with a swat Mal’s way for the sarcasm she injects in it. She avoids her wing and flies close to her again – He is performing his best techniques for you, I assure you - After another of Regina’s pissy little huffs she takes the time to fly around her to her other side – You make a very fetching dragon, love.

A day of learning how to speak at this speed is worse than a day of learning how to fly, Regina decides. She rolls her eyes and speeds up to chase Draz, who is delighted at the challenge and starts dodging her with a skill that means they play this sort of tag when they fly often. She turns enough she can spot Mal to smile, somehow, in her direction. They’ve barely missed a day since he was born, and she has a very strong feeling it’s purely for his indulgence because Lily, even when she loves it, can perfectly spend a week doing nothing but slum it as a human around ground level. Draz however, flies every day, and eats them out of house and home, and gets sung to daily, and is allowed to smash any buttons on Henry’s electronics whenever he wants. And he is so utterly happy, with no modifiers or conditionals.

Lily comes back into the mix when she sees them and flies around Regina easily as well – He will force you to play all afternoon now.

Lily enunciating the entire word will is another new experience in a day shock-full of them and Regina smiles and searches her brain – He love?

Lily laughs – He loves it, yes. I never thought I would hear anything but a perfectly articulated sentence coming from you, mom.

Well, completely opposite for her. But she hasn’t the vocabulary for that yet, and Draz distracts her as he demands she play some more with his snippy swoops between them – You articulated perfectly now. – She nods, that’s a pretty good sentence.

- As long as mom holds the contractions hostage, I have to.

Mal looms over them both for a second – Let me have the gift of teaching you to speak properly in this language.

- Of course, mother. I will be honored to speak as if I am a dying behemoth to any fellow dragon young I encounter.

- Behemoth? – Regina turns around, twisting on her axis to look up, where Mal looks like she enjoys her awkward maneuvering too much - I love it.

Mal’s response gets lost in the air because Draz has had enough of them gliding around, and shoots though their group like a bullet, effectively disbanding them and then deciding that Mal, much like she is on the ground, is the weakest link, and prompting her to chase him some more.

She is clearly much better at that than Regina will ever be, and she watches as they go around in their complicated cat and mouse game, he looks like a perfect copy of Mal in tiny size. The mid-sized one comes back to lounge by her side as they cross their section of morning sky leisurely – He is an amazing flyer, and a great hunter, already. I do not think I will ever measure up. I seemed to have missed the crucial years. – Regina looks at her, careful to not be missing anything because well, she can’t read too much subtext out of a growl and the lack of human facial expression doesn’t help. All that added to the fact that she, literally, can’t find the words to answer has her worrying about Lily, but she speaks again – Of course, mom does not compare us. And I am truly content with buying my meat dead more often than not. This is already so far beyond anything I could have imagined the ever-elusive truth about my family was. I am very grateful.

- You, great and amazing. – How fucking hard can it be to translate “are”? Impossible apparently. She makes a deeply disgruntled noise somehow, but recovers with the bare-bones truth of everything else she wants to say - I love you.

- I know. I love you too. – Lily’s lazy spin betrays her claim that she’s not a great flyer. She goes at it on her side for a while – I will take advantage of the fact you cannot interrupt for a long-winded emotional speech that makes me unable to keep talking. I spoke to Emma, asked her help to find my parents, those who took me in. – Regina’s agitated wing flutter only makes her look ridiculous – If she does, I would like company, at least to the area, and you do not have to meet them if it would make you suffer.

- I will be company! – She flies closer – You mother and I will be company. Not suffer at all.  

Lily laughs - You sound like one of those migrant ladies that feed cultural food to all the friends their children invite home after… learning. We had one in the… village – she tilts her head, no word for school or neighborhood still – and even when I did not get invited, if she saw me sulking outside, she always called and said “You not from here”, and sat me on her table, while I ate she would start listing… realms. I told her, I did not know every time and she still asked, every time.

Regina understands the gist of the story, and imagines the woman seeing a trundled-up kid that looked like her and taking her into her home to feed her. She’s so glad Lily had those parents, and that woman, and whatever other nuggets of kindness in her way. And she knows Mal will be too. She would kill for someone to say are her way – You not from my realm, but if you love you will learning cultural food. I have… we learning…

- You will teach me to cook the food from your realm? – Lily laughs – I do love.

She meant to say they can learn together from a few books her father had given her and she’d never deemed worthy of careful study, lest Cora raked her hands over coal for having the nerve to enter the kitchens. Regina huffs, and fire comes out of her nostrils and startles her so bad she stops flying again and Lily has to dive under her this time, so she’ll start batting her wings and regain some altitude again. Mal returns with Draz by her side to check on them and Regina shakes her head – Not more flyer.

Mal and Lily laugh while Draz does another strange cartwheel in the air – Mama, I do not understand?

- I do not like this.

Mal sidles up to her – The flying or the lack of complex words, dear? - Regina huffs again, this time prepared for the burst of fire, and Mal lets it reach her like it’s nothing, and when she’s had enough of it bats a wing hard enough it simply extinguishes – I would wager you love that.

They indulge her though, when it’s clear to her at last that dragons don’t really fare well on just a human breakfast even if it often is 6 waffles and 10 pieces of bacon each. The caloric expense of moving all that mass through the air is coming to bite her in the ass, they must have been flying for a few hours only when it got annoying, not because it lost novelty but because hunger started knocking on her stomach’s door.

For lunch Mal insisted she took a nap with Draz while Lily and her went and did the murdering of innocent animals and subsequent roasting, and another thing became obvious when Draz crawled under her wing and curled into himself, dozing peacefully, she supposes tables are the closest thing he has at home to Mal’s wing. It doesn’t take a lot to convince her to fall asleep either, all it takes is her tucking herself around her son and the cave becomes a five-star-hotel bed almost immediately.

They must have had enough time to go home and binge a series because when she finally comes to the sun is at a completely different angle outside the cave, and Draz wakes up as soon as she lifts her wing. Lily’s completely bailed on them it seems, she’s sitting on a log outside the cave, texting until she feels them stir and crawl her way – Did I go home and have like a normal meal? Yes. But mom’ll be right back. She said she’ll torch the hell out of whatever she catches so you don’t gotta suffer through raw meat - Regina’s stomach turns instantly, hunger isn’t quite that bad. She can pass on some bloody meal. Draz however flies from behind her and perches himself on Lily’s shoulder, even though he’s gotten a little too big to be doing that on anything but sturdy furniture, certainly not Regina or Henry anymore. Lily bends her neck from under him – I don’t have your food man, wait for mom.

He flies right off, waiting doesn’t seem to be an option he’s happy with. Regina lays down again, head on the ground by Lily’s side, who turns to sit, using her as a backrest while she texts some more. They spend five eternal minutes like that until Draz returns with a big dragon behind him. Mal drops from her mouth this huge animal burnt past recognition and lets Draz get right down to it while Regina wrinkles her entire, gigantic face and she laughs – Did you have a nice rest, darling?

- I would like to be home.

- When you have managed a coherent sentence just now? It would be a pity – She goes to squeeze by Regina’s side and Lily scampers from the middle before she crushes her. Grumbling as she goes back to her cold, empty log. – I assume you will not eat. I cannot claim it compares to anything you or Lily can make, and that is a merely a morsel for Drazenko.

He stops for a second and looks up at being mentioned, but realizes he does not care to wait for clarification and goes on tearing the poor animal’s muscle from its bones. Lily texts, and Mal presses herself even closer, laying her head on the ground by Regina’s, who enjoys the warmth as much as Lily had when she was allowed to sit there a few minutes ago. – I love you. – It’s just easier to default to that one by now and Mal tilts her head

- Simple-minded are you? – Are! She finally has are in her arsenal, she should be unstoppable with that one. Regina starts brainstorming her next sentence but it gets lost before it can become anything good because Mal throws her wing over her spine and as far as hugs go, it’s remarkable – Thank you dear, I know it becomes boring somewhere around the twelfth hour. You can only fly so many times over this town. - She will have to apologize again, for keeping Mal as a dragon for three decades and now for holding her hostage in a land with only a few squared kilometers of land she can fly over, but no one has apologized to her today, so she can’t even say it at the moment. The only natural thing she can think of is turning enough she can put her head on Mal’s neck. She feels her chuckle somehow – What are you apologizing about?

- I… here? – She sighs, but stays where she is, content to soak in Mal’s warmth. They will talk after it’s all done. Mal might think this is only a favor, but Regina’s enjoyed it nonetheless. How many people can say they have flown? Actually flown. And this, whatever it is,  the way Mal’s warmth envelops her and her heartbeat pulses though her like they’re one. She closes her eyes for another second or two, trying to commit the experience to memory.

Until a flash reaches her eyes – Henry’ll love a picture of dragons canoodling for his dragon documentary he can’t ever release to the public. – Lily says, pic already gone to the group chat. Flash reminds Draz there’s better things to life than the very last bit of sinew you haven’t been able to scrape off some skeleton, like phones and Netflix cartoons. So, before they realize what’s happening, he disappears from one spot and appears by Lily’s log standing on two human legs and peering up at her with big brown mammal eyes, since the reptile ones have stopped working on them ever since he got teeth that could snap your bones in half. She rolls her eyes and picks him up while pointedly not handing him her phone. She looks up to Regina and Mal, who didn’t even comment on his sudden switch because they’re just lazing around one on top of the other – Do I need to leave? Just nod. Don’t even fucking explain.

The uncanny ability to have an entire discussion with three glances and a huff transcends species it seems. In a few seconds only they reach a consensus, Mal nods and Lily scrunches up her face –How though? You know what, I’ll just die without knowing. Bye. – Draz has the decency to wave at least, understanding they’re going but perhaps not that he is now in his sister’s charge for the night. Before they can say goodbye, Lily’s magic takes the children away and they’re left with a cave for themselves.

Chapter Text

Lily slinks into her mothers’ bedroom looking sullen, which makes no sense for the joyous evening of going to a strip club to see a bunch of men gyrate over Emma Swan. Or perhaps her expression makes total sense considering what their night will be. Mal smiles to herself on her spot on the bed but only for a second before Lily shuts the door behind her – Hey mom, you have a minute?

- Of course. – She shuts her book as Lily glances around and decides to settle on the armrest of the imposing seat they keep in there, perfectly capable of seating three if two are willing to perch themselves in the armrests like savages, or so Regina would say. Lily perches herself and looks at the table with the little pile of books, separate from the pile of books on the nightstand… and the ones lining the floor in front of the library on Regina’s study… Draz disappears forks into the linen drawer in his room, maybe she should join into the hoarding fun, start picking up rocks like she did as a kid. She must have been mulling that over for a while because Mal prods where she sits on her side of the bed – Lily?

- Yeah, I’m… with all this wedding stuff, you know? I’ve been thinking about like, moving out and shit. – Mal has a tell, anytime someone mentions Lily moving out, she darts her eyes Regina’s way before she can control herself. Regina is taking a shower, so she ends up looking at a closed door and Lily chuckles – I don’t wanna move out, mom. I’m not… ready? To move out, I genuinely like living here with you guys… but Jenna and I… I should want to move out.

She visibly relaxes against her pillows again - Oh, well. Should, is quite the shackle we put on ourselves. Did she ask you to move out?

Jenna would probably end up dead on a ditch if Lily told them she did, but she hasn’t, yet. Still, they’ve been together for more than a year, it’s bound to come up, at least halfway through in the form of asking if she’d move out to an apartment just for herself or something like that. Lily shakes her head and starts worrying her jacket but doesn’t look away from Mal – Henry and I, we’re actually going through the letters… you kept looking mom’s castle’s way? That’s fucking insane behavior, like, were you okay?

Mal’s laughter is rich, who doesn’t make a fool of themselves when they’re in love? She did not have to disclose that to Regina, she was insufferable after that. – In my defense, there was no Netflix.

- Okay, and your brother, when he found the giant racist lady, you said he’d disappear for months.  – Mal nods, as long as they could spend together, until he wasn’t there nearly as much as he was elsewhere and finally left – Well I… don’t wanna disappear for months. And, don’t get me fucking wrong, I love when we sleep together- Mal raises a perfectly kept eyebrow and Lily stammers - Like, you know, just sleep. I’ve never done that whole thing before, going to bed and waking up with someone… and I miss her if she’s not around, and I’m always looking forward to seeing her later and I really… really think I… love her. But I just – for a moment, she stops and blinks forcibly, to keep the tears at bay and composes herself as much as she can – I just think she really deserves someone that’s gonna move out and marry her, soon, and I don’t think it’s me. I’d be living there accidentally by now if it were and I’ve only left like two real ratty t-shirts in her place she started using to clean. I don’t even brush my teeth there.

Mal’s next question must be physically painful for her to say – You are not tempted to, at the very least, try? Spend a few weeks there?

Lily just very subtly and basically undetectably rubs her eyes raw with the palm of her hand until she sees stars behind her eyelids and the tears can be passed for irritation – Fuck, of course I am. But selfishly. It’s gonna work like that for a year then Henry’ll get a shitty haircut and all I’m gonna think about is I missed mom tearing him a new one for it, or Draz is gonna learn math and I’m gonna miss it and get mad at her, or some other bullshit, and she’ll have wasted another year on me and I’m still not gonna want to sign a real lease probably. Like I wanna try but I don’t wanna actually try? Like pack my shit in a bag and go stay there for a whole month? No.  – her turmoil at the very least makes Mal smile and Lily pushes herself off the seat and paces the room – But that makes no fucking sense. We are in a perfectly good relationship and all I can muster up is I don’t wanna ‘cause I just don’t see it lasting forever forever and I’m worried about the hypothetical children we can’t have? Like I don’t have faith in us. That’s selfish too, right?!

- Are children a consideration?

Lily shrugs – I never thought I wanted them, before, but now… I think I might. And I need them to be mine, ‘cause I just love, you know, seeing Draz do his thing with his little wings and you know. Fuck! Why does this have to be so hard?

Mal’s looking her way calmly as ever with a smile – Have you told her you love her?

Sha shakes her head no and sniffles - I’m sure she knows – in the self-berating for almost cracking again she misses Mal’s chuckle

She pats the space on her side and Lily looks at it for a moment, before taking her up on her offer and climbing into bed to drop herself on Mal’s shoulder, who does as she does and presses her lips to her hair for a moment before speaking, the timbre of her voice coming through their connected bodies more than through the air – You need to tell her. She has to hear the words coming from your mouth.  – Lily doesn’t do much more than silently accept her doom and take the kind of measured breaths one takes when trying to stop a misplaced choking sob and Mal passes a hand through her hair, while she hides on her shoulder some more – Have you caught an I love you in all the letters you have read? – Lily seems to stop and think, and comes out of her spot to look up at Mal – The first thing I did after we found you was tell Regina I love her. Only four decades of cowardice. You are doing so much better than us. I am proud. It’s not selfish, admitting something might have run its course, even if only on your end of things. It seems you’ve come to an impasse; your lives no longer make sense together, it doesn’t detract anything from the time where they did.

- I love her, though – she says, so soft anyone could have missed it, pity her voice cracks in half next to a dragon.

Mal takes to combing her hair for a while and holding her close, as she finally lets herself cry – If you didn’t you would not have thought to consider what she wants out of life in these next few years. Sometimes you have to let go, sometimes you have to cling harder. It’s not an exact science.

Lily swallows down a mighty heavy sob – You really keep sucking with this particular conversation, you know?

Mal laughs, surely she can only word the same answer in so many ways before Lily convinces herself that she knows nothing, maybe eloquence is a curse – The woman who ended up in a cave for three decades through romantic inaction can’t advise you? What a surprise. You should have asked Regina. I’ve always merely stumbled onto love, she could convince a dying man to give her the last dose of medicine. Your mother’s an apex predator, remember that when you start dating again.

- Her standards are way too high, – She begins with a joke, but it devolves into something else and Mal can feel her tremble in her arms - I’ll just end up single for life.

She drops another kiss on top of Lily’s hair - You might feel like you cannot tell when to do what, but you have a good heart, a miracle since you came from Maleficent and The Evil Queen, it will guide you.

- You’re holding a sobbing mess so how mean can you actually be?

To undermine her point though, Regina emerges of her eternal shower, somehow fully clothed, and doesn’t pause to assess before flicking a finger and having unknown forces beyond normal men’s control physically drag her half out of the bed, effectively dislodging her from Mal and wrinkling her pre-wrinkled t-shirt. Lily’s certainly gotten way cuddlier since that floodgate opened so why would she suspect she’s sobbing on her blonde mother’s arms in the middle of the afternoon?  – Whatever this is, your mucked-up boots should not be on my wildly expensive sheets.

Lily laughs through her tears and turns around to at least be face-up and able to breathe, then sits up when her chest is less tight. And Regina’s expression does a 180° when she sees the state of her and her red eyes. Lily shakes her head and wipes at her face – I’m fine. – She is convincing no one with that, so she hurries up and changes the topic - How did you…- Magic. - why did you go from the shower to the closet?

Regina answers her but her eyes are over there talking to Mal’s silently – Can’t walk around your mother in a towel if I have a schedule.

- Gross. I said stop being gross in front of Lily!

They reach a silent conclusion and Regina turns to her with a probing look, but she abandons it quickly enough – You asked. If you’re wearing that, then we should get going.

Lily laughs wearily – Me? Look at you guys, have you ever been to a club? You’re both overdressed.

Mal reaches for her book again - These are pajamas – Lily looks at them more closely, holy fuck those are some real expensive looking pajamas, she thought it was just like a casual suit – If we both go, at least one stripper dies. This way Zelena only babysits tomorrow, your brother and I get to sleep in a cave tonight, and we all get to pretend your mother is not slipping one-dollar bills into men’s g strings.

- There will be no strippers – is all Regina says, and Lily’s face undoes all her progress. But Regina recovers as she bends down to kiss Mal goodbye – And I would slip at least $10 in someone’s g string. Don’t be cheap, dear.

There will be plenty strippers, is the first thing Red informs them of when they stop in front of Granny’s to meet up with her fire-truck red car. Snow and Dorothy are already loaded in their seats and Emma jumps into the spare space in Lily’s car before someone can even suggest she rides with her mother, Regina making it known her purse has the same importance as her as a passenger in the back.

Having to drive like an hour and a half to have a bachelorette party is beyond ridiculous, they’re all in agreement, but Emma going without her cliché little outing was simply inexcusable, Regina’s words, so there they are. Jenna and Emma do plenty chatting and bad singing so there’s mostly no time for Lily to dwell in the implosion of her relationship and Regina, in her play along mood, has almost forgotten the earlier crying. Almost being the operative word, because when they finally arrive behind Red’s car to the first little seedy bar in their string of bars Emma waits for Jenna to get off the car to look between them with a grin – Mills, why are we secretly glancing around?

