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All throughout his life, Logan had disliked touch.
He didn’t hug family. He didn’t hug friends. He barely tolerated hugs when people gave them to him, ending it as quickly as possible. He just didn’t require touch to survive, unlike most humans seem to.
His family had never understood. They had always been a tactile group of people, so his aversion to touch was not something they were able to understand. They forced touch upon him, making him incredibly uncomfortable and causing his disdain for touch to turn into hate.
Then, late in his high school career, he met Patton.
Sweet, sweet Patton, with a bright smile and a heart of gold. The boy who had too much love to give, and not enough people to give it to. The boy who was so incredible, yet no one seemed to think it except for Logan.
Everyone else found Patton a bit too annoying, a bit too hyperactive, a bit too excited about, well, everything . At first, Logan had, too. But Patton was alone and Logan was alone, so he decided they might as well be alone together.
Then Logan had really gotten to know Patton. There was so much to the other boy that no one had even bothered to see. Logan found a good friend in Patton, and he always hoped Patton had found the same in him, despite his difficulty understanding emotions.
As they had grown closer, Patton started introducing Logan to casual touches. He never thought much of it. A hand on the shoulder here, a pat on the back there, occasionally linking their arms while walking.
Then, the touches started feeling less casual. Patton grabbing his hand, Patton wrapping both his arms around one of Logan’s when he got excited, Patton slinging an arm around Logan’s shoulders.
It all felt so intimate , yet Logan knew Patton didn’t intend the touches to be romantic. He was completely bewildered by all of them, uncertain of how to react. Usually, he just ended up not reacting at all due to his confusion.
It all came to a head when Patton finally asked the big question, near their graduation. They were stressed and studying for finals after school, when suddenly Patton turned to him, seeming to be exhausted.
“Can I hug you?” He asked bluntly.
“Can -- what?” Logan said, trying to wrap his head around what Patton had said, brain still stuck on the passage he was trying to get through in his AP Government textbook.
“Can I hug you?” Patton repeated.
Logan blinked. Once. Twice. No one had ever asked if they could hug him before. They always just… did . And he hated it.
“I know you’re not the biggest fan of hugs, I’ve seen you around your siblings, but I just really need a hug right now. This stress is driving me crazy.”
Logan bit his lip. He may hate hugs, but he cared for Patton more. A short hug couldn’t hurt… right?
“Okay.” Logan said quietly.
Patton beamed. “Okay?” He asked excitedly, and Logan nodded.
They both stood from where they sat on opposite sides of Patton’s round dining table, moving to the side of it and meeting in the middle.
Patton was quick to wrap his arms around Logan’s midriff, pulling him forward until they were chest to chest. Logan wasn’t entirely certain what to do with his hands, flailing them for a brief moment before gently placing them on Patton’s shoulders.
Patton giggled against his shirt. “That’s not a real hug, Lo!”
“Well, what do I do with my hands?” Logan asked, frustrated.
Patton shrugged. “Whatever feels natural.”
Logan’s hands had slowly made their way around Patton’s shoulders, as opposed to just resting on them. He held Patton loosely.
Logan pulled back less than a minute later, adjusting his glasses. “We should probably get back to studying. These AP classes are no joke.”
Patton smiled as he sat back down. “Of course. Thanks, Logan.”
Logan simply nodded, already getting absorbed back into his notetaking.
After that day, hugging slowly became a larger aspect of their relationship. At first, Patton would always ask first, Logan’s hugs would be very loose, and they would be very short. Eventually, they grew to the point where Patton wouldn’t even have to ask most of the time, Logan would hug back as tightly as Patton was, and they would last until Logan pulled away a minute or two later.
Somewhere along the way, he couldn’t pinpoint when, Logan began craving the form of affection, which confused him to no end. He didn’t like hugs, why did he want them so badly sometimes? And why did it hurt when he couldn’t have them.
After doing some research and looking into himself, he found the answer.
Logan probably disliked hugging his family because he didn’t trust them very much, causing the action to be uncomfortable. He enjoyed hugging Patton because he trusted him with every fiber of his being.
