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No...You’ll never be alone
When darkness comes, you know I’m never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
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“ I used to light candles on this night,” Ben starts in a whisper, slow and deliberate. They had been lying on the narrow bed for what seemed like hours now, silent but content.
“ You had to wait until it was dark- that was important. Then use one lit candle to light the others ,” he continues, his voice becoming a stutter of flung thoughts before he stops, catching himself.
In all the times they have laid like this, their minds connected by the force, he has never spoken this much.
Rey had once asked him to explain something about his past, no need to mention people or places. Just something. She’d never thought he would actually do it. Ben’s breathing is shallow, his body tense, but his voice is calm now. He continues, his words heavy and practiced.
“ There used to be a prayer, but I don’t remember it anymore. I never cared about it, just the candle- in the dark- one flicker of light prodding another to flame .”
Rey swore she could see it, the small gleam of light, and feel a young boy’s sense of wonder. To think this man had once known the sensation, someone who had seen so much in his life. But it felt nice to know he had. It was almost as pleasant as the dulcet baritone of his voice that spoke mere inches from her ear, wrapping her in its embrace.
“ I think I liked it because of that moment in the darkness. I always felt right there, just as I did seeing that small, spitting spark . “
“How long did you rehearse that for?” Rey asks quietly, her tone light and questioning, aware of the quiet of the cabin, the way there was always some light even in the dead of night, once your eyes adjusted. He doesn’t respond, and she lets it go. She wants to give him something as well. As a rule, she doesn’t talks about the planet she grew up on..
“Everything turns blue in the dark, even in the desert,” she continues when he doesn’t give an answer. “I could imagine the dunes like waves I saw in my dreams. I always thought an ocean or rain would be hot. Everything was hot there, even the water.”
“ If you stay in the ocean long enough, it feels warm .”
“I’d drown first. I can’t swim.”
He lets out a breath like an offer. I could teach you , it says silently.
“The water scares me. The way it shifts and changes so quickly. Nothing ever happened quickly or changed on Jakku.” She feels his hand intertwine with hers.
They are facing each other. He is a silhouette of blue and grey. His hand encompasses hers.
She finds she likes it. Here, in the dark he liked so much, they could pretend things were different. All of the fighting, all of the people who had used them and asked them to be things they couldn’t, but yet still had to try to be. There were no names in murky shadows, no grudges, no past or present.
“What was the prayer for?” she asks, feeling his legs pressing against hers. It was always hard to talk about their pasts. There were so many things they both wanted to let go of. But the past would never let go of them.
“ Thanking dead gods. The words were beautiful, though. It was a dead language too .”
“How can a language be dead?”
“When it becomes unspoken, mostly. When few people know how to read or write it. Except for old traditions that people cling to, ancient, dusty prayers that the speakers don’t mean.” He breathes deeply again, and she can hear his thoughts as clearly as if they had been spoken: let the past die.
“Even if the words are beautiful?” she asks.
His grip tightens around her, and he shifts so his face rests against her neck, the ghost of his long limbs curling further around her, his hair tickling her shoulder.
She moves her free hand to run through it and hears him make a low note of appreciation. She feels herself smile. Rey, the scavenger from nowhere, could make the ruler of the known galaxy practically coo with her touch.
But not to me , another breath speaks, seeing the glinting edge of her thoughts.
“Don’t they deserve to remain, if only to be remembered for that?” She feels a small smile against her neck. Rey has never seen his smile before, only felt it against her skin.
“Only you would say that,” he whispers sadly, “but I can’t remember the words.”