Lily moves to get off immediately – You’re imagining things

- Am not. – She yells after her and then remembers to use the long-distance one-way walkie-talkie that Lily’s ears are and lowers her voice - Regina’s glancing at you all worried, you’re glancing at Jenna all fondly.

- Worry not, Miss Swan. We’re here to have fun. – Regina puts a period at the end of her sentence and gets out of the car, ready to party and whatnot, wearing dark colors to prevent stains and etcetera.

Have fun they do, ish, they run through three bars in the city where they do nothing but take sips and down shots under Red’s instructions and strategies to get them to drink in alternating order. Snow and Regina aren’t faring too well with the mixing of liquor, both getting rowdy past their royal upbringings, Dorothy and Emma are more predictably chatty drunks, and Jenna’s alcohol cap for the week was spent in like three tequila shots and a beer on bar number one, her adherence to her caloric intake is more steadfast than anything she’s ever witnessed. For once Lily’s mildly grateful for that, if they’re having one of their last nights together, she’s happy to have it when they’re not plastered beyond remembrance.

In their fourth bar, there’s enough of a club ambiance that it has Snow dancing by herself on the floor like nobody is watching, which is a pity because there’s plenty people watching and Regina still has the wherewithal to pull out her phone and open the camera app to film her making a fool of herself while the others laugh and drink some more. She returns to the group, crashing into Red who simply rights her before sitting her on her stool – Oh remember when we would go all go out before the curse broke?

Red laughs and moves back to Dorothy’s side, her turn to be kept upright, as she answers Snow – Yes, when you were dating Whale and Emma was pathetically single.

While Emma protests to her previous loneliness Lily asks - The seedy doctor? – spoken like a woman that has never needed the one dude with a surgeon’s degree in town

- Frankenstein - Jenna tells her

- FRANKENSTEIN?! – How is she still finding out shit after years in town? Henry talks so much, why does he keep the vital information to himself?

Regina moans by her side as her new cocktail hits the spot – He’s an adequate physician.

It must be a cold day in hell if Regina is jumping to Whale’s defense. Or a drunk night on Earth - He brought back your ex from the dead, wrongly! – Emma protests, and Lily glances at Jenna, bewildered. She shrugs. Regina’s roll of the wrist is confirmation though.

- Shhhhhhhhhh – Snow exaggeratedly says as she notices people glancing their way from the next booth over, they might get institutionalized if they keep this train of conversation going. So she does a 180° - I can’t wait to be a grandma again! – She curses under her breath and corrects herself looking around completely conspicuously - Aunt! What’s the timeline on that Emma?

- Oh, shit. I mean, it’s a yes – she rushes before Snow starts crying – But, you know, we’re only getting married. We’re young.

- Emma, after 35 every year it’s just harder to conceive – Snow says with a very matter of fact voice, and catches herself as she slips off her stool by grabbing onto the table and nearly making all the drinks fly

Emma puts back her beer in no time, considering her own mortality. Just yesterday she was 28 and fighting the fight of her life against Regina’s bitchy antics, and now her archenemy has stopped aging and she’s getting real-world married – We’re adopting. My uterus is medically closed for business already. Frankestein did it. – She reaches for another beer from the bucket - You wouldn’t believe the PTSD of having a kid in jail. It’s like, handcuffs, fluorescent light in your face, guard popping gum by the door, doctor barely knows your last name, lights flickering… the horror movie works.

- Oh! – Snow chimes on her seat, after years of not hearing Emma discuss much of her time alone, she doesn’t know what to tell her, not while this impaired. Regina puts her classy drink back with equal urgency to Emma’s shot gunning of the beer before, the three sober ones make brief eye contact and decide they don’t know what to do, and Dorothy comes rub Emma’s back for a moment while Snow recovers – Well that’s fine! I will love all my grandkids! - she grimaces – Nieces and nephews! Even the ones raised by you know who – she motions to Regina with her head

Regina laughs at her own upcoming joke – Mal will make you a barbeque if you force her to do twice the explaining about how no, Henry’s other mother isn’t my ex-wife. I won’t raise any more of your children, but thank you for the offer Snow.

Others in town are way more disinformed than Lily if Mal’s really explaining that often enough she’s mad about it. Snow’s paranoia is almost contagious and Lily glances around to see if anyone’s paying any mind to the random business lady speaking about murder and Snow. No one really is, they got there fairly early, Red wrangling the party expertly from point to point and Lily can see why now, it’s getting packed and appropriately loud beyond the music… some parties ending up in a neat row not conductive to conversation in front of the several bars, why does the club need so many bars?, and other parties just standing around tumbling in heels.

It becomes obvious why in a matter of minutes, the impossible happens and the light gets even dimmer before it explodes in color and a voice comes from the very walls and announces what they already knew: there will be stripping. Red’s grin becomes unnaturally pronounced as she speaks to the party above the music the club owners thought would be enticing – It’s unisex!

- What does that mean? – Emma asks with her eyes wide, and Snow has the very same expression by her side. Like a kid seeing a candy store in the flesh for the first time.

- There’s women too! – she says and Dorothy sits up at that, the sober in her waking up and Red laughs. For someone that got cheated on, she’s fairly chill about her girlfriend-wife wanting to see strippers. But then again, true love. No room for doubting that, or avoiding cohabitation.

Dorothy has been beyond living with Red, and they basically run the diner too these days while Granny lounges around with her copy of the mirror, they came back from their little vacation in the Enchanted Forest to everyone referring to Red and Dorothy as a whole. Which was nice, that they finally figured that shit out and she won’t live with being the bitch that managed to make Red lose her shot with her true love to then just cheat. All the talk of strippers and lull in the music only makes everyone around check their phones for texts from their spouse back at home, and Red weaves her hand in and out of Dorothy’s hair casually while they do, and she must look some type of way about the entire moment because Jenna drops her head on her shoulder and asks – Hey, where are you?

- Oh, just waiting for the strippers, might finally get to see some abs –

She laughs – Yes, because you’ve definitely never seen a real one in a mirror.

- Wooooow, I’ve worked for these, mildly. – She laughs back, grabbing for the hands hovering in the general vicinity of her stool, and squeezes. Jenna squeezes back with a smile and for a moment they’re there, and Lily twists her head enough she can lay a kiss on her forehead – I love you.

Jenna furrows her brow under her lips - Thank you for telling me in a strip club your ex brought us to for the bachelorette party of your other ex.

Lily laughs again – We dated for like a month when we were fifteen and then she was just like, straight. Doesn’t count. – She drags her stool closer to loop her arm around her for good measure, before the evil strippers come try to take her away

- Why are you telling me now? I thought we were in a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ regime – She picks her head out of Lily’s shoulder to look at her with her curious frown, her hands land on Lily’s lap since there’s no more room between them – And the PDA, in front of your mother even! Are you dying of a rare disease? - The rueful smile Lily gives her has to speak for itself, and she takes a bit of distance when she sees it. Sits up – Lils, why are you telling me now?

The sidewalk in front of a unisex strip club is definitely not the place where she wanted this to happen, but she has no ability to lie or hide things, still. She should really ask her supervillanous family members for pointers. Someone more well-adjusted in their youth might have learned but simply being closed off always did the job, so now she’s learning to have positive emotions and shit, it’s all or nothing. So, to say she looks like a kicked puppy while they stand outside for a minute is an understatement, and Jenna leans against the same bench she does looking to the opposite sidewalk where drunk groups do their best to cross and enter the club.  She finally seems to rehearse enough in her brain she can begin to talk – I don’t think I’ve ever been even close to in love until now. You know that. So I hate what I’m saying, but I think, while we’re in love, we shouldn’t be together anymore.

She seems to think that’s enough, and her kicked puppy expression does not make up for the sheer irrationality of the statement – Lily, you need to put some fucking meat on those bones. Explain.

She turns to her and sighs – Do you love me too?

- Yeah. – Jenna motions with her hand for Lily to go on, and the fact that the first time she’s heard from a romantic partner that they love her, indirectly as it may be, is in the middle of a break-up and she doesn’t get to dwell on it is kinda annoying her, she’s not gonna lie.

- So at some point you’re gonna want to move in with me. – Jenna frowns, confused by the entire thing – If you asked me right now, I’m gonna say I don’t want to leave my family. Which is fucking ridiculous because you’re thirty, and you live alone, and have your own business… why the fuck should you be waiting around for me to come around to the idea of moving in with you? Or marrying you?

- Well, most people have that conversation at some point when it becomes relevant. I guess I’m glad you feel that’s now? I hadn’t really given it a lot of thought yet… and I guess we just… give it time? Sit and talk sometime soon.

She hangs her head - But I just… I don’t think it’s gonna happen, and you deserve to have all this bullshit we’re doing for Emma.

After the relief she got by thinking this was just Lily being Lily about moving forward, that knocks the wind off her again, and she shakes her head - You don’t think it’s just bullshit. You want to get married. – She knows this immutable fact about her, fact that’s only become so in the last years, since she’s gotten to know her family. She finally leans off the bench and takes some distance – So you’re saying you don’t see yourself leaving for me. Not now, not ever. You love me but you don’t love me enough for that to be an option. At all. – Lily doesn’t correct her and she takes another step back – Answer me!

There was no question anywhere in there so she chews on her words for another second – I think you would be selling yourself short if we stayed together.

- What?! Why? We’re okay though! Why are you- She moves away for a few seconds, and then turns again and charges at her – You’re breaking up with me for something that’s not even an issue right now?

- Babe, it will be. We could stay together, and it might kinda work out, until you want more.

- Because you can’t even fucking imagine doing anything but this with me, right?! I’m good enough to casually date, but god forbid I’m it, you just gotta shoot for more, right?! Why can’t you have realistic expectations instead of this fucking main character syndrome bullshit! Normal people let relationships grow into the next steps you know? – That’s a question Lily’s proud to know needs no answer, and she deserves the rant coming her way, so she stays quiet as a mouse as Jenna starts pacing – I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, which probably means I knew it was coming because of course you’d start chasing after pulse-of-light kisses, which makes no fucking sense to expect right now because everyone takes years to get there and someone has to be cursed! Your own mom has told you like thirty times she didn’t fucking know for decades. – It looks almost painful the way she drags her hands though her hair -  God, why would you even do this tonight Lily? We’re out of town, with your mother and your ex and your best friend, do you know how much it’ll fucking suck going back in there? And there’s a wedding tomorrow, we’re sitting together! Your timing is ass! Why did you bring this up tonight?!

She takes a steadying breath from Mal’s catalogue of dragon techniques, to avoid reacting poorly to the fact she’s getting yelled at, since she deserves it and all, but still kinda manages to fuck it up some more - You asked.

Jenna glares at her like she never has - Learn to lie! – her voice breaks on the last word and she stops on her tracks and turns away from Lily and the bunch of disrespectfully curious bystanders acting like they’re only outside smoking their cigarettes.

- I do… love you – Lily tries to reach for her hand and Jenna snatches it out of her grasp as she takes deep breaths. She watches her rise and fall in place for a second and does her best to be polite and not listen in to her struggling to rein in her tears. – I’m sorry.

- Give me your keys. – she turns around, holding her stance strong and her hand out – I’m leaving. You can get your car back tomorrow.

Shitty move logistically, but so is breaking up with someone out of town and the night before a wedding where you’ll be forced to sit together, so yeah. She hands her keys over. – Are you 100% sure you’re okay to drive?

- This fucking sobered me up! – She says as she steps around Lily, and rushes across the street towards the shitty parking lot there, avoiding one of the slowing cars as it looks for a spot and wiping the tears off her face since she thinks she’s out of sight. Lily lets out a trembling breath, there goes her badge of hasn’t made the girlfriend cry, well the ex now she guesses. She fumbles with her phone as her own eyes start getting annoyingly wet, texts Jenna’s least shitty brother to pass by her place tonight, the one that at least makes her laugh, and shoves her phone back in her pocket. She makes sure she gives the nosey women in her way a glare strong enough they scramble to get in the club, and she ducks into the alley to kick a garbage container hard enough it ends up with boot-shaped dents and torch half the contents of it with a brief scream for good measure.

Twice in a day would be a record for her crying but she manages to take one peek at Regina’s little gold watch and it’s been past midnight for a while now so her record is intact and it’s very fine if she dumps herself back in their table and lets some more tears run down her face because technically it’s the same crying session from five minutes ago, while she watched the fire go out.  She hides it very well, by moving the array of drinks on the table and bending over it, to cry in peace. Regina notices her at last and rubs her back soothingly – Lily, are you going to be sick? Let me tie your hair up.

She chuckles through her sorrow. Regina’s drunk, and Snow’s drunk, and Emma’s drunk, and Dorothy’s drunk, and now they only have one car. She sits up wiping at her face and mustering her best smile, she better figure this out, fast. – Mom, please start drinking some water.

- Woooooooo! Water! – Snow yells from her seat, where a dude in a little cop hat and matching speedo thrusts his dick towards her

Lily cringes and turns to see Emma is clearly regretting the whole stripper thing while she’s accosted by two of the hunky dudes on her seat, her little plastic crown askew on her head, her hair barely keeping it there, while one of her hands clings to the bride sash she’s wearing and the other clutches the beer she’s nursing, just to avoid having them pulled to paw at the guys. She turns again and finds Red, speaks mildly loud over to where she is by the stage putting back shots offered by a table of men looking at her instead of the women dancing in the background – Where’s your date?

She glances her way, distracted from her shameless flirting for free alcohol, to the men’s dismay, points somewhere – Lap dance? Yours?

- Um, left. – Red turns fully at that, attention caught, and starts walking back to their table urgently. Lily cringes again and curses her probably red-rimmed eyes, speaks before the wolf can get any closer while pointing a thumb back over her shoulder – Listen, I’m gonna go find a rental so we don’t get crammed in your car. You’re good to take care of them?

- I’ll sniff Kansas out and round them up. – Lily gives her a clipped nod, ready to leave, but Red bounds forward anyway to grab onto the arm closest to her before she can bolt – You okay? – The Dragon shrugs and tries to shake out her funk, but it’s obvious she’s not – Do you have like an issue with weddings? There are other days in the year to fuck up your relationship.

The table gains one and it loses one. Regina takes a shot and stands to wander over to the stage. Lily watches her go and gives Red a wry quick smile before she starts following – Yeah, you might be right. Guess we’ll see when you get married.

- You’re not gonna be invited to that. – and yet, they keep mildly coexisting without Red trying to murder Lily, she even gets a pat on the shoulder that keeps her in place for another minute

She tries for an easy-going shrug - Keep asking me if I’m okay and I might just crash it.

- You’re paying a therapist to not fix your chronic need-a-mommy issues?

Speaking of which, she really should go collect Regina before footage of her slipping bills into women’s underwear somehow reaches Storybrooke. Mal would have a stroke if she saw her craning her neck to ogle blondie over there by the stage while the woman bends strangely to accept the surely not just $10 bill with a dazzling smile. She flips Red off and starts slipping her mother’s way – I’ll settle the tab and take my mom, make sure you get Emma back in town and in bed for tomorrow.

- Yeah, yeah. I’m responsible.

The closest 24/7 car rental was only a few blocks away, thank god for America. And Regina weighs next to nothing and is a very well put together drunk besides her proclivity to give away money to scantily clad people, helping her stay upright is a walk in the park. Walk she takes to think about what she just did. She gathers if she’s right, she did something good by letting Jenna off the hook to recover and go find someone that will give her what she needs, and if she’s wrong then they’ll get back together at some point and she’ll never fucking live it down. Either way, it works out in the end. She ponders at her revelation, maybe it’s the brisk air in the night, or Mal’s words replacing her own usual thoughts, but the clarity she’s experiencing over something that’s been on the back of her mind since their first mildly serious date is astonishing.

Regina stops her humming by her side and turns her way – Lily, Mal said to ask you later, about the crying.

Very complex sentence to say with just your eyes but then again, true love - I’m fine. I’m not gonna lose my shit, and I’m not ruining Swan’s wedding.

- Just very sad? – Lily gives her a small smile and Regina gives her a half hug, on top of the half hug she was already in to help her walk without wandering. She reaches up to wipe one tear that escapes her without her permission – What happened?

- Jenna… she should be with someone that’s really obsessed with her, and would eat staying in a cave for three decades to be with her. And I’m just, not that person, I think.

- That’s not a good goal. - Regina stops – I will kill anyone that treats you the way I treated your mother back then. Don’t measure love through sacrifice.

Lily nods a bit, and then laughs – Is there footage of you doing these evil deeds you keep claiming? ‘cause I just don’t buy it – She’s small enough Lily taking another step forces her in motion, and her phone background is a picture of her and Mal cuddled up. She cuts up fruit in squares and brings it to them spontaneously.

Regina sounds tired and weary when she says anything else, a few paces forward – Ask around.

They must be halfway home when Regina tells her anything else, and they swerve a little because Lily thought she was asleep, lying in the backseat, she grips the steering wheel back in position and looks at her through the rear-view mirror. She doesn’t even open her eyes to murmur – For a long time I let Mal love me more than I let myself love her. Mother scared the love out of me, and only after Henry I got it back. Are you scared of being weakened? Was this another self-sabotage?

She drives on while she thinks and finally says – I don’t think so. I was really trying my best to be good, and we were, good. Tonight was really the first time we’ve fought hard enough we made each other cry… but I’m kinda scared I reached my limit and it’s not enough, I don’t want to lie and make her settle for me, when someone’ll probably love her more.

- You are so young still, you can’t even glimpse your limit. Someone remarkable will draw it out of you eventually.

- C’mon she’s cool! Do you seriously hate her? You can tell me now.

Regina chuckles wryly and her arm comes up to cover her still closed eyes. She better have a magic cure for hangovers, or a wedding tomorrow will be rough. – That’s not what I meant, you had a perfectly fine girlfriend, she wasn’t a partner is all. That is forged. – Lily says nothing to that and Regina goes on dryly - You have fought your battles on your own before she even came in the picture, and you have had nothing to push you while you were together. Imagine the milquetoast relationship Snow and David would have if they hadn’t been united against me, she would have left him one night out of sheer boredom, the spoilt brat. How could you be compelled to spend a lifetime with someone you’ve only seen upset over the Netflix selection?

- Didn’t you star a war over your high school sweetheart? – She can feel the raised eyebrow even if she can’t see it and amends – No offense.

Regina chuckles – Surely you know by now, it was more about the continued rape that ensued. And I will be forced to kill you if you tell Snow this, but I am big enough to admit, to anyone but her or my mother, that Daniel and I… were kids. We loved love itself, we hadn’t gotten to the real part yet. I mourn a fantasy, a what if.