He craved hugs due to touch starvation, he discovered. He had shut himself off from touch for so long that now that he finally had it, his body and mind couldn’t get enough. While Logan loved hugging Patton, this frustrated him to no end. He would often end up feeling anxious or sad or angry if he couldn’t get touch when he was craving, and he didn’t trust anyone else he knew enough to hug them.
When Logan had told Patton this, the other boy didn’t even blink.
“Well, that’s okay! I can be your cuddle buddy!”
And from that day forward, cuddling became normalized in their friendship as well.
They would hang out for movie marathons or to binge watch television shows together and end up coiled around each other on the couch. They would lay down to talk and end up spooning each other while whispering about their days.
Then, when Logan and Patton met Virgil and, later on, Roman in college, they, too, became part of the small group of people Logan trusted to hug him. He eventually grew close enough with them to enjoy cuddling, as well, but Patton was still his favorite cuddle buddy (as much as he hated the childish term, Patton used it enough that Logan couldn’t just not ).
That’s why Logan was having such an issue, now.
It was finals week, and Logan was lonely. He had thankfully finished all his tests. Roman and Virgil had a couple more. Patton was taking his last test that afternoon.
Logan hadn’t seen much of any of them in the past week. Everyone was too busy rushing around, trying to study for their drastically different majors. No one was on the same sleep schedule anymore, so they never knew when the others would reply when sent a message.
So Logan tossed and turned in his bed, pulling his covered up to his chin and shutting his eyes tight, despite the fact that it was still only early afternoon. His craving for touch had only grown worse as the week had progressed. There was a heavy feeling in his chest, an itch under his skin, and he was lonely .
And he hated it .
Warm showers weren’t working, stuffed animals weren’t working. He even stuffed a heating pad in a pillow. None of it was good enough to replicate a human body in his arms.
Logan stared frustratedly at the ceiling and willed these feelings to leave, but he couldn’t manage it. He was stuck suffering until Patton finished his test. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long.
Not even half an hour later, Patton texted him.
Pat: Finally done!! :DDD
Logan snorted a bit and rolled his eyes.
Cuddle Bud!: No person has that many mouths, Patton.
He waited a second before sending a second message (and third).
Cuddle Bud!: Come over.
Cuddle Bud!: I need to hold someone.
Pat: Already on my way :*
Logan smiled fondly and put his phone aside, waiting for the knock at his dorm room door. It came a few minutes later, Patton’s last class having been close to Logan’s building. Patton didn’t hesitate to pull Logan into a tight hug the second he opened the door. Logan hugged back just as tightly.
They stood there for a few minutes before Patton pulled back, smiling at Logan’s disappointed expression.
“Come on, let’s go lie down.” He said, not letting go of Logan’s hand as they walked across the room to his bed.
They set up Logan’s laptop on the bedside table so they’d be able to binge Steven Universe while they cuddled, as they were bound to lie there for a while and it was easier for Patton to stay still if he had something to focus on.
They decided to spoon, Patton being the little spoon as Logan preferred being able to hold someone else in his arms.
All was well for a short while before Logan decided it wasn’t enough, he needed more. He whined low in his throat and tossed a leg over Patton’s hip, pulling him even closer and holding him tightly (though not tight enough to be uncomfortable).
That wasn’t really enough either, and Logan let out another whine, trying to meld himself into Patton somehow, to get even closer, have more of his warmth.
Patton let out a small giggle. “Lo?”
“Hm?” Logan said, trying to go still, thinking he’d disturbed Patton.
“If you need more, I can lie on top of you?”
“ Please , yes.”
Patton giggled again as he maneuvered himself between Logan’s spread legs, settling down against his chest, tilting his head to see the computer. Logan wrapped his legs and arms tight around Patton, trying to draw him ever closer.
It was barely enough, and Logan knew they’d have to lay there for a while before he really started feeling better. His skin craved this and it was an insane relief to finally have it.
The two lost track of time while cuddling and watching their cartoon. It was mostly silent, aside from Patton’s giggles at the show. Eventually, he spoke up.
“Hey, Lo?”
“Yes, Pat?”
“You’re my best friend.”
Logan nuzzled the top of Patton’s head a little. “And you are mine.”
Silence for another episode and a half. Then:
“Hey, Lo?
“Yes, Patton?”
“I love you.”
If possible, Logan tightened his hold.
“I love you, too.”