Work Text:
It's Valentina Dunacci's first day as a Chicagoan EMT.
"Listen up, everybody. This here is Valentina Dunacci, aka VD, aka Vood**, because that's what I'll remember better. She's gonna ride with me and Stats," the man who would only introduce himself as 'Cash' tells everyone in the room. 'Stats' is a brunette woman, probably the same age as she is. There are two other guys, a white, and a black sitting on the couch like they own it. So, these people will apparently end up being her colleagues.
"Hi," she waves, feeling a little awkward. She always hated these things. Then, turning back to Cash, "Nice. That works out great. You really get me."
"These knuckleheads are Johnny and Hank." She turns back to look at the people in the room. The white guy, Johnny, gets up from the couch and starts briskly walking towards her. She can already tell what's about to happen. 'Great, I'm not here even 5 minutes'. She hates when she has to come out right after meeting people, but it’s better than getting constantly hit on. She really wishes her vibes were enough, but sometimes people do not read her correctly right away.
"Well, hello to yu--"
Valentina pulls up a hand, and pokes her finger in front of the guy's face. "Yeah, no. Do not even try it. I know you and that cop Theresa have some sitcommy on-off thing going on and even if I was straight, I'd want no part of it."
The guy is clearly taken aback. He seems to be speechless and his mouth is opening and closing comically. Both Cash and the other dude, Hank, are laughing behind them. She can also see Stats smiling and giving her a thumps up. Clearly, she has taken the right approach.
Johnny does end up being the first one to recover, “Wait, what do you mean ‘if you were straight’? What are you then, a lesbian or something?” Valentina sighs, “No. I’m an asexual.”
“A what-now?” asks Hank, raised eyebrow, quizzical look, and everything. Valentina explains towards him.
“A-sexual. Not sexual. Not interested in other people, sex or romance, for that matter. But for the record, you can talk about all that as much as you want, I don’t care, as long as you keep me out of it.”
“Can people really be like that, though? Like, you’re interested in *no one*. No man, woman or anyone tempts you?” Hank continues.
Valentina rolls her eyes this time, “Yes, people can be like this, because I am a people, and I am like this,” she says the last bit through gritted teeth. “You wanna hit on me to know for sure?”
“Nah, girl, I’m gay. Strictly into dudes.”
“Bully for you.” Valentina gives him a thump up, before turning back to Johnny who also looks disbelieving.
“Are you really saying that if Brad Pitt came here and promised to sweep you off your feet, you’d feel nothing? There’d be no reaction down there?”
Valentina narrows her eyes angrily. It’s time to drudge up The Story™. “I met Johnny Depp, and he did nothing for me. Too many scarves.”
Somehow, that elicits a bunch of understanding noises, and the day moves on, finally. It’s not quite true acceptance but it’s good enough. They don’t understand but they don’t really question her about it. It's better than in many other places she's been at. It doesn't take long before her general weirdness overtakes her aceness as a thing to friendly tease her over, which is exactly what she wants.