Lily swallows past the knot on her throat, and glances at the rear-view mirror for some signal of distress, but Regina’s simply laying there, cruelly sober after her nap. She tries to steer back the conversation to some less tense topic - What about Emma and Luke? They’re getting married and no supervillain was around.

- You underestimate the amount of chaos we had while they flirted for a few years, he’s seen her all kinds of battered. And his mother has been sick for months now, that kind of thing weighs on people, I’ve been told. I’d say the scope of this wedding is more for her than even Snow, certainly not for either Emma or Mr. Baker. And running a business on top of that is stressful, his father has cut his hours to be with his mother, Emma is thinking about going back to deputy to help out more with the bakery even. Plus, can you imagine going from no children to putting up with Henry? Emma and Luke have done the work.

Lily frowns on her spot – I… didn’t know any of that… Are you seriously her actual best friend?

- You were foolish to think otherwise when we’ve had years of seeing each other fraught and navigating life-or-death situations every few months; and you just stabbed her in the back some three times and tried to sleep with her when you were 15.

- I didn’t try, we had like a conversation about it. Oh my god, don’t discuss me.

Regina chuckles on her backseat a bit too hard, and then winces – Me and my bestie will discuss whatever we damn well please. We will have a whole session on your breakup tomorrow before the wedding.

Lily gives her own wry smile but focuses on the most important thing at hand - I’ll tell her you called her that, she’ll cry.

- She would not believe you.

- She knows I, literally, can’t lie. Can you? Will you teach me?

- No need. I tell the truth and kill whoever doesn’t like it.

Lily eyes her on the rearview mirror, and decides that the woman using her coat as a blanket and her purse as a shitty pillow is lying about her lying – So I can expect you to tell mom you were out here paying some blonde topless woman’s tuition because the way she was doing acrobatics around a pole had you mesmerized?

She laughs and drops the arm covering her face to glare playfully at her - You can certainly expect me to buy your mother a pole and classes for Christmas this year, I’ll tell you that. She could wipe the floor with these strippers after a youtube video even.

Lily gathers she probably could, she has the strength down pat. - How come men don’t use poles? They’re stronger. Or so they say.

– I’m sure they had trouble making out your combat boots in the dark, they were just doing their jobs if they attempted to thrust their dicks in your face in your first half an hour as a single woman.

Lily gasps and puts on a fake stern tone - Good Lord, Regina Mills. You kiss you mother with that mouth?

– No, yours. - Lily sputters out a laugh as Regina drags her coat up to be free of the interstate lights again, and turns on her side ready to be done with conversation for the night probably. But before she goes out like a light and Lily’s amusement fades from her face and she’s alone with the road again, Regina mutters something more – Her heart won’t stay broken forever. Yours will be fine too. Eventually, we’re fine.  

Chapter Text

With Henry shipped off to the Charmings’ to get ready with the men, and Draz bundled in his greenest clothing and transported to Zelena’s house, only one of Regina’s children’s whereabouts are unknown, pity it’s the one integral to the bridal party. On top of that, Mal seems to be taking forever as well and as much as she did her best to leave everything perfectly in place in the last week of planning this wedding, she should really be on ground zero right now just to make sure nothing implodes.

She hums where she is, waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Mal when Lily finally trudges into the house looking worse for wear, if she’s going to be late at least she has a good excuse. Lily gives her a half hug when she reaches her and Regina turns to give her a better one, they’ll have a good night’s cry after the wedding if they have to but right now, they don’t have the time. Lily settles into the hug for a while and Regina rubs her back a few times before having to let go of her – I’m sorry about Jenna, but that could have waited. Do you have your car at least? – She nods, defeated – Okay, well, you only have a little more than half an hour to get ready.

Lily chuckles as she takes a step back and lifts her arm up – Ok but look at this – she slams a hand over her watch, which surprisingly doesn’t shatter on impact, and jerks her arms around a few times – Red Ranger! -  A plume of smoke covers her, when it dissipates she’s wearing her instance of a deep red suit, bit more boxy than Regina’s and certainly less sweet than Snow’s. Of all of them Red was the happiest in the bridal party at Emma’s choice of color, granted, it pairs nicely enough with Emma’s all white pants-based ensemble. Lily runs a hand through her hair and tosses it to a side, throws a glamour on her face, and lifts a thumbs up. And Regina hates her for how simple it is for her to go out.

- Cute. What show was that?

- Power Rangers! C’mon mom, you had a boy in this house!

Before they can get into Henry’s early years and her careful curating of his TV habits Mal finally appears on the top of the stairs and Regina’s attention is diverted completely. Lily looks up too, Mal looks great in a suit usually but she also looks great on a dress, the whole thing with hair and make-up is working for her really, she might as well be the one getting married. She looks down to tell Regina and groans when she sees her still staring up, focused – Right. I’m gonna leave. Do not be late to your best friend’s wedding.

- I’m sure it’s just nuts and bolts, Snow will take care of anything - Regina tears her eyes away enough to smile at her – Pretend you don’t know why we’re going to be barely on time.

She turns back to answer but Regina’s already climbing up the stairs and she mutters - I wish I could – as she disappears to go wait it out with the others.

Regina goes through the trouble of going up halfway up the stairs before deciding to skip them altogether and disappearing to pop up in front of Mal before she can start descending. She’s well past startling when Regina materializes out of thin air and smiles at her like the cat who ate the canary, fully believing Regina won’t risk them being late over this. She’s wrong, for many reasons. – You can’t wear white to another woman’s wedding, dear.

- This is Eggshell. – Is what she tries to say, but halfway through her retort Regina’s pulling her down to kiss her, and it knocks the wind out of her. When she manages to come up for air, when Regina lets her really, she looks around and sees they’ve gone through quite the change of location, and she might be past startling when she gets whisked through space in a matter of an instant, but the way Regina has her sitting on the bed in no time is really quite befuddling to her – Oh, dear. We really don’t have time for this.

- Please, you knew what you were doing – the once over Regina gives her before bending down and pulling her by the neck again is scorching enough Mal finds they will have time for this, and maybe some left over. Regina takes a swift glance of her watch and looks forlorn to straighten up and leave her lips behind, but only for a second because today she seems to be nothing if not determined – Pass me a pillow, for my knees.

- If we had carpet-

- Maleficent, do you really want to have this conversation right now? – Regina asks as she not so subtly pushes her to lay on the bed. And Mal reckons she does not. She reaches for the pillow, obedient as ever and Regina takes advantage of that by bending over her and looming there for a second with a smirk before taking the offered pillow and kissing down her body until she can shove her extremely tight dress up and throw one of legs over her shoulder to settle down between them

Mal tries to remain sitting up, for the view, but her arms stop working in no time, and she breathes out a moan – I will ensure every single one of your little blonde friends marries if this the mood it puts you in - Regina stops for a second, fitting punishment for her insolence, and pinches her leg with her free hand before continuing with renewed vigor. A particular flick of her tongue makes Mal’s back bend off the bed and reach for Regina, who swats her away

- Hair. – Mal guesses that’s what she says against her, you’d be hard pressed to be sure. 

Mal chuckles – It simply is none of my concern- she could have finished the thought had she chosen a shorter way of saying it, but Regina does whatever it was again and she loses her train of thought altogether, and her impulse control. Her hands move down again of their own volition, to pull her closer

Regina swats again and comes up to glare – This took time. – Mal’s mistake is to chuckle at Regina’s outrage, and being distracted enough to be suspicious of how she lets her have her little laugh while she keeps going with a vengeance, that should have surely meant retribution of some form. But she again, forgets everything from the laughter to the whole thing with the hair from ten seconds ago. She remembers when her hands grip the comforter, because it grips back. It starts tangling around her arms and holding them put, and Regina’s nothing if not a hard worker. Mal’s shoulder blades start straining with her need to move so the very least she can do is use the leg Regina’s tossed over her shoulder to pull her in as she writhes uselessly while Regina finishes her task uninterrupted and in record time.

She spends what feels like minutes coming down from the high, but probably weren’t, not on Emma Swan’s wedding day. They’re on time as long as she can feel what she’s not quite certain are the correct number of hands roaming over her body while Regina kisses her here and there. Mal chuckles when she catches her breath and opens her eyes to see her looming over her again – You look beautiful, did I say?

- Debauched, more like. – She laughs and drags her arms free of the now-limp duvet, to reach for the one curl that Regina left out of the complicated hairstyle she put the rest of them in

- As you deserve to be. And still, beautiful. – She gives her a dazzling smile before bending down again to give her another one of those kisses that has Mal lifting herself of the bed to chase her lips as she moves away – You can drive yourself?

- What? – The whiplash is killing her. Regina straightens up and a handkerchief appears on her hands, where she passes it deftly anywhere it’s needed, bending it this way and that to find a clean corner. Mal smirks up at her, if anyone can look dignified wiping their chin after kneeling between someone else’s legs, it’s Regina.

She starts moving away altogether though – I am terribly late, and you need to change. That dress is too close to white for nuance to save it. – She says nothing more before retreating into the en-suite for a minute, opening the faucet, and then coming out with a toothbrush dangling from her mouth – And your hair’s a mess.

Mal lets herself fall back on the bed dramatically - I will see you at the reception. I don’t think I can walk to the car, let alone drive it.

She goes back in and comes out with a tube of lipstick and a severe expression – Do not miss the ceremony.  You have time.

- I feel used.

Regina laughs as she drags a round mirror out of the bathroom with her and checks her fixes – I’m sure you’ll get revenge after the wedding.

- At the wedding. – She sits up again

- No. – she tosses the mirror on the bed, and that means she is well and truly late, and walks close enough to grab her hand and drop a kiss on it – After.

-At. - She would be remiss to tell her at any moment other than when the little cloud of purple smoke already engulfed her feet – You have a tear on the back of your blazer. - She takes it off furiously, cursing as she goes and Mal’s laugh rings in her ears even as she appears in the room to Snow banging on a door.

- I’m here. Where’s Emma?

Snow whirls around and looks completely furious and relieved to see her all at once, the intensity of the incoming meltdown lets them miss Red wrinkling her nose and looking Lily’s way, and getting a silent shhh in return. They chuckle together about it and no one seems to notice that either. But Lily does, they can definitely be friends after all, she just has to let some more time pass.

Regina listens to Snow’s tirade about her being late, then to Snow’s panic about Emma’s panic, and then when her rant goes off on a tangent, she decides she’s listened enough. She tosses her torn blazer Lily’s way and disappears as swiftly as she had come. Red groans – Why hadn’t you tried that?!

Lily shrugs as she turns the fabric around, looking through the hole – Why hadn’t you kicked down the door? She probably needs her space.

Snow turns to her, as red as her variation of the suit – She’s getting married in twenty minutes!

Regina finds Emma sitting on a couch with her head thrown back and her arm over her face and before Emma can realize she’s there, she speaks - Hopefully that pound of make-up won’t stain that white sleeve.

- Fuck! Regina – She sits up, that is, she slouches with her head upright – Cutting it a bit close huh?

- I apologize, something came up. But I am here now, and I expected to find you glowing in the best day of your life, but you my dear are sulking. Why?

- Kissing Henry’s clammy little forehead and him waking up is the best day of my life.

Regina sits, when it is obvious this is not a matter of her just wanting to sit alone for a while – I understand the sentiment. It’s proof he forgave you, and loves you back. I cannot tell you how relieved I’ve been since true love’s kiss worked when Zelena was hounding us – Emma spares her a small attempt of a smile and Regina drags herself closer – Emma, what’s this about?

She looks Regina’s way warily for a second, but after all the bullshit they went through together in only a few years, she can just tell Regina whatever and know she’ll give it to her straight – What if I suck at it? I might just really suck at it.

- At being married? – Regina smiles her way – It’s quite the same as what you’re doing now, you just have to change the box you check in your taxes.

Emma’s frown deepens – I’m serious. I had no examples, ever. I’m only like a third of a good mom, I regularly fuck up my laundry, you’re like my only actual adult friend and you think of me as a kid too… Luke comes from a functional home, and wants a nice family, and I might not have it in me like you all do.

There is so much to unpack there but Regina stops her at her part of the issue first – I have an enormous amount of respect for you. You are a good mother in your own style, I would not leave my son in the care of anyone I don’t think of as capable. - Emma blinks a few times while her head catches up and looks up warily, and Regina knows she’s about to object and cuts in with the entire plethora of things Emma keeps dropping hints about with the subtlety of a bull in a China shop – Emma, the Draz thing was paperwork and Kathryn was filing it, we put her down there in that second because we needed a signature. She would not mother anyone if both me and Mal, who’s basically immortal, died. The clear line of custody there is Lily, then maybe Henry depending on his age, lastly Zelena, not because you can’t, but because it’s not on your shoulders at all. Worry about Neal and Eva. And we don’t “hang out” because we don’t need to schedule time together, you have a key to my house, you are a fixture in our family. You can just walk in, grab a beer  we only buy because you like it, and go find me, to Mal’s chagrin. If I didn’t hold you in the highest regard, you would’ve felt it by now. But I’m sorry I don’t let you know I do love you often. Emma, you are my best friend, maybe the first real one I ever made.

- Wow, that’s… nice? Like just plain nice.

Regina does not let her dwell on that for more than a single second, onto the real meat of the crisis - Do you want to be married and have a nice family? – Regina asks her, and the look Emma gives her amuses her, previous niceness forgotten already, it is almost public knowledge how much Emma would love having a ‘nice’ family, whatever cookie cutter version of that she grew up idolizing. – Then you do have it in you. All it takes for a family to be nice is for everyone there to be willing to make it nice. You had no examples sure, so do it your own way. Or you can always choose to emulate Snow White now – her face wrinkles and Regina chuckles – Yes, I’m sure stepford wife won’t be what you will be going for.

- I’m so scared I’m gonna fuck it up and he’ll see through me, it’s like, he’s betting all his cards on me and what if I end up being a dud of a wife and our kids hate me?

- Children can’t hate one of their own – Emma gives her a proper glare and Regina laughs until she joins – Look around to the people you’re saying had it in them. Best case scenario is Snow and she was raised by the servants. He’s lucky to be able to bet his cards on you, you’re amazing. You are loving, and selfless, and beyond loyal, Emma. You physically cannot fail at being a wife or a mother.

- Do you have money on this wedding?

- We have a pool, since Lily broke up with Jenna I need you or Ruby Lucas to get married this year. And the wolf seems like the shacking up type.

- Oh fuck, when did they break up? Did I hallucinate Jenna there last night? – She focuses real hard, wrinkled brow and all

Regina chuckles as Emma’s entire brain power is diverted to this now and the previous panic is seemingly forgotten - No, she was there, but left before you started rubbing baby oil on stripper’s backs.

Emma cringes – Oh my god, did I? I don’t remember anything after the first bar.

Regina throws her head back in laughter – I’m sure I have footage of you and your mother sharing the man in the cop-themed speedo. – She starts patting herself for her phone and comes up blank. Maybe it’s in the blazer with the stiletto-shaped hole on the back.

She shudders - The only three tame months in Red’s life are the ones she was dating your buzzkill of a daughter. It’s gonna be exhausting now she found Dorothy, she drinks like a hick. Just endlessly.

Emma reaches up with a groan to rub at her eyes and Regina grabs her arms halfway up before she can undo the make-up artist’s work – I’m sure they are both thrilled to hear that across the door where they’re posted waiting for you.

Emma makes a face so quintessentially her that Regina can only smile – I say it with love guys! I’m getting too old to hang with people that like to get drunk as fuck, it’s my fault.

- You’ve grown. – Emma nods, dejected by her old age – You’ve grown as a person, and as a mother, and you will be an excellent wife. You will go out there, and your father will walk you down the aisle towards the love of your life, string quartet and all, your brother will throw rose petals around with a little newsie cap on, your son will hand your groom the rings, and there won’t be a dry eye in the room. You’ve done it, Emma. This is just, the epilogue. And you look beautiful.

She does as she does, and makes a joke before she starts crying 5 minutes before her wedding - Are we eloping? I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy, this feels like we could elope, as a season finale moment.

- I’ve watched that. – Emma raises her eyebrows ridiculously high and she doesn’t dignify it with a reaction – I will give you a dramatic hug as a sign I’m giving up and letting Luke have you. I’m accepting my fate and settling for the blonder, taller, stronger, better dressed, more cultured woman living in my house and raising my children with me.

Regina stands and Emma follows her - Not funnier though – she points out - I see you didn’t mention that.

- How could she be? I’ve never seen her trip and spill her beverage down her shirt – She opens her arms and Emma steps in

- And you never will. What a sad life. – They hug for a while and Regina rubs her back for another few seconds, enough time for Emma to pull out her own phone from god knows where and snap a selfie over Regina’s back, with flash – I wish I could go back and show this pic to the Regina from before the curse broke.

Regina rolls her eyes in place, she must have a very recognizable back then - I’m very glad I never managed to kill you. – She kisses her cheek for good measure as she pulls away and finds her with another indescribably childish expression, she chuckles – Congratulations on the wedding. Now, can we go?

- Totes. You don’t even need to get me anything from the registry. I’m keeping this high.

- Good, I didn’t.

She stops on her tracks halfway to the door, so close and yet so far away - What?! I put some super expensive cozy blankets there I was so sure you’d zero in on. Fuck.

Regina chuckles and not subtly at all nudges her forward, they’re just barely on time for several reasons now - I’m paying for a real honeymoon, to Puerto Vallarta. Florida doesn’t have any real beaches.

- Hey, Miami is pretty okay. Wait, - Emma gasps, and turns around to look at her, walking backwards on heels like a woman that doesn’t trip and spill a beverage down her shirt at least once every week, and focuses on the wrong thing altogether – Roll that R again.

- Yes, I speak Spanish. – Her grins grows even more and Regina rolls her eyes – But you’re still racist for just assuming that, though.

- Am not! – she trips and reaches up to grab onto Regina on her way down, who swiftly takes two steps back but does her the favor of catching her with magic before she falls entirely - Why aren’t you wearing your jacket?

- Mal ruined it. Lily’s probably fixed it by now.

She frowns, diagonal and halfway to the floor, and pouts - She needs to get over the little murder I did. You sent me!

If Mal remembers about the little murder, she doesn’t show it. Not only does she attend the wedding on top of her cozy cave where she died a few years ago, she sits dutifully staring at Regina with an uncanny intensity throughout the entire thing, while she glances at her with a playful glare every once in a while, and she refrains from rolling her eyes in the many moments an eye roll might have been an excellent addition.

Once done she even waits for the thing to wrap up, and the bride and groom to walk the way they came from while people grin and cheer to sneak to the front of the crowd to snatch Regina by the waist before she even thinks to go take charge on any tasks that need direction. Regina has the mind to yelp just under the noise threshold of the string quartet – Lovely ceremony dear.

