Chapter Text
“DESIREE!” Amanda, my best and only friend I had, almost yelled my full name from her seat across the table.
“What?!? Why are you yelling I’m sitting right here for crying out loud” I muttered. Fine I admit it I was being kind of be ass today, alright alright I was being a super, mega ass. I couldn't help it though. I had just spent an all-nighter to get my report done, my shower head exploded this morning and then I had tripped down my apartment stairs after I discovered that the elevator was broken, only to show up at work and have my boss tell me to scrap the report because they were going to be redoing the entire project.
“First I’m not yelling I’m talking loudly and second it's because I have been talking to you for like five minutes and all you have done is glare at that poor pineapple smoothie you have been nursing!” she finished with a huff.
“I’m sorry” Shit I was being a crappy person today, I rubbed my face thanking God for like the millionth time today that I had not put on any makeup “I’m just really tired and pissed off at my boss, didn’t mean to take it out on you”
“Don’t worry about it babe” she said waving it off “everyone knows Fury’s a total pain in the ass and the fact that you can deal with him EVERY day and not commit murder gives you the right to be pissed off every now and then”
“Aww! man you are the best!” I couldn’t help the smile spread across my face. Leave it to Amy to make me feel better on one of the worst days of my life. Amanda was like a ray of sunshine in my miserable and perpetually gloomy life.
“I don’t usually mind working for Fury, it’s really only when he says my name that I get pissed off”
“And we know how you hate your name now don’t we” Amanda chuckled, rolling her eyes.
My mother used to be a History professor at University of Michigan Aka. she was a history nerd so when I came along of course she had to pick one of the strangest, most out of date names possible. And that ladies and gentlemen is how I came by the completely ironic name of Desiree. My mom had always told me that my name was like a charm because it meant “longed for” in Latin, my mom’s favorite language. If your name means something good then good things will happen to you is what so always told me but god did I hate it. I was 26 and had never even gone on a date, longed for my ass!
“Why don’t you just ask him to call you Dee like everyone else does?” Amanda asked, taking a sip of my smoothie.
“I did and he just glared at me and said he will call me by my name” I as I got up from the table, feeling like I needed something sweeter than a smoothie.
“Where you going?” Amy asked.
“To get a cookie or slit my throat, I’ll decide in line” I said completely deadpan.
“Well good luck with that and remember that if you make a mess in Fury’s cafeteria he will probably raise you from the dead just to clean it up” she said with a wink.
“The torment never ends” I said dramatically, taking my place in the cafeteria line.
“Afraid not” said a voice behind me. I turned and came face to face to Phil Coulson.
Agent Coulson had always been the perk of having to work with Fury. He had insisted on me calling him Phil instead of Agent Coulson, he said it made him feel more like a person instead of robot. This of course got a laugh out of me and we had been friends ever since.
“Hey Phil, what’cha doing here? you don’t usually eat in the cafeteria.” I asked.
“Actually I was looking for you” he said, grabbing one of the “Captain America” shield cookies that I was pretty sure S.H.I.E.L.D. made just for him. I grabbed two shield cookies and a piece of the triple chocolate cake or as Amy and I call it “Diabetes on a plate”.
“This isn’t going to be fun is it?” I said, more of a statement then a question. He laughed and the look I gave him said “I work for Fury, anything worse than that is just another level of hell”
Phil laughed again, when we finally got back to my table Amy was already packing up her things.
“Sorry babe but I have got to run” she waved at Phil as she bounced, yes bounced, back to her section of S.H.I.E.L.D.
“What?!” I snapped, exasperated by the smirk that was now firmly planted on Phil’s face. Normally you would never snap at an agent, especially one who ranks high then you, but Phil was different. He like it when you treated him like a normal person and after all the suffering Fury and put us both through there was strong friendship between Phil and me.
“You two are very different” he laughed, unwrapping his cookie.
“If you mean Amanda’s all rainbows, sunshine and unicorn shit and I’m all rainclouds, gloom, and sad emoji then yes, yes we are” I replied, returning his smirk.
Phil snorts, something he doesn’t do very often “alright down to business” he clears his throat and brushes the crumbs from his hands.
“Here we go” I muttered between big bites of cookie.
“What do you know about norse mythology?” he asked.
“Like Thor and Odin?” when he nodded I put my chin on my hand and chewed my second cookie thoughtfully “well let’s see, Norse mythology was 6th grade and second year of college so a far bit.”
My mom had a certain type of mental disorder. She jumped from one point in history to another. So every 6 months to a year you could expect of get a ear full of whatever had recently caught her fancy. Phil knew this. My mom was difficult, don’t get me wrong she had be a great teacher before her condition start to deteriorate and was completely amazing at what she did the only real problem was to have an actual conversation with her about anything other than history was a task doomed to failure. This of course was the reason I knew so much about history, I had learned everything I could in hopes to form some sort of bridge. She had come to visit me about a year after I had gotten the job working as Fury’s personal beast of burden. I hadn’t known, nope she just showed up. Lucky for me it was Phil who security had call and not Fury. Phil had taken a liking to my mom and visa versa. The second time she came to visit, another surprise trip, she had even brought him homemade “Captain America” cookies. Needless to say Phil was now one of the family.
“That’s good, how would you feel about meeting one in person?” he asked.
“Wait, what?” I managed to get out between choking.
“Apparently Thor needs a “babysitter” as Fury puts it and you were recommended” he finished, stealing the part of my cookie I had put down while choking.
“Wait just one second! Do I even have security clearance for a job like that?!” I was baffled, working for Fury was bad enough but a Norse god, now that was an entirely different subject.
“Actually I was the one who recommended you, If you can handle Fury for almost three years I’m sure Thor will be a breeze” Phil had moved on to eating my cake while I was frozen in a information induced stupor. As soon as I saw him take the first bite I snapped out of it and smacked his hand taking back my cake. Phil just shrugged, licking the last bit of frosting off his fork, waiting for me to get my head around what he had just told me.
To everyone else we must have looked like a young women very angrily eating cake she had just stolen from a rather mournful agent. We were ridiculous.
When I had finished my cake “what would I have to do?” I asked.
“Not much, keep an eye on him, answer his questions when you can” it sounded easy but then again so did jumping off a cliff. Ironically I had feeling that both would end in the same results, me going splat.
“FFFIIIIIINNNNNEEE!” I dragged out, resting my head in my hands “when do I start?”
“Now” Phil grabbed my hand and started dragging me before I even had the chance to protest.
“Here we go” I thought “I wonder how long it will take me to hit the bottom?”