- Paid attention, did you? –

- Raptly. – She says, already bending enough to kiss her jawline

Regina chuckles, hands settling on top of the tuxedo Mal chose to replace her white dress, red bowtie and all. She must have gone shopping for her stunt. – You are lucky the groom isn’t a blonde.

- He won’t see me if we abscond right now.

Regina tilts her head back to look Mal in the eye and reaches up to sweep the blonde hair back in place over her shoulders, something fun to do over and over and over with it when she straightens it like that and it moves with every turn of her head – We are staying for hours tonight.

- Gods. – She groans and drops her head on Regina’s shoulder, who chuckles in her arms as the hair comes down again and tickles her. She drags Mal closer to the railing to make room for the waiters to fix up the roof for the reception, around them and three other stragglers that stayed so they could smoke where Belle wouldn’t punish them for it.

The DJ Red chose spots them and gives Regina a thumbs up before he plays a tune they can sway to while they wait and Mal hums, pacified while Regina drags her this way and that – The menu is completely comprised of red meat, you’ll love it.

She lifts her head off her shoulder at the idea of fresh, warm food. It’s been so long, Regina was conked out for breakfast and lunch, courtesy of some hangover cure potion, so Mal ate leftovers – Well, if you insist I eat your share.

She reaches behind her back to unravel Mal’s arms from around her and takes one of her hands while she drags her out of the waiter’s way again - Lily, the werewolves, a couple dwarves and you were counted triply. –

Mal laughs behind Regina and stops by the table with their names, turns to admire the view from the top of the library – Your little pet really got married. Everything looks lovely darling, good job. She’s lucky to have you.

- Because I didn’t let you attend her wedding in a white dress? – Regina smirks up at her and Mal takes a calming breath to prevent the memory of the event from clouding her judgement enough she simply carries Regina off this roof and all the way to their bedroom

- It was eggshell - She waits until she’s regained control of her mind – And she stabbed me with a rusty sword. I reserve the right to play with her a little when I want.

Regina’s smile turns just a little sad - I sent her, it was for Henry’s sake.

Mal shakes her head and lets her reach up to put her hair back in place before catching a scent and winking down at her - I will annoy him too. – She turns around to see him trail back up the stairs with a date of his own and dips Regina down for dramatic effect before kissing her, tongue and all.

He turns back around and starts ushering his date back down - Ugh, Mal c’mon! Gross!

When Regina said hours she probably wasn’t bluffing, Mal realizes when the waiter refills her glass with what must be her fifth scotch and she stops for a second and realizes they were served food a long, long time ago, and Red’s called for round number two for the food repeaters in their table. She thanks the second waiter and unfurls her hand from Regina’s, who turns enough to snatch a fry off her plate and turns back to Kathryn, that was invited at last through Fred, who was hamming it up with Luke’s friends in the table they belong at.

The blonde motions to the empty space where Jenna’s chair had disappeared to one minute after the first and father-daughter dances had finished – Do tell.

- Kath…

Lily puts back her Jack Daniels – It’s cool. We broke up. I wasn’t serious enough about it.

The woman tilts her Pinot into her mouth delicately – Makes sense. I might be heading to crippling singleness as well, Fred keeps asking me to marry him.

Mal grins – Please accept, I have so many white dresses to get forced off me minutes before a wedding. – Regina turns to glare at her, and she leans forward for a conciliatory kiss on the cheek

- You should have definitely showered before this – Red says to Regina with a grin, steak halfway gone in the single minute they had spent on conversation. They should have counted her four times.

- And you should mind your business, wolf –

Thankfully Emma and Luke’s world tour of the room ends, without passing by them, the important people they need not pay platitudes to for attending because of course they would, red suits and all. And after being congratulated and blushing to the tip of his hair when Red makes a not so casual joke about their beach honeymoon, Luke beelines for the family table again while Emma reaches sideways and drags a chair from the nearby table to the hole by Lily’s side and dumps herself in it with a sigh – God can I have some fucking food? – she asks Lily but dives right into her fries anyway

Regina turns to smile warmly her way - Mrs. Baker, refined as ever.

She lifts her finger in an Aha! Moment and smiles around her food – Rolls off the tongue huh?

- Congrats, man – Lily levels her with a clap on the shoulder that makes her visibly lopsided for a second

Mal lifts her glass her way – Congratulations, may married life remove you from my couch.

Emma lifts Lily’s glass their way – Thanks guys, this doesn’t happen at all without you, except you know, you two – Both Kathryn and Mal roll their eyes and Emma smiles Regina’s way - Thanks for the swanky gift. - She moves to stand to rejoin her table where her food’s just arrived, but seems to think better of her exit and focuses enough to smirk Regina’s way – One last Miss Swan? For the road?

Mal clamps a hand over Regina’s before she can comply – Do not.

- Miss Swan, – Regina says, in her most velvety voice, for old time’s sake – Your sleeve has rib sauce on it –

- Oh Jesus, I haven’t even eaten yet! – As she storms off to the bathroom with Lily on her heels to laugh at her, Mal gets this sinking feeling that married life will not remove her from their couch, that not even Henry’s impending exit to college next year will. Until the end of her days, she will be suddenly assaulted with the scent of Emma Baker née Swan, parked on her couch, at odd times of the day.

Water was a shitty idea of course, it only spread it way more and landed them there now with Lily holding the sleeve, and the arm inside it, less than an inch to her face to see all of the sauce where it seeped through the fabric and get it out of there with magic. Which is kinda awkward you know, standing around with your friend locked in the bathroom the day of your wedding – Maybe we call it quits, you can’t get all of it.

- No, mom taught me – the little bubbles keep streaming out and floating to go splatter on the sink

- Dude, you can barely see any more of it, Regina herself wouldn’t do better. Really, thanks.

Lily, in true Lily fashion, just lets her arm drop down as dead weight then and it smacks the mighty half skirt Snow and her compromised on when she said she was going to choose one of the pants and jacket ensembles. Regina’s spirit overtakes Lily again, she rights the jacket and tugs on the sleeves so it’ll all fall correctly, and rolls her eyes when Emma smirks her way – You look good.

- Nothing’s happening in this bathroom.

- I’m recently heartbroken, I would never.

Emma gives her a cringe for her trouble and pats her on the arm - Aurora’s pregnant again so Mulan’s probably heartbroken somewhere out there too, just in case, you wanna go, be heartbroken, around Mulan.

Lily frowns - You want me to go flirt with Mulan, who’s like best friends with one of my exes, in front of my other ex, three of the four of us handy with swords and angry at life?

Emma shrugs – Maybe I want some free entertainment. But I would pay you real money to try to flirt with Belle.

She turns around and opens the faucet to wash her hands like she had actually touched the sauce to clean it – I’m good on Disney characters, thanks.

- Sure, Maleficent’s daughter.

- Oh, Snow White’s daughter’s trying to start some shit?

Emma laughs – How dare you? I’m Snow White’s castle’s baker’s son’s wife now.  

Lily closes the water off and turns around, hands steaming because of her built in drier. She hasn’t touched a towel in a year. - Holy shit, you’re really some dude’s wife. I did not see that coming. – She says it with a smirk on her face, kinda hoping Emma will just take the easy joke and reiterate she likes wearing leather jackets in a straight, god-honoring way, and they’ll be on their way. But she doesn’t.

Instead, she leans against the wall with a grim look - I didn’t think either of us would make it either… Honestly, I thought we’d be either dead by 18 or just, miserable and on drugs by 30. – She remembers being 16 and completely jaded against life, and then 17 and jaded, and 18 and jaded, and 19…

Lily nods - I was. Miserable and on drugs by 30.

- Me too… - Lily raises an eyebrow her way and Emma shrugs, maybe she wasn’t on any hard drugs or had a face tattoo like she thought she might, but she was plenty miserable – Lils, I was turning 28 and I didn’t have one single person in my life. It was my birthday, and I bought myself a gas station cupcake. And you know what I wished for? I wished I would stop being alone.

- And Henry showed up?

- And Henry fucking showed up… on cue. I’m talking bell ringing as soon as I blew out the candle. I didn’t even get to bite the cupcake, he ate it later. – She laughs at the ridiculous timing of the whole thing, something to be said about love and magic for sure. No matter how many times it bludgeons her on the head, it’s still baffling. – I was hoping for you, really. I mean yes, you ruined my life and kiss with way too much tongue, but I didn’t feel alone when you were around. I wished to find someone else that would make me feel like you, or like Ingrid but not crazy. I’m sorry you were miserable an extra few years.

- At least I wasn’t around for the villain attacks - Lily shrugs – It all worked out. You got your actual parents and Ingrid out of the whole thing. A kid, a husband… family was all you ever really wanted.

- Fuck, yeah. My dad, he was in tears the entire morning. – She lets out her own watery smile - Mom too, but you don’t see David cry often, he was so happy. Neal did ask him what was up, though. Thought someone was dying.

- The little shit was excited too, editing and practicing his speech when he thought we weren’t gonna listen through the walls.

Emma beams at that, at first they’d thought maybe Henry wouldn’t want to speak, hell they even thought the whole marriage thing would be a little too much for him… but he jumped at all the opportunities to hang with the men’s side of things and had given a speech about finding family in unlikely places that had even made Grumpy dab daintily at the corner of his eyes - Isn’t it almost driving you crazy? All the people to care about now. I cried when Henry finished middle school, cried when my parents got their marriage license signed, cried when Neal first said Emma, I cry when Luke cries, I cried at Regina’s wedding… you just, keep fucking crying all the time.

Lily nods, she’s done her fair share of stoic tear swiping in the last few years, and 24 hours - You know, she called you her bestie last night.

- Shut up! - Emma says and points at her face agitated – She kissed me on the cheek today! I’ll never let her live it down.

- Fuck, I wouldn’t either. Tough cookie to crack outside of the house – Emma gives her a look and Lily answers it with a smirk on her face that lets Emma know she knows damn well Regina’s tough exterior doesn’t have shit on Lily’s – I’m really happy for you Swan, you know I felt the weird magic pull too. Spent my whole life hoping for another hit of belonging.

- And now you’re high all the time. Shit, you don’t even dry your hands anymore, keep jumping out of fucking windows, there’s something flying around you all the time, it’s like a third arm for you… I teleport and have to take a nap while my particles settle.

Lily doesn’t say much to that – Crazy how I thought I had it so bad… all along it was just me feeling incomplete. And cold. Hungry too.

- You were really living the homeless experience inside that middle class house you grew up in. All that time I though you were just prissy and a little ungrateful – She chuckles, but Lily’s downcast expression makes her reconsider – Hey, you weren’t. You were just really fucking different, no way of knowing that – Lily still doesn’t cheer up again - Did you call them yet?

- I can’t do it over the phone. I’m going. I just… they gotta hate me.

- I think if I have learned anything these years is that family doesn’t really hate you. Henry didn’t hate me for giving him away, I didn’t hate my parents for sending me here with Pinocchio, Mal didn’t hate Regina for the cave thing, Regina didn’t hate Zelena for the attempt to wipe her from existence. Mal does hate Snow for the egg thing and me for the murder thing, but that’s separate.

- She loves you. You just gotta squint.

- So everyone in your house just loves me? – Emma grins and Lily rolls her eyes, but steps up to her and pulls her in a hug that makes her sputter out a laugh – Cheek kiss!

- Fuck off. – She says and pats her on the back hard enough her organs rattle and she straightens up in her arms with a hiss. – Congrats on getting married. I’m glad we found each other again too.

Emma lets out a crazy cackle at that and it startles Lily out of the hug. Lily that doesn’t know the fatal blow she’s just laid to her bloodline by uttering those words. They’ve barely stepped away from each other when Regina materializes in the room with a frown – Other women need the bathroom too, what are you two doing? – She frowns at Emma’s laughter and the blonde stretches her arms to pull her in – You won’t believe what Lily just said, bestie.

- Oh, Lily, why? – Regina squirms on her arms and Emma holds on, laying a kiss on her cheek. She pushes her away – Go slobber on your husband.

- He’s probably taking a nap in the kitchen area. – She says but steps away from her and drops a hand on one shoulder of each – I love you too, Millses.

- Your food is about to be carted away and packed.

- Oh shit! – that drives her right out of the bathroom, the line of women on the other side of the door gawking inside

Lily turns to Regina – Mom, a minute outside the bathroom?

Mal gathers she’s been completely abandoned, Lily had gone after Emma and Regina had gone after them after half an hour, and now Emma had shown again but her two hadn’t. Henry is a Charming for the day and Zelena refuses to interrupt Robyn and Draz in what looks like very important cousin business, she says, to indulge her facetime call. So, she’s taken to the bar where the bright-eyed boy keeps serving her tall scotches and looking up at her way in awe. It’d be a fine exchange if Snow White wasn’t coming dangerously closer

- Hello!

It chimes by her ear, like an annoying phone notification, and she does the perfunctory lifting of the device to see her there by her side with a face-splitting smile, cheeks all flushed in glee and all. Disgusting. – Snow White, congratulations are in order for you as well I suppose.

- Oh yes! Such a lovely day for our families.

Why she would come here and get it ruined for herself, Mal’s not sure. But she’s ready to oblige if this is what she thinks it is – I am under the impression Regina was more than clear last time you spoke of this. – She motions for the young man to serve her a double, because Snow won’t just leave, she’s sure.

She sees the drink and asks for a cocktail herself, before sitting on the stool next to Mal’s with a little polite expression she’s sure does wonders to pacify regular civilians and parents in the principal’s office – Well, we’ve had a lot more contact this month. Obviously, for the wedding’s sake, and it has been fun. I was wondering if she has changed her mind.

- She has not. You may move on at last.

The woman frowns and sips through her drink’s straw with strange focus for 30 seconds – Surely you can see how stupid this is. Emma says she won’t get involved but you, you must have Regina’s best interest at heart. We’re family!

Mal smirks at the change of demeanor, and turns in her seat – You stole our child, I don’t see how you think this is a negotiation I of all people would be willing to sway in your favor. If anything, I do my best to poison her against you anytime your name comes up in conversation.

Snow White’s eyes narrow on hers, and for a second they keep quiet, assessing each other. A less dramatic person stumbles between them to ask for a drink and returns to the dance floor unaware of the tiff. Snow makes her next move – My son loves you. Mal taught me this, Mal showed me that… I have half a mind to think he’s replaced Regina in his heart with Mal.

She hums – He’s lovely to have around. I spend time with him gladly, ever since the Aurora incident I try not to make children pay for their parents’ sins.

Snow takes another sip, gives her time to think – You know change is possible then, and past mistakes don’t need to be lorded over people.

Mal downs her scotch – Go on and tell Aurora to come bring her unborn child near me, see how she reacts.

Snow gets wound up, that’s not the same at all. – You know I would never hurt Lily again. I know you know that. Regina knows that. – Her little flush starts getting angry, her blouse only a few shades away – I just want to have an opportunity to apologize properly to you two, and for us to be a family again. We had worked so hard.

Snow looks genuinely heartbroken about it, which is fun in its own twisted way, but she can’t have her pestering Regina over this again and again and again. She needs to put an end to this – Regina forgave you everything you did to her, she knows you were a child. But what you did to Lily, especially because you had nothing against me but prejudice, she won’t get past that. Ever. The Cora thing was particularly callous too, but if it makes you feel better, I wanted the bitch dead as soon as I knew of her existence. You went about it in the absolute worst possible way, but I weirdly thank you for getting the job done.

Snow rolls her eyes - We were at war! If I can get past everything-

Mal cuts her off - That’s a personal decision you can’t expect Regina to replicate.

- Well aren’t you Mrs. fucking rational? You do the math. You have to acknowledge we’re even.

Mal lets out a chuckle – Me? I am completely biased, Snow White. You are the person I hate most, since your father and Cora are blissfully dead. – That seems to stun the princess on her seat and Mal drawls – First time I tried to undress Regina – she looks down and Mal huffs – Oh no don’t blush, dear. The story goes nowhere untoward. You want to know why? She bolted out of my arms when her dress started to slip. Her back was a map of bruises. Hazard a guess as to who was beating her every other night? I had a front row seat to the birth and growth of the Evil Queen, and believe me, you could hardly blame her. It’d make a heartbreaking episode of prime time television even if you weren’t in love with her. Then I was mildly happy, I was expecting a child. Someone ruined that, too. Who, Snow White? Do you know? Then we found Lily and got to learn she was very unhappy for a good three decades, she used to skitter out of my arms when I tried to hug her too. Why do you think that is, Snow White? Why do you think my heart had to break like that twice? Is there a common catalyst somewhere in there? Even now, that everything is fine, if Regina comes home skulking there’s a 9 in 10 chance it’s because some woman accosted her in the street. Who do you think is both stubborn and stupid enough to accost her in the street, Snow White?

In front of her Snow huffs, talking to Mal was her last Hail Mary, she thought maybe she was just uninvested in her, that she had found peace with the entire ordeal with Lily. It seems for her peace doesn’t at all equal forgiveness, and being perfectly polite is just not a strain even if you hold #1 in the most wanted dead list. Change of pace from Regina that can barely restrain herself from physically assaulting you if she disagrees with the center pieces you chose. - I understand.

- Do you? – Snow tilts her head dejectedly into her fruity drink – Can I trust you to stay away from Regina until Henry graduates and we throw him a very crowded party?

She nods – Will you tell her I tried, again. One final time. That I love her, and I’ll miss her.

Mal chuckles and motions for another scotch – No. I wouldn’t mention this conversation at all, but the strange charge in the air means someone’s about to materialize out of thin air in a second and bear witness to the fact we’re sitting together.

Snow frowns but as predicted the purple fog overtakes the empty space by their side, and when it clears Regina is standing there, looking oddly between them. – Snow, happy with how the evening is progressing?

- Yes, it’s all been perfect. I was a bit worried a monster would attack halfway through. – She gives her a wry smile

- Zelena did threaten to storm the party but she’s asleep under the toddlers, Robin informs. – She says, telling Mal more than Snow.

- Our sitter says the same. Neal and Eva are out for the night. – She stands up and slurps the very last of her drink, like Emma and Henry do with any drink that allows them a straw. And Regina watches her curiously – Well, I can’t thank you enough for your help, Emma is beyond the moon. – Regina nods, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Snow leaves the glass on the bar and nods back – You two have a nice night.

- No “we’re family” speech? Whatever did you tell the poor woman that broke her spirit like that?

- I don’t kiss and tell.

She leans against Mal, playing with her bowtie enough it loosens while she looks at her for a moment, she drops her visual inquisition altogether with a solemn look – We are going to New York, next week.

She grins, the entire conversation and the scotch forgotten. She circles Regina’s waist - Yes! Did you know the empire state building is 1454 feet tall? – She can almost feel the wind on her face just thinking about it.

Regina shuffles impossibly closer and wraps her arms around her neck - To meet Lily’s adoptive parents.

- Oh, Fuck - She drops her head on her shoulder with a thud – Can we please go home?

Regina chuckles under her – Let’s go toss some rice on Emma and Luke and I’ll immediately whisk you away and into a scalding bath. – She tangles their hands together to pull Mal away from the scotch and towards the throng of people going out to see the newlyweds go out with a bang, in the bug of all vehicles. So maybe it’ll be an exhaust bang.

Mal slows her down enough to leave the bartender a hefty tip and a smile before undoing her bowtie altogether while she follows Regina outside - I drove here, and parked blocking maybe three cars?  

Regina laughs with her mirth intact, even with their upcoming test from life, and Mal can’t help but smile as she turns around regardless of rice flying around in the air and leans up for a quick kiss – I’ll allow Lily and Henry to drive back.

She takes the moment to mess with Regina’s hair that’s held up all these hours as if by magic. She only has a few curls to play with but she does her best as Regina smiles up at her - It’s cute, that you think Henry is making it home tonight.

Her face hardens at once - Keep it up and you’ll walk. – They look at each other for a minute, to see who breaks first, and Mal’s smirk grows as Regina clearly loses her composure and flees the entire thing when she can’t spot Henry at all in the small crowd. Emma and Luke get in their car, it sputters for a moment before it starts, and Mal laughs with everyone and tosses a handful of rice Regina had handed her before she goes back inside to look for her wife.

Chapter Text

Their very first family road-trip sure took a while to happen, but The Pages being in New York gave them the excuse they needed to pack themselves in Emma’s benz, that Mal and Henry finally got to drive with a lot of emphasis in how they all fit and wouldn’t it be good if they had their own big car so they didn’t have to break into Emma’s room to get the spare keys while she’s out of the country and yada yada yada, and finally go somewhere out of town.

Fun as the very first minutes of that had been, sooner rather than later Henry and Lily were engrossed in their phones, and Draz had ceased to find the new adventure fun and decided to sleep through it, and it had been the road and Mal’s classical music from there on out. No room in the car for conversation, not with the five of them and the foggy cloud of dread settling over Mal the closer they got to New York.

Regina takes a steeling breath some three hours in, tired of staring out the window and the ever-odd feeling of being the most stable person around. Years ago she had taken the same kind of trip with an Emma Swan near breaking point to go find Lily, that had ended with a gun to her daughter’s temple. So now she can’t help but glance back at the woman in the back seat, head surely rattling against the window as she slouches there, looking sullen herself. It’s transient now, the scowl. But it was all she knew when they first met. She scowled all the drive back to Storybrooke, then she scowled for another solid month, in between the permanent frowns. Now at least, when she notices her looking, she throws her a quick smile. Regina gives her one back and shakes her head when Lily goes to take her earbud out, she turns enough to take one of Draz’s chubby legs in her hand, and to look Henry’s way too just in case they have something to say, but they’re both asleep. And it goes on, the silence. She reaches out to massage a spot on Mal’s shoulder as she drives with the same expression Lily had just now.

- Darling-

- I’m fine.

That’s all she says, for nearly 6 hours that they spend in that car. Until it’s time to find parking in the apartment building and someone’s started to use their empty spot, and she lets out an expletive that has Henry and Lily glancing at each other in the back seat. She decides to block whomever’s motorcycle that is, and goes about retrieving their bags rather angrily. Any regular Sherlock can guess there’s something else under all that because a woman that gets angry once per year doesn’t spend it on parking disputes.

Lily rushes to pick up her half of things as Regina unbuckles a conked out Draz, and does her best to give the other two a reassuring smile that this will probably all get very much solved as soon as they can all lay in a bed, even if it has years-old dust on it. She’s far too tired to concern herself with bedding at the moment, so they will sleep on whatever has been there for the last half decade.  Mal too is very much looking forward to any bed, but for a few more minutes they are crammed in the elevator, that stops on the first floor, no matter how much Lily presses the close button.

Mal, testy beyond all of their means by the main event of their trip, grumbles as a teen boy decides he fits as well. He looks up from his phone to glance their way and then his face erupts into a smile – Henry! Bro what the hell?

- Devonte! Jesus, dude! You got buff

The kid shrugs – You too man!

Henry crosses his sword-wielding arms and all and Lily groans – Get a room.

The new kid whips to her and Henry sighs – This is my… aunt. – The kid takes another quick look at Lily, which naturally leads him to glance at Regina and Draz, and then finally to Mal, and looks confused at Henry’s sudden bunch of family members. They had not thought about how to explain all of them showing up on the Pages’ doorstep yet, but in this case most of the truth would do, Henry nods – Yeah. This is my mom, and my stepmom. Baby brother.

Regina gives this kid her best motherly smile and he nods, convinced – Oh okay, yeah. Nice to meet y’all. – He turns to Henry briefly, whispering very well but in a closed space sadly full of people with enhanced ears – That makes so much sense, your mom not being straight. This mom got another blonde though, cold-blooded. – He claps a hand on Henry’s shoulder with a cheeky smile and Henry’s soul can be seen leaving his body

Mal takes it rather well really, she gasps exaggeratedly - Your ex-wife is blonde too? How terribly predictable.  – Mal drawls from her spot, looming above the boy and he looks up startled by Mal’s sudden voice

Regina chuckles as the boy freezes in the spot when he’s suddenly flooded with his body’s instinctive reaction to Mal looming over him with a glower on her face. Too little, too late. She plays along, why not? They have 30 seconds to torture these kids - “Too” implies you’re blonde somewhere under all that dye you make me pay for, dear.

- Well, you bought her a condo in prime New York real estate, so I thought you just liked trying to buy love minutes before you’re served with divorce papers.

Regina laughs – And you shot for a hair appointment? You truly are more vapid than I thought.

They smirk at each other when the boy’s gaze drops staunchly to his shoes, his body won’t even cooperate when the elevator chimes to let them know it’s reached one of its destinations. He stammers out, to apologize, or say goodbye, who knows? - I… I’m

- This is your floor right? I’ll text you in a min, we’ll hang – Henry pushes the teen out as soon as he can physically fit him through the smallest possible space when the door is half opened. He turns up to Mal and Regina with a baffled look on his face – What the hell? I have a reputation to maintain here.

Mal grins down at him tiredly – Oh, we’ve embarrassed the prince.

Lily laughs above the second elevator chime – Yeah but now Mom looks like two blondes divorced her and she ends up not seeing her kids for whole years after when the blondes move with them to a different state.

Regina shrugs, whatever story the boy might tell is certainly worth the smile on Mal’s face after the afternoon they’ve had. While she’s agreeable Regina reaches up to rub her back again, and even gets to for a few seconds but the elevator chimes and Mal takes one bound out of it and leaves them behind just like that. Lily chuckles and follows, still not quite as fast, and the others are quickly behind.

Especially Henry, who rushes around them with the one useful key-chain between them, lest Mal kicks down the door with the power of her glare. With the mood they’re all in, he’ll have to settle for a single pizza slice, but what a pizza slice it’ll be. He’s saved up to order from all his old favorite spots.

He opens the door and gets inside before the nosy neighbor from across the hall asks exactly how he has another mother, where she was when he needed babysitting, and when the divorce was finalized. Mal sighs, sidestepping something, and Regina rolls her eyes as they come into the dusty apartment and the first thing that happens to her is she trips over a pair of boots Emma left on the way when she ran out of there.

So, not the best start to what should be a great thing to do with your wife and your three children. Mal glances around the place with a weary chuckle, impressed by the scope of Regina’s magic as she always is – You really did buy her a condo.

Regina rolls her eyes - I bought Henry a condo. – She looks around too, fairly tasteful condo.

- To her name.

- Well, he was 12.

Lily points at her, wagging a finger and all – How dare you buy your ex-wife a condo in prime New York real estate and hide that from us. – Mal smirks over her head to Lily and the only thing worse than the smirking is when it happens over her head

Regina steps over the discarded boots altogether, they should have hot water too, seems like something she would have thought into existence, for Henry. – Frankly, you were dead, dear. If I bought Emma a fully furnished condo and a new wardrobe as a parting gift, that’s none of your concern. – Before they can say anything else she veers into what has to be the master room to shower and change – Mal, come with me.

It takes a while, but eventually the dragon does appear in the bathroom, and she turns the hot water tap as far as it’ll go before taking off her robe and getting under the molten lava so Mal will follow her in. When she does, and she can give her skin some respite while Mal closes her eyes under the spray and visibly relaxes a bit, she takes the sponge and the soap she brought from home and gets to work on the surface before her – You’re horribly tense, is it the guilt? She doesn’t blame you. And she shouldn’t. - Mal doesn’t answer for a while, tilting her head up under the water still, and Regina lets her – You don’t have to meet them. I’ll go with her.

- How are you so calm about this of all things?! – She snaps, and looks down at Regina – You’ve lost it for less. Hell, you tried to kill Emma Swan for less when you were on the opposite end of this. – Regina raises her eyebrow up at Mal, sponge held up inches from her shoulder in indignation, and the dragon shakes her head, sending water around. She tries to compose herself, control her agitated breathing – I’m sorry. I’m… I’ve been… - she trails off, and her breathing only seems to quicken even when she’s trying to get it to do the opposite – Regina, what if she stays? – Her voice cracks in half somewhere in there and her nose isn’t enough anymore, she pants and heaves in a breath that struggles to get past her rapidly closing throat, and Regina looks at her alarmed  

- She won’t. I don’t think she packed enough for the week we are staying. – She tries, but Mal’s breathing doesn’t appear to take her joke well, she seems to be trying to swallow all the air of the shower stall. Regina drops the sponge and grabs for her, hands burning under the spray still – Mal, she wasn’t happy with them. She won’t stay.

- Not for anything they did! She’s fine now, she doesn’t need us, she might want to stay. – Regina shakes her head but doesn’t get a word in – They raised her Regina, from a babe. We are… nothing.

Even under the water she can see the tears coming out of Mal’s eyes, and her heart constricts in her chest. She hasn’t cried since Draz was born, and before that, maybe in some of their worst days together in the forest, not that she’s seen. Regina watches her heave in another breath, and another, and another as she starts folding in on herself, and she shuts the water off before it turns freezing on top of them – Mal, no one can be her mother like you are. You changed her life, we are not nothing. They knew her as a teenager, she’s a stranger to them by now. She won’t stay.

- You don’t know that! - the minute she reaches up to claw at the skin over her heart on her chest is the minute Regina wraps her in a towel and pulls her out of the shower stall in one swift movement. Getting strength from god knows where to sit her on the toilet and hugging her to herself while her heart tries to hammer itself out of her rib cage – I let her get taken, by a 25-year-old halfwit! What if she finally realizes that and stays?!

- We will move. If she wants to live here to be closer to them, we will all move. – As much as Mal wants her airway to open up, her heart doesn’t quite stop racing that very second. And she sits there, heaving like she ran a marathon, tired and weary to the bone, while Regina rubs her back – If I have to, tomorrow even, I will go pack everything up and bring it here. You won’t lose her again. We will chase her if we have to. – Mal closes her eyes forcefully, the pent-up tears sliding down her face and mixing with the water droplets on the way down onto the towel while Regina soothes her some more.

They stay like that for a few more minutes, until she’s not breathing like a haggard anymore, but the tears keep coming freely and Regina eventually leans down – Mal, it will be fine. And I do know that. Because the bar is me trying to murder Emma, and these people don’t seem the type to lower it any further. - She lets out a cracked chuckle and Regina sighs in relief by her side, reaching for a dusty tissue box from above the sink, and digging inside for the very last one to dry Mal’s stray tears – You haven’t been paying attention if you haven’t noticed how Lily worships the ground you walk on. She doesn’t resent you and she would certainly never leave you behind.

 - I couldn’t endure what you went through with Henry. – She looks up at her, Regina dabs at the tears under her eyes some more – I’m not strong enough, I can’t.

- You absolutely can. But you won’t.

She blinks through her last tears – Surely, I’m horrible for hoping she doesn’t love the people that took care of her for 18 years.

Regina sets a kiss on her forehead for a moment – I hope she loathes them too. But I don’t think she does that anymore, like you and me.

- Speak for yourself, I loathe plenty. – she says, as she spends all her remaining energy reaching for a towel to hand Regina, who kisses her forehead again

- Come loathe sleeping in Emma and the flying monkey’s stale scent.

- The what?

Mal’s body shuts down as soon as Regina sets the warm weight of Draz on her chest and lets her rest her head on her thigh, after the hours of her refusing to give up the steering wheel, followed by whatever that panic attack in the bathroom was Mal had to be dead tired, but Regina is beyond awake. She has Emma’s file on the Pages sprawled on her free side while her left hand burrows in Mal’s hair, but she’s been through the documents and pictures so much the words are starting to look like gibberish by now, and the paper itself isn’t faring much better, wrinkled and glossy with all the back and forth she’s put it through. She pinches her nose and closes the folder full of pictures of the horribly common house Lily must have grown in back in Minnesota and debates just turning off the lamp on her side of the bed and trying her hardest to sleep, but she would have to dislodge Mal and that’s simply out of the question. She takes her hand out of the mane of hair on her lap and focuses on stroking the skin on Mal’s shoulder for a while, a small smile creeping on her face regardless of the day they had and the day they would have tomorrow, since they would have it.

It’s almost mind boggling the amount of time and genuinely world-tilting events that have come to pass between the first time she laid eyes on the famed dragon and now, when she’s lucky enough to be sitting on a frankly too-small bed in a perfectly common NYC apartment, with a toddler sleeping with them and two other children somewhere out there on their phones probably, like they haven’t waged wars and spent decades as an animal in caves. She watches her dragon’s chest raise and fall, under the unbearably shitty Maleficent merch tank top Henry had gotten her and the blonde had taken to wearing despite the fact she hates Angelina Jolie for the baseline character assassination, and she chuckles as she moves her hand forward to lay it on her chest, by Draz’s tuft of dark curls that doesn’t ever abandon its spot no matter how much he moves. She’s seen him flip himself until his body is on Mal’s face, but his ear always lands squarely over her heart.

Mal has slept through that kind of upheaval but stirs when Regina slips her hand under the shirt – Is the sun out?

- Dear, it’s the middle of the night. I’m sorry I woke you.

She stretches and spills out of the side of the bed, immediately bending her legs back to stay in it and blinking her eyes open – Why are you awake then, Sleeping Beauty?

She smirks - I have read and re read the file another 30 times, in lieu of a panic attack – Mal’s body seems to remember the bone-deep weariness it should be feeling and she slumps even more in her spot, eyes closing again

Regina bends and peppers kisses on her forehead until she hears a chuckle – Spare no expense in kissing me better.

- Did you fake a breakdown to get babied?

Mal hums under Regina’s gentle kisses that keep landing where they can – You find it disrespectful on behalf of the mental breakdown committee, I’m sure.

- Do not mock my craft- Regina says before she takes a healthy bite off her earlobe, followed by a last kiss.

She sits up at last and Mal’s eyes open again to find Regina’s earnest in hers, she smiles up at her – Regina, I’m fine. Momentary lapsus.

- Come to therapy with me. – Mal’s eyebrows climb up so high Regina has to bend down and kiss them back in place – They took your child, Mal. That’s not something that wears off on its own. You shouldn’t have to cling to Draz’s leg to sleep.

- It’s simply a very nice leg I like to hold on to when I can. – She lets go of it, completely inconspicuous – He has his own room.

- Armed floor to ceiling with wards. I understand, you think I didn’t want to handcuff Henry to me after they took him the first time? Dr. Hopper helps.

Before she can answer properly, and she fully intends to say she’s fine once more, Regina knows by the set of her eyebrows, Lily and Henry burst through the door without the courtesy of a knock. Mal shoots up, Draz flopping onto his back from his side, and simply sleeping on blissfully. That boy is going to be much too lazy, Regina thinks.  

- Chinese! – The older one says, holding up her bag with a grin – It’s gonna blow your mind moms. Prepare.

Henry nods on his side – It was my favorite spot when I lived here, they threw in extra egg rolls for us when they saw me.

- You left this apartment?! – Regina lifts her phone and 2AM shines on the screen, just above a text from Lily informing her they were going out for food from 5 hours ago, both trying to blind her – You’re just now coming back?

- Um, we were hungry. It’s NYC, 2AM is like 8PM mom. – Lily chuckles, as she swoops the papers to a side without sparing them a glance, and sits, unpacking the food – We left hours ago… you hadn’t noticed?

Mal sits up properly by her side, putting Draz safely between them, and looking the most worn she’s looked in decades. Regina reaches for her hand and Mal smiles before settling against the headboard – Hours to buy Chinese? I don’t remember it being hard to find here.

- No, this is only for you two, we ate already. A lot. – Lily looks Henry’s way, who’s dropped himself between them too, head just under Draz’s feet, and he locks his phone to reply

- Oh my god, we had pizza, then we had a BLT on my favorite diner, waffle house waffles, Lily slipped me a sip of her margarita in the Mexican place… oh my god, we have to do another round tomorrow.

Lily laughs – Swan took a break from not seeing the beach in Mexico to facetime this kid running around this neighborhood in a food run.

- Oh, gross. Grow up. – He resumes his scrolling – Mal, you’ve been to New York before?

She swallows past the rasp in her voice, hopes they can’t see the remnants from before her nap – In my mind, I was here for a good 3 years. Grad school.

- You have a masters… - Regina smirks her way

- Am I suddenly a good enough trophy wife for Mayor Mills?

- Oh, I’ve always loved you, darling. I’ll just be able to run for President now. – She laughs at the joke and Regina leans onto her for a quick kiss that garners all sort of groans from the audience

- Just eat, you might remember having it, but you’ve never had Chinese until you’ve actually had Chinese, okay? – She hands them plates they’d only washed because they knew Regina would never eat out of a Chinese food box or a technically clean from years ago plate.

Regina hums around her serving of fried rice and Mal fits three dumplings in her mouth, suddenly aware she hasn’t eaten since lunch and her heart was running twice as much a load as it should have been a few hours ago – This is amazing. – She says, mouth full, and laughs when Regina scrunches up her nose – What? I have a masters.

Regina picks at her food – So Emma’s honeymoon is going well?

Lily wags her eyebrows, and Henry shoves her above their shared mother’s legs – She was super red, and Luke was putting Aloe Vera on her so, yeah they’re probably having fun.

 - Sounds like someone I know – Regina says, reaching forward to pinch his nose and he groans noisily

Lily laughs – Oh you’re like white, white. Sun-burnt after a Maine beach? Wow.

- You’re German!

She scrunches up her face - Am not

-Speaking of, - Henry drops his phone in his chest again, girlfriend of the month probably asleep by now – What’s the plan tomorrow? We just show up there and they don’t think we’re crazy.

- Man, you don’t gotta come if you don’t want to. Hang with your friends.

- I’ll absolutely hang with my friends, after I go with you to see your adoptive parents for the first time in like 20 years… duh. – She smiles his way and he rolls his eyes – Why would I miss that shitshow?

- Henry – Regina admonishes, Lily just punches his thigh hard enough he sits up.

He massages his leg – I’m serious. I’m going. Just… say I’m a cousin or something.

- As in the elevator incident, I think it’s safe to assume we pass as sisters.

Mal laughs around her rice, she had maintained laser focus but this is too good to pass on – Not to toot your own horn?

Regina just ignores that, does not give her the satisfaction of a smile, even when she is beyond glad she’s back to her usual self – Darling, can you age yourself? You can be her mother, I’ll do sister, Draz will do nephew, Henry is a homeless boy we picked up on the way. – He grumbles and starts texting again

- Out here? I don’t know. Maybe. If I start right now we should get somewhere before tomorrow afternoon.

- They’re like 65. – Lily says, surreptitiously stealing food from Regina’s forgotten plate – So, gray hair, wrinkles in any visible skin, boomer shit.

Henry moves in a flurry and grabs over Regina for a remote, booting up the smart TV before they can even protest – So we’re not sleeping. Let’s find a movie. – He has the gall to let it on a 2AM airing of Snow White and the Huntsman but drops his head on Regina’s thigh, a perfectly good mollifier. She runs her hand though his overgrown bangs and smiles regardless of whatever is happening on screen

Mal moves her food accordingly – That seat was occupied.

He doesn’t move a single muscle outside his face - Yeah, by me, before you showed up, so. - She raises an eyebrow at that and Regina reaches up to stroke her cheek for a moment with a smile. So, she lets it go.

Plus, Lily cracks her neck – You know what Mom, I’m gonna take pity on you and let you be my pillow, as a favor. – She vaults herself over Henry and makes sure to nudge one of her legs enough she can lay down and put her head on it, her own legs falling off the end of the bed anyway.

Mal says, motioning to the TV – Why didn’t you get a Charlize Theron tank top?

She pulls on Henry’s ear – Because he will get thrown out if he tries. I’m not soft like you.

- Is that hard-assery why you couldn’t get you ex-wife a bigger bed? – Mal finishes her plate and puts it on the nightstand, where it fights with a bunch of dusty trinkets for real estate, and moves for Regina’s plate.

Henry pipes up – Actually, Walsh made this bed after something happened to the other one.

Lily laughs – Wait, did Swan and some dude break a bed? With you in the same tiny ass apartment?

Henry groans – C’mon! Gross! Stop.

Regina chuckles on her spot – Well, he was a monkey. I’m sure he was strong.

Lily sits up – He was a what?!

- Yours thought he was a wolf – Mal says, motioning to the TV again – And you, had an actual wolf in bed once upon a time, now that I think about it. I find it quite disheartening, this monkey shaming, coming from a woman that’s having sex with a dragon regularly. The shifter community-

Henry groans louder – Gross! Stop!  

Next afternoon they all go indeed, and spend a good 5 minutes outside the address Emma gave them while Lily talks herself up into knocking on the door. Not only has she been sitting on the curb with her dragon breathing exercises, Mal also looks like she’s barely holding it together under her new wrinkles and age spots, and Regina’s nervously looking at both while Henry entertains Draz as he points at all the new things they don’t have in Storybrooke, like potholes.

The choice gets completely taken from them when a woman, easily half Mal’s height, comes out with a rag and a bottle of water in a rush to where they are – Hiya! Is she okay? I brought her some water! – she all but yells as she approaches, pointing the bottle towards Lily and her head between her legs. She supposes she could pass by nauseous, yes.

They all freeze on their spots, looking at this woman like an alien creature while Lily gingerly lifts her head with a smile uglily mixed with a grimace – Hey mom.

Mal takes a shuddering breath at that, and Regina reaches out for her arm while the woman blinks Lily’s way, bottle of water still held out. Nothing much happens until Regina holds out a hand – Regina Mills.

The woman jumps on her spot and takes her hand – Susana Page. – she looks at Regina, hard, and then turns back to Lily with wide eyes – Take the water Lily. – she gingerly does as told and the woman wrings the rag – Well, come on in. We are not doing this in the driveway.

Lily stands right away, water bottle crinkling in her hand because of the force she’s gripped it with, and the minute she stands the woman takes a step forward with her arms outstretched, before she seems to think better and lets her arms drop to her side. Lily closes in – I’d like the hug.

-You would? – she says, reaching up to grab onto Lily’s arms as if she’s trying to check she’s real. When Lily nods, she trembles as she pulls her in and Lily hugs back equally as hesitantly

- I got therapy.

The woman lets out a dry comment, rasped out as she clings to her long lost daughter – And it stuck?

Lily steps away and motions to the others – My family, they kinda, fixed me.

The woman smiles at them, broken and through glassy eyes, and Regina can’t bear it any more than Mal, although from the other side of the axis perhaps. She puts on her best politician smile - She fixed herself. You raised her well.  

She doesn’t answer anymore than with another one of those straining smiles and leads them all inside the house. Where she fusses about the seats and about the so-called mess she would have cleaned up if Lily had called first as she should have, and she disappears to come back and set drinks in front of all of them, and then again to find something to offer them, and on it goes until Lily stops her, by grabbing her wrist in one of her many runs by her - Where’s dad?

The woman disentangles her arm and moves to sit, facing them where they’re sat in a big couch – Out, fishing. I told him to rush. He’ll be here in an hour. You should have called.

Lily lets out a nervous chuckle from between Regina and Mal - I’m a coward mom, you know that. I would’ve probably sat out there for hours and then left.

The woman blinks at Lily and turns around to the rest of them – Are you all related then? – she turns to Regina first - You’re her sister I’m sure, the resemblance…

The woman worries her all but white hair, clearly something that was never dark enough to look like Lily’s and Regina smiles amicably – Yes, Regina Mills. – She reaches to her right - These are my sons, Henry and Draz.

- Hello! – Draz says with a big wave, before standing and trampling over Henry’s lap to sit on Regina’s, closer to the stranger.

The woman smiles at him the first genuine smile she has in the last half hour - He looks just like Lily to the very tip of his nose when we brought her home

- He does? – Is the very first thing that drops out of Mal’s mouth, strained. She turns to watch Draz with renewed awe, and imagines Lily at that age, after all the lonely nights, coming “home” to strangers, and has to look away

The woman turns to Mal and her weary look comes back – Hair and eyes aside. The spitting image. Could be hers.

Regina looks at Draz too, she never thought they looked alike to the degree of it being uncanny, but she supposes Mal’s been right all along, she keeps photocopying her face. Lily clears her throat and dries her hands on her jeans – This is my mom, Mal... Mallory. – She sees Susana wince as subtly as she can, and appends - Biological – she hears Mal take a shaky breath and winces herself – I… we’ve… last few years…

The woman is not listening, she trains her eyes on Mal for a second, harsh and underpinned with the way she keeps pulling at the rag. Regina takes a deep breath knowing she should be shouldering her half of the woman’s scorn, if not more than that. She reaches for Mal behind Lily’s back as Susana speaks to Lily without moving her eyes off the blonde – You’d always wondered about your parents. What’s the story? Why’d they give you up?

Mal doesn’t speak for a moment and Regina fills in before she cracks - Daddy’s dead. He would have loved Lily. But they didn’t get to meet. – The woman turns to Regina then and she goes on with their prefabricated story – He had a heart attack before I adopted Henry even.

- I’m sorry- She starts

- She was taken. - It’s the next choked sentence that leaves Mal – I failed to protect her, but I didn’t give her up. They took her.

- Who? – The woman’s eyes soften at once, looking back at Mal with something close to compassion at last, but Mal doesn’t seem to be in the eye contact mood still.

- Our father was in politics – Regina says before Mal breaks, the theme of the day it looks like – My mother took me away for a reason, Lily was not so lucky. – The tiny woman turns to Regina with a sympathetic look in her eyes, and at last eases up on the rag, eyes misty

Lily interrupts before she has to see her cry, she’s caused that way too many times already - But I’m fine now Mom! - The woman clearly feels bittersweet about that, and bestows her a cracked smile. Lily’s forced grin is no better – just a little kidnapping.

- Well, you always wondered, didn’t you? – she turns to Mal again - I’m sorry, I can’t imagine… I’m real sorry. We took care of her… the best we could. She was safe with us.

Mal swallows past the knot in her throat and nods at that – We came to thank you.

- And I um… came to apologize I… sucked. I didn’t know how to not be such a piece of shit. You were really great parents I just…

- Didn’t ever want to belong, with us. – She darts her eyes to Regina again, and Draz, who got tired of sitting and decided to stand and come poke Lily on the face while they spoke around him, guess it’s hard to deny yourself family when you finally find those you share a face with, when you see yourself before you yell or shove or slam a door.

- It’s not that I didn’t want to, I don’t think I could have

The Lily they had would not sit there, taking the pokes with aplomb and even letting out little smiles at the baby. The woman sighs - Were they everything you kept hoping for? – she asks almost without realizing she’s said it out loud, and Regina’s heart feels for her.

Lily shrinks between Regina and Mal, she wants to say yes, they were, but she knows better than to drive a knife in the heart of the woman that raised her for the first 18 years of her life. But saying no, she can’t do that to the people that drove 6 hours with her ‘cause she was scared of coming alone.

She gets saved by the bell, the door opens and gruff voices come from the hall – Well we’re here, what was the rush? – the man says, dropping stuff on the foyer loudly as he complains of his being summoned. A young man appears damn near minutes before he does, giving an odd look to the guests as he crosses the room to press a kiss on the woman’s head before he moves to go but she holds on to him, and the old man finally shows

He stops to count heads when he sees his couch full of strangers from a side – Oh hello, I’m…? Hello.

He manages to reach his wife before he takes a good look of the guests, and then he freezes with his hand outstretched to say hi. – Lily.

- Oh, yikes – the guy flanking the mother on the other side says

- Hey dad.

The man turns between them – This is Jack, he’s our son. He’s… you’re… here? – He crosses his arms around himself and sits slowly on the armrest his wife’s cleared for him, watching Lily like a hawk. Regina eyes him up and down from her secluded spot outside his limited radius of attention, she might have been giving her children her face but the ever-present scowl and gruff demeanor Lily definitely got from this man before them. By her side, Lily does nothing after she introduces her side of the room again, well, she settles in to wait. It never matters how long it takes, he will respond eventually and act like anything you said in between didn’t even happen. He speaks at last – You seem well.

He takes a quick glance to cap off his longer staring. She left when she was 18, skinny and all limbs, hair she tried to cut herself, shitty make up and tattered shoes. They looked for months, never caught another glimpse. This person before him barely rings a bell. Especially because she smiles up at him and doesn’t hold his gaze as angrily as his daughter had. His wife speaks to him, grabbing onto his hand – Someone kidnapped her, from home. They looked.

His face falls completely, and he takes the bucket hat off his head to wring it much like his wife had the dish rag – Oh lord. I’m so sorry, we didn’t know… Someone dropped her off in a strange car and then sped off, is all they knew in CPS – He tells Mal, with a grimace – We should have tried harder. - He looks at Lily - And after you left… we should have tried harder.

She gives him her best shrug and suddenly looks very much like the kid they raised – I was out of the state pretty quickly. You did your best, all the time.

Mal looks at the man with a million tears shining in her eyes – We were telling your wife, thank you. She was taken care of, I owe you my life.

Lily grabs for Mal’s arm – Mom’s…dramatic. But yeah, thanks. And I’m so sorry dad. I know you didn’t… love having me around, and that’s on me. I was… awful to you, ungrateful.

He frowns with his entire body somehow, he’s always been able to do that, project his mood to the entire room – You were our daughter, we loved having you around. Sure, you made us want to yank our hair out, but that’s kids for ya, sometimes they suck. -Regina huffs out a laugh on her seat and Henry shrinks behind her, while the man spares them a sideways almost smile and stands - We were the ones that couldn’t figure out whatever you needed then, sorry for that. No one should be feeling that shitty at home. – His voice threatens to break there, and the son they’ve yet to explain pats him in the back, he earns a true smile, even when sad, and the burly man turns back – Well, have you showed them the pictures yet?

Mal’s mood seems to bounce back up at once - You have pictures. – The entire ordeal would be worth it if she came out of it with anything besides the one image of Lily at 14 Emma Swan had given them, and Regina’s bright smile beckons to her from the side, enough she gives one back

The woman shoots up – Of course! Oh where’s my head! Of course you want to see them all. Jack, will you...?

Jack nods and moves at once, out of the room to fetch the pictures. Andrew produces one picture from his wallet meanwhile, one of the many pictures of Lily scowling in a Christmas outfit on her mother’s lap. He offers it up with a guarded expression, but Mal barely looks his way as she takes it with a shaky hand and an exhale. He chuckles at last as she brings it incredibly close to her face to see the seven-year-old and turns to Regina who’s barely containing herself from trampling over Lily, who’s looking up at him with a puzzled face, to get at the picture. He notices and chuckles – Nothing worth all this excitement, I’m sure your husband gets much better pictures of this one. - Draz smiles up at the man, and at the shiny and pointy trinkets on his fishing vest

- Wife, actually – Regina says, absentmindedly as Mal finally passes her the photo

- Oh! – The woman across the room says – Lily! – She seems to think better though and stops herself before she says any more

Lily frowns - What… the fuck? You knew?

- Honey, c’mon. Who didn’t? – She chuckles as Jack comes in with a box in his arms, moving closer to give him room – Do you miss your other mommy? – She asks Draz, who frowns, points at Mal.

Regina chuckles and hugs his arms down – He barely knows where’s up after that drive, we all live in Maine.

- Very conservative, Minnesota was rough too when Lily was a teen, I’m sure.

- I had bigger fish to fry – is all Lily says as she watches her dad dust off the box and take a pocket knife to the masking tape

Once Susana gets comfortable though, she chats a mile a minute. She would get along famously with Henry if he wasn’t also watching the albums unboxing like a hawk. - Did you get to have a big wedding then? – Regina barely has time to nod - Why didn’t she drive down too?

- Oh, she had work. - Mal tears her eyes from the box at that and Regina takes a steadying breath, it’s a deep grave she’s digging herself into

The woman laughs – Well, you probably make a beautiful family. Maybe we will meet down the line. Do you have a picture? – She says, but thank god for Draz. Who distracts her by fleeing from Regina’s lap all the way to Mal’s in an expert maneuver no regular baby would accomplish. It’s good for Mal too, when he stands on her legs and pulls at her new face curiously and she makes faces at him, she is momentarily distracted from the men of the house pulling out photo album upon photo album

Regina gasps as she reaches for the first – Are these all Lily’s? – She doesn’t wait for a response as she opens the thick tome in her hands and gets confronted with a very sulky pre-teen in a dress that does not go with her entire ethos at life. – Lily… - Regina smiles up at her, and Lily chuckles at the pic. Before Regina kinda shoves her out the way – Move. I need to pore over these with your mother.

With the obstacle removed she is free to glue herself to Mal’s side, who sits down Draz even if he wants to continue to stomp on her slacks, and turns to look at what Regina is showing her at last – Oh… - is all she says before the tears finally start flowing freely

- Lily! – Draz points out when there’s a pic that is so very clearly her, t-shirt with the sleeves poorly cut, and jeans with more holes than you could possibly have bought them with, middle finger up for good measure.

- Yes, that’s her. – Regina says, precisely as misty eyed as she doesn’t like to be in public. She reaches into Mal’s jacket for the handkerchief in the pocket, and into her own for her phone, to take a picture of the photo, eventually, when her hand stops shaking

- I digitized all these, before we moved here. Just in case the box got lost or something. If you give me an email I’ll share the drive.

Regina looks at Henry at once and he nods – Yeah. C’mon, I’ll give you all our emails. Anything for the photos of Lily in a dress.

On his way out he gets a mighty smack to the back of the head and Susana looks around, at Mal, Draz and Regina passing the photo albums with trembling hands, and at the boy reaching back to kick Lily’s leg as she jumps out of the way, at how she laughs when they find a picture of her dressed as Snow White for a mandatory school play, and her heart aches with longing for whatever it is Lily’s built with these people that she could never do with them. – When did you finally find them?

- Oh, kid was a lot shorter, that’s for sure. Draz didn’t exist either. They found me actually. I hadn’t given up, but Henry’s other mother is a cop, she finds people. Mal asked her for help and they found me in like a day flat. – Lily gives her a lopsided smile – Well actually, they found my old New York address and kinda stumbled onto me on a shitty highway diner on the way back when I wasn’t there.

The woman frowns – You lived here in New York?

- Pfft, little less than a year some 6 years back.

Andrew approaches them then - It has to be life leading them to you then, because if we can share a city for a year and never see each other but they luck into finding you like that…

Lily shrugs – Life… helps them out with a lot of stuff, yeah. – Fate, magic, serendipity. Storybrooke functions on a completely different set of rules than everything does out here. If they came from anyone else, she would have never seen Emma again, she would have found Mal and Regina, and even Zelena, and had to face the fact that they were old and fragile and wouldn’t be around for centuries to come, she wouldn’t have a baby brother and she sure as shit would not be able to fly with him. She wouldn’t have gone to the Enchanted forest and seen goblins and ogres and shit, she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to cheat on a goddamn werewolf and she wouldn’t have had Fa Mulan show her a sword menacingly on a Saturday afternoon outside a small town diner because of it.

On her spot, Mal figures out that the dustier the tome the older it is, and she reaches for the one where Lily’s indeed still basically Draz with light eyes and spiky hair. She traces her face reverently with the hand she’s not using to hold Draz back, and Regina does the same thorough scan with her eyes by Mal’s side. Their hushed conversation probably escapes the two parents with aging ears, and she does her best to give them privacy too, because anything she hears will probably send her to tears and she’s cried enough the past week.

Her dad crosses his arms gruffly as he goes through the motion of sitting on the closest sturdy surface and groaning and clearing his throat as perfunctorily required of a dad of his rank before he speaks – They seem very happy to see you mean mugging the camera.

– Do you love them? Half as much as they seem to love you.

- Yeah, sure. - Lily shrugs through her chuckle and starts going through her phone to at least show them one where she’s doing the half grin recently, tough finding one without Mal. Before she can, halfway up the camera roll, the wind gets knocked off her when her mother asks

 – Did you ever love us?

- Mom, of course. Look, I hated existing, period. And, turns out it was because of a lot of shit I can’t really explain without you thinking I lost my fucking mind. I had this hole that didn’t let me be happy, like ever, and I took that out on you and the world and fuck, I’ve been so sorry, since I can remember, I always knew I was fucking up. But I couldn’t fucking fix it, and it made me angrier, and I lashed out more, and you know.

The expression on her face is still heartbreaking to put it mildly, and Lily only reaches up for a half hug, but the man grumbles under his breath some more before finding his words – And we couldn’t help you, but they managed.

- No, yes, but, shit. You did nothing wrong. And really, I can’t explain why, well I can but you’d think I’m crazy, but the bottom line is, I’m really different and I just couldn’t physically feel anything but fucking despair for a long long time, and it just made me… who you knew.

- Was it-

She cuts her off before she goes on that tangent – No, I am a lesbian, I knew, you knew, that’s got nothing to do with it, that had a name. This, I couldn’t even say what it was without sounding stupid. But they helped me see what it was, and after that was sorted… I’ve been able to grow. I’ve wanted to come back since the day I left, but I was so ashamed, of putting you through my shit for that long, and I knew it’d just be more of that… and you’d hate me more than you already did… so I stayed away. I tried to call… like a year ago, that’s when I realized you had moved.

She stops when he clamps his hand around her forearm – We never hated you. Being an adult is hard, so we were stressed, yes. But you were a kid, doing kid stuff.

She laughs and motions to herself – Yeah, I’ve learned. Trust me, I wasn’t fixable until I was about 30, and even then, it’s been fucking rough. And I’ve never been really fine until now. So I got Swan to find you, and I came here to tell you thanks, because I know that I had a great life, I had Halloweens and Christmases, and food on the table, and clothing and all my school supplies, and you tried with me, way past what most people would’ve tried with an adopted kid. I even realize now that a lot of the time money was tight, which is insane for me to think about because you managed to make it look like it was all fine. And I paid you dust for all that, I dropped off the map of the earth, and that has to be fucking crushing. I hope you can forgive me.

They both look up to her for a moment, before they turn to each other briefly and Andrew loses first, eyes moving down to his mucky boots, and face setting into a thoughtful frown. Susana reaches up for Lily’s arm with a small smile – We forgave you a long time ago. And I can’t lie and act like I don’t feel awful that you fixed yourself with some other family, but we’re still happy you’re healthy and doing well.

She gives a rueful smile - I thought I’d have OD’d by 30 too.

- Lily! – He bristles

She raises her hands up in surrender - I’m still grim as fuck. Sorry dad. What’s with the replacement kid?

- Jack’s been with us since he’s 8. We fostered him and then couldn’t bear letting him go.

Lily takes a deep breath – So, life works out.

Andrew nods – That it does. School?

- Never went.  

- Job?

- Restaurant. Quit.

- Girlfriend?

- Broke up a week ago.

- Kids?

- Jesus, when? I’m a child.

He hums – And you’re doing well?

- This is honestly, the best moment of my life.

He cracks a smile and Lily gives him a pat on the back, past the little interrogation they won’t speak anything of value in the next month at least. That is, if they stay in touch. She smiles down at Susana too, who looks so much smaller than she ever did when she was a kid and she looked larger than life, if only just to annoy her. She looks up at her, probably thinking something along the opposite lines – Will you all stay for dinner?

She turns to Mal at once - Mom, are we staying for dinner? - Mal’s probably not looking forward to spending any more time with anyone that’s seen her openly deal with snot like they are seeing her right now. And Regina is not faring any better, very conspicuously turned away, dabbing the tears off her face as Draz stands between them on the floor, flabbergasted at being forgotten and at seeing them cry for what has to be the first time. Usually he does all the wailing. Lily chuckles – Y’all good?

- Gloating is quite tasteless, dear. – Regina says, still turned away and putting her hair together now. When she deems herself fixed she turns and stands with the small album filled with yearly, shitty school pictures. – Thank you for this. – She hands the album out to Susana and only gets a second of release on her hands before Draz shuffles close and she bends to pick him up – I can’t tell you how much it means. – She blinks a little too hard before reaching up for Lily’s cheek – Lily we missed so much, I’m sorry.

- It’s fine. You were like 12.

Regina frowns and pulls on her cheek - I do not look twelve years older than you.

Lily laughs - You have a teenager. Of the nearly adult variety.

- Whose mother is almost exactly your age. Younger, even.

Mal finally gathers the strength to join them, also clutching an album and with a solemn look that says she’s listened to none of their bickering about Regina’s face – I am beyond grateful. She looks miserable, as expected – Lily pulls a face as Regina chuckles - but I can tell, you loved her so much. That’s all I hoped for, since it couldn’t be me. – Andrew nods and stands up, to stretch enough Mal won’t tower over him, but tower she does. – Anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. Money, a favor, something you or your son need done. Far-fetched as you may think it is, please tell us.

- Besides getting world peace and curing cancer, of course. – Regina says with a grin, hand still on Lily, wherever it may land

- Well have you tried? – Mal glances at Regina and then back – If that’s what you need, we will try.

Susana looks at Mal’s frankly earnest expression and lets out a nervous chuckle - How…?

- With magic! – Draz says and draws smiles all around from people who don’t know he means that with his entire worldview

- Yes baby! Magic! – Regina says, kissing his cheek a good three times to get him to shut up for at least three minutes, doubly drunk on hanging from Regina’s neck before her back gives out and he has to return to the floor

Lily takes the time to regain her color – What mom means is that Regina is in politics too, so she can do some favors sometimes.

- Took after your father, huh? - Andrew stretches some more – You don’t owe us anything. – He gives Lily a pat on the back and she smiles his way at that, she owes the man a hug. She’ll give it to him in a minute.

- Yes, however, I agree. Anything immediate you need help with? My father left a sizable inheritance, we’ll just take anything you need from Lily’s half. I’m sending random people to Mexico; nothing is too trivial. Any debt? New fridge? Can we pay someone to come clean the gutters?

- Gosh, no. No. – Susana shakes her head even and looks very stern – We won’t take any pay for taking care of Lily! Stop offering! You’ll stay for dinner?

Mal smiles – We… have tickets to the Opera, actually. Not much to do in Maine’s nightlife so I snagged something for each night here. Lily, you should stay, though. – Regina glances up at Mal over Draz’s curls and Mal looks at her right back, eyes unchanged under her new face and reassuring her she’s more than fine with what she’s suggesting. – You have a lot of catching up to do, and Lily doesn’t like anything that doesn’t air on TV.

Lily shrugs on her spot, she’s tried Mal’s little pretentious hobbies, and found them very pretentious indeed. She nods – Yeah, sure. Tell Henry to text me the address and I’ll find my way home. It’s New York, I won’t get stabbed on the subway for a quarter.

Regina harrumphs - Lilith.

- I’m kidding! Go. – Lily moves forward to hug Regina, Draz included. She whispers – Really, I’m kidding, I’ll pay the $40 Uber, mom. – She kisses Draz’s fat little cheek as a goodbye and reaches up for Mal. The hug certainly doesn’t call for Mal’s holding onto her head like she is, but Lily figures she might as well stay there for another few seconds – Thanks for coming. I know it’s been stressing you out. I’m sorry.

Mal pulls away just enough she can lay a kiss on top of her head – I love you, Lily. So much.

- It’s just, Friday afternoon, mom.

Henry gets to drive back home at last, full-fledged DJ privileges and all, he alternates between changing the playlist every time he gets stuck on a red light and glancing at his mother and Mal on the back seat where they’re sat on either side of Draz’ baby seat. Mal’s been silently looking out the window for most of the trip, focused on either the landscape or making her hair turn back its original color, if not the rest of her quite yet, and Regina’s done nothing but hold onto her hand over the kid, rubbing her thumb over her skin every so often.

- They were pretty okay – He says, hands on 10 and 2 and eyes squarely on the road

- Terribly pedestrian – Regina answers – I was half expecting to get there to find another mortal enemy of ours had raised our child.

- They had her dressed as a little angel – Mal cracks a small smile at that, none of Lily’s Halloween escapades made any sense to her character – Cruella and Ursula would have at least made sure she was spared that indignity.

Regina chuckles – Yes, but parenting would have broken them up by the time she was 5. And then the shuttling back and forth. Insufferable in this kind of traffic.

- Kids here shuttle themselves – Henry looks back for a second to grin – I used to walk to school and back, all by myself.

- And Miss Swan will hear from me about that.

- You mean Mrs. Baker – Henry corrects – You’re just mad you missed a whole school year.

- Who raised Emma Swan? – Mal wonders out loud – Was it actually Ingrid?

Henry lowers the volume – No, she bounced around the foster system a lot. Ingrid was just one of the moms, and apparently she was great but she tried to convince her magic was real a little too soon so Ma ran or something... So, no one, really. – Emma’s so chipper sometimes he forgets that she didn’t have a family until she came to Storybrooke, weirdly with Lily it would’ve made more sense.

Mal ponders that as well for a second, hand still in Regina’s – My darling, we should have raised our child… but at least she was raised. – Regina’s rueful expression doesn’t say much, but as much as she claims to have no regrets because it all led to their family as it is now, she still carries her guilt on her sleeve when it comes to Emma and Lily, at least to Mal’s eyes. She looks away – However, I don’t think it brought me peace. Simply put, I should have fought harder. They should have had to kill me to get at my daughter.

- And you shouldn’t have had to fight alone. I was preoccupied having outfits commissioned while Snow White and her pet moth were carrying out their only successful stunt in the entire charade of a war. –Mal doesn’t jump to correct Regina, much like she hadn’t jumped to correct her either. Finally, they move beyond mutual absolution and land there, where they both sit with their share of the fault for their daughter’s fate. Regina sighs – I hope she lets herself hate us a little. It’s probably healthier. I’d choke my father for a minute before I hug him, if I saw him again. But Dr. Hopper says that’s fine.

Henry chuckles on the drivers’ seat and both Regina and Mal remember he’s there. The blonde speaks his way – You’ve aired your grievances against Regina enough already, but do you hate Miss Swan, Henry? Even when you were lucky enough to be raised after she gave you away. – Mal asks with her eyes still trained on the view, and Henry suddenly manages to focus on his driving, white-knuckled and not saying anything in response. For a few minutes they’re all quiet, and Mal continues to watch the darkening sky get engulfed by the sudden lighting of the streetlamps, the queue of glittering rooms above them appearing in the middle of the dark one by one after that.

Regina’s thumb still sweeps her skin at the same pace that Draz’s breathing pushes him against their hands, she’d never thought to ask Henry that. In the early days she hoped he did, and when he so clearly didn’t she had adjusted to having equal real estate in his heart as a woman he’d barely met. But it’s been years since that, and as he’s grown to actually know Emma it seems he’s also grown to see her, and the world, as they truly are, messy and unpredictable, so often disappointing when the outcome isn’t life or death. Emma Swan would never let Henry come to harm, but she also wouldn’t remember which cough medicine he likes. The part of him that wanted Emma because he hated Regina has probably been replaced with a small what if. Just as Snow could have kept Emma, curse be damned, Emma could have kept Henry, and struggled through it after jail.

He says nothing at all, and Mal turns back to see if Regina is also struggling to blink past tears, but she only gives her a glance, reaching up with her handkerchief to catch the tears that do escape the dragon – Well I suppose family therapy is in order, then. You win dear.

Regina chuckles – We will pay for Archie’s retirement at this pace. If you account for Emma, who would have to drag in Snow and David, there’s enough permutations in our family therapy to book his entire month.

- Grandma and Grandpa would never go to therapy. They’re super fine all the time. And they love us all and because of that it’s all super okay. – Regina raises an eyebrow at that but Henry misses it altogether as he had Mal’s tears, focused on parking as he is, even when they’re still blocks away from the apartment building. He continues his rant – I don’t think they give a shit, that they abandoned mom, and then I ended up abandoned, or that they screwed up Lily. You’ve all apologized a lot, even Mr. Gold once told me he’s sorry… Grandma and Grandpa just love me. And they love Emma, and they ask how you’re all doing and that’s it, and it’s fine. - Mal sputters out a laugh and reaches forward to pat his shoulder over the car seat, while Regina sits with the knowledge that Henry doesn’t blindly idolize any of The Charmings anymore. Somewhere in the middle of their calm few years something had happened to her boy and it had left them this almost man driving them around, with fresh eyes and a voice deep enough people instinctively look up when he speaks trying to make way in the city. She sits with it too long, because she doesn’t get to reply before he kills the engine and turns around – This is a photo shop, we can print all of Lily’s ugly baby pictures and put them in an album like mine and D’s, that are great because we are very cute.

Regina leans forward in awe - Henry, that’s very thoughtful. We’ll love that. Thank you.

He nods and unbuckles his seat-belt – I’ll need a card, though. Printing pictures is not cheap these days.

Mal hands him her credit card and moves to go exchange seats, pausing outside to give him a half hug before he can bound off – Buy us some dinner and meet us at home?

- Yeah, sure Mal. Something spicy.

Henry seems to have vastly underestimated their hunger, because it’s been past an hour and he’s nowhere to be seen, probably having a feast with Mal’s card while they’re left there to languish and perish and die most likely. She eyes Regina and her laptop on the couch and decides to go on and make her displeasure known, throwing herself on her lap, hair first.

Regina lifts the computer from under the mop of hair and lets her get settled better with a chuckle – How terribly selfish of you to keep the town of Storybrooke without guidance.

- How terribly selfish of your son to not bring food immediately.

Regina chuckles as she tosses the computer aside regardless of her façade of productivity – He’s probably out eating with some girl he left here years ago.

Mal grins up – Like mother, like son.

- I hope you’re talking about Emma.

- Like Emma Swan could seduce anyone. You, in turn, can and should go enthrall a delivery boy until he hands you a pizza, I’m terribly hungry and he has my card.

- Let me take you out – Mal closes her eyes as she takes to teasing the roots of her hair – We can catch dinner, go to that Opera you made up to shake Lily off.

- And this is your case for distancing yourself from Henry’s sweet-talking of women into bed through unprompted gifts?

- Stop, this is genuinely distressing. Who does he keep texting? He should have at least introduced one of them to us by now.

Mal’s laughter suffuses her entire body and she looks up to see Regina terribly amused too – They should be so lucky. He’s probably chasing perfection, looking for some elusive mix of Emma Swan and you.

- Freudian. – She smiles down at Mal and she traces the easy grin with her eyes – Do I resemble your mother somehow?

- In all levels except physical, yes. – Regina raises an eyebrow and Mal reaches up to put it back in place with a soft caress – I suppose I wouldn’t have settled for anyone that wouldn’t take care of their own as fiercely as my parents did. I feel incredibly lucky to have stumbled onto you. And you have such, mighty, credit cards to buy me dinner with. Always a plus.

- I love you too, dear.

- Truly, the thirty-five hundred that came before me lost out.

- Okay. Leave my lap, dragon.

- And leave free real estate for some other blonde to swoop in? No. – She sits up, but only to swiftly move to straddle Regina and take her head in her hands, fingers tangling in her dark locs – Regina, I’m serious. I could not have asked for a better partner, a better mother for my children. Thank you.

Her amused smile shines up - I can’t get any more married to you. The flowery praise is unnecessary.

Mal’s voice wavers for a moment, remembering what it is brought them there and all they’d prodded at just now in the car - I’ve been losing my mind for the last week, I’ve been short. I’m sorry. Let’s fix this vacation. No more distress.

Regina tightens her arms around her waist easily, still holding up remarkably fine for a woman that was just now pretending to work while checking out the digital archive of their long-lost daughter. Mal shuffles impossibly closer, making the Ikea couch that will give out if she moves any faster creak under their weight, which brings Regina back with a grin. She lets her head fall back and looks up at Mal – You want to go stick your head out of the Empire State building?

- Yes, of course. – She nods, but there’s more to the vacation yet to try - We should do all of it. Get Henry and Lily to show us their favorite things in the city, and then go to Central Park for a picnic, Time Square for a night, Broadway for another, Opera too, why not? Maybe we can get rid of the children for that one. Oh, do you remember the night with the witches back in the Forest? You had that visage in your face, there was a jester spellbound to be there…

Regina nods - Hard to forget the night, or the headache.

- Well, we should do that too. Find a club, get unequivocally plastered and dance very indecently. You could find someone to have the threesome with.

- Jesus Christ, if you want to have a threesome just say so, I keep wasting my breath reassuring you and you’re just trying to make me think it’s my idea. Manipulation was never your forte, your enemies always yielded to easily.

- I’m very imposing when I want to be, no need for excessive trickery until I met you. Always playing a game of chess against your mind. It’s exhausting, sometimes I just want to buy groceries. - Mal grins – And now, I just simply want to strike fear in the heart of a random passerby on our bedroom.

- That does sound fun… fine, we’ll find a stranger at a bar and have a threesome. But you’re doing the leg work.

- Regina believe me, your mere presence does the work for us. – She kisses the velvet chuckle right out of her lips – And I honestly believe it can get us free pizza, but after this.

- After nothing, the kids have keys to that door.

- I’ll hear them approaching

- And surely do nothing about it when you do.

- Oh, I just gave you all my unnecessary praise, at least kiss me about it. – She moves to trap her in place but when she places her hands on the backrest of the couch it gives out under them and drops to reveal the obvious. Mal laughs where she now looms over Regina – Emma Swan kept a cheap sofa bed as the main couch in the living room.

Regina nurses her head, where it bounced against the metal frame under the faux leather when it fell – At least Lily and Henry won’t have to bunk anymore. She can fit here diagonally at least.

Mal collapses on Regina, but takes pity on her soul and rolls around to flip their positions – This will shatter her spine in 42 different places, let’s at least buy a better one. Have pity on our baby.

- She’s damn near forty years old.

- An infant. This is New York, let’s go find one of those overnight Ikeas and replace this sofa bed. Draz can probably sleep through it if I keep him in his sling, and we can go get some more of that Chinese from last night after. - Regina’s rich laughter startles her for sure, but she can’t in her right mind do anything but let the woman laugh by her side and hold her close still as she does and her face finally sheds the worry that’s been there since they left Storybrooke. Mal smiles right back as Regina moves to lay on her chest some more – Why are you mocking me?

She holds herself up on her forearms with her wide smile – That was the single most pedestrian thing I’ve heard you excited about. The Evil Queen and Maleficent, Mistress of Evil, out for a stroll in an Ikea to get a sofa bed a smidge less pathetic for our daughter, chased by Chinese Food from a bodega or whatever those little holes in the wall are called.

- A bodega?! Oh, Miss New England is out of her depth here in NYC.

Regina smiles down at her still – You know, I think I would have liked being some random person from Maine married to a German expat.

- You’ve lived several lives, each richer than the lives of most. A woman of the stature of Regina Mills couldn’t have come from some random person from Maine married to a German expat.

- Sure, but, of all my several lives, this is the richest.

- Likewise, dear. I would trade the headiest of adventures, culminating in countless bounty and glory, for a single night strolling Ikea aisles with you by my side.

Regina lets herself fall back in place and Mal wraps her arms around her, lips settling atop her hair for good measure.  They could stay there, frozen in time for however long that moment wants to last, but they’d had so many already, and if luck is with them they’ll have a thousand more, that Mal’s completely lost the instinct she had in the forest to clutch onto any calm moment Regina allows, and kisses her hair once more before she urges her up – We should leave soon though, and get Chinese first because I could eat a horse.

She feels the sharp stab by her side before she realizes Regina’s moved at all. – You will not.

- Not if you feed me, no.

They’re halfway out the door when Henry shuffles himself into the apartment past their side with a sheepish look and a cold pizza on hand, Mal chuckles at him with her hand out – The credit card, son. – He digs into his pocket and hands it over and Mal pats his arm – Thank you.

- I ran into a friend! – he blurts out, and gives a half grin. Of the female variety Mal knows by his cheeky smile, and the cold pizza. – Don’t go! Lily’s almost back, she texted me, like half an hour ago.

Regina relents and moves back into the apartment with a huff, after a healthy tug from Mal, who reaches out over her to close the door and asks – Henry Daniel Mills, bit of a roaming heart in your chest?

His huff is comparable to Regina’s – I’m not like, a slut. I mean, mom’s got like 30 exes.

- I do not! – Regina defends herself over Mal’s laughter

- Yes you do! Robin, Nurse Ratched, my kindergarten teacher-

- Hardly an ex.

- Graham, Daniel, Mal-

- Not an ex if she’s back in rotation

- Rotation dear?

- Whatever you had going on with Tinkerbell-

Mal turns with a frown - A fairy, Regina? Have some dignity.

She grabs Henry to get him to stop, he has too much information – I am past 60, you cannot hope to rack up my stats by 18.

- And he’s missing a few. The one with all the hats?

- Grace’s dad?!

- Oh, and let’s tell the boy about Facilier.

- From The Princess and the Frog?!

- Mal…

- Dear, just accept you’re a lover and a fighter. – Henry nods, vindicated. But Mal stabs him in the back – A bit of a scratcher too. Thank your stars I have tough skin.

- Ew Mal c’mon no details. – He chuckles, and moves into the kitchen to reheat the pizza for them, and Lily threatens to break the door down with her knocking while he does. So maybe they children didn’t have keys and would’ve been homeless if they had left to Ikea before they arrived.

Mal lets Lily in, and she goes drop herself diagonally on the broken sofa bed. The violence of it ensures it goes down entirely with her weight. The ruckus makes the neighbor’s dog start barking even and Henry laughs over Lily’s groan. She massages her abused back and accepts Mal’s help to get up – Oof, the furniture in this place can’t take shit, really New York. She could’ve gotten a couch out of the flying monkey, or the sidewalk on trash day.

Regina shudders at the mere thought of her baby boy’s skin touching a couch brought in from the trash, so Emma must have too, once upon a time - I don’t expect Zelena’s lackeys to be particularly generous. – Regina drawls from where she stands by Mal, cradling Draz’s little head on her hands like Lily’s misfortune is going to befall him too

Henry comes by a plate on each hand, but empty still – Whose lackeys are generous?

- Mine. Because it’s you two. Who’s doing laundry? We need to change the bedding.

They glance at each other with a deep sigh each, and Henry perks up. Dropping the plates and dusting his hands of the ghost of flour from the pizza he was plating at the moment and running inside his old room as he instructs them to simply grab the food themselves while he does whatever it is he needs to. Lily will jump to any chore food though and stands from the rubble to go over and pass them their pieces with a speed unlike that of a person that’s coming from having dinner elsewhere.

She’s a dragon though, and will consume the pizza if Regina doesn’t take it as she offers it, moving to sit in the single seat left standing in the room. Mal follows her with her double serving and the smell wafts up to Draz who blinks his eyes open to zero in on the pepperoni, so she fights his mighty shuffling to get to the pizza as she drags the husk of the couch towards Regina’s seat so she can at least use her legs as a backrest, and eventually Lily and her triple serving come to the floor too, while Henry appears at last, having no time to see there’s only one miserable slice left, because he busies himself with turning on the TV while he drops himself in front of them.

When it becomes clear he’s getting no more than one bite Draz scrambles out of Mal’s arms to go peer up at the TV by Henry’s side, and Lily aims a well-placed kick over his head to get Henry to move out of the way so she can watch too. He manages to catch her leg and starts pulling for good measure, making her choose between holding on to the seat and the pizza. The broken sofa bed is about to budge and go with her though and Mal drawls - Children, please. – she says, stretching and dropping her head back on Regina’s lap, and they grumble, shut up promptly, keep fighting silently. She smiles Henry’s and Draz’s way – I was going to suggest we rent this condo, but maybe you will come to school and use it after all. A mighty bachelor pad for a prince. - Regina scoffs over her head.

He stops his fight with Lily, gets smacked on the back for his distraction, just left of Draz’s head, and wheezes out – Actually, I don’t think I’m doing school. There’s no point.

Regina’s intake of breath threatens to swallow Mal whole. The blonde chuckles – Must you make it so hard to live with your mother, Henry?

He shrugs – There’s no point! None of you went to college.

The brunette makes a non-committal noise- I have a law degree from Harvard.

Henry turns around - Sure, but you didn’t go

- I have it, though. Mal has her fake Master’s, Snow White must have a degree to be running the high school. Is David not a veterinarian?

Henry shrugs his shoulders and looks Regina head on - Mom, make me a diploma if you want to like you did for literally all the people you just mentioned. I’m not doing school.

They both stay quiet for a moment, in their deadlock. Lily decides to cut in with something light, to let the kid off the hook a bit - I will be doing school actually, yeah. Not an ivy league though. Just some culinary school, but y’know.

It’s Mal’s turn to freeze on her spot and Regina abandons her baffled stare Henry’s way to shoot a happy look Lily’s way – Sweetheart that’s lovely. Since when…? – she decides to cut to the chase before Mal passes out on the remains of an Ikea sofa bed - Where?

- I like a place, in Boston. I can probably ride there and back the days I have class. – she says, nervous about their response even though Regina looks happy and oblivious to the revelation’s effect on her other mother – It’s kinda expensive though, and I’m really just a kinda ok cook so maybe I’m too old and I shouldn’t…

Regina can feel Mal decompress against her knees and reach back for Lily – Lily, you can do everything. And who better to run a kitchen than a woman that can’t be burned? Plus, I’m tired of your mother’s overcooked meat.

- Maleficent I will feed you vegetable broth for the rest of your life, see how you like it.

- Darling please, I need freshly plucked protein… We should start breeding chickens in the backyard.

To everyone’s surprise, Regina finds it in her heart to chuckle, as she reaches down for Mal’s hair - Well Henry can take over your farming business I suppose, since he’s not going to college.

Mal looks up at her wife for a moment, to check everything is as fine as it sounds, and then to Henry when she’s even more confused to find it seemingly is – Surely, the man has a plan. What do you want to do Henry?

His eyes open like saucers – I… Mom, don’t be like… Mom… I was thinking, I could go to the Forest, and help people out for a while. I mean, you saw the mess when we went. And it’s kinda our mess, Grandma’s and yours and then Zelena’s.

- Scheiße. – Mal says, dodging out of the way before she loses her head to Regina’s reaction. But she’s the one that ends up looking stupid from where she ends up undignified. Regina only frowns, and Mal intervenes on her behalf – Henry. Reconsider. That doesn’t fall on you.

He glances between them both - Right, yeah. I can reconsider. Yeah. – That does nothing to get a reaction out of Regina though and he clutches Draz to himself, to avoid death – I have time to think about it.

Regina nods tersely – That you do.  

She stands and Mal follows, stretching and unfurling herself around her. She mumbles – At least he’s not a goat, or marrying a servant – Regina glares up at her as she picks up their plates, and Mal follows her to the small kitchen and kisses her temple – We will follow. As much as he’ll have us.

- Of all the children to announce an abrupt departure today – Regina says, looking over at the three sprawled on the floor, focusing on the comfort of Draz’s inability to fend for himself yet. – We need to teach him how to cook.

- You’re surprisingly calm at the prospect.

- I’m… fine? – She frowns to herself as she rinses, and bends to load the dishwasher – I am, okay. I think. He’s older than I was when I was completely sure I would marry Daniel if given the opportunity. Terribly young, yes, but certainly not clueless to what he wants.

- Darling, the dividends of therapy never cease to amaze – She says, pulling her close by the waist as soon as the last dish is in the machine. She kisses her neck and whispers enough Lily won’t hear over their frankly mediocre transformers movie – You’re a bigger woman than I am. I had a carefully devised plan to murder the Pages, if Lily chose to stay.

- What can you possibly do out here? Scourge the New York streets for poison? You’d be caught in a day. You’re powerless. - She takes offense to that and bends enough to throw Regina over her shoulder, moving swiftly around and over any obstacles on her way towards the bedroom, despite the swearing and expertly aimed knee drives. Small price to pay for some time alone, even if just to talk without the children’s presence, while Draz is entertained. Regina’s odd calm is borderline distressing. And apartments, she’s found, are not conducive to Mal’s.

- We can hear you! – Lily yells when she slams the door, just in case Mal has the nerve.

She growls, she’ll have to take them to some well and truly loud NYC places - Put on some of your horrible music! – Mal yells back. She adds under her breath – I’d rather listen to the guttural yelling if it’s between that and that god-awful movie.

At least Regina forgets she’s been wronged to laugh at that.

Next morning Mal chooses not to give her a single second after the sun rises, dragging the flimsy covers off them in her haste to locate Draz, who they fell asleep without. Regina groans, still half asleep as she chases Mal out the room only to slam into her halfway out of it when she stops abruptly and sighs. She chases the sigh with a chuckle and Regina circumvents her to find what it is she finds so amusing at this god-forsaken hour of the morning, ready to tell her to have some respect, but ends up laughing too when she spots the children sprawled on the corpse of the sofa bed, Henry in one direction and Lily on the other, while Draz uses their bodies like a hammock.

He lifts his arms as soon as his confusion gives way to the fact he’s awake – I’m hungry.

Lily turns and dislodges him – My back is broken.

- Pleeeeese – Draz says, when Regina’s eyebrow tells him everything he needs to know about his chances of being picked up after that introduction – Mama. – he stretches his pudgy arms to see which one will take the bait.

Mal does, of course – Demanding, are you? – she says as she bends to grab him with one arm and pull Lily up with the other.

She barely manages to become upright with Draz by leaving Lily behind when she won’t help, at all. Regina smiles at the effort, and pokes Draz cheek when Mal offloads him to lift Lily with both arms – Whatever will we get the prince for breakfast.

- An Egg bacon cheese! – Lily says, as Mal drags her up, Henry left to sprawl to his heart’s content, still asleep.

- Maybe you should have some fruit for breakfast.  – Mal dumps her on the single chaise still standing and huffs – I thought Jenna had you exercising.

Lily groans – Like the car doesn’t dip when you get on.

- You are all abnormally heavy – Regina says, adjusting Draz. His day of being left on the floor and never picked up again looms ever closer.

Draz doesn’t quite care about his weight yet - I’m hungry!

That does the trick and wakes Henry up – Yeah, me too. – he flops to his back and winces as his neck makes an ominous sound – I think my spine got messed up.

Regina lays a kiss on Draz's cheek before he loses it - Okay, everyone get dressed. We’ll go get food and buy a new couch.

It’s odd, for someone who spent so long clutching onto anger to find herself now being almost easy to distract. But after their meal at a diner Regina trails Henry and Lily as they chat animatedly, and realizes she’s even sporting a smile when they walk by a glass storefront, one of Mal’s hands on hers and the other tickling Draz’s front as he tries to be included by the other two to no avail since he’s relegated by force to be two steps back with the parents. He grumbles grumpily, trying to free himself from Mal and finding his magic and the dragon buried somewhere a bit too deep for comfort, and Regina reaches up to pinch his cheek so he’ll forget all about it for a moment.

She used to do that for Henry, but Charmings are easy to distract. She would pinch his cheek first, then give him a hearty kiss, and offer him a snack as a last resort, and his bad moods would vanish, all techniques proven effective on Emma Swan as well. And now he’s leaving in less than a year apparently, to go traipse in the Enchanted Forest. Her frown threatens an appearance, and Mal does her version of pacifying, moving closer to kiss her temple and staying there as they hear Henry tell them all about his year in the middle school they now stand in front of. And just like that, she can feel the small smile crawl back into her face, which is odd, for a woman with a temper that sustained a decade-long war.

She looks around while Henry and Lily debate, not too many people around a middle school this early and on a weekend. There’s the usual big city stragglers that spilled over from the previous night into the morning, men with one finger of liquor left in the bottles they clutch to as they have mumbling conversations on dirty benches, groups of rowdy young people who couldn’t afford the uber on surge prices but still had to party, the downtrodden who must surely simply spend every night where they are in the nooks and crannies of the monster of a city where her son spent a whole year without her. Once upon a time she would have felt some sort of kinship with these people, whether it was the weight of whatever has them drinking, the need to look for the next hit and the next conquest while your body is young and pliant, the loneliness of being in utter despair in a crowded place; but now, she’s quite… normal, theoretically. She has a wife, and they have three kids, and two of them are jostling in the sidewalk and the other is throwing a tantrum. She had landed on the other side, today it seems like it’ll be this, and a trip to an Ikea. And she’s smiling. A woman jogs on the other side of the street and Regina wonders if she is also up this early because she too has kids, and plans her day around them.

- I’d like to tell you all I love you. I’m very glad we came on this trip.

They nod and Lily jostles up to her side – Sure, love you mom. NYC it’s great. We’re about to get mugged.

They all turn to where she’s looking and see a frankly disheveled man coming with a flimsy knife held Mal’s way. Mal, who laughs at him immediately and only aggravates him. His face screws up into something horrible, and spittle comes out and showers Draz as he thrusts the rusty knife up at her – Wallet, bitch!

Despite her recent encounter with the zen lifestyle, Regina is about to commit some old school, acoustic, murder, the kind she used to commit with nothing but her bare manicured hands and arcane knowledge of torture techniques. She steps forward to grab at any part of him she can get a hold of and get started. The man turns to her at once, even more empowered by the fact that she’s not a head taller than him, he slashes his blade through the air, which she dodges easily, but in the move the knife manages to catch the strap of her purse and he yanks it away when it swings his way dangling off the cut leather.

He decides whatever is in it is good enough, and takes off in a run back where he came from. Regina rolls her eyes at the inconvenience and gathers she’ll simply buy a new phone and call the bank for new cards but before she can formulate her entire plan of action in her mind Lily and Henry are rushing past them to chase the man. Who probably was not counting on anyone going to such lengths to recover a purse, let alone Lily who catches up to him in no time and tackles him to the ground in an uncannily forceful manner.

He writhes under her also uncanny bodyweight as she turns to pin him even more fully but if the lineman that just took him down isn’t enough, Henry’s the one that has to come and put his heavy boot over the man’s too skinny arm to get him to stop whipping Regina’s purse side to side. He must put some pressure there because the man finally limps on the ground, howling in pain. His knife scatters out of his other hand and Lily raises herself and levels a knee on the man’s back to keep him there, even gives a mean twist of it to be able to reach the knife and kick it away for good measure while Henry checks the purse. He nods, removes his foot and she stands up and puts her foot where her knee had just been – Wrong family to fuck with, my guy. Don’t even think of doing anything funny or we’ll just leave you with the two psychos with the baby.

Mal laughs on her spot, where she’s barely had to move and Regina raises an eyebrow at them from where she stands stunned as they take one last look at the man, to ensure he’s not getting up and following them, and get back to them with her ruined pursed on hand and clipped expressions. – Thank you for helping your mother. – Mal tells them

Regina huffs, she supposes she doesn’t have to be normal enough to be concerned by the effectiveness with which they took this man down, since she had been wholeheartedly planning to kill him a good three minutes ago and they are after all training the children for battle once a week on the backyard. She turns to her family while the man whimpers in the background, rooting around her purse too, to see if anything flew out in the kerfuffle – Why does this keep happening to us?

Henry pants and bends to hold himself on his knees- Mom, you’re always looking rich. – he looks over at the mugger, who’s sat up and is nursing his arm, looking defeated. Regina looks at Henry, this young man, off to the forest in less than a year, she remembers. He straightens and smiles down at her, puts a hand on her shoulder – We should leave. Unless you wanna have to make a statement. – He’s got his very expensive phone out in a second too, so who’s baiting muggers now. – The park is pretty close, D will love it.

Lily dusts off her front and turns to Mal – You can’t let him loose him there unless we stop to get you a pair of sneakers. I’m not chasing Draz through Central Park.

Mal starts ushering them forward as soon as she sees them all settled, not wanting to test any of their flimsy paper trails against law enforcement on such a beautiful day, that’s only just beginning, still. She settles a hand on Lily’s head and gives it a playful tap, making her dodge out of the way – Noted.

Regina grabs Draz’s nose – He’ll behave. Right baby?

Draz’s grasp of plausible deniability is very strong for a boy his age, so he says nothing. He makes no promises he can’t keep.

They buy Mal sneakers, and an outfit to go with the sneakers. They also buy a blanket to sit on the grass, and picnic supplies, a few small pillows, a tiny soccer ball for Draz, a new designer purse for Regina and a too expensive book Mal will consume in three hours if let alone with it. All vital supplies to go sit in the park for a while, a must do activity for New York visitors.

After all the shopping however, Henry falls asleep as soon as he’s on the grass by their blanket like a regular Central Park visitor might, Regina’s not so sure, while by their other flank Draz does his best to behave by kicking his ball back and forth in a respectable radius, while Lily sits against a trunk she shares with Regina and Mal’s head rests on her lap already chapters into her new book. Regina is once again struck by how normal their life seems. At least in Storybrooke there was always the threat of something magical happening, even if not quite as catastrophic as before. Here, they’re having a peaceful Saturday in a park with a bunch of strangers doing the same.

She turns to Lily - Did you use to come here often?

She laughs – Mom, this is for well adjusted people. Maybe I bought some drugs at midnight somewhere around here, sure.

- How dramatic – Mal drawls as she drops her book on her chest and looks up at them –Just like your mother – Regina rolls her eyes at her and Mal reaches up for her chin – The monologues I had to sit through after suggesting we go to a market for some fruit.

- That sounds like it would have sucked though. Fucked up muddy roads because of traffic? Rotten produce? Weird farm people? Horse shit? Mom would’ve had to cast a glamour and dress down… All that for fruit?